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Narcissists absolutely hate when people tell them what to do · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So one thing that narcissists hate is being told what to do.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
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  The Narcissist Code. Today's episode is about just
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  that y'all, just that. How narcissistic people, toxic
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  people, hate being told what do what to do?
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  They hate. We hate authority figures
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  because yes, I'm a diagnosed narcissist and I fit the
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  criteria for hating when people tell me what to do.
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  Even small things, even things that will benefit me, even
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  things that will benefit the narcissistic person in your life
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  in the long run, even things that will benefit that person.
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  They hate it when it comes from somebody else.
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  Like, it's just like, if you can tell me what to do, it means
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  you're in control of me. If you can.
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  If you can direct me, it means you're in control.
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  It means that I am less than you.
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  It means it makes me feel less than you.
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  It makes me feel like I'm not in control over my own being.
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  Like I have no autonomy over myself.
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  It's like you are in control of me, and I don't like that.
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  I don't want that. I don't need it.
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  I don't crave that. Like I hate it and like most
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  narcissists hate it. Like it's very it would be very
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  rare for you to find a narcissist or a toxic person
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  that you are dealing with or have dealt with that will like
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  to like for you to tell them what to do that likes for people
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  to give them directions. That's why you see a lot of
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  times in this, this happens in relationships dynamics a lot,
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  but it really, really happens in the workplace.
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  If you're like a narcissist with a boss, if they narcissist is
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  just an employee. And I don't say like I'm not
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  trying to put down employees, y'all I was an employee for a
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  very long time. But it's just like when a
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  narcissist has a boss. Like, they rarely ever respect
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  the boss. Even if their boss or supervisor
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  or shift leader or, you know, whatever it is, even if that
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  person is their friend, even if that person is a family member,
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  they don't like it That, like, hate y'all just with a raw,
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  seething passion. Like you can it's.
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  I'm not laughing, 'cause it's funny.
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  I'm laughing because it's it's silly.
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  It really is silly. It's just like you can tell them
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  to like, hey babe, can you do that?
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  Like, I need you to do that. You don't even use the word can.
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  If you say I need you to do this, I need you to take.
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  I need you to take out the garbage.
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  Don't don't tell me what to do. I know.
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  I know. I was going to take it out
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  anyway. I was going to do it anyway.
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  I don't need you to tell me what to do.
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  I don't need you to tell me to take out the garbage.
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  I don't need you to tell me to do this.
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  I got this. I don't need you running your
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  mouth for trying to do boss me around.
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  Direct me. You don't.
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  You're not my boss. You're not the boss of me.
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  You see how they just created an argument out of nothing.
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  You see how that are literally, that was based on nothing but
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  self esteem and ego right there. A fragile ego at that.
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  You see how they just got like we just argued literally over
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  nothing because you told me we because I interpreted it as you
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  telling me what to do and you being in control.
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  I interpreted it that as me being less than you.
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  And that's what happens a lot of times.
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  That's that's the mistake that a lot of a lot of narcissists make
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  right there. Y'all misinterpreting things,
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  you know? But a lot of narcissists do
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  that. Y'all They take things and
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  misinterpret it and just blow, blow Their lids.
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  Just go over the top with things.
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  Just literally, literally can lose their minds over the tone
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  in which somebody said something, over the tone in
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  which something was conveyed to them, over the tone in which
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  something was like, like I said, just like just misinterpreting
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  stuff. Y'all they hate, like don't just
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  hate being told what to do. And this is not.
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  I know this doesn't come as a shock to many people.
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  It's just like leave that just makes sense because the
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  narcissistic person that I dealt with hated, hated, Hated For me
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  to tell them what to do or give them directions or give them a
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  list of things to do or give them a list of tasks that I
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  needed completed. Or to you know, if I needed them
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  to do something, I had to ask them nicely to make it feel
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  like, to make them feel like it wasn't a demand is it was a
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  request that like, you have to. Why?
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  I know it sucks. Y'all I know it sucks.
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  And I even sucks that I have to say this.
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  But you have to watch how you speak to narcissist because if
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  they take what you say the wrong way, they will just run with it.
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  Y'all, they just will, and they'll just take something and
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  blow it way out of proportion and have you just flailing
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  around confused as hell, not knowing what's going on and not
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  knowing what comes next. Like that's the mindset that a
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  lot of narcissistic people have right there.
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  Like to leave you flailing around and just like just leave
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  you walking on egg shells to the point where you have to watch
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  your tone, watch what you say, watch how you convey it.
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  And is there any Is there any way to have a healthy
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  relationship space. I have to ask you, I have to
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  convey that to y'all. Is there any way to have a
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  healthy relationship dynamic? Is there any way to live and
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  have a good place? You know is there any way to
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  live and have a what you would even consider a good
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  relationship? No.
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  Most people would say no, Lee. There's no way to live.
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  Like because we can't communicate with this person.
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  Like there's no communicating with them.
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  There's no talking to them. There's no there's no middle
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  ground because they just want. They don't want to be told what
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  to do because narcissist feel like superior, superior beings.
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  A lot of narcissists do. They just do.
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  They just feel like they're above you, Above above reproach,
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  above accountability, above apologizing, above remorse,
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  above empathy, above compassion. They just feel like they're
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  above it. Y'all.
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  Some of them just feel like they're above it.
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  They they they don't want to express it in any kind of way.
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  They don't want to convey it in any type of way to make you feel
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  healthy or make this relationship last longer, or to
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  make you feel better about any type of situation.
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  This is not how it goes. Y'all That's just not how it's.
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  That's not how it goes. That's not how it's conveyed.
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  That's not the thing that you know.
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  That's the literally the mindset a lot of narcissistic people
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  have. Y'all.
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  That's why I just saying like, in this space, when you're
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  dealing with a narcissist, yeah, you have to watch what you say,
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  you have to watch how you convey it.
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  But you also, I mean, yeah, yeah, I don't think y'all
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  understand. But the mindset that I have when
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  I have to say this type of stuff because it makes me feel like
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  I'm just trying to direct y'all on how to survive in your
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  household. You know, it's just like I'm
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  giving you all tips on how to survive in your household.
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  And that's not how it should be, you know?
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  And that's what I've cut. That's that.
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  That's what I've been awaken, awakened to in these last few
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  years of learning about narcissistic personality
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  disorder, of learning about toxicity, of learning about
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  toxic, narcissistic traits, of learning about toxic people and
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  narcissistic people of learning about it, like learning about
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  myself looking internally. It's just like this is no way to
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  live. This is not happiness.
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  This is not contentment. This is not joy for anybody
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  involved. For you to watch how you have to
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  talk to it. Like for your kids to watch how
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  you like. Especially with the kids.
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  Like if your kids tell your partner something, your kids
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  tell your partner or their parent to to do something.
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  Like not even in a mean way. Hey, can you do this?
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  Hey, hey, hey, dad. Like, hey, dad, open up the door
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  for me. Hey, dad, can you that dad grab
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  my iPad for me? You don't tell me what to do.
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  Dad, grab my grab my controller for me.
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  You don't tell me what do you ask?
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  You don't tell me what to do. Ask me what to do.
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  I'm your father. Or is it mom?
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  You know you can be the mom as well.
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  This is not just a dad thing. Y'all.
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  Mom can be toxic, narcissistic as well.
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  That matter of fact, that's the most common phrase I hear.
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  Honestly, when I when people talk to me about their
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  narcissistic parent, that's the most common phrase that I hear
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  is my mom was a narcissist. You know, I have a narcissistic
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  mom. I hear the dads a lot too.
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  But I would just say honestly, I heard my mom was a narcissist.
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  More, you know, dads of neglectful and stuff like that.
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  I know the dad is probably maybe toxic too, but you know, there's
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  not. I'm not starting to.
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  This is not the channel for the gender wars.
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  Like, really? No, no, no, no, This is not the
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  channel for that. We're not going to do the gender
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  wars here. We're not finding gender war
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  arrows over here. You know, the narcissists hate
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  being told what to do. And that's one of the real,
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  that's what I said, getting back to the workplace.
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  That's one of the reasons why they don't like they don't hold
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  down jobs consistently. That's why jobs come and go.
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  That's why they don't, You know, some, Some narcissists like not
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  all narcissists. Some narcissists will hold down
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  a job for a long time. But not all narcissists.
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  Some of them will bounce between jobs because they don't like the
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  supervisors. Supervisors.
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  Boss rubbed me. Boss rubbed me the wrong way,
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  trying to tell me what to do when I'm smarter than they are.
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  I get more education than they are and this is me speaking for
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  personal experience especially, especially with my one of my
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  most recent jobs I had when I worked at Harris City
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  Distribution Center back at from 2011 to 2017 things of dates, it
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  might be 20, might be 2010 and 2017.
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  Yeah, I think it was 2010 and 2017.
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  I my time working there, I actually got a degree in
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  industrial engineering so I had a higher education level than
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  most of the people in the warehouse.
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  But I had bosses with high school diplomas and it got on my
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  nerves. I was like y'all should be
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  working for me. You know, I'm going to work
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  angry because I I have a degree and I'm working for people.
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  It it, yeah, it would irritate my soul.
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  Honestly, it would irritate my soul to A to a crazy extent.
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  They have to go to a job and clock in and have people tell me
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  what to do and it it would rub me the wrong way.
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  So if a narcissist has a job that they don't like and they
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  people tell them what to do all day, they're going to be
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  frustrated and they're going to come home and tell everybody in
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  the house what to do. They're going to take their
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  frustration either out on the job or their employees or people
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  that work with them, or they're going to come home and take it
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  out on on the people that live with them.
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  That's what happens a lot in these situations.
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  They come home and take their anger and frustration out on the
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  people in the household as opposed to the people in the
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  workplace as opposed to the people in the job space.
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  You see they take it out on the people around them at home.
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  Like because I've been, I spent all day at work getting told
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  what to do and feeling shameful, feeling ashamed that somebody is
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  in the position above me to tell me what to do.
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  So I have to come home and come home and beat on my chest and
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  just put people in their place at home.
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  That happens quite a bit in these places y'all where they
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  have to feel like they they're a superior being.
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  So they come home and and take it out on their family and
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  friends. You know, they take they come
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  home and take it out on the kids.
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  They come home and take it out on the the animals or the pets.
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  They come home and take it out on the the spouses or the
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  partners. They come home and take it out
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  on people, you know, or they go out here and have affairs like
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  it is weird. It is weird because they just
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  they want to one up people. Y'all.
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  They always want to one up people.
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  They hate being told what to do. So yeah, I say you might not
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  even be trying to tell them what to do in a very mean way, but
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  you're they, they read your tone as condescending and they attack
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  you for it. You know, they attack you for
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  your condescending tone. They attack you for your
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  condescending tone, and they come get you for that.
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  Your tone becomes an issue, yo, I was going to do it anyway.
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  You got to tell me what to do. Like if you and if you have to
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  repeat your Oh my goodness version.
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  If you have to repeat yourself and asking narcissists to do
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  something a couple of times and they heard you the first time.
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  Oh my goodness y'all. But buckle your seat.
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  Butt up because they're going to be yelling at you, then stop
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  telling me what to do. I heard you the first damn time.
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  Think I'm deaf? I'm not deaf.
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  You must be deaf. Are you deaf?
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  Are you stupid? Are you dumb?
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  They'll put it on to you like it's your fault.
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  You mean because they heard you the first time and they didn't?
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  They didn't make no moves. They didn't acknowledge you.
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  So you thinking that they didn't hear you, you open your mouth
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  and you speak to them and you ask you ask them a question
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  about it, or you or you repeat your you repeat your request and
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  they get angry at that because you're telling them what to do.
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  They feel so much shame from people being above them in life
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  and in jobs and stuff like that. Y'all today.
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  We'll literally take it out on everybody around them.
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  Everybody gets to feel the brunt and the flame and the fire from
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  an angry narcissistic person. It's not just the wife and kids
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  or husband and kids. Everybody around them gets it in
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  different versions. Y'all in different versions, in
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  different pieces. Maybe with y'all I'm going to
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  cut this episode, cut it into the short and what if my
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  battery's about to go there and my other ones are charging up?
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  You'll see those two red lights anyway.
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• 12:14
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• 12:27
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• 12:30
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• 12:48
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  Peace.