Latest / Classic Humorous Short Stories from America / Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, Vol. 2, No. 23, August, 1921 - W. H. Fawcett

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Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, Vol. 2, No. 23, August, 1921 - W. H. Fawcett · Classic Humorous Short Stories from America

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  Speaker 1: Section one of Captain Billy's Whizbang, Volume two, number twenty three,
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  Speaker 1: August nineteen twenty one. This is a LibriVox recording. All
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  Speaker 1: LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org. Captain Billy's Whizbang,
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  Speaker 1: Volume two, number twenty three, August nineteen twenty one by W. H. Fawcett.
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  Speaker 1: Drippings from the Fawcet. We have room for but one
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  Speaker 1: soul loyalty, and that is loyalty to the American people.
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  Speaker 1: Theodore Roosevelt copyright nineteen twenty one by W. H. Fawcett,
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  Speaker 1: edited by a Spanish and World War veteran, and dedicated
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  Speaker 1: to the fighting forces of the United States. Drippings from
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  Speaker 1: the Fawcet. A few months ago, a newspaper friend of
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  Speaker 1: mine in New Orleans wrote about having taken a drink
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  Speaker 1: of the Louisiana brand and then backing against a bale
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  Speaker 1: of cotton as he said, to come on, boy, let's go.
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  Speaker 1: I didn't appreciate his humor very much at that time,
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  Speaker 1: because I had been on the wagon for several months.
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  Speaker 1: I had not touched the fiery flare that stealeth away
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  Speaker 1: the mind, principally because the morning after the night before
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  Speaker 1: found me in such condition that it seemed to take
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  Speaker 1: months of the tapering off process to get back in shape. However,
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  Speaker 1: the devil got the upper hand again, and as usual,
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  Speaker 1: there was the devil to pay. Somebody presented me with
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  Speaker 1: a nice, new appearing black bottle bearing a shiny greenish
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  Speaker 1: colored label. The alleged bonded stamp had a peculiar shade
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  Speaker 1: and indicated a bourbon of twelve summers. The contents, however,
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  Speaker 1: bore the taste of a reverse action to an old
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  Speaker 1: maid's age. But the cayenne pepper ether and tabasco sauce
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  Speaker 1: we got in its damnable work. Two hours later I
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  Speaker 1: passed by the Ashley Airport, located in Robinsdale, near the
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  Speaker 1: Wizbang Farm. Instead of backing against a bale of cotton,
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  Speaker 1: I backed against a ninety horsepower aeroplane. Handed the pilot
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  Speaker 1: my last fifty dollars and said, come on, Gus, let's
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  Speaker 1: go and believe me. Gus and I went some before
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  Speaker 1: we got off this last bender. The pilot, Homer Coal,
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  Speaker 1: veteran of four years service in France, fulfilled his duties
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  Speaker 1: in a business like way, while Guss and myself were
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  Speaker 1: filling ourselves in an unbusinesslike way. Our first stop was Brainerd, Minnesota,
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  Speaker 1: a hustling city about one hundred and fifty miles north
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  Speaker 1: of Robinsdale. We had so much real or fancied fun
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  Speaker 1: on our first flight that we inveigled Coal to make
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  Speaker 1: another leap of twenty two miles to Breezy Point Lodge
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  Speaker 1: in the Old Indian Territory. Of course, in the meantime,
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  Speaker 1: we had ridded ourselves of our visible supply of Tabasco sauce,
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  Speaker 1: and we both knew that our stay in my peaquat
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  Speaker 1: log cabin resort must be brief. Therefore, the very bright
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  Speaker 1: and brilliant idea soaked into the hired man's dome that
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  Speaker 1: an airship would be a necessary permanent adjunct for traveling
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  Speaker 1: back and forth between Robinsdale and Piquot. Gus conducted negotiations
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  Speaker 1: with Coal and learned that his plane could be purchased
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  Speaker 1: on the installment plan. The deal was soon closed, and
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  Speaker 1: at this writing the plane is partly mine. We managed
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  Speaker 1: to last it out for one day in the North
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  Speaker 1: Pine Woods, and early next morning hopped off for Minneapolis,
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  Speaker 1: with its fond memories of many mills and motley moonshine.
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  Speaker 1: Later in the day, my brother Harvey, who now conducts
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  Speaker 1: the business end of the Little Old Whizbang, located Gus
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  Speaker 1: and I in a gin mill. He handed me a
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  Speaker 1: nice letter of invitation to attend a convention of the
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  Speaker 1: Independent Magazine distributors at the Schlitz Hotel at Atlantic City.
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  Speaker 1: While the convention notice sounded mighty good, the name of
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  Speaker 1: the hotel suggested a hankering for the good old days.
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  Speaker 1: Gus was heartbroken to think that I would leave him behind,
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  Speaker 1: and as he had performed valiant service as caretaker of
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  Speaker 1: pedro Our, Pedigreed Bull and the cows and chickens during
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  Speaker 1: many years as Wisbang farm hand, I granted his plea
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  Speaker 1: to accompany me. We landed safe, sound and as usual, sick,
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  Speaker 1: in the McAlpin in New York City. It was Gus's
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  Speaker 1: longest train ride and incidentally his first visit to the
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  Speaker 1: Big Village. At the outset, he refused to remove his
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  Speaker 1: overall's rubber collar and red necktie, which was quite embarrassing
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  Speaker 1: to me. We had a swell room on the tenth
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  Speaker 1: flight with carpets on the floor and brass button fellows
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  Speaker 1: to wait on us. We were informed we could get
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  Speaker 1: no liquor in New York unless we were right. Chris
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  Speaker 1: promptly formed the advance guard on the Great White Way
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  Speaker 1: or whatever you call it, and soon we were both
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  Speaker 1: in right. After an eye opener or two, my hearted
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  Speaker 1: man asked the genial bar keep for the location of
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  Speaker 1: the washroom. He was shown an ante room which bore
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  Speaker 1: the sign gentleman. He walked right in. Anyway, nothing in
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  Speaker 1: New York seemed to deter this faithful, simple Minnesota farm hand.
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  Speaker 1: That night we received a telegram from Robinsdale cautioning us
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  Speaker 1: to make reservations in the Schlitz Hotel at Atlantic City,
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  Speaker 1: as that institution might be full on account of the convention.
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  Speaker 1: Gus read the message to me through it in the wastebasket,
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  Speaker 1: as he nonchalantly remarked, if the Schlitz Hotel is full,
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  Speaker 1: it has nothing on me. The next day it was
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  Speaker 1: Atlantic City or bust. We arrived in rather good shape
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  Speaker 1: and were assigned a pleasant room overlooking the Atlantic and
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  Speaker 1: the famous boardwalk. I induced Gus to take a bath,
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  Speaker 1: although he insisted he didn't need one. And that anyway,
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  Speaker 1: it wasn't the right time of the month. A little bribe, however,
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  Speaker 1: brought him around to his senses, and after his plunge,
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  Speaker 1: I handed him a ten dollar bill to go about
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  Speaker 1: and enjoy himself. Before leaving the room, he was strictly
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  Speaker 1: cautioned to beware of pickpockets. Gus returned several hours later,
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  Speaker 1: and I am sorry to relate, was a little worse
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  Speaker 1: for wear. He had a puzzled, sorrowful look on his face.
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  Speaker 1: After a few moments of hesitation, he confessed he had
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  Speaker 1: been touched. The mystery of the missing mazuma was cleared
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  Speaker 1: up later that night when I coaxed him to take
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  Speaker 1: off his socks before crawling into bed. There in the
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  Speaker 1: dark recess of his left light blue stocking was a
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  Speaker 1: hidden five and two dollars bill. Gosh, but I forgot
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  Speaker 1: all about hiding it, he exclaimed with a sigh of relief.
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  Speaker 1: Next day, we dulled up as pretty as possible so
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  Speaker 1: as to be somewhat presentable at the convention banquet. We
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  Speaker 1: had just started to leave the room when Guss became
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  Speaker 1: so grief stricken that I was forced to cancel the
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  Speaker 1: engagement and remain by his bedside. The shock came in
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  Speaker 1: the form of a telegram from Maggie, the hired girl,
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  Speaker 1: and read as follows, Pedro took violently ill last night
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  Speaker 1: from heart disease. Horse Doctor Hawkins unable to diagnose his sickness,
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  Speaker 1: and Pedro was rushed on truck to many Auslis, both
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  Speaker 1: specialists in the Midway packing plant say his trouble is homesickness.
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  Speaker 1: Due to Gus's absence, all hope given up. What shall
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  Speaker 1: we do? An hour later, while Gus was still shedding
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  Speaker 1: tears and demanding that we return home at once, we
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  Speaker 1: received a second message, this one from my brother, which
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  Speaker 1: read Pedro died at six o'clock. Does Gus want his
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  Speaker 1: body brought to Robinsdale for burial? A son was born
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  Speaker 1: to the Hereford Cow one hour after Pedro passed. Have
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  Speaker 1: named him Pedro Junior, after his father, which assures continuation
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  Speaker 1: of the Pedro bullege. Pedro's death and my intermittent headaches
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  Speaker 1: rather dampened our spirits, and so we started back for Robinsdale,
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  Speaker 1: waiting at Chicago for our connections to Minnesota, and wishing
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  Speaker 1: to cheer up Gus and to ease the pain of
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  Speaker 1: Pedro's death. I said to him, Gus, you have done
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  Speaker 1: pretty good on this trip, so we'll get you something nice.
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  Speaker 1: What do you want. We were just passing a bird
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  Speaker 1: store and Gus said, give me a pet monkey. So
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  Speaker 1: I bought him a ringtail monk, which he now has
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  Speaker 1: at Breezy Point and with which he spends most of
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  Speaker 1: his time after his day's work. As this is written,
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  Speaker 1: I have somewhat overcome the effects of tapering off, but
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  Speaker 1: the memory of this last jamboree has made an everlasting
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  Speaker 1: record on Gus's snooze dampened mind. Deacon Miller's son Pete
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  Speaker 1: has a new racket. It appears that he bought a
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  Speaker 1: golden trombone from some Chicago mail order house, and every
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  Speaker 1: night he entertains the boys and girls of the neighborhood
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  Speaker 1: with his melodies. Everybody likes to see the way Pete
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  Speaker 1: is coming to the front, and when it comes to
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  Speaker 1: playing fast music, etc. Peke can slide that golden trombone
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  Speaker 1: in and out to beat the band. In memoriam, Gus
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  Speaker 1: and Maggie wish to express their heartfelt thanks for the
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  Speaker 1: kind sympathy and the beautiful flowers attending the recent bereavement
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  Speaker 1: of their beloved Pedro, famed pedigreed Bull, to whom we
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  Speaker 1: were very much attached, and who died from shortness of
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  Speaker 1: breath superinduced by a severe case of homesickness due to
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  Speaker 1: the absence of his favored master Gus during mister Guss's
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  Speaker 1: recent trip to Broadway. It is our joy and comfort
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  Speaker 1: to let our many friends know that Pedro's place in
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  Speaker 1: our hearts will be partly filled by his young son,
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  Speaker 1: Pedro Junior. We went to church last Sunday for a change,
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  Speaker 1: and the minister preached a sermon about Lot's wife looking
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  Speaker 1: back and turning into a pillar of salt. We were
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  Speaker 1: telling Gus, our hired man, about the sermon, and Gus
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  Speaker 1: says that he was walking around Robinsdale Monday evening and
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  Speaker 1: saw the minister strolling with Deacon Smith's wife, and when
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  Speaker 1: they looked back and saw Gus, both of them turned
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  Speaker 1: into a dark side street. Woozburg readers will remember some
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  Speaker 1: time ago we got a letter from a fellow on
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  Speaker 1: the Pacific coast who inquired of his long lost brother
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  Speaker 1: from swa Eden. Was our hired man, Gus. It developed
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  Speaker 1: later that this was true, and Gus and his brother
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  Speaker 1: only staged a reunion the other day. But as Gus's
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  Speaker 1: brother is not any too dainty, and as he has
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  Speaker 1: weak petals, I was unable to find a position for
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  Speaker 1: him on the Whizbang farm. However, Gus solved the difficulty
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  Speaker 1: by getting his brother a job as street cleaner in Robinsdale,
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  Speaker 1: and after the first day only quit and said that
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  Speaker 1: Robinsdale was too fast for him. At least that is
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  Speaker 1: the impression we got from him, for he said that
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  Speaker 1: Robinsdale was no one horse town. Russ Morrissey says that
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  Speaker 1: we were in error in declaring that a woff and
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  Speaker 1: poof was a fish that swims backwards to keep water
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  Speaker 1: out of its eyes, and that a whiff and poof
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  Speaker 1: really is a dog whose left legs are shorter than
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  Speaker 1: its right legs, So that said wiff and poof dog
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  Speaker 1: can walk around a hill without losing its balance. Some dorg,
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  Speaker 1: we'd say. End of section one. Rid by Rich Brown, Minneapolis, Minnesota,
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  Speaker 1: September twenty twenty one.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: Section two of Captain Billy's Wiz Bang, Volume two, number
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  Speaker 2: twenty three, August nineteen twenty one. This is a libriyvox
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: more information or to volunteer, please visit libriyvox dot org.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: Read by Phil Shenever Captain Billy's Whiz Bang Volume two,
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: number twenty three, August nineteen twenty one. A succulent table dote.
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: The cow stood in the pasture field. Her joy was
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  Speaker 2: most complete, for with her was her baby calf a
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  Speaker 2: dining tete a tit.
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  Speaker 3: Our.
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  Speaker 2: Movie gossip by Richmond. The whiz Bang is hearing all starts,
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  Speaker 2: the rumors and gossip wheezes from the movie camps surrounding
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: the City of Angels. Regarding the anti of Clara Smith Hammond,
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: who recently was freed in the Ardmore, Oklahoma shooting case,
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  Speaker 2: and who is now attempting to break into the picture
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  Speaker 2: game with her life story to teach young girls to
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  Speaker 2: beware of oil kings and others. According to the consensus
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  Speaker 2: of whisperings, Clara is having a difficult time getting studio
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  Speaker 2: artists to work for her in the production of the
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  Speaker 2: alleged Reform photoplay. It is reported she is offering fabulous
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  Speaker 2: salaries from the fund of ten thousand dollars, which Jake
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  Speaker 2: Hammond is supposed to have left her in an endeavor
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  Speaker 2: to put over the picture. One cameraman said he was
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: offered five hundred dollars a week, and Mason Litzen, former
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: Goldwyn director, was reported to have turned down an offer
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  Speaker 2: of seven hundred and fifty dollars a week. Los Angeles
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  Speaker 2: says that besides the Motion Picture Directors Association voting to
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  Speaker 2: expel any member who aids Clara, the Screenwriters Guild has
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  Speaker 2: taken action against the Hammond photoplay. If all this dope
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  Speaker 2: is true, Clara will have a job on her hands
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: illustrating her adventures to young girls via the screenplay. Even
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  Speaker 2: after the play is produced. If it ever is, Clara
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: will find it a task to find theaters to exhibit
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: it in. Pauline Frederick is now on her way west
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  Speaker 2: again from a recent trip to New York. They say
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: she whispered to a close friend in the depot in
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  Speaker 2: New York as she was leaving that she and Willard
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: Mackwell again wed very soon. This recalls to mind the
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  Speaker 2: gossip that revolved about their previous engagement when Pauline was
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  Speaker 2: playing at the Famous Studio in New York City several
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: years ago. While she and Mack were engaged. He was
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  Speaker 2: waiting to get a divorce from Marjorie Rambow at the time.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: It is said he wavered for a time and showed
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: a decided inclination toward returning to the fair and beautiful Marjorie.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: Pauline became so along over losing her playwright prize that
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: it is said she approached Marjorie, so Pauline got him.
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: Then they separated. Last winter, the beautiful Barbara Castleton, former
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  Speaker 2: the Goldwyn Store, went East joined one of Willard max
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  Speaker 2: vaudeville acts, and it was reported was engaged to wed Mack.
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  Speaker 2: They too, were prevented from carrying out an immediate marriage
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  Speaker 2: because of one of those bothersome final decrees. Barbara, by
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  Speaker 2: the way, while at the Goldwyn Studio, was one day
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  Speaker 2: discovered in a refined but tempestuous love scene with a tall,
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: raven haired English actor. Maybe it was part of a picture,
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: but it took place way out on a dark, deserted
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: stage beneath a huge black cloth used to keep the
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: dust off from the furniture. An electrician stumbled upon the
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: romantic scene, and when the story was whispered about to
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: the studio, it is said the poor electrician was crossed, questioned,
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  Speaker 2: and put through the third degree by Hollywood's best gossips.
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: It seems that the English actor has a wife somewhere
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: in the Empire, Australia or Ireland, so Barbara was daily
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: reported to be infatuated with some other admirer. It seems
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: her romantic passion for mac took for she allowed the
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: press to announce the fact that they intend to wed
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: when he won his decree from the emotional Pauline Polly,
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: as she is known. Another interesting angle of the case
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: is to the fact that Pauline never rode a horse
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: until last winter. One of the Goldwyn pictures required this feat,
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: so one perfectly handsome cowboy was engaged to teach Polly
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: to ride. The writing lessons were frequent all winter, and
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: Hollywood expected to hear of one of those high born
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: lady chauffeurs, in this case cowboys store marriages. However, that's
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: now cold our program. This is a modern society drama.
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: In four ax Act one, their eyes meet, Act two,
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: their lips meet, Act three, their souls meet, and then
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: what do you suppose meats? Their attorneys sign in a
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: laundry window. I want your duds in my SuDS to
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: the rear march. Army teamsters are known for their science
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: of cursing. One of the trucks was deep in the
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: mud and defied all his efforts and curses. A chaplain
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: passing just then shocked, friend, don't you know who died
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: for sinners? He said? The answer was quick, damn your conundrums.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: Can't you see I'm stuck in the mud. Without further questions,
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: the chaplain decided to retreat.
• 16:58
  Speaker 4: Intersection two, Section three of Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, Volume two,
• 17:09
  Speaker 4: number twenty three, August nineteen twenty one. This is a
• 17:14
  Speaker 4: LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
• 17:19
  Speaker 4: For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org.
• 17:25
  Speaker 4: Read by Larry Wilson. Captain Billy's Whizbang, Volume two, number
• 17:30
  Speaker 4: twenty three, August nineteen twenty one by W. H. Fawcett Limberkicks.
• 17:37
  Speaker 4: The romance hard to explain. Limberkicks He sipped the nectar
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: from her lips as neath the moon. They sat and
• 17:46
  Speaker 4: wondered if another man had drunk a mug like that.
• 17:52
  Speaker 4: A tool chest was the old hen's nest. I'll bet
• 17:55
  Speaker 4: you cannot match it. She cackled. When she tried to
• 17:58
  Speaker 4: set upon a nail and a passing breeze exposed her knees.
• 18:06
  Speaker 4: The latty did not care. She blushed for fear her
• 18:09
  Speaker 4: naked ear might cause the men to stare. Mamma loves Papa.
• 18:16
  Speaker 4: Papa loves women. Mamma caught Papa in swimmen with women.
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: The romance A girl, a man, a perfect moon, a bench,
• 18:30
  Speaker 4: a sigh, a perfect spoon, a bride, a groom, a
• 18:35
  Speaker 4: scrap or two. Old stuff you say alas too true?
• 18:43
  Speaker 4: Hard to explain. A bit. In doubt as to whether
• 18:48
  Speaker 4: her husband had gone to their mountain cabin with male escorts, friend,
• 18:53
  Speaker 4: wife decided to call up and find out. The following
• 18:56
  Speaker 4: conversation took place. Husband hullo, hello wife, Hello dear, what
• 19:05
  Speaker 4: are you doing? Husband? Why? I was just washing out
• 19:11
  Speaker 4: my X y z's central on the wire. I'm ringing
• 19:15
  Speaker 4: them bang mother, May I a writing Go Yes, my
• 19:24
  Speaker 4: sweet Lucille, But give your friend this sound advice. Keep
• 19:28
  Speaker 4: one hand on the wheel. All forms of love, I
• 19:34
  Speaker 4: know tis true, are bound to cause a quack or two.
• 19:38
  Speaker 4: But still I'm betting the most upsetting is love in
• 19:41
  Speaker 4: a canoe. A girl is getting old when she begins
• 19:46
  Speaker 4: to sigh over pictures in the album Living together, when
• 19:52
  Speaker 4: tied with the bonds of matrimony is often a knotty life.
• 19:58
  Speaker 4: The solid man has no sen that event in his
• 20:00
  Speaker 4: makeup What is Home without a Seller? In this section three.
• 20:12
  Speaker 5: Section four of Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, Volume two, number
• 20:17
  Speaker 5: twenty three, August nineteen twenty one. This is a LibriVox recording.
• 20:22
  Speaker 5: All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more
• 20:26
  Speaker 5: information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org. Captain
• 20:32
  Speaker 5: Billy's Wiz Bang, Volume two, number twenty three, August nineteen
• 20:36
  Speaker 5: twenty one by W. H. Fawcett bob Hair GENII. Although
• 20:45
  Speaker 5: the rest of New York can't seem to see why
• 20:48
  Speaker 5: they are so excited about it all, the high brow
• 20:51
  Speaker 5: married ladies of Greenwich Village are in a lather of emotion.
• 20:56
  Speaker 5: Ruth Hale has set them free, raw for liberty, freedom
• 21:00
  Speaker 5: and Ruth. Owing to Ruth, the downtrodden girls with bobbed
• 21:05
  Speaker 5: hair and hubbies, no matter how many times they are married,
• 21:10
  Speaker 5: need not lug around the old man's name any longer,
• 21:14
  Speaker 5: no more of this missus stuff. South of Washington Square,
• 21:19
  Speaker 5: it seems that the young lady GENII, who inhabit the
• 21:22
  Speaker 5: village and have flights of soul and yearn and yearn,
• 21:27
  Speaker 5: occasionally fall in love and get married and go to
• 21:30
  Speaker 5: live in apartments with kitchenettes, dumb waiters, husbands, and other furniture.
• 21:35
  Speaker 5: But to their intense indignation, the butcher and everybody right
• 21:40
  Speaker 5: away begins calling them missus Thingham a bob entirely forgetting
• 21:45
  Speaker 5: the undying fame of the names they used to sign
• 21:49
  Speaker 5: to their poems. So the girls proceeded to strike Fanny Hurst,
• 21:55
  Speaker 5: the lady who says her husband comes to call on
• 21:57
  Speaker 5: her twice a week, and as Gilmour, who is married
• 22:01
  Speaker 5: to will Irwin, and a lot of girls similarly encumbered,
• 22:05
  Speaker 5: organized the Lucy Stone League, Lucy being a lady who
• 22:09
  Speaker 5: refused to stand for the outrage. Way back in eighteen
• 22:13
  Speaker 5: fifty five, Ruth Hale was one of the members. She
• 22:17
  Speaker 5: is a writer, young lady who married Haywood Brown, the
• 22:21
  Speaker 5: dramatic critic, and dared anybody to call her missus Brown.
• 22:27
  Speaker 5: The United States government took the dare when she wanted
• 22:30
  Speaker 5: to go to Europe. The State Department got in bad
• 22:33
  Speaker 5: with Greenwich Village by writing out her passport in the
• 22:37
  Speaker 5: name of missus Haywood Brown. She indignantly refused to accept it,
• 22:43
  Speaker 5: refusing to go to Europe at all and leaving the
• 22:46
  Speaker 5: place flat. She has now won what the girls consider
• 22:51
  Speaker 5: to be a tremendous victory for the cause. Through the courts.
• 22:57
  Speaker 5: She has compelled a real estate owner to indeed a
• 23:00
  Speaker 5: certain piece of property too, Heywood Brown and Ruth Hale,
• 23:05
  Speaker 5: his wife. The Greenwich Village Ladies straightaway celebrated the event
• 23:10
  Speaker 5: by adopting a new constitution for the Lucy Stone League,
• 23:15
  Speaker 5: which is one way of giving a cheer, not to say,
• 23:19
  Speaker 5: a yell of triumph. If it's all right with Ruth,
• 23:22
  Speaker 5: It's all right with me, But it is certainly going
• 23:25
  Speaker 5: to make complications. You will have to keep dragging the
• 23:29
  Speaker 5: host of the party off to one side and keep
• 23:32
  Speaker 5: demanding in a hoarse whisper, say, before this goes any further,
• 23:37
  Speaker 5: is this Jane somebody's wife? There's also another terrible affair
• 23:42
  Speaker 5: in the village. Every bobbed hair is on end with
• 23:45
  Speaker 5: excitement over what happened to Grace of the famous Grace's garrett.
• 23:51
  Speaker 5: This is one of the places in the village where
• 23:54
  Speaker 5: they get together and tell each other how the jealous
• 23:57
  Speaker 5: magazine editors have turned down their work through spite Grace Godwin.
• 24:04
  Speaker 5: Of course she has a husband named Sperry, but that
• 24:07
  Speaker 5: doesn't count. Runs the place, she says, more as a
• 24:11
  Speaker 5: harbor for lonely souls than as a depot for eats. Well,
• 24:15
  Speaker 5: the other day, five or six lonely souls happened in
• 24:19
  Speaker 5: for a dish of tea, but all the said lonely
• 24:23
  Speaker 5: souls were inhabiting black bodies. Grace called the lightest colored
• 24:28
  Speaker 5: one aside and told him how it was. Of course,
• 24:32
  Speaker 5: the village is awfully democratic and all that, But well,
• 24:36
  Speaker 5: he ought to be able to see for himself. With
• 24:39
  Speaker 5: so many of the other lonely souls being hot headed
• 24:43
  Speaker 5: Southerners and all, how was she to know that the
• 24:47
  Speaker 5: colored brother was a famous sociologist with a Yale degree,
• 24:51
  Speaker 5: and that the rest of the party were all university highbrows.
• 24:56
  Speaker 5: They brought lawsuits against her and got a verdict for
• 24:59
  Speaker 5: six hundred dollars, which is more money than the village
• 25:02
  Speaker 5: ever heard of at one time before Grace of Grace's
• 25:07
  Speaker 5: garrett has given the village solemn warning that if any
• 25:11
  Speaker 5: more dark, tinged, lonely souls come along, she is going
• 25:15
  Speaker 5: to close the garret and move out of the village.
• 25:20
  Speaker 5: But if it comes to that, everybody else is moving
• 25:22
  Speaker 5: out of the village anyhow, so many purse proud outsiders
• 25:26
  Speaker 5: have invaded New York's Latin Quarter that the rents are
• 25:30
  Speaker 5: murder in the first degree. The real villagers are moving
• 25:34
  Speaker 5: out to Brooklyn than which there could be no worse
• 25:37
  Speaker 5: fate for a villager. Sigfield Follies girls tell me that
• 25:42
  Speaker 5: all the time the police were supposed to be searching
• 25:44
  Speaker 5: for Nicki Earnstein, the alleged bond robber, Nicki, was in
• 25:49
  Speaker 5: his wife's dressing room. He is married to Fanny Bryce
• 25:53
  Speaker 5: of the Follies and used to come to the show
• 25:55
  Speaker 5: every night disguised as her colored maid. Wow, that we
• 26:00
  Speaker 5: are on the topic, a burning piece of information should
• 26:03
  Speaker 5: be hurried out to the waiting world. Zigfield says that
• 26:08
  Speaker 5: hereafter he is going to have all the chorus men
• 26:11
  Speaker 5: in the show sing from behind the scenes. Nobody wants
• 26:15
  Speaker 5: to see them anyhow. Hereafter, they just represent noise like
• 26:20
  Speaker 5: a drum a little movie girl of my acquaintance has
• 26:24
  Speaker 5: recently joined the follies, and what she sees behind the
• 26:27
  Speaker 5: scenes at the famous beauty show fills her with awe
• 26:31
  Speaker 5: for the human appetite. To tell you the truth, she says,
• 26:35
  Speaker 5: those girls don't care much about millionaires. They infinitely prefer
• 26:40
  Speaker 5: to go around with chauffeurs because they don't have to
• 26:42
  Speaker 5: worry about which fork to eat with. They have to
• 26:45
  Speaker 5: have millionaires around on account of their appetites. No ordinary
• 26:50
  Speaker 5: fortune could keep those girls filled up in a previous existence.
• 26:55
  Speaker 5: Most of them must have been Boa constrictors. They eat
• 26:59
  Speaker 5: all time. One girl, famous for her beauty, starts in
• 27:04
  Speaker 5: with a good dinner before the show. All during the
• 27:07
  Speaker 5: intervals when she is not on the stage, she has
• 27:10
  Speaker 5: waiters bring her lunches in her dressing room. Her bill
• 27:13
  Speaker 5: averages forty dollars a week for the little snacks she
• 27:17
  Speaker 5: eats between her dinner before the show and the supper
• 27:20
  Speaker 5: with a millionaire after the show. That girl ought to
• 27:24
  Speaker 5: marry a service of supply depot. The little newcomer says
• 27:29
  Speaker 5: that nearly all the lovely beauties whom we have imagined
• 27:32
  Speaker 5: as dining on larks tongues and poetry have appetites like
• 27:37
  Speaker 5: traffic cops. What they need in New York right now
• 27:41
  Speaker 5: is a new country for the movie stars to be
• 27:44
  Speaker 5: born in. They have a dreadful time trying to get
• 27:47
  Speaker 5: Pola NEGRII located. Ever since the foreign pictures began to
• 27:51
  Speaker 5: pour in with this Negry lady in the leading part
• 27:54
  Speaker 5: of most of the plays, they have been trying to
• 27:56
  Speaker 5: get her born in some inoffensive place. The press eight
• 28:00
  Speaker 5: have her in turn an Italian, a Swiss, an Austrian,
• 28:04
  Speaker 5: and a Romanian. As a matter of fact, the lady's
• 28:07
  Speaker 5: real name is paul at Schwartz. I can't possibly imagine
• 28:11
  Speaker 5: what her nationality can be. Similarly worried, the film magnets
• 28:17
  Speaker 5: have finally decided that Joseph Schildkraut is part Turkish and
• 28:22
  Speaker 5: part Romanian. Well, never mind, they are both great artists,
• 28:26
  Speaker 5: two of the greatest Europe has ever sent us. Oddly enough,
• 28:30
  Speaker 5: Poland Negri has reconciled the rival film producers to the
• 28:34
  Speaker 5: horrors of censorship. Only a few weeks ago, they were
• 28:38
  Speaker 5: appealing to high Heaven to be saved from the monster.
• 28:42
  Speaker 5: Now it has occurred to them that censorship is the
• 28:46
  Speaker 5: only prediction the American film industry has against being swept
• 28:50
  Speaker 5: to destruction by cheap but beautiful German pictures. The competition
• 28:56
  Speaker 5: is almost murderous passion. The super film in which Negrie
• 29:01
  Speaker 5: first appeared in America, and which would have cost at
• 29:04
  Speaker 5: least half a million dollars in the United States, was
• 29:07
  Speaker 5: made for twenty two thousand dollars in Berlin, Poland. Negri
• 29:12
  Speaker 5: gets a salary whose bigness has made Germany opened its eyes.
• 29:16
  Speaker 5: In our money, it would only be forty five dollars
• 29:20
  Speaker 5: a week. Of course, there could be but one outcome
• 29:23
  Speaker 5: to competition like that. Nearly all the German pictures, and
• 29:28
  Speaker 5: particularly all those of Poland Negri, are decidedly rough. In spots,
• 29:34
  Speaker 5: they are very much bedroom, et cetera. The American censors
• 29:39
  Speaker 5: may save the situation by cutting the gizzards out of them.
• 29:43
  Speaker 5: A big Italian picture recently arrived in New York, wherein
• 29:47
  Speaker 5: the extra people were paid four cents a day. It
• 29:51
  Speaker 5: was a very beautiful and very fine picture. There's no
• 29:54
  Speaker 5: denying it. Only the censors can save the movies. That
• 29:59
  Speaker 5: long suffering and modest soul. Evelyn Nesbitt has finally retired
• 30:04
  Speaker 5: from the stage after some years spent in a vain
• 30:07
  Speaker 5: attempt to startle the world with her message to young girls.
• 30:12
  Speaker 5: She has opened a novelty store in the Roaring fifties
• 30:16
  Speaker 5: in New York City, and will manage it in person.
• 30:21
  Speaker 5: And of section four Section five of Captain Billy's whiz Bang,
• 30:32
  Speaker 5: Volume two, number twenty three, August nineteen twenty one. This
• 30:38
  Speaker 5: is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the
• 30:41
  Speaker 5: public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit
• 30:45
  Speaker 5: LibriVox dot org. Captain Billy's wiz Bang, Volume two, number
• 30:51
  Speaker 5: twenty three, August nineteen twenty one by W. H. Fawcett.
• 30:58
  Speaker 5: Sweet Essence of Prune Juice from Rainbow, a novel. He
• 31:04
  Speaker 5: kissed her with his soft, enveloping kisses, and she responded
• 31:08
  Speaker 5: to them completely, her mind, her soul gone out darkness,
• 31:14
  Speaker 5: cleaving to darkness. She hung close to him, pressed herself
• 31:18
  Speaker 5: into the soft flow of his kiss, pressed herself down
• 31:23
  Speaker 5: down to the source and core of his kiss, herself
• 31:27
  Speaker 5: covered and enveloped in the warm, fecunned flow of his
• 31:31
  Speaker 5: kiss that traveled over her, flowed over the last fiber
• 31:35
  Speaker 5: of her, so they were one stream, one dark fecundity,
• 31:41
  Speaker 5: and she clung at the core of him, with lips
• 31:45
  Speaker 5: holding open the very bottomest source of her drummers front
• 31:53
  Speaker 5: and center. March, the Sunday school teacher had been telling
• 31:57
  Speaker 5: her class about the benefits of being good. At the
• 32:01
  Speaker 5: end of her discourse, she turned to a bright eyed
• 32:03
  Speaker 5: little miss and asked, where do good little girls go
• 32:07
  Speaker 5: when they die? To heaven? Was the prompt reply. And
• 32:11
  Speaker 5: where do the bad girls go? To the depot to
• 32:15
  Speaker 5: see the traveling men come? In justification, brass shines with use,
• 32:23
  Speaker 5: good garments would be worn, Houses not dwelt in are
• 32:27
  Speaker 5: in dust. Forlorn beauty not exercised with age is spent,
• 32:34
  Speaker 5: nor one or two men are sufficient Marlowe starting the
• 32:41
  Speaker 5: day right. A pretty stenographer had been transferred by the
• 32:46
  Speaker 5: firm to another city. The first morning after the change
• 32:49
  Speaker 5: had been made, she came into her new office, hung
• 32:53
  Speaker 5: her hat and coat on the rack, and meandered leisurely
• 32:56
  Speaker 5: to the boss's desk. Well, she said, I suppose you
• 32:59
  Speaker 5: stall in the day here, the same as we do
• 33:01
  Speaker 5: in Blanktown. Why yes, I suppose, so, replied the boss. Well,
• 33:06
  Speaker 5: come on, then kiss me so I can start working.
• 33:12
  Speaker 5: End of Section five Section six of Captain Billy's Whiz Bang,
• 33:23
  Speaker 5: Volume two, number twenty three, August nineteen twenty one. This
• 33:28
  Speaker 5: is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the
• 33:31
  Speaker 5: public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit
• 33:36
  Speaker 5: LibriVox dot org. Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, Volume two, number
• 33:42
  Speaker 5: twenty three, August nineteen twenty one by W. H. Fawcett.
• 33:47
  Speaker 5: Questions and answers, Dear Captain, why is it the people
• 33:53
  Speaker 5: say I remind them of a river t bone? Perhaps
• 33:58
  Speaker 5: it is because your mouth is bigger than your head,
• 34:01
  Speaker 5: Dear Skipper? What is meant by a triumvirate? Bob Olink, Agnes,
• 34:08
  Speaker 5: Mabel and Becky? Dear cap I have often wondered where
• 34:13
  Speaker 5: all the jokes come from? Al Fresco. I don't know
• 34:17
  Speaker 5: where were you born? Dear Bill. My feet are always cold.
• 34:24
  Speaker 5: Do you know anything I could do for them? Gene ology?
• 34:28
  Speaker 5: Did you ever try shining your shoes with stove polish?
• 34:32
  Speaker 5: Dear Captain? I found a pair of ice tongs in
• 34:36
  Speaker 5: my parlor. What shall I do? Art I choke? Demand
• 34:41
  Speaker 5: a reduction in your ice bill, Dear cap Bill, Judging
• 34:45
  Speaker 5: from your last letters to me. Your fountain pen must
• 34:48
  Speaker 5: leak all of the time. Why not get a new one,
• 34:52
  Speaker 5: Maggie Zeen, No, you are mistaken. It leaks only when
• 34:57
  Speaker 5: I've got ink in it. Cap, Can you give me
• 35:01
  Speaker 5: an example of the height of curiosity? Otto Mattock a
• 35:06
  Speaker 5: woman sticking her finger into a bowl of soup to
• 35:09
  Speaker 5: see if it leaves a dent. My dear Captain, I
• 35:14
  Speaker 5: admire you very much and wish to tell you that
• 35:18
  Speaker 5: I am a neat, nifty and nice little girl. All
• 35:22
  Speaker 5: of my hats are from Paris, though I must confess
• 35:25
  Speaker 5: my stockings were all made in America. Would you like
• 35:29
  Speaker 5: to see Paris chloral form? No, I'm patriotic. I'd rather
• 35:34
  Speaker 5: see America first. Dear cap, how come that your hired
• 35:39
  Speaker 5: man Gus is a born musician Simon conscioush because he
• 35:45
  Speaker 5: has drums in his ears? Dear Captain Billy, how can
• 35:51
  Speaker 5: I impress upon my sweetheart that I am really in
• 35:54
  Speaker 5: love with her? Jim Crow while talking to her, heave
• 35:58
  Speaker 5: your chest up and down like the men the movies.
• 36:02
  Speaker 5: Dear Captain Billy, Lately I have been keeping company with
• 36:05
  Speaker 5: a delightful girl. Unfortunately, however, she is inclined to wear
• 36:10
  Speaker 5: her skirts too short. Could you advise me on how
• 36:13
  Speaker 5: I can get her to lengthen them without offending her?
• 36:17
  Speaker 5: I hoofit, hoofitt Oh, Dear, you should learn to be diplomatic.
• 36:23
  Speaker 5: The best way to accomplish the result is to say
• 36:26
  Speaker 5: something like this, sweetheart, your eyes are simply dazzling, but
• 36:31
  Speaker 5: no one will ever notice them unless you lengthen your skirts.
• 36:36
  Speaker 5: Dear Skipper, what is meant by mind your p's and q's,
• 36:41
  Speaker 5: Dear dairymaid, probably means mind your pints and quartz. Dear
• 36:48
  Speaker 5: Captain Billy, I have just been married and would like
• 36:52
  Speaker 5: your advice on how long I should cook spaghetti. Missus
• 36:56
  Speaker 5: diss and terry. Spaghetti should not be cooked too long.
• 37:01
  Speaker 5: About ten inches is right. Dear Skipper, Bill, a landlover
• 37:07
  Speaker 5: friend of mine recently joined the navy and has been
• 37:10
  Speaker 5: assigned to my ship. Could you please suggest a practical
• 37:14
  Speaker 5: joke to play on him during his first trip at sea?
• 37:18
  Speaker 5: Jack Tar bet him a dollar he'll come in the
• 37:21
  Speaker 5: next role. Dear Captain Billy, I visited a nice little
• 37:27
  Speaker 5: girl the other evening, and she would not let me
• 37:30
  Speaker 5: kiss her. Instead, she insisted on kissing a perfumed Persian
• 37:34
  Speaker 5: kitten she held in her lap. What would you advise
• 37:38
  Speaker 5: me to do, Bashful Bert, on your next visit, select
• 37:42
  Speaker 5: a dark and dismal night, and at the psychological time
• 37:47
  Speaker 5: me'll like a cat. Maybe she won't know the difference.
• 37:52
  Speaker 5: Dear Captain Billy, I am a young married man. There's
• 37:56
  Speaker 5: a handsome married woman, the wife of a traveling man
• 38:00
  Speaker 5: across the hall. She has a phonograph, and each evening
• 38:04
  Speaker 5: when he is away, she plays such records as Lonesome.
• 38:08
  Speaker 5: I know that you are married. Won't you come over
• 38:11
  Speaker 5: to my house? Won't you come over and play? Do
• 38:15
  Speaker 5: you think I should take a chance? Fickle Phil you
• 38:20
  Speaker 5: are hereby referred to the poem Johnny and Frankie, which
• 38:24
  Speaker 5: appears in the Smokehouse section of this issue. Dear Captain,
• 38:29
  Speaker 5: what large stream flows from north to south? D Jenny
• 38:35
  Speaker 5: rait hooch? My dear Dear Captain Billy. When I sing,
• 38:41
  Speaker 5: I get tears in my eyes? What can I do
• 38:43
  Speaker 5: for this stuff? Cotton in your ears? And of section six.
• 38:56
  Speaker 6: Section seven of Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, Volume two over
• 39:00
  Speaker 6: twenty three August nineteen twenty one. This is a LibriVox recording.
• 39:05
  Speaker 6: All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more
• 39:09
  Speaker 6: information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org. Read
• 39:14
  Speaker 6: by Anthony Joseph Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, Volume two, number
• 39:20
  Speaker 6: twenty three, August nineteen twenty one by W. H. Fawcett.
• 39:25
  Speaker 6: Our Monthly Drammer, Our Monthly Drammer. You Hold My Wife,
• 39:35
  Speaker 6: a comedy on Behold My Wife by James Starr. There
• 39:41
  Speaker 6: is in You Hold My Wife, which George Selford has
• 39:44
  Speaker 6: screened from Sir Philbert Barker's The Translation of a Shimmy Dancer,
• 39:49
  Speaker 6: the sort of romance that appeals to all the primitive
• 39:52
  Speaker 6: story loving instincts of the widely known human race. A
• 39:56
  Speaker 6: bum of an Englishman seeking a fortune in the Judson
• 39:59
  Speaker 6: Bay country. Hears from home that his fiancee has not
• 40:02
  Speaker 6: married another man, as he had hoped she would. He
• 40:06
  Speaker 6: is led to believe his own family had deliberately planned
• 40:09
  Speaker 6: to go against his plans to be even with them,
• 40:12
  Speaker 6: He drinks a pint of liquor, marries an Indian girl, Lolly,
• 40:17
  Speaker 6: the daughter of Old Fry on the Moon, and ships
• 40:20
  Speaker 6: her to England as his wife. The good sports of
• 40:23
  Speaker 6: the English family dismayed and shocked, take the savage in hand,
• 40:28
  Speaker 6: and of course turn her out a raving beauty in
• 40:31
  Speaker 6: two reels, so that when the bum English Chap, stricken
• 40:36
  Speaker 6: finely by remorse and put on his feet by a
• 40:39
  Speaker 6: too gallon can of liquor, returns to England to recover
• 40:42
  Speaker 6: his squaw, he finds her a social sensation of the
• 40:45
  Speaker 6: season and the mother of a fine little son. He
• 40:50
  Speaker 6: tells her it is not his son. She faints. He
• 40:53
  Speaker 6: cries to the servant, who is handy, You hold my wife.
• 40:57
  Speaker 6: The servant does. The English Chap leaves the house and
• 41:01
  Speaker 6: joins a circus Midsummer Badness, a comedy on Midsummer madness.
• 41:10
  Speaker 6: There are a few directors of pictures you cannot depend
• 41:13
  Speaker 6: upon for the sane, sensible and spirited productions. Billy the
• 41:18
  Speaker 6: Mill is one, no longer just Cecil's brother, but one
• 41:22
  Speaker 6: who calls himself a director. No one knows why, but
• 41:25
  Speaker 6: he does. Billy's latest is a photographic essay, a world beater,
• 41:30
  Speaker 6: a sensation, but it is unbelievable. The Mill has woven
• 41:35
  Speaker 6: a real bum story, telling it by captions and not
• 41:39
  Speaker 6: by pictures, such as all good directors do sometime in
• 41:43
  Speaker 6: their life. We all make mistakes, and Billy has just
• 41:46
  Speaker 6: started at the beginning of his long list. No one
• 41:49
  Speaker 6: knows just why this picture was made, but it doesn't
• 41:52
  Speaker 6: make any difference to the restless public. They will stand
• 41:55
  Speaker 6: for anything, and Billy knows it. He is a wise guy.
• 42:00
  Speaker 6: In this story, there is the new idea of the
• 42:03
  Speaker 6: neglectful husband and a guy that likes this guy's wife.
• 42:06
  Speaker 6: The neglectful husband likes the other guy's wife. They should
• 42:10
  Speaker 6: swap each other's wife and let it go at that.
• 42:13
  Speaker 6: But Billy wouldn't have it that way, so he made
• 42:15
  Speaker 6: them love each other for a while, and then he
• 42:18
  Speaker 6: tore them apart. The master of this picture put in
• 42:21
  Speaker 6: a subtitle reading the end, and let the public go
• 42:24
  Speaker 6: home for the evening to start a drama of their own.
• 42:29
  Speaker 6: The Sydney Bulletin tells a fairly good story about family foibles.
• 42:33
  Speaker 6: Here it is the thud thud of swiftly moving feet
• 42:37
  Speaker 6: gave me warning as I was about to turn the corner,
• 42:41
  Speaker 6: and I drew back to avoid a collision. An agitated figure,
• 42:45
  Speaker 6: his breath coming in sobs, whirled past me and leaped
• 42:49
  Speaker 6: onto a car that was leaving The car stop and
• 42:52
  Speaker 6: almost at the same moment, another shape shot around the
• 42:56
  Speaker 6: corner and fell upon me. He released me at once
• 43:00
  Speaker 6: and apologized profusely. Gazing furiously at the car, now fading
• 43:04
  Speaker 6: in the distance, he explained the situation. That man's wife,
• 43:09
  Speaker 6: he said, bitterly, ran away from him and came to
• 43:12
  Speaker 6: be my housekeeper. And just now, when I got home,
• 43:16
  Speaker 6: I found him trying to make love to her, the
• 43:18
  Speaker 6: dirty cur The clock struck nine. I looked at her.
• 43:24
  Speaker 6: Her lips were rosy red. At quarter after nine. I
• 43:28
  Speaker 6: mean to steal a kiss, I said. She cast a
• 43:31
  Speaker 6: roguish glance at me, and then she whispered low, with
• 43:35
  Speaker 6: quite her sweetest little smile. The clocks like you. It's slow.
• 43:41
  Speaker 6: End of section seven Section eight of Captain Billy's Whiz Bang,
• 43:49
  Speaker 6: Volume two, number twenty three, August nineteen twenty one. This
• 43:54
  Speaker 6: is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the
• 43:58
  Speaker 6: public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit
• 44:02
  Speaker 6: LibriVox dot org. Read by Anthony Joseph Captain Billy's Whiz Bang,
• 44:09
  Speaker 6: Volume two, number twenty three, August nineteen twenty one by W. H.
• 44:14
  Speaker 6: Fawcett quiz Bang Editorials. The bull is mightier than the bullet,
• 44:23
  Speaker 6: Audrey Munson, the darling of the studios is telling the
• 44:27
  Speaker 6: poor but patient public what gorgeous parties some of the
• 44:31
  Speaker 6: artists have pulled off, and speaks breathlessly of champagne baths
• 44:35
  Speaker 6: and rose covered stairways. It is nothing new, Audrey. The ancients,
• 44:40
  Speaker 6: in the matter of luxury and license, could knock any
• 44:43
  Speaker 6: of the present day sports for a row of Chinese pagodas.
• 44:49
  Speaker 6: I have recently been engaged in reading two very interesting histories,
• 44:53
  Speaker 6: the one of the rose, the other of the Perfumes,
• 44:57
  Speaker 6: in reading which I was deeply impressed with the fact
• 45:00
  Speaker 6: that all the civilizations of the past, previous to their downfall,
• 45:05
  Speaker 6: had their rose fetes, their festivals of flowers, their perfumed halls,
• 45:10
  Speaker 6: and extravagant balls and soirees. Before the fall of the
• 45:14
  Speaker 6: Roman Empire, the wealthy abandoned themselves to pleasure, luxury and licentiousness,
• 45:20
  Speaker 6: and such expressions as living in the midst of roses
• 45:24
  Speaker 6: and sleeping on a bed of roses had a deep
• 45:27
  Speaker 6: and tragic meaning. Seneca speaks of Smyndride, who could not
• 45:31
  Speaker 6: sleep if one of the rose petals with which his
• 45:34
  Speaker 6: bed was spread happened to be curled. Cicero alludes to
• 45:39
  Speaker 6: the then prevailing custom among the Romans of reclining at
• 45:42
  Speaker 6: the table on couches covered with roses. Ah My jeweled buddies.
• 45:47
  Speaker 6: There were adonisis in those days. When Cleopatra, the perfumed
• 45:52
  Speaker 6: serpent of the Nile, went into Silicia to meet marc Antony,
• 45:57
  Speaker 6: she gave him for several successive days a festival such
• 46:01
  Speaker 6: as the gods themselves would not blush to participate in.
• 46:05
  Speaker 6: She had placed in the banqueting hall twelve couches large
• 46:09
  Speaker 6: enough to hold three guests. Purple tapestry interwoven with gold
• 46:14
  Speaker 6: covered the walls. Golden vases admirably executed and rich with
• 46:18
  Speaker 6: precious stones, stood on a magnificent gold floor. On the
• 46:23
  Speaker 6: fourth day, the queen caused the floor of the hall
• 46:26
  Speaker 6: to be covered with roses to the depth of eighteen inches.
• 46:30
  Speaker 6: These flowers were retained in a very fine net to
• 46:33
  Speaker 6: allow the guests to walk over them. Nero, the fiddler
• 46:37
  Speaker 6: of Burning Rome and the tyrant par excellence of his day,
• 46:41
  Speaker 6: gave a fete on the Gulf of bay A, when
• 46:43
  Speaker 6: inns were established on the banks and ladies of noble
• 46:47
  Speaker 6: blood played hostesses to the occasion. The roses alone, costing
• 46:51
  Speaker 6: more than four million of cisterses or one hundred thousand dollars.
• 46:56
  Speaker 6: Before her downfall, Rome could spend millions on her royal tables,
• 47:01
  Speaker 6: support the dignity of a single senator at eighty thousand
• 47:04
  Speaker 6: dollars a year, employed courts for sycophants and flatterers, impose
• 47:10
  Speaker 6: taxes at the pleasure of her ruler, declare any complaint treason,
• 47:15
  Speaker 6: marry her daughters for money and titles. Employ notaries to
• 47:19
  Speaker 6: attest the fatness of her banquet fowls, punish men with
• 47:23
  Speaker 6: death for trivial offenses, and make slaves and menials of
• 47:27
  Speaker 6: the profoundest philosophers. Considering their natural limitations, those old boys
• 47:32
  Speaker 6: set a pace that would keep anybody hustling to keep
• 47:35
  Speaker 6: up with them. The sports of several generations back might
• 47:39
  Speaker 6: have been veritable hicks compared to the modern brand, but
• 47:43
  Speaker 6: those of several centuries back didn't take a back seat
• 47:46
  Speaker 6: for none, and don't yet. In the May issue of
• 47:53
  Speaker 6: last year, when wiz Bang was a baby in the
• 47:55
  Speaker 6: magazine field, we published a poem famed over the West Coast,
• 48:00
  Speaker 6: The Girl in the Blue Velvet Band which we obtained
• 48:03
  Speaker 6: after much effort from a former convict of San Quentin Penitentiary,
• 48:08
  Speaker 6: wherein this masterpiece was written. Within a week after the
• 48:12
  Speaker 6: whiz Bang containing the first publication of this poem reached
• 48:16
  Speaker 6: San Francisco, that city had sold out every copy, and
• 48:21
  Speaker 6: a day or two later none could be purchased. From
• 48:24
  Speaker 6: Canada to Mexico on the western slope, the whiz Bang
• 48:28
  Speaker 6: mailbox was full every day with requests for more copies
• 48:31
  Speaker 6: of the issue containing the Blue Velvet Band. Consequently, we
• 48:36
  Speaker 6: republished the poem in our October issue, which we also
• 48:40
  Speaker 6: called our first Annual. The big rush of the May
• 48:43
  Speaker 6: issue was repeated in October, and from that time on
• 48:46
  Speaker 6: we have been flooded with requests for copies of the poem.
• 48:50
  Speaker 6: One enthusiast offered us a ten spot if we'd have
• 48:53
  Speaker 6: Gus the hired man, copy the poem from our personal
• 48:56
  Speaker 6: files for him. This year we are making the Winter
• 49:00
  Speaker 6: Annual is separate book with four times as much reading matter.
• 49:04
  Speaker 6: The Blue Velvet Band, the Verse of the Dope, Layout,
• 49:08
  Speaker 6: the Burglar and the Inner Walls of San Quentin, Lasca,
• 49:12
  Speaker 6: the Tale of the Stampede, The Face on the barroom floor,
• 49:16
  Speaker 6: and Johnny and Frankie are some of the poems scheduled
• 49:19
  Speaker 6: for the Pedigreed Follies of nineteen twenty one twenty two
• 49:23
  Speaker 6: in October. Probably a boxing match. She just back from Paris.
• 49:32
  Speaker 6: I can't go to this dance tonight. My trunks have
• 49:35
  Speaker 6: it arrived? He good lord? What kind of a dance
• 49:40
  Speaker 6: do you think this is going to be? If you
• 49:45
  Speaker 6: interfere between man and wife, remember this that they will
• 49:49
  Speaker 6: be friends again and you won't. End of section eight.
• 49:56
  Speaker 7: Section nine of Captain Billy's Whizbang, Volume two, number twenty three,
• 50:02
  Speaker 7: August nineteen twenty one. This is a LibriVox recording. All
• 50:07
  Speaker 7: LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information
• 50:11
  Speaker 7: or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org. Captain Billy's Wizbang,
• 50:17
  Speaker 7: Volume two, number twenty three, August nineteen twenty one by W. H.
• 50:24
  Speaker 7: Fawcett Smokehouse Poetry Part one in the September issue Smokehouse
• 50:33
  Speaker 7: Poetry will feature the Unwritten Law by Bob mckillips, author
• 50:39
  Speaker 7: of After the Raid, which scored such a recent success
• 50:43
  Speaker 7: in The Wiz Bang, and Angela Morgan's poem Betrayed Bad
• 50:50
  Speaker 7: Hopelessly bad. I yielded to love that sways mankind, not
• 50:56
  Speaker 7: the mere measure of bodily pleasure, but love that wakes
• 51:00
  Speaker 7: in the soul and mind, born of the spirits at
• 51:04
  Speaker 7: God's behest. And I bartered all I had. I with
• 51:09
  Speaker 7: the warmth of a child at my breast am bad,
• 51:13
  Speaker 7: hopelessly bad. That is the start of Miss Morgan's plea
• 51:19
  Speaker 7: for the woman who falls, and brings to memory the
• 51:22
  Speaker 7: biblical words, let him who is without sin cast the
• 51:27
  Speaker 7: first stone. There will be several other red blooded gems
• 51:31
  Speaker 7: in the Smokehouse Poetry section next month. The far East,
• 51:40
  Speaker 7: by the mud hole down in Subic, looking lazy at
• 51:44
  Speaker 7: the bay, there's a goo goo dame awaiting, And I
• 51:49
  Speaker 7: think I hear her say, come you back, you marlowe soldier,
• 51:54
  Speaker 7: Come you back from o'er the sea, Come you back
• 51:58
  Speaker 7: and pay your jaw bone, poor a, kay you jawbone me.
• 52:03
  Speaker 7: Her little skirt was baggy, only reaching to her knees.
• 52:08
  Speaker 7: Her hair was black and greasy, and it is full
• 52:12
  Speaker 7: of bugs and fleas. Her teeth are black with beetle nuts,
• 52:16
  Speaker 7: or colored with dark red paint. Her name is Dona Marie,
• 52:22
  Speaker 7: the same as her patron saints. When the rain fills
• 52:26
  Speaker 7: up the rice fields and soaks us exiles to the skin,
• 52:30
  Speaker 7: we all go down to Beano Mary's and tank up
• 52:34
  Speaker 7: on square faced gin with her arms around my shoulders
• 52:39
  Speaker 7: and her cheeks to mine, press close, and I smell
• 52:42
  Speaker 7: her breath. Oh glory, I after all my nose. But
• 52:47
  Speaker 7: I've left it all behind me. Thank God. I'm far away,
• 52:52
  Speaker 7: back here in God's own country, and you bet your
• 52:56
  Speaker 7: boots I'll stay. And I'm learning in my old home
• 53:00
  Speaker 7: town that folks are wise, who say when you hear
• 53:04
  Speaker 7: that far east calling, just be wise and stay away.
• 53:10
  Speaker 7: No more have I of the dobey or the awful,
• 53:13
  Speaker 7: prickly heat, But I walk out in the evening with
• 53:17
  Speaker 7: a maiden, fair and sweet. Just give me one good
• 53:21
  Speaker 7: Yankee girl looking like my own, and the goo Goo
• 53:25
  Speaker 7: girls are welcome to the gink that wrote this poem. Woman,
• 53:34
  Speaker 7: o woman, woman, woman, you are something more than human,
• 53:40
  Speaker 7: ever changing, ever charming, and sometimes quite alarming. And though
• 53:46
  Speaker 7: you break our banks, we can only speak our thanks
• 53:51
  Speaker 7: with forms so fair and hearts so true. We live
• 53:56
  Speaker 7: and die for you, For you, Frankie and Johnny Blues.
• 54:06
  Speaker 7: Editor's note the following stanzas are part of the song
• 54:11
  Speaker 7: Frankie and Johnny Blues. The poem is too long to
• 54:15
  Speaker 7: be published in the regular issue of The wiz Bang,
• 54:18
  Speaker 7: but it will be reproduced in full in the winter
• 54:22
  Speaker 7: annual of Captain Billy's Wiz Bang Pedigree Follies of nineteen
• 54:28
  Speaker 7: twenty one to nineteen twenty two. Frankie went down to
• 54:34
  Speaker 7: the corner to buy herself some near beer. Says to
• 54:39
  Speaker 7: the handsome bartender, has my loving man been here? He
• 54:45
  Speaker 7: is my man, but he is doing me wrong. I
• 54:50
  Speaker 7: ain't gonna tell you no story. I ain't gonna tell
• 54:54
  Speaker 7: you no lies. Johnny left here an hour ago with
• 54:58
  Speaker 7: a party called Nellie Blinde. He is your husband, but
• 55:04
  Speaker 7: he is doing you wrong. Frankie went back to the
• 55:09
  Speaker 7: black House. Didn't go back there for fun. Underneath her
• 55:13
  Speaker 7: red kimono, she carried a forty four gun. She's after
• 55:19
  Speaker 7: the man that was doing her wrong. Frankie knocked on
• 55:25
  Speaker 7: the door. Frankie pushed on the bell. Open that door,
• 55:30
  Speaker 7: you crooky girl, or I'll blow you clear too well.
• 55:36
  Speaker 7: You've got my man that's doing me wrong. Thirteen girls
• 55:43
  Speaker 7: dressed in morning, thirteen men dressed in black. They all
• 55:48
  Speaker 7: went out to the cemetery, but only twelve of the
• 55:51
  Speaker 7: men came back. They left her man that had done
• 55:57
  Speaker 7: her wrong. There was a young lady of sky with
• 56:03
  Speaker 7: a shape like a capital I. She said it's too bad,
• 56:07
  Speaker 7: but then I compared, which shows you figures can lie.
• 56:14
  Speaker 7: End of section nine. Recording by Alan Mapstone. Section ten
• 56:26
  Speaker 7: of Captain Billy's wiz Bang, Volume two, number twenty three,
• 56:31
  Speaker 7: August nineteen twenty one. This is a LibriVox recording. All
• 56:36
  Speaker 7: LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information
• 56:40
  Speaker 7: or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org. Captain Billy's
• 56:45
  Speaker 7: wiz Bang, Volume two, number twenty three, August nineteen twenty
• 56:51
  Speaker 7: one by W. H. Fawcett. Smokehouse Poetry, Part two, The
• 56:59
  Speaker 7: Lure of the Tropics. You decided to come to the Tropics.
• 57:05
  Speaker 7: Heard all you had to do was sit in the
• 57:09
  Speaker 7: shade of a coconut clade while dollars rolled into you.
• 57:14
  Speaker 7: You got that stuff down at the bureau. You've got
• 57:17
  Speaker 7: your statistics straight. Well, hear what it did to another
• 57:21
  Speaker 7: kid before you decide your fate. You don't go down
• 57:26
  Speaker 7: with a sharp, hard fall. You just sort of shuffle
• 57:29
  Speaker 7: along and lighten your load of the moral code till
• 57:34
  Speaker 7: you don't know right from the wrong. I started in
• 57:38
  Speaker 7: to be honest with everything on the square, but a
• 57:42
  Speaker 7: man camped full with the golden rule in a crowd
• 57:45
  Speaker 7: that won't play fair. Twas a case of riding a
• 57:49
  Speaker 7: crooked race or being an also ran. My only hope
• 57:54
  Speaker 7: was to sneak and dope the horse of the other man.
• 57:58
  Speaker 7: I poured a deal in guaya quill in an inca
• 58:02
  Speaker 7: silver mine, and before they found twas salted ground, I
• 58:06
  Speaker 7: was safe in the Argentine when I made short weight
• 58:11
  Speaker 7: on the river plate. I was running a freighter there,
• 58:14
  Speaker 7: and I cracked a crib on a rich estate without
• 58:18
  Speaker 7: even turning a hair. But the thing little double bar
• 58:22
  Speaker 7: my soul when it flaps at Heaven's doors, was pedaling
• 58:26
  Speaker 7: booze to the Santa Cruz and Winchester forty four's made
• 58:32
  Speaker 7: unafraid by my hellish aide, the drink crazed brutes came
• 58:36
  Speaker 7: down and left a blazing, quivering mass of a flourishing
• 58:41
  Speaker 7: bordered town. Then I took charge of a smuggler's barge
• 58:46
  Speaker 7: down the coast of Yucatane, but she went to hell
• 58:49
  Speaker 7: off Crysta Belle. One night in a hurricane, I got
• 58:54
  Speaker 7: to shore on a broken oar in the filthy, shrieking dark,
• 58:58
  Speaker 7: while the other two the good ship's crew, were converted
• 59:02
  Speaker 7: into shark on a sun baked cliff. I flagged a
• 59:06
  Speaker 7: skiff with a salt soak pair of jeans, then worked
• 59:10
  Speaker 7: my way for I couldn't pay on a fruiter to
• 59:14
  Speaker 7: New Orleans. It's kind of a habit the Tropics. It
• 59:19
  Speaker 7: gets you worse than run. You get away and you
• 59:22
  Speaker 7: swear you'll stay, but they call and back you come.
• 59:27
  Speaker 7: Six short months went by before I was back there
• 59:31
  Speaker 7: on the job, running a war in Salvador with a barefoot,
• 59:36
  Speaker 7: blackface mob, a mob that made me general, leading a
• 59:40
  Speaker 7: grand revolt, and my only friend from start to end
• 59:45
  Speaker 7: was a punishing army colt. I might have become their president,
• 59:51
  Speaker 7: a prosperous man of means, but a gunboat came and
• 59:55
  Speaker 7: spoiled the game with one hundred and ten marines. When
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 7: I awoke from my dream, dead broke and drifted from
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 7: bad to worse, and sank as low as a man
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 7: can go who walks with an empty purse. But stars,
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 7: they say, appeared by day. When you are down in
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 7: a deep, dark pit. My lucky star found me that way.
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 7: When I was about to quit alone on a hot
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 7: fly ridden cot. I went down with yellow jack, alone
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 7: in the bush and damn near dead. She found me
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 7: and brought me back. In her eyes shone the lights
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 7: of empires gone, for hers was the blood of kings.
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 7: When she spoke, her voice inspired high thoughts and dreams
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 7: of nobler things. We were spliced in a Yankee meeting
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 7: house in the land of your uncle Sam, and I
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 7: drew my pay from the u s A for I
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 7: worked on the gate and dam Then the devil sent
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 7: his right hand man. I might have suspected he would,
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 7: and he took her life with a long thin knife.
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 7: Because she was pure and good. Within me, diyed hope, honor, pride,
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 7: and all but a primitive will to hound him down
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 7: on his blood red trail and find and kill and
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 7: kill or chichill camps and logwood swamps. I hunted him
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 7: many a moon, then found my man in a long
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 7: pit pan at the edge of a blue lagoon. The
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 7: chase was o'er at the further shore. It ended a
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 7: two year's quest, and I left him there with an
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 7: empty stare, and a knife stuck in his chest. You
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 7: see those marks upon my arm, You wonder what they mean.
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 7: Those marks were left by the finger's death of my
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 7: trained nurse, Miss Morphine. You say that habits worse than
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 7: rum is possible too, You are right, But at least
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 7: it drives away the things that come and stare. At night,
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 7: there's a homestead down in an old main town, and
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 7: lilacs around the gate, and the night winds whisper. It
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 7: might have been, but the truth has come too late.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 7: For whenever you play, whatever the way, for stakes that
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 7: are large or small, the claw of the tropics gathers
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 7: it in and the dealer gets it all. Oh, happy existence.
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 7: The tom cat walketh on the fence and calleth to
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 7: his mate. Oh would that he would hie him. Hence,
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 7: when he has got a date, he cometh when my
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 7: eyelids close to keep his moonlit tryst and rouses me
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 7: from my sweet repose to pray that he'l desist. Tis
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 7: true through the tomcat grieves me sore when he doth
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 7: prowl around. But would that I like he got more
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 7: of those long evenings outs. Beware, girls, lovers are the
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 7: most devoted where they least expect to wed. All they
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 7: seek is cruel conquest, and when hearts are made to yield,
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 7: they forsake the broken fortress and besiege another field. They
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 7: are like the crafty serpent, coiled beneath the fairest flower,
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 7: till the butterfly or the humbird falls within its deadly power.
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 7: End of section ten. Recording by Alum Mapstone.
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 1: Section eleven of Captain Billy's Wisbang, Volume two, number two,
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 1: twenty three August nineteen twenty one. This is a LibriVox recording.
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 1: All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 1: information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org. Captain
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 1: Billy's Whizbang, Volume two, number twenty three, August nineteen twenty
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 1: one by W. H. Fawcett, Our Rumor Department, By our
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 1: Los Angeles correspondent, an enthusiastic reader sends us an epistle
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 1: of inquiry. We cannot say that it is from Paul
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 1: to the Corinthians, because though the correspondent signs Paul, our
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 1: noble John Henry reads Wizbang. Paul wants to know whether
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 1: or not it is a fact that there is anything
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 1: to the rumor that Allen Moore, former husband of Mary Pickford,
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 1: is due to Mary Mildred Harris, late wife of Charlie Chaplin.
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 1: So far as Wisbang knows, either Owen nor Mildred have
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 1: any wild desires to become as one, Mildred scarcely seems
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 1: of a type that would appeal to the silent youngster
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 1: whom Mary released at Minden. Speaking of Minden, where is
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 1: that place?
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 4: Oh?
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 1: Yes, up in Nevada. Wasn't it Nevada which was going
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 1: to show the Fairbanks and Pickfords that such sudden splitting
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 1: of the wooded bonds couldn't be pulled off in that
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 1: sanctified state. And didn't Whizbank tip you off that Nevada
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 1: was long on talk and short on official action. Yes,
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 1: indeedy Doug Fairbanks puts on the old carpet slippers and
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 1: Mary smooths his hair for all the world like an
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 1: old married couple, and no one can say them, Nay,
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 1: not even Nevada. The rumor which Friend Paul sent to
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 1: us reminds us forcibly again that you can hear anything
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 1: about anyone in the picture world or connected with it.
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 1: Stick around the Alexandria Hotel lobby for ten minutes, and
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 1: the pedigree of every male and female whose face appears
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 1: upon the screen will be pedaled to you ad lebitum.
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 1: Three years ago, the Alexandria Hotel lobby was the scene
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 1: of gigantic picture operations. In the mind it was customary
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 1: for ten million dollar organizations to be formed every five minutes.
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 1: That was in the days of the magic rug. It
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 1: seemed no one could step on the rug in front
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 1: of the hotel counter without becoming stricken. New studios by
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 1: the thousands were built every night between six thirty and
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 1: seven o'clock. But they don't have the rug at the
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 1: Alex anymore. Remember when Charlie Chaplin tried to lick his
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 1: wife's manager and tripped from the rug into a scantling,
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 1: his priceless feet exuding themselves skyward. Since Charlie slipped and fell,
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 1: the rug has been removed. The reason, perhaps is that
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 1: few hotels get a chance to brag of Charlie Chaplin
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 1: staging a fight in their lobby, and the Alexandria evidently
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 1: trusts that if return engagement occurs, Chaplain will not be
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 1: able to complain of slippery underfooting. Charlie looks better than
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 1: in Age's. He's leading the very quiet life and working hard.
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 1: Reverting again to rumors. Take them all in all, most
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 1: of the picture support on the various lots is comprised
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 1: of persons who would find it pretty rough going financially
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 1: if called upon to exercise brains, and they are petty
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 1: small town gossips of a mean nature. Jealousies and backbitings prevail.
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 1: This doesn't always hold the extras alone. Some of the
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 1: stars are just as bad. Harold Lloyd pays considerable attention
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 1: to B. B. Daniels. The result is that the jealous
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 1: girls have it in for Harold and BB. It happens
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 1: that Lloyd is a very decent young fellow so far
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 1: as reputation goes, and any a doting mamma gets ideas
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 1: in her head when she sees the young millionaire roll
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 1: down the street in one of his splendid cars. Up
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 1: to date there has been nothing brought against Lloyd, even
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: by jealous ladies who crave and don't get his attention.
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 1: He steers clear of the jazz bunch as clear as
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 1: can be done, and remain at all popular. Mildred Davis
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 1: for the past two years. His leading lady is frequently
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 1: seen in the company of Lloyd at the fashionable gathering places.
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 1: The girl is a beautiful looking young creature, possibly eighteen
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 1: or nineteen years of age, and naturally those who watch
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 1: the picture hurdy gurdy wonder whether Lloyd is stronger for
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 1: Mildred than for beeB. Either young lady, so far as
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 1: appearances are concerned, would go a lot farther and not
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 1: meet up with a more promising gentleman. Though marriage may
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 1: be furthest from the mind of the trio. These youngsters
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 1: work hard and have to attend pretty much to business.
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 1: The wild parties still prevail, though they are getting a
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 1: little more exclusive. People are chosen who don't have a
• 1:09:04
  Speaker 1: reputation for bringing up reminders the next morning of everything
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 1: that happened. This is a good idea. Every girl who
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 1: got drunk the night before discovered before noon the next
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 1: day that everyone on the lot had heard about it.
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 1: In our references to Hollywood and Los Angeles society, we
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 1: don't wish to be accused of laying everything to the
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 1: picture people. Far from it. The high society bunch sets
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 1: a faster pace, if anything. One of the wildest orgies
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 1: ever attempted in this hextic community occurred recently in the
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 1: vicinity of Elizabeth Lake, a distance of some eighty miles
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 1: from Los Angeles. It seems that the sacred inner circles
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 1: of fashion and pictures found that the ground was being
• 1:09:47
  Speaker 1: trampled upon too much by the plebeian element, and that
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 1: the ensuing gossip often ended unpleasantly over canyon and mountains.
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 1: Many of the guests were carried by aeroplanes. This item
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 1: will be news to some who think they are on
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 1: the inside of the jazz doings around Los Angeles. The
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 1: ultra ultras are putting it on stronger than ever, but
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 1: far away from home. Husbands and wives, big men of
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 1: the pictures, and high social standings who never bat an
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 1: eye at certain queens of the amusement world when at work,
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 1: joined in a carnival of revelry that surpassed most anything
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 1: provided for jaded appetites hereabouts, not accepting the nude bathing
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 1: parties for which Hollywood and Pasadena became famous With the
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 1: introduction of private bathing plunges out of doors outside the
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 1: Sodom and Gomorrah cottage, big powerful aeroplanes waited to carry
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 1: back to Los Angeles those who found an air trip
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 1: to be very clarifying. After a night of social carnage,
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 1: one man, it is reported, though brewed up like a
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 1: boiled owl, landed his two passengers safely on one of
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 1: the landing places near Hollywood. There is first hand information
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 1: that brewed up airplane drivers have operated in the vicinity
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 1: to date. The motorbike cops have found the pave too
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 1: hot for them to pinch anyone. A bribe in time
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 1: saves nine. End of section eleven.
• 1:11:25
  Speaker 3: Section twelve of Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, Volume two, number
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 3: twenty three, August nineteen twenty one. This is a libreyvox recording.
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 3: All liberyvox recording are in the public domain. For more
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 3: information or to volunteer, please visit libreyvox dot org. Read
• 1:11:45
  Speaker 3: by Incia Akbrelli. Captain Billy's Whiz Band, Volume two, number
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 3: twenty three, August nineteen twenty one by W. H. Fawcett
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 3: Pasture pop Peree Part one. Old headed man likes to
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 3: tell about the hair breadeth escapes. He's had a shortened
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 3: skirt maketh many a flirt if ignorance is bliss, then
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 3: why be otherwise? In the race back to nature, the
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 3: bathing suit is a close second the evening gown, leading
• 1:12:18
  Speaker 3: by a fraction of an inch. If a body find
• 1:12:21
  Speaker 3: a bottle coming through the rye, don't it make a
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 3: body sore to find the bottle? Dry? Flattery is like cologne,
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 3: to be smelled but not swallowed when you're down in
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 3: the mouth. Remember Jonah, he came out all right. It's
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 3: the little things that worry us. We can dodge an
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 3: elephant bana. A flee variety is a spice of Salt
• 1:12:43
  Speaker 3: Lake City. All the world loves a lover except Hubby.
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 3: As Kipling remarks, you will take your fun where you
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 3: find it, but you'll find while you're taking your fun,
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 3: the more you mix with the many, the less you
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 3: will care for the one resurrect. A little bit goes
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 3: a long ways, said the goose as she pushed the
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 3: pebble over the precipice. That remains to be seen, said
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 3: the pup, as he wagged his tail and walked away.
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 3: A clean joke. Let's hope. May I hold your palm olive?
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 3: Not on your life? Buoy, Oh frivolity, Thy name is woman?
• 1:13:21
  Speaker 3: What was the cause of that scar you have on
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 3: your head. A woman told me that her husband was
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 3: in Saint Louis. This hotel is a book of life. Chortled,
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 3: the blonde and boastful desks clerk with me, the hero
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 3: thrilling its pages in you, poor bell hops, merely the
• 1:13:36
  Speaker 3: pages sign in basement window. Coffee in a roll downstairs.
• 1:13:42
  Speaker 3: Ten cents my evening prayer. Now I lay me down
• 1:13:46
  Speaker 3: to sleep. Behold around me, bed bugs, creep. Harold husband
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 3: to barber, Please don't use that sweet smelling soap on
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 3: my face. Why not, sir? It has a delicate, lasting scent.
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 3: Harold husband, That's just it. My wife won't believe it.
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 3: I've had a lot of joys on earth. I don't
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 3: want to be a hog reincarnated. I want to be
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 3: a bathing beauty's dog. Don't swell up when someone takes
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 3: you for a ride. Who might be used as belast.
• 1:14:15
  Speaker 3: A skinny girl in an evening dress shows more backbone
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 3: than a man. You can string beans and kid gloves,
• 1:14:22
  Speaker 3: but you can't bull frog. Help help. He never had
• 1:14:26
  Speaker 3: tended to children, yet he said that he wouldn't mind
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 3: when his wife went away if she would not leave
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 3: the babies behind. There goes a man who can't bear children.
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 3: End of section twelve Section thirteen of Captain Billy's Whiz Bang,
• 1:14:47
  Speaker 3: Volume two, number twenty three, August nineteen twenty one. This
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 3: is a liberyvox recording. All liberyvox recordings are in the
• 1:14:55
  Speaker 3: public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 3: li vox dot org. Read by Incia Upberrelli. Captain Billy's
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 3: Whiz Bang, Volume two, number twenty three, August nineteen twenty
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 3: one by W. H. Fawcett Pasture pop Peree Part two,
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 3: Mother Goosebery vamp I once knew a girl who wore
• 1:15:17
  Speaker 3: a little curl right in the middle of her forehead.
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 3: And when she was good, she was very very good.
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 3: But when she was bad she was very interesting. First
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 3: we abolish what we consider an evil opines the town tankered,
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 3: and afterwards secretly embrace it. Mary's little lamb. Mary had
• 1:15:36
  Speaker 3: a pretty limb. She realized the fact that's why she
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 3: wore her dresses short. She showed a lot of tact
• 1:15:42
  Speaker 3: No dea analyzer is not a twin sister paralyzer. We
• 1:15:47
  Speaker 3: are surely tickled to death that good Friday does not
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 3: fall on Easter Sunday. Notice misfeatures Barefax, who conducts the
• 1:15:54
  Speaker 3: lovelorn department of this great military Journal of Uplift, will
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 3: advise you on your matrimonial and love affairs. Write to
• 1:16:01
  Speaker 3: her freely. She's been in France long enough not to
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 3: be shocked. What a'll obedience a lollipop or a nut Sunday.
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 3: Try this on your hicctrola. The old oaken hick bar rail,
• 1:16:13
  Speaker 3: the brass hick bound bar rail, the foam hicks spattered
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 3: bar rail, that hick hung by the bar hick. Our
• 1:16:21
  Speaker 3: monthly maxim late in bed, early to rise, makes dark
• 1:16:24
  Speaker 3: rings beneath the eyes. Now that Luther Reid has written
• 1:16:28
  Speaker 3: a villainless play, the husband must be guilty of a
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 3: bum seller, or something like that. A new version. Here's
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 3: to the short skirt in the street car steps. May
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 3: they never meet. The old fashioned woman who used to
• 1:16:40
  Speaker 3: take her troubles to the lord, has a daughter who
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 3: now takes them to a lawyer. If at first some
• 1:16:45
  Speaker 3: men don't succeed, they fail and fail again. A fat
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 3: man has another advantage over his thin brethren. He knows
• 1:16:52
  Speaker 3: exactly where his cigar ashes are going to land moonology.
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 3: The wife of a man named Moon presented him with
• 1:16:59
  Speaker 3: a fine boy. This was a new moon. The father
• 1:17:02
  Speaker 3: celebrated the event by drinking himself full of hooch. This
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 3: was a full moon. When he awoke from his stupor,
• 1:17:07
  Speaker 3: all he had left in his pocket was twenty five cents.
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 3: This was the last quarter. His mother in law took
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 3: this and wrapped him over the head with the club.
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 3: This was the total eclipse. Impossible, it can't be done.
• 1:17:20
  Speaker 3: What shaved the hair off a gnat's back with a
• 1:17:22
  Speaker 3: monkey wrench? Sunburn? The sun was hot upon the beach.
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 3: Her suit was little, sisters. She thought she had a
• 1:17:29
  Speaker 3: good time. But all is not bliss. That blisters. Aha
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 3: ah he I suppose it would be quite improper for
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 3: me to kiss you on such a short acquaintance. She yes,
• 1:17:42
  Speaker 3: but it's quite early in the evening yet. End of
• 1:17:45
  Speaker 3: section thirteen.
• 1:17:52
  Speaker 8: Section fourteen of Captain Billy's Wisbang, Volume two, number twenty three,
• 1:17:59
  Speaker 8: August Night. This is a librevox recording. All liberyvox recordings
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 8: are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer,
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 8: please visit libreyvox dot org. Read by Oggie's Rack doll.
• 1:18:17
  Speaker 8: Captain Billy's Whisbang, Volume two, number twenty three, August nineteen
• 1:18:23
  Speaker 8: twenty one by W. H. Fawcett. Classified ads, quips and poems.
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 8: Classified ads how come from Cedar Rapid's Gazette. Found Ladies,
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 8: lingerie and stockings with auto cushion in pasture on Oak Boulevard,
• 1:18:44
  Speaker 8: two miles from Vernon Road, near the Morgan Farm called
• 1:18:48
  Speaker 8: Buenos Aires. Nina Steina Tuscan, Arizona Star. Competent stenographer without
• 1:18:59
  Speaker 8: local references, expecting Poco dot reputation. Wants job Masons and
• 1:19:05
  Speaker 8: Christians need not answer phone one zero zero nine dash
• 1:19:11
  Speaker 8: in no restrictions four rent eight roomhouse family six or
• 1:19:19
  Speaker 8: seven wild children, missus Minnie's infant from Olween, Iowa Register.
• 1:19:29
  Speaker 8: Take your turn Boys from Times Herald, Dallas, Texas. A
• 1:19:34
  Speaker 8: lady presser. Experience preferred Brannan's Cleaning Company. Here's another from
• 1:19:42
  Speaker 8: Kansas City Star Laundry help girl to operate Bosom Press
• 1:19:49
  Speaker 8: the Bachelor's Laundry Company. Two zero zero four Broadway Now
• 1:19:56
  Speaker 8: a man from San Francisco Examiner man for pressing forms.
• 1:20:02
  Speaker 8: No experience necessary, good pay while learning. Five four one
• 1:20:07
  Speaker 8: Market Street an old timer a Cambridge undergraduate, contrary to regulations,
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 8: was entertaining his sister when they heard someone on the
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 8: stairs hastily hiding his sister behind a curtain. He went
• 1:20:23
  Speaker 8: to the door and confronted an aged man who was
• 1:20:25
  Speaker 8: revisiting the scenes of his youth and was desirous of
• 1:20:29
  Speaker 8: seeing his old rooms. Obtaining permission. He looked around and remarked, ah, yes,
• 1:20:36
  Speaker 8: the same old room. Going to the window, he said,
• 1:20:39
  Speaker 8: the same old view. And peeping behind the curtain, he exclaimed,
• 1:20:44
  Speaker 8: the same old game my sister, Sir, said the student.
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 8: Oh yes, said the visitor, the same old story tits bits.
• 1:20:59
  Speaker 8: But my dear floring, I won't marry a man who
• 1:21:04
  Speaker 8: won't look me straight in the eye while he is
• 1:21:06
  Speaker 8: talking to me. Glorying then wor him longer. Dear girls
• 1:21:14
  Speaker 8: no longer love to dance. They danced to love. The
• 1:21:18
  Speaker 8: old fashioned girl used to stay home when she had
• 1:21:21
  Speaker 8: nothing to wear. The feminine half of the world may
• 1:21:26
  Speaker 8: not know how the masculine half lives, but it never
• 1:21:29
  Speaker 8: tires of trying to find out the luck of the Irish.
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 8: An irishman at confession noticed that the priest had a
• 1:21:39
  Speaker 8: watch on a fob as it was easy, he nicked it.
• 1:21:43
  Speaker 8: Continuing his confession, he said, and Father, I stole a
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 8: gold watch and fob from a man, but I will
• 1:21:51
  Speaker 8: give it to you. The priest was horrified by the
• 1:21:54
  Speaker 8: suggestion and said, no, you must give it to the
• 1:21:57
  Speaker 8: man you took it from, replied, But Father, I offered
• 1:22:02
  Speaker 8: it to him and he would not take it. Then
• 1:22:05
  Speaker 8: said the priest, you may keep it. Love as an appetizer,
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 8: any emotion that gives pleasure acts healthily on the heart
• 1:22:17
  Speaker 8: and other organs. Certain scientists have recently discovered risk circulation, gnawing, appetite,
• 1:22:25
  Speaker 8: and health ensue, love, hope, and happiness all produce these emotions, and,
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 8: contrary to the accept notion, the ardurent lover ought to
• 1:22:35
  Speaker 8: enjoy his meals thoroughly. Despair, grief, and fear are declared
• 1:22:41
  Speaker 8: to have quite the opposite effect. They make the heart
• 1:22:44
  Speaker 8: slower and enfeeble the nervous system, often upsetting digestion. Many
• 1:22:51
  Speaker 8: a girl looks sweet on the outside, but so does
• 1:22:55
  Speaker 8: a sugarcoated pill. You may have more brains than it does,
• 1:23:00
  Speaker 8: but the dog is the happiest, could explain readily. An
• 1:23:08
  Speaker 8: enthusiastric tempress proponent was lecturing vigorously on his pet theme
• 1:23:13
  Speaker 8: when someone in the audience asked him how he could
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 8: account for the miracle of the turning of the water
• 1:23:18
  Speaker 8: into wine that he piped up in all seriousness was
• 1:23:23
  Speaker 8: the one act performed by the founder of the Christian religion,
• 1:23:26
  Speaker 8: which he, ever after regretted. My tear, isn't he brilliant?
• 1:23:32
  Speaker 8: It's the goods, Maurice, just so brilliant, like a glass
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 8: dine the other view, missus jutso is my gown cut
• 1:23:43
  Speaker 8: so low in the back. I can just feel that
• 1:23:46
  Speaker 8: those men behind us are staring at me. Mister husband, Ah,
• 1:23:51
  Speaker 8: turn around and show him your face and they'll quit
• 1:23:53
  Speaker 8: stain no use, no use loving, ain't no gain, no
• 1:24:01
  Speaker 8: use eaten, just a pain, no use kissing. He'll go
• 1:24:05
  Speaker 8: tell no use nothing. Oh hell. The only rings you
• 1:24:12
  Speaker 8: gave me, by Jack Gould, you promised me a lot
• 1:24:16
  Speaker 8: of things when first I fell for you. You said
• 1:24:20
  Speaker 8: you would buy me diamond rings and pearls of lustrous hue.
• 1:24:24
  Speaker 8: You said that i'd wear silken hose and other garments. Fine,
• 1:24:29
  Speaker 8: oh boy, I'm here to tell you these you had
• 1:24:32
  Speaker 8: a flowery line refrain. The only rings you gave me
• 1:24:37
  Speaker 8: were the rings beneath my eyes from vanity. You have
• 1:24:41
  Speaker 8: saved me by adorning me with lies. The only pearls
• 1:24:45
  Speaker 8: were teardrops that were shed when I got wise. The
• 1:24:49
  Speaker 8: only rings you gave me were the rings beneath my eyes.
• 1:24:52
  Speaker 8: The fairy tales that you have told would shame the
• 1:24:55
  Speaker 8: ones of grim. You made me think that all was
• 1:24:59
  Speaker 8: gold glittered in the glim But there is bound to
• 1:25:03
  Speaker 8: come a day. Just wait on, Scout and see when
• 1:25:06
  Speaker 8: you'll find out you'll have to pay for what you
• 1:25:09
  Speaker 8: got from me. She was already, Jack, ready for the party. Dorothy,
• 1:25:17
  Speaker 8: the taxi will be here any minute. Slip on your
• 1:25:20
  Speaker 8: evening gown quick wify now, don't be funny, Jack, It's
• 1:25:25
  Speaker 8: on most assuredly. Where shall I find ladies wastes between
• 1:25:34
  Speaker 8: the neckwhere and the hosiery Madam? End of section fourteen.
• 1:25:45
  Speaker 1: Section fifteen of Captain Billy's Whizbang, Volume two, number twenty three,
• 1:25:50
  Speaker 1: August nineteen twenty one. This is a LibriVox recording. All
• 1:25:56
  Speaker 1: LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more info
• 1:26:00
  Speaker 1: or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org. Captain Billy's
• 1:26:06
  Speaker 1: Whizbeg Volume two, number twenty three, August nineteen twenty one
• 1:26:11
  Speaker 1: by W. H. Fawcett, Section fifteen ur Riural Mailbox. Will write,
• 1:26:19
  Speaker 1: certainly not will The Reverend golightly moral writes only of
• 1:26:24
  Speaker 1: things he has seen, not his personal experiences. Reverend Numb,
• 1:26:31
  Speaker 1: we've mislaid our best recipe. But whatever you use, don't
• 1:26:35
  Speaker 1: forget the raisins. Della k tessen no della. He was
• 1:26:41
  Speaker 1: no gentleman, lew Dickris. When Gus was that way, he
• 1:26:47
  Speaker 1: shaved his head and burned his clothes. Cora Gait slap
• 1:26:52
  Speaker 1: his face the next time I've a bite. Yes, all
• 1:26:58
  Speaker 1: men are like that. Gracie, no gracie. I don't walk
• 1:27:03
  Speaker 1: in my sleep. I take car Ford to bed with me.
• 1:27:08
  Speaker 1: A national bird is the eagle with the stork. A
• 1:27:11
  Speaker 1: close second essence of Joy by Gum by L. J. Messenger.
• 1:27:19
  Speaker 1: Please kiss me, dear, the youth insisted, as round her
• 1:27:23
  Speaker 1: waist his arms he twisted. I will, says she, if
• 1:27:27
  Speaker 1: you'll agree to buy some chewing gum for me. So
• 1:27:30
  Speaker 1: the youth was wise and bought the gum, and told
• 1:27:33
  Speaker 1: as Derry he wanted one all right. He heard her
• 1:27:36
  Speaker 1: softly sigh. The gum for me. You'll ne'er deny. Now,
• 1:27:40
  Speaker 1: this is one thing I've never done. Kisses, my dear,
• 1:27:43
  Speaker 1: I always shun. But I know I'll like them as
• 1:27:46
  Speaker 1: well as you if they're as good as the gum
• 1:27:48
  Speaker 1: I chew. So she sat right down upon a chair.
• 1:27:52
  Speaker 1: She chewed her gum and fussed her hair, and the
• 1:27:55
  Speaker 1: nearer she came to the bargained fun, the faster she
• 1:27:58
  Speaker 1: chewed her chewing gum. Suddenly she chewed with all her
• 1:28:02
  Speaker 1: might and placed her arms around him tight. She swallowed
• 1:28:05
  Speaker 1: her gum and cried, don't miss I love my gum,
• 1:28:09
  Speaker 1: but oh dear kiss His first offense in New York City,
• 1:28:18
  Speaker 1: all of those who are sent to jail for thirty
• 1:28:20
  Speaker 1: days are required to take a bath. A bath attendant,
• 1:28:24
  Speaker 1: upon noticing that ike Ga Bibble's person was none too clean,
• 1:28:28
  Speaker 1: suddenly exclaimed, hey, there, you guy. Did you ever take
• 1:28:32
  Speaker 1: a bath before? Well, Abe replied, I never was arrested before.
• 1:28:40
  Speaker 1: She said to him beneath the tree, well, I'll love
• 1:28:43
  Speaker 1: you if you love me. The kiss he gave with
• 1:28:46
  Speaker 1: love did burn. She gave him ditto in return. Arthur
• 1:28:54
  Speaker 1: Neil's page, I joined a Frisco schooner a good ship,
• 1:28:58
  Speaker 1: I was told bound her Sydney, who South Wales, with
• 1:29:01
  Speaker 1: lumber in the hold. We'd left the South behind. Boys
• 1:29:05
  Speaker 1: began to feel the swell. When the mate looked in
• 1:29:08
  Speaker 1: the forecastle, I said, mister go away. Fascinated by the
• 1:29:13
  Speaker 1: spell of the smoke House poetry, and having sailed the
• 1:29:16
  Speaker 1: Seven Seas and visited most every place east and west
• 1:29:20
  Speaker 1: of Suez, including Hoboken, New Jersey, we wished to show
• 1:29:24
  Speaker 1: the doubting Gus that we also could string together that
• 1:29:27
  Speaker 1: line of verse, hence the above. When we got to
• 1:29:30
  Speaker 1: the fourth line, however, we grew tired and finished it up.
• 1:29:36
  Speaker 1: Gus writes us that he went to Saint Paul the
• 1:29:38
  Speaker 1: other day. He met a girl and they went into
• 1:29:40
  Speaker 1: a movie. He says she sat there with her arm
• 1:29:43
  Speaker 1: around his waist, and after she'd said good bye, he
• 1:29:47
  Speaker 1: found it had been in his pocket as well. Tis
• 1:29:52
  Speaker 1: better to have loved and lost when you read some
• 1:29:54
  Speaker 1: of the mean things they say in the divorce court. Now,
• 1:30:00
  Speaker 1: while you were at college, my son, tell me of
• 1:30:03
  Speaker 1: some of the things you've done. I hope you kept
• 1:30:05
  Speaker 1: off the cards and vice. Certainly, father, I only played
• 1:30:09
  Speaker 1: dice and you didn't go to the races each day.
• 1:30:13
  Speaker 1: We met right in school. They were so far away.
• 1:30:16
  Speaker 1: You didn't smoke cigarettes. I said, it's not right. No,
• 1:30:20
  Speaker 1: what I smoked, Dad, are cigars and a pipe. You
• 1:30:24
  Speaker 1: didn't go round with boys who were tough. I went
• 1:30:26
  Speaker 1: with the girls, but I never was rough. You didn't
• 1:30:30
  Speaker 1: sneak out and go drinking by stealth. Oh, nothing like that.
• 1:30:35
  Speaker 1: I made it myself. You mean to say you've taken
• 1:30:39
  Speaker 1: a nip. Sure, if you want a drink, there's some
• 1:30:42
  Speaker 1: on my hip. You never went to a midnight review. No,
• 1:30:46
  Speaker 1: I went with the chorus when they were through. I
• 1:30:50
  Speaker 1: hope you didn't get fighting, my son. No one would
• 1:30:53
  Speaker 1: try it. I carried a gun. I suppose in all
• 1:30:56
  Speaker 1: sport you took a delight. Yes, I used to like
• 1:30:59
  Speaker 1: Dan without any light. Of course, you took part in
• 1:31:03
  Speaker 1: the baseball game. I didn't like baseball. It's rather too tame.
• 1:31:09
  Speaker 1: You didn't go help your club try and win. No,
• 1:31:12
  Speaker 1: I'd much rather help a girl try and swim. And
• 1:31:16
  Speaker 1: how much learning, my boy, can you show? I've forgotten
• 1:31:19
  Speaker 1: more than you'll ever know. I'm glad to see that
• 1:31:22
  Speaker 1: my son is a man. Yes, I can do more
• 1:31:25
  Speaker 1: than you ever can, my boy, I see you're a
• 1:31:28
  Speaker 1: lad of my heart, all right? Make it Paris. When
• 1:31:32
  Speaker 1: do we start the sphere feminine? They talk about a
• 1:31:38
  Speaker 1: woman's sphere as though it had a limit. There's not
• 1:31:42
  Speaker 1: a place in earth or heaven. There's not a task
• 1:31:45
  Speaker 1: to mankind given. There's not a blessing or a woe.
• 1:31:49
  Speaker 1: There's not a whispered yes or no. There's not a life.
• 1:31:52
  Speaker 1: There's not a birth that has a feather's weight of
• 1:31:55
  Speaker 1: worth without some woman in it. Sir, certainty is it you?
• 1:32:02
  Speaker 1: I love?
• 1:32:02
  Speaker 7: Dear?
• 1:32:03
  Speaker 1: I can scarcely tell. When you smile, Your eyes, dear
• 1:32:07
  Speaker 1: make me think of Nell. When you're sad, your mouth,
• 1:32:10
  Speaker 1: dear makes me think of Sue. But Dearest, when I
• 1:32:14
  Speaker 1: kissed you, I'm surely sure it's you. End of Section
• 1:32:19
  Speaker 1: fifteen and of Captain Billy's whis Bang, Volume two, number
• 1:32:24
  Speaker 1: twenty three, August nineteen twenty one by W. H. Fawcett