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How Marriage Works · Stuff You Should Know

0:01
Speaker 1: Welcome to you Stuff you Should Know from House Stuff
0:04
Speaker 1: Works dot com. Hey, and welcome to the podcast. I'm
0:12
Speaker 1: Josh Clark, There's Charles W. Chuck Bryant, and this is
0:16
Speaker 1: Stuff you Should Know good podcast. Right. How you doing man?
0:21
Speaker 1: I'm good? And well how are you the same? A
0:25
Speaker 1: little tired? Yeah, yeah, um, but other than that, I'm
0:29
Speaker 1: doing pretty good. Man. There's a lot of stuff going
0:31
Speaker 1: on to day with this topic. Yes, marriage, Chuck, you know,
0:36
Speaker 1: I am married, you're married. We're married, but not to
0:40
Speaker 1: one another. Uh, that's true. And in the state that
0:44
Speaker 1: we live, and we couldn't even if we wanted to. Yeah,
0:47
Speaker 1: and this this is probably gonna touch on same sex marriage, um,
0:52
Speaker 1: a decent amount because it's in the news, and hey,
0:56
Speaker 1: it's marriage too, right, so we're not going to ignore it.
1:00
Speaker 1: But it's not necessarily just about that. It's about just
1:03
Speaker 1: marriage as a whole. Right. Everybody call this one how
1:05
Speaker 1: same sex marriage works? Yeah, exactly, But now maybe we
1:09
Speaker 1: cannot do that one if we cover it in this one.
1:11
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, how same sex marriage works. Yeah.
1:14
Speaker 1: I feel like we're going to cover it enough in
1:15
Speaker 1: this it's pretty straightforward stuff. Um. Well, let's talk about marriage,
1:21
Speaker 1: all right, Okay, Um, Really, if you boil the whole
1:24
Speaker 1: thing down, it is, as far as the government views it,
1:29
Speaker 1: very very very very very unromantically. It's basically a legal
1:34
Speaker 1: contract between two people, and therefore there are legalities that
1:39
Speaker 1: you have to go through, and as a result of
1:42
Speaker 1: going through this this legal process, you are endowed with
1:46
Speaker 1: certain legal rights. That's marriage. That really is though, And
1:52
Speaker 1: it's like, I draw a distinction. I don't think it's like, oh,
1:56
Speaker 1: it's unromantic to call it that, because that's what it is.
1:58
Speaker 1: It's a difference between a marriage in a lifelong relationship
2:01
Speaker 1: with somebody that now that's romantic chuck, Yeah, I mean
2:03
Speaker 1: that's where the romance is. The marriage is just some
2:06
Speaker 1: official way of recognizing that, right Okay. So um, and
2:11
Speaker 1: I would imagine it's not just it's not just the
2:14
Speaker 1: um desire to be, you know, to have your relationship
2:18
Speaker 1: recognized in that same way that it's a lifelong commitment legally,
2:22
Speaker 1: but also to get the benefits as well as one
2:24
Speaker 1: of the those are two probably very big reasons that
2:27
Speaker 1: same sex couples want to be legally married or allowed
2:30
Speaker 1: to legally married. Um. So, since it's a legal process, chuckers. Um,
2:37
Speaker 1: all things start with an application. All legals processes start
2:41
Speaker 1: by filling out an application. And marriage is no different. Yep,
2:44
Speaker 1: you gotta get that license. You got to apply to
2:47
Speaker 1: get that license. And uh here and uh, Emily and
2:51
Speaker 1: I went to Decatur. It was the sign on the
2:52
Speaker 1: wall was marriage and gun licenses. We thought was kind
2:56
Speaker 1: of funny. Yeah, get both in the same one stop shopping.
2:59
Speaker 1: Uh Uh. But each state has its own uh laws
3:04
Speaker 1: regarding everything concerning marriage, especially the world not especially, but
3:09
Speaker 1: the first of which is the license and application process.
3:12
Speaker 1: How old you got to be? All that stuff varies
3:15
Speaker 1: from state to state, it does. And um, until very recently, Uh,
3:20
Speaker 1: Alabama allowed kids as young as fourteen. I believe they
3:24
Speaker 1: were the youngest state. It says in this article that
3:26
Speaker 1: there was kids as young as age twelve. I think,
3:32
Speaker 1: is that right? I think so. But that I think
3:34
Speaker 1: that was like only with like a court order or
3:37
Speaker 1: a court permission, like like a pregnancy or something. I
3:41
Speaker 1: don't know, well that that's that's one of the surprising
3:44
Speaker 1: things is in Georgia, UM, if you're under eighteen, uh,
3:48
Speaker 1: you have to present a birth certificate. And I think
3:50
Speaker 1: your parents have to be present, both of them unless
3:53
Speaker 1: the unless the bride to be is pregnant, and then
3:55
Speaker 1: all rules go out the window. Yeah, most states that
3:58
Speaker 1: allow it under eighteen. The parents have to sign off, right,
4:01
Speaker 1: and there has to be like some reason. But like
4:04
Speaker 1: we said, it varies from state to state and it
4:06
Speaker 1: would take two hours to go over all that. So
4:09
Speaker 1: if you're interested in getting hitched in your seventeen, look
4:12
Speaker 1: it up on your state's website. You don't want to
4:14
Speaker 1: go over to state by state. Do you remember the
4:17
Speaker 1: the dude from UM Lost and then he was in
4:21
Speaker 1: one episode of X Files. I can't remember his name.
4:24
Speaker 1: Which guy from Lost? I don't remember. I didn't watch Lost.
4:28
Speaker 1: I just know he was on Lost and he married.
4:30
Speaker 1: He's like pushing fifty forty something and he married a
4:34
Speaker 1: sixteen year old girl. Uh yeah, and they were gonna
4:37
Speaker 1: they were sending themselves up. I believe to have UM
4:39
Speaker 1: a reality show or whatever. But her parents signed off
4:42
Speaker 1: on it. I remember like that. There was a big
4:46
Speaker 1: it was a big news story. Remember that too. They
4:48
Speaker 1: moved to Nevada, or they went to Nevada to get married,
4:52
Speaker 1: which is not um uncommon. I understand to move to
4:56
Speaker 1: a different state. No, to go to to go to
4:58
Speaker 1: Las Vegas to get married. Sure, yeah, people do that.
5:02
Speaker 1: So no matter where you are, you fill out this application,
5:05
Speaker 1: you pay a nominal fee. Uh, and then after your ceremony,
5:11
Speaker 1: you get a certificate that says you're married. Here's proof,
5:14
Speaker 1: show it to whoever you like. Yeah. Sometimes you need
5:16
Speaker 1: a blood test. We did not need one here in Georgia.
5:20
Speaker 1: But that's what you always kind of hear, the old
5:21
Speaker 1: fashioned thing, like go down and get your blood test
5:23
Speaker 1: and get married. Yes, but make sure you are disease
5:28
Speaker 1: free and not cousins. That's right. Is that what it's
5:31
Speaker 1: for to to check DNA? No, okay, I don't think
5:34
Speaker 1: they have the equipment to do that. I didn't think
5:36
Speaker 1: so either. Uh. And you can get married by a
5:40
Speaker 1: varying like a bunch of different ways. Um, you can
5:43
Speaker 1: get married by your best friend if you want to,
5:45
Speaker 1: as long as they get certified online as able to
5:49
Speaker 1: do that, which is what we did with our father
5:51
Speaker 1: in law, just to make him part of the experience.
5:54
Speaker 1: That's stepfather and my stepfather, the one in Ohio. Yeah, yeah,
5:58
Speaker 1: they're all in Ohio. But yeah, so chuckers, now that
6:01
Speaker 1: now that you're married. Um, according to federal law, you
6:06
Speaker 1: are eligible and open for I think thirty eight federal benefits.
6:12
Speaker 1: Is that still correct? Yes? Is that part of doma? Um,
6:19
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if that's a specific part of doma,
6:22
Speaker 1: but it's it's probably a part of many different laws,
6:26
Speaker 1: you know, if there's a plus, but it's it's all.
6:29
Speaker 1: This is all specifically federal level. Yeah. Yeah. So for example,
6:33
Speaker 1: and we'll talk about DOMA in a minute. Yeah, I
6:35
Speaker 1: believe we should so. Um. For example, if if Emily
6:40
Speaker 1: is in the hospital, you have a legal right to
6:43
Speaker 1: go visit her. That's right. I can even make medical
6:47
Speaker 1: decisions on her behalf, that's right, unless she has a
6:49
Speaker 1: living well right, which we would do together anyway. Um.
6:52
Speaker 1: You can get benefits if you're a federal employee. Um.
6:57
Speaker 1: You can get inheritance rights, property rights sometimes even if
7:01
Speaker 1: there's no will. Yes, you me can take out a
7:04
Speaker 1: life and ensures policy on me and it's legal. Yeah.
7:08
Speaker 1: Tax benefits of course of being married, you can file
7:11
Speaker 1: that way. Um. You can receive Medicare, Social Security, Disability,
7:16
Speaker 1: veterans benefits if you're a spouse, legal spouse. Yes, you
7:19
Speaker 1: can immigrate your spouse to the United States, Yeah, more
7:24
Speaker 1: easily at least. Yeah, if I killed somebody, Emily could
7:27
Speaker 1: visit me in jail, that's right, and then prison right
7:31
Speaker 1: as my spouse, and I would imagine depending on the state,
7:35
Speaker 1: there would be conjugal rights as well. Yeah, definitely. So
7:39
Speaker 1: those are just a handful of the eleven hundred entitlements
7:43
Speaker 1: that you gain. You don't want to go over all
7:45
Speaker 1: of them. If they have a list, I'll do it.
7:48
Speaker 1: So yeah, there there are a lot of good reasons
7:51
Speaker 1: to be married. You can also file jointly, so you
7:53
Speaker 1: get a tax break there. Um. And in addition to
7:57
Speaker 1: like the legal benefits, there's been tons and tons and
8:01
Speaker 1: tons of studies um on marriage that show that, like,
8:06
Speaker 1: there's actually psychological physiological benefits to marriage. People people happily married,
8:12
Speaker 1: I should say, um, not just married, Like there's a
8:16
Speaker 1: key to it. You have to be happily married. They
8:18
Speaker 1: tend to live longer live um, they two parents, a
8:23
Speaker 1: married parent household, um tends to produce more stable, well
8:28
Speaker 1: adjusted kids that do better in school. Yeah. True. Yeah, well,
8:33
Speaker 1: I mean there's tons and tons of studies, but it
8:35
Speaker 1: doesn't necessarily relate to same sex or opposite sex it's
8:39
Speaker 1: just married parents. Um happened to do that statistically, that's right.
8:45
Speaker 1: So what else? Uh, Well, people are getting married later
8:47
Speaker 1: and later. I think everyone recognizes that. But um to
8:51
Speaker 1: the tune of people born from n to ninety nine
8:56
Speaker 1: of men and women were married by and compared that
9:01
Speaker 1: to last year, where the average age of marriage was
9:05
Speaker 1: twenty eight point six for men and twenty six point
9:08
Speaker 1: six for women. And basically there hasn't been a year
9:11
Speaker 1: since the nineteen fifties where the median age has not
9:15
Speaker 1: gone up. She's going up and up and up and up. Yeah,
9:17
Speaker 1: And you would assume that it would have continued to
9:20
Speaker 1: go up and up and up prior to the nineteen fifties.
9:23
Speaker 1: But what's really interesting is in eighteen ninety the average
9:26
Speaker 1: age that a man got married was twenty six, and
9:29
Speaker 1: it declined um down to the nineteen fifties and sixties
9:33
Speaker 1: when it reached its lowest level, lowest age, which is like, um,
9:37
Speaker 1: like twenty two or something like that, and and then
9:40
Speaker 1: it started to go back up, which is very odd,
9:43
Speaker 1: and it did it for men and women because you
9:45
Speaker 1: would think in you know, olden times, you get married
9:48
Speaker 1: at age twelve, you know, so people were getting married
9:52
Speaker 1: at maybe sixteen for a median age, but it was
9:55
Speaker 1: more than it was older than than people were in
9:57
Speaker 1: the fifties when they were getting married. So the fifty
10:00
Speaker 1: might might have just signified some marital boom. Maybe. I
10:06
Speaker 1: guess people decided that, Um, they were not interested in
10:11
Speaker 1: pre marital sex. They just decided that. Um have we
10:16
Speaker 1: covered polygy? We did a full podcast on podcast even
10:20
Speaker 1: need to mention that. That's what I thought when I
10:22
Speaker 1: was reading this, I was like, wait a minute, this
10:24
Speaker 1: this reeks of something familiar. Um, but that is a
10:28
Speaker 1: type of marriage. Um, And I guess go listen to
10:32
Speaker 1: that podcast on Did we call it plural marriage or polygamy?
10:35
Speaker 1: I'm sure we talked about it as plural marriage, but
10:37
Speaker 1: we called it how polygamy works, right, And I guess
10:40
Speaker 1: the very condensed form of this is that it is
10:43
Speaker 1: officially condemned by the Mormon Church these days, although an
10:47
Speaker 1: estimated thirty to sixty thousand polygamus still uh well, I
10:51
Speaker 1: guess still practice polygamy. Uh. So there are other types
10:56
Speaker 1: of unions these days. Um. There are are civil unions,
11:00
Speaker 1: domestic partnerships in regular old fashioned marriage, and a civil
11:05
Speaker 1: union entitles same sex couples the same legal rights as
11:10
Speaker 1: marriage and benefits. So that's you know, like you said,
11:13
Speaker 1: after two things, the benefits and just the common recognition
11:18
Speaker 1: among their peers, like I'm just like you and I'm
11:21
Speaker 1: married just like you. Or in this case of civil union,
11:24
Speaker 1: UM would only give you the rights and not the
11:27
Speaker 1: badge of marriage. Right. And there's nine states where you
11:30
Speaker 1: were civil unions are permitted for same sex couples. That's right, UM, California,
11:36
Speaker 1: New York City, Maine, and the District of Columbia, I
11:40
Speaker 1: believe allowed domestic partnerships for same sex couples. That's right.
11:44
Speaker 1: And actually, UM, one of the one of the big
11:47
Speaker 1: um same sex marriage cases that's before the Supreme Court
11:50
Speaker 1: right now is a little old lady who UM lived
11:55
Speaker 1: with her partner for decades and because she has a
12:00
Speaker 1: domestic partnership under New York lause, she didn't not to
12:03
Speaker 1: pay any tax, she didn't have to pay any inheritance tax.
12:06
Speaker 1: But she got slapped with like a three hundred and
12:08
Speaker 1: nine dollar federal inheritance tax because the Feds don't recognize
12:13
Speaker 1: their domestic partnership. And that was that's one of the
12:16
Speaker 1: cases of Supreme courts hearing right now, Well, you can
12:19
Speaker 1: get full on same sex married as of December of
12:22
Speaker 1: two thousand twelve in Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, New York,
12:28
Speaker 1: New Hampshire, Maine, Maryland, Washington State, and the District of Columbia,
12:34
Speaker 1: and that is full same sex marriage like outright. And
12:37
Speaker 1: at the same time, thirty eight states have laws banning
12:41
Speaker 1: outright same sex marriage. So people are really drawing the
12:45
Speaker 1: line on this issue in this country. Yeah, well it's
12:48
Speaker 1: pretty polarizing issue to say the least. Like I have
12:55
Speaker 1: one stat things are changing of people in a same
13:00
Speaker 1: sex marriage and then last year, so that drop in
13:06
Speaker 1: fourteen years. You know. In researching this article, I've really um,
13:12
Speaker 1: I really it's yeah, I've really found out that we
13:18
Speaker 1: were a radically different country than we are today. Like
13:22
Speaker 1: socially speaking, we are really really different. There was a
13:26
Speaker 1: lot of stuff, a lot of laws that passed and
13:28
Speaker 1: a lot of mentalities that were like supported legislatively that
13:33
Speaker 1: just don't make any sense today to a lot more people,
13:38
Speaker 1: you know, like doma sure the idea that that passed,
13:41
Speaker 1: and like this kind of the meanness behind it is
13:44
Speaker 1: is it's just well, I guess it's being picked apart
13:47
Speaker 1: right now, right, Yeah, The Defensive Marriage Act um define
13:50
Speaker 1: marriage as only a legal union between one man and
13:54
Speaker 1: one woman as husband and wife. And uh. Bill Clinton
13:58
Speaker 1: famously signed that and has been sort of changing his
14:02
Speaker 1: story like every four or five years since then on
14:06
Speaker 1: why he signed it, because people kind of pick home
14:09
Speaker 1: and out, like Billy Dude of all presidents, why did
14:11
Speaker 1: you sign it? Um? In ninety six he said a quote,
14:16
Speaker 1: I have a long I have long opposed governmental recognition
14:19
Speaker 1: of same gender marriages, and this legislation is consistent consistent
14:24
Speaker 1: with that position. And then in two thousand eight he said,
14:28
Speaker 1: all it said was that Idaho did not have to
14:30
Speaker 1: recognize a marriage sanctified in Massachusetts. That's pretty good, Quinton.
14:35
Speaker 1: So he basically was like, hey, listen, man, all I'm
14:37
Speaker 1: saying was it was left up to the states, which
14:40
Speaker 1: was a bit of a reversal. And then in two
14:42
Speaker 1: thousand nine he said, well, you know the reason I
14:44
Speaker 1: signed it was I thought the question of whether gay
14:48
Speaker 1: should mary should be left up to states and too
14:50
Speaker 1: religious organizations, and that if any church or other religious
14:54
Speaker 1: body wanted to recognize gay marriage, they ought to. So
14:57
Speaker 1: this is a bit of a he's saying it's being
14:59
Speaker 1: spun as him coming out as like anti gay uncertain levels,
15:04
Speaker 1: and he's saying, no, no, no, you're rewriting history in
15:06
Speaker 1: a different way. What it really meant was let's just
15:09
Speaker 1: federally say this and let the states decide. But that's
15:12
Speaker 1: a pretty glim interpretation of DOMA. From what I understand,
15:15
Speaker 1: it basically removes states rights. And that's one of the
15:18
Speaker 1: things that the Supreme courts looking at now too, is DOMA.
15:22
Speaker 1: Is DOMA unconstitutional? And one of the ways that the
15:27
Speaker 1: the pro same sex marriage lobby could actually harm itself
15:32
Speaker 1: is if the Supreme Court decides to look at DOMA
15:35
Speaker 1: as the state's rights issues and kicks it back to
15:38
Speaker 1: the states, then all of these bands will be upheld
15:41
Speaker 1: rather than just saying no, it's it's unconstitutional because it
15:45
Speaker 1: bans marriage effectively between same sex people. So that's I mean,
15:51
Speaker 1: it's not as it is the state's rights issue in
15:53
Speaker 1: a way, but not in the way that Clinton is
15:55
Speaker 1: saying it. It doesn't allow states to kind of make
15:58
Speaker 1: up their own mind. Uh. I think Clinton is trying to.
16:02
Speaker 1: I don't think he's super proud of it now, and
16:04
Speaker 1: I think he's sort of been backtracking ever since and
16:07
Speaker 1: on reasons why he supported it at the time. And
16:10
Speaker 1: you know a lot of Congress people have come out
16:12
Speaker 1: since then and reverse their their statements on it, saying,
16:17
Speaker 1: you know, I've evolved in my thinking to this point,
16:20
Speaker 1: and I now think we should look into it more
16:23
Speaker 1: at least and not necessarily like fully in support of it. Um.
16:27
Speaker 1: But there are eleven countries if you're wondering what's like
16:29
Speaker 1: around the world, like all across the country you can
16:33
Speaker 1: get married if you're same sex, like Argentina, Belgium, Canada, Denmark, Iceland, Netherlands, Norway, Portugal,
16:40
Speaker 1: South Africa, Sweden, and Spain. It is a federal Uh,
16:45
Speaker 1: it's legally allowed federally. So let's you know, say what
16:50
Speaker 1: you will about that. We want to get married, go
16:51
Speaker 1: to Spain. Um, moved to Spain. You don't have to
16:55
Speaker 1: like go live there because if the United States whouldn't
16:58
Speaker 1: recognized or Netherlands, that's an explice. South Africa, we've talked
17:01
Speaker 1: about that. Um. Yeah, But I mean I think most
17:07
Speaker 1: people who want to get married who are of the
17:09
Speaker 1: same sex want to stay at home. She just want
17:13
Speaker 1: to get married at home, you know. Um, this is uh,
17:17
Speaker 1: and you're talking about a UM, I guess, being allowed
17:21
Speaker 1: to be married in an entire country. There's been a
17:24
Speaker 1: couple of attempts to ban UM same sex marriage as
17:28
Speaker 1: an entire country in the US, but have been unsuccessful,
17:32
Speaker 1: like make it a constitutional amendment. Yeah, and that has
17:37
Speaker 1: not happened now. So in addition to domestic partnerships and
17:41
Speaker 1: civil unions, that's when I find interesting the reciprocal beneficiary
17:45
Speaker 1: relationship UM, which was Hawaiian state law and I guess
17:51
Speaker 1: it was kind of done away with in favor of
17:53
Speaker 1: civil unions in two thousand eleven or twelve. But basically
17:56
Speaker 1: it's it's it grants you the right of a married couple,
18:02
Speaker 1: but it doesn't necessarily mean you're a couple in the
18:04
Speaker 1: eyes of the law, unless you say we're a couple
18:07
Speaker 1: it UM. It so like brother and sister can can
18:12
Speaker 1: be a reciprocal beneficiaries UM and aunt and her nephew
18:17
Speaker 1: or whatever. It doesn't mean you're a couple. It means
18:19
Speaker 1: that like you can make legal decisions for one another,
18:21
Speaker 1: and it's for people who are like dependent on on
18:24
Speaker 1: one another living situations, that kind of thing. So don't
18:27
Speaker 1: be super creeped out by that when you and sister
18:30
Speaker 1: and stuff like that. Uh, do you got anything else
18:33
Speaker 1: on same sex marriage? Oh? Um, no, I guess that's it.
18:39
Speaker 1: I'm very interested to see what happens. It's the civil
18:41
Speaker 1: rights issue of our age, and that's what a lot
18:44
Speaker 1: of people are arguing, Like, dude, let's just learn from history.
18:47
Speaker 1: Do we have to go through the same steps every
18:50
Speaker 1: time we do this? Um with allowing people rights, finally
18:55
Speaker 1: giving them the rights that you know everyone will in
18:58
Speaker 1: the future eventually agree they should have and should have
19:01
Speaker 1: had all along. Um. But apparently we have to go
19:04
Speaker 1: through at the same struggle every time for each group
19:08
Speaker 1: before they get their rights, their civil rights that are
19:11
Speaker 1: afforded everybody, whether it's the African Americans sitting where they
19:15
Speaker 1: want on a bus or women voting. Um. Yeah, it
19:19
Speaker 1: seems like this pops up every now and then in
19:21
Speaker 1: this country, where people say, hey, wait a minute, I
19:23
Speaker 1: don't have the same rights as that dude over there, right,
19:25
Speaker 1: and why not? It's very interesting, it is, and I'm
19:29
Speaker 1: sure like we're going to get a lot of listener
19:31
Speaker 1: mail about this. Yeah. Well, you know, we're just putting
19:34
Speaker 1: it out there. This is what certain people think and
19:36
Speaker 1: that's what other people think. Yeah, I guess, And luckily
19:39
Speaker 1: we live in a country where you can voice those opinions.
19:42
Speaker 1: So before we move on to other parts of marriage,
19:44
Speaker 1: let's take a quick little message break. Let's do it,
19:54
Speaker 1: and now we're back with more marriage. Yeah wow. Um
19:58
Speaker 1: So Chuck one of the ones that I've always heard
20:01
Speaker 1: of his common law marriage, and I was doing a
20:03
Speaker 1: little research on it, and it doesn't make much sense
20:05
Speaker 1: to me. I don't understand, like, apparently its origins where
20:09
Speaker 1: that's what marriage was like two people just kind of
20:12
Speaker 1: shacked up and they were viewed by society and the
20:16
Speaker 1: law as married. And then the the church insinuated itself
20:21
Speaker 1: by saying, no, there's no more clan to stying marriages anymore.
20:23
Speaker 1: You have to do this publicly and declare, you know
20:26
Speaker 1: that you want to be married, and there's got to
20:28
Speaker 1: be a priest and let's you know, maybe maybe you know,
20:31
Speaker 1: somebody's gotta be there, so let's have a witness or whatever.
20:34
Speaker 1: And that that's kind of like the rival of common
20:37
Speaker 1: law marriage. And and as it's become more and more
20:39
Speaker 1: um prevalent, common law marriage is kind of fallen into
20:43
Speaker 1: the waistide. Well don't you just have to shack up
20:45
Speaker 1: for seven years? No, that is a myth, yea, everyone
20:49
Speaker 1: always says, I always heard that, Yeah, and I think
20:52
Speaker 1: that's just a common misconception. Um. If you want to
20:55
Speaker 1: be uh common law married, you actually have to present
20:59
Speaker 1: as a married couple. You have to change your last name,
21:01
Speaker 1: file joint tax returns, basically kind of really live as
21:05
Speaker 1: if you're married, not just live together and fight over
21:08
Speaker 1: where to go to dinner. Right, you know, it probably
21:11
Speaker 1: wouldn't hurt to contact your local probate court and file
21:14
Speaker 1: something like saying, hey, we're married. Okay, as far as
21:17
Speaker 1: you're concerned, we're married. We're common law marriage. Now, this
21:20
Speaker 1: only works if your state recognizes common law marriages, and again,
21:23
Speaker 1: fewer and fewer states do these days. Um. In some states,
21:27
Speaker 1: if your common law marriage was around before the nineties,
21:34
Speaker 1: certain dates in the nineties, it would be grandfather then
21:37
Speaker 1: Georgia being one of them. Right, Yeah, if you were
21:39
Speaker 1: common law married in Georgia before January one, you're still
21:44
Speaker 1: common law married if you still are nice and the
21:49
Speaker 1: states also don't. Um. We we joked about the seven
21:52
Speaker 1: year thing, but there is no set time in any
21:55
Speaker 1: state that you have to live together to present yourself
21:58
Speaker 1: as common law man and wife, although I don't you know,
22:01
Speaker 1: I don't know that you would do that after you
22:03
Speaker 1: just moved in together. But hey you can if you want. Well,
22:06
Speaker 1: you know, um talking about moving in together, there was
22:10
Speaker 1: a study that recently found that more and more people
22:13
Speaker 1: are living together before marriage um or instead of marriage.
22:19
Speaker 1: And also apparently one of the reasons we were talking
22:22
Speaker 1: about the marriage age increasing, one of the reasons they
22:25
Speaker 1: think that people are putting it off more and more lately,
22:28
Speaker 1: especially millennials, is due to college debt. How sad is that? Okay,
22:33
Speaker 1: So I'm broke, so I'm not gonna get married, like
22:36
Speaker 1: I can't afford to get married right now. That's that's terrible.
22:40
Speaker 1: I don't say what does it cost you though, I
22:41
Speaker 1: don't get that. Well, I mean, you've got to get
22:44
Speaker 1: a ring, and there's got a I mean, there's just
22:47
Speaker 1: certain things to it. I guess that certain costs. Yeah,
22:52
Speaker 1: I guess it depends on what you're looking for out
22:54
Speaker 1: of your wedding, in your rings and things like. It
22:57
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be expensive, you know than half to
23:01
Speaker 1: just these college kids these days, I don't know, have
23:03
Speaker 1: no money to get married. Give them some advice to
23:06
Speaker 1: just get married, don't get a cheap ring and get
23:08
Speaker 1: hitched at the courthouse. So okay, so um. As far
23:13
Speaker 1: as shacking up goes, more and more people are doing it. Apparently,
23:18
Speaker 1: between two thousand and six and two thousand and ten,
23:21
Speaker 1: almost half of UM, straight women ages fifteen forty four
23:25
Speaker 1: said that they have lived together with somebody who they
23:28
Speaker 1: weren't married to. And of gay women, Yeah, I have
23:34
Speaker 1: another stat here that said from nineteen eighty two, Uh,
23:38
Speaker 1: it is quadriple the number of people, and this is people.
23:41
Speaker 1: Percentage of women choosing to not get married and just
23:45
Speaker 1: cohabitate has gone from three to eleven percent. And um,
23:51
Speaker 1: what does this all mean to staying married? We're staying
23:56
Speaker 1: together not a lot. The divorce rate has hovered pretty
24:00
Speaker 1: close to for quite a while. He goes up a little,
24:04
Speaker 1: goes down a little, but um hasn't gone down some.
24:08
Speaker 1: It's gone down a little bit, but it's never like
24:10
Speaker 1: some enough of a stat to like, you know, rewrite
24:15
Speaker 1: the record books. You know, it's always close to fifty.
24:17
Speaker 1: It seems like. Um, And then they found all sorts
24:21
Speaker 1: of interesting things. Um, among women, there was a fifty
24:25
Speaker 1: two percent chance that a first marriage would survive for
24:28
Speaker 1: twenty years, and fifty percent of men their first marriage
24:32
Speaker 1: would survive for twenty years. Oh and another interesting thing.
24:36
Speaker 1: They found that, um, your marriage is more likely last
24:39
Speaker 1: if you went and graduated college. Huh So seventy eight
24:43
Speaker 1: percent of women with at least a bachelor's degree made
24:46
Speaker 1: it to their twentieth anniversary as opposed to what was that?
24:50
Speaker 1: So that's a pretty big yeah. I wonder what the
24:52
Speaker 1: the explanation is for that. Uh, I don't know. Maybe
24:58
Speaker 1: it takes a certain amount of tenacity to through college,
25:00
Speaker 1: and maybe it takes a certain amount of tenacity to
25:03
Speaker 1: stay married. If you have kids going into the marriage
25:06
Speaker 1: with someone else, Um, you have less of a chance
25:10
Speaker 1: to stay married. Thirty um of women marrying a man
25:14
Speaker 1: who already had kids made it twenty years. So, but
25:18
Speaker 1: if you have kids after you get married, you have
25:19
Speaker 1: a higher likelihood of staying together. Yeah. So having your
25:23
Speaker 1: own kids good, marrying in two kids bad. Yeah, but
25:26
Speaker 1: then's having your own kids is one of the um,
25:29
Speaker 1: one of the leading reasons that people stay together. Um.
25:32
Speaker 1: Apparently there's also couples who drink together um tend to
25:37
Speaker 1: stay together more especially um if they drink about the
25:42
Speaker 1: same amount. Make sense. UM. Couples who have I ran
25:46
Speaker 1: across this two thousand eight study UM from the University
25:49
Speaker 1: of Denver. Couples who have fun, which fun is defined
25:53
Speaker 1: is basically spending time together UM free of financial, family
25:57
Speaker 1: or other stresses. Okay, UM, they tend to stay together longer,
26:02
Speaker 1: which makes a lot of sense. Basically, if you go
26:05
Speaker 1: on dates with your spouse, you will stay together longer.
26:08
Speaker 1: And religion also plays a part. Percentage of married women
26:11
Speaker 1: you say religion is important six and a percentage of
26:16
Speaker 1: married women who say religion is not importants And interestingly,
26:20
Speaker 1: it's about ten percent less for men on both uh
26:24
Speaker 1: saying religions important religions not. Women just care more than
26:28
Speaker 1: the number. One UM. I guess indicator that people will
26:36
Speaker 1: stay together, not necessarily in marriage, but that like as
26:39
Speaker 1: a couple UM is shared curiosity. Remember we did how
26:44
Speaker 1: curiosity works years back. One of the one of the
26:47
Speaker 1: indicators that our predictors sorry that a couple would stay
26:50
Speaker 1: together was that if both of them were curious people
26:53
Speaker 1: about the same things or this period just in general. UM.
26:57
Speaker 1: And and it's like beat out religion, UM. All these
27:02
Speaker 1: other shared things that you would think that would you know,
27:05
Speaker 1: keep two people together, you know, make them attracted to
27:07
Speaker 1: one another. But it was shared curiosity, a love of
27:11
Speaker 1: just being curious, as long as it's not curious about
27:15
Speaker 1: like I wonder what it be like to have sex
27:17
Speaker 1: with that woman? Precisely, it's bad curiosity, right, Yeah. So
27:23
Speaker 1: since you brought that up, Um, you sent another article
27:27
Speaker 1: on how stuff works. That was pretty interesting that Molly
27:29
Speaker 1: Edmonds wrote about the seven year itch. Did you check
27:32
Speaker 1: that out? So basically the seven year which is this
27:36
Speaker 1: idea that after seven years people get bored with their
27:39
Speaker 1: marriage and they divorced or the stray or whatever, um.
27:43
Speaker 1: And there have been studies that have found that seven
27:45
Speaker 1: years is actually like a a significant moment in the
27:50
Speaker 1: average marriage, and that a lot of them do end
27:53
Speaker 1: up dissolving at this point. Right. Yeah. I think the
27:56
Speaker 1: median age in the US is seven just over seven years,
28:00
Speaker 1: so that would suggest that this old yarn is correct.
28:05
Speaker 1: But it's actually possible that it's even less than seven years.
28:08
Speaker 1: That it's that there's an indicator that um, at four years, uh,
28:14
Speaker 1: marriages start to go I guess south. Um. And there's
28:18
Speaker 1: an anthropologist an evolutionary anthropologist named Helen Fisher who had
28:23
Speaker 1: a pretty good idea of a pretty cool explanation or
28:28
Speaker 1: yeah I thought it made sense, go ahead, level it. Okay, Well,
28:32
Speaker 1: she said that basically, back in our earlier evolutionary age,
28:38
Speaker 1: took took took took um took took's era. Uh, four
28:42
Speaker 1: years was about the time that a couple would spend
28:45
Speaker 1: together conceiving and raising a child, and then it was
28:50
Speaker 1: time to do it again, and they typically did it
28:53
Speaker 1: with other people right spread the seed. So that so
28:57
Speaker 1: Fisher's basically pressing the point that we are evolutionarily hardwired
29:02
Speaker 1: to um to not last in a monogamous relationship owner
29:06
Speaker 1: in four years, which is a pretty depressing idea, especially
29:09
Speaker 1: if it makes sense um. But she also points out
29:13
Speaker 1: that there that being aware of this or understanding this
29:17
Speaker 1: possibility can let you guard against it. Oh yeah, that
29:22
Speaker 1: makes sense. Like keep your marriage exciting, have fun with
29:25
Speaker 1: your spouse, go on dates with your spouse, you know,
29:28
Speaker 1: and you can you know, beat that for year, seven
29:31
Speaker 1: year itch or whatever. Just don't like research that stuff.
29:35
Speaker 1: Come up with your own stuff, is what I say.
29:38
Speaker 1: What research like? There's gazillions of articles like how to
29:42
Speaker 1: keep your marriage spicy. And it's just I encourage you
29:46
Speaker 1: not to read those If you want to spice super marriage,
29:48
Speaker 1: just try some things on your own. Don't read Red Book.
29:51
Speaker 1: I I don't know. Man. If Red Book helps and
29:53
Speaker 1: read Book helps, it's our mata, al right, So you know,
29:59
Speaker 1: go ahead read those articles and they'll tell you to
30:02
Speaker 1: You know what did they say. Oh they all say
30:04
Speaker 1: things like it's all like sex based usually Uh, actually
30:09
Speaker 1: that's not true. They're talking about Cosmopolitan, not Red Bus.
30:11
Speaker 1: Be more active with your husband and get him out
30:14
Speaker 1: hiking and then dress up as a French maid every
30:17
Speaker 1: once in a while. It's just like, I don't know.
30:20
Speaker 1: I mean, if those articles help you, then it's all
30:23
Speaker 1: well and good. I take it back. Um, well, you
30:27
Speaker 1: were saying like that what to do, like go out
30:29
Speaker 1: on a hike or something like that. This This study
30:31
Speaker 1: from two thousand and eight from the University of Denver
30:33
Speaker 1: pointed out that, um, when you go out on a date,
30:36
Speaker 1: you should be aware that your spouse may not have
30:38
Speaker 1: the same idea of what a date is that you
30:40
Speaker 1: do depending on your sex. Like for women, haven't going
30:44
Speaker 1: on a date is like a chance to have an
30:46
Speaker 1: intimate conversation just basically friend time, close time, whereas like
30:52
Speaker 1: the dude is more prone to think a date is
30:55
Speaker 1: like going to a movie or going to a baseball
30:58
Speaker 1: game or something like that that you do together and
31:01
Speaker 1: you're on a date and you're sitting next to another
31:03
Speaker 1: and like you lean over and kiss and everything, but
31:05
Speaker 1: you're both watching the game. You just watch the game, right,
31:08
Speaker 1: you know, so you you I guess again, an awareness
31:12
Speaker 1: of that will probably get around any weird situations where
31:16
Speaker 1: you're just like, we went on a date, how are
31:18
Speaker 1: you not happy? Yeah? This good point. I found that
31:21
Speaker 1: sporting events I get kind of chatty though, Well, you
31:24
Speaker 1: would be a perfect date, you know, Yeah, Emily, you'll
31:28
Speaker 1: go to baseball games. But like literally the only time
31:30
Speaker 1: it took her to a Falcons game, she brought magazines.
31:33
Speaker 1: That's funny. People around me were like, so pissed. That's
31:36
Speaker 1: a waste a ticket. You means like a perfect woman
31:39
Speaker 1: in that, Like we'll go into shows or something like that.
31:42
Speaker 1: She doesn't like, she's not chatty during shows, especially like
31:46
Speaker 1: a concert. Yeah, like you know when you're at a
31:48
Speaker 1: concert and it's like they're playing the music and just
31:50
Speaker 1: see him, then somebody just wants to talk to you
31:52
Speaker 1: the whole time. Yeah, maybe it's not like that. It's
31:54
Speaker 1: pretty awesome. Yeah, I'm always right next to that person. Whoever,
31:58
Speaker 1: the most obnoxious person in any crowd is. I will
32:00
Speaker 1: be no more than five ft away from there. I
32:03
Speaker 1: feel like I am. But I've tried to installed the
32:07
Speaker 1: new policy in my life. I used to just get upset,
32:10
Speaker 1: and because I'm non confrontational with strangers, I would just
32:13
Speaker 1: sit there in my blood would boil. Whereas there's three
32:15
Speaker 1: ways you can go about it. You can do that.
32:17
Speaker 1: You can confront the person, say hey, would you mind
32:19
Speaker 1: keeping it down? I would never do that. But the
32:22
Speaker 1: third option I've discovered here in my forties just move. Yeah,
32:26
Speaker 1: unless you're like in a reserve seat, I just go
32:29
Speaker 1: stand somewhere else. It's just not worth it for me. Yeah,
32:31
Speaker 1: that's a good chuck. Yeah, And I found that that
32:33
Speaker 1: I'm all of a sudden not obsessing over this loud
32:36
Speaker 1: person next to me while Steve Mountainous is telling a
32:39
Speaker 1: nice story on stage. Uh. And I just avoid the
32:42
Speaker 1: drunkest people in the room. That's good. It's always a
32:44
Speaker 1: good motto. Yeah, Uh, what else you got? I got
32:48
Speaker 1: nothing else? Cool? We did. We did how marriage works?
32:53
Speaker 1: Marriage good? Agreed? Yeah. Uh. If you want to learn
32:57
Speaker 1: more about marriage, there's like a whole channel on most
33:00
Speaker 1: there a sub channel or something on the site. I
33:02
Speaker 1: believe if you want to learn more about marriage, get married,
33:05
Speaker 1: because if you're gonna learn everything you need. Yeah, it's
33:07
Speaker 1: like immersion learning through immersion. Um. You can also type
33:11
Speaker 1: the word marriage into the search bar at how stuff
33:13
Speaker 1: works dot com if you and your partner are curious
33:17
Speaker 1: types um, and that would be probably a predictor of
33:21
Speaker 1: your long term success. Um. And I think I said
33:25
Speaker 1: predictor in there. So it's time for listener mail. Not quite,
33:29
Speaker 1: it's time for a message break, okay, okay, And now
33:32
Speaker 1: it's time for listener mail. Huh No, no, Josh, not
33:34
Speaker 1: listen to mail. Oh we're going to continue, I believe
33:37
Speaker 1: part two of what will be three of Okay, Well,
33:47
Speaker 1: I'm going to kick it off. Are you ready please?
33:50
Speaker 1: I want to give a big shout out to our
33:52
Speaker 1: buddy Ryan Flanders over at Mad Magazine for sending us
33:56
Speaker 1: a ton of great stuff magazines, hats, pins, pins, masks, buttons,
34:01
Speaker 1: masks and beyond. Like the coolness of that. It's just
34:06
Speaker 1: the fact that because of our careers, we've been able
34:09
Speaker 1: to talk to people at Mad Magazine and Uncle John's
34:12
Speaker 1: Reader and Archie Comics, and like they listen to the show.
34:15
Speaker 1: It's just like that just totally knocks us out. We
34:17
Speaker 1: grew up on Mad and continue to read it today. Yeah,
34:20
Speaker 1: all right, what you gotta know? Just okay. We got
34:25
Speaker 1: a very delightful letter from a boy named Ethan L.
34:27
Speaker 1: From Windermere, Florida, with the request for an episode on
34:31
Speaker 1: Minecraft and the hopes that it will change his mom's
34:33
Speaker 1: opinion about him playing it. I don't know if we're
34:35
Speaker 1: gonna do that, but thank you for the letter. U
34:38
Speaker 1: Physique Body of Tea in Boulder, Colorado sent us. Uh T. Yeah,
34:43
Speaker 1: it's delicious. It's weight lost tea. That's nice. Yeah, I
34:47
Speaker 1: thought you've been looking more spelled than usually. Well you know. Uh,
34:50
Speaker 1: we got a c D and vinyl of the album
34:53
Speaker 1: We Build a Fortress on short notice by the band's
34:55
Speaker 1: self evidence. It's awesome. Thank you very much, guys. Uh yeah.
34:59
Speaker 1: And on the music tip um, the La La band
35:01
Speaker 1: sent us their CD Moonshine Still and the Deathbillies Yeah,
35:06
Speaker 1: they sent us a packet. They do metal mashups of
35:09
Speaker 1: jukebox country classics. It's pretty cool. I didn't listen yet.
35:13
Speaker 1: They're pretty cool that they gave us cool buttons to Okay,
35:16
Speaker 1: so thank you definitelys um. We got a nice letter
35:19
Speaker 1: written in cursive from Larry Nina's Ninus. That's what he
35:24
Speaker 1: even spelled out how to say at Ninus. He lives
35:27
Speaker 1: in Lagrange, Georgia, and he was prompted by our episode
35:30
Speaker 1: on memory and possibly synaesthesia. He had some good theories. Uh.
35:34
Speaker 1: Katie Center sent us a nice handwrite letter, and she's
35:37
Speaker 1: doing something really cool called the Letter Project, where and
35:39
Speaker 1: she sends a letter to someone who inspires her and asked,
35:43
Speaker 1: what are you pursuing in your life? And how do
35:45
Speaker 1: you know when you've gotten there? And she sent us
35:47
Speaker 1: that letter, and Katie, the answer is, we're pursuing podcasting
35:52
Speaker 1: excellence and we uh, we were never gonna arrest like
35:56
Speaker 1: we we've not gotten there because there's still many more
35:59
Speaker 1: things to explore or and the beat goes on here
36:02
Speaker 1: and stuff. You should know. It's the curse and the
36:04
Speaker 1: gift of perfectionism. That's right. Let's see, we got a
36:08
Speaker 1: wedding invitation from Savannah and Jonathan mazel tov H. Sarah
36:13
Speaker 1: Yakawanas sent us some cool graphic posters. I found those.
36:17
Speaker 1: We did get those, yeah. Um. And she has an
36:19
Speaker 1: Etsy shop at Takawana's Quilling dot etsy dot com and
36:24
Speaker 1: that it's t A K A w O n I
36:27
Speaker 1: s quilling dot etsy dot com. And they're really neat.
36:30
Speaker 1: I like graphic posters. I like how you say here.
36:33
Speaker 1: Last thing too. Um. We got a postcard from the
36:36
Speaker 1: Trinity Nuclear testing site in New Mexico from our friend
36:39
Speaker 1: Billy ray Cyrus, and another associated one from Van Nostrin.
36:44
Speaker 1: Really yeah, send us a couple of postcards, so thank you, buddy. Um.
36:48
Speaker 1: And we got a book from Thomas Trask. He sent
36:50
Speaker 1: his book Prism Colin Shadow of the Fates. Nice weet,
36:54
Speaker 1: a lot of Colin's in our book titles here. That's
36:57
Speaker 1: the thing I guess is if you have a lot
36:59
Speaker 1: to say, I guess so you throw the colon in there.
37:02
Speaker 1: So thank you, thanks to Thomas Traps for that. We've
37:04
Speaker 1: got an anonymous note suggesting we do something on lactose intolerance.
37:10
Speaker 1: Thank you anonymous right uh. Postcard from Antarctica from Liz
37:15
Speaker 1: and Dan from San Francisco who went there on their honeymoon.
37:18
Speaker 1: Congratulations nice. Um. We got some postcards from Christina Bennett
37:25
Speaker 1: Australia road signs, operation and Enduring Freedom Afghanistan postcards, some
37:31
Speaker 1: odd postcards. Thank you? Cool you anymore? Uh? Do a
37:35
Speaker 1: few more? I don't out? Okay? Um. We got some
37:39
Speaker 1: picture links and a nice letter from Adam Purves. He's
37:42
Speaker 1: the chief happiness officer of happiness plunge dot com and
37:46
Speaker 1: go check it out. Do you remember when we talked
37:48
Speaker 1: about gross national happiness, we asked about people who dropped
37:52
Speaker 1: out to like just go pursue their own happiness. That
37:54
Speaker 1: the happiness Plunge. Yeah, happiness plunge dot com. We got
37:58
Speaker 1: downloads of Jazz Animals, Independence, Louisiana by Burke and Graffia.
38:03
Speaker 1: You can check those out. Nice those tracks. Um. We
38:06
Speaker 1: got a Georgia Tech the Club T shirt from J T.
38:12
Speaker 1: Getter remember him? Yeah? That was very nice. And we're
38:15
Speaker 1: just kidding about food and Georgia Tech. Kind of kidding.
38:19
Speaker 1: And I'm going to do one more and then we'll
38:21
Speaker 1: save the rest of the next time. We got a
38:23
Speaker 1: letter suggesting meditation as a topic from Rob Hollerbach. Holler
38:28
Speaker 1: Back I used to meditate. Yeah. Yeah, I'd like to
38:30
Speaker 1: get back into it. It was nice, okay, Jerry landed
38:34
Speaker 1: that for some reason it was nice. Uh. Well that's it.
38:37
Speaker 1: That's for that's administrative details. Yeah. Part two or three
38:40
Speaker 1: we'll finish up and then um yeah, I'll split these
38:43
Speaker 1: up between us next great. Okay, So if you want
38:46
Speaker 1: to send us something, you can get our address out
38:47
Speaker 1: of us by tweeting two S Y s K podcast.
38:51
Speaker 1: You can join us on Facebook, dot com, slash stuff
38:53
Speaker 1: you Should Know, Uh, you can send us an email
38:55
Speaker 1: to stuff Podcast at the Scary dot com and seriously,
38:58
Speaker 1: come check out our website. It's really neat. Uh. It's
39:01
Speaker 1: called stuff you Should Know dot com. For more on
39:11
Speaker 1: this and thousands of other topics. Is it how stuff
39:13
Speaker 1: works dot com m