Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / How to leave leave a toxic relationship with a narcissistic person

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How to leave leave a toxic relationship with a narcissistic person · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on beautiful people?
• 0:02
  Welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Code.
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  I'm your favorite selfaware narcissist, Mr. Lee Hammock,
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  better known as mental illness across all social media
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  platforms. This is the first time seeing my
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  face and hearing my lovely voice.
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  I am a clinically diagnosed narcissist and I use my platform
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  on social media to raise awareness for NPD, get more
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  people in new therapy and also validate the victims, survivors
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  and the thrivers of said disorder said toxic people said
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  toxic traits. Today's episode is going to be
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  about how do you leave a tots relationship.
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  How do you leave a narcissist? Before we hop into today, hop
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  into today's episode. Y'all make sure you check out
• 0:34
  the self love brand that's available.
• 0:36
  New in new in the shop. Y'all I love me, I'm focused.
• 0:40
  This is I'm focused. Y'all the link is in the
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  description of every single video and podcasts that I do.
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  I'm super grateful and thankful for.
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  Y'all like unbelievably thankful and grateful.
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  But y'all how do you leave a tots relationship?
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  Everybody's answer to this question.
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  Is going to be different. Y'all everybody's answer to this
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  question is going to be different.
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  Let me reiterate that y'all everybody's answer to this
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  question is going to be different and but it all should
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  be based around the same concept.
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  Getting out, staying out and being as safe as humanly
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  possible. Safety, Absolutely first safety.
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  First, the way you get out of this relationship is as safe as
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  possible. You need to make an exit plan.
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  Leaving sporadically in the middle of the night is cool, but
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  like I said, it just just depends on a person that you're
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  dealing with. Y'all.
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  If you're in a physically abusive relationship or
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  emotionally abusive relationship with somebody with a short fuse
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  that has threatened to harm you, threaten to harm themselves.
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  You need to be. You need to be as safe as you
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  possibly can. Because people.
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  A narcissistic person, toxic person, whoever you're dealing
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  with, abusive person, whoever you're dealing with, they don't
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  want to their lives to end this way.
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  They don't want to lose their control.
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  Whatever control they feel like they have over you, they don't
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  want to lose their control. They want to keep you where they
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  have you. They want to keep you where you
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  are. They want to keep you from
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  moving on. No matter if they have a new
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  relationship, no matter if they marry somebody else, no matter
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  if they have somebody else in their life actively a new
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  supply. That they that they are parading
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  around everywhere. It does not matter to them.
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  Y'all. They want to keep you where they
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  where you are. They like their control.
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  They like for you to need them and to want them and things of
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  that nature. But people don't like.
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  That's what I'm saying. The way you leave is as safely
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  as possible. Even if your person isn't
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  physically abusive, even if they are highly manipulative.
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  Y'all if they are highly manipulative and it just
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  emotionally abusive. You have to figure out how to
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  leave safely because you don't want to get talked back into it.
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  You don't want to get roped back into broke back into it.
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  Because guess what? If you leave and come back, you
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  can't leave the same way again. Y'all.
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  It'd be very, very hard for you to leave the same way again.
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  Because like when when my wife left me the last time she left
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  me in, when did she leave? She left.
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  The last time she left was back in 2020, right before COVID
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  started. Well, right when the lockdowns
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  happened in North Carolina, she decided to leave, right?
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  The way she left she left. She left before when I left.
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  I'd love to take my we have a I have an older son.
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  When she left, I I I went to drop my son off right and then I
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  came back and she was gone. You know what I mean?
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  And this is how she decided to leave.
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  Not because I'm physically abusive or highly explosive or
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  that the fact that I've threatened.
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  Heard before or anything like that, because she knows how I
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  talk. I'm a talker.
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  I can manipulate her into staying and promising to change
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  or whatever and all the other stuff.
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  So she left as safely as she possibly could, you know, in
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  situations like that, I know people going to ask, well, she
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  came back, leave, why can't we come back?
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  Because I've been in therapy for myself and dedicated my life to
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  put in the work in. And three years later, six years
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  later, I'm still in therapy. I've been in therapy
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  consistently for six years. I've had consistent change
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  behavior for a very long time. I've shown consistency in other
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  patterns of my life. So that's why I tell people,
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  don't look at my life and just like, oh, I can go back.
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  Don't do that because you might lose your life.
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  Looking at my life, trying to emulate my life.
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  I'm going to, I'm going to bring my toxic, abusive X back into my
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  household because I see Lee Hammer.
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  Don't do that. Y'all if they're not putting any
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  any kind of effort, work or anything like that on
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  themselves, don't do that. If you don't feel safe, don't do
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  that. So the way that you leave is
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  going to be very very unique to your situation.
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  Like my wife had a has a best friend that she can trust.
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  So she told her best friend she was leaving and they made a plan
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  to help her leave. When I when I left they had like
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  2 hours and they got everything in and out in two hours.
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  If you have a friend that you can trust that will not tell
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  that narcissistic person that will not put your life into
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  y'all leave. Like make an exit plan like your
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  life depends on it. Like if you're like make an exit
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  plan like this. Start with my life depends on
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  it. My life is in jeopardy.
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  And don't if you, as I say, if you make any list of people that
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  you can do you feel like you can trust.
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  Don't put anybody on their goddamn list that you don't
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  think you can trust. Don't put anybody on that list
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  that's going to tell your partner or or be like there's a
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  fly monkey for your partner or somebody that you can't trust or
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  somebody that's on the fence. Don't do that.
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  Because somebody that's super hyper religious or something
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  like that, that they that doesn't think y'all should get
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  divorced or doesn't believe in divorce.
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  Thank you, Y'all should go to church first.
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  Somebody that's going to put your life in danger and then if
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  you lose your life they're just going to, they'll be back in
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  church. And it's like, Lord, I know you
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  had a plan and you, you, your your will is done and I just
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  wanted to help and I got hurt or him kill.
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  You see what I'm saying? You making an exit plan on top
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  of that list, right? My life depends on it.
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  Because it does. Don't put anybody because having
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  a support system can help you out a lot.
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  But don't put anybody's name on that list or anything, anybody,
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  any kind of support person or support place or support
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  whatever on that list. Without that, if you don't think
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  you can trust that person because it could cost you your
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  life, maybe I'm being realistic today.
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  Y'all I'm being not just realistic, I'm being real
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  because it could very well cost you your life.
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  Do you want it to cost you your life?
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  You know what I mean? Don't tell that.
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  Sometimes you can't tell the person that you're leaving.
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  You know, doing your exit plan of how to leave.
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  Sometimes you can't tell the person that you're leaving out
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  because they'll just beg you to stay.
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  Plea promise to change and you'll waste more time being
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  with that person. They might not take, they might
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  not take your life like by ending it suddenly, but they're
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  going to take your life by draining your life's, your life
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  resources or your just your time on this planet.
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  They're going to take your life that way because that can be
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  damn near just as deadly. By wasting your time promising
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  the change you giving them 5-10 more years of your life and you
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  knew you should have left right then and there.
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  You see what I'm saying? So you don't have to tell the
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  person that you're leaving. Y'all.
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  I mean, I know, but like, leave this out.
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  Lee, I feel so bad if I don't tell them, y'all, you going to
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  feel even worse in heaven looking down when you could have
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  still been here. I know Heaven is a better place
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  with this song. Kane Brown got a song called
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  Heaven. Everybody talk about heaven.
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  Like it's just some ways to go. Saying that it's something going
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  to be so good, so beautiful. Yeah, Lying next to you on the
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  temperature, that's a good. So that's a great song.
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  Y'all. But yeah, you heaven is the
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  goal. But you take your time.
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  You know what I mean? Take your time getting there.
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  Because everybody you can't trust.
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  Y'all you don't have to tell your partner you don't have.
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  I know people just want to. I want to exhaust all options.
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  I want to go to marriage council with somebody who tried to who
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  tried to unalign me before. No y'all.
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  If they try to unalign you before, they might try it again.
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  You might need to get the police involved.
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  You if your exit plan details getting the police involved and
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  getting a police escort, make sure that you you have
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  protection to keep yourself away.
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  And like I said, if you have kids involved, y'all you have to
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  plan ahead for the kids too. What is it going to be like with
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  the kids? Are they going to try to take
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  you back and forth to court? What the parenting plan going to
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  be? Are you Like I said, can you
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  leave the state? Can you move out?
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  I'm just telling you there's so many questions.
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  Talk to an attorney y'all about the kid playing with your kids.
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  You may have a have a contingency plan in place as
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  just as well because just let's just say you're leaving while
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  the person isn't there and they pop back up or they pull back
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  up. You know what I mean?
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  They pull up while you're in the process of moving.
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  They're just going to throw your plan.
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  They're going to throw a whole monkey wrench into your plan,
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  isn't it? You know what I mean?
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  So in situations like this, you want to like to have a
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  contingency plan, maybe have somebody at their job or
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  wherever to have somebody following them.
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  They just say, hey, they're headed home right now so you can
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  evacuate or you can, you know, leave.
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  That's it. Like I said, also making your
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  exit plan. A lot of narcissists don't
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  really notice what's going on in their households.
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  Like when my wife was leaving me, she was throwing stuff away.
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  She was, she was deep, she was downsizing a lot.
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  And I I thought she was just doing spring cleaning, but she
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  was just minimizing stuff to move, looking back and she was
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  throwing a lot of stuff away, but she was literally just
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  minimizing stuff to move. So decide what you can and can't
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  leave, you know what I mean? If you want to leave, decide
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  what you can and can't live without.
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  And make those the first things that you get out.
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  Of course your kids, y'all make a plan with them.
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  Kids, like I said, make a plan for contact or whatever.
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  No contact. Have a third party in the middle
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  that's ready to be in the middle of y'all.
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  There's so many subtle intricacies that go into with so
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  much nuance, but the main thing you need to worry about is
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  safety of you and those kids. Because sometimes I'm telling
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  you, y'all they will. They will try to hurt the kids
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  to get back at you because they feel like you.
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  You left them, they will. And they know you love your
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  kids. They will try to hurt your kids
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  to get back to you, get back at you.
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  They just absolutely will. There's some toxic evil
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  bastards. Other they will literally try to
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  hurt children to get back to the exporter.
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  Evil, evil, evil. So you just want to be as safe
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  as you possibly can. Y'all have some backup plans,
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  some make a list of resources around in the area.
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  Police, fire department, medical stuff like that.
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  Y'all first aid kids like you need to make a plan.
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  Food, shelter, money. If you're a stay at home parent
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  money wise, what are you going to do for money?
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  Like I say, you can leave Willy nilly.
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  If you feel like you have to escape right now, you don't have
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  time to plan that stuff. You might can do that.
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  But like I said, sometimes you want to start making a plan.
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  Like one of my one of my friends.
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  Her name is Heather. She like literally lost her job
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  and broken her leg. So she was dependent upon her
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  sociopathic narcissist to take care of her.
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  But she was behind the scenes making an exit plan.
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  It took her 18 months for the to fulfill that plan, but when she
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  left she was gone for good. When she finally left, she was
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  literally gone for good. You know what I mean?
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  She when she finally got out of there, she was gone for good.
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  And she was like, yeah, I'm good, I'm gone.
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  You know what I mean? So that happens quite a bit.
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  Y'all in these situations. So you had to protect your
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  peace, protect yourself and take care of yourself.
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  Y'all be as safe as you possibly can.
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  Y'all. I wish the best for you.
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  I hope the best for you. Of course, like and subscribe
• 10:46
  for more. As always, mental illness is out
• 10:48
  peace. Thank you so much for making it
• 10:50
  to the end of my video. Thank you so much for the
• 10:53
  support. If you haven't already, make
• 10:55
  sure that you subscribe to the channel so that we can help
• 10:57
  breach more people. The Self Love brand is available
• 11:00
  as well. I'm vital.
• 11:01
  The link is in the description of every single video I do.
• 11:04
  The Self Love Journal is also available on Amazon.
• 11:07
  Check it out Lee Hammock. I love me.
• 11:10
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• 11:12
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• 11:14
  know, different perks, behind the scenes things as well.
• 11:17
  Thank you so much but the wholeness is out.
• 11:19
  Yes.