Latest / Why Not Today? with Leslie Kane / Why Not Today? Season 1 - Episode 24 with Karen Cleveland, CEO of Leadership Fairfax

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Why Not Today? Season 1 - Episode 24 with Karen Cleveland, CEO of Leadership Fairfax · Why Not Today? with Leslie Kane

• 0:00
  Hello, my name is Leslie Kane and I am the host of the Why Not Today podcast.
• 0:06
  This is a podcast to celebrate people who have been courageous and said, why not today?
• 0:11
  I started this podcast in honor of my father, Patrick Kane, who often said, why not today?
• 0:15
  I am based in Reston, Virginia, a Planned community right outside of Washington, DC,
• 0:19
  and thanks for joining us today.
• 0:20
  And I'm super excited to have my guest, Karen Cleveland.
• 0:24
  And before we hear from Karen and all her wisdom, I would like to talk about connections
• 0:29
  and how you meet people and how you know people.
• 0:30
  And oh my goodness, Karen, I've known you forever, but not really known you forever.
• 0:34
  And you were in my father's circle and part of the chamber.
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  And I mean, we have so many connections that go so far back from starting the chamber.
• 0:44
  And I love hearing your story about the first time you first day at the chamber and meeting
• 0:47
  my dad to my sister working for you, to just knowing who you were and didn't really know
• 0:53
  you well until I think when my dad passed away and we kind of connected and started
• 0:57
  doing more and I think really got close during COVID during all of our walks around the lake,
• 1:03
  multiple walks on the lake to get through that period.
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  And now I am grateful to have you as a coach, a mentor, and especially a friend.
• 1:11
  And I'm super excited to have you on the podcast today.
• 1:14
  We're going to talk about lots of different things about courage and COVID and I don't
• 1:19
  know, we talked about lots of different ideas.
• 1:20
  So we're just going to have a conversation here.
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  So Karen, why don't we, before we hear your courageous story and all about courage, why
• 1:26
  don't you introduce yourself, tell us a little bit about you and a fun fact that you might
• 1:30
  not know.
• 1:31
  Great.
• 1:32
  Well, thanks, Leslie.
• 1:33
  It's great to be here with you today.
• 1:36
  I'm originally from Cincinnati, Ohio.
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  So think of myself as a midwesterner and I grew up on a college campus on a football
• 1:43
  field.
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  Basically, my dad was a college football coach and part of my courage story, I think is the
• 1:50
  fact that I have five brothers and sisters, all of whom were world-class athletes or nationally
• 1:57
  ranked athletes at some point in their career.
• 2:00
  And while your guests cannot see me, I'm 5'10 and had been this tall since I was 11 and
• 2:06
  somehow the coordination gene just skipped me completely.
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  So I spent a lot of time in the bleachers, in the stands, wherever cheering on my siblings
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  and watching my dad coach football.
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  So I'm an avid sports fan.
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  Just prefer my sport to be walking around the lake.
• 2:26
  Yes, definitely.
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  So and you've done lots of different things in your career and we'll kind of talk about
• 2:31
  that.
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  So before we start, what does courage mean to you?
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  You know, you asked me to think about that ahead of time and I've really given it a lot
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  of thought.
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  I think that courage, you know, or being brave is inextricably, inextricably, I can't even
• 2:52
  say that word, linked to confidence and really self-assuredness.
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  And I think at least for me, it's hard to separate the two.
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  So courage is about being able to see where you want to go or what you want to do and
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  living in the moment to do the right thing.
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  And if you practice, like most skills, being courageous, I think you can draw on that when
• 3:23
  you need it.
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  I love that.
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  And just so you know, I don't know if you had a chance to check out the website, but
• 3:29
  I have, I only got my website up and everybody that's on the podcast, I have courage cards
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  with your definition of courage.
• 3:38
  I love that.
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  So people can share them and kind of see everybody's definitions.
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  So you've done lots in your life and had a very wide career from, gosh, remember, I didn't
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  know this, but aerobics with a friend of mine from high school to all different things to
• 3:54
  run lots of organizations and on a gazillion boards and you really make a difference in
• 3:59
  the community.
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  So tell me, you know, what have you done in your life that took some courage?
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  Oh gosh, there are so many steps in my life that really were leaps of faith.
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  And so it took courage to get there.
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  You know, back to what it's linked to though, too, I have always spent a lot of time reflecting,
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  trying to understand where I want to go.
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  You know, I always think of it as sharpening your viewfinder.
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  I don't know if a lot of your listeners are old enough to know what a viewfinder is, those
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  things you look through and click until you get some clarity.
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  And that's how I like to think of my life.
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  And so I spent a lot of time when I was younger thinking about what am I good at and what
• 4:46
  do I enjoy doing?
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  And I was pretty good at figuring that out.
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  The challenge for me was I didn't think there was a lot of value in what I was good at and
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  what I enjoyed doing.
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  So it was really the help of people in my life who were able to see my strengths and
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  saw them as valuable, who were holding up a mirror for me.
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  And I would say that those early times took a lot of courage to step into my own and really
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  believe that I could be successful doing some of these things that matched my skill set
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  and my desires really to be involved in.
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  It's always been about helping people one way or another.
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  And so that's been the thread through all of my career.
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  And you're definitely doing a lot of that.
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  And I love that you were able to tap into other people to have them look at your strengths
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  and see, which is a powerful tool in our toolbox to help us become better in who we are.
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  That's right.
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  That's the biggest gift you can give to other people is to be that person for them to hold
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  up that mirror and call them out in a good way and say, hey, I see this.
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  I see you.
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  So how do you get people to help you with that?
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  Do you ask them to what your strengths are?
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  Do you look at mentors?
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  And how did you go about doing that?
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  So I think it's about putting yourself in the right position.
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  Putting yourself in the place of most opportunity, if you will.
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  And that does take courage too sometimes to get out of your comfort zone.
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  I still remember one of, you know, I have these strings of pivotal moments in my life
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  that I could go back and say, this happened.
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  And then it was a force accelerator for me in one way or another.
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  And so I would go all the way back to when I was in college and I was a resident advisor
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  in the dorm, which is an incredible learning experience.
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  I bet.
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  And we did a little training session one day.
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  So it was all the advisors from a couple of dorms.
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  And just like we would do today in Leadership Fairfax, where I am today, you know, it would
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  be a team building kind of thing.
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  And so people had to say one word about you.
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  So we each had our time where people would say one word or a phrase about us.
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  And somebody said of me, Rock of Gibraltar.
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  And I said, what?
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  And they said, oh my gosh, you are the strongest person I've ever met.
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  And I did not see myself that way at all.
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  So even though it was a shock, what I could feel is I could feel some pride that, oh my
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  gosh, if other people see me as having strength, then how do I own that?
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  How do I use that?
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  So it was just that one little moment that gave me some clarity as well as some belief
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  in myself.
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  So that was really the first time that that happened to me.
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  And then again, I could point to places throughout my career where others have done that for
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  me.
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  Yeah.
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  So do you seek out people or you're just in the right situation?
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  Like if I wanted to know what my strengths were, obviously I can call you.
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  But absolutely.
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  Or I talk about on a walk around the lake.
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  Yeah.
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  Well, honestly, I never asked about it to anyone.
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  I think I was just fortunate.
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  And like I said, I tried to put myself in the place of most potential so that I would be
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  around people who I felt like I could learn from.
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  And I think if you yourself are open, then people will know that they can actually share
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  with you or come into that space.
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  So to share just one other story, there was a gentleman.
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  So I took a job.
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  My first chamber of commerce job was with the then Fairfax County Chamber of Commerce.
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  And you know, it was weird.
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  I really didn't deserve the job.
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  I really wasn't experienced in the right areas for it.
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  But the job just kept popping up everywhere.
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  So I thought I'll apply for this.
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  And I loved being on a chamber committee before.
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  Maybe I could do this job.
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  So I think, quite frankly, the CEO was just tired of looking at resumes.
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  And I walked in the door and he hired me.
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  And he liked self starters.
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  So he liked to hire people and then just kind of throw them into the wolf's den and see
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  if they can swim.
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  So it was a good place for me for a while.
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  And there was a gentleman who ran one of the committees I was in charge of.
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  And my first month there, we had a board meeting.
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  Now you have to understand this is Northern Virginia in the 80s.
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  So this is like 1980.
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  What would that have been?
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  86.
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  This town was going crazy with development.
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  Weston's was no longer this sleepy little corner with a little store there.
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  Reston was booming like crazy all over Northern Virginia.
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  And we had a very powerful board of directors.
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  All men, except one woman, by the way, and only one other senior staff person that was
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  female.
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  So it was this whole room full of powerful men from Northern Virginia.
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  And I'm sitting next to the chair of one of my boards.
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  And there was a discussion about what we as Northern Virginia get back from Richmond and
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  how much money we send to Richmond.
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  So it was an important discussion.
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  In first, a gentleman right across from me spoke.
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  And he was laying on the table like his elbows were on the table and his chin was on his
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  hands.
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  And I said to my committee guy, I said, who is that?
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  And he said, oh, that would be Till Hazel, who was really an architect of Northern Virginia
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  development.
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  And I said, well, why is he laying on the table?
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  And he said, well, his cow kicked him in the back.
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  So he's sore.
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  And to me to this day, that is a symbol of kind of the longevity of my time here in Northern
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  Virginia, because Till Hazel was one of the most powerful developers.
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  But he also lived out on a mountain and had cows and animals.
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  So a couple of minutes later, gentleman right next to him pushed back from his seat and
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  stood up in this beautiful Virginia accent said, Mr. Chairman, may I have the floor?
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  And everyone around that table sat back against their chairs and they took a breath and they
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  held it and waited for this man to speak.
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  So I turned to my guy again and I said, and who might this be?
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  And he said, this is Earl Williams.
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  Pay attention.
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  I don't know who that is.
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  And so from that day forward, I tried to fashion my leadership style after Earl Williams.
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  So at the time, he was the CEO of a government contractor here called BPM that was bought
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  out.
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  I'm not sure I could remember all that.
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  It was eventually became Northrop Grumman and he ran for governor of Virginia.
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  He chaired so many boards around here and was just such an influential leader and one
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  of the kindest men and generous with his time and attention.
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  And he was one of those people that when you would see him, you always felt like he was
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  just waiting for you right there.
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  And he would give you all the time in the world.
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  Kind of like they always say Mary Kay Asch is one of her best traits where she paid attention
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  to people and everybody said, make sure or imagine everybody has a sign around them says
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  their necks that says make me feel important and hours and hours for people to meter and
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  look eyeball to eyeball to each person and give everybody equal attention.
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  And yeah, that is leadership.
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  And going back to kind of what you said earlier, it's like being around like minded people
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  goal oriented makes such a difference if you want to be known, be successful, be a part
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  of the community.
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  My father was a master of that.
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  And he started the rest of the Chamber of Mention office, but he didn't have business
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  here.
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  He was raising six kids in the community.
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  And that was important to him.
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  And so knowing who to be around and that takes courage to introduce yourself, to get to know
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  people, to let people know who you are.
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  And it's being there to help and contribute and make a difference and really because you
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  care.
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  And you know, Leslie, I think particularly for women, I mean, we've come a long way in
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  the work environment and I feel incredibly fortunate to have grown up during this time.
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  It wasn't easy when I first started in business, but it's you know, there are much more opportunities
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  now.
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  But it's challenging, particularly when you're starting out to allow yourself to be vulnerable
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  and vulnerability is a leadership skill and a trait.
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  And it is such an important part of being a leader.
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  But it does take courage to do that because it's it can be a risk.
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  Yeah, absolutely.
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  So I know you and I talked about lots of different subjects and we talk all the time.
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  And so what you didn't say is that you are the CEO of leadership Fairfax, which is a
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  big job as it is.
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  You are a trained coach and you are an excellent coach.
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  And I think just, you know, I feel privileged that with our walk around the lake that I
• 15:00
  get coached all the time and and just kind of listen and watch what you're doing in the
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  coaching world.
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  And one of the things we've talked about, you know, in the last three years in coaching
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  and just life is, you know, COVID was hard and it's not over.
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  And you keep bringing up a term called COVID hangover.
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  And this podcast is to talk about people that are courageous and done courageous things,
• 15:27
  but also to give people hope and tools in their toolboxes.
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  Okay, so and I think one of the things that's kind of evolved is people are able to say
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  me too, like, oh my gosh, I'm not the only person out there with some of the subjects
• 15:39
  we've talked about.
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  So talk a little bit about that and how we can help people navigate the self awareness.
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  Okay, this is this is what's going on.
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  And I think you that was a perfect segue because I think it really does tie into the vulnerability
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  piece to what I've been noticing is that
• 16:03
  the hangover seems to be in two particular areas right now.
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  Now it may affect everybody in some way, but particularly the folks that have been on the
• 16:10
  front line, it's definitely not over for them.
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  And many of them will be dealing with trauma for quite some time.
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  And we're so grateful for everybody that was on the front lines for all that time.
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  The other group that it is so noticeable for is really the people who have held it all
• 16:29
  together in their work environment, whether they're managers, leaders, CEOs, but have
• 16:36
  really held it together for everyone else.
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  And those are the same people that are holding it together for their family and their community.
• 16:42
  Yeah, one thing you mentioned earlier, which reminded me of a conversation we had talking
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  about, you know, somebody looked at you as being strong.
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  And that's a great trait, but it also can be a bad trait that people think of you as
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  strong.
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  And I remember from hard times, and wasn't there an article or something you read, you
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  told me about some powerful CEO, somebody, maybe it was a coach that said, do you remember
• 17:09
  this?
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  That they're like, you know, nobody asked me how I am strong, you know, they think you
• 17:15
  got it all together when you're strong, a strong person, nobody thinks to check on you.
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  That's right.
• 17:21
  Well, any strength overdone can be a weakness.
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  So let's be clear about that anyway.
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  You know, I don't remember that specific story, Leslie, but it certainly rings true for me,
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  that people and it happens the further up a ladder you go to, and the stronger you are
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  on a daily basis, people don't think to ask you.
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  So I would love for all your listeners to really think about the people in their life,
• 17:47
  it all levels in check in with them, and ask them how they are doing and really listen
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  to your point about how Mary Kay did is really, really listen.
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  This level one listening where you only listen long enough to say what you have been wanting
• 18:04
  to say is not the same thing as as listening.
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  But the thing about that I'm seeing about this COVID hangover right now is the depletion
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  factor that people who have held it all together all this time are really struggling to re
• 18:23
  energize to find any energy.
• 18:26
  They're just so depleted.
• 18:29
  So I know you and I were taught we always talk about what is our word for a year this
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  time of year, and mine for this year has to be grace.
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  Because I want to give myself grace, first of all, because I too am feeling depleted
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  in many ways.
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  And it's if I didn't have a to do list, that I could at least check some of the more mundane
• 18:49
  things off, I would find it really difficult to actually accomplish them.
• 18:55
  Yeah.
• 18:56
  So having grace both for ourselves and for others, and recognizing in small ways what's
• 19:02
  going on with others.
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  And ways to do that is simply by having the time, taking the time, making a phone call,
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  even sending a text, you know that you're thinking of someone, please recognize what's
• 19:16
  going on with other people.
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  And those little things can go, they can go a long way any day, but right now, we need
• 19:23
  it more than ever.
• 19:25
  Yeah, absolutely.
• 19:26
  And you're paying attention to people and just those little things can make such a difference.
• 19:32
  I often wear a starfish necklace that reminds me that, you know, one person can make a difference
• 19:39
  and just that kind word to somebody or just checking in with somebody or paying attention,
• 19:45
  you know, social media is out there and, you know, people post things all the time, but
• 19:49
  are you really paying attention?
• 19:51
  Are they screaming for help?
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  Are they looking for some great?
• 19:56
  Yeah.
• 19:57
  Well, and you know, that goes with identity as well.
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  I mean, years ago when I worked for Habitat for Humanity, I don't even remember how I
• 20:09
  got this awareness.
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  Sometimes things just smack you upside the head and you have to pay attention to them.
• 20:14
  And I realized that my staff thought I was perfect.
• 20:19
  They thought I never made a mistake.
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  I didn't do anything wrong.
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  They just, so they were afraid to make a mistake or to tell me, you know, that something was
• 20:28
  hard or they needed help.
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  And I was so embarrassed when I realized that because I thought if they only knew how much
• 20:36
  I screw up every day, because that's how, if you're afraid to make mistakes, you're
• 20:41
  going to get stuck and you won't continue to move forward.
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  So I found that what I started doing, because I always would walk around anyway and visit
• 20:51
  with everyone, is use that opportunity to share when I would screw something up or how
• 20:58
  I would fix something that I thought was broken or use it as a teachable moment.
• 21:04
  And around that same time, and this is, I think I was in coaching school at the time
• 21:08
  too, which was helpful, is I started paying more attention to people I would just run
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  into casually that I didn't know.
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  People in a coffee shop in, I don't know, standing in line at the grocery store.
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  And I realized over that time that people had an impression of me or saw an image of
• 21:36
  me that then they had me in a box.
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  And of course, none of us are that little, you know, in that box, because we all try
• 21:44
  to show up as the best version of ourselves, but we're so much more than that.
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  So what I started doing more, I don't know, just to see if people wouldn't think it was
• 21:55
  weird, is just like, I don't know, complimenting people or some small thing.
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  Like I might say to a complete stranger, that is the most beautiful color pink on you.
• 22:06
  It looks fantastic.
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  And you know, you can do something like that and brighten somebody's day.
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  And what I found is that just seeing a smile back really brightens my day too.
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  So I've been able to continue that as, you know, the years have progressed.
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  And I'm so grateful for whatever motivated me to do that.
• 22:30
  Yeah, again, it goes back to Mary Kay teaching.
• 22:32
  Yeah.
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  Sign around the neck makes me feel important.
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  And I've heard so many stories of people like having the worst day of their life and somebody
• 22:39
  smiled or somebody made a difference.
• 22:41
  And you just don't know all the little things you can do to make a difference.
• 22:46
  So I think, you know, talking about COVID hangover, I think it's self awareness to say,
• 22:51
  all right, I'm tired, I'm depleted.
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  What are we doing to fill us back up?
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  And I think we've gone from survival, which we had to figure out new businesses and new
• 23:03
  lives and everything.
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  And then we went, we're obviously not all never going to be back to life before.
• 23:10
  But then I think we've gone back to over stimulation.
• 23:15
  Like during the holidays, I'm worn out.
• 23:19
  It was there was many days in a row, I had a lunch appointment and a dinner or a lunch
• 23:22
  party and a dinner and like multiple things to fit all these events and stuff in.
• 23:28
  And having a minute to breathe, because we are feeling that overwhelmed to like, okay,
• 23:36
  it's okay to breathe and to admit, you know, have that self awareness to see it, but admit,
• 23:42
  okay, I need to fill me up.
• 23:44
  And what am I going to do to do that?
• 23:46
  Yeah, I think that's the best thing we could all do is have a plan of things that even
• 23:51
  if it's a list, because quite frankly, sometimes it's exhausting just to think about when you
• 23:58
  shift gears.
• 23:59
  All right, what can I do for myself?
• 24:00
  It seems like one more burden, where if you think about it ahead of time when you're in
• 24:07
  a quiet space, and it may be if you're a person like me, a visual person, I like to write
• 24:12
  them down, I like to put a post it next to my computer, so that it reminds me to go out
• 24:20
  and walk to go see my sweet little grand babies next door, you know, to do something that
• 24:26
  is fills that depletion, you know, that refills what we need.
• 24:33
  The other thing about COVID that lastly, nobody's really talking about is that most of us were
• 24:40
  able to do that pivot in March of 2020, because we had no choice, right?
• 24:46
  Regardless of what kind of company or organization you're part of, you just did the pivot, you
• 24:51
  did the best you could at it.
• 24:53
  Everybody was all in, we were all working more hours.
• 24:56
  So we may have been at home, but most of us were sitting in front of a computer, much
• 25:01
  longer hours than we normally did.
• 25:05
  So now, yes, we've learned lessons from it.
• 25:08
  Yes, we're going to have probably hybrid work environments in the future.
• 25:14
  But now that we're coming out of it, it takes just as much work to figure out how to do
• 25:22
  this now.
• 25:23
  Right.
• 25:24
  Because nothing is the same.
• 25:27
  No, nothing is the same.
• 25:29
  Yeah.
• 25:30
  And you know, how to redesign it.
• 25:32
  And I think we were just in survival mode for so long.
• 25:34
  Now it's like I'm watching in the world out there, people are starting to have goals and
• 25:38
  dreams again.
• 25:39
  And like, okay, what do I want?
• 25:41
  You know, in my life, I was looking at some tracking that I used to do all the time.
• 25:44
  The last time I recorded, went through that worksheet was February of 2020.
• 25:49
  It's an interesting opening.
• 25:52
  You know, it just got to be okay, if I'm still here and I'm still eating, I'm still good,
• 25:56
  you know, and not thinking forward of what we want to do that we've just, you know, but
• 26:02
  we had time, you know, I remember when COVID started, we were all going to do all these
• 26:07
  projects because we are home for a week.
• 26:10
  And how many of those projects we haven't gotten done.
• 26:12
  But we did take time, I think for us, I think one of my favorite memories of COVID, if there
• 26:19
  can be a good memory is sitting on your dock with our champagne, fresh strawberries I picked
• 26:24
  from the, the, the field, I didn't pick them, but I've got them from a farmer's field, you
• 26:29
  know, picked up and we took time to do those things.
• 26:32
  Walking around the lake, you took time to talk to somebody and how are you?
• 26:36
  And I think that's something maybe we need to get back to is carving out time and space
• 26:45
  to pay attention to people.
• 26:47
  Absolutely.
• 26:48
  Because now that it's everybody's back to whatever it is, it's, you know, warp speed
• 26:53
  again.
• 26:54
  Yeah.
• 26:55
  And ask people how they are.
• 26:56
  So maybe that should be the challenge for anybody that listens to this.
• 26:58
  Reach out to three friends and say, how are you?
• 27:00
  Or let's get together or just thinking of you.
• 27:03
  And that makes a difference.
• 27:05
  I have a friend of mine that if she's in line at the drive through at Starbucks, she uses
• 27:09
  that time to text people, just how are you?
• 27:13
  You know, and just thinking of you, praying for you, whatever it is, sometimes it's nice
• 27:19
  to be stuck in a line to, and we talked a little bit about this yesterday, you know,
• 27:25
  to take a minute to breathe and not to look at your phone, but to look to the person next
• 27:28
  to you and how are you and how's your day?
• 27:31
  And you know, have a conversation with somebody.
• 27:34
  That's right.
• 27:35
  And as long as you're coming at it from an authentic standpoint, people don't think it's
• 27:39
  weird.
• 27:40
  I think a lot of people, you know, don't do that because they think they're invading someone's
• 27:44
  privacy.
• 27:45
  Right.
• 27:46
  I don't feel that way at all.
• 27:47
  I think if you're genuine, people will welcome that.
• 27:51
  And you know, you have your own barometer if you feel like you're overstepping to someone.
• 27:55
  But you know, it's amazing the relationships you can build.
• 27:59
  I mean, really build from those random meetings.
• 28:02
  Absolutely, you never know.
• 28:04
  You never know who that person you're going to meet or where they're going to lead you.
• 28:07
  And I think that's evident in your career and in my life, you know, just who you've
• 28:12
  met and the connections and you know, you just never know looking back, like, wow, how
• 28:16
  did I meet that person?
• 28:18
  You know, it goes so bad.
• 28:20
  I think one more thing about that, Leslie, that I think is really important, and I think
• 28:24
  we started the conversation here and like to kind of swing back to that, is surrounding
• 28:30
  yourself with people you want to be like, right?
• 28:32
  Absolutely.
• 28:33
  Who fill you in some way.
• 28:36
  And I know not everybody is in a position in a work environment where they have all
• 28:42
  the choices to so it may be difficult for some people.
• 28:46
  But where and when you do have choices, think about it from that standpoint, what fills
• 28:52
  you because you are going to expend so much physical and emotional energy in our jobs
• 28:59
  because it's so much time out of our lives that if you can spend it around people who
• 29:06
  fill you in some way, either challenge you intellectually, fill you emotionally, you
• 29:14
  have fun with whatever that is in work and in your personal life, I think it's more fulfilling.
• 29:22
  I mean, you and I really have been connected because we do so much community work.
• 29:27
  Right.
• 29:28
  And we know that our friend groups are the same people who we do our community work with
• 29:34
  because we have a shared value system around helping others and making our community a
• 29:41
  place where everybody is welcome and can thrive.
• 29:45
  So if you invest your time and your energy that way, it's going to fulfill you in ways
• 29:50
  that you probably can't even define when you get started.
• 29:53
  Yeah, absolutely.
• 29:54
  And, you know, put yourself in those places.
• 29:57
  I remember there was a Oktoberfest and I had volunteered to help.
• 30:01
  I don't even know what I was going to do.
• 30:04
  But I had a friend visiting from around the town.
• 30:06
  He's like, do you really have to do that?
• 30:07
  I'm like, yeah, I said I was going to.
• 30:09
  I'm going to do it.
• 30:10
  He's like, well, was it going to help your business?
• 30:12
  I'm like, I don't really care.
• 30:15
  I committed to it.
• 30:16
  I'm going to do it.
• 30:17
  Well, there was a very powerful woman in the area that I always wanted to connect to.
• 30:22
  And sure enough, she was selling tickets with me.
• 30:25
  And I pulled out a lipstick or she pulled out a lipstick and Mary Kay came up.
• 30:28
  And yes, she did become a customer, but she became a friend and a mentor.
• 30:32
  And she's a leader in the area.
• 30:35
  And it was like because I put myself in that place.
• 30:39
  And so, you know, going back to the people being around the power, people that energize
• 30:43
  you.
• 30:44
  I had a conversation with a friend of mine yesterday.
• 30:46
  And at the end, she goes, I love our conversations.
• 30:48
  I always feel energized when I'm done.
• 30:51
  And I love having those conversations with people.
• 30:53
  And but there's the opposite.
• 30:55
  And another friend recently said, do you feel people's energy?
• 30:58
  I'm like, I don't know.
• 30:59
  And then I started paying attention to it.
• 31:00
  And I do.
• 31:01
  And I had coffee with another person I know one day.
• 31:05
  And it was just a negative conversation the whole way.
• 31:09
  The last two minutes of our 90 minute conversation, it went way too long for me.
• 31:13
  She said, oh, what's going on in your world?
• 31:16
  And I walked out of that and I'm going, okay, I'm going to protect myself.
• 31:20
  And I think because I'm gone a lot and I don't have a lot of space and time for a lot, a
• 31:26
  lot of, you know, we've met with a ton of people.
• 31:29
  I'm really being protective of my space and time and who I allow and those boundaries,
• 31:35
  you know, to know, okay, those are the people, those aren't my people.
• 31:38
  Do you need to take care of yourself for sure?
• 31:41
  Self care is shows up in so many ways.
• 31:45
  I do think in this COVID hangover, when people are feeling depleted too, it's even difficult
• 31:50
  to, for some people to be there for their friends who are going through a difficult
• 31:55
  time as well.
• 31:56
  Because when you don't have enough energy for yourself, it's hard to have it for others,
• 32:02
  even though you want to be there for them.
• 32:05
  And I think it's, I think one of the most difficult things for most people is to be
• 32:11
  really transparent about not just their intentions, but their feelings in situations like that.
• 32:19
  And I think one of the best things you can see, because right, we're going to notice
• 32:22
  and we're going to feed off of if you're not there for a friend, say to be really truthful
• 32:27
  about it and say, I'm, you know, I'm sorry, you're going through a really tough time and
• 32:31
  I want to be there for you.
• 32:33
  I'm struggling too.
• 32:35
  And you know, and then, yeah.
• 32:38
  And so if we can say that, that goes back to the word of the year, grace, right?
• 32:42
  Yep, exactly.
• 32:44
  So I know we could go forever, but we're about 30 minutes on, I won't go too longer.
• 32:48
  So what encouragement would you give to somebody to say, why not say and be courageous?
• 32:58
  So I think one of the most freeing concepts I ever, I find, not ever, but I finally was
• 33:08
  able to accept and embody is that fear is of something in the future.
• 33:19
  So fear, other than bodily fear, when you're in that moment, you know, that survival mode,
• 33:30
  but what most of us think of it is fearful times, something we're afraid of, afraid of
• 33:34
  failure, afraid of rejection, afraid of whatever is we're projecting into the future.
• 33:42
  Right.
• 33:43
  And that's where fear comes from.
• 33:45
  So if you believe that being present and doing the work, like, like I said, really understanding
• 33:54
  who you are, what you care about, what's important.
• 34:00
  And then you're in the present, I think you make much better decisions all the way around.
• 34:06
  And then the future is laid open for you as opposed to something that is frightening.
• 34:12
  Right.
• 34:13
  So then the courage becomes really more of a, an energy, a momentum for you, a force
• 34:20
  accelerator, if you will.
• 34:23
  And you know, the more you live in that space of bravery, I have a sign on my wall that
• 34:29
  says courageous authenticity, because I want to be brave, but I want to be brave enough
• 34:36
  to own who I am and bring that out into the world and manifest it.
• 34:42
  And so I believe that.
• 34:43
  So for all of your listeners to really believe that they are enough, that they have what
• 34:50
  it takes to be successful in any way that they want to be and be the person that they
• 34:54
  want to be.
• 34:56
  So be present, do that work and keep fear somewhere out of your viewfinder.
• 35:04
  And I know you can be successful.
• 35:05
  And what's fear is evidence appearing real or some there's an acronym, but yeah, fear,
• 35:12
  we don't know what it is.
• 35:13
  And yeah, do the work and do the thing, do the scary thing.
• 35:15
  And that's what I talk about a why not say like that thing and just take that step.
• 35:20
  Because you just never know where it's going to lead you talk to that person.
• 35:24
  Yeah, so we go on and on.
• 35:27
  So I always at the end talk about connections to my dad, which a lot of people like I never
• 35:31
  met your dad.
• 35:33
  But you did meet my dad.
• 35:34
  So my favorite story my dad and I can because I've heard it so many times I can see it,
• 35:39
  I can feel it, I can smell this conversation with my father.
• 35:42
  So share just because it's when you first met my dad.
• 35:47
  Well actually I had met him once before.
• 35:49
  But it was my first day on the job at the Reston Chamber of Commerce.
• 35:56
  And first of all, I walked in on my first day and the other two staff members quit.
• 36:01
  So it was just me there that day.
• 36:03
  And it wasn't because of me, but it was because of how things were handled that they weren't
• 36:08
  happy with.
• 36:10
  So the first thing I did was call a an employment agency and get a temp over there to answer
• 36:14
  the phones while I was sorting things through.
• 36:17
  So the temp buzzed me in the back room and she whispered into the phone.
• 36:22
  She said, there's somebody here to see you.
• 36:25
  And I said, who might that be?
• 36:28
  And she said, I don't know, but he has a patch over his eye.
• 36:33
  So I knew who it was.
• 36:35
  And I walked out.
• 36:36
  And just like you, the whole sensation, all of my senses are filled thinking back.
• 36:43
  So there was your dad in his his faded bell bottom blue jeans, flip flops, flip flops,
• 36:52
  did have a patch over his eye, of course, which is your logo and his mustache, of course,
• 36:58
  famous mustache and a pipe in his mouth, his armed cross holding his pipe, cropped up holding
• 37:05
  that pipe.
• 37:07
  And he may have even had sunglasses on at that point.
• 37:09
  It was it was a spring day.
• 37:12
  And he he said, Welcome.
• 37:17
  He said, I just want you to know that I'm here and whatever you need, I'm here for you.
• 37:25
  And I don't even think I told him what had happened that day.
• 37:28
  I don't know what's happening anymore.
• 37:30
  I just thanked him.
• 37:32
  And yeah, was such a wonderful.
• 37:40
  Mouthwash sensation in so many ways, but to know that he was there because I knew the
• 37:43
  history, of course, that he had started the chamber.
• 37:46
  He was the chairman for the first couple of years and that he was such a strong leader
• 37:51
  in the community that I was like, all right, I can do this.
• 37:55
  So to your point, you know, it was almost like he was saying, why not today?
• 38:00
  Let's just let's make this happen.
• 38:02
  And isn't that interesting?
• 38:03
  Your last statement talked about everything we talked about paying attention to people
• 38:08
  being there for people, strength for people, leadership skills.
• 38:11
  I mean, all the things we just talked about just in that one sentence.
• 38:15
  Yeah, he was the best.
• 38:16
  We do.
• 38:17
  So remember, do those things for people.
• 38:19
  So thank you, Karen.
• 38:20
  This has been fun.
• 38:21
  We could go on and on and on forever.
• 38:22
  We need to finish this up with a walk around the lake.
• 38:25
  But thank you, everybody, for listening and checking out the Why Not Today podcast.
• 38:30
  We are on Spotify, iTunes, Google, all those things.
• 38:33
  And I'm super excited to say that the website is finally ready and done.
• 38:38
  So check out the Why Not Today podcast website.
• 38:41
  You can see all the episodes there.
• 38:43
  We have Courage cards on there.
• 38:45
  We have some merchandise.
• 38:46
  You get t-shirts and cups and fun stuff.
• 38:49
  Check it out and make sure you review, share, like this podcast.
• 38:53
  And again, thank you, Karen, for joining me.
• 38:55
  It's been fun to catch up with you this way.
• 38:58
  Sure is.
• 38:59
  Thanks, Leslie.
• 39:00
  You're welcome.
• 39:01
  Thanks for