Latest / Man In Your Corner with Shaun Tucker / You Are Best Served to Help the Person You Used to Be: The Guide, Not the Hero | Ep. 118
Transcript
- Shaun: Welcome back to the reset. I am Sean Tucker, human performance scientist and authority architect. We are here in the Living Lab documenting the science, the struggle, and We are back in the Living Lab documenting the struggle, the science, and the shift for every high-performance dad and founder who's ready to bridge the gap between their ambition and their presence. Today I'm going to talk about this topic. This is a quote that I heard a few years ago. You are best served to help that person you used to be. This will help you really bridge the gap between. This will help you master the man beneath the performance. Because what you're doing is you're relating to yourself. How you connect to others is how you connect to yourself. This is such a crucial part of getting into business, selling, influencing people, making friends, having relationships, having a spouse, having a having children and building Unforgettable relationships with people. It's so critical that you understand that your story is what makes you unique. If we took away your memory and you didn't have any story, no one would connect with you. Because they wouldn't recognize themselves in you. And this part, I think, is so critical for coaches and for people in the online space to be able to convey their message properly so that the the right kind of person listens. You have to reach in pretty deep. You gotta reach in to where your truth lives. You gotta face what you have gone through in order to be able to get to the other side and be able to say, this is what I this is what I did. This is what you can do too. Because that's the most critical part. This is what you can do as well. No one will work with you if it's all about you. You have to make it about them. So the best way to do that is to move yourself away from being the hero of your story, because you've already lived that. To being the guide of someone else's story. To being the teacher in someone else's journey. To being the Sherpa who helps the person carry up the luggage. Up the mountain that you've climbed. Because I'm sure along the way you've had a quite a number of people who have helped you along the way as well. And this episode is all about understanding how you can see yourself as being the guide and not so much as the hero anymore. So going back to your story, going back to your experiences of life this far, so you can really connect the dots. Because something I've noticed in my in my life and the last few weeks especially, but I'd say in in particular, it's been the last couple of weeks. But if I looked a bit longer, I would say the last four years of being in the online space. And probably the last eight years of being in a business, running my own business. It takes a lot of courage to show up every day and do what it is you say you're gonna do. When no one is paying you when you don't get a a paycheck guaranteed at the end of the day, when anyone can sack you at any one moment. You don't even have to pay yourself. Right? There's there's a lot of unknowns when it get when you get yourself into business. And there's more and more unknowns when you get yourself into the online space as well. Because at least if you have a front facing business, like you're in a shop or something, you have audience, you have people walking around. When you're in the online space, there's no physical people. There are maybe messages, there are impressions, there are views, there are likes, there are comments. Which I guess you could treat them the same as being in person, as having that front face shop. But it is very different. Cause we as humans we connect way more in person than we do online. So you're best served to help the person you used to be. This is a quote I first heard I think back in twenty eighteen or twenty nineteen. And I thought it for a second. Yeah. It's interesting. I used to be quite overweight. And now I'm helping people who are going from being overweight to fit. You know, they're getting fit and strong. But not only that. What I've reflected on is actually the people that I used to come across when I was running my personal training business within the commercial gym was these people were mostly fit and they were pretty healthy. The one thing that they had that was going against them was actually their mind and their emotions. And so what I mean by that is yes, I used to also serve people who were quite over obese and overweight, but I actually used to help more people on practicing the consistency part, showing up and making health a habit, making healthy choices a good habit. And I think the part that was most crucial was actually the conversations that we were having. It wasn't so much the exercise. Because we actually got to know each other. And that I think the idea of the third space or the third place, I'm even now realising as I'm talking it out loud, that's probably what they were coming to me for. Because they were known for their work. They were known at home. But outside of those those two things, they didn't really know themselves. They had hobbies, they had friends, but it's not the same as having someone who's completely removed from those first two things to actually see you for who you are. That's quite rare actually, and I think that's probably a large reason why a lot of people do actually engage personal trainers for their services. Of course, there is the side effect benefits of getting Exercise or performance, depending on if they're athletes or what their goals are, of course. But I think one of the main objectives it's not told, it's not what they want, but it's certainly what they need, is that social interaction. It's that weekly repeated socially in social interaction that helps the person maintain their balance and really their groundedness in their life. Because if you think about it, When we go to work, when we show up at home, we have people around us who are holding us to that standard. When we are by ourselves and when we are maybe isolating ourselves or we go to the gym, we we have all these hobbies, we do all these things. Nobody can really hold us to that same standard that we're being held at by our family or by our work colleagues. And it might drop, it might increase, I don't know. But when you have someone that you can go to who helps you hold that level of standard within yourself, your life can change pretty dramatically. And that is actually quite cool, I think. Because I think we are meant to have mentors. I think we are meant to have guides in our life. I think we are supposed to have coaches that help bring out the best in us. I think we're also supposed to have those coaches that bring out the worst in us too. Because if not for them, we don't actually get to see our true edges. The edges of who we dare not to be. or who we never want to be ever again because that was a regretful and remorseful experience for me. I think it's such a crucial crucial thing to have these people because Our parents, whether we like it or not, they were either there when we were children, and they were really strong role models and guides, or they were passive, or they maybe weren't even there. And that's that's the sad reality of a lot of working parents when when we go through that stage of of parenting, especially when you're in a big family or doesn't even matter if you're in a big family or small family. But having a a parent that is either mentally absent, physically absent, or maybe even having them there and maybe you just didn't see it, I mean these things matter in the development of the of the children. the child even and maybe those roles that you're seeking or those people that you want in your life that are guides and mentors, it's because you had a lack of them when you were younger. And that's okay to be at peace with that. Because it means that you sought after these people, maybe e originally or initially coming from a place of lack, but now that you see the truth, you can move on and actually find people who actually resonate and align with not only the direction you're heading, maybe it's inwards, maybe it's goal-oriented, but also life oriented. People who bring out the best in you. And I think that is such a crucial element that I would love to contribute to the world. 'Cause I think there's such a lack of grounded, masculine men as guides and mentors for our next generation of boys becoming men. I think it's so crucial and critical because at some point those boys will become men and they'll become dads. Not all of them. But depending on what type of dad they become or what kind of man they become. that will really show up in society. And I think it's it's on me, it's on all men, as their duty to show what's possible, to show what we're really capable of. To show that we have choice, we can exercise choice. That we can choose to show up how we want to show up. So we don't have to react to what's negatively happening in the world. So you are best equipped to help that person you used to be. You are best served to help that person you used to be. And I would love for you to go and find someone. And maybe you don't even know who they are. Maybe, maybe they're they are already there. They're already following in your footsteps and you just didn't see it. Maybe you have already loyal followers in your circle who look up to you. Who see you as their guide And all I would encourage you to do is to see it, to take it take it into your awareness, and really use it as fuel to keep on going, to keep building yourself, not from a material possession way or not those kind of outcomes, but in terms of presence, in terms of safety, in terms of looking within yourself. being absolutely loving and compassionate to whoever you see, whoever you engage with. That's the mission. Shall you choose to accept it? So if you found today's episode helpful, I encourage you to share it with one person. That's all I ask. Thanks so much for tuning in. That brings us to the end of the reset today. So if you're ready to stop being a passenger and start being the living architect of your legacy, then make sure you comment the word reset and I'll shoot you the seven-day integrity reset. Thanks so much for tuning in and I'll see you in the next one.