Latest / Afzal's Reset Entropy Podcast / Why You Keep Attracting the Same Kind of Partner

Transcript

Why You Keep Attracting the Same Kind of Partner · Afzal's Reset Entropy Podcast

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: If you keep ending up with the same kind of partner, this episode is for you.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: You leave one relationship, you're careful, you choose someone completely different this time, different background, different personality, nothing like the last one.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: And six months in, you are in the exact same dynamics all over again.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Same feeling of giving too much, same feeling of not being met, different face, identical experience.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Today I want to explain why that happens, and it's not bad luck or poor choice or any of that.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: The uncomfortable truth here is if the same dynamic repeats with different people, the common factor is in the people, it's you, and I don't mean that as blame, I mean it as the most useful information you could have because early in life you learned something about what love feels like.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you learned love as earned through something or earned through usefulness, so you overgive, maybe you need were not treated properly, and these needs come as inconveniences to even share at times, so you shrink them, end up unseen, whatever it was, it becomes a template for you, and your system now recognizes that template as love, not what love should be, what it feels like, what it feels familiar.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: So when you meet someone who fits that template, something lights up, it feels like chemistry, like recognition, like this is right, but often what you recognize is familiarity, your system saying, I know this shape, and people who don't fit that template can feel flat, boring, not quite it because they don't activate the patterns, that's why it repeats.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: You're not choosing badly, you're choosing familiarity, and familiar isn't the same as good.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: This is also why the reputation isn't punishment, it's information.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: A pattern that keeps showing up, no matter how much or how the circumstances change, is pointing in words, and sometime or something that hasn't been looked upon yet.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: So here's the exercise that actually helps you to figure out what is the issue and why it is repeating.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: Do it on a piece of paper, write down your significant past relationship, not the details, the feelings of each of them, the exact feeling of how you felt throughout that for each one, how you felt inside, especially near towards the end of it, unseen, exhausted, anxious, not enough.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Then look for the thread.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Don't look at what the people had in common, that distraction, look at what you felt in each one, that's where the consistency lives, and it I'll and it'll be there, you know, one feeling, one behavior repeating across all of them.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's the pattern that's been running underneath every relationship you have had, and once you can name it, you can catch it in real time.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: The next time you feel that familiar pull, you can pause and ask, Is this real connection or is it my pattern recognizing its own shape?
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: That pause is where the cycle breaks, and where you actually figure that okay, these are a few of the things, this is my criteria of love, this is what I actually want from it, and where is the issue happening again again, and what part of it doesn't go across.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes what happens, no one none of us want to be vulnerable in front of anyone, and during the initial phases of dating, it's one thing, and after two, three months, when the familiarity increases, it's a different thing, and when you jump in with that enthusiasm in the beginning, it's not that of an issue because it's a honeymoon phase you can call it, but after that, three months is when you start realizing and understanding each other.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: That is when a good talk, uh listening session of discussing ideas or what they believe, what they feel is true, should always be done.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: This way, the prevention of the whole curvature takes is taken into account in the first place itself.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: If you do this initially, it wouldn't work out because most of the time everyone has some form or the other mask on their face or they don't want to open up yet.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: This only works out after two to three months when we actually have some kind of deep level connection where they are each other is open to do and discuss some air to be details.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: So if you have started losing faith and relationship altogether, I want to offer a different reading of your history.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: You're not bad at love, you are running a template you never chose and never examined, and the repetition is in the universe being cruel towards you, it's the same lesson coming back around, waiting for you to finally look at it, and it will repeat until you address it.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: If it doesn't get repeated or addressed at in that particular section, which is let's say relationship, it will start replicating in other sections of life even more, and that is how the entropy of chaos, everything goes on increasing until you reset it, until you address that pattern which is coming, until universe sees that you have learned from it.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: So it's the same lesson coming back around, waiting for you to finally look at it.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: Do this exercise this week and be gentle with what you find because we are not here to judge ourselves, and whatever it is formed in you long before you had any say in it also.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: It has developed from your experiences throughout your childhood till now.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: And the only thing or only way forward is not look down upon yourself, rather seeing it with the beautiful eyes, understanding why that exists, and what part of it you would like to develop upon.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's as simple as that.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: That's why many times people say that individual growth is far more lesser than one which is there in relationship.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: In relationship, the growth accelerates, to be honest, between two partners, as long as they both are willing to find that pattern and work upon together.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: So if you want help clearing the pattern at the root, that's what the free video and a conversation with me is all about.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: Link of it is in the bio.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you next week.