Latest / The Christian Reeve Podcast / Near-Death Experiences With Gallo Chingon | The Christian Reeve Podcast #207

Transcript

Near-Death Experiences With Gallo Chingon | The Christian Reeve Podcast #207 · The Christian Reeve Podcast

• 0:00
  Hello and welcome to another episode of the Christian Reef
• 0:04
  podcast, got something a bit special today as part of a
• 0:06
  series that I'm doing on near-death experiences.
• 0:10
  We have a wonderful guest here today is going to share some of
• 0:12
  those experiences with us. So really, really excited about
• 0:15
  this opportunity. But right off the bat for anyone
• 0:19
  that might be potentially uncomfortable with some of the
• 0:23
  things we might be discussing today.
• 0:24
  This is a warning just ahead of time.
• 0:27
  We will be talking about some, some And stuff, some pretty
• 0:30
  serious stuff. So, it's just the one in now,
• 0:33
  just in case, maybe it's not something you're comfortable
• 0:36
  with, or you've got some concerns there, maybe.
• 0:39
  Skip this one, or maybe just proceed with caution.
• 0:43
  Thank you. So, today's guest is guile
• 0:47
  jing'an. They got that right?
• 0:50
  Yes. You got it?
• 0:51
  Yeah. So happy.
• 0:52
  It's not like I did. I asked for his name of Caribou
• 0:55
  or anything like that. No.
• 1:00
  Yes. I'm gonna approach this one a
• 1:01
  little bit differently because obviously I give people some
• 1:05
  context I made a post in. Read it read.
• 1:09
  It is brilliant. By the way, for any podcast is
• 1:11
  out there. Make sure you use red.
• 1:12
  It's a fantastic resource. I've had some really, really
• 1:14
  amazing guests such as Google and it's just, it's the gift
• 1:19
  that keeps on giving I reached out when I got to like episode
• 1:23
  200 at my show originally, I was going to do an episode and I did
• 1:27
  for episode 200 did episode on life after death.
• 1:29
  Death. And I thought about just
• 1:32
  including near-death experiences as part of that, but then it
• 1:35
  became a topic much bigger than I expected and specifically in
• 1:40
  the area of near-death experiences, you know, and I had
• 1:43
  a lot of research that I had into that episode.
• 1:46
  I'm not actually done that episode just yet, but that's
• 1:48
  coming. And so I started having little
• 1:52
  people reach out to me about this wanting to share their
• 1:55
  stories. And I might let's do it and And
• 2:01
  so I've kind of like thrown the script a little bit.
• 2:03
  I've got obviously questions for you and sort of a good A rundown
• 2:06
  with all the different experiences that you've had and
• 2:09
  stuff and kind of run through them.
• 2:11
  But I guess the one of the wider kind of considerations with this
• 2:15
  topic is to kind of understand two things, I suppose one.
• 2:21
  How does this kind of shape a person's life after they've
• 2:25
  experienced these things? And to, where does that leave
• 2:31
  us? As far as considering what comes
• 2:34
  next, what comes after death? Those are the kind of two
• 2:36
  things. I'm trying to like, I suppose,
• 2:38
  I'll answer with this. The answer will never come, but
• 2:42
  we can ponder it and ask many questions and the go on a bit of
• 2:45
  a journey. So, guy up, you have had
• 2:49
  multiple near-death experiences which I just, oh, my gosh.
• 2:58
  Do you think there's like a deeper meaning for this before
• 3:00
  we sort of go into specifics? I just wanted to know like your
• 3:03
  kind of opinion on this because you've had all these different
• 3:05
  things happen to you. Where do you sit on the?
• 3:08
  Do you think there's like a deeper spiritual meaning to it?
• 3:11
  Do you think it's just coincidence?
• 3:12
  Bad luck. Good luck.
• 3:14
  What do you think? Oh man, that's--you know
• 3:16
  something I think about probably once a month at least once a
• 3:20
  year but usually falls about once a month.
• 3:23
  Like why am I here a that the existential question, right?
• 3:26
  But You know, for well when we'll get into it later, a lot
• 3:30
  of your listeners might realize, how the fuck is this guy still
• 3:34
  alive? Because that was my boat, you
• 3:37
  know, how did I survive? Like, technically, you know, I
• 3:40
  should have died at about age 45.
• 3:43
  Like that's should have would want to when I died my first
• 3:45
  time and so there's a lot of existential stuff.
• 3:49
  I even if you pushed me to go to college become a pastor or a
• 3:53
  priest, you know, depending on what religion you are.
• 3:56
  And just have a deeper understanding of the abrahamic,
• 4:00
  God and all this kind of things. So it's led me to be more
• 4:04
  introspective and find more answers but of course I don't
• 4:08
  think we're ever going to find the answers more of a personal
• 4:10
  meaning for you. And so the way I move in life is
• 4:14
  a lot different than most of my peers or even just people in
• 4:16
  general do I think let's run it back to what you just mentioned
• 4:21
  this. Your first experience at age 4 I
• 4:24
  mean that's that's pretty profound I found like, you know,
• 4:27
  you think about the type of things you're expected to go
• 4:30
  through as a child and we all have different childhoods.
• 4:32
  I remember seeing some some crazy stuff to and experiencing
• 4:36
  some crazy things. What happened to you at that
• 4:39
  age? That what was the first kind of
• 4:41
  experience like So my mother was a cleaning lady and she's
• 4:46
  cleaning their house for a well-to-do woman, a doctor.
• 4:50
  And if I remember piecing things together correctly, she was
• 4:53
  actually the psychiatrist or psychologist that was treating
• 4:56
  me, or seeing me when my parents were going through their
• 4:58
  divorce. And so back, then we're talking
• 5:01
  the 80s, early 80s. My mother didn't find a
• 5:05
  babysitter. So, fuck it.
• 5:06
  We're going to take this kid to work and, you know, course, he's
• 5:10
  trying to clean the house and I'm making a mess.
• 5:11
  She kicked me out of the house. I'm Backyard this house or this
• 5:16
  well-to-do neighborhood Had a Little River Creek in the back
• 5:20
  of it. Each house had their own little
• 5:22
  small Pierre. I'm standing at the edge of the
• 5:24
  pier, just kind of looking at this scourge of mosquitoes, just
• 5:26
  kind of hovering or shimmering over the water and through
• 5:31
  regression therapy through hypnosis and other things, I've
• 5:33
  been able to remember a little more details and so I distinctly
• 5:39
  remember feeling pushed, but I was the only person on that Pier
• 5:42
  on that side. I'd there was about three houses
• 5:45
  down. I saw what at then, I would call
• 5:47
  big kids, but they were teenagers.
• 5:49
  But I saw these big kids to peers down and there, you know,
• 5:53
  laughing and playing. And my little guy at the look
• 5:56
  canoe and just playing around the water.
• 5:58
  And I fall in a field where I felt that I was pushed into the
• 6:01
  water. I'm drowning panicking, but I
• 6:04
  did know how to swim at that point.
• 6:06
  I was swimming as a kid swimming pools, lakes, rivers beaches
• 6:12
  like every summer. Been in Mexico.
• 6:13
  So every summer to go to the beach because my grandmother
• 6:15
  lived so close to it. So it I'd spend most of my
• 6:18
  summer working on my tan and just swimming so it's not that I
• 6:22
  did not assume. Just for some reason, I got
• 6:24
  caught off guard in the water trout and I have a sense of a
• 6:29
  memory but also kind of in their aggressions, of the lines, kind
• 6:32
  of get blurred between, what was the experience and what was a
• 6:35
  memory and then what's kind of like filled in with the gaps?
• 6:39
  But what I recall is hearing a voice like a Deep man's voice
• 6:44
  saying calm. Free climb basically give me
• 6:50
  instructions to not panic. Reach for the water like get out
• 6:55
  of the water enough to take a good breath and then climb out
• 6:58
  of the pure. I go inside and my mother yells
• 7:01
  at me. What the fuck you doing?
• 7:02
  Get all dirt in Spanish, we'll talk to you doing it all dirty
• 7:05
  and messy bringing this business side of house, go back outside.
• 7:08
  And in that moment that made those like a defining moment for
• 7:11
  me. In that here, I am a scared
• 7:13
  child terrified for my life screaming mommy mommy, help me
• 7:17
  the water. She's yelling at me.
• 7:20
  Go, behave, could be clean. And so, in me, a kind of set
• 7:23
  this up. Mantra model, moral code that I
• 7:30
  have to take care of myself because my mom he's not going to
• 7:33
  do it for me. Of course, she's going to feed
• 7:35
  me and clothed me but I have to find my for myself in the real
• 7:38
  world. If something happens to me no
• 7:39
  one's going to take care of me but me and so that was like, my
• 7:42
  first experience on my first. Take away from that.
• 7:46
  Wow. Okay.
• 7:50
  Would you say that? That was an understanding that
• 7:53
  you kind of came to in the the years subsequent to that like as
• 7:57
  you pondered this experience, or was that something you kind of
• 7:59
  realized later on when other things would happen?
• 8:03
  You look back and you're like, okay, this is in the moment.
• 8:07
  I remember feeling angry, and, and scared, like angry that, my
• 8:11
  mother didn't protect me and scared that my mother would it
• 8:14
  protect, and that sense. So it's kind of, so there was a
• 8:17
  lot of childlike. Ideas.
• 8:19
  So there weren't fully formed, thoughts, or sentences that I
• 8:22
  could put to it just like the feelings that I had.
• 8:25
  And of course, in those breed, other things are at resentment
• 8:28
  and kind of grow into kind of like the Star Wars saying, who,
• 8:31
  you know, fear turns into hatred and anger, and all other things.
• 8:34
  So, it's kind of like that those kind of built inside and it
• 8:37
  wasn't until many years later at on a different topic that made
• 8:42
  me be more introspective and try to unravel.
• 8:44
  Those feelings on Rebel, those things.
• 8:46
  But I do know that from then I had that CEOs.
• 8:48
  Okay, I have to take care of myself and that was enough, more
• 8:51
  fully formed idea until I was in my teens.
• 8:53
  But even then in my teens I had this thought or idea I'll never
• 8:58
  going to see 20 because of other near-death experiences and
• 9:01
  because in the 90s I was seeing a lot of gang violence and see
• 9:06
  people die in front of me and Drive by sand being kind of in
• 9:10
  the middle, a drive-by shootings.
• 9:11
  So Witcher other near-death experiences.
• 9:15
  Yeah, I when I, when I saw this, I I was really kind of Blown
• 9:20
  Away and fascinated as well because I've always wanted to
• 9:24
  talk to someone who has been in that experience to really
• 9:28
  understand what that was like and more specifically from the
• 9:32
  day-to-day. Because you know you hear about
• 9:34
  it in the media, you see this. But like you never necessarily
• 9:37
  kind of get to grips with like how a person feels the human
• 9:41
  being every single day living this.
• 9:43
  So before we sort of talked through those experiences
• 9:47
  specifically like what The kind of day-to-day like in that time
• 9:51
  period as far as how you felt, you know.
• 9:54
  So walking down your street, going to work, whatever the case
• 9:57
  may be. So of course, going to school
• 10:00
  someday, sidewalk something that the bus, sometimes, my mom would
• 10:02
  take me just kind of a scheduling thing.
• 10:05
  And so the only way I can relate it is, if you take away the gun
• 10:13
  violence in the sense of the mass shootings, like if forget
• 10:16
  that there are mass shootings but because this disease does
• 10:18
  not this until after I graduated high school so just pretend for
• 10:23
  a moment that that has never happened.
• 10:24
  Ever will happen ever? Can't have it.
• 10:26
  The problem is, I don't know if you've seen The Tick Tock video
• 10:29
  or some viral video where this kid is beating the crap out of a
• 10:32
  teacher because supposedly she stole is a Nintendo switch or
• 10:35
  whatever. So that kind of thing could
• 10:38
  happen to anyone at any time in certain school because it had to
• 10:42
  be kind of the ghetto type schools, the schools that were
• 10:45
  lower income. So in the room, Or well-to-do
• 10:49
  neighborhoods. This is nothing that wouldn't
• 10:51
  happen, unless a student happened to transfer into there
• 10:54
  and eventually he get kicked out because he'd be the only bad
• 10:56
  seed in the school. But in the school, I went to, it
• 11:01
  wasn't. I would happen to anyone at any
• 11:03
  time because the honor roll students kind of were on their
• 11:06
  own. They didn't, you know, have to
• 11:07
  deal with this kind of thing. I was kind of the bad kid that I
• 11:11
  was in on a roll but I would still go hang out with the
• 11:13
  gangsters and and the other bad kids are quotes just It too
• 11:19
  because I didn't feel like I fit in with the honor, roll
• 11:23
  students, and I wasn't a nerd, I just was able to retain
• 11:26
  information while it's only reason I was an honorable,
• 11:27
  because I could pass test because, you know, I can
• 11:31
  remember things from two weeks ago, which did make sense to me,
• 11:34
  that it gets good. But anyways, so I'd hang out
• 11:36
  these other kids cause they seem cool because they were fun
• 11:38
  because they were doing things that I wanted to do because I
• 11:41
  lived on a dead-end street. So my The sphere of knowledge or
• 11:46
  the things that I got to learn more from these other kids
• 11:48
  because it was, I was one of the older kids on my street and the
• 11:52
  young kids, look to me for information to try to learn
• 11:54
  things because we'd have the internet back.
• 11:55
  Then we couldn't like, hey, what's up, whatever what's going
• 12:00
  on in Rome or what is whatever random thing you wanted to know
• 12:02
  about? You know, you had to ask someone
• 12:05
  and if they didn't know well then you had to go to a
• 12:07
  encyclopedia that's boring as dirty so who's going to do that?
• 12:10
  So then you know a lot of false information, we get passed
• 12:14
  around So it's not it wasn't as scary as the media portrayed it
• 12:20
  to be but it could be to that level of violence and there's
• 12:24
  always some type of fight at least twice a month.
• 12:28
  You know, where some kid gets jumped either they're getting
• 12:30
  jumped into the gang to prove that they're going to be able to
• 12:33
  handle a fight or a big gang fight, because somebody slap
• 12:39
  somebody's girlfriend and then it became a big thing.
• 12:41
  And then now the whole schools are terrible for most of the
• 12:43
  schools in our humble, the bad. Don't.
• 12:45
  So that was kind of the thing of go on and then Otis Clay from
• 12:49
  there where, oh, someone got their ass kicked or now, they're
• 12:52
  mad about it. So now they're gonna get shot at
• 12:53
  or have a tripod. So is either.
• 12:55
  No, element. Mostly.
• 12:56
  There were drug elements. That would cause a dry Buys in
• 12:58
  the other, part of it would be. Being slighted or being?
• 13:06
  Disrespected disrespect was a big thing or respect was a big
• 13:08
  thing within the community of, you know, you're going to
• 13:10
  respect me. I'm not gonna force you to which
• 13:13
  are not going to disrespect me. That was more any small slights
• 13:17
  it. You would see, like, in the gang
• 13:18
  movies or sorry, prison movies or big fights a breakout.
• 13:22
  So kind of like that, but not that level of threat, not with
• 13:27
  the intent of murder, most of time to dry buzzer.
• 13:29
  More of to scare people into like behaving, but people would
• 13:33
  end up dying sometimes if this is what I've always wondered
• 13:35
  about. Like your thoughts on maybe just
• 13:38
  kind of like how media at the top.
• 13:41
  So it specifically movies and such portrayed that time period
• 13:46
  from the gang culture perspective and also subsequent
• 13:50
  movies thereafter. Like what do you think they've
• 13:53
  done a bad job of a misrepresenting?
• 13:55
  It is it the classic Cove Hollywood over the top?
• 13:58
  Or is it spot on some time? I think it's kind of spot on.
• 14:02
  The only thing is they focus on it so much so it seemed like a
• 14:05
  bigger problem. Than it was or more frequent
• 14:07
  problem. So it kind of with the idea of
• 14:11
  toxic masculinity as toxic, masculinity is an issue, but
• 14:14
  because we see and hear about it, social media.
• 14:16
  We think, every man out there as toxic masculinity traits,
• 14:20
  whereas notes, a small subset, but we just talked about it so
• 14:22
  much. It just seems like a bigger
• 14:23
  deal. So, kind of the same idea with
• 14:25
  the gang violence and the Dr. B, yes, it happened.
• 14:27
  Yes, it was a problem and it's a problem bigger cities like in
• 14:30
  Houston where I'm from, but the bigger one would be La,
• 14:33
  sometimes Phoenix. And other major cities.
• 14:36
  He's but the way news made it seem like, oh, every city, this
• 14:40
  could happen anywhere your cage trying to get murdered tomorrow
• 14:42
  if you don't keep them inside kind of the similar thing with
• 14:45
  the whole satanic panic in the 80s.
• 14:47
  So, you know, every kind of thing just kind of evolves.
• 14:50
  Because, of course, we'd have the internet to have better
• 14:53
  access to real world media. Real world news.
• 14:59
  So, when you were dealing with this because obviously, it
• 15:02
  sounds to me like maybe this is something that you were kind of
• 15:06
  drafted into. Like, would that be accurate to
• 15:09
  say lets you sort of grew up with it and you fell into it as
• 15:12
  opposed to like that is a conscious decision like I want.
• 15:15
  Oh yeah. Yeah, totally was kind of like
• 15:18
  just being associated with it and it was by choice that I
• 15:21
  chose to hang out with these guys because I thought they were
• 15:23
  cool because you know they had all the girls, the girls are
• 15:26
  always attracted to them because There was a bad boy type and so
• 15:31
  it wasn't conscious and it wasn't drafting, it was just
• 15:34
  more of just being in the circle because I never join.
• 15:36
  I was never asked to join. I never pushed your figured out
• 15:40
  what I had to do to. I mean, I knew what I would have
• 15:42
  to do if I wanted to join, but I never went through that process
• 15:46
  or effort because I was also, I was more terrified of my mother,
• 15:50
  picking me up from jail. Is if I ever went to jail, I
• 15:53
  definitely would've been dead that date.
• 15:54
  Like there's no, whatever. No, I get it, I get it.
• 15:58
  Well, this is this makes it even more interesting because it's
• 16:01
  like you were able to kind of evade being part of that.
• 16:05
  But as you mentioned in our emails, to each other sort of
• 16:09
  beforehand, you were the target of more for drive-bys.
• 16:12
  Now was this because of Association, you would they just
• 16:15
  assumed what we see this guy as part of this group?
• 16:18
  So he must be or as it is it as you said before, just or if we
• 16:23
  scare this guy, then he'll scare the others and then we'll get
• 16:25
  well one. Um, so this kind of branches off
• 16:31
  into my intercourse addiction. Okay.
• 16:34
  Of course I wasn't having sex then back then I was just trying
• 16:36
  to get it in. I didn't know I was.
• 16:39
  So again, I was terrified of my mother, a little backtracking.
• 16:42
  My mother was also a loan shark, among many things.
• 16:45
  And there was a guy. I remember her bringing me along
• 16:48
  because I went from five foot three to six feet in, like nine
• 16:51
  months, like I shot up in my height and so she brought me
• 16:56
  along as her quote Unquote muscle and this guy interrupted
• 17:00
  her like you know, basically just respecting her and she's
• 17:02
  just calmly grabs a steak Knife off.
• 17:04
  One of the tables in the restaurant that this guy own
• 17:06
  stabbed him in the forearm and told him, I wasn't done talking
• 17:09
  and continued her monologue and then told him go get me my money
• 17:13
  and he was, you know, only have like, 50 bucks, or whatever was.
• 17:15
  But I remember my mother distinctly stabbing.
• 17:18
  A man through the arm and pinning, it almost into the
• 17:22
  table. And so, that's where my fear.
• 17:25
  My mother came from, like, what He said, this is how things are
• 17:28
  going to be as how things were going to be and you might get
• 17:31
  out. I see I thought like, oh, you
• 17:33
  know, naively like just just worried about being shouted at
• 17:36
  now, you would like for real. Be scared of this?
• 17:38
  No, yes, my my stepfather hit her one time and he said, you
• 17:45
  should have killed me. And he was like, what am I gonna
• 17:48
  kill my gonna go to jail whatever.
• 17:49
  And like, every night that he came home late, she beat him
• 17:53
  with the pan as soon as he walked in, and she beat the shit
• 17:55
  out of him and knock him out. I'm out.
• 17:57
  Put on the floor. When he came home drunk, is he
• 17:59
  goes? You're never gonna hit me again,
• 18:01
  so you can get, you can either keep drinking if you want,
• 18:03
  you're gonna wake up on the floor here, we can get divorced,
• 18:06
  I don't care. What you're never gonna put your
• 18:07
  hands on me and so you have a mother was do not fuck with her.
• 18:13
  Um so when a mother realize that I was interested in girls and,
• 18:17
  you know, chasing after them and trying to figure out what to do
• 18:19
  with them because again, no internet, I just knew I wanted
• 18:22
  to do something with them, I just didn't know what.
• 18:24
  So a mother gave me the talk about the birds and the bees are
• 18:26
  like Ah. Okay.
• 18:27
  That's what I want to do with them.
• 18:29
  That's what I'm trying to do. I didn't know what I'm trying to
• 18:31
  do. I just have these hormones.
• 18:32
  Right, right. Yeah.
• 18:33
  And so as you kind of realize your screw-up and she kind of
• 18:37
  gave me the the road map or the master plan of what to do,
• 18:40
  right? And she goes.
• 18:42
  Okay, listen, I'm responsible for you, not your dick.
• 18:46
  So some little girl loves you enough to open up her legs that
• 18:48
  little slot, bitter, love, you enough to go move in with her
• 18:50
  because I'm not raising your kid.
• 18:52
  I'm like shit now. I can't have any fun because,
• 18:56
  you know, I I can't have sex with them because I'm gonna get
• 19:00
  him pregnant because, you know, that's what happens.
• 19:02
  You're going to get a pregnant, the first time, or I hear some
• 19:04
  random story that Jose and Maria hooked up.
• 19:07
  One time they used a condom now that pregnant and then come to
• 19:10
  find out years later know they'd been hooking up a bunch of
• 19:13
  times. Got tired of using the condom
• 19:15
  and then she got pregnant. But the the rumor mill one time
• 19:19
  with the condom and now she's pregnant and again being the
• 19:23
  only kid or one of the older kids on a dead-end street.
• 19:26
  I What oral sex was, I don't know what that head was slang
• 19:29
  for it and so, I would often turn down.
• 19:32
  Hey, you want some head and what are the reason I thought it was
• 19:35
  something bad was going to be painful.
• 19:37
  So I turn it down from girls until one Girls by they said,
• 19:40
  hey, can I suck your dick is like, oh yes, you can do that.
• 19:43
  Let's give that a try, right? If so, then these dry by things
• 19:47
  kind of stemmed from me, hooking up with all these girls because
• 19:51
  eventually one of these girls are somebody's cousin or
• 19:53
  somebody's sister somebody's ex girlfriend or somebody's current
• 19:56
  wife. So then, that's disrespect
• 19:58
  disrespecting these guys that I was taking their girlfriend from
• 20:03
  them. So then some of the warning
• 20:05
  shots that I got were because of that.
• 20:07
  And then the other ones because I associated with these guys.
• 20:10
  So then on the other side of it, I would associate with some of
• 20:13
  these guys I would draw their there's also get a try so I'd
• 20:17
  rather names in Old English letters, our script or whatever
• 20:22
  you know whatever gangster nickname with Susie or Maria or
• 20:25
  whatever and then Pass it off to their girl and they be oh, you
• 20:28
  did this for me and so sweet. So then I kind of had some
• 20:31
  protection from a few guys because I would make them look
• 20:34
  good and so it was all about building up their respect.
• 20:37
  So on one hand, just respecting the girls or subtracting a
• 20:41
  relative or girlfriend of a guy got me shot at.
• 20:44
  And then on the other hand, whenever some other guys wanted
• 20:46
  to jump me because they weren't at the level to be able to order
• 20:51
  a drive-by, or to be able to or too scared to a drive by
• 20:54
  themselves and they would try to jump me.
• 20:57
  And on two occasions, I kind of got saved because one of the
• 20:59
  guys that was in the group too, jumpy.
• 21:02
  Recognize me as I said, okay? No, you can punch them, but
• 21:05
  you're not going to use any weapons bad sticks, whatever.
• 21:08
  So you know, there is always a little different things, it kind
• 21:11
  of came together that technically kept me alive
• 21:14
  because I was friendly or on friendly terms with some of
• 21:17
  these gangsters in any of the drive-by situations was there
• 21:23
  ever an instance, where maybe they To like shoot when you were
• 21:28
  outside like your house or something like that and then
• 21:31
  know, it was always around the school.
• 21:33
  Wow. Okay.
• 21:34
  And I think it was just for timing, I don't know.
• 21:36
  Either that or they just couldn't take the effort because
• 21:39
  again, no internet. So you can't search a.
• 21:41
  Where does Gayo daejun live know, right?
• 21:43
  You can't look at social media to figure out.
• 21:45
  Oh, there is this tree over there and he's always by this
• 21:48
  Walgreens, or by this grocery store whatever.
• 21:50
  So he's probably in his neighborhood.
• 21:52
  So it's harder to you tracking her stocking back then, unless
• 21:54
  you just fall to one home and again because my My schedule is
• 21:57
  always so different that I would either walk home, take a bus or
• 22:00
  get a ride and sometimes I get a ride to a friend's house and
• 22:02
  then walk home or get her friends to a girl's house, spend
• 22:05
  the night and then come home because my mother was out of
• 22:08
  town or whatever. So there wasn't any way, someone
• 22:10
  could consistently able to say, oh yeah, this is a house.
• 22:12
  He goes to every day when these situations would occur, I feel
• 22:19
  so silly asking this but the same time I'm curious.
• 22:22
  How did the school approach that I did?
• 22:24
  They get involved. I mean, I'm sure they were very
• 22:26
  aware that This was gang-related activity, but like, was there an
• 22:29
  active effort on their part C working with the police?
• 22:32
  Or trying to, at least ensure student safety or were they just
• 22:36
  hands off? I don't remember the details.
• 22:40
  I just do know that we started having police officers in our
• 22:44
  school, right? And then, eventually, I want to
• 22:46
  say we started having school district police officer.
• 22:49
  So, here in the US, each School District or School within a city
• 22:53
  is broken up into a district or Unified District Unified.
• 22:56
  Area. But essentially it's a bunch of
• 22:59
  schools that fall under the umbrella of the city and
• 23:02
  eventually, there was police department or police officers
• 23:05
  that were assigned to the dip to the district.
• 23:09
  And then eventually, the school district had their own police
• 23:11
  officers. And then there's studies that
• 23:16
  say will because we have these police officers.
• 23:17
  That's why we have these mass shootings because we're normally
• 23:20
  the students would just attack each other now because they know
• 23:23
  there's a police officer now, they have to bring a weapon not
• 23:26
  for the kid that they're going to shoot a be able to defend
• 23:28
  themselves against the police officer.
• 23:30
  So anyways, that's 10, gentle. But anyways, we started having,
• 23:34
  or I started seeing police officers in our schools when I
• 23:36
  was in Middle School versus just, you know, a cop coming by
• 23:40
  once or twice a school, you're like, hey, you know, don't do
• 23:43
  drugs kids and come on over. And, you know, be one of the
• 23:46
  good guys, you know, just like kind of pep talk, cops showing
• 23:49
  up versus them being around the school and patrolling walking
• 23:54
  School itself. How did that make you feel as a
• 23:56
  kid? Did that make you feel any
• 23:58
  safer? Was it, maybe they make it feel
• 24:02
  worse. That, what was that experience?
• 24:03
  Like, for you, for me personally, it was just pissed
• 24:07
  me off because there's another set of eyes, it would catch me,
• 24:09
  skipping trying to finger bang this girl.
• 24:12
  So it back dad, and I was on a one track mind, trying to get it
• 24:16
  in. So it was just skipping class.
• 24:19
  And I know it was funny because I would skip class by wouldn't
• 24:21
  skip school. So I'd go to school and Skip
• 24:24
  random classes, but I never had the balls to go to school and go
• 24:27
  to someone else's house and then come go home from there, just
• 24:30
  never know. I don't know, I never did it
• 24:31
  because there's a lot of skip parties that I got invited to.
• 24:33
  But anyways thanks let's just bring it back to the the
• 24:39
  drive-bys for a second. So, Obviously you said that then
• 24:45
  some of the this was included in what you said to me about
• 24:48
  near-death experiences. So I'm guessing one of these at
• 24:50
  one point was a bit more serious.
• 24:53
  Could you walk us through that experience and sort of just give
• 24:58
  us like a bit of a timeline? What we was like for you and
• 25:01
  then we'll get sort of, we'll go, we'll go from there.
• 25:04
  I want to say I was in the eighth grade, which would be the
• 25:07
  last year of Middle School here in the US or at least in
• 25:11
  Houston. Anyways, I'm remember.
• 25:14
  That I was kind of always on edge because I was messing
• 25:19
  around or kissing all this random girls or fingering them
• 25:22
  or whatever. And I remember, I was on the
• 25:25
  always on edge because I never knew who they might be related
• 25:29
  to, or who am I get in trouble with?
• 25:32
  And so one dry by that sticks out in particular, I don't know
• 25:35
  if I was a target of it or what was the purpose of it, and never
• 25:39
  really found out. I do know that there was
• 25:42
  something that moment that Day just before it happened.
• 25:47
  My shoelace was untied. And I remember, I was walking
• 25:49
  around the corner to the front of the school to go to walk
• 25:51
  towards the convenience store. The way everybody would go to
• 25:56
  remember the the strap, just kind of slapping my other foot
• 25:58
  and didn't trip didn't fall. And for whatever reason,
• 26:02
  Something Told me, stop entire shoot, it was, it wasn't a
• 26:05
  voice. It was just something.
• 26:06
  Just stop now Tire. Shoot.
• 26:09
  And when I bend over to tie my shoes, when I remember hearing
• 26:11
  this shoot shots ring out, I don't know if it was the inside.
• 26:14
  I got Honor shortly after. But I remember that as I'm tying
• 26:17
  my shoe I look up and I see a kid probably two meters in front
• 26:22
  of me fall down after the fact, I find out he got shot and I
• 26:29
  told him if he died, but I do remember.
• 26:31
  Seeing someone getting shot. Just shortly approximately to
• 26:34
  lesson 10 feet away. And you know, that just kind of
• 26:38
  froze me because I was frozen in that motion of being kneeling
• 26:42
  over tying my shoe and just looking at it.
• 26:44
  And I didn't want to look at the car because it in my mind to
• 26:47
  something, like if I look at the car, I'm going to be a Target
• 26:50
  and they're going to shoot at me, of course, are driving
• 26:52
  forward to, their already passed me and most the time, when
• 26:57
  shooting from the car you're shooting from more or less than
• 27:02
  a 90 degree angle. So, from your arms straight out
• 27:04
  to forward. So reaching behind is not what
• 27:07
  they usually do, but as a kid, you just was in my mind.
• 27:11
  If I look up, if I look at the car, I'm going to be - and
• 27:14
  they're going to try to get rid of me right by.
• 27:16
  Then you know the card already passed by, so it's just kind of
• 27:18
  Frozen in this Mantra. Don't look at the car.
• 27:21
  Don't look at this tree, just keep your eyes on this kid and
• 27:23
  I'm seeing the blood kind of, it wasn't pulling fast, but as you
• 27:26
  could see, blood was like pulling around a shirt or every
• 27:28
  we shot at. Because another thing that they
• 27:33
  were doing to deal with the gang mileage for the gang issues is
• 27:37
  when we start having to wear uniforms.
• 27:38
  So, I have to wear khaki pants and white t-shirts, or white
• 27:41
  polos. And so, of course, you're going
• 27:43
  to see blood seep through on those colors.
• 27:47
  Is this also to stop kids from accidentally wearing gang
• 27:51
  colors, or something like that? Or was that just in there?
• 27:55
  Might have been a consequence. I did you remember that?
• 27:57
  They were trying to keep gangs from trying to show their colors
• 28:01
  or where their color. So, if everybody dresses the
• 28:03
  same, then they can't show who they're with, of course, they
• 28:06
  figure out their own way to do it.
• 28:07
  My sagging their pants, or wearing baggy, or clothes, or
• 28:09
  whatever, but That's like above my paygrade Spells at the time.
• 28:18
  This is second time so far that you've mentioned hearing a
• 28:22
  voice, something like that. To me as I wanted two things,
• 28:25
  either your Intuition or maybe something, you know, it's God's
• 28:30
  spiritual voice. What for you?
• 28:33
  What do you think that is? Do you did you take that as it's
• 28:36
  just me something higher than me like how would you take it?
• 28:41
  I I would say I'd be a guardian angel or Guardian Angel type
• 28:44
  entity because I don't want to scratch.
• 28:47
  A bit to that to the abrahamic. God and just say, oh yeah,
• 28:50
  that's the one definitive thing, because we've been other
• 28:52
  situations, some paranormal things that I've seen in
• 28:56
  experienced that make it seem like I am attractive to
• 29:01
  something that's out there. Something that we can't see here
• 29:05
  recently, or actually during covid.
• 29:07
  When I was writing my podcast, I had made a couple of friends and
• 29:12
  was talking about supernatural things and short story.
• 29:16
  My father told me when I was Kid Rock, my father told me when I
• 29:20
  was a young adult that when I was a three or four year old, I
• 29:24
  was told him that I was talking to my grandfather.
• 29:26
  He thought I was talking about my step-grandfather and when I
• 29:29
  told him what they were wearing and who it was, he realized I
• 29:31
  was talking about his father, good passed away before he even
• 29:34
  met my mother. And so that's that conversation.
• 29:38
  I don't recall, I just told him things, he said I told him
• 29:41
  things that only his father in him would know and communicate
• 29:45
  some things to him that he was proud of him and other things
• 29:47
  like that. At what I do, remember later.
• 29:51
  That kind of confirms that is, I was five ish, five or six.
• 29:57
  I was visiting my father and he took me to see my aunt because
• 29:59
  by that point, my parents were divorced and I'd asked one of my
• 30:03
  aunt's. She could give me a pickle on a
• 30:05
  fork, so I can get my fingers sticky.
• 30:07
  Now, what child gives a shit about their fingers getting
• 30:09
  sticky. Apparently my grandfather, he
• 30:11
  had an issue with having any greasy fingers, are sticky
• 30:14
  fingers. He just hated that sensation.
• 30:16
  And so, Me saying that triggered my aunt to shake me.
• 30:20
  Like where did you learn this? Who told you this blah blah?
• 30:23
  And she had already known that I was talking or had spoken with
• 30:27
  my grandfather and she wanted to like force me to communicate
• 30:30
  with him because she had questioned.
• 30:31
  So she wanted me to be her medium.
• 30:33
  And I remember that instance of being kind of like scolded
• 30:36
  yelled at and shaken for that. Aha and sharing that with
• 30:42
  someone on a paranormal podcast. She was Clairvoyant and she
• 30:47
  totally looks top. Listen, someone's talking to me,
• 30:50
  telling me that they want to talk to you.
• 30:52
  Some, do you have people that are around you?
• 30:54
  I want to talk to, you want to communicate with you, and be
• 30:58
  careful of who you ask to help you open up your third eye.
• 31:00
  Because I was a conversation is how to open up my throat.
• 31:03
  I have had the conversation with others or other things and she
• 31:06
  had warned me if you want to do it, go ahead but be careful
• 31:09
  because These are things, you have people who want to talk to
• 31:11
  you, but you have something that's kind of malevolent that
• 31:15
  as bad intentions. So it's kind of just a bunch of
• 31:19
  things in and around my light that make me wonder, okay, there
• 31:24
  is stuff out there, but what is it?
• 31:25
  And I want to know, but also don't want.
• 31:28
  The runs to this correctly, that's something you've done.
• 31:31
  You've opened up that doorway, at some point in your life, I
• 31:34
  had it open as a child as I understand it and it kind of
• 31:37
  closed off later, okay? And now, I want to open it.
• 31:41
  I've been trying to figure out a way to expand it, with mushrooms
• 31:45
  with LSD and things like that, to try to have it permanently
• 31:49
  open to be able to better communicate.
• 31:51
  Whatever is out there for advice and try to figure out.
• 31:54
  Okay, why am I here? Why am I still alive?
• 31:56
  Because there have been all these instances.
• 31:57
  Has where I shouldn't have survived, okay?
• 32:00
  Four years old, maybe that makes sense, but a head-on collision
• 32:04
  with an 18-wheeler, on a motorcycle with no helmet.
• 32:09
  Will costura de because the details I have here is.
• 32:12
  Yeah, 18 with a 45 miles an hour.
• 32:14
  No helmet. let's just Until what?
• 32:18
  Let's start somewhere interest. Let's look in the run-up to
• 32:21
  that. Because what I find is really
• 32:24
  interesting about these days. More often than not, you've
• 32:27
  given us some context with other stories, there, about how
• 32:30
  there's little things here. And there did anything about
• 32:33
  that day, feel off to you before.
• 32:35
  That happened was only thing. Unusual is it just a standard
• 32:37
  day? um, So yeah that day I suck out
• 32:45
  of work early and I forgot what I wanted to leave work early
• 32:49
  for. I don't know if it was to go see
• 32:51
  a movie or if it was to you know go do something else.
• 32:55
  I just saw that I was trying to sneak out of work early that
• 32:57
  whole day but at the same time that day I had this feeling like
• 33:01
  not today, not today. It was just kind of and it
• 33:06
  wasn't a voice, it was just a feeling what, like, I should go
• 33:09
  back to work or I should know. Not do this kind of thing.
• 33:12
  It was more of like, don't like, it wasn't even a voice.
• 33:17
  It was just, I think, you know what, how, you know, I could
• 33:20
  probably tell my boss that I got a doctor's appointment.
• 33:24
  Yes you tell him right now because that way it doesn't seem
• 33:27
  like I'm trying to sneak out early.
• 33:28
  I could tell him now and as soon as I finish that thought it
• 33:32
  wasn't my own voice, it was just don't like, it's hard to like a
• 33:37
  sensation of like, a pushback of an internal feeling of can on my
• 33:42
  chest and like, no, don't kind of and to It's typical to
• 33:51
  verbalize because the one near death experience, where I quote
• 33:56
  unquote saw something. When I was out, it's two things
• 34:01
  that don't make sense, at the same time that was going on.
• 34:04
  And that's the only way I can explain it is that it was a,
• 34:07
  don't feeling a, no, a stop a pushback, but it wasn't a word.
• 34:13
  It wasn't anything that I auditory.
• 34:14
  It was more of a feeling of like, If you're, if I'm trying
• 34:18
  to make a left and I'm being forced to stay forward, kind of
• 34:22
  that. So that's the best way I can
• 34:23
  explain it. And eventually, and I really
• 34:26
  only snuck out about 10 minutes, early and end, because I went
• 34:32
  through the whole trouble of moving my motorcycle, because I
• 34:35
  use you park up front, close to the entrance.
• 34:37
  If I started my motorcycle for 10 minutes early, everyone's
• 34:40
  going to be here it when I was there.
• 34:42
  So, lunch, I move my bike or I went to lunch, but I basically
• 34:45
  moved my bike closer to the exit.
• 34:47
  That way I would be able to walk around sneak out to the bike.
• 34:50
  Get on walk it out a little bit and push start it instead of
• 34:55
  starting it up and revving it. So I could get out of there
• 34:57
  without being seen. Let us from accident.
• 35:01
  Just a real quick question. You have this feeling is telling
• 35:05
  you not to listen to it every time previous to this.
• 35:08
  You've always tend to listen to that feeling.
• 35:11
  Why did you choose not to in this instance?
• 35:16
  That day again. I don't remember what it was
• 35:18
  that I wanted to leave early for.
• 35:20
  Okay, so there's something. Yeah, there's like a so I
• 35:24
  probably a meccano it that day. I knew, yeah, I'm gonna go hook
• 35:28
  up with this girl or I'm gonna go see this movie or whatever it
• 35:30
  was. I know, I know in that day.
• 35:32
  I'm leaving early because I want to go do X or try to go shower
• 35:36
  and change whatever was but that day I know it was.
• 35:39
  Now that I think back on it I can't think of what it was that
• 35:44
  I was trying to do why I wanted to leave early and why I didn't
• 35:48
  listen to The Voice. Is my first time asking someone
• 35:53
  about something like this. So I'm going to do my very best
• 35:56
  to approach this sensitively as I can.
• 35:59
  Oh, I died. I have a very cynical heart.
• 36:04
  So there's no way you're gonna hurt my feelings.
• 36:05
  Pay for anyone out there, you know, you should give a warning
• 36:09
  as I usually wear a condom on your heart because be
• 36:11
  personally, fuck your feelings, I don't care, but that's just me
• 36:14
  in general. Not not, do you listen or
• 36:16
  directly just in general? That's my kind of attitude.
• 36:18
  So if I'm fuck your feelings, Things.
• 36:21
  Don't worry about mine. A lot of time when people go
• 36:25
  through accidents like this, they don't tend to remember
• 36:29
  anything. You obviously past a certain
• 36:32
  point because of shock excetera. What's the last thing you
• 36:35
  remember? Prior to the accident?
• 36:42
  the light that turn green just before the accident, which was
• 36:46
  probably Km from where happened? And then the accident itself and
• 36:55
  then waking up to a lady screaming over me.
• 36:59
  Oh my God, he's dead. Oh my God, he's dead.
• 37:02
  So this is yeah right this is on the roadside somewhere and she
• 37:07
  is it is this like a quick flash sort of thing and you're back
• 37:10
  out or do you retain Consciousness for a long period
• 37:13
  of time? I blacked out from the moment of
• 37:16
  the incident What I've been able to piece together is, so as a
• 37:23
  three-lane road, two to three lanes road with the center
• 37:27
  median, to be able to turn this 18-wheeler was trying to turn
• 37:30
  into do delivery or whatever. I had raced in front of the pack
• 37:36
  of the cars that were coming out of that green light to make it
• 37:39
  to the next light because already driven this road before.
• 37:42
  So I knew green light or light to light, I wouldn't make it if
• 37:46
  I do the speed limit so I read up to 40 And this truck, I guess
• 37:52
  saw the cars coming and figured. If he hurries up, he can get
• 37:56
  into the to his turn before. The massive car is shows up, but
• 38:01
  apparently didn't see me. So I'm doing 45.
• 38:04
  He's doing 20 is 30 ish. Try to get his that turn and I
• 38:09
  recall seeing are not as I even recollection is more of the
• 38:14
  diagram of what the police report did showing that other
• 38:19
  people said that I was basically in the far left lane and they
• 38:22
  saw me cut over to the right lane to get in front of the
• 38:25
  motorcycle herb to get in front of the truck to pass it.
• 38:29
  And of course, I didn't go fast enough to go around them and hit
• 38:33
  them head-on. But instead of being wedged,
• 38:36
  you're stuck against the hood of the, the grill of the truck.
• 38:41
  Chuck I when I realized, if people saw me kind of going back
• 38:45
  before the impact, so people say that they thought that I jumped
• 38:49
  off or back away from the bike and ended up getting pinned by
• 38:55
  the bike itself. As when the bike got hit it,
• 38:57
  caught my leg in and kind of slap me like a rag doll.
• 39:00
  And that's why that one woman was screaming.
• 39:03
  Oh my God, he's dead. Because the way I flung offer,
• 39:06
  like, was it was imagine, like, just somebody grabbing a rag
• 39:08
  doll, just slamming into the ground.
• 39:10
  Well, that's what they saw. My leg was a PIN to the bike,
• 39:13
  and just slammed to the ground and, of course no helmet.
• 39:15
  So I guess I'm harder. I am hard-headed, like, my
• 39:18
  mother used to always say, but the only thing that happened is
• 39:22
  I had a huge bruise, and hands full my right hand.
• 39:27
  And I have a scar over my one of my eyebrows.
• 39:31
  What? Wow.
• 39:33
  I was expecting like a lot more than that you read.
• 39:37
  Okay, that's not, you're very lucky this situation.
• 39:40
  Yes. Is woke up with that, okay?
• 39:46
  You blacked out, you woke up on the roadside D, then back out
• 39:50
  again and wake up in a hospital. Was what's the next moment now?
• 39:53
  I once I woke back up, I was questioned by the ents or the
• 39:59
  ambulance Ryan and taken to the hospital.
• 40:02
  So it's conscious from then on, but in the interim from getting
• 40:05
  hit and then the woman screaming, that's when I had
• 40:07
  that weird near-death experience and that's the the one that kind
• 40:11
  of stands out so, when I black out, From the light, from from
• 40:20
  that, green light that I was racing forward.
• 40:23
  Or after that, I don't remember. This is just piece together
• 40:25
  again, from eyewitness Accounts at least and all that other
• 40:28
  stuff. What stands out is.
• 40:32
  After that green light moving forward, everything kind of
• 40:37
  flashed. It wasn't white.
• 40:39
  Those like a flash to color. Greenish orangish or just some
• 40:45
  type of orange yellowish color flashes and everything goes
• 40:49
  black. Um, and if anyone who's here is
• 40:53
  Lysander, seen the movie Poltergeist.
• 40:56
  But there was an old CRT television, that was kind of far
• 40:59
  off in and zoomed in. Awe, and what I recall is kind
• 41:03
  of Darkness, a beat of light, not a white light to go into
• 41:07
  your The Shining Light, everybody.
• 41:09
  Most people here associate with was just kind of like that the
• 41:13
  television light, and this is where the two things at once,
• 41:18
  don't make sense. So, In the same instance, I feel
• 41:23
  I traveled the length of like to put ball to soccer, pitches,
• 41:28
  instantly are about as fast as a second, across that whole space.
• 41:33
  At the same time, I felt like everything was moving very
• 41:36
  slowly when I was traversing that space getting up to that
• 41:40
  light. So it felt like I was floating
• 41:44
  my weight there, but it also felt like it was an instant.
• 41:48
  So it's Near death experience. A lot of things don't make sense
• 41:54
  of how can two things be happening at the same time?
• 41:57
  And again, I don't know if it's memory and feeling at the same
• 41:59
  time or one is a memory. One is a feeling, and that's why
• 42:03
  they're two different things that I'm a little nervous
• 42:05
  talking about it. is that is that, that I'm just, stop is
• 42:08
  just kind of like, Feelings coming back up again.
• 42:15
  So any hesitancy you here is more me trying to calm myself
• 42:21
  down to speak to it anyways. In this as it zooms and I
• 42:27
  realize it looks like a television and I don't know if
• 42:29
  you've seen or I'm sure you've seen some type of movie or TV
• 42:33
  show where there's a mosaic of different videos going on at the
• 42:37
  same time and this is one of those things.
• 42:42
  Again, two things at once I see all these different videos and I
• 42:46
  feel like I'm focusing on one. That's a is coming through the
• 42:49
  television as its kind of zooming in, but at the same time
• 42:53
  I feel that I was Was able to see every video and understand
• 42:57
  what was going on at all, but some of them were movies or
• 43:00
  television shows that I've seen. Others were reliving things.
• 43:07
  That happened in my life, so it's kind of like that.
• 43:10
  You see your life flash before your eyes, but instead of seeing
• 43:14
  different scenes, I'm able to see kind of like a control room
• 43:18
  of a television control, remove all these different videos of
• 43:21
  different times, but it's all condensed into one screen.
• 43:27
  And so, seeing all these things, I'm realizing I was an asshole
• 43:31
  here. Oh shit.
• 43:32
  Someone was being nice to me there.
• 43:34
  So it's a range of feelings and I'm seeing it which is what I'm
• 43:38
  kind of reliving right now. Is that I'm seeing the Bad and
• 43:42
  the good and everything in between.
• 43:45
  But I've seen in my life and movies and TV shows, I enjoyed
• 43:49
  growing up until that point, and it was overwhelming.
• 43:55
  And then I went out, but the light went out and then I look
• 43:58
  around and it was pitch black, but I could see I could see in
• 44:03
  this Blackness, not clearly, but I can make out.
• 44:06
  Okay, there's a wall over here and behind me on her to my left
• 44:11
  and taught to behind me is open. And then on this side there's a
• 44:16
  cliff. So don't walk this way and
• 44:18
  before I can make a decision as to what to do, that's when I
• 44:22
  hear a woman screaming. Oh my God, he's dead.
• 44:24
  I stand back. But again, I'm explaining this
• 44:26
  very shortly, but all those videos I saw it felt like I was
• 44:31
  there. About two weeks, it was like a
• 44:36
  consistent two weeks of time. Like if you were able to stay up
• 44:40
  for 24 hours for 14 days that was a feeling.
• 44:43
  I felt watching all these videos that were going on.
• 44:47
  But at the same time I said it felt like it was that instant
• 44:50
  and when I hear that woman yelling at me, I realize it
• 44:53
  might have been five minutes because it was a time car.
• 44:56
  Stopping someone getting out a woman getting out and screaming.
• 44:59
  Oh my God, he's dead, a few feet per minute.
• 45:03
  My episode on life. After death with shout out to
• 45:06
  Josh Leonard. We spoke about briefly about
• 45:09
  time and how in situations such as near-death experiences, you
• 45:14
  know? There's that constant argument
• 45:16
  of how time truly works. You know?
• 45:19
  There's the idea that time works in the linear sense, how we
• 45:23
  experience time. And then, of course, how you're
• 45:25
  explaining it here where it's like, In our time frame, it's
• 45:29
  only five minutes, but in other kind of essay spiritual realm
• 45:33
  it's like it could last as it could be used.
• 45:36
  Maybe, you know, I mean it's and I think that's the bet the best
• 45:40
  lesson. I don't know this, this and this
• 45:41
  again, this is just me theorizing, I think maybe it's
• 45:43
  just telling us that the way we think we understand time is not
• 45:47
  how time ready wax. It's the best way I could
• 45:50
  probably surmise that. Let me through.
• 45:59
  You wake up. This is an overwhelming
• 46:01
  experience. You hear this woman shout and
• 46:06
  Are you as you're fit? You're aware of what's going on,
• 46:10
  but like, What we feel what was going through your mind at this
• 46:15
  at this moment in time as your kind of getting up and sort of
• 46:19
  finding your bearings again. When I get up my immediate
• 46:25
  thought or feeling was I did at that moment, I don't recall what
• 46:29
  happened. That, that Blackness that image,
• 46:33
  it was later that night, the next week or two that I'm having
• 46:37
  dreams come like I'm reliving what I saw when I was out.
• 46:40
  Oh yeah, I'm Tom. So, in the moment, I remember
• 46:45
  the only thing I remember is the shooting from where I was at at
• 46:49
  the television, because I remember that when I woke up,
• 46:51
  Up, but it was kind of a distant memory.
• 46:54
  By the time I was, I stood up like it was like, it felt like
• 46:58
  it happened years ago, but I remember that it was something
• 47:01
  that happened. Sir, I remember the television
• 47:03
  thing or that the way the light came up that room or the
• 47:05
  darkroom as weeks went by as remembering.
• 47:09
  More and more that would did it happen in when I was out or had
• 47:13
  my experience, but I want to call it.
• 47:15
  But in that moment when I got back up, I was more concerned
• 47:20
  with The bike motorcycle in that, you know, hey fuck.
• 47:26
  I really put a lot of money and effort into this bike.
• 47:29
  Ha ha ha. I am, I going to get out of it.
• 47:31
  Like so my concerns was garlic. A okay?
• 47:35
  Got my finger. I'll shit on my head hurts.
• 47:38
  Okay, Al this hurts. All right hands.
• 47:40
  Fine. Elbows neck, whatever.
• 47:43
  I'm good. All right, my body's fine.
• 47:45
  I can go back to work tomorrow buck up.
• 47:48
  I quit my unit. You know, did you go to us?
• 47:51
  Next day. Yeah.
• 47:54
  Wow. Okay.
• 47:57
  The men, of course, I saw it. Everybody had heard about it
• 48:00
  motorcycle accident, one and thought it was me and then I
• 48:04
  show up to work as a. Okay, cool.
• 48:06
  You know, it wasn't use. It was he me?
• 48:08
  What do that motorcycle accident yesterday?
• 48:11
  Well, we're in the yo-yo on this street over here by the report.
• 48:14
  Oh yeah, I was me. What is your here?
• 48:17
  Yeah, and then for ends because of that accent, that's why I
• 48:20
  started wearing a motorcycle helmet.
• 48:22
  Small, what little novelty help? And as more motorcycle accident,
• 48:26
  I had, and I started going from novelty helmet to cast helmet to
• 48:30
  three-quarter helmet now or full face helmet stuff.
• 48:33
  Odo, you've had several motorcycles good.
• 48:39
  People say, why would you still ride a bike?
• 48:41
  Because why am I going to be afraid of something?
• 48:43
  I enjoy. If you could, I could die, you
• 48:46
  could die from a heart attack before the show is over, either
• 48:49
  of us could so why worry and have a fear of doing something
• 48:53
  you like because you could die, we all know, we should know that
• 48:57
  we are going to die and then this is more of something I want
• 49:00
  to touch up at the end of like or how you would say at how did
• 49:03
  it shape me? I understand very well that I
• 49:07
  could die. At any moment.
• 49:08
  Hmm, why live life being in fear that enjoy your life today?
• 49:14
  Enjoy your life every day. I completely agree.
• 49:17
  I just don't understand why you wouldn't put Safety First often.
• 49:20
  They need passing away. Will see that when I started
• 49:23
  evolving the helmets. Because okay, fine.
• 49:25
  I mean, we're full face helmet and a little bit more protected.
• 49:28
  Plus, I'm older now and it'll hurt.
• 49:29
  If I get into an accident, I I want to be as well, protect as I
• 49:33
  can. Whenever I do get hurt because
• 49:35
  I'm sure it'll happen again. Really more to the Paranormal
• 49:40
  side to things for a second. Do you think you're being
• 49:43
  tested? Maybe this is like you just able
• 49:46
  to handle a lot more maybe than the average human being as far
• 49:50
  as these things are concerned. I don't think it's more than the
• 49:55
  average person. I believe a saying that a lot of
• 50:00
  Christians are people who follow the abrahamic.
• 50:03
  God God about the choose, a Christians and the Muslims that
• 50:08
  God or Allah, or Yahweh, only gives you what you can handle.
• 50:12
  Now, most people would cave under the pressure and like, oh,
• 50:16
  if I could this life sucks and you commit suicide, or have
• 50:18
  mental break, but it still I think within us to push Through
• 50:23
  and do better for ourselves and I think it's some some of it has
• 50:28
  to do with nature, nurture. You know, with it, I think is
• 50:31
  within our nature to be able to handle anything, we just don't
• 50:34
  like being uncomfortable. We don't like, Not living to the
• 50:40
  standard of living that we have. It easy.
• 50:41
  You know, we had um nuclear warfare in the next weeks or
• 50:47
  months to come because of what's going on in the world.
• 50:50
  I don't think a lot of people could survive the nuclear
• 50:54
  apocalypse after this or this to dystopian future that we might
• 50:57
  have because we just not prepared to be able to live off
• 51:00
  the land, like we are answers to, but I think we're capable
• 51:05
  to, if we Yes, we're going. I want to live.
• 51:09
  I'm going to do this versus, oh my God, this is too hard and I'm
• 51:12
  triggered. Well, and yeah, let's get rid of
• 51:15
  those and not targeting anyone, not diminishing anyone.
• 51:21
  But I think it's within us to move past things that trigger us
• 51:25
  to be better versus trying to find someone else to take care
• 51:28
  of us because we were triggered. And I think this all comes from
• 51:33
  that, for first time, I nearly died and resolving that I have
• 51:36
  to take care of myself. Well and most people not getting
• 51:39
  to that level in their life in general.
• 51:41
  And if they do, it's usually later in life and even then it's
• 51:44
  still kind of hard for them to push through and do that.
• 51:48
  Well, this sort of raises an important point to specifically
• 51:51
  talking about triggers and stuff.
• 51:53
  And this is, I understand the way that that works typically is
• 51:56
  it's some drama trauma that you've dealt with, in your life
• 52:00
  and some times. Something can kind of well yeah
• 52:07
  trigger it. But you say back in that moment
• 52:10
  or trigger the feeling that you had when you experience that
• 52:14
  that thing, one thing I wanted to ask you about with all these
• 52:17
  experiences that you've had like have you had like some sort of
• 52:21
  counseling to work through that and how you deal with that.
• 52:25
  And if so how has that helped and how are you able to kind of
• 52:30
  talk freely about these things without it?
• 52:32
  Kind of And traumatic for you. yes, I had therapy for it or
• 52:40
  not, this specifically for the traumas or the death, it's more
• 52:43
  or of So when I found out a realize I was intercourse
• 52:48
  addict, it was kind of hard to hard pill to swallow because my
• 52:51
  mind sex addicts, all those are just celebrities and actors and
• 52:56
  rich people at say this. So that way their wives don't
• 52:59
  leave them. They want to pay alimony and
• 53:01
  they get a second chance because they got caught cheating.
• 53:03
  That was my thought, even though I was fully in Intercourse
• 53:07
  addict from 98 through 2011. And so, when I came to this
• 53:14
  realization I tried to Type of therapy that tried individual
• 53:17
  with the therapist and couldn't find myself to open up to them
• 53:22
  because I felt like there was I lacked respect towards them
• 53:26
  because even though they were clinicians, that's what I saw.
• 53:28
  They were clinicians, they couldn't really understand what
• 53:30
  I was feeling, what I was doing, what I was going through.
• 53:33
  I tried sex addicts, anonymous and at least a few group
• 53:36
  therapies that I went to there seemed like the attics there
• 53:42
  were just trying to white-knuckle it.
• 53:43
  Oh man, I didn't have sex today, so I'm Really good.
• 53:46
  And you know I was thinking about doing this thing and this
• 53:49
  thing and that thing with this girl but I realized that my
• 53:51
  sponsor be disappointed with me and you guys to be disappointed
• 53:54
  with me blah blah blah, and it was just not addressing their
• 53:59
  issues. It was just more trying to
• 54:02
  living up to the expectations of others.
• 54:03
  And then if they did fall Maps, extra, do something.
• 54:06
  Um, my feeling there, Willie Walsh Italy, someone as fucked
• 54:09
  up as this guy. And so I didn't have respect for
• 54:13
  them and that says, because I didn't feel like I was You're
• 54:15
  being better. And so their Sergeant group
• 54:18
  therapy with celery recovery, which is a christian-based one,
• 54:21
  and which was technically who I found out.
• 54:24
  I was a exits where I found out that I was a intercourse addict.
• 54:28
  I didn't want to go there because I was there for
• 54:31
  different reasons, not not nefarious reasons, just not to.
• 54:36
  I'd have any problems. I was just there to support a
• 54:38
  friend and while I was supporting my friend, I said, oh
• 54:41
  yeah, I'm a porn addict because there's nowhere else for me to
• 54:43
  go kind of sit around in. Not respecting the guys are
• 54:46
  because they're into porn or seen sex workers and I'm like, I
• 54:51
  don't have that problem. I can get laid so you guys are
• 54:53
  lame. That was my thought and so I
• 54:57
  don't want to have to come in. Oh hey guys, actually I am a sex
• 55:00
  addict. This is my problem so is a
• 55:01
  little bit of embarrassment there till I came back and
• 55:03
  started going through that therapy.
• 55:05
  Once I went through, there was able to realize some of the
• 55:08
  issues past traumas and all those other things that kind of
• 55:12
  made me to why was it made it easy for me too.
• 55:15
  Deal with my emotions and feelings by using sex to feel
• 55:18
  better. So having that Foundation of
• 55:22
  understanding, okay, this is how I should deal with things
• 55:24
  instead of trying to go out and get late, just to feel better
• 55:26
  for the moment that helped me realize and be able to delve
• 55:31
  deeper into do this, regression therapy doing other.
• 55:34
  Things like that to find out deeper meanings and issues that
• 55:38
  have happened in my life and it's sort of helped me cope with
• 55:42
  my wife who passed away being a widow or being a widower and Is
• 55:48
  it about five years now? But in the moment when it
• 55:51
  happened, I fell in the battle old habits again and within the
• 55:55
  first 24 hours of her passing away at hooked up with order for
• 55:58
  women and kind of fell down that path for about a month or two.
• 56:03
  And then feel guilty because I felt like I was cheating on my
• 56:05
  wife and try to do alcoholism because okay, I I'm I don't want
• 56:11
  to deal or face my issues right now, I don't want to use these
• 56:14
  tools that I have in my past. Or how to use these tools that I
• 56:18
  understand. And know I should use because I
• 56:21
  want to wallow it. I want to be miserable and try
• 56:24
  to be an alcoholic. But again, by that point, I was
• 56:26
  in my mid to late 30s and I don't recover from hangovers as
• 56:31
  easily. So I got tired of about of that
• 56:33
  after about a month. And then finally, okay, let me
• 56:36
  deal with my shit and be a better person, Andy, get back on
• 56:41
  the right path. About two or three months after
• 56:43
  my wife passed away. So with that is how I was able
• 56:47
  to better handle. All these things that have
• 56:50
  happened my life because otherwise or the way I had dealt
• 56:53
  with it was just using sex and either sex or repression which
• 56:57
  are two terrible things as a coping mechanisms to use to deal
• 57:01
  with everyday life. Sixth edition is always kind of
• 57:05
  fascinated me in the sense that it's it differs greatly from
• 57:09
  say, alcohol addiction or drug addiction in the sense that I
• 57:13
  suppose. We're drinking.
• 57:17
  You try to stop drinking and you, you know, you you, whatever
• 57:20
  you go. Tito tour.
• 57:21
  You don't have that anymore. That's something that I did at
• 57:24
  the beginning of this year. It's yeah, it's but that's the
• 57:27
  thing, like it's not just that you change habits, you change
• 57:30
  different things and I imagine there's a lot of similarities
• 57:32
  there as far as how you approach it and how you work through it,
• 57:37
  but The difference is obviously as you then move forward and you
• 57:42
  have other partners and stuff like you want to be able to do
• 57:46
  to do that with. Do you want to share your love
• 57:47
  with these people? So I guess my question is like
• 57:51
  how did you learn? So healthy ways to do that,
• 57:55
  where you didn't sort of fall back into that?
• 57:57
  And again, yeah, that's probably the most common one is like,
• 58:02
  wait, you know? Drugs and alcohol.
• 58:04
  Yeah, you just stop but you can't stop having sex because
• 58:07
  either, you're Unk or you have a sexless relationship, that's
• 58:11
  going to last. And so with me to be able to
• 58:14
  deal with that. Originally, I was kind of
• 58:17
  stumbling through it at first because I couldn't figure out
• 58:20
  what my sobriety looked like and eventually the way I handle it
• 58:24
  now is I don't have sex with someone unless I see a potential
• 58:27
  for relationship and this doesn't mean a monogamous
• 58:30
  relationship with one individual person because because of all
• 58:35
  the things I've done it throughout my intercourse
• 58:37
  addiction. I am not complacent with just
• 58:40
  one partner with my wife, we practice, ethical non-monogamy,
• 58:43
  which is essentially just boils down to hall passes.
• 58:45
  We Add some rules with that. Mine was I don't want any other
• 58:48
  males in our bedroom. She didn't want me to have any
• 58:52
  other female partners that were her teammates and roller derby.
• 58:55
  If they were past teammates fine if they were retired fine but
• 58:58
  not currently participating teammates.
• 59:02
  And so that was easy to follow. Um and then now with being
• 59:09
  single again or widowed it is Difficult to find a partner
• 59:15
  that's willing to have that again to meet all the things
• 59:18
  that I like in a person because that, that's the problem with
• 59:20
  those relationships. Not is anyways, is finding
• 59:22
  someone that you get along with finding someone that can put up
• 59:25
  with your shit. And then finding someone that's
• 59:28
  comparable on level of sex that you know, are willing to do the
• 59:31
  things that you want to do at a base level.
• 59:34
  You know, there are no some couples that anal sex is
• 59:38
  completely off the board, she's not interested, he's not
• 59:40
  interested that works well for them.
• 59:42
  But for me I need at least all three holes open if that if any
• 59:46
  one of them said no. Or if one of them's like, oh
• 59:49
  well, maybe anniversary treat me like the month before I like,
• 59:52
  no, that's not gonna work day one, that we start having sex.
• 59:57
  I have to have access to everything there because his
• 59:59
  other things I might want to build on.
• 1:00:01
  Um so finding a partner that's going to match all the things I
• 1:00:04
  want for me will be difficult and even if I do find that I do
• 1:00:08
  like variety I do like other women and my wife understood
• 1:00:12
  that sex is just sex. It's not Um, it doesn't have to
• 1:00:15
  always be the emotional connection that she and I had
• 1:00:18
  together. It could be just stress relief
• 1:00:20
  that we have when we have other people, easy work, or traveling
• 1:00:25
  out of town because we were used to At least once a day.
• 1:00:30
  And so several days of a dry spell, kind of sucks, because
• 1:00:33
  she would go to conventions for work, or I would go out of town
• 1:00:36
  for my own type of work. That was different.
• 1:00:40
  Oh, so we we had that understanding.
• 1:00:42
  So being able to have that again now is difficult.
• 1:00:45
  So it's better to help for me multiple partners that I can see
• 1:00:50
  basically being long-term friends with benefits with two
• 1:00:53
  or three or four women versus trying to have one night stands
• 1:00:56
  on analytical work out. So for me, it's more of a For my
• 1:00:59
  sobriety to have one or two or three or four women that I have
• 1:01:04
  a emotional connection with that, I have a relationship that
• 1:01:07
  can stand being around them. They can stand being around me
• 1:01:10
  and having sex. It's amazing because the whole
• 1:01:16
  idea of polyamory and polysexual relationships was such a New
• 1:01:20
  Concept to me. I've sort of learned of over it
• 1:01:22
  for the years and I never quite got it, but like I feel like in
• 1:01:27
  an instance like this, it makes perfect sense.
• 1:01:29
  Did I mean it's it's it's all down to type of person.
• 1:01:33
  You are what works for you, what doesn't work for you.
• 1:01:36
  You know it's just standard relationships isn't it's just
• 1:01:38
  another example of a relationship, you can have and
• 1:01:41
  you make it work in. The suppose, like any good
• 1:01:43
  relationship is communication. Angle is key.
• 1:01:46
  You know, just keeping it. Do you have any advice maybe for
• 1:01:50
  people that are sort of trying to make polyamory, or polysexual
• 1:01:54
  relationships were being honest? And again, communication.
• 1:01:57
  Like, those are, those are two most important.
• 1:01:59
  Things and being able, to be honest, with your partner to the
• 1:02:04
  point without trying to hurt their feelings.
• 1:02:06
  And not saying, oh, you're bad at sex?
• 1:02:08
  I want another girlfriend. No, no Tim.
• 1:02:10
  Hey look, you don't like Anil. I have this past partner that
• 1:02:17
  does. I don't want to date her.
• 1:02:19
  I don't want her to be my girlfriend.
• 1:02:21
  I just want to have anal sex with her.
• 1:02:23
  Whatever the conversation is, or the girlfriend could be like,
• 1:02:26
  hey look, you know, I've never been with a black guy want to
• 1:02:30
  try it, but I don't want to break up and then do it instead
• 1:02:33
  of the other. I want to give this a try and
• 1:02:34
  having that conversation and feeling out was can be
• 1:02:36
  comfortable. And with my wife, we first, when
• 1:02:42
  we Were dating because we weren't married at that point.
• 1:02:45
  That conversation kind of came up.
• 1:02:47
  She was like well I want to see guys is like at that point.
• 1:02:50
  I was already to do that with her and I was like look if
• 1:02:53
  that's what it takes for us to continue to have three sons
• 1:02:55
  because we had a couple that we kind of stumbled into if that's
• 1:02:58
  what it takes I'm fine with never having another woman and
• 1:03:00
  just me and you so kind of backfired on her because she
• 1:03:02
  thought oh I'm going to keep giving him threesomes and then
• 1:03:05
  I'll get to have guys on the side or whatever.
• 1:03:08
  Um, And so being able to have a conversation, I like okay I'm
• 1:03:12
  I'm cool with not having any ever so then we had to amend it
• 1:03:15
  and change it as it went along and how our relationship grew.
• 1:03:19
  And I think it's difficult to do that.
• 1:03:22
  Once you have a relationship started, because most people
• 1:03:25
  nowadays are kind of dead set on monogamy, but if you start
• 1:03:32
  talking about this, while you're dating, or getting to know the
• 1:03:34
  other person before you say, you're my boyfriend, you're my
• 1:03:37
  girlfriend before you have that monogamous commitment.
• 1:03:40
  Are honest. Hey, this is what I like to try.
• 1:03:41
  This is a type of relationship that would like to have.
• 1:03:44
  Then it might be more open to it, it might be okay.
• 1:03:48
  I can see this probably working or something like that working,
• 1:03:51
  not the way you want it, but maybe an amended version and
• 1:03:54
  then something that works for me.
• 1:03:55
  And then image, you will both be happy together or together with
• 1:03:58
  others. For example, be, I know I can't
• 1:04:01
  do a polyamorous relationship. I know I can't have three or
• 1:04:05
  four girlfriends that have their own boyfriends, or their own
• 1:04:07
  husbands or their own girlfriends.
• 1:04:09
  It's it It's not something I want.
• 1:04:11
  I'm very selfish. I want to prove myself.
• 1:04:14
  And so and in my idea also had, oh well maybe if I had sister
• 1:04:18
  wiser have you know four or five women that live with me, like no
• 1:04:21
  I don't want to live with them all the time.
• 1:04:23
  I just want to see them when I want to see them when they want
• 1:04:25
  to see me. So that's why I know what works
• 1:04:28
  for me can work. If I put in the effort, do you
• 1:04:32
  have any communication with whoever?
• 1:04:34
  I'm talking to whoever I'm dating or hooking up with versus
• 1:04:38
  putting that on a on a Because that's super problematic is in,
• 1:04:42
  you'll have people coming out of the woodwork that you're not
• 1:04:44
  trying to attract. So this is one of the things
• 1:04:46
  that they do in person. I think, what are your thoughts
• 1:04:49
  on day? Because obviously, you come from
• 1:04:51
  a Time sake government. I like his other 80.
• 1:04:56
  You remember the world before all of this?
• 1:04:58
  And you know you didn't have problem meeting people, these
• 1:05:01
  apps come along. It's for, you know and and
• 1:05:03
  people have, I can see positives and negatives to it.
• 1:05:06
  But I think there's largely more negatives than there are
• 1:05:09
  Activist because let's face it. It's a very superficial thing.
• 1:05:13
  You know, there are people seriously trying to make it work
• 1:05:16
  and find someone that has the same interest Etc but a lot of
• 1:05:19
  it does just come down to, are they sexually attractive or not?
• 1:05:23
  That's kind of the but most of us certainly Brands like Tinder
• 1:05:26
  and stuff it that seems to be the case but what are your
• 1:05:29
  thoughts on it? So I don't have problems with
• 1:05:33
  dating apps to use to hook up. Like, for me, I use them as
• 1:05:36
  hookup tools and I would use them whenever I travel.
• 1:05:40
  So I didn't realize it was part of the algorithm.
• 1:05:43
  I just realized that whenever I would travel, when I was married
• 1:05:47
  to him before then because I did use the internet to hook up back
• 1:05:52
  in the day, way back. So back during AOL Because the
• 1:05:55
  Internet was so new. Everyone was so excited to make
• 1:05:58
  an offline printer an internet friend.
• 1:06:00
  So you would meet up Person. So that you're always had an
• 1:06:02
  automatic connection of wanting to meet someone internet in
• 1:06:04
  person. And so once you have that report
• 1:06:07
  that you already meeting oh well, they have the internet.
• 1:06:10
  They have money. So they're safe.
• 1:06:12
  I'm guessing or whatever the logic that women used back.
• 1:06:15
  Then our girls because I was teenager, then it would be easy
• 1:06:19
  to hook up with a girl. All you had to do is get them to
• 1:06:21
  once. You got them to agree to meet up
• 1:06:22
  with you, you could get it in released I could and I'd made
• 1:06:26
  English it. Yeah.
• 1:06:28
  And so it wasn't that difficult and I played a game with another
• 1:06:31
  guy and If you want to hear just listen to my episode body count,
• 1:06:35
  when you go into too much detail, but essentially my body
• 1:06:37
  count shot up because of that game because of being able to be
• 1:06:40
  online. And then, of course, dating apps
• 1:06:44
  were actually dating websites. And there, you know, like
• 1:06:48
  eHarmony, match OkCupid, Plenty of Fish.
• 1:06:51
  When you had to spell the whole thing out, just go up, you know,
• 1:06:54
  you'd send messages and eventually those messages could
• 1:06:56
  be forwarded as SMS messages to your phone.
• 1:07:00
  But they would come in kind of like tweets because you could
• 1:07:01
  only get 120 characters at a time so that you get, you know,
• 1:07:05
  you have like 17 messages in one message that they said online
• 1:07:08
  and knows the whole thing. So I'm comfortable with using
• 1:07:11
  it, I was comfortable with you. Dating out to dating websites.
• 1:07:13
  But now it's more difficult because like you mentioned it's
• 1:07:16
  more about sex and women unfortunately how kind of the
• 1:07:23
  mistaken idea that if I can hook up with a guy that's an eight,
• 1:07:26
  then I should only hook up with eight because clearly I'm hot
• 1:07:30
  enough to date an 8 but dating and sex.
• 1:07:32
  Two different things, specific guide.
• 1:07:34
  You could probably tested. This is that?
• 1:07:35
  Yeah, you might hook up with an ugly girl because you've been
• 1:07:38
  through a dry spell, you might hook up with the unattractive,
• 1:07:41
  overweight whatever. / because you know, you've had a one-month
• 1:07:45
  pre month year long dry spell. And you go through that and now
• 1:07:49
  this woman thinks that, you know, yeah, Christian Reeve is
• 1:07:51
  my standard this long hair attractive me, young man is the
• 1:07:55
  type of guy I can get even though she kind of looks like
• 1:07:58
  Rebel Wilson before she lost all the weight.
• 1:08:00
  And now she won't talk to any guys that are overweight or in
• 1:08:05
  her League. That are also fours or fives or
• 1:08:07
  whatever you want to rate that type of physical appearance.
• 1:08:09
  And so women have Standard of only eight signs and tends to
• 1:08:14
  talk to me even though they're not that level.
• 1:08:16
  So that's where the disparity that we see in studies and such
• 1:08:21
  about 20% of the guys, get 80% of the women because they will
• 1:08:27
  step down and women are putting up out of their league.
• 1:08:31
  And so I would do the same things.
• 1:08:32
  Whenever I travel, I would change my ZIP code to wherever I
• 1:08:35
  was going to, and because I change my ZIP code, it would
• 1:08:38
  seem like I was a new person in the area, how you put to the
• 1:08:41
  front Of the matches or whatever it is.
• 1:08:43
  Something I learned the past year.
• 1:08:47
  So the way the algorithm that looks so I was kind of cheating
• 1:08:50
  because I was traveling and I have matches and hook up with
• 1:08:54
  barely to track pretty attractive, woman to all women.
• 1:08:56
  Now, when I got to new town and of course, and they would find
• 1:08:59
  out on just here in town for a couple weeks.
• 1:09:01
  I like, I told you, I'm not doing it.
• 1:09:02
  I'm just here visiting from that family here.
• 1:09:05
  Whatever was in town for. And so, Dating apps aren't that
• 1:09:10
  difficult to use if you know how to manipulate them but I
• 1:09:12
  personally prefer to meet a person, I don't like dating apps
• 1:09:15
  because most of the excitation either just sex or they they
• 1:09:23
  being the unattractive. Women think that there are Miley
• 1:09:26
  and want me to jump through hoops, just to get them to or
• 1:09:30
  get me to get them to go on a date.
• 1:09:32
  Like am I going to take you to an expensive dinner?
• 1:09:34
  Just because you reply to my message and or two because you
• 1:09:37
  message me. Because you were not someone
• 1:09:39
  that I would walk around in public.
• 1:09:44
  Let's move forward so go back to near death experiences again for
• 1:09:50
  a second. You had a lot of experiences.
• 1:09:54
  Being at knifepoint and gunpoint.
• 1:09:56
  Even I just wanted to kind of touch on this for a little bit
• 1:10:00
  and walk through your experiences being in in those
• 1:10:05
  experiences of being a knife point and gunpoint.
• 1:10:10
  Does Russell Middle School and High School?
• 1:10:12
  And again, there's the sauce down for me.
• 1:10:14
  Chasing girls are pissing off. Somebody's brother sister or
• 1:10:18
  brother boyfriend, or ex or whatever.
• 1:10:21
  Or is even a guy that thought that this was his girl, even
• 1:10:24
  though he never talked to her, had a couple of those, the knife
• 1:10:27
  point, I wasn't really scared but I knew it could have gone
• 1:10:31
  bad. In those situations, the gun
• 1:10:33
  being held at gunpoint. The first few times was scary,
• 1:10:36
  because it wasn't so much that I was afraid.
• 1:10:40
  Afraid of them being capable of killing me.
• 1:10:41
  I was afraid of them. Having a Twitchy trigger finger
• 1:10:45
  or getting nervous and accidentally shooting me and
• 1:10:48
  killing me or shooting me in paralyzing me, exhales moment.
• 1:10:51
  That's my biggest fears. Being paralyzed in a
• 1:10:53
  quadriplegic And so that was my fear initially and then
• 1:11:00
  eventually after the fourth or fifth time that I was held at
• 1:11:02
  gunpoint and most of these were just threats to pay.
• 1:11:06
  Stop talking to this girl. Hey, stop doing this.
• 1:11:09
  Stop doing that because it was more to get me to change my
• 1:11:12
  behavior essential and So I laugh because one of the guys,
• 1:11:20
  we ended up becoming friends because I taught him how to talk
• 1:11:22
  to girls and pick up girls because he was a very shy
• 1:11:26
  gangster. He was a very, it was weird.
• 1:11:28
  It was what it was worth it. So that's why I got a chuckle
• 1:11:30
  because I remembered it. And so then later I found out
• 1:11:35
  that a lot of these guys were carrying empty guns just to try
• 1:11:38
  to scare me because they Just angry at me essentially, but
• 1:11:45
  again, the first few times being held at knifepoint or gunpoint
• 1:11:48
  is scary. It's like, I'm not at this super
• 1:11:50
  tough macho guy that isn't afraid of anything, especially
• 1:11:53
  as a teenager, a teenager, I was afraid but I didn't show it.
• 1:11:58
  I made sure that I didn't let them see that, whatever.
• 1:12:02
  And it again that also ties into me thinking that I was gonna be
• 1:12:06
  dead by the age of 20, like I wasn't going to be old enough to
• 1:12:08
  live, to be old enough to drink legally in the US.
• 1:12:13
  And so me having that mentality of made it easy for me to not
• 1:12:19
  care if I live or die door. Not expect to live for so long.
• 1:12:23
  So if I got shot in a mugging, which shall bulimic twice, the
• 1:12:26
  other ones were just making threats.
• 1:12:31
  Then I would had it in my mind that I, if they're gonna, I
• 1:12:34
  prefer, I prefer to be held at knife point because, at least,
• 1:12:37
  then I could fight them off of it and then try to stab them to
• 1:12:40
  was kind of like, my mentality. With the gun point is just like,
• 1:12:42
  well shit. What am I gonna do?
• 1:12:44
  I can't reach in, grab a pole, the gun away faster than they
• 1:12:47
  can pull a trigger and even if I do put my hands on it, I could
• 1:12:50
  accidentally get them to shoot me.
• 1:12:52
  So um, yeah, there was that fear initially but over time it just
• 1:12:58
  okay. Now, what was was more of the
• 1:13:00
  Situation that I had it going on, ER, how I handled it.
• 1:13:07
  Consider an apple multiple times.
• 1:13:09
  I'm guessing you. Good luck a good able to
• 1:13:13
  persuade people not to do this. That's a good good.
• 1:13:18
  I don't know if it's I won't call it a Gift of Gab.
• 1:13:23
  I would say more of just being able to read people well because
• 1:13:27
  I'm an only child, I would entertain Myself by not creating
• 1:13:33
  world that just creating personas of how people would
• 1:13:35
  live their lives. So, Even today, I in my mind
• 1:13:40
  occasionally, whenever I'm bored because I tried is not to use my
• 1:13:42
  phone or have my phone. Whenever I'm waiting for
• 1:13:44
  something, I try to force myself to think and do other things.
• 1:13:50
  I imagine what my life would have been like at different
• 1:13:52
  points in my life, there is a version of me that could have
• 1:13:56
  gone to Yale. There's a version me that would
• 1:13:58
  have stayed in the military done a 20-year career so different
• 1:14:01
  things like that, I wonder. Okay where would I be at now?
• 1:14:04
  What I'd be happy what would be going on?
• 1:14:05
  What I still be married. What?
• 1:14:06
  You divorce, what? I, you know, all these little
• 1:14:08
  different things and how my kids Woodhaven kind of imagining
• 1:14:12
  these worlds that I could essentially turned to books, but
• 1:14:16
  writing that out in my head to keep myself entertained, so
• 1:14:19
  being able to see different people's perspectives and
• 1:14:24
  realize people don't see things. Always the same way or the way I
• 1:14:28
  experience. And so bias is essentially
• 1:14:30
  trying to remove my biases and being able to put myself in
• 1:14:34
  other people's shoes, makes it easier.
• 1:14:36
  For me, too. Cut going back to being in your
• 1:14:41
  course attic. Is being able to be essentially
• 1:14:43
  a master manipulator. Convincing people, married
• 1:14:45
  women, or 20 plus years or 15 plus years to sleep with me.
• 1:14:50
  Just because, you know, it might be a good idea, might be fun and
• 1:14:54
  being able to use small Motivators in people have to
• 1:15:02
  call the term is called, essentially figuring out what
• 1:15:04
  makes them tick whether Their Fear motivated or agree,
• 1:15:07
  motivated it. What, most people boil down to
• 1:15:10
  you and using that to manipulate them, to do something I want to
• 1:15:13
  do, or just try something different, getting a girl, or a
• 1:15:17
  married woman online, to give me a strip show on Zoomer on disk
• 1:15:22
  or and then realizing, okay? She won't do that and then play
• 1:15:26
  with her. They all.
• 1:15:26
  Hey, do you see when you get a new dress?
• 1:15:29
  He tried it on and he sent me a picture and she'll go try it on
• 1:15:32
  for me because it's not a sexual.
• 1:15:33
  She is, she thinks it is for me or have a rearrange of furniture
• 1:15:36
  in a room. So being able to read people and
• 1:15:44
  just figure out how to use it, because it really just was out
• 1:15:46
  for me learning how to be able to use people and exploit them.
• 1:15:50
  Pre 2 2012, 20 15 ish because in that area is too cuz I'm gray
• 1:15:56
  area where it still use people. But since then, I realize it's
• 1:15:59
  better to get people to do, things aren't even get them to
• 1:16:01
  do. Things is give them enough
• 1:16:05
  reason to want to do something for me in exchange as something
• 1:16:09
  mutual and a growing as a relationship versus just using
• 1:16:12
  it and you can So much more reap so much more benefits and
• 1:16:16
  rewards by sharing and being giving then trying to manipulate
• 1:16:21
  twisting. You see there was this, what did
• 1:16:25
  you develop the ability to do this was this something that you
• 1:16:28
  just kind of developed as you got older was it may be
• 1:16:30
  something, you know, from your parents or food like this, which
• 1:16:33
  is I don't know if I observed it but I know I started doing it.
• 1:16:38
  And since middle school, when I was chasing after these girls
• 1:16:42
  and I realized that the worst thing they could do is say no.
• 1:16:48
  I know as I got older and even now I still kind of learn and
• 1:16:52
  study psychology but I don't just Google search.
• 1:16:55
  Oh, hey, how do I get people to do this?
• 1:16:56
  I'll go to scholar.google.com, Andre Theses on just random
• 1:17:01
  topics and I don't read the whole thesis, I'll just read the
• 1:17:06
  abstract, read the conclusion in the read, the footnotes in
• 1:17:08
  citations, figure out who the authors are and they do a
• 1:17:13
  YouTube search for them. And then, that way, I can get a
• 1:17:16
  Layman's version of what their whole talk is about, who they
• 1:17:19
  are about the, the author's. So I kind of get a doctorate
• 1:17:24
  level education on anything I want, but using YouTube, but I
• 1:17:28
  have to go and kind of do a little bit of research.
• 1:17:31
  And so that's one aspect of how I own that ability to understand
• 1:17:38
  people better in general, but as a kid I think I kind of took
• 1:17:45
  that whole honey and vinegar to get one of the you can get chip
• 1:17:53
  lies honey. Vinegar, even though technically
• 1:17:56
  flies are attracted to shit, but still the, the saying of you
• 1:18:01
  need people to do what you want. If you're being nice to them but
• 1:18:04
  you can still get people to do what you want if you find out
• 1:18:08
  their motivations and it wasn't that difficult because Let's
• 1:18:14
  work. I don't want to see more sound
• 1:18:17
  like I'm smarter than the average person I just was bored
• 1:18:21
  with school because in school I was able to retain information
• 1:18:26
  while. So I was bored in class until
• 1:18:28
  it's time to take a test and then I was using the first or
• 1:18:30
  second person done with the test, turn it in and still get
• 1:18:33
  all A's and B's High marks. And so, how else am I going to
• 1:18:37
  entertain myself? Because I was offered to be
• 1:18:42
  jumped a grade level for different times because you I
• 1:18:46
  was just at the top of my class without even trying because I
• 1:18:51
  was bored. So I entertain Myself by
• 1:18:54
  manipulating others to not just for my benefit but just for my
• 1:18:57
  own Amusement of basically in a shit starter, you know?
• 1:19:00
  Hey Susie did you hear that? Maria is talking to your
• 1:19:02
  boyfriend John? Yeah, I heard them talking the
• 1:19:05
  other day. Just leave that alone and then
• 1:19:07
  eventually it turned into a fight.
• 1:19:08
  And then Maria would break up with John or I'm Susie break up
• 1:19:11
  with John and Maria and John would start talking to see.
• 1:19:15
  I told you. What I get back at him.
• 1:19:17
  Don't you suck my dick. You know it's it's just fucking
• 1:19:22
  For me, it's easy. I understand.
• 1:19:25
  Some people can't even imagine doing that and it.
• 1:19:28
  Yes, it is wrong. I understand.
• 1:19:30
  Now, as an adult, I was wrong, but as a kid, you know, it's it
• 1:19:33
  was like me fucking with the my magnifying glass and ants.
• 1:19:36
  That's the way I saw other people is just toys to be used
• 1:19:40
  because I was a poor kid. I didn't have that many toys.
• 1:19:44
  I had seven toys roughly growing up and the two major ones, a
• 1:19:48
  Nintendo and Super Nintendo were gift for my father for
• 1:19:51
  Christmas. And my birthday.
• 1:19:53
  So everything else was either hand me downs or stuff?
• 1:19:57
  I got from a thrift store. So how else am I supposed to
• 1:19:59
  entertain myself? What was the point where that
• 1:20:02
  kind of changed for you? And you stop, you started to
• 1:20:05
  kind of realize like hey maybe this is wrong maybe I need to
• 1:20:09
  change this 2011 2012 when I started doing my therapy for my
• 1:20:14
  intercourse, addiction realizing that I was using people for
• 1:20:19
  short-term gains and I should Try to help people for stronger
• 1:20:25
  relationships. And even that, that realization
• 1:20:29
  took time like I realized, okay, this is wrong.
• 1:20:32
  And then, oh, I can get more. Reciprocity by being nice.
• 1:20:37
  Like I can be nice in the short term to get something right now,
• 1:20:40
  but if I'm consistently, nice, I'll get a greater relationship
• 1:20:43
  with greater reward. I doing that.
• 1:20:46
  And so that was roughly about a year period from 2011 to 2012
• 1:20:50
  that I was able to okay, don't be an asshole, you get more and
• 1:20:54
  I get lasting relationships too because even going back to just
• 1:20:58
  being an intercourse addict using women and subjugating them
• 1:21:02
  in the moment. Yeah they do it for me because
• 1:21:04
  he Avoid it then and there. But over time me consistently
• 1:21:08
  just treating them as an object or using them as an object, they
• 1:21:11
  got tired of it and wanted to be seen as a person.
• 1:21:14
  And so I would only get to play with them for a month, to maybe
• 1:21:17
  your max versus relationships that I started in about 2010
• 1:21:22
  tour, 2012 fish that I can still see them now because when we
• 1:21:27
  have sex, yes, I use them. Subjugate them, but outside of
• 1:21:30
  sex as uses a treat them as a person and do what I can for
• 1:21:34
  them. And have her sir.
• 1:21:35
  Prosody there that is a Goodwill and good nature.
• 1:21:39
  And so now we can still do vile things in the bedroom or public,
• 1:21:44
  where we are, but it's still a relationship versus just one or
• 1:21:51
  two, three, or maybe a dozen times.
• 1:21:54
  But I've got put like a ton of this Gator.
• 1:21:56
  Is a traffic warning at first? No, it's good.
• 1:22:03
  It's good. It's um, it's foreign territory
• 1:22:05
  for me base. I can't not be fascinated.
• 1:22:08
  I think for me, I just I love to learn about people and their
• 1:22:12
  stories. And, you know, I think we both
• 1:22:14
  share a love of, like, human psychology and the way that
• 1:22:16
  works and stuff, and it's just bad.
• 1:22:19
  I could ask you questions all day, but I'm gonna start trying
• 1:22:23
  wound it down a little It now. And so I've got a few final
• 1:22:27
  questions for you but one thing I want to do is to kind of put a
• 1:22:29
  bow on the near-death experiences. no, I asked you a
• 1:22:34
  little bit at the beginning of the hour, but With everything
• 1:22:40
  that you've learned over the years.
• 1:22:42
  But if you experiences, you know, outside of near-death
• 1:22:44
  experiences and also with near-death experiences, how has
• 1:22:49
  this shaped the way that you see life the way that you live your
• 1:22:56
  life and everything in between. Now, I live Morpher.
• 1:23:03
  Experiences of / me and I get this kind of a kind of a
• 1:23:06
  millennial thing they do. Yeah I'm not gonna I'm gonna go
• 1:23:08
  have my trip and experience whatever but I like to have
• 1:23:12
  experiences and connections because sure I could make extra
• 1:23:18
  a year and you know have all these toys at home but what good
• 1:23:22
  does it do me or anyone else having all these toys and having
• 1:23:24
  all these fancy quote-unquote things and at the same time
• 1:23:28
  realizing like I said earlier is that I could die at any moment
• 1:23:31
  but knowing Knowing that I could die.
• 1:23:34
  So instead of putting off. Oh yeah, I'm gonna work out
• 1:23:38
  starting tomorrow or starting next week or I'm going to fix
• 1:23:43
  the gutters to know. Is simple, menial things, but
• 1:23:46
  the sooner you get those things done that the menial tasks in
• 1:23:49
  the sooner. You can start enjoying in doing
• 1:23:51
  other things. You want to do it once I get
• 1:23:52
  done with the gutters. Now, I can go to the park and
• 1:23:56
  meet a girl and on a soul mate, but you're never going to get
• 1:23:59
  those better things. If you don't get, you know, you
• 1:24:02
  don't 10th house, you don't take care of your yourself first.
• 1:24:07
  And so, My past started from realizing I could die.
• 1:24:11
  Okay, make beat make me be a better me so that way when I go
• 1:24:14
  out in the world I'm more entertaining a more.
• 1:24:19
  Someone people want to be around.
• 1:24:20
  You want spend time with and want more by time.
• 1:24:22
  So if I'm just an average, oh yeah, I nearly died.
• 1:24:28
  Well, what do you talk about? Was the point of this, this
• 1:24:30
  episode, but having more depth and more breath makes for more
• 1:24:34
  interesting conversation, not just me specifically and just
• 1:24:37
  everyone, in general, that more people want to be around you.
• 1:24:40
  You can have more interactive relationship so that for me is
• 1:24:44
  the most important thing learning from nearly dying.
• 1:24:46
  So many times being a widower and really realizing that we
• 1:24:50
  could die at any moment because even though I had that in my
• 1:24:53
  mind, yeah, I could die. I thought.
• 1:24:56
  Yeah, me my wife bring me together for her. 40 years, 40,
• 1:24:59
  50 years, however, long you know, the average life
• 1:25:00
  expectancy it and realizing we only had four years and 11 days
• 1:25:04
  together. Shit, you know, now I need to
• 1:25:09
  live more of my life rather than just exist in my life.
• 1:25:14
  Wow just I'm just very really inspired by this episode.
• 1:25:18
  Thank you so much a couple of final questions for you.
• 1:25:23
  What's the best advice you've ever received?
• 1:25:33
  From my father was women are born with the pussy, they don't
• 1:25:36
  want another one, and so God, that's trigger warning, but it
• 1:25:45
  works in the oven, multiple levels, not just in getting
• 1:25:47
  women but being a man being able to stand up for yourself, you
• 1:25:51
  get respect from other men. You get respect from other peers
• 1:25:54
  and you don't get treated as a pushover know what even tries
• 1:25:58
  to. Poke me or for lack of a better
• 1:26:02
  term, you know? Sure, people play jokes on me,
• 1:26:05
  but those are close friends, that we know we can fuck around
• 1:26:07
  with each other versus starting a new job or being in a new
• 1:26:11
  place. And someone trying to figure out
• 1:26:14
  the pecking order in the pecking order.
• 1:26:16
  Is I'm not below you. I am here.
• 1:26:18
  This is where my stuff, my position is, and you're either
• 1:26:20
  going to meet me but you're not going to be above me or making
• 1:26:23
  fun of me or ridicule him. You do whatever you want.
• 1:26:26
  Like I am not a pushover. I can be kind cord.
• 1:26:30
  Really nice. But that has been a great advice
• 1:26:34
  that I got my father when I was 12 or 13.
• 1:26:37
  Of course. At the time I didn't really get
• 1:26:38
  it. Yeah, I kind of got it, but
• 1:26:40
  didn't get it. I thought it was just a Civic to
• 1:26:41
  women but that's been applicable applicable for my entire life.
• 1:26:47
  What's the biggest life lesson you've learned so far?
• 1:26:54
  Hmm, that is that's a tough question because like lesson You
• 1:27:03
  can't do it by yourself. You can be alone.
• 1:27:07
  I meant as an only child up comfortable being alone, but you
• 1:27:10
  can't get through life by yourself.
• 1:27:12
  You need others, and that's where it's important to have
• 1:27:17
  healthy. Strong relationships, not just
• 1:27:20
  romantic, but healthy, strong relationships with everyone, you
• 1:27:22
  interact with knowing that you could be reliable, knowing that
• 1:27:26
  they can be reliable and building on those relationships
• 1:27:30
  of trust that, you know, Maybe one day down the road when
• 1:27:34
  Christian Reeves a podcast becomes, you know, the next Joe
• 1:27:37
  Rogan, you know, who the hey, you know, check out my friend
• 1:27:40
  guy. Oh, he's, you should check him
• 1:27:41
  out, whatever. He's kind of funny, you know.
• 1:27:43
  So those kind of things versus how many come to you, ten years
• 1:27:46
  down the road and make a transactional.
• 1:27:48
  Hey, could you plug me on your podcast?
• 1:27:50
  I'll give you 10 grand. You know, that or vice versa,
• 1:27:54
  you know, for should repay fuck. I had fun talking it on an
• 1:27:57
  episode that isn't my Niche and getting to be more expressive a
• 1:28:02
  sure, man. Okay, come on.
• 1:28:03
  I'll have you on once a month and you know whatever you know
• 1:28:06
  that that's the type of thing that and it kind of sounds
• 1:28:10
  manipulative or that I'm being dumb.
• 1:28:13
  Whatever predacious and thinking of oh yeah I can use this person
• 1:28:16
  in the future but I know I can maybe maybe I'll quit.
• 1:28:19
  Maybe I'll quit doing podcasting next month or this at the end of
• 1:28:21
  this season this year. Yeah, fuck it is too much work.
• 1:28:24
  I'd rather do something else. But whatever it is, you know,
• 1:28:26
  there's still that friendship or not animosity, being amicable
• 1:28:33
  enough to have a conversation offline, you know, for random
• 1:28:37
  things are pick each other's brains or whatever comes up and
• 1:28:41
  have an enjoyable. Well, you know, so yeah, the
• 1:28:43
  most important life lesson, our biggest life lesson is I can be
• 1:28:47
  good everyone. I completely agree with what
• 1:28:49
  you're saying the like. I know some people like no no,
• 1:28:51
  no, you just do things, the goodness of your heart and
• 1:28:54
  everything and like I agree and you know I've done things in my
• 1:28:58
  life likes a volunteer work. Help people for nothing not
• 1:29:01
  expected anything back. Sure, that's great.
• 1:29:03
  That's good. But the reality is like, you do
• 1:29:08
  hope that if you are in a position people will help you
• 1:29:11
  back and stuff. if and I think it's Sometimes we expect that
• 1:29:17
  and you don't get it back and it's, you know, it's a tough
• 1:29:20
  lesson to learn but that's just how it is sometimes.
• 1:29:22
  But there will be people that yeah, will, you know, help you
• 1:29:26
  out and stuff? And, you know, be it friends,
• 1:29:29
  family acquaintances, you know, in business.
• 1:29:32
  I think about this a lot. I do like, I think, like, let's
• 1:29:36
  say years down the road for example, in this show I've had
• 1:29:40
  people I've reached out to people I know who then became
• 1:29:46
  made a success of themself and then inevitably started acting
• 1:29:50
  differently towards me once that happened.
• 1:29:52
  And at first, I was annoyed. Now I just see it as okay?
• 1:29:57
  I'm gonna remember that. I'm going to keep hold of that
• 1:30:00
  as a gesture that the defines ER they shows you more of their
• 1:30:03
  character and that's something that I don't want to do anymore.
• 1:30:06
  It's not it's not just that but like I think about that and I
• 1:30:08
  think like if I would ever potentially one day make it and
• 1:30:12
  they said like this show because Just success, I'll remember
• 1:30:15
  that. And if they reach out I probably
• 1:30:19
  would ignore them me messages to be honest.
• 1:30:24
  I just being honest. I mean, you know, you know mine
• 1:30:30
  but no but in all seriousness, like II, totally agree with you.
• 1:30:32
  I think there's we do need each other, we're better together
• 1:30:36
  than we are apart and that's just how it is then.
• 1:30:39
  But yeah, well really, really grateful for your time.
• 1:30:44
  Go a massive, massive pleasure final question for you.
• 1:30:48
  Do you have any upcoming projects projects or some final
• 1:30:51
  thoughts that you'd like to share with our listeners know?
• 1:30:55
  Just I am I have my own podcast that's more geared towards
• 1:30:59
  dating relationship and life. Advice with the Kink twist, the
• 1:31:03
  king twist is anything dirty or crazy is just that King stirs in
• 1:31:06
  general, we have open and honest conversation before we do
• 1:31:10
  anything sexual. And so if everyone approach like
• 1:31:14
  that way of being honest, instead of hoping someone
• 1:31:17
  understand, Has your innuendo or someone figures out what you
• 1:31:21
  really mean because you don't want to come out front and ask
• 1:31:23
  for it. You know just being direct and
• 1:31:26
  honest could save us all a lot of time as far as projects,
• 1:31:32
  nothing really nothing sticks out, but Yeah, just if anything,
• 1:31:37
  you want to complain to me about anything, I've said, because I
• 1:31:42
  hurt your feelings, or mm. You wanna expand or have deeper
• 1:31:46
  questions. You can find me easily.
• 1:31:47
  Atsushi Aesthetics, y, z. You can text me and call me.
• 1:31:51
  You can email me or find my socials.
• 1:31:53
  I will always answer them and you know I don't get offended.
• 1:31:57
  So if I have offended you I don't apologize it.
• 1:31:59
  Maybe I can help you see my point of view.
• 1:32:02
  Absolute pleasure, thank you so much for being on the show.
• 1:32:04
  It's been a real pleasure. Yeah, it's in pain.
• 1:32:08
  Oh my love after enjoyed this. It to be honest I needed this it
• 1:32:12
  was a reminder of why I did the show.
• 1:32:14
  So thank you into the listeners of the Christian way podcast.
• 1:32:17
  As always, thank you for listening.
• 1:32:19
  I hope you enjoyed this episode. Be safe, be well and I'll see
• 1:32:23
  you in the next one.