Latest / Career Coaching with Fexingo: Professional Coaches, Career Counselors, and Guidance for Workers / Career Paths That Feel Wrong But Work
Transcript
- Lucas: So, Luna, I was talking to a friend last week — she's a software engineer at a large tech company — and she told me she'd just turned down a promotion to team lead. Luna: Really? That sounds almost like career heresy. Why would she do that? Lucas: She said the role came with a 20 percent raise and a fancy title, but she'd watched the current team lead spend 80 percent of his time in status meetings and stakeholder alignment calls. She's a builder — she loves shipping code. So she asked for a lateral move into a smaller, scrappier team instead. Luna: And what happened? Lucas: Her manager thought she was crazy. Her peers, too. But a year later, that scrappy team shipped a product that got picked up by the company's biggest client, and she's now the de facto lead for that whole initiative. The promotion she turned down? That team got reorganized six months later. Luna: Wow. So she saw something the org chart didn't. That's a great example of what we're talking about today. Lucas: Before we dig in — and I know we say this on a few shows — we keep these episodes completely ad-free. That's a deliberate choice, and if you appreciate not having to skip through commercial breaks, the one thing that helps is a small contribution at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It keeps the lights on and the episodes clean. Now, back to that engineer. Luna: Yeah, it's a tiny gesture that adds up. And honestly, it feels good to support something you actually value. Lucas: Exactly. So, the bigger point — her story is a perfect example of a career move that feels wrong on every conventional metric but ends up being the right one. And I think we've all been there, or at least we've felt that pull toward something that looks like a step backward on paper. Luna: Right. So what's going on psychologically? Why does a good move often feel so bad? Lucas: A lot of it is status anxiety. We're wired to compare ourselves to our peers — title, salary, company prestige. Taking a demotion or a lateral move into a less 'impressive' role triggers a fear of falling behind. But the data from career research actually suggests the opposite: people who take these kinds of detours often end up with more satisfying careers in the long run. Luna: There's that study from the Harvard Business Review that looked at 'career detours' and found that people who had a period of 'chaotic' career change were more likely to report high career satisfaction later. They called it a 'CV of failures' or something like that. Lucas: Exactly — they had this idea of a 'CV of failures' that actually builds character and resilience. And the key is distinguishing between fear and intuition. Fear says 'this is risky, I might fail.' Intuition says 'this is misaligned with what I want, even if it looks good.' Luna: So how do you tell the difference in the moment? Lucas: That's the million-dollar question. One thing I've learned is to look at the source of the hesitation. If you're scared because you might not succeed, that's fear. If you're uneasy because the role itself doesn't excite you — the day-to-day work, the team, the mission — that's intuition. My friend, she wasn't scared of the challenge; she was bored by the actual job. Luna: That's a great filter. But what about those of us who aren't in a position to turn down a promotion? Like, we have financial obligations. Lucas: Oh, that's totally fair. The framework still works, you just need to test it on a smaller scale. You can do a 'career experiment' — take on a project in that 'wrong-feeling' area, or shadow someone in a role you're curious about. You don't have to quit or take a pay cut to gather information. Luna: Yeah, like a 'test-drive' before you buy the car. What about the actual move itself — say you're convinced it's the right call. How do you negotiate it so you're not getting taken advantage of? Lucas: That's the practical side. When you're making a lateral move or a step back, you have to be clear about what you're getting in return. It's not just about the title — it's about the skills you'll build, the network you'll access, the projects you'll own. You want to negotiate for those things explicitly. Maybe you ask for a mentor, a budget for training, or a commitment to revisit your role in six months. Luna: So it's like you're building a 'career contract' with yourself and your manager. That's smart. And I bet the conversation itself is a signal — if your manager is dismissive of your desire to develop, that tells you something about the culture. Lucas: Absolutely. And that's part of the intuition test — the reaction you get when you express interest in an unconventional path is often a data point about whether that organization values growth or just compliance. Luna: Let's talk about real-world examples beyond your friend. Who else has made this kind of move work? Lucas: One classic is the story of a former CEO of a major airline — I think it was the CEO of Delta, Ed Bastian — who actually took a step down early in his career to learn the operations side. He had been in a finance role, and he chose to take a role in airport operations, which was a lower title and probably a different track, but it gave him the ground-level knowledge that later made him such an effective leader. Luna: That's a great one. And there's the classic example of a young professional who takes a role in a smaller company to get broader experience, even though they could have stayed at a big firm with a fancier title. Lucas: Right. And those stories get shared a lot in career coaching circles, but the principle holds. The key is to be intentional, not just reactive. You're not drifting backwards; you're strategically stepping sideways to set up a leap forward. Luna: So what does that look like in practice, say, over a 5-year timeline? Lucas: Okay, let's sketch a hypothetical. Say you're a marketing manager at a big consumer goods company. You've been there three years, you've climbed the ladder, but you're bored. You're thinking about a move into product management, but you've never done it. The 'safe' move is to stay put. The 'wrong-feeling' move might be to take a product manager role at a startup, even if it's a title down and a pay cut. But if that startup is in a high-growth space, you'll get exposure to the full product lifecycle, you'll learn how to work with engineers, and you'll build a portfolio of shipped features. In two years, you could be a senior PM at a much bigger company, doing work you actually love. Luna: That sounds like a classic 'two steps back, three steps forward' story. But what about the emotional side? How do you deal with the feeling of 'I'm failing' when you're taking that step back? Lucas: That's the hardest part. I think the key is to reframe the narrative. Instead of 'I'm taking a demotion,' you say 'I'm investing in my future.' And that's not just a pep talk — it's true. You're trading short-term status for long-term capability. And you can keep telling yourself that when your LinkedIn notifications start firing with 'Congrats on the new role!' from people who don't know the story. Luna: Ha, that's a real thing. And you can also use that as a filter — the people who think you're crazy might not be the ones who understand your career goals anyway. Lucas: Yeah, that's a great point. Your real champions will ask about the learning, not just the title. And that's also a good prompt for self-reflection: if you can't articulate what you're learning from a move, maybe it's not the right move. Luna: Let's talk about the role of mentorship in this process. How can a coach or mentor help you evaluate a 'wrong-feeling' move? Lucas: A good mentor can do two things. First, they can ask you the hard questions you're not asking yourself — like 'What are you optimizing for exactly?' and 'Is this move aligned with your core values or someone else's expectations?' Second, they can share their own stories of times they took a step back and it paid off, which normalizes the experience. Luna: So it's like having a sounding board to test your assumptions. That's what we try to do on this show, in a way. Lucas: Exactly. And if you don't have a mentor, you can create a 'personal board of advisors' — a few people you trust, from different parts of your life, who can give you honest feedback. The key is to ask them for perspective, not just approval. Luna: That's a nice concrete takeaway. Now, what about the reverse situation? Have you ever seen a career move that looked great on paper but was actually a huge mistake? Lucas: Oh, absolutely. I've seen so many people chase a title or a salary bump into a role that's a toxic culture or a dead-end function. The numbers look good, but they end up miserable. And sometimes it's even worse because they feel trapped — they've taken the promotion, and they think they can't go back without looking like a failure. Luna: So the opposite problem — the fear of looking bad keeps them stuck in a bad situation. That's a trap. Lucas: Exactly. And that's where the 'wrong-feeling' intuition might have been trying to warn them, but they ignored it because of status anxiety. So the lesson here is to listen to that discomfort, whether it's about a step up or a step sideways. Luna: So, if someone is listening and they're feeling that pull toward a less prestigious role, what's the first step they should take today? Lucas: I'd say do a 'before and after' exercise. Write down what your day-to-day life looks like now — the tasks, the energy, the people you interact with. Then write down what you imagine the 'wrong-feeling' role would be like. Don't think about the title or the salary; just the actual work. If the 'after' column feels more energizing, that's a strong signal. Then, go talk to someone who already does that job and ask them what a typical week is like. That's the cheapest career research you can do. Luna: That's a really practical step. And it's low-risk — you're just gathering information. I like that. Lucas: And once you have that information, you can make a decision from a place of clarity, not fear. And if you do decide to take the leap, remember that the best careers are not ladders — they're jungles. You're navigating a complex terrain, and sometimes the fastest route to the top involves going around the mountain, not straight up. Luna: That's a great way to put it. So, Lucas, what's one thing you want listeners to take away from this episode? Lucas: I think it's this: the best career move is not the one that looks best on a resume — it's the one that brings you closer to the work you want to do and the life you want to live. And sometimes that means taking a step that feels like a step back. Trust the process, trust your intuition, and don't let status anxiety make your decisions for you. Luna: And if you're on the fence, try the 'before and after' exercise tonight. It might just change your mind.