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We All Have A Big Problem We Must Overcome: We Are wired For Survival Not Success · The Missing Secret Podcast

• 0:04
  Kelly Hatfield: We believe life is precious. This is it. We've got one shot at this. It's on us to live life to the fullest to maximize what we've been given and play the game of life at our full potential.
• 0:17
  John Mitchell: Are you living up to your potential? Are you frustrated that despite your best intentions, you just can't seem to make the changes needed to take things to the next level. So you can impact your career relationships and health.
• 0:31
  Kelly Hatfield: If this is hitting home, you're in the right place. Our mission is to open the door to the exceptional life by showing you how to play the game of life at a higher level. So you're playing at your full potential, rather than at a fraction as most people do. We'll share the one thing that once we learned it, our lives were transformed. And once you learn it, watch what happens.
• 0:59
  Welcome to Think It Be It the podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield. Hey. And
• 1:04
  John Mitchell: I'm John Michell. So today, Kelly, let's talk about this, we all have a fundamental problem in life that we've got to overcome. We're innately wired for survival, not success. And, you know, we've talked about this before. And, you know, I think everybody knows that, that human beings are innately wired for survival. And the impact of the head is 70% of your thoughts are fear based. And you're reactive, rather than proactive on your important agenda. And so when you really look at it, you know, being wired that way to be to be fear, base reactive is exactly the opposite of how you want to be to be productive, creative and happy. So the big takeaway is a wired for failure, not success. And, you know, I think that today, social media sort of puts it on steroids. So what do you think about that?
• 2:12
  Kelly Hatfield: Well, gosh, you know, we've had so many conversations offline, and I know, I have so many conversations around this, because I'm experiencing it either personally, or with my teams who get a real you're struggling as a result of, you know, social media, and, you know, really, how it's training the brain. I mean, it is completely playing into the fact that we're fear based. I mean, that's, that's its revenue model, in a way. Right. Right. So, um, so yeah, I love this topic. And I'm excited, we're talking about it today, because I think it is more so now than ever. And, you know, it will be interesting here over the course of the next couple of years with some of the things they're talking about doing. But until then, the you know, and for many, many years to come, I think social media is going to be part of our world. And we need to be talking about some of the things that we can do to help navigate that world, because it is severely hindering and playing into the fear based on the fact that, you know, it just continues again, to set people up to not succeed.
• 3:19
  John Mitchell: Right. You know, it's, it's interesting, you know, when we think about, we're wired for survival, you know, we think in terms of, you know, 100,000 years ago, when there was threat around every corner, but even today, you know, there's survival in the sense of prospering in this environment that we all live in, you know, I mean, I it's obviously different than it was, you know, 100,000 years ago, but there's still, you know, you're, you're out there in the wild today, you've got, you're being bombarded with social media, and you're trying to navigate that. And again, you know, it's triggering, being fear based, like you said, it's, you know, it's, that's, that's what social media is, sort of is a revenue model, and your reactive and so, you know, the first thing I want everybody to understand is, you've got to overcome that problem. If you're a human being, that's the first problem you have to overcome. And, you know, the other thing that I see a lot when I'm talking to people, is, I'll ask them, you know, what, what percentage of your potential do you think you're playing to? And I get answers anywhere from 20% to probably 40 or 50%. Typically, and, you know, I want to I want you to tell us a little about, you know, how you felt earlier in your career, but and then now it's probably a good time. Just tell everybody how you how you felt there was more gas in the tank.
• 5:01
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, no. And I think let me I'll say that. And then I want to back up one step. And I want to talk a little bit more about social media and just kind of quantify what we're talking about and how it played down to, because I think getting getting clearer around that, and what's actually happening in your brain. And when you're engaging in some of these activities is important. Yeah, me. I mean, I absolutely. I always knew, like, because I'm somebody who's focused on growth, and, uh, you know, I'd like to achieve and, you know, things along those lines, I'm always looking for, like, how to make a better impact, how to make a greater impact, how can I show up differently as a leader to, you know, to improve things, the world, my companies, whatever the case may be, and so laying in bed at night going, I, I know, I have more gas in the tank, you know, like, why am I not stepping into that? Like, I'm like, the next version of me, that's going to make a greater impact. Why can't I seem to tap into her? You know, what I mean, get that, take that to the next level. And so I was often frustrated by just like, Okay, I know, I have all this more to offer, why am I not stepping in to the next best version of myself? And doing that? You know, what I mean?
• 6:19
  John Mitchell: And can I answer why? I think that that was I think it is two things. One is that you are wired for survival, not success. In the end, you were just seeing that play out in your life, you're like everybody else, you know, you wake up every morning, your your fear base, you reactive, here we go, you know, you're just like everybody else. But the other thing that is contributing to that is that when you grasp that, your success in life comes down to your daily actions, and 95% of your daily actions and thoughts are unconscious. That's when you connect can connect the dots that oh, so if my daily actions are unconscious, and I'm not influencing and controlling them, of course, I'm playing the game of life it at 10 to 20% of my potential, you know, to me, that was, that was the most pivotal thing is grasping that 95% My thoughts and actions are unconscious. That's that was the missing piece of information that endl allowed me to see oh, that's why in my gut I'm playing with at 20 or 30% of my potential. So you by the edge, is that make sense? No.
• 7:36
  Kelly Hatfield: 100% I mean, it was that and that's why I always when we talk about this, I always reflect back on the relief that I experienced when I understood the science, it was like, oh, because we're so hard on ourselves. Like, I remember thinking, why can't you do this? Like you have all you have the best intentions? Why can't you get this over the finish line? Or why can't you you know, whatever it was, you know, you've got I had the best intentions, but for whatever reason, I wasn't tapping into that next level. So I understood why intention wasn't the you know, the thing that was going to the I only operate an intention in 5% of my conscious brain, the other 95% is unconscious, so that I needed to reprogram that, to take things to that next level and to step into that next best version of myself. So as soon as I understood the science, and then there was like a solution. I just remember feeling like this weight lifted, because I was like, oh, and not that I want to say, oh, it's not my fault. Because I accept total accountability. It was just like, oh, there's an answer. Like, I understand how my brain works. And now, you know, I can, you know, I can hack, basically, my subconscious to get the outcomes for success that I want. And
• 8:54
  John Mitchell: What what Jack Kelly is talking about is, you know, taking the st articulation of your life and feeding it to yourself every day, which takes 12 minutes a day. That is the thing that causes your subconscious mind, then to take the rat, right, anxious automatically be because again, since 95% of your daily thoughts and actions are unconscious, when you have the discipline to make your new morning routine, feeding the succinct articulation of your life to yourself each day, you know, you're you're telling yourself, here's exactly the person I want to be here's exactly what I want to accomplish. And here's precisely I'm going to achieve by clearly defined goals when when you do all that, then it it what happens it influences the thoughts before they actually get made. You know, this is this is maybe the the thing I've learned in the last year more than than anything is that the fact that they're unconscious is actually a good thing because if your thoughts, you know, your thoughts, determine your action. So in other words, you cannot take an action before you have a thought. And so the significance of your 95% of your thoughts being unconscious, is that if they were conscious, there'd be It'd be impossible to control your thoughts. I mean, it'd be you just be unbelievable ages, you know, it'd be like chasing cats, but the fact that they're they're unconscious, really is the opportunity in that, that you can go into that mechanism, the subconscious mind that is generating the thoughts, and by feeding it the right stuff, then it causes the right thoughts to be generated.
• 10:48
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, so let's that statement that you just made by feeding yourself the right things. So you have the right thoughts. So getting the right input, piggybacks and leads us perfectly back to that discussion about social media, and how it's ruining your, you know, your it's playing right into that fear based negativity bias that we all intrinsically have, and how it is stealing your opportunity to have success. By now, social media can be a really great tool, you know, there's no doubt about it. So it's to it's about setting up parameters and being smart, smart around it. But like, if you are, and this is some of the stuff we're talking about with the subconscious, like if you're, we're using social media right now to escape, you know, so many people are using it to anesthetize themselves just like maybe if you're overeating, or you're shopping too much, or you're like, it's that thing that we use, to not deal with what's happening in our in our life. And it's designed in a way where it taps into that addictive nature of your brain. I mean, the designers have made it this way. So now they've got you hooked. And I know, it's hard to get off of social media. But I think, you know, just in terms of its programming your brain to be distracted, because everything's moving so quickly and coming at you then, of course, depending on what algorithm you end up in, you're getting fed this stuff, you know, that is triggering fear in you. And what you focus on expands, right. So if you're getting all of this crap coming your way, if you're plugged into what's happening right now in the world, and we all need to be you know, that's a discussion, a bigger discussion for another day. But you've got this input, and you're taking in two or three hours, because that is the minimum bill rate, the latest studies have shown that the average American spends a minimum of two hours on social media a day, not part of their job and recreation. That's avoidable. So I want you to to think about what you could be doing, it's meaningful with that time, two hours a day, can you imagine how many hours you get back in your week? That's, that's 10 hours a week, if you just took weekdays? You know, what do you what could you do with that time that is more aligned and getting you to the next kind of place? Or how to improve your life? You know what I mean?
• 13:20
  John Mitchell: You know, how bad 12 minutes a day feeding this the saint articulation of your life? How's that sound? For better?
• 13:26
  Kelly Hatfield: Sounds good. And I think too, we also then you're online, you're getting into this comparison. So I think you have to ask yourself, is what you're taking in? Is that contributing to the quality of your life that you want? And is it what you're taking in on social media? How is that making you feel? Is it aligned with what you want, you know, to achieve in life, or the feelings that you want to have? Or, you know, or not, because, you know, comparison is the is a joy killer? You know, like most people, and again, we know that they're capturing a moment in time, that really is usually not even reality. As a matter of fact, John did you know and I think they have one in Texas. And I think it might even be an Austin where they have, like the studios that have the interior of like an airplane, and the extra so that like these influencers can go and take pictures in like,
• 14:21
  John Mitchell: You know, I like cars, you know, I'm gonna I'm gonna do that. That sounds great.
• 14:28
  Kelly Hatfield: You know, but I think my point in just talking about social media to is, you know, and let's say that you fall into that comparison, you're on social media, you enjoy it, but you always feel bad. You know, there are ways to to use this technique to be alright, so if I'm feeling jealous about something, what is it about that that makes me it's making me feel that way? And then guess what, start taking some action to create something in your life versus sitting on the sideline, you know, and watching that you had, you know, more Are of what they were, you know what the person that you're watching accomplish things supposedly, I don't know, if that's true? Well,
• 15:07
  John Mitchell: You know, but but I think back when I was in my 30s and 40s, and I think how clueless I was, and I don't know, if you, you sort of feel that way about yourself. But I'm like, you know, I just get up every day, and do my best. And, you know, I've worked long hours. And, you know, then when I hit 50, and figured out the full secret to thinking grow rich and created this, and started, you know, feeding this succinct articulation of my life to myself, and I'm taking, you know, all of 12 minutes a day to do that, suddenly, you know, a whole new world opens up, because I see that I'm now controlling my thoughts, and my thoughts are controlling my actions. And now all of a sudden, you know, I'm focused on only what moves the needle hand, and I can do things I couldn't do before I couldn't, you know, I'm doing a habits that, that I couldn't do before. And I'm seeing the power of consistently growing and through the methodology, I, you know, I had a system to have the wisdom of experts flowing into my head, and I just see, of course, I made 25 times more, because I was 20 times 25 times better. But do you look back when you were younger? And look at yourself as clueless?
• 16:30
  Kelly Hatfield: No, I was pretty smart. Yeah.
• 16:35
  John Mitchell: Well, of course, someone like, you
• 16:40
  Kelly Hatfield: You know, I mean, when I just think about, when I look back at her, I'm like, oh, oh, no, you know, when she, you know, what I knew, like, what she was getting into, or she didn't know what was ahead of her, or, you know, whatever. So I'll, I will look back at it fondly. Like that. But I think I, you know, I will say, you know, when you're sharing that story, and we're specifically talking to about social media, like one of the things I don't know, based on, like, social media wasn't a part of mine, you know, or yours, unlike it didn't come into play until, you know, I was in my 30s. Like, be these generations behind us are growing up with it. I mean, it literally is changing the way they think, and how I think you're seeing all the studies that are out right now on, you know, what social media is doing. And so I really feel like, you know, we had a really great advantage without having it. And then, of course, there are the advantages that I think, you know, come with it, too. But, you know, I don't know, I think it's a huge challenge to overcome for people because people are addicted to it now. You know, it's, you know,
• 17:52
  John Mitchell: Yeah, I don't give people much slack on this. I'm just like, Come on, man it up. I mean, I, you know, I'm very much like that about almost anything. But is it a challenge? Yes. But man up if I know how I am. If I if there's something I see in my life, that is, is not good. I can fix it in a heartbeat. Why? Why would I put up with that? You know, and so. And, you know, one thing I've learned about success, is that, to some degree, it's like, it's mostly hard work and playing at your potential, but there's a, there's part of it, that is, is like, and you might go, Well, why am I not more successful today? Well, it could be, you haven't found the right idea yet, or the right direction. And you just got to continually be making yourself better. Taking the time to set aside time to think two times a week so that you can, you know, if you're not as successful as you want to be, what's that maybe look like in the future? How do I need to change or that type of thing, but it's, it all comes down to the thoughts going on in your head, you know, that's what's gonna determine your success. And those thinking sessions twice a week is a great way to, to recharge your future if you don't like us or where it's going right now.
• 19:29
  Kelly Hatfield: Oh, 100% And I think too, you know, with social media, you know, it's we're talking about specifically about social media, like, get it set boundaries up for yourself, get it on your cell phone, use it strictly as a tool, or don't use it at all and, or experiment. Like I look at everything kind of as a scientist now, because it takes kind of the pressure off of you know, it'll be like, I'm just gonna try this for x amount of time and see whether this improves my life in quality my life in some way. shape or form or whatever it happens to be. And, you know, I bet that if you did something along those lines of social media was something you found stealing your time or allowing it to steal your time. And, you know, influence your thoughts in a negative way, that by doing a little diet, a little social media diet, and you know, an experiment and going off of it for a little while to see how it impacts your life in a positive way, by not being on it, by you know, and just, you know, if the thought of not being honored is just like a daunting, like, oh, my gosh, well, then just do it. You know, do it for a window of time and test it to see how you feel.
• 20:40
  John Mitchell: Everybody can get a life
• 20:43
  Kelly Hatfield: For an idea. I know, but people this is a reality. It Yeah, no, I know, you know, and especially with the generations that are behind you, you know what I mean? That are behind you who grew up with it? It's just part of their culture. And so, you know, while I understand and I get what you're saying, Well, if it doesn't sit, if it's doesn't support your life, it will stop it. You know, well, you watch the Netflix special, that talks about what those scientists how they manufacture, you know, how they program this stuff, right? Like, There literally is a component to it. And it's creating a generation of, you know, again, distracted, unhappy, people who don't have competence or believe in themselves. And this word has all this Failure to Launch happening and all these other things going on. It's one of the reasons. But you know, I know it's simple, you know, in your mind, you make the complex, simple, always. And it's like, this is this isn't working for you stop doing it.
• 21:42
  John Mitchell: Right, right. Right. Now, it seems pretty simple to me, but but also, like, like I said, I remember when I was clueless and didn't understand how the human mind works. And what a disadvantage I was, well, I had a cow was like everybody else, I Vandy was such an advantage when I learned how the human mind works and how I could play that to my advantage. You know, I see that is that one thing is learning how the human mind works, was pivotal thing that turned my life around. And, you know, pretty cool. Yep.
• 22:21
  Kelly Hatfield: 100%, that has been the catalyst for the growth that I've experienced over the last five years, personally, and professionally has been understanding that and like I said to earlier, in terms of just taking a weight off, and going, Oh, my gosh, you know, like the amount of stress that it lifted off the shoulders, because you go through this cycle of beating yourself up, like why am I not living into my potential? Why am I you know, this whole thing that's going on or and you have the best intentions, you do it for a period of time, then you stop, you know? And it's like, why is that happening? Well, now I know why it's happening. Because it's the way our brains are designed to work. And you just have to override that, you know, and reprogram that subconscious with what we're talking about doing. Just feed yourself 12 minutes a day, you know exactly what you want to achieve who you want to, you know, all the things you mentioned earlier, and watch what happens.
• 23:13
  John Mitchell: Well, I you know, it's it's interesting, I was teaching my class last week, the concept of setting aside time to think two times a week, and I was telling him the story of where I've taught it to the 18 head coaches at the University of Texas, they have a, all the head coaches, all 18 head coaches have a monthly meeting, a choosie a breakfast. And so one time I went to it, and I was, you know, my presentation was how to set aside time to thank and so I teach him that, and I was I as we get into it, I said, Well, you know, my partner had a great observation in that. She said that she was aware of so many half thoughts were coming into her head, and all of a sudden, by setting aside time to think it turned half thoughts into full thoughts. And you know, for so many of them, so many of those coaches, they're like, oh, you know, that was, you know, so how you say things to people is so critical way because they'll hear it just the right way. And then it's meaningful to them.
• 24:24
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, they can connect with it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay,
• 24:28
  John Mitchell: Well, I think we have suitably covered this. And so really, the takeaway is to think about how much time you're spending on social media. And Al Lee with this side, you know, it's the input that you bring into your life will determine your life and so maybe a little less social media and maybe 12 minutes a day, feeding the secret, succinct articulation of your life would be a better path. So, just something to think about for our audience, food for thought. Okay. Until next time, we'll see you
• 25:11
  Kelly Hatfield: Thanks for listening today. If you've had your own aha moment from today's episode, send me or John an email. We'd love to share your epiphany with our audience. So email us at Kelly at think it'd be att.com or John at think it'd be att.com. In the meantime, live the exceptional life