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What Your Reactions Mean To A Narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  Going on, beautiful folks. Today we're going to be talking
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  about what narcissist think about your reactions.
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  You're like when you're reacting to them, when you're yelling at
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  them, when you're screaming at them, when you're just throwing
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  stuff at them. What do they think about that?
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  When you're, when you're responding to them, when you're
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  matching their energy, what do they think about that?
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  What goes on in their minds? If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock on my diagnosed narcissist and what goes to
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  another episode of the Narcissist Code.
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  Let's get it. Boom.
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  Welcome back folks, welcome back, welcome back.
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  Yeah, your reactions. Y'all know I'm a huge proponent.
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  Huge. Maybe the biggest proponent in
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  this the niche of narcissistic abuse, right?
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  Toxic abuse of controlling your reactions.
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  Now let me say this right here y'all, controlling your
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  reactions does not mean being passive.
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  Lee wants us to be pushovers. That's what he wants us to do.
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  Lee, I'm not built like that. I got to get the last word in.
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  I can't get no Lee, no, I'm not going to do that.
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  I will not. Controlling your reactions is
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  not about being passive y'all. It's actually about being in
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  control of your reactions. It's all like controlling your
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  reactions is not meeting them where they are.
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  I always tell people like you don't have to match anybody
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  else's energy If you already know what type of energy, energy
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  that you're bringing to the table, right?
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  Is if you already know what you're going to say and what
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  you're going to do regardless. Like you don't have to match
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  their energy. So that's the easiest for me.
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  I'm telling people that's probably the easiest way for you
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  to control your reactions, right?
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  That's probably the easiest way just to have it have it in your
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  mind. But narcissists in their minds,
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  in my mind, in our minds, we think that your reaction, you
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  reacting to us means that you care.
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  We do. We truly believe that you care.
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  Like because if you didn't care, then why are you acting like
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  this? If you don't care, why you
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  behaving like this? If you don't care why you doing
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  this? Why you yelling at me?
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  Why you screaming at me? So if this is yeah, I'm just
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  telling you. I know.
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  I know a lot of y'all when I said that you I know you was
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  like, hell no, hell, that's a lie.
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  I don't care about that bastard no more leave.
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  Hell, I don't care about him no more.
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  I'm just tired of him talking shit.
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  I'm just tired. I get that.
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  But on the other side of the dynamic, that's what narcissist.
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  This is what we think. Not every single one of us
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  thinks the same, right? But this is what we think.
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  You know, this is literally the mindset.
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  Like we absolutely start to think that you still care when
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  you reacted, right? When you, when you reacted.
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  I promise you that's what goes on right there.
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  This is the mentality, right? You, Yeah.
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  Like if I say something to to you and you scream at me, or if
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  I send you a message and you give me an over the top
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  response, I think I won, right? I think I've, I think I've
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  achieved the victory. You know, I think I've achieved
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  some type of victory in this situation right here.
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  Like if you're yelling and screaming at me, no matter what
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  I've done, big or small, like I got you, you still care.
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  You still absolutely care about me.
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  So I feel like I'm winning. You see what I'm saying?
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  It's just like you, I this is how they rationalize some of
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  their behaviors. Y'all, Some of them they, they,
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  they don't, we don't know how to express ourselves emotionally,
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  right. We are emotionally dysregulated
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  creatures, right? Me.
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  Every other narcissist is an emotionally dysregulated
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  creature, right person, we're person, we're people.
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  I'll say creature. I just be joking, but we're
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  emotionally dysregulated, so we don't know how to express
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  ourselves. We don't know how to just come
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  with you and simply just ask you a question like, hey, do you
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  still, are you angry at us? Do you still care?
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  Can we work on things? No, a lot of us would just
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  rather test you. They'll send you like this,
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  this, these, these mean messages, this mean ass
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  response, this toxic ass response is just a test to see
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  what I can get away with. Just a test to see what I can
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  do. Just a test to see what I can do
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  to see what more to see if you still care because that's it at
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  the end of the day, it's the end of the day.
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  No, I heard somebody said it the other day.
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  That's so crazy. At the end of the day, the day
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  got to end. Like it's just they they just
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  want to test you, y'all? That's the most important thing
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  is for them to test you and play these crazy ass ridiculous games
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  because this is how to get a rise out of you.
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  If I can get a rise out of you, you still care.
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  Y'all know if I can trigger you, I can control you.
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  Yeah, if I, if I could trigger you, I can control you.
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  So I can, if I can trigger any an emotional response, I got
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  you. So that's what I'm just telling
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  you, controlling your reactions, even if they send you something.
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  Me because one thing about narcissists is narcissists know
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  your triggers. They are going, they know what's
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  what's going to trigger you or what's going to set you off,
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  right? They know that they're going to
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  trigger you and set you off. So they're going to keep doing
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  it out. If it works, I'm going to keep
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  doing it, right? If it works, I'm going to keep
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  doing it. Why?
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  Like it's called like, it's like going to the well.
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  If the water, if there's water at the well, I'm going to keep
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  going to the well. If I keep going to the same
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  spot, why? If I'm thirsty, why would I go
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  to a different spot if I keep getting water from here?
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  So if the same thing gets a reaction from you, I'm going to
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  keep doing the same thing. Yo, if the same thing gets a
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  reaction from you, I'm going to keep doing the same thing.
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  Why wouldn't I? Why wouldn't I, you know, but
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  this is something you have to think about right there as
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  you're dealing with this narcissistic person, because the
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  more you react, the more I think you care.
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  You know, and I know I'm not saying that you care, right?
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  I know that you're angry. I'm AI know how to use my brain
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  to come up with rational to to come up with a rational thought.
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  I know I don't think that you still care, right?
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  This is not me saying that you still care.
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  This is the mind of a narcissist saying, Hey, look, I think you
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  still care about me because blah, blah blah, because Boo Boo
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  Boo and because BBB, right? This is where they go.
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  This is where they get to it at. So you as a person who's dealing
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  with this narcissist, as a person who's trying to heal from
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  this narcissistic person, have to understand that you have yo
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  you, you have more power than you think you do.
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  The thing, the thing about narcissist, they want to try to
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  convince you that you really don't have any power when you
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  have when you really do, right? They want to convince you that
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  you have no power without our actuality, you have all the
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  power. You don't be realizing it
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  because they've they've beaten you up.
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  They've beaten you up mentally so much that you don't even
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  realize how powerful you are, how strong you are because if
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  you knew how strong you were, you would take about you would
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  take over. If you knew how strong you were,
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  you would overpower them, right? So they have to keep you
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  thinking that you are weak. Doesn't that make sense?
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  A good y'all know I watch a lot of kids movies.
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  I worked at Blockbuster for so long, but I also have three kids
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  I've been through you know, I was, I was believe it or not, I
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  was a kid once myself, right? So even in this space right
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  here, I've watched so many kids movies, right?
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  One of the keys movies that I can tell you about right now
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  that gives a great example of this is a bug's life.
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  If you ever seen a bug's life, you know, is that what I'm
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  talking about? Like the grasshoppers like were
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  pretty much bullying the ants got to get the had the ants
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  giving them everything, had the ants hunting food for them to
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  get, you know, scrambling, scrambling up food for them
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  because the ants were afraid of them.
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  The ants were afraid of the grasshoppers because the
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  grasshoppers grasshoppers were so big, right?
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  And then Flick the Flick, you know, Flick the crazy aunt.
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  Flick was like man, y'all fuck them man, fuck these
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  grasshoppers. Like y'all, it's more of us than
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  it is of them. We're stronger than them.
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  They trying to trick us to think we're weak, man.
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  The grasshopper tried to kill Flick ass, right?
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  Flick took off running, but then they realized like, hey y'all,
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  we are stronger than this. This is they want to trick us.
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  They're tricking us to think that we're weaker because we
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  know if we know our strength, we can take over them.
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  We can overpower them. And that's what they did.
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  The ants came together and flushed out the grasshoppers
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  because the ants were stronger than the grasshoppers.
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  The But the grasshoppers knew it.
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  In this situation right here you are the ants, you're Flick,
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  they're the grasshoppers. They're trying to convince you
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  that you don't have any power, so they try to keep you reacting
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  because guess what? If I can get you to react and
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  especially if I can keep it on camera, Oh my goodness, I got
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  you now This is why your reactions, controlling your
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  reactions are absolutely a superpower.
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  That's why that's why I call it the superpower y'all.
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  Because it is controlling those reactions you of yours or is
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  absolutely a superpower regardless of what people say.
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  Regardless you have you are a superhero because you control
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  your reactions. Breathe pat yourself on the back
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  because otherwise they going to they you going to imagine you're
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  a narcissistic partner. Imagine you screaming and
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  yelling at your narcissistic partner or ex right And then
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  they look and you throw something you you yell at them
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  or you send a mean message to them and then look you.
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  When you leave they start smiling.
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  Gotcha. She still care.
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  I knew it. I was, I, I thought for a second
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  that she didn't care no more because she's still yelling and
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  screaming at me. I got her.
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  Do you want that right there? Do you want this toxic
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  narcissistic bastard thinking that you still care because you
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  can't control those reactions? And I know yo, this is a
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  science. There's a science to controlling
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  your reactions. You have to you have to work on
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  it. You have to empower yourself.
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  You have to be as strong as you possibly can, right?
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  Because if you don't, you going to run into this toxic
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  narcissistic bastard and you have a rule.
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  You have a hard day. And like this had this doesn't
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  have to be your partner, yo, this could be your parent, this
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  could be this could be your ex, you trying to Co parent with
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  them, right? They're trying to get you, get
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  you to react through the kids or whatever they're trying to do
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  and say stuff to the kids to get a reaction from you as well.
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  That's something that you have to think about too, right?
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  These are this is the mentality that you have to think about
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  too. So I'd say that to say this
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  narcissist, when they get you to react, not only do they think
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  you still care, they think that they are still in control.
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  They just do they think they have control and power over you.
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  They think that they still know you better than you know
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  yourself, so they can keep you down and out and guessing and
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  confused. They feel like you win.
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  They feel like they win, right? They feel like you.
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  They they feel like they have defeated you.
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  So that's why I'm just saying y'all understand the power that
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  you have. Flick.
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  Go go in the mirror today and call yourself Flick.
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  I don't don't do that. Yeah, that's silly.
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  But you have to understand that you have more power than you
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  think you do. They want to keep you weak.
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  They want to keep you stupid, They want to keep you ignorant.
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  They want to keep you uneducated about narcissistic abuse, toxic
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  relationship dynamics. Because the the less you know,
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  the more powerful they feel. If I can trigger you, I can
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  control you. They want control, they want
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  power. They want to exude this strength
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  over you. They want to be builded down
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  there. Them there mentally, emotionally
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  and physically beat you down, right?
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  But you're stronger than that. You, you are.
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  Don't give me hype, Y'all don't give me hype today.
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  I was trying not to get hype. I'm trying to control my hype.
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  I really don't want to get hyped today, but y'all bout to do it.
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  You bout to give me hype. Seriously.
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  You're so fucking strong man. Seriously, this is me talking
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  directly to y'all. You're stronger than what you
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  think you are. I don't give a fuck how you feel
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  right now. I don't give a damn.
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  You feel you feeling weak, You feeling desolate, You feeling
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  out of it, You feeling exhausted, You feel like you're
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  about to give up. You made it this far.
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  You come too far to just come this far.
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  You absolutely got a little more in you just a little bit more, a
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  little bit, a little bit, a little bit more of a push.
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  Well, Lee, I just can't control when they say and do this.
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  You can. You can 'cause when you say you
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  can't, I'm just telling you when you say I can't do something,
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  your mind will find a way to not do it.
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  That's just realistic, y'all. If you say you can't do
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  something, your mind is going to be like, OK, we can't do it.
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  Seriously, your mind is going to shut down.
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  So in these spaces, you want to make sure that you can do it.
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  You can do it. You are absolutely capable.
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  You're absolutely in control. You're absolutely way stronger
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  than what you think you are. So it's healing season, it's
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  growth season, this this season to be better right here.
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  Y'all had to go off on my little monologue right there dinner.
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  But they're your reactions. Controlling your reactions is
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  and always will be a superpower against narcissistic toxic
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  people or anybody in general, anybody online trolls, people
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  who just in real life me control your reaction against me anyway,
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  y'all again, I'm still doing still doing this little survey
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  y'all, This video, like I said about in the 13 to 15 minute
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  range right here, 13 to 15. I'm doing a little survey y'all,
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  comment section. Y'all like the video between 11
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  and 13 minutes or 13 to 15 minutes or every once in a while
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  I can drop a 8 minute video or something like that, y'all
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  Anyway, y'all hit the subscribe button if you haven't already
• 12:56
  and it's always, always y'all. But then this is out.
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  Peace. What's going on?
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  Beautiful folks. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. I truly appreciate it.
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  You have no idea. If you haven't already, hit that
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  subscribe button. You made it this far, you might
• 13:09
  as well subscribe. It really does help the channel.
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  Y'all, y'all? It helps me reach more people as
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  well. Also, I have coaching, my
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  courses and my support group available at
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  www.mentalhillness.net. Thank you so much.
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  Make sure you stick around, watch another video or two.
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  I appreciate it. I'm out.