Latest / Pete Vs Anxiety!!!!! / Mindset Changes Everything
Transcript
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Head over to the link in this episode and use my code, Pete, at checkout to get 20 % off your first month subscription to PsychPAL. PsychPAL, because your mind deserves a companion too. There we go. I think that's the one I like. We got it. We got it. Boom. peter: but Pete: went to doing like pre-recordings. Well, Keith, we're at the part of the interview where I'm gonna ask you those two questions. All right, Amanda Landes: that I had been kind of like since head for a while about about writing the story because Mia Mason: you are not the only one that experiences thoughts, Pete "mental Health Champ": Well, Dr. Erica, before we start wrapping up, I'm going to ask you Welcome to the exciting episode of Pete for Exciting Before We Get Started. Today, let's give a shout out to my partners over at PsychPel, guys. There's a link in the description if you all want to try it out. Click the link, try a seven day free trial. If you guys like what you see, I was nice enough, I fought for you, I got you 20 % off your first month. Use my code pete at checkout. With that being said, my guest today runs a peak performance business that teaches female golfers to crush it in a male dominant sport. She spent the last year traveling in the spring van to play, sorry, sprinter van. to play 100 new golf courses in honor of her husband while writing his memoir. Please welcome in Kim Coco. Kim, how are you doing today? Kym: Hi Pete, thanks for having me, it's great to be here. Pete "mental Health Champ": Well, so Kim, I just gotta say like 100 golf courses, that's gotta be amazing. Kym: really thrive traveling around our country. I've driven across from coast to coast at least 30 times and for this adventure I decided to keep it west of the Rockies. We still have a lot of terrain to cover, a lot of interesting people to meet, and a lot of fun to be had. Pete "mental Health Champ": Yeah, definitely. That's that's needless to say. A hundred courses is a lot. There's still plenty more for you to hit as you go. So like is golf always been a big thing for you? Kym: That's a great question. Steve, my late husband, when we were first together said, I think you would like golf. And I was hesitant at first because I was used to fast-paced sports like volleyball and soccer. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and went out and I was hooked. I knew though that I would be better off learning from a coach than my spouse. So I took lessons, got into the game. Pete "mental Health Champ": Mm-hmm. Kym: And then golf was something we did over the years together as we traveled and a way to connect. And then it's become more special over time since I started this journey in honor of him. Pete "mental Health Champ": Yeah, definitely. You know, it's definitely an interesting sport for people who never played. like, I've never played myself. I told Kim jokingly that, you know, I played a lot of Tiger Woods golf, you know, like that's about as far as golf as I got. But I like watching the sport because it's interesting to see, you know, that these things these guys go through, the conditions they go through and all this kind of stuff, you know. But, you know, you're you're teaching female golfers to crush it in a male-dominant sport, which is right, because it was male-dominant. Think about it. Not a lot of females were playing until recently, you know, and even at that it's the whole thing of, you know, what was it that whole Nike, Nike campaign of if you can do it, I can do a better kind of thing came out or, you know, lot of the they were comparing females to males and a lot of sports, you know. So why why female golfers always say it just because you want to you want to help them out. And obviously you want to help beat the boys. Obviously, that's what this is about. Kym: You know, I've studied human movement for over two decades. I have a master's degree in sports kinesiology. I've taught yoga for 20 plus years. And what I found so fascinating was that yoga and the mindset and the ability to focus was something that helped me really excel at the game right off the bat. And I also realized that we have these mindsets or these set points in our mind. Pete "mental Health Champ": Okay. Okay. Kym: And unless we actually start to change those, our outcomes don't change. And I noticed with many golfers, especially women who are a minority in the sport. take for example, the 100 courses I've played. Twice I played with two ladies. And then the rest of the time, there were a few couples that played, but I would say 85 % I was with males only. And I know a lot of women can get nervous in those situations. Pete "mental Health Champ": Yeah. Kym: and start to doubt their skill sets. I even hear women talking amongst women, discounting their own game. So I help them start to shift the mindset so that their game actually improves and they feel really good about who they are out on the course. And I think that ripples out into all of the other areas of their lives. Pete "mental Health Champ": Yeah, definitely. I agree. It's that mentality. A lot of people, you know, the pressure they get wonder and things like that. You know, we actually explored something similar mindset wise with an ex NHL pro. He had come on the show and everything like that, too. And I'm a big hockey fan as well. So I was so delighted when he came. But, know, like I said, when I saw yours said golf, I'm like, all right, this is something I can do. Like I said, I like golf. I like watching the Masters and all these other things. It's just relaxing because you're watching these guys. have to try and make these distance putts and things. It's incredible because you don't realize how much goes into it. You have to read the greens, the different conditions they're dealing with. The wind conditions play a lot of factors. There's a lot of mental things, a lot of pressure on a of these guys that are trying to perform out there. And then some of the courses, like at those, what is it, the sawgrass, the 17th hole, that one out there in the island, I was like, there's no way in hell I could ever make that shot. don't care what anybody says, dude. That is the craziest thing ever. But you're watching guys hit them. Hit balls all the way out there and they're landing them out there. I'm just like, dude, that's, that's incredible to watch, you know? And then the other thing too is like Pebble Beach when you, when you were playing on them too, it's like the slant of the, the greens and things like that too. Like a lot of these things are all different factors, you know, like the mental pressure it takes just to like focus on those things, man. You got to think a lot of things you're calculating all this stuff, you know, it's real hard, man. Kym: It is and those obstacles, the water, the cliffs, the distance you have to carry, it can get in your head. You have to be able to tune that out, dismiss distractions and stay laser focused on where you want to go and what you want to do. And that's easier said than done many times. It takes a lot of practice to be able to tune all of that out. Pete "mental Health Champ": The sand traps, yeah. Yeah, definitely. Definitely. Yeah, that's a lot. You know, especially when it's a solo sport like golf, you know, you're by yourself and you and you're caddy giving you advice and things like that, too. But you're the one that's got to perform and all that pressure of all those people watching you. Oh, man, I couldn't do it. I honestly don't think I could ever do it just because, know, the amount of pressure those guys deal with and the things you to make, miss those shots and the emotion they show. It's all real, man. Think about it. If you apply it to any sport, really think about it. There's a lot of high pressure situations people get into. Kym: And you're absolutely right. I also think that you don't have to be a pro to experience those same emotions, just different scales. And why not still refine your skill set so that that space between your ears is working for you instead of against you when you're out there playing? Pete "mental Health Champ": Mm-hmm. Yeah. No, I agree 100%. I think that I think that the athlete and in general, just their mindsets alone are very interesting to see, you know, I watch a lot of videos, like you see what their thought process was, you know, like when people played against Michael Jordan, like those are the ones a lot of times are showing up now. I was a big basketball fan in 90s. Like you hear stories about the things that this guy would do. Like he come in with that laser focused mindset, like he's ready to go to war with you and things like that, too, you know, and it's always interesting to see any any sport really think about it, just put anybody in what are those situations you're in. You know, it's that mindset, you know, and where this is where you come in is that you're helping these girls get into a dominant sport like golf, like mostly males were doing for a long time. Even even think about it, even NASCAR now has female racers and things like that, too. You know, like Danica Patrick made made that big step over there for everybody else. She made a big step for females in general because that you didn't really see that much. It mostly males that were racers. You didn't really see a lot of females coming up the ranks and things like that, too. Kym: What I also like about what you're saying, whether it's NASCAR or hockey or basketball or golf, you're utilizing this physical apparatus. We have this beautiful body that we get to fine tune and increasing the communication between the thoughts that we have and the cellular structure and the memory that's already there. So many times people have beautiful swings. They have the technique, they have the skill. And when there's the hiccup or the block, It's so frustrating because you know it's in there and it's really fun to start to shake off that dust and get you back to a place where that communication line is open and you can have a lot more fun when you play. Even when you have an off day, you can learn from it. That helps too. Pete "mental Health Champ": Yeah, definitely. So what is the athlete's state of mind like these days? the high pressure situations, amateur all the way down to pros, you know, these guys go through constant pressure of things they're going through. like take us through like what it's like, what kind of work do you guys do in your area? Kym: Let's take for example the mind. If it wanders 50 % of the time, that's a natural thing. And I feel there's this myth that, we have to fine tune and focus all the time. Well, then you're fighting your own natural sense of being. So much of what we do is start to discern what is important to pay attention to. When do you find yourself distracted? When does that inner critic show up? Pete "mental Health Champ": Mm-hmm. Kym: How do we flip that so that voice becomes not irrelevant? Because the voice is survival based. It's there to help us survive. And granted, we're not going to get eaten alive on the golf course, unless you're going to chase your ball close to a gator, perhaps. I just feel like there's this way that we're going to say, listen, pay attention to what's coming up. We can use that, turn it into something that's going to then benefit you. Pete "mental Health Champ": you know. Kym: shift the emotional spectrum from say fear to maybe thrill or excitement and then channel that energy so that it works with you for most of the round. If not all of the round, and I'm gonna say specifically to females, many times the endurance isn't there for all 18. So we really wanna fine tune not just the body to get you to the end in a really strong way, but the mind and your energy management so that you do. Pete "mental Health Champ": Yeah. Kym: conserve when you need to, maximize when you've got that push working for you, and then really be able to celebrate putting all those pieces together for great rounds. Pete "mental Health Champ": Yeah, definitely. Definitely. So let me ask you this, though. Since you're in golf now, have you considered branching out to some of the other female sports? Like now there's there's lacrosse, there's the soccer, there's the NBA, the WNBA, things like that. Have you thought about expanding your market, though, now that you've found this proven strategy for golfers? I mean, basically, you're working between the ears on a lot of them. It applied a lot of these other sports, though. And have you guys considered trying to get into other sports like that? Kym: You're right Pete, this does translate to all these different sports. Since I'm just getting back into this life in the business world, I had to put everything on hold when Steve was sick and I became a full-time carer for him. And I'm learning that just like in golf, you don't have to rush to the 18th. Take my time, put it together piece by piece. Golf has been a really great framework to help me do that. Pete "mental Health Champ": Mm-hmm. Yeah. Kym: And think you're right, I see potential down the road where this could accelerate in other areas. Pete "mental Health Champ": Oh yeah, for sure. Yeah, definitely though. We can think about it like we were talking about. It applies to all sports for them though. A lot of them are male dominated from the beginning, but that doesn't mean they still don't have a fighting chance. Think about a lot of these other things they're doing. It'll apply to anything because you're really looking at the mind aspect of it all. Because you're back on a yoga, you can help them with a lot of these things. You help them focus better and things like that. Just apply it to whatever situation they're in though. So let's go back to when your husband passed. Your state of mind, like you... It's hard. Grief is a hard thing. Let's be honest here. There's no timeline on it. You know what saying? It had to be hard. He's gone now. What inspired you to go do the 100 courses? Because I know that was a big thing for him at first, and then you got into it. Was it one of those? And then on top of that, you're writing his memoir along the way. I think that's a very interesting part of the introduction. It's like, this is really interesting to know. what led to that sequence of events? Kym: Steve was a grief and loss counselor as part of his teaching element. So we were very meta about the whole thing. When he became ill and we knew there was a timeline sequence of we want to make the most of our time together, we simplified, we cut out the crap. We focused on simplifying the businesses, moving to a place where he had medical care, time where we could connect and have conversations. Pete "mental Health Champ": okay. Mm-hmm. Kym: because we had written a book together previously. I knew I wanted to tell his story, which is Miracle on the Mountainside, and we'll get into that later. We wanted to put together some ideas, which helped him have meaning in final days. And in saying that, he told me flat out, Kim, you're going to need structure when I'm gone. And at that point in time, we were traveling a lot. Pete "mental Health Champ": Mm-hmm. Kym: And I wasn't exactly sure what that would look like. Our family and friends are spread out throughout the country. Being someplace every week to connect seemed really too far out of my reach. So that week back in 2022, I thought maybe I could use golf. There is a structure with the game. You know exactly what the objectives are. It's a short period of time. It gets you outside. Pete "mental Health Champ": Mm-hmm. Kym: So nature we know helps elevate your mood. And with people, it's a way to get outside of myself and meet other people, to laugh. Yes, golf is individual, but you want to cheer people on. There's a shared experience. And even if we didn't click or connect, after four or five hours, we could go our separate ways. It wasn't a high commitment. And then also there's this presence factor. If I was worried about the past or missing Steve, or anxious about my future, there's no way I could hit that little white ball. I had to focus, turn my attention into the moment and do the best I could. And then recalibrate. When things went wonky, set up, start again. When things went well, ride that momentum and keep playing well. And so golf was a really great structure to say, okay, I chose a hundred, it's a great number. Pete "mental Health Champ": Mm-hmm. Kym: It didn't matter what it was. It was just something to say, give yourself a framework, work within the framework and then let your life come together because there's a lot of messiness that comes with grief. Pete "mental Health Champ": yeah, definitely. Definitely. It's not a subject for a lot of people. At first, were you talking to lot of people like, listen, I'm on this journey, this is what I'm doing. These groups of people you met, were you telling them what you were doing? Like, I'm going to these 100 courses, I'm writing a memoir for my husband as well. And the process, were you really open at first or did it take you a little bit to start telling people about what you were doing? Kym: I'm gonna take your question and back it up just a second if you don't mind. So when Steve did make his transition, my sister and her husband flew out to Southern California, that's where we all grew up. They said, come visit us. It was 75 degrees in December, you gotta love that. I thought sure, grab the clubs, grab the dogs, let's go. And I had a really hard time golfing without Steve. As perfect as the conditions were, as nice as it was to see family. Pete "mental Health Champ": Okay, now go ahead. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Kym: It was hard. And then it took me another couple weeks. I tried again. I was in Santa Barbara. I stayed on the coast, another beautiful day in Southern California. And I thought, this is still too hard. It took me another eight months to get my clubs out at the insistence of friends. And at that point I thought, okay, I'll give it a shot. I met some new people who introduced me to new courses and I started getting wooed into the spirit of the game again. and I had had enough disassembly of my former life with Steve to have space for this adventure. And even though I had now space and a little more emotional stability, it still took me another four months to go, okay, now I'm in, now I'm ready to go and give it my all. So yes, by the time I really committed to the adventure, I did share what I was doing. And there were days where I just wanted to play golf. didn't want it to be a story necessarily. And I just play. And then sometimes I did tell people because we had a good connection. And I found that it inspired people because we can get stuck in sadness. We can't get stuck in grief or just the narrowness of our own stress, whatever that might be. And it's wonderful to connect and be uplifted by the different stories we tell each other. Pete "mental Health Champ": Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. know, then you see what you're doing and people are gonna be like, man, that's really cool that this is what you're doing. You know, and then you're writing a memoir at the same time, you know, and you're doing all from a spinner, you know, you're going to take it a spurt across the way, which was really interesting. I thought it was really interesting, too, because it's like, you know, you're like, you know, I'm just gonna go for it. And then some days if you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to. Other days, you meet these people and you tell them what's going on. It's like, oh, OK. You know, and people realize that, you know, it just shows that, you know, grief works in different ways for other people, you know, like even though you're dealing with this situation, you're doing it in honor of him at the same time. So he's there with you, technically, spiritually, which comes from the yoga side because it's a very spiritual practice and things like that too, as well. So I mean, that's just really cool. I thought it was really cool concept, honestly. I think it's cool. But was the memoir always the idea at first, or was it just getting back out there and trying to get that structure that Steve told you you needed in the beginning? Kym: I definitely wanted the structure and I started writing the book about the same time I was getting back into golf. There was this momentum I was able to carry with me where I would take time and sit in the van by Lake Tahoe. It was beautiful. We had a nice Indian summer. It was just really warm through September, October and I could write, I could walk the dogs, I could paddle, I could come back and write. I could meet a friend to go golfing and it started to weave together really beautifully. Pete "mental Health Champ": Mm-hmm. Yeah. Kym: So that by spring of 2025, when I really got into golf, I had a solid chunk of the book done and then I could edit and work with my team and process it because there were times it was sad to write about Steve. I just missed him and I could take a day or two off and cry and let the feelings be what they were. And then I could authentically step back into the game or the next section of writing from a more balanced Pete "mental Health Champ": Yeah. Yeah. Kym: state of equilibrium. Pete "mental Health Champ": Yeah, that's so cool though. Did you map out the other courses? I know people were telling you about new courses, but is it kind of like you were just going out there, I'm just going to see where the world takes me, check out some courses, and then people started suggesting new ones to you. Did you take the suggestions or did you already have a predetermined course you were trying to go on? Because obviously, you had no limits to what you're doing. You could go change up, go to different courses as people were telling you about them. Hey, listen, you check this one out. OK, let me check that out see what that fits where I'm heading towards kind of thing. Or did you like think map the whole thing up, because me, I would have just went for it. Kym: had a list from 2022 that I started with. Then I got out a map and I took color-coded dots and I thought, well, if I was going to play in fair weather, let's say 65 to 85 degrees, also that's great living weather for me and the dogs in a van. It's convenient. So I thought, okay, where can I play in summer months? Let's say the high mountains. That summer, Southern California, desert, I could play there in the winter. Pete "mental Health Champ": Mm-hmm. Kym: up the California coast, Oregon coast, up through Washington. That could be spring or fall. And then I chose Idaho and Wyoming. Also, it was easy to travel in the summer. So I had a list of, regions and time of year. And then I left space. I'd go to a course I had on my list, and then I'd meet people and they'd say, you have to go here. Come visit us at our club. Check this out. And that helped reroute me. Pete "mental Health Champ": Mm-hmm. Yeah. Kym: in a way that was new and exciting and I didn't see coming and it was really enjoyable to take their recommendations and find a sense of connection with people who also love the game. Pete "mental Health Champ": Yeah, it definitely gives it's nice to be amongst people that that understand what you know, do the game itself. So it's nice to be around this type of people, the same mindsets and things to have you any any ideas of maybe going overseas and checking out some of the courses over there? Because like you're St. Andrews and a few of the other ones that a lot of people play on to be really cool to see that you've been there, you know. Kym: Completely. My coach actually puts together a group every year. This year he's going to the UK. Next year he's going up to Band in Dunes and then he'll go back to Scotland. So completely I thought about it. I'm in this place where there's still some moving parts of my life where I thought it's not quite the right time, but it is on my list for sure. Pete "mental Health Champ": Heck yeah. That'd be dope, though. Yeah, definitely. No, I agree. That'd be so cool to see because you see a lot of these courses, you know, just to be their experience. Like I wouldn't care how bad I scored. It'd just be cool to see the sights, being a different country and try out different things like that. That'd be really cool, you know. And plus, you know, Steve's memory because you're playing golf because that what you guys enjoyed playing together, you know, and things like that, too. And it'd be really cool because he'd be with you, obviously, in spirit as you're playing in these courses and things like that, too. So, you know, there's an endless amount of them, though. But that'd be just so cool to say you've been to some of these really big courses that other people have played on. You know, I played on some of the ones the pros played on, you know what mean? Like Hawaii has some great ones too and things like that as well. Kym: You're absolutely right. And I've written a book. I wrote Steve's memoir, which we can get into at some point. I also was writing my journey and I have a title for this book that I will be submitting to agents shortly. This idea ends with what course are you playing next? That's the afterward because there's so much more. It's endless. Just like this infinite game we're playing and Pete "mental Health Champ": Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah, definitely. Kym: The 100 just gave me the starting point, which really is launching me into this next chapter. And I think that's really great. It's what course are you playing next? Where are you going next? There are a lot of good courses to be played for sure. Pete "mental Health Champ": You could be log them too. think about it, go to these different courses and go do like a V log from there. But like, listen, I'm here at this course, you know, whatever course you decide to end up at, you know, I did a hundred to start with, know, the answering the question of what's next, what's the next course on the list. And then you could lead into, Hey, listen, this is Kim. I'm coming in from wherever, whatever course you chose to be at, you know, and just give your honest thoughts on it. And you as a player, just like, okay, well, I enjoyed these things. So things I found there was. You know, things like that just turn into a little fun as you go. just like video log as you go, because these days there's so many different ways to keep track of that kind of stuff, you know. So I think it's pretty cool. So what's the title of the book, though? I you mentioned a book, but you didn't give us a title. What's the title? Kym: The space between each shot. The space is where the magic happens. The space is how we recalibrate, we reset, we refocus. You get to appreciate all the things that are around you. You get to appreciate the whole. And so while golf is a game, you actually hit the ball very few minutes of the entire round. There's a lot of space there. How are you utilizing that space? And not just in the game, but in these elements of our lives. Pete "mental Health Champ": Okay, okay. Mm-hmm. Definitely. So let's get into the memoir for Steve. OK, so what was the basis of it? mean, was it just the base of the story of his life? Like, you know, because he was a grief counselor. So did he? It had to be easy, though, a little bit for you because he kind of prepped you on what the next stages would be after he passed, I would think. Yes. Kym: One of my favorite quotes is, words don't teach, it's life experience that teaches. And while we talked about it a lot, I still had to emotionally process transitioning from a life with Steve, working together, traveling together, being together every day for 12, 13 years in our marriage, to what is it like without him by my side? You've mentioned him in spirit multiple times. I believe that to be true. Pete "mental Health Champ": Yeah. Kym: And, okay, I'm doing a project. I got to fix the pipe that's leaking under the sink. I didn't have him to collaborate with in the moment. Hey, I'm putting the pavers out in the front yard. This project we started, he's not here. What am I going to do? So there's that disassembly of just having someone to talk to, to communicate with, to connect with, to eat with. And that can be disorienting at first. It's overwhelming many times. And so... Pete "mental Health Champ": Yeah. Kym: that's okay, and then yes, to say, okay, now I've had my experience with it, and I'm glad I had some tools, I'm glad we talked about it, because to your point, I do think that made it easier in a situation that really might not ever be easy. Pete "mental Health Champ": Yeah, exactly. I think it's a really great point. Kym: But his story, his story, you don't mind me going back to that for a second. Before I met Steve, he had been in a motorcycle accident. He was traveling up Highway 70, this beautiful windy road that goes along the Feather River. And he came around a corner on his motorcycle and hit shale. And his bike went sliding. And what do think you would do when you're approaching a guardrail? Midslide. Pete "mental Health Champ": I'll go right ahead. Go ahead. Mm-hmm. shit. I think you should use your reactions to stick your hands out, which is probably not a great idea. Kym: He decided to jump the guardrail and it wasn't a soft landing anymore. It was a cliff. And so he went tumbling down, had bones broken in over 110 places, stick punctured his stomach, helmet cracked. And he basically was there on the side of the mountain bleeding out. He thought he was going to die. And he not only had a near death experience, but he had a miracle rescue. There was a fire truck coming up the same canyon. Pete "mental Health Champ": sh- no. Kym: They saw his bike, they thought to stop because it looked awkward, and they were able to get down to him, call in for a helicopter rescue, get blood to the scene, not just plasma, and get him to an emergency room. Now you would think the second chance at life was the miracle in and of itself. But to live again, he had to go through 20 reconstructive surgeries, three years in a hospital bed and three more to learn how to walk. And not to mention, then you're recalibrating your whole life. People's lives go on, they change. He didn't want to go back to the business he was doing with his wife, which was interior design. He had to tell her he was scared to start over. He had to admit to himself he was scared to start over. And really the miracle was him. Pete "mental Health Champ": Jesus. Yeah. Yeah. Kym: starting to learn that how he thought about himself in the world and how he felt about himself in the world influenced his experience. And he had to get over being a victim, waiting for people to help him and help him get well, to saying, wait, I can be part of the healing process. There are things I can do. Maybe it's not gonna speed it up entirely, but I can affect my experience. And that really started his healing journey. And from that point on, he committed to teaching other people the tools that he used to get well. And if I go back to this miracle... Pete "mental Health Champ": Yeah. Kym: We both agreed that there are wonderful people, experiences, unseen circumstances that can appear to our visible eye, to our life experience that we didn't see moments ago, that we might consider miracles. And when we're in a good feeling place, when we're intentionally showing up and being kind and having integrity and being appreciative of the world around us, It's kind of the key that unlocks the door to those miracles. And I don't believe you have to go over a cliff to figure that out. I sure don't want to, I don't know about you. I just think that we can tap into that right here and now. And all of the short stories in his book, they're all first person, very quick, really engaging. Start to open up your own perception to allow that greater potential for your life right here and now. Pete "mental Health Champ": No, I'm good. So the short stories, are they stories from Steve himself or are these other stories other people? Kym: It's all Steve, starts with his motorcycle accident. And then it goes back, the first third, I would say, is him revisiting his past through this lens of understanding, parents, abuse, reconciliation, a divorce that ended because of betrayal, starting over, not just because of an accident, but just life. And then the second... Pete "mental Health Champ": Okay, okay. Yeah. Kym: The second section is all about the stories of him getting well and what he was learning and how he became a teacher in the hospital, not just a patient. Some really incredible, I'll call them miracles that happened along the way that opened up his eyes to possibility. And then the last third is making peace with his whole life. He had actually written a letter to his friends and family, which is the last chapter saying, Pete "mental Health Champ": Yeah. Kym: I have done life very well. I'm at peace. And it feels good to know that there's an adventure beyond my last breath. I just don't know what it is yet. And that's a pretty cool way to go, in my opinion. Pete "mental Health Champ": Yeah, yeah. Listen, I don't think I'm ever planning on being evil, Knievel anytime soon. Sorry, bud. It's on him there. That was I was like, shit. I'm like, you're like he jumped the rail. I'm like, he evil Knieveled it this man. I swear. No way. Jesus, man. That's it. But he had to relearn how to do everything, the walk and stuff like that, too. And people don't realize like how hard it is. I had a friend who had a similar situation. He got in an accident. He was on a bicycle. Kym: He had the same surgery as Evil to Evil, believe it or not. Pete "mental Health Champ": And what happened is he was leaving work and he was riding home because he was just a stubborn type. He didn't want anybody's help. So he's riding the bike and all of sudden you hear, hear a thud. I'm like, what is that noise? You know, look over, he's on the ground. You know, fast forward, had to live. He got hit by a car. He got the way he got hit though. Luckily the only thing he did was broke his leg at the knee, you know, but then he had to learn how to re-walk too. So I remember when I caught back up with him after a while, you know, he, was learning how to re-walk and things like that too. And it was hard for him. You know, and it's it's it's just crazy when as soon as I heard that whole thing about him having to walk, that's the first thing I thought of my buddy Phil. was like, holy crap, dude, that's that's insane, though. But, you know, for him to have such a positive outlook, though, at first, it's just like, you know, he turned everything into his experiences into teaching. Now he's teaching people things based on what he's learning, though. But, you know, he's like he had to learn how to rewalk. Like people realize how hard that is. Like you think what you're telling people like we all learn how to walk at birth. But it's like. You're having to reteach yourself as an adult how to walk and all these other things. And people think, it's not, man. That poor guy went through a hell of a lot to get there. And for him to just keep going regardless, it's amazing though, honestly. Kym: We talked about grief and how there's this disassembly period. It could be a divorce. It could be an injury. It could be having a new baby and now your relationships have shifted and you feel more isolated at home. There are so many ways that things of the past are no longer what is available to us and our capacity to show up and have the perseverance to say that was then, this is now. What's the next step I can do? Not the next 10 steps. Pete "mental Health Champ": Mm-hmm. Kym: What's the next one thing I can do? And how can I approach it in a way that I feel more empowered versus disempowered? And that's a long road to recovery. You lose your friends. The fact that you would catch up with him and connect with him, that probably meant so much to him. I know when I- Pete "mental Health Champ": Mm-hmm. Yeah, we kept in touch over the years. So we kept in touch for a long time. Me and him are really close. When we first met, just we just clicked instantly. We were instant buddies. Like we we had had a great time. We do movie quotes to each other. And we spent a lot of time together. I was the only person to come visit him in the hospital to that same day. I went home. I literally went home and started like open a beer and I was sitting there drinking a beer. I'm sitting at the table like, all right, I got to go see him. I got to go check on him, make sure he's OK. Now he got he got situated. He was completely gone. But he appreciated that though. We were sitting there and I was sitting there talking to him and his mom said I was the only person that came to visit him in the hospital. Everybody knew what happened. Nobody came to visit him at all and I was the only one there. I literally came and sat there and I fell asleep in the chair. We both fell asleep. She thought it was so funny because the two of us had fallen asleep and she's laughing at us because we worked nights. So we were up all night, you know, and I like I came and sat with them and it it meant a lot to him. And you know, you could tell it because they're still checking him now. You know, we and him are checking each other all the time and things like that, you know, it's It was great because it was the start of a friendship. We went from two people that really hardly knew each other to just we really became close almost like brothers basically, but not by blood, you know, and it was, it was interesting because after that moment we were really close ever since then, you know, we kept in touch all the time, things like that. He knew the kids, he knew the girls when they were younger, when I had my daughters and things like that, he was there, you know, all that kind of stuff. He was always present for a lot of this stuff and you know, but it was that one defining moment that caused us to come of color. We went from two people that didn't know each other hardly. to being like, oh shit, the moment it happened, it was a crazy moment, because when it happened, it was so much going on. I called my ex on the phone, I told her what was happening, and she's like, oh shit, I'm like, Phil got hit by a car, and she's like, what are you talking about? I said, oh my god, he got hit by I'm like, I was hard to understand, because he got hit by a car. You heard the thought, and I'm like, over, over, I'm like, shit, I'm like, Phil, are you OK, bro? I said, Phil, and I remember the moment, I'm running over there screaming for him, and as I'm calling 911, I'm on the phone panicking. Like, you know, like the rush of emotions, like, I don't know this person individually at all at this point. You know, we're just two guys that work together, employee and manager at the time, you know, so, but then it went to, we came, we came stronger than blood because, you know, we just, like I said, we hit it off and I was the only person there for him, you know, but that was just who I was. So it's like, you know, this guy didn't have anybody else. I knew he had a rough past and things that he didn't have a great relationship with his mom and everything else, you know. So he was pretty much doing it on his own, you know, and he was going to school, welding, working all night with me. And there's some nights, you know, like I had to pick up a slack form, but you know, we understood that though. We worked together as a team, but after that we became even closer because like I said, we were pretty much hand in hand all the time. The two of us are always together doing something, we're always making jokes back and forth and things like that as well, you know, and it was interesting when it all went down. Like I said, like I could remember to this day, it was horrible because you heard that sound never leaves your mind. just, boom, just heard a thud and then you're like, oh shit. I'm like, what was that noise? Like you're like, what the hell was that? And this guy was screaming, oh, I hit him. Oh, I hit him. Like, the fuck? Like, it didn't register my brain what's going on. I was like, oh shit. I was like, Phil, you good? I got out of the car, ran out to the middle of the street with him because we're on this busy intersection where this is happening. And luckily at the time, weren't a lot of cars out there. But it was just craziest thing ever. He's like, oh, God, I hit him. Oh, God, I hit him. I'm like, you hit him. How did you miss him? Like, you know, like when you replay the moments in your head, you're like, how did you miss him? Like, you can't miss the guy in a red t-shirt. You know, whatever the guy just came around these little intersection things swing or song around luckily where he hit hit the center and it launched him about 10 feet. But when he landed, luckily, that's all that happened. You know, it could have been a lot worse, like internal bleeding and things. Luckily, none of that all happened to him, though. But, you know, it was it was one of those moments where just shit just went down the fan. You're like, crap, what is going on here? You know, and it was horrible, man. Like that poor guy was just like there. And then to find out that nobody else came to visit him. I'm like, really? Like. Like, damn, this guy just got hit by a car. At least he can come by and see how he's doing or call and ask how he's doing. No one did any of those things. I was like, what? Like, it's just like, it's such, to me it was so like weird because it's like, okay, when your employees get hit, you might want to check in and show some kind of human compassion. You may not know the guy completely, but obviously call and ask and see how he's doing at least. Kym: And the way that you say that, it's so interesting. We have the way we are interacting with each other. Some we're close to, some we're not. People have their lives and there is a story in here where it starts out talking about flowers. People came to visit the first month and then that trickled to a very slow flow to nobody visiting at all. it didn't, within months. Pete "mental Health Champ": Yeah. Kym: having that happen, and this is years to get well. And the amount of forgiveness that goes into saying, I trust that you're doing the best you can. You're doing the best you can to keep your life together. And it gave Steve such a deep appreciation to show up for people in the way you did for your friend. Many people don't have the bandwidth or they don't have the awareness that maybe, I could show up in a way. It doesn't have to be a lot. I have friends that still message me and say, hey, we're gonna do this. Are you in? And I request it, hey, keep inviting me because there's gonna be a time I'm gonna be able to do it. Showing up for a friend. There'll be a time when their life will return to a new normal and they appreciate having people there. So it's nice to know you're thought of and included even if you can't get out and join right away, whether it's... grief or an injury, or a different time constraint. But being there and opening yourself up with the thought text, with the invitation by showing up and sitting at the hospital without even having to say anything, sometimes just having somebody next to you means a lot. And that's one of the best gifts Steve took out of that experience, passed on to me, and I believe you passed on to your friend as well. Pete "mental Health Champ": Yeah. Yeah, you know, it was was interesting though, because like, know, like you said, you didn't have to say anything like we were there hanging out and the two of us were there and his mom was so moved by the fact that did that she was like, wow, she's like, you're the only person to show up. And she's like, you know, that's really nice of you. I'm very appreciative that you came to see him in the hospital because I was the only one like I said, that he was sitting at the house. And I told my ex, I was like, you know what? I got to I got to go see him. I'm like, you know, she's like, are you sure you're going be OK? I'm like. I might as well now because I'm still in the shock factor right now. You might as well go see how he's doing, check in on him because I went to check and see what hospital he was at to make sure he's in. Okay, well, is he comfortable and everything else? I'm going come see him. So, you know, went and go visit him and things like that too. And like I said, we kept in touch for a while. He came and stayed with me for a little bit at one point, you know, things like that. We still keep in touch randomly now. We'll get messages from each other. There's friends from high school that I, I'm terrible keeping up with some people. I have so many things going on. a friend of mine texted me the other day, he's in Florida, he's a big wrestling fan, he got to meet one of his wrestling idols. He's like, yeah, guess what I got to do? He's like, are you awake? I'm like, yeah, I'm always awake, man. What's up? Talk to me. He's like, oh man, I just got to meet Triple H, which is like when we were kids, man, he was a big wrestling guy. So to see this guy in television, to see him in person, I was like, this dude here was just losing his mind. I could bet he was going crazy because he was such a big fan, you know, and it's so cool to see, you you see these people on TV and then you see him in person. And you know, it's such a like larger than life moment, you know, and things like that, too. And you get to experience those kind of things. It's really cool. We and him don't really talk much. He just reached out to me and it was letting me know. It's like, this is pretty cool, you know, and the same thing with my kids like me and my daughters. They didn't have a great relationship for a while. We went from not talking to the end of this month and going to see my daughter graduate high school, you know, and I have two more that are going to be going into high school next year and things like that, too. So like a lot of things have changed. But I've always had that same feeling of making people feel welcome because I was abandoned in 10. And I didn't realize the effects of what it did to me at the moment when it happened. then later on, a lot of the things I was dealing with. And when I realized what had happened and why I was so angry all the time, it's like I stopped making excuses and started using it as a superpower because that's why this show even existed. Because when I started this, it was more of me going on a journey. And then it evolved into... know, creating that safe space for everybody to talk about things, you know, and 400 interviews later, we're still going and I still got people lining up to be on the show. Kym: And that's really part of the biggest blessing you're offering. Having the conversations, people don't know what to say. Sometimes showing up and just being is all it takes. And it's a really good skill to practice listening, asking people what they want and need, and having the courage to say, I don't know, this is super awkward for me. I don't know what to expect. I don't even know what to say. Pete "mental Health Champ": Mm-hmm. Yeah, exactly. Kym: and still showing up anyway, it means a lot. Pete "mental Health Champ": Yeah, you know, you know, and especially when you when you lost, Steve, you know, it's like people are going to probably ask you 10,000 questions like, listen, I don't know, like, you know, just like you keep asking me questions. I don't know. Or was it Jim Ross? When I favorite quotes, he he said he lost his wife and somebody started talking about his problem. He's like, you know what? I don't care about your fucking problems. I only worried about myself because I just lost my wife, you know, and then you're here telling me about your problems. I don't care. As rude as that sounded, everybody else. I'm like, I get it. Makes sense. He don't want to hear about your problems he has lost his wife. Kym: There are degrees of what we're going through. And there are the moments where you can sit there and you can convince about something so meaningless in the moment. say meaningless, it's not meaningless to them, it's important to them. That's why they're telling you. I had a similar experience where my neighbors show up, they're like, haven't seen you in a while. Steve made his transition, I'm here cleaning things up and figuring life out. Well, do you mind if, and I had to go. That's important to them. It's totally not important to me right now. And you're right, it can be upsetting. It got me angry at first and I had to go step back, look at this with a bigger picture. They're not bad people. Most people want the best for you and themselves. And that's actually what was one of the beautiful things about the golf adventure and getting out and being with people. Pete "mental Health Champ": Yeah. Yeah. Kym: you recognize there are so many generous and kind and thoughtful people out there. When you have that immediate stress of losing a spouse or having something traumatic happen, it's easy to let fear take over, to want to shut down and shrink. I'm shrinking, if you're not watching and just listening, you like visibly want to shrink down. And yet if you can in time give yourself permission to try again, to get out there. and meet new people. It's really wonderful to see how the kindness of others can support you, how we are really great for each other in this social network. And there are people that will let you be in the messy states without trying to have to fix it. They can give you permission to say, I don't know. And what a great gift that we don't always know. I still don't know. And that's okay. Pete "mental Health Champ": Yeah, exactly. You know, it's okay not to know these things, you know, and everyone wants to have the answers and, you know, everyone wants to be the hero, you know. What I told somebody else one time, said, sorry, Superman couldn't save the day for you, or something I said to somebody and they looked at me kind of weird. I'm like, it's the truth, though. Think about it. Like, everybody always wants to rush to solve your problems. I'm like, I can't solve your problem. I don't know what to tell you. Kym: Yeah, that's good. Pete "mental Health Champ": I'm choking over you, sorry. But, Kym: I think it's good to acknowledge that we don't always know. I think that's really a healthy thing. And it's also great to have resources you can go to to say, what do you think about this? I'm happy to ask you if you're not offended if I don't take your advice. I do that often. And then also to take the quiet time to find out how to balance your emotions because we do have settings that oftentimes, like you said from your past, get you angry, push a button, trigger you emotionally. Pete "mental Health Champ": Exactly. Mm-hmm. Kym: And the more you can go, that's an old setting. What's the next setting? What do I really want to have happen? How do I integrate my mind and body on the same page? And then the way you show up for yourself and others is different. It's no longer triggered by the past. Pete "mental Health Champ": Well, Kim, we're at that part of the episode. I know you've seen one of these before. when you reached out to me, you've told me you watched one these. I don't know if I was doing this at this time. Well, we're to ask you two questions. You may already know what these are. So the first one for you is if your mental health had a song, what would you say that song would be? This is always a fun question because people feel like they have to have the right answer to them. Like there's really no right answer. It's whatever you feel in the moment. Kym: Honestly, the Giatri mantra comes to mind. It's just this song of peace from yoga. Like the mantra that we are enough and all that is, is perfect in its fluid state. Pete "mental Health Champ": Yeah, yeah. I love it though. I think it's really great because like I said, a lot of people overthink that question. like, hmm. A lot of people laugh when they hear the question too. They're like, really? I'm like, yeah, that's a really interesting question. So Kim, we're going to ask you the all important question. If you could break the stigma about mental health. Now, what I'm asking you is something that you hear people just talk about that you want people to stop believing. You can use grief as the situation too, because we know that that's a very tough topic for people. What would you say that one thing would be? Kym: I hear you correctly, what is the myth or the about mental health? Pete "mental Health Champ": Yeah, what's the myth or the stigma you want to break about mental health? You could use grief in place of mental health if you want, since this is a situation you've been through. You know, you hear people say all the time or something that you're just like, yeah, well, that's not really the case. Kym: going to parallel this to golf to tie it all together. I saw some friends the other day and I said, yeah, we're getting back into the season. I just had a lesson with my coach. I'm very excited to get started. And they said, what? You don't need a coach. You're already good. And I think that's a similar stigma with grief or mental health. I can do it on my own. I don't think that's a very beneficial way to go. Like as if you're getting a coach or having someone to talk to or work through something with, even when you're in a good place. having a sounding board, having the team that helps you be your best or this next best version as you evolve is essential. So this myth that, you get to a point where you don't need support. I think that's bullshit. Pete "mental Health Champ": Yeah, no, I agree. Kim, with that being said, we're going to wrap up this episode of Pete from anxiety. But before we do, do you want to literally know where they can find you? Where can they find Stephen's book and all that stuff? Just lay it on them, girl. Let them know where they can find everything. Kym: The best way to find me is Swagtail.com. You can read the first chapter of the book. You can listen to the audio version. Ben Hauck did an amazing audio translation. And you can check out the other books. You can find our programs. I do teach monthly workshops on tools to keep your mental health sharp and increase the mind-body communication. And then there's a whole host of articles and other resources you can find there as well. Pete "mental Health Champ": Awesome. Love it guys. I will make sure to put a link to the website in the bio of this description of this episode for everybody to see. Kim, once again, thank you so much for coming to hang out. It was great having you. We absolutely loved it. Let me know when the book comes out though, because we will definitely have you come back and we can talk more about that too and everything else and everything like that. So definitely, definitely open any invite to come back as soon as you know the date so we know what's going on there. So and before we start wrapping up, any last encouraging words for everybody before we sign off? Kym: You are brilliant in your becoming. It's constant evolution, one step at a time, one breath at a time, and you've got this. Pete "mental Health Champ": I love it. Guys, with that being said, we're going to wrap up this episode of Pete First Anxiety. You guys want to find me on Pete First Anxiety and X all the down to TikTok. I'm on Spotify all the way down to Pandora Radio. And as I always say, costs nothing absolutely to be kind to somebody. One kind act you could do could save someone's life or hell, you can make their day. I'm Pete First Anxiety signing off saying, don't ask how your day is today. Say, hey, how's your mental health?