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Donald Drumpf Theatre: Emptying the Nations Coffers While Distracting With a Fake Tariff War · Donald Drumpf Theatre radio show

• 0:10
  It's time again for Donald Drunk Theater No one knows what is
• 0:17
  up or down Jack or
• 0:18
  why Legal or impeachable Everything is make-believe in Donald
• 0:22
  Drunk Theater So
• 0:24
  let's pull the curtain back We are controlling transmission if
• 0:28
  we wish to make it
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_03: louder
• 0:30
  we will bring up the body we can change the focus to a soft
• 0:33
  blur you're moving into
• 0:34
  a land of both shadow and substance of things and ideas you've
• 0:38
  just crossed over
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_03: into
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_03: I hear it's fake news, but maybe it is, maybe it isn't.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_03: I think it's fake news, okay?
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_03: Now, would I do that?
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 1:04
  The president of the United States has the authority to do what
• 1:07
  the president has
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_03: the authority to do.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_03: You will.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I've declared myself as king.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_03: I learned a lot from Richard Nixon.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: When the president does it, that means that it is not illegal.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_03: I could cause panic much better than even you.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_03: I could do much.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_03: I would make you look like a minor league player.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_03: So, Professor, would you say it's time for everyone to panic?
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, I would, Kent.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome to the resistance.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_03: I promise you for the remainder of the next four years,
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_03: I will only speak to you in this tone of voice.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: What I can't explain is why the world has to have so much faith.
• 1:55
  With all the ways of communicating,
• 1:57
  we can't get touched with who we hate it.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_03: Last night, there was a tragic plane crash over the Potomac.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_03: Well this morning,
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_03: as 67 families were waiting in unapproachable grief,
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_03: desperate to find out what happened to their loved ones.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_03: The president of the United States took that moment of their tragedy,
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_03: the tragedy for these people,
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_03: who I'm confident are not concerned with politics right now,
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_03: to,
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_03: without any evidence whatsoever,
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_03: blame DEI and Democrats for the deadly plane crash.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_03: You still have today blamed the diversity elements,
• 3:06
  but then told us that you weren't sure that the controllers
• 3:11
  made any mistake.
• 3:12
  You then said perhaps the helicopter pilots were the ones who
• 3:17
  made the mistake.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_03: It's all under investigation.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_03: I understand that.
• 3:20
  That's why I'm trying to figure out how you can come to the
• 3:23
  conclusion right now
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_03: that diversity had something to do with this crash.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_03: Because I have common sense, okay?
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_03: No, not okay.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_03: No common sense and no common decency.
• 3:34
  President Trump spent 38 minutes blaming Joe Biden and Pete
• 3:39
  Buttigieg and diversity.
• 3:41
  I'm not really sure Donald Trump knows he's the president
• 3:44
  because remember when he
• 3:45
  waited 10 minutes after the wildfire started here in LA before
• 3:48
  he started blaming DEI?
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_03: He blames everything on DEI.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_03: It's his only game.
• 3:54
  The horrific fire sweeping through Los Angeles,
• 3:56
  DEI in the fire department.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_03: Violence in America, DEI in the police departments.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_03: Grocery prices, DEI chickens.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_03: Folks, I don't understand why all of a sudden we have these brown eggs.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_03: When did that start?
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_03: It's not, you need the smartest eggs you can get in there, folks.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_03: I've never seen a brown omelet, right?
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_03: that these aren't the eggs that mom used to lay, that's all I'm saying.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_03: Donald Trump is doing so many stupidly bad things,
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_03: so badly stupidly,
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_03: that it's difficult to keep up.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_03: Anyone who's ever had a toddler knows this feeling.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_03: You leave the room for one second,
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_03: and when you come back,
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_03: everything from the bookshelves is on the floor.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_03: The walls are covered in ketchup.
• 4:43
  And when you ask who gave the dog a haircut with safety scissors,
• 4:46
  your kid says,
• 4:47
  it was DEI.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_03: So already, things in America are far from normal.
• 4:52
  Case in point,
• 4:53
  yesterday,
• 4:54
  Trump ordered the preparation of Guantanamo Bay to house migrants.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_03: OK.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_03: Okay,
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_03: to all of his supporters who kept saying,
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_03: he's not going to build camps,
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_03: you're right,
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_03: he's not.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_03: He's refurbishing camps.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_03: This is a bad and stupid idea for a lot of reasons.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_03: One is because Trump explained it this way.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_03: Most people don't even know about it.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_03: We have 30,000 beds in Guantanamo.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, it's true.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_03: Most people don't know that we have 30,000 beds in Guantanamo.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_03: And you know why?
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_03: Because we don't.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_03: That might be why instead of 30,000 people in Gitmo,
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_03: as of last year,
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_03: the facility was holding only four migrants.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_03: That's a considerable difference.
• 5:35
  Honey,
• 5:35
  I know you already set the table for four,
• 5:37
  but can you add a couple more plates?
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_03: I invited Poughkeepsie.
• 5:42
  It seems obvious that the folks in charge of this are not
• 5:45
  serious people.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_03: Case in point,
• 5:47
  Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem was asked about the
• 5:50
  new plan for Gitmo,
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_03: and this was her attempt at talking.
• 5:54
  We're going to utilize Guantanamo Bay to a more expansive
• 5:58
  purpose and that we will
• 5:59
  be going and putting resources there to make sure we have the
• 6:02
  space to getting
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_02: people out of this country right away that will make sure our face,
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_02: our country,
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_02: much more safe.
• 6:10
  Our face will be so country safe through which utilization will
• 6:14
  America resources.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_03: In conclusion, Guantanamana Moana 2 in theaters now.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_03: Next question.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_03: More evidence that they're not taking this stuff seriously,
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_03: the White House has told federal agents to be,
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_03: quote,
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_03: camera-ready in tactical gear for a made-for-TV look.
• 6:42
  Trump and his lackeys justify everything they're doing by
• 6:46
  saying they're only
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_03: deporting the dangerous ones,
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_03: the Los Hannibal Lectores,
• 6:52
  like that plane load of Colombians their government refused to
• 6:55
  let land in part
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_03: because they were all handcuffed.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_03: We were being scolded because we had them in shackles in an airplane,
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_03: and he said,
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_03: this is no way to treat people.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_03: Now,
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_03: you gotta understand,
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_03: these are murderers,
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_03: drug lords,
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_03: gang members,
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_03: just the toughest people you've ever met or seen.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_03: What we gotta understand is that everything you say is a lie,
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_03: because according to the Colombian government,
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_03: of those 200 Colombians,
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_03: none of them were criminals.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_03: Now,
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know if we can trust what the Colombian government says,
• 7:30
  but what we can verify is that among the more than 200
• 7:33
  deportees were two pregnant
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_03: women and more than 20 children.
• 7:38
  But people in Trump's orbit say,
• 7:41
  okay,
• 7:41
  maybe these children aren't criminals.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_03: but they're not American citizens,
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_03: except when they are,
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_03: because on Friday,
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_03: a toddler,
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_03: his mother,
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_03: and his grandmother,
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_03: all American citizens,
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_03: were taken to an immigration detention center by U.S.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_03: officials in Milwaukee after they were overheard speaking Spanish.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_03: Hey!
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_03: Turns out...
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_03: The family had been born in Puerto Rico,
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_03: and after the mother showed them their birth certificates,
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_03: officials became apologetic,
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_03: with one of them saying,
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_03: I'm so sorry.
• 8:12
  He would have said,
• 8:12
  lo siento,
• 8:13
  but then he would have had to detain himself.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_03: It's been a rocky start.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_03: Trump's executive orders have unleashed chaos and been blocked by judges.
• 8:58
  None,
• 8:58
  not one of those executive orders had anything to do with
• 9:01
  lowering prices.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_03: The number one thing voters said they cared about and the reason Trump,
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_03: by his own admission,
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_03: won the election.
• 9:07
  They haven't presented a plan for lowering prices because they
• 9:10
  don't have one.
• 9:11
  They're there to dismantle the government and hand over the
• 9:13
  parts to rich guys.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_03: That's it.
• 9:14
  They're basically stripping the copper wire out of the walls
• 9:17
  before the oligarchs take over.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_03: At the inauguration,
• 9:19
  Trump elevated a small handful of robber barons whose combined
• 9:22
  net worth totaled a
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_03: trillion dollars,
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_03: and his cabinet is the wealthiest with the most billionaires in history.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, who do you think they're really fighting for?
• 9:29
  Trump's closest and most influential advisor is not a union
• 9:33
  leader or a member of
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_03: the working class.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_03: It's a guy worth...
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_03: $400 billion.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_03: Even the billionaires are scared of...
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_03: Remember back in 2021,
• 9:41
  Meta suspended his Facebook account after he maestroed the riot
• 9:45
  on January 6th.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_03: Well, Trump sued them, and guess what happened?
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_03: They settled out of court.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_03: Meta has agreed to pay him $25 million.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_03: $22 million of the dollars will go towards Trump's presidential library.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_03: That's L-I-E-brary, in case you're wondering how to spell it.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_03: According to the Wall Street Journal,
• 10:03
  this deal has been in the works since November when Trump
• 10:06
  threatened Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg.
• 10:08
  He told him he wouldn't be brought into the tent until the case
• 10:11
  was settled.
• 10:12
  So Zuckerberg scurried over to Mar-a-Lago with a big oversized
• 10:16
  check like he hit
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_03: the publisher's clearing house.
• 10:19
  Even at 78 years old,
• 10:20
  Trump is still bullying nerds out of their lunch money.
• 10:23
  This is the second most embarrassing thing Mark Zuckerberg has
• 10:29
  done this year.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_03: The first was taking this photograph.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_03: But it really is amazing.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_03: We have a president just shaking these guys down like a mob boss.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_03: And I wanted to understand how this is in any way acceptable.
• 10:42
  So what I did is I went to Meta AI,
• 10:45
  which is owned and operated by Mark Zuckerberg.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_03: And I typed in,
• 10:48
  what does it mean when the CEO of a major tech company pays the
• 10:51
  president of the
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_03: United States $25 million?
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_03: And this is the real response I got.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_03: That's a hypothetical scenario,
• 10:58
  and I'm not aware of any real-life instance of a CEO paying the
• 11:01
  president $25 million.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_03: If you're referring to a specific news article or report,
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_03: I'd be happy to help you understand the context.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_03: In general,
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_03: if a CEO were to pay the president a large sum of money,
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_03: it could raise serious ethical and legal concerns.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_03: Here are a few possible interpretations.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_03: Campaign donation,
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_03: if the payment was made during an election campaign,
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_03: could be considered a donation.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_03: Bribery or influence peddling, if the payment was made...
• 11:24
  in exchange for favorable treatment or influence over policy
• 11:28
  could be considered
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_03: bribery or influence peddling,
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_03: which are illegal.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_03: Philanthropic donation,
• 11:33
  if payment was made to support a specific charitable initiative
• 11:37
  or cause championed
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_03: by the president,
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_03: could be considered a philanthropic donation.
• 11:41
  It is essential to note that the president of the United States
• 11:44
  is a public servant,
• 11:45
  and their primary responsibility is to serve the interests of
• 11:49
  the American people,
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_03: not to accept payments from private individuals or companies.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_03: which just paid him $25 million.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe AI is smarter than we are already.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 12:04
  Donald Trump is threatening a trade war in multiple countries
• 12:07
  and plunging us into
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_03: a constitutional crisis.
• 12:09
  He's waging a full-scale takeover of the government by purging
• 12:12
  prosecutors and law
• 12:13
  enforcement officials and handing over control of sensitive
• 12:16
  government programs and
• 12:17
  Americans' private data to unelected oligarchs and fifth-year
• 12:21
  senior who wasn't
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_03: invited to the sleepover.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_03: but showed up anyway, Elon Musk.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_03: The Trump team promised shock and awe to start his second term.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_03: Two weeks in, the shocks keep coming.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_03: Each and every one of Trump's disastrous moves deserves top billing.
• 12:36
  It's like there's a long deli line,
• 12:39
  you know,
• 12:39
  at the counter of incompetence and corruption.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_03: And every ticket coming out of that little machine says number one.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_03: I'll just give you a taste, okay?
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_03: Over the weekend,
• 12:50
  Trump and his people gave Elon Musk access to the Treasury's
• 12:54
  payment system,
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_03: prepared to shut down USAID,
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_03: threatened to take back the Panama Canal,
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_03: fired DOJ prosecutors who worked on January 6th,
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_03: had the Pentagon kick out the New York Times,
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_03: NBC,
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_03: and NPR in favor of the New York Post,
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_03: Breitbart,
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_03: and One America News,
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_03: blocked federal agencies from honoring Black History Month,
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_03: MLK Day,
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_03: Juneteenth,
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_03: Pride Month,
• 13:20
  and Holocaust Remembrance Day removed over a thousand studies
• 13:25
  from the CDC website
• 13:27
  and took down thousands of government web pages to satisfy
• 13:30
  Trump's orders to remove
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_03: topics like diversity initiatives and gender ideology.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_02: Administration officials have forced out all six of the FBI's most senior
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_02: executives and multiple heads of various FBI field offices.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_03: Trump fired at least 17 inspector generals.
• 13:46
  More than two dozen federal prosecutors who worked on January
• 13:49
  6th cases were fired.
• 13:51
  Sparking panic inside the bureau by people who fear retribution
• 13:54
  by the Trump administration.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_03: More than a thousand senior civil workers and contractors were fired,
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_03: furloughed,
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_03: were placed on leave.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_03: USAID's website has been offline for more than 24 hours.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_03: putting a pause on most federal government websites.
• 14:07
  The Department of Education,
• 14:09
  a number of people have been placed on administrative leave.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_03: Several federal agencies were instructed to remove pronouns and,
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_03: in some cases,
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_03: nicknames from their email signatures.
• 14:19
  Immigration and Customs Enforcement reported an undisclosed
• 14:22
  number of arrests in Chicago,
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_03: with the acting deputy attorney general,
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_03: the Trump ally,
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_03: Dr.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_03: Phil.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_03: We will also be getting rid of all the State Department's translators.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_03: We will replace them with man's laters.
• 14:39
  President Donald Trump did order water released from two dams
• 14:43
  in the Central Valley.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_03: Claiming more water would have helped with the LA wildfires,
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_03: wasting reservoir supplies that farmers will need later.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_03: The water was released into rivers that do not flow to Los Angeles.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_03: I thought you were just going to lower the price of eggs.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_03: What is all this other ?
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_03: It's like hiring a handyman to fix your toilet,
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_03: and when you come back,
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_03: he's pulling out the fixtures,
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_03: rerouting the pipes,
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_03: and replacing your shower with a jacuzzi that also doesn't work.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, the toilet's still clogged.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_03: I'll get to it right after I burn down your garage.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_03: Trump...
• 15:16
  It's dismantling the government like he's hacking away at a
• 15:19
  stolen Benz in a chop shop.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_03: Meanwhile, egg prices are soaring with no end in sight.
• 15:24
  The wise pundits and politicians who lecture the rest of us on
• 15:28
  how to do politics
• 15:29
  have told us that we have to be discerning and not freak out
• 15:32
  about everything that
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_03: Trump does.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_03: Top Democrats on Capitol Hill are defending their strategy.
• 15:38
  Representative Hakeem Jeffries citing New York Yankees
• 15:41
  outfielder Aaron Judge in
• 15:43
  arguing it's better to pick and choose their fights and focus
• 15:48
  on a clear message.
• 15:49
  One of the reasons that he's a great hitter is that he does not
• 15:52
  swing at every pitch.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: He waits for the right one, and then he swings.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: We're not going to swing at every pitch.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_03: All right, first of all, you guys aren't Aaron Judge.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_03: You're more like Bartolo Colon.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_03: It's a wonder you can swing without your helmet coming off.
• 16:11
  Second,
• 16:11
  most of Trump's pitches are 65 miles an hour right down the
• 16:15
  center of the plate.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_03: Get your bat off your shoulder.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_03: Democrats should be teeing off on this guy.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_03: Right?
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_03: But instead of teeing off on this guy, they're putting up goose eggs.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_03: Our country is being lost.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_03: We're a failing nation.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_03: We are a nation in decline.
• 16:32
  We have to fight for our country,
• 16:34
  and we have to fight like we've never fought before.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_03: It's like we're a giant garbage can.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_03: How dare you?
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_03: If anything, America is a recycling bin.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_03: Useless and made almost entirely of plastic.
• 16:59
  Trump is barraging us with such an intense fusillade of nonstop
• 17:03
  bull that it's
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_03: impossible for the human brain to keep track or make sense of it.
• 17:07
  In the past three weeks alone,
• 17:09
  he's picked fights with Denmark,
• 17:10
  Panama,
• 17:10
  Colombia.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_03: Dr. Phil went on an immigration raid.
• 17:13
  Trump tried to override Congress's spending power by
• 17:15
  unilaterally canceling
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_03: trillions in government spending.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_03: He's shuttered thousands of government websites,
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_03: including those that provide crucial information
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_03: health information to scientists and the public.
• 17:24
  His Justice Department essentially shut down an investigation
• 17:27
  of a Republican ally,
• 17:28
  and he ordered government employees to take their pronouns out
• 17:31
  of their email signatures.
• 17:32
  The Trump administration removed transgender references from
• 17:36
  federal government websites.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: It now reads LGB instead of LGBT.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_03: They have no idea the damage T was doing to our nation.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_03: But of course,
• 17:54
  all of that took a backseat when Trump threatened to plunge us
• 17:57
  into a costly trade
• 17:57
  war with two of our closest allies and neighbors for what
• 18:00
  experts have described as,
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_03: and I believe this is the technical term,
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_03: no reason whatsoever.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, even Trump can't explain it.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_03: This morning,
• 18:09
  America on the cusp of a trade war with its biggest trading
• 18:12
  partners after
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_01: President Donald Trump signed three executive orders,
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: imposing 25 percent tariffs on all exports from Mexico and Canada,
• 18:21
  with a lower 10 percent tariff on Canadian energy exports and
• 18:25
  10 percent tariffs on
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_01: goods from China.
• 18:27
  Trump justifying the tariffs by blaming those countries for
• 18:31
  illegal drugs and
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: undocumented migrants entering the U.S.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_03: Wait, if you already stopped it, then why do you want them to stop it?
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_03: How do they...
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_03: Stop the thing you already stopped.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like I'm trapped in an M.C.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_03: Escher painting.
• 19:00
  They have to stop it because we've stopped it and they haven't
• 19:03
  stopped it.
• 19:03
  So they have to stop the thing we stopped and the hand has to
• 19:07
  draw the hand.
• 19:08
  The hand that's drawing the hand is being drawn by the hand
• 19:12
  that the hand is drawing.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_03: It's a complicated situation.
• 19:18
  We've explained this many times before,
• 19:20
  but again,
• 19:21
  a tariff is just a tax on imports.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_03: The exporting country doesn't pay the tax.
• 19:25
  The importer pays the tax,
• 19:27
  and then the tax gets passed out to the consumer.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_03: No importer has ever said, you know what?
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_03: I'm going to cover this one.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_03: Our peaceful trading partners are not our enemies.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_03: They are our allies.
• 19:37
  We should beware of the demagogues who are ready to declare a
• 19:40
  trade war against our friends,
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_03: weakening our economy,
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_03: our national security,
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_03: and the entire free world, all while cynically waving the American flag.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_03: And to make matters worse,
• 19:51
  Canada immediately responded with retaliatory tariffs and harsh
• 19:54
  words for Americans.
• 19:56
  I think Canadians are a little perplexed as to why our closest
• 20:00
  friends and
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_03: neighbors are choosing to target us.
• 20:03
  I don't think there's a lot of Americans who wake up in the
• 20:06
  morning saying,
• 20:06
  oh,
• 20:07
  damn Canada.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, we should really go after Canada.
• 20:11
  President Trump is reiterating his threat to,
• 20:13
  quote,
• 20:13
  take back the Panama Canal.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_03: Trump suggesting he could use military force to take Greenland.
• 20:18
  President Trump had a fiery phone call with Denmark's prime
• 20:21
  minister putting the
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_02: NATO ally in crisis mode.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_03: Denmark, Panama, Greenland, the axis of, where are those?
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_03: Now,
• 20:36
  lest you think that pronouns and Panama were the twin forces
• 20:40
  shackling America to a
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_03: prison of national decay,
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_03: there are also more powerful forces at play in this dangerous world,
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_03: some of them closer than what you might have ever imagined.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_03: a new era of trade wars.
• 20:54
  Trump says tariffs are coming on Canada and Mexico and even the
• 20:59
  European Union.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_03: What is happening?
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_03: The EU?
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_03: Canada?
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_03: Do we have any friends?
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, Mexico I get.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_03: Trump's been hate f***ing Mexico pretty much since the escalator.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_03: That's the truth.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_03: But Canada?
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_03: Canada?
• 21:23
  We're picking a fight with our most reliable and pleasant friend,
• 21:27
  the Labradoodle of allies?
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_03: But I guess that's Chuck Tuff.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_03: You know what I mean?
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_03: You gotta walk into the prison yard.
• 21:40
  Walk right up to the one guy who really doesn't seem to be a
• 21:43
  problem at all.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_03: And just, yeah!
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_03: Take that, best friend!
• 21:52
  Who has willingly signed up to fight in every ridiculous war
• 21:55
  we've ever gotten into?
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_03: Let that be a lesson to the rest of the world.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_03: We are a terrible friend.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_03: Denmark, Panama, and Canada.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_03: We used to fight the Nazis.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_03: Now we're scouring the globe for easy marks.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_03: What do we love?
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_03: The Jake Paul of nations?
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_03: I know China's out there, but Panama's a legitimate fight.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_03: In Trump's defense, he did explain today why we're going after Canada.
• 22:31
  I mean,
• 22:32
  I look at some of the deals made,
• 22:33
  I say,
• 22:33
  who the hell made these deals that are so bad?
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_03: So bad.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_03: The trade deals with Canada, they're so bad.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_03: He's just looking and saying, who made these?
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_03: Ladies and gentlemen.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_03: Don't get ahead of me.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_03: Ladies and gentlemen.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_03: For your dining and dancing, as you are.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_03: Come with me into the Wayback Machine to 2018.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_03: I give you the culprit of the terrible deal with Canada.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_03: This morning,
• 23:08
  President Trump signed a new trade deal to replace NAFTA with
• 23:10
  the leaders of Mexico
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_02: and Canada.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_03: The best trade deal they say ever made.
• 23:14
  Don't!
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_03: A deal done by Trump's greatest nemesis.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_03: Trump.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_03: Now, hold on.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_03: Deal...
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_03: But President Trump, this trade war has awoken a sleeping giant.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_03: Not Canada, not Mexico, but the Democratic minority Senate leader.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_03: Release the Schumer!
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_03: It's going to affect beer, okay?
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_03: Most of it, corona here, comes from Mexico.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_03: It's going to affect your guac, because what is guacamole made of?
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_03: Avocados.
• 24:05
  Your response to the trade war is to f***ing tell us guacamole
• 24:09
  is made of avocados?
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_03: Is that what?
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_03: When the people found out,
• 24:21
  when the people find out their precious Super Bowl dip is
• 24:26
  comprised of mainly avocados,
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_03: Also tomatoes, sometimes onions.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_03: It's a bit much for me, obviously, with the spielkes.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_03: Excuse me one second.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_03: Democrats, can you please stop f***ing trotting Schumer out there?
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_03: Every time Trump traverses into the unreal, he's not good at this.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_03: What is the decision-making process here?
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_03: Hey,
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_03: who should we get out there to effectively battle one of the most savvy
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_03: presidential media manipulators in history?
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know, how about Schumer?
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_03: He's uninteresting, but at least he's monotone.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, wait, and Chuck, before you go out there, you look too young.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_03: Put on these readers and lower them on your nose.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_03: Perfect.
• 25:41
  Honestly,
• 25:42
  listening to Chuck Schumer speak on almost any topic makes me
• 25:47
  want to bomb Canada.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_03: Kidding, of course, by the way.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_03: We have a...
• 25:57
  A couple of Canadians here from Montreal and I don't want to
• 25:59
  upset them because I'm
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_03: going to need an apartment soon.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_03: Now, before we...
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_03: Before we get rattled by Trump's two to two and a half front trade war,
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_03: please understand,
• 26:17
  Mexico has already today received a 30-day stay on tariffs by
• 26:22
  promising 10,000
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_03: troops to the border.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_03: And we've promised to stop the inflow of guns.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_03: So self-invented crisis averted.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_03: But what can Canada do?
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_03: I'm sure there's an equally performative gesture Canada could make.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_03: What I'd like to see, Canada become our 51st state.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_03: Mexico, you just sent a few troops to the border.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_03: But Canada, if you could, I don't know, cease to exist.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_03: As an independent entity.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_03: Fair?
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_03: What's that, Mexico?
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, no, no.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_03: There's only 51 states.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_03: There's no 50 seconds.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_03: I'm sorry.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_03: Hold on one second.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_03: Washington, D.C.?
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, go f*** something.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_03: All right.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_03: What's that, Puerto Rico?
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_03: No.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_03: Canada.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_03: I think you know why.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_03: I think you know why.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_03: Canada.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_03: Of course,
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_03: by the way,
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_03: since we even were writing this show at like 4 p.m.,
• 27:19
  Trump has already said now he's gonna pause the tariff war with
• 27:22
  Canada as well
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_03: because
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_03: Trump said the tariffs would happen on day one.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_03: Then on day one, he said February.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_03: Now he's saying March.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_03: He caved.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_03: And while Trump is threatening trade wars abroad,
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_03: he's letting the real president,
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_03: Elon Musk,
• 27:39
  root around in government computer systems and basically
• 27:42
  eliminate whatever he
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_03: doesn't like.
• 27:44
  He was reporting overnight about the Department of Government Efficiency,
• 27:47
  led by Elon Musk.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_01: Well,
• 27:49
  he's now gained access to sensitive treasury data that includes
• 27:52
  the federal
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_01: government's payment system.
• 27:54
  This is the system that is used to dole out more than $6
• 27:57
  trillion of payments every year.
• 28:00
  Everything from Social Security benefit payments to Medicare
• 28:03
  benefits to when you
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_03: get a tax refund from the federal government.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_03: Doge personnel wanted access to security systems,
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_03: to personnel information into areas where classified information is held.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_03: Of course, highly restricted areas.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_03: Eventually, we are told the Doge personnel were able to get in.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_03: This brings us
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_03: to a segment called, Seth is so stunned he can't complete a thought.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_03: So you're telling me the richest man in the world.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so Elon Musk is just, let's back up.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_03: The Treasury Department's computer system has been covered by,
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_03: I mean,
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_03: this is a staggering leak of private,
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_03: I'm trying to say it,
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_03: this sucks eggs.