Latest / You Didn't Ask For This / 31 | You're on Eartha's Time

Transcript

31 | You're on Eartha's Time · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Matt: Eric, much of my life, just like Tom Petty, I have been running down a dream.
• 0:07
  Matt: Go on, Matthew.
• 0:09
  Matt: What I mean is I have been running down a literal dream.
• 0:14
  Matt: Eric, how much do you know about lucid dreaming?
• 0:18
  Eric: Oh.
• 0:19
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 0:20
  Eric: The ability to be aware that one is dreaming and therefore control the dream.
• 0:27
  Matt: Control the dream.
• 0:28
  Matt: And isn't all honestly, isn't that what we're all trying to do in life?
• 0:31
  Matt: Yeah.
• 0:32
  Matt: Oh.
• 0:32
  Matt: Control the dream.
• 0:33
  Matt: Control the dream, baby.
• 0:35
  Matt: Yes, I have been fascinated by the concept of lucid dreaming since I was a young tyke.
• 0:41
  Matt: And ever since, in I'd say honestly, in the last two decades of my life, I have been chasing a lucid dream.
• 0:50
  Matt: And I've come close a couple of times.
• 0:51
  Matt: But and I know I know lots of tricks.
• 0:54
  Matt: I've I have, of course, as I'm sure you have, read Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming by Dr.
• 1:00
  Matt: Steven LeBurge.
• 1:01
  Eric: Oh, cover and cover.
• 1:03
  Matt: Oh, you know, I really expected you to call bullshit on that.
• 1:07
  Matt: That's why I have it right here.
• 1:09
  Eric: Oh! Right here.
• 1:11
  Eric: He's holding it up.
• 1:12
  Eric: There it is.
• 1:12
  Matt: Listen to the pages.
• 1:14
  Matt: Yes, I've read it.
• 1:15
  Eric: If I had not seen the title, like if it was blurred out, I would be like, oh, okay, yeah, that's a book about lucid dreaming.
• 1:21
  Eric: Or it's a self-help book.
• 1:24
  Matt: It's honestly it could be both.
• 1:25
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:26
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:26
  Matt: So I don't know.
• 1:28
  Matt: Have you had a lucid dream?
• 1:29
  Matt: Let me start with that.
• 1:30
  Eric: Oh, dude, I have.
• 1:31
  Eric: I can't like do it on command or anything, but I've had a handful of them throughout my life.
• 1:35
  Eric: They're fucking dope.
• 1:37
  Matt: I have had very short lucid dreams because I've had a few.
• 1:42
  Matt: I've had one that lasted only a few minutes of control before I unfortunately was thrust back into consciousness.
• 1:51
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:52
  Eric: Because you run into that problem where like the shock of realizing you're in a dream and realizing you control it is usually also enough to wake you up, which is infuriating.
• 2:01
  Matt: It's a huge hurdle that the lucid dreamer must overcome.
• 2:06
  Matt: And uh the the dreamomancer.
• 2:09
  Matt: The dreamomancer must overcome, must burst through this wall.
• 2:13
  Matt: Yep.
• 2:14
  Matt: And there's all kinds of stuff out there.
• 2:16
  Matt: And I have been trying it all because on the short occasions that I have, it's lasted a few seconds, and then I've woken up.
• 2:23
  Matt: But m there's been like three occasions where I've been able to have the thought, this is a dream.
• 2:28
  Matt: And I immediately wake up.
• 2:30
  Matt: And that infuriates me.
• 2:33
  Eric: And so now I haven't I haven't read that book.
• 2:37
  Eric: I did watch a really cool documentary on the subject.
• 2:40
  Eric: Uh I think it was called Inception.
• 2:42
  Matt: Oh, I thought you were gonna say Nightmare on Elm Street.
• 2:45
  Eric: No, Matthew, please.
• 2:47
  Matt: Uh yes, Inception is uh that's what I'm after.
• 2:51
  Matt: I want to be Tom Hardy in the world.
• 2:55
  Eric: You would be you honestly would be Tom Hardy in that scenario.
• 2:59
  Matt: Because like there's so much pro productivity I could get done whilst whilst dreaming.
• 3:07
  Matt: And the and so there's all those tricks, Eric.
• 3:11
  Matt: I don't know if you know about these tricks offhand, but let me let me share some.
• 3:15
  Eric: I know there are tricks, but I can't recall any of them.
• 3:19
  Matt: This is for you, this is for the listeners, this is for everybody.
• 3:21
  Matt: Let me tell you something that might shock you right off the bat.
• 3:24
  Matt: Clocks don't work in dreams.
• 3:27
  Matt: They don't?
• 3:28
  Matt: Like just proven?
• 3:30
  Matt: That's that Dr.
• 3:32
  Matt: Stephen LaBurge taught me that.
• 3:35
  Matt: The Burge told you that?
• 3:36
  Matt: The Burge told me about that.
• 3:39
  Matt: So yeah, clocks don't work.
• 3:40
  Matt: So, in the sense that if you look at a clock, there you are looking at a clock, it says one time.
• 3:44
  Matt: You look away, you look over at the other uh uh uh side of the room, then you look back.
• 3:50
  Matt: It will say a different time.
• 3:53
  Matt: Another thing you're supposed to do, another dream sign is to look at the back of your hands.
• 3:59
  Matt: Examine your hands because your hands look different in dreams.
• 4:04
  Matt: That's what the dream people say.
• 4:07
  Matt: That's what the dreamers say, Eric.
• 4:11
  Matt: Also, I don't know how true I this this is something that I it was old school.
• 4:16
  Matt: I don't know what the current school because this book is a little old, but I don't know what the current school of thought on the lucid, what the lucid dreaming community has to say about this.
• 4:25
  Matt: But I it was always my understanding that light switches also don't work in dreams.
• 4:31
  Matt: Oh, okay.
• 4:31
  Matt: So if you find yourself walking into a room and the lights are on or the lights come on, but you think I didn't turn those on, you're fucking dreaming, baby.
• 4:40
  Matt: Damn, girl.
• 4:42
  Matt: That's what I'm saying.
• 4:43
  Matt: And I want to be able to take these dream signs and harness my own unconscious imagination to do what?
• 4:52
  Matt: Well, that was so okay, that's a great question because that was gonna be my question to you.
• 4:56
  Matt: Okay, you entered this evening a lucid dream.
• 4:59
  Eric: Yes.
• 5:00
  Matt: What would you do with this with this newfound power?
• 5:04
  Eric: Oh man.
• 5:05
  Eric: The appropriate answer is I would fly.
• 5:09
  Eric: Absolutely.
• 5:09
  Eric: Like every single time I've ever realized I'm lucid dreaming, I'm like, all right, we're flying now.
• 5:14
  unknown: Woo!
• 5:15
  Eric: Got to.
• 5:16
  Eric: Gotta gotta fly.
• 5:17
  Eric: Gotta fly.
• 5:18
  Eric: Uh, very next step, dream orgy.
• 5:20
  Eric: Dream orgy.
• 5:21
  Eric: Dream orgy, man.
• 5:22
  Eric: Dream orgy.
• 5:23
  Matt: Dream orgy.
• 5:24
  Matt: Wow.
• 5:25
  Matt: Yeah.
• 5:26
  Matt: I mean, absolutely.
• 5:27
  Matt: I mean, I sure.
• 5:28
  Matt: Who am I to judge?
• 5:29
  Matt: Go on.
• 5:29
  Matt: Who am I to judge?
• 5:30
  Matt: Say it on the podcast that your wife listens to.
• 5:32
  Eric: Dream orgy.
• 5:33
  Matt: Let me say, well, I I guess Sam doesn't listen to this podcast.
• 5:37
  Matt: Do you feel very uh open about your dream orgy?
• 5:40
  Matt: She knows.
• 5:41
  Matt: What she is she involved in the dream orgy?
• 5:43
  Eric: It's just a ton, it's just hundreds of Sams.
• 5:49
  Eric: And they're all they're all sitting there, arms crossed, like they're just going, really?
• 5:54
  Matt: Like, oh no, uh, just judgment.
• 5:59
  Matt: It's just an orgy of judgment.
• 6:01
  Matt: Uh well, Eric, I what I was going, what I would say is, you know, uh, who am I kidding?
• 6:06
  Matt: I mean, at the end of the day, you want to spend this dream time doing something pleasurable, right?
• 6:12
  Matt: Uh you hey, you said it.
• 6:16
  Matt: Dream orgy.
• 6:17
  Matt: I understand.
• 6:18
  Matt: Yeah, but it's the way you're saying it that I you want to you want to do something that truly brings you ecstasy.
• 6:26
  Matt: Am I correct?
• 6:27
  Eric: Oh God! You said it like a fucking serpent offering me forbidden fruit.
• 6:35
  Matt: And that's why, that's why I, like you, yeah, will seek out these people to bring me pleasure.
• 6:44
  Matt: That's right.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: I'm talking about finding anyone who has ever wronged me and lecturing them TED Talk style.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: There it is.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: I shall have my vengeance now.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: There it is.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: And listen.
• 7:15
  Matt: A podcast answering life's least pressing questions.
• 7:19
  Matt: My name is Matt Shea.
• 7:21
  Eric: And I can't stop looking at the back of my hands.
• 7:24
  Eric: And also I'm Eric Poach.
• 7:26
  Eric: Am I Eric Poach?
• 7:27
  Eric: What time is it?
• 7:28
  Eric: Are the clocks wrong, or did I just forget to set them back a month ago?
• 7:32
  Matt: This is a dream.
• 7:37
  Matt: No, it's not a dream.
• 7:38
  Matt: It's the 31st episode of You didn't ask for this.
• 7:42
  Matt: Uh and Eric, a joyous festivist to everyone else.
• 7:45
  Eric: Oh.
• 7:46
  Matt: The re The Reason for the season?
• 7:48
  Eric: Is that what you were about to say?
• 7:49
  Eric: I was gonna say, I was thinking of something, the dumbest thing I saw earlier at work.
• 7:53
  Eric: One of the one of the the amazing people who works in the the cafeteria at my work, uh, she had a little jar next to her cash riders or someone given her.
• 8:04
  Eric: It was like a little glass mason jar with a bow on it, and it was filled with reason candies, like the little chocolate.
• 8:10
  Eric: So I looked at it, I was like, is that?
• 8:13
  Eric: And she's fuck her reasons.
• 8:15
  Eric: Have you never seen reasons?
• 8:16
  Eric: They're like little molasses chews covered, they're old people candy.
• 8:19
  Eric: And like I saw them and I was like, is that?
• 8:23
  Eric: And she said, The reason for the season.
• 8:26
  Eric: Yeah.
• 8:27
  Eric: I was like, all right.
• 8:31
  Matt: I hate it.
• 8:32
  Matt: Well, Eric, before we get started, I do have to say a quick shout out to uh two of our loyal listeners and question submitters.
• 8:41
  Matt: Uh Eric, the other day, as you know.
• 8:44
  Eric: Oh, I know all too well.
• 8:46
  Matt: We had to postpone this recording a few days um because I I was stranded on the uh out on the streets.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_03: Forsaken!
• 8:54
  Matt: Forsaken.
• 8:55
  Matt: Uh, because my uh my car went and um conked out on me.
• 8:59
  Matt: And luckily, I was rescued by Sarah Feldman and Carissa Hatfield.
• 9:05
  Matt: You daft giants.
• 9:07
  Matt: Did you ever know that you're my hero?
• 9:12
  Eric: God damn, power couple.
• 9:15
  Eric: Can we just go ahead and name them the power couple of 2022?
• 9:19
  Eric: Can we just get that out of the way?
• 9:20
  Matt: Yes, they are the they are the you daft persons of the year already.
• 9:25
  Matt: Uh so anyway, uh myself and Lindsay both thank you for uh rescuing us in the cold dead of night.
• 9:34
  Matt: But uh that being said, Eric, it is uh it is it is the holiday season.
• 9:40
  Matt: Yep.
• 9:40
  Matt: The the Christmas holiday right around the corner.
• 9:43
  Matt: Uh so we and for probably a lot of you, you're listening after the fact, unless, of course, you're gathering around a fire on Christmas Day to listen to us.
• 9:50
  Matt: That's also acceptable.
• 9:51
  Matt: Happy to have uh happy to be in your homes.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_04: What what what the fuck was that accent?
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_04: It was happy to be in your homes.
• 10:01
  Matt: Happy to be in your homes.
• 10:05
  Matt: That was um, you know who that was?
• 10:07
  Matt: That was uh a new that was Bill Claus.
• 10:11
  Matt: Uh Chris's older brother.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: My brother always gets all the critics.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, is Irish?
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: You're making him Irish now.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 10:20
  Eric: He's a police officer in the 1920s.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: I just came off my beat.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, sorry.
• 10:28
  Eric: He's borderline racist Irish accent.
• 10:32
  Matt: Indeed.
• 10:33
  Matt: Uh, we have some glorious holiday questions um this go round.
• 10:39
  Matt: Eric, would you like to hit us with the first one?
• 10:42
  Eric: Question numero Uno.
• 10:43
  Eric: And this is brought to us by at Abbey Boone13 on Instagram.
• 10:49
  Eric: White elephant or Secret Santa?
• 10:53
  Matt: That's the that's the question that's been plaguing humanity as long as humans have been around, hasn't it?
• 10:58
  Eric: Hasn't been plaguing me.
• 10:59
  Eric: I fucking know my answer.
• 11:01
  Matt: Oh, Eric.
• 11:02
  Matt: Well, if you feel that strongly, Eric, go ahead and say it.
• 11:04
  Eric: I I'm just gonna say this on behalf of anyone who has ever worked in an office setting or been forced to uh attend a workplace Christmas party that does not include booze.
• 11:15
  Eric: Fuck white elephant.
• 11:17
  Eric: Secret Santa all the way.
• 11:18
  Matt: Fuck white elephant.
• 11:19
  Matt: I thought for sure with that preamble you gave us, I thought for sure you were gonna say white elephant all the way.
• 11:26
  Eric: No, God no.
• 11:28
  Eric: Why do you feel this way?
• 11:29
  Eric: This is one of like the silver lining, the one of the only silver linings of COVID is that we have not had our office Christmas party in two years, and I can't and I count my blessings every day for it.
• 11:39
  Eric: Um, because every time we do a holiday Christmas party, we do a we start off saying, Let's do a secret Santa.
• 11:48
  Eric: And then eventually somebody says, Let's do a white elephant.
• 11:52
  Eric: And then I say, Have we forgotten how horrifying these always are?
• 11:56
  Eric: And everyone goes, No, this year it'll be different.
• 11:59
  Eric: Like, like we're in a we're like we're in a toxic relationship.
• 12:02
  Eric: Somehow this time it's gonna be different.
• 12:05
  Eric: Right, right, right.
• 12:06
  Eric: So, like, we are all given the same instructions,$20 budget, go out, do the thing, bring gifts.
• 12:15
  Eric: There you go, dude.
• 12:16
  Eric: Like, and I'll get it.
• 12:17
  Matt: Funny gifts, right?
• 12:18
  Matt: That's that's like the staple of white elephant.
• 12:20
  Matt: They're supposed to be kind of jokey, right?
• 12:22
  Eric: Yeah, they're fun.
• 12:22
  Eric: They're just fun.
• 12:23
  Matt: Like, I get like you don't know who you're getting them for, so they're fun and cheap.
• 12:28
  Eric: Exactly.
• 12:28
  Eric: And like I know everyone in my office has kids, so I usually get something that either a a child or a cool adult will like as a game.
• 12:36
  Eric: Like, I get like little remote control like RC helicopters that can be controlled with like your phone.
• 12:41
  Eric: Like, I go to five below and I just find the coolest shit I can.
• 12:44
  Eric: So we do the white elephant, and and I'm gonna tell you a story of the year it got ugly.
• 12:50
  Eric: Because the year it got ugly was the year we had someone new in the office, and all he knew was that there was a white elephant.
• 12:57
  Eric: He did not know that there was no alcohol or anything allowed at the party.
• 13:02
  Eric: Um and this guy's amazing, and like nobody faulted for this, like, he just didn't know.
• 13:08
  Eric: His the gift he brought for white elephant was a bottle of really nice vodka.
• 13:14
  Eric: Okay.
• 13:15
  Eric: Uh so everyone's like laser focused on that bottle of vodka.
• 13:20
  Matt: Solid gift, but yeah, now everybody wants it.
• 13:23
  Matt: It's like the uh it's like the office episode with the white elephant where Michael brings in the uh iPod.
• 13:29
  Eric: Yes, yes.
• 13:30
  Eric: That was the iPod of this white elephant gift exchange.
• 13:33
  Eric: So that comes like, you know, people are opening presents, and like people are presents, like it's good shit.
• 13:38
  Eric: Like, you know, fun stuff like I brought a dinosaur Snuggy and like uh uh a pair of like red solo cup wine glasses.
• 13:47
  Eric: They were very, very amusing looking.
• 13:48
  Eric: Oh, very tasteful, very tasteful.
• 13:51
  Eric: Um and like cool stuff, like little little San Zen gardens and stuff like that.
• 13:56
  Eric: Like just fun stuff.
• 13:57
  Eric: A Newton's cradle.
• 13:59
  Eric: But everyone's eyeballing the vodka.
• 14:01
  Matt: And then Can I ask that can I can I ask the brand?
• 14:05
  Eric: Oh, it was uh I think it was like Grey Goose or something.
• 14:07
  Eric: It was like it was nice vodka.
• 14:09
  Matt: Like yeah, it was nice vodka.
• 14:11
  Matt: Yeah, but it wasn't like Sirac.
• 14:12
  Eric: No, it you know, it wasn't like Siroc, but it also wasn't like Bennett's.
• 14:17
  Matt: Not that Siroc necessarily deserves its price point, but anyway, continue.
• 14:21
  Eric: Thank you.
• 14:22
  Eric: So it comes around to the gift that my co-worker brought.
• 14:26
  Eric: My co-worker, I'm not gonna say her name, but I can only describe her as miserly.
• 14:35
  Eric: Her gift, I shit you not, a gift, a gift bag about the size of like a like a gift, like it the kind of bag you see, you're like, oh, there's a gift card in there.
• 14:45
  Eric: It was a bottle opener.
• 14:47
  Eric: Okay.
• 14:48
  Eric: An unadorned stainless steel, one end is triangle shaped to to open like cans of condensed milk, and the other side, that was the gift.
• 15:00
  Matt: Okay.
• 15:01
  Eric: Like a 50 cent bottle opener.
• 15:03
  Matt: Yeah, that seems like a little on the cheap side, but was it there?
• 15:08
  Eric: Wasn't even gift paper in the in the fucking thing.
• 15:10
  Matt: It was just It seems a little like, oh shit, this is today, and you took it off your keyring.
• 15:16
  Eric: Yes.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 15:18
  Matt: But I mean, still, if you ended up leaving with a bottle opener, you'd be like, at least I got a bottle opener.
• 15:23
  Eric: Oh mad, it got so ugly.
• 15:25
  Eric: Oh no, because like it was like her gift dropped, and that's when the trade started happening.
• 15:30
  Eric: That's when the steals started happening.
• 15:32
  Matt: I mean, that's it.
• 15:33
  Matt: I mean, with this other stuff, the dinosaur snuggy and everything that you mentioned.
• 15:37
  Eric: The bottle of vodka.
• 15:39
  Eric: So, like, it was a dynamic where someone had a bottle of vodka and someone was gonna go home with a bottle opener.
• 15:44
  Matt: Someone was gonna go home with a rusty bottle opener.
• 15:47
  Eric: People were are people were like on their feet yelling at each other.
• 15:52
  Eric: Someone, some poor bastard was like at the whiteboard, like keeping track of the trades and such.
• 15:57
  Eric: Like, like a fucking, like, like, uh, but no, you've already traded one and like it it was Do you have trade rules?
• 16:05
  Eric: Were trade rules in effect?
• 16:07
  Eric: Oh, they were initially, but then people started arguing about changing them halfway through when they realized the trade rules as they stood would result in them getting a bottle opener and so and not a bottle of vodka.
• 16:20
  Eric: They chose Christmas Chaos, they chose Christmas Chaos, and and like someone's like, Oh, we need to change rules, and and that's why I was like, No, we shouldn't.
• 16:27
  Eric: And someone's like, Yeah, well, let's say I'm like, I just sat there, it was me and my co-worker, also named Eric, just sitting back watching this madness unfold.
• 16:37
  Eric: I ended up going home with my own present.
• 16:39
  Matt: What like it's that's hysterical.
• 16:47
  Eric: How did that happen?
• 16:48
  Eric: And like, this would have been amazing to if it was happening to someone else, but I had to come back to the office with these people.
• 16:54
  Eric: And here's the best part it's not like they gave us paid vacation for this hour and a half long party.
• 17:00
  Eric: I had to make up the time that I spent watching my coworkers verbally abuse each other.
• 17:08
  Matt: Wait, wait, back it up.
• 17:09
  Matt: Beep, beep, beep.
• 17:11
  Matt: Yeah.
• 17:11
  Matt: You needed to like clock out for the holiday party.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: What the actual fuck?
• 17:20
  Eric: So I say again, fuck white elephant.
• 17:24
  Matt: Absolutely not.
• 17:26
  Matt: I am all okay, hold on.
• 17:27
  Matt: I am so I am like boiling now.
• 17:29
  Matt: I am all for uh an a holiday party, you know, bringing the office together, team building, all this stuff, but you can't make it at the expense of personal time, or then it's not team that it's not team building, then it's just enraging.
• 17:46
  Eric: Yeah, that's why everyone was extra pissed.
• 17:49
  Eric: The only thing we were given was free food.
• 17:51
  Matt: Oh, God, I am so good.
• 17:54
  Eric: At your company, no booze.
• 17:56
  Eric: Which sucks because like the union boys, like uh over in the other building, like they get a hollow, they get like a holiday party, but theirs is off-site and open bar and paid for by the union, and they get paid to go to it.
• 18:07
  Eric: It's fun, it's it's slaps.
• 18:10
  Eric: It is a kick-ass party.
• 18:11
  Eric: That's the party I went to every year before I stopped being in the union, took my current job.
• 18:17
  Eric: Jokes on me.
• 18:19
  Eric: Jokes on I'm left holding the metaphorical bottle opener now.
• 18:23
  Eric: Join a union today, kids.
• 18:25
  Matt: Absolutely is a union podcast.
• 18:29
  Matt: Uh you know what?
• 18:30
  Matt: We should unionize.
• 18:31
  Eric: We don't cross picket lines, fuck Kellogg's.
• 18:33
  Matt: Yes, that's true.
• 18:34
  Matt: We also have uh expelled all Kellogg products from our um from our household, including our beloved Cheez Its.
• 18:43
  Matt: We go through Cheez Its like water in this house.
• 18:45
  Matt: Not anymore.
• 18:46
  Matt: But now, not anymore.
• 18:47
  Matt: Now we got the Harris Teeter brand, and you know what?
• 18:49
  Matt: They're they're doing just fine.
• 18:51
  Matt: Doesn't taste like scab.
• 18:52
  Matt: Yeah, it it doesn't taste like Cheez-Its, but it doesn't taste like scab.
• 18:57
  Eric: Yep.
• 18:58
  Eric: I love how this started with gift exchange etiquette and ended with uh me doing a live reading of Das Capital by Carl Mars.
• 19:13
  Matt: Okay, so you've made uh a good case against White Elephant without even really mentioning the alternative's name, which is of course Secret Santa.
• 19:23
  Eric: Secret Santa fucking rules.
• 19:25
  Matt: It does.
• 19:26
  Matt: Here's the reason I like Secret Santa.
• 19:28
  Matt: Yeah.
• 19:28
  Matt: Um it because you in the workplace setting, you're gonna have like a uh a spending limit, of course.
• 19:34
  Matt: Uh in in most Secret Santa's, even like a group of friends.
• 19:37
  Matt: Like we had a a group uh a group of our friends uh last year.
• 19:41
  Matt: We did a Secret Santa, we're gonna do a Secret Santa this year, but like we have put like a$20 limit on it or whatever.
• 19:48
  Matt: But and and within those confines, like you still have to find like a thoughtful ass gift, but 20 bucks, 20 bucks or or 50 bucks, or whatever you're gonna do, is like you know, it puts a limit to like you you have confines to work within.
• 20:03
  Matt: So like I feel like it takes off some of the pressure.
• 20:06
  Matt: As I talked about last year, I I feel a lot of pressure to give good gifts to people.
• 20:11
  Matt: So it takes some of that off from me, and you can just get something that's a little bit personal that says, I spent X some time thinking about you.
• 20:21
  Matt: Yep.
• 20:21
  Matt: I thought you might like this.
• 20:23
  Matt: I thought you might like this, so I got it for you, as opposed to just getting some random joke gift, which is fun.
• 20:31
  Matt: Don't get me wrong, it's fun, but like, I don't know, it feels a little bit more sentimental, it seems a little bit more personal for me, and you know I'm a helpless romantic.
• 20:41
  Eric: Oh, you're an amazing gift giver, and you're very thoughtful in your gifts.
• 20:46
  Matt: Why thank you.
• 20:47
  Matt: But and that's why I lean towards the Secret Santa.
• 20:50
  Matt: You lean to towards the secret Santa because you have seen Trump beyond the veil.
• 20:54
  Eric: Yeah, no, and like it it any situation where I have to like when I give a gift, I just like to give someone a gift.
• 21:02
  Eric: If I have to have like a Geneva convention with my friends before we even get to the part where we give each other gifts, like where we have to agree on the rules of engagement.
• 21:13
  Eric: Then it's then it's the dark elephant.
• 21:16
  Eric: And then it just turns into like a game of spite.
• 21:18
  Eric: It's like, haha, I'm taking that thing you wanted.
• 21:21
  Eric: You can have and like it it sucks on so many levels because on what because like not only are you taking a gift from someone, you're you're giving them another one, which is communicating to the person who bought that gift that their gift sucks.
• 21:36
  Matt: Exactly.
• 21:37
  Matt: Exactly.
• 21:38
  Eric: I'm like, everything about it fucking sucks.
• 21:41
  Eric: It was just a game designed by sociopaths.
• 21:44
  Matt: And if you don't like your secret Santa gift, you still have the the tried and true, oh, thank you so much.
• 21:51
  Matt: Yeah.
• 21:52
  Matt: You know, like you still like you have the expectation that you have to say you like it, as opposed to, well, I could maybe I I could get something better.
• 22:01
  Matt: Like, because you're right.
• 22:02
  Matt: The other person's like, all right, well, I thought it was kind of fun.
• 22:05
  Matt: You know, yeah.
• 22:05
  Eric: No matter what, Secret Santa comes from a place of you thought about me.
• 22:09
  Eric: And that at a minimum, I am sincerely grateful for.
• 22:14
  Eric: Like, I'll be like, you know what?
• 22:15
  Eric: Fuck yeah, you thought about me.
• 22:17
  Matt: I love it, or I'm like, I might get something who was like still get solid gag gifts in a secret Santa.
• 22:23
  Eric: Yeah, or like one year I I got like a stuffed animal bunny for Secret Santa.
• 22:28
  Eric: I was like, honestly, this is going on my desk forever.
• 22:31
  Eric: I love this little bunny.
• 22:32
  Eric: Fucking white elephant, it's just fueled by spite.
• 22:36
  Eric: It's awful.
• 22:38
  Matt: Alright, well, we I think we've taken down White Elephant once and for all.
• 22:42
  Eric: Yeah.
• 22:42
  Eric: Fuck White Elephant.
• 22:44
  Matt: All right.
• 22:44
  Matt: At Abbey Boone 13.
• 22:46
  Matt: Thank you for the question.
• 22:47
  Matt: Uh now this one was sent in to us from Jessica via email, Eric.
• 22:52
  Matt: Uh, and this, you know, we might not have the time to really do it as much justice as it should, but maybe, maybe we don't need that much time.
• 23:00
  Matt: We're talking, of course, of what is the best Christmas song?
• 23:04
  Matt: Yeah.
• 23:05
  unknown: Yeah.
• 23:05
  Eric: Can we just go ahead and auto-eliminate Christmas?
• 23:08
  Matt: Yes, I I have a blanket statement.
• 23:11
  Eric: I think I know where it's going.
• 23:12
  Eric: Hit it.
• 23:12
  Matt: Hit me.
• 23:13
  Matt: Any any, any, any Christmas song that is blatantly religious, out the door.
• 23:20
  Eric: Oh, well, yeah, obviously.
• 23:22
  Eric: I also Oh, holy night, get out of here.
• 23:25
  Eric: Which ties into my auto-eliminate Christmas shoes.
• 23:29
  Matt: Oh, Christmas shoes.
• 23:31
  Matt: Can't, but it's it's too much of a fucking bummer.
• 23:35
  Matt: This is okay.
• 23:36
  Matt: So this I'm glad you said that because my second auto elimination was it can't be sad.
• 23:40
  Matt: No, sad.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_04: Christmas shoes, bye!
• 23:43
  Matt: Get the fuck out of here.
• 23:44
  Matt: Same thing with um the Frank Sinatra version of I'll be coming home for Christmas.
• 23:52
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 23:53
  Eric: It God.
• 23:54
  Matt: Or I'll be home for Christmas, I should say.
• 23:56
  Matt: The that that is too sad.
• 23:58
  Matt: I used it in a solo piece to convey depression in acting three.
• 24:02
  Matt: That's how you know it's sad.
• 24:04
  Eric: If they would be playing it in the background of a Hallmark movie about someone whose like fucking parent doesn't come home for Christmas, that is it it is eliminated.
• 24:13
  Matt: If your impulse is not to turn it up as soon as it comes on, it's not in contention.
• 24:18
  Eric: If you're not screaming the lyrics.
• 24:20
  Matt: I think all the things that we are saying, Eric, seem to be circling upon one tried and true song.
• 24:29
  Matt: I I mean, I think we're both thinking it.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_04: Tell me what we're both thinking.
• 24:34
  Matt: I think we're both thinking of a certain uh clinkity-cling.
• 24:37
  Matt: It's Dominic the Donkey, baby! Dominic the Donkey!
• 24:42
  Eric: What the fuck is Dominic the Donkey?
• 24:45
  Matt: You don't know Dominic the Italian Christmas Donkey?
• 24:49
  Matt: No.
• 24:50
  Matt: Is this a song you wrote?
• 24:53
  Matt: No, this is a real song.
• 24:54
  Matt: You don't know Dominic the Donkey, the Italian Christmas Donkey, Clinkity Clang, Eaw Eaw.
• 24:59
  Eric: What the fuck are you even saying to me right now?
• 25:03
  Matt: Well, we can't play it right, you know, we can't uh sample it right now, but you're gonna have to listen to this song.
• 25:09
  Eric: I'm going to YouTube literally right now.
• 25:11
  Matt: YouTube?
• 25:12
  Matt: What is this?
• 25:12
  Matt: 2009?
• 25:13
  Eric: By Lou Monty?
• 25:15
  Matt: Maybe.
• 25:15
  Eric: Maybe you're gonna sit there and tell me it's the best Christmas song, but you don't.
• 25:19
  Matt: That's not the best Christmas song.
• 25:20
  Matt: That was supposed to be a joke.
• 25:21
  Matt: I didn't know you didn't know it.
• 25:23
  Matt: Oh, yeah, Lou Monty.
• 25:24
  Eric: I hate it.
• 25:25
  Eric: It's like the fucking baby shark of Christmas songs.
• 25:29
  Matt: Anyway, that was supposed to be a joke.
• 25:31
  Matt: That was supposed to be a two that was supposed to be a laugh line.
• 25:33
  Matt: I didn't know you were so uneducated in the way of American Christmas songs about the Italian Christmas.
• 25:37
  Eric: Because I have too much taste.
• 25:38
  Matt: So let's put a pin in that because it is a bad song, but it is a fun time.
• 25:42
  Matt: I think the Christmas song borders on not can call borders on sad for me.
• 25:49
  Matt: Yeah, it's borders on sad.
• 25:50
  Eric: Yeah.
• 25:51
  Matt: But it's not quite there.
• 25:52
  Matt: It gets it gets me to that uh fireplace.
• 25:54
  Eric: There's a spectrum.
• 25:55
  Eric: Yes.
• 25:56
  Eric: On one side, you've got Christmas shoes.
• 25:58
  Eric: Can we agree?
• 25:59
  Eric: Christmas shoes is rock bottom when it comes to sad Christmas songs.
• 26:02
  Eric: Christmas shoes.
• 26:03
  Eric: Like, get it out of there.
• 26:05
  Eric: Or or there's the one where like Santa met meets like a fucking veteran.
• 26:10
  Eric: Do you know what I'm talking about?
• 26:12
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 26:12
  Eric: I don't, it's like not even a song.
• 26:14
  Eric: If I'm remembering correctly, it's not even like a song.
• 26:16
  Eric: It's like a fucking, it's like borderline spoken word story.
• 26:20
  Eric: What are you talking about?
• 26:21
  Matt: Oh, dude, there's this is my turn.
• 26:23
  Matt: This is your Dominic the Duncan.
• 26:24
  Eric: There is there is like a Christmas.
• 26:26
  Eric: They played on the radio where like Santa Santa goes to the Wounded Warrior Project.
• 26:32
  Matt: What the fuck?
• 26:33
  Eric: He goes to like a a veteran's like he goes to the V Santa goes to the VA?
• 26:38
  Eric: Like he's staying in like a homeless shelter, suddenly like like he's Santa's chilling with a veteran who has like PTSD and shit, and like a young guy who got back from like the Gulf War.
• 26:51
  Matt: Are you talking about grandma got run over by a reindeer?
• 26:53
  Matt: Is that what you're talking about?
• 26:56
  Matt: Is that the PTSD attack?
• 26:58
  Eric: I do fucking love grandma got run over by a reindeer.
• 27:00
  Matt: It's a fun time.
• 27:00
  Matt: It's a fun time.
• 27:01
  Matt: So let's I let's just come out right now, say it.
• 27:04
  Matt: We got to talk about our girl Mariah.
• 27:07
  Matt: I I mean, personally, I I I get down with it.
• 27:10
  Matt: I get down with it.
• 27:12
  Matt: It's not Christmas till I hear it.
• 27:13
  Matt: That's how I feel these days.
• 27:15
  Matt: Ooh, okay.
• 27:15
  Matt: It's not Christmas.
• 27:17
  Matt: I'm not ready to shop until I hear it.
• 27:19
  Matt: And that's usually not a problem because I usually hear it November 1st.
• 27:23
  Matt: How many Christmas songs does she have?
• 27:26
  Eric: Just the one?
• 27:27
  Matt: Just the one worth mentioning.
• 27:28
  Eric: Okay.
• 27:30
  Eric: I'm sure there are others.
• 27:31
  Eric: I think that why Kyler would be fucking shocked that you have such strong convictions about Christmas songs.
• 27:37
  Eric: Like, like uh.
• 27:38
  Eric: I'm sorry, I have taste.
• 27:40
  Eric: What can I tell you?
• 27:40
  Eric: No, no, okay, fair.
• 27:41
  Eric: No, but like there's nothing wrong with like Mariah Carey.
• 27:45
  Eric: Not a huge fan.
• 27:46
  Eric: I think it's it's one of those things where it's like, I heard it so much.
• 27:49
  Eric: I'm just like, ah, carbon neutral.
• 27:51
  Matt: So I don't think we've thrown out a definitive candidate so far, other than it's gotta be happy.
• 27:56
  Eric: It's gotta be happy, it's gotta be a banger.
• 27:58
  Eric: Like it can't be a banger.
• 27:59
  Eric: Like it can't be a joke song.
• 28:01
  Eric: Like, that's why I love Grandma Got Run Over by a reindeer, but it's a joke song.
• 28:04
  Matt: All I want for Christmas is you is a fucking banger.
• 28:07
  Eric: All I want for Christmas is you is a banger.
• 28:09
  Eric: Um, oh, I had one is Rocking Around the Christmas tree.
• 28:11
  Eric: That's rocking around the Christmas tree is good.
• 28:13
  Eric: But again, it's like I feel like I've heard it so many times.
• 28:16
  Eric: Like there, but there's there's gotta be a timeless one.
• 28:19
  Eric: Like one that, like, no, you could play it on loop every day of my life, and I'll never get tired of hearing it.
• 28:24
  Matt: Well, the timeless ones are all like jingle bells and like no one wants to jingle bell all the time.
• 28:31
  Eric: No, no one wants to jingle bell all the time.
• 28:33
  Eric: I had an answer in my head.
• 28:35
  Matt: I can't, oh I clinkity clinged it right out of there, did I?
• 28:39
  Eric: You clink it, Mr.
• 28:41
  Eric: Gotta Bisshoe.
• 28:43
  Eric: Sorry.
• 28:44
  Matt: Um You know, that impression did remind me of a personal favorite of mine, which is Santa Claus's Come into Town as played by Bruce Springsteen in the East Street Band.
• 28:54
  Matt: It also isn't Christmas until I hear that.
• 28:57
  Eric: Yeah, it's a good one.
• 28:59
  Eric: Santa Claus is coming to town.
• 29:02
  Matt: Oh, it's it's Christmas, baby.
• 29:04
  Eric: Here's the wild thing.
• 29:04
  Eric: I I just do want to give a mini rant on this.
• 29:07
  Eric: Uh, Santa Baby by Eartha Kit.
• 29:10
  Eric: Oh fuck yeah, baby.
• 29:11
  Eric: By Eartha Kit.
• 29:12
  Eric: There's no other version.
• 29:14
  Eric: There's no other version, Eric.
• 29:16
  Eric: Thank you.
• 29:16
  Eric: There is no other version.
• 29:18
  Eric: There is no war in Bossing say.
• 29:20
  Eric: There is no other version.
• 29:21
  Matt: If if another version plays, I just hear silence.
• 29:24
  Matt: Yeah, I was like, my ears filter it out.
• 29:27
  Eric: Eartha Kit is a fucking national treasure.
• 29:29
  Matt: That might be it for me.
• 29:30
  Matt: It might, you know what?
• 29:31
  Eric: That's why, like, that's where I'm laying it.
• 29:33
  Matt: Like, I never ever get tired of like when you hear that bood, boodum, everybody does the same little bop.
• 29:42
  Matt: Santa baby.
• 29:44
  Matt: I'm like, fuck me, Eartha Kit.
• 29:47
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 29:48
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 29:48
  Matt: And that is the correct response.
• 29:50
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 29:50
  Eric: She's so good.
• 29:52
  Eric: It's so good.
• 29:52
  Eric: Like, here, okay.
• 29:54
  Eric: I don't want to be blue.
• 29:55
  Eric: I don't want to be inappropriate.
• 29:58
  Eric: Okay.
• 29:59
  Eric: Do you think Eartha Kit ever like got some to her own song?
• 30:04
  Eric: Like she had to have.
• 30:06
  Matt: It's in the song, Eric.
• 30:07
  Matt: I mean, honestly, it could have been in the recording studio.
• 30:10
  Eric: Yeah.
• 30:11
  Matt: Could have been in the booth.
• 30:12
  Eric: Yeah.
• 30:12
  Matt: If I was Eartha Kit, I would.
• 30:13
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 30:14
  Eric: Like, it has all of the energy of a we gonna fuck tonight.
• 30:18
  Matt: Yeah, it has the energy of Marilyn Monroe singing to the cat President Kennedy.
• 30:24
  Eric: Absolutely.
• 30:25
  Eric: But you know when you hear this song, you're on Eartha's time right now.
• 30:29
  Eric: Yes.
• 30:30
  Eric: She's the gift.
• 30:32
  Eric: You need to be worthy of her.
• 30:34
  Matt: The boodum is the song placing you on Eartha's time.
• 30:40
  Eric: Yeah.
• 30:42
  Eric: And it kind of drops you into that like boodum, like that humbling, like, oh, I hope Eartha Kit finds me worthy.
• 30:49
  Matt: It's the J.K.
• 30:50
  Matt: Simmons saying, This is my fucking tempo.
• 30:52
  Matt: That's that's what that is.
• 30:56
  Eric: And it's just like, I love it.
• 30:58
  Eric: It's just like it's a song, like she's just listing all of this shit that you that she wants, and by the end of that song, I'm like, yeah, you deserve all of those things, Earth of Kit, forever and always.
• 31:09
  Eric: Forever and always.
• 31:10
  Eric: Uh so there you go.
• 31:11
  Eric: I'm Santa Baby.
• 31:12
  Matt: Let's put it in the books.
• 31:13
  Matt: Santa Baby Baby by Earth a Kit and nobody else.
• 31:16
  Eric: By it was literally never recorded by anyone else.
• 31:19
  Eric: And that is too bad.
• 31:21
  Eric: Um too bad for those other artists because they would have just fucking embarrassed themselves if they had tried to upstage Earth a Kit.
• 31:29
  Matt: Now, Eric, now that we've settled the mystery of the best Christmas song, and we've said what the superior gift giving event is.
• 31:39
  Eric: Yes.
• 31:39
  Matt: It feels only appropriate as we uh as we teased in the last episode that we definitively rank something.
• 31:48
  Eric: And Matt, we are going to definitively rank none other than Santa's reindeer.
• 31:56
  Matt: Santa's reindeer baby.
• 32:00
  Matt: We are going to rank Santa's car.
• 32:02
  Matt: Now listen, the Eric, I've done some research, as I'm sure you anticipated.
• 32:08
  Matt: Yeah.
• 32:08
  Eric: Some of my tabs do you have open right now?
• 32:11
  Matt: Only like four.
• 32:12
  Matt: Some of my in uh some of my findings were surprising to me.
• 32:17
  Eric: Oh, what surprised you?
• 32:19
  Matt: Well, first of all, there's no real definitive canonical information about these reindeer other than their names.
• 32:28
  Eric: Other than their names.
• 32:29
  Matt: Which we all know, but just uh just for fun, I'll run down them and I will run down them as Arnold Schwarzenegger did in the all-time Christmas classic Jingle All the Way.
• 32:41
  Eric: And can we, I'm so glad you brought it up because can we just say we are a pro Jingle all the way podcast?
• 32:47
  Eric: Absolutely we can.
• 32:48
  Eric: It's a great movie.
• 32:49
  Eric: And anyone who does not think Jingle All the Way is a fucking banger can go fuck themselves.
• 32:57
  Matt: Anyone who does not know the power of Turbo Man can go fucking Turbo Man! Uh those reindeer in question are, of course, Dasha Danza Prance Vixen, Comet Cupadana Blitzen.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_00: That was really good.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, he's running down the street, Dasha Danza, Pranza Vixen, Comet Cubitana Blitzen.
• 33:18
  Eric: You hit the syntax and just nailed it.
• 33:22
  Matt: And of course, Rudolph.
• 33:25
  Eric: Well, yeah.
• 33:26
  Matt: So, okay, so the reindeer, the eight reindeer that we all know showed up in uh the poem Twas a Night Before Christmas.
• 33:33
  Matt: Before that, he was only ever depicted having like a single reindeer.
• 33:36
  Matt: A single unnamed reindeer.
• 33:39
  Matt: Unnamed appeared in Old Santa Claus with much delight.
• 33:44
  Matt: An 1821 illustrated children's poem.
• 33:48
  Matt: And that is from Wikipedia, yes.
• 33:51
  Matt: Donate today.
• 33:51
  Matt: Donate today.
• 33:52
  Matt: And the sled, I think this is interesting.
• 33:54
  Matt: The sled in this photo is depicted from Old Santa Claus with much delight.
• 33:59
  Matt: Is is 1821.
• 34:02
  Matt: It's depicted as saying the sled says rewards on it.
• 34:07
  Eric: Yeah.
• 34:08
  Eric: Not gifts.
• 34:09
  Matt: Rewards.
• 34:10
  Matt: Yep, yep.
• 34:11
  Matt: Uh which could could that be the name of the that reindeer?
• 34:14
  Matt: Rewards.
• 34:15
  Matt: Who who knows?
• 34:16
  Matt: But what I found out I don't think it is.
• 34:18
  Matt: What I found out, and this could be a shock to many, many a listener.
• 34:21
  Matt: Oh, oh.
• 34:22
  Matt: Santa's reindeer, as far as the scientific community is concerned, are all female.
• 34:30
  Matt: Really?
• 34:31
  Matt: Male reindeer share shed their antlers in early uh winter after the mating season.
• 34:40
  Matt: Oh.
• 34:41
  Matt: But females keep them until the spring when they when they have their babies.
• 34:47
  Matt: Yeah.
• 34:48
  Eric: Yeah, because they have to fight off Santa's predators.
• 34:53
  Eric: Yes.
• 34:53
  Eric: I imagine that's like why it's so critical of the reindeer, so they can maul anyone to death who tries to rob Santa.
• 35:00
  Matt: They gotta fight off the naughtys.
• 35:02
  Eric: They only only only the lady deer have the chutzpah to to to get the job done.
• 35:08
  Matt: Now that said, one of these reindeer has a pretty definitively manly name, and that would be Rudolph.
• 35:15
  Eric: Rudolph also usually Rudolph is depicted as not he's usually depicted as a small little child deer.
• 35:22
  Eric: Yes.
• 35:22
  Eric: No one that doesn't have that rack.
• 35:24
  Matt: And in Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, of course, you know, it's he's got he, him pronouns throughout the that whole chestnut.
• 35:32
  Eric: Which is why the scientific fucking asshole of a man, yes.
• 35:36
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 35:36
  Matt: And the scientific community uh also told me that it is there is a world where uh Rudolph is a man, or all of these reindeer are men, yeah, because they could be male if they are castrated.
• 35:51
  Matt: Oh leading me to say that Rudolph is the castrated reindeer.
• 35:56
  Eric: The castrato of the fucking of the team.
• 36:01
  Eric: Also, love the way you phrased that that statement initially.
• 36:04
  Eric: The scientific community told, like, I just like imagining there's like a panel of scientists who are like, oh, we have to tell Matt.
• 36:12
  Matt: They well, they meet with the uh council of Matt's.
• 36:14
  Eric: The council, yeah, your little science phone ring.
• 36:16
  Eric: Oh, it's the science phone.
• 36:19
  Eric: Answer it, answer it.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_04: Uh, Matthew.
• 36:24
  Matt: That's that's the scientific panel, huh?
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_04: Well, technically, I'm like, all right.
• 36:29
  Matt: Now, okay, so I say all that to say that I went looking high and low for some sort of canonical information about Dasher Dancer, Prancer Vixen, Comet Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen.
• 36:44
  Matt: Although there I found there's some controversy there too.
• 36:47
  Matt: Did you find this as well?
• 36:49
  Eric: I did know this that the the names that specifically uh It's Donner and Blitzen that are up for debate.
• 36:56
  Eric: Yeah, Donner and Blitzen have had several like transformations.
• 37:00
  Eric: Dunder they've gone from their original Yeah, go on, give me the originals, the OG.
• 37:05
  Matt: I think what is the OG is in debate, but the the common alternative are Dunder and Blixim.
• 37:12
  Matt: Blixum.
• 37:13
  Eric: Which I think we can all agree.
• 37:17
  Eric: Good name changes.
• 37:19
  Eric: Maybe it's because I grew up with Donner and Blitzen, but Dunder and Blixum, they sound like they were Oh, I thought you were advocating for Dunder and Blixum.
• 37:27
  Matt: No, those names smell like old hot garbage.
• 37:32
  Matt: Absolutely they do.
• 37:33
  Matt: And then there's Olive.
• 37:35
  Matt: Uh, some lists put Olive on there after Rudolph because some movie came out in the 90s.
• 37:40
  Matt: Oh, right.
• 37:41
  Eric: But uh, I thought you were making a very dumb joke, and then I realized you were referencing the entire movie based around a pun Olive the Other Reindeer.
• 37:52
  Eric: That's what I did you not get that joke until right now.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know about this movie until I looked up these stupid reindeer.
• 38:00
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 38:00
  Eric: Olive the other reindeer, Matt.
• 38:02
  Matt: Olive the other reindeer.
• 38:05
  Eric: It's a cute movie, from what I can recall.
• 38:07
  Matt: That is funny.
• 38:08
  Matt: Uh and I'm sorry, I'm gonna say uh non-canon.
• 38:12
  Eric: That's not no non-canon.
• 38:14
  Eric: Sorry, Olive.
• 38:15
  Matt: So I have found a couple of websites that aren't up to my usual standard of uh official authority.
• 38:24
  Matt: Yeah.
• 38:24
  Matt: And that would be Holodappi and Christmas.
• 38:30
  Matt: Christmas Love To Know.
• 38:32
  Matt: Or I guess it's just LoveTo Know is the is the name of this organization.
• 38:36
  Eric: Okay.
• 38:37
  Matt: And I I pick, I I grabbed these two because they are kind of similar in their description.
• 38:43
  Eric: We essentially found some fan fictions that agreed.
• 38:47
  Eric: Yes.
• 38:47
  Eric: And now we're going off of that.
• 38:49
  Eric: That's fine.
• 38:49
  Matt: And that's the best that I could do.
• 38:51
  Matt: Uh, and yes, these are both in the first page of the Google results.
• 38:56
  Matt: But I went deeper, Eric, and I came up empty.
• 39:00
  Eric: Oh, I yeah, I also like that on the hollow holodapy list.
• 39:05
  Eric: I love that it also taught they get the personality trait, but they also get a skill.
• 39:10
  Eric: Yes, they get a skill column.
• 39:12
  Matt: So I think Eric, what what we should do is we should go through this uh this list of uh reindeer here.
• 39:21
  Matt: Yeah.
• 39:22
  Matt: In the in the what I will consider the common order, the one Arnold brought us through.
• 39:26
  Eric: Yes, yes, thank you, thank you.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_00: And one more time, what was that order?
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_00: So good.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's so good.
• 39:37
  Eric: I'm here all week.
• 39:38
  Eric: I want someone to make a club remix using that as like the beat drop.
• 39:43
  Matt: Wait, yeah, yeah, give it to me one more time.
• 39:45
  Matt: I'm gonna do a beat drop.
• 39:46
  Matt: Eric, it takes a lot of energy.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_00: I can't just be Dasha Danza Pranza Vixen, Comet Cupid Donald Blitzen.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's so good.
• 39:57
  Matt: Uh okay.
• 39:58
  Matt: Now, for those of you uh who maybe this is your first definitive ranking with us, uh, we always pick something uh to give it instead of five stars.
• 40:08
  Eric: Yeah, a scale off of which to work.
• 40:10
  Matt: A scale of something else.
• 40:12
  Matt: Um last time we did uh the definitive ranking of the best free chain restaurant bread on a scale of one to ten carbs.
• 40:23
  Eric: Yep.
• 40:23
  Eric: Before that, we did best Valentine's Day chocolates on a scale of one to ten Whitmans.
• 40:29
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 40:30
  Matt: I believe those are episodes nine and uh nineteen, respectively, I believe.
• 40:36
  Matt: So go back and listen to those at your leisure.
• 40:39
  Matt: But Eric, what what do we rank the reindeer on?
• 40:43
  Matt: Antlers?
• 40:44
  Matt: Hose?
• 40:45
  Matt: Hose.
• 40:47
  Matt: Oh, hose could be good.
• 40:48
  Matt: Hose.
• 40:49
  Matt: Let's go with hose.
• 40:50
  Matt: Let's go with hose.
• 40:51
  Matt: On a one to tend to hose scale.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_04: Yep.
• 40:53
  Matt: So, Eric, how do you want to do this?
• 40:55
  Matt: You just want to go down our our list here?
• 40:57
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 40:58
  Eric: Let's let's go down our list.
• 41:00
  Eric: So let's begin with Dasher.
• 41:02
  Eric: Dasher.
• 41:03
  Eric: Uh, according to holodapy.com, his personality trait is he loves to go fast.
• 41:09
  Eric: So he's basically like Sonic.
• 41:11
  Eric: He's a Sonic the hedgehog of the of the team.
• 41:14
  Eric: And his skill is sewing.
• 41:17
  Eric: Useful skill to have, don't get me wrong.
• 41:21
  Matt: Now, how did he get how did she get this?
• 41:26
  Matt: Was it a play on Haber Dasher?
• 41:28
  Matt: I guess maybe it was.
• 41:30
  Matt: Regardless, Dasher is given speed as a as a main quality.
• 41:36
  Matt: And that scans.
• 41:38
  Matt: The again, we don't know much else.
• 41:40
  Matt: So uh Eric, I think we are forced to um to to to ah fuck it.
• 41:47
  Matt: We we have to make it up.
• 41:48
  Eric: We have to make it up.
• 41:50
  Eric: Um, Dasher seems I'm gonna just talk about I'm gonna talk about each of these reindeer like I know them personally.
• 41:56
  Matt: Which I assumed you did.
• 41:57
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 41:58
  Eric: Dasher loves to go fast.
• 42:00
  Eric: Um, I feel like Dasher would would be very fast, but I feel like would always be late.
• 42:06
  Eric: You know what I mean?
• 42:07
  Eric: I do.
• 42:08
  Eric: It's like it's like, dude, you could have gotten here.
• 42:11
  Matt: Like she knew she need when she needed to be there, and she still left five minutes late.
• 42:15
  Matt: Yeah.
• 42:16
  Matt: And that to me conveys that she's a little full of herself.
• 42:19
  Matt: First to leave, too.
• 42:21
  Matt: Oh, first to yeah, you know, she's got some place to be.
• 42:24
  Matt: Yeah.
• 42:24
  Matt: So Dasher.
• 42:25
  Matt: Uh I don't, you know, how do we feel?
• 42:27
  Matt: How do we feel?
• 42:28
  Eric: Dasher, but like, here's the thing.
• 42:31
  Eric: We're still inviting Dasher out.
• 42:32
  Eric: Like, there's a reason Dasher's coming out.
• 42:34
  Eric: Still a fun time.
• 42:35
  Eric: We s we like Dasher for the time we get with them.
• 42:38
  Eric: I feel like Dashers are good baseline reindeer.
• 42:41
  Eric: I think a five.
• 42:43
  Eric: I think like just middle, like I was gonna go a little higher.
• 42:47
  Eric: A little higher?
• 42:48
  Matt: I was gonna say a six.
• 42:50
  Eric: A six?
• 42:50
  Matt: I'll go with a six.
• 42:51
  Eric: Six hoes out of six hoes out of ten?
• 42:54
  Matt: Six hoes out of ten hoes.
• 42:55
  Eric: All right.
• 42:56
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 42:56
  Matt: All right.
• 42:57
  Matt: All right, yeah, yeah.
• 42:58
  Matt: All right, so similar to Dasher, I think, we have Dancer.
• 43:02
  Eric: Dancer, so personality trait, completely extroverted.
• 43:07
  Eric: I love the emphasis on completely completely, yeah, extroverted.
• 43:11
  Eric: And this and the skill is all kinds of dance, all kinds of dance, which I think lends itself very nicely, like very worldly reindeer.
• 43:21
  Eric: Like I would think all kinds of dance.
• 43:24
  Matt: I would think the only dance it is surprising because I would think the only dance that uh reindeer would be particularly good at would be dressage.
• 43:32
  Eric: Ah.
• 43:33
  Eric: Uh, but no, like I'm getting the vibe of like uh she's she's like the ambassador of the reindeer.
• 43:40
  Matt: Oh I mean, you're taking extremely extroverted to mean like she's the chairperson of the welcome wagon.
• 43:48
  Eric: Yeah, like when someone shows up, they're like, hello, hi.
• 43:52
  Eric: Like, I feel like dancer is here's your packet.
• 43:55
  Eric: Yeah, like dancer is the one that they're going all over the world.
• 44:00
  Eric: Dancer's the only one who's like trying to learn shit about other cultures while she's out there.
• 44:05
  Matt: Oh, she's yeah, she's not just at work like some of these others, perhaps.
• 44:09
  Eric: No, like she's got friends, like every year they go around, like she's got friends in towns, like all over the world.
• 44:14
  Eric: Like she's she's like, yo, what's up?
• 44:16
  Matt: The blurb on Love to Know About Dancer, which calls her the performer, is she has a certain way about her and has earned her name because of her graceful movements and love of performing for others.
• 44:29
  Matt: Make no mistake about it though, Dancer is a solid, strong reindeer who could probably pull the sled herself if she I fucking love Dancer.
• 44:38
  Matt: You know what?
• 44:39
  Matt: Dancer, I think I've getting an upbeat energy out of Dancer.
• 44:44
  Matt: She seems like life of the party.
• 44:46
  Matt: I'm saying, oh god, I think I'm saying an 8.5.
• 44:50
  Matt: 8.5?
• 44:51
  Eric: I would I I would say I honestly I would push to nine.
• 44:55
  Eric: You don't have to tell me twice.
• 44:57
  Eric: Okay.
• 44:57
  Eric: Nine it is.
• 44:58
  Eric: Nine hoes out of out of ten.
• 45:00
  Eric: Prancer.
• 45:01
  Eric: A bit vain, though affectionate.
• 45:04
  Eric: Skill! God damn.
• 45:05
  Eric: This is the only one.
• 45:07
  Eric: Yeah.
• 45:08
  Eric: Skill, prancing.
• 45:10
  Matt: I like what we've settled into.
• 45:11
  Matt: You give us the holodapy, and I'll I'll give you the love to know.
• 45:15
  Matt: So this way you get both sides.
• 45:17
  Matt: This way you get both sides.
• 45:19
  Matt: So Prancer, it's all about her.
• 45:21
  Matt: Yeah.
• 45:22
  Matt: Prancer knows she's in a coveted role.
• 45:25
  Matt: She just doesn't understand why anybody else is.
• 45:28
  Matt: She's fairly self-centered and is a bit of a showboat.
• 45:32
  Matt: So Prancer wishes she was dancer.
• 45:34
  Matt: I mean, to be honest, because honestly, let's let's let's ask the honest question here, okay?
• 45:41
  Matt: Yeah.
• 45:42
  Matt: Who prances?
• 45:43
  Eric: Prancer prances.
• 45:45
  Eric: No one prances.
• 45:46
  Eric: No one's no one's buying what what Prancer is selling.
• 45:49
  Matt: Isn't Prancing just an ironic dance?
• 45:52
  Eric: It is.
• 45:53
  Eric: It is a so here's the thing.
• 45:54
  Eric: I feel like Dancer comes to the party and tells you about the the in-depth and fascinating history of Dio de los Muertos.
• 46:02
  Eric: Prancer shows up with sugar skull face paint that she found on TikTok.
• 46:07
  Eric: Do you know what I mean?
• 46:09
  Eric: Like she's like, like, oh, but aren't I so hot?
• 46:11
  Eric: And like dancers over here, like, there's a fucking culture there, you idiot.
• 46:17
  Matt: You uncultured swan.
• 46:19
  Eric: You like, you're, you're like, what the fuck, dude?
• 46:22
  Eric: I think.
• 46:22
  Eric: I bought my I brought my friend Lupe to this party, and you're deeply offending us both.
• 46:28
  Matt: I I get a real I'm getting real bad vibe out of I get so many bad vibes off of Prancer.
• 46:33
  Eric: Like, would not would not take a drink that Prancer offered me.
• 46:37
  Eric: She would like Prancer would like do shit to your drink as like an LOL.
• 46:41
  Eric: Isn't this gonna be hilarious?
• 46:43
  Eric: Like Snapchat story.
• 46:44
  Eric: Fuck Prancer.
• 46:45
  Matt: Fuck Prancer.
• 46:47
  Matt: You know what?
• 46:47
  Matt: I think we gotta give Prancer a four.
• 46:50
  Matt: A four.
• 46:51
  Matt: Do you do you feel it should be lower?
• 46:55
  Matt: Because it shouldn't be higher.
• 46:56
  Eric: I'm only gonna lower her score if there's someone who scores lower than her.
• 47:00
  Eric: Because I'm already at like Prancer, you're the worst.
• 47:03
  Matt: Yeah.
• 47:04
  Matt: Fuck you, Prancer.
• 47:05
  Matt: Fuck you, Prancer.
• 47:06
  Matt: Shall we move on to Vixen?
• 47:08
  Eric: Vixen.
• 47:09
  Eric: Now this is wild.
• 47:11
  Eric: Personality trait.
• 47:13
  Eric: Slightly tricky.
• 47:14
  Eric: Like there's that playful, mischievous, but then skill, magic.
• 47:19
  Eric: Fuck.
• 47:20
  Eric: Like like what?
• 47:21
  Eric: Like what kind of magic, dog?
• 47:24
  Matt: Like I like that I like that her personality trait is like slightly tricky, as if she oh, she's got like a little mysterious quality about her, but then actually she is mysterious because she's a witch.
• 47:36
  SPEAKER_04: The powers are cane.
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_04: Like what?
• 47:39
  Matt: She's an ancient warlock as a term.
• 47:42
  Eric: I feel like she's the only one who knows why the reindeer can fly.
• 47:46
  Eric: Like she guards that secret.
• 47:48
  Matt: Now, this is interesting.
• 47:49
  Matt: Love to know says Vixen is the pioneer.
• 47:53
  Matt: And before science revealed that all of Santa's reindeer had to be female, Vixen was thought to be the only female reindeer on the team.
• 48:01
  Matt: What the fuck?
• 48:02
  Matt: What did they think they were?
• 48:05
  Matt: This meant she had to work harder than any of the other reindeer to earn respect, and likely earned a fewer accolades, and likely earned fewer accolades.
• 48:16
  Matt: She kept working though, uh since she knew she was doing something important.
• 48:20
  Matt: Alright, I love to know.
• 48:22
  Matt: I I I hate to be a bit of a copy editor here, but if you're saying that's before Santa revealed that all of Santa's reindeer had to be female, the reindeer still knew that they were female.
• 48:35
  Matt: Yeah.
• 48:35
  Matt: It was us who didn't know.
• 48:37
  Eric: Yeah.
• 48:38
  Matt: Like they were just wandering around, like, what okay, let's say Vixen still had to work harder just because she did.
• 48:46
  Matt: Not because of sexism.
• 48:47
  Matt: Just because she she's the tough one.
• 48:50
  Matt: She has the deep magics.
• 48:52
  SPEAKER_01: She has because she has the deep magic.
• 48:55
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like she's Phil.
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_01: Eric, you know what she is?
• 48:59
  SPEAKER_01: She's filled with the Christmas spirit.
• 49:02
  Eric: But like the fucking metal kind.
• 49:05
  Eric: Yes.
• 49:06
  Eric: Like, I feel like when these these deer were growing, I feel like she's just always been.
• 49:11
  Eric: Like, you know what I mean?
• 49:12
  Eric: Like these these reindeer, when like they were still like baby reindeer, Vixen was already an adult.
• 49:18
  Eric: And like timeless reindeer.
• 49:20
  Eric: And like she would hutt like they would huddle around the fire at night at the North Pole, like, Vixen, when will you tell us from whence our powers came?
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_03: One day, child, but it will not be this night.
• 49:33
  SPEAKER_03: Not this night.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_03: Not this night of all holy nights.
• 49:37
  SPEAKER_03: You are not ready for the secret.
• 49:39
  Matt: I am noticing that our uh Vixen sounds a little bit like the Cicade watching.
• 49:47
  Eric: She she is in league with them.
• 49:50
  Eric: She's she maybe there's something there.
• 49:54
  Matt: Our animal characters are all blending together.
• 49:56
  Matt: There's something there.
• 49:57
  Matt: But listen, the Vixen, how about this?
• 50:00
  Matt: Since she's labeled as the pioneer and OG.
• 50:04
  Matt: And she has this dark magic that we know.
• 50:06
  Matt: Uh-huh.
• 50:07
  Matt: Perhaps it was Vixen that was the solo reindeer pulling the sled of rewards.
• 50:15
  Eric: Oh.
• 50:16
  Eric: Honestly, I I would be okay with that.
• 50:18
  Eric: I was also interpreting the solo reindeer like kind of like the tomb of the unnamed soldier.
• 50:25
  Eric: Somewhere in the North Pole, there's like a fucking statue of like a rampant reindeer, and like they all keep vigil over.
• 50:33
  Matt: Yes.
• 50:33
  Matt: They all must watch.
• 50:35
  Matt: Yes.
• 50:35
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 50:36
  Matt: Uh, I think it's pretty clear that Vixen deserves a high ass uh reward.
• 50:42
  Matt: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 50:44
  Matt: I don't want to go below a nine.
• 50:46
  Matt: Do we go below above one?
• 50:49
  Matt: Nine point five?
• 50:50
  Eric: She's her skill is magic, though.
• 50:53
  Eric: Like, I would I I think that's I think it's nine five.
• 50:57
  Eric: Nine five.
• 50:58
  Matt: Nine five.
• 50:59
  Matt: Let's do it.
• 50:59
  Matt: All right.
• 51:00
  Matt: Let's keep this uh let's keep this train moving.
• 51:04
  Matt: Comet.
• 51:05
  Eric: Personality trait, handsome and easy going.
• 51:09
  Eric: Yeah, it sounds I'm getting his special skill is good with kids.
• 51:15
  Matt: I know.
• 51:16
  Eric: Good with kids.
• 51:17
  Eric: Handsome and easy going, good with kids.
• 51:19
  Eric: So like this has a lot of failing upward vibes about it.
• 51:23
  Matt: It does.
• 51:24
  Matt: It does have a lot of uh uh failing upward vibes.
• 51:29
  Matt: Uh to be honest, though, it also has a little bit of uh maybe it's cold outside vibes to put it in Christmas song uh uh verbiage.
• 51:38
  Eric: So like Comet Comet sounds like a tool.
• 51:42
  Eric: Comet sounds like a tool.
• 51:44
  Eric: Give what's what's the what's the give me give me the other side of this?
• 51:47
  Eric: Yeah, okay.
• 51:47
  Eric: Give me some redeeming qualities, please.
• 51:49
  Matt: Well, I don't know, because Love To Note classifies Comet as the dit.
• 51:54
  Matt: Always always gazing at the stars and hardly ever looking at where she's going.
• 52:00
  Matt: Comet earned the reputation of being a space case, despite her impressive intellect.
• 52:07
  Matt: Okay, so she's smart.
• 52:08
  Matt: Sometimes there's more to think about than pulling a sleigh.
• 52:13
  Matt: Well, there's not when you only work one fucking night a year, I gotta say.
• 52:16
  Eric: I know.
• 52:16
  Eric: I'm getting like a almost like a philosophical angle from it.
• 52:20
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 52:21
  Matt: So, okay, to but to combine that with handsome and easygoing and good with kids, now I'm getting sort of like a like a stoner vibe.
• 52:28
  Matt: Yeah, like a hippie vibe.
• 52:29
  Matt: That's exactly what I was gonna say.
• 52:31
  Eric: Yeah, okay, okay, okay.
• 52:33
  Eric: The Matthew McConaughey of the reindeer.
• 52:36
  Matt: Yes, absolutely.
• 52:37
  Matt: Well, no, I was going even more towards like the Jenny Circa Vietnam War in Forest Gump vibes.
• 52:46
  Eric: Oh, okay, yeah.
• 52:47
  Matt: That's where I'm getting, you know, like you know, why are we even pulling the sled, man?
• 52:52
  Eric: You know, like why oh, is is okay, so maybe Comet, maybe Comet's the one that like every now and then be like, but like, why don't why don't we like why isn't this a collective?
• 53:06
  Eric: Like, why don't we have collective bargaining over like I feel like Comet would be trying to unionize.
• 53:11
  Matt: The L's unionized years ago.
• 53:13
  Eric: Yeah.
• 53:14
  Eric: I feel like I feel like Santa tries to stomp that shit out like real quick.
• 53:18
  Eric: He's like, I have to deal with the fucking L.
• 53:20
  SPEAKER_03: I won't have it with you.
• 53:21
  Eric: I don't know why I'm making Santa sound like a sh like a fucking miser.
• 53:26
  SPEAKER_03: But Sean Connery.
• 53:27
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 53:28
  SPEAKER_03: I struck a deal with uh with the L shago.
• 53:31
  SPEAKER_03: My armies will be the the rocks and the trees and the reindeer who pull my sled.
• 53:39
  Matt: So comet.
• 53:41
  Matt: Ah God, I don't know where to put you, Comet.
• 53:43
  Eric: Comet the philosopher.
• 53:44
  Eric: I'm gonna put comet at like I feel like comet has really big, cool ideas, but never follows through with them.
• 53:50
  Eric: I think comet's a five for me.
• 53:52
  Eric: I think comet's a five.
• 53:53
  Matt: Comet, like comet is as comet does.
• 53:56
  Matt: Comet is as comet does.
• 53:58
  Matt: So let's uh let's move on to, and I think you're gonna know some of the oh, it maybe not, some of the classifications going along with Cupid.
• 54:07
  Eric: Cupid personality trait, affectionate, color me shocked skill, bringing people together.
• 54:14
  Eric: All right, god, how could I guess?
• 54:16
  Eric: I feel like Cupid is Prancer's like bitchy BFF.
• 54:20
  Eric: Do you know what I mean?
• 54:21
  Eric: Like they're very catty together.
• 54:23
  Matt: They I do think are thick as thieves, those two.
• 54:26
  Matt: And perhaps thickest thieves is a good uh euphemism, or that's not it, analogy, a good analogy for this.
• 54:34
  Matt: Good analogy.
• 54:35
  Matt: Uh Love to know says Cupid is euphemism.
• 54:39
  Matt: Oh, they are thick as thieves with what?
• 54:44
  Matt: Uh Cupid is the imposter.
• 54:48
  Matt: What?
• 54:49
  Matt: Cupid wants people to know she's the more important Cupid when it comes to folklore, and she's willing to do it at the expense of the task at hand.
• 55:00
  Matt: She doesn't necessarily like to work, but is happy to talk about her talents with any other reindeer that will listen.
• 55:07
  Matt: Great.
• 55:07
  Eric: Wait, are we talking like she's putting like the mission in danger?
• 55:11
  Eric: Like she like OSHA violations?
• 55:13
  Matt: That is exactly what she they're saying, but she blatantly won't work.
• 55:17
  Eric: Like fuck it, whoever, like the commissioner of the deer is like, Cupid, you know you ran that last mission with only two Yahans and strapped.
• 55:24
  Matt: Now I I'm getting the vibes that all of the other reindeer who used to laugh and call Rudolph names.
• 55:31
  Matt: Something tells me Cupid's at the front of that line.
• 55:34
  Eric: I feel like it's Cupid and fucking Prancer.
• 55:37
  Eric: Like they are they're like the toxic.
• 55:39
  Matt: I mean, you said that her skill was bringing people together, but I don't know.
• 55:43
  Matt: I'm getting a I'm getting the reverse vibes.
• 55:46
  Eric: She here's it, here it is though.
• 55:48
  Eric: She's that friend, she makes a lot of friends by like making fun of other people.
• 55:52
  Eric: Do you know what I mean?
• 55:53
  Eric: That like commiserating, like her method of making friends is by talking shit about the other reindeer, and they like kind of like like she she she bring here's how she brings other people together.
• 56:05
  Eric: She makes friends, and then they very quickly realize how toxic she is, and then everyone else kind of like realizes like, oh, did you get gaslit by fucking Cupid as well?
• 56:14
  Matt: She thinks she's bringing people together.
• 56:17
  Eric: Yeah.
• 56:18
  Matt: But in reality, she's driving them apart.
• 56:20
  Eric: She just has a trail of X's she leaves behind her.
• 56:24
  Matt: I think it's a I think it's a three and a half for me.
• 56:27
  Eric: Three and a half.
• 56:28
  Matt: What do you say?
• 56:29
  Eric: Wait, wait, what do we give Prancer a four?
• 56:31
  Eric: We give Prancer a four.
• 56:32
  Eric: No, yeah, Cupid, Cupid gets three and a half because she she knows what she's doing.
• 56:36
  Matt: That brings us to Donner then.
• 56:38
  Eric: Donner, I got a lot of baggage with Donner.
• 56:40
  Eric: I'll I'm gonna I'm gonna read off.
• 56:42
  Eric: I'll read off, yeah.
• 56:44
  Eric: Okay, good.
• 56:44
  Eric: Personality trait, loud.
• 56:47
  Eric: That's it, huh?
• 56:48
  Eric: Skill singing.
• 56:50
  Eric: Here's the thing about Donner.
• 56:53
  Eric: I have a lot of baggage with Donner after watching a certain documentary.
• 56:57
  Eric: I think you've all seen it, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.
• 57:00
  Eric: Donner in Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is Rudolph's dad.
• 57:06
  Eric: And he's a piece of shit.
• 57:08
  Matt: That's true.
• 57:09
  Eric: Like the entire time.
• 57:11
  Eric: And he sounds kind of like Jimmy Stewart.
• 57:14
  Matt: Yeah, I I from I from my vague memory.
• 57:16
  Eric: It's like, oh Rudolph?
• 57:18
  Eric: Oh, watch this.
• 57:20
  Eric: Oh, my my child has has has needs that are different from neurotypical kids.
• 57:26
  Eric: Oh well, fuck this.
• 57:29
  Eric: Like, what the hell?
• 57:31
  Eric: Like piece of shit.
• 57:32
  Eric: We're gonna hide this.
• 57:33
  Eric: Now this is you've gone full Jimmy Stewart now.
• 57:40
  Matt: Oh, absolutely.
• 57:40
  Matt: The f now the okay, according to Love to Note, Donner is the chameleon.
• 57:46
  Matt: No other reindeer has reinvented herself as many times as Donner, who has experienced more name changes than any of the other reindeer.
• 57:55
  Matt: Never content to settle, she's always striving for the best version of herself.
• 58:00
  Eric: Yeah, by living through their kid.
• 58:04
  Eric: Like Jesus Christ.
• 58:05
  Matt: Well, trying to trying to mold their child into what they want them to be.
• 58:10
  Eric: Yeah.
• 58:11
  Eric: Like the sock like Donner is the the soccer mom taken to the most fucking horrific extreme.
• 58:18
  Matt: Now again, science would suggest that Donner is not Rudolph's dad, but but we know that this is pretty strong canonical information from Rudolph the Red Nose, Reindeer, the documentary film.
• 58:33
  Eric: Oh, my s my s my fucking like my son was born different.
• 58:39
  Eric: I'm going to force him to wear this uncomfortable prosthetic for his entire childhood to make him blend in.
• 58:48
  Matt: Yeah, okay.
• 58:49
  Matt: Okay.
• 58:50
  Matt: I hear the baggage you're bringing in.
• 58:52
  Matt: How many hoes are you feeling?
• 58:54
  Eric: Oh, hoes?
• 58:56
  Eric: As in multiple?
• 58:57
  Eric: Oh, okay.
• 58:58
  Eric: Alright.
• 58:59
  Eric: I've got so here's my thing.
• 59:01
  Eric: Yeah, I think Cupid and Prancer are pieces of shit.
• 59:04
  Eric: But they at least keep it to like drama within the adult reindeer circle.
• 59:10
  Eric: Donner treated their own kid like shit.
• 59:14
  Eric: Made their own kid feel like an outcast, made their own kid hide who they were.
• 59:18
  Eric: For me, there's no hoes.
• 59:21
  Matt: It's ho.
• 59:22
  Matt: Do you want to even give her a hoe?
• 59:24
  Matt: You want to give her no hose?
• 59:25
  Matt: Is this a no-hose barred situation?
• 59:28
  Eric: I think this is a no-hose barred situation.
• 59:30
  Matt: Eric, you know what?
• 59:31
  Matt: I support you.
• 59:32
  Matt: You want to know why?
• 59:33
  Matt: Because you you because you are being brave.
• 59:35
  Matt: Thank you.
• 59:36
  Matt: There you go.
• 59:36
  Eric: Someone's gotta advocate for this fucking kid, because no one in that movie did until until the day needed to be saved.
• 59:44
  Eric: That movie, the like anyone listening to this, I encourage you.
• 59:47
  Eric: Go back and watch Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer movie.
• 59:50
  Eric: It is fucked up.
• 59:51
  Eric: It is kind of everyone in that movie, top to bottom, just does not value this kid whatsoever until they need something from it.
• 1:00:00
  Matt: Until he's useful to them.
• 1:00:03
  Matt: Jesus.
• 1:00:04
  Eric: I I want to go party on the island of misfit toys.
• 1:00:06
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 1:00:07
  Matt: Who doesn't?
• 1:00:08
  Matt: Now, Eric, let's go.
• 1:00:10
  Matt: We got one more of the non-red-nosed variety of reindeer.
• 1:00:15
  Matt: Blitzen.
• 1:00:16
  Matt: Blitzen.
• 1:00:17
  Eric: Which we get a little repetitive here.
• 1:00:19
  Eric: Personality trait, fast as a bolt.
• 1:00:21
  Matt: Uh-huh.
• 1:00:22
  Eric: Skill can electrify others.
• 1:00:26
  Matt: Now, you could interpret that as being like, ooh, really sparks up the mood, brings everybody's vibe up.
• 1:00:32
  Matt: I'm taking it literally.
• 1:00:33
  Matt: I think she's got electric powers.
• 1:00:36
  Matt: Which is pretty fucking metal.
• 1:00:37
  Matt: That's pretty dope.
• 1:00:39
  Eric: Yeah, that is like the ramstein of the of the deer.
• 1:00:42
  Matt: Blitzen, the grand finale.
• 1:00:44
  Matt: Blitzen is the last reindeer mentioned in the poem The Night Before Christmas.
• 1:00:48
  Matt: Blitzen might be an instance of saving the best for last.
• 1:00:53
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:00:53
  Matt: She's confident enough to not mind being last in line because she knows she comes first in ability and work ethic.
• 1:01:03
  Eric: God damn and work ethic.
• 1:01:06
  Eric: This, yeah, this bitch, she can get it.
• 1:01:09
  Eric: I'm just imagining like she's like the Zeus.
• 1:01:13
  Matt: If we could take a lesson, Eric from from the wolves, from nature.
• 1:01:18
  Matt: Uh-huh.
• 1:01:19
  Matt: The alpha of a wolf.
• 1:01:21
  Eric: Even though that's been scientifically disproven as a thing, go on.
• 1:01:24
  Eric: Wait, what?
• 1:01:25
  Eric: What are you talking about?
• 1:01:26
  Eric: Oh, yeah, there's no such thing as alpha wolves.
• 1:01:27
  Eric: That's not even a thing.
• 1:01:28
  Matt: Well, I think it kind of is because they they they go behind the rest of the pack.
• 1:01:32
  Eric: No, that's not a thing.
• 1:01:34
  Eric: Are you just now learning this?
• 1:01:35
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 1:01:36
  Matt: This is my whole this is my whole point that I was like, Oh my god, yeah, no.
• 1:01:39
  Matt: This was like this was just so the guy who originally alphas in the back lets the rest of the pack go in front so nobody gets left behind.
• 1:01:47
  Matt: They lead from behind.
• 1:01:49
  Eric: They yeah, they have they they they have pack leaders.
• 1:01:52
  Matt: Well, okay, okay.
• 1:01:53
  Matt: So not an alpha, but the pack leader.
• 1:01:55
  Eric: And and I will say this the guy who originally published the the the findings, like like originally established the alpha wolf theory, has spent years trying to like get people to understand that he was wrong.
• 1:02:07
  Eric: He was like, dude, nope, sorry, I was totally off base.
• 1:02:10
  Eric: Please don't.
• 1:02:10
  Eric: This that's actually not what they do at all.
• 1:02:13
  Eric: Go on.
• 1:02:14
  Matt: So if Eric, if we could learn something from the wolves.
• 1:02:21
  Matt: Yes, Matthew.
• 1:02:23
  Matt: The leader of the wolf pack leads from behind, lets the rest of the pack goes in front, goes in front of them.
• 1:02:32
  Matt: They stay back, make sure no one gets left behind.
• 1:02:34
  Matt: Perhaps this is what Blitzen is doing from the back of the sled.
• 1:02:38
  Eric: Which is an alpha deer.
• 1:02:40
  Matt: Which is, therefore, closest to Santa.
• 1:02:44
  Eric: Yeah, she sits at the right hand of the father.
• 1:02:46
  Eric: She sits at the right hand of the father.
• 1:02:49
  Eric: I mean, if that ain't ten material, like I don't know what is.
• 1:02:53
  Eric: And also, in my head, canonically shoots lightning from her antlers, just saying.
• 1:02:57
  Matt: I think so.
• 1:02:57
  Matt: I mean, it says electrify others.
• 1:02:59
  Matt: I think we have to take that literally.
• 1:03:01
  Matt: And that, of course, brings us to Rudolph.
• 1:03:05
  Eric: Oh, wait, so are we just are can we establish though?
• 1:03:08
  Eric: Blitzen is ten.
• 1:03:09
  Matt: Oh, Blitzin's a ten.
• 1:03:10
  Eric: Blitzon's ten hoes out of ten.
• 1:03:12
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:03:12
  Eric: Ten hoes out of ten.
• 1:03:14
  Matt: So Rudolph, uh, let's go.
• 1:03:16
  Matt: Let's go to the marquee reindeer.
• 1:03:19
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:03:19
  Eric: So from Holodappey, Rudolph.
• 1:03:22
  Eric: Personality trait, a little down on himself.
• 1:03:27
  Eric: Skill.
• 1:03:28
  Eric: Nose glows.
• 1:03:29
  Eric: Is he down on himself, or is he is he a victim?
• 1:03:33
  Eric: I know.
• 1:03:33
  Eric: Or has he been uh bullied his whole fucking life by his friends, family, and his employer.
• 1:03:40
  Eric: And then his nose glows is his special skill.
• 1:03:44
  Eric: Yeah, I feel like this this article was written by Prancer or fucking Cupid.
• 1:03:49
  Eric: Like it feels like a bitchy, like a very, like a just a very dickish.
• 1:03:53
  Matt: Just wait to hear love to nose take.
• 1:03:55
  Matt: Oh god.
• 1:03:56
  Matt: Rudolph, the pensive latecomer.
• 1:03:59
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 1:04:00
  Matt: As most people know, Rudolph just really wanted to play all those reindeer games.
• 1:04:06
  Matt: Often portrayed as a male reindeer on screen.
• 1:04:09
  Matt: Her antlers reveal a different story.
• 1:04:11
  Matt: Debatable.
• 1:04:12
  Matt: She's a reluctant leader, but one who is willing to use her unique talents to help the team succeed.
• 1:04:19
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:04:20
  Matt: Well, she was she was willing to, he was willing to, because as we know, it's a castrated man.
• 1:04:26
  Eric: Honestly, I'm gonna be real with you.
• 1:04:28
  Eric: I think Rudolph gets a tent just for fucking surviving childhood in the environment.
• 1:04:35
  Matt: Surviving childhood been castrated, I'd assume at an early age.
• 1:04:42
  Eric: Fucking forced to hide their their their their literally just their physical body from like this is awful.
• 1:04:50
  Matt: And they gotta be dealing with the brunt of fucking Prancer and Comet all the time.
• 1:04:56
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 1:04:57
  Eric: Like, yeah, oh yeah.
• 1:04:58
  Matt: And Donner don't even get started on Donner.
• 1:05:01
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 1:05:02
  Eric: Just wanted to play reindeer games.
• 1:05:04
  Eric: Yeah, just wanted to have a fucking childhood.
• 1:05:07
  SPEAKER_01: You guys work one goddamn day a year.
• 1:05:10
  SPEAKER_01: What do you have to do besides play reindeer games?
• 1:05:14
  SPEAKER_01: Damn! What's a reindeer gotta do to play some games?
• 1:05:18
  SPEAKER_01: What?
• 1:05:19
  SPEAKER_01: And what are those games?
• 1:05:20
  SPEAKER_01: Like what?
• 1:05:21
  SPEAKER_01: They never really get into the specifics, do they?
• 1:05:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:05:24
  Eric: They just kind of had a weird, like kind of like reindeer school in the movie was just like, like the the the coach for the reindeer just kind of sounded like Jimmy Stewart holding his nose.
• 1:05:34
  Eric: He was like, all right now.
• 1:05:36
  Matt: Rudolph wanted to establish reindeer games because the other reindeer won't even fucking play any.
• 1:05:42
  Matt: Nope, won't play with it.
• 1:05:43
  Eric: Like, no, we're not gonna let Rudolph in any more reindeer games.
• 1:05:47
  Eric: Right, right.
• 1:05:48
  Matt: I gotta be honest, Eric.
• 1:05:49
  Matt: I came in here wanting to rip Rudolph, wanting to bring down the king.
• 1:05:53
  Matt: Rudolph's fucking chant.
• 1:05:55
  Matt: I think Rudolph gets a 10.
• 1:05:56
  Matt: Rudolph gets a 10.
• 1:05:57
  Matt: Rudolph's seen some shit.
• 1:05:59
  Eric: Rudolph.
• 1:06:00
  Eric: Rudolph and Blitzen are absolute powerhouses for just in like, but coming at it from entirely different angles.
• 1:06:07
  Matt: And you know what?
• 1:06:07
  Matt: That's perfect.
• 1:06:08
  Matt: That suits their arrangement because we've got a leader at the front.
• 1:06:12
  Matt: And we got a leader at the back.
• 1:06:14
  Matt: Yep.
• 1:06:14
  Matt: That's what's keeping this whole fucking team together.
• 1:06:17
  Eric: They're keeping this team afloat.
• 1:06:19
  Eric: Like Blitzen's back there.
• 1:06:20
  Eric: Blitzen's like pulling heavyweight, but Blitzen sees that light at the front and knows like as fucking as long as Rudolph is pulling the like I know I can do this.
• 1:06:29
  Eric: I got this.
• 1:06:29
  Eric: And Rudolph, Rudolph doesn't even need to look back.
• 1:06:32
  Eric: Rudolph doesn't need because Rudolph knows Blitzen has got this shit on lock.
• 1:06:37
  Matt: Blitzen's got this shit on rock, lock, and if the shit hit the fan, that those lightning bolts are gonna fly.
• 1:06:43
  Eric: Oh my god, yes.
• 1:06:44
  Eric: Yes.
• 1:06:45
  Matt: Oh my it's gonna be like Zeus and Heat back there.
• 1:06:51
  Eric: Fucking Blitzen turning into a swine and making all kinds of fucking.
• 1:06:56
  Eric: We don't know what those babies are gonna look like.
• 1:06:59
  Matt: All right, Eric, should we tally this all up now?
• 1:07:01
  Matt: Yeah, let's tally this up.
• 1:07:03
  Matt: With zero hose.
• 1:07:05
  Matt: We have Donner in last place.
• 1:07:07
  Eric: Fuck you, Donner.
• 1:07:08
  Matt: Followed by Cupid with three and a half.
• 1:07:12
  Eric: Hilarious.
• 1:07:13
  Matt: Prancer with four.
• 1:07:14
  Eric: Yep.
• 1:07:15
  Matt: Comet with five.
• 1:07:16
  Matt: Middle of the road.
• 1:07:17
  Matt: There we go.
• 1:07:18
  Matt: Dasher with six.
• 1:07:20
  Matt: Alright.
• 1:07:20
  Matt: And then we make a a huge jump to the top tier.
• 1:07:25
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 1:07:25
  Matt: Of the root of the of the reindeer.
• 1:07:28
  Matt: The top tier reindeer.
• 1:07:30
  Matt: With nine, we have dancer.
• 1:07:32
  Matt: Nine hoes out of out of ten.
• 1:07:34
  Matt: Yep.
• 1:07:35
  Matt: With nine and a half, we have Vixen of the Deep Magic.
• 1:07:39
  Matt: And then Dueling Tens.
• 1:07:43
  Matt: Blitzen and Rudolph.
• 1:07:46
  Eric: I love it.
• 1:07:46
  Eric: I agree with all of this.
• 1:07:47
  Matt: Ten hoes out of ten.
• 1:07:49
  Matt: They're perfect specimens.
• 1:07:50
  Eric: Would not change a thing about this list.
• 1:07:53
  Matt: Nor should we.
• 1:07:54
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:07:54
  Matt: And you know what, Eric?
• 1:07:56
  Matt: We had an action-packed episode, I think, Eric.
• 1:07:58
  Matt: Did we not?
• 1:07:59
  Matt: We don't even have time for a closing segment.
• 1:08:00
  Eric: No, we had an emotionally charged episode.
• 1:08:03
  Eric: I've got like I've got sweats from just railing against.
• 1:08:06
  Matt: I am I am feeling like I have worked out.
• 1:08:09
  Matt: My Apple Watch has logged a workout, and that workout was pure indignation.
• 1:08:15
  Matt: So that being said, uh, that's gonna do it for us.
• 1:08:18
  Eric: That's gonna do it for us, folks.
• 1:08:20
  Eric: Thank you.
• 1:08:20
  Eric: Thank you.
• 1:08:21
  Matt: On this episode of You Didn't Ask For This, the final one of the year.
• 1:08:24
  Matt: But don't worry, we'll be back in two weeks' time.
• 1:08:28
  Matt: In that, in the meantime, if you've got questions, you send them to us at you didn't ask pod.
• 1:08:34
  Matt: That's the letter you didn't ask pod on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, or you can send us an email at you didn't ask for this at gmail.com.
• 1:08:42
  Matt: That one's all spelled out.
• 1:08:44
  Matt: You didn't ask for this at gmail.com.
• 1:08:47
  Matt: Send us your questions, send us your letters, send us your Christmas lists.
• 1:08:51
  Matt: Send us your Christmas pickles.
• 1:08:53
  Matt: Give us some picks.
• 1:08:54
  Matt: Yes, send us pictures of the Christmas pickles.
• 1:08:57
  Matt: I'm happy to post mine, Eric.
• 1:08:59
  Matt: Are you happy to post?
• 1:09:00
  Eric: I'll be posting mine.
• 1:09:01
  Matt: We got our own last year.
• 1:09:02
  Matt: My parents gave us uh uh our own Christmas pickle, so I can show ours and the one at my parents' estate as well.
• 1:09:09
  Matt: Uh so if you don't know what we're talking about, uh uh go back to episode six.
• 1:09:14
  Matt: Gotta have that Christmas pickle.
• 1:09:16
  Eric: Gotta have the Christmas pickle.
• 1:09:18
  Matt: And uh trust me, it's it's a good one.
• 1:09:21
  Matt: I I go on a long rant about uh how much I hate gift tags.
• 1:09:26
  Matt: Um still do, still do.
• 1:09:29
  Matt: So go check that out.
• 1:09:30
  Matt: Uh Eric, do we have any other business to attend to?
• 1:09:33
  Matt: Nah, man.
• 1:09:34
  Matt: I don't think so.
• 1:09:35
  Matt: So from all of us here, uh you didn't ask for this.
• 1:09:39
  Matt: My name's Matt Shay.
• 1:09:40
  Matt: My name's Eric Poach.
• 1:09:42
  Matt: And you didn't ask.
• 1:09:43
  Eric: But never forget that the lesson they wanted you to take from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was you gotta find some way to be useful so people will like you.
• 1:09:56
  Eric: But the lesson we need you to take, me and Matt, this is what we need you to take, is that no matter who you are, how you were born, what your situation is, you are deserving of empathy and respect always.
• 1:10:14
  Eric: We love you, nerds.
• 1:10:17
  Matt: I don't even want to make a joke.
• 1:10:19
  Eric: I know.
• 1:10:19
  Eric: I don't even want to make a joke.
• 1:10:20
  Matt: I'm all Eric, I'm emotional.
• 1:10:22
  Matt: I'm all teary.
• 1:10:24
  Eric: Love you, buddy.
• 1:10:25
  SPEAKER_01: I love you.
• 1:10:26
  SPEAKER_01: Huh?
• 1:10:28
  SPEAKER_01: Huh?
• 1:10:29
  SPEAKER_01: I don't What do we do?
• 1:10:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's in my in it's in my nature to make a joke here, but I can't.
• 1:10:35
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to invalidate what you said.
• 1:10:37
  SPEAKER_01: So I listen we gotta get out of here.
• 1:10:39
  SPEAKER_01: Play the music.
• 1:10:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, Eric, I just play the music.
• 1:10:41
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so grateful.
• 1:10:43
  SPEAKER_01: I know for everyone.
• 1:10:45
  SPEAKER_01: Is this joy?