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3 Common Mistakes Youth Pastors MUST AVOID In Their Youth Ministry · Ministry Coach: Youth Ministry Tips & Resources

0:00
SPEAKER_01: Today we're talking about three common mistakes that youth pastors make and how you can avoid them.
0:17
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Ministry Coach Podcast, the number one podcast for helping you grow the size and health of your youth ministry.
0:22
SPEAKER_01: My name is Jeff Lascola, and this is Kristen Lascola, and today we're generally talking about things youth pastors need to avoid.
0:31
SPEAKER_00: Generally?
0:32
SPEAKER_01: It's just such a general.
0:34
SPEAKER_01: Wanna know some stuff you need to avoid?
0:36
SPEAKER_01: I'll tell you.
0:37
SPEAKER_01: I got three.
0:38
SPEAKER_00: Here's a few things.
0:38
SPEAKER_00: There's take note.
0:40
SPEAKER_01: There's a billion.
0:41
SPEAKER_01: You need to avoid rush hour traffic.
0:44
SPEAKER_01: You need to avoid GMO products.
0:47
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
0:47
SPEAKER_00: One more.
0:48
SPEAKER_01: You need to avoid eating yellow snow.
0:50
SPEAKER_00: Hey, this is actually probably like the third episode we've done that's along these lines, but these are different.
0:57
SPEAKER_00: Different to avoid.
0:58
SPEAKER_01: Things to avoid.
1:00
SPEAKER_00: We didn't talk about GMOs earlier.
1:02
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
1:03
SPEAKER_01: I please don't read too much into that.
1:05
SPEAKER_00: I don't feel very caught in a web of controversy.
1:09
SPEAKER_01: Well, you know YouTube.
1:10
SPEAKER_01: I don't really care.
1:11
SPEAKER_01: Or maybe I do.
1:13
SPEAKER_01: Or maybe I don't.
1:14
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
1:15
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so number one thing that we're gonna talk about today that youth professors should avoid is playing favorites with students.
1:25
SPEAKER_00: Now we're leaders.
1:27
SPEAKER_00: Oh sub point.
1:29
SPEAKER_00: We'll get to that in a second.
1:30
SPEAKER_01: What do you mean by that, Jeff?
1:32
SPEAKER_00: I mean, don't play favorites with leaders.
1:37
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
1:38
SPEAKER_01: So you see, rich and compelling.
1:41
SPEAKER_00: Fine, why don't you go?
1:42
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
1:43
SPEAKER_01: Well, so the truth is we all know that it's human nature to have people that you just naturally connect with more than others.
1:53
SPEAKER_01: Uh, there is natural chemistry between you and other people, and it's sort of unexplainable.
1:59
SPEAKER_01: Who really knows why?
2:01
SPEAKER_01: So there's no error there.
2:02
SPEAKER_01: That's not wrong.
2:03
SPEAKER_01: It's not wrong to have chemistry with people and not so much with others.
2:08
SPEAKER_01: It's totally normal.
2:09
SPEAKER_01: That's very different than playing favorites.
2:12
SPEAKER_01: And I think some of the most, some of the saddest conversations I've heard from students have to do with them picking up on who the youth pastors' favorites are.
2:26
SPEAKER_01: And I think they're more aware than maybe we realize with that kind of stuff.
2:32
SPEAKER_01: Um, I remember I had a couple of volunteers early on in youth ministry, and they were like graduated, and they were still sort of talking about how the youth pastor always seemed to miss everyone who wasn't there.
2:49
SPEAKER_01: It was like, we're here, and he'd always be like, We're so and so, where's so and so, you know?
2:56
SPEAKER_01: And I remember her telling me like it was just so hurtful and very like devaluing of just like, yeah, I don't know where they're at, but I'm here.
3:07
SPEAKER_01: Like, why are you moping?
3:09
SPEAKER_01: You know?
3:09
SPEAKER_01: And so it's not wrong to have affection for people, but students especially, I've noticed they take sometimes, I'm not saying right or wrong, but sometimes they take affection for others very personally.
3:26
SPEAKER_01: And it's just something to be aware of.
3:28
SPEAKER_01: Like I remember saying some, like if I give a student a compliment, like I'll be like, oh my gosh, you're so funny.
3:34
SPEAKER_01: I've had like a student right next to them go, so I'm not.
3:38
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, well, I mean, uh, and okay, I can't fix every insecurity, but it's just worth noting that sometimes when you say something positive to someone, they almost take it as a negative to them.
3:52
SPEAKER_01: Like, oh, well, she didn't say that to me.
3:54
SPEAKER_01: Well, she, you know, so sometimes if like I catch myself like, oh my gosh, you look so cute, I'm like, oh shoot, I didn't say it to the girl right next to you.
4:03
SPEAKER_01: Like, so oh, and I love your hair.
4:06
SPEAKER_01: You guys are just the cutest.
4:07
SPEAKER_01: Like, I just try to be careful because I remember when I and I felt this way when I was their age, me and my friend were out to dinner with her mom, and her mom's friend like ran up and was like, Oh my gosh, you're so beautiful to my friend.
4:24
SPEAKER_01: And then, like, kind of looked at me and realized, and she's like, You are, and you are too, and you're here, and I was kind of like, I'm I'm only 12 and I know it just happened, you know, and whatever.
4:35
SPEAKER_01: My friend is and was beautiful, but when you're 12, you can't like process, like, well, it doesn't mean I'm not, you know, it's just like, well, why did she only look at her when she said that?
4:47
SPEAKER_01: So just know, like, kids' security is a little fragile, and it's just the stage that they're at.
4:56
SPEAKER_01: We will never be perfect with all of it.
4:59
SPEAKER_01: However, just know that if you spend a disproportionate amount of time with a certain student or a group of students at the like ignorance of everybody else, it shows and it hurts.
5:15
SPEAKER_01: And I've heard students mention it.
5:17
SPEAKER_01: Well, so-and-so's his favorite, well, so-and-so's her favorite.
5:20
SPEAKER_01: And it's like they know, like they can see it.
5:23
SPEAKER_01: It's very obvious.
5:24
SPEAKER_01: So, as the youth pastor, be very careful of that.
5:27
SPEAKER_01: So, here's some practical tips is try to make the rounds with everybody, don't spend too much time in one particular group or with one particular student.
5:37
SPEAKER_01: So, you want to say hello, catch up.
5:40
SPEAKER_01: Obviously, in the parentheses, well, what if a student really needs me that night?
5:44
SPEAKER_01: Great, do it.
5:45
SPEAKER_01: But I'm just saying, like in a general sense, like talk to you, catch up.
5:50
SPEAKER_01: How are you guys?
5:51
SPEAKER_01: I'm so glad you're here.
5:52
SPEAKER_01: How was your week?
5:53
SPEAKER_01: Blah, blah, blah.
5:54
SPEAKER_01: Catch up, moving on to the next and try not to like nothing can ever be completely even, Stephen, like totally fair, but just it's a mindfulness thing of like, I spent a little time with you, a little time with you, a little time with you.
6:08
SPEAKER_01: And there's some students who are just easier to be around and they'll come up to you.
6:13
SPEAKER_01: Right.
6:14
SPEAKER_01: And that's the really hard part I see youth pastors falling into is when the students are pursuing them and they're like, I'm just here, and they like won't leave me alone, you know.
6:24
SPEAKER_01: But you need to be like, hey, good to see you guys.
6:26
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna go over here, like go play, go play games, guys.
6:32
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
6:33
SPEAKER_01: I was trying to think, like, what's a good example of a game?
6:35
SPEAKER_01: I don't care.
6:36
SPEAKER_01: And then, like, another practical way is like, don't pick the same people all the time for everything.
6:43
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and you'll find out real quick who those bold in-your-face students can I have a volunteer that zip zp z like like 16 hands right in your face, and then there's like the the third or fourth level of students that are like way back there and they never get picked.
6:57
SPEAKER_01: Or yeah, and if you don't pick students, like, and you can't pick everyone.
7:02
SPEAKER_01: This is something I run into all the time.
7:04
SPEAKER_01: Like, I try to change it up who I choose for things, but if I don't pick them, they're like oh, like devastated.
7:12
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, ah, I'm sorry, there's only so many rounds.
7:15
SPEAKER_01: Like, I can't pick everybody, but just try to be mindful.
7:18
SPEAKER_01: Like, like, for example, like if we do the impossible shot and then we play a game and then I need an illustration, I try not to pick the same person for like, well, you already did this, so you know, whatever.
7:31
SPEAKER_01: And our daughter is in my ministry, and I try really hard to not show favoritism toward her.
7:38
SPEAKER_01: Like, if she raises her hand, I never choose her first.
7:42
SPEAKER_01: I'll choose her eventually.
7:44
SPEAKER_01: Or like she did an airband competition at one of our events, and I wouldn't judge it.
7:49
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, someone else has got to judge this because I do it for her too, because kids would get like, oh, you're that fake.
7:56
SPEAKER_01: Of course you won, you know.
7:58
SPEAKER_01: So I'm trying to save us both.
8:00
SPEAKER_01: And so I have to be very strategic there.
8:02
SPEAKER_00: My dad was a basketball coach for my team, I think fifth grade through eighth grade.
8:08
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I think it was my eighth grade year.
8:11
SPEAKER_00: Unbeknownst to me, though, was like a coach's award.
8:15
SPEAKER_00: And like it was just during this assembly, and I won.
8:18
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, what the heck?
8:20
SPEAKER_00: Why did my dad vote for me?
8:22
SPEAKER_00: I was so embarrassed.
8:23
SPEAKER_00: And of course, people's like, oh, your dad's a coach.
8:25
SPEAKER_00: It turns out it was like PE teachers, like a lot in the physical ed department, and my dad also, but a bunch of people voted, and I was one of several.
8:35
SPEAKER_00: And I went home and I was like so mad at my dad.
8:37
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, why did you pick me?
8:38
SPEAKER_00: Like, that was so embarrassing.
8:40
SPEAKER_00: And he's like, Well, I did think you were one of the easier ones to coach.
8:42
SPEAKER_00: He's like, but it was not just me voting.
8:44
SPEAKER_00: I was like, Oh, but still.
8:47
SPEAKER_01: But I want to be mad at you.
8:48
SPEAKER_00: It felt so awkward winning that, though.
8:50
SPEAKER_01: Like, yeah, well, and like when our daughter won the airband, I like made sure I told the other teams guys I didn't vote.
8:57
SPEAKER_01: Well, because I hosted it and I was just saying, hey, I wasn't the one who chose the winner, and I really wasn't.
9:02
SPEAKER_00: I just paid the judges to vote for her.
9:05
SPEAKER_01: Totally different, and then like pictures and videos.
9:09
SPEAKER_01: Like, I really get tired when we see the same kids in every video and every picture, every Instagram post.
9:17
SPEAKER_01: You know, and the certain kids love the camera and they're like, put me in it.
9:21
SPEAKER_01: That was me.
9:22
SPEAKER_00: Like as a kid, like no, I can't see that at all.
9:26
SPEAKER_01: But, you know, I feel like you have to be intentional.
9:30
SPEAKER_01: And I think this year, like something God has really put on my heart is like the kid who can be a little invisible and that you have to like go searching for a little bit more.
9:44
SPEAKER_01: Like there's so many kids who aren't like in your face and aren't the loud ones and aren't volunteering for everything, and they kind of get they don't get the same amount of attention because they don't demand it.
9:57
SPEAKER_01: You know, as a youth pastor, a lot of the times we give the attention to the kids who demand it.
10:02
SPEAKER_01: Right.
10:02
SPEAKER_00: That's what I mean about like the can I get a volunteer and like right in your face.
10:06
SPEAKER_01: Whether it's through their behavior, like maybe it's just you're spending a lot of time with kids with bad behavior and you kind of need to talk to them.
10:15
SPEAKER_01: But that was initially what I was thinking, thinking of is what you said, like the kid who's just like, I want to be on stage for every single thing, I want to be in every picture of every video, and I want to do everything.
10:27
SPEAKER_01: And if you don't pick me, you know, and they're like the class clown, and it's really easy to banter with them and joke with them and highlight them and all of that.
10:36
SPEAKER_00: And they're great to have in your ministry because we need those people, right?
10:40
SPEAKER_00: They're always playing and they're always participating.
10:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but yeah, like you're saying, there's that kid, three or four students behind them that always gets overlooked.
10:48
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
10:49
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, just be careful of favoritism.
10:52
SPEAKER_01: Um, the Bible clearly speaks against favoritism.
10:55
SPEAKER_01: Again, it doesn't mean I'm I have to connect with everyone exactly the same.
11:01
SPEAKER_01: Like, you don't overthink it like that, but just be mindful of am I giving my time, attention, and affection to a broad group of students and not always with my little minions following me around, my favorites and whatever.
11:19
SPEAKER_01: And here's we'll end with this on this point.
11:22
SPEAKER_01: Here's the hard part, too.
11:25
SPEAKER_01: You might be the favorite of them, and that's the hardest part.
11:30
SPEAKER_01: We touched on it a little.
11:31
SPEAKER_01: It's like if they are excited to see you, it's like hard to push them off, or it just makes you feel so good, like to be with people who but when someone really makes you pull it out, you know, like, how are you fine?
11:48
SPEAKER_01: So glad you're here.
11:49
SPEAKER_01: Mm-hmm.
11:50
SPEAKER_01: What'd you do today?
11:51
SPEAKER_01: Nothing.
11:52
SPEAKER_01: You're just like, oh my gosh, I'm I do love you, but you're making this yeah, like, do you I always feel like, do you want me to go away?
12:00
SPEAKER_01: Are you like, I'm so like over this, like, you know, and I never want to like outstay my welcome with a student who really doesn't want me to like, uh, yeah, it's hard.
12:12
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
12:13
SPEAKER_01: But err on the side of friendliness and love always.
12:17
SPEAKER_01: Okay, number two of our things to avoid today is um having a lack of boundaries with students.
12:24
SPEAKER_01: It kind of segues perfect into what we were just talking about a little bit.
12:29
SPEAKER_01: As youth pastors, I feel like we're really towing this line between like being there for students, but not wanting to be the only one there for students.
12:41
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
12:43
SPEAKER_01: Like, just be really careful with like your texting and your DM relationship with students.
12:49
SPEAKER_01: Like we've talked about before, some churches just have a strict you cannot text or DM students at all.
12:57
SPEAKER_01: I can't answer that question totally for you, but I would say be very careful.
13:02
SPEAKER_01: Like, if a student is texting you a lot and wanting to talk about very heavy and personal things, it doesn't mean we can't be there for students because I think that's part of our job is to be a good listener and support them and encourage them, give them spiritual direction and encouragement.
13:22
SPEAKER_01: But if these texts are coming through every day or even multiple times a week, needing to talk through something, what I would recommend is talking in person about that thing in an area.
13:38
SPEAKER_01: Like my goal is always to find an area that nobody can overhear completely, but was it like in a line of sight of everybody.
13:48
SPEAKER_01: So, like an outdoor table or like our cafe or lobby area or an open office area if there's people there, to where it's like there's enough background noise and white noise that people couldn't like totally hear every word, but you're not like isolated with a student.
14:09
SPEAKER_01: And like keep in mind, like you're not a therapist and you're not expected to be.
14:15
SPEAKER_01: Like I said before, our job as youth pastors is to provide spiritual direction, encouragement, prayer, not to be the one who saves them like emotionally or saves that.
14:30
SPEAKER_01: I mean, and if obviously the caveat, if they're in physical danger, you know, like you should be like getting help immediately.
14:37
SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, we're all mandated reporters, but you know, it begs the question like, do their parents know?
14:44
SPEAKER_01: And if not, why not?
14:46
SPEAKER_01: You know, there over the years there have been cases where the parents it was a dicey situation.
14:55
SPEAKER_01: By and large, though, encouraging students to be open with their parents about this because even if a parent is kind of checked out or not what you think a parent should be, they are their child's biggest influence and should be their biggest advocate.
15:15
SPEAKER_01: Now, every time you listen to anything we say, there are situations and asterisks and yeah buts and special circumstances, and we know that you we're not talking about every single tiny little situation.
15:31
SPEAKER_01: Again, this is more generalities to encourage students to talk to their parents.
15:36
SPEAKER_01: I had a student a while ago that was having a really hard time with one of their parents, and I said, I get it.
15:44
SPEAKER_01: Like that sounds really hard.
15:46
SPEAKER_01: I think you need to talk to him.
15:48
SPEAKER_01: She's like, I can't, I can't, I can't.
15:50
SPEAKER_01: I said, Okay.
15:51
SPEAKER_01: What if you wrote him a letter, like and told him, here's how I feel?
15:55
SPEAKER_01: And she's like, Well, maybe I can do that.
15:58
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, Yeah, I think you probably can.
16:00
SPEAKER_01: And it took a very long time, but they made a lot of progress, you know.
16:05
SPEAKER_01: But you're always wanting, you don't want to like go around parents as a youth pastor or pit anyone against their parents or try to replace a parent or agree with them about how bad their parents are.
16:20
SPEAKER_01: It's like you can say, wow, that sounds hard.
16:23
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, relationships can be difficult.
16:26
SPEAKER_01: Nobody's perfect.
16:28
SPEAKER_01: I get that.
16:29
SPEAKER_01: What can we do?
16:30
SPEAKER_01: Can we pray about it together?
16:33
SPEAKER_01: Can we talk to the parent?
16:35
SPEAKER_01: Can we write a letter um to that parent if we're too scared to say it?
16:40
SPEAKER_01: You know, I'm gonna keep encouraging you because we ultimately want peace.
16:45
SPEAKER_01: Right.
16:45
SPEAKER_01: And think about this: if that child was your child, how would you want the youth pastor to handle it?
16:53
SPEAKER_01: Would you want them to be in cahoots with your kid, keeping a secret from you?
16:59
SPEAKER_01: Probably not.
17:00
SPEAKER_01: And you might say, Yeah, but I'm a good parent, or if I were a parent, I'd be a good one.
17:05
SPEAKER_01: Like, okay, but I don't know that it's always up to us.
17:10
SPEAKER_01: Again, there's abuse and all that stuff, but I don't know that it's up to us to judge another parent and their relationship with their child.
17:19
SPEAKER_01: And another reason why, and here's somewhere to be very careful, is this has happened to me multiple times.
17:25
SPEAKER_01: You may not be getting the full truth.
17:28
SPEAKER_01: I wish I could go back and tell younger youth pastor me, watch out.
17:33
SPEAKER_01: The kids do not tell the whole truth.
17:36
SPEAKER_00: Some of them when students say a certain teacher hates them for no reason.
17:42
SPEAKER_00: Right.
17:43
SPEAKER_01: There have been situations multiple where I thought, oh my gosh, this is a dire situation, like what the student just shared with me.
17:53
SPEAKER_01: Oh, wow.
17:54
SPEAKER_01: Okay, crisis emergency mode.
17:56
SPEAKER_01: Come to find out more than once, it's not true.
18:01
SPEAKER_01: They didn't want to get in trouble and they created a story to protect themselves.
18:05
SPEAKER_01: So, as a youth pastor, be very careful.
18:08
SPEAKER_01: It's obviously not your job to launch an investigation, but you need to be very careful that students sometimes tell you their version of the truth.
18:18
SPEAKER_02: Right.
18:19
SPEAKER_01: And sometimes it's a flat out lie.
18:21
SPEAKER_01: So before you get very worked up, like these are the worst parents in the world, you might not be getting the full story.
18:29
SPEAKER_01: It's happened to me more than once.
18:31
SPEAKER_01: I wish I could say otherwise, but I've been duped.
18:35
SPEAKER_01: And here's why I'm a very easy person to dupe because I assume everyone's telling the truth.
18:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
18:42
SPEAKER_01: I like am not a skeptic, and I just assume if you're telling me it's the truth.
18:48
SPEAKER_01: Like lying, and you would think I would be different by now because I've worked with students for so long.
18:55
SPEAKER_01: Lying does not enter my immediate consciousness of possibilities.
19:02
SPEAKER_01: If you say it, I generally believe you.
19:05
SPEAKER_01: So much so I asked, like, so there was a kid that got in trouble the other day, and I said, Did you do this?
19:10
SPEAKER_01: And he said, No.
19:12
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, All right.
19:13
SPEAKER_00: Case closed.
19:14
SPEAKER_01: And then I'm like, I'm gonna go watch the security footage just to see.
19:18
SPEAKER_01: Because he had lied to me before about something.
19:21
SPEAKER_00: As George Bush once said, fool me once.
19:24
SPEAKER_00: Shame on what you can't do.
19:26
SPEAKER_01: But you can't fool again.
19:28
SPEAKER_01: He did it, he lied to me again.
19:30
SPEAKER_01: He did the thing that he and I was like, you're honestly not really in that much trouble because it wasn't that big of a deal what you did.
19:38
SPEAKER_01: But why do you keep lying to me?
19:40
SPEAKER_01: So much easier.
19:41
SPEAKER_01: Because he's like, you're an easy target, you believe everything.
19:46
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, just be careful.
19:48
SPEAKER_01: Like, and some people I think have a better spidey sense for lies.
19:53
SPEAKER_01: Like, I worked for a guy once and I was like, Oh, they said this.
19:57
SPEAKER_01: He goes, That is not true.
19:59
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, really?
20:01
SPEAKER_01: Are you sure?
20:02
SPEAKER_01: He's like, Oh my gosh, that is not true.
20:05
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, Okay, like, and he was right, it wasn't true because I love the guy, and I just figured, yeah, of course.
20:12
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's fine.
20:14
SPEAKER_01: So, anyways, probably throwing myself under the bus there.
20:17
SPEAKER_01: Hey, quick question for you.
20:19
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20:28
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20:37
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20:48
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20:56
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21:10
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21:18
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21:21
SPEAKER_01: All right, let's get back to the episode.
21:23
SPEAKER_01: And then the third thing and final is youth pastors need to avoid avoiding difficult conversations.
21:33
SPEAKER_01: That's a hard way to word it.
21:34
SPEAKER_01: But meaning a lot of youth pastors really don't want to have hard conversations and they just kind of plug their ears out like la la la la la.
21:44
SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't want to deal with it until it's a crisis, and then I'll deal with it.
21:49
SPEAKER_01: And then it's like, oh, whoops, too late.
21:52
SPEAKER_01: So here's why like that's super unhealthy, clearly, but it's a really leading out of fear, and that's not.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: Never a place we want to be.
22:01
SPEAKER_01: I learned early on in my leadership that leaders should always be moving toward the conflict, not away from the conflict.
22:11
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes people see conflict and they start to run the other direction.
22:16
SPEAKER_01: But as the leaders, and what I try to teach my staff is we're always taking the first step.
22:21
SPEAKER_01: We're always going toward the conflict.
22:24
SPEAKER_01: I'm going to be the first person to address it.
22:26
SPEAKER_01: I'm going to be the first person to acknowledge it, or who's going to take a crack at solving this thing.
22:32
SPEAKER_01: Like, hey, that was a little weird back there.
22:34
SPEAKER_01: I just want to follow up and make sure we're good.
22:37
SPEAKER_01: Like, if I need to apologize for something, like you have to like take it head on and not just wait.
22:43
SPEAKER_01: That is like a cowardly move.
22:45
SPEAKER_01: I was reading my Devo the other day.
22:47
SPEAKER_01: It was the John Maxwell leadership one.
22:51
SPEAKER_00: We 21 minutes.
22:53
SPEAKER_01: The most important 21 minutes in a leader's day.
22:56
SPEAKER_01: It's a long title.
22:57
SPEAKER_01: But he was talking about one of the differences between Saul and David was that Saul hid.
23:04
SPEAKER_01: And I kind of forgot that part.
23:06
SPEAKER_01: Like Saul was when it like the conflict got bad and he was like scared.
23:11
SPEAKER_01: He didn't just go and fight it head on.
23:14
SPEAKER_01: He went and hid and needed someone and needed David to step up and do the brave thing.
23:20
SPEAKER_01: And I know that we hide as leaders in different types of circumstances and different situations.
23:28
SPEAKER_01: And that is such a, and I'm guilty of it too.
23:31
SPEAKER_01: That's such a cowardly move.
23:33
SPEAKER_01: That's such a Saul move.
23:35
SPEAKER_01: And so the next time you're tempted to run away instead of hit something head on or solve it, just think, am I a Saul or a David?
23:45
SPEAKER_01: And what kind of leader has God called me to be?
23:48
SPEAKER_01: And on that note, too, like sometimes we avoid teaching difficult things because we are uncomfortable.
23:56
SPEAKER_01: And I'm not talking about controversial things.
23:59
SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't know, like there's things that could be considered controversial that are unnecessary to teach because it's just your opinion.
24:08
SPEAKER_01: But there's certain things in the Bible that might be considered controversial or hard, but it's just the truth.
24:13
SPEAKER_01: And there's no way around that.
24:15
SPEAKER_01: Like the topic of hell, that's a really, really difficult topic to teach on.
24:22
SPEAKER_01: Um, and how you do it is really important, but it's the truth.
24:26
SPEAKER_01: Like, we can't like, and there's a lot of examples like that of why is there pain?
24:33
SPEAKER_01: Why is there suffering?
24:34
SPEAKER_01: Why does a good God allow bad things to happen?
24:38
SPEAKER_01: And you might be uncomfortable.
24:40
SPEAKER_01: So you avoid those conversations or avoid teaching it.
24:44
SPEAKER_01: And I would just challenge you, whatever that topic is that you're afraid to teach on, ask yourself why, and then do the research to reconcile that part.
24:53
SPEAKER_01: Because if you have questions and you're uncomfortable with it, just imagine a young Christian or a student with no one to really guide them of anything beyond just easy topics, surfacey topics.
25:08
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I feel like I've had to cross that bridge a few times.
25:13
SPEAKER_01: Like I remember teaching on hell, and it was even hard for me to say the word out loud, you know, when I was a younger youth pastor, because I was like, oh no, I have a really awful thing to tell you guys.
25:23
SPEAKER_01: And here's why I try to be sensitive to that, because a lot of times people know someone who has passed away.
25:32
SPEAKER_01: Right.
25:32
SPEAKER_01: And it's like we don't know like what happens on someone's deathbed between them and Jesus.
25:39
SPEAKER_01: I don't, I don't know.
25:41
SPEAKER_01: So like you try to be encouraging, but here's also what the Bible says like, what is a spiritual death?
25:48
SPEAKER_01: Like to die without without a relationship with Jesus, like that's the second death.
25:55
SPEAKER_01: And it's really hard to talk about because I don't know what if they're someone they love just passed away, and then you add like just complicated questions on top of it, and it's like but as youth pastors, we have to be brave and be able to walk through that with students, not shield them from a truth that we think might be a little inconvenient, but you also have to know age appropriateness too, and just like spend some time with God or someone you trust on that.
26:31
SPEAKER_01: Like, what is age appropriate for them to know?
26:34
SPEAKER_01: What do they need to know?
26:36
SPEAKER_01: You know, because I think sometimes pastors can go a little too far with some things that's like, yeah, that's true, but I don't know that the 12-year-old needs to know it quite like that.
26:48
SPEAKER_01: Right.
26:49
SPEAKER_01: Because you don't want to like traumatize anybody either.
26:53
SPEAKER_01: Like, there's reasons, like it's in the Bible, but there's reasons why we don't share every Bible story to the third grade classroom.
27:03
SPEAKER_01: We wait.
27:04
SPEAKER_02: Right.
27:05
SPEAKER_01: Is it there?
27:06
SPEAKER_01: Do they need to know it?
27:07
SPEAKER_01: Yes, but not when you're eight.
27:08
SPEAKER_01: Like we can wait till you're 18 for that one.
27:11
SPEAKER_01: Some Bible stories are 18 and over, you know.
27:15
SPEAKER_01: I would, I would argue, you know, like there's some heavy stuff in there that raises a lot of questions that I don't know that an eight-year-old needs to know.
27:25
SPEAKER_01: So again, we're we aren't avoiding hard topics by any means, but we are using wisdom and stewarding that well with the sheep we have to shepherd.
27:40
SPEAKER_01: Like, what do our sheep need to know in a way that is truthful and God honoring and honoring the text, but also honoring their stage of life and their capacity to understand certain things.
27:53
SPEAKER_01: And that is why, like, being a youth pastor is we've talked about this before, like, it's such spiritual work.
28:01
SPEAKER_01: You need the guidance of the Holy Spirit in every single thing you do because I can't like I can encourage you with some stuff and give you some practical tools, but I can't give you a step-by-step.
28:13
SPEAKER_01: Here's what you talk about, and here's how, and here's how you don't talk about, and here, you know, and that would vary from pastor to pastor.
28:19
SPEAKER_01: I heard a pastor say some stuff recently to a group of students that I was like, oh my gosh, like, oh, I'm so uncomfortable.
28:28
SPEAKER_01: But he might argue everybody needed to hear that.
28:32
SPEAKER_01: Like, that was important.
28:33
SPEAKER_01: And I might just be like, oh, I don't know about that, you know, for this age group.
28:39
SPEAKER_01: Like, yikes.
28:40
SPEAKER_01: So your own personal boundaries come into play as well.
28:45
SPEAKER_01: Of like, so it's just all that to say, this isn't super helpful anymore.
28:50
SPEAKER_01: It's just not so cut and dry.
28:54
SPEAKER_01: It is complicated.
28:55
SPEAKER_01: And even if you've been doing it for a long time, some of that stuff is still complicated.
29:00
SPEAKER_01: What kind of students do you have?
29:02
SPEAKER_01: What kind of congregation do you have?
29:04
SPEAKER_01: Like, there's different kinds of junior hires too.
29:07
SPEAKER_01: Like, there's very sheltered, naive kids who only know this or go to a certain type of school.
29:14
SPEAKER_01: Then there's very streetwise kids that have a ton of experience with all kinds of things and are laughing if you like say anything, right?
29:24
SPEAKER_01: Or or if you baby them too much.
29:26
SPEAKER_01: Like they just might be like, you know, it's just interesting.
29:31
SPEAKER_01: So that's why it's nuanced and we need like wisdom as we navigate our particular church, our particular age group, who we are as a pastor and what comes naturally to us and the types of things our students are asking and want to know, and what parents are saying too.
29:48
SPEAKER_01: I've had some parents flat out say, Can you please talk to my kid about this?
29:51
SPEAKER_02: Right.
29:52
SPEAKER_01: And I've been like, Oh, well, if enough of you want this and we're agreeing that our students need to hear a biblical view on fill in the blank, I'm happy to do that, you know?
30:04
SPEAKER_01: And if it's a particularly sensitive topic, I've I've done it on an off night, not at my youth group night.
30:12
SPEAKER_01: And it was an opt-in kind of thing.
30:14
SPEAKER_01: And I've told parents, here's exactly what I'm talking about.
30:17
SPEAKER_01: If you want your kid to be a part of it, send them.
30:20
SPEAKER_01: If not, that's fine.
30:22
SPEAKER_01: But if you do it on like a youth, like a special topic, like on a youth group night, you never know who's gonna walk through the door.
30:28
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
30:28
SPEAKER_01: So all kinds of things.
30:30
SPEAKER_01: I'm just I should probably just stop talking now.
30:33
SPEAKER_00: It stopped being helpful.
30:34
SPEAKER_00: It's not helpful.
30:35
SPEAKER_01: Delete the episode.
30:37
SPEAKER_00: Uh, how are you guys doing with those three things?
30:39
SPEAKER_00: Are you avoiding them or not?
30:42
SPEAKER_00: We I you know we haven't done a question of the day in a long, long time.
30:45
SPEAKER_00: And I had one popped in my head before we recorded tonight.
30:48
SPEAKER_01: Oh, exciting!
30:49
SPEAKER_00: Very quick, just real easy.
30:50
SPEAKER_00: Put it in the comment section below.
30:51
SPEAKER_00: But what would you say is the official youth pastor sport?
30:55
SPEAKER_00: Like to play.
30:56
SPEAKER_00: What do you think?
30:57
SPEAKER_00: Dodgeball?
30:58
SPEAKER_00: No, I'm sorry.
30:59
SPEAKER_00: I wasn't no wasn't specific.
31:01
SPEAKER_00: For the youth pastors, like outside of youth ministry.
31:03
SPEAKER_00: Pickleball.
31:04
SPEAKER_00: Pickleball.
31:05
SPEAKER_00: That's what I was gonna say, but I think it used to be volleyball.
31:08
SPEAKER_00: No, um, disc golf.
31:10
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I can see that.
31:12
SPEAKER_00: That may have changed over the past few years, but yeah.
31:14
SPEAKER_00: Put in the comment section below what you what you would say the official youth pastor sport, not within the youth ministry, just recreationally for a youth pastor.
31:23
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, uh in our region, it's pickleball, I would say.
31:27
SPEAKER_01: And we dabble in volleyball.
31:29
SPEAKER_01: Those are our two.
31:30
SPEAKER_00: I feel like that's specifically your group.
31:33
unknown: Mm-hmm.
31:33
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
31:36
SPEAKER_00: Not uh as a whole.
31:37
SPEAKER_00: All right.
31:37
SPEAKER_00: This is a community comment of the day.
31:39
SPEAKER_00: Um, this comes from Daniel Clark, and this is from the episode Don't Have Youth Ministry Camp without these nine things.
31:47
SPEAKER_00: And he says, First camp, super nervous, timely video.
31:51
SPEAKER_00: Praise Jesus.
31:53
SPEAKER_01: I wonder which one he found most helpful.
31:55
SPEAKER_00: Daniel, if you're listening to this episode, put that in the comment section below.
31:58
SPEAKER_01: I'd like to know.
31:59
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much, Daniel, for that.
32:00
SPEAKER_00: We thank you guys for watching and listening, and we'll see you next time.
32:04
SPEAKER_01: Today we're talking about three things that you need to avoid as a youth pastor in youth ministry.
32:10
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the ministry, coach.
32:11
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's it.
32:13
SPEAKER_01: The youth pastry.
32:15
SPEAKER_01: Today we're gonna talk about four perspective shifts that will probably encourage you.
32:21
SPEAKER_01: Probably.
32:22
SPEAKER_01: Maybe.