The Price of Playing the Tough Guy, with Jacob Butchoff

Mid-life Men: the mental health podcast · Mar 2, 2026 · 1h 13m

This is a difficult and honest conversation.

For years, Jacob played the tough guy.

Violence, intimidation, and control became a shield against something he could not face in himself. The price was prison, addiction, fractured relationships and a life built on concealing his true identity.

Adopted as a baby and raised in a loving, privileged home in North London, Jacob grew up with a persistent sense of not belonging. Alongside that was the realisation, from a young age, that he was gay. Instead of acknowledging it, he suppressed it.

What followed was not confusion, it was deliberate…