Latest / Dear Divorce Diary: A Fresh Approach To Healing Grief & Building A Life Of Confidence After Divorce / 378. I Want Love, Support & Good Things…But I Expect Them to Cost Me, Trap Me or Hurt Me | A Guided Meditation for Divorce Recovery

Transcript

378. I Want Love, Support & Good Things…But I Expect Them to Cost Me, Trap Me or Hurt Me | A Guided Meditation for Divorce Recovery · Dear Divorce Diary: A Fresh Approach To Healing Grief & Building A Life Of Confidence After Divorce

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're listening to this.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you had to.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe love wasn't always safe.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe the people who were supposed to love you also hurt you.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you learned that love had to be earned, performed for, chased, or held on to at all costs because there wasn't enough or it wasn't gonna come out.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're not gonna force anything to do with love.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: We're simply going to practice becoming available.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Receive love.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, love.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Dear Divorce Diary, the podcast helping divorcees go beyond talk therapy to process your grief, find the healing you crave, and build back your confidence.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Don Wiggins, a therapist, coach, integrative healer, and divorcee.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Join me for a fresh approach to healing grief and building your confidence after divorce.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: Let's start with a slow, deep breath in through your nose, and let it go with a long, gentle exhale.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Again, inhale down into your belly and exhale.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: Intentionally allow your shoulders to soften.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe do a few shoulder rolls.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Check in with your jaw and your eyebrow.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: Intentionally unclench them along with your hands.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Notice the places your body is still working hard even in this now moment to protect you.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: Just notice.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: And as you breathe, imagine yourself sitting or laying in a beautiful garden.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's quiet here.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: The air is the perfect temperature on your skin.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: The sun is resting gently on your body, and you feel safe and at ease here.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: Take a moment to really drink in what this garden looks like.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: The colors, the flowers, the sounds.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing to do here but rest and enjoy.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing to fix, nothing to prove, just breathing and soaking it in.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: Now notice that several feet in front of you there is a beautiful doorway.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't belong to a house.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: It simply stands there.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like in the secret garden.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: The doorway represents your heart.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Notice that.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: Is it wide open?
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Is it locked shut?
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Is it heavy?
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: Cracked open just enough to peek through?
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever you see is exactly right.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: There is no wrong doorway.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: Simply notice.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: Now ask your heart one gentle question.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: What are you protecting me from?
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Don't try to force an answer or search for one.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you hear some words or some images or emotions, maybe nothing at all.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: Allow yourself to trust whatever arises.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: What are you afraid would happen if you let go of what is not love?
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Or a different way, what are you afraid would happen if you let love in?
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: Again, no right answer, just interest, curiosity.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: As you continue breathing, notice that someone begins walking toward your doorway.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: Not a romantic partner, not your ex, not anyone you know.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: Simply love itself.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: There's no specific face, no expectations, no agenda.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: It isn't here to take from you.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: It isn't here to convince you.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: It isn't here to demand your trust.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Love simply stands at your doorway, waiting.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's not knocking or pressuring or manipulating.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's simply waiting with infinite patience.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: Notice what your body is doing.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: Do you tense?
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: Feel suspicious, pull away, want to run, or perhaps you feel relief, softening, opening curiosity.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever happens, welcome it.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: It isn't a test, it's awareness.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Now notice that love begins to speak softly.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: I have not come to take anything from you.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: I have not come to ask you to be smaller.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: I have not come to make you earn me.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: I have not come to abandon you.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: I simply want to be near you, with you.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Take another deep breath down into your belly.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Notice whether your doorway changes at all.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to open.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it stays exactly where it is.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it opens one inch.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: That one inch could be enough.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: Healing rarely happens all at once.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: It happens one safe moment at a time.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: Now imagine that love gently places something just inside your doorway.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: Not itself.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: Just a gift.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to suggest what the gift might be.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: What your body, mind, spirit suggests is a beautiful, beautiful answer.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever appears is exactly what your heart needs today.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: Notice that receiving this gift costs you nothing.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to perform, you don't have to reciprocate, you don't have to deserve it, you simply have to let it in.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: Allow yourself to feel what it's like for just this moment.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: What if allowing this gift in was safe?
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: What if your nervous system didn't have to scan for the catch?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: What if goodness could simply exist without strings attached?
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Take another deep breath.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: Feel your feet connected to the garden ground beneath you.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Feel your seat supporting your body.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: Notice your breath moving more easily in and out.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: Your body already knows how to receive.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: It receives oxygen, it receives sunlight, it receives nourishment.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: Perhaps your heart can begin learning to receive love the same way.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: Not by forcing or striving, but by allowing.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: Take a moment to place one hand over your heart, one hand over your belly.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Feel the steady rhythm of your heart.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: Feel the rise and fall of your breath.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: This heart has survived so much.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: It has loved, it has grieved, it has broken, and she has kept beating anyway.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: Silently repeat after me.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: I do not have to earn love.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: I do not have to chase love.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: I do not have to become someone else to receive love.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: I can be loved exactly as I am.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: It is safe to receive kindness.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: It is safe to receive care.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: It is safe to receive support.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: It is safe to receive joy.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: It is safe to receive love.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: Take one final deep breath down into your belly, feeling the rise and fall of both hands.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: And as you exhale, imagine carrying this gentle openness with you into the rest of your day.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: Not wide open, not unprotected, simply willing.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: Willing to notice goodness, willing to receive kindness, willing to believe that love does not have to hurt in order to be real.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: Whenever you're ready, gently wiggle your fingers in the grass, move your toes, take one more cleansing breath, and remember, the greatest act of courage is not always learning how to love someone else.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's allowing yourself to be loved.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: See you next week.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: Peace.