Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / How to stay away from a narcissist after you leave them

Transcript

How to stay away from a narcissist after you leave them · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to be talking about how to stay away from a
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  narcissist. How to stay away.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a self aware narcissist and welcome to another episode of
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  The Narcissist Coat. Boom.
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  Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back folks.
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  Yes, yes, yes. How do you stay away?
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  How? Lee?
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  I've been fighting, I've been struggling.
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  I keep going back. No matter what they do, no
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  matter how they treat me, I just keep going back.
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  I can't stop it. Help.
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  Those are the messages that I get.
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  Y'all those literally word for word.
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  Some of the messages that I get right there say exactly that I
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  can't stop going back. I can't do this.
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  I can't do that. It's a bunch of can't.
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  It's a bunch of can't. They say I can't leave them
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  alone. Even so, before we hop the deep
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  into today's episode, I do have a support group called the
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  mental healers that you can join by checking out mental
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  illness.net. Scroll to the bottom.
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  You find a support group and all my other stuff on there as well.
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  But somebody in the group today put I I know I should leave them
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  alone, but I can't. I can't leave them alone.
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  Hey, I know what I said the first step, one of the first
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  steps in being able to leave a narcissist or leave a touch
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  relationship for good is changing up your language.
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  You have to change the way you talk not only to others but to
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  yourself to yourself. More importantly.
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  You know really you know, it's crazy.
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  I'm talking to y'all making this video, but I'm literally sitting
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  in a room by myself talking to myself.
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  I'm using these words though, you see what I'm saying?
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  But you have to get better at the words that you use for
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  yourself with like the human mind is, is both complicated and
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  simple at the same time. The human mind is that when you
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  say I can't, your brain is trying to get away from pain.
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  Your brain doesn't want you to hurt, doesn't like feeling pain,
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  doesn't like feeling to suffer, doesn't like feeling the
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  struggle. So you don't know what your
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  brain does. It tries to find the quickest
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  way, the shortest route possible to get rid of the pain, to get
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  rid of the suffering, to get rid of the the trauma, to get rid of
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  the filling for not to get rid of the trauma bond, to get rid
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  of the filling from the trauma bond, the emotions from the
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  trauma bond, the suffering that hurt the pain, right.
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  So what does your brain do in this instance?
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  Because you said I can't leave them alone.
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  Your brain tries to find a way to not leave them alone.
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  Your brain tries to find a way to alleviate the pain as quick
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  as possible. So how do you, if you have no
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  contact with somebody and you're hurting and you're in you're in
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  pain for being no contact with a person, What's the fastest way
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  to get to get rid of that pain from saying I can't.
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  Hey Boo, I know you've been treating me horribly for the
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  last decade, but I miss you and I love you so much.
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  I cannot, I cannot believe that I left you for cheating on me.
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  How silly of me. Your brain is going to find a
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  way to justify you reaching out. Your brain is trying to get rid
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  of pain. That's what your brain is trying
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  to do. Your brain is trying to
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  alleviate the pain and the suffering and the hurt.
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  Your brain is trying to get rid of it.
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  So you have to tell your brain a different story.
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  You have to tell your brain a different, you have to say
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  something different to yourself. You have you have to there's,
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  there's no if ands or buts about it.
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  You absolutely have to like for real, you can't.
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  You have to stop using the words I can't, I can't, I cannot, I
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  want, I don't want to. I didn't.
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  You have to start saying I can, I can leave them alone.
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  I can get over this. I can't get through this hurt.
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  I can't get through this pain. I can not go back.
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  I can't go back to them. So you can say I can't go back,
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  but you just said I can't leave them alone.
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  Your brain is going to say, OK, since since you said it, since
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  you thought it, since you said I can't leave them alone.
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  So let's let's not leave them alone.
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  That's the quickest way to get rid of the pain.
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  So if you say the simplest way to a solution, so if you say I
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  can't go back to them, your brain is like, your brain is
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  going to find a way so it doesn't have to, it doesn't go
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  back to them. I can't go back to them no
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  matter how much it hurts. I can't not I cannot go back.
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  I will not go back. I will stay no contact.
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  I can't break no contact. Use better words.
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  That's one of the most important things on healing than staying
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  away from a toxic narcissistic, abusive ass person is to use
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  better words. Erode my R better erode the R.
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  How the hell out of that? My son, my son to listen to the
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  Duolingo. I picked up a role in my Rs but
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  that happens right there. Y'all better language, better
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  words, better verbiage to yourself.
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  Treat yourself better. Like seriously.
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  Not only with not only self love and doing things for yourself,
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  but self love and how you talk to yourself.
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  One of the tenets of self love is self compassion.
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  In the in the order to be compassionate to yourself, you
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  have to be nice to yourself. You have to talk to yourself
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  better. You have to know if and butts or
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  chicken nuts about it. I would like yo, I want y'all to
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  win. This is me wanting y'all to win.
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  This is me just wanting y'all to thrive and survive and to keep
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  moving forward. I promise you This is why I'm
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  this is the tip I'm on right now.
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  Like you have to use better language.
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  That's the first way. Use better, more empowering
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  language. Empower yourself as opposed to
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  taking your own power away. Right, right.
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  Got it good. The next thing you want to do is
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  tell yourself the damn truth. Stop.
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  Look, narcissists are liars, right?
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  Narcissists be lying. They asses off.
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  They just, they just do. Narcissists lie.
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  They asses off to the umpteenth power.
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  This is just what narcissists and toxic people do, right?
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  They just lie. They asses off because they love
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  it. So yeah, narcissists love to
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  lie. They asses off and lie.
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  Lying just works. Lying serves a purpose for them,
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  so they're going to keep lying. But guess what else happens?
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  They get, they get, they start lying so much to the survivors,
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  to the drivers and to the victims and whatnot that the
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  victims sometimes start to lie to themselves about who the
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  narcissist is, who the toxic person is, who the abuser is.
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  You get to the point where you start questioning who the
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  abusive person in this relationship is and it starts to
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  suck. It starts to become horrible.
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  It starts to become a general cesspool within your mind.
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  So when I say tell yourself the truth about who they are, it
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  helps you alleviate the pain and suffering that you might be
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  going through from not understanding who this person
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  is, right? From not understanding that this
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  person's intent, their full intent is to hurt, is to
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  manipulate, is to try to they try to be self-serving.
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  Yeah, not all narcissists are the same have come from this
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  come from this place of insidious intent.
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  But most of them are, you know, most of them are like most of
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  them come from a place of insidious intent and try to hurt
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  you and try to harm you once they have you locked in, right.
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  And they just don't stop when they start abusing you get to
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  the point where they gas like you so much, they confuse you so
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  much that you start questioning who is the actual abuser here.
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  You start questioning who the actual toxic person is.
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  You start questioning are, are, are they as bad as you think
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  they are? You know, because sometimes this
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  is this is what happens too. This is why I noticed also in my
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  support group sometimes that when I'm doing one on ones, some
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  people start questioning the validity of what they're going
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  through because they start comparing their stories to other
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  people, right? Because you hear somebody else's
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  story that might sound worse than yours and you'll start
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  comparing and contrasting and you'll be like, well, mine's not
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  that bad. You know, I, I would, mine was
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  toxic. It was abusive.
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  It was a horrible relationship. But you know what?
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  It wasn't as bad as these other stories that I've heard.
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  So maybe I should go back in here.
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  You start lying to yourself, maybe to think that this is,
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  it's OK to go back into it. You know what I'm saying?
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  These are lying to yourself, thinking, thinking your mind is
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  it's it's fine to go back into it, but it wasn't as bad as it
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  wasn't. Well, maybe it's not as bad as I
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  thought because it's not as bad as this person's, you know,
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  maybe it's not as bad as I thought because it's not as bad
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  as that person's. Tell yourself the truth.
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  Comparison can be the thief of joy, but it can also be the
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  thief of healing. It can also be the thief of
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  escape. It can also be the thief of
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  staying away. Like it could take away your
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  power, take away your, your space, take away your dynamic.
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  It can take away a lot from you, right?
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  It just can't. It's one of those things, They
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  can absolutely eliminate everything that you have going
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  on within your mind. That's what narcissistic abusers
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  do. That's what narcissistic people
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  do. That's the thing that they do.
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  Narcissistic people are going to try to confuse you to the point
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  where you start questioning yourself.
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  Am I the abuser? Am I the narcissist?
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  Tell yourself the truth. Y'all tell yourself the truth.
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  The truth. The truth is hard, but it shall
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  set you free. The truth shall set you free.
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  It absolutely can if you allow it to.
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  You have to allow the truth to set you free.
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  You just can't tell you. The truth will set you free and
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  be free. You have to allow it to set you
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  free. You have to tell yourself the
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  truth. Write it down.
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  Do a video diary if you need to document things, document every
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  single thing to write down everything that you've been
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  through. This is part of like telling
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  yourself the truth about who they are sometimes makes
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  documenting. That's the reason you document
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  things. That's the reason you record
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  conversations and whatnot. That's the reason you do a lot
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  of different things. There are like some psychopathic
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  people out there in the world. You know, I'm telling you, I
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  talked to a lady the other day. I told this lady, she watched my
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  videos. Like I'm worried about her
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  because she's not, she's not just dealing with a narcissist,
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  she's dealing with a psychopath and he's a psychopath.
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  She started recording him and he noticed one time he noticed that
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  she was recording him and he switched up while he he heard
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  the beep and he switched up his whole attitude.
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  She said he was yelling and screaming and going crazy, but
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  he he heard the beep of me recording him also.
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  He was nice and sweet and just saying I'm sorry you did this.
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  I'm sorry that happened to you. And then at the end of the video
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  you can hear him say, are you done?
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  His voice changed. Are you done recording me yet?
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  Like psycho, psycho stuff. That's psycho, that's psychotic,
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  that's psychotic, that's psychotic, but you have to tell
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  yourself the truth that that's psychotic.
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  That's not you can't let well, he was nice later on who get
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  like y'all who nice later on. Yeah, because that that keeps
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  you confused. Tell yourself the truth about
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  who they are and believe yourself.
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  Stop lying to yourself. Stop telling you look, stop
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  telling yourself the truth and did not believe in the truth
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  that you told the truth as told by you.
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  You don't believe it. That's crazy.
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  You tell yourself the truth about this person, have
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  recordings, have documentations, have video evidence.
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  You have all of this stuff, right?
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  And then you still don't believe it.
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  That's what I'm saying. You have to fall in line with
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  you. You have to love you.
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  You have to empower you. You have to do a lot of this
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  stuff right here. This is what's going on.
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  This is what's going to happen right?
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  This is the type of mindset that you have to have tell yourself
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  the truth and believe it. Don't just tell yourself the
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  truth and keep moving forward. Tell yourself the truth and
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  absolutely believe it and follow through with it.
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  You have to y'all, this is this is this is how you win.
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  This is how you stay away. Get a support system.
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  Next thing you want to do last thing you want to do, like I
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  said, get it right get if you don't have a support system,
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  it's so important. It's harder to do to do this by
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  yourself. It is not me trying to sell you
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  my support group. You don't have to join my
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  support group. You can if you want to.
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  Like I said, mental illness.net. It's been scrolled across the
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  bottom of the screen the whole time.
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  Or you can join somebody else's support group.
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  I have friends. Lisa's Sonny Stronger Than
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  Before has a support group. Doctor Carrie McAvoy has a
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  support group. If you don't want to use me,
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  find somebody else. You know what I'm saying?
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  He don't have to be me. I would love to help you, but it
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  doesn't have to be me, because I want you to go get help.
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  You see what I'm saying? Like that's I want you to go get
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  help. Stronger than before.
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  Lisa's son. Who else?
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  Who else? The roller coaster loves to have
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  one. I'm not sure if she still has
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  one. I know Sinful SYNFULI know she
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  has one. You know, get a get a get a
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  support group and listen to your support group.
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  Your support group can be your friends and family as well if
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  they understand what you're going through.
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  A support group that doesn't understand you cannot help you
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  out. A support group that doesn't a
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  support group that doesn't understand you can't.
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  Like I said, they will sometimes make you go back to it.
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  Well, it wasn't that bad. You know, you try to tell
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  yourself the truth and they tell you, I'm sorry you trying to
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  take yourself the truth. Your support group is telling
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  you that it's not that bad. Well, you're making it up.
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  Did that really happen the way you thought of it?
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  Well that doesn't sound as bad. Well you going to give up on it
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  because of that? You're going to have one little
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  cheat, 1 little, 1 little outside pregnancy in your
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  relationship. Make sure you have a good
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  support group. Support groups are important.
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  The quality is important, not the quantity.
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  I see some groups on there were like 15,000 people.
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  That's quality. This quantity.
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  I don't know what the quality is like in a support group full of
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  15,000 people. You know what I mean?
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  What y'all, thank you. I'll tune into this episode.
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  Hope you watch some clarity. Hope you watch some peace.
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  Hope it helps you stay away. Tell yourself the truth, believe
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  it, stop lying to yourself, be strong, be in power.
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  Do it anyways. Y'all made sure you subscribe to
• 12:49
  the channel if you haven't already, if you made it this
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  far. Also, if you're in the
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  Washington DC area on September the 14th, we have a live in
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  person support group in DC from 12:00 to 4:00 in Washington DC.
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  You can find that at mentalillness.net/events or you
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  can scroll to the bottom and see the DC event coming to your way
• 13:06
  September the 14th, 2024. If you seen this past that date,
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  it's hard to happen, but we have other events coming up to like
• 13:13
  and subscribe with the Hill. This is up, please.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I am extremely grateful for you. Have no idea.
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  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
• 13:22
  to the channel. Helps reach more people and
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  click on the screen to watch another video or to browse
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  through another playlist. There's also a link on the
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  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
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  you heal and understand what you've been through.
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  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
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  video. Peace.