Latest / Mom Wars / Cry It Out

Transcript

Cry It Out · Mom Wars

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: From the front lines of the mom Wars.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Here's Bethany Mandel and Kara Kennedy.
• 0:08
  Speaker 3: Hi, and welcome to the Mom Warves podcast. I am
• 0:13
  Speaker 3: Carl Kennedy. I am the Royal correspondent of the Spectator magazine.
• 0:18
  Speaker 3: But I have the trunks and my co host.
• 0:22
  Speaker 4: Is Bethany Mandel. But I will argue that actually the Trumps.
• 0:27
  Speaker 4: We talked about this on the last episode. The Trumps
• 0:29
  Speaker 4: are the royal family of America.
• 0:31
  Speaker 5: So true.
• 0:32
  Speaker 4: I am a mom of six. I feel like that's
• 0:34
  Speaker 4: pertinent because this is the mom Wars. My oldest is eleven,
• 0:38
  Speaker 4: my youngest is two, and I also have a dog.
• 0:41
  Speaker 4: I don't know if you can hear that jerk in
• 0:42
  Speaker 4: the background my.
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: Dog today as well.
• 0:46
  Speaker 4: I really hate my dog today. We just had a
• 0:49
  Speaker 4: ton of landscaping done. Hold on, let me get through
• 0:52
  Speaker 4: my intro. So, okay, mom is six. I write, I'm
• 0:55
  Speaker 4: a co I'm the I'm a I'm so tired. I'm
• 1:01
  Speaker 4: a freelance writer for Fox News and New York Post
• 1:05
  Speaker 4: and Washington Examiner and lots of other places. And I
• 1:10
  Speaker 4: homeschool my six kids and that's actually what my job is,
• 1:12
  Speaker 4: and everything else is just for fun. So I hate
• 1:15
  Speaker 4: my dog today because we just had a ton of
• 1:18
  Speaker 4: landscaping done and everyone should subscribe to our substeck so
• 1:22
  Speaker 4: that I can pay my landscaper. And he was going
• 1:26
  Speaker 4: nuts the whole day, like truly out of his mind.
• 1:28
  Speaker 4: I was on news Max. You could, I'm sure hear
• 1:30
  Speaker 4: him on news Max. It was a disaster.
• 1:32
  Speaker 5: He was just.
• 1:33
  Speaker 4: Barking and barking and barking all day long. And so
• 1:36
  Speaker 4: I hate him. He is my most difficult child. People
• 1:39
  Speaker 4: always ask me how I have six kids. I'm like, actually,
• 1:41
  Speaker 4: the answer the question is how do I have a dog?
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: It is pretty unbelievable how much harder it is with
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: a dog.
• 1:48
  Speaker 5: And also two dogs.
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: So we've dog sat the other day. Oh and Nick
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: has always wanted another dog, And within twenty minutes of
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: the new dog being here, he was like never ever
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: ever because next thing was like, oh, were two dogs?
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: They just entertain each other. But what actually have was
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: is you have to entertaining two dogs. Yeah.
• 2:10
  Speaker 4: One of our best friends got a second dog, I
• 2:13
  Speaker 4: think in anticipation of their older dog dying. But good
• 2:17
  Speaker 4: news was it like made the older dog young again,
• 2:20
  Speaker 4: so now that dog will never die.
• 2:22
  Speaker 5: Oh my God, that's so annoying.
• 2:25
  Speaker 4: Two very energetic dogs. And it was funny. I was
• 2:28
  Speaker 4: texting with John pat Harris, who is the exec like
• 2:32
  Speaker 4: the top editor of Commentary magazine. He's also like the
• 2:36
  Speaker 4: uncle I never had, and so I was texting with
• 2:39
  Speaker 4: him today about my dog because I posted on Instagram
• 2:43
  Speaker 4: like can I give him prozac? And I was I
• 2:46
  Speaker 4: posted about like it walking him and and I was like,
• 2:50
  Speaker 4: I hate this dog, and so people were giving me
• 2:52
  Speaker 4: advice about walking him all things. We've tried, the gentle
• 2:55
  Speaker 4: leader thing, whatever, harness, it's it's just a disaster. And
• 3:00
  Speaker 4: so John was texting me about the dog and he
• 3:05
  Speaker 4: recommended He's like, you should just like send him to
• 3:07
  Speaker 4: like a border for like a week with straight and
• 3:10
  Speaker 4: it's like thousands of dollars and they train your dog.
• 3:13
  Speaker 4: And I said, one of my best friends in the
• 3:15
  Speaker 4: neighborhood did that. It lasted a month and then it
• 3:21
  Speaker 4: just it. They have four kids themselves and they're all little,
• 3:24
  Speaker 4: and it just totally slid and was nulled after a week.
• 3:29
  Speaker 4: And it was funny. On Shabbat, Seth went over there
• 3:31
  Speaker 4: and he was leaving and the dog jumped up on him,
• 3:34
  Speaker 4: and Seth backed up, but there was a bag behind him,
• 3:37
  Speaker 4: and so he fell and the dog jumped on top
• 3:41
  Speaker 4: of Seth. Not maliciously, it's not vicious. It's a really
• 3:44
  Speaker 4: sweet dog and pinned him down and just licked him
• 3:47
  Speaker 4: so much that Seth came home and he was like,
• 3:49
  Speaker 4: I need a shower. It's disgusting even say.
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: We send our dog on one of those, because we
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: were going away for three weeks when I was heavily
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: pregnant and it wasn't that much more expensive. I mean,
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: like dog Borden is so expensive. The dog Borden train
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: really isn't that much more and we don't have need to.
• 4:09
  Speaker 5: Like wash the dog.
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: And I will say, different dog. We came home to
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: a different dog and she's been great ever since. Yeah,
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: one hundred percent worth it?
• 4:19
  Speaker 5: Huh interesting?
• 4:22
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I just paid the landscaper thousands of dollars. I
• 4:27
  Speaker 4: can't do bored and trained.
• 4:28
  Speaker 6: Yeah, so tell me about because I saw your Instagram
• 4:31
  Speaker 6: story and I was just saying to Nick actually that
• 4:35
  Speaker 6: I'm very happy that you decided to offload something and
• 4:38
  Speaker 6: somebody else, because I feel like doing multiple days of
• 4:42
  Speaker 6: gardening work, homeschooling six kids and having a job is
• 4:46
  Speaker 6: just too much. And I'm glad that Seth convinced you
• 4:48
  Speaker 6: to just pay money sure the series.
• 4:51
  Speaker 4: So he was going, he was like he was going
• 4:54
  Speaker 4: to book it himself while I wasn't away in Italy,
• 4:56
  Speaker 4: and I was like, wait, no, we have a landscaper, like,
• 4:59
  Speaker 4: don't or someone else like that's insulting to our landscaper.
• 5:02
  Speaker 4: Let our landscaper do it. And so we got a
• 5:05
  Speaker 4: quote from our landscaper and I thought it was outrageous, honestly,
• 5:09
  Speaker 4: But like then thirty eight hundred they're gone.
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: But that seems a lot.
• 5:15
  Speaker 4: Now that I've seen what they did. Yeah, it was
• 5:17
  Speaker 4: they were. There was five guys here for twelve straight hours.
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah they're not they're not around the actually doing stuff.
• 5:24
  Speaker 4: No, they're doing stuff the whole time. And they also
• 5:28
  Speaker 4: they laid down mulch. They laid down a ton of
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: sod like they were working, and they like it wasn't
• 5:34
  Speaker 4: just the labor, it was like what's sowed, it's fake
• 5:37
  Speaker 4: grass because they had to rip. The reason why Seth
• 5:41
  Speaker 4: convinced me to do it and why I didn't want
• 5:44
  Speaker 4: to do it was that we had invasive ivy in
• 5:46
  Speaker 4: our backyard that was like slowly creeping and taking over
• 5:49
  Speaker 4: our holy yard and apparently it was poison ivy in parts,
• 5:54
  Speaker 4: and so I was like, oh, yeah, let's have someone
• 5:59
  Speaker 4: else do that. Yeah, and so they ripped all of
• 6:02
  Speaker 4: that out by the roots and laid down sod to
• 6:04
  Speaker 4: kill it. And that was that was how Seth convinced me.
• 6:07
  Speaker 4: It was like, yeah, let's not mess around with the
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: because our kids are in the backyard all the time.
• 6:11
  Speaker 4: The dog is back there all the time. So the
• 6:15
  Speaker 4: nice thing was also they they trimmed the reason why.
• 6:19
  Speaker 4: So that was like a full dump truck was just
• 6:21
  Speaker 4: all the ivy. And then they trimmed down all of
• 6:24
  Speaker 4: our bushes. They ripped out all of the weeds that
• 6:27
  Speaker 4: had like sort of overtaken the side of our house,
• 6:31
  Speaker 4: and it was too dump trucks full of stuff. It
• 6:33
  Speaker 4: was pretty embarrassing. I think we were the white trash
• 6:35
  Speaker 4: of our block.
• 6:36
  Speaker 5: Yeah, that's that's impact.
• 6:38
  Speaker 4: It's really too dump trucks of like weeds and ivy
• 6:41
  Speaker 4: and stuff. Yeah.
• 6:42
  Speaker 5: I will say, though, god In is hard, Like I'm
• 6:45
  Speaker 5: the same with you.
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: I never want to pay for anything. And then Nick
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: will just be like, we're not doing it. We're going
• 6:50
  Speaker 3: to professional painters in and then they'll come and do
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: a great job, whereas I would have done a really
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: bad job.
• 6:55
  Speaker 4: And then I'm like, yeah, and it would have taken
• 6:56
  Speaker 4: you days.
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so I did a couple hours go in like
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: late winter, early spring, and we have twelve acres, so whoa, Yeah,
• 7:08
  Speaker 3: it's a lot.
• 7:11
  Speaker 5: And I must have got like two hours in.
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: And my muscles here in places that I didn't even
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: know I had muscles, Like I was.
• 7:18
  Speaker 5: Complaining for days.
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: I only did about two and a half hours and
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: looked like I did nothing. So pay the gardeners.
• 7:26
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so what do you guys do with all that land?
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: So a lot of it is forest, it's only about
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: I guess it's like five or six acres's lawn. And
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: then we have so the lady who lived here before
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: us with kid Fingergarten, amazing me for the sixty years
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: that she lived here. Thank God, because I wouldn't have
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: been able to do it.
• 7:48
  Speaker 5: So she set me up.
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: She planted everything, and we get different things different times
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: of the year, and there's no time of year that
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: we have nothing growing. She's very thoughtfully laid it all
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: out as we have had work done, like we had
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: a bunch of the garden ripped up to do pipes
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: and stuff. Earlier this year, we've had to like fix
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: problems that we made, but it was all set up
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: when we moved here. Basically, there's one that that's just
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: different things that you can eat, like crves. I don't
• 8:22
  Speaker 3: say the American way rbs because that's not how it
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: should be said.
• 8:27
  Speaker 5: But we don't grow like we don't grow.
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: Very exciting things like we have min lemon grass, but
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: we don't have like tomatoes or things like that. Yeah,
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: but we're slowly easy into it.
• 8:38
  Speaker 4: So I aspire to have a garden. And I mean
• 8:42
  Speaker 4: the IVY was taking over. I have raised beds and
• 8:47
  Speaker 4: then the IVY was taking over the beds. I aspire,
• 8:50
  Speaker 4: but we're already at the end of aday. Although I
• 8:52
  Speaker 4: will say it's eny ridiculously cold spring.
• 8:56
  Speaker 5: Yeah it's crazy.
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: It's next week and it's cold and Britney.
• 9:01
  Speaker 4: I don't understand what happened to global warming. I was
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: sold a bill of goods. Yeah, that has not.
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: Been thens the theory, and I think he's kind of
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: rise one of his crazy conspiracy theories. The other one
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: is the American government created lime disease. I'm not sure
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: I'm meant to be saying this right now. Do you know?
• 9:20
  Speaker 4: I'll share my conspiracy theory when you're done.
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: He's pretty dedicated to that one, actually, so I think
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: he would be fine with me sharing it.
• 9:26
  Speaker 5: He like has receipts.
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: What was I saying?
• 9:32
  Speaker 4: His other conspiracy theory, the cold.
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: If conspiracy theory is the global woman has just shifted
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: the seasons, which makes no sense.
• 9:41
  Speaker 4: I am going to the beach next week with my children,
• 9:45
  Speaker 4: so Seth you are.
• 9:47
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm going to North Carolina.
• 9:49
  Speaker 4: Where are you going in Virginia? I won't Oh, I
• 9:53
  Speaker 4: guess I can say it because we will have already
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: almost been gone. But Norfolk, Virginia.
• 9:57
  Speaker 5: Cool.
• 9:58
  Speaker 4: Yeah. So it's a jew holiday called shabou Oat, which
• 10:03
  Speaker 4: I so I didn't grow up religious, and so I'm
• 10:07
  Speaker 4: like low key convinced my life as the Truman Show
• 10:10
  Speaker 4: and that people are just pretending that there are Jewish
• 10:12
  Speaker 4: holidays that aren't real, just to see, like how ridiculous
• 10:16
  Speaker 4: can we get?
• 10:17
  Speaker 5: Yeah, how many are there?
• 10:18
  Speaker 4: There's too many? It's so much. So this is called
• 10:22
  Speaker 4: Shabbuoat or shabuous if you want to be like American.
• 10:27
  Speaker 4: So it celebrates the giving of the Torah on Mount Sinai.
• 10:31
  Speaker 4: And this is the part where it gets ridiculous. The
• 10:34
  Speaker 4: things that you're supposed to do on the holiday are
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: stay up all night and learn Torah. Yay torah, thank
• 10:41
  Speaker 4: you very much. Well, yeah, the whole first night, you
• 10:44
  Speaker 4: just stay up all night long. Does anyone with children
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: do it? Absolutely not. It's like very much a like
• 10:49
  Speaker 4: pre kids thing, and no one post kids does it,
• 10:52
  Speaker 4: but they do like all all night learning programs everywhere
• 10:55
  Speaker 4: where there's a large Jewish community or Orthodox, because only
• 10:59
  Speaker 4: orthodoxually sell it. And then before we got the tour,
• 11:02
  Speaker 4: we were, you know, it was pre kosher meat, and
• 11:05
  Speaker 4: so to sort of honor that, I guess is the
• 11:08
  Speaker 4: right word. It's like a very dairy centric holiday. And
• 11:11
  Speaker 4: so normally when we have Geish holidays, it's a lot
• 11:14
  Speaker 4: of meat, meat, meat, meat, roasts, briscuits and whatever, and
• 11:18
  Speaker 4: this holiday it's like tons of dairy products, and so
• 11:22
  Speaker 4: cheesecake is like the food of the holiday, and I
• 11:26
  Speaker 4: hate cheesecake. So I decided that we would make a
• 11:29
  Speaker 4: tradition in our family because Shovel, like every other holiday,
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: you really have to be in the community because there's
• 11:36
  Speaker 4: like communal things that you're doing but shovel like you
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: don't really need to be near a community. And so
• 11:41
  Speaker 4: I decided this would be the holiday that we go
• 11:43
  Speaker 4: away as a family. And so two years ago we
• 11:47
  Speaker 4: went to the Utter Banks and it was cold and
• 11:51
  Speaker 4: windy and miserable.
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: Oh no, I don't say that that's where I'm going.
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: Uh was it June?
• 11:58
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that is really cold and windy and miserable. And
• 12:02
  Speaker 4: then right now, last year we went to Jellystone, which
• 12:07
  Speaker 4: I was telling you about before we got on. So
• 12:09
  Speaker 4: Jellystone is super fun. They have campgrounds all over the country,
• 12:13
  Speaker 4: and different campgrounds have it's like a it's a franchise,
• 12:16
  Speaker 4: and so different campgrounds have sort of different themes. But
• 12:20
  Speaker 4: the one that we like that we've gone to for
• 12:22
  Speaker 4: Hivois last year, and I think we'll go again this
• 12:24
  Speaker 4: summer sometime. They have a water park on site. They
• 12:29
  Speaker 4: do hay rides, and it was so funny. So at
• 12:31
  Speaker 4: night they do a hay ride around the whole It's
• 12:33
  Speaker 4: like RVs and tents and cabins like wherever you want
• 12:37
  Speaker 4: to go. And Seth was so mad because the hay
• 12:41
  Speaker 4: ride is not on top of hay it's you yell hey.
• 12:48
  Speaker 4: I was like this was false advertising. This is not
• 12:52
  Speaker 4: a hay ride.
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: We're just yelling hay at people.
• 12:55
  Speaker 5: Yeah that's not Yeah, that's awful.
• 12:57
  Speaker 4: It was really really fun and of yeah, it's just
• 13:01
  Speaker 4: really campy and really fun and really wholesome. They have
• 13:06
  Speaker 4: like a bounce pillow that the kids can jump on.
• 13:09
  Speaker 4: They make friends, like we basically don't see them the
• 13:13
  Speaker 4: whole time, and we go to the water park and
• 13:16
  Speaker 4: they're just like running around the water park when it's open,
• 13:19
  Speaker 4: and it's super fun. They have scavenger hunt that the
• 13:24
  Speaker 4: kids do like the whole first day we're there and
• 13:26
  Speaker 4: they run around the whole campground. But we went for
• 13:29
  Speaker 4: like three days last year and it was the perfect
• 13:32
  Speaker 4: amount of time and it was like we just barbecued
• 13:35
  Speaker 4: every day and it was lovely. And so we're going
• 13:37
  Speaker 4: to do that again this summer because it was really
• 13:39
  Speaker 4: fun and we decided it would be a tradition. But
• 13:41
  Speaker 4: next week we're going to Norfolk for Chivoous. So by
• 13:45
  Speaker 4: the time this airs, we will have already been there
• 13:48
  Speaker 4: and hopefully it was warm because it has been freezing
• 13:51
  Speaker 4: in this report here.
• 13:52
  Speaker 5: Yeah it's been awful.
• 13:54
  Speaker 4: Yeah, So.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: Hello, I'm James Lanwix. And I'm at the diner, you know,
• 14:08
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• 14:12
  Speaker 2: with little jukeboxes. We love these. And you can join
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: me here every Saturday where we talk about whatever happens
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: to spring into my mind at the moment. There's no
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: predicting where it will go, except that it'll be done
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: in about thirty minutes. Join me, won't you, Every Saturday
• 14:25
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• 14:27
  Speaker 1: Network Ricochet, Yeah, join the conversation.
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: Can we talk about cry it out?
• 14:43
  Speaker 4: Yeah? So, what are your sleep plans while you're there?
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: Well, we're not going for a couple of weeks, but
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: I've just started. No, we're not going for like another week,
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: but I've just started cry it out and it's going
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: really well. So I want to hear you did cry
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: it out. I'm on day two. Okay, So I was
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: always pro cried out from the beginning. Nick is a
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: worse So as soon as she stunts kind, he's like,
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: oh what if she's black? What she's black? He like
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: makes up things they could be wrong with it. When
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: she's dry, she's been fed, she's fine, she's just hired
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: and she needs to go to see and she needs
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: to work it out herself because I'm sick, so ansin
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: on a bowl.
• 15:21
  Speaker 4: Al, I'm so proud of you for coming this conclusion
• 15:24
  Speaker 4: with your first child.
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: With my first child, this conclusion in like twelve weeks.
• 15:30
  Speaker 4: So with my first child, I thought it was horrible.
• 15:33
  Speaker 4: Oh God, your child needs you. She needs to know
• 15:37
  Speaker 4: you're I'm saying she because my oldest was also a girl.
• 15:40
  Speaker 5: She needs you.
• 15:41
  Speaker 4: She has to know that her parents are there for her.
• 15:44
  Speaker 4: She's just suffering. And then I had my second who
• 15:50
  Speaker 4: did nothing but scream.
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 15:53
  Speaker 4: I mean I talked about this on the last episode
• 15:55
  Speaker 4: he had. He had the food allergies that were horrifying,
• 15:58
  Speaker 4: and so I got very accustomed to screams.
• 16:03
  Speaker 5: And I think it numbs you.
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: And not truly because Daphne had reflux as well, and
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: I'm kind of numbed to screaming.
• 16:12
  Speaker 4: No, it's true. I became really numbed to screams. I
• 16:15
  Speaker 4: remember once I was in a supermarket and he was
• 16:18
  Speaker 4: screaming and I just needed to run in and grab something,
• 16:20
  Speaker 4: and somebody yelled at me and they're like, why don't
• 16:22
  Speaker 4: you pick up your baby? And I was like, because
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: nothing works, Yeah, nothing, we need to try it. I'm
• 16:29
  Speaker 4: gonna go get my yogurt and I'll come back for
• 16:31
  Speaker 4: you and let me know how it went. So I
• 16:36
  Speaker 4: don't feel like I get an abnormal amount of fights
• 16:39
  Speaker 4: with people in public. Maybe maybe I do so so
• 16:46
  Speaker 4: I think I became numb. And then by the time
• 16:49
  Speaker 4: I hit like three, like I couldn't. I didn't have
• 16:54
  Speaker 4: the luxury of being ideological about cry it out anymore
• 16:57
  Speaker 4: because I would have to put one kid to and
• 17:00
  Speaker 4: I'm helping the other kid go to sleep. And if
• 17:03
  Speaker 4: Kid A is still crying when I'm on to Kid B,
• 17:07
  Speaker 4: then I will get to you when I'm done with
• 17:09
  Speaker 4: Kid B, and then I bounce back and you're still crying.
• 17:12
  Speaker 4: But now I have kids C and I have to
• 17:14
  Speaker 4: now move on, and my kids are close together in age,
• 17:16
  Speaker 4: like I had three three and under twice. Actually I
• 17:21
  Speaker 4: had two sets of three three and under, and so
• 17:25
  Speaker 4: especially when you get to like four or five six kids,
• 17:29
  Speaker 4: like you had your turn, yea, and now it's time
• 17:33
  Speaker 4: for mom and to move on, and I wish you
• 17:37
  Speaker 4: the best of luck and they figure it out. That's
• 17:40
  Speaker 4: like that's the thing that I learned, and it like
• 17:42
  Speaker 4: frustrates me now thinking back on how much I agonized
• 17:46
  Speaker 4: over the first because it did not have to be
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: that way. Like she was just tired and couldn't figure
• 17:52
  Speaker 4: out how to fall asleep by herself, And if I
• 17:55
  Speaker 4: had just given her the time to figure it out,
• 17:57
  Speaker 4: she would have figured it out.
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I think I just different to everybody else because
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: I hear all these mothers say, oh, I'm so hard
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: on myself.
• 18:05
  Speaker 7: I just can't relate. I'm so easy on myself. I
• 18:07
  Speaker 7: just I always back myself. I always I never make
• 18:11
  Speaker 7: myself feel bad. I'm like, if I'm at at night,
• 18:14
  Speaker 7: squd like, oh, that's funny.
• 18:15
  Speaker 5: We were just talking.
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: We have a guest staying tonight and he was trying
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: to look for pine glasses and we don't have any
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: pine bosses because we only ever had three and they
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: got lost in the freight. But one of them, I remember,
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: the baby was like two weeks old. She was screaming
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: as she did all day every day, and Nick turned
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: to me or I think I had done like the
• 18:39
  Speaker 3: last four wake ups or something, and Nick turned to
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: me and said, I'm really tired. And I picked it
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: for pine glass and through it towards him.
• 18:49
  Speaker 5: It didn't hits.
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: Him, but it hit, the warm smashed, and I just
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: retold the story to Nick for the first time since
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: it happened, and he was like, oh my god, I
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: forgot about that. I wish you didn't tell me.
• 19:01
  Speaker 5: I'm kind of like, you know what, it's fine. The
• 19:03
  Speaker 5: baby was two weeks old, I was tired. I'm not
• 19:05
  Speaker 5: going to feel bad about it. It's fine. I'm sorry
• 19:07
  Speaker 5: it happened whatever. Yeah, no, I'm bad about it.
• 19:11
  Speaker 4: It's so nice to hear you verbalize that, because I too,
• 19:15
  Speaker 4: am very easy on myself. I don't agonize over things
• 19:19
  Speaker 4: almost ever. I don't feel bad about things, and there's
• 19:22
  Speaker 4: things I should feel bad about, and I'm like, no,
• 19:25
  Speaker 4: I think it helps. And I think you and I
• 19:27
  Speaker 4: have very similar upbringings. I think it helps when you
• 19:29
  Speaker 4: had like a supremely flawed upbringing. Yeah that, I'm like,
• 19:36
  Speaker 4: have I told you the story of my when my
• 19:38
  Speaker 4: mom brought me to I think she did. I did
• 19:40
  Speaker 4: to the concert at Jones Beach with the Ethridge, Like
• 19:45
  Speaker 4: I have never made my kid hide on the floor
• 19:50
  Speaker 4: of a car under a blanket for four hours in
• 19:55
  Speaker 4: a parking lot at a beach so that I can
• 19:58
  Speaker 4: go to a concert and not a babysitter.
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: I'm not gonna feel bad about my kid crying for
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: fifteen minutes before they go to sleep.
• 20:06
  Speaker 5: Well, peoplen't do that.
• 20:07
  Speaker 4: No, it really gives you a lot of perspective because
• 20:10
  Speaker 4: I am sorry for so little. Because my kids are
• 20:14
  Speaker 4: really really lucky, Like they're growing up in a two
• 20:16
  Speaker 4: family house where like their mom never had to boil
• 20:20
  Speaker 4: water so they had hot water to take a bath,
• 20:23
  Speaker 4: which is another thing of my childhood. We couldn't afford it.
• 20:28
  Speaker 4: It was a long story. We didn't have hot water,
• 20:30
  Speaker 4: so my mom had to like boil water so that
• 20:32
  Speaker 4: I could take a bath.
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: I'm good.
• 20:35
  Speaker 8: Yeah, I see people like agonize over oh I didn't
• 20:42
  Speaker 8: make enough milk this week, so I had to stop
• 20:44
  Speaker 8: one with fulma.
• 20:46
  Speaker 7: Weeks it's gonna be fuckym.
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: Have you ever met an adult that's like, oh yeah
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: for two weeks while my all this brass milk wasn't
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: co it in, I had to have a bit of
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: formula and so messed up by you know, just chill,
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: It's all probably gonna be fine. Yeah.
• 21:02
  Speaker 4: I lived in rural Cambodia for a year, and that
• 21:07
  Speaker 4: also lends itself to some perspective.
• 21:10
  Speaker 5: Yeah, because you had.
• 21:12
  Speaker 4: Clean water to make that formula. Yeah, I think you're fine.
• 21:16
  Speaker 5: I think you're fine.
• 21:17
  Speaker 4: I think so much of this, like modern mommy turmoil,
• 21:24
  Speaker 4: is just a real lack of perspective and privilege. It's
• 21:27
  Speaker 4: just a lot, a lot, a lot of privilege.
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: Social media, though, like this stuff wouldn't even come into
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: your imagination if you would read in people being like,
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: oh do you do you know what makes a healthy baby?
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: And then a list of like five neurotic, insane things
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: that like you would never even thought about until you
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: read it.
• 21:46
  Speaker 4: Also the esthetic that I see on the internet as well,
• 21:51
  Speaker 4: of like every like the calyx the calyx ikea box
• 21:55
  Speaker 4: where there's all these cubbies and everything is labeled and
• 21:59
  Speaker 4: everything is perfect. I went to a friend's house for
• 22:03
  Speaker 4: a party on Sunday, and I dropped off stuff beforehand
• 22:08
  Speaker 4: for the party because she had to like real things whatever,
• 22:11
  Speaker 4: and so she was out of the house and so
• 22:13
  Speaker 4: she just said, my front doors open, just drop things
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: in our kitchen. And I walked in and she had
• 22:18
  Speaker 4: like a half eaten apple.
• 22:20
  Speaker 5: On the on the.
• 22:21
  Speaker 4: Floor right in front of the front door, shoes everywhere,
• 22:25
  Speaker 4: stuff was all over the place, the table was disgusting
• 22:29
  Speaker 4: and sticky, and I was like, first of all, I
• 22:31
  Speaker 4: know that this house is going to look immaculate in
• 22:32
  Speaker 4: two hours, and I want to know how she does it,
• 22:34
  Speaker 4: But I don't feel like I can ask her that
• 22:36
  Speaker 4: because then it's like, how did you go on? Yes,
• 22:40
  Speaker 4: But it was so refreshing to walk into someone's house
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: and I looked. I took a minute in the doorway.
• 22:46
  Speaker 4: I took a minute and I looked around, and this
• 22:48
  Speaker 4: is one of my friends that always I feel like,
• 22:50
  Speaker 4: has it together. And I walked in and I was like, God,
• 22:53
  Speaker 4: this is amazing. Yeah, getting a window into what her
• 22:57
  Speaker 4: house actually looks like when she's not hosting everybody, and
• 23:02
  Speaker 4: this is just her real life, and this is delightful.
• 23:06
  Speaker 4: I wish I wish that I could see more people's
• 23:09
  Speaker 4: houses like this, because it really made me feel a
• 23:11
  Speaker 4: lot better about about, you know, our messy I mean,
• 23:15
  Speaker 4: you're getting like a nice little for folks who watch
• 23:17
  Speaker 4: this on you know, on video, you get like a
• 23:20
  Speaker 4: nice backdrop. But everything else is not great. But my
• 23:26
  Speaker 4: cleaning lady is coming tomorrow and I think I want
• 23:28
  Speaker 4: to marry her. Her name is Magda, and she puts
• 23:31
  Speaker 4: away my laundry for me.
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we've we've just started get in that name. So
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: we have cleaning once a month because it's too expensive.
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: And do you have once a month to once a week?
• 23:41
  Speaker 4: No, I do once a week now, I I I
• 23:44
  Speaker 4: So I do with it.
• 23:45
  Speaker 5: It's the best money you'll ask.
• 23:47
  Speaker 4: When I write a post for usually for the Examiner,
• 23:51
  Speaker 4: that is my cleaning lady money. And so I write
• 23:53
  Speaker 4: it and I'm like, I just paid my cleaning lady
• 23:55
  Speaker 4: for the work.
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's it's so worth it. Oh my god,
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: it's yeah.
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: So I never had a cleaning lady that I liked,
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: and I always felt judged. They would throw things out
• 24:05
  Speaker 4: all the time, like they would rate it and like
• 24:07
  Speaker 4: throw yeah, they would just sweep and just whatever was
• 24:10
  Speaker 4: on the floor they'd throw in the garbage, a board, book, whatever, like.
• 24:15
  Speaker 4: And my cleaning lady now organizes for me all the time.
• 24:18
  Speaker 4: She takes initiative and she like does stuff. So like
• 24:21
  Speaker 4: there was a week where, like when I was in
• 24:23
  Speaker 4: London with the kids, there wasn't a lot to do
• 24:26
  Speaker 4: and there wasn't a lot of laundry to put away,
• 24:27
  Speaker 4: and so she cleaned and organized my whole basement.
• 24:31
  Speaker 5: Oh that's just just for.
• 24:33
  Speaker 4: Funzies, because she's like pay, I pay her very well.
• 24:36
  Speaker 4: I'd need her more than anyone else in the neighborhood.
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: Pay you pay, because I want to know if I'm
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: I think I'm deafnely other be.
• 24:42
  Speaker 4: I want to know what you're paying. Two hundred dollars
• 24:44
  Speaker 4: a week.
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: Okay, so I pay three point fifty for once a month,
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: but it would be cheaper if I did it once
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: a week, but it would be more overall, you know
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: what I mean, right right, It would be cheaper, but
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: it would be more expensive out well, I just don't
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: want to pay like five hundred bucks a month, sixteen.
• 25:03
  Speaker 4: I pay eight hundred dollars a month. I'm with you,
• 25:05
  Speaker 4: it's probably worth it. The end time, this, I mean,
• 25:10
  Speaker 4: this was so as much hesitation as I had about
• 25:13
  Speaker 4: paying the landscape, and now I feel no hesitation the
• 25:15
  Speaker 4: cleaning lady. It's just people ask me all the time,
• 25:18
  Speaker 4: like how do you do it? How do you homeschool
• 25:19
  Speaker 4: six kids? Have a job, because I do have a job,
• 25:22
  Speaker 4: Like I'm a freelance writer, but I also have a
• 25:23
  Speaker 4: communications firm, So like I have a job and then
• 25:27
  Speaker 4: some and I homeschool six children, and I'm like at
• 25:32
  Speaker 4: both ends, I'm just burning. But my cleaning lady is
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: a lot of how I survive. She straightens up, she
• 25:39
  Speaker 4: puts all my laundry away, like I would not be
• 25:43
  Speaker 4: functional were it not for her, and I want to
• 25:47
  Speaker 4: marry her. We've brought her into like actually last week
• 25:52
  Speaker 4: she came just her on like a Friday afternoon and
• 25:56
  Speaker 4: she helped my daughter clean and organize her room because
• 25:59
  Speaker 4: we bought my oldest daughter a brand new bed. And
• 26:02
  Speaker 4: speaking of doing things myself when we should have just
• 26:06
  Speaker 4: paid someone, Seth has been building her ikea bed for
• 26:09
  Speaker 4: the last two and a half days and counting he's
• 26:11
  Speaker 4: still not done yet. In my defense, I'm not paying
• 26:14
  Speaker 4: task grabb it Ikia. The lady told me that task
• 26:18
  Speaker 4: grab It can be real jerks about this module because
• 26:21
  Speaker 4: it's like it's a bed and it's a desk, and
• 26:24
  Speaker 4: sometimes they try to double charge you, I see, and
• 26:26
  Speaker 4: they'll like spring that on you in the middle of
• 26:28
  Speaker 4: the job. And she's like, I've heard this multiple times.
• 26:31
  Speaker 4: You should just do it yourself. Maybe that was mistake. Yeah,
• 26:34
  Speaker 4: she didn't have Yeah, but but I think also Seth
• 26:39
  Speaker 4: is very slow.
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, honestly, I'm the Ika fan to build her in
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: this family. Nick won't go near it.
• 26:46
  Speaker 4: So so my cleaning lady helped her clean out her
• 26:49
  Speaker 4: room with her, and I don't have the patience for it,
• 26:51
  Speaker 4: like I fight with her and I'm like, throw this
• 26:55
  Speaker 4: out because she's a hoarder, like please just throw things out,
• 26:59
  Speaker 4: and she she just she did that with my cleaning lady,
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: who doesn't fight with her, and my cleaning lady she's
• 27:06
  Speaker 4: so sweet. At the end of it, I was like,
• 27:08
  Speaker 4: how much show I owe you? She's here for four
• 27:09
  Speaker 4: hours and my cleaning lady was like fifty dollars and
• 27:13
  Speaker 4: I was like one hundred. I'm paying you one hundred
• 27:16
  Speaker 4: dollars for that four hours of your life.
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah that's yeah, that's right.
• 27:22
  Speaker 4: Yeah. So I mean it wasn't her idea to pay
• 27:24
  Speaker 4: her two hundred dollars. That was my idea. She told
• 27:26
  Speaker 4: me one fifty or something, and then I saw how
• 27:29
  Speaker 4: much she did.
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: I need this one to come to I have, although
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: I have, they send three people.
• 27:36
  Speaker 4: To be mass yeah, so she's one of three.
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah yeah.
• 27:40
  Speaker 4: So it's it's I mean, I will always every week
• 27:44
  Speaker 4: take on an extra writing thing. That is we have
• 27:50
  Speaker 4: different bank accounts whatever, and that bank account is where
• 27:53
  Speaker 4: I pay the cleaning lady out of, and so I
• 27:56
  Speaker 4: will take an extra writing thing and in my brain,
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: I'm like, that's my cleaning any money, that's it right there,
• 28:02
  Speaker 4: and I love it and I love her and I
• 28:05
  Speaker 4: would not survive without her. But yeah, I think that
• 28:08
  Speaker 4: that's part of growing up, is just realizing like sometimes
• 28:10
  Speaker 4: you have to outsource.
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and it feels great. I mean I was so
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: opposed to it first, but now I'm like, yeah, come
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: do things for me please, yes, please me too.
• 28:20
  Speaker 4: And it was funny because like my in laws like,
• 28:24
  Speaker 4: not so subtly, we're like, you should have a cleaning
• 28:26
  Speaker 4: lady and we'll pay for it. And for years I resisted, yeah,
• 28:30
  Speaker 4: just because I was like, I will not give them
• 28:32
  Speaker 4: the satisfaction. But like, it's just me being stubborn and stupid.
• 28:36
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you should to tengue it. I would mean, like
• 28:37
  Speaker 5: great living cook as well.
• 28:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Right, So that was just me being stubborn and stupid,
• 28:45
  Speaker 4: which is an ongoing theme of my life as me
• 28:47
  Speaker 4: just being stubborn. One of the other weird things that
• 28:50
  Speaker 4: I'm stubborn about. I have never had coffee.
• 28:53
  Speaker 5: Yeah, that's what I'm saying, and at.
• 28:55
  Speaker 4: This point I can't. I cannot try it.
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: Why because what if it's like it would be?
• 29:00
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and then I've just six kids and wait, do
• 29:06
  Speaker 5: you do any kind of kathee? Yeah, that's insane.
• 29:11
  Speaker 4: What if it's life changing? And then I'm just sticking
• 29:13
  Speaker 4: myself for the rest of my life?
• 29:15
  Speaker 5: It is, it's pretty good.
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: Well, I'm so, I'm so gross. I loved ball.
• 29:24
  Speaker 4: I feel shaky when I take an, etcetera.
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: You're insane. You're insane.
• 29:29
  Speaker 5: Why you have a lot of energy? Naturally? I can
• 29:32
  Speaker 5: imagine you wake up in the morment.
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: Like I'm not for the day.
• 29:38
  Speaker 4: No, I'm not bright eyed and bush yeah, Seth and I.
• 29:41
  Speaker 4: So it's funny. So I was talking on the last
• 29:44
  Speaker 4: podcast about how we each have our own toddler and
• 29:48
  Speaker 4: his toddler waits wakes up before my toddler.
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: And it's so great because he's he's.
• 29:55
  Speaker 4: In his crib and he's like daddy, and I'm like daddy,
• 30:00
  Speaker 4: Daddy being finished.
• 30:01
  Speaker 5: Wait, how many bedrooms do you have?
• 30:03
  Speaker 4: Four?
• 30:05
  Speaker 5: So how many am with?
• 30:07
  Speaker 4: You?
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: Tell that to?
• 30:08
  Speaker 4: Everybody shares, Yeah, yeah, that's nice. Yeah, it is nice.
• 30:13
  Speaker 4: The little kids room is very small, though, it's like
• 30:16
  Speaker 4: the nursery room. I don't know how that's going to continue.
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: Could you make a basement into a bedroom?
• 30:24
  Speaker 4: So funny that you ask, So yes, we when we
• 30:27
  Speaker 4: finished our basement. So our basement was just you know, asphalt,
• 30:31
  Speaker 4: like it was nothing. It was just totally unfinished when
• 30:33
  Speaker 4: we moved in. Pretty soon after we finished it because
• 30:36
  Speaker 4: Sethan needed an office during COVID and and so when
• 30:40
  Speaker 4: I was talking to the contractor, I had him frame
• 30:45
  Speaker 4: what could be another bedroom. And so the way that
• 30:49
  Speaker 4: he built it, it's very easy to just put like
• 30:53
  Speaker 4: basically two slabs of dry wall up and a door,
• 30:57
  Speaker 4: and that's a bedroom very easily. It would cost us,
• 31:00
  Speaker 4: like I don't know, six hundred dollars to build a
• 31:03
  Speaker 4: better bran. Yeah. So right now it's a playroom. And
• 31:08
  Speaker 4: it's funny because we bought this house thinking like we need,
• 31:11
  Speaker 4: you know, all these bedrooms, and our kids bunk together
• 31:14
  Speaker 4: a lot. There's there was a point over the winter
• 31:19
  Speaker 4: where all of our kids were sleeping in the same room.
• 31:22
  Speaker 5: Oh, that's so cute.
• 31:23
  Speaker 4: I was like, it's really cute. Actually they have sleepovers,
• 31:26
  Speaker 4: And I was like, guys, it was a lot of
• 31:29
  Speaker 4: effort to find a house with this many bedrooms in
• 31:31
  Speaker 4: this neighborhood, could you like use them?
• 31:35
  Speaker 5: Not a sleepover.
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: It's a shame I didn't have siblings, because even at
• 31:39
  Speaker 3: the age is like, even at the age of like
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: twenty four, I would go to my mom and be like, hey,
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: do you want to have a sleepover, And you'd be like, no,
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: get out, you're too fall And Nick says I'm too
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: hot as well, so maybe I would sleep over.
• 31:53
  Speaker 4: Buddy Seth is also it's like sleeping next to a furnace.
• 31:57
  Speaker 5: Yeah, that's what makes says to him.
• 31:58
  Speaker 9: Yeah.
• 31:59
  Speaker 4: We So. My mom told me when when she was
• 32:03
  Speaker 4: giving me marriage advice when I was fifteen for some
• 32:05
  Speaker 4: unknown reason, but it actually was really good, that the
• 32:09
  Speaker 4: key to a happy marriage is separate blankets.
• 32:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I've heard about this and.
• 32:16
  Speaker 4: It's one hundred percent correct. My mom told me that
• 32:19
  Speaker 4: she decided it when they were in Mexico on their
• 32:21
  Speaker 4: honeymoon and she got up and got a pair of
• 32:24
  Speaker 4: scissors in the middle of the night because she was
• 32:26
  Speaker 4: so annoyed at the tug the tugging of the blankets.
• 32:29
  Speaker 4: She walked up in the middle then I and it's
• 32:32
  Speaker 4: like one of my only memories where my parents are
• 32:34
  Speaker 4: both together telling the same story that didn't result in
• 32:37
  Speaker 4: court action. My mom was standing over him with a
• 32:40
  Speaker 4: pair of scissors, and he was convinced that she was
• 32:43
  Speaker 4: about to murder him, and she just cut the blanket
• 32:46
  Speaker 4: down the middle and was like, it's done, done, I'm
• 32:51
  Speaker 4: done sharing with you. And maybe it was a foreshadowing
• 32:54
  Speaker 4: of their coming force.
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: So I just remembered that we do you know about
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: the Macy's comforter sale every year?
• 33:03
  Speaker 4: No?
• 33:04
  Speaker 5: Oh my god, it's incredible.
• 33:05
  Speaker 3: So every comforter is like twenty bugs.
• 33:07
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah, because I have to send for a camp Yeah, I.
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: Will, I'll send it to you. It must have been
• 33:13
  Speaker 3: nearly a year ago now because I bought like five comforts.
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: Everybody in the house is furious with me. By who
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: I mean? My husband I.
• 33:21
  Speaker 4: Was wondering, I'm like, are you running an Airbnb?
• 33:24
  Speaker 5: I just kept getting more macy so he was like.
• 33:27
  Speaker 3: No, not another one. So at one point we did
• 33:31
  Speaker 3: have two comforters on every bed and we did sleep
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: with steparate blankets for a while after the baby was born,
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: and it was great. I think I should go back
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: to bed. Yeah, oh wait, come on, let me just
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: let me just finish the cry it out because I
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: realized that I didn't have what happened, okay, so the
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: first night, fifteen minutes of crying, it's okay, back and
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: I six minutes of crying.
• 33:55
  Speaker 4: Which now this is the third night, no, this is
• 33:57
  Speaker 4: the second night.
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: Six minutes. That's great. Happy. I feel blessed because I
• 34:03
  Speaker 3: know some people do like have to like eight hours
• 34:06
  Speaker 3: of kine and I know I wouldn't be able to
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: do that, so well, six minutes is great.
• 34:10
  Speaker 4: So it's funny. I'm having flashbacks to my oldest when
• 34:13
  Speaker 4: I did not cry out, because cried out was terrible.
• 34:17
  Speaker 4: When I had one shutout, that's cruel. But I did
• 34:20
  Speaker 4: cry it out just like it had like a fancier
• 34:22
  Speaker 4: name with like a whole strategicy I don't even know.
• 34:27
  Speaker 4: That was also terrible and horribly disturbing. Some other method
• 34:32
  Speaker 4: that they gave it a fancy name with like all
• 34:34
  Speaker 4: of these like benchmarks or whatever. There was a whole
• 34:39
  Speaker 4: book and it just it's supposed to make you feel
• 34:41
  Speaker 4: better about parenting your job, and and it was like
• 34:45
  Speaker 4: you go in after four minutes and then the next
• 34:49
  Speaker 4: time you go in, it's half that time or something.
• 34:52
  Speaker 4: I don't even remember, but I remember standing there with
• 34:55
  Speaker 4: like a literal stopwatch, as if a baby knows of
• 35:00
  Speaker 4: such things. Yeah, like how ridiculous was all of that?
• 35:04
  Speaker 4: And now like now that I have like when I
• 35:07
  Speaker 4: had like four or five six, I would laugh at
• 35:09
  Speaker 4: myself and I would think, my god, Bethany, you made
• 35:12
  Speaker 4: your life so much more difficult than it had to be.
• 35:16
  Speaker 4: But the difference with an old when you only have
• 35:18
  Speaker 4: one child is like you don't have anything else to
• 35:21
  Speaker 4: focus on, so of course you're just like listening to
• 35:23
  Speaker 4: your baby cry. And we are conditioned as mammals not
• 35:26
  Speaker 4: to let our babies cry. Yeah, it goes against everything.
• 35:31
  Speaker 3: Like I would have physical responses to the baby crying,
• 35:35
  Speaker 3: and now I have not the same. Say to you,
• 35:37
  Speaker 3: any will go to sleep?
• 35:39
  Speaker 4: Yeah, No, It's funny because a couple of nights ago,
• 35:42
  Speaker 4: so are his and her toddlers. Seth was up at
• 35:45
  Speaker 4: five o'clock in the morning with his toddler.
• 35:49
  Speaker 5: Loser and I.
• 35:52
  Speaker 4: The next night, the baby woke up again at like
• 35:56
  Speaker 4: five in the morning, and I looked at Seth and
• 35:58
  Speaker 4: I thought, I'm going to take this one. And I
• 36:01
  Speaker 4: go in and I look at him and I was
• 36:03
  Speaker 4: like my dude, it is nighttime. Put your head back
• 36:06
  Speaker 4: down and go to sleep. It is not morning time yet.
• 36:09
  Speaker 4: And he was like okay, and he just and don't.
• 36:15
  Speaker 4: I don't know if Seth doesn't try that or he
• 36:17
  Speaker 4: doesn't sound convincing. I go in there sounding pretty mean
• 36:21
  Speaker 4: when I say it. Yeah, and Seth is way nicer
• 36:24
  Speaker 4: than I, and he has a pretty hard time sounding mean,
• 36:27
  Speaker 4: and so I don't know. I don't know what the
• 36:29
  Speaker 4: deal is up there, but I mean I just go
• 36:32
  Speaker 4: and I'm like, my dude, it is nighttime, go to sleep,
• 36:37
  Speaker 4: and is it nighttime?
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: No?
• 36:38
  Speaker 4: Not really, Yeah, it's too early.
• 36:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean, I'm definitely the main parent. I'm definitely
• 36:46
  Speaker 3: the fun parent, like she likes do gymnastics with me,
• 36:49
  Speaker 3: and I guess spend more upside down and stuff. But
• 36:53
  Speaker 3: I'm so chill on my first baby, which I don't
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: know how that happened. I don't want to be like
• 36:58
  Speaker 3: a pick me, like, oh, I'm not like all of
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: the other first time as you know. I don't want
• 37:02
  Speaker 3: to be like that because but seriously, J in my pregnancy,
• 37:05
  Speaker 3: I was scared that I was going to be so
• 37:09
  Speaker 3: paralyzed with fear every day because I was every day
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: I was pregnant. I was like, Oh my god, this
• 37:13
  Speaker 3: same he's going to die. This baby's going to die.
• 37:15
  Speaker 3: And then she was born and she spent two years
• 37:17
  Speaker 3: in the name you. But for some reason in my head,
• 37:20
  Speaker 3: I was just like, everything, it's going to be fine.
• 37:22
  Speaker 5: Everything's fine.
• 37:23
  Speaker 3: And that's how I've That's the attitude I've had every
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: single day since.
• 37:27
  Speaker 5: I mean, yesterday she ate dog food. That wasn't great.
• 37:30
  Speaker 9: Yeah, that was kind of stressful, but it's funny.
• 37:43
  Speaker 5: Hi, this is a young Culter. Welcome to my Ricochet
• 37:46
  Speaker 5: on Cats and Coulter.
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: Every week on Ricochet, You're home to center right conversation.
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: Hey, that was pretty good.
• 38:02
  Speaker 4: I have found, in weird surprising ways with subsequent not
• 38:09
  Speaker 4: subsequent children, but more time as a mother, that I've
• 38:13
  Speaker 4: become actually a little more paranoid about certain things because
• 38:18
  Speaker 4: I've had friends have horrible things happen, and so, like
• 38:22
  Speaker 4: I remember my first twenty week ultrasound, I was really excited.
• 38:27
  Speaker 4: I was like, I'm going to find out the gender.
• 38:29
  Speaker 4: This is so cool. And then I had a friend
• 38:33
  Speaker 4: who I had multiple friends actually, now that i'm thinking
• 38:36
  Speaker 4: of it, have like really horrible news at that twenty
• 38:39
  Speaker 4: week ultrasound, the anatomy scan, where like baby doesn't have
• 38:43
  Speaker 4: a heartbeat, baby has a fatal fetal or a fatal
• 38:47
  Speaker 4: heart abnormality, has an almost fatal heart abnormality that has
• 38:51
  Speaker 4: required twenty open heart surgeries over the course of his life.
• 38:56
  Speaker 4: That's non exaggeration, Like that's crazy, crazy, and so that appointment.
• 39:02
  Speaker 4: I've been increasingly scared at as I've heard like more
• 39:06
  Speaker 4: horror stories, and I like, I develop new paranoias. Like
• 39:12
  Speaker 4: my new paranoia is I have a I have a
• 39:15
  Speaker 4: friend locally who's baby died. Their two year old died
• 39:19
  Speaker 4: because he forgot her in the car, and so that
• 39:23
  Speaker 4: was always a paranoia of mine. But now I'm like
• 39:28
  Speaker 4: checking the car, like looking on the floor, like really
• 39:33
  Speaker 4: over the top.
• 39:33
  Speaker 3: PARANOIDA yeah, And it's I mean it that like when
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: you don't have a child and you hear stories like that,
• 39:39
  Speaker 3: You're like, oh, how how could that possibly happen? And
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: you assume it must be negligence on some pot And
• 39:46
  Speaker 3: then you have a kid and I know I only
• 39:48
  Speaker 3: have one.
• 39:49
  Speaker 4: But like it happens.
• 39:50
  Speaker 3: It's sleep deprivation is real and it makes you do
• 39:53
  Speaker 3: crazy things and just having something to think about all
• 39:58
  Speaker 3: the time, does easy things to your mind. It's like,
• 40:02
  Speaker 3: I can totally see how terrible things like that happen now.
• 40:06
  Speaker 4: Jean Weingarten at the Washington Post wrote a really incredible
• 40:12
  Speaker 4: long form piece that actually won him a Pulitzer about
• 40:15
  Speaker 4: parents who forget their kids in the car and the
• 40:17
  Speaker 4: kid dies in the car, and I really highly recommend it.
• 40:21
  Speaker 4: It's really just incredibly written piece that has stayed with
• 40:25
  Speaker 4: me for years and years, and I've reread it multiple times.
• 40:29
  Speaker 4: But it almost always happens that there's a change in routine,
• 40:33
  Speaker 4: and so one one parent is normally responsible for the kid,
• 40:36
  Speaker 4: and then the other parent becomes responsible for the kid.
• 40:39
  Speaker 3: I need to go.
• 40:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, and I like, I mean, when we moved
• 40:45
  Speaker 4: from one house to another in our neighborhood, the number
• 40:48
  Speaker 4: of times that I accidentally drove to my old house
• 40:50
  Speaker 4: before I realized, like, oh I can I can totally
• 40:54
  Speaker 4: see how that could happen. Yeah, but yeah, no, So
• 40:58
  Speaker 4: that's my new that's my paranoia. It'll ever go away now.
• 41:03
  Speaker 3: I mean, after I've read that story, I now keep
• 41:07
  Speaker 3: the windows down in the car at all times.
• 41:10
  Speaker 4: Yeah, like just a little. I don't have that help, No,
• 41:15
  Speaker 4: I mean it's it. You just have to not forget
• 41:17
  Speaker 4: your kid in the car. Yeah, and so they say, like,
• 41:20
  Speaker 4: you know, put something in the back or whatever. Ways
• 41:24
  Speaker 4: has a has a like feature that you can it's
• 41:26
  Speaker 4: set to reminder to remember.
• 41:28
  Speaker 3: Did you say it was your car that tells you
• 41:30
  Speaker 3: to tag the back seats before you get at.
• 41:32
  Speaker 4: So basically yes, because of ways, because I'm always connected
• 41:36
  Speaker 4: on ways, right. But I so it's funny like before
• 41:40
  Speaker 4: before this, my paranoid was actually running over a kid accidentally.
• 41:44
  Speaker 4: Oh wow, and that like and not having so I've
• 41:47
  Speaker 4: always said before I go into reverse, do I have
• 41:49
  Speaker 4: all six kids and or you know, however many kids
• 41:53
  Speaker 4: I had at the time, I always count honestly in
• 41:55
  Speaker 4: and out. I think I think the key to this
• 41:57
  Speaker 4: kind of stuff is to really as our fallibility and
• 42:02
  Speaker 4: these things can happen. And I think a lot of people,
• 42:05
  Speaker 4: especially like keyboard Warriors, they want to think that like
• 42:09
  Speaker 4: that is negligence that could never happen to me. And
• 42:11
  Speaker 4: I'm like, that's how it happens.
• 42:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 42:15
  Speaker 4: When you think you're like, you're that could never happen,
• 42:18
  Speaker 4: is when it happens. It's the same as drowning.
• 42:21
  Speaker 5: A lot more.
• 42:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I've been seeing a lot more posts, particularly about
• 42:25
  Speaker 3: drowning and having pools and like leaving your toddler and
• 42:29
  Speaker 3: attended to go to the bathroom and stuff with a
• 42:31
  Speaker 3: lot of people online being like oh I couldn't, Like
• 42:34
  Speaker 3: I take my toddlers to the bathroom with me. It's like, okay,
• 42:38
  Speaker 3: good for you, but most people don't, and things can
• 42:41
  Speaker 3: happen in twenty seconds, you know.
• 42:43
  Speaker 4: Lass Yeah, yeah, no, I mean we've we've had so
• 42:47
  Speaker 4: many crazy stories. I mean, I think what it comes
• 42:49
  Speaker 4: down to is like on the big things like cars
• 42:55
  Speaker 4: and pools, you have to really be super duper duper vigilant.
• 42:59
  Speaker 4: But also like we've had multiple times where a kid
• 43:03
  Speaker 4: has gotten out of the house in one way or
• 43:05
  Speaker 4: the other and training them not to run into the street.
• 43:11
  Speaker 4: Like we spend a lot of time outside our house
• 43:14
  Speaker 4: and I've trained our kids not to go in the street,
• 43:18
  Speaker 4: and you know it takes time, Like you really you
• 43:20
  Speaker 4: have to go over to them. And I was telling
• 43:22
  Speaker 4: you on the last podcast, like I basically dog train
• 43:25
  Speaker 4: my children. I get down NOE and you get really
• 43:29
  Speaker 4: aggressive and really firm, and it trains them and it
• 43:33
  Speaker 4: scares them into going near there and it's easier with
• 43:36
  Speaker 4: subsequent kids because my other kids also police it. But yeah,
• 43:41
  Speaker 4: I mean it's a combination of like understanding risk and
• 43:47
  Speaker 4: being as diligent as you can, but then also just
• 43:50
  Speaker 4: like by the grace of God go I yeah, So
• 43:56
  Speaker 4: that's that's all I have on that. I think it's
• 43:58
  Speaker 4: great that you're doing credit because you will be more
• 44:01
  Speaker 4: functional and you'll be happier, and she'll be happier.
• 44:03
  Speaker 3: I Mean, the thing is, I feel very lucky because
• 44:06
  Speaker 3: since the beginning she's been a very good sleeper. So
• 44:08
  Speaker 3: it's never really been the actual sleep time that's the issue.
• 44:11
  Speaker 3: It's the going to sleep. It's just like has started
• 44:14
  Speaker 3: to become harder and harder and harder, and the things
• 44:17
  Speaker 3: that used to work now don't work.
• 44:18
  Speaker 5: And I think she's ready for it. I think you
• 44:20
  Speaker 5: can tell. You can definitely tell what they're not ready
• 44:23
  Speaker 5: for it.
• 44:23
  Speaker 3: I mean Nick was always very firmly against it, and
• 44:27
  Speaker 3: there were certain things like she had reefs lags, so
• 44:29
  Speaker 3: I knew that she was in pain for a long time,
• 44:32
  Speaker 3: and now she's had diperash and then she there were
• 44:36
  Speaker 3: other little things going on.
• 44:40
  Speaker 4: So that's like a dad of a girl, I know,
• 44:44
  Speaker 4: I know he's I don't know what he's doing.
• 44:47
  Speaker 5: For the rest of your lyne. He's insane.
• 44:50
  Speaker 4: He So it's funny. He has become much less whipped, thankfully,
• 44:54
  Speaker 4: like he was super whipped by our oldest daughter. And
• 44:58
  Speaker 4: then we had a boy. I mean he's become he
• 45:01
  Speaker 4: loosened up too, like we then we had two boys.
• 45:04
  Speaker 4: And then our younger daughter has been such a spitfire
• 45:11
  Speaker 4: is the right word. And like she really she's a
• 45:15
  Speaker 4: tough kid. She's a really really tough kid. And so
• 45:18
  Speaker 4: he has not been whipped by her the way he
• 45:21
  Speaker 4: was whipped by our other daughter. Because you can't, like
• 45:26
  Speaker 4: you have to be more firm with our younger daughter
• 45:29
  Speaker 4: or she'll like.
• 45:32
  Speaker 3: She's a lot, like tell me how, like what does
• 45:35
  Speaker 3: she do?
• 45:36
  Speaker 4: Oh? God, she just she loves horses. So we were
• 45:42
  Speaker 4: in colonial Williamsburg and she saw horse in the distance
• 45:48
  Speaker 4: and chased it a mile away and didn't notice that.
• 45:54
  Speaker 3: We were gone.
• 45:55
  Speaker 4: And then ok yeah, and she didn't care, and someone
• 45:59
  Speaker 4: else noticed that she was unsupervised and just like petting
• 46:03
  Speaker 4: the horse. I think it was the I think it
• 46:05
  Speaker 4: was the guy who rides the horses. He was like, Okay,
• 46:08
  Speaker 4: I have to take this horse back, like, go back
• 46:10
  Speaker 4: to your mom. And she's like, oh, I don't know
• 46:11
  Speaker 4: where she is. He was like, what where You've been
• 46:15
  Speaker 4: here for a while petting this horse. You don't know
• 46:17
  Speaker 4: where your mother is. I know, no, I ran a
• 46:20
  Speaker 4: while ago, and so I was screaming for her, like
• 46:25
  Speaker 4: a mile away and from like for anyone who knows
• 46:29
  Speaker 4: Colonia Williamsburg, from literally one side to the other. And
• 46:33
  Speaker 4: and someone walked up to me and was like, I
• 46:36
  Speaker 4: saw a little girl in a blue dress, but she
• 46:38
  Speaker 4: was like really far away near the horses. And I
• 46:41
  Speaker 4: was like, that's my daughter. Horses, blue dress, that's the one.
• 46:45
  Speaker 4: And I got there and she was still fine. She
• 46:48
  Speaker 4: was surrounded by security guards. There was four of them
• 46:52
  Speaker 4: with her, and they were really smart. They have all
• 46:55
  Speaker 4: the ticket sales, and they like they know who's there
• 46:58
  Speaker 4: basically based on the ticket sales, and so they got
• 47:01
  Speaker 4: my first name from her, and so they were going
• 47:03
  Speaker 4: through the ticket sales for anyone named Bethany and seeing
• 47:06
  Speaker 4: if they had a phone number attached to the ticket sale.
• 47:10
  Speaker 4: And they were in the process of doing that when
• 47:11
  Speaker 4: I walked up and she was like, you know, they
• 47:15
  Speaker 4: gave me cold water because I won't buy water. I'm
• 47:19
  Speaker 4: just I'll just do it at the Phillip station and
• 47:21
  Speaker 4: it comes out like kind of lukewarm. But I'm like,
• 47:23
  Speaker 4: do you know how much money that would cost me
• 47:25
  Speaker 4: if I'm buying cold waters all day long? And so
• 47:28
  Speaker 4: I walk up and I've lost her super far away
• 47:31
  Speaker 4: for a really long time, and I'm like, please do
• 47:34
  Speaker 4: not call CPS on me. And then I get there
• 47:37
  Speaker 4: and she's like, you know, they gave me cold water,
• 47:41
  Speaker 4: and I was like, I can remember them tonight. Here's
• 47:43
  Speaker 4: another example. I'm brushing her hair and checking her for tics,
• 47:48
  Speaker 4: and I feel like I'm gonna have this like warm,
• 47:49
  Speaker 4: loving moment with her, and I'm like, you know, I
• 47:52
  Speaker 4: feel like Hushem God. I feel like Hushem gave me
• 47:56
  Speaker 4: you as a gift after you know, my mom died
• 48:00
  Speaker 4: and my dad died and it was sad, and you're
• 48:02
  Speaker 4: just like my gift. And she said, well, then, why
• 48:05
  Speaker 4: did you take your mom off life support? And I
• 48:10
  Speaker 4: was like, yeah, yeah, that's not.
• 48:14
  Speaker 6: Five.
• 48:15
  Speaker 4: Oh where's old? And I was like, and how many
• 48:19
  Speaker 4: times have I had this conversation with her about like
• 48:22
  Speaker 4: why I removed breathing support from my dying mother? She
• 48:26
  Speaker 4: just she trolls me.
• 48:28
  Speaker 5: How many times have you had that conversation with its?
• 48:31
  Speaker 4: She just trolls me about it because every time she
• 48:34
  Speaker 4: says that, everyone in the family yells at her and
• 48:38
  Speaker 4: they're like, stop trolling mommy about her dead mom.
• 48:42
  Speaker 3: She stopped.
• 48:43
  Speaker 4: She says, she's amazing, but everyone in the family yells
• 48:47
  Speaker 4: at her, and so she knows it's like an attention thing.
• 48:50
  Speaker 4: If I troll Mommy about it, I troll Mommy about
• 48:55
  Speaker 4: her dead mom, everyone will yell at me, and she's
• 48:59
  Speaker 4: she like, she gets all prancy about it and funny,
• 49:03
  Speaker 4: and everyone's like, no, that's actually really terrible. And I'm like,
• 49:06
  Speaker 4: you're very lucky that I have a heart of stone, because,
• 49:10
  Speaker 4: like any other human being being trolled about removing life
• 49:17
  Speaker 4: support from their dying parent would not be able to
• 49:20
  Speaker 4: take it. But she does it to me on the rig,
• 49:23
  Speaker 4: so I'm pretty good at it at this point.
• 49:25
  Speaker 3: That's really funny. It's but you know, that's her.
• 49:30
  Speaker 4: She's a lot.
• 49:33
  Speaker 3: Okay, just before we end, I have something that I
• 49:35
  Speaker 3: want to ask you because I'm thinking of rights and
• 49:38
  Speaker 3: a piece. Oh that's it, tell me, and I want
• 49:43
  Speaker 3: opinions from everybody. So do you feel like we since
• 49:49
  Speaker 3: we moved further away from twenty twenty, we have reached
• 49:54
  Speaker 3: peak crunchiness, and now a lot of people are just
• 49:57
  Speaker 3: like turning on crunchiness.
• 50:00
  Speaker 4: It's funny that you say that I felt I saw
• 50:02
  Speaker 4: a tweet about that today.
• 50:03
  Speaker 3: Actually I saw a tweet about it too. Is it
• 50:05
  Speaker 3: the same tweet?
• 50:06
  Speaker 5: Might have been somebody? So I have the tweetapp right now.
• 50:09
  Speaker 5: She says, I'm not gonna lie.
• 50:10
  Speaker 3: I've become slightly jaded and suspicious of a lot of
• 50:14
  Speaker 3: the crunchy stuff.
• 50:14
  Speaker 5: I'm wondering if other people are feeling.
• 50:16
  Speaker 3: The same way. Yes, And then any reply, she says,
• 50:19
  Speaker 3: big Wellness is just about as bad as big Farmer
• 50:22
  Speaker 3: when you're in the game of stalin fear. It doesn't
• 50:24
  Speaker 3: help anybody. And I've seen a lot of stuff like this, lady,
• 50:27
  Speaker 3: like a lot of taticcas being like, actually, I'm just
• 50:29
  Speaker 3: not gonna do this anymore, and it's gonna be fine,
• 50:32
  Speaker 3: Like I'm not gonna cut down all of these food dyes,
• 50:37
  Speaker 3: blah blah blah, and I'm just gonna eat whatever I want.
• 50:39
  Speaker 5: And a couple of other things.
• 50:41
  Speaker 3: And I feel like we're kind of we've reached Pete
• 50:44
  Speaker 3: crunchiness and now it's all down from here.
• 50:47
  Speaker 4: I follow this account on Instagram called really very Crunchy
• 50:51
  Speaker 4: and it makes fun of crunchiness, but she's actually super crunchy,
• 50:56
  Speaker 4: and the things that she posts about, I'm like, God,
• 50:59
  Speaker 4: that must be so exhausting. Wall really very crunchy. Okay,
• 51:05
  Speaker 4: and she is very crunchy, but it's sort of a
• 51:08
  Speaker 4: it's a satire account, but how satire is it?
• 51:12
  Speaker 3: Not so much?
• 51:14
  Speaker 5: And the stuff that.
• 51:16
  Speaker 4: She posts about, I'm like, God, that is such an
• 51:20
  Speaker 4: exhausting way to live. I cannot imagine I would not
• 51:26
  Speaker 4: enjoy that life. And if that means cutting five years
• 51:29
  Speaker 4: off of mine, that's fine, but it doesn't. I mean,
• 51:33
  Speaker 4: the crunchiest person I know who's like actually a healthcare provider,
• 51:37
  Speaker 4: and I like, it really bothers me actually because I
• 51:41
  Speaker 4: know that. I mean, I know her because she was
• 51:44
  Speaker 4: my healthcare provider. And then I had to stop seeing
• 51:46
  Speaker 4: her because I just couldn't take it anymore. And I'm like,
• 51:50
  Speaker 4: I'm I'm impenetrably like, you can't make me feel guilty
• 51:53
  Speaker 4: about things. I'm not a normal mother and I'm not
• 51:56
  Speaker 4: a normal woman in that regard. Seeing friends, Yeah, yeah,
• 52:01
  Speaker 4: And so she is the crunchiest person I know. And
• 52:06
  Speaker 4: she says stuff like, you know, the rise in sea
• 52:09
  Speaker 4: sections is because of X Y Z and the rise
• 52:12
  Speaker 4: of fertility, and she's I think the.
• 52:15
  Speaker 3: Whole piece is, Yeah, I'm gonna write this space one
• 52:16
  Speaker 3: hundred percent. I know I should do, I should mention
• 52:18
  Speaker 3: on the podcast after I writ it, but I.
• 52:20
  Speaker 4: Need it an So this is airing in a week.
• 52:21
  Speaker 4: You're going to give me what I need. So she
• 52:24
  Speaker 4: says all of these things. She's super crunchy. She's had
• 52:28
  Speaker 4: two sea sections and infertility every single time. I live
• 52:34
  Speaker 4: on the Kosher equivalent of Kraft macaroni and cheese, and
• 52:39
  Speaker 4: I joke that I had so many redheads because the
• 52:42
  Speaker 4: food die from the fake cheese into my placenta and
• 52:46
  Speaker 4: that's why I have five area And I get pregnant
• 52:52
  Speaker 4: when my husband looks at me. Yeah, I drop a
• 52:54
  Speaker 4: baby when I sneeze. When I'm forty one weeks. I like,
• 53:00
  Speaker 4: I have healthy pregnancies and perfect births, and I get
• 53:05
  Speaker 4: pregnant instantly. I am the least crunchy person I know.
• 53:10
  Speaker 4: I mean not really, but like that's not it's not
• 53:13
  Speaker 4: far from them. So crunchy Country mccrunch ristein had sea
• 53:18
  Speaker 4: sections and infertility and has like all of these autoimmune
• 53:22
  Speaker 4: things and all these things going on, and so she
• 53:26
  Speaker 4: would tell me all of these things, and I could
• 53:29
  Speaker 4: just my bs radar was like instantly, you're a nonsense
• 53:32
  Speaker 4: human being, Like I don't need to take advice from you.
• 53:37
  Speaker 4: I'm good. Just do do the thing I want you
• 53:40
  Speaker 4: to do and then let's call it a day. And
• 53:42
  Speaker 4: I don't need your dietary advice. But I cannot imagine
• 53:46
  Speaker 4: how many women she's made feel like freaking garbage if
• 53:50
  Speaker 4: they had a C section, if they had infertility, because girl,
• 53:53
  Speaker 4: it's not because you're not dairy free or gluten free organic,
• 53:57
  Speaker 4: it's just it just sucks. It's just that's what happens sometimes.
• 54:01
  Speaker 3: Okay, So let me read you another tweet which is
• 54:04
  Speaker 3: completely in line with this and what made me think
• 54:07
  Speaker 3: about like how we're just turn away from crunchy and
• 54:12
  Speaker 3: it's kind of related to kind of not okay. So
• 54:14
  Speaker 3: it says some women will get weirdly obsessed with berthen
• 54:16
  Speaker 3: in the early face of having children. They want to
• 54:19
  Speaker 3: be duelers, birth and experts, advocates and judge other mothers
• 54:22
  Speaker 3: for decisions they don't agree with.
• 54:25
  Speaker 5: Yeah, when these women.
• 54:26
  Speaker 3: Have four to six, five to six year olds, they
• 54:28
  Speaker 3: don't seem to matter at all. And I see that
• 54:31
  Speaker 3: in so many people who are these crunchy people, and.
• 54:34
  Speaker 5: Also a little bit in myself.
• 54:35
  Speaker 3: Like when I was pregnant, I was so paranoid and
• 54:38
  Speaker 3: like I felt so a need for control because I
• 54:42
  Speaker 3: was so out of control that I would be like, oh,
• 54:45
  Speaker 3: a cervical sweep, Why don't you just kill me? All
• 54:51
  Speaker 3: of these insane things, but like, ultimately just don't matter.
• 54:53
  Speaker 3: It's fine.
• 54:54
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's unfortunate because the people who dominate those spaces,
• 55:00
  Speaker 4: birth spaces, the breastfeeding spaces, they are the most militant
• 55:04
  Speaker 4: and they often have their own trauma that they're working
• 55:07
  Speaker 4: through through the birth work or the breastfeeding work whatever
• 55:10
  Speaker 4: that they're doing. And I had a wonderful lactation consultant
• 55:15
  Speaker 4: when I was when I had my first kid, and
• 55:19
  Speaker 4: I had a really hard time nursaying, and I think
• 55:23
  Speaker 4: everybody does, but it was hard. And she's like, well,
• 55:26
  Speaker 4: I mean you could do X Y Z and like
• 55:30
  Speaker 4: pump and missiles or you just give your kid for me. Yeah,
• 55:34
  Speaker 4: I was just do that and it ended up that
• 55:37
  Speaker 4: I didn't need to give her formula and it was fine,
• 55:39
  Speaker 4: but like she was just so and have that belief.
• 55:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, when so I had a lactation specialist because I
• 55:46
  Speaker 3: was thinking about breastfeeding straight so after giving birth for
• 55:51
  Speaker 3: a couple of weeks and then Daphnie ended up in
• 55:53
  Speaker 3: the neck to you and I. She walked in and
• 55:55
  Speaker 3: I just was like crying and I just felt that
• 55:57
  Speaker 3: and I was like, look, I just my babe, send
• 56:00
  Speaker 3: the nake here.
• 56:00
  Speaker 5: I just can't do this right now, can I'm just
• 56:02
  Speaker 5: going to give it form this?
• 56:04
  Speaker 3: And she was like, no, That's why I became a
• 56:05
  Speaker 3: mactation spacialist because I worked with so many people. I
• 56:11
  Speaker 3: can't remember what she did before, but some kind of
• 56:14
  Speaker 3: postpars some thing, and she said, I worked with so
• 56:17
  Speaker 3: many women who would just kill themselves to do this
• 56:21
  Speaker 3: really hard thing that wasn't working, and they would feel
• 56:24
  Speaker 3: like such failures if they couldn't do it. That I
• 56:26
  Speaker 3: wanted to become a mactation specialist so I could have
• 56:29
  Speaker 3: this conversation, which I love it. You don't need to
• 56:31
  Speaker 3: do this, It's fine.
• 56:33
  Speaker 4: I love it, but we need more of that. I mean,
• 56:35
  Speaker 4: I feel like so many. I was thinking about this yesterday,
• 56:39
  Speaker 4: actually because I don't think it would be right for
• 56:41
  Speaker 4: our sub sect. But I've been low key thinking about
• 56:43
  Speaker 4: writing a piece about how the protein obsession that we're
• 56:48
  Speaker 4: seeing the protein obsession in like nutrition, it's a it's
• 56:52
  Speaker 4: an eating disorder, is women who are justsessed with getting
• 56:57
  Speaker 4: their adequate protein and they are they have They're the
• 57:01
  Speaker 4: same girls, the same women who as girls I remember them.
• 57:05
  Speaker 4: They were purging, they were doing like it's just another
• 57:08
  Speaker 4: form of their eating disorder, and they'd never gotten rid
• 57:11
  Speaker 4: of it. And I was thinking about how so much
• 57:17
  Speaker 4: of my distrust of experts is because they are people
• 57:22
  Speaker 4: who are working through their flaws through their work. Everyone
• 57:28
  Speaker 4: I went to college with who was a nutrition major
• 57:30
  Speaker 4: had an eating disorder. Every single woman in the nutrition
• 57:35
  Speaker 4: program had an eating disorder. That's not an exaggeration. Everyone
• 57:39
  Speaker 4: I knew who was a psych major was psycho.
• 57:44
  Speaker 5: All of that.
• 57:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it checks out everythingarchist that is insane.
• 57:50
  Speaker 4: It was funny because I ran into someone a long
• 57:53
  Speaker 4: time ago and she told me that she was becoming
• 57:58
  Speaker 4: a therapist. And I call a mutual friend of ours,
• 58:02
  Speaker 4: and we both at the exact same moment said it's
• 58:06
  Speaker 4: the blind leading the blind. And when I told the
• 58:10
  Speaker 4: friend that this other person that we knew was going
• 58:14
  Speaker 4: to school to become a therapist, She's like, do they
• 58:18
  Speaker 4: have a hotline? Is there someone we could call at
• 58:21
  Speaker 4: the school? Is there like the opposite of a referral
• 58:25
  Speaker 4: program or reference that we could provide? But no, I mean,
• 58:30
  Speaker 4: it's just so many experts are just.
• 58:33
  Speaker 5: Well on a doc and not.
• 58:35
  Speaker 3: It's kind of the reason that I wanted to write
• 58:37
  Speaker 3: this piece, as well as the couple tweets that I
• 58:39
  Speaker 3: just said to you. So I followed a dueler on
• 58:42
  Speaker 3: Instagram and she specializes in free birth, which is going
• 58:47
  Speaker 3: out into the woods, I'm giving birth and she recently
• 58:54
  Speaker 3: free birthed her twins and lost them both.
• 58:58
  Speaker 4: Oh my god.
• 58:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and has now kind of so I would said
• 59:05
  Speaker 3: that into a birth workshop that she's silent where she
• 59:13
  Speaker 3: talks about how death is just past about a journey,
• 59:16
  Speaker 3: so death is just as good as birth, and that
• 59:20
  Speaker 3: it didn't matter that she didn't choose to or to
• 59:22
  Speaker 3: a hospital or have any scan, so she actually didn't
• 59:25
  Speaker 3: know that she was carrying twins because she never had
• 59:28
  Speaker 3: a single scan.
• 59:31
  Speaker 4: This can I get it? Can just one of our
• 59:35
  Speaker 4: listeners is can is can this person be like reported
• 59:39
  Speaker 4: for like right now?
• 59:41
  Speaker 3: I know, well if I do write this piece, I'm wondering,
• 59:44
  Speaker 3: like I can't name her that way, not because she
• 59:48
  Speaker 3: she I mean like I would be responsible for a lot,
• 59:51
  Speaker 3: because no anybody agrees with this woman.
• 59:54
  Speaker 4: You know, if like rewinding to like don't shames someone,
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 4: but if she's profiting off of the decision that killed
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 4: her children, name her, name her with no shame.
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 3: But what you just said, it's like it's somebody repackaging
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 3: their own grief, you know that she caused she I know,
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 4: It's it's like like, obviously it's sociopathy. It's on the
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 4: level that I can.
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 5: Without knowing this too.
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 4: I mean I think so radio. No I've never carried twins, No.
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 3: Neither ride but anyway, yeah, I mean, like obviously terrible decision.
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 3: Modern medicine is great, particularly the twins because the complication rates.
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 5: And drastically increases, you know.
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and now she's selling it's kind of comical if
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 3: it wasn't so tragic. She's selling like birth in packages.
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 4: And think if it as doing her favor, you're helping
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 4: give her publicity for her birthday package about how to
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 4: kill your baby.
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 3: I mean it definitely the interview because she's very like
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 3: active in the comments actual and people are comments and
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 3: she's like very active. I know she would speak to me,
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 3: but it just seems like knocking something.
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 4: She's not down. She's completely unapologetic about making a decision
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 4: that led to the deaths of two children.
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 3: I know it's insane, but yeah, that's basically so I
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 3: read that. I well, I watched these videos because she
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 3: makes a lot of videos. I'll send you here one
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 3: thing and.
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 4: That I honestly don't I can't take it.
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 3: And that in conjunction with like those multiple other tweets
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 3: of like why do we obsess o with birth?
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 5: Like why do we make you?
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 3: It's definitely definitely a control thing. I think me and
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 3: you have spoken about this before that you just feel
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 3: so like you need to take some control.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 4: It's funny. So one of the first like mommy blog
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 4: pieces that I ever did, like mommy blog, like writing
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 4: a piece about anything motherhood, there's actually about free birthers. Yeah,
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 4: and it was for PJ Media. I don't know if
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 4: anyone like can go back twelve years on PJ Media
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 4: ten years, no more than that, ten more than ten,
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 4: and the hate that I got was insane, Like these
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 4: people are certifiably insane.
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, you should.
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 4: You absolutely have to write this piece and you have
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 4: to say her name and entered. I mean I demand that,
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 4: I demand it.
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 3: Well, I mean it's just interesting that, like it just
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 3: shows that all of these experts, I mean, they don't
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 3: even label themselves this experts. Everybody can be And I
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 3: had a dudler and she was great and no crazy,
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 3: so it's not all of them. But like you can
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 3: repackage something that you messed up and then set it
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 3: on to other vulnerable people who will listen to you.
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 3: Because social media is I think.
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 4: One of the best pieces I'm sure I've said it
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 4: on the podcast before, one of the best pieces of
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 4: advice that I ever got about like social media and
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 4: like my their hood was, you know, back in the
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 4: day when you would ask for advice, like at your
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 4: church group or whatever, like among other mothers at the playground,
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 4: you could see who you were getting advice from, and
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 4: so you could see like the women with feral children,
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 4: not the person I'm going to listen to the mom
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 4: of like six kids who are all nice and well behaved,
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 4: like that's the woman I'm going to listen to. On
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 4: the internet, there's no ability to discern who is who,
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 4: and the people with the strongest mommy opinions are the
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 4: worst parents, and so that's who dominates all of these
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 4: mommy spaces are the crazy people, which is why we
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 4: wanted to start the mom Wars, and.
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 3: Also because it shows that like normal people are so
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 3: susceptible too this crab online, Like I certainly freaked myselfs
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 3: out about such stuff that I didn't need to worry about,
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 3: and so did you.
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah, all right, well now I.
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 3: E fact, now I pay effect and we're winding about everything.
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 4: Obviously, that's why we're here. That's why we're podcasting, because
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 4: I have to hear it from the experts. I love
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 4: that we're recording this early because by the time people
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 4: listen to it, they will hopefully be able to read
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 4: at least some of the things we're talking about. Yeah,
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 4: for sure, you've just sounded so American.
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 5: I know, I know, so good it for sure? Now
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 5: what else do I say?
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 3: I do an impassonomic Hey you got damn god damn
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 3: say the most American thing?
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 5: He says, it's so comical.
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 4: All right? Until next week, Please subscribe to the substack
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 4: themom wars dot subsack dot com, the podcast. Please leave
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 4: us reviews right now. We only have two reviews, and
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 4: one of them makes fun of me, so please dilute
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 4: that review and leave us a nice review. Until next week,
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 4: let's saddle up.
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 1: M Ricochet joined the conversation.