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Cost-Effective Conflict Management · Chatting with The Experts with Paula Okonneh

• 0:02
  Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of Chatting With The Experts Tv
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  show with your host, me ,Paula Okonneh where i bring women from africa and from
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  the caribbean and in the diaspora to share with you, you know, so many amazing
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  things that they either do or they have learned in their life journey what i can
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  assure you is that at the end of this episode you would have learned something
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  new Because my guests endeavor to educate, inspire and empower women globally.
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  Typically I have only women.
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  I want to say 99 percent of the time it's women, but I've had a few men grace
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  the show and it's always been awesome.
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  So the title of today's show is Manage Conflict Without Breaking The Bank.
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  And it's about cost effective strategies to protect your revenue,
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  your reputation, and retention.
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  My guest is an experienced attorney and conflict management strategist
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  who has worked in change management, in litigation, and public leadership
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  roles for more than 25 years.
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  She is a conflict management expert, and she will give us, you and I when I
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  say us, straightforward, cost effective strategies to handle workplace conflict so
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  that you can protect your organization's revenue, reputation, and retention.
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  So with that, I want to welcome Tabitha Liburd to this episode
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  of Chatting With The Experts.
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  There we are.
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  Tabitha, did I leave out anything?
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  You did not.
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  Thank you for a lovely introduction.
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  Oh my gosh, I should have said more because you are amazing.
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  Your bio, I read it and I read it and I'm like, okay, I could
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  talk for five minutes about her.
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  So why don't I ask you to embellish or add anything extra that you'd
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  want the viewers to know about you.
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  Well, I have lived in seven countries.
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  Oh, yes.
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  Very exciting.
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  Yes.
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  I was born in Guyana, South America, and I did University of
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  the West Indies, which took me to Barbados and Trinidad and Tobago.
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  In addition to that, I have lived and worked in St.
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  Kitts and Nevis on both islands of that sister island territory.
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  And I've lived and worked in the Bahamas and Grand Cayman
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  Islands before moving to the U.
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  S.
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  Seven countries.
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  Seven is a good number.
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  It's completion, right?
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  It is.
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  It is.
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  So here I am.
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  Okay.
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  So you're a conflict management student.
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  Strategist or expert.
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  Yes.
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  Talk about some of the, you know, things that you do.
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  I know you've talked about how you help companies, organizations, small business
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  owners uncover true conflict sources.
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  Can you expand on that?
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  What do you mean by that?
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  Well, many times we are looking at the situation from the outside
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  in and we see an issue, but that may not always be the issue.
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  We can't see people's intentions.
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  We can't see their needs, their fears, their desires, their motivations.
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  We can only see what happened.
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  And so I help people get to the root cause of the conflict by finding
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  ways to talk and strategies to work with people so that they can
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  find out exactly what's happening.
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  Because when we go to the doctor, there's a conversation first.
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  We don't just walk into the door and the doctor says, all right, I'll give you
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  this antibiotic and here's an injection.
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  We first talk about what's happening, we discuss our symptoms, and then the
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  doctor makes an educated decision based on the symptoms that we have discussed.
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  And so I like to say with conflict management, I encourage leaders, family
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  members, anyone who is experiencing conflict to have some discussions.
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  So that you know the symptoms.
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  When you know the symptoms, then you can understand what's happening.
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  It's easier to understand.
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  Sometimes the conflict will show itself.
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  People love to be consulted.
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  We like to be heard and understood.
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  And once you start asking questions, as long as there is trust, people will share
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  what the issue is, what's bothering them.
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  And then you can choose a strategy that fits the situation.
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  I love that answer.
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  You say you know, there's always a solution.
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  Always a solution.
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  So can you give us like one example?
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  Yes.
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  Think about the situation where there are two people working.
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  One person is...
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  there are two people working, there is a launch coming and people are disagreeing
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  on what may happen with this launch.
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  How is the budget allocated?
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  One person may be in marketing.
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  The other person may be in research, and it's understandable that.
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  Each person wants to do as good a job as they can to have a successful launch.
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  Now, here's what happens sometimes if I'm in marketing and you're in
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  research, we get to be thinking about things in a polarized way so
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  that I'm not necessarily thinking my marketing is not blending in with what
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  Paula is researching and vice versa.
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  And then there could be another layer.
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  I could be concerned that as a woman of a certain age, my future
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  at this company may be at risk.
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  That could lead me to feel anxious and insecure, and it
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  could affect how I interact with you while we discuss this launch.
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  You may find that I am insisting on things, and I'm being really hard line,
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  and you could see that as a conflict.
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  And indeed, my behavior could be creating conflict.
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  If a neutral third party comes into the situation, and
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  comes to have a talk with me.
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  Where there's trust, I can explain the concerns that I have related to marketing,
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  and if I trust that person enough, I can even say, you know, I am really concerned
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  about my future here at the company.
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  That's an idea of getting to the root cause, because if I feel
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  psychologically safe enough, To share that actually I am concerned about
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  my future and that this launch, the success of this launch may impact the
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  future that I have at the company.
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  Then we get to the root of the conflict.
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  We can talk about my position at the company as a spin off
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  item and get me situated where I feel psychologically safe.
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  And then my interactions with you may be different.
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  I love that.
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  So in other words, you're taking into consideration the employee,
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  the people, it's more than just the business though, you know, a lot
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  of people think about the bottom line, but you put into consideration
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  the people who are the breadth and the moving parts of the company or
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  the organization or the business.
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  If you have happy employees, you're going to have a comfortable and
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  an inviting working environment for them and ultimately for you.
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  Yes, that's what we're doing when we're looking at the, you know, the
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  root causes of what's happening.
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  We're looking at our people.
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  Yes.
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  I love that.
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  All right.
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  So people go into business most times to make money.
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  Do you or does your company do anything to help like, you know, budget friendly
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  solutions, things where money is concerned, because a business becomes
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  a hobby if you're not making a profit.
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  So how do you work with that?
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  Yes.
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  Well, I work with the first resource that's available and that's you.
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  Mm-hmm.
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  And that is and what I find is that sometimes we go looking for training,
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  but if we look inward and we ourselves start to look at little ways that we can
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  tweak how we do things, how we show up in the environment, how we work with our
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  people, we may be able to retain our team
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  work in a way that is going to raise revenue without even sourcing training.
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  So
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  extending on that, if we say, well, what's the resource that I have first available?
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  That's me.
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  And that's free.
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  I would invite leaders to do things like conducting little surveys.
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  A survey doesn't have to be very technical.
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  It doesn't even have to be very sophisticated.
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  There are some, and if those are available to you, then yes, use them.
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  Because anonymous surveys are indeed helpful if people don't necessarily
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  feel safe enough to say what they're thinking or what they're concerned about.
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  But you can conduct sessions and gather feedback and gather
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  honest input from team members.
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  You start in the boardroom and you work your way right across the company.
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  You can hold little meetings to dig deeper into something.
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  So let's say you decide, well, my feedback is not going to be sophisticated.
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  I'm just going to talk to people.
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  Then you'll go ahead and you start chatting with people in the
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  break room or in the corridor.
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  If someone says something that piques your curiosity or raises a red flag
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  that you think warrants a deeper look, then I would suggest you have
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  a little one on one with that person.
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  Invite them to coffee, whether in person or virtually, and just
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  ask them about their concern and get their perspective on it.
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  And when you start talking to people, you are going to see patterns in
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  those feedback that you get, in the various pieces of feedback.
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  So you survey, you delve a little deeper with your one on ones, and you're making
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  your notes so when you start to see patterns, you engage with those patterns.
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  You analyze them, think them through.
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  And at that stage you can talk with an expert if you have one
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  available, or you can do a little bit of research to see if there are
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  recurring themes and common issues.
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  Then you move to solutions.
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  So we didn't just start with solutions, we went through a process.
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  And that is a budget friendly process that you can adopt in your environment.
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  Wow, I love that.
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  Makes me think.
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  It makes me think in particular because I had someone yesterday ask in a group
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  chat, how can you create an anonymous group survey, if there are tools for that.
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  And you just mentioned that.
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  Are there tools for that?
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  Yes, there's one called Survey Monkey that is very widely used.
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  And there are a few others that people have used successfully to
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  get the pulse of their people.
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  And it's a very good thing because what I may say to you, someone
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  else may not say because they might feel a little intimidating.
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  Depending on what they think about their own situation at the company,
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  or depending on how they may feel about us, or about themselves.
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  They may not feel free to share.
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  And so an anonymous survey tool is an excellent thing to use.
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  I love that because I wondered if there were any, I mean, don't you have to put
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  at least an email to identify yourself?
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  How do you actually say what you want to say without, you know,
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  identifying yourself with at least one identifier like an email?
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  Yes.
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  No, there's some surveys that you just begin and I have taken part in some
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  of them where you don't need to put your email and I've used one of them.
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  I just can't remember the name now, but in my capacity as HR, I've used
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  a tool and it was very well received.
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  You just send a link to someone and they can rate.
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  And in that tool, people could actually see the weighting of their answer.
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  So you could see if what you said was a popular trend or if you're an outlier,
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  you're the only person who felt this way.
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  So it's allowed the leader, HR and the employees to get a feel of
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  what's happening and how others feel.
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  That was very useful.
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  Wow.
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  Good to know.
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  Okay.
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  So, something else you mentioned like peer mediation.
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  Can you expand on that as well?
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  What exactly is peer mediation?
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  Well, mediation is a wonderful tool for people to talk about what's
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  happening and see if there is a chance that it could be resolved.
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  Mediation is a voluntary process.
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  Voluntary.
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  It's voluntary.
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  That's good to know because some people think when they hear the
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  word mediation it's like, you know, something that is out of their reach.
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  These are two warring partners, you know, or people or peoples.
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  So I love the word, the fact that you said voluntary.
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  Okay, go ahead.
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  So we can agree first, to go to mediation or not go to mediation.
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  If we agree to go to mediation, it is hosted by the mediator who is a neutral
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  party, not involved in the dispute.
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  They are instances where people are allowed to choose their mediator,
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  to select who is going to mediate.
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  And once that happens, the mediator is someone who's been trained on a process.
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  And so there's an opening, and then an introduction, and then the parties
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  share, and then we talk about options.
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  And then, after the parties hear the options that are generated, the
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  parties get to see if there's any one of those options, or any combination
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  of those options, that suit them.
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  And then that is a negotiation stage.
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  And then those parties can agree coming out of the mediation what they'd like
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  to do, and they sign off on that.
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  Now, in organizations, there is a method of training
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  members of the organization so that they can mediate.
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  And so peer mediation wants people to feel safe in having the discussion
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  conducted by one of their peers.
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  That also is an extremely cost effective way of dealing with disputes
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  because you train your team members one time, and then their mediation is
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  like the gift that keeps on giving.
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  It happens continuously after they're trained.
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  It sounds to me as though that's even more powerful.
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  Yes.
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  You know, it's more powerful when you bring in peers.
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  Now, to mediate, you're not bringing in a third party or you're not bringing in,
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  I don't want to say worse, like the boss or you know, superior and workplace.
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  So now, peer to peer, because they may be feeling similar things and
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  just express, able to express it in ways that they both understand.
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  Yes.
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  And you feel less intimidated that your boss can hear you express this fear or
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  this concern or this desire, you know, or less intimidated that your boss may
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  see you in a manner that's not your best or not how you really wanted to
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  show up to your boss, but you get to be yourself in the presence of your peers.
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  Oh, I love that.
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  Now, does that lead to like, team building?
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  Does that lead, do you have any, you know, strategies for like structured
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  team building that for, you know, that the organization, the business
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  person, the company can implement?
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  Yes.
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  I like bringing people together, whether virtually or in person.
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  What I would say is check in with your team to get a feel
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  of what they would like to do.
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  Check in.
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  Check in first.
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  Companies spend so much money on team building solutions that may not be
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  fully aligned to what the team wants and they show up because it's a day off or
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  time off and we get a ticket, you know, purchase to a location for these team
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  building activities so they show up.
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  But there may be other things that they would find more impactful.
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  So ask them.
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  Again, do a survey if you need to.
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  But once you're able to organize an activity, look for
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  something that is low cost.
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  It doesn't have to break the bank and involve them in it.
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  A simple problem solving activity or a group project can
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  be a team building activity.
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  Even asking me to assist someone or asking someone to assist me on
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  working on a company issue is a way to build our team because it helps us
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  to appreciate each other and recognize gifts that we may not have seen before.
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  So where I work in HR, I know exactly who to reach out to if I need something
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  looking like a chart because this person is excellent with software.
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  And this person is excellent with computer security issues.
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  And this one is always going to give you a straight middle of the road
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  answer, no fluff, but bringing the issue, crystallizing the issue for me.
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  So I know the gifts of the people around me, and this makes
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  me appreciate them even more.
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  And I always reach out to them and work together with them.
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  Sometimes I am invited to meetings where I may not necessarily have a skill.
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  Sometimes I'm invited to meetings where I may not necessarily have a skill,
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  but because someone has seen I may be gifted in that area, I'm invited.
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  That is an excellent way of integrating me into a team and
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  also helping me to feel valued.
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  It didn't cost the organization anything, but I felt valued and included.
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  And that also is a team building activity.
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  Scheduling check ins with people, opening lines of communication with people.
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  Those are excellent ways of bringing people together because they feel
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  confident when they're in these situations that they are included and valued and
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  they begin to feel a part of the team.
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  Inclusion and value.
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  You know, we hear a lot about inclusion.
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  What's the diversity?
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  DEI.
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  I always try and remember.
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  Fill it in for me.
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  Inclusion.
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  Inclusion.
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  Equity.
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  Equity.
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  And belonging now.
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  Mm hmm.
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  Mm hmm.
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  Those are big words we hear.
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  These are phrases we hear all the time now.
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  And so I know with what you've been a conflict management strategist, your
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  aim is to create harmonious teams.
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  Yes.
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  Right?
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  Where they work together.
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  You talked about the peer mediation, which I really love, because you're
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  bringing people who are peers, not one feeling, you know, more superior to
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  the other, just based on the work or experience or position in the company.
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  Yeah.
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  But what are some simple steps in addition to that, that we can use
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  to create those harmonious teams?
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  You can also look out for conflict in itself.
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  Mm hmm.
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  To create a harmonious team.
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  You want to build something.
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  Wait, stop right there.
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  You said you should look out for conflict?
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  Are you saying like celebrate the conflict?
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  Well, I'm not saying celebrate it, but look out for it and pinpoint it
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  because I like to say that conflict is like a hammer in the wrong hands
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  it could be, it could break something.
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  In skilled hands, it can build something.
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  And the choice is what we do with conflict and how we use it.
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  Right?
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  Conflict is inevitable.
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  It is going to happen as long as we are all different as God has created us.
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  We are not always going to agree on everything.
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  We are going to react differently to stimuli and we are going
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  to express things differently.
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  Our wants and desires and motivations will not always line up on a team.
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  And so as long as we are different, there is going to be conflict.
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  And so what I say is, look out for it, expect it to happen so that you're not
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  surprised that there is a collision, a disagreement, a contradictory
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  idea, people are at variance or in opposition to each other, and don't
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  necessarily make it a bad thing.
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  Because where we are working in the same scenario.
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  Our jobs are interdependent on each other, and there are times that we could feel
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  angry, we can perceive the other person is at fault, or we or others can act
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  in ways that cause a business problem.
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  And so I say, look out for conflict, and when you see it, address it.
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  That also builds a harmonious team, because people will respect a
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  leader who they trust, will not let anything happen that could harm them.
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  I trust a leader who I know will intervene when there's conflict
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  so that my environment remains harmonious and does not become toxic.
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  Trust the leader.
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  Love that.
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  Yeah.
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  Trust the leader.
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  Trust the leaders.
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  Yes.
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  Wow.
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  When people trust their leaders and they feel psychologically safe,
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  they work better at their jobs, your company retains them, so your
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  retention rate is good, you have a better reputation because the things
• 26:27
  they say about you in public are good, and because they are more productive,
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  your revenue will also improve.
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  Wow,
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  that is so good, you know, because they trust the leader.
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  Yes.
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  They will protect your reputation.
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  You'll be able to retain them and your revenue will improve.
• 27:08
  Tabitha, where can people find you online so we could continue your...
• 27:11
  you can continue this conversation with them?
• 27:15
  Anyone listening who would like to connect with me can find me
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  on LinkedIn as Tabitha Liburd.
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  You can also find my website, marshallduke.
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  com, that's Marshall with two L's, marshallduke.
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  com, where you'll be able to read a little more about what I do and reach out to me.
• 27:36
  Through my website or on LinkedIn if you'd like to talk more and following
• 27:42
  me on LinkedIn will give you lots of free tips that you can use and
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  implement without breaking the bank.
• 27:54
  I was just about to say that yes, you do give a lot of free tips on LinkedIn.
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  You've had some webinars too, in which you have taught us.
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  I've attended a few of them.
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  I've learned so much about conflict management.
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  From you and folks, it is indeed free.
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  And so for those of you who would love to be a guest on my show, you
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  can reach out to me on my website, which is chattingwiththeexperts.com,
• 28:27
  or you can contact me on LinkedIn.
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  That's one of the places I hang out the most on social media.
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  Just look for Paula Okonneh on LinkedIn.
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  I'm also on Instagram.
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  My handle there is at chat_experts_podcast.
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  And I'm on Facebook these days.
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  And on Facebook just look for Paula Okonneh.
• 28:54
  Tabitha, this has been awesome.
• 28:56
  Thank you.
• 28:57
  Thank you for teaching me so much about how, you know, you as a conflict
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  management strategist can help a business.
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  As you said I want to make sure I got it right.
• 29:11
  Retain their staff.
• 29:16
  Improve their reputation and also increase revenue through
• 29:23
  doing what you outlined here.
• 29:27
  Thank you.
• 29:27
  Thank you again.
• 29:29
  Thank you too for having me.
• 29:31
  I appreciate this opportunity.
• 29:33
  It's been wonderful talking with you.
• 29:35
  Thank you.
• 29:36
  It's always great talking with you.