Latest / Two Personal with Joy Taylor / Valeisha Butterfield On Audacity, Dating After Divorce & Why Humility Is Dead

Transcript

Valeisha Butterfield On Audacity, Dating After Divorce & Why Humility Is Dead · Two Personal with Joy Taylor

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: How's dating?
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: It sucks so bad.
• 0:03
  Speaker 3: It's so bad.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: Hey, guys, welcome. It's too personal. I'm so excited for
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: this week's guest. I love when I have friends in studio.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: It does make the interview more difficult, does it? It
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: does for me because I'm like, how far are we
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: going into the tea? You know what's for public consumption,
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: but this is too personal.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: So we do try to, you know, give a little more. Yes,
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: But my.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: Sister Felicia Butterfield, so happy to have you here. She
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: is incredibly inspirational to me and to a lot of women.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: She has held leadership roles in the Obama administration, Oh Oh, Single,
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: Tear the Time Google, the Recording Academy, where she became
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: the organization's first ever chief Diversity and Inclusion Officer and
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: later co president. And she's the founder of Seed Media.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: And we are going to talk about a lot of
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: different things today, but I want to start with what
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: you wanted to talk about, which I don't always do
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: with every guess.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: But audacity.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: Yes, Now, I love this word for a lot of
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: different reasons. Now, for me, when I think of audacity,
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: I immediately think of a mediocre man because I feel
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: like they have the audacity of kangs. Honey, where do
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: you get the audacity? Who? How I need to be
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: raised as a mediocre man because I feel like if
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: I had their confidence, the things I would have and
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: I've accomplished a lot, but I feel like I might
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: actually run planet Earth if I had the audacity that
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: just naturally flows through their veins.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: So what is audacity to you?
• 1:41
  Speaker 4: Well, first, I'm just so happy to be here, and
• 1:44
  Speaker 4: you know how much I love you. And when I
• 1:46
  Speaker 4: think about audacity, I think of people like you know,
• 1:51
  Speaker 4: even President Barack Obama had a book called The Audacity
• 1:53
  Speaker 4: of Hope. And when I think about audacity, often it
• 1:56
  Speaker 4: has these negative connotations because people think that it means
• 1:59
  Speaker 4: that you're arrogant or that your head is too big.
• 2:03
  Speaker 4: But in every single space that I've been in, and
• 2:05
  Speaker 4: like you, we've been in a lot of rooms, we
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: see our counterparts asking for the things that they haven't earned.
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: You know, they might come to the meeting with a one.
• 2:14
  Speaker 4: Page proposal if they have a proposal, if there's a
• 2:18
  Speaker 4: proposal with misspelled words, and ask for the most audacious numbers.
• 2:23
  Speaker 4: And so when I think about, you know, audacity in
• 2:26
  Speaker 4: this context, with technology, with AI transformation, with job shifting.
• 2:31
  Speaker 4: If we don't go after what we want, we are
• 2:33
  Speaker 4: going to be left behind, full stop. And so for me,
• 2:37
  Speaker 4: audacious means asking for the thing that scares you, applying
• 2:40
  Speaker 4: for the job that you feel like you're underqualified for,
• 2:42
  Speaker 4: do it anyway, and do it scared, Just do it scared.
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: Audacity does have a negative connotation. Do we want to
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: get you a seat for sure? Okay?
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: Thos are we always talking for a while?
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: Honey?
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: Audacity does have a negative connotation. It's so something I've
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: I've been I've gotten heat for my entire career, is
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: that I don't believe in being humble. Yes, And every
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: time I say that, well, the church folk come out
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: and drove millant God. And when I say it, I say,
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: I am humble before God only. I am not humble
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: before other humans. You and all your fucked up shit
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: don't have nothing to do with humbling me, honey, Because
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: every time I've been humble for other people, it has
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: come at my detriment and their glorification or their amplification,
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: and it.
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: Has not served me in any way.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: And I feel like audacity kind of falls under that
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: same scope.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: Because I humility for what? Why am I being humble?
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: I tell you.
• 3:48
  Speaker 4: I have been overly humble, overly humble. Right, I'm from
• 3:53
  Speaker 4: the south, right, we were taught respectability, politics, grew up
• 3:58
  Speaker 4: in the church, you know, just all the things, and
• 4:01
  Speaker 4: it served me for a long time. Put your head down,
• 4:05
  Speaker 4: do the work. The results will eventually pay off. But
• 4:09
  Speaker 4: those days are done, so done. And I think this
• 4:13
  Speaker 4: sometimes we have the popper collar, and you know often,
• 4:15
  Speaker 4: you know, to your point, it's like, why should we
• 4:17
  Speaker 4: remain humble when our resume speaks a different story? Why
• 4:21
  Speaker 4: should we remain humble when the receipts are the receipts.
• 4:24
  Speaker 4: And it doesn't mean that every day we're going to
• 4:26
  Speaker 4: be banging our hands on the table, but it means
• 4:28
  Speaker 4: for sure we're going to walk in with a different
• 4:30
  Speaker 4: level of like posture and swag about us. And so,
• 4:34
  Speaker 4: for me, humility is dead. It has to be, because
• 4:39
  Speaker 4: if we keep moving that way, then who would notice
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  Speaker 4: the hard work that's been done?
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: And who will care?
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: You know, that's that's interesting you say that because I
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: have a friend who a couple of years ago, she
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: was going through a transition in her career and she
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: was talking about how her work was never site to
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: her in the building, and she would do all these things,
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: and she would book these people, and she would get
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: these huge, huge moments for the company, and someone else
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: would always step in at the last minute and kind
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: of swoop away her credit.
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: And I said, girl, that's your fault.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: I'll be damned. I put that shit together and somebody else,
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: did you what did you do?
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  Speaker 2: What did you do?
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: No? No, no, sir, I did this. I have the
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: text messages right here.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: See that. That's my friend. That's why they're in the building.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: You did what you typed up the name tag congratulations.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: I don't care how you feel about it. You didn't
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: do this work. You will not be taking credit for it.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: And I said, you have to do that. You cannot
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: work in silence. Working in silence is never You never
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: work in silence. You work very loud. I would even say, like,
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: it's not for interns. I was loud as fuck when
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: I was intern. I want this opportunity. I got this done.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: I booked this person, I brought in this say, oh, like,
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: you have to let people know what your work is.
• 5:59
  Speaker 4: You do and there's such a fine line, right, so
• 6:02
  Speaker 4: when I think about for me, like I'm not naturally
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: wired to pop my issue.
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: I'm just not right, you know.
• 6:11
  Speaker 4: It's like, so so for me, I've had to be
• 6:13
  Speaker 4: strategic in the moments or in the rooms where maybe
• 6:16
  Speaker 4: that energy would have been rejected too. So instead of
• 6:19
  Speaker 4: me sometimes, you know, saying the things that I've done,
• 6:22
  Speaker 4: I have sponsors in the space.
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: I might have advocates in the space.
• 6:25
  Speaker 4: I might have people that have a little bit more
• 6:28
  Speaker 4: protection position right who can actually say the things for me,
• 6:33
  Speaker 4: And over time that helped me develop my own voice.
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: And so for me, you know, it's I think sometimes
• 6:39
  Speaker 4: you know, I know, I push young people when I'm
• 6:41
  Speaker 4: speaking to them, like say the things, do the things,
• 6:45
  Speaker 4: and sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't because the
• 6:47
  Speaker 4: systems sometimes aren't designed or set up for that type
• 6:50
  Speaker 4: of safety. But when they're not, we can still be
• 6:53
  Speaker 4: strategic in how.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think that's like, you know, you worked
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: in the highest level of corporate and political spaces, and
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: so you know, there's a game to play, and we
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: can pretend like there's not a game to play all
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: we want, and we can zap the nuance out of
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: every conversation and we can pretend that this is a
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: fair playing field and that you know, knowing people or
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: family or looks or any of these things don't matter,
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: and they absolutely fucking do.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: But at the end of the day, you have to
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: do the work.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: And that's the thing that I feel like a lot
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: of people miss in especially young people, when you have
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: these conversations. Yes, you need opportunities, you need doors open,
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: you need advocates, you need people to speak for you
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: in the room, you need people to recognize your talent,
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: but you also have to have the talent and combining
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: that and being strategic with it is so important.
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: I'll say one more thing.
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  Speaker 4: It was actually my mom who made the shift for
• 7:52
  Speaker 4: me around audacity because I remember when I was pregnant
• 7:55
  Speaker 4: with my second child, I'm working at Google and I
• 7:58
  Speaker 4: was just playing everything by the books as we always
• 8:02
  Speaker 4: do and should, and I remember wanting to go back
• 8:06
  Speaker 4: to work early before my maternity leave ended, and she
• 8:09
  Speaker 4: was like, why would you do that? And I'm like, well,
• 8:10
  Speaker 4: I want them to know that I'm serious, and i
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: want them to know that I'm you know, I'm a
• 8:13
  Speaker 4: team player, and I'm you know, still going to come
• 8:15
  Speaker 4: back in and lead. And she said, You're at a
• 8:17
  Speaker 4: different level now. So your responsibility is to rest. Your
• 8:21
  Speaker 4: responsibility is to take your leave because you're going to
• 8:24
  Speaker 4: start training and conditioning the young people around you to
• 8:27
  Speaker 4: think that they can't be bold and take.
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: A rest because they just had.
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: So.
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  Speaker 4: For me, it was my mom saying to like what
• 8:35
  Speaker 4: you what got us here, joy won't get us there.
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  Speaker 4: And it requires the audacity, It requires putting humility aside
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  Speaker 4: and like saying the things to even make you.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: Scared, but you like that fear in you that you
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: were going to fall behind even taking maternityly that you
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: are entitled to, and that is normal and it is
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: necessary for your life and your family is so ingrained
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: in us, yes, and it's so apart.
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: There's two things that I that I that came to mind.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: One is that I'm glad that your mother said that,
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: because I do think in the leadership roles, the audacity changes,
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: and the way that you deliver things changes, and the
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: way that you take credit changes, because if your team
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: did something, then your language has to change. And sometimes
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: it's important that your team knows that you did it. Yes,
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: so that now this is what I did, We're going
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: to do it together next time. But I pulled it
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: together as the leader, but if it was a team thing,
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: it needs to be a we we did this, not me,
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: and that when you become a leader, that language has
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: to change.
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: But I also think I want to ask.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: You about this because I talked about this a couple
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: of weeks ago, because the girl boss conversation has circle
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: back around for us and quite controversial. Oh my god,
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: it's exhausting, ladies, it's almost it's gotten to the point
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: where it's misogynistic. Yeah, And I kind of realized that
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: when I was ranting about it, like, just men do
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: not have a boy boss era.
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: No, they we don't not.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: We do not talk about how how do men find balance?
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: Like it's such a woman conversation. It is so silly,
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: and we continue to have the conversation.
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: I do not agree.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: I've never agreed with anything Amana said in my entire life,
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: for the record, But we got to be a little
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: more accountable with ourselves and stop talking about having everything
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: together all the time.
• 10:26
  Speaker 4: Yes, nobody's okay, No one's okay, No one has the answers.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: We might have one answer for this one specific situation
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: that might help you. Despite the fact that you are
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: in a completely different company with different leadership and different
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: co workers in a different.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: Time, Like, no one has the answers. We do not
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: have it together.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: Girl bossing is is a myth in the idea that
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: you can have everything all at once and that you
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: are going to have it all together all the time.
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: I mean, no one's okay, and that's okay, right.
• 11:02
  Speaker 4: We are all experiencing universally something that we've never experienced before,
• 11:06
  Speaker 4: like just Ai alone, right, Like we are normalizing robots
• 11:10
  Speaker 4: walking down the street, right, we're normalizing the idea of
• 11:13
  Speaker 4: robots being in the home, like guys driverless cars. And
• 11:18
  Speaker 4: so for me, I think if anyone sits across from
• 11:21
  Speaker 4: you as an expert, like run the other way, because
• 11:25
  Speaker 4: no one has all the answers right now, like we
• 11:27
  Speaker 4: all are having to shift and pivot at the same time.
• 11:30
  Speaker 4: And again, if we don't focus on agility and how
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: we're going to do that, then it's going to be
• 11:35
  Speaker 4: a scary place for all of us in about two
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: years if it isn't already.
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: How scared are you?
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: Because you are someone who comes from a very political background,
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: and you have been around politics and power and the
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: highest level of corporate spaces pretty much your entire life.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: I agree, we are living in unprecedented times, and I
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: try to not be too hyperbolic because our ancestors certainly
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: lived through worse, no, but and every generation has their
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: thing to deal with. But it feels like we're kind
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: of fucking around with the ends here.
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: We're on the edge. But I'm not afraid. I'm not
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: afraid of that.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: That makes me feel better because I'm very afraid.
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: I'm not afraid at all. And here's why.
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: Whenever you speak to an elder who's been through it all, right,
• 12:31
  Speaker 4: they first have a level of calm and reassurance around,
• 12:36
  Speaker 4: like everything comes back around, and it's just true, even
• 12:39
  Speaker 4: the world resets itself, right, So when you really believe
• 12:42
  Speaker 4: in God, of course and faith, but also the universe
• 12:45
  Speaker 4: and just how even trends in fashion, like everything comes
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: back full circle. So that gives me like a level
• 12:51
  Speaker 4: of confidence and calm even when like the rug is
• 12:55
  Speaker 4: being pulled from us. I don't panic for that reason.
• 12:59
  Speaker 4: But the second reason is because you know, at the
• 13:02
  Speaker 4: end of the day, people move where culture moves. It's
• 13:08
  Speaker 4: just true, right, So the more people are, you know,
• 13:11
  Speaker 4: focused on technology and AI and everything feels out of control.
• 13:14
  Speaker 4: Connection becomes back in style, like connection is the new currency,
• 13:18
  Speaker 4: Like us sitting here on the couch together feels ten
• 13:21
  Speaker 4: times better than us being on a zoom. And so
• 13:23
  Speaker 4: for me, that gives me comfort in knowing that the
• 13:27
  Speaker 4: small spaces where we can have real connection is actually
• 13:29
  Speaker 4: where money's going to move. It's where opportunity is gonna lie.
• 13:32
  Speaker 4: Like stop applying for a million jobs online right and
• 13:36
  Speaker 4: start sliding in dms. Like to me, it's that direct
• 13:39
  Speaker 4: connection that's going to make us relevant. It's going to
• 13:43
  Speaker 4: make us stick, and I think ultimately it's going to
• 13:46
  Speaker 4: reset around all of this craziness is happening right now.
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: Do you feel like culture is in a good place
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: because you're heavily involved in music, if you have a
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: production company, you're involved with art. I don't know that
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: that I completely agree with you with connectivity. I think
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: experiences are the most sought after thing right now. Is
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: why sports is exploding everywhere and why those contracts are insane,
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: billions and billions of dollars. It's where all the billionaires
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: want to put their money. Because people want to be
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: together and want to watch things live, They want to
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: experience things.
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: I agree with you there.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: I think that culture is in a is in a
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: pretty shitty place. I don't think art is where it
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: needs to be, yes, I really don't think music is
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: where it needs to be. Movies are kind of hanging on. Like, so,
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: we had a good year this year, sinners, you know,
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: we had we had some contributions that showed that we
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: can move the needle, we can create unique one of
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: the kind things that still are phenomenons that are still
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: written well, that are still shot artistically, and they matter
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: and they resonate with people and the audiences react. I
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: think that in times like these, the art is the
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: time capsule of the moment, and I don't know that
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: all of the art forms are doing the best work
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: to capture that, to inspire people, to galvanize people to
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: call out the corruption, Like where are where are they?
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: Where are the artists of our time? And there are
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: a few. I don't want to say there's none, because
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: that's not true, but man, like, can we just a
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: little bit?
• 15:46
  Speaker 4: I think, to be really honest, we're platforming the wrong people.
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: They exist, but are we who's platforming them?
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: And are we platforming them? Are we platforming the wrong people?
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: Or is the audience respect like it's I feel that way.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: Sometimes say that that's the conversation that happens in sports.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: They're like, Alai is the loudest sitting in the world.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: Are we talking about the cowboys because people want to
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: talk about the cowboys?
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: Or do people want to.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: Talk about the cowboys because we're talking about the cowboys?
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: Like what came first? Yes, so how do you believe
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: that that works?
• 16:19
  Speaker 4: So for me, I think, you know, the days of
• 16:22
  Speaker 4: traditional media and what gets magnified on the biggest stages
• 16:27
  Speaker 4: are gone, right, So yes, you have breakthrough projects like Sinners,
• 16:31
  Speaker 4: who did a fantastic job. But for every Sinners, there's
• 16:35
  Speaker 4: one hundred or even a thousand independent films that we
• 16:39
  Speaker 4: haven't heard of who are doing great work. And so
• 16:42
  Speaker 4: both can be true. And so for me, if we
• 16:45
  Speaker 4: don't shift, that's where we get left behind. So if
• 16:47
  Speaker 4: we're waiting for the green light, if we're waiting for
• 16:49
  Speaker 4: the big budget project, right by the time that project
• 16:52
  Speaker 4: actually gets produced, the moment is gone. And so for me,
• 16:55
  Speaker 4: it's really taking advantage of this kind of micro not
• 16:59
  Speaker 4: just influence through economy, but over all economies. So pick
• 17:03
  Speaker 4: up the camera right don't wait to create. Now where
• 17:06
  Speaker 4: we come in as consumers and as media platforms is
• 17:09
  Speaker 4: now we have a responsibility to platform those creators and
• 17:12
  Speaker 4: platform those founders. And so for every executive, for example,
• 17:15
  Speaker 4: more than six hundred thousand black women specifically are out
• 17:19
  Speaker 4: of work right now, right pushed out of the workforce,
• 17:22
  Speaker 4: pick up a camera because you're actually the experts who
• 17:25
  Speaker 4: these audiences want to hear from and see. And so
• 17:28
  Speaker 4: for me, the ecosystem exists, the creators exist, and the
• 17:34
  Speaker 4: funding has dried up. And so now I believe we
• 17:38
  Speaker 4: have to aggregate, like pool our resources or at least
• 17:41
  Speaker 4: our platforms around these projects that we believe in.
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: I mean, I can't.
• 17:45
  Speaker 4: I was just at ABFL Film Festival last weekend in Miami.
• 17:50
  Speaker 4: Thousands of directors, filmmakers, writers, producers from sports, music, TV,
• 17:55
  Speaker 4: film who have the dopest ideas and just need ten
• 17:58
  Speaker 4: of us to postplify them. And then that's where the
• 18:01
  Speaker 4: revenue gets generated. And so I think we just play
• 18:04
  Speaker 4: a different role than maybe we what before Before I
• 18:06
  Speaker 4: had the ability to green light projects and invest in them.
• 18:09
  Speaker 4: Now I have the ability to galvanize communities to amplify
• 18:12
  Speaker 4: those platforms so they still can make money on the
• 18:14
  Speaker 4: back end, and so to me, that's the shift.
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I do believe in that.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: I think that we culturally have a responsibility to platform
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: people that are doing cool things.
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: Like I just saw is.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: God Is the Other Day is spectacular, so good, And
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: you know that's a play, a successful play, and you
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: know it's it's been built over years and years of work,
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: but still a unique written story and incredible work.
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: I really I wonder where the young people are? I
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: guess yes, Like where what are what are the babies doing?
• 18:55
  Speaker 4: That's the part, right, Like I honestly have the biggest
• 18:59
  Speaker 4: passion and everyone like you who knows me knows this
• 19:02
  Speaker 4: to just platform and amplify young voices because they have
• 19:06
  Speaker 4: the dopest, most cutting edge ideas and they just need
• 19:09
  Speaker 4: to push, right, And so just having young people like
• 19:12
  Speaker 4: you do on set now right as we're speaking, we
• 19:15
  Speaker 4: have a crew of young people who are here who
• 19:17
  Speaker 4: are way more brilliant than we are, right, So like,
• 19:20
  Speaker 4: let's start investing and pouring into them more because that's
• 19:24
  Speaker 4: actually where the breakthrough is going to happen and the
• 19:26
  Speaker 4: money's going to be generated.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: Right and I and those are the those are the
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: people that need to be telling the story of the
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: time exactly.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: Like I'm I'm an auntie. I'm you're nine, auntie.
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: I'm very much an auntie. I am absolutely I rebuke this.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: I have fourteen and fifteen on the way, so heeces
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: and nephews. I am almost forty years old. I am
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: absolutely an aunty. Okay, it's okay. I have embraced this.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: I enjoy my role in this life. Okay, but yes, absolutely,
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: we'll talk about that.
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: I am not in myself.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: I'm okay with it, but I am not you know,
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: I'm not a whipper snapper.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: Okay, I'm not out here. No, I'm not. I am
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: not old.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: Okay, I am. I am still in my thirties, but
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: I am not a twenty one year old.
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: I refuse to embrace that. For you. I'm not doing it.
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: Ties. They were glorious, Okay.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: I enjoyed mostly every moment of them, except for the
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: part where I was broke.
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: That part I don't want back.
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: No, but I'm saying that like young people, this is
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: their time, like they need to be fighting back. Like
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: when we talk about everything's happening politically, and we talk
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: about everything that's happening culturally, you're the jobs that are
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: not going to exist, like they're taking the world from you.
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: That's true.
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: We good, We're good, God right, we are right. Listen,
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: we gonna figure it out.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: We've been figuring it out for.
• 20:46
  Speaker 4: A wet been figuring it out for a long time.
• 20:48
  Speaker 4: We've got twenty plus years in the game. So that
• 20:50
  Speaker 4: brings me peace and calm. But I also think young
• 20:53
  Speaker 4: people are learning to love their life with less, right,
• 21:00
  Speaker 4: Like I'll be honest, Like I overstacked my overhead, right,
• 21:03
  Speaker 4: like I had to have the big house, I had
• 21:05
  Speaker 4: to have the big car, I had to have the
• 21:06
  Speaker 4: big trips, I had to have the big wardrobe. And
• 21:08
  Speaker 4: I still love those things, but I'd rather like sit
• 21:12
  Speaker 4: on a beach right with a bikinion and just relax
• 21:18
  Speaker 4: with a carry on bag. Right, So to me, I
• 21:21
  Speaker 4: think young people are teaching us differently too, Like simplicity
• 21:24
  Speaker 4: is actually the sexiest lifestyle you can have without like
• 21:29
  Speaker 4: stacking the weight of the world on your shoulders because
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: of all these material things. So I think I don't know,
• 21:33
  Speaker 4: yes to jobs for sure an opportunity, and yes to
• 21:38
  Speaker 4: like maybe reevaluating how we're even doing life. Yeah, because
• 21:42
  Speaker 4: I definitely have done it and continue to do it
• 21:44
  Speaker 4: a little too heavy.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: Well, I think it's I think it's generational also because
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: we just had it, we grew up in a different time,
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: Like they see so much, and I think in a
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: lot of ways they've developed this pushback on like I
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: actually don't need that much, Like fine, I'm okay, I
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: have a full life, a fun life doing this. It's
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: I think it plays Obviously it's completely unattainable for a
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: lot of people now, but it's even buying a home.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: People are like, why am I'm not working extra hours
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: so that I can then be responsible for a home
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: when I can. I'm already paying this for rents anyway,
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: Like why this is an unattainable thing for me? So
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to burden myself with the worry of
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: trying to do that, which is a shame because that
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: also dissuades people from real wealth building.
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: But it's where we are as a society.
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: And it's not where we are.
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: And I think that for me, that's the wisdom regardless
• 22:48
  Speaker 4: of age. Yeah, you've got to know where you sit
• 22:50
  Speaker 4: in this thing and where the world is. And I
• 22:52
  Speaker 4: think whenever we're in denial of that. That's actually when
• 22:55
  Speaker 4: we end up like really struggling in business and in life. Right,
• 22:59
  Speaker 4: it's like really knowing where the world is and where
• 23:02
  Speaker 4: you are and taking a beat, and a beat could
• 23:04
  Speaker 4: be like a weekend just to reevaluate, and you're like, no,
• 23:07
  Speaker 4: my love life sucks. I want to change that, or
• 23:10
  Speaker 4: my work life. I make a ton of money, but
• 23:12
  Speaker 4: I'm miserable every day. Like whatever that reset is to me, Like,
• 23:16
  Speaker 4: this is the beautiful pane of this window where we
• 23:20
  Speaker 4: have to figure those things out.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: How has been how's the shift been for you away
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: from corporate?
• 23:31
  Speaker 4: A different hard? Both are hard, right, Like, so you
• 23:34
  Speaker 4: have to choose your path. Hard for me has meant
• 23:37
  Speaker 4: you lose the stability right of you know, the paycheck
• 23:41
  Speaker 4: every two weeks.
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: You lose you.
• 23:44
  Speaker 4: Know, the stock vesting and all those things. But you
• 23:48
  Speaker 4: also have the ability to just like take a second
• 23:53
  Speaker 4: to think about what you want this next.
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: Chapter of your life to look at.
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: So that's been the biggest blessing of it. But it's
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: been hard, right, Like the world changed at the month
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: that I transitioned, literally joy like the month I said
• 24:08
  Speaker 4: all right, I'm an entrepreneur. I've got a two year runway,
• 24:10
  Speaker 4: like I've got money saved up, I've got the house,
• 24:12
  Speaker 4: I've got all the things, and then the whole world shifted.
• 24:14
  Speaker 4: And like, to me, that hard journey has been the
• 24:18
  Speaker 4: biggest blessing because now every day, not only do I
• 24:22
  Speaker 4: have to like really think about the future for my business,
• 24:26
  Speaker 4: but I got to I could to like really stop
• 24:28
  Speaker 4: and think about what I want my life to look like.
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: So that's been beautiful.
• 24:32
  Speaker 4: And just like my kids seeing mom follow her dreams, like,
• 24:35
  Speaker 4: that's been dope because my kids have always known Mom
• 24:38
  Speaker 4: to be the corporate girl who you know, does all
• 24:41
  Speaker 4: the fabulous things. And the other day my youngest, no,
• 24:44
  Speaker 4: my oldest said to me, he was like, Mom.
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: Are we gonna have to move back to North Carolina?
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: Are we okay?
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: I was like, of course, we're okay.
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: Like I make money like I do well.
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: They were like, but you don't.
• 24:54
  Speaker 4: You don't work for Google anymore, and I was like, yeah,
• 24:57
  Speaker 4: entrepreneurship is cool too, And so to me, it's like
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: retraining the brain around entrepreneurship is a credible, you know,
• 25:08
  Speaker 4: sexy job. It is hard and it's super hard, and
• 25:12
  Speaker 4: that's the part that we don't talk about enough.
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I mean it's everyone always says like you
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: want to work for yourself, and there is a freedom
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: attached to that, but there is also a constant anxiety
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: attached to that. And it's a different constant anxiety than
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: working for the man because there are just different struggles
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: with it. And yeah, I mean I haven't been a
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: corporate for a while now, and yeah, it's different. It's
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: a different stress, but I have found it, like you've said,
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: like it's it's a little inspiring.
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: It's a little like yeah, I mean, it keeps it
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: a little saucy.
• 25:50
  Speaker 4: It's like moving to New York City, like you get
• 25:52
  Speaker 4: to know who you really are.
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like you and you gotta make it. You got
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: there's no.
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: Choice, there's no plap.
• 25:59
  Speaker 4: And then I think about just so many founders right
• 26:01
  Speaker 4: now who are publicly getting criticized and they're learning in
• 26:05
  Speaker 4: real time guys.
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, right, Like it's hard.
• 26:08
  Speaker 4: And when I think about the mistakes, like, I think
• 26:10
  Speaker 4: that there's so much to learn from people who really
• 26:14
  Speaker 4: wear it on their sleeve, the good and the bad.
• 26:16
  Speaker 4: And so for me, I'm like obsessed with founder stories
• 26:20
  Speaker 4: and saying not just like how they raised the capital,
• 26:23
  Speaker 4: but when they lost it all and won it back,
• 26:25
  Speaker 4: or you know, just how they pivoted, or some people
• 26:28
  Speaker 4: have gone back into the W two because they said,
• 26:31
  Speaker 4: you know what, I realized through this experience, this just
• 26:33
  Speaker 4: wasn't for me. So whatever the messiness is to me,
• 26:36
  Speaker 4: I'm loving every second of learning it because again, I've
• 26:39
  Speaker 4: had a job since I was fourteen years old, and
• 26:41
  Speaker 4: for a year now I've been an entrepreneur and it's
• 26:44
  Speaker 4: been the hardest and best lesson of my life.
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: And you have to be present all the time.
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: Presence and then also future, Like I feel like there's
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: not any space for the past when you're an entrepreneur
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: because it's just wasted time. And when listen, don't waste
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: my motherfucking please, don't waste my time. Oh my god,
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: don't piss me off. Wasted time.
• 27:09
  Speaker 4: That's my number one, pippee, my number one, fucking dare you.
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: I know we're not on dating, but don't waste I.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: Mean, this is this is my good transition because it
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: really is about business, it's about friends, it's about the
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: motherfucking uber driver. Don't waste my fucking time. My time
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: is so I have every minute of my day land
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: every fucking minute. Don't waste it. It's so frustrating to me. Okay, well,
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: this was a good transition. How's dating? It sucks. It's
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: so bad.
• 27:44
  Speaker 4: It's so bad, and it's bad because I'm such a
• 27:48
  Speaker 4: lover girl.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: Well that's that's that's something you should hold on to.
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: I'm trying for the life of me though.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: Okay, well, what's what is the clash with being a
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: lover girl and dating?
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: That's the problem.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: It's taking a second to really like, are you loving
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: too fast? They are loving too fast and the lover
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: girl and me wants to believe that it's real.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: Right. So it's like the love bombing. That's a thing.
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: I love a good.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: Two weeks.
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: I love like two weeks of romance.
• 28:22
  Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, don't let it last three months And
• 28:25
  Speaker 4: you're like.
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: Oh, we go together. Three months, you all go together.
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: We are getting married. Yeah, three months of a love
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: bamb together. Now, yeah, you go together. No, No, it's
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: not that you don't me for three months. You belong
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: to me, but it's not property one.
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: No, but like.
• 28:42
  Speaker 4: You, that's a thing that's happening to you, for sure,
• 28:47
  Speaker 4: it's happening the feel.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: They can feel anything they want to feel. Don't say
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: that ship you don't love me, you don't know me.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: They mean to you yet, but you mean you don't
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: know anything.
• 28:59
  Speaker 4: About one, not even mean just one boundary and they're
• 29:04
  Speaker 4: like fall apart.
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because people like that that like this is my
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: this is my issue with with that, And listen, I
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: am being transparent. I love a fucking love momb. I
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: love a New York Man to fly me out and
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: just let's elite, elite on nothing better.
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: Nothing is better than New York Man love momb They
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: haven't don.
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: Love bomb.
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: Please listen, I it's I can't.
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to front.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: I am suceptible, so bad, but it's so good, it's
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: it's it's perfect and you know it's ending, but it
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: is no fun. The thing about people that say that
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: they love you too soon, and this is why I'm
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: with you, it's a it's a huge red flag because
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: to love someone, you and you don't have to know
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: everything about someone to love someone, but you you do
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: have to know enough to know that you're not just
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: loving the idea of someone.
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: Yes, and I find that a lot.
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: Of people love the idea of me more than the
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: reality of me, because the reality of me is very
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: messy and very guarded and very sad and very happy
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: and very tired and very busy, and like I am
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: all of the extreme of everything as most women are. Sure,
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: so you can't you love the idea of me? Yeah,
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: which is fine. But then you're a fan. Yeah, you're
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: a fan, and I love having fans. It's good, it's important,
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: it's great. They pay the bills, but right for two months,
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: But that's not a lover.
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: It's not a lover.
• 30:35
  Speaker 4: And it's so misleading, right, Like I think for me,
• 30:40
  Speaker 4: so dating and my twenties had it my way like
• 30:43
  Speaker 4: we all did.
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: Man, Like you know, you're twenty something, like if it works,
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: it works. If it doesn't, it doesn't.
• 30:49
  Speaker 4: And now on the other side of a fifteen year relationship,
• 30:53
  Speaker 4: I'm now in my forties dating and to me, it's like,
• 30:58
  Speaker 4: at first I thought host divorce.
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: I just want to have fun. I'm not just have
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: fun girl.
• 31:03
  Speaker 4: I realize that. Like month one, I was like, oh,
• 31:06
  Speaker 4: I'm a lover girl. I don't want to just have fun.
• 31:09
  Speaker 4: I want to marry you. Big reflag on my side.
• 31:14
  Speaker 4: You want to get married again. It's not a goal,
• 31:15
  Speaker 4: But I want to be so in love with someone
• 31:19
  Speaker 4: and them to love me so much that either we
• 31:21
  Speaker 4: go behind this thing or you know, marriage then becomes
• 31:25
  Speaker 4: a possibility. Yeah, but right now, I'm fine if I
• 31:27
  Speaker 4: don't get remarried and I don't plan to have any
• 31:30
  Speaker 4: more children. So like, to me, it's like, I want
• 31:33
  Speaker 4: to do life with my person, but I want them
• 31:36
  Speaker 4: to really rock with me for real, and for me,
• 31:39
  Speaker 4: that's what makes love bombing feel so good. So dating
• 31:42
  Speaker 4: for me is looked like you meet the guy they love,
• 31:45
  Speaker 4: the idea of you, a couple of dinners, and you know,
• 31:49
  Speaker 4: things have progressed to daily conversations FaceTime. I want to
• 31:53
  Speaker 4: see you, flying you out, you know, you're doing all
• 31:55
  Speaker 4: the things, and then life happens. I have a schedule,
• 31:59
  Speaker 4: We have schedules, right, So we can't just hop on
• 32:02
  Speaker 4: the flight and go to London tomorrow, right. And so
• 32:07
  Speaker 4: once the reality sets in on what it actually looks
• 32:10
  Speaker 4: like to date someone like us, it becomes a problem. Right,
• 32:15
  Speaker 4: And so I'm not interested in shrinking. I'm not interested
• 32:20
  Speaker 4: in shifting because I know I cannot depend on you
• 32:23
  Speaker 4: to pay these big grown bills that I have, nor
• 32:25
  Speaker 4: should I, And I'm not getting younger. So for me,
• 32:29
  Speaker 4: it's like, if this doesn't feel good and if it
• 32:31
  Speaker 4: doesn't feel like we're at ease and this love, then
• 32:35
  Speaker 4: I'd rather not. And so that's what dating has been
• 32:37
  Speaker 4: for me. And it sucks. Yeah, that part of it sucks.
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I I relate entirely.
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: It's when you are a busy grown woman and I
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: don't have kids, but you know, kids adding kids to
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: it as a whole other elements and beasts.
• 32:53
  Speaker 3: My kids have never met anyone for you, and they
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: they shouldn't.
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: I don't think.
• 32:58
  Speaker 3: I think it's time.
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: Though.
• 32:59
  Speaker 4: They're starting to look at me like I'm weird. They're like, Mom,
• 33:01
  Speaker 4: are you okay?
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: Like is everything okay?
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: And what is what's your What's I actually shouldn't say that.
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: What is your policy on?
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: Like?
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: What what? What are the benchmarks to meeting your kids?
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: Okay?
• 33:17
  Speaker 4: So I'll tell you a funny story first. So I
• 33:18
  Speaker 4: was staying in this guy post divorce and it was
• 33:21
  Speaker 4: like fresh out right. So he's loved bombing me. I'm
• 33:26
  Speaker 4: curious about it. It feels great. He's a former athlete.
• 33:29
  Speaker 4: The whole thing, like everything on paper and physically was
• 33:32
  Speaker 4: like great, and he had children, and I said to
• 33:36
  Speaker 4: him very clearly upfront, like this is so new for
• 33:39
  Speaker 4: me that you know we should talk about like the
• 33:42
  Speaker 4: kid thing, because I'm not anywhere near being ready for
• 33:46
  Speaker 4: my kids to meet anyone.
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: And he took it personally. He was like exactly. He
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: was like, I thought you loved me, and I thought
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: I loved you, and.
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: I thought that how long were you seeing each other
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: on the seven thank you?
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: Three months? Four months?
• 34:00
  Speaker 4: And so fast forward now we're maybe four or five
• 34:04
  Speaker 4: months in. He of course has not met my children,
• 34:07
  Speaker 4: and I'm clear, but I want to be respectful of
• 34:09
  Speaker 4: you two and your family, like I'm not ready to
• 34:12
  Speaker 4: meet your kids until we together agree that it's the
• 34:15
  Speaker 4: right time. We're eating in Miami at a restaurant and
• 34:19
  Speaker 4: his kids walk in to the restaurant like it was
• 34:22
  Speaker 4: all planned and I'm being ambushed with like a meet
• 34:25
  Speaker 4: and greet with the children, and of course it was
• 34:26
  Speaker 4: like beautiful and sweet, and then afterwards I was like,
• 34:30
  Speaker 4: what's that? So to me, I'm learning that when men care, though,
• 34:37
  Speaker 4: they will go hard, but that's all they do. Yeah,
• 34:41
  Speaker 4: they go hard, that's all they do. Now the times
• 34:43
  Speaker 4: sense of the conversation about them. But men, I don't.
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: Have like any pretty hard sances across millennias.
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: But if men, if you want to, he would like
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: that's it.
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: But that's the thing, that's it, Like it's men are
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: men all do what they want.
• 35:01
  Speaker 3: To do all the time, audacity.
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: If they want to call you, they will call you,
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: like I've had girl friends being I do.
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: Just don't know why he's not calling you because he
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: doesn't want to.
• 35:08
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, because he's not. He doesn't like you like that.
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: He doesn't like you.
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, girl, he doesn't like you. Men will ruin their
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: whole entire. They will ruin a country, They will ruin
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: the earth, it will burn out to the ground.
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: True said some shit on literal fire.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: Even for a woman that they are interested in, they
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: don't even have to love her. So if you if
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: if they want to do something for you, they will
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: do it. Obviously there's exceptions, but that is just the
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: That's that has been my life experience and know the
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: experience of any woman or man I've ever watched in mine, darling.
• 35:42
  Speaker 4: But joy, there's something for us to learn from that,
• 35:45
  Speaker 4: right So for me, as much as I was overwhelmed
• 35:50
  Speaker 4: in that moment with like, why would you do that?
• 35:52
  Speaker 4: And we ended up soon after falling apartment. It's like,
• 35:55
  Speaker 4: but that was actually sweet?
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 35:56
  Speaker 3: Like was it wrong? Was it? Did it catch me off? God? Yes,
• 36:01
  Speaker 3: but with all of my guard in the wall and.
• 36:04
  Speaker 4: This hard shell that I've developed over time from a
• 36:07
  Speaker 4: lot of disappointment, I mean, for years of disappointment, I'm like,
• 36:11
  Speaker 4: maybe we should love as freely.
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: And as opening like that to the right person.
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: Was it sweet or was it manipulative?
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: Looking back?
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: I don't know any of the details of this story.
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: By the way, this is the first time I'm hearing
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: about this that I.
• 36:27
  Speaker 4: Think it was sweet until it wasn't right until he
• 36:30
  Speaker 4: didn't get the outcome, which makes it manipulative.
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: So, because I think wanting someone to meet your children,
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: if you're not a person that just constantly introduces your
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: children to people who I think, I mean personally, I
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: think are just fucking insane. But I don't have children,
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: so whatever, maybe I'm wrong. I don't want to meet
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: someone's children. I date men who have kids, I don't
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: want to meet them unless we are together, yes, and
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: not like, oh, we're seeing it, like we have had
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: the conversation that you and I are together. We are
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: going to beat together. Then I will meet your children,
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: and not a second before. And I'm not meeting the
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: kids as in like we're throwing the whole kitchen sing
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: at them, like this is going to be a gentle
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: entrance into this experience for them, because I'm not their
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: mother and I'm not doing that to children. That's my
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: choice to make.
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: It sounds like you had said that for some version
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: of this.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: Having your own children to speak strongly to this and
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: him wanting to meet you to meet his children is
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: a good thing. That's a nice thing. But you are
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: both adults. This is a grown ass man.
• 37:34
  Speaker 4: Yes, And as a mom, I thought about their mom right, right,
• 37:39
  Speaker 4: So I was like, man, you know as much as
• 37:42
  Speaker 4: it he thought, perhaps it was an action of endearment
• 37:45
  Speaker 4: towards me. I know for sure their mother wasn't aware
• 37:49
  Speaker 4: of that, right, And so for when they were very young, yeah,
• 37:53
  Speaker 4: they were.
• 37:53
  Speaker 3: Really young, and so yeah, because.
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: If they were like teenagers, like I wouldn't thought of
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: their mom as much.
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: But when they're little and I think of.
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: Them, I actually I actually obviously I think of the mother,
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: but I also think of them. I think how I
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: would feel as a child, how I did feel as
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: a child. Actually, when I met my father's new girlfriend
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: and she was on the couch trying to talk to
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: me about some shit, and I was like, lady, I
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: don't fucking know you.
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: And more than that, you don't know him.
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: You think you know him, you don't even know you
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: don't know shit, bitch, Wait till you really meet him.
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: You think you telling me something about this man. I
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: know I came from this man. Okay, you don't know him.
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: Wait till you fucking find out. Actually you want to
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: tea it's true. Well why are you sitting here a
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: lecture me about how to behave I've known you forty
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: five fucking seconds and you've known him two minutes.
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: So I think that it is not to rewrite your story.
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: I think it was manipula.
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: But I think that it's so hard to find people
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: who can just control their emotions.
• 38:57
  Speaker 3: But that's the part, right, the men trying to be careful?
• 39:01
  Speaker 4: But maybe addidn't the men of our age group are
• 39:06
  Speaker 4: really midlife crisis is real?
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't think that's exclusive to men, correct, But
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: I do think that.
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: There is. Well, here's where I will give a monoicum
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: of grace to the men of our age group. We
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: grew up in a different time. We have gone through
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: massive technological changes, I want to say moral changes. But
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: you know, only fans did not exist. Okay, you did
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: not have Instagram, do not have the access to people,
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: the illusion of options that because it isn't really more options,
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: it's the illusion of options that we have now there's
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: always still just one person.
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: Yes, but we always think people.
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: People think humans are replaceable because we see so many
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: humans all the time.
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: So I think that has affected a lot of men
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: of our age group. I think it's affected a lot.
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: Of relationships, how we communicate, how we trust our confidence,
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: you know, and what people actually want, because I find
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: that a lot of men say they want one thing,
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: but they are not doing anything too.
• 40:24
  Speaker 3: But that's created that. Yeah.
• 40:26
  Speaker 4: And I think for me, when I really stop to
• 40:30
  Speaker 4: just because again love a girl, I believe in love.
• 40:33
  Speaker 4: That's what I want for all of us. And the
• 40:36
  Speaker 4: gender war thing is whack. And I'm noticing though that women,
• 40:41
  Speaker 4: like most of the women that I know, have really
• 40:44
  Speaker 4: taken the time to do the work over a long
• 40:46
  Speaker 4: period of time.
• 40:46
  Speaker 3: Therapy. You got your friend's circles, you're.
• 40:49
  Speaker 4: Working out, you're having real conversations to just go deeper
• 40:52
  Speaker 4: and like reset or fix, like the things that maybe
• 40:56
  Speaker 4: trauma has done. The guys are that I know have
• 41:00
  Speaker 4: recently started that journey right like they're starting therapy.
• 41:04
  Speaker 3: They have the golf trips, like they're doing the.
• 41:05
  Speaker 4: Things to repair to But the timeline for so many
• 41:11
  Speaker 4: isn't really matching up. And so I said it on
• 41:15
  Speaker 4: a pot a couple of years ago. She was like,
• 41:16
  Speaker 4: the young guys or I think it was breakfast club,
• 41:18
  Speaker 4: but she was like, the young guys are checking for
• 41:20
  Speaker 4: us so hard right now. And it's crazy because the
• 41:24
  Speaker 4: guys that are my age rare, but then the younger
• 41:28
  Speaker 4: guys every single day, and I'm like.
• 41:32
  Speaker 3: That's not what I want. It's actually not what I'm
• 41:34
  Speaker 3: interested in this before.
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: This is why it's hard to have conversations on this
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: podcast with your friends, and the.
• 41:42
  Speaker 2: Like, I'm not any young are not playing by us
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: so at all for all this.
• 41:49
  Speaker 4: And and and the older not the older the guys
• 41:51
  Speaker 4: our age are like, but they're not serious, No, they're.
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: So, they're very serious. They're very fucking serious.
• 41:56
  Speaker 3: Very serious, the very serious ends.
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: They got money, baby, okay, it's.
• 42:01
  Speaker 4: Not a sugar mama.
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: Nobody's okay, they're happy to do that.
• 42:07
  Speaker 3: Also, chivalry planning.
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: I don't want it either, but.
• 42:17
  Speaker 3: Just not attracted, not eat there.
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: But you know you could if you want to see
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: a little salt and pepper, I want to see a
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: little I.
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: Want a grown man, you know, but.
• 42:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, the loving most seasoning.
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: So you wouldn't date a younger man.
• 42:31
  Speaker 4: I would for sure. I've done it, but but it's
• 42:35
  Speaker 4: not my preference.
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: Guys, it's yeah, the only thing about younger men is, yeah,
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: I I need an older I don't need an older man.
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: I want a man with seasoning.
• 42:48
  Speaker 3: I want. I want to learn something when I'm in
• 42:50
  Speaker 3: your presence, Like I.
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: Know, I don't want to be taught that I do.
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: I want to learn something, something new. But I like, well,
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: because if you for me, I'm thirty nine, So if
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: I dat a man who's like ten years older than me, yeah,
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: there's still kind of that like, well, you don't know,
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: I don't need that energy, okay, I know.
• 43:10
  Speaker 4: And not the not the correction, but like if he's like, hey, joy,
• 43:13
  Speaker 4: I you know, I know you love Tokyo and the
• 43:16
  Speaker 4: cherry blossoms you know, would you like to go back,
• 43:18
  Speaker 4: because there's a spot that I love to hike in
• 43:21
  Speaker 4: deep in the mountains that maybe you didn't go to
• 43:23
  Speaker 4: next time.
• 43:23
  Speaker 3: And he plans the whole thing out.
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: Nothing sexier.
• 43:27
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, you got me.
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: Nothing, and you don't have to do all that.
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: Book the flight, book, a table, Okay, book a table
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: at a time.
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: Okay, that's it.
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, of course are of course I'm being dramatic, but
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: of course we're doing that. Oh words, are doing that? Well.
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: I don't. I don't want you to lose your your lover, girl.
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: I think that dating is hard, and it's harder now
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: that I think it has been in times past for
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: everyone for a lot of different reasons. They are manufacturing
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: a gender war that in reality only exists online. Exact.
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: That's why we.
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: Joke about the young guy thing, because online you have
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: these red pill podcasts that are pumping all of this
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: vitriol into the world, and it is it's slobber, it's
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: Mike slabber, it's fucking nothingness. We are, by all of
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: these red pill accounts, washed up.
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: Used good what we are useless.
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: We might as well be nuclear waste. And we both know.
• 44:38
  Speaker 3: Not our story.
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: That story is it not our story. It's not the
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: story of women. It's not the story of women. It's
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: not our story. And when the moment that you step
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: from the threshold of your home into the fresh air world,
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: you know that that's not the case, and it's it is.
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: I think it pours over into so many things, like
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: I think dating and the conversation around dating, because I
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: know so many beautiful, brilliant men and I know you
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: do too, that I adore like I love them. I
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: would murder someone for them, and they are there. In
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: my experience with men overall has been positive. I have
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: some of the people I trust the most, some of
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: the people I feel safest around, platonic friendships, my the men,
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: and my family. Like I can go on and on
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: people I've dated that I'm still friends with. I can
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: go on and on and on. That'll be controversial, ron
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: imagine not hitting someone that you're used to date. But
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: I do think that they're those type of spaces, these
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: these hard evil spaces, these racist spaces and misogynistic spaces,
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: these these tradwife spaces, these Christian nationalist spaces, just spew
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: this constant nonsensical bullshit into the world and if you
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: don't go outside, which a lot of people aren't doing,
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: you believe it.
• 45:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you do.
• 45:59
  Speaker 4: And that's why we need to put our arms around
• 46:02
  Speaker 4: each other too. Like I can't tell you. If I
• 46:05
  Speaker 4: were to listen to the Pods right now, they would
• 46:07
  Speaker 4: tell me over forty you know, cooked cooked, right, auntie,
• 46:14
  Speaker 4: which we're not claiming for you because I don't claim
• 46:17
  Speaker 4: it for me.
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: You don't have to claim it. Baby, I am an auntie.
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: I have fourteen human lives that can't call me aunts.
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: I have an auntie. I love it. I love being
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: an auntie.
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: I love being anuntie because I don't want kids, so
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: being an auntie actually is and it's something I find endearing.
• 46:34
  Speaker 4: But there were so many things post divorced. At first,
• 46:36
  Speaker 4: I was like, I'm a mom, Will anyone want me?
• 46:38
  Speaker 4: I'm over forty, Will anyone want me? You know, I
• 46:41
  Speaker 4: live in LA I'm in an industry that's highly visible,
• 46:44
  Speaker 4: and I'm around a lot of men every day.
• 46:46
  Speaker 3: Is that going to be a problem? Not none of
• 46:48
  Speaker 3: those things?
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: You're a powerful woman.
• 46:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, is that going to be a problem? Is it
• 46:53
  Speaker 3: too much?
• 46:54
  Speaker 4: And none of those things have been the problem it's
• 46:56
  Speaker 4: simply been compatibility.
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: Well, if you like of the heart, Yeah, if you
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: look at it that way, I think you're in a
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: great space because you know dating, and I think when
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: when you haven't dated for a while, or you're coming
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: out of a divorce, which I've done before, you're relearning
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: things about yourself.
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: You're healing, you're.
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: Deciding what you want for this chapter of your life
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: which looks very different than the chapter when you were
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: single before. Like the world is different, yes, but also
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: you're different and what you want is different and what
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: you believe is different. Like That's why I think people
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: who have been married over decades of a time at
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: it's like for their lifetime are so fascinating to me.
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: And I think that they have a skill of being
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: able to continuously fall in love with the same person
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: even though that person.
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: Is different, And that's a level of dedication. That is one.
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: It's compatibility, obviously, but it's also a blessing that you
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: find someone who is like, I'm gonna love you no.
• 47:58
  Speaker 2: Matter who you are.
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: Yes, And because you change, so I think you have
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: to give yourself some grace. It's it is hard to date,
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: and la is a very hard place to date, and
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: there are a lot of awful, useless men, and there
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: are also a lot of really great men who want
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: a good grown ass woman. Yeah, but you have to
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: you have to try, and there's a trial and error process.
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: And I think also when we're who we are, we'll
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: like all that child air shit. We don't fail out
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: a lot of shit.
• 48:31
  Speaker 3: No, it's like problem answer, it's like what is the solution?
• 48:36
  Speaker 2: Okay? And I'm very much like this, Like I'm like, okay,
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: we're not dating, no more of this, like ever again?
• 48:43
  Speaker 3: Can I be honest?
• 48:44
  Speaker 4: So when I was first getting divorced, I would listen
• 48:47
  Speaker 4: to my friends complain about dating, and I was like, oh,
• 48:51
  Speaker 4: not my problem, not going to.
• 48:53
  Speaker 3: Be my life because I literally thought that.
• 48:57
  Speaker 4: Again, I solve problems, right, so if this is a problem,
• 49:02
  Speaker 4: the solution will be and I'm going to create the
• 49:04
  Speaker 4: path to figuring this thing out. It's not like that,
• 49:08
  Speaker 4: Like you know, dating's not linear. And so for me
• 49:10
  Speaker 4: that has been the most frustrating part because I thought,
• 49:13
  Speaker 4: over four years this would have been done right, I
• 49:17
  Speaker 4: would be riding off into the sunset with the love
• 49:20
  Speaker 4: of my life.
• 49:20
  Speaker 2: You tried to Vivoca too can play that game.
• 49:22
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I try to do all that, you know, playbook. No,
• 49:25
  Speaker 3: I love that movie so much, so good.
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: It's so good.
• 49:29
  Speaker 2: It's on Prime now, so I get the clips on
• 49:31
  Speaker 2: my algorithm. What what a formative film?
• 49:35
  Speaker 3: Formative film quality research.
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: Okay, listen when Gabby flipped that ponytail, when she said,
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: I said, oh, she's not playing, She not fucking playing,
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: and I red soup. Honey, you better get your boots
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: straps because Gabby is not fucking playing with those in
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: sh she e finna take Morris.
• 50:02
  Speaker 2: I don't remember none of their names from the movie.
• 50:04
  Speaker 2: What's his name?
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: Fuck? What was his name? I just watched the clip
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: he's dancing. What a great movie. We need more movies
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: like that.
• 50:15
  Speaker 3: Yes, bring back Lovestory.
• 50:16
  Speaker 2: You need to make more movies.
• 50:17
  Speaker 3: Okay, we need.
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: Keith Keith, Keith, Keith, Keith fucking Keith.
• 50:23
  Speaker 3: Bring back the rom coms.
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: We need, we need some.
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: And the reason is because that movie is so funny.
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: It is so fucking funny, and it's so real, and
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: the characters are all so unique and.
• 50:37
  Speaker 4: It's timeless, right, Like, who would have thought we would
• 50:40
  Speaker 4: still be having these same conversations.
• 50:41
  Speaker 2: The exact same conversation.
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: It doesn't matter. The technology wasn't there.
• 50:45
  Speaker 3: I got off the apps.
• 50:48
  Speaker 4: Mm hmm.
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: What what was your experience with the apps?
• 50:51
  Speaker 3: Apps were so transactional?
• 50:54
  Speaker 2: Which which which one?
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: Okay, so did you it was good? We Yeah, No,
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: he was like a normal person, like not a serial killer. Yeah,
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: because I have a really crazy dating app story.
• 51:11
  Speaker 2: I don't know if I'm gonna.
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: Tell it, but uh, it's actually I probably.
• 51:15
  Speaker 2: Have told it. But anyway, he was not who he
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: said he was.
• 51:20
  Speaker 3: He can't fish to he.
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: Did, can'tfish a little bit he had. He had ten
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: years difference from his photos, And I was like, okay, like, listen,
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: I don't mind a little a little rassal dazzle. Okay,
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: I don't mind a little wrinkle or two. But you
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: why didn't you just update the pictures?
• 51:39
  Speaker 3: Ten years is wild?
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: I don't look like I did ten years ago. No,
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: ten years is crazy. But you know, men don't they don't.
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: They always have an excuse.
• 51:48
  Speaker 2: I don't take a new pictures by.
• 51:49
  Speaker 3: Myself, take a new pictures.
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: I took three pictures today.
• 51:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And then he just he did not have the
• 52:00
  Speaker 2: job he said he had.
• 52:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he can't fish.
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: And he worked for the government.
• 52:05
  Speaker 3: Okay, not in.
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: The capacity in which I'm interested in cohabitating with. So
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: I was like, this is not gonna work. I have
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: a checkered past with this type of behavior.
• 52:20
  Speaker 2: You're too serious.
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: It's gonna work of a revolutionary you you you've taken
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: a few of us out. It's not gonna work. But
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: but the other one that I did that I met
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: on Mariah was was was great. Yeah, like he we
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: just we just weren't compatible in the end, but we
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: had a nice wlation.
• 52:39
  Speaker 2: It was a nice man.
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: I you know, I think that the apps aren't for everybody,
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: but I do I do know people who have met
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: on the apps and have gotten married and like had
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: a good experience. So I do think that, like there's
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: a time if the apps are feeling overwhelming, just get
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: off of them and go outside some people outside, Yeah,
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: hotel lobbies, events, maybe not the hotels, no, yeah, no
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: business happens.
• 53:07
  Speaker 2: Yes, Okay. I was like, we're going with this. I
• 53:11
  Speaker 2: don't know if I can recommend that everybody hotels, every.
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: I get approached the way you want to know, like
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: happy hour, happy hour for sure, definitely, you know, research
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: if there's you know, some professional conventions might be a
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: good time be strategic and hiking. If you're in La hiking,
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: the guys are her. The guys are hiking.
• 53:34
  Speaker 2: Let me tell you something, do a background check after.
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: Let me tell you something is happening.
• 53:43
  Speaker 2: Dog dog crazy. I'll tell story.
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: So I tell you this is no, it's crazy. And
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: I do recommend hiking. Like there are hiking fine men
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: and the hikes. Okay, now I don't know their backstory,
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: and I'm gonna tell you why because I fell for it. Okay,
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: So I'm walking, I'm doing I'm doing my little hike.
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: You gotta vet I should have put that ship right
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: in the machine. Doo doo doo doop. So this man
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: walked past one, you know, but that's all I'm giving you.
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: I'm just gonna send the energy your direction. I'm not
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: giving you eye contact, nothing. Okay, It's just like a
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: little little the neck and keep it moving. No, because
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you a serial killer, I can't.
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: You can't be smiling that man. They get crazy.
• 54:33
  Speaker 2: So it worked.
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: So I walked.
• 54:35
  Speaker 2: He didn't make a loop he was supposed to make.
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: Okay, we walked past each other again, and then he
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: comes up and starts talking to me. He has very
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: good answer. We walk for like an hour. This is
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: a public place, so I'm not in danger and we're
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: walking talking to chatting. He has like a normal job,
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: like not a famous person, That's what I mean.
• 54:56
  Speaker 3: That okay? Love that.
• 54:58
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, so sexy.
• 54:59
  Speaker 1: You have a job. Nobody knows your name. So he
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: asked me to dinner. We plan a date. I give
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: him my number, go to dinner, have a nice dinner
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: place I hadn't been before. He had though, So.
• 55:18
  Speaker 2: We this is this.
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: Is really long story, but the details matter. We go
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: to dinner, he doesn't drink. We plan to then go
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: to dinner again next week. So things are progressing at
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: a normal, non pushy way. So we're like five days
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: from our first day, which we're talking on the phone whatever.
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: I'm out with some friends. It's like a weekend night
• 55:39
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, like.
• 55:39
  Speaker 2: What are you up to?
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: Like I'm at this bar, you know, and you don't drink,
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: but if you want to, like come by. My friends
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: are leaving soon, and you know, you can get a
• 55:48
  Speaker 1: soda water whatever.
• 55:49
  Speaker 2: People who don't drink drink. And girl.
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: Five minutes before this man shows up, I get a
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: text message.
• 56:01
  Speaker 2: From an anonymous number.
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: No, it is screenshots of his What is that that
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: stupid fucking app that went under the snitch ap tea
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: The tea app is t app profile about how he's bald.
• 56:20
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I haven't seen him without a hat.
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: Maybe he's Paul, I don't know, not a deal breaker
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: dated Bowman before. He he is still now. He told
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: me he had a child. Okay, but he still lives
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: with his baby mama.
• 56:36
  Speaker 2: Oh no, so you have a family.
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: Guys, if you have a child with a woman and
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: you still live in a home, you're the woman and child.
• 56:47
  Speaker 2: You have a family. You have a family at home.
• 56:51
  Speaker 2: You are a family man.
• 56:52
  Speaker 1: I don't know how else say this. Move your gass
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: out the house and then you're single. That's how that works.
• 56:58
  Speaker 2: A no, oh, I sleep on a What is this?
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: Why am I ugly? Like?
• 57:05
  Speaker 2: Why do you think I would be.
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: Okay with that?
• 57:07
  Speaker 2: Anyway?
• 57:07
  Speaker 3: Jody? Okay, we're got to get back to that part all.
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: This stay safe? Sis is what this number checks me?
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: I said, I know you fucking lying. I know you
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: fucking lying in my mother fucking face. So he shows up.
• 57:21
  Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, no, I just got all this shit.
• 57:24
  Speaker 2: So what's up?
• 57:26
  Speaker 1: He was like, Oh, I'm really sorry about that. I'm
• 57:30
  Speaker 1: looking into who did it?
• 57:32
  Speaker 2: Your baby mother did this? What you're the mother of
• 57:35
  Speaker 2: your child? Did this?
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: Who else will have access to your phone? This person
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: knows we've been talking, they know where we went to dinner.
• 57:44
  Speaker 4: So anyways, where you are in this moment that you
• 57:47
  Speaker 4: are coming to meet me right now?
• 57:49
  Speaker 2: I kill people.
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: Okay, you should let her know that I do not
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: want you. You belong to her. Okay, go home to
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: your family. Don't bother me again. Do not bother me again.
• 57:59
  Speaker 1: I will stop you in your fucking eyeball. I will
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: end your whole bloodline. Don't play with me, raizy crazy.
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: So just the point is, do background track, Just make
• 58:07
  Speaker 1: sure of it. Just just ask for their ask for
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: their Instagram and then check and see check their tag photos.
• 58:14
  Speaker 2: Because men never think about their tag photos.
• 58:16
  Speaker 3: Mmmm, that's true.
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: They forget, They forget about that, They forget about them.
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: But just get them every time. Tag photos.
• 58:22
  Speaker 2: Get y'all, every fucking time.
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: Turn it off, turn off for tag photos every fucking time.
• 58:28
  Speaker 1: Where are you at?
• 58:29
  Speaker 2: Bling? That's what we was with location everything, time of day, hap.
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: No, the tag photos gets y'all every time anyway. So
• 58:41
  Speaker 1: in short, hiking's a great place. But and happy hour
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: high happy hour yeah yeaheah yeah yeah, what are you
• 58:49
  Speaker 1: doing right now to kind of let let some steam off,
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: Like how are you keeping your self centered?
• 58:57
  Speaker 4: For me, hiking is my new thing. So I got
• 59:01
  Speaker 4: out of the gym and I got outside. So that's
• 59:03
  Speaker 4: really helped, Like being outdoors, which sounds so simple, but
• 59:07
  Speaker 4: it helps. No, it's important, it's important. I call them
• 59:11
  Speaker 4: fake hikes in La. Yeah it's not real thing, but
• 59:14
  Speaker 4: you know, like I'm again, I'm from the South, and
• 59:17
  Speaker 4: so for me, I have to be on the soil
• 59:19
  Speaker 4: or in the sand, and so getting grounded on the
• 59:22
  Speaker 4: beach hiking that helps.
• 59:26
  Speaker 3: Not drinking has helped.
• 59:29
  Speaker 4: Yeah've never been like a big drinker, but even when
• 59:31
  Speaker 4: I did start drinking a little more than usual, I
• 59:34
  Speaker 4: just didn't feel good.
• 59:35
  Speaker 1: So that has helped. It's harder as you get older, too. Yeah,
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: that one glass of wine will change your whole, your
• 59:40
  Speaker 1: whole life, the whole.
• 59:42
  Speaker 4: Oh god, where am I so slowing down on that?
• 59:44
  Speaker 4: And then just having good people around, like my filter
• 59:47
  Speaker 4: for bs is so great now, Like when I tell
• 59:51
  Speaker 4: you my tolerance is zero, and so whenever it smells fake,
• 59:56
  Speaker 4: feels fake, or just doesn't feel good, I just kill
• 59:59
  Speaker 4: it now.
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 3: I got to stop.
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 4: And that has been like the last year, just having
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 4: a no tolerance policy for bull and that's helped a lot,
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 4: just like clear up a lot of the clutter in
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 4: my life.
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, boundaries are just I know. I had
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: to teach myself about boundaries. I had to do the
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 1: work like with my therapists and enforcing it, and it's
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 1: so scary. Sometimes when you don't have strong boundaries, it
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 1: is the scariest because you have this idea that if
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: you demand anything for yourself, you will lose the thing
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: that you are demanding it from. Like in work, you'll
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 1: lose the job. In friendship, you'll lose this friends. In
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 1: relationships you'll lose this man. In family, you'll lose this
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: relationship with your family member. If you just say this
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 1: is not the kind of way that I want to
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: be treated or live. Yes, And it's a very scary
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 1: muscle to develop, but it is so important.
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 3: It's scary, like we were just talking about.
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 4: As an entrepreneur, right, you can if you're not careful,
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 4: have a sense of desperation about you. And so for me,
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 4: it was like, you know, taking every coffee, taking every lunch,
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 4: taking every zoom call, and I had to like really
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 4: do inventory in my life and I was like, all
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 4: of this pointed to nowhere, right, So the boundary around
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 4: that and knowing is actually going to get better when
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 4: you do it is a muscle I've definitely had to
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 4: strengthen because you know, busyiness does not cash at the no.
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 1: Do you not? One of my favorite quotes is John Wooden,
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 1: do UCLA coach, do not mistake activity for achievement.
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 3: That's it.
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 1: And it is scary to have to remind yourself that, yeah,
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 1: you you can say no to things, yeah, and every
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: and knowing what to say no to to protect your peace,
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: to direct yourself in the in the energetic direction that
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: you want to go. But you have to really be
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 1: in tune with your gut.
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure.
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 4: I mean even this year, I've received a couple of
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 4: awards and I had so much anxiety not for accepting
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 4: the award, but I'd rather be behind my computer right now,
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 4: like getting deals done. And so you know, it's just
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 4: to me knowing the season that you're in right, Like
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 4: do I want to do all the things?
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 3: Yes?
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 4: Does it feel great in the moment, yes, But was
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 4: it the best use of my time?
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 1: No?
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 3: And so just you know that's been helpful.
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 1: How has your your relationships with women helped pull you
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: through the past couple of years.
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 4: It's been everything everything right, Like I think, you know,
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 4: we hear a lot about like like her magic and
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 4: sist this and says that, But when you really have
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 4: a tribe of people that through it all you can
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 4: call on, It's been like the healing bomb that we
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 4: all needed, right, Like my group chat and my friend's
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 4: circle looks like you know, the messy tears too, and
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 4: so like we win together. But we can also say, hey,
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 4: I'm stuck on this deal, can you make a call?
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 4: Or I'm stuck in between deal flow, you know, can
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 4: you give me a bridge? Like it's that level of
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 4: my mom is sick, you know, can you go over
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 4: to the house right now, because you'll get there faster
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 4: than I can. Like, I really have a tribe of
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 4: women and men to be honest, women and men that
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 4: are like true family. And I know if tomorrow I
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 4: was in Iowa and got hit by a car like
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 4: they'd all be on the way, and so it feels
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 4: good to know that when you're in your winning season,
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 4: those are the same people that'll be there, you know,
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 4: even in the drought.
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 3: And so it's been everything.
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think.
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 1: Relationships with women are the key to success. Yeah, as
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 1: a woman, I on the side of the business that
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 1: I came up in sports that just were no women.
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 1: So we really didn't have the opportunity to have mentors,
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 1: to have a bridge, there were no jobs, there were
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 1: no women, and the environments that they were in I
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 1: can't even imagine because I know the environments that I
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 1: was in. And I think that the one of the
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 1: things that I'm most proud of for our generation of
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 1: women is not just the outward showing of like love
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 1: that we have for each other and the shaming that
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 1: we have of women shaming other women, Like the way
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 1: that we will put a stop to it and safeguard
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 1: the spaces is something I'm really proud of because there's
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 1: so I've literally had men in the business say to me,
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 1: why are you so supportive of other women?
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 2: Like you guys are all in competition with each other?
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 1: Who in competition? Wo? Who the men ain't in competition
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 1: with me. I can do every person's job in this building.
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 1: Is there another man in this building that can do
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 1: every single job in this building? I'm not competition with anybody,
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 1: and that's not the point. Yeah, Like we can all
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 1: win together. My wins do not take away from her wins.
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 1: In fact, if she wins and there's more of us
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 1: in the building, then it's less of me having to
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 1: prove why I'm in the building. So I always want
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 1: to be in a place where there's more inclusivity, because
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 1: then it is not proving a point.
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 2: I am not having to carry the burden.
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 1: Of being the only one. I don't want to be
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 1: the only one. That's not a win to me.
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 4: You know what I learned though, joy, and this came
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 4: with age and experience. The people who say that benefit
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 4: from us not being unified, ye, right, So it's like,
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 4: you know, they want us to compete, they want us
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 4: to scrape and scrap, they want us to box each
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 4: other out because they know when we're together and unified,
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 4: like they can't control it. And so to me, it's
• 1:05:58
  Speaker 4: like the divide and conquer and just the scarcity mindset
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 4: so many people have benefited from and now when they
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 4: see women working with each other, women supporting each other,
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 4: women hiring each other, funding each other, funding each other,
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 4: promoting each other. You know, I think a lot of
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 4: men who don't understand it should actually study it, right,
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 4: because it's like, actually the only way that we're gonna
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 4: win together. And so you know, whenever someone, even in relationships,
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 4: whenever someone tries to isolate you and move you out
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 4: of the circle, it's like, there's a reason for that, right,
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 4: And so you know, to me, women winning with other
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 4: women is not only the way, is the only way.
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 1: I agree, and especially now and especially with black women
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 1: because I'm really trying to remain grounded after this past
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 1: election in the like all women thing. But yeah, y'all
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 1: do not think that all women are y'all women. So
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 1: I have to at some point realize where I belong.
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 1: And until women across the board women understands that there
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 1: is a hierarchy even within women, and the proximity that
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 1: you have to whiteness, the proximity that you have to
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 1: the patriarchy, the proximity that you have to white male power.
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 1: If you are not working every day the way that
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 1: we are to break that down, you are a part
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 1: of the problem, and that is the only place right
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 1: now for me where I'm still like m We have
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 1: a lot of work to do as women, as Black women,
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 1: We've always understood assignment. We have always understood the assignment.
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 1: We've put together the assignment. We did all of the work,
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 1: we put together, all of the power points, we made
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 1: the sandwiches, we did the work. So I do feel
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 1: like it is a responsibility now in these current times
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 1: that we're in, knowing how powerful women are when we're together,
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 1: that white women, that Latino women, that Asian women, lay
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 1: down this one percent crumb plate that you're getting by
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 1: being closer to whiteness and enjoining the journey, because the
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 1: little bit of benefits that you're getting from continuing to
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 1: uphold this ridiculous system that harms everyone is fucking destroying
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 1: the world. And I have to lay it at the
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 1: feet of women because we are the ones who are
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 1: going to save the world at the end of the day,
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 1: we are.
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and data supports it, right, Like you know, at
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 4: the end of the day, what do they call it,
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 4: the canary.
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 3: Effect?
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 4: When black women are not working, the entire economy crumbles, right,
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 4: So don't just do it because it's the right thing
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 4: to do, you actually benefit from it. Do it for
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 4: your own self interest if you can't find it in
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 4: your heart to just like link up and join arms
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 4: and like really do what's right to make sure that
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 4: we remain in these spaces and we're able to thrive
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 4: in these spaces. And so you know, I you know,
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 4: it's so funny because when I started hearing the numbers
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 4: at first, the data around black women and the workforce,
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 4: at first, it was like sadness for me, just like
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 4: sad I want to do something about it, like this
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 4: is devastating.
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 3: And now I'm like, wow, you just unleashed.
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 4: Six hundred thousand of the dopest, smartest, most intelligent, hardworking,
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 4: brilliant minds right into the world. And so imagine if
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 4: we work together and a lot of.
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 1: Those those black women are starting businesses and are sure
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 1: becoming entrepreneurs. And that is why it's important that we
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 1: continue to support that right and can not just financially,
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 1: but also with platforms and everything else. I do feel
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 1: like sisterhood is it's something that it breaks my heart
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 1: when I hear women saying that they don't have good,
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 1: strong female friends, because it's like I would be a
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 1: crazy person. I don't know what kind of person I
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 1: would be if I didn't have women, I could be
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 1: completely vulnerable with and open with and tell my wrongs
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 1: and my rights to and have them be honest back
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 1: with me and hold me accountable and push me and
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 1: speak life into me.
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 4: Look at us, right, Like for those who don't know
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 4: our relationship, Joy and I don't talk every day, but
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 4: every single time we see each other or I ask
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 4: a question or you ask a question, we give honest answers, unfiltered, right,
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 4: because I think there's this love and sisterhood that not
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 4: only is in us, but it's required now, like it's expected. Yeah, right,
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 4: And so I could never sit across from you and
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 4: you ask me a question that I know the answer
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 4: to and not share the information.
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 3: So gatekeeping is also dead.
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 4: Right if you sit across from another woman and you're
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 4: not giving answer honest answers about your salary? Oh how
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 4: much you make the experience that you had with a person,
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 4: even a relationship, right, Like we owe it to ourselves
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 4: and each other to tell the truth. And if we don't,
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 4: shame on us. Yeah, does it costs nothing?
• 1:11:21
  Speaker 2: It costs nothing? And it will come back to you.
• 1:11:25
  Speaker 1: And it's not saying that you need to just blindly
• 1:11:27
  Speaker 1: trust people and that you need to blindly give away
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 1: the secrets. But there you know, you know the people
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 1: that you need to work with and that you need
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 1: to help. And I actually send this out to the
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 1: younger women that you guys need to start fostering those
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 1: relationships as young women within whatever business that you are in.
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 2: This isn't just applicable to the entertainment business.
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 1: This is finance, this is tech, this is medicine, like
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 1: this is law, this is politics. Like you need a
• 1:11:59
  Speaker 1: system and you need to stop listening to them when
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 1: they tell you that you are alone. You're not and
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 1: you are truly stronger together. And it is we are
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 1: on the precipice of something's going to happen, like there's
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 1: gonna be a cataclysmic change of some sort to your point, Now,
• 1:12:21
  Speaker 1: I don't know if it means the world is going
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 1: to end, but you know, if nature has just decided
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 1: she's had enough of us, like that's on the board.
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 2: I suppose.
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 1: I hope that's not it, but something has to give
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 1: here and in the end, when it does give, we
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 1: have to be there to pick up the pieces, and
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 1: that is going to be required of us as it
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 1: has been required of every generation before us. So yeah,
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think I'm so grateful.
• 1:12:47
  Speaker 2: I'm grateful for you.
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 1: I'm grateful for the amazing relationships that I have with women.
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 1: And I leave the charge right now in this current
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 1: state I do. I leave it at the feet of
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 1: non black women because we have done our job. Do
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 1: your job, Yeah, do your job, because you do. I
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 1: don't want you knocking on my door asking for help.
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 4: And that's the thing because whenever this thing resets, because
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 4: there will, like we're going to be the ones that
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 4: everyone calls for answers to come fix it every crisis.
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 4: By the way, everything my phone blows up, you come
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 4: help with fix this thing.
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 1: Girl. The phone calls that I've gotten, I've got phone calls.
• 1:13:30
  Speaker 1: I literally look at the phone like, there's no way
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 1: you're calling me for this. There's no audacity, audacity for
• 1:13:42
  Speaker 1: the audacity.
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 4: I receive calls from people haven't heard from in ten
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 4: years on Grammy Day like things like that, and I'm
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 4: just like funny seeing you here.
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 2: Just the audacity it always curtles back.
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Thank you for coming on the
• 1:13:57
  Speaker 1: show and for being vulnerable and open. Make sure you
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 1: go and follow Alicia b A l e I, s
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 1: h A and supports seed Media and all of her endeavors.
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 1: She always has some great things going on. And I'm
• 1:14:13
  Speaker 1: so proud to call of you a friend. I'm so
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 1: proud of you and I just know a lot of
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 1: abundances coming your wife.
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 2: Thank you, You've been doing the works the energy back.
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 2: Thank you, Love you, Love you too.