Latest / Get Real with Jim Weiss / Emily Morse, Founder and Host of Sex With Emily

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Emily Morse, Founder and Host of Sex With Emily · Get Real with Jim Weiss

• 0:09
  Speaker 1: I'm Jim Weiss, chairman and founder of Real Chemistry, and
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: this is the Get Real with the Chairman podcast. In
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: today's episode, I caught up with Emily Morse, a friend
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: of thirty years whose journey I followed closely. Her pioneering podcast,
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: Sex With Emily started as a serious XM radio show
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: and turned into the top sexuality podcast. Emily is a
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: renowned sex therapist, author and a force and liberating pleasure.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: She's the best selling author of Hot Sex, Over two
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: Hundred Things you Can Try Tonight and Smart Sex, How
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: to Boost Your Sex IQ and.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: Own Your Pleasure.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: She's been featured in every major newspaper and media outlet,
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: from The New York Times to the Times of London
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: and on my favorite channel, Bravo. In this episode, Emily
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: and I discuss how technology, dates, apps, and the cultural
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: landscape have transformed conversations about sex.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: We explore the.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: Way sexual health integrates into overall health and how we
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: still have a long way to go in recognizing it
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: as a vital component of healthcare. We also touch on
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: the relationship between self confidence, body image, and intimacy, particularly
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: in light of the increasing use of GLP one medications.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: Emily challenges taboos by helping millions navigate their desires. You
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: can explore more about her work on sexwiemily dot com
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: or follow her on social media at Sex with Emily.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: Having her on my podcast was a true privilege and
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: a great reason to hang out with an old friend.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: I'm excited to share this episode with you. I'm really
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: excited to do this. Well, not only because sex is
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: such a fun topic, so fun in one that I
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: love talking about. It's almost like I have official permission
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: to talk about it, but also that I get to
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: do with Emily Morris, who I met running around the
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: streets to San Francisco back in the nineteen nineties. Remember
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: that we were saying, my wife and I that the
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: nineteen nineties.
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: What was that? How do you define it?
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: The first thing that pops in my head is it
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: was before cell phones and there was no I'm running late,
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: There was no uber. We spent more time together, there
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: was more intimacy, there was more connection.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: It's true, there really was no way to get invaded
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: in that way. I wonder if that contributed to better sex,
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: then I would like.
• 2:34
  Speaker 4: To say yes.
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: But the sex problem is that everyone's having has to
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: do with the sietal of acceptance of talking about sex,
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: and there's so much shame around it and still taboo
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: that I don't necessarily think the sex is better then Unfortunately.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: Well let's talk about it, because what were you doing
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: back then? Did you have any inkling that this is
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: where you'd be? I love talking about trajectory and how
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: we get where we got, what led you all here
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: from your Midwest upbringing.
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: I moved to San Francisco from the Midwest to pursue
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: my passion in changing the world politically, and so I
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: was when we first met. I was working for Barbara
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: Boxer and then some other legislators and politicians in San
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: Francisco because I was really driven by making an impact
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: and helping more women get elected to office.
• 3:26
  Speaker 4: That was really my machine, getting people out to vote.
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: And so I did not at all in that time
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: think that this would be my path or my career.
• 3:35
  Speaker 4: Well.
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: I was always interested in relationships, the secret to a
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: successful relationship and how do they last when we know
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: half of marriages and in divorce. Always been very interested
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: in those topics. And I was a psychology major, and
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: I love therapy. I've been in therapy most of my
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: life in an out of different therapy modalities. So that
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: was like the first ten to twelve years of my career.
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: And then I pivoted and made a documentary film about
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: how politics, which kind of got me into this space
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: of creating content. But how I got into it was
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: really from this deep need to understand how people have
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: great sex in long term relationships or even in the
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: short term sexs felt very challenging at many levels. I
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: didn't feel that I was having the best sex of
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: my life. I always what about optimization and improving my life,
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: and this is one area that I felt. How come
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: my partners are always finishing or having orgasms and I'm not?
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: How come the sex kids born when you're with someone
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: after a few months.
• 4:34
  Speaker 4: Why is anyone else talking about this? I actually thought
• 4:37
  Speaker 4: it was me.
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: I thought that I was broken and something was wrong
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: with me. So when I wait to find some answers, there.
• 4:42
  Speaker 4: Wasn't a lot out there.
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: I found like all roads led to like Doctor Ruth
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: and maybe a few sex columns and Cosmo, but there
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: wasn't much. So I got very passionate about this idea
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: of educating people, of educating myself. But then I know
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: that research is mesearch, and the more we're passionate about
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: something I could.
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  Speaker 4: Really help other. That's where the podcast was born.
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: And it was from always wanted if I work that
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: was impactful and that could change the world. And when
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: it switched from politics, it was like, what was the
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: next thing? And this is where I landed in sexual
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: health and wellness?
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: Has Sex with Annie exceeded your expectations or matched your
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: wildest dreams?
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: Are we there yet? We're never there yet?
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: Yes, I'll answer with it has exceeded my wildest dreams.
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: It started as a platform just to be a safe
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: space for people to talk about their sex lives and
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: discuss sex openly and honestly, and it has grown into
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: a highly influential, impactful podcast that has been downloaded over
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: a billion times in every country and it's healthed millions
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: of people. And the fact that I've been able to
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: do it for twenty years and make a living it's incredible.
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: But I do see that I'm not done yet.
• 5:47
  Speaker 4: I still have a lot of work to do.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: You do, and do you think maybe also there's some
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: forces in the environment that make this harder to talk about.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: I feel like some real basic straightforward stuff like this
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: still doesn't get talked about.
• 6:03
  Speaker 3: It doesn't, and that is the challenge because I've been
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: studying it, I've been living, breathing, teaching sex. I've done
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: five thousand podcasts, I've written books. But then you realize
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: that there's.
• 6:13
  Speaker 4: Still so much more work to do, Like the.
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: Fact that this morning my friend texts me, a very
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: dear friend of mine, her son's going off to college
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: on Saturday, and she said, could.
• 6:22
  Speaker 4: You go for a walk with him? He's gotten a lot.
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: Of questions, he's really nervous about a particular thing. You
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: won't tell me everything, And I'm like, of course, parents
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: still don't want to talk to their kids about it.
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: The thing that's keeping us from having the sex talks
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: and feeling comfortable is I call them the pleasure thieves.
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: That is stress, trauma, and shame. And those are the
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: three reasons why we don't talk about it. And it's
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: so silly because we do talk about everything else in
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: our life. Right, if we're having a challenge with our business,
• 6:50
  Speaker 3: we're going to hire a business coach and bab a toothache.
• 6:53
  Speaker 4: I'm going to go to a dental surgeon.
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: Right, we talk about everything but sex, there's so much
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: shape around it, and unless we seek out accurate information
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: about sex, there's still a lot of suffering around it.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: And in my pharmaceutical world, a lot of people want
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: to address it with a cure, all right, like give
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: it a drug. Golp Ones are out helping people lose weight.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: Maybe that's helping with some of their body stigma. But
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: I'm wondering, as you see all this evolving, I imagine
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: it's making all of this explode even more.
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: There is no quick fix for anything, right, there's always
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: the underlying symptoms for golp ones. I think it's really
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: wonderful that people are getting into the bodies that they
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: wanted to be in. I mean, a lot of what
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: keep what I've seen is a lot of what keeps
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: people from having more pleasure, having more enjoyable sex, being
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: able to let go in the bedroom, is because they
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: don't feel.
• 7:47
  Speaker 4: Great about their bodies. Right. They're not confident. They don't
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: feel like they want to be.
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: Naked with themselves or anyone would want to be naked
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: with them. So that's great if they're feeling more covenant,
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: but I feel like I know that confidence is still
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: much more than the external right, it's still how do
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: I feel all my body? What's the conditioning that I've
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: been telling myself all these years about my body? If
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: I've been having a lot of negative self talk, it
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: doesn't just change overnight because you've lost the weight. You
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: still have to get used to this new body, get
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: used to eve been having sex. I think that I
• 8:22
  Speaker 3: love that these medications are helping people. But there's a
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: lot more Lacey to go.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: So you mentioned doctor Ruth or she passed away recently.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: I was wondering who some of your role models were,
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: And it's not just about this topic, but just overall,
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: who were some of the role models you were looking at.
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  Speaker 3: I mean, there's a lot of people right now that
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: are like my peers, Like I think Esther Perrell has
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: done some great work around intimacy and around sex, and
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: I think Brene Brown, I love her work around shame.
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  Speaker 4: I keep trying to crack the code on that.
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  Speaker 3: But the fact that we can all talk about shame
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: now in a way that we actually use personified shame
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: and taking away the shame around shame, and so I
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: think that's been really important. And I think the Goatman's
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: work around couple's work around communication has been really important.
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: Non violent communication has been a big pivotal part of
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: my work.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: Well, come back to non violent communication. I don't think
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: I've even heard of that. Tell me a little bit
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: more about that.
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  Speaker 3: So, non violent communication is the practice of speaking in
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: ways that are not toxic or too provoking for people,
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: and teaching couple just the basics of learning to speak
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: from your own place, talk about your own feelings, using
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: words like I feel this way, rather than blaming or
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: shaming your partner. So many times do we try to
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: communicate about an issue, we say, well, you never do this,
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: and you're not helping around the house, and realizing that
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: the power of our words and our tone and the
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: way we talk about things is going to have this
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: reverse impact on our partner, that the way we say things,
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: they're never going to hear what we're saying because they've
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: already shut down and God on the defense and nonviolent
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: communication is it sort of a practice of learning to
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: take all of the charge out of words that could
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: be offensive, and learning to actually be effective in your
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: communication and getting your point across as collaborators and not
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: making someone your adversary. But how I see it in
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: relationships is most couples are talking past each other. It's
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: really active listening. You'aring what your partner says and then
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: repeating it back to them. Everyone tops past each other, right,
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: So like to me, becoming a good partner is really
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: about becoming a great listener. And there's something called the
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: imagel theory that is kind of what I'm referring to.
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: But this is about saying, say there's a disagreement in
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: a couple, you can sit down and say, I really
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: having a problem with the way you are allowing the
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: dogs to bark all the time, and I feel like
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: you're in charge of the dogs. You're not doing it.
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: You repeed back to meate. So what I hear you
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: saying is you think it's my fault that the dogs
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: are No I've actually know is that true? And then
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: you get I would say, you know, it's not really
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: about I didn't say it was your fault. I'm saying
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: that when the dogs are barking, you are the one
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: and then you just sort of you each have time
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: in space to really listen and reflect that. So that
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: is what I think we're missing, not only in our
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: intimate relationships, but in our friendships in the workplace, we
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: don't listen.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: Tell us how you built this incredibly successful podcast. I
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: know I want some tips on how to grow the audience.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: But who is your audience? Do you know them pretty well?
• 11:19
  Speaker 4: I do.
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: I mean first, I was there at these time as
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: our most important resource, right so our most important commodities.
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: So I have to really learn to manage my time
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: more efficiently. How did I build the podcast? I've been
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: really passionate and persistent and consistent, and I've adapted to
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: the changing market. So the first one is following a
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: passion and they often say that if it's your truth
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: and you speak it, there's going to be one person
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: that at least is going to resonate with it, and
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: you grow from there. So for me, I had such
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: a knowing that this would help people because I realized
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: after the first podcast that no one knew this stuff,
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: that we're all in this together.
• 11:56
  Speaker 4: So I just kept going on that. I kept following my.
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: Instincts on what was interesting and what people wanted to
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: talk about. So my listeners have been a big part
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: of it. I immediately got feedback from the first podcast twenty
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: years ago. I am leaving got questions, and I got
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: affirmations and confirmation that I was doing the right thing.
• 12:14
  Speaker 4: I also know that my audience, well, it shifted a
• 12:16
  Speaker 4: little bit over the years.
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: It's always been split between men and women, which people
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: always find that interesting. They always see wh I'm only
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: talking to women. Early on, I assume that it was.
• 12:27
  Speaker 4: More men before I knew is what I knew about sex.
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: That it was more men because men were usually the
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: early adopters of most technology, and so maybe they were
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: just the only ones. They'll see the podcasts, and maybe
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: there was some partial truth to that. But I also
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: find that men aren't really talking about their sex lives.
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: They have questions, they don't know where to go. Women,
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: a lot of us are just talking about it.
• 12:46
  Speaker 4: That's what we do. We share things.
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: We share our straight our struggle, our challenges, our interests,
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: and for mat it's like did you get laid?
• 12:52
  Speaker 4: You not get late?
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: Not to simplify things, some men are different, but I've
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: always been a great home for many men to talk
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: about these things. My audience is also around the ages
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: I was, say, eighteen to eighty three.
• 13:03
  Speaker 4: It really is all ages.
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: If I had to pick the sweet spot, it's probably
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: this is what shifted.
• 13:08
  Speaker 4: But maybe it's people like.
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: Age thirty to forties, thirty mid forties, but there's times
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: where it's early twenties. It's literally everyone. I think that
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: I've been consistent, I've pivoted. I think it's been successful
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: because I know that I am non judgmental, and I'm open,
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: I'm empathic, I'm real, and I share my own experiences
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: and it's a safe place. I've always released a podcast
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: a week at least since the very beginning. I've always
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: had great audio quality, great sound quality. I've always like
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: really prioritized the technology, and I've always really.
• 13:40
  Speaker 4: Listened to my audience.
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: They've been a big part of my success and try
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: to give back and create really great content.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: So they influence the content, may influence where you go
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: a lot.
• 13:52
  Speaker 4: Sometimes they do. Yeah, I think that's part of it.
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: I think it's my audience along with my own instincts
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: and also my own journey. There's a lot of inner work.
• 14:00
  Speaker 4: To do, a lot of spiritual work.
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: There's a lot of embodiment that's not about talking and learning.
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: It's about actually listening to our bodies rather than just
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: listening to myself listening to me talk talking can.
• 14:11
  Speaker 4: Only get people so far.
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: But it's really hard when you're at a meeting of
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: talking to tell people to slow down and breede for
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: a minute, get into your body.
• 14:19
  Speaker 4: I have a somatic experience.
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: A body experience is challenging when you're in a fast
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: paced trying to keep people's attention. We're also in an
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: attention economy, and I'm telling everyone to slow down and
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: try to feel their feelings.
• 14:31
  Speaker 4: But I think I gentally guide people.
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: And then every day there's new people finding the podcast
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: who have never talked about sex. It's the first sex
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: information or education they're ever going to find. And so
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: I'm in this area where it's like sex of the
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: huge umbrella and people are at all different stages. Now
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: I'm also out in the world and people like I've
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: been listening to you for twenty years and it's helped me.
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: So where are we going now? How do I continue
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: to create content for all?
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: Well?
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: How has the topic shifted in twenty years from two
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: thousand and five to fifteen to now? I mean, my god,
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: the technological and economic.
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: Technology has been a huge shift for sure. When I
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: started in two thousand and five, the podcast you would
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: listen to it on your iPod, and there was no
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: social media. There wasn't maybe there was YouTube.
• 15:19
  Speaker 4: And Twitter was two thousand and nine.
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: So really I was so focused on this audio medium
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: and podcasting right and radio has also had a radio
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: show early on in San Francisco.
• 15:31
  Speaker 4: Then we get our smartphones in our.
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: Pockets right in two thousand and six or two thousand
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: and seven, and that's when we see porn is also
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: readily available in our pockets.
• 15:40
  Speaker 4: And the dating apps and all of that really.
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: Shifted people's access to sex information to sexual partners.
• 15:49
  Speaker 4: Right people were ordering me on.
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: Craigslist and they're finding somebody at the time they're like
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: dating online.
• 15:53
  Speaker 4: So that was a huge way for people.
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: I have more casual partners, and so sex has changed
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: in that way. I think the biggest change has been
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: technology only fans porn, dating apps. People are more casually
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: dating now than they were back then. There's more options,
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: there's more people to date, there's more ways to date.
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: You don't have to be monogamous if you don't want to.
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: It's more acceptance of that. Everyone's got a podcast now.
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: Up until twenty sixteen, whenever I met somebody, they'd say
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: to me.
• 16:22
  Speaker 4: Oh, podcasting.
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I have a meaning to get into that, and
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: I know we have to grab their phones and say
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: there's an app on your phone. It's free, it's called podcast,
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: And I don't.
• 16:30
  Speaker 4: Have to do that anymore. That's amazing.
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: There's so many more people doing podcasts right now. You
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: can see it's almost like a very overcrowded market. So
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: how do you stand out? We are definitely doing video
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: first right now. We've always had clips, but now we're
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: like leaning harder into video. But as far as sex,
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: to answer your question, how it's changed, we are now
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: paying more attention to women's health. I think menstruation is
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: less taboo, menopause is less taboo. There's way less fear
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: around even STIs. People are more open talking about for
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: sexual practices. We're we're spending more money I wouldn't help
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: all those things, which I think is fantastic. I think
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: of the gender lines have change, for sure. Honestly, I've
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: always on my show the last six years, I've always
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: said bulba owners and penis owners because I really think
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: that the way that I educate is it's really missed
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: more about your body parts than how you identify than
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: who you have sex with your sexual orientation versus your gender,
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: and so I try to make my show much work
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: and even in my book much more accessible. I think
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: I have an easier time dealing with it than a
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: lot of parents do, but even young people like. What
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: I love about it is that people are saying, I know,
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: I'm not automatically going to assume that i want to
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: have sex with a boy or a girl.
• 17:42
  Speaker 4: I'm going to.
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: Figure out whatever I'm actually trapped to. I love that
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: part of it. But the part that hasn't changed is
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: that we still don't have comprehensive sex education and that
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: we still aren't talking to people about pleasure about their bodies,
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: about having agency over their bodies. There's really some fundamentals
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: around sex education and sexual information that isn't offered to people,
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: about consent, about pleasure, about that sex should not only
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: be defined by penetration. That if you are a volva owner,
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: a regina owner, people don't know involved external part of
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: the vagina. You might not even like penetration. That might
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: not be what feels great to you.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: So the mission, it's evolved, but has it right. It's
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: evolved based.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: On the environment, but for the most part it's still
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: at the core about educating and helping others.
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it really is about educating the basics, right, So, yes,
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: more people are open polyiambrous, they're watching poor and more
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: often their sex is everywhere. There's an anti dating movement,
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: there's an anti celibacy movement right now. All of that
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: is really interesting that people can talk about these things
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: and they feel safer talking about it. Like I couldn't
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: air show from probably ten years ago because it might
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: be more offensive because I was making heteronormative assumptions that
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: aren't true necessarily. But yeah, yes, the fundamentals of you
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: got to figure out your own body, what feels good
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: to you. I encourage women all the time to masturbate,
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: self pleasure, what do you actually like because so much
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: of the sex that women have been having is performative.
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: It's based on what their partner wants. Even like the
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: invention of biagra, there wasn't anything complementary for women at
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: the time, So all of a sudden, all these men
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: are now able to have sex, but what about their partners?
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: In many ways, the advancements and the technology around sex
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: has been very beneficial to men, not necessarily for women,
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: And so I think that what we're seeing now with
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: women saying no, I actually might not want to be
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: celibate or I'm not going to date for a while.
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: I think that's all really important. But the part that
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: is missing is that when you're alone by yourself, what
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: are you going to learn about your own body and
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: your own pleasure, what feels good to you? And then
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: now you're going to be comfortable communicating that to a partner,
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: so that stuff hasn't changed you.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: And I talked when we were hanging out in La
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: about this connection between self confidence and intimacy and embracing
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: one's body image all that. I imagine this is a foundational.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: Piece of it.
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: A foundational piece is the self acceptance because remember, like
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: self acceptance, self confidence.
• 20:15
  Speaker 4: Is a journey, not a destination.
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: You don't just arrive where I am, fully confident, fully
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: self aware. Let's all go played off like, let's just
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: forget that we've learned that, let's go do something else.
• 20:26
  Speaker 4: It's it really is.
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: And as we change over time, as our lives change,
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: our bodies change, it's just so important to work on
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: self confidence. Like we know what earlier, while like losing weight,
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: if you're taking a GLP one, you still have it
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: and these underlying challenges around it. So really the first
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: step is looking at, like what is actually the messages
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: that I'm telling myself that are no longer serving me
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: or that are not healthy?
• 20:49
  Speaker 4: And then how do you flip the script?
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: How do you have like daily affirmations or have a
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: note in your phone where you're writing things that are
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: more positive about yourself, things that you want to feel,
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: and not focusing on perfection and what the world expects
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: you to be. Like we all know that everyone is airbrushed,
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: everything is not real. You're seeing people's best part of
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: themselves on social media. How do I live my best
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: life being kind, generous to myself and others? And then
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: when you go back to focusing on your pleasure, like
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: if you think about confidence during sex, Once you realize
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: what actually makes you feel good and what you want
• 21:20
  Speaker 3: sexually and you get that connection with a partner, you
• 21:24
  Speaker 3: really have a lot less time to be in your
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: head worrying about how you look in the bedroom. Believe me,
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: in all these years and I've talked to tens of
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: thousands of people and heard from millions of them, your
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: partner is not looking at what you think they're looking at.
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: They're not as worried about what you are. They're no
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: one's ever like yo, my partners are going to notice
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: all these things are wrong with you.
• 21:43
  Speaker 4: But when we feel good about.
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: Ourselves and we truly have a stronger foundation, that's going
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: to permeate to every other area of our life.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: Now, I want to shift into a section I'm calling
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: so What's it all mean? Where we hear about your
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: work and action and how it's playing out in the
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: real world. I wanted to have this conversation with you
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: and relate it to overall health. I guess that was
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: my thesis here that, yeah, I think sucks is one
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: of the things that we leave outside the door when
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: we talk about health. We talk about weight, we talk
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: about the risk factors of smoking, all these other things,
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: but we don't really talk about this really fundamental element.
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: It's so fundamental, and I'm telling you that one of
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: the biggest challenges to people face in the bedroom is
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: their body confidence and their body issues. So I do
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: think like going on a JLP one is really transforming
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: so many They have more confidence to go out and
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: move their bodies now, to exercise, to eat well, to
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: be healthy, and we know now that all of those
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: things are going to contribute to having more pleasure in
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: your body because it's all about blood flow and nutrition, right,
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: So all those things, you're eating healthier, you're moving your body.
• 23:00
  Speaker 4: You are heavy our.
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: Blood, but your hormones are now getting regulated because you
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: are losing this weight. I talk to a lot of
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: different peop about this, that they are finding that there
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: are patients and people who are on these drums or
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: who are doing all the steps to be healthy, are
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: actually having more pleasure in the bedroom.
• 23:14
  Speaker 4: For sure, this is helping people across the board.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: Because you're getting out of yourself and out of your
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: house and you're back with people, whether it's exercise or interaction.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: Could it bring people back together in that way that
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: maybe tech has helped push us apart?
• 23:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I absolutely, I think so.
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: What I'm seeing is across the country, for sure, people
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: are creating more in person connections. They want community, they
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: want connection, they want to go to the live shows,
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: they want to come on the retreats like I did
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: one retreat. It was so successful, PELI. I can listen
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: all I want, but we all know that community is
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: one of the most important pillars of overall wellness.
• 23:56
  Speaker 4: Are we interacting people? Are we live? Are we out
• 23:58
  Speaker 4: taking a class? Living our bodies or nature?
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: Like all of that is a side for longevity, for
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: healthier life.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: A lot of my audience being regulators and health professionals
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: and digital health executives and people who are innovating in healthcare,
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: on the medical records, and obviously in biopharma. We saw
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: such a breakthrough in weight loss we never thought we'd see.
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: There's new stuff coming in cancer.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: So staying on this topic, I guess this taboo of
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: sex in our society and how to make that part
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: of this whole story. I almost feel like it's like
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: everything else, will this change over time?
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: Is this our new mission? You know? It's part of
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: the holistic.
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: Health, It's a part of out our overall holistic health,
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: sexual health and wellness. Here's what I also love is
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: that for so many years TEX was like the stepchild
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: of the wellness industry, and I would be the one
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: like we're having this wellness conference. We're going to bring
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: you in for the fun, Right, You're going to be
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: the one that's going to talk about all the dirty
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: sex tips, Like that's kind of funy giggle. But now
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: we're finally amusing that sex is wellness. Sexual health is wellness,
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: and if our sexual health is not at the forefront
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: of our consciousness and all the other areas of our
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: life that we're focusing on, we're not going to be
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: well overall. Up until very recently, it was about like,
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: did you go to the gynecologists and you get checked out?
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: Did you get your paps mirror right? Go to your
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: urologists if you're a man. But it's really a mind,
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: body spirit connection. It's all about our hormones are just
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: hugely important, the foods that we're eating, the other medications
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: that we're taking that are impacting our sex drive, How
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: in our bodies are we How do we feel safe
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: with a partner?
• 25:38
  Speaker 4: How well do I know myself and my.
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: Body to be able to communicate with someone. It's a
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: multi layered approach. Being sexually healthy is being healthy overall.
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: That's why I also wrote this book Smart Sex, and
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: I talked about the five pillars of sexual health. I
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: call it sex IQ. For so many years people just wanted.
• 25:54
  Speaker 4: This quick fix.
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: They're like, I don't really want to tell you on this,
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: but when you help me, what's the right position or
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: what's the right toy or what's and I can do that, sure,
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: but that is just a band aid. There's some if
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: you're on a certain medication that's impacting your sex driver,
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: not taking the right one that will improve your sex driving,
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: your sexual health. If you grew up in an environment
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: riddled in shame and you still don't talk about sex
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: like these are all the things that are going to matter,
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: and until we put them all out of the sex umbrella,
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: we're not going to be having the sex life of
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: our dreams or the connection.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: It's not a one trick wonder. It's not so Emily. Obviously,
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: the podcast continues, sounds like you're doing more live than
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: surround menopause and retreats you mentioned, So tell us what
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: we can expect to see from the Sex with Emily world.
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: I'm launching a membership called smart as X and it's
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: a place for people to come together.
• 26:46
  Speaker 4: In community online. I'll be doing live ama is.
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: I'll be bringing some leading experts in the sexual health
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: and wellness space to talk about everything that people need
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: to know about.
• 26:56
  Speaker 4: Living sexually healthy lives.
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: And what I love about this is really the community aspect,
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: is that a lot of people have been listening to
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: the show for years, but they haven't really found a
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: safe space to actually have people making talk to you
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: no matter where they live in the world. It's accessible,
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: it's more exclusive content. I was also missing that connection
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: with my listeners rather than being one way like how
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: can we all work together? So it's a coaching, information
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: membership program that people can really thrive and I'm launching
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: that in a few weeks.
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: That's amazing.
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: Part of what I was saying is cool and knowing
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: you is that by creating that community and you're kind
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: of the leader of that community, you kind of live
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: what you preach. It's like you practice what you preach
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: I do, which I think is super important. A lot
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: of the world is a little bit cosmetic and maybe
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: not real. But what makes this really stick and why
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: it's stuck is because you almost you know it's you.
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah right, yeah, Well because I'm also grown and learned
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: you in the last twenty years, Like I'm also a
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: ballon is eye of ball that I'm learning it, I'm
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: in bringing people.
• 28:02
  Speaker 4: Along with me.
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: You are a health citizen in that regard in what
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: you're doing. I don't think you probably even think about
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: it that way. So Emily, thanks so much for being here.
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: Big hugs across the virtual world.
• 28:15
  Speaker 4: I love it. Thanks for having me.
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: I know this is going to help people, and I
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: know we're going to start a little mini revolution with this.
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: We are Yes, Let's keep talking about things and how
• 28:24
  Speaker 3: we can help and bring our worlds together.
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: Hey, everyone, thanks for listening in today. The Get Real
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: with the Chairman podcast is a production of Real Chemistry.
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: I want to thank my team, led by executive producer
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: Kate Voss, audio engineer Nick Murphy, and composer Matt Lipkins,
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: and special thanks to Danielle Clark Brown and the amazing
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: team of Real Chemistry. If you like what you're heard,
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: don't forget to review our podcast on Apple, Spotify, or
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: wherever you listen. Also, please subscribe to the podcast so
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: you don't miss episode again. Thanks for listening and we'll
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: see you on the road.