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Gentlemen Prefer Blondes - Anita Loos · Comedy Library

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Gentlemen prefer blondes. March sixteenth, A gentleman friend and I
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: were dining at the Ritz last evening, and he said
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: that if I took a pencil and a paper and
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: put down all of my thoughts, it would make a book.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: This almost made me smile, as what it would really
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: make would be a whole row of encyclopedias. I mean
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: I seem to be thinking practically all of the time.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: I mean it is my favorite recreation. And sometimes I
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: sit for hours and do not seem to do anything
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: else but think. So this gentleman said, a girl with
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: brains ought to do something else with them besides think.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: And he said he ought to know brains when he
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: sees them, because he is in the Senate and he
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: spends quite a great deal of time in Washington, d c.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: And when he comes into contact with brains, he always
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: notices it. So it might have all blown over. But
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: this morning he sent me a book. And so when
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: my maid brought it to me, I said to her, well, Lulu,
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: here is another book, and we have not read half
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: the ones we have got yet. But when I opened
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: it and saw that it was all a blank, I
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: remembered what my gentleman acquaintance said, And so then I
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: realized that it was a diary. So here I am
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: writing a book instead of reading one. But now it
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: is the sixteenth of March, and of course it is
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: too late to begin with January. But it does not matter.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: Has my gentleman friend mister Eisman was in town practically
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: all of January and February. And when he is in town,
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: one day seems to be practically the same as the
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: next day. I mean, mister Eisman is in the wholesale
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: button profession in Chicago, and he is the gentleman who
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: is known practically all over Chicago as Gus Eisman, the
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: button King, and he is the gentleman who is interested
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: in educating me. So of course he is always coming
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: down to New York to see how my brains have
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: improved since the last time. But when mister Eisman is
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: in New York, we always seem to do the same thing.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: And if I wrote down one day in my diary,
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: all I would have to do would be to put
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: quotation marks for all the other days. I mean, we
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: always seem to have dinner at the colony and see
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: a show and go to the trocadero, and then mister
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Eisman shows me to my apartment. So of course, when
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: a gentleman is interested in educating a girl, he likes
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: to stay and talk about the topics of the day
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: until quite late. So I am quite fatigued the next day,
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: and I do not really get up until it is
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: time to dress for dinner at the colony. It would
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: be strange if I turn out to be an authoress.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: I mean, at my home near Little Rock, Arkansas, my
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: family all wanted me to do something about my music,
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: because all my friends said I had talent, and they
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: all kept after me and kept after me about practicing.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: But some way, I never seemed to care so much
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: about practicing. I mean, I simply could not sit for
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: hours and hours at a time practicing just for the
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: sake of a career. So one day I got quite
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: temperamental and threw the old mandolin clear across the room
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: and I have really never touched it since. But writing
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: is different because you do not have to learn or practice,
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: and it is more temperamental because practicing seems to take
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: all the temperament out of me. So now I really
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: almost have to smile because I have just noticed that
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: I have written clear across two pages onto March eighteenth.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: So this will do for today and tomorrow, And it
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: just shows how temperamental I am when I get started
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: March nineteenth. Well, last evening Dorothy called up, and Dorothy
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: said she has met a gentleman who gave himself an
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: introduction to her in the lobby of the Ritz. So
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: then they went to luncheon and tea and dinner, and
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: then they went to a show, and then they went
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: to the Trocadero. So Dorothy said, his name was Lord Cooksley,
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: but what she really calls him is Cucko. So Dorothy said,
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: why don't you and I and Cucko go to the
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: follies tonight and bring Gus along if he is in town.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: So then Dorothy and I had quite a little quarrel
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: because every time that Dorothy mentions the subject of mister Eisman,
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: she calls mister Eisman by his first name, and she
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: does not seem to realize that when a gentleman who
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: is as important as mister Eisman spends quite a lot
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: of money educating a girl, it really does not show
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: reference to call a gentleman by his first name. I mean,
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: I never even think of calling mister Eisman by his
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: first name. But if I want to call him anything
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: at all, I call him daddy. And I do not
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: even call him daddy if a place seems to be public.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: So I told Dorothy that mister Eisman would not be
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: in town until day after tomorrow. So then Dorothy and
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: Cucko came up and we went to the follies. So
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: this morning Cuckoo called up and he wanted me to
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: luncheon at the Ritz. I mean, these foreigners really have
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: quite a nerve just because Cuckoo is an Englishman and
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: a lord. He thinks a girl can waste hours on
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: him just for a luncheon at the Ritz, when all
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: he does is talk about some exposition. He went on
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: to a place called ty Bett, and after talking for hours,
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: I found out that all they were was a lot
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: of chinamen. So I will be quite glad to see
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: mister Eisman when he gets in because he always has
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: something quite interesting to talk about. As for instance, the
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: last time he was here, he presented me with quite
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: a beautiful emerald bracelet. So next week is my birthday
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: and he always has some delightful surprise on holidays. I
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: did intend to luncheon at the Ritz with Dorothy today,
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: and of course Cuckoo had to spoil it, as I
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: told him that I could not luncheon with him today
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: because my brother was in town on business and had
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: the mumps, so I really could not leave him alone,
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: because of course if I went to the Ritz now,
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: I would bump into Cuckoo. But I sometimes almost have
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: to smile at my own imagination, because of course I
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: have not got any brother, and I have not even
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: thought of the mumps for years. I mean, it is
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: no wonder that I can write. So the reason I
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: thought I would take luncheon at the Ritz was because
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: mister Chaplin is at the Ritz, and I always like
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: to renew old acquaintances, because I met mister Chaplin once
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: when we were both working on the same lot in Hollywood,
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: and I am sure he would remember me. Gentlemen always
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: seemed to remember blondes. I mean, the only career I
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: would like to be besides an authoress is a cinema star.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: And I was doing quite well in the cinema when
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: mister Eisman made me give it all up. Because of course,
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: when a gentleman takes a friendly interest in educating a girl,
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: as mister Eisman does, you like to show that you
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: appreciate it. And he is against a girl being in
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: the cinema because his mother is Orthodox. March twentieth, mister
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: Eisman gets in tomorrow to be here in time for
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: my birthday. So I thought it would really be delightful
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: to have at least one good time before mister Eisman
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: got in. So last evening I had some literary gentleman
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: in to spend the evening, because mister Eisman always liked
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: me to have literary people in and out of the apartment.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: I mean, he is quite anxious for a girl to
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: improve her mind. And his greatest interest in me is
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: because I always seem to want to improve my mind
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: and not waste any time. And mister Eisman likes me
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: to have what the French people call a solo, which
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: means that people all get together in the evening and
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: improve their minds. So I invited all of the brainy
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: gentlemen I could think up. So I thought up a
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: gentleman who is the professor of all the economics up
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: at Columbia College, and the editor who is the famous
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: editor of the New York transcript. And another gentleman who
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: is the famous playwright who writes very very famous plays
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: that are all about life. I mean, anybody would recognize
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: his name, but it always seems to slip my memory
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: because all of we real friends of his only call
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: him Sam. So Sam asked if he could bring a
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: gentleman who writes novels from England. So I said yes,
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: So he brought him, and then we all got together,
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: and I called up Gloria and Dorothy, and the gentleman
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: brought their own liquor. So of course the place was
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: a wreck this morning, and Lulu and I worked like
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: proverbial dogs to get it cleaned up. But heaven knows
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: how long it will take to get the chandelier fixed.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: March twenty second, Well, my birthday has come and gone.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: But it was really quite depressing. I mean, it seems
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: to me a gentleman who has a friendly interest in
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: educating a girl like Gus Eisman would want her to
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: have the biggest square cut diamond in New York. I mean,
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: I must say I was quite disappointed when he came
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: to the apartment with a little thing you could hardly see.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: So I told him I thought it was quite cute,
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: but I had quite a headache and I had better
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: stay in a dark room all day, and I told
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: him I would see him the next day. Perhaps because
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: even Lulu thought it was quite small, and she said
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: if she was I, she really would do something definite.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: And she said she always believed in the old adage
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: leave them while you're good looking. But he came in
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: at dinner time with really a very very beautiful bracelet
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: of square cut diamonds, so I was quite cheered up.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: So then we had dinner at the Colony, and we
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: went to a show and supper at the Trocadero, as
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: usual whenever he is in town. But I will give
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: him credit that he realized how small it was. I mean,
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: he kept talking about how bad business was, and the
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: button profession was full of Bolsheviks who made nothing but trouble.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: Because mister Eisman feels that the country is really on
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: the verge of the Bolsheviks, and I become quite worried.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: I mean, if the Bolsheviks do get in, there is
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: only one gentleman who could handle them, and that is
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: mister D. W. Griffith. Because I will never forget when
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: mister Griffith was directing Intolerance. I mean it was my
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: last cinema, just before mister Eisman made me give up
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: my career, and I was playing one of the girls
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: that fainted at the battle when all of the gentlemen
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: fell off the tower. And when I saw how mister
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: Griffith handled all of those mobs in Intolerance, I realized
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: that he could do anything. And I really think that
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: the Government of America ought to tell mister Griffith to
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: get all ready if the Bolsheviks start to do it well.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: I forgot to mention that the English gentleman who writes
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: novels seems to have taken quite an interest in me
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: as soon as he found out that I was literary.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: I mean he has called up every day and I
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: went to tea twice with him. So he has sent
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: me a whole complete set of books for my birthday,
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: by a gentleman called mister Conrad. They all seem to
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: be about ocean travel, although I have not had time
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: to more than glance through them. I have always liked
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: novels about ocean travel, ever since I posed for mister
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: Christy for the front cover of a novel about ocean travel.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: By McGrath, because I always say that a girl never
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: really looks as well as she does on board a
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: steamship or even a yacht. So the English gentleman's name
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: is mister Gerald Lambson, as those who have read his
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: novels would know, and he also sent me some of
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: his own novels, as they seem to be about middle
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: age English gentlemen who live in the country over in
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: London and seem to ride bicycles, which seems quite different
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: from America, except at Palm Beach. So I told mister
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: Lambson how I write down all of my thoughts, and
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: he said he knew I had something to me from
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: the first minute he saw me, and when we become
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: better acquainted, I am going to let him read my diary.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: I mean I even told mister Eisman about him, and
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: he is quite pleased, because, of course mister Lambson is
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: quite famous, and it seems mister Eisman has read all
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: of his novels going to and fro on the trains,
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: and mister Eisman is always anxious to meet famous people
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: and take them to the Ritz to dinner on Saturday night.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: But of course I did not tell mister Eisman that
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: I am really getting quite a little crush on mister Lambson,
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: which I really believe I am, but mister Eisman thinks
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: my interest in him is more literary. March thirtieth, at last,
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: mister Eisman has left on the twentieth century, and I
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: must say I am quite fatigued and a little rest
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: will be quite welcome. I mean, I do not mind
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: staying out late every night if I dance, but mister
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: Eisman is really not such a good dancer, so most
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: of the time we just sit and drink some champagne
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: or have a bite to eat. And of course I
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: do not dance with anyone else when I am out
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: with mister Eisman. But mister Eisman and Jerry, as mister
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: Lambson wants me to call him, became quite good friends,
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: and we had several evenings all three together. So now
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: that mister Eisman is out of town at last, Jerry
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: and I are going out together this evening. And Jerry
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: said not to dress up because Jerry seems to like
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: me more for my soul. So I really had to
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: tell Jerry that if all the gentlemen were like he
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: seems to be, Madam Francis's whole dressmaking establishment would have
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: to go out of business. But Jerry does not like
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: a girl to be nothing else but a doll. But
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: he likes her to bring in her husband's slippers every
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: evening and make him forget what he has gone through.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: But before mister Eisman went to Chicago, he told me
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: that he is going to Paris this summer on professional business.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: And I think he intends to present me with a
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: trip to Paris, as he says, there is nothing so
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: educational as traveling. I mean, it did worlds of good
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: to Dorothy when she went abroad lass spring, and I
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: never get tired of hearing her telling how the merry
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: go rounds in Paris have pigs instead of horses. But
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: I really do not know whether to be thrilled or not,
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: because of course, if I go to Paris, I will
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: have to leave Jerry, and both Jerry and I have
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: made up our minds not to be separated from one
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: another from now. On March thirty first, last night, Jerry
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: and I had dinner at quite a quaint place where
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: we had roast beef and baked potato. I mean, he
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: always wants me to have food, which is what he
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: calls nourishing, which most gentlemen never seemed to think about.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: So then we took a handsome cab and drove for
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: hours around the park because Jerry said the air would
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: be good for me. It is really very sweet to
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: have someone think of all those things that gentlemen hardly
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: ever seemed to think about. So then we talked quite
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: a lot. I mean, Jerry knows how to draw a
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: girl out, and I told him things that I really
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: would not even put in my diary. So when he
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: heard all about my life, he became quite depressed, and
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: we both had tears in our eyes because he said
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: he never dreamed a girl could go through so much
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: as I and come out so sweet and not made
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: bitter by it all. I mean, Jerry thinks that most
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: gentlemen are brutes and hardly ever think about a girl's soul.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: So it seems that Jerry has quite a lot of
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: trouble himself, and he cannot even get married on account
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: of his wife. He and she have never been in
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: love with each other, but she was a suffragette and
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: asked him to marry her, so what could he do?
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: So we rode all around the park, until quite late,
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: talking and philosophizing quite a lot, and I finally told
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: him that I thought, after all that bird life was
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: the highest form of civilization. So Jerry calls me his
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: little thinker, and I really would not be surprised if
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: all of my thoughts will give him quite a few
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: ideas for his novels, because Jerry says he has never
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: seen a girl of my personal appearance with so many brains,
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: and he had almost given up looking for his ideal
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: when our paths seemed to cross each other. And I
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: told him I really thought a thing like that was
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: nearly always the result of fate. So Jerry says that
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: I remind him quite a lot of Helen of Troy,
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: who was of Greek extraction. But the only Greek I
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: know is a Greek gentleman by the name of mister Georgopolis,
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: who was really quite wealthy. And he is what Dorothy
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: and I call a shop because you can always call
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: him up at any hour and ask him to go shopping,
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: and he is always quite delighted, which very few gentlemen
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: seem to be, and he never seems to care how
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: much anything costs. I mean, mister Georgopolis is also quite cultured,
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: is I know quite a few gentlemen who can speak
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: to a waiter in French, but mister Georgopolis can also
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: speak to a waiter in Greek, which very few gentlemen
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: seem to be able to do. April First, I am
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: taking special pains with my diary from now on, as
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: I am really writing it for Jerry. I mean, he
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: and I are going to read it together some evening
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: in front of the fireplace. But Jerry leaves this evening
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: for Boston as he has to lecture about all of
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: his works at Boston, but he will rush right back
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: as soon as possible. So I'm going to spend all
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: of my time in proving myself while he is gone.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: And this afternoon we are both going to a museum
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: on Fifth Avenue because Jerry wants to show me a
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: very very beautiful cup made by an antique jeweler called
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: mister Cillini, and he wants me to read mister Cellini's Life,
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: which is a very very fine book and not dull
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: while he is in Boston. So the famous playwright friend
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: of mine, who is called Sam, called up this morning
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: and he wanted me to go to a literary party
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: tonight that he and some other literary gentleman are giving
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: to Florence Mills in Harlem. But Jerry does not want
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: me to go with Sam, as Sam always insists on
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: telling Riskuae stories. But personally I am quite broad minded,
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: and I always say that I do not mind a
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: riskay story as long as it is really funny. I mean,
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: I have a great sense of humor. But Jerry says
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: Sam does not always select and chew his stories, and
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: he just as soon as I did not go out
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: with him. So I'm going to stay home and read
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: the book by mister Cellini instead, because after all, the
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: only thing I am really interested in is improving my mind,
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: So I am going to do nothing else but improve
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: my mind while Jerry is in Boston. I mean, I
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: just received a cable from Willie Gwynn, who arrives from
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: Europe tomorrow, but I am not even going to Bother
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: to see him. He is a sweet boy, but he
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: never gets anywhere, and I am not going to waste
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: my time on such as him after meeting a gentleman
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: like Jerry. April second, I seem to be quite depressed
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: this morning, as I always am when there's nothing to
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: put my mind to, because I decided not to read
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: the book by mister Cellini. I mean, it was quite
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: amusing in spots because it was really quite risky, but
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: the spots were not so close together, and I never
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: seemed to like to always be hunting clear through a
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: book for the spots I am looking for, especially when
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: there are really not so many spots that seem to
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: be so amusing after all, so I did not waste
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: my time on it. But this morning I told Lulu
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: to let all of the housework go and spend the
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: day reading a book entitled Lord Jim and then tell
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: me all about it, so that I would improve my
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: mind while Jerry is away. But when I got her
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: the book, I nearly made a mistake and gave her
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: a book by the title of The Nigger of Narcissus,
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: which really would have hurt her feelings. I mean, I
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: do not know why authors cannot say Negro instead of nigger,
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: as they have their feelings just the same as we have. Well,
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: I just got a telegram from Jerry that he will
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: not be back until tomorrow, and also some orcand it's
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: from Willy Gwinn, so I may as well go to
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: the theater with Willie tonight to keep from getting depressed,
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: as he really is a sweet boy after all. I mean,
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: he never really does anything obnoxious, and it is quite
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: depressing to stay at home and do nothing but read,
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: unless you really have a book that is worth bothering about.
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: April third, I was really so depressed this morning that
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: I was even glad to get a letter from mister
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: Eisman because last night Willy Gwynn came to take me
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: to the follies, but he was so intoxicated that I
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: had to telephone his club to send around a taxi
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: to take him home. So that left me alone with
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: Lulu at nine o'clock with nothing to do. So I
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: put in a telephone call for Boston to talk to Jerry,
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: but it never went through. So Lulu tried to teach
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: me how to play Majong, but I really could not
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: keep my mind on it because I was so depressed.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: So today I think I had better go over to
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: Madame Francis's and order some new evening gowns to cheer
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: me up. Well, Lulu just brought me a telegram from
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: Jerry that he will be in this afternoon. But I
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: must not meet him at the station on account of
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: all the reporters who always meet him at the station
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: wherever he comes from. But he says he will come
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: right up to see me as he has something to
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: talk about. April fourth, What an evening we had last evening.
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: I mean, it seems that Jerry is madly in love
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: with me because all of the time he was in
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: Boston lecturing to the women's clubs. He said, as he
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: looked over the faces of all those club women in Boston,
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: he never realized I was so beautiful, and he said
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: that there was only one in the world, and that
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: was me. But it seems that Jerry thinks that mister
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: Eisman is terrible and that no good can come of
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: our friendship. I mean, I was quite surprised, as they
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: both seemed to get along quite well together. But it
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: seems that Jerry never wants me to see mister Eisman again,
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: and he wants me to give up everything and study French,
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: and he will get a divorce and we will be married.
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: Because Jerry does not seem to like the kind of
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: life all of us lead in New York, and he
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: wants me to go home to Papa in Arkansas, and
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: he will send me books to read so that I
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: will not get lonesome there. And he gave me his
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: uncle's Masonic ring, which came down from the time of Solomon,
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: and which he never even lets his wife wear, for
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: our engagement ring. And this afternoon a lady friend of
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: his is going to bring me a new system she
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: thought up of how to learn French. But some way,
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: I still seem to be depressed. I mean I could
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: not sleep all night thinking of the terrible things Jerry
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: said about New York and about mister Eisman. Of course
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: I can understand Jerry being jealous of any gentleman friend
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: of mine, And of course I never really thought that
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: mister Eisman was Rudolph Valentino. But Jerry said it made
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: him cringe to think of a sweet girl like I
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: having a friendship with mister Eisman. So it really made
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: me feel quite depressed. I mean, Jerry likes to talk
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: quite a lot, and I always think a lot of
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: talking is depressing and worries your brains with things you
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: never even think of when you are busy. But so
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: long as Jerry does not mind me going out with
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: other gentlemen when they have something to give you. Mentally,
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: I am going to luncheon with Eddie Goldmark of the
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: gold Mark Films, who is always wanting me to sign
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: a contract to go into the cinema because mister Goldmark
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: is madly in love with Dorothy, and Dorothy is always
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: wanting me to go back to the cinema because Dorothy
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: says that she will go if I will go. April sixth, Well,
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: I finally wrote mister Eisman that I was going to
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: get married, and it seems that he is coming on
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: at once, as he would probably like to give me
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: his advice. Getting married is really quite serious, and Jerry
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: talks to me for hours and hours about it. I mean,
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: he never seems to get tired of talking, and he
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: does not seem to even want to go to shows
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: or dance or do anything else but talk. And if
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: I don't really have something definite to put my mind
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: on soon, I will scream. April seventh, Well, mister Eisman
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: arrived this morning and he and I had quite a
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: long talk, and after all, I think he is right,
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: because here is the first real opportunity I have ever
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: really had. I mean to go to Paris and broaden
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: out and improve my writing, and why should I give
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: it up to marry an author where he is the
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: whole thing, and all I would be would be the
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: wife of Gerald Lambson, And on top of that, I
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: would have to be dragged into the scandal of a
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: divorce court and get my name smirched. So mister Eisman
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: said that opportunities come too seldom in a girl's life
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: for me to give up the first one I have
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: really ever had. So I am sailing for France and
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: London on Tuesday, and taking Dorothy with me, and mister
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: Eisman says that he will see us there later. So
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: Dorothy knows all of the ropes, and she can get
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: along in Paris just as though she knew French. And besides,
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: she knows a French gentleman who was born and raised there,
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: who speaks it like a native, and knows Paris like
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: a book. And Dorothy says that when we get to London,
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: nearly everybody speaks English anyway. So it is quite lucky
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: that mister Lambson is out lecture in Cincinnati and he
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: will not be back until Wednesday, and I can send
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: him a letter and tell him that I have to
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: go to Europe now, but I will see him later perhaps,
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: so anyway, I will be spared listening to any more
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: of his depressing conversation. So mister Eisman gave me quite
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: a nice string of pearls, and he gave Dorothy a
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: diamond pin, and we all went to the colony for dinner,
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: and we all went to a show and supper at
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: the Trocadero, and we all spent quite a pleasant evening.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: Fate keeps on happening. April eleventh. Well, Dorothy and I
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: are really on the ship sailing to Europe, as anyone
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: could tell by looking at the ocean. I always love
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: the ocean. I mean I always love a ship, and
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: I really love the Majestic because you would not know
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: it was a ship, because it was just like being
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: at the Ritz. And the steward says, the ocean is
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: not so obnoxious this month as it generally is. So
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: mister Eisman is going to meet us next month in
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: Paris because he has to be there on business. I mean,
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: he always says that there is really no place to
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: see the latest styles in buttons like Paris. So Dorothy
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: is out taking a walk up and down the deck
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: with a gentleman she met on the steps. But I
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: am not going to waste my time going around with gentlemen,
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: because if I did nothing but go around, I would
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: not finish my diary or read good books, which I
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: am always reading to improve my mind. But Dorothy really
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: does not care about her mind, and I always scold
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: her because she does nothing but waste her time by
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: going around with gentlemen who do not have anything. When
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: Eddie Goldmark of the gold Mark Films is really quite
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: wealthy and can make a girl delightful presents, but she
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: does nothing but waste her time. And yesterday, which was
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: really the day before we sailed, she would not go
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: to luncheon with mister Goldmark, but she went to luncheon
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: to meet a gentleman called mister Menkin from Baltimore, who
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: really only prints a green magazine which has not even
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: got any pictures in it. But mister Eisman is always
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: saying that every girl does not want to get ahead
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: and get educated like me. So mister Eisman and Lulu
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: come down to the boat to see me off, and
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: Lulu cried quite a lot. I mean, I really believe
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: she could not care any more for me if she
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: was light and not colored. Lulu has had a very
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: sad life because when she was quite young, a pullman
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: porter fell madly in love with her, so she believed him,
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: and he lured her away from her home to Ashtabulah
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: and deceived her there. So she finally found out that
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: she had been deceived, and she really was broken hearted.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: And when she tried to go back home, she found
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: out that it was too late because her best girlfriend,
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: who she had always trusted, had stolen her husband and
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: he wouldn't not take Lulu back. So I have always
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: said to her she could always work for me, and
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: she is going to take care of the apartment until
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: I get back, because I would not sublet the apartment
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: because Dorothy sup let her apartment when she went to
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: Europe last year, and the gentleman who supplet the apartment
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: allowed girls to pay calls on him who were not nice.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: Mister Eisman has literally filled our room with flowers, and
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: this steward has had quite a hard time to find
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: enough vases to put them into. I mean, the steward
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: said he knew as soon as he saw Dorothy and
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: I that he would have quite a heavy run on
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: vases and Of course, mister Eisman has sent quite a
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: lot of good books, as he always does, because he
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: always knows that good books are always welcome. So he
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: has sent me quite a large book of etiquette. As
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: he says, there is quite a lot of etiquette in
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: England and London, and it would be a good thing
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: for a girl to learn. So I'm going to take
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: it on the deck after luncheon and read it, because
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: I would often like to know what a girl ought
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: to do when a gentleman she has just met says
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: something to her in a taxi. Of course, I always
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: become quite vexed, but I always believe in giving a
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: gentleman another chance. So now the story tells me it
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: is luncheon time, so I will go upstairs as the
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: gentleman Dorothy met on the steps has invited us to
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: luncheon in the Ritz, which is a special dining room
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: on the ship where you can spend quite a lot
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: of money because they really give away the food in
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: the other dining room. April twelfth, I am going to
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: stay in bed this morning, as I am quite upset
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: as I saw a gentleman who quite upset me. I
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: am not really sure it was the gentleman, as I
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: saw him at quite a distance in the bar. But
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: if it really is the gentleman, it shows that when
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: a girl has a lot of fate in her life,
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: it is sure to keep on happening. So when I
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: thought I saw this gentleman, I was with Dorothy and
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: Major Falcon, who is the gentleman? Dorothy met on the steps,
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: and Major Falcon noticed that I became upset, so he
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: wanted me to tell him what was the matter. But
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: it was really so terrible that I would not want
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: to tell anyone. So I said good night to Major Falcon,
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: and as I left him with Dorothy, I went down
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: to our room and did nothing but cry and send
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: the steward for some champagne to cheer me up. I mean,
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: champagne always makes me feel philosophical, because it makes me
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: realize that when a girl's life is as full of
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: fate as mine seems to be, there is nothing else
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: to do about it. So this morning the steward brought
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: me my coffee and quite a large pitcher of ice water.
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: So I will stay in bed and not have any
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: more champagne until luncheon time. Dorothy never has any fate
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: in her life, and she does nothing but waste her time.
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: And I really wonder if I did right to bring
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: her with me and not Lulu. I mean, she really
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: gives gentlemen a bad impression, as she talks quite a
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: lot of slang, because when I went up yesterday to
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: meet she and Major Falcon for luncheon, I overheard her
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: say to Major Falcon that she really liked to become
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: intoxicated once in a dirty while. Only she did not
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: say intoxicated, but she really said a slang word that
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: means intoxicated. And I am always having to tell her
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: that dirty is a slang word and she really should
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: not say dirty. Major Falcon is really quite a delightful
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: gentleman for an englishman. I mean, he really spends quite
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: a lot of money. And we had quite a delightful
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: luncheon and dinner in the Ritz until I thought I
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: saw the gentleman who upset me, and I am so upset.
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: I think I will get dressed and go up on
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: the deck and see if it really is the one
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: I think it is. I mean, there is nothing else
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: for me to do, as I have finished writing in
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: my diary for today, and I have decided not to
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: read the Book of Etiquette as I glanced through it,
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: and it does not seem to have anything in it
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: that I care to know, because it wastes quite a
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: lot of time telling you what to call a lord.
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: And all the lords I have met have told me
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: what to call them, and it is generally some quite
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: cute name, like Cuckoo, whose real name is really Lord Cooksley.
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: So I will not waste my time on such a book.
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: But I wish I did not feel so upset about
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: the gentleman I think I saw April thirteenth. It really
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: is the gentleman I thought I saw. I mean, when
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: I found out it was the gentleman, my heart really
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: stopped because it all brought back things that anybody does
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: not like to remember, no matter who they are. So yesterday,
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: when I went up on the deck to see if
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: I could see the gentleman and see if it really
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: was him, I met quite a delightful gentleman whom I
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: met once at a party, called mister Ginsburg. Only his
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: name is not mister Ginsburg anymore because a gentleman in
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: London called mister Battenberg, who is some relation to some
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: king changed his name to mister mount Batten, which mister
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: Ginsburg says really means the same thing after all, So
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: mister Ginsburg changed his name to mister mount Gintz, which
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: he really thinks is more aristocratic. So we walked around
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: the deck and we met the gentleman face to face,
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: and I really saw it was him, and he really
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: saw it was me. I mean, his face became so
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: red it was almost a picture. So I was so upset.
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: I said goodbye to mister mount Ginz, and I started
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: to rush right down to my room and cry. But
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: when I was going down the steps, I bumped right
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: into Major Falcon, who noticed that I was upset. So
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: Major Falcon made me go to the Ritz and have
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: some champagne and tell him all about it. So then
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: I told Major Falcon about the time in Arkansas when
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: Papa sent me to Little Rock to study how to
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: become a stenographer. I mean, Papa and I had quite
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: a little quarrel because Papa did not like a gentleman
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: who used to pay calls on me in the park,
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: and Papa thought it would do me good to get
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: away for a while. So I was in the business
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: college in Little Rock, for about a week when a
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: gentleman called mister Jennings paid a call on the Business
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: College because he wanted to have a new stenographer. So
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: he looked over all week college girls and he picked
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: me out. So he told our teacher that he would
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: help me finish my course in his office because he
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: was only a lawyer and I really did not have
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: to know so much. So mister Jennings helped me quite
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: a lot, and I stayed in his office about a
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: year when I found out that he was not the
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: kind of a gentleman that a young girl is safe with.
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: I mean, one evening when I went to pay a
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: call on him at his apartment, I found a girl
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: there who really was famous all over Little Rock for
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: not being nice. So when I found out that girls
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: like that paid calls on mister Jennings, I had quite
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: a bad case of hysterics, and my mind was really
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: a blank. And when I came out of it, it
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: seems that I had a revolver in my hand, and
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: it seems that the revolver had shot mister Jennings. So
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: this gentleman on the boat was really the district attorney
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: who was at the trial, and he really was quite
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: harsh at the trial, and he called me names that
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: I would not even put in my diary. Because everyone
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: at the trial except the district attorney, was really lovely
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: to me, and all the gentlemen in the jury all
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: cried when my lawyer pointed at me and told them
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: that they practically all had had either a mother or
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: a sister. So the jury was only out three minutes,
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: and then they came back and acquitted me, and they
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: were all so lovely that I really had to kiss
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: all of them. And when I kissed the judge, he
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: had tears in his eyes and he took me right
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: home to his sister. I mean, it was when mister
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: Jennings became shot that I got the idea to go
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: into the cinema. So Judge Hibbard got me a ticket
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: to Hollywood. So it was Judge Hibbard who really gave
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: me my name because he did not like the name
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: I had, because he said a girl ought to have
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: a name that ought to express her personality. So he
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: said my name ought to be lor Lai, which is
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: the name of a girl who became famous for sitting
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: on a rock in Germany. So I was in Hollywood
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: in the cinema when I met mister Eisman, and he
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: said that a girl with my brains ought not to
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: be in the cinema, but she ought to be educated,
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: so he took me out of the cinema so he
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: could educate me. So Major Falcon was really quite interested
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: in everything I talked about, because he said it was
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: quite a coincidence because this district attorney, who is called
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: mister Bartlett, is now working for the government of America,
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: and he is on his way to a place called
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: Vienna on some business for Uncle Sam. That is quite
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: a great secret, and mister Falcon would like very much
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: to know what the secret is, because the government in
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: London sent him to a mayor Peria especially to find
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: out what it was. Only, of course, mister Bartlett does
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: not know who Major Falcon is because it is such
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: a great secret. But Major Falcon can tell me because
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: he knows who he can trust. So Major Falcon says
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: he thinks a girl like I ought to forgive and
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: forget what mister Bartlett called me, and he wants to
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: bring us together. And he says he thinks mister Bartlett
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: would talk to me quite a lot when he really
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: gets to know me, and I forgive him for that
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: time in Little Rock because it would be quite romantic
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: for mister Bartlett and I to become friendly, and gentlemen
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: who work for Uncle Sam generally like to become romantic
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: with girls. So he is going to bring us together
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: on the deck after dinner tonight, and I'm going to
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: forgive him and talk with him quite a lot, because
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: why should a girl hold a grudge against a gentleman
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: who had to do it? So Major Falcon brought me
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: quite a large bottle of perfume and quite a cute
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: imitation of quite a large size dog in a little
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: shop which is on board the boat. I mean, Major
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: Falcon really knows how to cheer a girl up quite
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: a lot, and so tonight I'm going to make it
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: all up with mister Bartlett. April fourteenth, Well, mister Bartlett
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: and I made it all up last night, and we
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: are going to be the best of friends and talk
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: quite a lot. So when I went down to my
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: room quite late, Major Falcon came down to see if
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: I and mister Bartlett were really going to be friends,
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: because he said a girl with brains like I ought
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: to have lots to talk about. With a gentleman with
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: brains like mister Bartlett, who knows all of Uncle Sam's secrets.
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: So I told Major Falcon, how mister Bartlett thinks that
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: he and I seem to be like a play because
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: all the time he was calling me all those names
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: in Little Rock, he really thought I was so when
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: he found out that I turned out not to be,
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: he said he always thought that I only used my
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: brains against gentlemen and really had quite a cold heart.
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: But now he thinks I ought to write a play
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: about how he called me all those names in Little
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: Rock and then after seven years we became friendly. So
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: I told Major Falcon that I told mister Bartlett I
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: would like to write the play, but I really did
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: not have time, as it takes quite a lot of
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: time to write my diary and read good books. So
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: mister Bartlett did not know that I read books, which
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: is quite a coincidence because he reads them too. So
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: he is going to bring me a book of philosophy
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: this afternoon called Smile, Smile, Smile, which all the brainy
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: senators in Washington are reading, which cheers you up quite
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: a lot. So I told Major Falcon that having a
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: friendship with mister Bartlett was really quite enervating because mister
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: Bartlett does not drink anything, and the less anybody says
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: about his dancing, the better. But he did ask me
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: to dine at his table, which is not in the writs,
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: and I told him I could not, but Major Falcon
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: told me I ought to. But I told Major Falcon
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: that there was a limit to almost everything. So I
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: am going to stay in my room until luncheon, and
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: I am going to luncheon in the Rits with mister
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: mount Gins, who really knows how to treat a girl.
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: Dorothy is up on the deck wasting quite a lot
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: of time with a gentleman who is only a tennis champion.
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: So I am going to ring for the steward and
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: have some champagne, which is quite good for a person
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: on a boat. The steward is really quite a nice boy,
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: and he has had quite a sad life, and he
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: likes to tell me all about himself. I mean, it
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: seems that he was arrested in Flatbush because he promised
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: a gentleman that he would bring him some very very
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: good scotch and they mistook him for a bootlegger, so
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: it seems they put him in prison, and they put
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: him in a cell with two other gentlemen who were
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: very very famous burglars. I mean, they really had their
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: pictures in all the news papers and everybody was talking
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: about them. So my Steward, whose real name is Fred,
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: was very very proud to be in the same cell
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: with such famous burglars. So when they asked him what
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: he was in for, he did not like to tell
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: them that he was only a bootlegger, so he told
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: them that he set fire to a house and burned
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: up quite a large family in Oklahoma. So everything would
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: have gone all right, except that the police had put
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: a dictaphone in the cell and used it all against him,
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: and he could not get out until they had investigated
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: all the fires in Oklahoma. So I always think that
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: it is much more educational to talk to a boy
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: like Fred who has been through a lot and really suffered,
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: than it is to talk to it gentlemen like mister Bartlett.
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: But I will have to talk to mister Bartlett all afternoon,
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: as Major Falcon has made an appointment for me to
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: spend the whole afternoon with him. April fifteenth. Last night,
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: there was quite a mask raid ball on the ship,
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: which was really all for the sake of charity, because
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: most of the sailors seem to have orphans, which they
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: get from going on the ocean when the sea is
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: very rough, so they took up quite a collection, and
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: mister Bartlett made quite a long speech in favor of orphans,
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: especially when their parents are sailors. Mister Bartlett really likes
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: to make speeches quite a lot. I mean he even
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: likes to make speeches when he is all alone with
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: a girl when they are walking up and down a deck.
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: But the masquerade ball was quite cute, and one gentleman
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: really looked almost like an imitation of mister Chaplain. So
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: Dorothy and I really did not want to go to
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: the ball, but mister Bartlett bought us two scarves at
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: the little store which is on the ship, so we
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: tied them around our hips and everyone said we made
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: quite a cute carmen. So mister Bartlett and Major Falcon
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: and the tennis champion were the judges. So Dorothy and
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: I won the prizes. I mean, I really hope I
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: do not get any more large imitations of a dog,
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: as I have three now, and I do not see
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: why the captain does not ask mister Cardier to have
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: a jewelry store on the ship, as it is really
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: not much fun to go shopping on a ship with
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: gentlemen and buy nothing but imitations of dogs. So after
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: we won the prizes, I had an engagement to go
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: up on the top of the deck with mister Bartlett,
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: as it seems he likes to look at the moonlight
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: quite a lot, so I told him to go up
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: and wait for me and I would be up later.
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: As I promised a dance to mister mount Ginz, so
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: he asked me how long I would be dancing till,
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: but I told him to wait up there and he
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: would find out. So mister mount Ginz and I had
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: quite a delightful dance and champagne until Major Falcon found
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: us because he was looking for me, and he said
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: I really should not keep mister Bartlett waiting. So I
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: went up on the deck and mister Bartlett was up
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: there waiting for me. And it seems that he really
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: is madly in love with me, because he did not
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: sleep a wink since we became friendly, because he never
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: thought that I really had brains, but now that he
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: knows it. It seems that he has been looking for
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: a girl like me for years, and he said that
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: really the place for me when he got back home
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: was Washington, d C. Where he lives. So I told
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: him I thought a thing like that was nearly always
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: the result to fate. So he wanted me to get
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: off the ship tomorrow at France and take the same
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: trip that he was taking to Vienna, as it seems
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: that Vienna is in France and if you go to
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: England you go too far. But I told him that
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: I could not because I thought of he was really
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: madly in love with me. He would take a trip
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: to London instead. But he told me that he had
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: serious business in Vienna. That was a very very great secret.
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: But I told him I did not believe it was business,
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: but that it really was some girl, because what business
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: could be so important? So he said it was business
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: for the United States government at Washington, and he could
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: not tell anybody what it was. So then we looked
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: at the moonlight quite a lot. So I told him
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: I would go to Vienna if I really knew it
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: was business and not some girl, because I could not
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: see how business could be so important. So then he
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: told me all about it. So it seems that Uncle
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: Sam wants some new aeroplanes that everybody else seems to want,
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: especially England, and Uncle Sam has quite a clever way
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: to get them, which is too long to put in
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: my diary. So we sat up and saw the sunrise,
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: and I became quite stiff and told him I would
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: have to go down to my room because after all,
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: the ship lands at France today. And I said, if
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: I got off the boat at France to go to
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: Vienna with him, I would have to pack up. So
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: I went down to my room and went to bed.
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: So then Dorothy came in and she was up on
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: deck with the tennis champion, but she did not notice
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: the sunrise, as she really does not love nature, but
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: always wastes her time and ruins her clothes, even though
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: I always tell her not to drink champagne out of
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: a bottle on the deck of a ship, as it
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: lurches quite a lot. So I am going to have
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: luncheon in my room and I will send a note
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: to mister Bartlett to tell him I will not be
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: able to get off the boat at France to go
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: to Vienna with him, as I have quite a headache,
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: but I will see him sometime somewhere else. So Major
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: Falcon is going to come down at twelve, and I
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: have got to thinking over what mister Bartlett called me
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: at Little Rock, and I am quite upset. I mean,
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: a gentleman never pays for those things, but a girl
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: always pays. So I think I will tell Major Falcon
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: all about the aeroplane business, as he really wants to know.
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: And after all, I do not think mister Bartlett is
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: a gentleman to call me all those names in Little Rock,
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: even if it was seven years ago. I mean, Major
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: Falcon is always a gentleman, and he really wants to
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: do quite a lot for us in London because he
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: knows the Prince of Wales and he thinks that Dorothy
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: and I would like the Prince of Wales once we
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: had really got to meet him. So I am going
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: to stay in my room until mister Bartlett gets off
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: the ship at France because I really do not seem
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: to care if I ever see mister Bartlett again. So
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: tomorrow we will be at England bright and early, and
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: I really feel quite thrilled because mister Eisman sent me
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: a cable this morning, as he does every morning, and
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: he says to take advantage of everybody we meet, as
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: traveling is the highest form of education. I mean, mister
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: Eisman is always right, and Major Falcon knows all the
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: sights in London, including the Prince of Wales. So it
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: really looks like Dorothy and I would have quite a
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: delightful time in London. London is really nothing. April seventeenth, Well,
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: Dorothy and I are really out London. I mean we
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: got to London on the train yesterday. As the boat
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: does not come clear up to London, but it stops
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: on the beach and you have to take a train.
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: I mean, everything is much better in New York because
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: the boat comes right up to New York. And I
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: am really beginning to think that London is not so
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: educational after all. But I did not tell mister Eisman
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: when I cabled him last night, because mister Eisman really
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: sent me to London to get educated, and I would
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: hate to tell him that London is a failure because
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: we know more in New York. So Dorothy and I
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: came to the Ritz and it is delightfully full of Americans.
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: I mean, you would really think it was New York,
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: because I always think that the most delightful thing about
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: traveling is to always be running into Americans and to
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: always feel at home. So yesterday Dorothy and I went
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: down to luncheon at the Ritz, and we saw a
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: quite cute little blonde girl at the next table, and
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: Dorothy under the table because I do not think it
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: is nice to nudge a person on top of the
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: table as I'm trying to teach good manners to Dorothy.
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: So I said, that is quite a cute little girl,
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: so she must be an American girl, And sure enough,
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: she called the head waiter with quite an American accent,
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: and she was quite angry, and she said to him,
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: I have been coming to this hotel for thirty five years,
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: and this is the first time I have been kept waiting.
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: So I recognized her voice because it was really Fanny Ward.
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: So we asked her to come over to our table,
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: and we were all three delighted to see each other
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: because I and Fanny have known each other for about
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: five years, but I really feel as if I knew
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: her better because Mamma knew her forty five years ago
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: when she and Mama used to go to school together,
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: and Mama used to always follow all her weddings in
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: the newspapers. So now Fanny lives in London and is
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: famous for being one of the cutest girls in London.
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: I mean, Fanny is almost historical, because when a girl
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: is cute for fifty years, it really begins to get historical.
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: So if Mama did not die of hardening of the arteries,
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: she and Fanny and I could have quite a delightful
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: time in London. As Fanny loves to shop, so we
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: went shopping for hats, and instead of going to the
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: regular shop, we went to the children's department and Fanny
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: and I bought some quite cute hats, as children hats
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: only coused half as much, and Fanny does it all
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: the time. I mean, Fanny really loves hats and she
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: buys some of the Children's department every week, so she
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: really saves quite a lot of money. So we came
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: back to the Ritz to meet Major Falcon because Major
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: Falcon invited us to go to tea with him at
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: a girl's house called Lady Shelton. So Major Falcon invited
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: Fanny to go with us too, but she was sorry
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: because she had to go to her music lesson. So
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: at Lady She'llelton's house, we met quite a few people
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: who seemed to be English. I mean, some of the
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: girls in London seemed to be ladies, which seems to
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: be the opposite of a lord. And some who are
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: not ladies are honorable. But quite a few are not
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: ladies or honorable either, but are just like us, so
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: all you have to call them is miss. So Lady
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: Shelton was really delighted to have we Americans come to
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: her house. I mean, she took Dorothy and I into
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: the back parlor and tried to sell us some shell
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: flowers she seems to make out of seashells for twenty
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: five pounds. So we asked her how much it was
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: in money, and it seems it is one hundred and
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: twenty five dollars. I mean, I am really going to
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: have a quite hard time in London with Dorothy because
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: she really should not say to an English lady what
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: she said. I mean, she should not say to an
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: English lady that in America we use shells the same way,
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: only we put a dry pea under one of them
• 54:59
  Speaker 1: and we ca a game. But I told Lady Shelton
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: we really did not need any shell flowers. So Lady
• 55:07
  Speaker 1: Shelton said she knew we Americans loved dogs, so she
• 55:10
  Speaker 1: would love us to meet her mother. So then she
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: took Dorothy and Major Falcon and I to her mother's house,
• 55:17
  Speaker 1: which was just around the corner from her house, because
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: her mother seems to be called a countess and raised dogs.
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: So her mother was having a party too, and she
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: seemed to have quite red hair and quite a lot
• 55:29
  Speaker 1: of paint for such an elderly lady. So the first
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: thing she asked us was she asked us if we
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: bought some shell flowers from her daughter. So we told
• 55:39
  Speaker 1: her no, But she did not seem to act like
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: a countess of her elderly age should act, because she said,
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: you were right, my DearS, don't let my daughter stick you.
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: They fall apart in less than a week. So then
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: she asked us if we would like to buy a dog.
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: I mean, I could not stop Dorothy, but she said
• 56:01
  Speaker 1: how long before the dogs fall apart? But I do
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: not think the countess acted like a countess ought to act,
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: because she laughed very, very loud, and she said that
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: Dorothy was really priceless, and she grabbed Dorothy and kissed
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: her and held her arm around her all the time.
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: I mean, I really think that a countess should not
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: encourage Dorothy or else she is just as unrefined as
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: Dorothy seems to be. But I told the Countess that
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: we did not need any dog. So then I met
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: a quite delightful English lady who had a very very
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: beautiful diamond tiara in her handbag because she said that
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: she thought some Americans would be at the party, and
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: it was really a very very great bargain. I mean,
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: I think a diamond tiara is delightful because it is
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: a place where I really never thought of wearing diamonds before,
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: and I thought I had almost one of everything until
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: I saw a diamond tiara. The English lady, who was
• 57:01
  Speaker 1: called missus Weeks, said it was in her family for years,
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: but the good thing about diamonds is they always look new.
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: So I was really very intrigued, and I asked her
• 57:13
  Speaker 1: how much it cost in money, and it seems it
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: was seven thousand, five hundred dollars. So then I looked
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: around the room and I noticed a gentleman who seemed
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: to be quite well groomed, so I asked Major Falcon
• 57:26
  Speaker 1: who he was, and he said he was called Sir
• 57:28
  Speaker 1: Francis Beakman, and it seems he is very very wealthy.
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: So then I asked Major Falcon to give us an
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: introduction to one another, and we met one another, and
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: I asked Sir Francis Beakman if he would hold my
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: hat while I could try on the diamond tiara because
• 57:46
  Speaker 1: I could wear it backwards with a ribbon on account
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: of my hair being hobbed. And I told Sir Francis
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: Beakman that I really thought it looked quite cute, so
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: he thought it did too, but he seemed to have
• 57:59
  Speaker 1: another end game. So the Countess came up to me,
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: and she is really very unrefined because she said to me,
• 58:07
  Speaker 1: do not waste your time on him, because she said
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: that whenever Sir Francis Beakman spent a haypenny, the statue
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: of a gentleman called mister Nelson took off his hat
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: and bowed. I mean, some people are so unrefined. They
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: seem to have unrefined thoughts about everything. So I really
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: have my heart set on the diamond tiara. And I
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: became quite worried because missus weeks said she was going
• 58:32
  Speaker 1: to a delightful party last night that would be full
• 58:35
  Speaker 1: of delightful Americans and it would be snapped up. So
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: I was so worried that I gave her one hundred
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: dollars and she is going to hold the diamond tiara
• 58:44
  Speaker 1: for me, because what is the use of traveling if
• 58:47
  Speaker 1: you do not take advantage of opportunities. And it really
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: is quite unusual to get a bargain from an English lady.
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: So last night I cabled mister Eisman, and I told
• 58:58
  Speaker 1: mister Eisman that he does not see to know how
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: much it costs to get educated by traveling, And I said,
• 59:04
  Speaker 1: I really would have to have ten thousand dollars. And
• 59:07
  Speaker 1: I said I hoped I would not have to borrow
• 59:09
  Speaker 1: the money from some strange English gentleman, even if he
• 59:13
  Speaker 1: might be very good looking. So I really could not
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: sleep all night because of all my worrying, because if
• 59:20
  Speaker 1: I do not get the money to buy the diamond tiara,
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: it may be quite a hard thing to get back
• 59:25
  Speaker 1: one hundred dollars from an English lady. So now I
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: must really get dressed, as Major Falcon is going to
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: take Dorothy and I to look at all the sights
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: in London. But I really think if I do not
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: get the diamond tiara, my whole trip to London will
• 59:40
  Speaker 1: be quite a failure. April eighteenth, yesterday was quite a
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: night and day. I mean Major Falcon came to take
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: Dorothy and I to see all the sights in London.
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: So I thought it would be delightful if we had
• 59:55
  Speaker 1: another gentleman, and I made Major Falcon call up Sir
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: Francis Beakman. I mean I had a cable from mister
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: Eisman which told me he could not send me ten
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 1: thousand dollars, but he would send me one thousand dollars,
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 1: which really would not be a drop in the bucket
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: for the diamond Tiara. So Sir Francis Beakman said that
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 1: he could not come, but I teased him and teased
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: him over the telephone, so he finally said he would come.
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: So Major Falcon drives his own car, so Dorothy sat
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: with him, and I sat with Sir Francis Beakman. But
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: I told him that I was not going to call
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: him Sir Francis Beakman, but that I was really going
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 1: to call him Piggy. In London, they make a very
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 1: very great fuss over nothing at all. I mean, London
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: is really nothing at all. For instance, they make a
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: great fuss over a tower that really is not even
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 1: tall as the Hickock's Building in Little Rock, Arkansas, and
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: it would only make a chimney on one of our
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 1: towers in New York. So Sir Francis Beakman wanted us
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: to get out and look at the tower because he
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 1: said that quite a famous queen had her head cut
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 1: off there one morning. And Dorothy said, what a fool
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 1: she was to get up that morning, And that is
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: really the only sensible thing that Dorothy has said in London.
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: So we did not bother to get out. So we
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: did not go to any more sites. Because they really
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 1: have delicious champagne cocktails at a very very smart new
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: restaurant called the Cafe de Paris that you could not
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 1: get in New York for neither love or money. And
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 1: I told Piggy that when you are traveling, you really
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 1: ought to take advantages of what you cannot do at home.
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 1: So while Dorothy and I were in the Cafe de Paris,
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 1: pottering our nose in the ladies dressing room, we met
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 1: an American girl who Dorothy knew in the Folies, but
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: now she is living in London, so she told us
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: all about London. So it seems that gentlemen in London
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 1: have quite a quaint custom of not giving a girl
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: many presents. I mean, the English USh girls really seemed
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 1: to be satisfied with a gold cigarette holder, or else
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 1: what they call a bangle, which means a bracelet in English,
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 1: which is only gold and does not have any stones
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 1: in it, which American girls would really give to their maid.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 1: So she said, you could tell what English gentlemen were
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 1: like when you realized that not even English ladies could
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: get anything out of them. So she said, Sir Francis
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: Beakman was really famous all over London for not spending
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 1: so much money as most English gentlemen. So then Dorothy
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 1: and I said goodbye to Dorothy's girlfriend, and Dorothy said,
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 1: let's tell our two boyfriends that we have a headache
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 1: and go back to the Ritz where men are Americans.
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 1: Because Dorothy said that the society of a gentleman like
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 1: Sir Francis Beakman was too great a price to pay
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 1: for a couple rounds of champagne cocktails. But I told
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 1: Dorothy that I always believe that there is nothing like trying,
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: and I think it would be nice for an American
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 1: girl like I to educate an English gentleman like Piggy,
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 1: as I call Sir Francis Beakman. So then we went
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 1: back to the table, and I almost have to admit
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 1: that Dorothy is in the right about Piggy, because he
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 1: really likes to talk quite a lot, and he is
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 1: always talking about a friend of his who was quite
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: a famous king in London called King Edward. So Piggy
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 1: said he would never never forget the jokes King Edward
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 1: was always saying, and he would never forget. One time
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 1: they were all on a yacht and they were all
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 1: sitting at a table, and King Edward got up and said,
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: I don't care what you gentlemen do, I'm going to
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: smoke a cigar. So then Piggy laughed very very loud.
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 1: So of course I laughed very very loud, and I
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 1: told Piggy he was wonderful the way he could tell jokes.
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 1: I mean, you can always tell when to laugh, because
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 1: Piggy always laughs first. So in the afternoon a lot
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: of lady friends of missus Weeks heard about me buying
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 1: the diamond tee and called us up and asked us
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 1: to their house to tea. So Dorothy and I went,
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 1: and we took a gentleman Dorothy met in the lobby
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 1: who is very very good looking, but he is only
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 1: an English ballroom dancer in a cafe when he has
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 1: a job. So we went to tea to a lady's
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 1: house called Lady Elmsworth. And what she has to sell
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 1: we Americans seems to be a picture of her father
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 1: painted an oil paint, who she said was a whistler.
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 1: But I told her my own father was a whistler
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 1: and used to whistle all of the time, and I
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 1: did not even have a picture of him. But every
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 1: time he used to go to Little Rock, I asked
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 1: him to go to the photographers, but he did not go.
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 1: So then we met a lady called Lady Chiselbee that
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 1: wanted us to go to her house to tea, but
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 1: we told her that we really did not want to
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 1: buy anything, but she said that she did not have
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 1: anything to sell, but she wanted to borrow five pounds,
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 1: so we did not go. And I'm really glad that
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 1: mister Eisman did not come to London as all the
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 1: English ladies would ask him to tea and he would
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 1: have a whole shipload of shell flowers and dogs and
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 1: antique pictures that do nobody any good. So last night,
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 1: Piggy and I and Dorothy and the dancer who is
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 1: called Gerald went to the Kitcat Club as Gerald had
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 1: nothing better to do because he is out of a job.
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 1: So Dorothy and I had quite a little quarrel because
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 1: I told Dorothy that she was wasting quite a lot
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 1: of time going with any gentleman who is out of
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 1: a job. But Dorothy is always getting to really like somebody,
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 1: and she will never learn how to act. I mean,
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 1: I always seem to think that when a girl really
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 1: enjoys being with a gentleman, it puts her to quite
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 1: a disadvantage and no real good can come of it. Well,
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 1: tonight is going to be quite a night because Major
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 1: Falcon is going to take Dorothy and I to a
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 1: dance at a lady's house tonight to meet the Prince
• 1:05:58
  Speaker 1: of Wales. And now I must get ready to see
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 1: Piggy because he and I seem to be getting to
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 1: be quite good friends, even if he has not sent
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 1: me any flowers yet. April nineteenth. Last night we really
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 1: met the Prince of Wales. I mean Major Falcon called
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 1: for Dorothy and I at eleven and took us to
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 1: a lady's house where the lady was having a party.
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: The Prince of Wales is really wonderful. I mean even
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 1: if he was not a prince, he would be wonderful
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 1: because even if he was not a prince, he would
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 1: be able to make his living plain the ukulele if
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 1: he had a little more practice. So the lady came
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 1: up to me and told me that the Prince of
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 1: Wales would like to meet me. So she gave us
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 1: an introduction to one another. And I was very very
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 1: thrilled when he asked me for a dance. So I
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 1: decided I would write down every word he said to
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 1: me in my diary so I could always go back
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 1: and read it over and over when I I am
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 1: really old. So then we started to dance, and I
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 1: asked him if he was still able to be fond
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 1: of horses, and he said he was so after our
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 1: dance was all over, he asked Dorothy for a dance.
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 1: But Dorothy will never learn how to act in front
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 1: of a prince, because she handed me her fan, and
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 1: she said, hold this while I slip a new page
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 1: into English history, right in front of the Prince of Wales.
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 1: So I was very, very worried while Dorothy was dancing
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 1: with the Prince of Wales, because she talked to the
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 1: Prince of Wales all the time, and when she got through,
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 1: the Prince of Wales wrote some of the slang words
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 1: she is always saying on his cuff. So if he
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 1: tells the Queen someday to be a good elk or
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 1: some other slang word, Dorothy is always saying, the Queen
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 1: will really blame me for bringing such a girl into
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 1: English society. So when Dorothy came back, we had quite
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 1: a little quarrel because Dorothy said that since I met
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 1: the Prince of Wales, I was becoming too English. But really,
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 1: I mean to say, I often remember Popa back in Arkansas,
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: and he often used to say that his grandpa came
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 1: from a place in England called Australia. So really, I
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 1: mean to say, it is no wonder that the English
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 1: seems to come out of me sometimes, because if a
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 1: girl seems to have an English accent, I really think
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 1: it is quite jolly. April twentieth yesterday afternoon. I really
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 1: thought I ought to begin to educate Piggy how to
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 1: act with a girl like American gentleman act with a girl.
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 1: So I asked him to come up to have tea
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 1: in our sitting room in the hotel because I had
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 1: quite a headache. I mean, I really look quite cute
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 1: in my pink neglige. So I sent out a bell
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 1: hop friend of Dorothy and I who was quite a
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 1: nice boy, who is called Harry, and who we talked
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 1: to quite a lot. So I gave Harry ten pounds
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 1: of English money, and I told him to go to
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 1: the most expensive florist and to buy some very very
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 1: expensive orchids for ten pounds and to bring them to
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 1: our sitting room at fifteen minutes past five, and not
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 1: to say a word, but to say they were for me.
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 1: So Piggy came to tea and we were having tea
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 1: when Harry came in, and he did not say a word,
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 1: but he gave me a quite large box and he
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 1: said it was for me. So I opened the box,
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 1: and sure enough they were a dozen very very beautiful orchids.
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 1: So I looked for a card, but of course there
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 1: was no card, so I grabbed Piggy and I said
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 1: I would have to give him quite a large hug
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 1: because it must have been him. But he said it
• 1:09:47
  Speaker 1: was not him, But I said it must be him,
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 1: because I said that there was only one gentleman in
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 1: London who was so sweet and generous and had such
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 1: a large heart to send a girl one dozen orchids
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 1: like him. So he still said it was not him,
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 1: but I said I knew it was him because there
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 1: was not a gentleman in London so really marvelous and
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 1: so wonderful and such a marvelous gentleman to send a
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 1: girl one dozen orchids every day as him. So I
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 1: really had to apologize for giving him such a large hug.
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 1: But I told him I was so full of impulses
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 1: that when I knew he was going to send me
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 1: one dozen orchids every day, I became so impulsive I
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 1: could not help it. So then Dorothy and Gerald came in,
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 1: and I told them all about what a wonderful gentleman
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 1: Piggy turned out to be. And I told them when
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 1: a gentleman sent a girl one dozen orchids every day,
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 1: he really reminded me of a prince. So Piggy blushed
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 1: quite a lot, and he was really very very pleased,
• 1:10:49
  Speaker 1: and he did not say anymore that it was not him.
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 1: So then I started to make a fuss over him,
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 1: and I told him he would have to look out
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 1: because he was really so good looking. And I was
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 1: so full of impulses that I might even lose my
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 1: mind some time and give him a kiss. So Piggy
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 1: really felt very very good to be such a good
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 1: looking gentleman. So he could not help blushing all the time,
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 1: and he could not help grinning all the time from
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 1: one ear to another. So he asked us all to dinner,
• 1:11:21
  Speaker 1: and then he and Gerald went to change their clothes
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 1: for dinner. So Dorothy and I had quite a little
• 1:11:27
  Speaker 1: quarrel after they went, because Dorothy asked me which one
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 1: of the Jesse James brothers was my father. But I
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 1: told her I was not so unrefined that I would
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 1: waste my time with any gentleman who was only a
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 1: ballroom dancer when he had a job. So Dorothy said
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 1: Gerald was a gentleman because he wrote her a note
• 1:11:47
  Speaker 1: and it had a crest, so I told her to
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 1: try and eat it. So then we had to get dressed.
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 1: So this morning, Harry, the boyfriend of ours who is
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 1: the bell hop, waked me up at ten o'clock because
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 1: he had a box of one dozen orchids from Piggy.
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 1: So by the time Piggy pays for a few dozen orchids,
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 1: the diamond tiara will really seem like quite a bargain.
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 1: Because I always think that spending money is only just
• 1:12:14
  Speaker 1: a habit, and if you get a gentleman started on
• 1:12:17
  Speaker 1: buying one dozen orchids at a time, he really gets
• 1:12:21
  Speaker 1: very good habits. April twenty first, well, yesterday afternoon, I
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 1: took Piggy shopping on a street called Bond Street. So
• 1:12:32
  Speaker 1: I took him to a jewelry store because I told
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 1: him I had to have a silver picture frame because
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 1: I had to have a picture of him to go
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 1: in it. Because I told Piggy that when a girl
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 1: gets to know such a good looking gentleman as him,
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 1: she really wants to have a picture of him on
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 1: her dressing table where she can look at it a lot.
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 1: So Piggy became quite intrigued, so we looked at all
• 1:12:55
  Speaker 1: the silver picture frames. But then I told him that
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 1: I really did not think a soil over picture frame
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 1: was good enough for a picture of him, because I
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 1: forgot they had gold picture frames until I saw them.
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 1: So then we started to look at the gold picture frames.
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 1: So then it came out that his picture was taken
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 1: in his uniform. So I said, he must be so
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 1: good looking in his uniform that I really did not
• 1:13:19
  Speaker 1: think even the gold picture frames were good enough. But
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 1: they did not have any platinum picture frames, so we
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 1: had to buy the best one we could. So then
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 1: I asked him if he could put on his uniform
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 1: tomorrow because I would love to see him in his
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 1: uniform and we could go to tea at missus weeks.
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 1: So he really became very pleased because he grinned quite
• 1:13:41
  Speaker 1: a lot, and he said that he would. So then
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 1: I said that poor little I would really look like
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 1: nothing at all to be going out with him in
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 1: his gorgeous uniform. So then we started to look at
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 1: some bracelets, but a lady friend of his, who is
• 1:13:57
  Speaker 1: quite friendly with his wife who is in their country
• 1:13:59
  Speaker 1: house in the country, came into the store, so Piggy
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 1: became quite nervous to be caught in a jewelry store
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 1: where he has not been for years. And years, so
• 1:14:09
  Speaker 1: we had to go out. This morning. Gerald called up
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 1: Dorothy and he said that day after tomorrow they are
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 1: having a theatrical garden party to sell things to people
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 1: for charity. So he asked if Dorothy and I would
• 1:14:22
  Speaker 1: be one of the ones who sell things to people
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 1: for charity. So we said we would. So now I
• 1:14:28
  Speaker 1: must telephone Missus Weeks and say I will bring Sir
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 1: Francis Beakman to tea tomorrow. And I hope it all
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 1: comes out all right. But I really wish Piggy would
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 1: not tell so many stories. I mean, I do not
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 1: mind a gentleman when he tells a great many stories
• 1:14:43
  Speaker 1: if they are new, but a gentleman who tells a
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 1: great many stories and they are all the same stories
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 1: is quite enervating. I mean, London is really so uneducational
• 1:14:55
  Speaker 1: that all I seem to be learning is some of
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 1: Piggy's stories, and I even want to forget them. So
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 1: I am really becoming jolly well fed up with London.
• 1:15:05
  Speaker 1: April twenty second, yesterday Piggy came in his uniform, but
• 1:15:10
  Speaker 1: he was really quite upset because he had a letter.
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 1: I mean, his wife is coming to London because she
• 1:15:17
  Speaker 1: always comes to London every year to get her old
• 1:15:19
  Speaker 1: clothes made over, as she has a girl who does
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 1: it very, very cheap. So she is going to stay
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 1: with the lady who saw us in the jewelry store
• 1:15:28
  Speaker 1: because it always saves money to stay with a friend.
• 1:15:31
  Speaker 1: So I wanted to cheer Piggy up, so I told
• 1:15:34
  Speaker 1: him that I did not think the lady saw us,
• 1:15:37
  Speaker 1: and if she did see us, she really could not
• 1:15:40
  Speaker 1: believe her eyes to see him in a jewelry store.
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 1: But I did not tell him that I think that
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 1: Dorothy and I had better go to Paris soon, because
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 1: after all, Piggy's society is beginning to tell on a
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 1: girl's nerves. But I really made Piggy feel quite good
• 1:15:55
  Speaker 1: about his uniform because I told him I only felt
• 1:15:59
  Speaker 1: fit to be with him in a diamond tiara. So
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 1: then I told him that even if his wife was
• 1:16:05
  Speaker 1: in London, we could still be friends because I could
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 1: not help but admire him even if his wife was
• 1:16:11
  Speaker 1: in London. And I told him I really thought a
• 1:16:14
  Speaker 1: thing like that was nearly always the result of fate.
• 1:16:18
  Speaker 1: So then we went to tea at missus weeks. So
• 1:16:21
  Speaker 1: Piggy arranged with Missus weeks to pay her for the
• 1:16:24
  Speaker 1: diamond Tiara, and she nearly fell dead, but she will
• 1:16:28
  Speaker 1: keep it a secret because no one would believe it anyway.
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 1: So now I have the diamond Tiara, and I have
• 1:16:36
  Speaker 1: to admit that everything always turns out for the best.
• 1:16:40
  Speaker 1: But I promised Piggy that I would always stay in
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 1: London and we would always be friendly, because Piggy always
• 1:16:47
  Speaker 1: says that I am the only one who admires him
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 1: for what he really is. April twenty fifth, Well, we
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 1: were so busy the last days I did not have
• 1:16:59
  Speaker 1: time to write in my mind my diary. Because now
• 1:17:01
  Speaker 1: we are on a ship that seems to be quite
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 1: a small ship to be sailing to Paris, and we
• 1:17:06
  Speaker 1: will be at Paris this afternoon. Because it does not
• 1:17:09
  Speaker 1: take nearly so long to come to Paris as it
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 1: does to come to London. I mean, it seems quite
• 1:17:14
  Speaker 1: unusual to think that it takes six days to come
• 1:17:17
  Speaker 1: to London and only one day to come to Paris.
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 1: So Dorothy is quite upset because she did not want
• 1:17:25
  Speaker 1: to come, as she is madly in love with Gerald,
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 1: and Gerald said that we really ought not to leave
• 1:17:30
  Speaker 1: London without going to see England while we happen to
• 1:17:33
  Speaker 1: be here. But I told him that if England was
• 1:17:36
  Speaker 1: the same kind of a place that London seems to be,
• 1:17:40
  Speaker 1: I really know too much to bother with such a place.
• 1:17:43
  Speaker 1: I mean, we had quite a little quarrel because Gerald
• 1:17:46
  Speaker 1: showed up at the station with a bangle for Dorothy.
• 1:17:49
  Speaker 1: So I told Dorothy she was well rid of such
• 1:17:52
  Speaker 1: a person. So Dorothy had to come with me because
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 1: mister Eisman is paying her expenses because he wants Dorothy
• 1:17:59
  Speaker 1: to be my chephone. So the last thing in London
• 1:18:03
  Speaker 1: was the garden party. I sold quite a lot of
• 1:18:06
  Speaker 1: red balloons, and I sold a red balloon to Harry Louder,
• 1:18:10
  Speaker 1: the famous Scotch gentleman, who is the famous Scotch tenor,
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 1: for twenty pounds. So Dorothy said, I did not need
• 1:18:16
  Speaker 1: to buy any ticket to Paris on the boat, because
• 1:18:19
  Speaker 1: if I could do that, I could walk across the channel.
• 1:18:23
  Speaker 1: So Picky does not know that we have gone. But
• 1:18:26
  Speaker 1: I sent him a letter and told him I would
• 1:18:28
  Speaker 1: see him sometime again. Sometime, and I was really glad
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 1: to get out of our rooms at the Ritz. I mean,
• 1:18:35
  Speaker 1: fifty or sixty orchids really make a girl think of
• 1:18:38
  Speaker 1: a funeral. So I cabled mister Eisman and I told
• 1:18:42
  Speaker 1: him we could not learn anything in London because we
• 1:18:45
  Speaker 1: knew too much. So if we went to Paris, at
• 1:18:48
  Speaker 1: least we could learn French, if we made up our
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 1: mind to it. So I'm really very very intrigued, as
• 1:18:56
  Speaker 1: I have heard so much about Paris, and I feel
• 1:18:59
  Speaker 1: that it must be much more educational than London. And
• 1:19:02
  Speaker 1: I can hardly wait to see the Ritz Hotel in Paris.
• 1:19:07
  Speaker 1: Paris is divine. April twenty seventh. Paris is divine, I mean,
• 1:19:14
  Speaker 1: Dorothy and I got to Paris yesterday and it really
• 1:19:17
  Speaker 1: is divine because the French are divine. Because when we
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 1: are coming off the boat and we are coming through
• 1:19:24
  Speaker 1: the customs, it was quite hot, and it seemed to
• 1:19:27
  Speaker 1: smell quite a lot, and all the French gentlemen in
• 1:19:30
  Speaker 1: the customs were squealing quite a lot. So I looked
• 1:19:34
  Speaker 1: around and I picked out a French gentleman who was
• 1:19:37
  Speaker 1: really in a very gorgeous uniform, and he seemed to
• 1:19:41
  Speaker 1: be a very very important gentleman. And I gave him
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 1: twenty francs worth of French money, and he was very
• 1:19:47
  Speaker 1: very gallant, and he knocked everybody else down and took
• 1:19:51
  Speaker 1: our bags right through the custom because I really think
• 1:19:54
  Speaker 1: the twenty francs is quite cheap for a gentleman that
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 1: has got on at least one hundred dollars worth of
• 1:19:59
  Speaker 1: go old braid on his coat alone, to speak nothing
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 1: of his trousers. I mean, the French gentleman always seemed
• 1:20:07
  Speaker 1: to be squealing quite a lot, especially taxi drivers when
• 1:20:11
  Speaker 1: they only get a small size yellow dime called a
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 1: fifty sand teams for a tip. But the good thing
• 1:20:18
  Speaker 1: about French gentleman is that every time a French gentleman
• 1:20:21
  Speaker 1: starts in to squeal, you can always stop him with
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 1: five francs, no matter who he is. I mean, it
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 1: is so refreshing to listen to a French gentleman stop
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 1: squeaking that it would really be quite a bargain even
• 1:20:34
  Speaker 1: for ten francs. So we came to the Ritz Hotel,
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 1: and the Ritz Hotel is divine because when a girl
• 1:20:41
  Speaker 1: can sit in a delightful bar and have delicious champagne
• 1:20:44
  Speaker 1: cocktails and look at all the important French people in Paris,
• 1:20:49
  Speaker 1: I think it is divine. I mean, when a girl
• 1:20:52
  Speaker 1: can sit there and look at the Dolly Sisters, and
• 1:20:54
  Speaker 1: Pearl White and Maybell Gillem Corey and Missus Nash. It
• 1:20:58
  Speaker 1: is beyond whirl because when a girl looks at Missus
• 1:21:02
  Speaker 1: Nash and realizes what Missus Nash has got out of gentlemen,
• 1:21:06
  Speaker 1: it really makes a girl hold her breath. And when
• 1:21:09
  Speaker 1: a girl walks around and reads all of the signs
• 1:21:12
  Speaker 1: with all of the famous historical names, it really makes
• 1:21:16
  Speaker 1: you hold your breath. Because when Dorothy and I went
• 1:21:19
  Speaker 1: on a walk, we only walked a few blocks, but
• 1:21:22
  Speaker 1: in only a few blocks we read all of the
• 1:21:24
  Speaker 1: famous historical names like Cody and Cardier, and I knew
• 1:21:29
  Speaker 1: we were seeing something educational at last, and our whole
• 1:21:32
  Speaker 1: trip was not a failure. I mean, I really try
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 1: to make Dorothy get educated and have reverence. So when
• 1:21:40
  Speaker 1: we stood at the corner of a place called the
• 1:21:43
  Speaker 1: Place van Dome, if you turn your back on a
• 1:21:46
  Speaker 1: monument they have in the middle and look up, you
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 1: can see none other than Cody's sign. So I said
• 1:21:53
  Speaker 1: to Dorothy, does it not really give you a thrill
• 1:21:56
  Speaker 1: to realize that that is the historical spot where mister
• 1:21:59
  Speaker 1: Cody makes all the perfume. So then Dorothy said that
• 1:22:03
  Speaker 1: she supposed mister Cody came to Paris and he smelled
• 1:22:06
  Speaker 1: Paris and he realized that something had to be done.
• 1:22:10
  Speaker 1: So Dorothy will really never have any reference. So then
• 1:22:14
  Speaker 1: we saw a jewelry store, and we saw some jewelry
• 1:22:17
  Speaker 1: in the window, and it really seemed to be a very,
• 1:22:20
  Speaker 1: very great bargain. But the price marks all had franks
• 1:22:23
  Speaker 1: on them, and Dorothy and I do not seem to
• 1:22:26
  Speaker 1: be mathematical enough to tell how much Frank's is in money,
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 1: So we went in and asked, and it seems it
• 1:22:33
  Speaker 1: was only twenty dollars. And it seems it is not diamonds.
• 1:22:37
  Speaker 1: But it is a thing called paste, which is the
• 1:22:40
  Speaker 1: name of a word which means imitations. So Dorothy said,
• 1:22:45
  Speaker 1: paste is the name of the word a girl ought
• 1:22:47
  Speaker 1: to do to a gentleman that handed her one. I mean,
• 1:22:51
  Speaker 1: I would really be embarrassed. But the gentlemen did not
• 1:22:54
  Speaker 1: seem to understand Dorothy's English. So it really makes a
• 1:22:58
  Speaker 1: girl feel depressed to think a girl could not tell
• 1:23:01
  Speaker 1: that it was nothing but an imitation. I mean, a
• 1:23:04
  Speaker 1: gentleman could deceive a girl because he could give her
• 1:23:06
  Speaker 1: a present and it would only be worth twenty dollars.
• 1:23:10
  Speaker 1: So when mister Eisman comes to Paris next week, if
• 1:23:14
  Speaker 1: he wants to make me a present, I will make
• 1:23:16
  Speaker 1: him take me along with him, because he really is
• 1:23:19
  Speaker 1: quite an in veteran bargain hunter at heart. So the
• 1:23:23
  Speaker 1: gentleman at the jewelry store said that quite a lot
• 1:23:25
  Speaker 1: of famous girls in Paris had imitations of all their jewelry,
• 1:23:29
  Speaker 1: and they put the jewelry in the safe, and they
• 1:23:31
  Speaker 1: really wore the imitations so they could wear it and
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 1: have a good time. But I told him I thought
• 1:23:39
  Speaker 1: that any girl who was a lady would not even
• 1:23:41
  Speaker 1: think of having such a good time that she did
• 1:23:44
  Speaker 1: not remember to hang on to her jewelry. So then
• 1:23:48
  Speaker 1: we went back to the Ritz and unpacked our trunks
• 1:23:51
  Speaker 1: with the aid of a really delightful waiter who brought
• 1:23:54
  Speaker 1: us up some delicious luncheon, and who is called Leon,
• 1:23:58
  Speaker 1: and who speaks English almost like American, and who Dorothy
• 1:24:01
  Speaker 1: and I talked to quite a lot. So Leon said
• 1:24:05
  Speaker 1: that we ought not to stay around the Rits all
• 1:24:07
  Speaker 1: of the time, but we really ought to see Paris.
• 1:24:11
  Speaker 1: So Dorothy said she would go down in the lobby
• 1:24:14
  Speaker 1: and meet some gentleman to show us Paris. So in
• 1:24:18
  Speaker 1: a couple of minutes she called up on the telephone
• 1:24:20
  Speaker 1: from the lobby and she said, I have got a
• 1:24:23
  Speaker 1: French bird down here, who is a French title nobleman
• 1:24:26
  Speaker 1: who is called a viscount. So come on down. So
• 1:24:31
  Speaker 1: I said, how did a frenchman get into the Rits?
• 1:24:34
  Speaker 1: So Dorothy said, he came in to get out of
• 1:24:37
  Speaker 1: the rain, and he has not noticed that it is stopped.
• 1:24:40
  Speaker 1: So I said, I suppose you have picked up something
• 1:24:43
  Speaker 1: without taxi fare as usual. Why did you not get
• 1:24:47
  Speaker 1: an American gentleman who always have money. So Dorothy said,
• 1:24:51
  Speaker 1: she thought a French gentleman had ought to know Paris better.
• 1:24:55
  Speaker 1: So I said, he does not even know it is
• 1:24:57
  Speaker 1: not raining. But I went down. So the Vicount was
• 1:25:03
  Speaker 1: really delightful after all. So then we rode around and
• 1:25:07
  Speaker 1: we saw Paris and we saw how divine it really is.
• 1:25:11
  Speaker 1: I mean, the Eiffel Tower is divine, and it is
• 1:25:14
  Speaker 1: much more educational than the London Tower because you cannot
• 1:25:18
  Speaker 1: even see the London Tower if you happen to be
• 1:25:20
  Speaker 1: two blocks away. But when a girl looks at the
• 1:25:24
  Speaker 1: Eiffel Tower, she really knows she is looking at something
• 1:25:28
  Speaker 1: and it would even be very difficult not to notice
• 1:25:31
  Speaker 1: the Eiffel Tower. So then we went to a place
• 1:25:35
  Speaker 1: called the Madrid to Tea and it really was divine.
• 1:25:39
  Speaker 1: I mean we saw the Dolly sisters and Pearl White
• 1:25:42
  Speaker 1: and Missus Corey and Missus Nash all over again. Then
• 1:25:47
  Speaker 1: we went to dinner, and then we went to Momart,
• 1:25:49
  Speaker 1: and it really was divine because we saw them all
• 1:25:53
  Speaker 1: over again. I mean in Momart they have genuine American
• 1:25:57
  Speaker 1: jazz bands and quite a lot of New York people
• 1:26:00
  Speaker 1: which we knew, and you really would think you were
• 1:26:03
  Speaker 1: in New York, and it was divine. So we came
• 1:26:07
  Speaker 1: back to the Ritz quite late. So Dorothy and I
• 1:26:10
  Speaker 1: had quite a little quarrel because Dorothy said that when
• 1:26:13
  Speaker 1: we were looking at Paris, I asked the French vicount
• 1:26:16
  Speaker 1: what was the name of the unknown soldier who is
• 1:26:19
  Speaker 1: buried under quite a large monument. So I said, I
• 1:26:23
  Speaker 1: really did not mean to ask him, if I did,
• 1:26:26
  Speaker 1: because what I did mean to ask him was what
• 1:26:29
  Speaker 1: was the name of his mother? Because it is always
• 1:26:32
  Speaker 1: the mother of a dead soldier that I always seemed
• 1:26:34
  Speaker 1: to think about more than the dead soldier that has died.
• 1:26:39
  Speaker 1: So the French vicount is going to call up in
• 1:26:41
  Speaker 1: the morning, but I am not going to see him again,
• 1:26:45
  Speaker 1: because French gentlemen are really quite deceiving. I mean, they
• 1:26:49
  Speaker 1: take you to quite cute places, and they make you
• 1:26:51
  Speaker 1: feel quite good about yourself, and you really seem to
• 1:26:54
  Speaker 1: have a delightful time, But when you get home and
• 1:26:57
  Speaker 1: come to think it all over, all you have got
• 1:26:59
  Speaker 1: is a fan that only costs twenty francs and a
• 1:27:03
  Speaker 1: doll that they gave you away for nothing in a restaurant.
• 1:27:07
  Speaker 1: I mean, a girl has to look out in Paris,
• 1:27:10
  Speaker 1: or she would have such a good time in Paris
• 1:27:12
  Speaker 1: that she would not get anywheres. So I really think
• 1:27:15
  Speaker 1: that American gentlemen are the best after all, because kissing
• 1:27:19
  Speaker 1: your hand may make you feel very very good, but
• 1:27:23
  Speaker 1: a diamond and a sapphire bracelet lasts forever. Besides, I
• 1:27:28
  Speaker 1: do not think that I ought to go out with
• 1:27:30
  Speaker 1: any gentleman in Paris, because mister Eisman will be here
• 1:27:33
  Speaker 1: next week and he told me that the only kind
• 1:27:36
  Speaker 1: of gentleman he wants me to go out with are
• 1:27:38
  Speaker 1: intellectual gentlemen who are good for a girl's brains. So
• 1:27:43
  Speaker 1: I really do not seem to see many gentlemen around
• 1:27:46
  Speaker 1: the ritz who seem to look like they would be
• 1:27:48
  Speaker 1: good for a girl's brains. So tomorrow we are going
• 1:27:51
  Speaker 1: to go shopping, and I suppose it would really be
• 1:27:54
  Speaker 1: too much to expect to find a gentleman who would
• 1:27:57
  Speaker 1: look to mister Eisman like he was good for girl's
• 1:28:00
  Speaker 1: brains and at the same time he would like to
• 1:28:03
  Speaker 1: take us shopping. April twenty ninth, yesterday was quite a day.
• 1:28:10
  Speaker 1: I mean, Dorothy and I were getting ready to go
• 1:28:12
  Speaker 1: shopping and the telephone rang and they said that Lady
• 1:28:16
  Speaker 1: Francis Beakman was downstairs and she wanted to come upstairs.
• 1:28:20
  Speaker 1: So I was really quite surprised. I mean, I did
• 1:28:23
  Speaker 1: not know what to say, so I said, all right,
• 1:28:27
  Speaker 1: So then I told Dorothy and then we put our
• 1:28:29
  Speaker 1: brains together. Because it seems that Lady Francis Beakman is
• 1:28:34
  Speaker 1: the wife of the gentleman called Sir Francis Beakman, who
• 1:28:37
  Speaker 1: was the admirer of mine in London, who seemed to
• 1:28:40
  Speaker 1: admire me so much that he asked me if he
• 1:28:43
  Speaker 1: could make me a present of a diamond tiara. So
• 1:28:47
  Speaker 1: it seemed as if his wife must have heard about it,
• 1:28:50
  Speaker 1: and it really seemed as if she must have come
• 1:28:52
  Speaker 1: clear over from London about it. So there was a
• 1:28:56
  Speaker 1: very very loud knock at the door, so we asked
• 1:28:59
  Speaker 1: her to come in. So Lady Francis Beakman came in,
• 1:29:03
  Speaker 1: and she is a quite large sized lady who seems
• 1:29:06
  Speaker 1: to resemble Bill Hart quite a lot. I mean, Dorothy
• 1:29:10
  Speaker 1: thinks that Lady Francis Beakman resembles Bill Hart quite a lot.
• 1:29:14
  Speaker 1: Only she really thinks she looks more like Bill Hart's horse.
• 1:29:18
  Speaker 1: So it seems that she said that if I did
• 1:29:20
  Speaker 1: not give her back the diamond tiara right away, she
• 1:29:23
  Speaker 1: would make quite a fuss and she would ruin my
• 1:29:26
  Speaker 1: reputation because she said that something really must be wrong
• 1:29:30
  Speaker 1: about the whole thing, because it seems that Sir Francis
• 1:29:33
  Speaker 1: Beakman and she have been married for thirty five years
• 1:29:37
  Speaker 1: and the last present he gave to her was a
• 1:29:39
  Speaker 1: wedding ring. So Dorothy spoke up and she said, lady,
• 1:29:44
  Speaker 1: you could no more ruin my girlfriend's reputation than you
• 1:29:47
  Speaker 1: could sink the Jewish fleet. I mean, I was quite
• 1:29:50
  Speaker 1: proud of Dorothy the way she stood up for my reputation,
• 1:29:54
  Speaker 1: because I really think that there is nothing so wonderful
• 1:29:57
  Speaker 1: as two girls when they stand up for each other
• 1:30:00
  Speaker 1: and help each other a lot. Because no matter how
• 1:30:03
  Speaker 1: vigorous Lady Francis Beakman seems to be, she had to
• 1:30:07
  Speaker 1: realize that she could not sink a whole fleet full
• 1:30:10
  Speaker 1: of ships, so she had to stop talking against my reputation.
• 1:30:15
  Speaker 1: So then she said she would drag it into the
• 1:30:17
  Speaker 1: court and she would say that it was undue influence.
• 1:30:21
  Speaker 1: So I said to her, if you wear that hat
• 1:30:24
  Speaker 1: into a court, we will see if the judge thinks
• 1:30:27
  Speaker 1: it took an undue influence to make Sir Francis Beakman
• 1:30:30
  Speaker 1: look at a girl. So then Dorothy spoke up, and
• 1:30:34
  Speaker 1: Dorothy said, my girlfriend is right, lady, you have got
• 1:30:38
  Speaker 1: to be the Queen of England to get away with
• 1:30:40
  Speaker 1: a hat like that. So Lady Francis Beakman seemed to
• 1:30:44
  Speaker 1: get quite angry, so then she said she would send
• 1:30:47
  Speaker 1: for Sir Francis Beakman, where he suddenly went to Scotland
• 1:30:50
  Speaker 1: to go hunting when he found out that Lady Francis
• 1:30:53
  Speaker 1: Beakman had found out. So Dorothy said, do you mean
• 1:30:58
  Speaker 1: that you have left Sir Francis Beakman loose with all
• 1:31:00
  Speaker 1: those spendthrifts down in Scotland. So Dorothy said she would
• 1:31:04
  Speaker 1: better look out, or he would get together with the
• 1:31:07
  Speaker 1: boys some night and simply massacre a haypenny. I mean,
• 1:31:11
  Speaker 1: I always encourage Dorothy to talk quite a lot when
• 1:31:14
  Speaker 1: we are talking to unrefined people like Lady Francis Beakman,
• 1:31:17
  Speaker 1: because Dorothy speaks their own language to unrefined people better
• 1:31:22
  Speaker 1: than a refined girl like I. So Dorothy said, you
• 1:31:26
  Speaker 1: had better not send for Sir Francis Beakman, because if
• 1:31:29
  Speaker 1: my girlfriend really wanted to turn loose on Sir Francis Beakman,
• 1:31:33
  Speaker 1: all he would have left would be his title. So
• 1:31:37
  Speaker 1: then I spoke right up and said, yes, that I
• 1:31:40
  Speaker 1: was an American girl, and we American girls do not
• 1:31:43
  Speaker 1: care about a title, because we American girls always say
• 1:31:47
  Speaker 1: that what is good enough for Washington is good enough
• 1:31:49
  Speaker 1: for us. So Lady Francis Beakman really seemed to get
• 1:31:53
  Speaker 1: more angry and more angry all of the time. So
• 1:31:58
  Speaker 1: then she said that if it was necessary, she would
• 1:32:00
  Speaker 1: tell the judge that Sir Francis Beakman went out of
• 1:32:03
  Speaker 1: his mind when he gave it to me. So Dorothy said, lady,
• 1:32:08
  Speaker 1: if you go into a court and if the judge
• 1:32:10
  Speaker 1: gets a good look at you, he will think that
• 1:32:12
  Speaker 1: Sir Francis Beakman was out of his mind thirty five
• 1:32:15
  Speaker 1: years ago. So then Lady Francis Beakman said she knew
• 1:32:20
  Speaker 1: what kind of a person she had to deal with,
• 1:32:22
  Speaker 1: and she would not deal with any such a person
• 1:32:25
  Speaker 1: because she said it hurt her dignity. So Dorothy said, lady,
• 1:32:30
  Speaker 1: if we hurt your dignity like you hurt our eyesight,
• 1:32:33
  Speaker 1: I hope for your sake you are a Christian science.
• 1:32:37
  Speaker 1: So that seemed to make Lady Francis Beakman angry, so
• 1:32:41
  Speaker 1: she said she would turn it all over to her solicitor.
• 1:32:44
  Speaker 1: So when she went out, she tripped over quite a
• 1:32:46
  Speaker 1: long train which she had on her skirt and nearly
• 1:32:50
  Speaker 1: fell down. So Dorothy leaned out of the door, and
• 1:32:53
  Speaker 1: Dorothy called down the hall and said, take a tuck
• 1:32:56
  Speaker 1: in that skirt, Isabelle. It's nineteen twenty five. So I
• 1:33:01
  Speaker 1: really felt quite depressed, because I felt as if our
• 1:33:04
  Speaker 1: whole morning was really very unrefined, just because we had
• 1:33:08
  Speaker 1: to mix with such an unrefined lady as Lady Francis
• 1:33:11
  Speaker 1: Beakman April thirtieth. So sure enough, yesterday morning Lady Francis
• 1:33:18
  Speaker 1: Beakman's solicitor came. Only he really was not a solicitor,
• 1:33:24
  Speaker 1: but his name was on a card, and it seems
• 1:33:26
  Speaker 1: his name is Mons Brossarde, and it seems that he
• 1:33:30
  Speaker 1: is an advocate, because an advocate is a lawyer in
• 1:33:33
  Speaker 1: the French language. So Dorothy and I were getting dressed
• 1:33:37
  Speaker 1: and we were in our negligee as usual, when there
• 1:33:41
  Speaker 1: was quite a loud knock on the door, and before
• 1:33:43
  Speaker 1: we could even say come in, he jumped right into
• 1:33:46
  Speaker 1: the room. So it seems that he is of French extraction.
• 1:33:51
  Speaker 1: I mean, Lady Francis Beakman's solicitor can really squeal, just
• 1:33:55
  Speaker 1: like a taxi driver. I mean, he was squealing quite
• 1:33:58
  Speaker 1: loud when he jumped into the room, and he kept
• 1:34:01
  Speaker 1: right on squealing. So Dorothy and I rushed into the
• 1:34:05
  Speaker 1: parlor and Dorothy looked at him, and Dorothy said, this
• 1:34:08
  Speaker 1: town has got to stop playing jokes on us every morning,
• 1:34:12
  Speaker 1: because our nerves could not stand it. So Mons Brosard
• 1:34:16
  Speaker 1: handed us his card and he squealed and squealed, and
• 1:34:20
  Speaker 1: he really waved his arm in the air quite a lot,
• 1:34:23
  Speaker 1: so Dorothy said, he gives quite a good imitation of
• 1:34:26
  Speaker 1: the Moulin rouge, which is really a red windmill. Only
• 1:34:30
  Speaker 1: Dorothy said, he makes more noise and he runs on
• 1:34:33
  Speaker 1: his own wind. So we stood and watched him for
• 1:34:36
  Speaker 1: quite a long time. But he seemed to get quite
• 1:34:39
  Speaker 1: monotonous after quite a long while, because he was always
• 1:34:43
  Speaker 1: talking in French, which really means nothing to us. So
• 1:34:47
  Speaker 1: Dorothy said, let's see if twenty five francs will stop him,
• 1:34:51
  Speaker 1: because if five franks will stop a taxi driver, twenty
• 1:34:54
  Speaker 1: five francs not to stop an advocate because he was
• 1:34:57
  Speaker 1: making about five times as much noise as attack X driver,
• 1:35:01
  Speaker 1: and five times five is twenty five. So as soon
• 1:35:05
  Speaker 1: as he heard us start in to talk about franks,
• 1:35:08
  Speaker 1: he seemed to calm down quite a little. So Dorothy
• 1:35:11
  Speaker 1: got out her pocket book and she gave him twenty
• 1:35:14
  Speaker 1: five francs. So then he stopped squealing and he put
• 1:35:17
  Speaker 1: it in his pocket. And then he got out quite
• 1:35:20
  Speaker 1: a large size handkerchief with purple elephants on it, and
• 1:35:23
  Speaker 1: he started in to cry. So Dorothy really got discouraged,
• 1:35:28
  Speaker 1: and she said, look here, look here, you have given
• 1:35:32
  Speaker 1: us a quite an amusing morning. But if you keep
• 1:35:35
  Speaker 1: that up much longer, wet or dry out you go.
• 1:35:39
  Speaker 1: So then he started into pointing at the telephone, and
• 1:35:43
  Speaker 1: he seemed to want to use the telephone, and Dorothy said,
• 1:35:46
  Speaker 1: if you think you can get a number over that thing,
• 1:35:49
  Speaker 1: go to it. But as far as we have found out,
• 1:35:52
  Speaker 1: it is a wall bracket. So then he started in
• 1:35:56
  Speaker 1: to telephone, so Dorothy and I went about our business
• 1:35:59
  Speaker 1: to get dressed. So when he finished telephoning, he kept
• 1:36:03
  Speaker 1: running to my door, and then he kept running to
• 1:36:05
  Speaker 1: Dorothy's door, and he kept on crying and talking a lot,
• 1:36:10
  Speaker 1: but he seemed to have lost all of his novelty
• 1:36:12
  Speaker 1: to us, so we paid no more attention to him.
• 1:36:16
  Speaker 1: So finally there was another loud knock on the door,
• 1:36:19
  Speaker 1: so we heard him rush to the door, so we
• 1:36:21
  Speaker 1: both went into the parlor to see what it was,
• 1:36:24
  Speaker 1: and it really was a sight because it was another Frenchman.
• 1:36:28
  Speaker 1: So the new Frenchman rushed in and he yelled Papa
• 1:36:32
  Speaker 1: and he kissed him. So it seems that it was
• 1:36:35
  Speaker 1: his son, because his son is really his papa's partner
• 1:36:38
  Speaker 1: in the advocate business. So then his papa talked quite
• 1:36:42
  Speaker 1: a lot, and then he pointed at I and Dorothy.
• 1:36:46
  Speaker 1: So then his son looked at us, and then his
• 1:36:48
  Speaker 1: son let out quite a large size squeal, and he
• 1:36:51
  Speaker 1: said in French, may papa ele saut charmant. So it
• 1:36:56
  Speaker 1: seems he was telling his papa in French that we
• 1:36:59
  Speaker 1: were really charming. So then Mons Brosarde stopped crying and
• 1:37:04
  Speaker 1: put on his glasses and took a good look at us.
• 1:37:08
  Speaker 1: So then his son put up the window shade so
• 1:37:11
  Speaker 1: his papa could get a better look at us. And
• 1:37:14
  Speaker 1: when his papa had finished looking at us, he really
• 1:37:17
  Speaker 1: became delighted. So he became all smiles, and he pinched
• 1:37:21
  Speaker 1: our cheeks, and he kept saying charmont all of the time,
• 1:37:26
  Speaker 1: because charmond means charming in the French language. So then
• 1:37:31
  Speaker 1: his son broke out into English, and he really speaks
• 1:37:34
  Speaker 1: English as good as an American. So then he told
• 1:37:37
  Speaker 1: us his papa telephoned for him to come over because
• 1:37:40
  Speaker 1: we did not seem to understand what his papa was
• 1:37:43
  Speaker 1: saying to us. So it seems that Mons Brossard had
• 1:37:47
  Speaker 1: been talking to us in English all of the time,
• 1:37:49
  Speaker 1: but we did not seem to understand his kind of English.
• 1:37:53
  Speaker 1: So Dorothy said, if what your papa was talking in
• 1:37:57
  Speaker 1: was English, I could get a gold medal for my Greek.
• 1:38:00
  Speaker 1: So then his son told his papa, and his papa
• 1:38:03
  Speaker 1: laughed very very loud, and he pinched Dorothy's cheek, and
• 1:38:07
  Speaker 1: he was very delighted, even if the joke was on him.
• 1:38:12
  Speaker 1: So then Dorothy and I asked his son what he
• 1:38:14
  Speaker 1: was saying when he was talking to us in English,
• 1:38:17
  Speaker 1: and his son said he was telling us all about
• 1:38:19
  Speaker 1: his client, Lady Francis Beakman. So then we asked his
• 1:38:24
  Speaker 1: son why his papa kept crying. So then his son said,
• 1:38:28
  Speaker 1: his papa kept crying because he was thinking about Lady
• 1:38:31
  Speaker 1: Francis Beakman. So Dorothy said, if he cries when he
• 1:38:35
  Speaker 1: thinks about her, what does he do when he looks
• 1:38:38
  Speaker 1: at her. So then his son explained to his papa
• 1:38:42
  Speaker 1: what Dorothy said. So then Mons Brossard laughed very very loud.
• 1:38:47
  Speaker 1: So then he kissed Dorothy's hand. So he said, after that,
• 1:38:51
  Speaker 1: we would all really have to have a bottle of champagne.
• 1:38:55
  Speaker 1: So he went to the telephone and ordered a bottle
• 1:38:58
  Speaker 1: of champagne. Then his son said to his papa, why
• 1:39:02
  Speaker 1: do I not ask the charming ladies to go out
• 1:39:04
  Speaker 1: to Fontainebleau today, so his papa said it would be charming.
• 1:39:09
  Speaker 1: So then I said, how are we going to tell you,
• 1:39:12
  Speaker 1: gentlemen apart, because if it is the same in Paris
• 1:39:15
  Speaker 1: as it is in America, you would both seem to
• 1:39:18
  Speaker 1: be Monsieur Brossarde. So then we got the idea to
• 1:39:23
  Speaker 1: call them by their first name. So it seems that
• 1:39:25
  Speaker 1: his son's name is Louis. So Dorothy spoke up and said,
• 1:39:30
  Speaker 1: I hear that they number all of you Louise over
• 1:39:32
  Speaker 1: here in Paris, because the girl is always hearing someone
• 1:39:36
  Speaker 1: talk about Louis the sixteenth, who seemed to be in
• 1:39:39
  Speaker 1: the antique furniture business. I mean, I was surprised to
• 1:39:43
  Speaker 1: hear Dorothy get so historical, so she may really be
• 1:39:46
  Speaker 1: getting educated in spite of everything. But Dorothy told Louis
• 1:39:50
  Speaker 1: he need not try to figure out his number, because
• 1:39:53
  Speaker 1: she got it the minute she looked at him. So
• 1:39:57
  Speaker 1: it seems his papa's name is Robert, which means Robert
• 1:40:01
  Speaker 1: in French. So Dorothy started in to think about her
• 1:40:04
  Speaker 1: twenty five francs, and she said, to Robert, your mother
• 1:40:08
  Speaker 1: certainly knew her grammar when she called you that. So
• 1:40:11
  Speaker 1: Dorothy said, we might as well go out to Fontaine
• 1:40:14
  Speaker 1: Blow with Louie and Robert if Louis would take off
• 1:40:17
  Speaker 1: his yellow spats that were made out of yellow chammis
• 1:40:19
  Speaker 1: skin with pink pearl buttons, because Dorothy said, fun is fun,
• 1:40:25
  Speaker 1: but no girl wants to laugh all of the time,
• 1:40:28
  Speaker 1: so Louis is really always anxious to please. So he
• 1:40:32
  Speaker 1: took off his spats. But when he took off his spats,
• 1:40:35
  Speaker 1: we saw his socks. And when we saw his socks,
• 1:40:38
  Speaker 1: we saw that they were Scotch plaid with small size
• 1:40:42
  Speaker 1: rainbows running through them. So Dorothy looked at them a
• 1:40:45
  Speaker 1: little while, and she really became quite discouraged, and she said, well, Louis,
• 1:40:51
  Speaker 1: I think you had better put your spats back on.
• 1:40:54
  Speaker 1: So then Leon, our friend who is the waiter, came
• 1:40:58
  Speaker 1: in with the bottle of champagne. So while he was
• 1:41:01
  Speaker 1: opening the bottle of champagne, Louis and Robert talked together
• 1:41:05
  Speaker 1: in French quite a lot. And I really think I
• 1:41:07
  Speaker 1: had ought to find out what they said in French
• 1:41:10
  Speaker 1: because it might be about the diamond tiara, because French
• 1:41:14
  Speaker 1: gentlemen are very, very gallant, but I really do not
• 1:41:17
  Speaker 1: think a girl can trust one of them around a corner.
• 1:41:21
  Speaker 1: So when I get a chance, I am going to
• 1:41:23
  Speaker 1: ask Leon what they said. So then we went to Fontainebleau,
• 1:41:28
  Speaker 1: and then we went to Momart and we got home
• 1:41:30
  Speaker 1: very late, and we really had quite a delightful day
• 1:41:34
  Speaker 1: and night, even if we did not go out shopping
• 1:41:36
  Speaker 1: and buy anything. But I really think we ought to
• 1:41:39
  Speaker 1: do more shopping, because shopping really seems to be what
• 1:41:43
  Speaker 1: Paris is principally for May first, well, this morning I
• 1:41:49
  Speaker 1: sent for Leon, who is Dorothy and my waiter friend,
• 1:41:53
  Speaker 1: and I asked him what Louis and Robert said in French.
• 1:41:57
  Speaker 1: So it seems that they said in French that we
• 1:41:59
  Speaker 1: seem to attract them very very much, because they really
• 1:42:03
  Speaker 1: thought that we were very charming, and they had not
• 1:42:06
  Speaker 1: met girls that were so charming in quite a long time.
• 1:42:10
  Speaker 1: So it seems that they said they would ask us
• 1:42:12
  Speaker 1: out a lot, and that they would charge up all
• 1:42:14
  Speaker 1: the bills to lady Francis Speakman because they would watch
• 1:42:18
  Speaker 1: for their chance and they would steal the diamond tiara.
• 1:42:22
  Speaker 1: So then they said that even if they could not
• 1:42:24
  Speaker 1: steal it from us, we were really so charming that
• 1:42:27
  Speaker 1: it would be delightful to go around with us even
• 1:42:30
  Speaker 1: if they could not steal from us. So no matter
• 1:42:33
  Speaker 1: what happens, they really could not lose, because it seems
• 1:42:37
  Speaker 1: that Lady Francis Speakman would be glad to pay all
• 1:42:40
  Speaker 1: the bills when they told her they had to take
• 1:42:42
  Speaker 1: us out a lot so they could watch for their
• 1:42:44
  Speaker 1: chance and steal it. Because Lady Francis Speakman is the
• 1:42:47
  Speaker 1: kind of a wealthy lady that does not spend money
• 1:42:50
  Speaker 1: on anything else, but she will always spend money on
• 1:42:53
  Speaker 1: a lawsuit, and she really would not mind spending the
• 1:42:57
  Speaker 1: money because it seems that something either I or Dorothy
• 1:43:00
  Speaker 1: said to Lady Francis Beakman seemed to make her angry.
• 1:43:04
  Speaker 1: So then I decided it was time to do some thinking,
• 1:43:07
  Speaker 1: and I really thought quite a lot. So I told
• 1:43:10
  Speaker 1: Dorothy I thought I would put the real diamond tiara
• 1:43:13
  Speaker 1: in the safe at the Ritz, and then I would
• 1:43:15
  Speaker 1: buy an imitation of a diamond tiara at the jewelry
• 1:43:18
  Speaker 1: store that has the imitations that are called pasde So
• 1:43:23
  Speaker 1: then I would leave the imitation of the diamond tiara
• 1:43:25
  Speaker 1: lying around so Louis and Robert could see how careless
• 1:43:29
  Speaker 1: I seemed to be with it, So then they would
• 1:43:31
  Speaker 1: get full of encouragement. So when we go out with
• 1:43:35
  Speaker 1: Louis and Robert, I could put it in my handbag
• 1:43:38
  Speaker 1: and I could take it with me, so Louis and
• 1:43:40
  Speaker 1: Robert could always feel that the diamond tiara was within reach.
• 1:43:45
  Speaker 1: So then Dorothy and I could get them to go shopping,
• 1:43:48
  Speaker 1: and we could get them to spend quite a lot.
• 1:43:51
  Speaker 1: And every time they seemed to get discouraged, I could
• 1:43:54
  Speaker 1: open my handbag and let them get a glimpse of
• 1:43:56
  Speaker 1: the imitation of a diamond tiara, and they would become
• 1:43:59
  Speaker 1: more couraged, and then they would spend some more money.
• 1:44:04
  Speaker 1: Because I even might let them steal it at the last,
• 1:44:07
  Speaker 1: because they were really charming gentlemen after all, and I
• 1:44:10
  Speaker 1: really would like to help Louis and Robert. I mean,
• 1:44:13
  Speaker 1: it would be quite amusing for them to steal it
• 1:44:15
  Speaker 1: for Lady Francis Beakman, and she would have to pay
• 1:44:18
  Speaker 1: them quite a lot, and then she would find out
• 1:44:21
  Speaker 1: it was only made out of paste after all, because
• 1:44:24
  Speaker 1: Lady Francis Beakman has never seen the real diamond tiara,
• 1:44:28
  Speaker 1: and the imitation of a diamond Tiara would really deceive her,
• 1:44:32
  Speaker 1: at least until Louis and Robert got all of their
• 1:44:35
  Speaker 1: money for all of the hard work they did. I mean,
• 1:44:38
  Speaker 1: the imitation of a diamond Tiara would only cost about
• 1:44:40
  Speaker 1: sixty five dollars, And what is sixty five dollars? If
• 1:44:44
  Speaker 1: Dorothy and I could do some delightful shopping and get
• 1:44:47
  Speaker 1: some delightful presents, that would even seem more delightful when
• 1:44:51
  Speaker 1: we stopped to realize that Lady Francis Beakman paid for them.
• 1:44:55
  Speaker 1: And it would teach Lady Francis Beakman a lesson not
• 1:44:58
  Speaker 1: to say what she said to two American girls like
• 1:45:01
  Speaker 1: I and Dorothy, who were all alone in Paris and
• 1:45:04
  Speaker 1: had no gentleman to protect them. So when I got
• 1:45:08
  Speaker 1: through telling Dorothy what I thought up, Dorothy looked at
• 1:45:11
  Speaker 1: me and looked at me, and she really said she
• 1:45:14
  Speaker 1: thought my brains were a miracle. I mean, she said
• 1:45:17
  Speaker 1: my brains reminded her of a radio, because you listened
• 1:45:20
  Speaker 1: to it for days and days, and you get discouraged,
• 1:45:23
  Speaker 1: and just when you are getting ready to smash it,
• 1:45:26
  Speaker 1: something comes out that is a masterpiece. So then Louis
• 1:45:30
  Speaker 1: called us up. So Dorothy told him that we thought
• 1:45:33
  Speaker 1: it would be delightful if he and Robert would take
• 1:45:35
  Speaker 1: us out shopping tomorrow morning. So then Louis asked his papa,
• 1:45:39
  Speaker 1: and his papa said they would So then they asked
• 1:45:43
  Speaker 1: us if we would like to go see a play
• 1:45:45
  Speaker 1: called The Foley Bearger tonight. So he said that all
• 1:45:48
  Speaker 1: of the French people who live in Paris are always
• 1:45:51
  Speaker 1: delighted to have some Americans, so it will give them
• 1:45:54
  Speaker 1: an excuse to go to the Foley Bearger. So we
• 1:45:58
  Speaker 1: said we would go. So now Dorothy and I are
• 1:46:00
  Speaker 1: going out shopping to buy the imitation of a diamond tiara,
• 1:46:04
  Speaker 1: and we are going out window shopping to pick out
• 1:46:06
  Speaker 1: where we would like Louis and Robert to take us
• 1:46:08
  Speaker 1: shopping tomorrow. So I really think that everything always works
• 1:46:13
  Speaker 1: out for the best, because, after all, we really need
• 1:46:16
  Speaker 1: some gentlemen to take us around until mister Eisman gets
• 1:46:19
  Speaker 1: to Paris, and we could not go around with any
• 1:46:22
  Speaker 1: really attractive gentleman because mister Eisman only wants me to
• 1:46:26
  Speaker 1: go out with gentlemen that have brains. So I said
• 1:46:30
  Speaker 1: to Dorothy that even if Louis and Robert do not
• 1:46:32
  Speaker 1: look so full of brains, we could tell mister Eisman
• 1:46:35
  Speaker 1: that all we were learning from them was French. So
• 1:46:39
  Speaker 1: even if I have not seemed to learn French yet,
• 1:46:42
  Speaker 1: I have really almost learned to understand Robert's English. So
• 1:46:46
  Speaker 1: when Robert talks in front of mister Eisman and I
• 1:46:49
  Speaker 1: seem to understand what he is saying, mister Eisman will
• 1:46:52
  Speaker 1: probably think I know French. May second. So last night
• 1:46:58
  Speaker 1: we went to the Foley Bear Jis and it really
• 1:47:01
  Speaker 1: was divine. I mean it was very very artistic because
• 1:47:05
  Speaker 1: it had girls in it that were in the nude.
• 1:47:08
  Speaker 1: So one of the girls was a friend of Louis,
• 1:47:10
  Speaker 1: and he said that she was a very very nice
• 1:47:12
  Speaker 1: girl and that she was only eighteen years of age.
• 1:47:16
  Speaker 1: So Dorothy said, she is slipping it over on you, Louie,
• 1:47:20
  Speaker 1: because how could a girl get such dirty knees in
• 1:47:22
  Speaker 1: only eighteen years? So Louis and Robert really laughed very
• 1:47:27
  Speaker 1: very loud. I mean, Dorothy was very unrefined at the
• 1:47:31
  Speaker 1: Foley bearger. But I always think that when girls are
• 1:47:34
  Speaker 1: in the nude, it is very artistic, and if you
• 1:47:37
  Speaker 1: have artistic thoughts, you think it is beautiful. And I
• 1:47:41
  Speaker 1: really would not laugh in an artistic place like the
• 1:47:44
  Speaker 1: Foley Bearger. So I wore the imitation of a diamond
• 1:47:48
  Speaker 1: tiara to the Foley Bearger. I mean it really would
• 1:47:51
  Speaker 1: deceive an expert, and Louis and Robert could hardly take
• 1:47:54
  Speaker 1: their eyes off of it. But they did not really
• 1:47:57
  Speaker 1: annoy me because I had it tied on very very tight.
• 1:48:01
  Speaker 1: I mean it would be fatal if they got the
• 1:48:03
  Speaker 1: diamond tiara before Dorothy and I took them shopping a lot.
• 1:48:07
  Speaker 1: So we are all ready to go shopping this morning,
• 1:48:10
  Speaker 1: and Robert was here bright and early, and he is
• 1:48:12
  Speaker 1: in the parlor with Dorothy, and we are waiting for Louie.
• 1:48:16
  Speaker 1: So I left the diamond tiara on the table in
• 1:48:19
  Speaker 1: the parlor so Robert could see how careless I really
• 1:48:22
  Speaker 1: am with everything. But Dorothy is keeping her eye on Robert.
• 1:48:27
  Speaker 1: So I just heard Louis come in because I heard
• 1:48:30
  Speaker 1: him kissing Robert. I mean Louis is always kissing Robert.
• 1:48:33
  Speaker 1: And Dorothy told Louis that if he did not stop
• 1:48:36
  Speaker 1: kissing Robert, people would think that he painted batiques. So
• 1:48:40
  Speaker 1: now I must join the others and I will put
• 1:48:43
  Speaker 1: the diamond tiara in my handbag so that Louis and
• 1:48:45
  Speaker 1: Robert will feel that it is always around and we
• 1:48:48
  Speaker 1: will all go shopping. And I almost have to smile
• 1:48:52
  Speaker 1: when I think of Lady Francis Beakman. May third yesterday
• 1:48:58
  Speaker 1: was really delightful. I mean, Louis and Robert bought Dorothy
• 1:49:02
  Speaker 1: and I some delightful presence. But then they began to
• 1:49:05
  Speaker 1: run out of all the franks they had with them,
• 1:49:08
  Speaker 1: so they began to get discouraged. But just as soon
• 1:49:11
  Speaker 1: as they began to get discouraged, I gave Robert my
• 1:49:14
  Speaker 1: handbag to hold while I went to the fitting room
• 1:49:17
  Speaker 1: to try on a blouse. So he was cheered up
• 1:49:20
  Speaker 1: quite a lot. But of course Dorothy stayed with them
• 1:49:22
  Speaker 1: and kept her eye on Robert, so he did not
• 1:49:25
  Speaker 1: get a chance. But it really cheered him up quite
• 1:49:28
  Speaker 1: a lot to even hold it. So after all their
• 1:49:31
  Speaker 1: franks were gone, Robert said he would have to telephone
• 1:49:34
  Speaker 1: to someone. So I suppose he telephoned to Lady Francis Beakman,
• 1:49:38
  Speaker 1: and she must have said all right, because Robert left
• 1:49:41
  Speaker 1: us at a place called the Cafe de la Pey
• 1:49:44
  Speaker 1: because he had to go on an errand. And when
• 1:49:47
  Speaker 1: he came back from his errand, he seemed to have
• 1:49:49
  Speaker 1: quite a lot more Franks. So then they took us
• 1:49:52
  Speaker 1: to luncheon. So after that luncheon we could go out
• 1:49:55
  Speaker 1: shopping some more. But I am really learning quite a
• 1:49:59
  Speaker 1: lot of friends in spite of everything. I mean, if
• 1:50:02
  Speaker 1: you want delicious chicken and peas for luncheon, all you
• 1:50:05
  Speaker 1: have to say is petty pay and pulley. I mean,
• 1:50:09
  Speaker 1: French is really very easy. For instance, the French use
• 1:50:13
  Speaker 1: the word chich for everything, while we only seem to
• 1:50:16
  Speaker 1: use it for gentlemen when they seem to resemble Rudolph Valentino.
• 1:50:21
  Speaker 1: So while we were shopping in the afternoon, I saw
• 1:50:24
  Speaker 1: Louis get Dorothy off in a corner and whisper to
• 1:50:27
  Speaker 1: her quite a lot. So then I saw Robert get
• 1:50:30
  Speaker 1: her off in a corner and whisper to her quite
• 1:50:32
  Speaker 1: a lot. So when we got back to the Ritz,
• 1:50:35
  Speaker 1: Dorothy told me why they whispered to her. So it
• 1:50:38
  Speaker 1: seems when Louis whispered to Dorothy, Louis told Dorothy that
• 1:50:42
  Speaker 1: if she would steal the diamond tiara from me and
• 1:50:45
  Speaker 1: give it to him and not let his papa know,
• 1:50:48
  Speaker 1: he would give her one thousand francs. Because it seems
• 1:50:51
  Speaker 1: that lady Francis Beakman has got her heart set on it,
• 1:50:54
  Speaker 1: and she will pay quite a lot for it because
• 1:50:57
  Speaker 1: she is quite angry. And when she gets really angry,
• 1:51:00
  Speaker 1: as she is, she is only a woman with one idea.
• 1:51:05
  Speaker 1: So if Louie could get it and his papa would
• 1:51:07
  Speaker 1: not find it out, he could keep all the money
• 1:51:10
  Speaker 1: for himself. So it seems that later on, when Robert
• 1:51:14
  Speaker 1: was whispering to Dorothy, he was making her the same
• 1:51:17
  Speaker 1: proposition for two thousand francs, so that Louis would not
• 1:51:20
  Speaker 1: find out and Robert could keep all the money for himself.
• 1:51:25
  Speaker 1: So I really think it would be delightful if Dorothy
• 1:51:27
  Speaker 1: could make some money for herself, because it might make
• 1:51:30
  Speaker 1: Dorothy get some ambitions. So tomorrow morning, Dorothy is going
• 1:51:35
  Speaker 1: to take the diamond Tiara and she is going to
• 1:51:37
  Speaker 1: tell Louie that she stole it, and she is going
• 1:51:39
  Speaker 1: to sell it to Louie, but she will make him
• 1:51:42
  Speaker 1: hand over the money first. And then just as she
• 1:51:45
  Speaker 1: is going to hand over the diamond Tiara, I am
• 1:51:48
  Speaker 1: going to walk in on them and say, oh, there
• 1:51:51
  Speaker 1: is my diamond Tiara. I have been looking for it everywhere,
• 1:51:55
  Speaker 1: so then I will get it back. So then she
• 1:51:59
  Speaker 1: will tell him that she might just as well keep
• 1:52:01
  Speaker 1: the one thousand francs because she will steal it for
• 1:52:04
  Speaker 1: him again in the afternoon. So in the afternoon she
• 1:52:08
  Speaker 1: is going to sell it to Robert. And I really
• 1:52:11
  Speaker 1: think we will let Robert keep it, because I am
• 1:52:14
  Speaker 1: quite fond of Robert. I mean, he is quite a
• 1:52:17
  Speaker 1: sweet old gentleman, and it is really refreshing the way
• 1:52:20
  Speaker 1: he and his son love one another, because even if
• 1:52:23
  Speaker 1: it is unusual for an American to see a French
• 1:52:26
  Speaker 1: gentleman always kissing his father, I really think it is refreshing.
• 1:52:30
  Speaker 1: And I think that we Americans would be better off
• 1:52:33
  Speaker 1: if we American fathers and sons would love one another
• 1:52:36
  Speaker 1: more like Louis and Robert. So, Dorothy and I have
• 1:52:40
  Speaker 1: quite a lot of delightful handbags and stockings and handkerchiefs
• 1:52:44
  Speaker 1: and scarves and things, and some quite cute models of
• 1:52:47
  Speaker 1: evening gowns that are all covered with imitations of diamonds.
• 1:52:51
  Speaker 1: Only they do not call them paste when they are
• 1:52:54
  Speaker 1: on a dress, but they call them dia montes. And
• 1:52:58
  Speaker 1: I really think a girl looks quite cute when she
• 1:53:00
  Speaker 1: is covered all over with dia monte. May fifth so
• 1:53:06
  Speaker 1: yesterday morning, Dorothy sold the imitation of a diamond tiara
• 1:53:09
  Speaker 1: to Louis, so then we got it back. So in
• 1:53:12
  Speaker 1: the afternoon we all went out to Versailles. I mean,
• 1:53:16
  Speaker 1: Louis and Robert were quite delighted not to go shopping anymore.
• 1:53:20
  Speaker 1: So I suppose that Lady Francis Beakman really thinks that
• 1:53:23
  Speaker 1: there is a limit to almost everything. So I took
• 1:53:26
  Speaker 1: Louis for a walk at Versailles so that Dorothy would
• 1:53:29
  Speaker 1: have a chance to sell it to Robert. So then
• 1:53:32
  Speaker 1: she sold it to Robert, so then he put it
• 1:53:34
  Speaker 1: in his pocket. But when we were coming home, I
• 1:53:38
  Speaker 1: got to thinking things over, and I really got to
• 1:53:40
  Speaker 1: thinking that an imitation of a diamond tiara was quite
• 1:53:44
  Speaker 1: a good thing to have, after all, I mean, especially
• 1:53:47
  Speaker 1: if a girl does go around a lot in Paris
• 1:53:50
  Speaker 1: with admirers who are of the French extraction. And after all,
• 1:53:54
  Speaker 1: I really do not think a girl ought to encourage
• 1:53:56
  Speaker 1: Robert to steal something from two American girls who are
• 1:54:00
  Speaker 1: all alone in Paris and have no gentleman to protect them.
• 1:54:04
  Speaker 1: So I asked Dorothy which pocket Robert put it in.
• 1:54:07
  Speaker 1: So I sat next to him in the automobile coming
• 1:54:10
  Speaker 1: home and I took it out. So we were in
• 1:54:13
  Speaker 1: quite a quaint restaurant for dinner when Robert put his
• 1:54:16
  Speaker 1: hand in his pocket and then he started to squeal
• 1:54:19
  Speaker 1: once more, so it seems he had lost something. So
• 1:54:23
  Speaker 1: he and Louis had one of their regular squealing and
• 1:54:26
  Speaker 1: shoulder shrugging matches. But Louis told his papa that he
• 1:54:30
  Speaker 1: did not steal it out of his papa's pocket. But
• 1:54:33
  Speaker 1: then Robert started to cry to think that his son
• 1:54:35
  Speaker 1: would steal something out of his own papa's pocket. So
• 1:54:39
  Speaker 1: after Dorothy and I had had about all we could stand,
• 1:54:42
  Speaker 1: I told them all about it. I mean, I really
• 1:54:45
  Speaker 1: felt sorry for Robert, so I told him not to
• 1:54:48
  Speaker 1: cry any more, because it was nothing but paste after all.
• 1:54:52
  Speaker 1: So then I showed it to them. So then Louis
• 1:54:55
  Speaker 1: and Robert looked at Dorothy and I and they really
• 1:54:58
  Speaker 1: held their breath. I I supposed that most of the
• 1:55:01
  Speaker 1: girls in Paris do not have such brains as we
• 1:55:04
  Speaker 1: American girls. So after it was all over, Louis and
• 1:55:08
  Speaker 1: Robert seemed to be so depressed that I really felt
• 1:55:11
  Speaker 1: sorry for them. So I got an idea, so I
• 1:55:15
  Speaker 1: told them that we would all go out tomorrow to
• 1:55:17
  Speaker 1: the imitation of a jewelry store, and they could buy
• 1:55:20
  Speaker 1: another imitation of a diamond tiara to give to Lady
• 1:55:23
  Speaker 1: Francis Beakman, and they could get the man in the
• 1:55:26
  Speaker 1: jewelry store to put on the bill that it was
• 1:55:28
  Speaker 1: a handbag, and they could charge the bill to Lady
• 1:55:31
  Speaker 1: Francis Beakman along with the other expenses, because Lady Francis
• 1:55:36
  Speaker 1: Beakman had never seen the real diamond tiara anyway. So
• 1:55:40
  Speaker 1: Dorothy spoke up, and Dorothy said that as far as
• 1:55:43
  Speaker 1: Lady Francis Beakman would know about diamonds, you could nick
• 1:55:46
  Speaker 1: off a piece of ice and give it to her,
• 1:55:48
  Speaker 1: only it would melt. So then Robert looked at me
• 1:55:52
  Speaker 1: and looked at me, and he reached over and kissed
• 1:55:55
  Speaker 1: me on the forehead in a way that was really
• 1:55:57
  Speaker 1: full of reverence. We had quite a delightful evening, I mean,
• 1:56:02
  Speaker 1: because we all seemed to understand one another, because, after all,
• 1:56:06
  Speaker 1: Dorothy and I could really have a platonic friendship with
• 1:56:09
  Speaker 1: gentlemen like Louis and Robert. I mean, there seems to
• 1:56:13
  Speaker 1: be something common between us, especially when we all get
• 1:56:16
  Speaker 1: to thinking about Lady Francis Beakman. So they are going
• 1:56:20
  Speaker 1: to charge Lady Francis Beakman quite a lot of money
• 1:56:23
  Speaker 1: when they give her the imitation of a diamond Tiara.
• 1:56:26
  Speaker 1: And I told Robert if she seems to complain, to
• 1:56:29
  Speaker 1: ask her if she knew that Sir Francis Beakman sent
• 1:56:32
  Speaker 1: me ten pounds worth of orchids every day while we
• 1:56:35
  Speaker 1: were in London, so that would make her so angry
• 1:56:38
  Speaker 1: that she would be glad to pay almost anything to
• 1:56:41
  Speaker 1: get the diamond Tiara. So when Lady Francis Beakman pays
• 1:56:45
  Speaker 1: them all the money, Louis and Robert are going to
• 1:56:47
  Speaker 1: give us a dinner in our honor at Ciros. So
• 1:56:51
  Speaker 1: when mister Eisman gets here on Saturday, Dorothy and I
• 1:56:54
  Speaker 1: are going to make mister Eisman give Louis and Robert
• 1:56:57
  Speaker 1: a dinner and their honor at Ciros because of all
• 1:57:00
  Speaker 1: the way they helped us when we were two American
• 1:57:02
  Speaker 1: girls all alone in Paris and could not even speak
• 1:57:06
  Speaker 1: the French language. So Louis and Robert asked us to
• 1:57:09
  Speaker 1: come to a party at their sister's house today, but
• 1:57:12
  Speaker 1: Dorothy says we had better not go because it is
• 1:57:15
  Speaker 1: reigning and we both have brand new umbrellas that are
• 1:57:18
  Speaker 1: quite cute, and Dorothy says she would not think of
• 1:57:21
  Speaker 1: leaving a brand new umbrella in a French ladies hall.
• 1:57:24
  Speaker 1: And it is no fun to hang on to an
• 1:57:26
  Speaker 1: umbrella all the time you are at a party. So
• 1:57:30
  Speaker 1: we had better be on the safe side and stay away.
• 1:57:33
  Speaker 1: So we called up Louis and told him we had
• 1:57:35
  Speaker 1: a headache. But we thanked him for all his hospitality,
• 1:57:40
  Speaker 1: because it is the way all the French people like
• 1:57:42
  Speaker 1: Louis and Robert are so hospitable to we Americans. That
• 1:57:46
  Speaker 1: really makes Paris so divine the central of Europe. May sixteenth.
• 1:57:53
  Speaker 1: I really have not written in my diary for quite
• 1:57:56
  Speaker 1: a long time because mister Eisman arrived in Paris. And
• 1:58:00
  Speaker 1: when mister Eisman is in Paris, we really do not
• 1:58:03
  Speaker 1: seem to do practically anything else but the same thing.
• 1:58:07
  Speaker 1: I mean, we go shopping, and we go to a show,
• 1:58:10
  Speaker 1: and we go to momart, and when a girl is
• 1:58:12
  Speaker 1: always going with mister Eisman, nothing practically happens. And I
• 1:58:17
  Speaker 1: did not even bother to learn any more French, because
• 1:58:21
  Speaker 1: I always seemed to think it is better to leave
• 1:58:22
  Speaker 1: French to those that cannot do anything else but talk French.
• 1:58:27
  Speaker 1: So finally, mister Eisman seemed to lose quite a lot
• 1:58:30
  Speaker 1: of interest in all of my shopping. So he heard
• 1:58:33
  Speaker 1: about a button factory that was for sale quite cheaply
• 1:58:36
  Speaker 1: in Vienna. And as mister Eisman is in the button profession,
• 1:58:40
  Speaker 1: he thought it would be quite a good thing to
• 1:58:42
  Speaker 1: have a button factory in Vienna. So he went to Vienna,
• 1:58:46
  Speaker 1: and he said he did not care if he did
• 1:58:47
  Speaker 1: not ever see the Rue de la Pey again. So
• 1:58:51
  Speaker 1: he said, if he thought Vienna would be good for
• 1:58:53
  Speaker 1: a girl's brains, he would send for Dorothy and I
• 1:58:56
  Speaker 1: and we could meet him at Vienna and learn something,
• 1:59:00
  Speaker 1: because mister Eisman really wants me to get educated more
• 1:59:03
  Speaker 1: than anything else, especially shopping. So now we have a telegram,
• 1:59:08
  Speaker 1: and mister Eisman says in the telegram for Dorothy and
• 1:59:11
  Speaker 1: I to take an Oriental express because we really ought
• 1:59:14
  Speaker 1: to see the central of Europe, because we American girls
• 1:59:17
  Speaker 1: have quite a lot to learn in the central of Europe.
• 1:59:20
  Speaker 1: So Dorothy says, if mister Eisman wants us to see
• 1:59:23
  Speaker 1: the central of Europe, she bets there is not a
• 1:59:26
  Speaker 1: Rue de la pay in the whole central of Europe.
• 1:59:29
  Speaker 1: So Dorothy and I are going to take an Oriental
• 1:59:32
  Speaker 1: Express tomorrow, and I really think it is quite unusual
• 1:59:35
  Speaker 1: for two American girls like I and Dorothy to take
• 1:59:38
  Speaker 1: an Oriental Express all alone, because it seems that in
• 1:59:41
  Speaker 1: the central of Europe they talk some other kinds of
• 1:59:44
  Speaker 1: languages which we do not understand besides French. But I
• 1:59:49
  Speaker 1: always think that there is nearly always some gentleman who
• 1:59:51
  Speaker 1: will protect two American girls like I and Dorothy who
• 1:59:55
  Speaker 1: are all alone and who are traveling in the central
• 1:59:58
  Speaker 1: of Europe to get educated. May seventeenth. So now we
• 2:00:03
  Speaker 1: are on an Oriental Express, and everything seems to be
• 2:00:07
  Speaker 1: quite unusual. I mean, Dorothy and I got up this
• 2:00:10
  Speaker 1: morning and we looked out of the window of our compartment,
• 2:00:13
  Speaker 1: and it was really quite unusual because it was farms,
• 2:00:17
  Speaker 1: and we saw quite a lot of girls who seemed
• 2:00:19
  Speaker 1: to be putting small size haystacks on too large size
• 2:00:23
  Speaker 1: haystacks while their husbands seemed to sit at a table
• 2:00:26
  Speaker 1: under quite a shady tree and drink beer, or else
• 2:00:30
  Speaker 1: their husband seemed to sit on a fence and smoke
• 2:00:32
  Speaker 1: their pipe and watch them. So Dorothy and I looked
• 2:00:35
  Speaker 1: at two girls who seemed to be plowing up all
• 2:00:38
  Speaker 1: of the ground with only the aid of a cow,
• 2:00:40
  Speaker 1: and Dorothy said, I think we girls have gone one
• 2:00:43
  Speaker 1: step too far away from New York because it begins
• 2:00:46
  Speaker 1: to look to me as if the central of Europe
• 2:00:48
  Speaker 1: is no country for we girls. So we both became
• 2:00:52
  Speaker 1: quite worried. I mean I became quite depressed because if
• 2:00:56
  Speaker 1: this is what mister Eisman thinks we American girls ought
• 2:00:59
  Speaker 1: to learn, I really think it is quite depressing. So
• 2:01:03
  Speaker 1: I do not think we care to meet any gentleman
• 2:01:05
  Speaker 1: who have been born and raised in the central of Europe.
• 2:01:09
  Speaker 1: I mean, the more I travel and the more I
• 2:01:11
  Speaker 1: seem to see other gentlemen, the more I seem to
• 2:01:14
  Speaker 1: think of American gentleman. So now I am going to
• 2:01:17
  Speaker 1: get dressed and go to the dining car and look
• 2:01:20
  Speaker 1: for some American gentleman and hold a conversation because I
• 2:01:24
  Speaker 1: really feel so depressed. I mean, Dorothy keeps trying to
• 2:01:28
  Speaker 1: depress me because she keeps saying that I will probably
• 2:01:31
  Speaker 1: end up in a farm in the central of Europe
• 2:01:34
  Speaker 1: doing a sister act with a plow. Because Dorothy's jokes
• 2:01:38
  Speaker 1: are really very unrefined, and I think that I will
• 2:01:40
  Speaker 1: feel much better if I go to the dining car
• 2:01:43
  Speaker 1: and have some luncheon. Well, I went to the dining
• 2:01:46
  Speaker 1: car and I met a gentleman who was quite a
• 2:01:49
  Speaker 1: delightful American gentleman. I mean, it was quite a coincidence
• 2:01:53
  Speaker 1: because we girls have always heard about Henry Spofford, and
• 2:01:57
  Speaker 1: it was really nobody else but the famous Henry Spofford,
• 2:02:00
  Speaker 1: who is the famous Spofford family, who is a very
• 2:02:04
  Speaker 1: very fine old family who is very very wealthy. I mean,
• 2:02:08
  Speaker 1: mister Spofford is one of the most famous families in
• 2:02:10
  Speaker 1: New York. And he is not like most gentlemen who
• 2:02:13
  Speaker 1: are wealthy, but he works all of the time for
• 2:02:16
  Speaker 1: the good of others. I mean, he is a gentleman
• 2:02:19
  Speaker 1: who always gets his picture in all of the newspapers
• 2:02:22
  Speaker 1: because he is always censuring all of the plays that
• 2:02:25
  Speaker 1: are not good for people's morals. And all of we
• 2:02:28
  Speaker 1: girls remember the time when he was in the ritz
• 2:02:30
  Speaker 1: for luncheon and he met a gentleman friend of his,
• 2:02:33
  Speaker 1: and the gentleman friend had Peggy Hopkins joice to luncheon,
• 2:02:37
  Speaker 1: and he introduced Peggy Hopkins choice to mister Spofford, and
• 2:02:41
  Speaker 1: mister Spofford turned on his heels and walked away. Because
• 2:02:45
  Speaker 1: mister Spofford is a very very famous Presbyterian, and he
• 2:02:49
  Speaker 1: is really much too Presbyterian to meet Peggy Hopkins Joyce.
• 2:02:54
  Speaker 1: I mean, it is unusual to see a gentleman who
• 2:02:56
  Speaker 1: is such a young gentleman as mister Spofford, be so Presbyterian,
• 2:03:01
  Speaker 1: because when most gentlemen are thirty five years of age,
• 2:03:04
  Speaker 1: their minds nearly always seemed to be on something else.
• 2:03:08
  Speaker 1: So when I saw no one else but the famous
• 2:03:10
  Speaker 1: mister Spofford, I really became quite thrilled, because all of
• 2:03:15
  Speaker 1: we girls have tried very hard to have an introduction
• 2:03:17
  Speaker 1: to Henry Spofford, and it was quite unusual to be
• 2:03:20
  Speaker 1: shut up on a train in the central of Europe
• 2:03:23
  Speaker 1: with him. So I thought it would be quite unusual
• 2:03:26
  Speaker 1: for a girl like I to have a friendship with
• 2:03:28
  Speaker 1: a gentleman like mister Spofford, who really does not even
• 2:03:31
  Speaker 1: look at a girl unless she at least looks like
• 2:03:34
  Speaker 1: a Presbyterian. And I mean, our family and little Rock
• 2:03:37
  Speaker 1: were really not so Presbyterian. So I thought I would
• 2:03:41
  Speaker 1: sit at his table. So then I had to ask
• 2:03:44
  Speaker 1: him about all of the money, because all of the
• 2:03:46
  Speaker 1: money they use in the central of Europe has not
• 2:03:49
  Speaker 1: even got so much sense to it as the kind
• 2:03:51
  Speaker 1: of franks they use in Paris, because it seems to
• 2:03:54
  Speaker 1: be called cronan's and it seems to take quite a
• 2:03:57
  Speaker 1: lot of them, because it takes fifty thousand and of
• 2:04:00
  Speaker 1: them to even buy a small sized package of cigarettes.
• 2:04:03
  Speaker 1: And Dorothy says, if the cigarettes had tobacco in them,
• 2:04:06
  Speaker 1: we couldn't lift enough cronans over a counter to pay
• 2:04:09
  Speaker 1: for a package. So this morning Dorothy and I asked
• 2:04:13
  Speaker 1: the porter to bring us a bottle of champagne, and
• 2:04:15
  Speaker 1: we really did not know what to give him for
• 2:04:17
  Speaker 1: a tip. So Dorothy said for me to take one
• 2:04:20
  Speaker 1: of the things called a one million cronans, and she
• 2:04:23
  Speaker 1: would take one of them called a one million cronans,
• 2:04:26
  Speaker 1: and I would give him mine first, and if he
• 2:04:28
  Speaker 1: gave me quite a dirty look, she would give him hers.
• 2:04:32
  Speaker 1: So after we paid for the bottle of champagne, I
• 2:04:34
  Speaker 1: gave him my one million cronans, and before we could
• 2:04:38
  Speaker 1: do anything else, he started in to grabbing my hand
• 2:04:41
  Speaker 1: and kissing my hand and getting down on his knees,
• 2:04:44
  Speaker 1: so we finally had to push him right out of
• 2:04:46
  Speaker 1: the compartment. So one million cronans seemed to be enough.
• 2:04:51
  Speaker 1: So I told mister Spofford how we did not know
• 2:04:54
  Speaker 1: what to give the porter when he brought us our
• 2:04:56
  Speaker 1: bottle of mineral water, so that I asked him to
• 2:04:59
  Speaker 1: tell me all about all of the money, because I
• 2:05:01
  Speaker 1: told him I always seemed to think that a penny
• 2:05:03
  Speaker 1: earned was a penny saved, so it really was quite unusual,
• 2:05:07
  Speaker 1: because mister Spofford said that that was his favorite motto.
• 2:05:12
  Speaker 1: So then we got to talking quite a lot, and
• 2:05:15
  Speaker 1: I told him that I was traveling to get educated,
• 2:05:18
  Speaker 1: and I told him I had a girl with me
• 2:05:19
  Speaker 1: who I was trying to reform because I thought if
• 2:05:22
  Speaker 1: she would put her mind more on getting educated, she
• 2:05:25
  Speaker 1: would get more reformed. Because after all, mister Spofford will
• 2:05:30
  Speaker 1: have to meet Dorothy sooner or later, and he might
• 2:05:33
  Speaker 1: wonder what a refined girl like I was doing with
• 2:05:36
  Speaker 1: a girl like Dorothy. So mister Spofford really became quite intrigued,
• 2:05:41
  Speaker 1: because mister Spofford loves to reform people, and he loves
• 2:05:44
  Speaker 1: to censure everything, and he really came over to Europe
• 2:05:48
  Speaker 1: to look at all the things that Americans come over
• 2:05:50
  Speaker 1: to Europe to look at when they really should not
• 2:05:52
  Speaker 1: look at them, but they should look at all of
• 2:05:54
  Speaker 1: the museums instead, because if that is all we Americans
• 2:05:58
  Speaker 1: come to Europe to look at, we should stay home
• 2:06:00
  Speaker 1: and look at America first. So mister Spofford spends all
• 2:06:04
  Speaker 1: of his time looking at things that spoil people's morals.
• 2:06:08
  Speaker 1: So mister Spofford really must have very very strong morals,
• 2:06:12
  Speaker 1: or else all the things that spoil other people's morals
• 2:06:15
  Speaker 1: would spoil his morals. But they do not seem to
• 2:06:18
  Speaker 1: spoil mister Spofford's morals. And I really think it is
• 2:06:21
  Speaker 1: wonderful to have such strong morals. So I told mister
• 2:06:25
  Speaker 1: Spofford that I thought that civilization is not what it
• 2:06:28
  Speaker 1: ought to be, and we really ought to have something
• 2:06:30
  Speaker 1: else to take its place. So mister Spofford said that
• 2:06:34
  Speaker 1: he would come to call on Dorothy and I in
• 2:06:36
  Speaker 1: our compartment this afternoon and we would talk it all
• 2:06:39
  Speaker 1: over if his mother does not seem to need him
• 2:06:41
  Speaker 1: in her compartment, because mister Spofford's mother always travels with
• 2:06:45
  Speaker 1: mister Spofford, and he never does anything unless he tells
• 2:06:49
  Speaker 1: his mother all about it and asks his mother if
• 2:06:51
  Speaker 1: he ought to. So he told me that that is
• 2:06:54
  Speaker 1: the reason he has never got married, because his mother
• 2:06:58
  Speaker 1: does not think that all of the flappers seemed to
• 2:07:00
  Speaker 1: have nowadays are what a young man ought to marry
• 2:07:03
  Speaker 1: when a young man is full of so many morals
• 2:07:06
  Speaker 1: as mister Spofford seems to be full of. So I
• 2:07:09
  Speaker 1: told mister Spofford that I really felt just like his
• 2:07:12
  Speaker 1: mother feels about all of the flappers, because I am
• 2:07:15
  Speaker 1: an old fashioned girl. So then I got to worrying
• 2:07:19
  Speaker 1: about Dorothy quite a lot, because Dorothy is really not
• 2:07:22
  Speaker 1: so old fashion, and she might say something in front
• 2:07:25
  Speaker 1: of mister Spofford that might make mister Spofford wonder what
• 2:07:28
  Speaker 1: such an old fashioned girl as I was doing with
• 2:07:31
  Speaker 1: such a girl as Dorothy. So I told him how
• 2:07:34
  Speaker 1: I was having quite a hard time reforming Dorothy, and
• 2:07:38
  Speaker 1: I would like to have him meet Dorothy so he
• 2:07:40
  Speaker 1: could tell me if he really thinks I am wasting
• 2:07:42
  Speaker 1: quite a lot of time trying to reform a girl
• 2:07:45
  Speaker 1: like Dorothy. So then he had to go to his mother.
• 2:07:49
  Speaker 1: So I really hope that Dorothy will act more reform
• 2:07:52
  Speaker 1: than she usually acts in front of mister Spofford. Well,
• 2:07:56
  Speaker 1: mister Spofford just left our compartment, so he really came
• 2:07:59
  Speaker 1: to pay a call on us after all. So mister
• 2:08:02
  Speaker 1: Spofford told us all about his mother, and I was
• 2:08:05
  Speaker 1: really very very intrigued, because if mister Spofford and I
• 2:08:09
  Speaker 1: become friendly, he is the kind of gentleman that always
• 2:08:12
  Speaker 1: wants a girl to meet his mother. I mean, if
• 2:08:14
  Speaker 1: a girl gets to know what kind of a mother
• 2:08:16
  Speaker 1: a gentleman's mother is, like, she really knows more what
• 2:08:20
  Speaker 1: kind of a conversation to use on a gentleman's mother
• 2:08:23
  Speaker 1: when she meets her, because a girl like I is
• 2:08:26
  Speaker 1: really always on the verge of meeting gentlemen's mothers. But
• 2:08:30
  Speaker 1: such an unrefined girl as Dorothy is really not the
• 2:08:33
  Speaker 1: kind of girl that ever meets gentlemen's mother's. So mister
• 2:08:38
  Speaker 1: Spofford says his mother has to have him take care
• 2:08:40
  Speaker 1: of her quite a lot, because mister Spofford's mother's brains
• 2:08:44
  Speaker 1: have never really been so strong, because it seems his
• 2:08:47
  Speaker 1: mother came from such a very fine old family that
• 2:08:50
  Speaker 1: even when she was quite a small sized child, she
• 2:08:53
  Speaker 1: had to be sent to a school that was a
• 2:08:56
  Speaker 1: special school for people of very fine old families who
• 2:08:59
  Speaker 1: had to have things very easy on their brain. So
• 2:09:03
  Speaker 1: she still has to have things very easy on her brain.
• 2:09:06
  Speaker 1: So she has a girl who has called her companion,
• 2:09:08
  Speaker 1: who goes with her everywhere, who is called Miss Chapman,
• 2:09:13
  Speaker 1: because mister Spofford says that there is always something new
• 2:09:16
  Speaker 1: going on in the world which they did not get
• 2:09:18
  Speaker 1: a chance to tell her about at the school. So
• 2:09:21
  Speaker 1: now Miss Chapman keeps telling her instead, because how would
• 2:09:25
  Speaker 1: she know what to think about such a new thing
• 2:09:27
  Speaker 1: as a radio, for instance, if she did not have
• 2:09:29
  Speaker 1: a Miss Chapman to tell her what it was for instance.
• 2:09:33
  Speaker 1: So Dorothy spoke up, and Dorothy said, what a responsibility
• 2:09:38
  Speaker 1: that girl has got on her shoulders. For instance, what
• 2:09:41
  Speaker 1: if Miss Chapman told her a radio was something to
• 2:09:43
  Speaker 1: build a fire in and she would get cold some
• 2:09:46
  Speaker 1: day and stuff it full of papers and light it.
• 2:09:49
  Speaker 1: But mister Spofford told Dorothy that Miss Chapman would never
• 2:09:53
  Speaker 1: make such a mistake, because he said that Miss Chapman
• 2:09:56
  Speaker 1: came from a very very fine old family herself, and
• 2:09:59
  Speaker 1: she a very fine brain. So Dorothy said, if she
• 2:10:03
  Speaker 1: really has got such a fine brain, I bet her
• 2:10:06
  Speaker 1: fine old family once had an ice man who could
• 2:10:09
  Speaker 1: not be trusted. So mister Spofford and I did not
• 2:10:12
  Speaker 1: pay any more attention to Dorothy, because Dorothy really does
• 2:10:16
  Speaker 1: not know how to hold a conversation. So then I
• 2:10:20
  Speaker 1: and mister Spofford held a conversation all about morals, and
• 2:10:24
  Speaker 1: mister Spofford says he really thinks the future of everything
• 2:10:27
  Speaker 1: is between the hands of mister Blank, the district attorney,
• 2:10:30
  Speaker 1: who is now the famous district attorney, who is closing
• 2:10:33
  Speaker 1: up all the places in New York where they sell
• 2:10:36
  Speaker 1: all of the liquor. So mister Spofford said that a
• 2:10:39
  Speaker 1: few months ago, when mister Blank decided he would try
• 2:10:42
  Speaker 1: to get the job to be the district attorney, he
• 2:10:45
  Speaker 1: put one thousand dollars worth of liquor down his sink.
• 2:10:48
  Speaker 1: So now mister Blank says that everybody else has got
• 2:10:51
  Speaker 1: to put it down there sink. So Dorothy spoke up,
• 2:10:55
  Speaker 1: and Dorothy said, if he poured one thousand dollars worth
• 2:10:58
  Speaker 1: down his sink to get himself one million dollars worth
• 2:11:01
  Speaker 1: of publicity and a good job. When we pour it
• 2:11:04
  Speaker 1: down our sink, what do we get. But mister Spofford
• 2:11:09
  Speaker 1: is too brainy a gentleman to answer any such a
• 2:11:11
  Speaker 1: foolish question, so he gave Dorothy a look that was
• 2:11:15
  Speaker 1: full of dignity, and he said he would have to
• 2:11:17
  Speaker 1: go back to his mother. So I was really quite
• 2:11:21
  Speaker 1: angry at Dorothy. So I followed mister Spofford down the
• 2:11:25
  Speaker 1: hall of the railway train, and I asked mister Spofford
• 2:11:28
  Speaker 1: if he thought I was wasting quite a lot of
• 2:11:30
  Speaker 1: time reforming a girl like Dorothy. So mister Spofford thinks
• 2:11:34
  Speaker 1: I am, because he really thinks a girl like Dorothy
• 2:11:37
  Speaker 1: will never have any reference. So I told mister Spofford
• 2:11:41
  Speaker 1: I had wasted so much time on Dorothy it would
• 2:11:44
  Speaker 1: really break my heart to be a failure. So then
• 2:11:47
  Speaker 1: I had tears in my eyes. So mister Spofford is
• 2:11:51
  Speaker 1: really very very sympathetic, because when he saw that I
• 2:11:54
  Speaker 1: did not have any handkerchief, he took his own handkerchief
• 2:11:57
  Speaker 1: and he dried up all of my tears. So then
• 2:12:01
  Speaker 1: he said he would help me with Dorothy quite a
• 2:12:03
  Speaker 1: lot and get her mind to running on things that
• 2:12:06
  Speaker 1: are more educational. So then he said he thought that
• 2:12:10
  Speaker 1: we ought to get off the train at a place
• 2:12:12
  Speaker 1: called Munich because it was very full of art, which
• 2:12:15
  Speaker 1: they call kunst in Munich, which is very very educational.
• 2:12:20
  Speaker 1: So he said he and Dorothy and I would get
• 2:12:22
  Speaker 1: off of the train in Munich because he could send
• 2:12:24
  Speaker 1: his mother right on to Vienna with miss Chapman, because
• 2:12:28
  Speaker 1: every place always seems to look alike to his mother anyway.
• 2:12:32
  Speaker 1: So we are all going to get off the train
• 2:12:33
  Speaker 1: at Munich, and I can send mister Eisman a telegram
• 2:12:36
  Speaker 1: when nobody is looking, because I really do not think
• 2:12:39
  Speaker 1: I will tell mister Spofford about mister Eisman, because, after all,
• 2:12:44
  Speaker 1: their religions are different, and when two gentlemen have such
• 2:12:47
  Speaker 1: different religions, they do not seem to have so much
• 2:12:50
  Speaker 1: to get congenial about. So I can telegraph mister Eisman
• 2:12:54
  Speaker 1: that Dorothy and I thought we would get off the
• 2:12:56
  Speaker 1: train at Munich to look at all of the art.
• 2:12:59
  Speaker 1: So that I went back to Dorothy, and I told
• 2:13:02
  Speaker 1: Dorothy if she did not have anything to say in
• 2:13:04
  Speaker 1: the future, to not say it, because even if mister
• 2:13:07
  Speaker 1: Spofford is a fine old family, and even if he
• 2:13:11
  Speaker 1: is very Presbyterian, I and he could really be friendly
• 2:13:15
  Speaker 1: after all and talk together quite a lot. I mean,
• 2:13:18
  Speaker 1: mister Spofford likes to talk about himself quite a lot.
• 2:13:22
  Speaker 1: So I said to Dorothy, it really shows that after all,
• 2:13:26
  Speaker 1: he is just like any other gentleman. But Dorothy said
• 2:13:30
  Speaker 1: she would demand more proof than that. So Dorothy says
• 2:13:34
  Speaker 1: she thinks that maybe I might become quite friendly with
• 2:13:36
  Speaker 1: mister Spofford, and especially with his mother, because she thinks
• 2:13:40
  Speaker 1: his mother and I have quite a lot in common.
• 2:13:43
  Speaker 1: But she says, if I ever bump into Miss Chapman,
• 2:13:46
  Speaker 1: she thinks I will come to a croper. Because Dorothy
• 2:13:49
  Speaker 1: saw miss Chapman when she was at a luncheon, and
• 2:13:52
  Speaker 1: Dorothy says, Miss Chapman is the kind of a girl
• 2:13:54
  Speaker 1: that wears a collar and a tie even when she
• 2:13:57
  Speaker 1: is not on horseback. And Dorothy said it was the
• 2:14:01
  Speaker 1: look that Miss Chapman gave her at luncheon that really
• 2:14:03
  Speaker 1: gave her the idea about the iceman. So Dorothy says
• 2:14:07
  Speaker 1: she thinks miss Chapman has got three thirds of the
• 2:14:09
  Speaker 1: brains of that trio of jigens, because jigens is the
• 2:14:13
  Speaker 1: slang word that Dorothy has thought up to use on
• 2:14:15
  Speaker 1: people who are society people. Because Dorothy says she thinks
• 2:14:19
  Speaker 1: any gentleman with mister Spofford's brains ought to spend his
• 2:14:23
  Speaker 1: time putting Nichols into an electric piano. But I did
• 2:14:27
  Speaker 1: not even bother to talk back at such a girl
• 2:14:29
  Speaker 1: as Dorothy. So now we must get ready to get
• 2:14:32
  Speaker 1: off the train when the train gets to Munich, so
• 2:14:35
  Speaker 1: that we can look at all of the Coonstein Munich,
• 2:14:39
  Speaker 1: May nineteenth. Well, yesterday mister Spofford and I and Dorothy
• 2:14:44
  Speaker 1: got off the train at Munich to see all the
• 2:14:46
  Speaker 1: Coonston Munich. But you only call it Munich when you
• 2:14:50
  Speaker 1: are on the train, because as soon as you get
• 2:14:52
  Speaker 1: off of the train they seem to call it Munchein.
• 2:14:55
  Speaker 1: So you really would know that Munchin was full of
• 2:14:58
  Speaker 1: konst because in every that you would not know it.
• 2:15:01
  Speaker 1: They have painted the word Kunst in large sized black
• 2:15:04
  Speaker 1: letters on everything in Muncheon, and you cannot even see
• 2:15:08
  Speaker 1: a boots black stand in Munchein that is not full
• 2:15:11
  Speaker 1: of Kunst. So mister Spofford said that we really ought
• 2:15:15
  Speaker 1: to go to the theater in Munchen, because even the
• 2:15:18
  Speaker 1: theater in Munchen was full of kunst. So we looked
• 2:15:21
  Speaker 1: at all of the bills of all of the theaters
• 2:15:24
  Speaker 1: with the aid of quite an intellectual hotel clerk who
• 2:15:27
  Speaker 1: seemed to be able to read it and tell us
• 2:15:29
  Speaker 1: what it said, because it really meant nothing to us.
• 2:15:33
  Speaker 1: So it seems they were playing Kiki in Munchin. So
• 2:15:37
  Speaker 1: I said, let us go and see Kiki, because we
• 2:15:40
  Speaker 1: have seen leonor Ulrich in New York and we would
• 2:15:43
  Speaker 1: really know what it was all about, even if they
• 2:15:45
  Speaker 1: do not seem to talk the English language. So then
• 2:15:48
  Speaker 1: we went to the Kunst Theater. So it seems that
• 2:15:52
  Speaker 1: Munchen is practically full of Germans, and the lobby of
• 2:15:55
  Speaker 1: the Kunst Theater was really full of Germans who stand
• 2:15:58
  Speaker 1: in the lobby and think beer and eat quite a
• 2:16:01
  Speaker 1: lot of Bermudian onions and garlic sausage and hard boiled
• 2:16:05
  Speaker 1: eggs and beer before all of the acts. So I
• 2:16:09
  Speaker 1: really had to ask mister Spofford if he thought we
• 2:16:11
  Speaker 1: had come to the right theater, because the lobby seemed
• 2:16:14
  Speaker 1: to smell such a lot. I mean, when the smell
• 2:16:17
  Speaker 1: of beer gets to be antique, it gets to smell
• 2:16:20
  Speaker 1: quite a lot. But mister Spofford seemed to think that
• 2:16:24
  Speaker 1: the lobby of the Coon's Theater did not smell any
• 2:16:26
  Speaker 1: worse than all of the other places in Munich. So
• 2:16:30
  Speaker 1: then Dorothy spoke up, and Dorothy said, you can say
• 2:16:33
  Speaker 1: what you want about the Germans being full of coonst,
• 2:16:36
  Speaker 1: but what they are really full of is delicatessen. So
• 2:16:40
  Speaker 1: then we went into the Coon's Theater. But the Coon's
• 2:16:43
  Speaker 1: theater does not seem to smell so good as the
• 2:16:46
  Speaker 1: lobby of the Coon's Theater, and the Coon's Theater seems
• 2:16:49
  Speaker 1: to be decorated with quite a lot of what tripe
• 2:16:51
  Speaker 1: would look like if it was pasted on the wall
• 2:16:54
  Speaker 1: and gilded, only you could not really see the gilding
• 2:16:58
  Speaker 1: because it was covered with quite a lot lot of dust.
• 2:17:01
  Speaker 1: So Dorothy looked around, and Dorothy said, if this is Koonst,
• 2:17:06
  Speaker 1: the art center of the world is Union Hill, New Jersey.
• 2:17:10
  Speaker 1: So then they started in to playing Kiki, but it
• 2:17:13
  Speaker 1: seems that it was not the same kind of Kiki
• 2:17:15
  Speaker 1: that we have in America, because it seemed to be
• 2:17:18
  Speaker 1: all about a family of large sized German people who
• 2:17:21
  Speaker 1: seemed to keep getting in each other's ways. I mean,
• 2:17:24
  Speaker 1: when a stage is completely full of two or three
• 2:17:26
  Speaker 1: German people who are quite large size, they really cannot
• 2:17:30
  Speaker 1: help it if they seem to get in each other's ways.
• 2:17:33
  Speaker 1: So then Dorothy got to talking with a young gentleman
• 2:17:36
  Speaker 1: who seemed to be a German gentleman who sat back
• 2:17:38
  Speaker 1: of her who she thought was applauding, but what he
• 2:17:42
  Speaker 1: was really doing was cracking a hard boiled egg on
• 2:17:45
  Speaker 1: the back of her chair. So he talked English with
• 2:17:48
  Speaker 1: quite an accent that seemed to be quite a German accent.
• 2:17:51
  Speaker 1: So Dorothy asked him if Keky had come out on
• 2:17:54
  Speaker 1: the stage yet, so he said no, but she was
• 2:17:57
  Speaker 1: really a beautiful German actress who came clear from Berlin,
• 2:18:01
  Speaker 1: and he said we should really wait until she came out,
• 2:18:04
  Speaker 1: even if we did not seem to understand it. So
• 2:18:07
  Speaker 1: finally she came out. I mean we knew it was
• 2:18:11
  Speaker 1: her because Dorothy's gentleman friend nudged Dorothy with a sausage.
• 2:18:15
  Speaker 1: So we looked at her, and we looked at her,
• 2:18:18
  Speaker 1: and Dorothy said, if Schumann Heinka still has a grandmother,
• 2:18:22
  Speaker 1: we have dug her up in Muncheon. So we did
• 2:18:25
  Speaker 1: not bother to see any more of Kiki because Dorothy
• 2:18:29
  Speaker 1: said she would really have to know more about the
• 2:18:31
  Speaker 1: foundations of that building before she would risk our lives
• 2:18:34
  Speaker 1: to see Kekey do that famous scene where she faints
• 2:18:37
  Speaker 1: in the last act. Because Dorothy said, if the foundations
• 2:18:41
  Speaker 1: of that building were as antique as the smell there
• 2:18:44
  Speaker 1: was going to be a catastrophe when Keiki hit the floor.
• 2:18:48
  Speaker 1: So even mister Spofford was quite discouraged, but he was
• 2:18:51
  Speaker 1: really glad because he said he was one hundred percent
• 2:18:54
  Speaker 1: of an American and it served the Germans right for
• 2:18:58
  Speaker 1: starting such a war against all we Americans. May twentieth, well, today,
• 2:19:04
  Speaker 1: mister Spofford is going to take me all around to
• 2:19:07
  Speaker 1: all of the museums in Muncheon, which are full of
• 2:19:09
  Speaker 1: coonst that I really ought to look at. But Dorothy
• 2:19:13
  Speaker 1: said she had been punished for all of her sins
• 2:19:15
  Speaker 1: last night, so now she is going to begin life
• 2:19:18
  Speaker 1: all over again by going out with her German gentleman friend,
• 2:19:21
  Speaker 1: who is going to take her to a house called
• 2:19:23
  Speaker 1: the Half Brow House, which is the world's largest size
• 2:19:27
  Speaker 1: of a beer hall. So Dorothy said, I could be
• 2:19:30
  Speaker 1: a high brow and get full of coonst, but she
• 2:19:33
  Speaker 1: is satisfying to be a half brow and get full
• 2:19:36
  Speaker 1: of beer. But Dorothy will really never be full of
• 2:19:39
  Speaker 1: anything else but unrefinement. May twenty first, well, mister Spofford
• 2:19:47
  Speaker 1: and I and Dorothy are on the train again and
• 2:19:50
  Speaker 1: we are all going to Vienna. I mean, mister Spofford
• 2:19:53
  Speaker 1: and I spent one whole day going through all of
• 2:19:55
  Speaker 1: the museums in Muncheon. But I am really not even
• 2:19:58
  Speaker 1: going to think about it, because when something terrible happens
• 2:20:02
  Speaker 1: to me, I always try to be a Christian science
• 2:20:05
  Speaker 1: and I simply do not even think about it. But
• 2:20:08
  Speaker 1: I deny that it ever happened, even if my feet
• 2:20:10
  Speaker 1: do seemed to hurt quite a lot. So even Dorothy
• 2:20:14
  Speaker 1: had quite a hard day in Muncheon because her German
• 2:20:17
  Speaker 1: gentleman friend, who is called Rudolph, came for her at
• 2:20:20
  Speaker 1: eleven o'clock to take her to breakfast, but Dorothy told
• 2:20:24
  Speaker 1: him that she had had her breakfast, but her gentleman
• 2:20:27
  Speaker 1: friend said that he had had his first breakfast too,
• 2:20:30
  Speaker 1: but it was time for his second, so he took
• 2:20:32
  Speaker 1: Dorothy to the half brow house where everybody eats white
• 2:20:36
  Speaker 1: sausages and pretzels and beer at eleven o'clock. So after
• 2:20:40
  Speaker 1: they had their white sausages and beer, he wanted to
• 2:20:43
  Speaker 1: take her for a ride, but they could only go
• 2:20:45
  Speaker 1: a few blocks because by then it was time for luncheon,
• 2:20:50
  Speaker 1: so they ate quite a lot of luncheon, and then
• 2:20:52
  Speaker 1: he bought her a large sized box of chocolates that
• 2:20:55
  Speaker 1: were full of liqueurs and took her to the matinee.
• 2:20:59
  Speaker 1: So after the first Rudolf got hungry and they had
• 2:21:02
  Speaker 1: to go and stand in the lobby and have some
• 2:21:05
  Speaker 1: sandwiches and beer. But Dorothy did not enjoy the show
• 2:21:08
  Speaker 1: very much, and so after the second act Rudolf said
• 2:21:11
  Speaker 1: they would leave because it was time for tea anyway,
• 2:21:15
  Speaker 1: So after quite a heavy tea, Rudolf asked her to dinner,
• 2:21:19
  Speaker 1: and Dorothy was too overcome to say no. So after
• 2:21:23
  Speaker 1: dinner they went to a beer garden for beer and pretzels.
• 2:21:27
  Speaker 1: But finally Dorothy began to come too and she asked
• 2:21:30
  Speaker 1: him to take her back to the hotel. So Rudolf
• 2:21:33
  Speaker 1: said he would, but they had better have a bite
• 2:21:35
  Speaker 1: to eat first. So today Dorothy really feels just as
• 2:21:40
  Speaker 1: discouraged as I seem to feel. Only Dorothy is not
• 2:21:43
  Speaker 1: a Christian science and all she can do is suffer.
• 2:21:48
  Speaker 1: But in spite of all my Christian science, I am
• 2:21:51
  Speaker 1: really beginning to feel quite discouraged about Vienna. I mean,
• 2:21:54
  Speaker 1: mister Eisman is in Vienna, and I do not see
• 2:21:57
  Speaker 1: how I can spend quite a lot of time with
• 2:21:59
  Speaker 1: mister Io and quite a lot of time with mister
• 2:22:02
  Speaker 1: Spofford and keep them from meeting one another, because mister
• 2:22:07
  Speaker 1: Spofford might not seem to understand why mister Eisman seems
• 2:22:11
  Speaker 1: to spend quite a lot of money to get me educated.
• 2:22:14
  Speaker 1: And Dorothy keeps trying to depress me about Miss Chapman
• 2:22:17
  Speaker 1: because she says she thinks that when Miss Chapman sees
• 2:22:20
  Speaker 1: I and mister Spofford together, she thinks that Miss Chapman
• 2:22:23
  Speaker 1: will cable for the family's favorite lunacy expert. So I
• 2:22:27
  Speaker 1: have got to be as full of Christian science as
• 2:22:29
  Speaker 1: I can and always hope for the best. May twenty fifth.
• 2:22:35
  Speaker 1: So far everything has really worked out for the best,
• 2:22:38
  Speaker 1: because mister Eisman is very, very busy all day with
• 2:22:41
  Speaker 1: the button profession, and he tells me to run around
• 2:22:44
  Speaker 1: with Dorothy all day, So I and mister Spofford run
• 2:22:48
  Speaker 1: around all day. So then I tell mister Spofford that
• 2:22:51
  Speaker 1: I really do not care to go all of the
• 2:22:53
  Speaker 1: places that you go to at night, but I will
• 2:22:56
  Speaker 1: go to bed and get ready for tomorrow instead. So
• 2:23:00
  Speaker 1: then Dorothy and I go to dinner with mister Eisman,
• 2:23:03
  Speaker 1: and then we go to a show, and we stay
• 2:23:05
  Speaker 1: up quite late at a cabaret called the chapeau rouge,
• 2:23:08
  Speaker 1: and I am able to keep it all up with
• 2:23:10
  Speaker 1: the aid of Champagne. So if we keep our eye
• 2:23:13
  Speaker 1: out from mister Spofford and do not all bump into
• 2:23:16
  Speaker 1: one another when he is out looking at things that
• 2:23:19
  Speaker 1: we Americans really should not look at, it will all
• 2:23:22
  Speaker 1: work out for the best. I mean, I have even
• 2:23:25
  Speaker 1: stopped mister Spofford looking at museums because I tell him
• 2:23:28
  Speaker 1: that I like nature better, and when you look at nature,
• 2:23:32
  Speaker 1: you look at it in a horse and buggy in
• 2:23:34
  Speaker 1: the park, and it is much easier on the feet.
• 2:23:37
  Speaker 1: So now he is beginning to talk about how he
• 2:23:40
  Speaker 1: would like me to meet his mother. So everything really
• 2:23:43
  Speaker 1: seems for the best after all. But I have quite
• 2:23:46
  Speaker 1: a hard time with mister Eisman at night. I mean
• 2:23:49
  Speaker 1: at night, mister Eisman is in quite a state because
• 2:23:53
  Speaker 1: every time he makes an engagement about the button factory,
• 2:23:56
  Speaker 1: it is time for all the gentlemen in Vienna to
• 2:23:58
  Speaker 1: go to the coffee house and sit or else. Every
• 2:24:01
  Speaker 1: time he makes an engagement about the button factory, some
• 2:24:05
  Speaker 1: Viennese gentleman gets the idea to have a picnic, and
• 2:24:08
  Speaker 1: they all put on short pants and bare knees, and
• 2:24:11
  Speaker 1: they all put a feather in their hat and they
• 2:24:13
  Speaker 1: all walk to the tarol. So it really discourages mister
• 2:24:17
  Speaker 1: Eisman quite a lot. But if anyone ought to get discouraged,
• 2:24:21
  Speaker 1: I think that I ought to get discouraged, because, after all,
• 2:24:25
  Speaker 1: when a girl has had no sleep for a week,
• 2:24:28
  Speaker 1: a girl cannot help it if she seems to get
• 2:24:30
  Speaker 1: discouraged May twenty seventh. Well, finally I broke down, and
• 2:24:36
  Speaker 1: mister Spofford said that he thought a little girl like
• 2:24:39
  Speaker 1: guy who was trying to reform the whole world, was
• 2:24:42
  Speaker 1: trying to do too much, especially beginning on a girl
• 2:24:45
  Speaker 1: like Dorothy. So he said there was a famous doctor
• 2:24:49
  Speaker 1: in Vienna called doctor Freud who could stop all of
• 2:24:52
  Speaker 1: my worrying because he does not give a girl medicine,
• 2:24:55
  Speaker 1: but he talks you out of it by psychoanalysis. So
• 2:25:00
  Speaker 1: yesterday he took me to doctor Freud. So doctor Freud
• 2:25:04
  Speaker 1: and I had quite a long talk in the English language.
• 2:25:07
  Speaker 1: So it seems that everybody seems to have a thing
• 2:25:09
  Speaker 1: called inhibitions, which is when you want to do a
• 2:25:12
  Speaker 1: thing and you do not do it, so then you
• 2:25:16
  Speaker 1: dream about it instead. So doctor Freud asked me what
• 2:25:19
  Speaker 1: I seemed to dream about. So I told him that
• 2:25:22
  Speaker 1: I never really dream about anything. I mean, I use
• 2:25:26
  Speaker 1: my brain so much in the daytime that at night
• 2:25:28
  Speaker 1: they do not seem to do anything else but rest.
• 2:25:32
  Speaker 1: So doctor Freud was very very surprised at a girl
• 2:25:34
  Speaker 1: who did not dream about anything. So then he asked
• 2:25:38
  Speaker 1: me about all my life. I mean, he is very
• 2:25:40
  Speaker 1: very sympathetic, and he seems to know how to draw
• 2:25:43
  Speaker 1: a girl out quite a lot. I mean I told
• 2:25:46
  Speaker 1: him things that I really would not even put in
• 2:25:48
  Speaker 1: my diary. So then he seemed very very intrigued at
• 2:25:52
  Speaker 1: a girl who always seemed to do everything she wanted
• 2:25:55
  Speaker 1: to do. So he asked me if I really never
• 2:25:58
  Speaker 1: wanted to do a thing that I did not do,
• 2:26:01
  Speaker 1: for instance, did I ever want to do a thing
• 2:26:03
  Speaker 1: that was really violent? For instance? Did I ever want
• 2:26:07
  Speaker 1: to shoot someone? For instance? So then I said I had,
• 2:26:12
  Speaker 1: but the bullet only went in mister jennings lung and
• 2:26:15
  Speaker 1: came right out again. So then doctor Freyd looked at
• 2:26:18
  Speaker 1: me and looked at me, and he said he did
• 2:26:21
  Speaker 1: not really think it was possible. So then he called
• 2:26:25
  Speaker 1: in his assistance, and he pointed at me and talked
• 2:26:28
  Speaker 1: to his assistance quite a lot in the Viennese language.
• 2:26:32
  Speaker 1: So then his assistance looked at me and looked at me,
• 2:26:35
  Speaker 1: and it really seemed as if I was quite a
• 2:26:37
  Speaker 1: famous case. So then Doctor FREYD said that all I
• 2:26:41
  Speaker 1: needed was to cultivate a few inhibitions and get some sleep.
• 2:26:46
  Speaker 1: May twenty ninth, Things are really getting to be quite
• 2:26:50
  Speaker 1: a strain, because yesterday mister Spofford and mister Eisman were
• 2:26:54
  Speaker 1: both in the lobby of the Bristol Hotel, and I
• 2:26:57
  Speaker 1: had to pretend not to see both of them. I mean,
• 2:27:00
  Speaker 1: it is quite an easy thing to pretend not to
• 2:27:03
  Speaker 1: see one gentleman, but it is a quite hard thing
• 2:27:06
  Speaker 1: to pretend not to see two gentlemen. So something has
• 2:27:09
  Speaker 1: really got to happen soon, or I will have to
• 2:27:12
  Speaker 1: admit that things seem to be happening that are not
• 2:27:14
  Speaker 1: for the best. So this afternoon, Dorothy and I had
• 2:27:18
  Speaker 1: an engagement to meet Count Psalm for tea at four o'clock.
• 2:27:22
  Speaker 1: Only you do not call it tea at Vienna, but
• 2:27:25
  Speaker 1: you seem to call it yowser. And you do not
• 2:27:28
  Speaker 1: drink tea at Vienna, but you drink coffee instead. I mean,
• 2:27:32
  Speaker 1: it is quite unusual to see all of the gentlemen
• 2:27:34
  Speaker 1: at Vienna stop work to go to yowser about one
• 2:27:38
  Speaker 1: hour after they have all finished their luncheon. But time
• 2:27:41
  Speaker 1: really does not seem to mean so much to Viennese gentlemen,
• 2:27:45
  Speaker 1: except time to get to the coffee house, which they
• 2:27:47
  Speaker 1: all seem to know by instincts or else. They really
• 2:27:50
  Speaker 1: do not seem to mind if they make a mistake
• 2:27:53
  Speaker 1: and get there too early, because mister Eisman says that
• 2:27:56
  Speaker 1: when it is time to attend to the button profession,
• 2:27:59
  Speaker 1: they really seemed to lose all of their interest. Until
• 2:28:02
  Speaker 1: mister Eisman is getting so nervous he could scream. So
• 2:28:06
  Speaker 1: we went to Diamel's and met Count Palm. But while
• 2:28:09
  Speaker 1: we were having yowser with Count Palm, we saw mister
• 2:28:12
  Speaker 1: Spofford's mother come in with her companion, Miss Chapman, and
• 2:28:16
  Speaker 1: Miss Chapman seemed to look at me quite a lot
• 2:28:19
  Speaker 1: and talk to mister Spofford's mother about me quite a lot.
• 2:28:22
  Speaker 1: So I became quite nervous because I really wish that
• 2:28:25
  Speaker 1: we were not with Count Palm. I mean, it has
• 2:28:29
  Speaker 1: been quite a hard thing to make mister Spofford think
• 2:28:31
  Speaker 1: I am trying to reform Dorothy. But if I had
• 2:28:34
  Speaker 1: to try to make him think that I was trying
• 2:28:36
  Speaker 1: to reform count Palm, he might begin to think that
• 2:28:39
  Speaker 1: there is a limit to almost everything. So mister Spofford's
• 2:28:43
  Speaker 1: mother seems to be deaf because she seems to use
• 2:28:45
  Speaker 1: an ear trumpet, and I really could not help overhearing
• 2:28:49
  Speaker 1: quite a lot of words that Miss Chapman was using
• 2:28:51
  Speaker 1: on me, even if it is not such good etiquette
• 2:28:54
  Speaker 1: to overhear people. So Miss Chapman seemed to be telling
• 2:28:57
  Speaker 1: mister Spofford's mother that I was a creature, and she
• 2:29:01
  Speaker 1: seemed to be telling her that I was the real
• 2:29:03
  Speaker 1: reason why her son seemed to be so full of
• 2:29:05
  Speaker 1: nothing but neglect lately. So then mister Spofford's mother looked
• 2:29:09
  Speaker 1: at me and looked at me, even if it was
• 2:29:12
  Speaker 1: not such good etiquette to look at a person. And
• 2:29:15
  Speaker 1: Miss Chapman kept right on talking to mister Spofford's mother,
• 2:29:19
  Speaker 1: and I heard her mention Willy Gwynn, And I think
• 2:29:22
  Speaker 1: that Miss Chapman has been making some inquiries about me,
• 2:29:25
  Speaker 1: and I really think that she has heard about the
• 2:29:27
  Speaker 1: time when all of the family of Willy Gwynn had
• 2:29:30
  Speaker 1: quite a long talk with me and persuaded me not
• 2:29:33
  Speaker 1: to marry Willy Gwinn for ten thousand dollars. So I
• 2:29:37
  Speaker 1: really wish mister Spofford would introduce me to his mother
• 2:29:40
  Speaker 1: before she gets to be full of quite a lot
• 2:29:42
  Speaker 1: of prejudice, because one thing seems to be piling up
• 2:29:46
  Speaker 1: on top of another thing until I am almost on
• 2:29:48
  Speaker 1: the verge of getting nervous, and I have not had
• 2:29:51
  Speaker 1: any time yet to do what doctor Freud said a
• 2:29:53
  Speaker 1: girl ought to do. So tonight I am going to
• 2:29:57
  Speaker 1: tell mister Eisman that I have got to go to
• 2:29:59
  Speaker 1: bed or so then I can take quite a long
• 2:30:02
  Speaker 1: ride with mister Spofford and look at nature and he
• 2:30:05
  Speaker 1: may say something definite, because nothing makes gentlemen get so
• 2:30:09
  Speaker 1: definite as looking at nature when it is moonlight May thirtieth. Well,
• 2:30:16
  Speaker 1: last night, mister Spofford and I took quite a long
• 2:30:18
  Speaker 1: ride in the park. But they do not call it
• 2:30:20
  Speaker 1: a park in the Viennese language, but they call it
• 2:30:23
  Speaker 1: a pratter. So a prater is really divine because it
• 2:30:27
  Speaker 1: is just like Coney Island, but at the same time
• 2:30:30
  Speaker 1: it is in the woods, and it is practically full
• 2:30:32
  Speaker 1: of trees, and it has quite a long road for
• 2:30:35
  Speaker 1: people to take rides on in a horse and buggy.
• 2:30:38
  Speaker 1: So I found out that Miss Chapman had been talking
• 2:30:41
  Speaker 1: against me quite a lot. So it seems that she
• 2:30:44
  Speaker 1: has been making inquiries about me, and I was really
• 2:30:47
  Speaker 1: surprised to hear all of the things that Miss Chapman
• 2:30:50
  Speaker 1: seemed to find out about me, except that she did
• 2:30:53
  Speaker 1: not find out about mister Eisman educating me. So then
• 2:30:57
  Speaker 1: I had to tell mister Spofford that I was not
• 2:31:00
  Speaker 1: always so reformed as I am now, because the world
• 2:31:03
  Speaker 1: was full of gentlemen who were nothing but wolves in
• 2:31:06
  Speaker 1: sheep clothes that did nothing but take advantage of all
• 2:31:09
  Speaker 1: we girls. So I really cried a lot. So then
• 2:31:13
  Speaker 1: I told him how I was just a little girl
• 2:31:15
  Speaker 1: from Little Rock when I first left Little Rock, And
• 2:31:18
  Speaker 1: by that time even mister Spofford had tears in his eyes.
• 2:31:23
  Speaker 1: So I told him how I came from a very
• 2:31:25
  Speaker 1: very good family because Papa was very intellectual and he
• 2:31:29
  Speaker 1: was a very very prominent elk, and everybody always said
• 2:31:33
  Speaker 1: that he was a very intellectual elk. So I told
• 2:31:36
  Speaker 1: mister Spofford that when I left Little Rock, I thought
• 2:31:39
  Speaker 1: all of the gentlemen did not want to do anything
• 2:31:42
  Speaker 1: but protect we girls. And by the time I found
• 2:31:45
  Speaker 1: out that they did not want to protect us so much,
• 2:31:48
  Speaker 1: it was too late. So then he cried quite a lot.
• 2:31:52
  Speaker 1: So then I told him how I finally got reformed
• 2:31:55
  Speaker 1: by reading all about him in the newspapers, and when
• 2:31:58
  Speaker 1: I saw him in the Oriental look, it really seemed
• 2:32:01
  Speaker 1: to be nothing but the result of fate. So I
• 2:32:04
  Speaker 1: told mister Spofford that I thought a girl was really
• 2:32:07
  Speaker 1: more reformed if she knew what it was to be unreformed.
• 2:32:11
  Speaker 1: Then if she was born reformed and never really knew,
• 2:32:13
  Speaker 1: that was the matter with her. So then mister Spofford
• 2:32:17
  Speaker 1: reached over and he kissed me on the forehead in
• 2:32:20
  Speaker 1: a way that was full of reverence, and he said
• 2:32:23
  Speaker 1: I seemed to remind him quite a lot of a
• 2:32:25
  Speaker 1: girl who got quite a ride up in the Bible,
• 2:32:27
  Speaker 1: who was called Magdalen. So then he said that he
• 2:32:31
  Speaker 1: used to be a member of the choir himself, so
• 2:32:33
  Speaker 1: who was he to cast the first rock at a
• 2:32:36
  Speaker 1: girl like I. So we rode around in the prater
• 2:32:39
  Speaker 1: until it was quite late, and it really was divine
• 2:32:43
  Speaker 1: because it was moonlight, and we talked quite a lot
• 2:32:45
  Speaker 1: about morals and all the bands in the prater were
• 2:32:49
  Speaker 1: all playing in the distance Mama Love Papa, because Mamma
• 2:32:53
  Speaker 1: Loved Papa has just reached Vienna, and they all seemed
• 2:32:56
  Speaker 1: to be crazy about Mama Love Papa, even if it
• 2:32:59
  Speaker 1: is not so new in America. So then he took
• 2:33:02
  Speaker 1: me home to the hotel. So everything always works out
• 2:33:06
  Speaker 1: for the best, because this morning mister Spofford called up
• 2:33:10
  Speaker 1: and told me he wanted me to meet his mother.
• 2:33:13
  Speaker 1: So I told him I would like to have luncheon
• 2:33:15
  Speaker 1: alone with his mother because we could have quite a
• 2:33:18
  Speaker 1: little tete a tete if there was only two of us.
• 2:33:21
  Speaker 1: So I told him to bring his mother to our
• 2:33:23
  Speaker 1: room for luncheon, because I thought that miss Chapman could
• 2:33:26
  Speaker 1: not walk into our room and spoil everything. So he
• 2:33:30
  Speaker 1: brought his mother down to our sitting room, and I
• 2:33:33
  Speaker 1: put on quite a simple little organdy gown that I
• 2:33:36
  Speaker 1: had ripped all of the trimming off of, and I
• 2:33:38
  Speaker 1: had a pair of black lace mits that Dorothy used
• 2:33:41
  Speaker 1: to wear in the follies, and I had a pair
• 2:33:43
  Speaker 1: of shoes that did not have any heels on them.
• 2:33:46
  Speaker 1: So when he introduced us to each other, I dropped
• 2:33:49
  Speaker 1: her a curtsy because I always think it is quite
• 2:33:52
  Speaker 1: quaint when a girl drops quite a lot of curtsies.
• 2:33:56
  Speaker 1: So then he left us alone and we had quite
• 2:33:58
  Speaker 1: a little talk. I told her that I did not
• 2:34:01
  Speaker 1: seem to like all of the flappers that we seemed
• 2:34:03
  Speaker 1: to have nowadays, because I was brought up to be
• 2:34:06
  Speaker 1: more old fashioned. So then mister Spofford's mother told me
• 2:34:10
  Speaker 1: that Miss Chapman said that she had heard that I
• 2:34:12
  Speaker 1: was not so old fashioned. But I told her that
• 2:34:15
  Speaker 1: I was so old fashioned, that I was always full
• 2:34:18
  Speaker 1: of respect for all of my elders, and I would
• 2:34:20
  Speaker 1: not dare to tell them everything they ought to do,
• 2:34:23
  Speaker 1: like Miss Chapman seems to tell her everything she ought
• 2:34:26
  Speaker 1: to do, for instance. So then I ordered luncheon, and
• 2:34:30
  Speaker 1: I thought some champagne would make her feel quite good
• 2:34:33
  Speaker 1: for luncheon. So I asked her if she liked champagne.
• 2:34:37
  Speaker 1: So she really liked champagne very very much. But Miss
• 2:34:40
  Speaker 1: Chapman thinks it is not so nice for a person
• 2:34:42
  Speaker 1: to drink liquor. But I told her that I was
• 2:34:45
  Speaker 1: a Christian science, and all of we Christian science seemed
• 2:34:48
  Speaker 1: to believe that there cannot really be any harm in anything,
• 2:34:52
  Speaker 1: So how can there be any harm in a small
• 2:34:54
  Speaker 1: sized bottle of champagne, so she never seemed to look
• 2:34:58
  Speaker 1: at it in that kind of a light before, for
• 2:35:00
  Speaker 1: because she said that Miss Chapman believed in Christian science also,
• 2:35:04
  Speaker 1: but what Miss Chapman believed about things that were good
• 2:35:07
  Speaker 1: for you to drink seemed to apply more towards water.
• 2:35:11
  Speaker 1: So then we had luncheon, and she began to feel
• 2:35:13
  Speaker 1: very very good. So I thought that we had better
• 2:35:16
  Speaker 1: have another bottle of champagne, because I told her that
• 2:35:19
  Speaker 1: I was such an ardent Christian Science that I did
• 2:35:23
  Speaker 1: not believe there could be any harm in two bottles
• 2:35:25
  Speaker 1: of champagne. So we had another bottle of champagne, and
• 2:35:30
  Speaker 1: she became very intrigued about Christian Science because she said
• 2:35:33
  Speaker 1: that she really thought it was a better religion than Presbyterians.
• 2:35:38
  Speaker 1: So she said Miss Chapman used to try to get
• 2:35:40
  Speaker 1: her to use it on things, but Miss Chapman never
• 2:35:43
  Speaker 1: seemed to have such a large sized grasp of the
• 2:35:45
  Speaker 1: Christian Science religion as I seemed to have. So then
• 2:35:49
  Speaker 1: I told her that I thought Miss Chapman was jealous
• 2:35:51
  Speaker 1: of her good looks. So then she said that that
• 2:35:54
  Speaker 1: was true because Miss Chapman would always make her wear
• 2:35:57
  Speaker 1: hats that were made out of black horse's hair, cause
• 2:36:00
  Speaker 1: horse's hair does not weigh so much on a person's brain.
• 2:36:03
  Speaker 1: So I told her I was going to give her
• 2:36:05
  Speaker 1: one of my hats that has got quite large size
• 2:36:08
  Speaker 1: roses on it. So then I got it out, but
• 2:36:11
  Speaker 1: we could not get it on her head because hats
• 2:36:13
  Speaker 1: are quite small on account of hair being bobbed. So
• 2:36:17
  Speaker 1: I thought I would get the scissors and bob her head.
• 2:36:20
  Speaker 1: But then I thought I had done enough to her
• 2:36:22
  Speaker 1: for one day. So Henry's mother said, I was really
• 2:36:26
  Speaker 1: the most sunshine that she had ever had in all
• 2:36:28
  Speaker 1: her life. And when Henry came back to take his
• 2:36:31
  Speaker 1: mother up to her room, she did not want to go.
• 2:36:35
  Speaker 1: But after he got her away, he called me up
• 2:36:37
  Speaker 1: on the telephone and he was quite excited, and he
• 2:36:41
  Speaker 1: said he wanted to ask me something that was very
• 2:36:44
  Speaker 1: very important. So I said I would see him tonight.
• 2:36:47
  Speaker 1: But now I have got to see mister Eisman because
• 2:36:50
  Speaker 1: I have an idea about doing something that is really
• 2:36:53
  Speaker 1: really important that has got to be done at once.
• 2:36:57
  Speaker 1: May thirty. First, well, I and Dorothy and mister Eisman
• 2:37:01
  Speaker 1: are on a train going to a place called Budapest.
• 2:37:05
  Speaker 1: So I did not see Henry again before I left,
• 2:37:08
  Speaker 1: but I left him a letter because I thought it
• 2:37:10
  Speaker 1: would be a quite good thing. Off what he wanted
• 2:37:12
  Speaker 1: to ask me, he would have to write down instead
• 2:37:15
  Speaker 1: of asking me, and he could not write it to
• 2:37:18
  Speaker 1: me if I was in the same city that he
• 2:37:20
  Speaker 1: is in. So I told him in my letter that
• 2:37:23
  Speaker 1: I had to leave in five minutes time because I
• 2:37:26
  Speaker 1: found out that Dorothy was just on the verge of
• 2:37:28
  Speaker 1: getting very unreformed, and if I did not get her away,
• 2:37:32
  Speaker 1: all I had done for her would really go for nothing.
• 2:37:35
  Speaker 1: So I told him to write down what he had
• 2:37:37
  Speaker 1: to say to me and mail it to me at
• 2:37:39
  Speaker 1: the Ritz Hotel in Budapest, because I always seemed to
• 2:37:43
  Speaker 1: believe in the old adage say it in writing. So
• 2:37:47
  Speaker 1: it was really very easy to get mister Eisman to
• 2:37:50
  Speaker 1: leave Vienna, because yesterday he went out to see the
• 2:37:52
  Speaker 1: button factory. But it seems that all of the people
• 2:37:55
  Speaker 1: at the button factory were not at work, but they
• 2:37:58
  Speaker 1: were giving a birthday part to some saint. So it
• 2:38:02
  Speaker 1: seems that every time some saint has a birthday, they
• 2:38:05
  Speaker 1: all stop work so they can give it a birthday party.
• 2:38:08
  Speaker 1: So mister Eisman looked at their calendar and found out
• 2:38:11
  Speaker 1: that some Saint or other was born practically every week
• 2:38:15
  Speaker 1: in the year. So he has decided that America is
• 2:38:18
  Speaker 1: good enough for him. So Henry will not be able
• 2:38:22
  Speaker 1: to follow me to Budapest because his mother is having
• 2:38:25
  Speaker 1: treatments by doctor Freud, and she seems to be a
• 2:38:28
  Speaker 1: much more difficult case than I seem to be. I mean,
• 2:38:31
  Speaker 1: it is quite hard for doctor Freud because she cannot
• 2:38:34
  Speaker 1: seem to remember which is a dream and which really
• 2:38:37
  Speaker 1: happened to her. So she tells him everything and he
• 2:38:41
  Speaker 1: has to use his judgment. I mean, when she tells
• 2:38:44
  Speaker 1: him that a very very handsome young gentleman tried to
• 2:38:46
  Speaker 1: flirt with her on Fifth Avenue, he uses his judgment.
• 2:38:51
  Speaker 1: So we will soon be at a Ritz hotel again.
• 2:38:53
  Speaker 1: And I must say it will be delightful to find
• 2:38:56
  Speaker 1: a Ritz hotel right in the central of Europe. June first, well,
• 2:39:02
  Speaker 1: yesterday Henry's letter came and it says in black and
• 2:39:06
  Speaker 1: white that he and his mother have never met such
• 2:39:08
  Speaker 1: a girl as I and he wants me to marry him.
• 2:39:12
  Speaker 1: So I took Henry's letter to the photographers and I
• 2:39:15
  Speaker 1: had quite a lot of photographs taken of it, because
• 2:39:18
  Speaker 1: a girl might lose Henry's letter and she would not
• 2:39:21
  Speaker 1: have anything left to remember him by. But Dorothy says
• 2:39:25
  Speaker 1: to hang on to Henry's letter because she really does
• 2:39:27
  Speaker 1: not think the photographs do it justice. So this afternoon
• 2:39:31
  Speaker 1: I got a telegram from Henry, and the telegram says
• 2:39:35
  Speaker 1: that Henry's father is very very ill in New York
• 2:39:38
  Speaker 1: and they have got to leave for New York immediately,
• 2:39:41
  Speaker 1: and his heart is broken not to see me again,
• 2:39:44
  Speaker 1: and to send him my answer by telegraph so that
• 2:39:47
  Speaker 1: his mind will be rested while he is going back
• 2:39:49
  Speaker 1: to New York. So I sent him a telegram and
• 2:39:53
  Speaker 1: I accepted his proposal. So tonight I got another telegram,
• 2:39:57
  Speaker 1: and Henry says that he and his mother are very
• 2:40:00
  Speaker 1: very happy, and Henry's mother can hardly bear Miss Chapman anymore.
• 2:40:05
  Speaker 1: And Henry says he hopes I will decide to come
• 2:40:07
  Speaker 1: right back to New York and keep his mother quite
• 2:40:10
  Speaker 1: a lot of company, because he thinks I can reform
• 2:40:13
  Speaker 1: Dorothy more in New York anyway, where there is prohibition
• 2:40:17
  Speaker 1: and nobody can get anything to drink. So now I
• 2:40:20
  Speaker 1: have got to make up my mind whether I really
• 2:40:22
  Speaker 1: want to marry Henry after all, because I know too
• 2:40:25
  Speaker 1: much to get married to any gentleman like Henry without
• 2:40:28
  Speaker 1: thinking it all over. Because Henry is the kind of
• 2:40:31
  Speaker 1: a gentleman who gets on a girl's nerves quite a lot.
• 2:40:34
  Speaker 1: And when a gentleman has nothing else to do but
• 2:40:37
  Speaker 1: get on a girl's nerves, there really seems to be
• 2:40:39
  Speaker 1: a limit to almost everything. Because when a gentleman has
• 2:40:43
  Speaker 1: a business, he has an office and he has to
• 2:40:46
  Speaker 1: be there. But when a gentleman's business is only looking
• 2:40:49
  Speaker 1: into other people's business, a gentleman is always on the
• 2:40:52
  Speaker 1: verge of coming in and out of the house, and
• 2:40:55
  Speaker 1: a girl could not really say that her own time
• 2:40:58
  Speaker 1: was her own. And when Henry was not in and
• 2:41:01
  Speaker 1: out of the house, his mother would always be in
• 2:41:03
  Speaker 1: and out of the house, because she seems to think
• 2:41:06
  Speaker 1: that I am so full of nothing but sunshine. So
• 2:41:09
  Speaker 1: it is quite a problem, and I seem to be
• 2:41:12
  Speaker 1: quite in a quandary, because it might really be better
• 2:41:15
  Speaker 1: if Henry should happen to decide that he should not
• 2:41:17
  Speaker 1: get married, and he should change his mind and desert
• 2:41:20
  Speaker 1: a girl. And then it would only be right if
• 2:41:23
  Speaker 1: a girl should sue him for a breach of promise.
• 2:41:26
  Speaker 1: But I really think whatever happens, that Dorothy and I
• 2:41:29
  Speaker 1: had better get back to New York, so I will
• 2:41:31
  Speaker 1: see if mister Eisman will send us back. I mean,
• 2:41:34
  Speaker 1: I really do not think that mister Eisman will mind
• 2:41:37
  Speaker 1: us going back, because if he does, I will start
• 2:41:40
  Speaker 1: shopping again, and that always seems to bring him to terms.
• 2:41:44
  Speaker 1: But all the time I am going back to New York,
• 2:41:46
  Speaker 1: I will have to try to make up my mind
• 2:41:48
  Speaker 1: one way or another, because we girls really cannot help
• 2:41:52
  Speaker 1: it if we have ideals. And sometimes my mind seems
• 2:41:55
  Speaker 1: to get to running on things that are romantic, and
• 2:41:58
  Speaker 1: I seem to think that maybe there is some place
• 2:42:01
  Speaker 1: in the world where there is a gentleman who knows
• 2:42:03
  Speaker 1: how to look and act like Count Palm, and who
• 2:42:06
  Speaker 1: has got money besides. And when a girl's mind gets
• 2:42:10
  Speaker 1: to thinking about such a romantic thing, a girl's mind
• 2:42:13
  Speaker 1: really does not seem to know whether to marry Henry
• 2:42:16
  Speaker 1: or not. Brains are really everything. June fourteenth, Well, Dorothy
• 2:42:24
  Speaker 1: and I arrived at New York yesterday because mister Eisman
• 2:42:28
  Speaker 1: finally decided to send us home because he said that
• 2:42:31
  Speaker 1: all of his button profession would not stand the strain
• 2:42:35
  Speaker 1: of educating me much more in Europe. So we separated
• 2:42:38
  Speaker 1: from mister Eisman in Budapest because mister Eisman had to
• 2:42:42
  Speaker 1: go to Berlin to look up all of his starving
• 2:42:45
  Speaker 1: relatives in Berlin who have done nothing but starve since
• 2:42:48
  Speaker 1: the war. So he wrote me just before we sailed,
• 2:42:52
  Speaker 1: and he said that he had dug up all his
• 2:42:54
  Speaker 1: starving relatives and he had looked them all over and
• 2:42:58
  Speaker 1: decided not to bring them to an America because there
• 2:43:01
  Speaker 1: was not one of his starving relatives who could travel
• 2:43:04
  Speaker 1: on a railroad ticket without paying excess fare for overweight.
• 2:43:09
  Speaker 1: So Dorothy and I took the boat, and all the
• 2:43:11
  Speaker 1: way over on the boat, I had to make up
• 2:43:14
  Speaker 1: my mind whether I really wanted to marry the famous
• 2:43:17
  Speaker 1: Henry H. Spofford or not, because he was waiting for
• 2:43:21
  Speaker 1: me to arrive at New York, and he was so
• 2:43:24
  Speaker 1: impatient that he could hardly wait for me to arrive
• 2:43:26
  Speaker 1: at New York. But I have not wasted all of
• 2:43:29
  Speaker 1: my time on Henry, even if I do not marry him,
• 2:43:33
  Speaker 1: because I have some letters from Henry which would come
• 2:43:36
  Speaker 1: in very very handy if I did not marry Henry.
• 2:43:40
  Speaker 1: So Dorothy seems to agree with me quite a lot,
• 2:43:43
  Speaker 1: because Dorothy says the only thing she could stand being
• 2:43:46
  Speaker 1: to Henry would be to be his widow at the
• 2:43:49
  Speaker 1: age of eighteen. So coming over on the boat, I
• 2:43:53
  Speaker 1: decided not to bother to meet any gentleman, because what
• 2:43:56
  Speaker 1: good does it do to meet gentlemen when there is
• 2:43:59
  Speaker 1: nothing to do on a boat but go shopping at
• 2:44:01
  Speaker 1: a little shop where they do not have anything that
• 2:44:04
  Speaker 1: costs more than five dollars. And besides, if I did
• 2:44:08
  Speaker 1: meet any gentleman on the boat, he would want to
• 2:44:11
  Speaker 1: see me off the boat, and then we would bump
• 2:44:14
  Speaker 1: into Henry. But then I heard that there was a
• 2:44:16
  Speaker 1: gentleman on the boat who was quite a dealer in
• 2:44:19
  Speaker 1: unset diamonds from a town called Amsterdam. So I met
• 2:44:24
  Speaker 1: the gentleman and we went around together quite a lot.
• 2:44:27
  Speaker 1: But we had quite a quarrel the night before we landed,
• 2:44:30
  Speaker 1: so I did not even bother to look at him
• 2:44:32
  Speaker 1: when I came down the gangplank, and I put the
• 2:44:35
  Speaker 1: unset diamonds in my handbag so I did not have
• 2:44:38
  Speaker 1: to declare them at customs. So Henry was waiting for
• 2:44:42
  Speaker 1: me at the Customs because he had come up from
• 2:44:44
  Speaker 1: Pennsylvania to meet me because their country estate is at Pennsylvania,
• 2:44:49
  Speaker 1: and Henry's father is very very ill at Pennsylvania, so
• 2:44:53
  Speaker 1: Henry has to stay there practically all of the time.
• 2:44:57
  Speaker 1: So all of the reporters were at the customs and
• 2:44:59
  Speaker 1: they all heard about how Henry and I were engaged
• 2:45:02
  Speaker 1: to one another, and they wanted to know what I
• 2:45:05
  Speaker 1: was before I became engaged to Henry. So I told
• 2:45:09
  Speaker 1: them that I was nothing but a society girl from
• 2:45:11
  Speaker 1: Little Rock, Arkansas. So then I became quite angry with
• 2:45:16
  Speaker 1: Dorothy because one of the reporters asked Dorothy when I
• 2:45:20
  Speaker 1: made my debut in society at Little Rock, and Dorothy said,
• 2:45:23
  Speaker 1: I made my debut at the Elks Annual street Fair
• 2:45:26
  Speaker 1: and Carnival at the age of fifteen. I mean, Dorothy
• 2:45:30
  Speaker 1: never overlooks any chance to be unrefined, even when she
• 2:45:34
  Speaker 1: is talking to literary gentlemen like reporters. So Henry brought
• 2:45:39
  Speaker 1: me to the apartment in his rolls Royce, and while
• 2:45:42
  Speaker 1: we were coming to the apartment, he said he wanted
• 2:45:44
  Speaker 1: to give me my engagement ring. And I really became
• 2:45:48
  Speaker 1: all thrills. So he said that he had gone to
• 2:45:51
  Speaker 1: Cartier's and he had looked over all the engagement rings
• 2:45:55
  Speaker 1: in Cartier's, and after he had looked them all over,
• 2:45:58
  Speaker 1: he had decided that they were not half good enough
• 2:46:01
  Speaker 1: for me. So then he took a box out of
• 2:46:04
  Speaker 1: his pocket, and I really became intrigued. So then Henry
• 2:46:08
  Speaker 1: said that when he looked at all of those large
• 2:46:10
  Speaker 1: sized diamonds, he really felt that they did not have
• 2:46:13
  Speaker 1: any sentiment. So he was going to give me his
• 2:46:16
  Speaker 1: class ring from Amherst College instead. So then I looked
• 2:46:21
  Speaker 1: at him and looked at him, but I am too
• 2:46:24
  Speaker 1: full of self control to say anything at this stage
• 2:46:26
  Speaker 1: of the game. So I said it was really very
• 2:46:29
  Speaker 1: sweet of him to be so full of nothing but sentiment.
• 2:46:33
  Speaker 1: So then Henry said that he would have to go
• 2:46:35
  Speaker 1: back to Pennsylvania to talk to his father about us
• 2:46:38
  Speaker 1: getting married, because his father has really got his heart
• 2:46:41
  Speaker 1: set on us not getting married. So I told Henry
• 2:46:45
  Speaker 1: that perhaps if I would meet his father, I would
• 2:46:48
  Speaker 1: win him over, because I always seemed to win gentlemen over.
• 2:46:53
  Speaker 1: But Henry says that that is just the trouble, because
• 2:46:56
  Speaker 1: some girl is always winning his father over, and they
• 2:46:59
  Speaker 1: hardly dare to let him go out of their sight,
• 2:47:02
  Speaker 1: and they hardly dare to let him go to church alone,
• 2:47:05
  Speaker 1: because the last time he went to church alone, some
• 2:47:08
  Speaker 1: girl won him over on the street corner and he
• 2:47:10
  Speaker 1: arrived back home with all of his pocket money gone,
• 2:47:14
  Speaker 1: and they could not believe him when he said that
• 2:47:16
  Speaker 1: he had put it in the plate, because he has
• 2:47:18
  Speaker 1: not put more than a dime in the plate for
• 2:47:21
  Speaker 1: the last fifty years. So it seems that the real
• 2:47:24
  Speaker 1: reason why his father does not want Henry to marry
• 2:47:27
  Speaker 1: me is because his father says that Henry always has
• 2:47:30
  Speaker 1: all of the fun, and every time Henry's father wants
• 2:47:33
  Speaker 1: to have some fun of his own, Henry always stops him.
• 2:47:36
  Speaker 1: And Henry will not even let him be sick at
• 2:47:39
  Speaker 1: a hospital where he could have some fun of his own,
• 2:47:42
  Speaker 1: but he keeps him at home where he has to
• 2:47:44
  Speaker 1: have a nurse Henry picked out for him, who is
• 2:47:47
  Speaker 1: a male nurse. So all of his objections seemed to
• 2:47:50
  Speaker 1: be nothing but the spirit of reciprocity. But Henry says
• 2:47:54
  Speaker 1: that all his objections cannot last much longer, because he
• 2:47:58
  Speaker 1: is nearly ninety years of age, after all, and nature
• 2:48:01
  Speaker 1: must take its course sooner or later. So Dorothy says,
• 2:48:06
  Speaker 1: what a fool I am to waste my time on Henry,
• 2:48:09
  Speaker 1: when I might manage to meet Henry's father, and the
• 2:48:12
  Speaker 1: whole thing would be over in a few months, and
• 2:48:14
  Speaker 1: I would practically own the state of Pennsylvania. But I
• 2:48:18
  Speaker 1: do not think I ought to take Dorothy's advice, because
• 2:48:21
  Speaker 1: Henry's father is watched like a hawk, and Henry himself
• 2:48:25
  Speaker 1: is his power of attorney, so no good could really
• 2:48:28
  Speaker 1: come of it, after all, And after all, why should
• 2:48:31
  Speaker 1: I listen to the advice of a girl like Dorothy
• 2:48:34
  Speaker 1: who traveled all over Europe and all she came home
• 2:48:37
  Speaker 1: with was a Bengal. So Henry spent the evening at
• 2:48:41
  Speaker 1: the apartment, and then he had to go back to
• 2:48:44
  Speaker 1: Pennsylvania to be there Thursday morning, because every Thursday morning
• 2:48:48
  Speaker 1: he belongs to a society who does nothing but censure
• 2:48:52
  Speaker 1: all of the photo plays. So they cut out all
• 2:48:55
  Speaker 1: of the pieces of all the photo plays that show
• 2:48:57
  Speaker 1: things that are too risk guy people ought not to
• 2:49:01
  Speaker 1: look at. So then they put all of the riskay
• 2:49:03
  Speaker 1: pieces together and they run them over and over again.
• 2:49:07
  Speaker 1: So it would really be quite a hard thing to
• 2:49:10
  Speaker 1: drag Henry away from one of his Thursday mornings, and
• 2:49:13
  Speaker 1: he can hardly wait from one Thursday morning to another
• 2:49:16
  Speaker 1: because he really does not seem to enjoy anything so
• 2:49:19
  Speaker 1: much as censuring photoplays, and after a photoplay has once
• 2:49:24
  Speaker 1: been censured, he seems to lose all of his interest
• 2:49:27
  Speaker 1: in it. So after Henry left, I help quite a
• 2:49:30
  Speaker 1: conversation with Lulu, who is my maid and who looked
• 2:49:34
  Speaker 1: out for my apartment while I was away. So Lulu
• 2:49:37
  Speaker 1: really thinks I ought to marry mister Spofford after all,
• 2:49:41
  Speaker 1: because Lulu says that she kept studying mister Spofford all
• 2:49:44
  Speaker 1: of the time she was unpacking my trunks. And Lulu
• 2:49:47
  Speaker 1: says she is sure that any time I feel as
• 2:49:49
  Speaker 1: if I had to get away from mister Spofford, I
• 2:49:52
  Speaker 1: could just set him down on the floor and give
• 2:49:55
  Speaker 1: him a packet of riskay French postcards to censure and
• 2:49:58
  Speaker 1: stay away as long as I like. So Henry is
• 2:50:02
  Speaker 1: going to arrange for me to come down to Pennsylvania
• 2:50:04
  Speaker 1: for a weekend and meet all of his family. But
• 2:50:07
  Speaker 1: if all of Henry's family are as full of reforms
• 2:50:10
  Speaker 1: as Henry seems to be, it will be quite an
• 2:50:13
  Speaker 1: ordeal even for a girl like I June fifteenth, yesterday
• 2:50:19
  Speaker 1: morning was quite an ordeal for a refined girl, because
• 2:50:23
  Speaker 1: all of the newspapers all printed the story of how
• 2:50:25
  Speaker 1: Henry and I are engaged to one another, but they
• 2:50:28
  Speaker 1: all seem to leave out the part about me being
• 2:50:30
  Speaker 1: a society girl except one newspaper, and that was the
• 2:50:34
  Speaker 1: newspaper that quoted what Dorothy said about me being a
• 2:50:37
  Speaker 1: debutante at the Elks Carnival. So I called up Dorothy
• 2:50:41
  Speaker 1: at the Ritz, and I told Dorothy that a girl
• 2:50:44
  Speaker 1: like she ought to keep her mouth closed in the
• 2:50:46
  Speaker 1: presence of reporters. So it seems that quite a lot
• 2:50:50
  Speaker 1: of reporters kept calling Dorothy up, but Dorothy said she
• 2:50:53
  Speaker 1: did not say anything to any of them, except one
• 2:50:56
  Speaker 1: reporter asked her what I used for money, and she
• 2:50:59
  Speaker 1: told him buttons. But Dorothy really should not have said
• 2:51:03
  Speaker 1: such a thing, because quite a few people seem to
• 2:51:06
  Speaker 1: know that mister Eisman is educating me, and that he
• 2:51:09
  Speaker 1: is known all over Chicago as Gus Eisman, the button King.
• 2:51:13
  Speaker 1: So one thing might suggest another until people's minds might
• 2:51:17
  Speaker 1: begin to think something. But Dorothy said that she did
• 2:51:20
  Speaker 1: not say anything more about me being a debutante at
• 2:51:23
  Speaker 1: Little Rock, because after all, Dorothy knows that I really
• 2:51:27
  Speaker 1: did not make any debut in Little Rock, because just
• 2:51:30
  Speaker 1: when it was time to make my debut, my gentleman friend,
• 2:51:34
  Speaker 1: mister Jennings became shot, and after the trial was over
• 2:51:38
  Speaker 1: and all of the jury had let me off, I
• 2:51:41
  Speaker 1: was really much too fatigued to make any debut. So
• 2:51:45
  Speaker 1: then Dorothy said, why don't we throw you a party now,
• 2:51:48
  Speaker 1: and you can become a debutante now and put them
• 2:51:51
  Speaker 1: all in their place, because it seems that Dorothy is
• 2:51:54
  Speaker 1: dying for a party. So that is really the first
• 2:51:57
  Speaker 1: sensible suggestion that Dorothy has made yet, because I think
• 2:52:01
  Speaker 1: that every girl who was engaged to a gentleman who
• 2:52:04
  Speaker 1: has a fine old family like Henry had really ought
• 2:52:07
  Speaker 1: to be a debutante. So I told her to come
• 2:52:10
  Speaker 1: right over and we would plan my debut, but we
• 2:52:13
  Speaker 1: would keep it very very quiet and give it tomorrow night,
• 2:52:17
  Speaker 1: because if Henry heard I was making my debut, he
• 2:52:20
  Speaker 1: would come up from Pennsylvania and he would practically spoil
• 2:52:24
  Speaker 1: the party, because all Henry has to do to spoil
• 2:52:27
  Speaker 1: a party is to arrive at it. So Dorothy came
• 2:52:31
  Speaker 1: over and we planned my debut. So first we decided
• 2:52:35
  Speaker 1: to have some engraved invitations engraved, but it always takes
• 2:52:39
  Speaker 1: quite a little time to have invitations engraved, and it
• 2:52:42
  Speaker 1: would really be foolish because all of the gentlemen we
• 2:52:45
  Speaker 1: were going to invite to my debut were all members
• 2:52:49
  Speaker 1: of the Racket Club. So I could just ride out
• 2:52:51
  Speaker 1: and notice that I was having a debut and give
• 2:52:54
  Speaker 1: it to Willie Gwynn and have Willy gwyn posted on
• 2:52:57
  Speaker 1: the Racket Club board. So Willie Gwynn posted it on
• 2:53:01
  Speaker 1: the club board, and then he called me up and
• 2:53:04
  Speaker 1: he told me that he had never seen so much
• 2:53:07
  Speaker 1: enthusiasm since the Dempsey Furbo fight, and he said that
• 2:53:11
  Speaker 1: the whole Racket Club would be there in a body.
• 2:53:14
  Speaker 1: So then we had to plan what girls we would
• 2:53:16
  Speaker 1: ask to my debut, because I have not seemed to
• 2:53:19
  Speaker 1: meet so many society women yet, because of course a
• 2:53:23
  Speaker 1: girl does not meet society women until her debut is
• 2:53:26
  Speaker 1: all over, and then all the society women all come
• 2:53:29
  Speaker 1: and call on a debutante. But I know practically all
• 2:53:33
  Speaker 1: of the society men because practically all of the society
• 2:53:37
  Speaker 1: men belonged to the Racket Club. So after I have
• 2:53:40
  Speaker 1: the Racket Club at my debut. All I have to
• 2:53:43
  Speaker 1: do to take my real place in society is to
• 2:53:46
  Speaker 1: meet their mothers and sisters, because I know practically all
• 2:53:50
  Speaker 1: of their sweethearts now. But I always seem to think
• 2:53:54
  Speaker 1: that it is delightful to have quite a lot of
• 2:53:56
  Speaker 1: girls at a party, if a girl has quite a
• 2:53:58
  Speaker 1: lot of gentlemen at a place party, and it is
• 2:54:01
  Speaker 1: quite delightful to have all of the girls from the follies.
• 2:54:04
  Speaker 1: But I really could not invite them, because after all,
• 2:54:08
  Speaker 1: they are not in my set. So then I thought
• 2:54:11
  Speaker 1: it all over, and I thought that even if it
• 2:54:13
  Speaker 1: was not etiquette to invite them to a party, it
• 2:54:16
  Speaker 1: really would be etiquette to hire them to come to
• 2:54:18
  Speaker 1: a party and be entertainers. And after they were entertainers,
• 2:54:22
  Speaker 1: they could mix in to the party and it really
• 2:54:25
  Speaker 1: would not be a social error. So then the telephone
• 2:54:29
  Speaker 1: rang and Dorothy answered it, and it seems that it
• 2:54:32
  Speaker 1: was Joe Sanguinetti, who was almost the official bootlegger for
• 2:54:36
  Speaker 1: the Whole Racket Club. And Joe said he had heard
• 2:54:39
  Speaker 1: about my debut and if he could come to my
• 2:54:42
  Speaker 1: debut and bring his club, which is the Silver Spray
• 2:54:45
  Speaker 1: Social Club of Brooklyn, he would supply all of the
• 2:54:48
  Speaker 1: liquor and he would guarantee to practically run the rum
• 2:54:51
  Speaker 1: fleet up to the front door. So Dorothy told him
• 2:54:55
  Speaker 1: he could come, and she hung up the telephone before
• 2:54:58
  Speaker 1: she told me his prophecy. And I became quite angry
• 2:55:02
  Speaker 1: with Dorothy, because, after all, the Silver Spray Social Club
• 2:55:06
  Speaker 1: is not even mentioned in the social register, and it
• 2:55:09
  Speaker 1: has no place at a girl's debut. But Dorothy said,
• 2:55:13
  Speaker 1: by the time the party got into swing, anyone would
• 2:55:16
  Speaker 1: have to be a genius if he could tell whether
• 2:55:18
  Speaker 1: he belonged to the Racket Club, the Silver Spray Social Club,
• 2:55:22
  Speaker 1: or the Knights of Pytheus. But I really was almost
• 2:55:26
  Speaker 1: sorry that I asked Dorothy to help plan my debut,
• 2:55:29
  Speaker 1: except that Dorothy is very good to have at a
• 2:55:31
  Speaker 1: party if the police come in, because Dorothy always knows
• 2:55:34
  Speaker 1: how to manage the police. And I never knew a
• 2:55:37
  Speaker 1: policeman yet who did not finish up by being madly
• 2:55:40
  Speaker 1: in love with Dorothy. So then Dorothy called a ball
• 2:55:44
  Speaker 1: of the reporters on all of the newspapers and invited
• 2:55:47
  Speaker 1: them all to my debut so they could see it
• 2:55:50
  Speaker 1: with their own eyes. So Dorothy says that she is
• 2:55:53
  Speaker 1: going to see to it that my debut lands on
• 2:55:56
  Speaker 1: the front page of all the newspapers, if we have
• 2:55:59
  Speaker 1: to commit a to do it. June nineteenth, well, it
• 2:56:05
  Speaker 1: has been three days since my debut party started. But
• 2:56:08
  Speaker 1: I finally got tired and left the party last night
• 2:56:11
  Speaker 1: and went to bed, because I always seemed to lose
• 2:56:14
  Speaker 1: all of my interest in a party after a few days.
• 2:56:18
  Speaker 1: But Dorothy never loses her interest in a party. And
• 2:56:21
  Speaker 1: when I woke up this morning, Dorothy was just saying
• 2:56:23
  Speaker 1: goodbye to some of the guests. I mean, Dorothy seems
• 2:56:27
  Speaker 1: to have quite a lot of vitality, because the last
• 2:56:30
  Speaker 1: guests of the party were guests we picked up when
• 2:56:33
  Speaker 1: the party went to take a swim at Long Beach
• 2:56:35
  Speaker 1: the day before yesterday, and they were practically fresh. But
• 2:56:40
  Speaker 1: Dorothy had gone clear through the party from beginning to end,
• 2:56:43
  Speaker 1: without even stopping to take a Turkish bath, as most
• 2:56:46
  Speaker 1: of the gentlemen had to do. So my debut has
• 2:56:50
  Speaker 1: really been very novel because quite a lot of the
• 2:56:53
  Speaker 1: guests who finished up at my debut were not the
• 2:56:56
  Speaker 1: same guests that started out at it. And it is
• 2:56:59
  Speaker 1: really quite not for a girl to have so many
• 2:57:01
  Speaker 1: different kinds of gentlemen at her debut. So it has
• 2:57:05
  Speaker 1: really been a very great success because all of the
• 2:57:08
  Speaker 1: newspapers have quite a lot of write ups about my debut,
• 2:57:11
  Speaker 1: and I really feel quite proud when I saw the
• 2:57:14
  Speaker 1: front page of the Daily Views and it said in
• 2:57:17
  Speaker 1: large size headlines, Laurel I's debut a wow. And Sitz
• 2:57:22
  Speaker 1: Weekly came right out and said that if this party
• 2:57:25
  Speaker 1: marks my entrance into society, they only hope that they
• 2:57:29
  Speaker 1: can live to see what I will spring once I
• 2:57:31
  Speaker 1: have overcome my debutante reserve and taken my place in
• 2:57:35
  Speaker 1: the world. So I really had to apologize to Dorothy
• 2:57:39
  Speaker 1: about asking Joe Sanguinetti to my debut, because it was
• 2:57:43
  Speaker 1: wonderful the way he got all of the liquor to
• 2:57:45
  Speaker 1: the party, and he more than kept his word. I mean,
• 2:57:48
  Speaker 1: he had his bootlagers run up from the wharf and
• 2:57:51
  Speaker 1: taxis right to the apartment and the only trouble he
• 2:57:54
  Speaker 1: had was once the bootlakers delivered the liquor, he could
• 2:57:58
  Speaker 1: not get them to leave the party. So finally there
• 2:58:02
  Speaker 1: was quite a little quarrel because Willie Gwynn claimed that
• 2:58:04
  Speaker 1: Joe's bootlagers were snubbing the members of his club because
• 2:58:08
  Speaker 1: they would not let the boys from the Racket Club
• 2:58:10
  Speaker 1: sing in their quartette. But Joe's Bootlager said that the
• 2:58:14
  Speaker 1: Racket Club boys wanted to sing songs that were unrefined,
• 2:58:18
  Speaker 1: while they wanted to sing songs about mother. So then
• 2:58:21
  Speaker 1: everybody started to take sides. But the girls from the
• 2:58:25
  Speaker 1: follies were all with Joe's Bootlakers from the start, because
• 2:58:28
  Speaker 1: practically all we girls were listening to them with tears
• 2:58:31
  Speaker 1: streaming from our eyes. So that made the Racket Club jealous,
• 2:58:35
  Speaker 1: and one thing led to another until somebody rang for
• 2:58:38
  Speaker 1: an ambulance, and then the police came in. So Dorothy
• 2:58:42
  Speaker 1: as usual one over all of the police. So it
• 2:58:46
  Speaker 1: seems that the police all have orders from Judge Schultzmeyer,
• 2:58:49
  Speaker 1: who is the famous judge who tries all of the
• 2:58:52
  Speaker 1: prohibition cases, that anytime they break into a party that
• 2:58:56
  Speaker 1: looks like it was going to be a good party,
• 2:58:58
  Speaker 1: to call him up, no matter what time of the
• 2:59:00
  Speaker 1: day or night it is because Judge Schultzmeyer dearly loves
• 2:59:04
  Speaker 1: a party. So the police called up Judge Schultzmeier and
• 2:59:08
  Speaker 1: he was down in less than no time. So during
• 2:59:11
  Speaker 1: the party, both Joe Sanguinetti and Judge Schultzmeyer fell madly
• 2:59:16
  Speaker 1: in love with Dorothy, so Joe and the judge had
• 2:59:19
  Speaker 1: quite a little quarrel, and the judge told Joe that
• 2:59:22
  Speaker 1: if his stuff was fit to drink, he would set
• 2:59:25
  Speaker 1: the law after him and confiscate it. But his stuff
• 2:59:28
  Speaker 1: was not worth the while of any gentleman to confiscate
• 2:59:31
  Speaker 1: who had any respect for his stomach, and he would
• 2:59:34
  Speaker 1: not lower himself to confiscate it. So about nine o'clock
• 2:59:38
  Speaker 1: in the morning, Judge Shultzmeyer had to leave the party
• 2:59:41
  Speaker 1: and go to court to try all of the criminals
• 2:59:43
  Speaker 1: who break all of the laws. So he had to
• 2:59:46
  Speaker 1: leave Dorothy and Joe together, and he was very, very angry,
• 2:59:51
  Speaker 1: and I really felt quite sorry for any person who
• 2:59:53
  Speaker 1: went up before Judge Schultzmeyer that morning, because he gave
• 2:59:57
  Speaker 1: everybody ninety days and was back at the party by
• 3:00:00
  Speaker 1: twelve o'clock. So then he stuck to the party until
• 3:00:03
  Speaker 1: we were all going down to Long Beach to take
• 3:00:06
  Speaker 1: a swim day before yesterday, when he seemed to become unconscious,
• 3:00:10
  Speaker 1: so we dropped him off at a sanatorium in Garden City.
• 3:00:14
  Speaker 1: So my debut party was really the greatest success of
• 3:00:17
  Speaker 1: the social season, because the second night of my debut
• 3:00:21
  Speaker 1: party was the night when Willie Gwynn's sister was having
• 3:00:24
  Speaker 1: a dance at the gwyn estate on Long Island, and
• 3:00:27
  Speaker 1: Willy gwyn said that all of the eligible gentlemen in
• 3:00:30
  Speaker 1: New York were conspicuous by their absence at his sister's
• 3:00:33
  Speaker 1: party because they were all at my party. So it
• 3:00:37
  Speaker 1: seems as if I am really going to be quite
• 3:00:39
  Speaker 1: a famous hostess if I can just bring my mind
• 3:00:42
  Speaker 1: to the point of being missus. Henry Spafford Junior, Well,
• 3:00:46
  Speaker 1: Henry called up this morning, and Henry said he had
• 3:00:49
  Speaker 1: finally got his father's mind so that he thought it
• 3:00:52
  Speaker 1: was safe for me to meet him, and he was
• 3:00:54
  Speaker 1: coming up to get me this afternoon so that I
• 3:00:57
  Speaker 1: can meet his family and see his famous old historical
• 3:01:00
  Speaker 1: home at Pennsylvania. So then he asked about my debut party,
• 3:01:04
  Speaker 1: which some of the Philadelphia papers seemed to mention. But
• 3:01:08
  Speaker 1: I told him that my debut was really not so
• 3:01:10
  Speaker 1: much planned as it was spontaneous, and I did not
• 3:01:14
  Speaker 1: have the heart to call him up at a moment's
• 3:01:16
  Speaker 1: notice and take him away from his father at such
• 3:01:19
  Speaker 1: a time for reasons which were nothing but social. So
• 3:01:23
  Speaker 1: now I am getting ready to visit Henry's family, and
• 3:01:25
  Speaker 1: I feel as if my whole future depends on it,
• 3:01:28
  Speaker 1: because if I cannot stand Henry's family anymore than I
• 3:01:32
  Speaker 1: can stand Henry, the whole thing will probably come to
• 3:01:35
  Speaker 1: an end in the law court. June twenty first, Well,
• 3:01:41
  Speaker 1: I am now spending the weekend with Henry's family at
• 3:01:44
  Speaker 1: his old family manor outside of Pennsylvania, and I am
• 3:01:47
  Speaker 1: beginning to think, after all, that there is something else
• 3:01:50
  Speaker 1: in the world besides family, And I am beginning to
• 3:01:53
  Speaker 1: think that family life is only fit for those who
• 3:01:56
  Speaker 1: can stand it. For instance, they always seem to get
• 3:01:59
  Speaker 1: up very early in Henry's family. I mean, it really
• 3:02:03
  Speaker 1: is not so bad to get up early when there
• 3:02:05
  Speaker 1: is something to get up early about. But when a
• 3:02:07
  Speaker 1: girl gets up early and there is nothing to get
• 3:02:10
  Speaker 1: up early about, it really begins to seem as if
• 3:02:13
  Speaker 1: there was no sense to it. So yesterday we all
• 3:02:16
  Speaker 1: got up early, and that was when I met all
• 3:02:18
  Speaker 1: of Henry's family, because Henry and I motored down to
• 3:02:21
  Speaker 1: Pennsylvania and everybody was in bed when we arrived because
• 3:02:25
  Speaker 1: it was after nine o'clock. So in the morning, Henry's
• 3:02:29
  Speaker 1: mother came to my room to get me up in
• 3:02:31
  Speaker 1: time for breakfast. Because Henry's mother is very very fond
• 3:02:35
  Speaker 1: of me, and she always wants to copy all of
• 3:02:37
  Speaker 1: my gowns, and so she always loves to look through
• 3:02:40
  Speaker 1: all of my things to see what I have got.
• 3:02:43
  Speaker 1: So she found a box of liqueur candies that are
• 3:02:46
  Speaker 1: full of liqueurs, and she was really very delighted. So
• 3:02:50
  Speaker 1: I finally got dressed, and she threw the empty box
• 3:02:53
  Speaker 1: away and I helped her downstairs to the dining room.
• 3:02:57
  Speaker 1: So Henry was waiting in the dining room with his sister,
• 3:03:00
  Speaker 1: and that was when I met his sister. So it
• 3:03:03
  Speaker 1: seems that Henry's sister has never been the same since
• 3:03:05
  Speaker 1: the war, because she never had a man's collar and
• 3:03:08
  Speaker 1: a necktie until she drove an ambulance in the war,
• 3:03:12
  Speaker 1: and now they cannot get her to take them off
• 3:03:15
  Speaker 1: because ever since the armistice, Henry's sister seems to have
• 3:03:18
  Speaker 1: the idea that regular women's clothes are effeminate. So Henry's
• 3:03:23
  Speaker 1: sister seems to think of nothing but either horses or automobiles.
• 3:03:27
  Speaker 1: And when she is not in a garage, the only
• 3:03:29
  Speaker 1: other place she is happy is in a stable. I mean,
• 3:03:33
  Speaker 1: she really pays very little attention to all of her family,
• 3:03:36
  Speaker 1: and she seems to pay less attention to Henry than
• 3:03:39
  Speaker 1: anybody else because she seems to have the idea that
• 3:03:42
  Speaker 1: Henry's brains are not so virile. So then we all
• 3:03:46
  Speaker 1: waited for Henry's father to come in so that he
• 3:03:48
  Speaker 1: could read the Bible out loud before breakfast. So then
• 3:03:52
  Speaker 1: something happened that really was a miracle, because it seems
• 3:03:56
  Speaker 1: that Henry's father has practically lived in a wheelchair for
• 3:03:59
  Speaker 1: months and months, and his male nurse has to wheel
• 3:04:02
  Speaker 1: him everywhere. So his male nurse wheeled him into the
• 3:04:05
  Speaker 1: dining room in his wheelchair, and Henry said, father, this
• 3:04:09
  Speaker 1: is going to be your little daughter in law. And
• 3:04:12
  Speaker 1: Henry's father took one good look at me and got
• 3:04:15
  Speaker 1: right out of his wheelchair and walked. So then everybody
• 3:04:19
  Speaker 1: was very very surprised, but Henry was not so surprised
• 3:04:23
  Speaker 1: because Henry knows his father like a book. So then
• 3:04:26
  Speaker 1: they all tried to calm his father down, and his
• 3:04:28
  Speaker 1: father tried to read out of the Bible, but he
• 3:04:31
  Speaker 1: could hardly keep his mind on the Bible, and he
• 3:04:34
  Speaker 1: could hardly eat a bite, because when a gentleman is
• 3:04:37
  Speaker 1: as feeble as Henry's father is he cannot keep one
• 3:04:40
  Speaker 1: eye on a girl and the other on his cereal
• 3:04:43
  Speaker 1: and cream without coming to grief. So Henry finally became
• 3:04:48
  Speaker 1: quite discouraged, and he told his father he would have
• 3:04:51
  Speaker 1: to get back to his room or he would have
• 3:04:53
  Speaker 1: a relapse. So then the male nurse wheeled him back
• 3:04:56
  Speaker 1: to his room, and it really was pathetic, because he
• 3:05:00
  Speaker 1: i'd like a baby. So I got to thinking over
• 3:05:03
  Speaker 1: what Dorothy advised me about Henry's father, and I really
• 3:05:06
  Speaker 1: got to thinking that if Henry's father could only get
• 3:05:09
  Speaker 1: away from everybody and have some time of his own,
• 3:05:12
  Speaker 1: Dorothy's advice might not be so bad after all. So
• 3:05:16
  Speaker 1: after breakfast, we all got ready to go to church.
• 3:05:20
  Speaker 1: But Henry's sister does not go to church because Henry's
• 3:05:23
  Speaker 1: sister always likes to spend every Sunday in the garage,
• 3:05:26
  Speaker 1: taking their Ford farm truck apart and putting it back
• 3:05:29
  Speaker 1: together again. And Henry says that what the war did
• 3:05:32
  Speaker 1: to a girl like his sister is really worse than
• 3:05:35
  Speaker 1: the war itself. So then Henry and his mother and
• 3:05:38
  Speaker 1: I all went to church. So when we came home
• 3:05:41
  Speaker 1: from church, we had luncheon and it seems that luncheon
• 3:05:45
  Speaker 1: is practically the same as breakfast, except that Henry's father
• 3:05:48
  Speaker 1: could not come down to luncheon because after he met
• 3:05:51
  Speaker 1: me he contracted such a violent fever that they had
• 3:05:54
  Speaker 1: to send for the doctor. So in the afternoon, Henry
• 3:05:59
  Speaker 1: went to prayer meeting, and I was left alone with
• 3:06:01
  Speaker 1: Henry's mother so that we could rest up so that
• 3:06:04
  Speaker 1: we could go to church again after supper. So Henry's
• 3:06:08
  Speaker 1: mother thinks I am nothing but sunshine, and she will
• 3:06:11
  Speaker 1: hardly let me get out of her sight because she
• 3:06:13
  Speaker 1: hates to be by herself, because when she is by herself,
• 3:06:17
  Speaker 1: her brains hardly seem to work at all. So she
• 3:06:20
  Speaker 1: loves to try on all of my hats, and she
• 3:06:23
  Speaker 1: loves to tell me how all the boys in the
• 3:06:25
  Speaker 1: choir can hardly keep their eyes off her. So of
• 3:06:28
  Speaker 1: course the girl has to agree with her. And it
• 3:06:31
  Speaker 1: is quite difficult to agree with a person when you
• 3:06:34
  Speaker 1: have to do it through an ear trumpet, because sooner
• 3:06:36
  Speaker 1: or later your voice has to give out. So then
• 3:06:40
  Speaker 1: supper turned out to be practically the same thing as luncheon,
• 3:06:43
  Speaker 1: only by supper time all of the novelties seemed to
• 3:06:46
  Speaker 1: wear off, So then I told Henry that I had
• 3:06:49
  Speaker 1: too much of a headache to go to church again.
• 3:06:52
  Speaker 1: So Henry and his mother went to church, and I
• 3:06:54
  Speaker 1: went to my room, and I sat down and thought,
• 3:06:57
  Speaker 1: and I decided that life was really too short to
• 3:07:00
  Speaker 1: spend it on being proud of your family, even if
• 3:07:03
  Speaker 1: they did have a great deal of money. So the
• 3:07:06
  Speaker 1: best thing for me to do is think up some
• 3:07:08
  Speaker 1: scheme to make Henry decide not to marry me, and
• 3:07:11
  Speaker 1: take what I can get out of it and be satisfied.
• 3:07:15
  Speaker 1: June twenty second, Well, yesterday I made Henry put me
• 3:07:20
  Speaker 1: on the train at Philadelphia, and I made him stay
• 3:07:23
  Speaker 1: at Philadelphia so he could be near his father if
• 3:07:27
  Speaker 1: his father seemed to take any more relapses. So I
• 3:07:31
  Speaker 1: sat in my drawing room on the train, and I
• 3:07:33
  Speaker 1: decided that the time had come to get rid of
• 3:07:36
  Speaker 1: Henry at any cost. So I decided that the thing
• 3:07:40
  Speaker 1: that discourages gentlemen more than anything else is shopping. Because
• 3:07:45
  Speaker 1: even mister Eisman, who is practically born for we girls
• 3:07:48
  Speaker 1: to shop on and who knows just what to expect,
• 3:07:52
  Speaker 1: often gets quite discouraged over all of my shopping. So
• 3:07:56
  Speaker 1: I decided I would get to New York and I
• 3:07:58
  Speaker 1: would go to Cartier's and run up quite a large
• 3:08:01
  Speaker 1: bill on Henry's credit, because, after all, our engagement has
• 3:08:05
  Speaker 1: been announced in all of the newspapers, and Henry's credit
• 3:08:09
  Speaker 1: is really my credit. So while I was thinking it
• 3:08:12
  Speaker 1: all over, there was a knock on the drawing room door,
• 3:08:16
  Speaker 1: so I told him to come in, and it was
• 3:08:18
  Speaker 1: a gentleman who said he had seen me quite a
• 3:08:20
  Speaker 1: lot in New York and he had always wanted to
• 3:08:23
  Speaker 1: have an introduction to me because we had quite a
• 3:08:26
  Speaker 1: lot of friends who were common. So then he gave
• 3:08:29
  Speaker 1: me his card, and his name was on his card
• 3:08:32
  Speaker 1: and it was mister Gilbertson Montrose, and his profession is
• 3:08:37
  Speaker 1: a scenario writer. So then I asked him to sit
• 3:08:40
  Speaker 1: down and we held a literary conversation. So I really
• 3:08:45
  Speaker 1: feel as if yesterday was a turning point in my life,
• 3:08:48
  Speaker 1: because at last I have met a gentleman who is
• 3:08:50
  Speaker 1: not only an artist, but who has got brains besides.
• 3:08:55
  Speaker 1: I mean, he is the kind of a gentleman that
• 3:08:57
  Speaker 1: a girl could sit at his feet and listen to
• 3:09:00
  Speaker 1: days and days and nearly always learn something or other,
• 3:09:04
  Speaker 1: because after all, there is nothing that gives a girl
• 3:09:07
  Speaker 1: more of a thrill than brains in a gentleman, especially
• 3:09:10
  Speaker 1: after a girl has been spending the weekend with Henry.
• 3:09:14
  Speaker 1: So mister Montrose talked and talked all of the way
• 3:09:17
  Speaker 1: to New York, and I sat there and did nothing
• 3:09:20
  Speaker 1: else but listen. So, according to mister Montrose's opinion, Shakespeare
• 3:09:25
  Speaker 1: is a very great playwright, and he thinks that Hamlet
• 3:09:28
  Speaker 1: is quite a famous tragedy. And as far as novels
• 3:09:31
  Speaker 1: are concerned, he believes that everybody had ought to read Dickens.
• 3:09:35
  Speaker 1: And when we got on the subject of poetry, he
• 3:09:38
  Speaker 1: recited the shooting of Dan McGrew until you could almost
• 3:09:42
  Speaker 1: hear the gun go off. And then I asked mister
• 3:09:45
  Speaker 1: Montrose to tell me all about himself. So it seems
• 3:09:49
  Speaker 1: that mister Montrose was on his way home from Washington,
• 3:09:52
  Speaker 1: d c. Where he went to see the Bulgarian ambassador
• 3:09:56
  Speaker 1: to see if he could get Bulgaria to finance the
• 3:09:58
  Speaker 1: scenario he has written, which is a great historical subject,
• 3:10:02
  Speaker 1: which is founded on the sex life of Dolly Madison.
• 3:10:06
  Speaker 1: So it seems that mister Montrose has meant quite a
• 3:10:08
  Speaker 1: lot of Bulgarians. In a Bulgarian restaurant on Lexington Avenue,
• 3:10:13
  Speaker 1: and that was what gave him the idea to get
• 3:10:15
  Speaker 1: the money from Bulgaria, because mister Montrose said that he
• 3:10:19
  Speaker 1: could fill his scenario full of Bulgarian propaganda. And he
• 3:10:23
  Speaker 1: told the Bulgarian ambassador that every time he realized how
• 3:10:26
  Speaker 1: ignorant all of the American film fans were on the
• 3:10:29
  Speaker 1: subject of Bulgaria, it made him flinch. So I told
• 3:10:33
  Speaker 1: mister Montrose that it made me feel very, very small
• 3:10:36
  Speaker 1: to talk to a gentleman like he who knew so
• 3:10:39
  Speaker 1: much about Bulgaria, because practically all I knew about Bulgaria
• 3:10:43
  Speaker 1: was Zulac. So mister Montrose said that the Bulgarian ambassador
• 3:10:48
  Speaker 1: did not seem to think that Dolly Madison had so
• 3:10:50
  Speaker 1: much about her that was pertinent to present day Bulgaria,
• 3:10:54
  Speaker 1: but mister Montrose explained to him that that was because
• 3:10:57
  Speaker 1: he knew practically nothing about dramatic construc Because mister Montrose
• 3:11:02
  Speaker 1: said he could fix his scenario so that Dolly Madison
• 3:11:05
  Speaker 1: would have one lover who was a Bulgarian who wanted
• 3:11:08
  Speaker 1: to marry her. So then Dolly Madison would get to
• 3:11:11
  Speaker 1: wondering what her great great grandchildren would be like if
• 3:11:15
  Speaker 1: she married a Bulgarian and then she could sit down
• 3:11:18
  Speaker 1: and have a vision of Bulgaria in nineteen twenty five,
• 3:11:22
  Speaker 1: So that was when mister Montrose would take a trip
• 3:11:24
  Speaker 1: to Bulgaria to photograph the vision. But the Bulgarian ambassador
• 3:11:29
  Speaker 1: turned down the whole proposition, but he gave mister Montrose
• 3:11:32
  Speaker 1: quite a large sized bottle of the Bulgarian national drink.
• 3:11:36
  Speaker 1: So the Bulgarian National drink looks like nothing so much
• 3:11:39
  Speaker 1: as water, and it really does not taste so strong.
• 3:11:43
  Speaker 1: But about five minutes afterwards, you begin to realize your mistake.
• 3:11:47
  Speaker 1: But I thought to myself that if realizing my mistake
• 3:11:51
  Speaker 1: could make me forget what I went through in Pennsylvania,
• 3:11:54
  Speaker 1: I really owed it to myself to forget everything. So
• 3:11:57
  Speaker 1: then we had another drink. So then mister Montrose told
• 3:12:01
  Speaker 1: me that he had quite a hard time getting along
• 3:12:03
  Speaker 1: in the motion picture profession because all of his scenarios
• 3:12:07
  Speaker 1: were all over their head. Because when mister Montrose writes
• 3:12:11
  Speaker 1: about sex, it is full of psychology, but when everybody
• 3:12:15
  Speaker 1: else writes about it, it is full of nothing but
• 3:12:17
  Speaker 1: transparent negliges and ornamental bath tubs. And mister Montrose said
• 3:12:23
  Speaker 1: that there is no future in the motion pictures until
• 3:12:26
  Speaker 1: the motion pictures get their sex motives straightened out and
• 3:12:29
  Speaker 1: realize that a woman of twenty five can have just
• 3:12:32
  Speaker 1: as many sex problems as a flapper of sixteen, because
• 3:12:36
  Speaker 1: mister Montrose likes to write about women of the world,
• 3:12:39
  Speaker 1: and he refuses to have women of the world played
• 3:12:42
  Speaker 1: by small sized girls of fifteen who know nothing about
• 3:12:46
  Speaker 1: life and who have not even been in the detention home.
• 3:12:50
  Speaker 1: So we arrived in New York before we realized it,
• 3:12:53
  Speaker 1: and I got to thinking how the same trip with
• 3:12:55
  Speaker 1: Henry and his rolls Royce seemed like about twenty four hours,
• 3:13:00
  Speaker 1: and that was what gave me the idea that money
• 3:13:02
  Speaker 1: was not everything, because after all, it is only brains
• 3:13:07
  Speaker 1: that count. So mister Montrose took me home and we
• 3:13:10
  Speaker 1: are going to have luncheon together at the Primrose Tea
• 3:13:13
  Speaker 1: Room practically every day and keep right on holding literary conversations.
• 3:13:19
  Speaker 1: So then I had to figure out how to get
• 3:13:21
  Speaker 1: rid of Henry and at the same time not do
• 3:13:24
  Speaker 1: anything that would make me any trouble later. So I
• 3:13:27
  Speaker 1: sent for Dorothy, because Dorothy is not so good at
• 3:13:31
  Speaker 1: intriguing a gentleman with money, but she ought to be
• 3:13:34
  Speaker 1: full of ideas on how to get rid of one.
• 3:13:37
  Speaker 1: So at first Dorothy said, why didn't I take a
• 3:13:39
  Speaker 1: chance and marry Henry, because she had an idea that
• 3:13:43
  Speaker 1: if Henry married me, he would commit suicide. About two
• 3:13:46
  Speaker 1: weeks later, but I told her about my plan to
• 3:13:49
  Speaker 1: do quite a lot of shopping, and I told her
• 3:13:52
  Speaker 1: that I would send for Henry and I would manage
• 3:13:54
  Speaker 1: it so that I would not be in the apartment
• 3:13:57
  Speaker 1: when he came, but she could be there and start
• 3:13:59
  Speaker 1: a conversation with him, and she could tell him about
• 3:14:02
  Speaker 1: all of my shopping and how extravagant I seemed to be,
• 3:14:06
  Speaker 1: and he would be in the poor house in less
• 3:14:09
  Speaker 1: than a year if he married me. So Dorothy said
• 3:14:12
  Speaker 1: for me to take one farewell look at Henry and
• 3:14:15
  Speaker 1: to leave him to her, because the next time I
• 3:14:18
  Speaker 1: saw him would be in the witness box and I
• 3:14:20
  Speaker 1: might not even recognize him because she would throw a
• 3:14:23
  Speaker 1: scare into him that might change his whole physical appearance.
• 3:14:28
  Speaker 1: So I decided to leave him in the hands of
• 3:14:30
  Speaker 1: Dorothy and hope for the best. July tenth, well, last
• 3:14:36
  Speaker 1: month was really almost a diary in itself, and I
• 3:14:40
  Speaker 1: had to begin to realize that I am one of
• 3:14:42
  Speaker 1: the kind of girls that things happened to. And I
• 3:14:45
  Speaker 1: have to admit, after all, that life is really wonderful,
• 3:14:49
  Speaker 1: because so much has happened in the last few weeks
• 3:14:52
  Speaker 1: that it almost makes a girl's brains whirl. I mean,
• 3:14:56
  Speaker 1: in the first place, I went shopping at Cartier's and
• 3:14:59
  Speaker 1: bought quite a d delightful square cut emerald and quite
• 3:15:02
  Speaker 1: a long rope of pearls on Henry's credit. So then
• 3:15:06
  Speaker 1: I called up Henry on the long distance telephone and
• 3:15:09
  Speaker 1: told him that I wanted to see him quite a lot.
• 3:15:12
  Speaker 1: So he was very very pleased, and he said that
• 3:15:15
  Speaker 1: he would come right up to New York. So then
• 3:15:18
  Speaker 1: I told Dorothy to come to the apartment and be
• 3:15:20
  Speaker 1: there when Henry came, and to show Henry what I
• 3:15:23
  Speaker 1: bought on his credit, and to tell him how extravagant
• 3:15:27
  Speaker 1: I seemed to be, and how I seemed to keep
• 3:15:29
  Speaker 1: on getting worse. So I told Dorothy to go as
• 3:15:33
  Speaker 1: far as she liked, so long as she did not
• 3:15:35
  Speaker 1: insinuate anything against my character, because the more spotless my
• 3:15:40
  Speaker 1: character seems to be, the better things might turn out later.
• 3:15:44
  Speaker 1: So Henry was due at the apartment about one twenty,
• 3:15:48
  Speaker 1: so I had Lulu get some luncheon for he and Dorothy,
• 3:15:51
  Speaker 1: and I told Dorothy to tell him that I had
• 3:15:53
  Speaker 1: gone out to look at the Russian crown jewels that
• 3:15:56
  Speaker 1: some Russian Grand Duchess or other had for sale at
• 3:15:59
  Speaker 1: the Ritz. So then I went to the Primrose tea
• 3:16:02
  Speaker 1: room to have luncheon with mister Montrose, because mister Montrose
• 3:16:06
  Speaker 1: loves to tell me of all his plans, and he
• 3:16:09
  Speaker 1: says that I seemed to remind him quite a lot
• 3:16:11
  Speaker 1: of a girl called Madame Racamier, who all the intellectual
• 3:16:15
  Speaker 1: gentlemen used to tell all of their plans too, even
• 3:16:19
  Speaker 1: when there was a French Revolution going on all around them.
• 3:16:22
  Speaker 1: So mister Montrose and I had a delicious luncheon, except
• 3:16:26
  Speaker 1: that I never seemed to notice what I am eating
• 3:16:28
  Speaker 1: when I am with mister Montrose, because when mister Montrose talks,
• 3:16:32
  Speaker 1: a girl wants to do nothing but listen. But all
• 3:16:35
  Speaker 1: of the time I was listening, I was thinking about Dorothy,
• 3:16:39
  Speaker 1: and I was worrying for fear Dorothy would go too
• 3:16:42
  Speaker 1: far and tell Henry something that would not be so
• 3:16:45
  Speaker 1: good for me afterwards. So finally even mister Montrose seemed
• 3:16:50
  Speaker 1: to notice it, and he said, what's the matter, little woman?
• 3:16:54
  Speaker 1: A penny for your thoughts, So then I told him everything,
• 3:16:58
  Speaker 1: so he seemed to think quite a lot, and finally
• 3:17:01
  Speaker 1: he said to me, it is really too bad that
• 3:17:03
  Speaker 1: you feel as if the social life of mister Spofford
• 3:17:06
  Speaker 1: bored you, because mister Spofford would be ideal to finance
• 3:17:10
  Speaker 1: my scenario. So then mister Montrose said that he had
• 3:17:13
  Speaker 1: been thinking from the very first how ideal I would
• 3:17:16
  Speaker 1: be to play Dolly Madison. So that started me thinking,
• 3:17:20
  Speaker 1: and I told mister Montrose that I expected to have
• 3:17:23
  Speaker 1: quite a large size amount of money later on, and
• 3:17:26
  Speaker 1: I would finance it myself. But mister Montrose said that
• 3:17:29
  Speaker 1: would be too late, because all of the motion picture
• 3:17:32
  Speaker 1: corporations were after it now and it would be snapped
• 3:17:36
  Speaker 1: up almost immediately. So then I became almost in a panic,
• 3:17:40
  Speaker 1: because I suddenly decided that if I married Henry and
• 3:17:44
  Speaker 1: worked in the motion pictures at the same time, society
• 3:17:47
  Speaker 1: life would Henry would not really be so bad, because
• 3:17:51
  Speaker 1: if a girl was so busy as all that, it
• 3:17:53
  Speaker 1: really would not seem to matter so much if she
• 3:17:55
  Speaker 1: had to stand Henry when she was not busy. But
• 3:17:59
  Speaker 1: then I realized what Dorothy was up to, and I
• 3:18:01
  Speaker 1: told mister Montrose that I was almost afraid it was
• 3:18:04
  Speaker 1: too late, So I hurried to the telephone and I
• 3:18:07
  Speaker 1: called up Dorothy at the apartment, and I asked her
• 3:18:10
  Speaker 1: what she had said to Henry. So Dorothy said that
• 3:18:13
  Speaker 1: she showed him the square cut emerald and told him
• 3:18:16
  Speaker 1: that I bought it as a knickknack to go with
• 3:18:18
  Speaker 1: a green dress, but I had got a spot on
• 3:18:21
  Speaker 1: the dress, so I was going to give them both
• 3:18:24
  Speaker 1: to Lulu. So she said she showed him the pearls,
• 3:18:27
  Speaker 1: and she said that after I had bought them, I
• 3:18:30
  Speaker 1: was sorry I did not get pink ones because white
• 3:18:33
  Speaker 1: ones were so common, so I was going to have
• 3:18:35
  Speaker 1: Lulu on string them and sew them on a neckliget.
• 3:18:39
  Speaker 1: So then she told him she was rather sorry I
• 3:18:42
  Speaker 1: meant to buy the Russian crown jewels because she had
• 3:18:45
  Speaker 1: a feeling they were unlucky, but that I had said
• 3:18:48
  Speaker 1: to her that if I found out they were, I
• 3:18:50
  Speaker 1: would toss them over my left shoulder into the Hudson
• 3:18:53
  Speaker 1: River some night when there was a new moon, and
• 3:18:56
  Speaker 1: it would take away the curse. So then she said
• 3:18:59
  Speaker 1: that Henry began to get restless, So then she told
• 3:19:02
  Speaker 1: him she was very glad I was going to get
• 3:19:04
  Speaker 1: married at last, because I had had such bad luck
• 3:19:08
  Speaker 1: that every time I became engaged, something seemed to happen
• 3:19:11
  Speaker 1: to my fiance. So Henry asked her what, for instance,
• 3:19:16
  Speaker 1: So Dorothy said a couple were in the insane asylum.
• 3:19:19
  Speaker 1: One had shot himself for debt, and the county farm
• 3:19:23
  Speaker 1: was taking care of the remainder. So Henry asked her
• 3:19:26
  Speaker 1: how they got that way, So Dorothy told him it
• 3:19:29
  Speaker 1: was nothing but my extravagance. And she told him that
• 3:19:33
  Speaker 1: she was surprised that he had never heard about it,
• 3:19:35
  Speaker 1: because all I had to do was take luncheon at
• 3:19:38
  Speaker 1: the Ritz with some prominent broker, and the next day
• 3:19:41
  Speaker 1: the bottom would drop out of the market. And she
• 3:19:44
  Speaker 1: told him that she did not want to insinuate anything,
• 3:19:47
  Speaker 1: but that I had dined with a very, very prominent
• 3:19:50
  Speaker 1: German the day before German marks started to collapse. So
• 3:19:54
  Speaker 1: I became almost frantic, and I told Dorothy to hold
• 3:19:58
  Speaker 1: Henry at the apartment until I could get up there
• 3:20:00
  Speaker 1: and explain. So I held the telephone while Dorothy went
• 3:20:03
  Speaker 1: to see if Henry would wait. So Dorothy came back
• 3:20:06
  Speaker 1: in a minute, and she said that the parlor was empty,
• 3:20:10
  Speaker 1: but that if I would hurry down to Broadway, no
• 3:20:12
  Speaker 1: doubt I would see a cloud of dust heading toward
• 3:20:15
  Speaker 1: the Pennsylvania station, and that would be Henry. So then
• 3:20:19
  Speaker 1: I went back to mister Montrose, and I told him
• 3:20:22
  Speaker 1: that I must catch Henry at the Pennsylvania station at
• 3:20:25
  Speaker 1: any cost, and if anyone were to say that we
• 3:20:28
  Speaker 1: left the Primrose Tea Room in a hurry, they would
• 3:20:30
  Speaker 1: be putting it quite mildly. So we got to the
• 3:20:34
  Speaker 1: Pennsylvania station and I just had time to get on
• 3:20:37
  Speaker 1: board the train to Philadelphia, and I left mister Montrose
• 3:20:40
  Speaker 1: standing at the train, biting his fingernails and all of
• 3:20:43
  Speaker 1: his anxiety. But I called out to him to go
• 3:20:46
  Speaker 1: to his hotel and I would telephone the result as
• 3:20:49
  Speaker 1: soon as the train arrived. So then I went through
• 3:20:52
  Speaker 1: the train and there was Henry with a look on
• 3:20:55
  Speaker 1: his face which I shall never forget. So when he
• 3:20:58
  Speaker 1: saw me, he really sees to shrink to half his
• 3:21:01
  Speaker 1: natural size. So I sat down beside him, and I
• 3:21:05
  Speaker 1: told him that I was really ashamed of how he acted,
• 3:21:08
  Speaker 1: and if his love for me could not stand the
• 3:21:10
  Speaker 1: little test that I and Dorothy had thought up more
• 3:21:13
  Speaker 1: in the spirit of fun than anything else. I never
• 3:21:16
  Speaker 1: wanted to speak to such a gentleman again. And I
• 3:21:20
  Speaker 1: told him that if he could not tell the difference
• 3:21:21
  Speaker 1: between a real square cut emerald and one from the
• 3:21:24
  Speaker 1: ten cents store, that he had ought to be ashamed
• 3:21:27
  Speaker 1: of himself. And I told him that if he thought
• 3:21:30
  Speaker 1: that every string of white beads were pearls, it was
• 3:21:33
  Speaker 1: no wonder he could make such a mistake in judging
• 3:21:36
  Speaker 1: the character of a girl. So then I began to
• 3:21:39
  Speaker 1: cry because of all of Henry's lack of faith. So
• 3:21:42
  Speaker 1: then he tried to cheer me up, but I was
• 3:21:45
  Speaker 1: too hurt to even give him a decent word until
• 3:21:47
  Speaker 1: we were past Newark. But by the time we were
• 3:21:50
  Speaker 1: past Newark, Henry was crying himself. And it always makes
• 3:21:54
  Speaker 1: me feel so tender hearted to listen to a gentleman
• 3:21:57
  Speaker 1: cry that I finally forgave him. So of course, as
• 3:22:02
  Speaker 1: soon as I got home, I had to take them
• 3:22:04
  Speaker 1: back to Cardier's. So then I explained to Henry how
• 3:22:08
  Speaker 1: I wanted our life to mean something, and I wanted
• 3:22:11
  Speaker 1: to make the world a better place than it seemed
• 3:22:13
  Speaker 1: to have been yet, and I told him that he
• 3:22:16
  Speaker 1: knew so much about the film profession on account of
• 3:22:19
  Speaker 1: censuring all of the films, that I thought he ought
• 3:22:22
  Speaker 1: to go into the film profession because I told him
• 3:22:25
  Speaker 1: that a gentleman like he really owed it to the
• 3:22:28
  Speaker 1: world to make pure films so that he could be
• 3:22:30
  Speaker 1: an example to all of the other film corporations and
• 3:22:34
  Speaker 1: show the world what pure films were like. So Henry
• 3:22:37
  Speaker 1: became very, very intrigued because he had never thought of
• 3:22:41
  Speaker 1: the film profession before. So then I told him that
• 3:22:44
  Speaker 1: we could get H. Gilbertson Montrose to write the scenarios,
• 3:22:48
  Speaker 1: and he to censure them, and I could act in them,
• 3:22:51
  Speaker 1: and by the time we all got through, they would
• 3:22:54
  Speaker 1: be a work of art, but they would be even
• 3:22:57
  Speaker 1: purer than most works of art seemed to be. So
• 3:23:01
  Speaker 1: by the time we got to Philadelphia, Henry said that
• 3:23:03
  Speaker 1: he would do it, but he really did not think
• 3:23:06
  Speaker 1: I ought to act in them. But I told him,
• 3:23:09
  Speaker 1: from what I had seen of society women trying to
• 3:23:11
  Speaker 1: break into the films, I did not believe that it
• 3:23:14
  Speaker 1: would be so des class a if one of them
• 3:23:16
  Speaker 1: really landed. So I even talked him into that. So
• 3:23:21
  Speaker 1: when we got to Henry's country estate. We told all
• 3:23:24
  Speaker 1: of Henry's family and they were all delighted because it
• 3:23:28
  Speaker 1: is the first time since the war that Henry's family
• 3:23:31
  Speaker 1: have had anything definite to put their minds on. I mean,
• 3:23:34
  Speaker 1: Henry's sister really jumped at the idea because she said
• 3:23:37
  Speaker 1: she would take charge of the studio trucks and keep
• 3:23:40
  Speaker 1: them at a bedrock figure. So I even promised Henri's
• 3:23:44
  Speaker 1: mother that she could act in the films. I mean,
• 3:23:47
  Speaker 1: I even believed that we could put in a close
• 3:23:49
  Speaker 1: up of her from time to time, because after all,
• 3:23:52
  Speaker 1: nearly every photoplay has to have some comedy relief. And
• 3:23:56
  Speaker 1: I promised Henry's father that we would wheel him through
• 3:23:59
  Speaker 1: the studio and let him look at all of the actresses,
• 3:24:02
  Speaker 1: and he nearly had another relapse. So then I called
• 3:24:06
  Speaker 1: up mister Montrose and made an appointment with him to
• 3:24:09
  Speaker 1: meet Henry and talk it all over, and mister Montrose said,
• 3:24:13
  Speaker 1: bless you, little woman. So I am almost beginning to
• 3:24:17
  Speaker 1: believe it when everybody says I am nothing but sunshine,
• 3:24:21
  Speaker 1: because everybody I come into contract with always seems to
• 3:24:24
  Speaker 1: become happy. I mean, with the exception of mister Eisman,
• 3:24:29
  Speaker 1: because when I got back to New York, I opened
• 3:24:32
  Speaker 1: all of his cablegrams and I realized that he was
• 3:24:35
  Speaker 1: due to arrive on the Aquitania the very next day.
• 3:24:38
  Speaker 1: So I met him at the Aquitania and I took
• 3:24:41
  Speaker 1: him to luncheon at the Ritz, and I told him
• 3:24:43
  Speaker 1: all about everything. So then he became very, very depressed
• 3:24:48
  Speaker 1: because he said that just as soon as he had
• 3:24:50
  Speaker 1: got me all educated, I had to go off and
• 3:24:53
  Speaker 1: get married. But I told him that he really ought
• 3:24:56
  Speaker 1: to be very proud of me, because in the future
• 3:24:59
  Speaker 1: when he would see me at luncheon at the Ritz
• 3:25:01
  Speaker 1: as the wife of the famous Henry H. Spofford, I
• 3:25:05
  Speaker 1: would always bow to him if I saw him, and
• 3:25:08
  Speaker 1: he could point me out to all of his friends
• 3:25:10
  Speaker 1: and tell them that it was he Gus Eisman himself
• 3:25:14
  Speaker 1: who educated me up to my station. So that really
• 3:25:18
  Speaker 1: cheered mister Eisman up a lot. And I really do
• 3:25:21
  Speaker 1: not care what he says to his friends, because after all,
• 3:25:25
  Speaker 1: his friends are not in my set, and whatever he
• 3:25:28
  Speaker 1: says to them will not get around in my circle.
• 3:25:31
  Speaker 1: So after our luncheon was all over, I really think
• 3:25:35
  Speaker 1: that even if mister Eisman was not so happy, he
• 3:25:38
  Speaker 1: could not help having a sort of a feeling of relief,
• 3:25:41
  Speaker 1: especially when he thinks of all my shopping. So after
• 3:25:46
  Speaker 1: that came my wedding, and all of the society people
• 3:25:49
  Speaker 1: in New York and Philadelphia came to my wedding, and
• 3:25:52
  Speaker 1: they were all so sweet to me because practically every
• 3:25:55
  Speaker 1: one of them has written a scenario. And everybody says
• 3:25:59
  Speaker 1: my wedding was very, very beautiful. I mean even Dorothy
• 3:26:03
  Speaker 1: said it was very beautiful. Only Dorothy said she had
• 3:26:06
  Speaker 1: to concentrate her mind on the massacre of the Armenians
• 3:26:09
  Speaker 1: to keep herself from laughing right out loud in everybody's face.
• 3:26:12
  Speaker 1: But that only shows that not even matrimony is sacred
• 3:26:16
  Speaker 1: to a girl like Dorothy. And after the wedding was over,
• 3:26:20
  Speaker 1: I overheard Dorothy talking to mister Montrose, and she was
• 3:26:23
  Speaker 1: telling mister Montrose that she thought I would be great
• 3:26:26
  Speaker 1: in the movies if he would write me apart that
• 3:26:29
  Speaker 1: only had three expressions joy, sorrow, and indigestion. So I
• 3:26:35
  Speaker 1: do not really believe that Dorothy is such a true
• 3:26:37
  Speaker 1: friend after all. So Henry and I did not go
• 3:26:41
  Speaker 1: on any honeymoon because I told Henry that it really
• 3:26:44
  Speaker 1: would be selfish for us to go off alone together
• 3:26:47
  Speaker 1: when all of our activities seemed to need us so much,
• 3:26:50
  Speaker 1: because after all, I have to spend quite a lot
• 3:26:53
  Speaker 1: of time with mister Montrose going over the scenario together,
• 3:26:56
  Speaker 1: because mister Montrose says, I am full of nothing so
• 3:26:59
  Speaker 1: much as if ideas. So in order to give Henry
• 3:27:02
  Speaker 1: something to do while mister Montrose and I are working
• 3:27:05
  Speaker 1: on the scenario, I got Henry to organize a welfare
• 3:27:09
  Speaker 1: league among all of the extra girls and get them
• 3:27:12
  Speaker 1: to tell him all of their problems so he can
• 3:27:14
  Speaker 1: give them all of his spiritual aid. And it has
• 3:27:17
  Speaker 1: really been a very very great success because there is
• 3:27:20
  Speaker 1: not much work going on at the other studios at present,
• 3:27:24
  Speaker 1: so all of the extra girls have nothing better to do,
• 3:27:27
  Speaker 1: and they all know that Henry will not give them
• 3:27:29
  Speaker 1: a job at our studio unless they belong, so the
• 3:27:33
  Speaker 1: worse they tell Henry they have been before they met him,
• 3:27:36
  Speaker 1: the better he likes it. And Dorothy says that she
• 3:27:39
  Speaker 1: was at the studio yesterday, and she says that if
• 3:27:42
  Speaker 1: the scenarios those extra girls have written around themselves to
• 3:27:45
  Speaker 1: tell Henry could only be screened and gotten past the censors,
• 3:27:49
  Speaker 1: the movies would move right up out of their infancy.
• 3:27:53
  Speaker 1: So Henry says that I have opened up a whole
• 3:27:55
  Speaker 1: new world for him, and he has never been so
• 3:27:58
  Speaker 1: happy in his life. And it really seems as if
• 3:28:01
  Speaker 1: everyone I know has never been so happy in their lives.
• 3:28:05
  Speaker 1: Because I make Henry let his father come to the
• 3:28:07
  Speaker 1: studio every day, because after all, every studio has to
• 3:28:11
  Speaker 1: have somebody who seems to be a pest, and in
• 3:28:13
  Speaker 1: our case, it might as well be Henry's father. So
• 3:28:17
  Speaker 1: I have given orders to all of the electricians not
• 3:28:20
  Speaker 1: to drop any lights on him, but to let him
• 3:28:23
  Speaker 1: have a good time, because after all, it is the
• 3:28:25
  Speaker 1: first one he has had. And as far as Henry's
• 3:28:29
  Speaker 1: mother is concerned, she is having her hair bobbed and
• 3:28:32
  Speaker 1: her face lifted, and is getting ready to play Carmen
• 3:28:36
  Speaker 1: because she saw a girl called Madame Calve play it
• 3:28:38
  Speaker 1: when she was on her honeymoon, and she has always
• 3:28:41
  Speaker 1: really felt that she could do it better. So I
• 3:28:45
  Speaker 1: do not discourage her, but I let her go ahead
• 3:28:47
  Speaker 1: and enjoy herself. But I am not going to bother
• 3:28:51
  Speaker 1: to speak to the electricians about Henry's mother. And Henry's
• 3:28:55
  Speaker 1: sister has never been so happy since the Battle of
• 3:28:58
  Speaker 1: Verda because she has six and fifteen horses to look after,
• 3:29:02
  Speaker 1: and she says that the motion picture profession is the
• 3:29:05
  Speaker 1: nearest thing to war that she has struck since the armistice.
• 3:29:09
  Speaker 1: And even Dorothy is very happy, because Dorothy says that
• 3:29:12
  Speaker 1: she has had more laughs in this month than any
• 3:29:15
  Speaker 1: cantour gets in a year. And when it comes to
• 3:29:19
  Speaker 1: mister Montrose, I really believe that he is happier than
• 3:29:22
  Speaker 1: anybody else because of all the understanding and sympathy he
• 3:29:26
  Speaker 1: seems to get out of me. And so I am
• 3:29:29
  Speaker 1: very happy myself, because after all, the greatest thing in
• 3:29:33
  Speaker 1: life is to always be making everybody else happy, and
• 3:29:37
  Speaker 1: so while everybody is so happy, I really think it
• 3:29:41
  Speaker 1: is a good time to finish my diary, because after all,
• 3:29:45
  Speaker 1: I am too busy going over my scenarios with mister
• 3:29:47
  Speaker 1: Montrose to keep up any other kind of literary work,
• 3:29:52
  Speaker 1: and I am so busy bringing sunshine into the life
• 3:29:55
  Speaker 1: of Henry that I really think, with everything else I
• 3:29:58
  Speaker 1: seem to accomplish, it is all a girl had ought
• 3:30:01
  Speaker 1: to try to do. And so I really think that
• 3:30:04
  Speaker 1: I can say good bye to my diary feeling that
• 3:30:08
  Speaker 1: after all, everything always turns out for the best,