Latest / Mostly Together / The Pressure to Always Be 'On' | Mostly Together Podcast

Transcript

The Pressure to Always Be 'On' | Mostly Together Podcast · Mostly Together

• 0:05
  Hey, everyone.
• 0:06
  Welcome back
• 0:06
  to Mostly Together.
• 0:08
  All right.
• 0:09
  I've been thinking
• 0:09
  a lot lately about time
• 0:11
  and really,
• 0:13
  our relationship with time.
• 0:15
  And these last few weeks
• 0:17
  have been almost a blur.
• 0:19
  I mean, a lot of fun, great
• 0:20
  things have been happening,
• 0:21
  but just one thing
• 0:22
  after another.
• 0:24
  Between events and podcast
• 0:26
  recordings and meaningful
• 0:28
  projects going on, family
• 0:30
  activities between the kids,
• 0:31
  sports, kids, school stuff
• 0:33
  and everything in between.
• 0:34
  I mean, Christmas is coming
• 0:36
  like we are in late
• 0:37
  October right now.
• 0:38
  There are
• 0:39
  Christmas decorations
• 0:40
  already in the stores,
• 0:41
  which I really
• 0:42
  hate, by the way.
• 0:43
  But you know,
• 0:43
  with all of these
• 0:44
  packed schedules,
• 0:46
  I'm really grateful for them.
• 0:47
  And they can be
• 0:48
  it can be an exciting season
• 0:50
  and all the opportunities
• 0:51
  that these events
• 0:52
  and these items bring.
• 0:54
  And I've also noticed
• 0:55
  something interesting,
• 0:56
  and that is
• 0:57
  when I'm enjoying
• 0:58
  a quiet moment,
• 0:59
  which sometimes comes few
• 1:01
  and far between.
• 1:02
  I feel like there's like
• 1:03
  a nagging thought
• 1:04
  that I could be
• 1:05
  doing something else,
• 1:06
  and I really despise that.
• 1:08
  And I don't know
• 1:09
  if that's the same for you,
• 1:11
  but I have this moment
• 1:12
  where nothing is going on.
• 1:13
  I have a moment of peace,
• 1:15
  and for some reason,
• 1:15
  I can't just, like,
• 1:17
  be in that moment
• 1:18
  and do nothing
• 1:19
  and think of nothing.
• 1:20
  I'm thinking about the emails
• 1:22
  that I still have to
• 1:23
  check or my inboxes.
• 1:25
  Something I should be
• 1:27
  probably sharing
• 1:27
  on social media,
• 1:29
  or I should be
• 1:30
  tackling another item
• 1:31
  on that list
• 1:31
  that I have on the table
• 1:32
  with all the other lists.
• 1:34
  Or maybe,
• 1:35
  you know, the laundry
• 1:36
  or something around the house
• 1:37
  that I should be
• 1:38
  keeping up with.
• 1:40
  I feel like
• 1:40
  there's constantly something
• 1:42
  that I need to be doing.
• 1:43
  So I want to know,
• 1:45
  when do we start treating
• 1:46
  every available minute
• 1:48
  as time
• 1:49
  that needs to be filled?
• 1:50
  And I feel like I've been
• 1:51
  operating like that
• 1:52
  as long as I can remember.
• 1:54
  I love being busy
• 1:55
  and doing things,
• 1:56
  don't get me wrong,
• 1:57
  and that has always been
• 1:58
  my trajectory.
• 2:00
  But I want to
• 2:02
  also be doing things
• 2:03
  that are meaningful to me.
• 2:04
  And I'm realizing
• 2:05
  as I'm getting older,
• 2:07
  part of the meaning in
• 2:08
  these moments
• 2:09
  is not doing anything at all.
• 2:11
  I'm realizing how important
• 2:13
  those little moments are,
• 2:15
  and those in-between moments
• 2:16
  that I have in between point
• 2:18
  A and point B,
• 2:19
  I got to really reevaluate
• 2:21
  how I'm going to tackle them.
• 2:23
  I should not be wasting
• 2:24
  those five minutes of peace
• 2:25
  thinking about an email
• 2:26
  or an inbox message
• 2:27
  I need to get back to.
• 2:29
  And I'm wondering like,
• 2:30
  why do we feel this pressure
• 2:32
  to make something
• 2:33
  of every single
• 2:34
  one of these moments?
• 2:36
  You know,
• 2:36
  I know that
• 2:37
  we live in a world
• 2:38
  where we are encouraged
• 2:39
  to constantly
• 2:40
  share what we are doing.
• 2:42
  This is
• 2:42
  literally what
• 2:43
  we are doing now.
• 2:44
  We are sharing something
• 2:45
  with all of you,
• 2:46
  whether you're watching
• 2:47
  or you're listening.
• 2:48
  And if you had a
• 2:49
  great experience,
• 2:50
  what do we do?
• 2:51
  We post about it.
• 2:52
  You know,
• 2:53
  if you attended an event,
• 2:55
  what do we do?
• 2:55
  We want to share the photos.
• 2:57
  And if you
• 2:58
  accomplish something,
• 2:59
  you want to make sure
• 3:00
  people know, right?
• 3:02
  How often do you log on
• 3:03
  to LinkedIn
• 3:03
  and see all of these
• 3:05
  celebratory
• 3:06
  messages and posts?
• 3:09
  Which is great.
• 3:10
  Again, it's great
• 3:11
  that we are going
• 3:13
  to these mediums and sharing
• 3:15
  and celebrating,
• 3:16
  but do we have to be doing it
• 3:18
  every second, or
• 3:19
  how much of your free
• 3:21
  time is spent thinking,
• 3:22
  oh, I
• 3:23
  probably should do this.
• 3:24
  So I feel like
• 3:25
  social media has created
• 3:27
  these amazing opportunities
• 3:29
  for for us to share.
• 3:30
  For entrepreneurs,
• 3:31
  for businesses,
• 3:32
  for creators,
• 3:33
  for communities.
• 3:34
  But I'm also seeing
• 3:34
  firsthand that
• 3:36
  I think that we're sometimes
• 3:37
  thinking about
• 3:38
  how something is going to
• 3:39
  look online
• 3:40
  before we're even finished
• 3:42
  experiencing the thing.
• 3:44
  It's almost like
• 3:45
  we're creating
• 3:45
  these secondhand experiences
• 3:47
  when we're really supposed
• 3:48
  to be there
• 3:48
  for the first
• 3:49
  hand experiences.
• 3:50
  Here's an example.
• 3:51
  How often
• 3:52
  have you been
• 3:53
  to an event
• 3:55
  or a concert
• 3:57
  and or a wedding?
• 3:58
  We just
• 3:59
  went to a wedding last week
• 4:00
  and there are
• 4:01
  phones in the air,
• 4:03
  and everyone is trying
• 4:04
  to capture
• 4:04
  the very same thing.
• 4:05
  Newsflash it's captured.
• 4:08
  You're there.
• 4:09
  We went to see John Mayer
• 4:10
  and it was just a
• 4:12
  sea of phones.
• 4:13
  I mean, people are recording.
• 4:14
  It feels like the whole show
• 4:16
  and that
• 4:17
  is completely changed
• 4:18
  the experience.
• 4:19
  I think of how we consume
• 4:21
  these interactive, real life,
• 4:23
  firsthand things.
• 4:25
  And I'm I'm just
• 4:26
  feeling like
• 4:27
  we are subtly changing
• 4:29
  the way
• 4:29
  that we experience
• 4:30
  things in life.
• 4:31
  And I think we kind of
• 4:32
  got to check
• 4:33
  some things at the door
• 4:34
  is something less meaningful
• 4:36
  because nobody sees it.
• 4:37
  Why did you do
• 4:38
  the thing in the first place?
• 4:39
  Did you do it
• 4:39
  because you wanted to do it,
• 4:41
  or did you do it
• 4:41
  because you wanted to prove
• 4:42
  or show
• 4:43
  someone that you did it?
• 4:44
  And sometimes it could be
• 4:45
  a little bit of both.
• 4:46
  I understand that, you know,
• 4:47
  we can kind of dip our toes
• 4:49
  into both of those worlds,
• 4:51
  but just because something
• 4:53
  isn't shared
• 4:55
  doesn't mean
• 4:56
  it's not happening.
• 4:57
  And this really busy season
• 5:00
  that we are in right
• 5:00
  now, personally,
• 5:01
  professionally,
• 5:03
  in my household,
• 5:04
  I'm realizing I'm
• 5:06
  starting to
• 5:08
  not fill some of this time
• 5:10
  with posting and proving.
• 5:12
  It's almost like once
• 5:13
  you get into the habit
• 5:14
  of doing that
• 5:15
  and once you have a business
• 5:17
  right, or a show,
• 5:18
  obviously
• 5:19
  you're posting,
• 5:20
  you're keeping up
• 5:20
  with things,
• 5:21
  you have sponsorships,
• 5:22
  you have all of these
• 5:23
  things in play
• 5:24
  that you are keeping up with.
• 5:26
  But then the moments
• 5:27
  where I should have dedicated
• 5:29
  just to myself or my family,
• 5:31
  I shouldn't be thinking
• 5:32
  about trying
• 5:32
  to fill that space
• 5:33
  with more things to post.
• 5:35
  Again,
• 5:36
  this is all my
• 5:36
  personal experience
• 5:38
  being in TV for years.
• 5:39
  I understand metrics,
• 5:41
  so we're talking
• 5:41
  about ratings,
• 5:42
  audience engagement, reach,
• 5:44
  you know, that kind of thing.
• 5:45
  Delivering content.
• 5:47
  Today, nearly
• 5:48
  everyone has access
• 5:49
  to their own version
• 5:50
  of a ratings report, right?
• 5:52
  You can literally
• 5:54
  go on to Instagram
• 5:55
  or Facebook or YouTube
• 5:56
  and draw up a report
• 5:57
  to see how many
• 5:58
  likes, shares,
• 6:00
  you know,
• 6:01
  the metrics
• 6:02
  of whatever you are posting.
• 6:04
  You can get that report
• 6:05
  in your hands in two seconds.
• 6:07
  But to what end?
• 6:08
  What do we do with
• 6:09
  that information?
• 6:11
  And I listen,
• 6:12
  I know that
• 6:12
  those metrics
• 6:13
  can be super helpful
• 6:14
  when it comes,
• 6:15
  especially when it comes
• 6:15
  to building a business.
• 6:16
  That's
• 6:17
  what we're
• 6:17
  discovering as well.
• 6:18
  But what I'm also
• 6:19
  realizing is numbers
• 6:21
  don't tell the whole story.
• 6:22
  One genuine connection
• 6:24
  or meaningful conversation
• 6:26
  or opportunity
• 6:28
  might be worth
• 6:30
  far more
• 6:30
  than one of impressions
• 6:32
  that you get on a post,
• 6:33
  and I think that we have
• 6:34
  more ways than ever
• 6:36
  to measure engagement.
• 6:38
  But how
• 6:39
  do we measure the meaning?
• 6:42
  There is so
• 6:42
  much meaning behind what
• 6:44
  people are posting.
• 6:45
  How do we measure that?
• 6:46
  How do we put
• 6:47
  a number on that?
• 6:48
  You know, we
• 6:49
  we can get almost anything
• 6:50
  instantaneously.
• 6:52
  It's that
• 6:52
  instant gratification.
• 6:53
  We can get entertainment,
• 6:55
  we can get shopping,
• 6:56
  we can get feedback.
• 6:57
  Even communication
• 6:58
  has changed.
• 7:00
  We send a message
• 7:01
  and we often expect
• 7:02
  an immediate response.
• 7:03
  That is something else
• 7:04
  that's really been
• 7:05
  hanging me up lately.
• 7:07
  I had that,
• 7:08
  like dopamine hit.
• 7:09
  I'd get a text message,
• 7:11
  I have a bunch of group
• 7:12
  messages going,
• 7:13
  and I'm realizing
• 7:14
  now I'm really struggling
• 7:15
  keeping up
• 7:16
  with all these personal
• 7:17
  group messages.
• 7:18
  And I think that
• 7:20
  when I was responding
• 7:22
  immediately,
• 7:23
  the more space
• 7:24
  that actually took up
• 7:25
  in my real life
• 7:26
  lived experiences,
• 7:28
  and I'm realizing that
• 7:30
  not everything
• 7:32
  meaningful
• 7:33
  has to happen quickly.
• 7:35
  And I think some
• 7:36
  of the best things
• 7:37
  take time
• 7:39
  and consistency
• 7:40
  and patience
• 7:41
  without any
• 7:42
  immediate feedback.
• 7:44
  And not every meaningful
• 7:46
  moment comes with,
• 7:47
  you know,
• 7:48
  this instant feedback.
• 7:49
  You know,
• 7:49
  sometimes the value
• 7:50
  of something
• 7:51
  doesn't reveal itself
• 7:52
  until much later.
• 7:54
  So here's the big challenge
• 7:55
  that I am going
• 7:56
  to impart on you,
• 7:58
  and that I'm also going to
• 7:59
  take on.
• 7:59
  Be more selective about what
• 8:01
  deserves your attention.
• 8:03
  That doesn't mean
• 8:03
  that you can't be driven or
• 8:05
  disciplined and intentional
• 8:06
  while you're doing this.
• 8:08
  It means you're
• 8:09
  kind of protecting
• 8:09
  more of your personal time.
• 8:11
  And I think
• 8:11
  just by way of the world now
• 8:14
  and technology,
• 8:15
  it's harder and harder
• 8:16
  to protect
• 8:17
  that personal time,
• 8:18
  you know,
• 8:19
  technology and social media,
• 8:20
  as I said, they can be great
• 8:22
  avenues and tools
• 8:24
  when they're used
• 8:25
  with a purpose.
• 8:26
  But I think being present
• 8:27
  isn't about
• 8:28
  disconnecting completely.
• 8:30
  It's about knowing
• 8:31
  when to connect
• 8:32
  and then when to
• 8:33
  put your phone down
• 8:34
  and walk away
• 8:35
  for a little while.
• 8:36
  And I'm not necessarily
• 8:38
  trying to make a goal
• 8:39
  of doing less of everything,
• 8:41
  because frankly,
• 8:43
  I feel like
• 8:43
  things are really
• 8:44
  just starting to ramp up now.
• 8:46
  I'm getting busier
• 8:46
  in a good way,
• 8:48
  but I'm trying to be
• 8:49
  more selective about, again,
• 8:51
  what deserves my attention
• 8:53
  and the things that
• 8:54
  I genuinely love.
• 8:55
  And I also
• 8:56
  don't want to be losing
• 8:57
  sight of what I'm doing
• 8:59
  and why I'm doing them
• 9:00
  in the first place.
• 9:01
  If anything,
• 9:02
  now that I'm out on my own,
• 9:03
  I'm even more motivated to do
• 9:04
  the things that I want to do.
• 9:06
  But I'm also trying
• 9:07
  to tell myself
• 9:08
  that not everything has
• 9:09
  to become something else.
• 9:11
  And not every experience
• 9:12
  needs to become content.
• 9:14
  You know,
• 9:14
  not every quiet moment
• 9:16
  that I'm given
• 9:18
  needs to
• 9:19
  become more productive.
• 9:20
  I can just kind of sit in it
• 9:22
  and not check an email
• 9:23
  or not post something
• 9:25
  or not scroll.
• 9:26
  And I don't think
• 9:28
  every meaningful
• 9:28
  part of our lives
• 9:30
  needs an audience.
• 9:31
  We can be ambitious
• 9:33
  and we can be present.
• 9:34
  We can be proud of the things
• 9:36
  that we're building,
• 9:37
  but we can also enjoy life
• 9:40
  while we're
• 9:41
  building those things.
• 9:42
  So whatever
• 9:42
  you're doing today,
• 9:44
  I hope that you are finding
• 9:46
  five minutes of peace
• 9:47
  and finding a little bit
• 9:48
  more room for
• 9:50
  being more selective
• 9:51
  about the things
• 9:52
  that you think
• 9:53
  deserve your attention.
• 9:55
  So take what you need.
• 9:56
  Leave the rest
• 9:57
  and I'll see you next week.