Latest / Homeschooling and Life Unfiltered with Court & Jess / Episode 37 Finding Joy in the Messy Middle of Homeschooling with Maria Hendershot

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Episode 37 Finding Joy in the Messy Middle of Homeschooling with Maria Hendershot · Homeschooling and Life Unfiltered with Court & Jess

• 0:02
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to Homeschooling and Life Unfiltered with Court and Jess, where real talk meets real life.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_02: Court and Jess are two friends, fellow moms, and business partners who live in different time zones and juggle homeschooling alongside motherhood and entrepreneurship.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_02: Jess is a mom of eight and Court is a mom of seven, and together they're raising 15 kids and navigating the wild, wonderful world of homeschooling, each in completely different ways.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_02: Every week we invite you to pull up a chair for honest conversations, practical tips, and uplifting encouragement.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_02: You'll hear from moms across the country who are homeschooling in a way that works best for their families.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_02: Whether you're a veteran homeschool mom just getting started or somewhere in between, this is your space to feel seen, supported, and inspired.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_02: Because no matter how different our past may look, we are all in this together.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_02: Hey everybody, welcome to homeschooling and life unfiltered with Court and Jess.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_02: We have a special guest today.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_02: I'm so excited.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_02: Maria, I don't even know if you know this, but you're our very first um interviewer, interviewee, or whatever interviewer person.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know what you want to call it.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_02: Um we want to bring homeschool moms with lots of different backgrounds and different things um so that we can just, you know, you don't want to just listen to Court and Jess all the time.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_02: Let's let's bring on the people.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm so excited.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_02: Um Maria, I'm gonna tell a little bit about you.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_02: I have a little bit of a bio to share, um, and then we're just gonna dive in.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_02: So Maria Hendershot is a joy revivalist.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_02: Your your um thing is so fun.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_02: I love it.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_02: I can totally tell that you wrote it.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_02: Um, for burned out moms who are tired of just surviving and ready to create a life they're truly obsessed with.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_02: She's a master certified life coach with over a decade of experience.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_02: Maria holds certification in life coaching, health coaching, habit change, including the masterful coach collection and life coach school, tiny habits and faster ways to fat loss.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_02: Through her signature 90-day joyful reinvention program, Maria helps moms identify their energy gaps and make sustainable shifts in their mindset, habits, and nervous system health.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_02: I will say firsthand she teaches our mom class at co-op.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_02: I get to see Maria all the time, and her stuff is amazing.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_02: Sorry, I just put in my own little insert in today.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_02: I appreciate that.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_02: She is a homeschool mom of six, um, graduated quite a few.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_02: You're a grandma now, like me.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and Maria leads by example.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_02: After healing from her own burnout, she made a bold move, selling her home to travel the world and reclaim her sense of freedom and joy.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_02: She's passionate about helping women feel good enough to dream again and bold enough to live it out.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_02: She also loves dancing, adventures, and crossing items off her wildly imaginative bucket list, which are so true of you all the time.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_02: So, welcome, Maria.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_02: We're so excited you're here.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_02: Um honored.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, okay.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_02: I gave a little bit about you, but can you tell us, you know, how long have you been homeschooling?
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_02: What are your grades that you still have at home now?
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and just a little bit about your graduated kids and life that you.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, okay.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: So, like you said, I have six children.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I've homeschooled from the beginning.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: I kind of got that pull, um, that little tug in my heart that that was something it was enough, it was not something I ever thought I would do, but I got the little tug in my heart to start looking into it when my oldest was about 18 months.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: And then I didn't actually admit to being a homeschool mom until he was about in third grade, even though that's what I was doing.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: I was kind of always like, I was like, oh, it's just this thing I'm trying out because I was so intimidated by it.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I really kind of felt like people were watching Bywat, like waiting for me to fall on my face and fail at this.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: And so I was like, I'm just trying it out.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then at some point I was all like, oh, wait, actually, I'm doing this and it's working really well.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, so I've homeschooled from the beginning.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: My oldest is 26.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so however that math maths for when people, you know, I'm kind of like I'm homeschooling from the day that I give birth to them, you know.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: And so I say 26 years, but however people want to think about that is fine with me.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so yeah, I have so I have a 26, 24, 22-year-old, and then I have an 18-year-old and a 16-year-old and a 14-year-old.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: So my oldest four have graduated, and I've they've all graduated from my homeschool.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um, although in high school they've all had various, um, you know, some were doing some community college courses and some were doing online courses, and some, so um, yeah, like, but but I uh but they're all they're they all come from uh a mom-made, a mom-made curriculum and transcript and whatnot.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: So my my oldest two have already graduated from college, they've started their families.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: I have three grandbabies.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: Um, my third son is more of an entrepreneur, and so I tried to gear his high school experience to give him a little bit more space for that.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um, my and he's doing well with that.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: He lives close by and is dabbling in all sorts of things.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: And then my fourth child just graduated and she's um doing missionary work in the Dominican Republic.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: And then she will be headed to college.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: She wants to be a childlife specialist.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: And so that leaves two at home.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: I have a junior who's 16 and a freshman who is 14.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: So that is my family.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: That's awesome.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_02: Such a different dynamic, right?
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_02: Than when you had all those little kids.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_02: It's weird this day.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: It is weird.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: I think that, although I think that I'm going, I think that I should not.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: My daughter actually said this the other day.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, it's weird that we're just as busy and there's only two of us.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, it is kind of weird that way.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not sure how that's happening, but it's so true.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's weird.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: Your older kiddos, do they live nearby, or are you guys kind of all over the place?
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: Well, so I have two sons that live close by, and then one son and his wife and their daughter live in Northern California.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: So, and and that little grandbaby is gonna be one in a couple months.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_01: So we are excited to go out and celebrate her her one-year birthday.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_02: Is it in November?
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_02: Is that when it yeah, because like a month after West?
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_02: That is amazing.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_02: And you're in Arizona also.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I grew in Arizona.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: But I grew up most of my children, most of their homeschool happened in Pennsylvania.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: That is where we lived for um about 17 years.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: We've only been here for like four and a half years.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_01: So most so my oldest three all graduated um with Pennsylvania laws.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, interesting.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I would love to know too.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: I don't I don't meet very many, I personally don't meet very many homeschooling moms who say, I knew I always I always knew I wanted to homeschool.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Can you tell us a little bit about that?
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: What does that mean?
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like in high school, just once you were pregnant, like did you were you homeschooled?
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love it.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: Well, no, actually, so I probably didn't say it clearly.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: I actually didn't think I would homeschool.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: And when my oldest was 18 months, I just started like it was not even on my radar at all.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: And then I started like running into the concept over and over again.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, should I be paying attention to this?
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: And then I started kind of going through like I would interview people who did all of those things.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, you know, just informal, like, okay, you homeschool, tell me about that.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, you private school, tell me about that.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, how is how are the public schools treating you like?
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: And so I kind of just got I got that information from everyone and I got all of my little things that I had in my mind that I questioned, like, would they get a good education?
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: What about the socialization?
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: Could we afford it?
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: Am I qualified?
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: All those things.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I checked them off my list.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: And the the one thing that I um the one thing that was my hang up was what about me time?
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: I was so worried that it was going to burn me out.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: And in some regards it did, but not necessarily because of that.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: It's because um life can burn us out sometimes, no matter what path you go on.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I've learned is that life can just burn you out.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so yeah, that that is and what I have come to discover, and you know, it's the journey that teaches you, it's like hindsight.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: I've just learned like that one fear of like, what about me is like that, like giving that actually has like given back to me a thousand times than what I thought I was giving up.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: Just like what it has taught me as a human, what it has gifted me and my family as far as relationships go.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, I can't, you know, you can't we all we all learn what life needs to teach us in our own different ways, but um, that was the path that I felt led to and I'm so grateful for it because I feel like I learned I've learned so much and I've been gifted so much from it.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's amazing.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: And when um I always like to ask this question because I had a tough experience here.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Was your spouse immediately on board with this idea of keeping your children home?
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so you know, I'm always the first one of us that comes up with crazy ideas.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, when in my bio and it says I have an imaginative, um, a wildly imaginative bucket list, it truly is wildly imaginative.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: And it is like, so our first home was like a fixer-upper, and my husband would come down and I was like taking down a ceiling or taking down a wall, like, and he's all like, okay.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm the I'm the starter of things.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: And then eventually he's like, Okay, I'm seeing the vision here.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: So it it was first my idea, of course, but my husband, like, I'm fortunate that I feel like he he trusted me with that pretty early on.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: It didn't take um, it didn't take a lot of coaxing for him.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like once he understood and once he started, like, this is what I'm reading, this is what I'm feeling, this is what I'm learning.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: So he was pretty on, but I I lead most of those things and sometimes he finishes.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, a hundred percent.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_02: I was just gonna say you start all those things, do you finish them?
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_02: Because I start lots of things and I don't finish them.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm really good at starting things, like that's like that's how our team, our our tag teaming works.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I'll I'll start a big project and you can finish it for me.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: We are very much the same, except for I don't always get started.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: I just I I direct it.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, okay, let's get started and buy us less and you go here and you go here.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, my husband's very good about coming in and finishing up my my mess.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's so much, that's so much fun.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and were your kids always?
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'm totally deviating from our plan here, but I have to ask.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's good.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: You have such great energy, and um, I'm just anxious to know, were your kids always on board with with the plan of keeping them home to school?
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: I know you talked about dabbling in in uh what we in Minnesota call like PSEO, like college classes, um, but otherwise, did you feel like you guys were, did you ever run into those situations where they they weren't content?
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: You know, not a lot.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I will say that as they were starting school, and then all their friends, you know, because we go and have playgroups, and then eventually, like these playgroups grow outside of preschool, and they see their friends are excited about getting on the big yellow screen and all those things.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_01: And they're like, when am I gonna do that?
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: And so there's things like that that I was like, oh, actually, we're not going to do that.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's not what our family does.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: And they that didn't cause a lot, and then they're and then it was just fine.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: They I didn't really get a lot of pushback when they started getting to like older middle school, heading into high school, I would always have this talk with them.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: And it was always with me and my husband first, and then I would, and then we would bring our children in because I know that there's some things I can't provide simply because I don't have a hundred children, or I don't have a whole lot of fun, like I don't have unlimited funds, or do you know like there, or I you know, I don't I don't have I'm not an expert in all of the different things.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: So I know that at some point, um I personally am limited at what I can give my children, and I didn't want that to be a reason why.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I have seen in all of my children that have graduated so far that all of them, there was like something I was uh like homeschool can or going to school could give you something that I can't give you.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe it was like I could totally see you as um the student body president because that's the your personality.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_01: I could totally see like my oldest son was really into dance and the arts and stuff, and I could totally see like our school in Pennsylvania, they would put on these like off-Broadway like quality productions.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I can't give that to you.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, I've asked all of my children, so we we'd have this conversation, and they would all um, they all chose like in my second son, he was like, Yeah, I the school that we were in in Pennsylvania, they that that district had a grant for like this engineering project, and I'd heard great things about it, and I was like, I simply can't give that to you.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like, actually, mom, I just think that I'd be better learning on my own speed and I can figure, I can, I can like figure out what it is I want to learn and fulfill at my own.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: So we have those conversations.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: I some things that I do with my husband that I try to be very intentional about is those conversations come from a place of like understanding my child's maturity and like why like why what do they think they're missing?
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: And what what is their motivation behind it?
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: And um, am I okay with that?
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_01: As they get older, they do need to start taking ownership of things, but I'm still the parent and I still need to guide them.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_01: And so I definitely took into account of those things, and but all of them chose to still stay home.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: They felt like what they got at home gave them more.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I will say that I interviewed one of my children.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: I actually have interviewed all of them multiple times as like, how like what did we miss?
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what did I miss?
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_01: Like, truly, like, so I can share it with other moms, but also I have two more that I'm like, okay, like how can I?
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_01: I can't do it better.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: Like sometimes I just am all like, oh, we're just coasting now.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: And then I have to like say, nope, nope, I still have two.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: I've got to be just as committed.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I asked one, because that's a question that parents ask a lot, is like, do they feel like they missed out on the high school experience?
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I asked my son, he gave such a good answer, and he's like, Well, yeah, because I didn't go to high school.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_01: But if I had gone to school, I would have missed out on the experience I had.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I thought that was just a very mature way to see it, is because, like, well, yeah, like like if you're not in high school, like we we can recreate, like all of my children so far have gone to prom and they've been able to participate in sports and things like that.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: But there are some things that they are gonna miss simply because that's not where they're at.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: And so that is part of their experience, but they also have um they understand that they did have ownership in that decision um to a degree, and they they don't seem to they don't tell me at least that they regret it.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: I think that is so wise to what I love that you what you said is you know, not only do you open up that conversation with them, but you also it's not just an open and they take the lead and you just go with you know whatever you consider the maturity level, or they how should you phrase the questions based on their maturity, right?
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: And then you don't derail the education because they want to ride a school bus, right?
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's one that I hear all the time.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: So many moms would be like, Well, my kid really wants to ride a school bus.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: Then rent a school bus with a bunch of other moms for one day, just do it.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_01: My kids also want to eat Skittles all day long, you know, like yes, no, I love that.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: But I love that you watched you took those maturity cues and still had a really good, productive, appropriate conversation, but also still maintained that ultimately this is mom and dad's you know decision.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, um, and I loved the interviews that you did with your kiddos.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: I've done some interviews with my uh not official interviews, but just some conversations with my oldest, reflecting back.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: But I think that is so wise to be able to write, like be humble enough to say, hey, what what what could we have done better?
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's kind of a scary conversation to have, you know.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: I actually can I can I share one of those conversations?
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, totally.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so I and I knew I was like, this is like opening myself up to, you know, I don't know, but I was specifically asking my son who took the more entrepreneur route because both of my husband and I, we come from very um academic uh focused families, like get as much education as you can.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: You know, my husband has a PhD, and like that, that was that was very much a focus in both of our families, and it was very textbook.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: Like it, like education doesn't isn't education unless it looks like that.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_01: So this is how both of us were raised.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_01: So to think outside of the box, it has taken us, you know, it's a journey for us to understand, like, oh, okay, this is, you know, like when I would hear people say, like, don't model public school at home, I didn't even know what that meant.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I don't know what do you, what are you talking about?
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_01: And and so it's taken me a while.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: But then when I had my son who, you know, from a fairly early age, you know, like early middle school, I just kind of felt like he was not he was not college-bound.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I wanted, I always wanted, I always want those doors to stay open for them in case they changed their mind.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: So I always educated them with the idea that I wanted them to be prepared, but I also like tried within those bounds to like give as much flexibility for what I saw, like the the path I saw him going on more.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: And once we were in this, we were on a road trip, and so I asked him, I was like, Did do you wish I had done like given you more?
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: Because like I like I'm I'm learning, like and it took me a while to figure this out, but I was like, I'm learning that like maybe, maybe I'm a little bit too stringent in like what I think education should look like.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe I should like, would you have liked me to give you more flexibility?
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_01: And and I told him, like, and like I'm asking you this because like I have three children still, and I'm like, should I be like more willing to see it in other ways?
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_01: And you know what he said, and it totally surprised me.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_01: We had a really good conversation from both of us, and he's like, actually, mom, if they want to be an entrepreneurs, that'll come naturally.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: I wish you had been harder on me.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I will say, because he was my child, that kind of flew under the radar, and so like I like sometimes, so and he was he was a middle child, he was my first middle child, and so I was like, Sometimes I was just uh like just turn I'm just gonna turn a blind eye, like like like we're gonna like pass this off, so I feel like it's legit, but like there are some things that I was just like, I just can't, you know, and he's like, I wish you had what one example is like I wish you had sat down with me and made me practice the piano because I kind of got to a place where like his teacher was uh like I don't think this is for him, and he was all like it was like pulling teeth at all about it, right?
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_01: And he and and his teacher was like, Yeah, I actually think that maybe like because I was like, but everyone always regrets it when they quit.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like, Yeah, but maybe he won't.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_01: I just don't know if he will.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_01: And so I kind of made my own personal rules.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, Well, he can't he can't quit on his terms, but I will make like my terms, like if you fulfill this, then you can quit.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, or stop.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_01: I don't like the word quit.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, you can stop if you fulfill this, right?
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_01: And he was like, I just wish you had like sat with me and like kept going.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like you gave up on me, which tore me to my heart, right?
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_01: But also I was like, I was like, that's interesting.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_01: And it was kind of daring for me to keep going on this because I asked him in the first place, right?
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_01: And he just gave me an honest answer.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, but would you have like how would that have gone?
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_01: Because I could have sat there and made you practice, but what would that have done?
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: Like, would that would you really like you like hindsight's 2020?
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_01: And so kind of how that conversation ended is like one, it gave me more motivation, like, okay, like keep going for these children I still have at home.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_01: I keep like keeping on it, like you know, because I we get tired when we get older, right?
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but on the other hand, he walked away with this idea because I was like, you know, sometimes maybe the lesson for you is that like when life gives you an opportunity, take it.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_01: Because I think when you're young, you don't understand, like, oh, I'm not going to have unlimited funds and unlimited time like I do when I'm a child, and my my parents are giving me opportunities to learn these things.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_01: And he was like, actually, yeah, you're right.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_01: Because I was like, I know many kids who resent their parents for making them do something.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, who knows?
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe that would have been would have been a thing for you.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't know.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_01: And so it was it was a good conversation, but it was kind of tricky.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like it was a little, it was sticky to start in that, but it ended up being a really good conversation.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_02: That is, I love it.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_02: So one of the things I always, whenever making decisions like that, is like Like, you know, what's the the end resort or what's my biggest goal is relationships, right?
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_02: Like I want our relationships to still be good on the other end.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_02: And so I think I would have made the same decision as you.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_02: But honestly, like in hindsight, like I wish my mom had made me stick with the piano.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_02: Like she let me give up because it was summertime and I was like wanting to play with my friends, and she's like, Fine, I don't want to battle it.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_02: But I'm like, you should have made me do it.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_02: I was nine, I didn't know any better.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, it's true.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_01: And there's some times where I'm like, okay.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_01: And and sometimes, you know, and the older they get, the more they understand too that like parents are humans too.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_01: And we have our own bandwidth.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_01: We have like we have what we can handle at different stages in our life.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_01: I will say, and this is totally like kind of tongue in cheek, but I've had I have had moments after that conversation with my son that I've been sitting with another son, and I was like, we are practicing the cello, and I'm sitting right here next to you.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: And if you don't like it, you can thank your brother.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's so great.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sitting here as we're talking too.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm thinking, like, um, I literally wrote in my sticky note, Chase piano.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: I did the same thing.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: My oldest, um, we didn't do a lot of piano, but my second, we did a lot of piano.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: He had the most piano years, and he's a very, very talented musician.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: He is he is um just a very, very gifted musician.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: And then my next son, though, I let him stop when his big brother graduated.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: And now I'm like, oh, maybe I shouldn't have done that.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I wrote it down in my sticky note.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna revisit the conversation.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because I'm I'm with you too, Courtney.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: I wish that I had kept going in piano as a as a kiddo as well, or teenager, really, is when I stopped.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, really though, like we can spend a lot of time like swimming in regret, but that's just fighting with reality.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: It's like a lot of like we can learn, like going back and learning and being like you, like you said, like well, maybe we should revisit that.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I do I do appreciate learning from it for the sake of like making future decisions, but like a lot of what it should have could is like I've just discovered is kind of a waste of energy.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_01: Like I did what I made the decision I did, and then I learned from it.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: 100%.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: I love that mindset too, because we can turn something that's potentially so constructive, like these interviews, into something that actually really has super negative consequences on our mental health so quickly.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: So I love your perspective of like we're having these interviews not to feel bad or even necessarily good about what's happened, but just to be constructive because we were still educating kids at home.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and you can only make the best decision you can with the data you have and the information you have at the time, right?
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_02: You don't have the foresight to see five years from now or three years from now or six.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I I have one child that if I had forced, so she's also stopped piano, if I had forced her to, though, it 100% would have damaged our relationship.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: She is just one of mine that there's no beating around the bush.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: She says what she means.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: And if I push her, like if she says, I really need to be done with you know, piano, then she really needs to be done with piano.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: It will not be good to push her.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I mean, you just have to be so in tune with each of your kiddos as well.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I also feel like those relationships can also like I mean, one benefit is truly to like, okay, like learning for the children that are still coming, but also I think having the conversation sometimes, like I feel like lots of children.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I did, like, we don't understand why our parents did the thing, and then maybe we have like judgment against them about why they did things one way or the or another.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: But when you can have a conversation and they can just realize that you're human figuring life out just like everybody else, it it actually deepens, uh, or in my experience, it's deepened the relationship because they understand, like, okay, mom truly was just doing the best she could.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_01: And it's part of being human, right?
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna shift gears a little bit if that's okay.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_00: So you talked a little bit about burn it, burnout, and like just being human, right?
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so I think it's a good segue to talk about just how do you what are what's your advice for moms who are struggling to either stay motivated on the tough days or right, who are even maybe in a whole season of not feeling very driven or motivated.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then maybe in addition to that, um, how do you manage like your self-care?
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_00: Is that part of how you avoid burnout?
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: And if so, kind of what does that look like?
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so my journey with self-care and like what Courtney was talking about is like we we learn, we like we do the best with the information that we have, right?
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_01: And so I had like a portion of self-care when I when my children were younger.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_01: Like I always I I did my best to work out and get like some movement and try to eat well and stuff.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_01: I did not have all the tools for um like mental health self-care and emotional health self-care and caring for my nervous system and just for heaven's sakes being kind to myself.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_01: Like that is probably the biggest thing is that and if that's like if that is one thing I could like share with another mom is like you're taking on a big job, and you're like nothing's gone wrong if you feel overwhelmed, it's a big job, and so to have it have grace with yourself um is is just key, I think.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's I think honestly, for me, that's one of the biggest forms of self-care is like if I were to see another mom and all like if I were to like watch a mom who had everything I had, I would be easily to see, I'd be able to see it easily and say, you're caring so much, like you're doing awesome.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_01: And then to be able to translate that and give that to myself is a gift, but it's uh it's a gift that's hard to give to ourselves.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_01: I think we we put our we hold ourselves to a high standard, which is also a beautiful thing.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's that is the gorgeous thing that that serves us well in many ways, but at some point that scale tips where maybe it makes things a little bit more more difficult.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um along with that, I know it's so funny because I I'm not a great journaler and I used to scrapbook and then like life got busy, so I didn't really do that.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_01: But I do wish I had had even just like I mean, social media wasn't even really a thing, like when I first started, and I was kind of slow on getting myself on it.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_01: But I see women who um they'll have like a private Instagram that's just that.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_01: So when I was in Pennsylvania, I was I was an evaluator, and so I'd look up I would have to evaluate portfolios because by law that's something we had to do in Pennsylvania.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_01: So I would see people's portfolios, and some of their portfolios were simply like their chat books, and they would like just print it out monthly, and they would come in and be like, This is what we did.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_01: And and so then they had like visual reminders of all the fun that they had, right?
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I would constantly beat myself up, like, I'm so serious, and I take this, I'm always overwhelmed, and we're never having fun.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_01: And my kids are like, You gave us like a magical childhood, and I am like, How did I miss that?
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_01: And not that I completely missed it, but I think I was always so stressed over checking all the boxes and and and I and I have to forgive myself for that too, because like I said, like we're putting a big responsibility, especially when they get to high school, of like, okay, like their transcripts matter, getting prepared for their future that matters.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_01: And so for sure having grace with that, but I kind of wish I had just had moments, whether it was like more pictures in front of me to to remind me, because I can look back at pictures and be like, oh, look at us having fun.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_01: We killed it in the first, but in the middle of it, I felt like I was so drained and so stressed.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm not sure what the answer to that is, but something that could have just reminded me in the moment of like, okay, this is like this is fun.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like we're having fun because we were, my kids were.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_01: It was a lot of work for me, but I was too.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I have, but I I think in the moment I was so concerned about the next thing and just checking all the boxes.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_01: Um, that I wish I'd given myself a little bit more grace around that and given myself a few more moments just to like pause and have joy, which is why I like right now, I like lean into joy.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm just like, I am the joy girl.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_01: We are focusing on joy because I think I I worked past it so much.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like I was like going so fast to the next thing that I think sometimes I forgot to take a moment and realized that we were creating a beautiful life.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_02: So um it that totally reminds me of like I think it was last week in mom's class when Janae was talking about how we're kind of hard on ourselves and we're always criticizing.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_02: Like, even if we do this great thing, like we took our kids to the zoo and we did our science at the zoo, you know, like we did something super fun and creative, and but we're just thinking, oh, ugh, well, we didn't do math.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_02: Like we automatically go to like the things that we didn't do negatively.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_02: But she was she was talking about how if it if her friend had done that, she would have been like, oh my gosh, that is like the most amazing thing that you just did.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_02: Like you should talk to yourself like you would talk to a friend.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_02: And that that's exactly what you're talking about right there, is that that's not like the first response I think any mom does, right?
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_02: We automatically go to all the negative because it's easier to see all the things that we didn't do.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but to really, and so like in my brain this week, I'm like, oh, look at that.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_02: We are so good.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_02: Like, look at what we did.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_02: You know, and I've been kind of like pet talking myself, and I was like, I wish I'd had that when I had lots of little kids.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_02: Because like that is such a useful tool to just talk to yourself like you would talk to your friend.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_02: You would never tell your friend, like, oh, that was such a stupid activity.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_02: You didn't do math and you didn't do all these things, you didn't get the laundry done, or you had to buy pizza for dinner because you couldn't cook dinner because you were gone all day long at a field trip.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_02: Like, no, that is not what you're gonna say to somebody.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_02: So, anyways.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and with that, and I don't know if this will help a mom, but sometimes it's helpful to know that that tendency for us to always look where we're missing is actually exactly what our brains are supposed to do.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we have like that survival part of our brain and we have that plan on purpose part of our brain, and they have complete opposite jobs, but the part of our brain that's going to go on default is the part that's going to panic about everything that might possibly be going to wrong because that's its job.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_01: Its job is to constantly scan to see what where we might be in danger.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_01: And as a homeschool mom, those dangers are going to be are they getting their math?
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_01: Are they going to get into school?
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_01: Are we doing all the things that like that?
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_01: Those are those red flags for our brain.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_01: And our brain is just like doing its job, right?
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_01: But we have this, that part of our brain, but we have this other part of our brain that can actually override it.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes just, I have found that like that knowledge itself has been very helpful to me because it allows me to have more grace.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like, oh, that my brain was just doing what it needed to do to make sure that the next day was successful, right?
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_01: And then just be able to step back and be like, but I have this other side of my brain that can be a little bit more intentional, that can look for the the the ways that things are awesome, that can, you know, temper that freak out part of my brain and be like, okay, because and I and I've told this in the mom's class, you know, like our like that part of our nervous system, it's like a fire alarm.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna go off, like a fire, a smoke detector in our house.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna go off whether there's a fire or whether we're just burning toast or cooking bacon, right?
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_01: And so that part of our brain, it's just it's perceiving some kind of danger, like we're missing something.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_01: Let's freak out.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_01: So, anyway.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_00: When you when you do feel like when you do get to that point where you're very dysregulated, right?
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_00: And your nervous system is kind of on on high alert.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_00: Do you have any tips or tricks for moms to kind of just like recenter themselves?
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, just a moment of a breath, like hand to your heart, a deep breath.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_01: That could be just enough.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_01: To add on to that, you could just be like, what do I need right now?
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_01: What is it that I need?
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_01: Am I tired?
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_01: Am I stressed for this for this other thing?
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what am I what's worrying me right now?
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_01: But if you're too activated to go into that logical, like thinking part, just a deep breath.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_01: And and it just it doesn't have to take, like, it doesn't have to be, you know, a three-hour spa trip or a weekend away.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_01: Although I I highly wait for those things, like I'm not against those things at all, but we don't have to wait for those big moments or you know, for life to slow down for to be able to give ourselves that gift of just a moment to to just breathe and to be.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then the other thing is like I just love to look for little bits of joy wherever, you know, for some people it's it they they use the word gratitude.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes for me, like I do agree that gratitude is like one of the highest like frequency emotions that we can experience.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_01: But sometimes gratitude comes along with like a bit of guilt or shame.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_01: If, like, oh, for not feeling like if we're feeling like frustrated with something, we're not feeling gratitude.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so for me, my body responds better to this idea of just looking for joy.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_01: And it could be like children's giggles, it could be a blue sky.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_01: I was telling Courtney, like in Arizona, I've called it the Arizona hug, like walking out and just being enveloped by this, like, and it's just like it's like squeezing my body and hugging me, and then I'm like, okay.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, like that is little moments of just things that help you feel alive that are like, okay, I'm human.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_01: This is this is like I'm having a human experience, I'm here, I'm alive.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_01: What a gift that this is, and all of it, right?
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like, because we can't know, we can't experience joy if we are not experiencing some of the harder emotions that we deem as negative.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_01: And so understanding that that's part of life, like all of it comes as part of the package.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing's gone wrong when we're having anger, frustration, or sadness or discouragement.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's just that part of life and that that can sit next to joy too.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_01: There's room for both.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_02: I'm putting what brings me joy into my journal.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_02: I've been journaling every day for like a long, like this year, first time ever.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_02: But I've been doing that kind of that gratitude practice, but then I kind of get like the same thing.
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_02: Like I'm grateful for the same things over.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_02: Like I get stuck in like a rut, but that's a better question.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_02: What brings me joy?
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_02: Like I'm Yeah.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_00: One of the things, and I've mentioned this in the podcast before, but for maybe some of our new listeners, one of the things that so for me, like when I'm really right, my nervous system is a mess and I'm in the thick of it, it's very hard for me to even imagine what brings me joy, right?
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you just have you ever been in those days where it's like you know, I've just I nothing has gone right.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_00: I, you know, I'm a terrible homeschool mother, all these things.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_00: So what I got in the habit of was at least once, or it's actually I should say at least twice a year, at least twice a year.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_00: I um and I ref so I refine it every year, but I make um a joy list of the things that bring me joy.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_00: And it's this huge list, and but they're it's very specific.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so so for example, a couple things that I know off the top of my head, um, instead of saying like a trip, I'll say camping, like camping brings me joy.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um uh doing this Amish trip that actually Courtney and I just did together brings me joy.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_00: This Amish tour, all these different things.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, and and of course there's other like foundational things like my children and things like that, my husband.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but and then I'm refining that list a couple of times a year, adding to it, taking things off as I as I change and grow.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_00: And um, so when I'm in one of those days where I can't possibly even imagine what brings me joy, I go back to that list.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes, right, I'm in a I'm in a spot in my life where I can say, okay, we're gonna call off school for the day and we're gonna go, we're gonna pick something off this joylist to do.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_00: Other times I'm in a season where that's not possible, but I'm just gonna sit here and daydream about these things for you know 10, 15 minutes, think about them, imagine them, and then I'm able to go kind of back with a better attitude.
• 39:39
  SPEAKER_00: But for me, that's been helpful to have it written down so that when I'm so overwhelmed and can't just kind of pull it out of thin air, it's just right there for me.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love that.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_01: That's a great idea.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_01: The other thing I was thinking of as you're talking is um sometimes like the way to regulate our nervous system, it like it's different.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_01: There's different ways, right?
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_01: And it's and depending on the energy that you're at and the energy that you need is going to take something different.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, like sometimes it was just like put school aside, let's just cuddle, we're gonna watch a movie.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_01: Mom's exhausted, she needs rest.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes what I need is just a walk around.
• 40:20
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I love a good dance party, like let's jam on some music.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_01: And if I'm just like dancing silly for it, takes two minutes.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like I can be like in my bed crying, and then two minutes of just jamming to some song, and then I'm like, oh, that's all I needed.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_01: And so, like, it is interesting, and sometimes you just have to play around with it.
• 40:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like, okay, like what?
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_01: Because sometimes we think of like, you know, like how do I regulate my nervous system?
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_01: And it's and and the ideas that come are all very like, let's meditate, let's, you know, stillness.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_01: And but lots of times for me, actually, I just need to move my body.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like, let's just do 10 jumping jacks and then I am on fire again.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_01: So understanding like your energy levels and like checking in, like, what do I need?
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like, am I exhausted and I need a nap, or do I just need to move my body and like the emotions will process through as I give myself that gift of movement.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's it's totally true that I mean it's just like your kids, like each kid's gonna be different, each situation's gonna be different.
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_02: So it's gonna change depending upon what like what I need.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_02: It's but trying to figure out like acknowledge that and being okay with it, I think that was probably my hardest part, is to be like, no, it's okay to just like I I have learned now one of mine, which I would never have said that before, but like go walk around the block, just like go outside, like listen to the birds, like no podcasts, no, which to me is like it like kind of kills me because I'm like, this is such a waste of time.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_02: Like I could be doing all these things and checking all these things out the boxes, right?
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_02: But and just acknowledging that like it's okay, just go listen to the birds, like breathe some air.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_01: I know it is so hard, especially.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I think you and I I I don't know you as much, Jessica, but I know Courtney, like I feel like we kind of have the same vent, like we're we're very like let's get things done, personalities.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes, like it's all sometimes that well for me, like my body got can get stuck in overfunctioning.
• 42:20
  SPEAKER_01: And then, and I like I have this idea of like product, like I have to be productive and what productive looks like, and I forget that rest can look can is productive.
• 42:33
  SPEAKER_01: I forget that, and it's like I need permission to be like it's okay to sit and do nothing, but my body truly it feels like it it almost gets a sense of danger because it's not used to that.
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, wait a second, this is not what we do.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_01: We constantly go.
• 42:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so to like get it used to the fact that like okay, calming down for a little bit and just like having stillness actually is good for it's okay, you're not gonna die.
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_01: But I had to teach my body how to do that too.
• 43:03
  SPEAKER_02: It did not come naturally.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_02: I fully own that I'm still learning that.
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_02: I still not very good at it, but we've been like kind of embracing more like family nights.
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_02: We're like, let's watch a movie.
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_02: I cannot just watch a movie, it like kills me.
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_02: But I'm like, I can color with Macy and we can do a puzzle, and we can, you know, like I can do embroidery, and so I'm doing something, but it's kind of like leaning into like relaxing hobbies.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_02: I think is where I'm trying to like get myself so that I'm still feeling like useful, I guess.
• 43:34
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_02: I'm I'm still working on that, but I feel like I've gotten way better, and I feel like coloring while watching is like, you know, I'm not working on spreadsheets, which is what I used to normally do while I watch movies and ticket.
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_01: Me too.
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I honestly like, and I feel like there's this pendulum where I was like, I realized I was like, oh, this is where my nervous system has been functioning.
• 43:53
  SPEAKER_01: And then I like swung here, and then I was like kind of not happy because I felt like I was not, I was like, does this mean I just can't?
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_01: Because here's the thing, like overfunctioning has served me very, very well over my years.
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I feel like I've been able to accomplish a lot because that's how I operate.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_01: But then it was starting to come up in like um physical, like it was affecting my physical health.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_01: And so then I was like, okay, my body's screaming that this is not working anymore.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so then I went back to this other place.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_01: And then I kind of was like, so does this mean I'm never going to be productive again?
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_01: Because I don't like, I don't like that.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_01: That doesn't feel good to me either.
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_01: So I've had to like kind of, it's just been an experiment of like where's a good balance, and also like what like being able to check in and being like, okay, what do I need?
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like regulation does not have to be like sitting in Zen all the time.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I like we're human, having a human experience that comes with stress.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_01: We're going to experience stress.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's more of like building resilience of like, okay, like I can come back to this place of peace that's still good for my body, like physically and like my mental and emotional health too, and still like be a go-getter and get after my dreams and and accomplish things that I'm excited about accomplishing that light me on fire, you know?
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm kind of getting off of homeschooling.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, this and this leads me to I I've been wanting to ask this question.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and if we didn't get time to ask it, the podcast was gonna ask it after, but I'm just gonna ask it now.
• 45:24
  SPEAKER_00: So you're talking about being like very productive, right?
• 45:27
  SPEAKER_00: And like accomplishing your dreams and things.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe this this wasn't a dream, but I I suspect it was.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_00: Can you tell us a little bit about the books you've because I think you've authored several books, correct?
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_01: So I've co-authored one book and I have a book that is on that is in process.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, and I had the Courtney gifted me the copy.
• 45:46
  SPEAKER_00: I gave her a copy of it.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_00: I have not read it yet, but it is like on my short list.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_00: So can you tell us a little bit about the books?
• 45:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, sure.
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_01: So one of them is she the the one that has already been published that I co-authored.
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it is called She Rises, and there each chapter is from a woman from the Masterful Coach Collective.
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_01: So we're all we all went through like master coach training together, and we wanted to collectively put like just our knowledge and expertise like into a book.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_01: It I mean, there's some great things in there.
• 46:19
  SPEAKER_01: There's uh one woman speaks on, she's a grief coach, and she has experienced um, she she is an expert on grief.
• 46:27
  SPEAKER_01: She and she is so brave and courageous to share her experience to help other women um from her from what she has.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, there's a doodle coach.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_01: I've learned a lot from her.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, she's that's fun.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_01: There's just so many different different authors that have contributed to this.
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_01: So mine was Joyful Reinvention, and it really was this like it is all about like the journey back to like connecting with myself, and you know, after years, decades actually of caregiving, um, you know, like like my needs and my wants and my desires kind of got turned down a little.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't regret it.
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_01: That was something I also also had to be is as I as I would study like life coaching, all that stuff, it was like it's very like live your dream and blah blah blah.
• 47:15
  SPEAKER_01: I was living my dream.
• 47:16
  SPEAKER_01: I was building a family, like I was building a family, and even though my dream was like giving so much of myself to my family, that's exactly where I wanted, that's what I wanted to be doing during that stage.
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but being able to like pull back and find joys, joy in those little pockets of those little moments, um, so that I can enjoy that journey and not just get through that journey.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, that's what mine is about.
• 47:45
  SPEAKER_01: And actually, that is what my the book that I'm working on now.
• 47:49
  SPEAKER_01: Um I think I'm gonna call it uh um choose joy, which um so it's just gonna be it's like that my chapter has kind of been like the springboard to a book about um just how to have more intention and purpose and also how to experience that joy a little bit more.
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um, because I don't know, I just wish that for women because we they women mothers give so much, and I want them to be able to experience the joy of the gift that they give to everyone and not just give it and feel completely depleted at the end of that, to be able to experience that joy in the process of it.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not like I mean, I also have experience with anxiety and depression and things like that.
• 48:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I it's not like I walk around in a bubble just being like, oh, everything's joyful.
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like, but it's it's not like I almost uh it's like a joy for me is more like wholeness and like just appreciating everything that life gives to offer me, the the good and the bad together, that they can sit next to each other.
• 49:03
  SPEAKER_01: That I it's okay if sometimes I'm sad, but still being able to experience like joy from life.
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_01: I yeah, anyway, that is the process.
• 49:13
  SPEAKER_01: That's the book that I um I I have just started, so it's a baby.
• 49:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'm hoping it will come out next year.
• 49:21
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that sounds amazing.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, my I love that topic.
• 49:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's a that's a phrase we use in our house a lot, is choose joy.
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_00: And it's actually stemmed originally from uh our church does I can't remember what it was called, EFY, I think is what it was called back then.
• 49:38
  SPEAKER_00: And the topic was choose joy, and my daughter came back like just a different person after that.
• 49:43
  SPEAKER_00: The theme for the week get changed her, and it's just such a phenomenal concept.
• 49:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I I love it.
• 49:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so excited to read the book.
• 49:52
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'll let you know.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'll let you know.
• 49:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's awesome.
• 49:55
  SPEAKER_02: So I went back and looked.
• 49:56
  SPEAKER_02: So I always pick a word of the year, and I started it like a long time ago, and my 2018 word was joy.
• 50:02
  SPEAKER_02: Like that was when I realized like Macy was four and Sydney would have been like 16.
• 50:06
  SPEAKER_02: That that was the season I like I needed to finally like get out of that rut of like momhood and like choose joy and find it.
• 50:13
  SPEAKER_02: And so I feel like I've been on this journey, and like you have I have learned more in the last two years since I've known you about that.
• 50:19
  SPEAKER_02: Then I'm like, where were you?
• 50:21
  SPEAKER_02: You know, eight years ago when I should have learned these things, but I think it's awesome.
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_01: I was just being introduced to it myself, right?
• 50:27
  SPEAKER_01: That's where I was.
• 50:27
  SPEAKER_01: That's where I was like in the muck, being like, Yeah, okay, like I have the life that like everything looks perfect in my life.
• 50:35
  SPEAKER_01: Why am I not loving the joy?
• 50:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like, why yeah, like why, why like how do you access that?
• 50:42
  SPEAKER_01: And so just yeah, it's been a journey for myself too of yeah, just discovery and like what does that actually mean and what does it look like?
• 50:51
  SPEAKER_01: And how do you get it?
• 50:52
  SPEAKER_01: And um, just moment moments of it is yeah, it's a it's a beautiful topic.
• 50:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I think it's made me a better mom.
• 51:02
  SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_01: So and I don't know if you remember in mom's class, um, I talked about this like upward spiral.
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_01: There's this theory called the um broaden and build, and it's like you can act from like this the stress part of this continuum or from like a peace part of the continuum.
• 51:21
  SPEAKER_01: But like once you have like just a moment of, and and there's different emotions that can give this to someone, but love can do it, joy can do it, praise can do it, um, curiosity can do it, wonder and awe can do it.
• 51:39
  SPEAKER_01: But moments of that, and being able to like build a muscle that recognizes those that can like go through and find wonder and just in every just normal every day, just a normal Tuesday.
• 51:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like we don't like like it's awesome, like let's go to Hawaii and experience paradise and find joy there, right?
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_01: Or we can also, I'm not, I'm not like do it, go do it, but also just on a normal Tuesday morning, where can we find awe and wonder?
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_01: And it's really something that you practice um noticing in your life.
• 52:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's a muscle that you can start practicing.
• 52:18
  SPEAKER_01: And a moment of that puts you on this upward spiral where it opens yourself up to more inspiration, more um like ideas, more problem solving.
• 52:32
  SPEAKER_01: It like it really truly opens yourself up just to more of just openness, everything that comes with that, like abundance, right?
• 52:41
  SPEAKER_01: Whereas like living more in that stress cycle, it constricts, it narrows and constricts.
• 52:47
  SPEAKER_01: And that's when we feel stuck and we feel um like nothing's nothing is going our way and all that stuff, you know.
• 52:56
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not that life doesn't get hard just because you're open to things, it's just you can experience it with a little bit more hope.
• 53:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, I love that.
• 53:08
  SPEAKER_02: That's awesome.
• 53:09
  SPEAKER_02: That's awesome.
• 53:10
  SPEAKER_02: Well, this has been such a fun conversation.
• 53:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, thank you.
• 53:12
  SPEAKER_02: And I love it.
• 53:13
  SPEAKER_02: Like, we're not just all about homeschooling, we're all about real life and all things.
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_02: And I think what our topic was spot on for moms.
• 53:18
  SPEAKER_02: I hope everybody enjoyed it.
• 53:20
  SPEAKER_02: Um, Maria, tell us where our um like where people can find you because you have a podcast.
• 53:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes, I have a podcast called the I've Got You Mama Podcast, and these are the things that we we talk about.
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_01: We just talk about all sorts of like health, mental health, emotional health, um, just different tips for to help support moms in all different ways.
• 53:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then Joyful Reinvention, that's my website, and then Maria Hendershot Coaching on Instagram.
• 53:46
  SPEAKER_01: Those are the three places I hang out the most.
• 53:49
  SPEAKER_02: Awesome.
• 53:50
  SPEAKER_02: And we will put that in our show notes perfect so that we can find you.
• 53:55
  SPEAKER_02: And thank you so much for coming on here.
• 53:57
  SPEAKER_02: This is absolutely fun.
• 53:58
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for having me.
• 53:59
  SPEAKER_02: I love it.
• 54:00
  SPEAKER_01: Maria, yeah.
• 54:02
  SPEAKER_02: All right, you guys have a wonderful week, and we will see everybody um next week.
• 54:08
  SPEAKER_02: And like and comment and share and do all the things because we would love to get out to more mamas.
• 54:13
  SPEAKER_02: All right, this is awesome.
• 54:14
  SPEAKER_02: Thanks, everybody.