Latest / The Christian Homemaking Podcast: Simply Convivial with Mystie Winckler / I Stopped Telling Myself I Was a Failure (And Everything Changed) - Kara Leong

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I Stopped Telling Myself I Was a Failure (And Everything Changed) - Kara Leong · The Christian Homemaking Podcast: Simply Convivial with Mystie Winckler

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If you have ever felt that life is just too much, you can't handle that one
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little thing that went wrong, you're at your max and you can't take it anymore,
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then today's conversation is for you.
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Convivial Circle member Cara Leone has tells us exactly what she did to move from
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feeling overwhelmed at every little thing
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To not only handling her everyday life, but actually having increased
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capacity, so much so that her husband noticed and called her out on it.
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I can't wait to share this interview with you
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Speaker: welcome to the Christian homemaking podcast, Simply Convivial.
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I'm Misty Winkler, homemaker, homeschooling mom of five,
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grandma, and author of the book Home Is For Hospitality: Why
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Your Home And Homemaking Matter.
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Convivial means living together with joy, and that's the kind of home atmosphere
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that we want to create in our homes, and that's why I run Convivial Circle,
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a community helping women to excel at homemaking and do life cheerfully.
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And today, I'm joined by a member of Convivial Circle, Cara Leone.
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Cara has been married to her husband for 13 years.
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She's a homeschooling mom of four adventure-seeking
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children from 11 to 5 years old.
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She's a recovering perfectionist, saved by grace.
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Cara lives in the Sonoran Desert, where she enjoys hiking,
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warm winters, and hot coffee.
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So, thank you so much for joining me today, Cara.
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Speaker 2: Yeah.
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Thank you for having me.
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Speaker: I'm so excited to hear your story face to face when I've read a little bit
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about it, and I'm excited to chat today.
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Yeah, me too.
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So first, how did you find Convivial Circle, and what made you want to join?
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What was going on that made you think like, "Oh, yeah,
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I need something like this"?
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Speaker 2: Yeah.
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um, maybe the Literary Life podcast.
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You know, there was a little crossover.
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Speaker: Yeah.
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Speaker 2: Um, yeah, so I found that about the spring of 2025 and just
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started listening to all of your podcasts that I could and implementing, you
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know, what I could kind of figure out.
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Um, and then we were on vacation one summer that, that summer in
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July, and I had the opportunity to go take a walk every day.
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I had some help with the kids, so I'd go take a walk, I'd listen
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to your podcasts, make a bunch of notes in my phone, and then when we
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got home from vacation, everything was going to change, and I wasâ¦
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you know, had all these ideas.
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It was- Was the plan â¦ it was gonna be great.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Obviously, it did not all change at once.
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Um, and then really, really what happened, well, it was one sort
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of particularly difficult day.
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My husband talked to me at the end of the day, like, like, "What can we do?
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How can I help?
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You know, we gotta make s- make some changes here."
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And I told him, I'm like, "Well, I've been listening to this thing,
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and I could join, but I don't know if I should spend the money."
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And, um, I think it was the next morning he sent me a link.
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He's like, "Here you go," like, "Set up your profile and," "â¦ you
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know, let's, let's do this."
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Um, yeah, so that's how I joined, but Iâ¦
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That first homemaking, I think it's Homemaking 101, and I was realizing
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everything I would tell myself, either in my head and often out loud,
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was, "I'm failing at everything.
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There's too much.
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It's all too much.
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Nothing is going right."
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Um, just everything is wrong.
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It's all too much.
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Speaker: Mm-hmm.
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Speaker 2: And I couldn't, I couldn't handle, like, the
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slightest, maybe the slightest hiccup or interruption in the day.
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I would be, you know, kind of annoyed if it was our week for,
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you know, to bring snack to soccer.
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It was like, "Oh, I gotta do this now.
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One more thing.
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How can Iâ¦"
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You know, and just little things like that that just, just put me over the
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edge into overwhelm, complaining.
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Um, yeah, I justâ¦
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That's just where I was, and I would have thought that I was organized.
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Um, you know, I look organized, but really what I had was one long running
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list where everything looked like it was the same level of importance.
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So planning our homeschool year would look the same as, "I need
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to clean the bathroom today."
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Speaker: Yeah.
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Speaker 2: And it was just all one big- To do project.
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Speaker: Mm-hmm.
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So any little thing added onto there just feels like anotherâ¦
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Could be as big as planning- Right â¦ the whole year.
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Speaker 2: Exactly.
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Exactly.
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Yeah, the, the small thing, you know, the spills, the, the kid that cries, just-
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Speaker: The things
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Speaker 2: that- You know â¦ don't
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Speaker: make it on the list.
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Speaker 2: Exactly.
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Exactly, and that just, yeah, I think I, I would always say
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that it's just, it's too much.
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It's all too much.
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Um, and I felt like I was failing at all of it.
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Speaker: Yeah.
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Speaker 2: So.
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Speaker: So what were some- Mm â¦ of the practices or ideas inside Convivial
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Circle that helped you the most?
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Speaker 2: There were so many.
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Um, the first one was telling myself true stories.
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So, like I said before, I was always telling myself I was a failure, there was
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too much to do, and, you know, I'veâ¦
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You hear all the time, the best lies have a little bit of truth in them.
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And so, I mean, there really is, you know, as moms and homeschoolers,
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there is too much to do.
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Um, but I would writeâ¦
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I wrote, well, I guess alignment cards kind of go with that, um, and
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I wrote that alignment card of, you know, "My grace is sufficient for you.
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My power is made perfect in weakness."
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So I was only telling myself half of that story.
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Speaker: Mm.
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Speaker 2: Um, whereas really getting that full, that full attitude change,
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that full, um, that full story in my head instead of the first, the first part.
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So that was a really big, um, attitude shift that I had.
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Um, that first brain dump I did was so eye-opening, and I, I was very
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resistant to brain dumps at first.
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You know, you don't wanna take the time, and, and they've just been so, so helpful,
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just to know what's really happening in my head, what's really going on.
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Um, and just made it very clear as to why I have, why I had a bad attitude,
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why, why I felt the way I felt, if that's what I was telling myself all the time.
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Um, yeah, I guess that, the alignment cards.
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I wrote down, one that I still use is, there's a George MacDonald
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poem, and the end of it goesâ¦
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I have it written down, I'm gonna read it.
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Um, it says, "O victorious one, give strength to rise.
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Go out and meet thee in the night."
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Speaker: Mm.
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Speaker 2: And that helps me all the time, your saying of smile and
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start, of maybe there's a lot of things that need to happen and I don't
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wanna do any of it, and I just get up and do the one thing and just- Yeah
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move forward and get that momentum.
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Um- Yeah, so those, those alignment cards, reading those and, and praying over them,
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even just for a minute, you know, in the middle of a homeschool day, just to
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change my focus and change my attitude.
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Um, yeah.
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Speaker: Yeah.
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I love to talk to women who were resistant to the brain dump ideas but then tried it
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and found it helpful, because that is the most common response I hear is, um, that
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resistance stage where I say like, "Try a brain dump," and they go s- "No way.
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That sounds terrible."
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Speaker 2: Yeah.
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Speaker: So what was it, um, that's helpful aboutâ¦
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'Cause it does sound like, oh, you just want me to make my list bigger.
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Like, youâ¦
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I'm already overwhelmed, and if I brain dump, I'm just
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gonna end up more overwhelmed.
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That's how it feels before you've tried it.
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Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
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Well, that first one I did, I think I criedâ¦
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I almost cried at the end of it, of, oh my goodness, like, this
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is what's going through my head.
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Um, but then you just see so much that doesn't matter-
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Speaker: Hmm
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â¦ Speaker 2: or so much that-
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Or, or you think it's so much, and then you put it on paper
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and it's not that big of a deal.
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Speaker: Yeah.
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Speaker 2: Um, but my head make it, made it, you know, either a big project
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or just something that seemedâ¦
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You know, I thought, "Oh, there's 100 things I have to do," and then I, I
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go down, I write it down, and it's like, here's five, five things, and
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they'll each take 10 minutes to do, and this isn't that big of a deal.
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Um, and then really, y- you know, I just see how I can make sense
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of What would be chaos inside of my head, you see it written down
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and you can do something about it.
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It gives you an action, um, a way forward- Mm-hmm â¦ I guess.
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Speaker: Yeah.
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Speaker 2: So, yeah.
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Speaker: Yeah.
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Now, you told me that your husband noticed that things- Yeah â¦ were different.
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And so I love that you started off the story with like, your
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husband basically told you, "Join."
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You're like, "Do something."
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Right.
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Speaker 2: Yeah.
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Speaker: Join this thing, and then he noticed lateâ¦
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H- like, how much later was it where you had that conversation, and what was it
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that he was noticing that was different?
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Speaker 2: Well, one of the things he noticed right away, I would say within
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the first month, um, I had implemented a stop time at the end of my day.
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I forget which module you do it in, but I was very resistant to that.
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I was resistant to a lot.
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But I did it.
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Um, and I, instead of continuing my to-do list, I had the kitchen cleanâ¦
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You know, we did dinner, I had the kitchen cleaned up.
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That- that's the end, and I was able to go outside and go to the
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park with my husband and my kids.
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Speaker: Mm.
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Speaker 2: And he was like, "Oh, why?"
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Like, "Why are you here?"
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You know?
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Like, this isn't, this this isn't your time, you know?
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And, um, so I could just explain, you know, explain that.
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That was just one of the first, the first little wins I had of I could prioritize
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relationships over my to-do list, and say, "The real work is my family, my children."
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Um-
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Speaker: Mm-hmm
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â¦ Speaker 2: and saying, "Here's when my day is done.
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I can spend this time with you," um, was-
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Speaker: Yeah, 'cause the
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Speaker 2: to-do list- â¦ that
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Speaker: first thing he- â¦ is never going to be all the way complete.
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Speaker 2: Right.
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Right.
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And then, um, I guess it has been since I had done Convivial for about a
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year, and we were just talking and, um, we've always had, you know, the same
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goals and values and, you know, the life we wanna build with our family.
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Um, but he just said, he's like, "Yeah, this last year has been a lot different."
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He could see a change, and I think, I think he noticed that I had beenâ¦
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could change my priorities.
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Um, I found my, my identity instead of, instead of in how much can I cross off my
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list, is in, um, serving my family well.
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I have itâ¦
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Oh, I wrote it down here.
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Hang-
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In one of the modules I'veâ¦
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I can't, it was one of the organize your attitude ones, and I wrote, "Because
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I was made to glorify God and enjoy him forever, God has called me to
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serve my family and build his kingdom.
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And so every day I will ask God to help me trust him, work heartily
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for the Lord, and make my attitude one of cheerful obedience."
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Speaker: Mm.
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Speaker 2: And so I've seen, and I think my husband has seen, my
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attitude change, and then therefore my, um, my capacity has increased.
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I've been able to take on a lot more, not get so discouraged or overwhelmed
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by all the unexpected changes that just happen in family life.
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Um, I think he'd also say I'm a lot calmer.
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I'm more at peace, and I really found that with if I can rest in what
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Jesus has done and, and Jesus has, you know, he said, "It is finished."
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He's accomplished it.
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Keep striving and trying to finish, you know, reach a certain-
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end point.
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If he's done it, I can do my work knowing I'm, I'm glorifying God.
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Um, and that just brings a lot of peace even when the house is chaotic, and
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there's noise and, and all of that.
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Speaker: Yes.
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Yes.
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And that, it's like working from rest.
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It's like, it's not- Right â¦ just like, "Oh, that means that I can
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take it easy and not do anything."
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It actually increases your capacity because- Yeah â¦ you're
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not working to earn something or to- Mm-hmm â¦ prove something.
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Um- Mm-hmm â¦ it's a different, different perspective.
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Speaker 2: Yeah.
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And because of that, we've been able toâ¦
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I have four kids in sports right now, which is a lot.
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You know, it's a lot of practices, and, and games, and schedules to figure out.
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Um, had to adjust my daily schedule.
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You know, we do dinner a little bit earlier.
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It's just a lot of, a lot of shuffling going on, and I don't think
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I could have handled that before.
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But now, um, well, with a working planner actually, Um, and just that
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increased capacity and attitude, I can, I can take that on, um,
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without turning into the mean mom.
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Speaker: So if you were talking to another woman who was feeling overwhelmed
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right now with everything that's going on at home and things not going
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as planned what would be the first thing you would recommend that she do?
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Speaker 2: The 10-minute timers are- Yeah â¦ that's my new favorite- â¦ thing.
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Speaker: Yes.
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Speaker 2: Um, I put that, I put that to a test a long time ago.
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Like, there's no way.
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10 minutes, that's, you know, that's wishful thinking.
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There's no way.
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And my, I think my first win with that was, um, we were, we were going somewhere,
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me and the kids had to go somewhere.
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We were all ready, you know, everything was packed, and we had 10 minutes
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until we had to leave the house.
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And so we have a lot of s- um, sliding doors in our house,
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and I knew they needed to beâ¦
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the tracks needed to get vacuumed out and wiped, and seems like a really big job.
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I was like, "Well, I'm gonna try it.
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Let's see."
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And I got that whole job done in 10 minutes, and we left the house on time.
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And it's like, okay, that wasn't actually that big of a deal.
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And then I did, um, the baby step bingo- Mm-hmm â¦ where I think those
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are even often less than 10 minutes.
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Um, and you just get that momentum of, you know, things maybe you see a list or it,
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it feels like a lot, and it's like, oh, I can clean one shelf in the closet or wipe
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out one drawer and just work on something 10 minutes at a time, get some momentum.
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You feel so much better, and the
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progress really does build.
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Um, yeah, it takes, you know, it takes a little bit of time to see,
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but now I'm like, oh, I can, I can do anything in 10 minutes, you know?
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Yeah.
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So yeah, that would definitely be my, my first advice.
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Speaker: Yes.
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Yeah, it's just that shift from being able to quickly start and just say,
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"Oh, I could do that," instead of that default, like, "Oh, that's a big deal.
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I'll never have time for that."
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Yeah.
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It just, like, it switch- switches that script in our heads.
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Speaker 2: Right.
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Right.
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Speaker: Well, thank you so much, Kara, for joining me today.
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It was so fun to talk to you.
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Speaker 2: Yeah.
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Yep.
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Yeah.
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Thank you for having me on.
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Cara shared a lot of resources here in this conversation, and
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I put links to many of them in the description for this episode
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If you're listening to this when the episode is brand new, then you, then you
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have caught us during Organize October, our month-long special on organizing
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your attitude Be sure to sign up for the Organize October Challenge, and not
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only will you get links to the extra podcast episodes and videos, and even
16:37
live conversations happening on Mondays in October, but you'll also get some
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brain dump prompts, just like Kara was talking about, that will help you figure
16:48
out where you're really where you're really going wrong in your head and
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the story that you're telling yourself.
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So get extra resources, bonuses, and links to everything happening in October
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by going to simplyconvivial.com/october
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You can also find links to some of the other things that Cara mentioned in
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this conversation in the description
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All of them will help you to repent, rejoice, repeat
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And next up, I think you'd really enjoy this episode right here