Latest / Man In Your Corner with Shaun Tucker / Ep. 43 | Founder Dad Burnout: Mastering Mental Fitness Beyond the Perfect Body
Transcript
- Shaun: Welcome back to the reset episode 43 with me, Sean Tucker. Wow, 43 episodes in and I don't know if I've got the message through yet. Having washboard abs is not necessarily healthy. And let me explain. This is me back in 2020. And the reason I show this is because it was probably when I was most mentally starving myself. See, I've really changed my whole perception on what it means to be healthy. And not only that, but what it means to be balanced and letting health be a consequence of how you feel. Because how you are being, to me, is way more important than how you look. and I really admire. the people who are obese or overweight and have so much love and care for themselves. Like that to me is like just seeing that. fills my cup because maybe they're not necessarily obese when you compare their body type to maybe where they should be. It's like they're overweight, but for a skinny person looking at a skinny person and seeing that they're overweight because their body's built bigger. maybe that's just meant to be that way. right. And the reason I bring this topic up into this conversation is for the longest time in my own head, how I looked in the mirror didn't really change how I felt in my thoughts or how I thought really. I still thought. I was fat in this photo. I still thought I was fat and had a lot of weight to lose because if you see, you probably can't really see it, but I have a six pack here, but I still have a blob of fat sitting over that six pack, which stopped me from performing as well as I could on that men's fitness or men's bodybuilding competition. And to me, I wasn't good enough. I placed fifth. You know, even placing is a fantastic result, let alone being able to have the mindset and the discipline and the focus to be able to achieve a body that looks like... There's a very, very small percentage, would say probably 1 % or maybe less than 1 % have the ability to commit themselves to that level. And it's not because they're special. It's not because they work harder than everyone else. It's a matter of consistency. It's a matter of character. Right? Because when I commit to something, that's it. And I'm 43 episodes into this podcast doing one episode a day. And I'm wondering, should I continue? Because the reality is it's... easier to quit than ever. And I guess why these things are so important to ask yourself, is this is what you want to be doing. is how is it affecting your well-being? How is it that you're thinking? How is it that you're feeling? What is the awareness you have around these things? Because those are your compasses. That's your barometer. That's... That's how you know you're on the right track or not when it comes to your life, when it comes to being fulfilled and happy and actually being joyful. Because for me, I have the desire, like if I get a ripped... body and have six pack abs showing by the consequence of how I feel, be it, you know, I'm feeling absolutely ecstatic, fulfilled and joyful, then yeah, let's make it happen. But if I'm tormenting myself and starving myself and really self-sacrificing, just to prove a point, one's coming from just in my head. Right? And I have relentless levels of mindset if I commit myself. I can really make myself do things that I don't want to do. And yes, there's a lot of growth in that. There's a lot of character building in that. And I guess what I'm saying is a bit of a paradox, right? Because, you know, if you just stay in the same, in the same zone and you don't grow and you're kind of comfortable all the time, then you're not going to grow. ⁓ But there is a line between how far you will go to get what you want versus letting go and actually letting the thing find you. because if you're not able to receive. what it is this life wants for you, let alone what you want for this life. It's gonna be really hard to juggle and to balance and figure it out on your own and figure out really what you want because it's so easy to get lost. It's so easy to have people around you tell you what you should want. and what society deems as success and what material success looks like and how it feels. But you ask some of the most wealthy people in the world or you go to those places in the world that are very comfortable. ⁓ They have a lot of wealth, they have a lot of material success. Some of those places are the most unfulfilled places on the planet. The mental health suicide rate is actually out of control in these kind of places. So I guess the question is... when you think you know what you want. Go get after it. But if it's making you really unhappy, maybe it's not the path that you actually desire yourself and it's just something someone has said. And if you're using that as motivation to go get after it, sometimes it's really powerful motivation. Oftentimes it will light the fire so that you can walk in that direction and you can see where you're going. But will it bring you happiness? If the answer is, don't know where this belief about me chasing something came from, maybe it's not your belief. Maybe it's not actually what you desire. Maybe it's someone else's. Maybe it's someone you looked up to. Maybe it's you're trying to be someone else. And if you're trying to be someone else... That is... That is not a fun place to be. Because if you're trying to be someone else or if you're trying to prove yourself or validate yourself in front of someone else. There's no greater gift than you are. There's no greater gift than you being you. because what that does is it allows other people to be themselves too. and I am very comfortable being myself around other people who are comfortable being around themselves. And I guess. Looking back, I'm damn proud of myself for being able to commit and have a washboard abs and be able to compete in a natural bodybuilding competition. But man, it took some sacrifice. You know, when your priorities shift and change away from your default and your ground, that can take some serious hard conversations and hard situations with the people you love around you. because it is a very self-centered sacrifice. You're sacrificing social arrangements. You're sacrificing, I guess, the inclusion around people. Like, if you're going out to social events and you have to have a really, really strict diet and people will actually say you're less fun and they'll probably stop inviting you because... You're just a nuisance to work with. And that to me is not fun. Like that's... kind of ⁓ it's punishment in a way and I'm not saying like if you love the sport if you love the game that you're playing and you're doing it for yourself like go right ahead And if you want to try it and see if it is for yourself, go right ahead. So don't get me wrong, I love that people get after things and they chase and they really want to win. But this other side to that same coin of, are you playing to win for yourself or are you playing not to lose? Because playing not to lose means that you're probably comparing yourself to someone or you're looking at someone and trying to be better than them. And that doesn't get you anywhere. That just actually makes you quite miserable. Maybe there will be a time of victory where you're like, yeah, I beat you and I'm better than you. How long does that last? Not very long. But what's more joyful is actually finding the things that light you up, the things that really make you joyful and giving them back to people who have never experienced them. Giving those kind of experiences to people who are less fortunate than you. See ya, I mentioned a... fundraising challenge we had last week and we raised $250 for an awesome toy library up in Queensland. And I can just imagine the impact that that's going to have on the kids who are definitely, or maybe, less fortunate than kids who have an abundance of toys at home. Because a toy library is a great idea, especially in the communities where maybe they're less fortunate, they don't get access to toys or things like that. And of course, you can make anything a toy, right? especially kids, they're very imaginative, very creative. So they can do that. that I guess stepping into the unknown, ⁓ when there is a gift and when there's a box, I remember Christmas and as a kid, it was like one of the most joyful times because we got together and connected as a family to unbox the gifts that were sitting under the tree. most of the gifts, couldn't really remember what they were, but I do remember the ones where we played for hours and hours and hours like a swimming pool, right? family swimming pool that we we set up for the summer and use pretty much every day or one of those swinging tennis sets ⁓ on a string like just hours upon play so much fun and you're doing it with your brothers and or your sister or your family or community or your friends or whatever it's just so much fun So I guess in summary this episode is ask yourself is this what you want to be doing? Are you having fun or are you just doing it because someone has said to do it? If it's helping you get where you want to go and it feels good where you're going, don't stop, keep going. But if every part of it is miserable, the likelihood of you continuing, the likelihood of you moving forward is not going to be real. Reality says that if the process is miserable, the destination is probably going to be pretty shitty. So maybe take back your cards, book what you have, and see how you can play a different game. So if you found today's episode helpful, I ask you to share it with just one person. And I look forward to seeing you in tomorrow's episode. Thanks for tuning in.