Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / 436. Codependency in New Relationships, Future Plans & Life Decisions (Headnoise)

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436. Codependency in New Relationships, Future Plans & Life Decisions (Headnoise) · Do You F*cking Mind?

• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful Beans, and welcome to your Voice note Head
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Noise episode of today. So this is what we listen
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: to your voice notes, which is so exciting because I
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: love hearing the beans voices and I feel like it's
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: kind of just more like a little I don't know,
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: it feels like more of a conversation when I get
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: to hear your voices. Obviously I get the need for
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: the emails as well, which I love so much, and
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: you know, you can probably put more down in an email,
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: but I just I do love hearing your voices. So
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: let's get straight into it. I'm not going to fuck around.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: I want to get through four today, So let us begin.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: Alexis fucking Fernandez. You are a boss, a legend. Thank
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: you for everything that you do. Coming at you from
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: the States, and I have a quick question about what's
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: the difference between a strong communicator and veering on codependency
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: because I'm in this new relationship about two three months
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: and you know, wanting to text every day and like
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: just a lot of constant communication, whereas like I do
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: a lot of the practices where I protect my mornings,
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: I'm not really looking at my phone and so I'm
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: trying to adjust be a good partner, but also kind
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: of like, ooh, yellow flag. I don't know, so I
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: wanted to get your thoughts on that piece, and how
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: can I show up best for my partner when you know,
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: I'm somebody who thrives on being alone and being independent,
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: but they are a little bit more of a constant
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: communicator all the time, and I just want to make
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: sure I don't do any of that codependency stuff. So
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: thank you for everything, and look forward to answer.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: Love firstly, love the hype that you've given me at
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: the start of this life. Ah, that great, great, great,
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: great question. I'm very aligned with you actually in that
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: regard that especially with texting, I feel like you might
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: be the same in the sense that for me, it's
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: just quality over quantity. I could gladly text someone twice
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: in a day and have a really good meet up
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: with them later on, then they need to text them
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: all day long. Like to me, personally, I don't see
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: the value in texting all day long because I also
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: love my independence and I'm like, I'm always doing shit,
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: But other people are like, what do you mean I
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: need to be texting them at least, so everyone's different.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: Everyone's different. There's no right or wrong as long as
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: you can both find like a happy middle ground. Okay,
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: So I think you know the main thing is strong communication.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: It always comes down to are we communicating our needs
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: with each other properly? Because with codependency, it's you know,
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: that's where you're slipping into where kind of everything has
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: to be done together, where you're relying on each other
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: to form, you know, an identity as an individual. It's
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: like almost like you're identity gets ameshed with your partner's identity.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: So as people that have the joint Instagram account, which
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: is fucking crazy. I mean, no judgment, even though I
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: did just judge, but whatever, it's like that like intense,
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: intense level of like everything we do is together twent
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: like versus you really are needy for my communication? I
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: feel like I'm not giving enough. So one person feels
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: needy to the other person, and the other person feels
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: kind of a little bit left, like rejected or like
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: bottom of the barrel, kind of like you're the last
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: person you think about when you wake up kind of thing.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: So you don't want to be feeling that way on
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: either end. You don't want to feel like your partner's needy,
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: and you don't want your partner to feel like you
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: are ignoring them or you don't prioritize them. So what
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: I would do is again as always have a conversation
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: with your partner and say what are the things you
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: value the most? You know, with how we communicate when
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: we're not seeing each other, because we come from different things,
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: and I know that some people are really like they're
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: really prolific texters, and you know, for me personally, I
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: don't like really being on my phone too much in
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: the morning. I also don't like, you know, texting all
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: the time, and I also don't like feeling like if
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: I don't reply straight away then I'm ignoring you. Like
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: one day, someone said I was having a conversation with
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: someone and they said, well, people have their phones on
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: them all the time, and if you can't just reply
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: in the moment, then you're being rude. And I was like, well,
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: I strongly disagree with that sentiment because that would mean
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: that your text message is more important than anything else
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: that I've got going on in that moment. And it's
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: not no offense, but it's not like if I'm focusing
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: on a task if I'm doing a good brainstorm, if
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: I'm writing a book, if I'm and a text comes through,
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: I don't have to drop everything to reply to that text.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: Your message is not important then some important tasks that
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: I might be working on. Sometimes I can reply immediately,
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: and sometimes I can't, and it doesn't like. So this
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: is where it's really interesting to have these conversations because
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: from this person's perspective that I was talking to, she
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: was like, it's just rude. It's just rude. So if
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: I never replied straight away, she'd be like, alexis is
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: being rude. And if I didn't then voice how I
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: felt about it, then she would have never gotten my
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: perspective and being like, oh, I guess, I guess that
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: makes sense if you're like for whatever reason. So it's got.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: It always comes down to communication with what is your perspective?
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: You like, ask your partner if I don't reply straight away,
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: how does that make you feel? Do you instinctively think, oh,
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: they must be busy, they're doing something, or do you
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: think why aren't they replying? They've obviously got their fun
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: on them. Are they being like? You want insight into
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: your partner's head and how they operate, and you want
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: to offer insight into how you operate so your partner
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: gets you better. So for example, you could say, for me,
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: I could text three times in the whole day and
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: then have a really great like call in the afternoon
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: or see you, we catch up for a whine, we
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: get to you know, and that to me is so
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: much better than texting each other random stuff all day long.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: But if you like texting all day long, and if
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: that brings you so much value, then I could probably
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: up my two text messages maybe to five. That's like
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: we're compromising here. We want to make each other feel love,
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: but I'm also not going to meet you where you
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: want to be met with twenty text messages because I'm
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: going to fucking resent you and then this will end, right,
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: So it's kind of like I could maybe text you
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: a little bit more. Maybe, even though I don't want
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: to be on my phone. Maybe the first thing I
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: can do I wake up and I'm not going on
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: the apps. I'm not doing anything, but I send a
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: message to my partner who I'm really into, and I
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: say hope you had a really nice slay, thinking of
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: you whatever. So that way, bang, you're like I've worken up.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: I am actually thinking if you'll send you a text
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: message to let you know that and then I'll call
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: you later on that kind of thing. So it's like,
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: I can I can do that, I can give that,
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: and then I've got my mourning to myself. I've got
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: my independent mourning to myself, and my partner knows that
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: that in the first hour of the day, I don't
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: want to be texting back and forth. I've got my
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: meditation or my walk or my work out of my routines,
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: and I don't want to be on my phone. So
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: it's like, this is all down to communication, and then
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: what are your partner's needs and why? Because if your
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: partner says no, no, no, no, I need you to text
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: me all day long, every day, why because that's how
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: I feel validated. Why Like, is there other ways that
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: you could feel validated? Is there ways that you could
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: because you've got to start to realize that, you know,
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: what makes you feel validated is not necessarily what makes
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: the other person feel validated, And a good relationship is
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: ones that understand how each other gives and receives love
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: and trying your best to meet in the middle here.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: So for you, it just comes down to a really
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: good conversation because it feels like you have good communication skills.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: So you just need to relay that information with your
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: partner and say, I noticed that this is what you
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: like fair enough, this is kind of where I'm comfortable
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: with what would be a good middle ground for both
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: of us, you know, what would be a good middle ground.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: So I still love my mornings and I still feel
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: like it's my alone time in the mornings, and that
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: you have this you know, like you also feel like
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: you're really you feel loved in the morning, and you
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: feel that like that that you're validated by this relationship
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: in the morning and it feels nice. You also don't
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: want them waking up being like, oh my partner didn't
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: like If you know that they're going to wake up
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: being like, oh how nice I got this message, then
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: you'd want to do that because you obviously want them
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: to be happy. Okay. So it's like these little things
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: of how are we going to meet in the middle
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: and where are there things that I just have to accept,
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: Like there's going to be certain things that your partner
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: just has to accept that you're not a big text.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: You know, and you know, maybe you also don't like
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: being on the phone eternally. Maybe you're like, love you
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: so much whatever. Like Tyrone and I when we talk
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: on the phone, we never have conversations on the phone
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: unless we're actually not in the same city. Like if
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: you know, if he's away for work or I'm away
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: for work, then of course we're going to have debrief
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: conversations over the phone. But throughout the day we're calling
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: to be like, hey, what are you doing now? What
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: are your next steps? Am I going to say you? Oh,
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: I need to go shopping, I need to pick up
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: this stuff. It's very it's logistics, right, because then we'd
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: rather actually just talk in person. So, but I've had
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: relationships in the past where if I'm trying to get
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: off the phone, they're getting offended. They're like, well, where
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: do you need to be that's more important than being
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: on the phone. They really look at it as a
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: personal stab. So you need to ask your partner, like
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: where do you stand on this kind of communication outside
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: of when we see each other? Because quality over quantity
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: for you and me, But maybe your partner doesn't feel
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: that way. And if your partner is a quantity over quality.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: Then you need to find a middle gram where everyone
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: is happy, and that requires like an in depth conversation.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: But great, great question, Thank you. Next one country versus
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: City is the title of this one.
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: Hey, Alexis, I would love your advice on a bit
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: of a personal dilemma I've got at the moment about
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: my current partner. So we've been together for two years.
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: He's incredible, like.
• 9:51
  Speaker 4: An absolutely amazing relationship. I'm very certain that he's my
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: person and we're just currently a bit of a crossroads
• 10:01
  Speaker 4: when it comes to our future. Because he grew up
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: on a farm in rural New South Wales. He wants
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: to eventually buy land and settle down somewhere rural by
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: the time he's forty, which is in about fifteen years,
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: whereas I grew up in suburban Sydney. I'm very much
• 10:15
  Speaker 4: a city girl, you know. I love that lifestyle, the
• 10:17
  Speaker 4: career opportunities, the energy, the social aspects, like just having
• 10:21
  Speaker 4: the independence and the autonomy to make you know, decisions
• 10:26
  Speaker 4: on the fly and that kind of thing. And I'm
• 10:27
  Speaker 4: just very worried that I wouldn't be happy, i wouldn't
• 10:30
  Speaker 4: be fulfilled with and remotely and I would just I
• 10:34
  Speaker 4: just feel like it's going to be very limiting for me,
• 10:39
  Speaker 4: and I just don't know how I should be thinking
• 10:41
  Speaker 4: about this or approaching this when it's so far in
• 10:43
  Speaker 4: the future. But it's obviously, you know, something that we
• 10:48
  Speaker 4: should be thinking about, and I just don't know whether
• 10:51
  Speaker 4: this is going to become a deal breaker, Like how
• 10:53
  Speaker 4: should I kind of approach this, Any thoughts advice you
• 10:57
  Speaker 4: have on how we can maybe navigate this together? Love you,
• 11:02
  Speaker 4: love your podcast, Thank you so much, would really appreciate
• 11:04
  Speaker 4: any advice you have.
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: Thanks.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this is a really this is a really difficult
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: thing that you're in. And I love this question because it's, yeah,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: it's it's a hard a hard situation that you're in.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: And I guess what's so hard about it is very
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: easy to sweep under the rug because you're like, oh,
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: it's fifteen years down the line. It's like it's a
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: while away. It's a while away. It's a while away,
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: so you can keep ignoring, ignoring, ignoring. But at the
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: end of the day, if this is something that you know,
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: he's not kidding about, like he is dead set on this,
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: this is where he grew up. It's not like, you know,
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: those people that like grow up in the city and
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: they're like, oh, I'd love to fogg A live like
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: this guy is from that, like he knows like this
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: is for me. I'm from the country. You can't get
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: the country out of me, and I will be going back,
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: Like this is one of those things that he's like,
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: I'm sure of this, And if he's not fucking around,
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: and if he's dead serious, then you have to look
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: at as an eventual kind of ticking time bomb, like
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: it's going to happen. I'm taking it for face value.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: I believe him, and he's probably not going to change
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: his mind because he just loves it so much and
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: he wants to return back to his roots. Okay, so
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: we're going to take it for face value. In fifteen
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: years he is moving to the country. You then have
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: to ask yourself, like, but mind you, I agree with you.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: I would not move to the country either, because I'm
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: so well connected and my community, and I love the
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: Sydney life as well, and I'm so satisfied in everything
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: you've said. I agree with one hundred percent, So I
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: would not go. But what do you do as far
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: as a relationship, especially when it's fifteen years down the line.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: And then you've got a layer on top of that.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: Are you, firstly, do you want kids? Secondly, are you
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: planning on having kids with him? What would that look
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: like if you did? What, like, how would that influence
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: your decisions as a family. Like, there's so many layers,
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: so many layers, and I feel like this is something
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: that needs to be discussed obviously with him, but you
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: need to like have these deep conversations of like, if
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: we did have kids, would that then mean that we
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: would stay here or would that mean that you would
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: want to go to the country earlier? Do you want
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: kids to be raised in the country or not? Do
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: you want kids full stop? Like all these questions that
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: we need to start to analyze and address and get
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: their perspective on. Because if someone is being dead honest
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: with where they see their future going. And I know
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: that people change their mind and all of that, but
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: if they're being dead dead dead honest, then it's kind
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: of not something you can ignore. It's not something that
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: you want to brush under the rug, because then you
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: fall so deeply in love with this person, you build
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: a life together. It gets to the forty year mark,
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: they're like I told you I'm doing this, I'm fucking
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: doing this, but going to the country. Then they go
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: to the country, and then you go and you don't
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: like it, or you like aspects of it, but you
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: feel completely isolated. You feel like you don't have your community,
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: your career opportunities are not what they used to be,
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: and you're unhappy. And then you resent him or he
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: stays wishing he could always live somewhere else, and then
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: he resents you. You never want to be if avoidable.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: You want to avoid being in a position where someone
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: is resenting the other person for forcing them to live
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: a life that they don't want to live. So I
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: guess you know you could you could be talking to
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: him about this and saying, like, what does this look
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: like for you, knowing that I never want to live
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: in the country and you don't see yourself living in
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: the city long term, Like we ultimately met here in
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: the city, so this is our default, But that doesn't
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: mean that you then have to live your life here
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: by default, you know, like everyone should also have the choices,
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: but like, of course, for you, it's easier to be like,
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: I'm just going to stay because this is where we
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: met and this is my belief for what our life
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: would be like. But you got to ask him, like,
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: would you go if it meant that we you know
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: that that that that would be a different chapter and
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't be in your life anymore? Would you go?
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: If you had children? Would you go? You've got And
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: if if he's saying, yeah, look this is just where
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: my future is and I'm going to go regardless, then
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: you can I kind of have your answer, And you've
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: got to decide, am I going to bite the bullet
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: this early on because I believe that he's never going
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: to change his mind? Or am I going to hope
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: that things just evolve and change in the way that
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: I want them to. And I'm willing to take that
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: risk and therefore stay with him because you know, like,
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: how much are you willing to risk it? Because I
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: can guarantee you, like, if he gets too far on
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: and he's so hell bent on moving, you probably will
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: end up going with him because you don't want to
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: leave him. But then you might find yourself living in
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: a place that you're like, I'm so fucking isolated, and
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: then I'm going to leave him and be so unhappy.
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: And then what if we have kids, and then it's
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: so laid and so complicated, So I feel like, what
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: would I do in that situation? It's really fucking hard
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: based on if I had all the conversations under the sun,
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: and if you know, we wanted kids together, and if
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: he still wanted to go, the kids would like be
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: young then so then I would kind of maybe not
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: stay in the relationship if I was so help bent
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: that I'm never moving to the country, if I didn't
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: see any flexibility whatsoever. But I don't want that to
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: be your in your final response, I want you to
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: be able to have these conversations with him and be like,
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: what would it look like with kids? What would it
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: look like without kids? What would it look like if
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: I went with you and hated it and wanted to
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: come home. Would you be flexible on that or would
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: you be like see you later? What would it look
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: like if I just refused to go, would you leave
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: me and go? Because that's also a valid answer if
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: that's really where you want to be in your life,
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: like what would that look like? And who's leaving who? Yeah,
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: but that's a really hard one. So I'm glad you
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: wrote it in because I think it's something that is
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: like it needs a lot of food for thought. Right.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: Third one where.
• 16:56
  Speaker 5: I through hope you're well. I just want to say
• 16:58
  Speaker 5: thank you so much for this body. Iltly fucking love
• 17:00
  Speaker 5: it you. I've been the listener for the last like
• 17:02
  Speaker 5: four or five years, and you've helped me become the
• 17:04
  Speaker 5: most confident, free version of myself. So I'm so so
• 17:08
  Speaker 5: grateful for that. My question today is basically, I've been
• 17:11
  Speaker 5: traveling for almost two years now. I left Australia in
• 17:15
  Speaker 5: at the end of twenty twenty three and it's now
• 17:17
  Speaker 5: obviously mid twenty twenty five, so I've done everything from
• 17:20
  Speaker 5: working holidays to backpacking around. I'm currently in Spain during
• 17:25
  Speaker 5: this summer season and i beta over here, so I've
• 17:27
  Speaker 5: done it all. I've seen a lot. But I guess
• 17:30
  Speaker 5: my question is I just don't know when to go home.
• 17:33
  Speaker 5: I don't know if it's time. Obviously, you have your
• 17:35
  Speaker 5: good days and your bad days while you're overseas. Some
• 17:37
  Speaker 5: of my bad days I want to book a flight.
• 17:39
  Speaker 5: I miss my family so incredibly much and I'm so
• 17:41
  Speaker 5: homesick for Australia, and other days I just absolutely never
• 17:44
  Speaker 5: want to come home, and I want to keep on
• 17:46
  Speaker 5: exploring and seeing new places and traveling around. So I
• 17:49
  Speaker 5: feel like I'm just trying to seek some advice as
• 17:51
  Speaker 5: to when will I ever know it's time to go home.
• 17:55
  Speaker 5: When do I go home? Do I keep on resisting
• 17:58
  Speaker 5: it because I feel like, well, I know, I definitely
• 18:00
  Speaker 5: resisting going home for whatever reason that is. I've tried
• 18:02
  Speaker 5: to unpack that, and I feel like it's because when
• 18:06
  Speaker 5: I go home, I have this envision that I'm going
• 18:08
  Speaker 5: to have this amount of money and be able to
• 18:10
  Speaker 5: get straight into my career and you know, buy buy
• 18:13
  Speaker 5: a new car, and buy a new house. Well not
• 18:15
  Speaker 5: so much my house, but you know, have somewhere to live.
• 18:19
  Speaker 5: And if I go home at this stage, it's obviously
• 18:22
  Speaker 5: not going to be the after I'm going to be
• 18:23
  Speaker 5: moving back and with my parents and my family home,
• 18:25
  Speaker 5: which it sounds very exciting, but I know it's just
• 18:29
  Speaker 5: going to feel like such a backstep after being so
• 18:31
  Speaker 5: so incredibly independent for the last two years, and during
• 18:35
  Speaker 5: this time I've been single, so I've just I've been
• 18:38
  Speaker 5: thinking for many, many, many years. So I've done this
• 18:40
  Speaker 5: whole journey completely on my own, which has been absolutely incredible.
• 18:44
  Speaker 5: But yeah, I think also when I get home, I
• 18:46
  Speaker 5: know I'm going to be quite I feel like I'm
• 18:49
  Speaker 5: going to be quite depressed after all this and then
• 18:52
  Speaker 5: just being straight back into my hometown. So I guess
• 18:55
  Speaker 5: some advice to navigate that would be really appreciated. And yeah,
• 18:59
  Speaker 5: just to kind of have a more direction as to
• 19:02
  Speaker 5: when do I really need to listen in and just
• 19:04
  Speaker 5: book the flights home or you know that they will
• 19:07
  Speaker 5: obviously come, do I just wait until then? I don't know.
• 19:10
  Speaker 5: My bone's a bit of beable within all that at
• 19:12
  Speaker 5: the moment. But yeah, if you have any advice regarding that,
• 19:15
  Speaker 5: that would be very appreciated. Thank you so much.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, Oh my god, great question. Great question.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: There's there's okay, there's a bunch of things that I
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: can say here. The first thing is, if you're not
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: ready to leave yet, just stay there, honestly, stay there.
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: And the reason I say this is because this is
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: a very unique time in your life, and if you're
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: still getting something out of it, if you are still
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: enjoying yourself there, then I just I wouldn't rush coming home,
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: because when you come home, you're going to realize that
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: not much has changed, like and this this is the
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: general consensus that I hear from people that I'm very
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: close with, from people that have written in, from people
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: that have whatever. You know, like home doesn't change that much.
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: It changes, but it's quite slow. When things do change,
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: everything's kind of the same. And the main thing that
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: I hear when people come back being like, oh my God,
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: and then they get home and within a week they're like, oh,
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: it's kind of exactly where I left off. Nothing's really different.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: I can't. I kind of wish I hadn't left. So
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: if there's still a part of you that's like, I mean,
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: you're in Abetha in summer right now in Spain, I'm like,
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: get me there immediately, Like I just like, I'm living
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: through you. I can hear people laughing in the sun
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: in the background, and I'm guessing it's in the sun,
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: but I'm like, epic. If you're enjoying it, just do it.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: Do it while you love it. Okay, you don't want
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: to resent it. You don't want to end up hating it.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: But if you're like, nah, I'm still milking. Of course
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: you're going to miss home. That's natural and normal. But
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: if you're getting to milk it, you've got to put
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: yourself in the shoes of yourself in ten years time,
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: where you'll probably get this fully fledged career woman back
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: in Australia. Whatever, ask yourself, would I wish I stayed
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: another year, another eason, another six months, or you know,
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: or not, And most of the time you're going to
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: be like, nah, fuck it. Like, once I'm already settled
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: back home and really setting some roots, I probably would
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: have stayed longer. Like when I look back at my
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: time in in Paris, I would have stayed longer, you know,
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: and which is a nice feeling to have. But I
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: also you know, like it's also like I mean, and
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: then COVID all these other things happen, so like a
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: lot of things were not in my control, but if
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: I had the chance, because now I'm really like, my
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: roots are getting so rooted in it's not even fucking
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: funny anymore. About to build some fucking children. Right, So it's like,
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: then I look back at the times where it's total independence,
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: and I'm telling you right now, milk it for what
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: it is worth next. So that's one thing. If you
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: can and if you love it, I'm telling you right now,
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: maximize this fucking time because I'm guessing I didn't get
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: your age, but I'm guessing you're in your twenties. This
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: is the time. This is the fucking time, okay. And
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: then when you're in your thirties, then you start to
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: build the career and this and that, Like, there's just
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: so many other ears of your life to come ahead
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: of you where you're more grounded, and when you're laying
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: roots down, and when you're in one spot, exactly what
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: you had said, all the things you listed off, and
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: that's not like emergency. It doesn't have to happen right now.
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: So stay in a nutshell, stay if you like it,
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: Stay the next thing that I want you to wrap
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: your head around. And so this is what my best
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: friend lived in. She lived overseas for seven years. She
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: lived in Dubai for like three, and then she lived
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: in London for four or maybe it was four and
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: three something like that, and she had the fucking time
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: of her life. And then she came back and moved
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: back close to home, back to Queensland, and she was like,
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: I'm depressed. So exactly what you're fearing. It's kind of
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: what she was going through. She was like, oh, I'm
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: not happy I'm not this, I'm not that. But then
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: she thought, look, I'm not going to go back to London,
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: but what am I going to do that can get
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: me excited again about where my career is at, where
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: my life is at, where I'm heading. So she moved
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: to Sydney and for her that was like exactly what
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: she needed. Everyone's going to have different things, everyone's going
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: to have different needs. But maybe for you, when you
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: do make the decision to come home, because you're like,
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: I'm ready to start focusing on my career, I'm ready
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: to start seeing some stability. I'm ready to start having
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: some like normality and like a consistent financial income and
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: all these things that we all do crave at different
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: stages of our lives, or a lot of us crave
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: at different stages of our lives. You can start to think, okay,
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: so that's the indicator. Also when you're passionate about a
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: career choice, that also really helps you make that decision.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: Like for me, once I started like okay, I'm going
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: to do my master's degree, it's going to help me
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: settle it really took away the anxiety if do I
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: need to be in another country? Should I stay in Australia.
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: I found something that I was really passionate about and
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: I could really settle emotionally into, which was really really great.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: But once you have that idea, then you're more likely
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: to be ready to come home. And then I would
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: ask yourself, just because I'm returning back home, do I
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: have to be living in this city? Like you said town?
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: Maybe maybe a town doesn't work for me anymore. I've
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: seen the world, I've seen all of this. You know
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: it's I'm gonna feel like, what the fuck if I
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: move back home? Or maybe not? I don't know. So
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: you got to ask yourself these questions. So maybe come home,
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: stay home with your parents, get settled like as far
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: as like, find your equilibrium again, and then get really
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: clear on a city that fits you at home in Australia.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: Could that be the closest city to where your family lives.
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: Could it be a different city altogether, Sydney, Melbourne, per
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: whatever the fuck? But think what city like, after all
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: the life experiences I've had, after all this travel, after everything,
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: what city suits me and my lifestyle the best? And why?
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: And then start imagining yourself living in that city, being
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: like I could do this career here, I've got these
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: options here. I could do this. I could start networking,
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: I could find friends. You've been independent for years. I'm
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: sure you have no fucking problem making friends. Normally people
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: that are doing seasons overseas and traveling like that, like
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: make friends in a fucking heartbeat. So that won't be
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: a problem for you. So then you start thinking, Okay,
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: and then this is what helps you get excited for
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: your future back at home, Because if you're thinking the
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: only exciting thing about going back home is seeing the
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: people that I miss, then you're going to see the
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: people you miss. But then that in internal what am
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: I doing for myself? That personal side of you that
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: always needs to be listened to, is going to be
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: screaming being like what I know?
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: So I think get excited about something back at home.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: You figured out this is exact career I want to do.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: Now I can start geting excited about the path I
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: want to go down. Maybe you've already done the course
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: that you're just putting on hold. Maybe you can do
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: a course. Maybe then you pick the perfect city for you.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: Then you thinkay, what would I need to live in
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: that city? How much money would I need saved, Where
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: would I rent? Would I share with someone? Then you
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: start imagining what that life could be like for the
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: next stage, and then you feel a lot calmer about
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: going home. Then you probably want to stay in Europe,
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: maybe another year altogether, because you're like, I now have
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: a bit of a fleshed out plan of what my
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: life could realistically look like. I'll be home for a
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: few months to just balance out, and then I'm I'm
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: re establishing myself, maybe in a brand new city, maybe not,
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: and I'm like figuring out my career path and all
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: for that moving forward. But I can tell you right now,
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: once you start to really set those roots down back
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: at home, that's when you start like really heading into
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: completely different trajectory. Like I'm trying to get, you know,
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: stability in my career, I'm trying to go up the
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: ranks in my career. I'm also building on this and
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to save, and I'm buying this, and I'm
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: buying that. You're way less like to be like, oh,
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: I'll just throw it all away and I'm going to
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: go overseas again. So stay there basically have the time
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: of your life, because in the scheme of things. Another
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: year is not that long. I'm just presuming it's another year.
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: But then when you look back later on in life,
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm glad I milked that
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: time for what it was fucking worth, because then I
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: really got it out of my system and I can
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: look back and not be like, oh I wish I
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: had stayed longer. You look back being like that was epic.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: That was fucking epic, and I did it and it
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: was just unreal. Okay, But I love this for you.
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: I just love that you're there. I want to be there. Well,
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: it's so heavily pregnant, and I'm like, get me into
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: that either.
• 27:19
  Speaker 4: Ah.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: Okay, one more.
• 27:23
  Speaker 6: High ex says I'm hoping you can share some light
• 27:26
  Speaker 6: on my current situation. I live in a small coastal
• 27:29
  Speaker 6: town of Victoria. I moved there about four years ago
• 27:33
  Speaker 6: after COVID potentially a reaction to that. It wasn't very
• 27:37
  Speaker 6: thought through and it happened very quickly. I've wanted to
• 27:41
  Speaker 6: move back to the city pretty much every year that
• 27:43
  Speaker 6: I've lived on the coast, but I bought a house
• 27:46
  Speaker 6: and I wanted to commit to something and set myself
• 27:50
  Speaker 6: up for the future. I'm only actually finding now that
• 27:54
  Speaker 6: I'm feeling quite content there. I'm living in my house,
• 27:58
  Speaker 6: I've got a job that I really love, and I'm
• 28:02
  Speaker 6: quite happy. But within that, I'm noticing the gaps in
• 28:07
  Speaker 6: my life. I don't have many friends on the surf coast.
• 28:11
  Speaker 6: I know a lot of people, I just haven't made
• 28:15
  Speaker 6: those deeper connections. I'm thirty seven, I'm single. I haven't
• 28:20
  Speaker 6: met anyone in those four years I've lived there. There's
• 28:24
  Speaker 6: not much opportunity for dating, and I'm finding that I'm
• 28:28
  Speaker 6: spending majority of my time alone. I'm wanting to move
• 28:32
  Speaker 6: back to the city now to reconnect with friends and
• 28:36
  Speaker 6: to hopefully date. I just wanted to hear your advice
• 28:41
  Speaker 6: on am I romanticizing the city in what it has
• 28:45
  Speaker 6: to offer? Or am I self sabotaging because I'm feeling content?
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: What are your thoughts? Helpfully? Great question, great fucking question.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: You are absolutely not self sabotaging. You are, I think
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: this is and your also not romanticizing the city. You've
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: lived in the city, so you know exactly what it
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: has to offer and what it's like. That's the beauty
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: of it. You have that lived experience it's not like
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: you know, sometimes we come up with this idea of like,
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm going to move to this country
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: or this place, and you just create this movie in
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: your head without ever actually experiencing it, and you're like,
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: I don't know the reality of what it's like to
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: live there. Or you holiday somewhere once and then you
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: think I could live here. I could live here, not
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: understanding how like logistically fucked. So many things are about
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: living there, and there'd be so because you haven't lived there.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: For you, it's different because you have lived in the city.
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: And not only have you lived in the city, you've
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: dated in that city. You've got friends that live in
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: that city. So it's a big and rightly so it's
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: a very strong pool. And as you know, because it's
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: knowledge that you know about that city. Okay, what would
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: I do in your position? I would move back. I
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: just feel like you're saying the things that you talk
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: about are really fair. Things like firstly, you enjoyed living
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: in the city. It's something that you're kind of looking
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: forward to. I think you're avoiding it because you feel
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: like you're throwing in the towel. You're feeling oh like
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: I've moved, I've done this thing to establish myself. I've
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: done all of this, but I can't. But the thing is,
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: your real connections are in the city. You want to
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: start dating, You're like, the prospects are dire here right now,
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: and I really would like to put myself out there
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: and start dating. And I know that it was better
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: when I was in the city. So but you're not
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: throwing in the towel. It's been a great it has
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: been a success. You've been there for four years. That's
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: very successful. You made a call, you moved, You've re
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: established your life. You can, You've proven to yourself that
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: you're You're resilient, you can, you're adaptable, you can have
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: a great experience, you can build a life, and you
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: can also readapt that's the beauty of it. I've had
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: my four years here. It's been great. I've gotten what
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: I've needed to get out of it. I can return
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: later in my life if I want to. But right now,
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: my main the things of the greatest value I don't have.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: And I also they are within my reach, just not here.
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: So if I stay here, is it because I'm being
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: stubborn and I don't want to be like, oh, well,
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: she's given up on this lifestyle and she's strong this
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: or is it me just being like, well, for the
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: next stage of my life where connection is so important,
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: where time with my friends is so important, Like that's
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: where my group is. Dating matters to me because I
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: actually want to meet someone. It's not happening here. I
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: would go I think, I don't think you're romanticizing it.
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: I think you've thought about it properly. I think the
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: like the way you've processed this is very rational thinking,
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: and I would do it. I would go back. I
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: would you know, live life there, and you have that
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: really awesome knowing inside you that you are capable of
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: moving somewhere different and starting your life up and doing it.
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: You have that capability, you have it in you. You
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: know that you've got the skills, the life skills to
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: move and rebuild if you want. So you moved to
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: the city. Worst case scenario, a year or two years
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: down the line, you're like not feeling it. You now
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: know being like, well, I can just move again because
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: I've done it before and it was a great success,
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: so I can do it again. Okay, So yeah, my
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: answer to you is bite the fucking bullet, move back
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: to the city and really like hone in on those connections,
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: because that is so fucking important in life. Like to me,
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: there's nothing more important than like a really healthy connection
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: in my life. So this is a really really good question,
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: and go for it. Go for gold, and send another
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: voice message in with your updates. Guys, anyone who sent
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: a voice message in thus far, please send in updated
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: voice messages based on what it did you end up
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: taking my advice? Did you go the other way and
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: not take my advice? How has it panned out better
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: than you thought, worse than you thought? Where did you
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: find yourself? Did you learn lessons along the way? I'd
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: love to hear, so please with this romanticizing the city.
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: If you do it, send in another message and let
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: me know because I think that I think that would
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: be a good move for you. Genuinely, guys, thank you
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: so much for sending in your voice messages. I love
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: hearing them. They're the best. And that is all for
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: today's head noise. As always, remember be can'd to yourself,
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: be cain't to your brain. Don't take shit from anyone,
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: and especially don't take shit from yourself. Don't care,