Latest / Success Story with Scott Clary / Lessons - The Science of Human Behavior | Dr. John Demartini - Human Behavior Expert

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Lessons - The Science of Human Behavior | Dr. John Demartini - Human Behavior Expert · Success Story with Scott Clary

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  In this lessons episode, explore how personal values shape decisions, behavior, and long-term
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  outcomes in life and work. Discover how to accurately identify values through
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  actions rather than intentions, understand why misaligned values create frustration and
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  careers and finances, and learn how values can be deliberately reshaped to support growth,
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  wealth, and fulfillment.
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  I guess the two the two paths that I would like to go down and step to you to choose which one
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  you'd like to tackle first. I have sort of two main questions out of that. One would be how can
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  you identify your values and then two would be how can you potentially change your values
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  if they're not in line with, for example, wealth and assets that appreciate versus depreciate
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  or potentially the career that's actually going to benefit you. So how do you identify?
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  And then how do you change if they're not in line?
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  Well, I was I got into, you know, aware of how significant values are many years ago.
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  I've been teaching value applications for 43, almost 44 years.
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  So I was probably in my early 20s when I started to realize the significance of those.
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  But when you ask somebody what their values are, I'm guarantee you because I've done it for
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  many thousands of times, they will tell you injected values of outer authorities.
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  Their mothers, their fathers, their preachers, their teachers, their conventions, traditions,
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  and marays of the social collective that they are part of the herd of will infiltrate and
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  inculcate into their consciousness and they will tell you things that have nothing to do with
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  what their life demonstrates. You know, they'll say peace and this and that and honesty and all these
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  things. They don't realize anything about human behavior. So they just say what they think
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  it's supposed to be many times even to themselves. They've not even where you ask the average person
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  how many want to be financially independent. They'll all put their hands up, but their life
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  doesn't demonstrate that. Only 1% or less demonstrate that. Rest I'm not dead. So I'm not interested in
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  what people say. I'm interested in what they live and what their life demonstrates and because
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  their perception decisions and actions are governed there. So I had to come up with the ways of
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  determining values that went through that filter and one of the most significant one was space.
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  Proximums. Every human being, if you give a child, even in a crib, an item, if they value it
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  and it's intriguing to them and they value it, they will put it in their mouth, taste it,
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  they'll play with it, look at it, they'll explore it, and they'll keep it next to them. They
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  and you try to take it away, they'll cry or do something and they'll hold on to it because
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  they anything that's valuable goes proximal and they keep close to them. You give a woman a diamond
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  ring that usually stays close to them, right? And distal distance is something they push away.
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  So if you give a child something doesn't want, it'll kick and scream and whatever and push it
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  out. So even a child at a young age already has a set of values. In fact, values are already
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  occurring in this I go to the very first stage of, you know, first mitotic division from the
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  sperm and egg uniting, values already being developing in cells, but by the time we're born,
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  we already have our set of values and we're developing them as we go and involving them.
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  But the first thing I do is look at space, how we feel our space most, what are the three most
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  significant most consistent items that we keep in our personal or intimate space, personal is
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  four feet, intimate is a foot and a half around us in proxemics. And we get an idea of what we
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  actually fill our space with. And this tells us what we value. Like I'm sure that you're probably
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  like me a bit, you probably have a computer in front of you a lot. And my computer is where I
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  research right, travel through zoom and teach. So my computer is probably the most significant thing
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  if a fire was to break out and they say I couldn't take the, I was on a plane or my ship or
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  you can't take that. I'd hide it in there and, you know, hide it with me because it's your life.
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  It's your life. That's the closest thing to you. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm not that I wouldn't grab my
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  kids first, but I would grab my kids with my computer. Yeah. But it depends if they're teenagers,
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  you might get the computer first. Anyway, I'm joking. But space is number one. The next one is time.
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  You make time, find time, spend time and create time for things that are really valuable to you.
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  You'd run out of time and don't want to take time. And I don't have time right now. I can't do that
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  on things that aren't. And the more valuable it is you make time for. I mean, if all of a sudden,
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  you know, I'm just going to pick a name if Bill Gates or maybe Jeff Bezos or Richard Branch or
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  somebody that's an icon in the business world, if all of a sudden they called and said I can do an
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  interview right this minute, you'd say probably, John, I got to go. I got this opportunity. I'll
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  call you. We'll reschedule this because you get an opportunity to grab it. Yeah. So you would
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  make time, find time, spend time on something that's very, very valuable to you. And so I look at
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  how you feel your space most top three things, how you spend your time most top three things.
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  And I don't want to go and write it. You're not here to write what you wish you would be or hope
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  it would be what it used to be. You're right down with your life demonstrates. Your life
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  demonstrates your values. That's what's so crucial to look carefully at what you're objectively
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  doing. If I videotape you from a hovering thing above you, looking down on you,
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  and I watched your life, it would tell me what you're doing. And that tells me,
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  watching that over a period of months and months and months and months, I can see what your
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  pattern is. And I'm looking for that because that tells me what type of the third one is what
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  energizes you. Whenever you're doing something that's high in your value, your energy goes up.
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  And whenever you do in your mitochondria go up, their mitochondria actually spit out that energy
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  and do fossilization and oxidation much more efficiently when you're doing something high in your
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  values and demonstrate. And then if you go down into lower value, your energy goes down.
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  If all of a sudden somebody said, look, I want you to go and repair your car.
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  We know mechanics. You've got to go out and do your car. You're going to procrastinate,
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  hesitate, frustrate doing that. And you're going to go, oh crap, you're going to fall asleep,
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  probably. You're reticure activating systems going to shut down. But if somebody says, look,
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  I want you to interview Jeff Bezos today. Can you do that? If you didn't get any sleep,
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  you would rally because you automatically would get that reticure activating system going.
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  So what energizes you and what do you always have energy for and what is it that you,
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  when you do it, you got more energy than when you started. That's a sign of a high value.
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  And by the way, when you do the space, time and energy, you're going to find that those patterns
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  are the same. They're going to see the same thing repeating if you're honest. I've done it thousands
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  and thousands of times. The fourth one is money. You find money, make money, spend money,
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  get money for things that are valuable to you. If I said to you right now, you know,
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  you have a $10 million in your pocket, you know, I might have to go and get that and work,
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  you know, do something to get my $10 million. But if I said, okay, I've got a guaranteed return,
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  a 10 to one return in 30 days. You'll find that $10 million. I'll get you 100 million. You
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  would find a way of getting $10 million. You'd find you'd call all your friends, you'd do whatever it
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  takes to do it. So when you really, really, really value something, you find money for it. That's
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  what's amazing. When people say I can't afford things, it means somebody hasn't sold it to them in a
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  way where they feel their values are being met. That's all. There's no lack of money on this planet
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  to any human being when they really have a value on something. So how do you spend your money and
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  where is that money going? If you look at this, there's a first machine to tell you. If it mostly
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  goes to a house, then obviously a house and whatever that represents to you is. And then you look at
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  what is it really represent? Just like what do you fear space with? What's its dominant use?
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  Because if I said my computer, well, the computer's not valuable. It's what you're able to do with it.
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  So what's the utility of it? What's the purpose of that item? And the same thing for what you spend
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  your money on? What exactly are you doing with that money? What are you trying to accomplish with that?
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  That tells you what the value is. The fifth one is where you most organized and ordered. You know,
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  knowledge is organized in my mind. I have the vast amount of knowledge, you know, gathered from all
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  the reading and watching YouTube and stuff. So that's all organized on my computer and in my head.
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  And wherever you have the most ordered organization, that tells you what your value.
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  And the next one is where you're most disciplined and reliable. You can rely on me to be teaching.
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  You can rely on me to be researching and writing, but you can't rely on me to socialize at a party or
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  or, you know, go to a social event or, you know, I do work out once a week, or do your own
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  or do your own tech support. That's not a that's not a priority. That's that's something that,
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  you know, you don't want to take that. I haven't cooked since I was 24. I haven't driven a car
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  in 32 years. You know, I delegate everything that's low in my values. I even joked with my
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  girlfriend said, look, you know, you know, I'm not that great at love making. If I was to get George
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  Clooney or Gerard Butler or, you know, Brad Pitt or, you know, something like that. If they,
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  if I was to get them to make love for with you on my behalf, would you still love me?
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  Every single time my girlfriend says yes, every time. So, you know, I delegate everything. I'm
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  joking about that. I don't know. I know, I know. But I, I don't really get it. My girlfriend's
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  pretty hot. She's cool. I'm not going to delegate that one. I've been stingy on that one.
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  Good. Good. But I delegate text. So, so you look at where you spend your money. You look at,
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  where you, you're ordered it and you look at where you're most disciplined. And I'm very
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  disciplined when it comes to research and teaching. I do it every single day.
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  Now, the next one is what are you thinking about? What are you visualizing? And what do you internally
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  dialoging? Frontal and Prado cortex, occipital cortex, temporal cortex? What do you visually
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  auditarily and in the, you know, what are you thinking about visualizing and affirming inside
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  about how you want your life that shows evidence coming true? So, I've said since I was 17,
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  that I want to travel the world and be a great teacher on the planet and study the philosophy
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  and the sciences and, and be, you know, leave a mark in teaching. And, and so that's my
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  internal dialogue. That's my vision. I actually have a painting. I could show you a painting of me
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  standing in front of a million people with every iconic building around the world and the background
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  that a really amazing painting, five by four foot, that guy painted with a million people
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  there, me speaking to him. So, I have a visual image of that. I've got an internal dialogue
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  that I've got that, you know, hundreds and hundreds of internal dialogues. And I think about
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  it daily. And so, I look at what I think and visualize and affirm every single day that is showing
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  evidence of coming true about what I want in life. Not, not my fantasies. You know, I thought about
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  being in an international sex symbol, but there's zero evidence of that one. So, I can't put that
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  in. That's a zero evidence. But, but if I look at what I do have evidence of it's teaching,
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  and then I go and then I look at the next one, what do I want to keep bringing conversations to?
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  And I want to talk to people. What do I lead the conversation to? People come up to you and
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  said, how's your kids? How's your business? How's your health? How's your golf game? They always
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  want to talk about what's in their highest values. So, I look at what you want to converse most
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  consistently with people when you can spontaneously socialize. And then I look at what it is that
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  inspires you and brings tears to your eyes. And what's common to the people who you've been
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  absolutely inspired to watch and interact with. And then I look at what are the most consistent
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  goals that you have that's persistent consistent consistent that you're achieving and you're getting
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  to come into reality. And then I look at what you spontaneously want to learn, study, read about
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  watch on YouTube and absorb and information wise. What's the most common thing you want to learn?
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  And if you look and answer the three answers for all those 13 questions, I guarantee a pattern will
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  emerge and you'll sit and go, whoa, now I know what I'm really committed to, not what I fantasize
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  about. And the degree of those inconsistency are setting real goals with real time to realistic
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  expectations for setting unrealistic goals that are unmet that lead to frustration. So finding out
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  what that is and summarizing that and determining the top values to me is like a starting point in
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  mastery of life. The last point that I wanted to pull out of you is we've now established how we
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  understand what our values are. So the follow-up is how do we change those values if we know they're
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  not serving us? Well, there's no such thing as values that don't serve you, but what most people do is
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  and I wonder if it's an inculcate this, you don't make mistakes in your own values. You only think
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  you make a mistake when you compare your actions to some outer authorities values that you've
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  subordinate it to. And you only think other people make mistake in your business when you project
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  your values onto them and expect them to live in your values, they're not going to. Futility is
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  a byproduct of expecting others to live in your values or you expect you to live in other people's
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  values. That's why the mastery of hiring people is screening people according to what their values
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  are and finding out whether the job description really matches their values because if there is,
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  you're going to have a high engagement level and you don't need to micr manage them and you don't
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  have to judge them because they're just going to get the job done and they're probably going to do
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  it more effectively than you could do. But when you hire something that's not congruent with that,
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  you're going to think they're making mistakes all the time, you're going to think they're disobedient,
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  but that's because you're righteously projecting your values onto them and they're supposed to read
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  your mind and expect to live in your values and nobody can. That's why the idea of a cultural value
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  system is murky and not really well educated out there. So you want to make sure that when you're
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  filtering and you're looking and hiring people that you basically get somebody that really
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  is congruent with the job description and that you can do and I've got a whole science for that
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  on how to do that. That's just amazing and a lot of companies using it. So that's one thing.
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  Once you identify the values, then to change them now, first you find out what it is because you
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  sometimes want to change your values when you're expecting to live in somebody else's life.
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  NBA's ignorance and imitation of suicide is said Emerson. But if you do, let's say you're 50 years
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  old, you've raised beautiful children, you've had a great family and anything else and you realize,
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  oh, emptiness syndrome. Time for me to run a business or grow my wealth because oh my god,
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  I don't have any money to save. I get involved with the kids. Take care of their college, take care of
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  this. Live meager for the sake of my kids. Now I'm going to get Salzymer's condition and pretend
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  like I don't know their names so I can put some focus on what I want to do. That's a joke.
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  But if you want to change a value system, you identify the action steps that are proven to
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  master that area. Success leaves glued. Find out the action steps that prove to get a result.
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  And now what you take those action steps and then you stack up and you use
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  operative conditioning from Skinner or Pavlov condition reflexes and you ask the question,
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  how specifically is doing those actions helping me fulfill what I value most and how has it
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  helped me spiritually, mentally, career, financial, family, social and physical so you empower all
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  areas of your life. And if you ask that question and answer that question and don't say, I don't know,
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  I can't find it, but answer it be accountable. You'll blow your mind. If you stack up enough
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  advantages over the disadvantages, once the advantage is outweigh the advantages of what you're
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  doing currently, your brain will neuroplastically remodel itself and go in that direction with
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  stimulus responses, you'll start doing that action. But it's got to be enough where it overrides
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  that because of heavy and rural and neurology that it basically has to, you know, the
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  oligodendrocytes in the brain come on and myelinate all the cells and they myelinate a new pathway,
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  it's like a blazing a new trail if you add enough benefits to it. So you go in there and stack it
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  up until you can see a change in behavior. So you just keep doing it. I tell people 200 benefits
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  and so the brain is completely rewired in a direction where you now stimulus and you now
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  save your money, you now invest your money, you now doing things. And then you look at all those
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  things that are proven to work. And I've held people that have never been able to save money
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  or never be able to keep any money and change that. And I've seen that done in in a 200 answer
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  response. I've seen that done as quick as a day. I've seen some people do it in less than a day,
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  but usually about a day's work of effort. And all of a sudden they're now noticing in the
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  mall different things and they're now taking different actions because your decisions are based
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  on whatever you believe will give it the greatest advantage of a disadvantage at any moment in time
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  according to what you're valuing. So you can shift the values and I can remodel the values
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  to move in directions that you want. If you want more health or you want more wealth or you want
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  more business savvy or whatever it may be, it can be. But I usually don't start to. I start with
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  first identifying what the values are. So they quit living in a fantasy who they are and get grounded.
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  They may not have to have a desire to change anything. I may just finally realize, hey, I'm
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  pretty magnificent the way I am. I just never saw that because I've been comparing myself to others.