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Is He a Red Flag or Just Growing? Christian Dating Discernment · Girl, Date the Good Guy ™ | Healing After Heartbreak & A Toxic Relationship

• 0:00
  Is he a red flag or is he just growing?
• 0:04
  Because let's be real, sis, those two can feel real close when you want something to work.
• 0:19
  Welcome back, sis, to another episode of Girl Behind the Mic.
• 0:24
  It's Friday, and today we're having a conversation a lot of women are quietly struggling with.
• 0:32
  Not because we don't love God, not because we don't want healthy love,
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  but because discernment requires honesty.
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  And sometimes we'd rather hold on to hope.
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  I hear this all the time. He's not perfect, but neither am I.
• 0:48
  He loves God, but he's still figuring things out. He's trying, right?
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  And yes, growth is real. Sanctification is real.
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  Nobody wakes up fully healed and fully mature. But here's the problem.
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  Not everything unfinished is safe.
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  And not every man in process is meant to have access to your heart.
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  So let's talk about the difference, because growth looks different than red
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  flags, even when they're both uncomfortable.
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  A man who is growing, taking responsibility without being forced,
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  is teachable and humble, shows consistency over time, not just intention.
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  Is open to accountability and correction, has fruit, even if it's still developing. A red flag?
• 1:42
  A red flag explains, deflects, delays, and drains.
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  Growth may be slow, but it's still moving forward.
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  Red flags keep you stuck explaining why you're confused.
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  Here's one of the biggest mistakes we make as Christian women.
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  We confuse potential with direction. says potential doesn't mean alignment,
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  and comfort without follow-through is not growth.
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  A man can love God and still not be ready to love you well.
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  That doesn't make him evil. It makes him unfinished, and unfinished doesn't mean you stay.
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  Let me say this gently but clearly. You are not called to grow a man.
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  You are called to discern him.
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  God never asked you to water red flags until they turn green.
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  And no, patience does not mean ignoring patterns.
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  Grace does not mean overriding wisdom. And love does not require you to silence the Holy Spirit.
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  Now, here's a question that will save you years. Is he responding to conviction
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  or reacting to consequences?
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  Because growth responds to truth, red flags react when access is threatened.
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  Pay attention. And listen, discernment is quiet.
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  It doesn't rush. It doesn't panic. It doesn't need to convince anyone.
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  Discernment watches, discernment waits, discernment checks fruit, not promises.
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  Scripture tell us we will know them by their fruit, not by their words,
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  their intentions, or their trauma story.
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  When I married my toxic husband, he came from trauma.
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  And all he ever based everything off of was his trauma story. He was a victim.
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  And it's like either you're going to learn and grow from that, or you're not.
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  And to be honest with you, it's a heart issue. Narcissism is a heart issue.
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  They are turned away from God.
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  So if you feel anxious, confused, or constantly second-guessing yourself,
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  that's not growth stirring your spirit. That's misalignment.
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  God is not a God of confusion, and peace is one of the clearest confirmations he gives.
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  So if you're dating right now and asking, is he a red flag or just growing?
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  Here's your answer starter growth feels steady even when it's slow red flags
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  feel chaotic even when they're charming trust what you see not what you hope
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  and remember discernment isn't judgment it's protection.
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  And I want to add this. When I met my good guy, let me tell you.
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  Growth was slow, but he was at least growing.
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  He was being convicted by the Holy Spirit. You could see it.
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  You know, if he did something wrong, he would always apologize.
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  Because one of the biggest things narcissists don't do is apologize for their actions.
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  They take no responsibility for their actions at all whatsoever.
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  But the good guy does. All right?
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  He's growing. He's evolving. And some of these guys are worth the wait.
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  If you're seeing the fruit of the spirit in these men, then just because they
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  don't know everything you know spiritually doesn't mean you just toss them away.
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  You know, some of these men are godly men. And you just don't know that part yet.
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  Because you have to remember, this is a slow burn. this takes time
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  good relationships take time
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  they are not rushed by chemistry by
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  feelings by emotions those things are wonderful but
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  they cannot be rushed all right sis i love you so much and you are not asking
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  for too much you're asking the right questions and if you're willing to wait
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  come on god is faithful to reveal just what i was saying i'll see you next freddie
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  right here girl behind the mic.