Latest / Talk Wealthy To Me / 21. Financial Freedom After Divorce: How to Rebuild, Plan & Thrive

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21. Financial Freedom After Divorce: How to Rebuild, Plan & Thrive · Talk Wealthy To Me

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Let's know them. Welcome talk We Welcome we Talk Wealthy
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: to Me. I'm Michelle Taylor, founder of Women and well
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: and Wealth. From breaking money myths to building wealth and
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: achieving financial freedom. We're here to empower you to create
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: your own patha talk wealth. Now join the conversation and
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: let's change the way women think and feel about money.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: Are you ready? Hi, everybody, Welcome to the Talk Wealthy
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: to Me podcast. I'm your host, Michelle Taylor, and I
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: am so excited that you're here and also really encouraged
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: to go over this topic with you guys. Quite a
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: few people have mentioned that this is either something that
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: they're faced with or a woman and their family is
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: faced with, and that is navigating what financial freedom and
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: wellness and planning looks like after a divorce. Now, I
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: thankfully have never been through this myself, but I know
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: a lot of people who have, and I've had first
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  Speaker 1: hand experiences with clients that are really discouraging when it
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: comes to this topic. I've had clients tell me that
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: they didn't know how to pay their electric bill because
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: their husband left them. And it wasn't a lack of finances,
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: but it was just genuinely not knowing how to navigate
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: that situation. So, as always, my hope in this is
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: that anybody going through it or knows somebody that is,
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: will be able to take something tangible and turn what
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: can be scary into something that they feel empowered and
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: encouraged around and change the impact that something heavy will
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: have on the rest of their life. So one of
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  Speaker 1: the important things to know about all of this is, obviously,
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  Speaker 1: this is a big deal. It's a big life changing event,
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: and I think it's so important to acknowledge that and
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: find the support that you need from the people that
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  Speaker 1: you care about in your life. And my goal in
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: this is to really just focus on the financials, but
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: I think that it would be really important for anybody
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  Speaker 1: listening that has this experience to really identify the areas
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: they need help and the professionals that they need to
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: seek out to make sure that you come to the
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: other side of this feeling like yourself or a better
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: version of yourself. I think that the grief, the sadness
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  Speaker 1: of this is actually something you're having to deal with,
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  Speaker 1: is something that's going to be a hard pill to swallow.
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  Speaker 1: But again, taking the emotion out of this which is
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  Speaker 1: going to be really tricky, but taking the emotion out
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  Speaker 1: of planning financially after divorce is going to be really important.
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  Speaker 1: So one of the things that I would suggest is
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  Speaker 1: building out that same board of advisors that we've talked
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: about in other episodes, finding the people that you need
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  Speaker 1: to count on to understand what's in your best interest,
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: what you are entitled to, and figuring out how to
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  Speaker 1: navigate this path moving forward. So what does that mean. Obviously,
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: I would probably advise none of you to go through
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: this without an attorney. Certainly I am not an attorney.
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  Speaker 1: This is just my opinion, but I feel like there
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: are a lot of pieces to this that you may
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: not even realize you're dealing with. So find an attorney
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: that's good, that makes you feel comfortable, makes you feel
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  Speaker 1: seen heard, and that they're an advocate of yours. The
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  Speaker 1: next piece is finding somebody to probably navigate the family
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  Speaker 1: emotional journey of this if you've got kiddos, but also
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  Speaker 1: really recognizing and understand that once you get over this
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: hump and once you figure this out, you're getting a
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: fresh start, you're going to be able to plan for
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: yourself financially. And although it's something that's really sad. There
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  Speaker 1: is something that is I think exciting if you think
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  Speaker 1: about a fresh start and focusing on the financial goals
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  Speaker 1: and plan that you have for yourself and not having
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: to consider anybody else and what they want. So hopefully
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  Speaker 1: putting a positive spin on that and really focusing on
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  Speaker 1: a fresh start and building something for yourself with the
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: right relationships in place to ensure that the next chapter
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  Speaker 1: is one of your best chapters? How do we do that?
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  Speaker 1: First things First, if you've ever worked with a financial
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: advisor and had a relationship with one that your spouse
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  Speaker 1: had brought into your situation, I would say to really
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  Speaker 1: dive into that and see if that's a relationship that
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  Speaker 1: you want to keep. Now, obviously this is my world.
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  Speaker 1: I know little bit about this. I've had several clients
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  Speaker 1: divorce and some of them don't care if both parties
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  Speaker 1: work with me. Other people think, you know what, the
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: relationship with Michelle was yours, I'm going to find somebody
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  Speaker 1: else and that's okay too. So I think what really
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: matters is the connection that you feel with that professional.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: So if you feel like you want to keep that
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: person in your life, I would have very clear expectations
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: around confidentiality, which of course is part of our role
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  Speaker 1: is fiduciaries, but also just making sure that you have
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  Speaker 1: somebody that can advocate and plan in a totally different
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  Speaker 1: way with you without it being in direct conflict with
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  Speaker 1: the other ex spouse. If you feel a little bit
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  Speaker 1: uncertain about that, I would say, first, if you like
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: the firm, you can find another advisor within that firm
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  Speaker 1: usual and that's a really easy transition and probably less
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: clunky for you going through enough as it is. Or
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: if you really felt like this was never your relationship,
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  Speaker 1: that you were present in the meetings but didn't say much,
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  Speaker 1: now is your chance to really figure out what this
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: relationship will look like for you. If you want to
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: know the questions to ask, I am happy to send
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: you a copy of that, drop me a DM. But
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: ultimately you want to go into this with a clear
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: mind and figuring out what's most important. How do you
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: want to work with that professional and source that person
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: and interview a few of them. Don't feel like there's
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: any fire to put out. We all have the same
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: tools in our toolbox. Truly, it's about finding the relationship
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  Speaker 1: that's going to work for you. And your future as
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: you navigate this next chapter. The second piece of that
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: is really understanding your money landscape. And again I'm going
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: to assume that half of you have maybe led the
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  Speaker 1: charge with financials and the other half didn't. So if
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  Speaker 1: the ladder is the case and you were really leading
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: the charge, more than likely you're going to have a
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: good handle on what your monthly budget and what your
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: monthly spending plan is going to look like. It's really
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: important to understand the money that's coming in and going
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: out and what your expenses are going to be moving forward. Obviously,
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: assuming there's child support or any alimony, any of those
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: payments are something to consider, but you really just want
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: to identify the non negotiables, the things that have to
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: get paid, and make sure as a single income household,
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  Speaker 1: you have the most important things covered so that your
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: kids and yourself aren't having to navigate a change in
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: life but also now a change in circumstance where things
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  Speaker 1: are feeling tighter and more insecure for you or your kids.
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  Speaker 1: Understanding the difference between needs and wants is really important,
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  Speaker 1: and then just having a plan for every dollar coming in.
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  Speaker 1: Once you understand the money that you're working with I
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  Speaker 1: encourage everybody to figure out how to live in an
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: and mentality. So more than likely there's been a lot
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  Speaker 1: of financial fallout from this, right, So we want to
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  Speaker 1: make sure that you are doing all of the same
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  Speaker 1: things you are doing with a partner, but now as
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  Speaker 1: an individual. So what does that mean. I want to
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: make sure that you guys are paying off any debt
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  Speaker 1: that you have, and saving and making sure you have
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: enough liquid and investing. Make sure that you're not neglecting
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: any of those things. It's really important once you sit down,
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  Speaker 1: you know what this household now looks like based on
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: just your income. We now have an opportunity to reverse
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: engineer what the future looks like and what we need
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: to do to get you there. It's going to be
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  Speaker 1: really important that you sit down and have all of
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: the pieces of your puzzle in front of you and
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: understand were you counting on retirement coming from your spouse.
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  Speaker 1: If that's the case, we need to focus on how
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: do we fill that retirement bucket. Maybe you need to
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: start your own IRA on the side, or start contributing
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: to a four toh one K if you have the opportunity.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: But we want to make sure that we've got those
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: long term dollars planned for midterm dollars. Is really just
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  Speaker 1: understanding those goals, vacations for your family, education expenses, things
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  Speaker 1: that you can anticipate but are still six months to
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: two years down the road. Maybe there's a project at
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: the house that are renovation, and we need to put
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: that money aside and make sure that you're planning for
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: that effectively, so that you're not going into debt to
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: do something that you've already committed to doing. And then
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: obviously we want to make sure short term that may
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: look a lot different now as well, if during the
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  Speaker 1: divorce the assets split there's more or less debt. We
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: want to just make sure that what you have is
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: covered by an emergency account. You don't want to have
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: too much in cash, and that's an exercise that unfortunately
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  Speaker 1: I can't personalize in this episode for you, but I
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: would always challenge you if you work in a W
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  Speaker 1: two setting, you want to have three months at least
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  Speaker 1: if of your expenses, and that isn't food and fun,
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  Speaker 1: That is truly keeping your lights on and making sure
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: that you are paying your obligations. If you're a self
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: employed individual or somebody that works in a highly commissioned role,
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: you probably want to have closer to six months just
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: to make sure that there's the ebbs and flows of
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: what that can feel like impact you, especially if you
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: had another income to fall back on, and ultimately understanding
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  Speaker 1: where those dollars are going. So of those monies, we
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: want to make sure that we're doing remember the and mentality,
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  Speaker 1: So make sure that you are putting money into a
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  Speaker 1: retirement account for long term dollars or planning for what
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: it looks like if you are selling a business ten
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: years down the road. Want to make sure that you're
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: paying down your debt, and we want to make sure
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: you're investing now. For anybody that is not familiar with
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: how to invest, that's where we need to really break
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  Speaker 1: this down and understand what the priority is. If the
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  Speaker 1: priority is to just put money to work for you
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: so that you have it working for you while you sleep,
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: the easiest way to do that is to work with
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  Speaker 1: that trusted advisor that you either have identified or already
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: have a relationship with, or just start something on your own.
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  Speaker 1: You can go to any of the big broker dealers
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: like a Charles Schwab, Edward Jones, anything like that really
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: robinhood even and just start an account and start investing,
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: even if it's twenty five dollars, one hundred dollars, whatever
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  Speaker 1: it is that you can afford to make sure that
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: the retirement you once thought was covered with two incomes.
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  Speaker 1: Now we're identifying how do we get there with only
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: one income. The good news is you only have to
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: pay for yourself in this retirement and don't have to
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: worry about providing for two, so it should be relatively
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: easy to make the adjustment. But again, you don't want
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: to forget that any of these pieces are on the
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: table and need to be addressed. Speaking of investing, it's
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: really important and this is why you, guys, I brought
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: up the point about having the trusted relationship that you
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: can fight for your best interest at the table. So
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: a lot of people will think that they're negotiating something
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: that's going to be really good for them and their
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: family and keeping attorneys out of the picture. But there's
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: a lot of things to consider. For example, if you
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: are a stay at home spouse and you have been
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: focusing on the family while the other spouse is out
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: earning the income and contributing to a retirement account. You've
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: missed a lot of time to contribute to your own
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: retirement because you thought you had a partner doing that
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: for you. So there's something called a quadro and that
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: is basically where anything that a spouse is put into
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: a retirement account while you all were married, you're entitled
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: to half of that. Now, when you typically take money
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: out of a retirement account prematurely or before your retirement age,
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: there's a penalty. What's really lovely about this is in
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: a divorce, if it's navigated with professionals, you are able
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: to take half of that account and you will not
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: pay a penalty for moving it over to you and
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: being able to utilize that money for your own own
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: retirement planning. So that's really important. We want to make
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: sure that you have all of the access to the
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: accounts that you need to plan for your future and
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: aren't missing anything. I will hopefully put your mind at
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: ease if this is a situation where the it's not
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: warm and fuzzy. There are very few ways that somebody
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: can really hide money and not give you what you're
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: entitled for. But that requires having the relationship there that's
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: going to walk you through this and make sure that
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: you're asking the right questions. I once had a client
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: that her husband just said, oh, I cleared everything out
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: of my retirement account because I'm doing this other thing. Well,
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: then she's surprised that she's getting divorced. And thankfully, because
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: of forensic accounting, we were able not we I didn't
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: do that, but she was able with those relationships to
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: under stand this is where the money went, and she
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: was still entitled to half of it. And hopefully that's
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: not going to be a situation that any of you
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: find yourselves in. But I just cannot emphasize enough it's
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: really important to not leave what you are rightfully entitled
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: to on the table, because you've got to be your
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: number one advocate. So understand the retirement accounts, the assets
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: that you have, the debt you have. Don't leave any
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: of that up to chance. We want to make sure
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: that all of your bases are covered and in that
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: your risk tolerance, the time horizon, all of the pieces
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: that will kind of navigate what the rest of your
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: life look like. May have changed. Maybe you were married
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: to somebody that didn't like risk at all, or maybe
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: on the other side they were much more aggressive than you.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: Felt comfortable being all of these things you're going to
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: have to navigate in order to understand how to move forward.
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: If you want to be more conservative, make sure that
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: the advisor that you're using or the advisor that you
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: were using with your spouse understands that there's been a shift,
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: and really make sure that you're putting your money into
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: investments that are in alignment with what your risk tolerance
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: is and time horizon. Depending on your age, it will
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: impact when you can access these things. Retirement ages fifty
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: nine and a half, so you want to make sure
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: that when you're putting money away, and if retirement accounts
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: are something new for you that you're cognizant of that
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: you can't touch these accounts without a penalty before that age.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: So make sure that we've got those midterm and short
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: term buckets addressed before you put money into a retirement account. Also,
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: as far as timeline goes, if you've got big projects
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: that are going on, or just you feel a little
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: bit more comfortable having access to that money, we want
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: to make sure that you're putting the dollars into just
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: your typical individual account or a brokerage account. This is
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: going to give you access to money, growing and not
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: being out of the market, putting your money to work
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: for you, but without those same restrictions. The other thing
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: you want to look at is benefits. If your spouse
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: was providing health benefits, there's some navigating there, but also insurances.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: A lot of times when there's a divorce, and if
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: there's life insurance and there's children involved or alimony, those
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: are things that you want to address. You want to
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: make sure that God forbid, if something were happening to
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: a spouse and they are paying you alimony and child support,
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: that there's a death benefit there that would still get
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: you to the point that you need to be at
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: and taking care of your kids, that the child support
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: and all of that is protected and addressed with the
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: life insurance, and most divorce attorneys will navigate through all
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: of these pieces with you, but again, make sure that
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: you're understanding what you're entitled to and not leaving anything
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: up to chance. As we wrap this up, guys, one
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: of the most important things and reasons that I'm doing
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: this not only women in wealth, but talk wealthy to
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: me is because I want you, guys, to be empowered
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: around money. I want you to understand the decisions that
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: you have to make that you're entitled to make, and
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: I want you to feel like you're in charge of
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: your money story. Going through this is going to be
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: a huge emotional toll, but the reality is one out
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: of every two marriages is going to end in divorce.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: So I want to make sure that you all take
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: away from this that one you're allowed to be upset
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: and grieve this transition in your life. But then I
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: want you as quickly as you can to pivot and
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: really focus on writing your own money story. Try not
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: to bring the baggage that comes with a failed marriage
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: and maybe differing approaches and beliefs around money with you.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: Look at this as a fresh start, a way to
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: make sure that you are doing everything that you can
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: to set yourself up for success and a retirement that
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: feels really good to you, or a next chapter that
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: feels good to you, building something out with your goals
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: in mind, with your risk tolerance in mind, and making
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: as few waves as possible within your home so that
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: if there are kiddos, they don't feel a change in lifestyle.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: And I know all of this is easier said than done,
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: but that's where I'm here to be a resource in
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: any way that I can. If there's anything that you
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: need to make this transition easier, please send me a
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: message or a DM and the team will get you
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: anything that you need. Ask the right questions of any
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: advisor or other professional that you're bringing to the table,
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: and make sure that you know what you are allowed
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: to fight for. Make sure that you are living in
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: an and universe, that you are reevaluating how much cash
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: you need to have on hand and making sure that
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: you do, and that you're investing, even if it's a
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: small amount, and that you're paying down any debt that
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: you have, whether it's yours or part of the marriage,
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: but ultimately doing all three of those things to move
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: forward and put the best version of yourself in your
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: future in your windshield instead of your rear view mirror.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: As always, please continue to like, share, subscribe, and if
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: there's anybody going through this that you think would benefit
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: from hearing the episode, please share. And again, let's change
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: the way women think and feel about money together,