Latest / The Difficult Boss Podcast with Fexingo: Managing Up, Toxic Managers, and Workplace Survival / Managing a Boss Who Is Out of Their Depth
Transcript
- Lucas: So you've got a new boss who seems genuinely lost. Not just a bit scattered, not someone playing favorites, but someone who's in over their head. Today we're talking about how to survive and even thrive when your manager is out of their depth. Luna: This is such a common situation, but it feels like a taboo. Everyone's had that moment where you think, wait, they promoted this person? Lucas: Right. And it's not about being cruel or judgmental. Sometimes people get promoted into roles they're not ready for, and it's not their fault. But it becomes your problem because they're your boss. Luna: So what's the first step? Do you just accept it and try to make it work, or is there a smarter way to play this? Lucas: I think the first step is to reframe. Instead of seeing this as a crisis, see it as an opportunity to become a trusted translator. You have the technical knowledge or the context they lack, so you become the bridge between the boss and the team, between the boss and the rest of the organization. Luna: A translator, that's a nice way to put it. But doesn't that risk you doing their job for them, and then they take all the credit? Lucas: That's a legitimate fear, and it happens. But the key is to do it visibly, to make your contributions known, not in a showy way, but in a way that the right people see. You're not covering for them, you're enabling them, and that's a skill in itself. Luna: So how do you make sure you get credit without seeming like you're undermining them? Lucas: Well, one tactic is to use what I call the 'decision memo'. Whenever you're about to make a significant recommendation, you write a one-page memo that outlines the options, the trade-offs, and your recommended choice. You share it with your boss, and you encourage them to share it with their boss. That way, the thinking is in writing, and it's clear who did the analysis. Luna: That's smart because it's not like you're shouting from the rooftops, but the record shows your contribution. Do you have an example of this in practice? Lucas: Yeah, I remember a case from a mid-sized SaaS company, a friend of mine told me about. A new VP of engineering was hired from outside, but he didn't have deep technical knowledge of the product. The senior engineers were frustrated because he'd make decisions that ignored the architecture. One engineer started writing decision memos for each major technical choice, and she'd frame it as 'here's the context you need, here are the options, here's my recommendation.' Within a few months, the VP came to rely on her, and she became his de facto chief of staff. She didn't get the VP title, but she got visibility with the CTO, and eventually she was promoted to a director role. Luna: So the memo became a way to make the boss look good while quietly showcasing her expertise. I like that. Lucas: Exactly. And it also helps you avoid the trap of overfunctioning, which we talked about a few episodes ago. You're not doing their job, you're providing input. There's a clear line. Luna: But what if your boss is resistant to that kind of help? What if they see it as a threat? Lucas: That's a real risk. Some bosses are insecure, and they might see your competence as a challenge. In that case, you need to be more subtle. You can ask questions instead of making statements. Frame it as 'I'm trying to understand, could you walk me through your thinking?' That way, you're not offering unsolicited advice, you're seeking to understand, and sometimes that helps them realize their own gaps. Luna: It's like the Socratic method for managers. But is there a point where you just have to accept that this isn't going to work, and you need to protect yourself? Lucas: Absolutely. If your boss is not just out of their depth, but also unwilling to listen, and they're actively making decisions that could harm your career or the team, then you need to set boundaries. You can say 'I'm happy to help, but I can't take on this additional responsibility without it being reflected in my role.' That's a healthy boundary. Luna: And if that doesn't work, is it time to go to HR? Lucas: Going to HR is a big step, and you should do it with caution. But if the situation is affecting your ability to do your job, or if you feel like you're being set up for failure, then it's worth documenting the impact and having a conversation with HR. But first, I'd suggest trying to talk to your boss directly, if you feel safe doing so. Luna: It's a delicate balance. You don't want to be the one who complained, but you also can't let yourself be dragged down. Lucas: Right. And sometimes, the best move is to start looking for other opportunities. If the situation is untenable, your resume is your best protection. But before you jump ship, let's talk about one more strategy that can be surprisingly effective: the pre-mortem. Luna: The pre-mortem? That's where you imagine the project has failed and work backwards to figure out what could go wrong, right? Lucas: Exactly. When your boss is out of their depth, they might be overly optimistic or miss risks. A pre-mortem is a way to surface those risks without being a downer. You say 'Let's pretend it's six months from now and this project has failed. What would have been the cause?' That shifts the discussion from 'what could go wrong' to 'what went wrong,' which can be easier for an insecure boss to stomach. Luna: That's a really clever way to get your boss to think critically without feeling attacked. I can see how that would work. Lucas: And it also protects you because you've documented potential issues early. If things do go south, you have a record that you raised the concern, in a constructive way. Luna: One thing I'm wondering, though, is this: how much of this is actually about managing your own stress? Because it's exhausting to constantly adapt to a boss who doesn't know what they're doing. Lucas: That's a huge point. You have to take care of yourself. That means setting boundaries on your time, not taking on every crisis, and making sure you have a support network at work, peers who get it. And it also means knowing when to say 'this is not my problem'. Luna: Yeah, you can't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Lucas: Exactly. So, before we go further, I want to pause for a second. If this conversation is helping you think through a tricky workplace situation, the reason we can keep having these conversations without ads is because of listener support. If you've got a few bucks, you can buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It's a simple way to keep this show going. Luna: Yeah, it really makes a difference. And honestly, if this episode gives you one strategy that helps, that's worth a coffee. Lucas: So, back to the topic. Let's talk about how you can protect your career when your boss is out of their depth. One thing I want to emphasize is the importance of building relationships outside your direct team, especially with your boss's peers or your skip-level. Luna: So, networking up? That feels risky if your boss sees it as going over their head. Lucas: It can be, if you do it in a sneaky way. But you can do it in a natural way, like participating in cross-functional projects, or volunteering for initiatives that are visible. You're not trying to undermine your boss; you're just being a good employee. And if you have a chance to present to senior leaders, take it. That builds your credibility. Luna: And then, if you ever need to make a move, you've already got some allies in high places. Lucas: Exactly. And that also helps you in the meantime, because you get a more accurate picture of what's happening at the company level. Sometimes your boss is out of their depth because the company itself is in flux, and knowing that can help you make better decisions. Luna: That's a good point. So, what about the ethical dimension? Is it ever okay to actively make your boss look bad so you can take their job? Lucas: Look, office politics is a real thing, and sometimes ambitions clash. But I think the professional approach is to focus on being excellent at your own job, not on sabotaging someone else. If you're truly good, opportunities will come. And if you're in a situation where your boss is so bad that the team is suffering, the best thing is often to make your case to leadership with facts, not through gossip or manipulation. Luna: That sounds more sustainable. And it keeps your conscience clean. Lucas: Right. Now, what about the reverse: what if you're the one who's out of their depth? That's a whole other episode, but it's worth asking yourself if you're being fair to your boss. Luna: That's a good self-check. It's easy to think 'my boss is incompetent,' but sometimes they're just in a learning phase, and they need time. Lucas: Absolutely. A new manager needs about six months to get their bearings, and if they're willing to learn, they can grow into it. So before you write them off, give them a chance. But if they're not learning, and they're not open to help, then you have to decide how much you're willing to invest. Luna: So, what's the takeaway for someone who's stuck in that situation right now? Lucas: I'd say, start by assessing the situation objectively. Is your boss a lost cause or just inexperienced? Then, adopt the translator mindset, use tools like the decision memo and the pre-mortem, and make sure you're building your own network. And above all, keep your own career moving forward, whether that means growing within the team or preparing to move on. Luna: And don't forget to take care of yourself. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Lucas: Yeah. And if you've got a success story, or a question, we'd love to hear from you. We'll be back next week with another episode.