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If you're Looking for closure from a narcissist, watch this · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on? Beautiful folks, beautiful
• 0:02
  people. Today we're going to be talking
• 0:04
  about closure from a narcissist. What closure looks like from a
• 0:09
  narcissist to you, if they even offer that or you trying to get
• 0:13
  closure from a narcissist. If you're new here, my name is
• 0:15
  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist and
• 0:17
  welcome to season 2 of the Narcissist Code.
• 0:20
  Let's get it. Boom welcome back folks welcome
• 0:39
  back welcome back. Yes if y'all haven't noticed I'm
• 0:43
  posting less videos on YouTube, less longer videos.
• 0:45
  So y'all need to interact with the ones I do post.
• 0:47
  I'm going through a little burnout right now.
• 0:49
  I'm tired so my my YouTube Rep told me to just cut back on
• 0:52
  doing a little videos here and there.
• 0:53
  So I'm still going to do a video every day, but just this today.
• 0:58
  So closure from a narcissistic person is a serious, serious
• 1:02
  bane gal. It really is.
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  It's a serious thing that you won't get.
• 1:08
  It's a serious topic. It's a serious it's a serious
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  mental block of what could be holding you back from moving on
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  from your toxic narcissistic relationship, toxic narcissistic
• 1:21
  boss or job or whatever the situation is, right?
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  Because I, I know I said closure is a myth and I know people will
• 1:28
  tell you that closure comes from inside of you, but y'all, it's,
• 1:32
  that's not enough sometimes, right?
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  Let's just keep it real there. It just don't feel like enough.
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  It just doesn't feel like enough to just walk away, to disappear
• 1:41
  into the sunset, never talk again, never find out why.
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  It just doesn't feel like enough.
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  And I understand that, but this but understanding is one thing.
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  Take any action is another completely different 1.
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  Like you don't need it. I just feel like where, where
• 1:56
  does it? Where does it come from, right?
• 2:00
  Is it from these Disney movies where people just meet up one
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  last time and ride off into the sunset and just go your separate
• 2:05
  ways and stuff like that? Or is it just something that you
• 2:08
  tell yourself that you can't sleep at night because you keep
• 2:11
  asking yourself these questions? Yo, does I feel like closure?
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  What closure really is, or this need foreclosure really is, is
• 2:20
  this story inside of your mind that you keep telling yourself
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  that you need the answers to these questions.
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  You need to know why things went down the way that they went
• 2:29
  down. You need to know why they
• 2:30
  treated you the way that they treated you.
• 2:32
  You need to know if you were enough, why they doing it, why
• 2:35
  they treated the next person better.
• 2:36
  You need to know these things you feel like you need to know,
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  but you absolutely do not change the story inside of your mind
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  that you're telling yourself. It's absolutely necessary to
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  stop telling yourself these Whitey out, these just these
• 2:48
  stories. They hurt you.
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  These stories that don't serve you.
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  You'll tell yourself the story of you know what the reason I
• 2:55
  feel this way is because you know the reason I got treated
• 2:58
  this way because I'm got good enough.
• 3:00
  They told me I wasn't good enough, so that must be true.
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  They told me that. They told me that I'm the reason
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  they cheated on it. They cheated on me.
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  They told me that I don't deserve this.
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  I don't deserve that. They told me that I just nag.
• 3:10
  They told me I'm not helpful. They told me I'm too fat, I'm
• 3:12
  too skinny, I'm too tall, I'm too short, I'm too white, I'm
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  too black. I'm too this, I'm too that.
• 3:18
  Fuck what they told you y'all. At the end of the day, let's
• 3:22
  keep it hot and ready. Season 2, I'm bring I told you
• 3:24
  I'm bringing heat. Season 2, I'm redoing all the
• 3:27
  old videos. Like fuck what they said.
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  Why does Yeah, why? Why this is this is this is me
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  giving you the closure right now.
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  This is closure to you from me. Why does what they said to you
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  hold so much weight? Why them?
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  I'm gonna ask you another question.
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  If you were believer, if you, if you're a believer in God, ask
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  yourself why their opinion of you matters more than what God's
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  opinion of you matters. No Lee, that's not true.
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  Yes it is. It is because God told you to
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  have faith in him. Did God remove this person from
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  your life? Why are you questioning it now?
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  Why you what? God told me God created me in
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  his image and is his image fucked up?
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  Like is his image what? What all they made me out to be?
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  No, how can both things cannot be true at the same time?
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  You see what I'm saying? You can't be made in God's image
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  and piece of shit. How does that make sense right
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  there? It's just the story you telling
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  yourself. You're applying more weight to
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  this person's opinion of you than you have of yourself or
• 4:26
  what the Bible said, right? I'm not trying to get all
• 4:30
  biblical here. I'm not trying to stop being.
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  I ain't y'all know I don't y'all know I can become Pastor Lee.
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  I ain't doing that today. I ain't preaching to you.
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  I'm teaching to you. I'm teaching that you because I
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  want you to wake up to understand that you are worthy.
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  The story inside of your mind is what's keeping you feeling like
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  you need this closure right, this closure.
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  I need them to. I need them to release me.
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  No, you don't. I need them, Lee.
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  I need I need to talk to them to set me free.
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  No, you don't. You're not people.
• 5:00
  I have a support group. I tell I tell this to be my
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  support group like you don't need to have this final
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  conversation foreclosure. Nothing will come of it and
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  literally literally, I should be watching these videos y'all, and
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  you know I'm not I'm not attacking you.
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  I'm not attacking, you know, you're behold me.
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  Literally she put it in the group.
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  She had this closure conversation and she said she
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  got nothing from it. She's like it was pointless.
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  Did you see right there the dudes showed up, sit right there
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  and still lied, came up with a new excuse, came up with a new
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  lie. And then yo, I'm telling you, I
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  can predict these behaviors. I know this type of stuff.
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  Like I know the way a narcissist mind works, right?
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  Or toxic person, mind work or manipulative person.
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  I know how their minds work and that's why I'm just giving.
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  I'm just telling you right now that you have the power, you
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  have the ability, you have the strength to make decisions that
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  are going to help you. You have the ability to make
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  decisions that are going to empower you.
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  You have the ability to empower yourself.
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  You really, really do. Because this, at the end of the
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  day, all of this is necessary. All of this is necessary for you
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  to keep moving forward. All of this is necessary for you
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  to empower yourself and allow yourself to heal, grow, and
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  thrive. Because you are a thriver.
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  Believe it or not, you are absolutely a thriver.
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  You're a thriving. You're a thriver.
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  You're thriving. And you don't need their
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  approval to release you. You don't need their words to
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  set you free. Why can't their behaviors be
• 6:24
  enough to set you free? Why can't that?
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  Why can't this way they treated you be enough to set you free?
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  This is what I need to know. Why can't the way that they
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  treated you being enough to set you free?
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  Well, Lee, because I didn't know why they treated me, treated me
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  the way that they treated me because they're assholes,
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  because they're horrible fucking people.
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  That's why you didn't deserve that.
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  That's why I need you to go push pause in this video and go tell
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  yourself and like and go like literally push pause in this
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  video and go out and just really seriously tell yourself that you
• 7:02
  are worthy. Go look in the mirror, tell
• 7:06
  yourself that you deserve better.
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  Do that. I feel like you have to.
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  I feel like this is necessary, y'all.
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  These are necessary steps as you're trying to move forward,
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  as you're trying to heal, as you're trying to grow.
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  You have to be able to tell yourself this.
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  You really have to. You have to be able to empower
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  yourself and tell yourself and let yourself know what you do
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  deserve. You absolutely do because it's
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  important, y'all. It's important that you know
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  that you matter. It's important that you know
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  that you have the ability to matter and the ability to pop
• 7:36
  back up and the ability to be as strong as you possibly can.
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  It's important to know that you deserve better.
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  It's important to know that in this is what you have to talk
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  telling yourself instead of telling yourself what this
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  narcissistic person is saying to you, right?
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  You have to be at you have to let yourself know that you have
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  to be able to tell yourself this.
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  Your words need to matter more than their words.
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  Your words need your words to yourself in a empowering way,
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  need to matter more than the way they they, they, they treated
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  you, right? Well, leave.
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  I can't live without them. I need to, I need, I need them
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  to set me free. No, you don't need them to set
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  you free. This is what you keep telling
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  yourself. How does this story inside of
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  your head serve you right now? How is it helping you to make
• 8:23
  you to make you feel like you're still tied to this person, Like
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  you need them to set you free? Closure is not going on their
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  social media platforms and staring at and looking at stuff
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  that they're posted about somebody new.
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  That's not closure. Closure is not looking up the
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  new person that's compare and contrast to yourself to put
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  yourself down. That's not closure either.
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  What you have to know and what you have to understand is that
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  narcissistic people don't have any power.
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  They only have the power that you give them.
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  They they, they project power, but they only really truly have
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  the power that you give them, the power that you, the power
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  that you give them is the only thing that they have.
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  They can't do anything. They don't have the power to do
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  anything. Y'all and some of them are
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  fucking bums. They don't have anything to even
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  give you at all. Nothing but they body, they got
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  nothing to give you. They got nothing to offer you.
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  Nothing. They got nothing to give you,
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  nothing to offer you. So you have to ask yourself
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  right now, as you're starting to move forward, as you continue to
• 9:28
  move forward on this journey, why do they have so much power?
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  And the answer to that question, can I be?
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  I don't know. You have to dig deep and
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  understand why. Why does their opinion matter so
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  much? Why do their words matter so
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  much? I don't know.
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  You can't say. I don't know.
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  That doesn't. Yeah, I don't know.
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  Does not serve you. And I work in my new course
• 9:49
  that's coming out right now. My new course I'm working on
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  right now, Yeah, it's fire. It's 20,000 words.
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  It's damn near a book of heat. It's called finding your why.
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  It's going to be powerful, y'all.
• 10:04
  So there's a newsletter link in my in my description.
• 10:08
  Check out the newsletter link to be the first people to get a
• 10:11
  hold of that course and whatnot is coming out here pretty soon.
• 10:13
  I got to film it and whatnot, but it's going to be fire.
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  I was hyped writing it, but that, that thing right there,
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  that's that look, there's closure in a video series right
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  there. Because this will be a way
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  y'all, y'all feel like, if you feel like I'm bringing you heat
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  right now, you ain't seen nothing yet because I'm bringing
• 10:29
  fire, yoga fire flame on that new one.
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  But yeah, I say that to say this.
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  You are stronger than you think you are.
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  You don't need them to tell you anything to set you free.
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  They treated you badly because they're assholes.
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  They're inhuman. They're inhumane.
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  They don't have empathy. It's hard for you to wreck.
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  It might be hard for you to reconcile with that.
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  Because you have empathy. And you can't imagine treating
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  anybody that way, do you? Because you're not like them.
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  You're not like me, right? You're not like them.
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  You're not like me. You're not like us.
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  They not they not like us is a real thing.
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  Stop licking the floor. It's a real thing because you
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  are not like a narcissist. So as you continue to move
• 11:15
  forward on your journey of healing growth, understand that
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  if a narcissist even reaches out to you for some type of closure,
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  they're BS ING. They really are.
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  They are BS ING you. They don't want closure.
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  They absolutely want to keep the relationship going on.
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  They want to keep it moving. They want to keep it going
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  forward. They want to stay a hope.
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  They want to keep a hold to you because that's how they keep
• 11:38
  access to you. That's how they empower
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  themselves and whatnot. That's how it keeps going.
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  So if they ever reach out to you asking you foreclosure, it's not
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  to close anything up. It's actually to keep access to
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  you. It's actually to keep things to
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  stay attached to you, to open it back up.
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  They don't want closure. They don't want closure.
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  They want access. So if they reach out to you and
• 12:02
  say we deserve closure, we deserve this, You deserve to
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  know why I did what I did. No, you don't deserve to hear.
• 12:09
  You don't. Yeah.
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  You don't deserve to be lied to. They're not going to tell you
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  the truth. Yeah.
• 12:13
  If they've been lying, I need to say this right here.
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  I need to say this. If they've been lying to you the
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  entire relationship, what makes you think that they're going to
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  tell you the truth right now? Seriously, if they've been lying
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  to you for the entirety of your relationship, what are you
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  telling yourself right now to make you, to make yourself think
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  that they're going to tell you the truth?
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  I really need to know that. I really need to understand what
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  you are telling yourself right now in this circumstance, in
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  this situation, to make yourself, to make you believe
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  that they're going to tell you the truth this one final time.
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  You see, you have to start telling yourself the truth as
• 12:53
  well. Like you, like you.
• 12:56
  I want to give them the benefit of the doubt.
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  Why? Why do you want to give them the
• 13:01
  benefit of the doubt now? Now.
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  Well, Lee, they have no reason to lie at the end.
• 13:07
  They they had no reason to lie at the beginning or the metal
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  either, but they did. So why are you telling yourself
• 13:15
  right now that for some reason at the end, as it's all said and
• 13:20
  done, maybe after they've left you for somebody else, maybe
• 13:23
  after you've moved on, Why do you feel like you need to give
• 13:26
  them the benefit of the doubt right now?
• 13:27
  Will Lee, a little time has passed by.
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  So, so a little time has passed by that many so they don't stop
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  lying to they're going to stop lying to you because time has
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  passed by. Come on now, y'all come on.
• 13:41
  In order to heal, you got to keep it real.
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  Which itself you really do, you know, and I'm not even BS y'all.
• 13:47
  In order to heal, you have to keep it real.
• 13:48
  And I know it sounds like a rapping like a rapper.
• 13:51
  The rapper who? Who is the rapper?
• 13:52
  The rapper years old here. The rapper, the rapper.
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  Oh, that was the game. Well, that was a good game with
• 13:59
  it back in the day. But yeah, anyways, thank you all
• 14:01
  for being here. Thank you for riding along with
• 14:03
  me this journey 8000 videos later.
• 14:05
  I'm starting fresh, I'm starting new.
• 14:08
  I said I'm reposting. I'm not reposting old stuff.
• 14:10
  I'm literally am redoing and bringing you new fire, new heat.
• 14:13
  So you go watch season 1 episode 5.
• 14:16
  It's exact it's exact same topic, but you don't hear a
• 14:19
  whole different video. So season 1 episode 5 of closure
• 14:22
  is going to sound way different this season 2.
• 14:24
  I promise you. Anyways, y'all hit the subscribe
• 14:25
  button if you haven't already. My newsletter links everything
• 14:28
  is available at mentalillness.net and in the
• 14:31
  description of every video and podcast that I do.
• 14:33
  Interviews coming soon. I'm thankful for y'all, I'm
• 14:36
  grateful for you, and as always, y'all.
• 14:38
  As always, mental illness is out.
• 14:41
  Peace. What's going on?
• 14:43
  Beautiful folks. Thank you so much for making it
• 14:45
  to the end of my video. I truly appreciate it.
• 14:47
  You have no idea. If you haven't already, hit that
• 14:50
  subscribe button. You made it this far, you might
• 14:52
  as well subscribe. It really does help the channel
• 14:55
  y'all, y'all? It helps me reach more people as
• 14:56
  well. Also, I have coaching my courses
• 14:59
  and my support group available at www.mentalhillness.net.
• 15:03
  Thank you so much. Make sure you stick around,
• 15:05
  watch another video or two. I appreciate it.
• 15:07
  I'm out.