Latest / Very Fine Friends / A Most VFF Year

Transcript

A Most VFF Year · Very Fine Friends

0:00
there was something in the air
0:18
the stars were i think that's is that right is that the lyric i don't know
0:24
Something in the air that night
0:27
The stars were bright
0:29
Fernando
0:30
ABBA has a good
0:36
Thank you
0:38
They have a good catalog
0:41
They do
0:42
Do you know that
0:43
The band's name is
0:46
A-B-B-A
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Because that's the initials
0:49
And what are the odds it just happens to sound like a word
0:52
Yeah
0:54
Or what if they called themselves Baba instead of Abba?
1:01
Or what if they called themselves Bab?
1:06
They probably had this exact conversation and going through all of them.
1:09
They probably have it every day.
1:12
Still.
1:12
We should have gone with Bab.
1:16
Can you imagine, what if they would have been like a completely,
1:19
do you think the name would have made a difference?
1:21
like yes we would not have embraced them if they were there is a there is like a feeling that comes
1:25
with a sound yeah you know yeah yeah i'm not searching for bab again what's the feeling that
1:39
that sound makes you have it's sheepish well yeah yeah it's field music it's a wolf feeling
1:45
and baba that's like baby babies drink obviously it was like a slavic sound you know
1:53
baba there are there are a bunch of babies yeah who who is the slavics
1:59
at large oh i didn't know i don't know yeah they're fine
2:07
slavs if you're listening they are big front of the pod that makes me wonder
2:13
what other bands do we not know about that would have been humongous hits?
2:20
Yeah, we'll never know.
2:21
We'll never know.
2:22
There's no way to know because they were just so poorly named.
2:25
You know, I have another opinion about bands that I don't even,
2:28
I'm not going to name this band because I don't want to get heat,
2:30
but there's this band that I really like and it's, they're popular,
2:33
but they're not as popular as I think they would be if the lead singer was hot.
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Like it's a great band and they make great music and stuff that we all know.
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But I feel like if it was a hot lead singer, it would be like.
2:47
Now I have to know what band this is.
2:51
You mouthed it to Joe, but I didn't make it out.
2:55
Okay, I'm just going to say it.
2:56
Say it.
2:57
You know I think everyone's hot.
2:58
So this person must be really a huge dog.
3:03
No, that's not why I said that.
3:05
I said that because I don't feel this way.
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I just feel like if everyone else.
3:09
Oh, if you think he's hot or she's hot.
3:12
Yeah, yeah.
3:13
I'm talking about Death Cab.
3:15
Oh, okay.
3:17
Ben Gibbons.
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Zoe Deschanel thinks he's hot.
3:19
She did.
3:20
Not anymore.
3:22
They're divorced.
3:23
So maybe update your knowledge base?
3:26
Yeah.
3:27
Look.
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She's with one of those like twin property brothers guys now.
3:31
Oh, really?
3:32
Yeah.
3:32
Oh, weird.
3:33
Those guys creep me out.
3:34
Yeah.
3:34
Yeah.
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Why would she?
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You guys, I feel bad about name dropping.
3:37
No, I, but here's my counter to that.
3:43
If he was hot, he wouldn't have made the great music.
3:47
The great music.
3:47
Yeah.
3:48
The art would have suffered.
3:50
Yeah.
3:50
If he was hot, it just...
3:51
Yeah, but there's plenty of middling art that was boosted by the hotness of the singer.
4:00
They didn't suffer.
4:02
Like, no doubt.
4:03
No doubt was...
4:06
That's the example that comes to mind first in terms of, like, hot lead singer made them way more popular than they should have been.
4:12
I like No Doubt.
4:14
Yeah.
4:15
Their talent is not commensurate with the level of fame that they reached.
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No.
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And also the other members of the band are so ugly and unappealing.
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All of the hotness is contained in Gwen Stefani for that band.
4:34
So I think that's a good example of exactly what you're talking about.
4:37
But she wasn't making the music, right?
4:40
I don't know who wrote that music, but I doubt it was her.
4:42
You doubt that there was sugar crush.
4:51
One day I'm not going to laugh when you do those.
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Sorry if that ruins what you think.
4:54
No,
4:54
it makes it,
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I think it makes it better.
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Also,
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they sound so good on the soundboard that I think it sounds like we're doing it.
5:02
When you laugh,
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I think it's good.
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It lets the audience know that that was actually a button.
5:05
It's not Francis saying it.
5:07
Thank you.
5:07
Yeah.
5:07
Great feedback.
5:09
Thanks.
5:09
I call it a feedy bee.
5:10
maybe it'd be more popular if you named it something else
5:14
welcome to very fine friends uh we are music critics extraordinaire i think oh yeah i think
5:27
this is excellent insight by us and thank god ava was named ava and thank god's wife
5:34
you know she never gets any credit yeah i noticed that um well this is a very exciting
5:46
episode oh yeah this is our one year anniversary episode
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isn't that exciting yes it's very exciting
6:04
In a way, it feels like it's been longer than a year.
6:07
Yeah.
6:07
Because it just feels like we've been just doing this.
6:11
I can't imagine that it was only.
6:13
Yeah, exactly.
6:14
I can't imagine it was only a year ago that we weren't doing this.
6:16
Let's each do our most excited sound.
6:21
Okay.
6:21
Ready?
6:22
One, two, three.
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That's good.
6:27
Wow.
6:27
Yeah.
6:28
I really hope someone was listening high volume with headphones at that moment.
6:33
You're welcome.
6:33
Yeah.
6:34
You're welcome, listeners.
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We did something that most people could never do.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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So, yeah, congratulations to us.
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And thank you, listeners, for listening for a whole year.
6:47
Yeah.
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And I want to extend a very special thank you to Francis.
6:54
What?
6:55
Well, first of all, I also want to extend a very special thank you to Joe for always being here,
7:03
despite not always wanting to do it.
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Despite the terrible decisions that I make the night before
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that put a lot of hurdles in between getting from my house to your house.
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But you made it, and you always make it, and I appreciate that.
7:18
And, Francis, I appreciate you so much because we've done,
7:24
this is now our 54th episode that we're recording right now.
7:27
Oh, my God.
7:28
And you have had 54 different inventions.
7:32
No.
7:33
what you said this is our 54th yeah you had one mention okay i had one okay so well i'm assuming
7:44
you have a new one today we just invented a little perspective didn't we you're right never
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mind i take that thank you back no uh no but that's so impressive that every week you can
7:53
come up with something new and you seem to not show any signs of slowing down which is unfathomable
7:59
unfathomable to me um and also um i would like mostly the two of you but uh i guess this is a
8:08
a group thank you i could barely include myself in this we have also never repeated a middle segment
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we've had fit well we will have had 54 unique yeah segments too which i think is actually that
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to me is a very impressive feat.
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So good for us.
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And they're almost all 10s.
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Yeah.
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I know.
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Hey you got to throw a 7 in there every now and again to appreciate the 10s You need a plain Jane to let the hotties shine Yeah if everybody a ten nobody a ten Well Jenna we would be remiss if we didn also thank you
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and show our gratitude and appreciation.
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You are the lighthouse that brings this ship home.
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Okay.
8:56
Thank you, baby.
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I am the less funny lighthouse guiding this ship.
9:01
No, that's not true at all.
9:02
I am.
9:03
And your voice.
9:04
You know, I wish I had your voice.
9:05
Do you know how weird my voice would sound coming out of your body?
9:09
That would be interesting.
9:10
It would be interesting.
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But also I would just do radio work.
9:12
You should be on the radio.
9:13
You should be doing radio stuff.
9:15
Thanks.
9:16
Yeah.
9:16
I don't want you to because we're doing this, but.
9:18
Right.
9:19
No, I appreciate that.
9:21
It's good to know, I guess.
9:22
Yeah.
9:23
You're such a great content machine.
9:25
You're hilarious.
9:26
Thank you.
9:28
You're a guide.
9:29
You're a good guide.
9:30
I'm a guide.
9:31
You're a guide.
9:31
I'm a good guide.
9:33
Yeah.
9:34
Yeah.
9:34
Keep things humming.
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You're like a train conductor.
9:38
You're like a hummingbird's throat box.
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What?
9:44
What did you hear?
9:45
A hummingbird's throat box.
9:47
Keeps things humming.
9:49
Oh, that's not how they hum, is it?
9:52
No, I don't think they hum.
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I also was imagining a hummingbird with one of those little machine things that smokers have.
9:58
That's what I thought you meant by voice box.
10:00
Rather than that part of the body.
10:02
No, that's okay.
10:04
um all right and then i said to myself well i'm afraid you're being a dumb bitch
10:09
oh we did it yeah well okay sorry listeners that you had to hear us congratulate ourselves
10:20
they're all crying at home oh this is our moment what is our moment and you won't have to hear us
10:28
talking like this for another year yeah so shut up yeah silence you assholes yeah and your assholes
10:36
wives yeah behind every asshole there's an asshole wife that's probably true yeah it's just numbers
10:47
cold hard math quick interruption every week on the podcast we do something where our producer joe
10:55
gives Francis and I each our own secret word. Throughout the course of the podcast,
11:02
we need to find a way to slip the secret word into our conversation without the other person
11:07
noticing. If the other person can correctly guess the secret word, they get a point. And
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right before we die, we add up all the points. And then we get a prize, whoever has the most
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points for guessing the most secret words. Here's Joe with today's secret words.
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Jenna's secret word is criminalistics. Jenna's decoy word is bewitched. Francis's secret word
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is iguanas. Francis's decoy word is tablecloths. Back to the pod. Since I'm the train conductor,
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I'm going to keep this train moving and say it's time for the invention of the week.
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inventions.
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Chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga.
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Oh, I regret everything.
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Well, first of all, thank you again for that lovely,
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the lovely words.
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This week's unique invention is a umbrella for your car.
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Oh my God, that would be so funny
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if we just basically re-recorded every episode.
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no no no no um you can't improve on perfection so i'm gonna leave that one where it is okay
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i have a i have a fun idea this week oh finally yeah finally it's time for fun
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tempo the fun um and here it is you know how sometimes there's intruders i do know that you
12:45
You know how people have fear mongered the entire country and everyone worries about a break in?
12:52
Yes.
12:52
Hmm.
12:54
Well, wouldn't it be great if there was a new kind of home security system that could traumatize the intruder?
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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Well then, Jenna, you're going to love this.
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Great.
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And here's why.
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My new security system is a psychological buffer that will scare any intruder that comes into your home.
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Let me explain how it works.
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Somebody gains entry into your house.
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Okay?
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It's not like the traditional where it sets off a blaring alarm.
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Boring.
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Old news.
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Well, they're expecting that.
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It doesn't work.
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They're mentally prepared for that.
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Yeah.
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Yeah. Most home burglaries, they're in and out within eight minutes.
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Yeah.
13:48
Yeah. How long do you think it's going to take about cops to get there?
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I don't know.
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I know. Cops are reactive. They're not, they don't prevent crime. They just document it.
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Yeah. Even if they're right there, what if they're on break? Sorry, Ken, I'm on break.
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Yeah. Union.
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Well, don't worry. That's gone now because my new invention, oh, here it comes.
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someone comes in breaks into your house okay okay picturing it they trip the like motion or whatever
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system we've set up right probably probably a combination of things whatever door sensor
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window glass break whatever motion sensor whatever when they come into the house
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it automatically kills all the lights in the house so it goes pitch black eerie music starts to play
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the lights come back on but it's like a a red light throughout the entire house
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and then there's like our our equipment comes with little projectors that puts things on the
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walls like a crawling like demon type thing that will like scatter across the wall you know and
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stuff like that that will literally like terrify the burglar you know yeah and like a tv will come
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on like an old
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fashioned big like a
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like a TV. Oh yeah.
15:13
You know like a like a
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90s TV CRT. Wait is that right?
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It comes out with like snow
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and a hand is like on the other
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side of the glass like we're gonna scare
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these assholes.
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You know. So basically
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this invention is
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come live in a haunted house.
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Make your house a haunted house for the burglar.
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But it also has alerted the authorities.
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Yeah.
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who are on the way but they're gonna be gone until they get there because what the fuck is happening
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you know yeah so what do you think i think i love the idea i think that
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um i think that we have to be careful that to not stand that we need to have
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a bunch of different things because
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people, criminals are going to get wise
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to the fact that this is
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like something that happens.
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It's just similar to an alarm,
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like how they're expecting a loud noise
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when they break in.
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They'll be expecting a haunted house feel.
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So I think we need to have a bunch of varied
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styles.
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And
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yeah.
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But I like the idea of the psychological torture.
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I'm not a, I mean, not an expert on crime or would that be criminalistics, whatever.
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But I think if we can vary it enough, then people will not expect it.
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so what other kinds of psychological torture could we do it's not like haunted housey well
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here's another part of it our technology comes with a built-in gun in the attic
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okay that points straight down so there if and if the alarm is tripped and someone someone goes to where there like a pressure sensor in the floor and they stand there it shoots them in the head So even if burglars know okay this is
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they have the scary security.
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Ooh, write that down.
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Scary security.
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Scared secure.
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Write that down.
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They know that, oh shit, if I walk in this somewhere,
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I could step wrong in this house and I could have my head blown off.
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Like, oof, it's not worth it.
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You know?
17:46
I think that might be enough right there.
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Yeah.
17:52
This feels like a hat on a hat, so to speak.
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A gun on a gun, if you will.
17:58
That's the second time I've heard the phrase hat on a hat recently.
18:00
Oh, really? I love that phrase.
18:03
What if it was like there was an AI companion that did a face scan
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on whoever breaks in as soon as it happens
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and then figures out if they have any loved ones
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and then it like projects like the loved ones and like a picture of like them holding up a
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newspaper and they're like they have like duct tape over their mouth and they're all scared and
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they're standing in front of someplace called like rapists and murderers incorporated well i love it
18:31
i know that's good right um and then but llc that means we every single day yeah we need that
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protection we need to take a picture of every family with duct tape over the mouth holding
18:42
today's newspaper just in case their dad decides to go do something like that.
18:48
Luckily, though, the Rapists and Murderers LLC building backdrop, we can just green screen
18:55
that.
18:55
So that's easy.
18:57
That's easy.
18:58
That's modern tech.
18:59
I actually have that stock footage already, actually, now that I think about it.
19:03
Right.
19:04
Well, what if...
19:06
Now, hear me out.
19:08
Because I like the shooting them ankle.
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i feel like we keep coming back to shooting them in the head yeah i'm thinking what if the gun
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would come out from the wall and it was like on a swivel okay and here's what i'm thinking
19:23
when you set up your home security device you it's motion and it's motion sensing
19:29
you set up who's allowed to come in so you know people have their own passwords
19:35
you get a scan of yourself
19:37
so it's like okay that's mom, that's dad
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so you're a blacklist basically
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a kill list
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or it's a non-kill list
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this is the safe party
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so it's like these are the people that live here
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these are the people that we've given access to the home
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if it isn't these people and they come in
19:52
shoot them
19:53
how funny would it be
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if some guy who just got married
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is carrying his new bride across the threshold
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they're like wow
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we haven't had sex yet, we haven't been living together
20:05
now we get to move into a marital home and he's like oh shit i forgot to put her on the white
20:09
well the thing would see him holding her and be like oh it's my inference oh okay you know yeah
20:15
now it's it's advanced what if it's the other way around she's holding him what if it's her house
20:21
and the groom's moving in he just gets shot and then she falls to the ground no because the other
20:29
person's in the is there so the thing will be like oh and it's it's advanced tech so it's going to be
20:34
like oh he's holding her they know each other not like oh he's got like a gun to her head like
20:39
then i could shoot him i feel like we're gonna get a lot of erroneous deaths if we all if it's
20:45
just a whitelist situation what if your house is on fire and then the firemen run it it's just like
20:53
that won't happen because you know how the there's like a knock box for the fire department
20:59
like they can go get a key to a building
21:02
because it's like
21:02
yeah
21:03
so it's like there's like a thing that's like oh
21:05
they've got the system and they can deactivate it
21:07
with the fireman's key
21:08
so they gotta waste valuable
21:13
time
21:14
well they have to do that for businesses anyway
21:17
to get in
21:19
has anyone ever
21:21
thought of being
21:22
stealing a fireman's key
21:25
and breaking into places
21:27
that way
21:28
I don't know if anyone's ever thought of it
21:34
I'm just picturing firemen just have one big keychain
21:39
just like for the whole city
21:40
just like thousands and thousands
21:42
I gotta try the next one
21:44
but is that
21:48
I kind of forgot about the fireman's key thing
21:52
well okay anyway
21:53
I'm gonna not try and
21:57
think about that too much
21:59
I like the idea of
22:04
is there a way we can
22:06
psychologically torture them like mental
22:09
like prey on their deepest
22:11
fears
22:12
how are we gonna get that information
22:15
I know well
22:17
I don't know we could
22:21
quickly because you know how the brain can process
22:24
certain frames per second?
22:26
Yeah.
22:26
We can quickly show multiple frames
22:29
of different things that are scary
22:31
and know which ones the person reacted to
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and be like, that's what they're afraid of.
22:36
And then we adjust our security posture.
22:40
Yeah, that's a good idea.
22:45
We have a voice that comes over.
22:48
Son, this is your father.
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I came back.
22:54
The reason, you're the reason that I left.
22:58
I want the criminal to be weeping, is my point.
23:01
Yeah, a little PA system comes on that says,
23:04
attention, someone who was raised poorly
23:05
has just broken into the house.
23:08
An uggo is entering the house.
23:11
If this person was the main singer of the band,
23:14
they'd never make it.
23:16
But the art would be great.
23:21
Just to be clear, Death Cup did make it.
23:25
I just like the outcome where they're dead.
23:30
Which is a different outcome than what you started with.
23:33
Well, no, first you scare them.
23:34
If they leave, guess what?
23:36
They save their own life.
23:37
Good for you.
23:38
Good for you.
23:39
Yeah.
23:40
If they keep going, they're probably, I mean, there's probably some, they could be on drugs.
23:45
Yeah.
23:45
So it's like, you know how they say, I don't know if this is an urban legend, but someone who's like hopped up on meth
23:49
can take like multiple bullets and keep going because they're like on planet
23:54
zero on.
23:55
Yeah.
23:57
If we get to that point of the invasion,
24:00
we're going to have to bring out the swivel gun.
24:04
Oh,
24:05
I thought you were going to say it like where they,
24:06
we shoot them and then they're,
24:08
they're still like hopped up on drugs and didn't die.
24:13
Well,
24:13
you can,
24:14
as the homeowner,
24:15
you can set the kill setting to whatever you're comfortable with.
24:18
So if you just wanted to pop out both knees and then, so they're like, but then they can't
24:23
then they're in your house.
24:25
And the cops are on the way.
24:26
Yeah.
24:27
They're in your house dead.
24:28
What's the difference?
24:28
Yeah.
24:29
It's like, cause they're setting for like two to the chest, one between the eyes or something.
24:35
John Wick style.
24:36
Yeah.
24:36
Yeah.
24:37
That's the, it's like quick, quick and steady.
24:39
That's the number four.
24:40
A lot of our customers love this option.
24:43
It's a built in preset.
24:45
Okay.
24:46
So we're still having the scaring them at the beginning
24:48
and then shooting them.
24:52
Yes.
24:53
The scaring them is to get them to leave.
24:55
If they don't leave, they will die.
24:57
How embarrassing would it be if we shot them first
24:59
and then tried to scare them?
25:01
Oops.
25:03
A little bit of a blooper.
25:06
Well, if it happens, it happens.
25:09
You shouldn't have come in.
25:11
Yeah.
25:12
I had a name for it
25:14
when it was originally just a haunted house.
25:16
Oh, okay.
25:18
Mi casa es bu casa.
25:20
I think we can shorten that to bu casa.
25:23
Yeah.
25:23
Yeah, that's good.
25:26
Air boo and boo.
25:29
Das boo.
25:33
I like that. That's good.
25:34
Thank you.
25:36
I like scary security too.
25:39
Scared secure.
25:41
Ding dong dead.
25:42
I think that's already the title of something's gotta be that's like it sounds like a bad movie
25:47
no I think like a goosebumps now yeah I was just gonna say that to me I think I is my brain's telling
25:51
me that that's like a goosebumps book ding dong dead ding dong you're dead R.L. Stine if you're
25:56
listening we know you are if you wrote a book called that just forget about it can copyright a title I famously once said on this podcast You right because you a lawyer
26:07
That's right.
26:08
Yeah, I know.
26:09
We know.
26:09
Day one of law school.
26:11
Yep.
26:12
So, you love it.
26:14
Yes.
26:15
We'll get this passed.
26:18
I want to think of the scary part.
26:21
I want to come up with more scary stuff.
26:23
because that's like classic okay this is uh i would say okay here's
26:34
i'm sorry i had three things going on in my head at the time uh okay i would say a good way to scare
26:42
people would be to make them think that they just got infected with something really deadly
26:48
just by entering your house oh like a dart comes out with one of those darts with like the the
26:53
red feathers on the end and it shoots across the room and or just like like you've entered a
26:59
quarantine zone you are now infected with whatever terrible virus that would be scary
27:06
yeah like you have this amount of time to leave otherwise your skin will start falling off your
27:11
body or whatever and like who's gonna mess around with that and okay but i was thinking about this
27:16
And I don't know.
27:17
I can't believe that.
27:18
This is a suburban neighborhood.
27:21
Why does this house have a disease in it?
27:25
Oh, but a demon crawling on the walls?
27:28
People are deathly afraid of paranormal things.
27:32
They're also deathly afraid of dying.
27:35
Again, not an expert on crime or criminalistics or whatever.
27:43
I'm just saying.
27:46
And this, I think this is another tactic that would work. I think there might be people that
27:52
aren't scared by haunted houses that are scared by like thinking they're going to die. And I think,
28:01
okay, well, this is the reason why I thought of it too. This is what was going through my head
28:05
when I was stumbling over my words. So I've often thought or like thought for a long time that if
28:15
like I was about to be raped, this sounds so terrible. I would just be like, go ahead. I have
28:24
AIDS. This is an idea I came up with like at the age of like 15, by the way. Solid. Yeah. This is
28:34
going to be my plan. Like just act like, you know, like fine jokes on you. You're going to get,
28:38
you know, like I realized AIDS is something that's more manageable now. Yeah. Yeah. Um,
28:43
but,
28:44
but at the time when I was 15,
28:46
that was a death sentence.
28:48
What if he just,
28:49
what if they're just like,
28:50
so do I know.
28:51
And then you actually have AIDS or what if he just pauses and like,
28:55
it's like,
28:55
I was going to get it.
28:58
He's a safe rapist.
29:00
Yeah.
29:00
What kind of a rapist is walking around with a condom?
29:04
I think I don't think he's like no glove,
29:08
no forced love.
29:11
That's my rule.
29:12
I don't know.
29:14
Do you think they mostly don't use them?
29:16
A hundred percent.
29:17
Oh, but that's DNA.
29:21
I think, I mean, I'm not a man, but men don't like wearing condoms, right?
29:28
Right, but this is crime.
29:29
I'm wearing one right now.
29:31
Not for, I mean, you wear it for fun.
29:33
It's a condom on a condom.
29:35
It's a condom on a condom.
29:37
But if you're about to commit a felony and you know that what you're going to leave behind will tie the crime to you, why would you...
29:47
Why are we trying to get into the mind of a rapist?
29:49
Who knows what they're thinking and what they're doing.
29:52
Well, I just have to go to Rapists and Murderers LLC and interview a few of them.
29:58
Yeah.
29:59
Make sure when you walk in the building, you announce your disease.
30:05
Lupus coming.
30:07
I was thinking one that they would be scared of getting from hurting you.
30:11
That'd be really funny.
30:13
Just be like, go ahead.
30:16
I have polio.
30:18
Go ahead.
30:19
I just recovered from a cold.
30:22
Not sexually transmittable.
30:25
I think the disease thing, if we could somehow affect it,
30:28
I think that that would scare people more because it's like,
30:30
there are probably a lot of people that could like take a second,
30:33
like realize what's going on and then just be like, okay.
30:36
And I know you added the extra layer of guns, which is, that's always an effective option.
30:48
You just invented gun ownership.
30:52
But when you're not home.
30:56
Is that legal?
30:59
Can you rig something?
31:01
We'll just lobby.
31:02
Okay.
31:02
I feel like that's
31:05
It's kind of like
31:06
Like self-driving cars
31:08
Or whatever
31:08
Yeah
31:09
Right?
31:10
Yeah
31:10
Why do you need someone
31:12
Behind the wheel of a gun?
31:14
I mean
31:15
If the gun can kill the intruder
31:17
If it's programmed correctly
31:19
Yeah, why do I need to be there?
31:20
Then it's actually probably gonna
31:21
Have fewer
31:22
Bad
31:23
Deaths
31:24
Plus I don't wanna see it
31:25
It could all be taken care of
31:27
Before I get home
31:27
Yeah
31:28
Saves you the
31:30
Feeling of having murdered somebody
31:31
100%
31:33
which is a
31:34
I think that's
31:36
unless that's something
31:36
you're looking for
31:37
in Francis' case
31:38
I feel like that's
31:41
one of those things
31:41
that people think
31:43
they wouldn't want to know
31:43
what it feels like
31:44
and then they find out
31:45
and then they're like
31:46
oh crap
31:46
I can't unfeel this
31:47
it's the worst feeling
31:48
in the world
31:48
well now I'm addicted
31:49
they went two different
31:52
routes on that one
31:53
what about something
31:54
with animals
31:55
because people are scared
31:56
of
31:57
like you know
31:59
I was talking about
31:59
the projection of like
32:00
the spiders
32:00
I didn't say spiders
32:02
What if it was like spiders
32:05
Or
32:05
I don't know reptiles
32:07
I thought you meant like pretend like
32:09
How people have a fake dog barking noise
32:12
Oh yeah
32:13
No I wasn't thinking that
32:15
I was thinking like
32:16
This is my pet spider he's gonna get you
32:19
Yeah
32:24
I mean
32:25
Is there an animal that would scare you?
32:27
um well i i think i've told you before i might even sit on pod i often have dreams where alligators
32:37
or crocodiles i don't know what are are like in the room and i can't get away from like i am
32:43
like i feel like they're gonna attack me imminently i don't know why okay that that would be that see
32:50
that's scary though because it's like if you see now i think the human brain right if you see an
32:56
alligator even if it's not real for you like out of there anything that startles like your reptile
33:05
like if you're not expecting it like do you ever like sometimes see a shadow that you think is like
33:10
and you're like oh yeah and then take but it's still like if if something enters your vision
33:16
that is unexpected your brain makes makes like sense of it in a way to see if it like is dangerous
33:22
to you. So it like looks for ways it could be
33:24
dangerous. So I think that's why you
33:26
like think it could be this.
33:28
Yeah. Because like your brain's trying to save you.
33:30
Yeah. And if you see an alligator or a crocodile,
33:32
that's going to get triggered immediately. It's not going to get
33:34
triggered probably
33:36
by a little spider.
33:38
Yeah. The cat. Right.
33:40
Tree frog. Yeah. Iguanas.
33:42
Well, an iguana. It might
33:43
startle me for a second, but I won't be like scared
33:46
scared. Yeah, but you've been
33:48
conditioned because we did that scene
33:49
where our son
33:52
you don't talk about we did we did a part part iguana wasn't wouldn't wait wait oh yeah and we
34:02
kept like the last scene was we send him to school yeah yeah that's right yeah well uh
34:09
i do like this i think it'll work i think people will buy it thank you um and i hope
34:15
i hope everyone remembers to put everyone on the white list that's supposed to be on there
34:20
so they don't get friends and family members shot.
34:24
Right.
34:24
Well, there's extensive waiver, so we're good.
34:26
Okay, cool.
34:26
As long as we're not liable.
34:27
Yeah, we're good.
34:28
All right.
34:30
Scared Secure, Boo Casa.
34:34
All of these are available now.
34:36
Go to veryfinefriends.com.
34:37
Yep.
34:38
To set up a home consultation.
34:41
Start your background check.
34:42
Yep.
34:42
Start your house.
34:43
I know.
34:44
No, your house has a felony.
34:46
Sorry.
34:47
Well, that wraps up the invention of the week.
34:52
Okay.
34:53
It's time for our next segment, and I'm very excited for this one.
34:58
Dennis or DeVito.
35:01
It's time for another episode of America's favorite game show, Dennis or DeVito.
35:10
Joe, do you want to explain this segment?
35:12
I would love to explain this segment.
35:15
So listeners, last night I had the pleasure of meeting over the phone
35:21
the wonderful Dennis.
35:24
Bleep it.
35:25
We'll bleep that out.
35:27
Yeah.
35:30
And yeah, I asked him.
35:33
Francis's dad.
35:34
Five questions.
35:35
I asked Francis's dad five questions.
35:37
And yeah, I got some choice quotes from the interaction
35:41
and we're going to be comparing those against quotes from Danny DeVito.
35:45
And I'm going to see if Jenna and Francis can tell who said what.
35:49
Okay.
35:50
So we're going to, are we both voting?
35:53
Yes.
35:54
All right.
35:55
Listeners, Jenna and Francis each have little cards in their hand,
35:59
one that says Dennis and one that says DeVito.
36:01
They're going to be voting.
36:03
So you'll have to tell the audience how we voted.
36:05
Well, yeah.
36:06
This is just so that we both know
36:10
we're not influencing each other's answers.
36:12
We lock in our answer, then we'll say what our answer is.
36:15
Three, two, one.
36:16
God bless, God bless.
36:21
Alright.
36:23
Starting off.
36:26
I'll tell you one thing.
36:28
It's a cruel, cruel world.
36:30
um tick tock tick tock tick tock okay i have my answer locked in okay all right three two one
36:40
shoot devito that's a devito that's a devito quote what was what was the what was that in
36:47
response to or from i don't know goodreads.com didn't give me the context okay okay did my dad
36:56
say anything? Can you tell us what the other one was?
36:59
Or did you not do it that way?
37:01
I got the DeVito quotes first and then I asked him
37:06
questions that would prompt him to give responses
37:09
that are similar.
37:12
The key to parenting is don't be mean, just be honest
37:17
and make sure they go to school.
37:26
I'm ready.
37:27
Okay, I'm ready too.
37:29
Three, two, one.
37:32
Dennis.
37:33
It's Dennis.
37:33
What?
37:34
Wow.
37:36
And Francis Gastevito.
37:38
That's so funny.
37:40
That you got the one about parenting wrong.
37:42
Well, because he said, don't be mean.
37:44
I think that maybe threw Francis off.
37:47
I was like, I know.
37:48
You knew I was going down on this.
37:50
Well, I was like, when he said that, I was like,
37:52
I could think of three stories right now.
37:56
where Francis was like, I was so mean to my dad.
38:00
Or the other way around.
38:02
He was mean to me.
38:02
Yeah.
38:04
A load of shit.
38:08
I love women.
38:09
I used to get in all kinds of trouble.
38:14
You're setting me up.
38:18
Okay, well, I have my answer.
38:20
Okay.
38:24
Francis?
38:25
I'm ready.
38:27
Shoot.
38:28
Dennis.
38:29
You're both wrong.
38:31
No.
38:31
It's Danny DeVito.
38:33
Oh.
38:33
Wow.
38:34
Maybe they're really similar.
38:36
I, yeah.
38:38
I kind of got that impression.
38:40
Oh, I have such a, I have such a favorite Dennis memory that involves ladies.
38:48
Well, I mean, I haven't met him, but, but I can't, I don't know if I should, I shouldn't
38:54
say it on. There was that one time
38:56
we were out. We were at the theater
38:58
for sketch practice.
39:00
Oh, that one.
39:01
You got an alert on your phone.
39:04
I had to call and be like, stop it.
39:06
Yeah.
39:08
Stop using the internet.
39:11
But just
39:11
the website that he went to
39:14
was so funny to me.
39:15
Yeah.
39:19
Listeners, if you want to know what it is,
39:20
you're going to have to donate
39:22
$465
39:23
and we'll tell you.
39:26
In small bills.
39:27
Yes. Unmarked.
39:29
They can be marked. Or DM us
39:31
at Very Fine Friends
39:33
on socials and then...
39:35
If you're hot, we'll tell you. Yeah.
39:36
And then I'll send you a link.
39:40
Yeah, click it.
39:42
We'll act it out
39:43
for you.
39:45
All right. We've got to come back
39:47
on this. Okay.
39:48
If you're going to have kids,
39:51
they have to know they're the most important
39:52
thing in your life i would have gone okay well francis instantly held up devito which is correct
40:01
oh and i said dennis i'm thrown off by his parenting advice i know that that was all right
40:07
so we're back even again we both got the first one right i got the second one right you neither
40:14
one of us got the third one and you get the fourth one all right just the last one just
40:18
I know this is going by so fast.
40:20
I want like 80 of these.
40:22
No, I got a good amount.
40:24
I got a good amount.
40:24
I said you had five.
40:25
I thought you said you had five.
40:26
I asked him five questions, but.
40:28
Oh, but you have a bunch of.
40:29
Okay, cool.
40:29
Yeah.
40:31
Let me.
40:32
Let's.
40:33
Let me.
40:34
I don't know what.
40:34
The points.
40:35
Yeah.
40:37
Okay.
40:39
Okay.
40:40
Keep going.
40:41
Okay.
40:47
When you treat your kids right,
40:48
They just give you stuff constantly.
40:54
Okay.
40:55
I have my answer locked in.
40:56
Me too.
40:58
Draw.
40:59
Dennis.
41:00
DeVito.
41:02
Oh, good job, Francis.
41:03
I loved when I saw that one.
41:04
I was like, this is perfect.
41:05
This sounds exactly like Dennis.
41:11
I know his kid and he gives him stuff constantly and hates it.
41:15
yes and he doesn't enjoy giving him
41:19
the stuff
41:20
love you dad
41:24
he's not listening
41:27
I'm a strong guy I've had to deal
41:31
with plenty of ups and downs it's like a roller coaster
41:34
but you have to stay with the grind don't give up
41:41
okay
41:42
I have my answer
41:42
okay go
41:44
Dennis
41:45
It's Dennis
41:47
We both got it right
41:48
Some words of wisdom
41:49
From the man himself
41:51
Uh
41:58
Are you
42:01
Women
42:02
We can't live with them
42:04
But we certainly can't live without them
42:05
Ready
42:09
Yeah
42:12
yeah,
42:15
I'm ready.
42:17
Draw.
42:18
DeVito.
42:20
Nope.
42:21
Dennis?
42:22
Mm-hmm.
42:23
Dang.
42:24
And I went against my instinct.
42:25
I want to just guess all of Dennis
42:27
for all of them.
42:32
Okay,
42:33
there we go.
42:35
I'm in Brooklyn
42:36
and I'm all alone
42:36
at a big hotel suite
42:38
and the thing sticks in.
42:40
Can I finish the quote,
42:41
please?
42:42
I'm in Brooklyn.
42:45
I'm all alone in a big hotel suite and the thing sticks in my foot.
42:49
And it's just the funniest thing that's ever happened to me.
42:55
You ready?
42:56
This is the actual quote, by the way, verbatim.
42:58
Okay.
43:02
Okay.
43:05
Dennis.
43:06
It's Tang to me now.
43:07
Oh, Tang.
43:10
Okay, Francis got that one right.
43:12
Why were you laughing so hard?
43:14
Because I don't know if he's ever been to Brooklyn.
43:16
Oh, really?
43:17
Yeah.
43:18
From New York He from upstate New York Yeah but He been to New York City I don know if he in Brooklyn It right there What are you doing Just go It right there
43:29
Look, it's right there. Just get on the train.
43:31
Just go.
43:35
I was at American Idol. I wanted to sit down
43:37
and watch the performances and of course
43:38
they found me within
43:40
seconds and let me know I was in the completely wrong
43:42
seat. Brought me to the right one.
43:44
oh man this is
43:50
tough
43:53
what's so funny about this is
43:56
that this should be the easiest one to do
44:01
because it's like well I know like every like I would go that's not my dad
44:06
my dad's never been to a taping of American Idol
44:08
but Dennis has
44:11
okay
44:13
alright
44:16
this one's just
44:18
okay well I got my answer
44:21
okay
44:21
you do?
44:24
yeah alright me too
44:26
ready?
44:28
reveal
44:28
Dennis
44:30
we both got it right
44:33
so he was in the wrong seat
44:39
at American Idol
44:39
okay so i asked him just like tell me a funnier entertaining story from like
44:46
a place that you've traveled to before and then he goes funny story funny story
44:54
well i was i was in la and i went to american idol and and i i sat in the completely wrong seat
45:02
and then they found me and then i i got picked to to go because they wanted me to do the danny
45:07
DeVito commercial.
45:08
I was like, I gotta find
45:11
something to use here.
45:13
It's so funny that he just brought up
45:14
American Idol. The last time
45:17
we did that, I think I was
45:18
18.
45:21
Well, I woke up in a
45:23
bed and I stumbled in the kitchen.
45:24
He just must have made a huge impression on him.
45:27
Maybe.
45:28
Maybe.
45:30
You got the point. Just two years
45:33
ago. I know.
45:34
Yeah.
45:35
a little ingenue you
45:38
I'll watch Ricky Gervais
45:45
anything he does
45:46
I'm ready
45:52
okay I'm ready too
45:53
one two three
45:55
DeVito
45:55
yeah
45:56
I'm reasonably sure my dad does not know that name
45:58
really
46:00
yeah
46:00
oh you're winning by two
46:03
oh my god
46:04
I'm self-centered.
46:09
I just adore myself.
46:19
Listeners, let the record reflect that Francis is taking quite a heavy moment of reflection on this one.
46:26
I'm ready.
46:27
Okay.
46:28
Okay.
46:28
Three, two, one.
46:30
Oh my God.
46:31
I was going to say DeVito.
46:32
This is DeVito.
46:33
Oh.
46:34
Okay.
46:34
man falling behind everything sounds like dennis to me everything reminds me of him
46:42
uh kevin hart is my favorite comedian without a doubt that's a name he might know this is tough
46:52
did you ask what was the lead up no we can no no okay all right all right
47:00
I just pulled a bunch of quotes.
47:04
All right.
47:07
One, two, three.
47:08
Dennis.
47:10
Yeah.
47:10
Oh, really?
47:12
Yeah, it is.
47:12
Yeah, it's good.
47:13
He said, I love him because he's five, two like me.
47:16
I should have seen that coming.
47:22
I even thought about including that, but then I was like, wait, is Danny DeVito five, two?
47:27
He's like, no, he's like four, ten.
47:29
Yeah.
47:29
So I was like, all right, well, I can't include that.
47:32
All right.
47:35
Last one.
47:36
You guys ready?
47:36
Yeah.
47:37
Well, I can't win, but I still want to play.
47:41
But you participated.
47:42
We can make the last one worth five points.
47:45
Okay.
47:46
Last one for a whopping five points.
47:54
All right.
47:54
You guys ready?
47:55
Yeah.
47:56
My son's name is Francis and he lives in Arizona.
47:59
I love everyone.
48:02
I love everyone that I work with on.
48:04
It's always sunny.
48:09
You know what?
48:12
I'm sticking in my guns here.
48:15
Me too.
48:15
Ready?
48:16
Dennis.
48:19
Yes.
48:20
We both got it right.
48:21
It was Dennis.
48:25
Love it.
48:27
So now that the game has been played, what were the questions that you asked?
48:32
Well, the first one I mentioned was, what's a funny or entertaining story from somewhere you traveled?
48:40
And he gave me that pig and lipstick.
48:42
But second one was, what's the secret to parenting?
48:50
And that's when he said, don't be mean, just be honest and make sure he goes to school.
48:54
um what's the third one oh yeah what's a what's your coping mechanism for like stress or when
49:03
life gets difficult um and then I asked him the fourth one was just give me like a one to two
49:15
minute like manifesto on like your thoughts about women like the female of the species
49:20
and he just goes, women are wonderful.
49:23
Can't live with them.
49:24
You certainly can't live without them.
49:26
I'm like, yeah, great.
49:28
Thanks.
49:29
Such sage and unspoken words about women.
49:31
To the gay kid.
49:33
Yeah.
49:34
It's like, you're doing just fine without women.
49:37
Yeah.
49:39
I presented some mask over the phone.
49:41
I was like, maybe he'll be proud of me.
49:44
Will you be my son?
49:47
I'll send you to school.
49:49
I won't be mean
49:50
I'll be honest
49:51
and then the last one was just who's your favorite comedian
49:53
because I already had the Ricky Gervais one
49:56
interesting
49:57
well thanks for doing the hard journalism
49:59
yes
50:00
yeah
50:00
that must have been a fun time for you
50:06
it was fun
50:07
it was fun to talk to him
50:09
just because he's a mythic creature
50:11
but I absolutely
50:13
hate talking on the phone
50:15
especially with someone that I haven't met before
50:18
like something that I don't know,
50:19
like just feels so awkward.
50:21
And like,
50:21
I hate it.
50:22
Yeah.
50:24
Yeah.
50:24
Well,
50:24
thank you for doing the work.
50:26
I appreciate it.
50:28
That wraps up Dennis or DeVito.
50:34
Thank you,
50:35
Dennis.
50:39
One final segment time.
50:43
Francis.
50:44
Yeah.
50:45
It's time for the big question.
50:48
The question is very big.
50:52
What are the odds you have a big question?
50:55
I don't know, love.
50:56
You're looking for a big one?
50:57
A huge one, please.
50:59
A question that's humongous.
51:02
So big, it can't fit in this house.
51:05
All right, all right.
51:08
I do have a question.
51:10
Great.
51:12
You know how there's, like, people who, like, stand on the street,
51:15
sometimes on a soapbox, and they're, like, a prophet?
51:17
Yeah.
51:17
Like in the hit film life or something like it starring Angelina Jolie and
51:21
Monk.
51:23
My favorite actor,
51:26
Monk.
51:28
My question is how would you convince people that you were a legitimate
51:33
prophet?
51:33
And then what would you do with that information to like pull a big con?
51:41
I love how so many of our big questions
51:50
are just centered around the concept of like
51:51
how would you trick a large number of people
51:54
into thinking this thing
51:56
and money and technology is no object
51:59
what else is there are money and technology no object I think Joe has answered that question Okay
52:10
They never have been before,
52:11
miss third grade field trip to the Louvre.
52:15
Miss commandeer a cruise ship.
52:20
And send all of the Six Flags employees on the cruise ship.
52:24
Surprisingly cheaper than you'd think.
52:27
Group discounts.
52:28
It was a Groupon.
52:30
Um, okay. All right.
52:43
So I need people to become bewitched by me, essentially.
52:50
and all right they need they need to fully believe whatever i say
53:00
uh okay well let's
53:08
let's start well so i like this cruise ship was thrown out let's do let's do something with a
53:17
cruise ship. So I would go on a cruise like a regular passenger. See, I would have it be.
53:28
Who's the most gullible? I think boomers and old people are the most gullible,
53:34
the most prone, but people, because whoever, whoever you get first on board needs to be able
53:40
to then get other people on board for you. It's kind of like a pyramid scheme thing with a cult,
53:45
right um they need to convince others so i would say
53:50
i would say
53:56
i'd need a mix i'd need it to be
54:01
it's a grandparents grandkids cruise
54:05
one of those classic grandparents grandkid cruises or yeah screw it it's not a themed cruise
54:15
It's just a regular cruise.
54:17
I am just a regular passenger on this cruise.
54:19
What they don't know is I have paid people to pretend to be pirates
54:32
that were going to take over the cruise.
54:36
So we're all on this cruise.
54:37
and
54:40
I'm going to
54:43
one night at dinner
54:45
and we're all going to
54:48
I'm going to be very sociable
54:50
and having a lot of fun
54:52
this is like a 10 day cruise
54:54
we're in day 5
54:55
so at this point in time
54:57
halfway through the cruise
54:58
I've made 30 new friends
55:01
we're all doing fun stuff together
55:03
all brand new people I've just met
55:06
but we're hanging out. We all eat dinner together. Like it's like we've become this big group. Right.
55:13
And so we're going to be, it's going to be after dinner, we're all going to be sitting around.
55:21
We just had a huge meal. We're going to be waiting for the standup comedian to come on
55:29
because we're, we're doing standup tonight and then we're all going to do karaoke after.
55:35
yes Kevin R or Ricky Gervais and I'm gonna and I'm like a fun lively person right and then so
55:44
like that's what they know about me already but I'm gonna be sitting there in this cruise and
55:50
waiting for the stand-up to come on and be like I it's the weirdest thing I just had this
55:56
this like flash or this vision like something something's something's gonna happen like
56:05
I just, I could see it so clearly, right?
56:07
There was, I could hear screaming and, and, and Tanya, you were, it was like, I saw you,
56:15
you were crying and you were crying.
56:17
And, but there was like people running around and it was daylight.
56:20
So it was, it's not, it's nothing scary at night, but like something bad is going to
56:23
happen on this cruise.
56:24
And this is very out of character for me, right?
56:27
Cause I'm the fun levity.
56:29
And they're like, are you sure you're not just trying to get out of seeing a crappy
56:32
comedian?
56:32
And I'm like, Tanya, you're hilarious.
56:35
you should be up on that stage uh no uh i know this was very real like it was like it was like
56:42
i was there i could see it and i was like there were these strange men with guns and everyone's
56:47
kind of like freaked out it's like it was like the most vivid dream i've ever had except for i
56:51
wasn't asleep and and then they're gonna be like that is weird right and i'm like guys i'm sorry
56:58
this was just so jarring for me you don't mind i don't even think i can do karaoke later i'm just
57:03
going to go, I'm going to go to my bed. Just going to call it a night. Maybe it's something I ate,
57:11
right? Yeah. So then I'm going to leave basically give them a chance to kind of talk about and be
57:19
like, that was weird. Jenna's not normally like that. I hope everything's okay. And then
57:24
the next day is going to go by day six. Everything's great. I'm back to normal.
57:31
the whole thing is back to normal. We're doing a conga line on the deck. Everybody's having fun.
57:37
We're making, you know, putting laser on each other's next, making jokes about getting laid,
57:42
all that fun cruise stuff that I'm assuming people do on cruises. So then the next morning,
57:50
when we're all doing basket weaving.
57:56
That's when the pirates are going to attack.
58:02
And then, so they're going to be boarding this ship
58:05
and suddenly there's men with guns
58:10
and it's all happening.
58:12
I was like, oh my God, I saw that.
58:13
I was like, wait, wait, wait.
58:15
I saw this.
58:17
I know how to stop it.
58:18
And Tanya's crying and she's like, oh my God, I am crying.
58:20
and it's daylight and people are screaming and I'm going to go and I'm going to talk to the pirates
58:26
and I'm going to basically talk them down. I'll be like, pirates, pirates, pirates, pirates.
58:37
You don't need to do this. You don't need to do this. Put your guns down and I'm going to be in a
58:42
very soothing voice. I'm going to be talking to them and they're going to, people are going to
58:45
be watching basically these pirates get kind of like hypnotized by me um and just like as i
58:52
basically what they think is saving all of their lives right so then um
59:00
yeah they're they've they have watched these pirates become bewitched by me so then they
59:08
will in turn be like you know i thought jenna was interesting i thought she was fun but like
59:14
holy crap there's like a whole other level to her right and then so they now have this and then
59:22
we're gonna everyone's like looking at me a little differently now we have the last few days of the
59:25
cruise they're looking at me differently then we all get back to land day 10 and i make sure like
59:32
we all stay in touch uh create a little discord server so we can all keep talking and hanging out
59:38
Cause we're not making Facebook groups.
59:41
That's stupid.
59:42
Right.
59:43
Um,
59:43
obviously.
59:44
Yeah.
59:44
So then we're all keeping in touch and then I'm going to orchestrate
59:48
something else.
59:49
Like,
59:50
like a few weeks later,
59:51
I'm going to be at the scene of a fire.
59:55
Basically.
59:56
I'm going to rescue a whole bunch of people out of a fire.
59:58
What people don't know is I basically orchestrated the fire.
1:00:01
So I knew it,
1:00:02
but I'm going to say this like same thing.
1:00:05
So I'm,
1:00:05
it's making national news.
1:00:06
Cause like I saved a,
1:00:07
like a whole family of people and family.
1:00:10
I'm sorry that I couldn't let you be in on this plan.
1:00:13
Um,
1:00:14
but I,
1:00:14
I needed the fear in your eyes to be real.
1:00:16
So sorry about that.
1:00:19
So you put them in a home with scared secure.
1:00:23
Yeah.
1:00:24
And I took them off the white list.
1:00:27
So,
1:00:27
uh,
1:00:28
anyway,
1:00:28
then,
1:00:29
so this is national.
1:00:30
And then I'm going to say,
1:00:31
I was like,
1:00:32
I would say it was just right place,
1:00:36
right time thing.
1:00:36
But I, I saw a vision of this house and I knew I needed to be here at this time.
1:00:41
I didn know why But and then and then the people on the cruise there was enough of them and they scattered around the country enough that they going to be like I know I know her
1:00:51
I know this person, like, this is not the first time she's had a premonition and she's saved
1:00:57
people. Right. Um, and so then suddenly like words going to spread and like into these little
1:01:04
pockets. And then, um, then I'm going to, I'm going to do this one other time. Um, what am I?
1:01:14
I'll, I'll, the, a laser tag is going to collapse and I'm going to, I'm going to save all, it's
1:01:26
going to be a, I'm going to make sure it happens when there's a bunch of families there for
1:01:30
birthdays. So it'd be like a Saturday afternoon, something like that. And, um, and, but I will have
1:01:37
gone in to the laser tag and been like, gone to one of the laser tag marshals and been like,
1:01:43
you got to keep everyone out of squadron a just trust me. And you're going to be like,
1:01:46
and he's gonna be like, okay, whatever lady get out. You're, you don't even have a pack on.
1:01:50
And I'm going to grab him by his vest. I'm going to go, God damn it. You listen to me. You get
1:01:54
everybody out of quadrant a. And then he's like, fine, fine. There's a crazy lady yelling at me.
1:01:59
And so he's just like, everybody out of quadrant A.
1:02:01
And then, and then like three minutes later, quadrant A is going to collapse.
1:02:05
And he's going to be like, what the hell just happened?
1:02:09
And not knowing that I, you know, organized the structural decline of quadrant A.
1:02:18
And then now this is like three different times I've saved people's lives.
1:02:23
Yeah. So then I'm going to just in my discord group, be like, this is crazy. You guys, I have this vision of the world's ending. And I hate this. I hate that. But it's like, I've had visions now and I can't keep it. Like, I can't keep thinking this is just happening just one time. And then like, they're going to be like, but I, we need to be, we need to tell people we need to like get people on our side.
1:02:53
And then, so then they'll start rallying people they know.
1:02:56
And they're going to be like, no, this is like a real deal person.
1:02:59
Like, trust me, we conga lined together like this.
1:03:04
She's not a weirdo.
1:03:06
And like, this is real.
1:03:08
And then I now will have a base of saving people's lives.
1:03:11
And then I think I can, I'll buy a, I'll buy a farm, a big commune where everyone can come live.
1:03:23
And if people want to give me all their money, that's fine.
1:03:28
That's generous of you.
1:03:29
I'm not going to be one of those cult leaders that demands everything like that.
1:03:35
Also, I'm not going to be one of those cult leaders that makes everyone have sex with me.
1:03:41
Who wants to have sex with everyone?
1:03:42
That sounds terrible.
1:03:43
Yeah, terrible.
1:03:47
Yeah.
1:03:48
So then I think that's what I do.
1:03:50
I establish a pattern of me saving people's lives.
1:03:53
And your whole, this is all in service of having people live with you on a farm?
1:03:59
Well, living with me on a farm, I'll still actually probably have my own place.
1:04:02
I'm going to create a farm.
1:04:03
I'm going to like herd them into one place.
1:04:05
Just kind of keep them focused, eyes on the prize kind of thing.
1:04:10
But I don't want to necessarily, like I'll have my own place.
1:04:13
I don't want to be living with these people.
1:04:15
Amen.
1:04:16
Yeah.
1:04:16
Amen, sister.
1:04:17
Thank you.
1:04:18
Well, anyway, was there a different component to your question?
1:04:21
That answers it.
1:04:22
that's how I'd trick people into listening to me.
1:04:25
Yeah.
1:04:25
Basically the idea was how would you get people to believe you were truly a
1:04:27
prophet?
1:04:28
And then what would you do with the information?
1:04:30
Yeah.
1:04:30
Like how would you,
1:04:30
how do you,
1:04:31
how do you groom people basically?
1:04:33
Yeah.
1:04:33
And just give a great grooming guide.
1:04:35
Yeah.
1:04:36
And then,
1:04:37
then I would use,
1:04:39
yeah.
1:04:40
And then I'd just be,
1:04:40
I'd use my power and fame to just,
1:04:42
I'd keep it low key,
1:04:44
but I,
1:04:45
you know,
1:04:46
would go on talk shows and stuff and I get into fancy events.
1:04:50
you'd have a social media girl like taking clips and everything yeah and it would be because there's
1:04:55
no sex and money involved it would be like no we're not a cult you either believe me or you
1:05:00
don't it's not whatever i don't give a shit what do i get out of this yeah like no i believe
1:05:05
believe me because it's the truth if you don't great live your life you're gonna die soon anyway
1:05:11
because the world's coming to an end because i saw it yeah because i saw it um yeah oh and then
1:05:19
And then that way people won't be as suspect.
1:05:21
So I can kind of like live and have some like fame and notoriety and be,
1:05:26
you know,
1:05:27
walk into a fancy restaurant and they'll have a table ready for me,
1:05:30
even if it's packed,
1:05:31
that kind of a thing.
1:05:32
That's what I'll get out of it.
1:05:33
That's great.
1:05:34
It's great.
1:05:34
Yeah.
1:05:36
Better than mine.
1:05:37
I want to hear yours.
1:05:38
Well,
1:05:39
I just feel like I should focus on defrauding one person.
1:05:43
So like,
1:05:43
you know how people have like,
1:05:44
like spiritual advisors,
1:05:46
like they'll hire someone and it's like,
1:05:48
this is my muse or my advisor or whatever, I could basically find someone who I already
1:05:54
believe to be gullible, you know, like I case the right person and then I orchestrate.
1:06:00
Oh fuck.
1:06:01
Sorry.
1:06:02
It's really, you said that word a bunch.
1:06:05
I, I, I set up a meeting between us somehow, not necessarily a meeting, but like a meeting
1:06:14
or whatever.
1:06:15
and I already know all this information about them
1:06:18
and so I could basically
1:06:19
I'd bump into them and when our skin
1:06:22
touches I could
1:06:23
do like a weird
1:06:26
like
1:06:27
glazed look
1:06:30
and then like say something that I know
1:06:32
is about their life
1:06:33
and then something I know is going to happen
1:06:36
because I made it happen
1:06:37
like they get a certain piece of thing in the mail
1:06:40
or something
1:06:42
you know what I mean
1:06:43
so they're like oh my god
1:06:44
thinking like how did that was audit they said that thing that is so intimately related to my
1:06:50
life and then they other thing happens and then i make sure i'm around them again soon and they
1:06:58
see me and i'll probably wear a big hat so there's no confusion like that's the guy you know
1:07:05
like a 10 gallon hat yeah and they're like they come they approach me because they're like
1:07:11
who are you because like whatever you know i mean so like i said like thing and what did i get out
1:07:17
of it i just had a weird moment yeah and then so they they want it already because that's the kind
1:07:24
of person that's the person i sought out yeah so they they they make something happen with me like
1:07:31
they want to keep me around suddenly we're friends um and i just start you know bread crumbing with
1:07:39
stuff I know and then setting up events that happen the way I want them to, but that I'm
1:07:45
not otherwise connected to, cause I'm going to have to research all of their people, you
1:07:49
know?
1:07:50
Um, and so I just, I do that until they truly believe 100% I'm a prophet.
1:08:00
and then they trust me
1:08:05
and I tell them,
1:08:08
oh, I had this vision that you went to XYZ place
1:08:11
and an incredible opportunity happened for you.
1:08:16
And they go,
1:08:19
but they let me stay in their house
1:08:20
because they trust me.
1:08:22
And while they're gone,
1:08:24
I lood at all.
1:08:30
just i just take everything silver gone and they're not jewelry down to the tablecloths gone
1:08:39
but aren't they gonna just come home and be like he robbed me yeah and you're okay with that
1:08:46
what i've gone i got all their stuff but you is it someone that has some good stuff yeah okay yeah
1:08:53
what do you think I'm
1:08:56
just like a single mom of three
1:08:58
I'm like
1:09:00
I'm like
1:09:02
just like scraping by and I'm like
1:09:03
go to Geneva
1:09:05
your life will get better in Geneva
1:09:08
so you've pre-vetted them
1:09:14
they have good shit
1:09:15
yeah
1:09:16
but then the cops aren't
1:09:19
they don't know who I am
1:09:20
I used a fake identity
1:09:21
it was an alias
1:09:22
But they have a picture
1:09:25
Let's have a picture
1:09:26
silicone face they don't know who i am okay
1:09:31
you're wearing knot pulls yeah one over each eye i could pick those nipples out of a lineup
1:09:40
yeah those nips out of a lineup what do you what do you think
1:09:46
great thank you you went narrow with it yeah because i don't want well you're not getting
1:09:54
really anything out of yours. Well, once I become like famous, then you get the doors that open
1:09:59
and the money comes with after that. And then you get the doors that open. You're investing in
1:10:05
yourself. Yeah, exactly. Like I'm investing in a certain lifestyle. Like I want to have, you know,
1:10:12
and I'm just getting a bunch of stuff. You're investing in stuff. You're getting that single
1:10:16
mom's Ikea furniture.
1:10:22
Pirates, pirates, pirates.
1:10:25
All right.
1:10:26
Well, good for us.
1:10:28
We have answered the big question.
1:10:31
The big question.
1:10:32
All right.
1:10:33
I going to go first because I don think I have anything for you I really First in what Oh guessing secret words Man one year later and I terrible You a shitty conductor I was trained Okay Cause I I for the longest
1:11:01
time only had two words written down and i don't think either one of them is it um
1:11:06
is your word hummingbird no or hummingbirds no throat box no profit no defrauding no defraud
1:11:22
no okay that pause oh sorry gullible no bread crumbing no loot no silicon no that's all i got
1:11:39
oh you must have said it during the invention of the week and i just didn't clock it uh i saw you
1:11:46
writing down something at the end there and I got a little
1:11:48
weird. No. Yeah.
1:11:51
All right Are you done I done My word was iguanas
1:12:00
Oh, no. Did I say it?
1:12:03
No, you said iguana.
1:12:04
Dang.
1:12:04
And you said iguana twice, and I didn't want to push it, so I let it alone.
1:12:07
I just needed to get the word, you know?
1:12:10
Yeah.
1:12:10
And my decoy word was tablecloths.
1:12:14
Tablecloths. Right down to the tablecloths.
1:12:17
how come the plural tablecloth isn't tableclothes
1:12:22
I mean just looking at it here on my index card I want to say tableclothes
1:12:28
it is an ES at the end it's not an S
1:12:31
yeah it's an ES
1:12:32
well although that's what my UK improv suggestion generator app said
1:12:39
so it probably is no E in America
1:12:42
though we use a British accent briefly on this episode
1:12:44
we are from the United States
1:12:46
This is fucking America.
1:12:48
And we spell things right here.
1:12:51
Get that OU out of here.
1:12:54
All right.
1:12:55
Well, dang.
1:12:56
It's okay.
1:12:57
My turn.
1:12:59
I'm worried.
1:13:01
Is your word criminalistics?
1:13:04
That my word Yes Yes Oh I tried to repeat it so that maybe you would think it wasn my word i didn know how else to
1:13:16
do that word there was no way i was gonna that was there was no way i was gonna say that without
1:13:21
it yeah that is a toughie oh no so i guess you can guess all the rest of them as decoys now
1:13:29
okay these are all decoy guesses quarantine no quadrant no orchestrated no bewitched yes
1:13:37
thank you baby oh wow yay three points for francis you are now in the lead oh my god
1:13:46
it went from me being one and a half points in the lead to you now you're being one and a half
1:13:50
points in the lead you're one and a half points in the lead thank you like to thank god and god's
1:13:55
wife. Well, what a, what a triumphant way to start year two for you. Thank you. And I look forward to
1:14:05
being neck and neck with you for the next year. Yeah, me too. Thanks for listening.