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My First Psychic Reading: Red Car, Yellow Car 🔮 · The Psychic Explorer

0:08
Hello, I'm Matt, and I think I'm a psychic medium.
0:16
I've always been interested in the paranormal
0:18
and the spooky, and although I've been open to
0:20
it, I've also tried to err on the skeptical side.
0:24
After all, I didn't think I had had any experiences,
0:27
and I certainly never thought it would have any
0:29
impact on my life. But that was then. Now I want
0:40
to explore where this gift will take me. In my
0:44
podcast I'll be exploring the challenges of discovering
0:47
a spiritual gift, the long path of development
0:49
and how this new page of my life is affecting
0:52
relationships with friends, family and myself.
0:58
So I invite you to join me as I explore my psychic
1:01
and spiritual journey as my inner skeptic and
1:04
inner medium go head -to -head in The Psychic
1:07
Explorer. Thank you so much guys for coming back
1:16
to me This podcast has been an idea that's been
1:19
going around in my head for the past couple of
1:21
months And I didn't really know how I was going
1:23
to start But I thought I'm off ill this week.
1:26
Let's start it. This is a good opportunity But
1:29
a word of warning to any budding podcasters out
1:32
there Don't start a podcast when you've got a
1:34
hacking cough. The editing is horrendous But
1:38
I'm really glad that you've come back to me.
1:40
So thank you so much. I really appreciate it
1:43
In this episode, I want to talk about the next
1:46
step in my development and that was attending
1:49
a spiritual awareness course with my sister and
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I want to discuss where that led, how that made
1:55
me feel the validations I got from it and the
1:59
lessons I learned from it as well. So I was starting
2:03
to feel things which I hadn't felt before. I
2:07
knew things about people that there's no way
2:10
I would have or should have known. them I was
2:14
having movie rules in my head play about people's
2:20
day -to -day lives I felt like I was getting
2:24
communication from another source and the only
2:28
thing I could associate that with was people
2:31
who had already died because I was seeing them
2:34
so clearly and feeling them so clearly when I
2:37
was doing my meditations but I was very much
2:40
well Is this just my imagination or is there
2:45
something deeper? It feels like there's something
2:48
deeper but I'm also in the middle of grief and
2:52
not even in the middle of it. At the very beginning
2:55
of grief, mama died just a couple of months before.
2:58
We have just had her funeral and we were learning
3:04
to live without her. This was a woman who I called
3:08
several times a week. often I would call her
3:11
and her phone would be engaged or vice versa
3:14
because we'd be calling each other at the same
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time and she was the only person that I knew
3:20
who had any contact with this world of paranormal
3:26
of psychics and mediums of spooky and I had no
3:32
idea where to turn I looked online I messaged
3:37
some people that I thought might be able to help
3:39
me and it was all dead ends. So when my sister
3:44
suggested that we go to the spiritualist church
3:47
in our local town I thought you know what I'm
3:50
getting nowhere on my own let's try it see what
3:53
it's like. I guess I had hoped that mum would
3:58
have come through because you know if you go
4:01
and see a medium you want your loved ones to
4:04
come through. and that was in the back of my
4:09
mind but I think what I really needed was validation.
4:15
So when we went to this church and we weren't
4:17
impressed by the medium who was there by the
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way, who did not bring mum through, they just
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so happened to talk about a spiritual awareness
4:24
course that was starting in the next couple of
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weeks and this was for people who were just starting
4:30
out on their journey and there was no experience
4:34
needed. and no expectation either. It was for
4:40
two hours every Sunday evening for four weeks,
4:43
five pound per session, and I thought, you know
4:45
what, if the worst that comes out of this is
4:48
that I lose 20 quid, then hey, I'm happy with
4:52
that. That's a bet I'm willing to lose, that's
4:54
fine. So after a couple of weeks, I drive to
4:59
my sister's and I pick her up. We drive into
5:02
town and We walk into the same building where
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just a couple of weeks before this medium had
5:10
told us that our grandmother was speaking Spanish
5:12
to us. I was full of doubt. I was full of skepticism.
5:19
But I was also aware that this is one of the
5:21
few places who could tell me what was going on
5:24
with me. All the things I was feeling... was
5:27
getting validated by the people. However, I needed
5:30
that validation from someone who I perceived
5:33
as an authority, someone who was into this. I
5:38
needed someone to tell me, hey, you have just
5:42
lost your mum and you are in the throes of grief
5:45
and you need to see a therapist. Or I needed
5:49
someone to say, actually, what you are describing
5:53
and saying is possible. And not only is it possible,
5:58
but you are doing it. And honestly, I was okay
6:01
with both. Like, if I was going crazy, that's
6:04
fine. I would rather go crazy than make a fool
6:07
of myself. Because let's be honest, I just lost
6:10
my mom in an awful way. People are going to understand
6:12
that. People are less likely to understand, oh,
6:16
I can talk to dead people. That's not something
6:18
that was ever on my radar. And also I was really
6:23
self -conscious of the idea that people might
6:25
think I was joining a cult. I didn't want people
6:29
to think that I was being taken for a ride. I
6:32
didn't want people to think less of me. There
6:35
are people in my family who to this day I have
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not told because I know they would think I am
6:44
either a victim of someone conning me And how
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naive and how stupid was I to allow myself to
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do that? Someone who my whole life had been very
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proud, had been very independent, had been very
7:03
headstrong and have known what I wanted to do
7:07
and have gone out and done it. And the idea that
7:10
I'm letting myself open to hookers, pokers and
7:14
sorcery. That was more painful to me than the
7:19
idea that I was losing my mind through depression
7:23
and through grief. One of the strongest impressions
7:27
that I had quite literally a day after mum died
7:33
was life is for living, so live it. And I was
7:37
really worried that by stepping onto this road
7:42
I was not doing that. I was actually going backwards.
7:47
into grief but the feelings and the impressions
7:51
I had and were having were so strong I just could
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not ignore them I really couldn't so my sister
8:01
and I we walked up to this church and we walked
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through the doors and there was that same smell
8:09
that smell of mothballs and brass polish and
8:15
an old 1930s building that bangs and creaks and
8:20
everything else that goes with an old hall that's
8:24
only opened up a few times a week and I kept
8:27
myself to myself. We met the person who was leading
8:33
the circle and she welcomed us and we were invited
8:39
to sit in a circle with everyone else there and
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I have to admit it went through my mind. Oh my
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God, am I sat in a room full of crazy people?
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Am I being taken for a ride? What is going on
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here? But we stayed and we opened up with meditation
9:01
and every session we opened up with a meditation
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and because that meditation was guided I wasn't
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the meditations I was doing at home I was taking
9:12
myself through through them I wasn't talking
9:14
to myself but in my head I was saying now watch
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your breathing how you sat go here go there blah
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blah blah blah blah but when someone else guides
9:23
you through a meditation you're able to let go
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that much more you're able to go deeper because
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you are not conscious because you're not having
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to focus on the method of the meditation. You're
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just taking, you're just going for it. You are
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just being guided and it's lovely. And maybe
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because I was that much deeper, the impression
9:45
and the sense of mum's presence was that much
9:48
stronger. I felt her. She had a hand on each
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of our legs as we sat next to each other and
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the sense of peace, the sense of calm, the sense
9:57
of love from her was wonderful. It was really
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lovely. and then I noticed there was something
10:06
else and I thought there's people behind us and
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it wasn't anything visual it was just a knowing
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it was a sensing that grandparents were behind
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us great aunties, great uncles, great grandparents
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were all behind us because I'm pretty lucky I
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don't have a lot of experience with death the
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people who have gone have gone when it's their
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time. My mum was the only person who went what
10:38
I consider to be way before her time and in a
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tragic circumstance everyone else died of natural
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causes or ailments in their old age. So that
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for me was perfectly normal and I just felt this
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sense of guidance coming from behind me and it
10:56
was lovely because I think I could actually differentiate
11:00
the different individuals. both my grandparents,
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my great aunties, I could feel them and I could
11:08
feel their personalities. And I opened up my
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eyes and I said, did you feel that? And she said
11:14
to me, well, I was on a hill and the wind was
11:18
blowing in my hair. And we never discussed the
11:23
meditations in the circle, partly because meditations
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are so private, but also because it takes a lot
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of time. to discuss them if you've got a group
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of seven or eight people and you spend five minutes
11:36
each person discussing your meditation that's
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half the session gone and you could be using
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that session for practice I remember when we
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went around the group and everyone introduced
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themselves and I was so conscious I was not wanting
11:56
to keep anything away I was aware of my body
12:00
language, I was aware of my facial expressions,
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I was aware of what I was saying. My sister,
12:06
however, she was a little miss chatterbox. She
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was telling people about her dogs, she was telling
12:12
people about her work, she was telling people
12:14
about her hobbies, what she likes to do. And
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in my head I'm thinking, shut up, stop telling
12:20
them everything about you because if you tell
12:23
them about you... They know and I want validation.
12:27
I want proof that Something's going on here.
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If you can pull something out of a reading that
12:34
you should have no idea about That's the validation
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I was looking for but my sister was telling everyone
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a lot about herself But that's just my sister.
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She's she's a chatterbox. She never said anything
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about mum, which I was really grateful for because
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If she was going to come through, I want it to
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be because she was coming through, not because
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someone knew something or had heard talk about
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mum. So when we were asked to introduce ourselves
13:02
with our names and not even a general backstory,
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but just like why they were there, I made a conscious
13:10
effort to say, my name is Matt. I've recently
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suffered a loss and something's happening. I
13:17
think a door has opened, but I am naturally very
13:22
skeptical because that was my protection. If
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people knew that I was skeptical they were maybe
13:27
less likely to take the piss out of me or less
13:30
likely to take me for a fall. So during the early
13:35
part of the awareness course we were told about
13:39
the aura and there were some activities around
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that. One of the activities. And for those who
13:45
don't know the aura is believed to be this field
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around each and every one of us which holds every
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memory, holds every emotion that we've ever been
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through and ever had. The one activity we were
13:59
asked to do was to pair off and one person would
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stand with their eyes closed and the other person
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would stand behind them and the person standing
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behind them would put their hands out and they
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would place their hands in what was called the
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auric field. And as I say that, I feel really
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uncomfortable saying that phrase because it does
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sound woo woo. And yeah, something about it just
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makes me feel a little bit... But you basically
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are putting your hand in someone's aura and you're
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not touching them. But the idea is that the person
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pushes their hand forward and they pull their
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hand back. they push their hand forward again
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and they pull their hand back again and what
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you will see is that the person in front who
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has their eyes closed and doesn't know when you're
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doing it or the rhythm you're doing it in will
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naturally start to move and rock back and forth
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and it's interesting because it does it does
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happen you know most every time I open up my
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eyes I was swaying quite violently like back
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and forth Now is that because the person is manipulating
15:14
you through your aura or is it because You have
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your eyes closed and You move when you have your
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eyes closed even as I'm talking to you now on
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this microphone I'm sat cross -legged and my
15:29
body is moving back and forth So if I'm getting
15:33
louder and quieter louder and quieter, that is
15:35
why It's something that naturally happens so
15:41
I was a bit like, I don't know about that one.
15:45
That's a bit subjective for my liking. There
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definitely is something to being able to feel
15:52
someone in your presence. I mean, we've all heard
15:55
and spoken about being in someone's personal
15:59
space. We can all feel someone who is too close.
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Even if you can't see them, you can feel that
16:04
someone is close to you. So there's something
16:07
in that that I am convinced of whether or not
16:10
you can manipulate their movement through Pushing
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and putting their aura for me. The jury is still
16:17
out on that one then we moved on to another activity
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and This was about colors. So we were split into
16:25
two equal groups one went on one side of the
16:27
hall and the other went on the other and we were
16:30
stood opposite our partners on opposite sides
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of the room and One person was to think of a
16:38
color and the person opposite was to try and
16:41
tap into that person's aura and suggest the color
16:46
that they were thinking of. So black, white,
16:49
pink, brown, green, yellow, orange, all these
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colors all came out and inevitably no, no, no,
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no was followed very shortly afterwards as we
17:02
all got it wrong. And then one person got it
17:04
right And I was like, yay, it works. And I was
17:08
thinking, no, no, it doesn't. One out of seven
17:11
is not working. That's just a lucky guess. And
17:15
again, that for me was too subjective. I needed
17:19
something you could validate. So I would drive
17:22
my sister home after these sessions and we would
17:25
discuss what we thought about it. And what was
17:28
interesting is that we would almost be always
17:31
in agreement. We would say, Yeah, I can take
17:35
X and Y. There's something in that maybe, but
17:38
A, B and C, no way. There needs to be more to
17:42
it than that. So my sister was giving me that
17:46
confirmation that I wasn't just being an ass.
17:49
I wasn't being difficult. She was seeing the
17:54
flaws in some of the activities as well. And
17:57
that's great because there were some points where
18:00
I thought, Oh God, I'm in the wrong place. This
18:04
is definitely not me. What am I doing? But I
18:07
thought, give it the benefit of the doubt because
18:10
again, 20 quid and I'm really glad I did because
18:14
after that we moved on to psychic workshops.
18:18
And as it's generally known, psychic is tapping
18:21
in soul to soul. So if I'm sat down with you,
18:26
for example, I'm not trying to see who is around
18:29
you spiritually. I'm just trying to tap into
18:33
you, not mind reading, just trying to see what
18:38
impressions I get, what feelings I get from you.
18:41
And that was interesting because there was a
18:43
woman at the group who for some reason I immediately
18:49
clicked with. I didn't really even talk to her
18:51
too much but there was just something where we
18:54
saw each other from across the room. I mean she
18:57
may not feel this way about it and she will tell
19:00
me if I'm wrong on this one but for me I felt
19:04
like oh kindred spirit there or I just felt an
19:07
affinity to this lady and it was lovely. She
19:12
was very gentle and she had said that you know
19:16
she dips in and she dips out of this but she
19:19
always comes back to it throughout her whole
19:21
life. She's always gone in, she's gone out but
19:23
she's always gone back to it and When we were
19:26
asked to pair up to do a psychic reading, we
19:30
looked at each other from across the room and
19:32
we just knew we were going to read for each other.
19:34
So we took ourselves off into a corner and we
19:36
sat down. Now we knew nothing about one another.
19:41
I was still very conscious that I did not want
19:43
to talk about myself. I did not want to give
19:45
anything away. And I knew nothing about this
19:51
person either. And can I say I do have her permission
19:55
to talk about this. I have asked her and she's
19:57
happy for me to talk about it. I would never
20:00
discuss a personal reading without that person's
20:03
permission. That's far too disrespectful. So
20:06
we sat across from one another and when you go
20:09
to circle there's always the awkward, do you
20:11
go first or do I go first? So I think on this
20:15
one I asked her to go first because remember
20:18
in my head everyone is way more... experienced
20:22
in this even if they're not. I am the newbie,
20:25
I am the one who's not so sure, everyone else
20:28
here is here because they fully believe it and
20:30
I'm not so I want her to go first. We sit down
20:35
and she closes her eyes and she opens them suddenly
20:40
and she just looks at me and she starts to tear
20:42
up and she says there's just an incredible amount
20:47
of sadness around you. I can just feel the sadness
20:51
coming from you. And she wasn't wrong. I was
20:55
very sad at that time. But I tried not to let
20:58
it show. And she started to tear up. And she
21:02
said to me, I just want to give you a massive
21:05
hug. I just want to give you a big hug. And she
21:08
said, there's a female around you. And there's
21:12
just so much love. So much love and so much pride
21:15
around you. Hey guys, it's Matt here. If you're
21:23
enjoying this episode, why not reach out to me
21:25
on my Instagram? You can find me at the .psychic
21:30
.explorer. Reach out, say hi. I'd love to know
21:34
who's out there. Don't forget to like and subscribe
21:41
and all that jazz. But for now, let's get back
21:44
to my first ever psychic reading. Enjoy, guys.
21:50
So then it was my turn and the first impression
21:53
I got from her was her workplace. I'm not going
21:57
to say exactly where she works, but the feeling
21:59
that I had from her was that there was something
22:02
to do with telephones, like a call center or
22:05
something like that. And it had something to
22:08
do with emergency services. I saw her in police
22:11
or paramedics. That was the feeling that I got
22:15
from it straight away. I didn't say anything
22:18
to her because I thought that was way too out
22:20
there. And I wish I had because at a later date
22:23
we went for a drink afterwards and she said to
22:26
me, oh, can you guess what I do? And I then went
22:30
on to explain how I felt and what I saw her in.
22:34
And she looked at me and said, oh my god, Matt,
22:37
you can't believe how close you are. Something
22:40
along those lines. And she does work in... emergency
22:44
services and she does work in an office or department
22:48
where all the telephone calls go into. So that
22:51
was a lesson that if you have these thoughts
22:54
or images come to mind don't keep quiet just
22:58
say it. If you see it say it it's a good rule
23:01
of thumb with psychic and mediumship. So I don't
23:05
know why I didn't say anything about her job
23:06
because what came next was even more random.
23:10
I said to her, I'm seeing a holly, holly berries
23:13
around you. That's like a holly. I'm also seeing
23:16
a dog. Then I said to her, there's a really ornate
23:21
lamp in the corner of your room. And I went on
23:25
to describe it. The stem is really slim, but
23:30
tall and near the top, it goes out on both sides.
23:33
It goes out towards the top. I think it was your
23:37
nan's. There's something about your nan around
23:39
it. And I also said that I saw the colour lime.
23:44
So like a lime green around her. At this point
23:48
I've got my eyes firmly shut because I'm searching
23:51
in the dark of my mind to try and scrabble something
23:54
together. And I open my eyes and she's looking
23:59
at me with her mouth open and she says, I can't
24:02
believe how close you are and what you're saying,
24:04
Matt. And I said, well, tell me, what is it?
24:07
And she said, outside my kitchen window there's
24:11
a huge holly bush or it surrounds my kitchen
24:14
window I think she said and I was looking out
24:17
of it today and thought I must cut it back because
24:19
it's stopping the light coming into my kitchen
24:21
I thought well that's interesting could have
24:25
been a coincidence but fine interesting then
24:28
she said about the dog that she didn't have one
24:31
however she was on the phone to her brother that
24:33
very day and he was thinking of getting a dog
24:36
Again, slightly tenuous but interesting still.
24:41
And then she described the light. Now I know
24:43
what you're going to say and this is what I thought
24:45
and this is what I said. Who doesn't have a lamp
24:47
in the corner of their room? And she said, but
24:50
Matt, the way that you were describing it is
24:52
exactly what it is. And she later sent me a photo
24:55
of it. It was completely different to how I saw
24:59
it in my mind's eye, but the way that I was describing
25:01
it was spot on. I was saying it was really ornate.
25:03
It was very... slender and it went up quite tall
25:07
and then went out in two different directions
25:10
towards the top and the way I was seeing it in
25:12
my head was the old Victorian gas lamps the big
25:16
tall ones with the two metal rods almost coming
25:20
out at the neck before where the actual gas lamp
25:23
is that's what I was seeing in my head but the
25:26
way that I was describing it was not that it
25:28
was something more and she sent me the photo
25:32
and it's not Tiffany style lamp where the stem
25:34
is the figure of a woman and the woman is reaching
25:39
up so it's a very slender tall stem and at the
25:42
top her arms go out towards the sides and so
25:47
the two bits that go out towards the sides and
25:49
that was really interesting I thought wow okay
25:53
when I saw that photo afterwards I was struck
25:55
and she said it wasn't my Nan's however in the
25:58
photo that she sent me later on that night there
26:00
was a photo of her Nan underneath it and she
26:03
said that photo is always there underneath that
26:06
lamp. So I'm sat there and I'm getting mildly
26:12
excited that, okay, this is the type of validation
26:16
that I'm looking for. The things that I'm saying
26:19
are right or they're true. And again, always
26:24
in the back of my mind, there's that skeptic
26:26
saying, yeah, but, you know, lucky guess or,
26:28
well, it's not exactly spot on. You didn't say
26:30
a Tiffany lamp. You didn't say, a holly bush
26:33
outside her kitchen. But it was close enough
26:37
that it really piqued my curiosity. And then
26:41
suddenly an image of a red car came into my mind.
26:45
And it was only a small car, it didn't look like
26:48
a Fiat. And I said to her, oh, do you have a
26:50
red car? And she said, no, I don't have a red
26:52
car. And my mind's eye saw the red car change
26:56
to a yellow car. It was actually the same model.
27:01
I said, oh, is it a yellow car? And she said,
27:04
no, it's not. And I just thought, oh, OK, now
27:07
my brain is coming into it, and just quit while
27:11
you're ahead, Matt. Don't try and make yourself
27:15
out to be any better than you actually are. So
27:18
I was really pleased with what I'd come up with
27:20
and the validations that she was able to give
27:23
me. So my sister and I, we walked to the car
27:26
park that night, and we were having our usual
27:28
conversation about how it went. um what was said
27:33
what we agreed with what we didn't agree with
27:35
what we got right what we got wrong and we walked
27:38
down to the underground car park and i put the
27:40
ticket into the machine to pay and as i put my
27:44
card in i turned around to the ticket barrier
27:46
and there was a little red car that drove up
27:49
to the ticket barrier and it was a little fiat
27:51
similar to what i saw in in my mind's eye earlier
27:54
on and i thought oh that's interesting you know
27:57
red car but How many red cars are there on the
28:01
road? Millions. Honestly paid it absolutely no
28:04
mind whatsoever. Continue to talk to my sister
28:08
and took a ticket from the machine and turned
28:11
around again and the red car has gone out of
28:13
the barrier only to be followed by exactly the
28:17
same model of a yellow car and I stopped my sister
28:20
and I said oh my god that is weird and it was
28:27
that that got me, it was that that hit me that
28:30
I thought there is something deeper going on.
28:33
You can take your aura stuff, that's not for
28:36
me, but in that moment I felt, ooh, it's like
28:41
I've got some sort of superpower here, this is
28:43
strange. I am able to bring things forward, I'm
28:47
able to, it's random stuff, don't get me wrong,
28:51
it's not like I can control what comes through
28:53
or what I want to see. but it's just random stuff
28:56
and these random things are then happening. And
29:01
I thought, what is this? I can't put my finger
29:04
on it, but I am beginning to, and I'm beginning
29:07
to feel the edge of whatever this is. And I thought,
29:12
where does it go? What does this do? And how
29:16
much more am I able to develop this? So I kept
29:20
going. And eventually my sister took a step back
29:24
and I will be forever grateful for her for supporting
29:28
me on that first step. She was able to push me
29:31
along even as she felt that she could not participate
29:35
in it as much as I could. The fact that she did
29:38
go just for me until I felt comfortable to go
29:41
on my own, I'll always be grateful and I love
29:44
my little sister to bits. Just full of gratitude
29:47
to her for supporting me as I took my first steps
29:51
on this journey. and for always encouraging me
29:54
as well. Thanks little sister, that really meant
29:57
the world to me. And then we developed onto mediumship.
30:03
And I saw it as two separate things, psychic
30:06
and mediumship, not the same thing. And I thought,
30:11
can I even do it? Like there's something going
30:14
on with the psychic stuff, fine, because that
30:17
can be validated. But up until that stage, What
30:21
I perceived as communication or messages from
30:24
those who are no longer here couldn't be validated.
30:28
In my head it was literally in my head and the
30:32
messages I felt I was getting were very comforting
30:34
but who to say that just was not my head and
30:38
especially my grieving brain trying to protect
30:42
me. In my head psychic and mediumship were very
30:47
different however My gut said something different,
30:52
that it came from the same source and that it
30:55
was possible. I had not expected to step into
30:59
that so quickly and so soon. And especially since
31:05
this is all kicked off, but it's true to say
31:09
beforehand I've always said follow your gut and
31:12
my gut was saying lean in to the readings. And
31:19
we were introduced to other elements such as
31:21
cards, psychometry, reading photos, and I'll
31:26
talk about all those in another episode. The
31:28
cards, that chimes with me. However, the psychometry
31:33
and the reading photos, I just got too much in
31:40
my head with those things. I read the story of
31:44
the object. of how it looks, how it feels, how
31:47
it smells, what the person looked like with his
31:49
smiling. I read that more than I read the energy
31:52
of it. So for me, I felt like I was being drawn
31:56
more towards the readings. And when we started
32:00
mediumship readings, I really got in my own head.
32:04
I thought I was making it all up. I held everyone
32:08
else in such high regards because in only a few
32:11
weeks, we had gone from knowing I had gone from
32:17
knowing almost nothing about all this to now
32:21
being asked to bring through someone's loved
32:25
one who had passed years ago. That was a big
32:29
step and I was thinking surely this takes years
32:32
before anyone gets to this stage and now I am
32:35
being encouraged to do this within three weeks
32:40
of stepping through this door. It's just too
32:43
soon, surely. This is not how it works. So because
32:47
of my own preconceptions, I had a lot of self
32:50
-doubt. There was a huge part of me that thought,
32:53
this is not possible. But there was also a small
32:58
glimmer within me. And it was that gut feeling
33:02
that says that psychic and medium comes from
33:05
the same source saying, you can and you will.
33:12
And the hardest thing to do when you start reading,
33:16
so you're sat or you're stood there and you're
33:18
thinking, I want to say this, but what if it's
33:21
wrong? And if the first thing I say is wrong,
33:25
how does that make me look? And what a lesson
33:28
that is to learn, not just in spirituality or
33:33
mediumship or psychic awareness, but in life
33:36
as well, to be able to say, I might get this
33:40
wrong. But I had to learn to think and get over
33:44
it. Get out of your own head and just say it
33:47
because once you say the first thing, the rest
33:49
will flow. So I'd be sat there in front of someone
33:55
and I'd be saying stuff like regenerative stuff.
33:59
Things like I've got an elderly lady here. I
34:03
think she's your grandmother. There's an apron.
34:07
There's a rolling pin. There's cats around her.
34:11
um and it was pretty generic and I thought oh
34:16
I really am just making this up and I felt so
34:18
awkward because it's so cliche but after one
34:23
or two readings went like that I found a quiet
34:26
confidence because even though some of the stuff
34:29
that I was saying was cliche to someone it was
34:33
true someone's grandmother had died someone's
34:38
grandmother had worn an apron, and she was known
34:42
for her cooking, and she did have cats. So these
34:46
stereotypes that we place on mediums and we place
34:51
on fake readers, yes, they are easy to say and
34:54
they are cliche, but if you are feeling it, and
34:57
if that person you feel you are bringing through
35:00
was that, then who are you to say, no, I can't
35:05
say that because it's too cliche? And then once
35:10
I did a couple of readings where really random
35:14
things came out, that's when I got excited. And
35:18
I thought, wow. And I remember being amazed,
35:22
absolutely amazed and getting in the car and
35:25
driving home and being high as a kite because
35:28
you think, wow, where did that come from? And
35:31
I can't believe that that really random thing
35:34
that I said was right. and then you start doing
35:38
more and you start getting more of it and you
35:40
think, wow, this is incredible. I'm validating
35:43
what I'm saying. And it's amazing how quickly
35:46
that becomes normal. I'm almost envious of when
35:53
I first started out on this journey because I'd
35:56
come home. If I had got one or two nuggets of
35:59
information correct during a whole two hour session
36:03
at Circle, I came away ecstatic and I was buzzing
36:09
for the whole night. Now I can come away from
36:15
a two -hour circle having given three readings
36:18
to three separate sitters bringing through three
36:22
separate loved ones with three separate messages
36:25
and this is not me blowing my own horn by the
36:27
way this is just an example of how normal the
36:32
excitement or how normal it almost becomes because
36:35
I can come away from a circle now having done
36:38
that and I'm like, yeah, that was a good night.
36:40
I didn't go home and watch TV. And if you stop
36:44
and think about it, it's just amazing. It's phenomenal.
36:47
If you are willing to suspend disbelief, it's
36:52
just amazing. And when I think about it, and
36:57
as I sit here, talking to you about this. I'm
37:02
conscious that a big theme of both these episodes
37:06
have been about my skepticism and I'm noticing
37:09
as I'm talking to you that that skepticism is
37:14
washing away, that I'm becoming more comfortable
37:17
with the idea that I am able to do this because
37:22
the validations I've had from those sittings
37:26
reminds me that there's something in this that
37:29
these communications, these impressions I'm getting
37:34
from somewhere mean something to the people I'm
37:38
giving them to. And they mean something more
37:41
often than they don't. So the Spiritual Awareness
37:46
course was good for me. It started a bit woo
37:49
-woo, but I found my groove with it and it allowed
37:53
me to expand and it allowed me to become more
37:58
comfortable and it's just struck me that actually
38:03
I am comfortable with being uncomfortable. It's
38:08
okay to question, it's important to question
38:12
and I do and I will continue to. The course allowed
38:20
me to meet like -minded people who are in a similar
38:23
situation to me those who knew there was something
38:27
going on and needed somewhere to explore that.
38:31
There were also people there who were in the
38:35
throes of grief. And I will talk about this on
38:39
another episode about using circle, about using
38:44
development as grief therapy. I learned that
38:51
I will always be the skeptical one in the group.
38:54
There are some who are more willing to accept
38:56
whatever comes through. Whereas I feel sorry
39:00
for those who ever read me because I do think
39:03
I'm a hard sitter. I do not make it fit and I
39:07
don't believe you should. If it's not right for
39:10
you then you need to say it. Don't make it fit.
39:13
But I do wonder if I'm sometimes too rigid. If
39:17
it's not right exact now I tend to disregard
39:21
it. And I want to remind you of the very first
39:24
psychic reading I ever gave that I was speaking
39:27
about earlier on to my friend. She couldn't take
39:32
some of the things I was saying, the red car,
39:34
the yellow car, the lime. But actually, the red
39:39
car and the yellow car, I feel that came to fruition
39:43
less than an hour later. And then there was the
39:48
lime. Now I had completely forgotten about this
39:52
until I'd messaged my friend asked her permission
39:55
to talk about her reading in this podcast and
39:59
In her message she said do you remember the lime
40:02
green that you said you saw around me? I said
40:05
no not at all But she reminded me that I had
40:08
said this it was something that she could not
40:10
take and she didn't understand it at that time
40:13
and In her message she said to me, but it wasn't
40:17
until months later on, she realised that the
40:22
colour of the walls in her work are all lime
40:26
green. So she's literally surrounded by lime
40:29
green. So there's the example of when you're
40:33
in a reading and somebody says no, and you want
40:36
the ground to swallow you up, actually that no
40:40
can turn into a yes. And that's also something
40:44
I'm going to be talking about in another episode
40:46
about the no's. that sometimes the no's are needed
40:51
and you shouldn't make things fit because if
40:53
you make things fit then you are doing neither
40:56
your sitter or the medium any favors. I really
41:04
enjoyed this spiritual awareness course and after
41:06
those four weeks it turned into a regular circle
41:11
where the people from the course attended some
41:15
step back new people came and joined and It was
41:20
somewhere to go every Tuesday evening to experiment
41:26
to be in the company of like -minded people and
41:31
For really relaxing meditations, but more than
41:35
that it was somewhere To get the validations
41:40
that I needed at that time validation from the
41:47
sitter validation from the people that run the
41:52
course that I did or didn't need therapy or that
41:57
I was or I wasn't receiving the messages I felt
42:01
I was receiving and honestly I would have been
42:04
happy with either or for someone to say no you're
42:10
You are clearly being affected by what has happened
42:13
to you this year But that didn't happen The validations
42:19
came The things that I was saying The impressions
42:23
I was feeling The words I was using to give my
42:29
messages They were all validated I would sit
42:35
in front of someone and say a phrase or say in
42:40
a way or look a certain way which is not me and
42:45
the person in front of me would say wow that
42:48
was my mum or wow that was my dad that's what
42:51
they used to say that's how they used to look
42:53
at me and it's such a strange awkward feeling
42:57
sometimes when you're sat in front of someone
43:00
and you say something you say a word or a phrase
43:04
that you wouldn't normally use and this person
43:09
burst into tears of joy because to them that
43:13
is proof that their loved one is still around
43:17
them and still guiding them and still there for
43:21
them. How would I know how a person looked or
43:26
a way that they used a phrase? I wouldn't. I
43:29
don't. But it comes out and it's validated and
43:34
I think actually now I think about it, now I'm
43:36
sat here and I'm talking about this over the
43:38
past two episodes I think truly the validation
43:42
I really needed was a validation from myself
43:44
the confirmation that what I was saying and how
43:48
I was feeling was right that gut instinct that
43:52
this is coming from somewhere else this is not
43:54
coming from within me this is coming from somewhere
43:57
else that was confirmed And what a wonderful
44:03
way to end that. If you don't believe in yourself
44:07
then no one else will. And I don't say that with
44:12
any grain of cockiness or egotism to that. I
44:20
strongly believe that in this journey that I'm
44:23
taking it's important to remain humble. But I
44:28
did need that confidence and that confirmation
44:30
and I'm getting there with it. I am definitely
44:34
getting there with it compared to how I was.
44:38
So on that note guys, I'm going to leave it there.
44:42
I hope you found that interesting. And if you're
44:45
in a position where you're not sure where to
44:48
go, I would just suggest to have a look online
44:51
and see where your local spiritual churches,
44:54
reach out to them and see if they have any circles
44:58
running or any spiritual awareness courses running.
45:01
You don't have to go for the full hog of going
45:05
on every Sunday. I don't. But you can cherry
45:10
pick to develop and to get that validation. So
45:16
in the next episode, I want to talk about my
45:20
first readings outside of Circle for family members
45:23
and for a friend. I hope you join me for next
45:28
time. Take care, guys. Bye.