Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / 407. Turn jealousy into excitement: The motivation you didn’t know you needed

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407. Turn jealousy into excitement: The motivation you didn’t know you needed · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:14
Speaker 1: Hello and bonje or everybody. Welcome to the podcast episode
0:19
Speaker 1: of today. So in today's episode, we are talking about
0:23
Speaker 1: how to turn jealousy into excitement. I'm pretty sure I
0:27
Speaker 1: have covered jealousy in the early early days of the podcast,
0:31
Speaker 1: but so many there's like four hundred and something episodes,
0:34
Speaker 1: so the chances of you guys going through every single
0:37
Speaker 1: episode in the back catalog for the people that have
0:39
Speaker 1: you know, that are relatively you here, are quite low.
0:42
Speaker 1: So we're going to revisit jealousy. What is jealousy, How
0:47
Speaker 1: to use jealousy to your advantage, How to turn it
0:50
Speaker 1: into an empowering feeling instead of something that takes away
0:54
Speaker 1: our power Because, as we all know, when we experience jealousy,
0:58
Speaker 1: it kind of represents an emotion or a feeling of
1:01
Speaker 1: lack or not enough or someone's got something and it's
1:04
Speaker 1: taken it away from me. So what we're going to
1:07
Speaker 1: do is how do we turn that into something empowering,
1:10
Speaker 1: something exciting, and something that is useful, Like we need
1:14
Speaker 1: to use this, we need to do something with this emotion. Okay,
1:18
Speaker 1: so life update it look honestly, everything's great. I'm feeling amazing,
1:25
Speaker 1: as you guys know, I'm pregnant with twins, but I
1:27
Speaker 1: feel great. I feel like one of those people that
1:30
Speaker 1: just got at least so far in the pregnancy, just
1:33
Speaker 1: got given a very cruisy pregnancy. My energy is great.
1:38
Speaker 1: I'm going to the gym. I feel fantastic. Honestly, I
1:41
Speaker 1: cannot complain. Everything's great. What I do want to talk
1:46
Speaker 1: about is my excitement levels for the live show. The
1:49
Speaker 1: live show is so soon. By the time you guys
1:52
Speaker 1: are listening to this episode, it starts in like I
1:55
Speaker 1: think two weeks. If that I cannot wait for this.
1:59
Speaker 1: It is going to be unreal. If you haven't already,
2:02
Speaker 1: I mean, Melbourne has sold out. Perth did sell out,
2:04
Speaker 1: but then the venue opened up more seatings, so we've
2:06
Speaker 1: got over six hundred and I think forty people that
2:09
Speaker 1: are going to Perth, So Perth, you guys are on fire.
2:14
Speaker 1: We've still got tickets in Brisbane, Gold Coast and Adelaide,
2:18
Speaker 1: so if you haven't already gotten your tickets, jump on
2:21
Speaker 1: it and get your tickets. I'm so excited. We've got
2:24
Speaker 1: new merch that I'm only going to sell at the
2:27
Speaker 1: live show. And if we sell out at the live show,
2:30
Speaker 1: then we have to depending on the demand whatever we
2:33
Speaker 1: might like reorder to sell online, but it's merched specifically
2:35
Speaker 1: for the live show. Very excited about that. I actually
2:39
Speaker 1: wanted to do more merch, but like with all the
2:41
Speaker 1: pregnancy and everything, you know, well we got some, so
2:43
Speaker 1: I can't complain. But there was all these other ideas
2:45
Speaker 1: that I had, but then it took too long with
2:47
Speaker 1: the manufacturers and whatever. So that's okay, but yeah, get
2:50
Speaker 1: your fucking tickets. It's going to be such a good time.
2:54
Speaker 1: May is just live show two a week. So second
2:57
Speaker 1: of May is the Gold Coast, fourth of May is Brisbane,
3:00
Speaker 1: sixteenth of May is Adelaide. Never been to Adelaide. Very excited.
3:04
Speaker 1: Then we've got the twenty first, which is Perth. Never
3:07
Speaker 1: been to Perth, so excited. And then twenty fourth is Melbourne.
3:10
Speaker 1: But we've sold out in Melbourne. So love that so
3:14
Speaker 1: much for my Perth and Melbourne people who are die
3:16
Speaker 1: hard beans. Okay, let's go straight into the brain fact
3:19
Speaker 1: of today. If you're not interested in the brain fact,
3:21
Speaker 1: probably fast forward seven to ten minutes. So this is
3:26
Speaker 1: kind of part two of a brain fact that I
3:28
Speaker 1: did a couple of weeks ago. I did say that
3:30
Speaker 1: the brain factor will come out the following week. But
3:32
Speaker 1: then I got all excited with my twin announcement that
3:34
Speaker 1: that just didn't happen. But we're talking about genetics, and
3:37
Speaker 1: in this Brain Fact of Part two, we are talking
3:41
Speaker 1: about X linked traits. Okay, so if you listened to
3:45
Speaker 1: that genetics episode on the Brain Fact, it's going to
3:48
Speaker 1: give you a much better understanding of what you're about
3:50
Speaker 1: to listen to now. But don't stress if you haven't.
3:53
Speaker 1: But basically, last time I spoke about genetics, like maybe
3:58
Speaker 1: two or three weeks ago, we spoke about genetics having
4:01
Speaker 1: like dominant and recessive traits being passed down through the genes.
4:04
Speaker 1: If something is dominant and something is recessive, the dominant
4:07
Speaker 1: one will be expressed. Otherwise you would need two recessive
4:11
Speaker 1: traits in order for the recessive gene to be expressed,
4:15
Speaker 1: one from the mother, one from the father. Okay, Now
4:19
Speaker 1: for today's episode, we're talking about the last pair of chromosomes,
4:21
Speaker 1: which is known as the sex chromosomes. That is, if
4:25
Speaker 1: you are biologically born female, where you have two X
4:29
Speaker 1: chromosomes and if you are one from the mother one
4:31
Speaker 1: from the father, and if you are biologically born male,
4:34
Speaker 1: you have one X chromosome from your mother and one
4:37
Speaker 1: Y chromosome from your daddy. Okay, So the mother is
4:42
Speaker 1: only ever going to pass down an X chromosome ever, okay,
4:46
Speaker 1: whereas the father passes down either an X or a Y.
4:49
Speaker 1: That is why it is the father that determines the
4:53
Speaker 1: gender of the baby. Okay. So if we go back
4:58
Speaker 1: to back in the day, those royal families hundreds of
5:02
Speaker 1: years ago that used to decapitate the woman for not
5:05
Speaker 1: birthing a son and only birthing daughters, that actually should
5:07
Speaker 1: have been decapitating the king because it was up to him.
5:11
Speaker 1: He was his sperm that was determining the gender, and
5:13
Speaker 1: he was the one that kept producing females and no males.
5:16
Speaker 1: So it's his problem, actually if you have such a
5:18
Speaker 1: problem without anyway, So we're going to talk about X
5:22
Speaker 1: linked traits and why males are more likely to be
5:25
Speaker 1: born with these X link traits or these conditions over females.
5:30
Speaker 1: Now you know how I spoke about a copy being
5:32
Speaker 1: passed down from each parents. Every gene has one copy
5:34
Speaker 1: from the mum, one copy from the dad, and if
5:36
Speaker 1: one is recessive and one is dominant, the dominant one
5:39
Speaker 1: is going to be expressed. So what we're talking about
5:43
Speaker 1: here is genetic disorders that lay on the X chromosome specifically. Okay,
5:48
Speaker 1: if you are a biological female, in order for a
5:51
Speaker 1: genetic disorder to be passed down via the X chromosome,
5:55
Speaker 1: you would need to have that recessive X linked disorder
5:59
Speaker 1: both in the mum's copy and the dad's copy, Okay,
6:03
Speaker 1: in order for you to have that trait expressed, or
6:06
Speaker 1: that disorder or the disease or whatever it is expressed. Okay. However,
6:12
Speaker 1: if you have one copy off that thing, you know,
6:17
Speaker 1: one recessive and then you've got another dominant gene, it's
6:19
Speaker 1: going to be knocked out. Okay. So the beauty of
6:22
Speaker 1: it for women in this case is that the likelihood
6:25
Speaker 1: of them getting these X linked disorders is a lot
6:28
Speaker 1: lower because they've got a backup. It's almost like a
6:30
Speaker 1: backup copy, you know. You know, if the dad has
6:34
Speaker 1: passed down this disorder but the mum hasn't, the mum's
6:36
Speaker 1: going to knock out the dad's recessive gene and you're
6:39
Speaker 1: not going to carry the disorder. Now, the issue lies
6:41
Speaker 1: with was an issue. It's the reality for men is
6:45
Speaker 1: that because they only have the one X gene. If
6:49
Speaker 1: the mum is a carrier off that gene and it
6:53
Speaker 1: gets passed down to the sun, it will be expressed. Okay.
6:57
Speaker 1: There is no other backup ex gene that the dad
7:00
Speaker 1: has passed down. He's passed down a Y chromosome, so
7:03
Speaker 1: it's not going to get knocked out. It will be expressed.
7:06
Speaker 1: That is why men are far more likely to have
7:09
Speaker 1: X linked traits expressed than females. Females can have it,
7:13
Speaker 1: but the likelihood is lower because both parents need to
7:15
Speaker 1: be a carrier off that gene. Okay, now, let's do
7:18
Speaker 1: examples of X linked disorders. So the first one, which
7:22
Speaker 1: we've all heard of is red green color blindness. So
7:25
Speaker 1: genes responsible for color blindness are located on the X chromosome.
7:30
Speaker 1: So approximately one in twelve men are affected by red
7:35
Speaker 1: green color blindness versus one in two hundred women. So
7:39
Speaker 1: one in twelve versus one in two hundred. Okay. Another
7:43
Speaker 1: one is hemophilia. This is a genetic bleeding disorder where
7:46
Speaker 1: blood isn't clotting properly due to a dysfunction or like
7:49
Speaker 1: a deficiency in certain factors such as proteins that are
7:53
Speaker 1: responsible for clotting. So then It basically leads to prolonged
7:58
Speaker 1: bleeding after a cut or an injury, very high risk
8:01
Speaker 1: of internal bleeding bruising. So if a male receives a
8:04
Speaker 1: faulty gene on the X chromosome, he will have hemophilia.
8:07
Speaker 1: Women might be carriers, but it needs to be present
8:10
Speaker 1: in both the genes. And I was trying to find
8:13
Speaker 1: the statistics on the numbers of men versus women, but
8:18
Speaker 1: hemophilia is not that common in the scheme of genetic disorders,
8:22
Speaker 1: so I couldn't find I could find statistics on males,
8:25
Speaker 1: but I couldn't find a comparative statistic on females, so
8:28
Speaker 1: I can't talk about those numbers. And then we've got
8:31
Speaker 1: Duchane muscular dystrophy again primarily affecting males because it is
8:36
Speaker 1: on the X chromosome. And this is a genetic disorder
8:40
Speaker 1: causing progressive muscle weakness and like wasting away. And it's
8:44
Speaker 1: caused by a mutation in the distrophin gene which is
8:47
Speaker 1: responsible for producing the protein important for my muscular strength
8:50
Speaker 1: and repair on the X chromosome. So there you understand
8:54
Speaker 1: X linked traits and why it is that males are
8:56
Speaker 1: far more likely to have X linked disorders versus females.
9:03
Speaker 1: That is the brain fact of the day, or the
9:04
Speaker 1: science fact of the day. I should say, the genetic
9:08
Speaker 1: fact of the day. Now, let's get straight into the
9:11
Speaker 1: episode topic, which is how to turn jealousy into excitement. Now,
9:16
Speaker 1: the first thing that I want to do is go
9:18
Speaker 1: over the main kinds of jealousy. One of them I'm
9:23
Speaker 1: not even going to I'm going to explain what it is,
9:25
Speaker 1: but I'm not going to brush on because I have
9:26
Speaker 1: episodes that completely cover that. But then the other two
9:31
Speaker 1: on what I'm really going to focus on because it
9:33
Speaker 1: applies to how you can turn it into something really empowering.
9:36
Speaker 1: So the first one, which I'm not going to delve
9:38
Speaker 1: deep into, is retroactive jealousy. So this is where it's
9:42
Speaker 1: where you are jealous of your partner's X, things they've
9:47
Speaker 1: done in the past, people they have dated. You kind
9:51
Speaker 1: of really struggle to have them tell you stories about
9:55
Speaker 1: their past, even if they're not directly mentioning an X.
9:58
Speaker 1: If they talk about a time that they went on
9:59
Speaker 1: a trip and you know that they went on that
10:01
Speaker 1: trip with an X, you become super jealous. You almost
10:05
Speaker 1: make them feel super uncomfortable. You make it out to
10:08
Speaker 1: be inappropriate from them, to be bringing up their past.
10:11
Speaker 1: That is called retroactive jealousy. Okay, So it is an
10:15
Speaker 1: irrational jealousy off your partner and a constant needing of
10:21
Speaker 1: reassurance that they actually love you more or that whatever. Okay. Now,
10:28
Speaker 1: I do have episodes on retroactive jealousy episode one oh
10:32
Speaker 1: nine and also episode two hundred and thirty seven, which
10:35
Speaker 1: covers retroactive jealousy and overthinking in relationships. We also have
10:38
Speaker 1: to listener question episodes that cover other people's examples of
10:42
Speaker 1: retroactive jealousy. This is an episode three seventy six and
10:44
Speaker 1: three h nine. So if you think, oh my god,
10:46
Speaker 1: that's fucking me. I've never heard of this before, go
10:49
Speaker 1: check out those four episodes and you will get a
10:51
Speaker 1: lot of clarity and you'll feel very empowered on how
10:54
Speaker 1: to begin to overcome it. Since now, jealousy number two
11:18
Speaker 1: is relationship jealousy. So this is romantic or with friends,
11:23
Speaker 1: but it is where you are jealous of them speaking
11:27
Speaker 1: to another person and that person you deem as a threat. So,
11:32
Speaker 1: for example, if it is your best friend, and you
11:34
Speaker 1: and your best you do everything together and then you
11:36
Speaker 1: find out that they've gone and started hanging out with
11:38
Speaker 1: this new They got a new job and they met
11:40
Speaker 1: these friends at work, and then they start hanging out
11:42
Speaker 1: with this new colleague and they're raving about this colleague
11:45
Speaker 1: that they met, and they're like, they're loving them, and
11:47
Speaker 1: you start getting super jealous. You start hating on this
11:50
Speaker 1: person that you've never met. You want reassurance. You're almost
11:55
Speaker 1: trying to pick apart this person and find flaws in
11:58
Speaker 1: that person. An example romanantically would be, of course you
12:02
Speaker 1: are really jealous of your romantic partner hanging out with
12:06
Speaker 1: people that you deem to be a threat. Okay, so
12:09
Speaker 1: if you are straight and you're a female dating a male,
12:12
Speaker 1: you probably get really jealous when your boyfriend is, you know,
12:17
Speaker 1: talking to other women that you deem to be a threat.
12:20
Speaker 1: So then you get really really jealous. You all of
12:22
Speaker 1: a sudden don't like these women. You find a way
12:24
Speaker 1: to attack them. You try and put them down in
12:26
Speaker 1: front of your boyfriend. You try and make reasons why
12:28
Speaker 1: he shouldn't be hanging out with them or why it's inappropriate,
12:30
Speaker 1: and then you just get your fucking nickers in a knot,
12:32
Speaker 1: and the one who suffers the most ultimately is you. Okay.
12:37
Speaker 1: And then of course number three, which is the main
12:40
Speaker 1: one that we're going to be talking about today's generalized jealousy.
12:44
Speaker 1: This is direct jealousy towards someone else and what they have. Okay,
12:51
Speaker 1: So unlike relationship jealousy where there's a third party involved,
12:55
Speaker 1: you know, like I feel threatened because there's someone else there,
12:58
Speaker 1: this is direct jealousy. I'm jealous of your looks. I'm
13:01
Speaker 1: jealous of your achievements. I'm jealous of your relationships, your friendships,
13:05
Speaker 1: your family. I'm jealous of how lucky you are, the
13:08
Speaker 1: money that just comes into your life so easily, the
13:10
Speaker 1: opportunity is that you get, the trip that you got
13:13
Speaker 1: to go on, the job that you have, whatever, the career,
13:16
Speaker 1: whatever it is. I'm directly jealous of that thing that
13:20
Speaker 1: you have and I want it. And now I feel
13:22
Speaker 1: not good enough or lacking or a sense of that
13:25
Speaker 1: something's missing in my life because you have it. So
13:28
Speaker 1: now I feel like shit because I'm focusing on something
13:30
Speaker 1: that I want but I can't have, but you have it.
13:34
Speaker 1: So know that jealousy. Before we go into things that
13:39
Speaker 1: you can do about it, I want you to identify
13:41
Speaker 1: these things Number one. I want you to know that
13:43
Speaker 1: jealousy is whether it feels like it or not. And
13:46
Speaker 1: I know you're not going to want to hear this,
13:47
Speaker 1: but this whole podcast is shit that you don't want
13:49
Speaker 1: to hear, but you need to. Jealousy is a reflection
13:53
Speaker 1: on your relationship with yourself and your level of life satisfaction. Okay,
14:01
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say that again. It is a reflection of
14:03
Speaker 1: your relationship with yourself and your level of life satisfaction. Okay.
14:07
Speaker 1: It means that you are if you weren't jealous. It
14:11
Speaker 1: means that you could acknowledge. For example, I can acknowledge
14:15
Speaker 1: that there are people around me that are infinitely more beautiful,
14:19
Speaker 1: quote unquote, from a very superficial standpoint, hotter than me,
14:26
Speaker 1: more beautiful than me, have clearer skin than me, have
14:29
Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah blah. But because I'm very satisfied
14:32
Speaker 1: with who I am, I can acknowledge it. I can
14:35
Speaker 1: appreciate the hotness of this individual. But I don't feel jealous.
14:39
Speaker 1: I don't feel like it's taking anything from me. I
14:40
Speaker 1: don't think like I don't feel like it's eating into
14:43
Speaker 1: my life satisfaction. So I feel great I feel great.
14:46
Speaker 1: Someone can exist being a ten out of ten sitting
14:48
Speaker 1: next to me, and I can be like there if
14:50
Speaker 1: I can turn out of ten and it doesn't take
14:52
Speaker 1: away from me. However, if I didn't like attributes about
14:56
Speaker 1: myself and I really struggled with it, and then I
14:58
Speaker 1: saw someone who was really hot next to me, maybe
15:01
Speaker 1: that would really affect me. But ultimately that's just a
15:03
Speaker 1: reflection of the fact that I don't like things about myself. Okay,
15:07
Speaker 1: now I'm using looks because that's just a very obvious example.
15:10
Speaker 1: But career is a really good one as well. If
15:13
Speaker 1: I'm very miserable in my career and I really don't
15:16
Speaker 1: know how to change it, or I'm trying to change it,
15:17
Speaker 1: nothing's really comfort and I'm hating it and I don't
15:21
Speaker 1: see I feel stuck, and then the person next to
15:23
Speaker 1: me is thriving in their career, absolutely loving life. Everything's
15:28
Speaker 1: going well, things are just coming their way. It's very
15:30
Speaker 1: easy for me, especially if it's in the same career,
15:33
Speaker 1: so it's easy to draw comparisons. It's going to reflect
15:36
Speaker 1: to me how dissatisfied I am in my life. It's
15:41
Speaker 1: not that they can't have that thing. It's just reminding
15:44
Speaker 1: me that I'm not satisfied. Okay, So this is what's
15:46
Speaker 1: happening when we experience jealousy. It's a highlight of a lack. Okay.
15:51
Speaker 1: To want something and to still feel fulfilled is what
15:56
Speaker 1: we are aiming for. Okay. It's what motivation feels like.
16:01
Speaker 1: It's what drive, it's excitement, it's I know what it
16:04
Speaker 1: feels like to desire something in my life but still
16:08
Speaker 1: feel fulfilled in my life. That's what we're aiming for.
16:11
Speaker 1: Because there's nothing wrong with wanting something. There's nothing wrong
16:14
Speaker 1: with seeing what the person has next to you being like, yeah,
16:17
Speaker 1: I like that, I want that for me. That's not
16:20
Speaker 1: the issue. The issue is when you identify it. I
16:24
Speaker 1: like that, I want that, and now you think, now
16:26
Speaker 1: I feel like like I'm missing out on that. I
16:27
Speaker 1: don't have that. It's not enough. I'm not good enough.
16:30
Speaker 1: You must be better than me, or people are going
16:32
Speaker 1: to like you more because of that thing. Okay. So
16:34
Speaker 1: there's nothing wrong with wanting something because you can still
16:37
Speaker 1: feel very happy in your life and have desires to grow,
16:40
Speaker 1: to expand, to have more. Okay. It's kind of like
16:43
Speaker 1: human nature. We can't really avoid that anyway. But to
16:47
Speaker 1: want something and feel that you are lacking because someone
16:49
Speaker 1: else has it and not you, or thinking that because
16:52
Speaker 1: someone has something, it then means it's not available for me,
16:56
Speaker 1: or thinking that you know, it has to be a
16:57
Speaker 1: specific job. It has to be a specific person that
17:00
Speaker 1: I want or a specific home that I want. And
17:02
Speaker 1: if I miss out on that one person, that one job,
17:04
Speaker 1: that one home that now I've missed out in total,
17:07
Speaker 1: and whoever did get it is winning and I've lost. Okay,
17:10
Speaker 1: that is you focusing on lack, on loss or not enough,
17:14
Speaker 1: the void, the gap. It's you focusing on missing something's missing. Okay,
17:20
Speaker 1: So how are we going to be able to turn
17:23
Speaker 1: this around? Firstly, what I want to do number one
17:26
Speaker 1: is I want to go a little bit into relationship jealousy,
17:30
Speaker 1: and then we're going to go into the main things
17:33
Speaker 1: that we're going to do to turn it around. Okay,
17:36
Speaker 1: So little detour relationship jealousy comes down to trust. It
17:42
Speaker 1: is one hundred percent on you. Okay. If you cannot
17:46
Speaker 1: trust somebody, whether it's founded or unfounded, whether you have
17:51
Speaker 1: reason not to trust someone, or whether you don't have
17:54
Speaker 1: reason to trust this person, it's on you. And the
17:57
Speaker 1: reason I say that is because it's up to you
18:00
Speaker 1: to listen to your gut or to deal with these
18:02
Speaker 1: feelings and understand why it's happening and work through it.
18:05
Speaker 1: What I mean by it's on you is if I
18:08
Speaker 1: don't trust Let's say I didn't trust my best friend live,
18:11
Speaker 1: but I had good reason not to trust her because
18:13
Speaker 1: I saw her doing this shady thing and I see
18:15
Speaker 1: how she treats other people and blah blah blah, and
18:17
Speaker 1: she's just a shady character and there's all this bad
18:20
Speaker 1: things that she's done. That's my fucking problem because I'm
18:23
Speaker 1: choosing to still be best friends with her. So that's
18:24
Speaker 1: why it's on me. I'm seeing the evidence and it's
18:28
Speaker 1: causing me bad blood, but I'm choosing to maintain a
18:32
Speaker 1: friendship with her. That's my problem. Okay, Then the other
18:35
Speaker 1: reason if it's not founded, and I'm just jealous because
18:38
Speaker 1: there's other people that might be taking her attention when
18:40
Speaker 1: I want her attention. That again, it's my problem because
18:43
Speaker 1: I'm focusing on lack. I'm saying a relationship can only
18:47
Speaker 1: be good if I'm the only one in her life,
18:49
Speaker 1: if I'm the only friend in her life. Instead of
18:50
Speaker 1: celebrating Yeah, this is confirmation that lives such a legend.
18:54
Speaker 1: Of course, she's gonna have so many friends outside of
18:56
Speaker 1: me because she's a fucking catch of a friend. So
18:59
Speaker 1: that just confirms that I've got such a good friend
19:01
Speaker 1: because she's got all these other great people around her.
19:04
Speaker 1: And do you know what, maybe I can make more
19:06
Speaker 1: friends because if they're friends with Live, I'm probably gonna
19:09
Speaker 1: vibe them. They're probably going to be legends. Maybe I
19:11
Speaker 1: should say to Live Had, I'd love to meet your
19:12
Speaker 1: friends because they sound amazing. Let's tease something up, which
19:16
Speaker 1: I've done many times, and vice versa. I've got to
19:19
Speaker 1: Live to meet my other friends and we all end
19:21
Speaker 1: up being one big group of friends. So what I'm
19:24
Speaker 1: talking about is trust in your relationship, romantically or friendships
19:28
Speaker 1: ultimately comes down to you. What are you doing about it?
19:31
Speaker 1: Where's the evidence? And if there is no evidence, why
19:35
Speaker 1: is this lack of trust existing? Okay, another hot tip guys,
19:39
Speaker 1: if you are in this friendship jealousy that a lot
19:44
Speaker 1: of people experience. I've experienced it in my twenties. I
19:47
Speaker 1: think a lot of us have experienced friendship jealousy. This
19:50
Speaker 1: is a hot tip. If you notice yourself make catty
19:53
Speaker 1: comments about your friend's new friends, you know, or trying
19:58
Speaker 1: to make a statement to get your friend to say
20:01
Speaker 1: something shitty about them, or to get your friend to
20:03
Speaker 1: admit something bad, or to get your friend to agree
20:06
Speaker 1: that their outfit ish shit or they've got no style,
20:09
Speaker 1: or whatever it is that you're trying to do to
20:10
Speaker 1: criticize that person. You're trying to get them to say
20:13
Speaker 1: something bad about them so you can be like, ah,
20:15
Speaker 1: that's my validation. You like me more than you like
20:16
Speaker 1: them because you said something bad about them. Then you
20:19
Speaker 1: need to fucking check yourself before you wreck yourself, because
20:21
Speaker 1: it is not as subtle as you think. It screams desperation,
20:25
Speaker 1: it screams jealousy. When someone makes a caddy comment about
20:29
Speaker 1: one of my friends, especially one that they've never met
20:31
Speaker 1: or who they don't know, I instantly look at that
20:33
Speaker 1: as insecurity. Instantly, I don't even get offended. I just think, oh,
20:37
Speaker 1: that's a wound. That's a fucking wound. And it screams desperation.
20:40
Speaker 1: It screams I'm insecure. It's not on brand for you.
20:44
Speaker 1: It's not on your fucking Bingo card for twenty twenty five. Okay,
20:46
Speaker 1: we're above that this behavior does not align with a secure,
20:51
Speaker 1: self assured person. It's giving the opposite. So if you
20:55
Speaker 1: are finding yourself about to make a comment to your
20:59
Speaker 1: friend about then friend because you are dying for reassurance,
21:02
Speaker 1: instead take a deep breath and say, tell me about
21:06
Speaker 1: this friend. They sound cool, but I've never met them.
21:09
Speaker 1: I'd love to meet them. Tell me about them. You
21:11
Speaker 1: start to soften this resistance that you have, and then
21:15
Speaker 1: they start to talk about this friend without feeling like
21:17
Speaker 1: they can't talk about this friend because you get your
21:20
Speaker 1: fucking walls up and you get all uncomfortable. Okay, Now,
21:26
Speaker 1: there's two options that can happen with jealousy, whether it's
21:29
Speaker 1: relationship or friendship jealousy Number one, some people are toxic
21:33
Speaker 1: and they're going to try and instill jealousy or do
21:35
Speaker 1: things that make you feel jealous because it makes them
21:37
Speaker 1: feel better than you or it makes them feel important.
21:41
Speaker 1: That's not healthy, obviously. Here is an example. Say your
21:45
Speaker 1: friend is hanging out with other people, but they're doing
21:46
Speaker 1: it behind your back, and they lie about hanging out
21:49
Speaker 1: with these other friends, and then you find out about
21:51
Speaker 1: it through social media, like your friends caught up. But
21:53
Speaker 1: you weren't there. It's either A because they think you're
21:57
Speaker 1: going to be offended and they didn't give you a
21:59
Speaker 1: chance to actually express yourself and be okay with it.
22:02
Speaker 1: B you've reacted negatively in the past and don't have
22:06
Speaker 1: and they don't have time to deal with your shit. Like,
22:09
Speaker 1: for example, in my friendship group, there are times where
22:13
Speaker 1: two of my friends from my friendship group are just
22:15
Speaker 1: gonna go out the two of them, okay, because we're
22:18
Speaker 1: all get along so well and we're all very open
22:20
Speaker 1: and communicate. It's never an issue. We're like, Oh, how
22:22
Speaker 1: nice that you guys went for a drink? How was
22:24
Speaker 1: it that so nice? How was that new bar cool?
22:26
Speaker 1: Let me, Yeah, I'm not gonna be like, where was
22:28
Speaker 1: my invite? Ha? Where was my invite? I It's like,
22:30
Speaker 1: maybe you guys just wanted to hang out, the two
22:32
Speaker 1: of you, and I'm not gonna look at that negatively, right,
22:35
Speaker 1: But if I was like carrying on like words my
22:38
Speaker 1: invite words, whatever, that doesn't that doesn't you know, like
22:42
Speaker 1: encourage them to invite me next time. What it does
22:45
Speaker 1: is it encouraged them to hide this information from me
22:48
Speaker 1: next time. They're like, oh, alexis is a fucking drama queen.
22:51
Speaker 1: We can't put up with her fucking shit. She has
22:53
Speaker 1: like a tantrum every time we want to hang out
22:54
Speaker 1: without her. She's not our mother, She's not like the supervisor.
22:57
Speaker 1: Why is she? You know? People are entitled to do
22:59
Speaker 1: what they do, and when you cause a scene and
23:01
Speaker 1: try and make it about you, it doesn't make people think, Oh,
23:04
Speaker 1: what a fucking legend. Now we're gonna invite her to everything.
23:06
Speaker 1: Now let's just invite her to everything. What a good
23:08
Speaker 1: time to be around. She sounds like a vibe. They're
23:11
Speaker 1: not gonna think that. They're just gonna be like, let's
23:13
Speaker 1: hide it. And then I'm like, you hid this from me?
23:16
Speaker 1: And then who's the victim? I'm the victim who's turned
23:19
Speaker 1: who's turned themselves into the victim? Me? Okay, So you've
23:22
Speaker 1: got to be really careful with how you look at things.
23:24
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's not that deep. If liv decides to hang
23:27
Speaker 1: out with Lizzie, do you think I'm going to be
23:29
Speaker 1: causing like getting my knickers in a not at home
23:31
Speaker 1: having a mental breakdown. No, I'm going to be like
23:34
Speaker 1: Live and Lizzie are friends and they want to have
23:35
Speaker 1: a drink. One plus one echos too. It's got nothing
23:39
Speaker 1: to do with me, Okay, I don't look at it. Yeah,
23:41
Speaker 1: if they stopped inviting me all together to everything, I'd
23:44
Speaker 1: be like, hey, guys, are we fucking still good? Is everything? Okay?
23:47
Speaker 1: I would address the deeper issues if there's a problem,
23:49
Speaker 1: But them hanging out without me is not going to
23:51
Speaker 1: cause me to have a meltdown. Okay, So let's go
23:54
Speaker 1: into the main things. Let's highlight again generalized jealousy. So
23:59
Speaker 1: we've got you feel threatened, you feel that there's you know,
24:03
Speaker 1: a threat, You feel insecure, you feel a separation, you
24:07
Speaker 1: feel a divide. It highlights a lack Okay, you meet
24:10
Speaker 1: someone who's a threat, you don't like them. You are
24:13
Speaker 1: jealous of them, you know. And something that's really common
24:17
Speaker 1: is that jealousy often is due to a disconnect. I
24:22
Speaker 1: feel disconnected. This person is a threat. Things that I
24:26
Speaker 1: don't understand or that I don't know feel like more
24:28
Speaker 1: of a threat. How often have you seen this unfold,
24:31
Speaker 1: whether in your reality or in someone else's reality. Where
24:34
Speaker 1: you first meet someone, this is very common in high school.
24:38
Speaker 1: You deem them to be a threat. They seem quite popular,
24:41
Speaker 1: they're confident, they're pretty they're whatever, right, they're a threat,
24:44
Speaker 1: and then you don't like them. All of a sudden,
24:46
Speaker 1: you don't like them, and you can't pinpoint why you
24:47
Speaker 1: don't like them. The reason you don't like them is
24:48
Speaker 1: because it instills an ugly feeling inside you. It's not
24:52
Speaker 1: that they themselves are something that's unlikable. I just don't
24:55
Speaker 1: like how I feel when I'm around you because you
24:57
Speaker 1: represent lack that I'm feeling. Is that my dissatisfaction with myself? However,
25:03
Speaker 1: you then get to know this person through friends or
25:05
Speaker 1: through a class, you had to work on a project together,
25:07
Speaker 1: and you're like, wait a minute, this person's so fun.
25:10
Speaker 1: We get along so well. They're really engaging, they're entertaining,
25:13
Speaker 1: they're including me, they want to know about me, they're
25:15
Speaker 1: inviting me to things. All of a sudden, the person
25:17
Speaker 1: who you didn't like and you were jealous of is
25:19
Speaker 1: now your best friend. Okay, it's all about disconnect versus connect.
25:23
Speaker 1: Connection is one of the best ways to eliminate feeling
25:27
Speaker 1: really jealous. Really getting on the same playing field as
25:30
Speaker 1: somebody and getting to know somebody or getting to know
25:32
Speaker 1: about somebody helps you feel a lot less jealous about
25:35
Speaker 1: that person. So how do we turn it around. Let's
25:41
Speaker 1: go through these six step Number one, identify Knowing what
25:45
Speaker 1: you don't want is a good thing because it acts
25:49
Speaker 1: as an internal alarm system, and it helps steer you
25:52
Speaker 1: in the direction of what you do want, as long
25:55
Speaker 1: as you use it as an alarm, as long as
25:57
Speaker 1: you don't fester in that I don't want, I don't want,
25:59
Speaker 1: I don't want, But instead think what has this cropped
26:03
Speaker 1: up in me? This person has a job that you know,
26:06
Speaker 1: I'm feeling jealous? What does it mean it means that
26:09
Speaker 1: I'm actually not happy in my job. That person's got
26:11
Speaker 1: a really cool relationship. What does it mean it means
26:14
Speaker 1: that I'm not fulfilled in my relationship, or that I
26:17
Speaker 1: would love to have a healthy relationship and I don't
26:20
Speaker 1: have a relationship or a healthy one. Okay, so we
26:23
Speaker 1: look at it as an internal alarm system. Instead of
26:26
Speaker 1: being like fuck them, they're fucked, they're fucked, well, they've
26:29
Speaker 1: got no they fucking they've got no style, or they're this,
26:33
Speaker 1: or they're that, or you know, they're too loud or
26:35
Speaker 1: trying to come up with it to you pull them
26:37
Speaker 1: down to make yourself feel better. Instead think interesting, why
26:42
Speaker 1: am I feeling this way, Why do I feel this
26:43
Speaker 1: ugly feeling? What's at highlighting? It's highlighting that I don't
26:46
Speaker 1: want the opposite of that, which must mean that I
26:49
Speaker 1: do want more of this. Number two, Next time you
26:53
Speaker 1: feel jealous of somebody, especially direct jealousy, ask yourself, what
26:58
Speaker 1: is the essence of what I want here? Because often
27:02
Speaker 1: it's not that you want to swap lives with somebody.
27:05
Speaker 1: For the most part, it's not like I want everything
27:07
Speaker 1: that you have in your life and I want to
27:08
Speaker 1: give up what I have in my life. Because that
27:10
Speaker 1: was one of the biggest things that helped me deal
27:13
Speaker 1: with this direct jealousy almost instantaneously, because I would look
27:17
Speaker 1: at someone that And this is especially when I was
27:19
Speaker 1: trying to make it in my career and I couldn't
27:20
Speaker 1: scrape a dollar together, and you know, my friends would
27:23
Speaker 1: go on trips, and I, you know, I'm fair enough,
27:26
Speaker 1: like I did spend all my money traveling to Europe
27:28
Speaker 1: when I was in my twenties, but even other like
27:29
Speaker 1: weekends away and this and that, and I'd be like,
27:31
Speaker 1: I don't have money. I wish I made more money,
27:32
Speaker 1: I wish I had more money, or so I'm now
27:34
Speaker 1: focusing on I'm not making enough money. So then if
27:36
Speaker 1: I look at someone else's life and start to feel
27:38
Speaker 1: jealous because they're making money, one thing I would ask
27:41
Speaker 1: myself is do I want to swap lives with them?
27:43
Speaker 1: And that's why it would put me in a position
27:44
Speaker 1: of gratitude, because then I'd start to feel like, no,
27:47
Speaker 1: even though their lives are great, I love so much
27:49
Speaker 1: about my life. There's so much I love about my life.
27:51
Speaker 1: Instead of thinking I wish I was them, I actually think, no,
27:55
Speaker 1: this is just highlighting that I want my income to
27:57
Speaker 1: be better. I want to, you know, have my own
28:00
Speaker 1: successful you know stream of income or my own business,
28:03
Speaker 1: or I'd really like to do well in this thing
28:04
Speaker 1: where i'd really whatever it is. So then I start
28:06
Speaker 1: thinking about I'm more proactive. I start thinking the essence
28:10
Speaker 1: of what this person is demonstrating that I want is success,
28:13
Speaker 1: you know, independent success or just crazy levels of confidence.
28:18
Speaker 1: That's what I want. That person is demonstrating to me
28:21
Speaker 1: exactly what it is that I want, what I like
28:24
Speaker 1: about that person. Okay, the next thing that I want
28:28
Speaker 1: you to do with this is very important to bring
28:31
Speaker 1: the power back, to take control back. When it comes
28:33
Speaker 1: to jealousy is don't discredit other people's efforts into getting
28:38
Speaker 1: where they are. By discrediting other people's efforts, you are
28:42
Speaker 1: putting your position, yourself in a very disempowered position. And
28:46
Speaker 1: the reason for that is if you look at everyone
28:49
Speaker 1: and say, the only reason your way you got is
28:51
Speaker 1: through luck through you know, because you're super privileged, just
28:55
Speaker 1: because you're hot, just because you know your parents, these
28:58
Speaker 1: or whatever. You know. Yeah, there are going to be
29:00
Speaker 1: scenarios where people are luckier than you, There's no question
29:03
Speaker 1: about that. But I can guarantee you that if you
29:05
Speaker 1: look at the people you look up to, whether you
29:07
Speaker 1: know them personally or whether you just admire them from afar,
29:11
Speaker 1: a lot of people got to where they are through effort,
29:14
Speaker 1: through trial and error, a lot of the errors you
29:16
Speaker 1: haven't seen. And I don't want you completely discrediting people's efforts,
29:19
Speaker 1: because when you discredit effort, you are telling yourself the
29:23
Speaker 1: only way to get what you want in life is
29:25
Speaker 1: through sheer luck, and that is taking all the power away.
29:29
Speaker 1: If you can look at someone who has achieved something
29:31
Speaker 1: that you want that you're jealous, but they achieved it
29:33
Speaker 1: through their merit, through their hard work, that's empowering because
29:37
Speaker 1: you say, this person did steps A, B, and C
29:40
Speaker 1: and put the effort and got there. I could do that.
29:45
Speaker 1: I haven't done it yet, but I could. I could
29:47
Speaker 1: do it. So that is one of the best ways
29:50
Speaker 1: to start empowering yourself. You give merits, you give credit
29:53
Speaker 1: where credit is due, and then you start to realize,
29:57
Speaker 1: if that person can do it, surely I can do it.
29:59
Speaker 1: Even if I don't have the resources yet, I can
30:02
Speaker 1: do it. You look for examples where other people worked
30:04
Speaker 1: hard for things, where other people didn't know where to begin,
30:06
Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden, they're killing it at
30:08
Speaker 1: this thing that is empowering. So don't say that other
30:11
Speaker 1: people are where they're at just because of luck. And
30:14
Speaker 1: then number four, I want you to look at the
30:16
Speaker 1: people that you are jealous of and tell yourself, this
30:20
Speaker 1: is an example of what is possible for me. You
30:24
Speaker 1: have expanded my awareness of what is actually possible for me.
30:28
Speaker 1: Because if I didn't think it was possible for me,
30:30
Speaker 1: and if it wasn't something that I ever even wanted
30:33
Speaker 1: in my life, would I even be jealous of it? Okay,
30:35
Speaker 1: the reason I'm jealous is because it's in close enough
30:38
Speaker 1: proximity that I can almost taste it, but it's just
30:41
Speaker 1: not happening for me, you know, like you're not jealous
30:45
Speaker 1: of Julia Roberts, right, except because it's almost like this
30:50
Speaker 1: person's so far away from me. I don't even know them.
30:52
Speaker 1: I kind of just admire them. They're really really cool.
30:54
Speaker 1: But if a friend of yours all of a sudden,
30:56
Speaker 1: let's say you wanted to be an actor, and a
30:57
Speaker 1: friend of yours started climbing up the racks and ended
30:59
Speaker 1: up becoming Oscar winning actress, you'd be like, oh my god,
31:02
Speaker 1: I'm so jealous of because you've got that proximity. Okay,
31:06
Speaker 1: So you've got to say to yourself, this here, this
31:09
Speaker 1: proximity that I have to this person, what I'm learning
31:12
Speaker 1: about them, the things that they have, the things that
31:13
Speaker 1: I wish I had that they have. That is an
31:16
Speaker 1: example of what is possible for me. It's within reaching
31:20
Speaker 1: distance for me. If they can do it, I could
31:23
Speaker 1: have something similar or like a similar version of that
31:27
Speaker 1: that aligns more with me. Okay, you can either choose
31:30
Speaker 1: to feel disheartened or you can get excited. Okay, because growth, abundance,
31:35
Speaker 1: all of this, it's actually all around us. Okay, Sometimes
31:39
Speaker 1: we're in the flow and we're working for things, and
31:42
Speaker 1: then things are working for us and everything's just happening.
31:44
Speaker 1: And other times we're so cut off from everything good
31:47
Speaker 1: that it feels like this uphill battle. And how you
31:50
Speaker 1: look at a situation is going to heavily impact you know,
31:54
Speaker 1: how it's going to influence your actions and your behaviors,
31:56
Speaker 1: good or bad. Okay, pessimistic or optimistic. So if I'm
32:00
Speaker 1: going to look at someone and be like, oh, well
32:02
Speaker 1: they've got that because of this and blah blah blah blahlah,
32:04
Speaker 1: instead of thinking, you know, they've got that and that's
32:07
Speaker 1: an example of what's possible for me. That person's really
32:10
Speaker 1: really confident, and it's an example of what I could have.
32:13
Speaker 1: That person's thriving in their career. I want to thrive
32:15
Speaker 1: in my career. What is the essence of what I
32:18
Speaker 1: want from that person? And how do I learn more?
32:21
Speaker 1: How do I educate myself? How do I make this
32:23
Speaker 1: more part of my life? Okay, because if I start
32:26
Speaker 1: making a divide you're a fuck wed. You only got
32:29
Speaker 1: that because you're like a you this you that, Then
32:30
Speaker 1: I'm making that divide bigger and bigger and bigger they're
32:32
Speaker 1: the enemy and I'm the victim. Instead of being like, no, no, no,
32:36
Speaker 1: I need to learn. I need to learn, I need
32:37
Speaker 1: to absorb. I need that energy. I need that fucking
32:39
Speaker 1: good energy around me. I'm going to align with this
32:42
Speaker 1: energy that I want is the essence of what I
32:44
Speaker 1: want in my life, and before I know it, I'm
32:46
Speaker 1: on a completely different wavelength. Okay, number five, I want you.
32:52
Speaker 1: This is a great like pivot. It's an emotion pivoting tool. Okay,
33:00
Speaker 1: bind yourself of something that you have now that you
33:03
Speaker 1: only ever dreamed of having before. Okay, So for example,
33:09
Speaker 1: right now, given that we've got twins on the way,
33:12
Speaker 1: Tyrone and I are looking to move. We need to
33:14
Speaker 1: find a bigger place. So instead of freaking out being
33:18
Speaker 1: like are we going to find a bigger place? In time?
33:20
Speaker 1: What are we going to do? Do we rent? Do
33:21
Speaker 1: we buy? Like? What how is this going to happen?
33:23
Speaker 1: And if you know, instead of thinking of all these things,
33:26
Speaker 1: I need to put myself into a mode where I
33:28
Speaker 1: feel really good about it, and instead of focusing on lack,
33:32
Speaker 1: I can turn it around and focus on something really
33:35
Speaker 1: good is happening. Because I can look back in time
33:39
Speaker 1: and think remember when where you live right now was
33:43
Speaker 1: a place that you only ever dreamed of, or even
33:45
Speaker 1: the places that you lived before that. Like, I remember
33:47
Speaker 1: my first when I first moved into this apartment in Willamloo,
33:51
Speaker 1: and the rent was like higher than what I'd been paying,
33:54
Speaker 1: and for me, it was I almost was like investing
33:57
Speaker 1: in that and hoping that my income would increase as
33:59
Speaker 1: the rent increased because I was just really focused on
34:02
Speaker 1: and when it happened, it was such a big difference.
34:05
Speaker 1: So if I put my mindset and my head back
34:08
Speaker 1: to that time, well, I'm like, remember when like this
34:11
Speaker 1: is your norm now, but remember when I well, I
34:13
Speaker 1: mean I've actually surpassed that norm and I've moved into
34:17
Speaker 1: a place that I that is even better than that place.
34:19
Speaker 1: But I remember when that had I could only ever
34:21
Speaker 1: dream of it. So that reminds you of all the
34:25
Speaker 1: leaps and bounds that you've made in your life, which
34:28
Speaker 1: then you just conveniently forget. You conveniently forget, and then
34:31
Speaker 1: you feel shit about yourself instead of thinking, wait a minute,
34:34
Speaker 1: there's many things that I've acquired in my life through effort,
34:36
Speaker 1: through skill, through work, through knowledge, through everything, right through
34:40
Speaker 1: all my resources that actually do prove to me that
34:44
Speaker 1: I can acquire, I can attract, I can achieve a lot,
34:48
Speaker 1: but I just forget about it. Remember when I could
34:51
Speaker 1: only ever dream of driving this particular car, or even
34:54
Speaker 1: having my license, or having this kind of job, or
34:56
Speaker 1: I never thought I didn't even know how it could happen.
34:59
Speaker 1: And now I'm the living embodiment of that thing. Okay,
35:02
Speaker 1: So if I can do that once or twice or
35:05
Speaker 1: ten times, I can do it another thirty times in
35:07
Speaker 1: my life. That's always the point that you remind yourself of.
35:10
Speaker 1: Because now, to bring it back to my example, if
35:13
Speaker 1: I think about a house or an apartment or whatever
35:16
Speaker 1: that tyrun and I want to move into, instead of
35:17
Speaker 1: thinking of lack, I could think, well, I can think
35:21
Speaker 1: of something bigger and better because there was a time
35:23
Speaker 1: where you know, I was in that position and achieved that.
35:27
Speaker 1: So I can do that again. Okay. Whether it happens
35:30
Speaker 1: instantly or whether it takes time, it doesn't matter. And
35:32
Speaker 1: the next thing, the last thing, is to soften your
35:35
Speaker 1: focus and really focus on kind of the essence of
35:38
Speaker 1: that thing. So a perfect example of this is let's
35:42
Speaker 1: say that you are you've like got limerens and you're
35:45
Speaker 1: so into somebody and you're like, that person is the
35:48
Speaker 1: be all, end all, and if someone else gets this person,
35:52
Speaker 1: I'm going to be so jealous. I'm like, I'm never
35:54
Speaker 1: get over it. It's just it has to be that person.
35:57
Speaker 1: And what I mean by softening your focus is is
36:00
Speaker 1: that sometimes it will be so fixated on one specific thing,
36:03
Speaker 1: and then if we don't get that one thing, it
36:05
Speaker 1: causes us to feel so low, low vibe, jealous, upset, disempowered,
36:11
Speaker 1: all those feelings. Okay, So what you can do instead
36:15
Speaker 1: is to think, why do I like this person so much?
36:18
Speaker 1: Or this job so much or this house so much? Why? Well,
36:21
Speaker 1: because you start listing all the traits that's so good
36:24
Speaker 1: about this person or this house that you inspected or
36:26
Speaker 1: whatever it is. You start listing why is it it's
36:30
Speaker 1: so good? And then once you've got that list, then
36:33
Speaker 1: you broaden it. Then you think, well, if it wasn't
36:36
Speaker 1: this person that I got, what else would I like
36:38
Speaker 1: to have? That? Maybe this person can't even provide for me.
36:40
Speaker 1: So let's say you're limerent, you've got limreents, and you're
36:43
Speaker 1: obsessed with someone. One thing you could write down is like, well,
36:45
Speaker 1: I'd actually love to have all these traits, but also
36:48
Speaker 1: have this person adore me, have this person give me
36:51
Speaker 1: as much attention as I give them, and have all
36:53
Speaker 1: the So you start listing things that that person doesn't
36:55
Speaker 1: even give you. So you start broadening your focus. You
36:57
Speaker 1: start and then you think, well, I'm really glad that
36:59
Speaker 1: I met this person because they've highlighted to me at
37:02
Speaker 1: least fifteen traits of someone that I would love to date.
37:05
Speaker 1: Doesn't actually have to be them. Because if someone walked
37:07
Speaker 1: through the door and had all the traits that I
37:08
Speaker 1: love about this person, plus we had chemistry, well then
37:12
Speaker 1: it's a no brainer which one I'd go for. Same
37:14
Speaker 1: with this you know, I've expected this house, I fix it,
37:17
Speaker 1: and I think I have to have this house. Instead
37:19
Speaker 1: think no, no, why what do I like about this house? Okay?
37:22
Speaker 1: Or this apartment? And then I can inspect other places
37:25
Speaker 1: and then there might actually be things that pleasantly surprise
37:28
Speaker 1: me that exist outside of this one. Instead of having
37:31
Speaker 1: one focus thinking, you'll be surprised at how much is
37:34
Speaker 1: available for you when you soften your focus and allow
37:37
Speaker 1: for other possibilities to unfold. Because even though you might
37:40
Speaker 1: not get that one thing in your life, it doesn't
37:43
Speaker 1: mean that you're never going to get anything like it.
37:45
Speaker 1: It means that you might get something on par or
37:46
Speaker 1: even better than that thing, but you have to allow
37:49
Speaker 1: for yourself to accept that as a reality. Okay, so
37:54
Speaker 1: that is the jealousy episode of today. I hope that
37:57
Speaker 1: you can use all those tools. I want you to
37:59
Speaker 1: feel power. You need to take the power back. You
38:01
Speaker 1: need to make this something that you have control over.
38:05
Speaker 1: You don't want to look at jealousy as this ugly
38:07
Speaker 1: thing that resides inside of you that you have no
38:10
Speaker 1: control over. You do have control over, and the best
38:12
Speaker 1: way to do it is to identify that feeling and say,
38:15
Speaker 1: I'm going to use this. I'm going to use this.
38:17
Speaker 1: What are you teaching me? What are you showing me
38:19
Speaker 1: that I want? What are you showing me? What's possible
38:22
Speaker 1: for me? How can I get connection? How can I
38:25
Speaker 1: get myself to learn instead of to pull away and
38:28
Speaker 1: to fill this separation from Okay, that is all for
38:32
Speaker 1: today's episode. Thank you so much for tuning in. Go
38:34
Speaker 1: book a ticket to the live show if your own
38:36
Speaker 1: Gold Coast, Brisbane or Adelaide pump to see everyone there
38:40
Speaker 1: and I will see you back here next episode. I
38:44
Speaker 1: as always remember becind to yourself, BECUNTI your brain. Don't
38:47
Speaker 1: take shit from anyone, and especially don't taket shit from yourself.
38:50
Speaker 1: Dunker