Latest / All Figured Out with Andrea Barr: Figuring Out Work, Life and Parenting / 129. The 15-minute method that carried one mom through the unthinkable - Michelle Hooey

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129. The 15-minute method that carried one mom through the unthinkable - Michelle Hooey · All Figured Out with Andrea Barr: Figuring Out Work, Life and Parenting

0:05
This is all figured out. I'm Andrea Barr.
0:07
I'm a career coach for parents, a mom of two, and I absolutely
0:11
believe that you can continue to grow personally and
0:13
professionally while protecting family time.
0:18
We're about to figure out this work, life and parenting stuff
0:22
out together. Michelle Huey, thank you for
0:32
coming on They All Figured Out podcast.
0:34
Thank you for having me, I'm so excited to be here.
0:37
I feel like I'm getting like choked up already.
0:39
We haven't even started. And there's not even any.
0:41
I know we don't have. We don't have just hey, this is
0:45
life. This is showbiz.
0:46
Black mascara. Yes, it'll get people to go to
0:49
the YouTube channel all figured out Andre on YouTube to see what
0:55
disastrous Ness we create. Michelle.
0:59
Yes, let's jump right in. Let's do it.
1:03
People will understand this once your story unfolds.
1:06
But who were you before? What is the before?
1:10
Who is the before Michelle and tell me about her.
1:15
I would love to. A lot of people don't believe I
1:18
had a before. Hmm my life kind of cracked open
1:22
but I was definitely like the definition of a boss bitch.
1:27
Like hustle culture, corporate ladder climbing.
1:32
My career was definitely my priority.
1:34
Even after becoming a mom of my eldest daughter.
1:37
I went back to work after 10 months.
1:40
I could have probably stayed longer but I was like desperate
1:43
to get back to work, desperate to continue with my career.
1:47
And I remember distinctly working with my therapist months
1:51
about slowing down while I brushed my teeth, which is like
1:54
a definition of how many things I was doing at once.
1:57
And I would be like, brushing my teeth and like, doing my makeup
2:00
or like making like I was doing 100 things at once all the time.
2:03
I was never present. I was always moving.
2:06
And I eventually got an electric toothbrush because that was part
2:10
of the practice of like, can you stare at yourself in the mirror
2:13
for two minutes? Because I, like, didn't have the
2:15
capacity to just focus on one thing.
2:18
And I was really driven and really, yeah, like 1000 things
2:24
like, how much can you pile on a human?
2:26
That was where I was at and that's where I thrived.
2:29
Isn't that such a metaphor of like or not a metaphor?
2:31
What is the word like that feeling of I can't even be
2:35
present enough to brush my teeth.
2:36
I'm I resonate with that. My husband is like you're
2:39
constantly consuming content. I'm like I am.
2:43
It's sure it's the business I'm in now, but I'm also so hungry
2:48
and or cannot be with my thoughts.
2:49
Who knows A combination of things.
2:51
I work with my own therapist but I like I get that.
2:56
So you're boss bitching. You are with your husband Jeff.
3:01
He's also boss babying himself. You guys are just doing the
3:04
thing. You have Frankie, your eldest in
3:08
COVID. I imagine that throws you for a
3:11
loop, as it did for so many. You go back to work and how was
3:17
life like once life kind of settled?
3:20
You know, when you were like, OK, we're both working, We've
3:22
got Frankie. Like what was life like in that
3:24
period of time? It was busy and it was hard to
3:27
have a young kid, you know, in 2020, she was sent home from
3:31
daycare all the time, like any snotty nose, you know, their
3:34
home. And I actually hit my first big
3:37
burnout within the first year. I went back to work after having
3:42
Frankie because I was had all the balls in the air because I
3:46
was constantly going and I couldn't handle the pressure and
3:49
I didn't realize like something shifted in me and I took a
3:54
leave. Like my first, I took two weeks
3:57
just to calm down and, like, take care of myself.
4:03
But then I went back to it and I just was a bit more conscious.
4:05
Like that was, I think, the beginning of me realizing that I
4:08
couldn't burn. Was it the candle at both?
4:11
Yeah. And yeah.
4:12
I couldn't keep doing that. It wasn't sustainable.
4:14
And so I started slowly adding some mindfulness in.
4:18
And then Jeff and I were like, Frankie needs to be a big
4:22
sister. Like, she is meant to be a big
4:24
sister. And so we started trying to have
4:26
a second child. And we, we went through five
4:31
pregnancy losses between the girls, which was devastating to
4:36
anyone who's been through it. They know like the hope you
4:39
immediately get when you get the little pink strip.
4:42
I have goosebumps. And then and then something
4:45
happens and it it doesn't stick and it goes away.
4:47
And that was really hard for us. That was hard for our marriage,
4:54
I think, and it was really hard on myself.
4:57
Like you, I think people often blame themselves.
4:59
I blame myself. Like, why can't I?
5:02
What's wrong with my body? What's wrong with me?
5:04
You know, and we did all the tests and there was like no
5:08
reason. We, we're losing these babies
5:12
essentially. Um, and then we found out that
5:17
Frankie was having some trouble and she was sick and bloated a
5:20
lot. And we found out that she
5:22
actually was a celiac. She was really young, like 2 or
5:25
2 1/2. And I was like, let's do all the
5:27
testing. And the doctor was like, we
5:29
don't need to do the celiac test.
5:30
Like kids that age don't have it.
5:32
And I was like, let's just see, let's just throw it in if we're
5:34
going. And they don't.
5:35
Have it. Well, they're just not
5:36
diagnosed. That's the truth, because kids
5:40
can get it at any age, but it's just rare that you parents catch
5:43
it because kids are like my tummy so I don't want to
5:46
whatever, right. It's hard to sometimes catch the
5:48
symptoms at first. So she had the highest numbers
5:51
you could possibly have and the doctor called like on a Saturday
5:54
and was like don't give her another.
5:56
Don't give her. She was like literally at Boston
5:58
Pizza with Jeff and she was like, don't give her any pizza.
6:03
Don't give her that beautiful cheese pizza.
6:05
Don't do it. No.
6:07
Yeah. And so she started doing better
6:10
and started getting healthier pretty quickly.
6:12
And through that, they were like, we think you might be a
6:14
celiac, too, because of these pregnancy losses.
6:16
I've always had gut health issues, but they never could
6:19
pinpoint it. And then I got pregnant
6:21
immediately after with Goldie after I stopped eating gluten.
6:24
Are you kidding? Me wild like people.
6:26
So you've been silently suffer like your body have been
6:28
silently, perhaps loudly suffering for all these.
6:31
Years, like 6 years or something.
6:33
And it was Frankie that was like, hello, my tummy hurts and
6:37
you're like, alright, maybe my. I like work with natural paths,
6:40
I work with doctors. I've done a lot of testing.
6:41
It just never came up and as soon as I started to stop eating
6:45
gluten, they had a pregnancy that was healthy and sticking
6:50
with Goldie Wild. Unbelievable.
6:53
Well, I'm very happy that you all got the diagnosis.
6:56
You and Frankie can be in it together getting the celiac
6:59
Celiac friendly Boston Pizza pizzas.
7:01
Yes, she says. Are you 4 gluten or against
7:04
gluten? That's like her stance.
7:05
It's like political. That's why she asked.
7:09
People are like, so what's your religion?
7:10
She's like, oh, my family is against gluten.
7:13
You're like, OK, so you're pregnant.
7:16
How is the pregnancy with Goldie?
7:19
It was good. It was normal.
7:21
We had like some issues early on, um, and then after like 7
7:25
weeks or 8 weeks, they were like, you're good and I was
7:29
closely monitored because of the losses.
7:31
Um, but everything was going fine.
7:33
Yeah, through it and I was like wrapping up at work.
7:37
Me and Jeff went on a little baby moon and um, then at 33
7:42
weeks she stopped being active in my stomach and I was like,
7:48
this is feels a little suspect. Called my midwife and she's
7:53
like, you should go in, It's probably fine, but like you
7:55
should go in and then like within 90 minutes they took her
7:59
out once we arrived at the hospital, Yeah.
8:02
Ah, and what did they? What was that?
8:04
What were those 90 minutes like? Like what was, what was
8:08
happening physically? What was happening for?
8:10
You I was obviously worried, but I was also like, there was no
8:14
way Frankie was also a preemie. So I was like, there's no way
8:17
this is happening again. Like there's no way I'm having
8:19
two preemies that that seems crazy.
8:21
I've done everything right. But also my intuition was like,
8:25
we gotta we gotta figure this out.
8:27
And I knew in my heart she would always be fine.
8:29
Like after those pregnancy losses, once this pregnancy was
8:32
sticking, I was like, she's going to be fine.
8:33
I didn't know it was a she, but the baby's going to be fine.
8:37
But then we got there and they hooked me up immediately.
8:40
Her heart, they found her heartbeat, which is always
8:42
reassuring, but it was like very high and she was clearly in
8:44
distress. And so they started reading me
8:47
very quickly. Jeff was anxious.
8:49
He has anxiety, so he was, he was getting pretty anxious.
8:52
And they started, yeah, like shooting me up with, I don't
8:55
know, they shoot you up with a bunch of stuff, a steroid and
8:58
something else to help with brain development.
9:00
That felt horrible. I wish I could remember
9:03
magnesium or some something. Yeah, something to prep it
9:06
because she was so. Early to prep her to prep your
9:09
body. In theory, they try to do it as
9:11
quick as possible, but passes over to the baby.
9:14
Yeah, yeah. Like with Frankie, they gave me
9:16
the steroids. They tried to give them 8 hours
9:17
or 12 hours apart to help with breathing.
9:20
And then the other one was to help with brain development, but
9:24
they couldn't wait for it to like kick in there.
9:26
Like we got to take her out right now.
9:28
So it was scary. It was scary.
9:31
And it was fast. Like it was so fast.
9:33
Like all of a sudden we were in the operating room and she was
9:36
coming and we were like letting the family know.
9:38
And it was like my virtual baby shower.
9:42
And I was it was my last day at work and I was like texting my
9:45
boss at from the hospital, like I can't make it the baby shower
9:49
like the baby's coming now. And no one really believed that
9:53
everyone like what right now? Yeah.
9:55
And was Frankie that premature? As well, she was 34 1/2 weeks.
9:59
Before OK. So a little bit.
10:00
She spent two weeks in the NICU. OK.
10:03
So you would already done a NICU experience.
10:06
Yeah. Cheese Misha.
10:09
So Goldie comes, she comes out and she put on you.
10:15
She put in an incubator. She no, they like took her away
10:22
and they like let me see her. I think.
10:24
I can't even really remember. Oh God.
10:26
Yeah. And then Jeff, like, gotta cut
10:29
them biblical cord or whatever they do.
10:32
And then she needed some oxygen and they took her away, and then
10:35
they take you over to recovery. And so Jeff was kind of running
10:38
back and forth from her being in an incubator, doing all those
10:43
things, all the tests. To me, recovering, it felt like
10:46
forever. We were apart, but she was doing
10:49
OK. They were like, she just needs a
10:51
little help because she's little.
10:53
Yeah, and then what happened next?
10:56
So from a pretty, not normal, obviously, but a preemie story,
11:03
it goes from being a preemie story to not a a tip, not just a
11:07
preemie story. At what point did you realize
11:10
there was something where she was not just needing oxygen, not
11:14
just needing support because she was so little?
11:16
At what point were you like holy shit.
11:20
Yeah, it was the next day. So I kept like telling Jeff
11:24
because he was in the room with me and we were in the Surrey
11:27
Hospital. So we were very far apart, like
11:29
at BC Children's, you're in the same room.
11:31
We were very far away from where Goldie was.
11:34
And I, like, still had a wheelchair.
11:35
I couldn't get up, you know. So I was like getting Jeff
11:39
poking him, waking up, being like, can you go check?
11:41
Can you go check? Can you see how she's doing?
11:42
And she was doing OK. And then we slept for a few
11:44
hours. And then when he, you know, he
11:47
wheeled me over in the morning. She was intubated.
11:49
She had like little masks on her eyes and on her ears.
11:53
They were like to hooking her up to something called brains where
11:56
they're like checking brain waves.
11:57
They said she had seizures through the night and they
12:00
wanted to do a rush MRI. And it was just like immediate,
12:02
like immediately she was in severe distress.
12:07
And it was terrifying. Like we just thought we had a
12:09
little baby that needed some time to grow and then all of a
12:12
sudden she was. We didn't know if she was going
12:15
to survive. Oh, my gosh.
12:18
And you're recovering as well. Yeah.
12:22
Like that. That's the unbelievable thing
12:24
about a story like this where you're like, it's not just her,
12:29
although it becomes all about her, but like you yourself were
12:31
just cut open. You yourself were just growing
12:34
her for 33 weeks and now immediately it's like, not about
12:40
you anymore. Yeah, no, I feel like it never
12:44
was really, you know, And you're also, like pumping immediately
12:48
too. Like I was up pumping in the
12:49
middle of the night, could barely sit up.
12:52
Like, it is a wild ride when you are when you're anyone who has a
12:57
baby, right. Like it's a crazy thing that
12:59
you're like healing and taking care of this tiny baby.
13:03
In that scenario. There was just like so much
13:05
other trauma and uncertainty layered into it that yeah,
13:09
immediately I was like, I was out of the wheelchair like
13:12
within a few days. Like I was like, I don't have
13:14
time to heal here. I gotta start.
13:15
Like I remember the first day I wasn't in the wheelchair, I
13:17
walked 10,000 steps, which is insane and not recommended, but
13:22
the hospital, like it was so far apart.
13:24
And I like, went to get the coffee and went, you know, and I
13:27
think part of me had nervous energy and I like.
13:29
The adrenaline I'm. Sure, but like when I had my
13:33
Apple Watch on and I was like 10,000 steps like 4 days post
13:36
kidding me. Yeah, not a good idea, but
13:39
that's where we're at. It's just also like, who doesn't
13:42
that just shine light onto just the the care that I now know is
13:48
going into new hospitals, into new situation, like new hospital
13:52
situations. They really, I do believe that
13:55
humans are in these places being like, how can we really like
13:59
better this experience as human experience for mothers and their
14:02
children and partners and caregivers?
14:04
Like, how could we make this as, like, not crappy as possible,
14:08
But the fact that you're running around this hospital between
14:10
your own hospital room and your child is, like, unbelievable
14:14
mind-blowing like that, you know?
14:16
Really. Yeah.
14:18
But very much of the time when I'm sure that hospital was
14:21
built. Yes, it's much different.
14:23
Like we moved to BC Children's, OK, and it was a much different
14:26
experience there, right? Like I stayed in her room for
14:30
many months and they have family support and all sorts of, I
14:35
mean, they had support as well. The Surrey Hospital, like we had
14:37
a counselor and some tough conversations there until we
14:40
were transferred to BC Children's.
14:43
But they designed be BC Women's Hospital, I should say.
14:46
They designed it for that scenario where you get to be
14:50
together, which is important. And I think we should plug
14:54
Ronald McDonald House. I'm not sure if did you
14:55
experience Ronald McDonald House yourself.
14:58
Actually at the Surrey Hospital, they have a Ronald McDonald
15:01
House like space, yes, where they have food and they have a
15:05
play area, which was like great for Frankie when she came to
15:08
visit for those few weeks. And yeah, we did experience
15:11
that. Not at BC Children's.
15:12
We actually were like 5 kilometers too close to home or
15:17
whatever. The math is you have to be a
15:18
certain distance away from the hospital in order to qualify,
15:21
and we were just a little too close.
15:23
So we had to do the commute that was like an hour each.
15:26
Way. Yeah, I digress.
15:27
I just think it's such an unbelievable organization.
15:30
So how long was this NICU stay? We were at Surrey for three
15:36
weeks and then we were at BC Women's Children's for just over
15:41
5 months I believe. Almost half a year of your life.
15:47
How would you describe that whole period, the waves that you
15:52
went through during that time? That's a tough question to
15:56
answer. It was really all over the
15:58
place, right? Like she had really good days.
16:01
She had really bad days. Um, there was so much
16:05
uncertainty and a lot of testing, like they were really
16:07
trying to figure out like, you know, genetic testing, like what
16:11
does she have a diagnosis? Um, how, what treatments can we
16:16
offer her? Is there anything we can do?
16:18
Can she feed orally? Can she be fed into her stomach
16:22
or her small intestine? Because she's still today tube
16:25
fed, the seizures was a big thing as well.
16:28
She was having seizures. So it was really challenging to
16:33
say the least. My mom, I don't know if you know
16:36
this, but my mom had was diagnosed with cancer like right
16:41
before Goldie was born and she was undergoing radiation
16:44
treatments at the same time. And so they couldn't calm.
16:48
They live in Winnipeg. They couldn't come and visit for
16:51
a long time because she was quite sick, sick after it was
16:53
six weeks of radiation. They eventually came and met
16:55
Goldie after a few months. But there was another layer that
16:59
we were, our family was like navigating with my mom being
17:01
sick and I was in a car accident like 5 weeks after Goldie was
17:06
born just on a day where I shouldn't have been driving.
17:09
And there was just a lot of stuff going on, like we moved,
17:14
we moved. On top, moving is like the thing
17:17
you don't wish on your enemy, especially during something.
17:20
Like this we were supposed to move while I was very pregnant.
17:22
Instead we move when Goldie was a few weeks old.
17:25
It was like the day we were transferred to be children's
17:27
too. It was like the same day we were
17:28
moving into our house was like, are you kidding me?
17:33
Yeah. So we had a lot going on.
17:34
There wasn't a lot of time for us.
17:36
And we were just like, at this crazy high level in our nervous
17:40
system. And that's when I started to
17:41
realize like, I can't keep doing this.
17:45
Like I need to find something to ground me.
17:48
I need to start doing stuff for me.
17:50
So pretty quickly after is we were at Children's, I started
17:54
running again. Don't recommend five to six
17:57
weeks postpartum, Um, which really helped me again, move
18:00
energy around and started practicing like journaling and
18:05
my coffee and like whatever rituals I needed like to feel
18:10
like I was taking care of myself and my nervous system in the
18:13
chaos of the days there. Like some days I was in meetings
18:17
for hours like different specialists, different
18:19
specialists, different doctor, like around the clock.
18:21
They just come into the room and.
18:23
You never know when they're. Coming.
18:24
No, and you can't leave the room because if you miss them, they
18:27
don't come back. Sometimes for days, yes.
18:28
And then like you're hoping to make progress and you can't.
18:31
Yes. If you don't, you're not there.
18:33
So there's a lot of that. 6:00 AM before surgeries yet?
18:36
Yeah, being there for rounds, I became a Goldie expert.
18:39
I still, I now call myself the CEO Goldie because she has a lot
18:42
going on. There's a lot involved in
18:45
nursing and medical equipment ordering and supplies.
18:48
But at that point, I I was learning how to, and so was Jeff
18:51
learning how to be Goldie experts and advocate for her
18:56
through rounds to try to support her because she had so many
19:00
specialists. And then, you know, every two
19:02
weeks there was a new team coming in to watch over her.
19:05
So yeah, it was a lot to navigate.
19:08
It was like a whole new world. I was learning to surviving and
19:14
also thrive in right. Like we, we couldn't just curl
19:17
up in a ball as much as I wanted to.
19:19
Like we still had Frankie, we had our dogs, we had Goldie to
19:22
advocate for and also try to be present and spend every moment
19:25
with her we could because we didn't know how much time we
19:28
would have with her. You're fucking amazing.
19:33
You're really incredible. You could be sitting here across
19:36
from me saying why us? Why me?
19:41
This is really, really fucking unfair.
19:45
This is I'm mad at this. I'm mad at the system.
19:48
You haven't uttered a single. I bet you've got gripes with
19:52
different. You know, there's always going
19:53
to be the doctor that you really didn't get along with or like
19:57
the situation that could have been handled better.
19:59
You haven't even uttered a single and I'm not trying to
20:01
bring that energy into this room, but like.
20:04
You're just the way you're even communicating this with such
20:07
like, I know it's hindsight, but like that you're just, yeah, we
20:11
were trying to survive. We were trying to thrive and
20:16
that's just what it was. So I have just so much freaking
20:20
respect for you to the at this point.
20:23
And I guess like throughout the hospital stay, and I know it
20:26
doesn't. I don't know if it matters, but
20:28
what have you ever been given a diagnosis for what Goldie is
20:32
dealing? With no, and we've paid for
20:34
private funding in the US like we've done all the testing,
20:37
genetic testing available today and no, nothing has been come
20:42
up. So they say.
20:44
Her team says they believe she has a rare genetic disorder, but
20:47
it's so rare that it hasn't. Been my name.
20:51
And hasn't been captured yet, like there's nothing flagged in
20:53
her DNA that is coming up. So we're working with a new team
20:58
from Harvard that does something called RNA sequencing.
21:01
And we're going to, we've been pushing to do a pilot at ABC
21:05
Children's, which just got approved, the first one in BC.
21:09
Yeah. So Goldie will be doing that
21:10
once we can figure out our funding.
21:12
So hopefully we can get some a treatment plan and maybe a
21:16
diagnosis and a diagnosis would obviously be helpful because
21:20
then we know kind of what's coming or what's around the
21:23
corner. What if there's a community of
21:25
families that are also going through this, maybe treatment
21:29
plans. But like the truth is the
21:30
diagnosis wouldn't necessarily change anything.
21:33
But it does make it easier even for things like funding.
21:36
Like I remember fighting for six months talking about gripes with
21:40
our insurance company to get reimbursed for medical equipment
21:43
she required to survive, like a suction to manage her airway.
21:46
But there like she doesn't have a diagnosis like she's like
21:50
that's why it's kid like she is considered like essentially
21:54
terminally ill. We don't use those terms, but
21:57
like they wouldn't great to get like several doctor notes to
22:02
explain her condition without a diagnosis to get this like
22:05
funding approved to be reimbursed for the section.
22:09
And I thought I like cry. I remember like crying on the
22:11
phone with the insurance company.
22:12
Like I don't want to talk about her symptoms one more time.
22:14
Like just give me the give me the money.
22:17
Nothing to you? No.
22:19
But it was nothing but like. There's a block.
22:21
To you. And they're looking for the box,
22:22
right? And like we live in the cracks,
22:24
like our family live in the cracks.
22:26
Even Frankie being a celiac is like a whole thing, right?
22:29
But like Goldie having a rare genetic disorder, having complex
22:33
medical needs, there's not like a box this disabled as a box,
22:38
you know, um, that she checks, but there's not like a box for
22:42
her diagnosis, which helps with funding for things.
22:46
But yeah, sorry, that was a bit of a tangent.
22:49
You asked about a diagnosis, but like, that's part of it.
22:52
I asked that, but not because like nobody is owed the
22:56
information. Like I know.
22:57
I can only imagine how much you get asked questions that
23:00
sometimes feel almost probing because you're like, oh, we're
23:03
this like don't, don't, I don't know, like you don't want to be
23:08
felt like you're treated like a circus, Like, oh, our situation
23:10
is like so interesting to other people.
23:12
And that's not why I was asking that question.
23:14
I just can only imagine what this open loop must feel like.
23:17
And the explanation like, how do you go into the world and like,
23:24
honor yourself and like your own nervous system and share what
23:28
you want to share about your family so that you can feel seen
23:31
and heard and understood, but without opening this can of
23:34
worms, like, how do you just, you know, in the wild?
23:37
Share Great, great question. Oh my gosh, I have um, lots of
23:42
thoughts on this. I'm closing my eyes.
23:43
This is my thinking face for the camera.
23:47
Beautiful thinking, thank you. Mine is weird.
23:49
Just like, why do you always close your eyes when you're
23:51
thinking? I was like, I don't know.
23:52
I was just talking to somebody about this.
23:54
I get really overstimulated by the world visually.
23:57
So in my therapy sessions, I swear to God half my session is
24:00
closed eyes. That's fair if you're like
24:02
trying to feel inward, right. So there's I have two thoughts
24:05
on this and 1 is a story, a little story.
24:09
But what I wanted when I first started taking Goldie out in the
24:12
world, in the community, she came home.
24:13
It was wild. We didn't feel ready to care for
24:16
her. And I remember going to the
24:18
grocery store and the like, grocery grocery clerk saying
24:22
what's wrong with her? And this is not like the worst
24:25
thing anyone said about her. And it's not the first time
24:28
someone said something, um, and I was like, nothing, she's
24:31
perfect. Um, and then the woman, I think
24:34
realized what she had said, but I don't think there was any.
24:38
There was never usually any negative intent around it.
24:41
And another woman wants like was like, oh, cute baby.
24:44
And like grabbed her belly and she just had her like little
24:47
button where she's fed. And I was like, you First off,
24:50
like don't touch someone's baby unless they say it's OK.
24:52
And 2nd off, like this is a medically fragile.
24:55
So I ended up making a little sign that said, like, I'm
24:57
sensitive, Please like keep your distance.
25:00
That was on her little stroller. So people like kind of took that
25:03
as a sign. As if you had to make a.
25:06
Sign I know it's crazy, but you kind of you do with a kid like
25:10
Goldie because she was is also super immune compromised, like a
25:13
simple cold could send her to emergency.
25:16
And the other part I want to say is Frankie is doing her first
25:19
presentation today in grade one at school.
25:22
And it's about your culture. And so we have like little flags
25:25
of where our families are from and all these different things.
25:27
And part of it is like, is there a different language you speak
25:30
at home? And I said, this is a perfect
25:31
opportunity to talk about Goldie.
25:33
And so we have a picture of her and Goldie in the middle and it
25:35
says like, this is my sister Goldie.
25:37
She's special. And that's like the word I like
25:39
to use. We communicate with objects and
25:42
this is how we do it. And so she has all these
25:44
different pockets with the object cues we use to
25:46
communicate with gold because she's not verbal.
25:49
And those are examples of how we show U in the world, um, that
25:55
she's special, that she's different.
25:57
We use complex medical needs, special needs.
25:59
But like, I had a lot of issues with a lot of the words when I
26:03
first came to terms with what our future might look like with
26:06
Goldie. Like I was like, I don't like
26:07
the word handicapped. They don't like the word
26:09
disabled. I don't like that.
26:10
It's like, what is the word that feels OK to describe my
26:13
daughter? And it's complicated for many
26:17
people, I think. And there's something called
26:21
special rights in Italy they use instead of special needs because
26:26
people who are different deserve the rights to have.
26:30
Yeah, the parking or the this or the access, the funding.
26:33
It is a right of these people who are special and different
26:38
and I love that. And so I try to use that and
26:41
share that, um, because special rights is like a movement I wish
26:45
we could get behind in Canada and I'll casually keep dropping
26:47
in until it gained. Movement.
26:50
It's on the all figured out podcasts.
26:52
We're making a movement special. Rights.
26:54
Yeah, that is actually have full body.
26:57
Chilling. When I learned about it, I was
27:01
just like, Oh my gosh, I need to, we need to move to this like
27:03
little town in Italy where they're like building this
27:07
community around this. And it's not only in Italy, but
27:09
there are other places in in Europe where they just.
27:12
It's it's, yeah. People who are different are
27:15
treated with that supported money.
27:17
It's not a question. You don't have to.
27:18
Yeah. And you don't have to fight for
27:20
it. Like you don't have to fight for
27:21
the funding. You have to fight.
27:22
You don't have to advocate. It's just like a right which it
27:26
should be, right? How so?
27:29
You mentioned journaling, you mentioned rituals, coffee, you
27:34
know, just like the moments, like it feels like you've
27:36
really, you've really captured this survival instincts through
27:43
moments. And I know it's something that
27:45
you talk about with clients that you now work with as a coach is
27:48
these 1015 minute pockets of time.
27:50
Can you tell me more? Like as somebody who doesn't
27:54
even feel worthy of this information from you, because I
27:59
feel, and I just really feel in awe of you.
28:03
Like I feel very, very. I thought you were going to go
28:05
with the toothbrush metaphor. I can't even find 2 minutes.
28:07
Oh my God, I'm watching my Youtubes as I brush my teeth.
28:10
No, tell us like, what are these 1015 minutes?
28:14
And, and how could anybody who's just in it and whatever in it
28:18
means for them, how can they use your magic of how the hell
28:22
you've sort of survived and from what I can see are thriving
28:26
through all of this? I love this question so much.
28:30
Um, I'm so passionate about this.
28:32
I'm like getting sweaty, palmed and riled up here.
28:36
Let me tell you, I love. Sweaty palm and getting riled
28:39
up? Yeah, perfect.
28:41
So it came, it came to me. So my signature, you know,
28:44
method is called the 15 minute rewrite.
28:46
And it came to me in the hospital rooms right when I was
28:50
like finding time, pockets of time between the specialist
28:53
coming in or first thing in the morning.
28:56
And the concept is taking 5 minutes to regulate, whether
29:01
that be breath work, a little dance, shaking, like whatever
29:04
your body needs to just ground yourself and check in.
29:09
And then you are going to reflect on what you need.
29:13
So that's kind of where the journaling can come in or you
29:15
can just do some deep thinking like what is it I need right now
29:18
to regulate myself to be inspired to fill in the blank,
29:23
whatever it is. You need to have more energy.
29:24
Like once you're regulating, you start to realize like I need XI
29:29
need calm, I need energy, I need.
29:30
Keyword being what do I need? What do I?
29:33
This is not the list. This isn't the grocery list.
29:35
What do I need? Like not until you take a moment
29:38
to pause, you realize, right? Like, do I need a, do I need a
29:42
hype girl, you know, or do I need to like take a nap, right?
29:47
Like, what is it I need? And you don't, people don't
29:50
often slow down, especially busy moms, right?
29:52
And check in to see what do I need right now in this moment?
29:56
And then you reflect on that and then you reclaim it, whatever it
30:00
is. If it's like I need a hype girl,
30:02
I need to write 10 things I love about myself, or I need to like
30:05
send that e-mail to Andrea to see if I can get on her podcast.
30:08
Or I need to find, like, find time to take a nap, go for a
30:12
walk or make that coffee or whatever it is and you reclaim
30:16
it. So it's really about checking in
30:18
with you, seeing what you need, and then taking action on it.
30:22
And 15 minutes is not a lot like we're scrolling.
30:25
We're doing whatever we're doing in the day.
30:29
You just need to find the time that you can make the wiggle
30:33
room to make it happen. And I like to be consistent.
30:35
For me, it's the morning. I got up a little early before
30:38
my kids wake up. And I like have that 15 minutes
30:40
to myself to journal and reflect and do the thing.
30:44
But some people, it's like when they go to bed or lunchtime
30:47
during the work day and you like block it on your calendar.
30:50
And so that's where it came from.
30:51
It started in the hospital and it's 1% of your day.
30:54
And it's honestly changed my life.
30:57
If you do it every day that like compounds to, I think it's like
31:02
almost 1000 hours, you could become an expert in something in
31:05
that time, right? So don't quote me on the math on
31:07
that, but it's a lot. It's a lot of time.
31:11
And it's just 15 minutes. And like how much you can shift
31:14
your energy and how you're feeling and the direction of
31:16
your day. Even like 2 minutes of breathing
31:18
can do that. But like 15 minutes.
31:21
It's just getting so getting your body, getting your breath,
31:24
whatever it is just like come back physically to the human
31:27
shell. Ask yourself what you need and
31:31
that's. It and then reclaim it.
31:32
Do it, reclaim it, do it. Yeah, So it's OK.
31:35
Regulate, Reflect, Reclaim. And then reflect and reclaiming
31:39
it is like it has to be within those, like it can't be boiling
31:42
the ocean. It's not like I'm.
31:44
Taking action right now I have 5 minutes.
31:46
What could you do in 5 minutes to reclaim it?
31:49
OK. Yeah, and those 5 minutes of
31:51
those actions, whatever that is. What's 5 * 730?
31:56
I don't anyways. 5 * 3535 There you go.
32:00
Yeah, yeah, 3535. The timetable.
32:04
I love that we just got into this like real math rabbit hole
32:07
here. Hours 35 This episode they.
32:11
Did a lot of math, yeah. Always on my mind.
32:15
But yeah, that's, that's it's pretty simple.
32:17
It sounds like doable and it actually is, but you just have
32:21
to commit to it, right? Sometimes people like I don't
32:24
have 15 minutes, but like, guess what you do, You 100% have 15
32:27
minutes in your day. You went from being boss bitch
32:32
working big corporate sales, high earner.
32:37
I would I would think to having this pivotal life experience
32:44
coming to the other side. And I was saying to you before
32:48
we hit record that I read this beautiful book called Between
32:51
Two Kingdoms by Suleika Jaouad. I'm pronouncing her last name
32:56
wrong, but it is one of the most unbelievable books I've ever
32:58
read in my life. I'm going to send you a copy.
33:01
She battled blood cancer, continues the fight, I believe
33:05
today and very different, of course, from your situation.
33:08
But the thing that it made me think of it as we were talking
33:11
beforehand, was the notion that she felt like she was between
33:17
two very different kingdoms. There was before cancer and
33:20
there was the after cancer. And then she wrote this book in
33:23
the after to say, who am I? Like, how do you cross that
33:28
bridge? How do you come to the other
33:29
side, to a new normal and be like, who the hell am I now?
33:36
And feeling like you're lost in between this dance?
33:39
And it's just such an unbelievable, beautiful book of
33:41
like, that story and that crossing of that bridge and
33:44
like, how do you honor both sides?
33:45
And that's why I started today with, you know, who were you
33:48
before? Who are you now?
33:51
Who am I? Who, who?
33:52
Who am I? Who are you?
33:54
Who am I? Well, I love this so much.
34:00
I love the bridge visual. I wrote a book, as you know,
34:04
called The Goldie Effect, and that is very similar to the
34:08
concept of the book is in the Fire, the Rewrite and the Rise.
34:14
Those are the sections of the book and Phoenix definitely in
34:19
the fire is where we were. And like arguably you could say
34:23
we still are living in uncertainty every day.
34:25
Like we don't know what the future holds, but surrendering
34:29
in that uncertainty has allowed me to rise.
34:35
And today I am a completely different person.
34:39
I am present like I don't want to say all day every day, but
34:43
like I am noticing the birds torch twerking, twerking,
34:48
twerking, tweeting, whatever, whatever.
34:51
Chirping. Yeah, noticing the birds
34:53
chirping. I am like seeing the do on the
34:56
like that level of presence and noticing that like toothbrush,
35:02
you know, 3000 balls and they air.
35:04
Michelle would have never ever noticed and Goldie has really
35:09
given us that gift. Because when you live in
35:12
uncertainty, you start to get resent.
35:14
You have to because you don't know what's around the corner.
35:17
I used to rush when Frankie was little, like, how quickly could
35:20
I like, read this bedtime story to get her to bed to go live my
35:23
life. And now I just like save her and
35:25
like often fall asleep snuggling her.
35:26
I'm like, I don't I don't know how many years I have that she's
35:28
going to want to do this with me.
35:30
And with Goldie, it's the same. It's just like the snuggles,
35:33
like everything about it is is so much more like juicy and
35:37
potent. And I feel like that's who I am
35:40
now. Like she has given us this
35:43
beautiful gift of, um, not only presence and surrender, but
35:49
there's like a freedom in it because like nothing, I don't
35:55
want to say nothing's worse than what we've been through cause
35:56
that's not true. But like all the bullshit, I
36:02
don't know if I can swear on this, but here I am.
36:04
All the bullshit doesn't really fucking matter, right?
36:06
Like we got this like property tax bill that was a surprise.
36:10
And then not even, I don't even remember what it was, but it was
36:12
like a random $5000 bill due immediately from the government.
36:15
And like me, a few years ago I would have lost my mind, but
36:18
today I was like, oh, this sucks.
36:19
We don't really have money for this, but like, we'll figure it
36:21
out. Like all of these things that I
36:23
would lose sleep over just like roll off my back now.
36:27
And so I don't if that's answering your question of who I
36:29
am now, but like that's definitely who I am now.
36:32
I still get like frustrated. I still have my moments, but I'm
36:35
so much more aware of it because I've done all this work on my
36:37
nervous system that me and Jeff give each other time outs and we
36:42
take our own and we had, you know, we had things off when we
36:45
have no capacity. So I think there's a lot more
36:48
awareness around our environment, awareness around
36:50
our energy and presence that has come, which definitely wasn't
36:54
there a few years. Ago.
36:57
What a gift to get from a real hard situate.
37:03
I don't know. I think the sweetest gifts come
37:05
from the hardest 100 lessons though, right?
37:08
100%. 100% I was speaking in this room last week, I believe
37:13
it was with another guest whose episode will come out, Erica
37:17
Latta, and she after is very talking and she has a really
37:21
incredible story as well. Very different but filled with
37:24
big trees, big T trauma. And she said, my husband what,
37:30
like just he's never unlike you and Jeff, who went through this
37:34
together, her husband has never touched wood, been through
37:38
trauma. And he so wishes that he could
37:41
just take the burden of some of it off of her shoulders of what
37:44
she's survived and gone through. And so it's just so, yeah, it's
37:49
you don't wish trauma on anybody.
37:51
You don't. And I listen to a lot of
37:54
podcasts, especially when I was going through it with my husband
37:56
and his health journey and all this and that.
37:58
Like how do you you don't want your kids to have to feel
38:03
resilient as a result of extreme hardships, Yet there's something
38:09
weird where you're like, I wish everyone could have the
38:12
perspective that I have. And I feel like that's such a
38:14
beautiful, it's such a beautiful work that you're doing now where
38:17
you're like, you don't have to go through the shit that I went
38:21
through. Let me tell you when you've got
38:24
a million balls in the air and that person said that it really
38:26
annoying e-mail and your nanny cancelled.
38:28
And like these all feel like first world problems, whatever
38:32
they're your problems. And here are some things that
38:34
helped me in the real darkest of times that have helped me.
38:37
That's going to help you. And I feel like that's what I am
38:41
so excited to read, The Goldie Effect to just pour into that.
38:45
I'd be remiss if I didn't ask you about your relationship.
38:49
I remember reading a study so work with a lot of kids who were
38:52
on the had neurological differences and I remember
38:56
speaking with a mom that I was working with.
38:58
So basically Long story short, I ended up teaching swimming
39:01
lessons to this entire school basically of children.
39:04
Who? OK, I love this more.
39:07
I got in with one boy who's on the spectrum and we had such a
39:11
great relationship. The mom just kept referring me.
39:12
So basically I ended up being a swimming instructor for children
39:16
on the autism spectrum. Very neat.
39:18
Anyways, Long story short, I got to know this population very
39:20
well and loved that community. And the mom had said to me,
39:23
she's like, have you ever looked up the stats on divorce in in
39:29
populations of children and families with children with
39:31
special needs or neurodivergent or divergent special rights?
39:36
What do we call it? Special rights?
39:37
You got it. I like this better.
39:40
I remember looking it up and being like, what the actual
39:43
fuck? And yeah, like, it makes sense.
39:47
Like, there's so much you're dealing with.
39:49
So I bring all that up to say, tell me how you've told us how
39:54
you've survived and thrived. How the hell has your
39:57
relationship survived this and hopefully is in moments,
40:01
thriving? Yes, well, Jeff is amazing.
40:06
Um, but we've been through it, right.
40:09
Like we are celebrating our nine year wedding anniversary like
40:11
next, I don't know, next week or something.
40:13
Congratulations, Thank you. Um, but we, we struggled, right?
40:18
Like there has been a lot we went through.
40:23
Like luckily we took turns taking breakdowns.
40:25
I feel like that's like that. You don't always have that
40:28
grace. 10 out of 10 recommend. Yeah, different breakdowns at
40:31
different. Times yeah, so definitely have a
40:32
hard week. I'd have a hard week.
40:33
I'd have a hard day, he'd have a hard day.
40:34
So we could hold each other through all of that when we were
40:37
in those conversations, like we changed her goals of care to
40:42
save a hard time saying this, but like, um, like palliative
40:46
and had like a do not resuscitate sheet like in our
40:49
nursing binder at home. And that was like one of the
40:53
hardest conversations we ever had to have with her care team.
40:57
And it was about comfort for her because every time she went to
40:59
the hospital, it was really hard on her nervous system and we
41:02
just knew she would be better and more comfortable at home.
41:05
Luckily we were able to like remove that and now she's full
41:09
code, um. Everyone.
41:12
Comments Full code. Code Code Goldie.
41:15
But like moments like that, we just have to lean on each other.
41:18
Like it was just like when you're in it together in these,
41:20
like, horrible hard moments, again, all the little things
41:25
kind of roll off your back when you're like, making decisions
41:27
like that about your kid together.
41:29
But then when you're doing things like like me shifting
41:32
careers and writing a book and like advocating for time for
41:36
myself, we've hit our heads against each other against the
41:41
walls. Um, on, on that, because goalie
41:46
is so high needs, we don't get to go out a lot.
41:50
We don't get to if we don't have a nurse, we can't leave her.
41:53
Like no one's trained to care for her.
41:55
Jeff's mom is comfortable for a little bit, but like not, not if
41:58
we're too far, you know, so we don't have a lot of freedom.
42:02
And so we have to take turns doing things for ourselves.
42:06
And I think that that has been a bit challenging for us, but
42:10
we've gotten really good at communicating.
42:12
We have a couples therapist and our own therapist also highly
42:15
recommend. And that's been huge for us
42:18
because when the conversations get really hard and as you know,
42:22
in relationships, you can trigger each other, you know,
42:25
roughly each other's feathers. Um, having someone to help
42:29
mediate that has been important. And I think something that our
42:33
therapist has said and we always remember is like, we are the
42:39
most important foundation for our family.
42:42
And if we can't be a team, then everything falls apart.
42:46
Like Frankie is so sensitive to energy, so is Goldie.
42:51
We are, we are so aware of that. And I think that that has been a
42:54
huge part of it is that we don't have the luxury to, like, go to
42:59
bed angry or be in a fight for days.
43:01
Like our whole House of Cards would like, fall to the ground.
43:05
So we have to, like, be honest and get get into the shit pretty
43:10
quick and like, come up with a resolution, give each other
43:12
grace, get through it together. But yeah, we've definitely, I
43:15
think the freedom part has been the hardest.
43:17
Or like, I wanna go on a women's retreat.
43:20
Yeah. Like, I wanna go play hockey.
43:22
Yeah. We're like, who's who's gonna
43:23
get the car? Because we only have one car.
43:25
Who's going to take care of the kids, You know, like, all of
43:27
that. Yes.
43:29
But yeah, we have. We love each other so much and
43:33
aren't willing to lose ourselves and our relationship in this,
43:38
you know, wild life we're living.
43:42
You recently came to my reset day.
43:45
Yes, it was design your wealthy life, whatever that means to
43:49
you. And you said that that was a
43:52
really, I want to take credit. No, it wasn't the day.
43:55
It actually wasn't the day itself.
43:57
It was the catalyst of the day and the lead up and the getting
44:00
to that day. You said when you were
44:02
introducing yourself, it took a miracle to get here and a fight
44:06
with my husband, to which everybody laughed.
44:10
And then Jeff subsequently went away after this day and he
44:17
verbalized his experience of feeling resentment towards you
44:21
and you experienced resentment towards him.
44:23
Can you explain what happened? I just think that it's such a
44:26
honest, real story and I so appreciate that the two of you
44:29
are so open about the challenges in a relationship and not
44:33
challenges isn't like I want to kill them and divorce him.
44:35
It's like just day-to-day, you're with this person and rely
44:39
on this person, you more so than anybody day after day.
44:43
How did you get through those feelings of like mutual
44:45
resentment and wanting to crush each other?
44:50
Yeah, that was that day was definitely it came to the head.
44:53
I was like so fired up because I really wanted to come to this
44:57
day. I'd organized childcare for
44:59
Goldie. Frankie got sent home from
45:01
school that day. Jeff was in Squamish at a photo
45:05
shoot working. I was in North Bend at your
45:08
event. We live out in the other suburbs
45:11
and it was like, who's day is more important battle, which I
45:17
know we've all had, but like you're paying for this event,
45:20
but like my work's more important than your event.
45:24
And I was like, no, I put this on the calendar 1st and
45:26
organized the care. Like this is my day.
45:28
You booked the thing after, right?
45:30
So that you versus me thing. I think it just came to a head
45:34
because I have been putting myself out there more and
45:38
claiming the thing, like claiming the time, saying, Hey,
45:42
I'm going to Vancouver to to Yaletown to do this podcast
45:45
thing and I'm taking the car and it's been on the calendar for
45:48
weeks, right? And over communicating that.
45:50
And Jeff wasn't doing that for himself.
45:53
And so the resentment from his side came from me taking time
45:58
for me and him not to taking the action to take time for him.
46:02
And there's that from from my side came like, I'm doing all
46:05
the things, I'm organizing the care, I'm like clearly
46:08
communicating my needs. And then you're being frustrated
46:11
that you're not doing the same for yourself.
46:14
So I like didn't leave the house.
46:17
I feel like for a long time after Goldie was born and I, you
46:20
know, and I, my whole world was around that and, and I've been
46:24
really stepping into who I am and like building this like this
46:29
is, if I could be doing anything right now, this conversation
46:31
with you is exactly what I'd be doing.
46:33
And like what, like, how lucky are we right to do what we love?
46:38
And I think there was some resistance there because I'm
46:41
like, build, like I wrote this book and I built this business
46:43
and I'm so excited. But you have to claim it to step
46:47
into that new version of yourself.
46:48
And I think coming out of this shelled version of myself, there
46:53
just was like that. But then Jeff went and had some
46:57
time to himself and time to reflect and he needs to keep
46:59
doing that. Um, is the thing right?
47:01
Like we both need to keep, I don't want to say like fighting
47:05
for our own time, but it's like putting it on your account,
47:09
putting it on the calendar and like making the decision, making
47:12
the move to do the thing to fill your own cup.
47:15
And he recently had a procedure and wasn't doing movement like
47:19
exercising, which you both do regularly for the last couple of
47:22
weeks. And I noticed the other day he
47:24
was getting kind of grumpy. And I was like, honey, maybe
47:28
it's time that you, like, can you try working out now?
47:30
Like, is it? And he's like, what do you mean,
47:33
you know, Mara? And then he, like, did the thing
47:35
and he's like, I feel so much better.
47:36
I'm like, yeah, like, sometimes you need to also do that nudge.
47:39
It's like those little things you need to do to keep, keep
47:42
yourself sane and prioritize your own.
47:46
I don't know if that answered your question, but like, it does
47:48
that right. It's the, it's the, I don't
47:50
wanna say push and pull cause all of that sounds negative, but
47:52
it yeah, but there is that level of commute.
47:54
It's like over communicating. And we're getting one of those
47:57
new fancy digital calendars, which I'm really excited about.
48:01
Light and. I don't remember but one of
48:03
those ones. Oh, what's it called?
48:05
Sponsor the show. Sponsor the.
48:07
Show gosh, yes, please. I can't wait because I feel like
48:10
we have like gold calendar, Frankie school calendar.
48:13
Yeah, Jeff has. You know, there's so many things
48:16
in every, every family's life. Nursing, I'm sure, is a.
48:20
Yeah, they have their own calendar.
48:22
There's so many things and really getting something on the
48:26
calendar ahead of time and like staking claim on it has been
48:29
like what you need to do in our family to like do the thing you
48:33
want to do, right. So that's my recommendation.
48:36
I just think there's something beautiful there.
48:38
My mom has shared this kind of advice with me in the past.
48:42
She's not one of those moms that's like, let me tell you all
48:44
my wisdom. She's very delicate with how she
48:46
shares advice. And one thing that has really
48:49
stuck with me over the years, I would say in adulthood actually,
48:52
has been her advice around you. You can't take on everybody's
48:57
shit. So I think that by you saying,
49:00
hey, I know you feel great when you move your body.
49:03
Here's a suggestion. But not being like, I've booked
49:05
you an RM team is and I've booked you a workout class in
49:08
this, there has to be a level of personal responsibility.
49:11
And I think as the caregiver, as the mother, as the matriarch, as
49:15
the woman, we are in this limbo of being like, hey, I'm not a
49:22
stay at home housewife mom with pearls where I'm vacuuming and
49:25
everything is perfect. I have my own life, have my own
49:28
thing going on, and I'm stepping into my own truth and power,
49:31
which is totally what it seems like you have and are continuing
49:35
to do, which is so inspiring given your circumstances and
49:41
other people around you have to do the same.
49:43
And that's not on you. And that is such a hard thing to
49:49
do when we're fixers. Like if you by trade, you're the
49:54
CEO of Goldie, you're the CEO of your house.
49:57
I imagine like that's a really tricky thing to do.
50:00
And what I'm kind of thinking of is like, um, you know, therapy,
50:05
when I go to therapy, when things are right, such beautiful
50:08
things come out of that because I can be like, hey, what in this
50:11
can I bottle up? Like what is going right in my
50:13
life right now? What do I have control of over
50:15
that I'm doing that is contributing to the feelings of
50:19
things just feel right. And I think that that's
50:21
something we don't do enough in our relationships to be like,
50:25
this isn't a heated moment. Let's talk about like, if next
50:28
week one of us go downhill, get sick or are just grumpy, Like,
50:33
what do you need in those moments?
50:34
And have that conversation when it's clear and you're clear
50:37
headed and you're not mad and triggered.
50:40
And it's like making these little like lists, like having
50:44
the list of like, what meals does everybody like the Cheat
50:46
Sheets? I just think you're touching on
50:48
something so real again, just it's fucking not talked about
50:54
enough. Like relationships are hard.
50:57
And anyways, I just so appreciate you like sharing that
51:01
story and like the outcome of that and how does that, how does
51:05
that resonate? Like how do you step away from
51:09
taking the ownership over Jeff putting stuff in his calendar?
51:14
We're still learning that, yeah, he has a lot going on.
51:18
Like he has a lot going on. And and because his business is
51:21
going well, he will just overbook himself and work a lot.
51:24
And then it's like resentful towards working a lot, right?
51:27
So, um, it's hard like his little getaway.
51:32
I don't know if you watched the YouTube I.
51:33
Said yes I did. I booked it for him.
51:36
So Speaking of being a fixer, yes, I actually booked that
51:39
getaway for him. He had one organized and he had
51:42
to cancel it and he was really upset about it and then couldn't
51:45
figure out how to get another like break.
51:49
So he did try, um, but I still was like, he has to do that.
51:54
So I don't know, I think it's tricky, but I do agree with you
51:57
about the lists. I actually had a client that I
51:59
said, hey, like you guys need to talk about.
52:01
Oh, I forget what I called it. It wasn't like an emergency
52:04
plan, but it was like it was something new.
52:07
But yeah, it was like, what do you need?
52:08
Like she she was like, I can't be touched.
52:12
Like I need. I think she was like a words of
52:14
affirmation. And he needed a hug.
52:15
And so it was like, how do you figure that out?
52:18
And Jeff is like, crack the code on like happy Michelle.
52:21
He's like, as long as you have your food prepped and a puzzle
52:24
on the go, you're good. Like that's his.
52:27
And he's like, and you have a workout in like he's like,
52:29
that's and you know, there's a coffee.
52:31
Like those are the things that you need.
52:33
And I was like, I love that you think that about me.
52:34
But also kind of true. Like I've realized food prep is
52:37
like having a fridge live nourishing food is one of those
52:39
things that make me happy. It's not going to help in an
52:42
argument, but just like the awareness of the things, like
52:46
Jeff is going for a lot more walks.
52:47
Like he's realized like I'm a huge advocate of going for walks
52:51
and he's doing his own now. And he's like, they're so great.
52:53
I'm like, yeah, they're so great.
52:55
I know that everyone should go for walks outside with like, no
52:58
headphones on and just like, be present hard.
53:01
It is hard. I do a lot of talking to myself.
53:03
I like voice note the whole time.
53:05
I'm like, walk. Those are coming though.
53:08
Right. You can think that you're on a
53:09
on a call. Michelle, what can people expect
53:12
from the Goldie affect your book that's coming out March 6?
53:16
What I want to say March 6th, Yes, OK, March 6, 2026.
53:21
What? What are we in for?
53:23
It is a memoir me self help. So it is all the lessons that
53:27
Goldie has taught me since she was born.
53:31
And within that it's like the fire.
53:33
So all of that, the heavy stuff we went through at the beginning
53:37
and then the rewrite. So all of the journeys and the
53:40
lessons that she's told me, told me, taught me, yeah, along the
53:44
way. And within each of those
53:47
beautiful chaters, um, there was a 15 minute rewrite at the end
53:51
based on the lessons of that chapter and then arise at the
53:54
end. So there are so many tools
53:56
within the book and there's actually a little guide on the
53:59
back to reference like you rewrite list.
54:02
So if you're like feeling overwhelmed or you need
54:04
inspiration or tiny joys, it's all in there that you can access
54:08
the pages. Um, it's juicy.
54:10
It's my whole like heart and soul and everything I've learned
54:14
from our little miracle girl. I'm really proud of it, it's
54:18
really beautiful and I can't wait to share it with the world.
54:20
I honestly truly feel like it is going to change a lot of
54:24
people's lives. That's so beautiful.
54:27
It's so beautiful and everyone has fallen in love with you over
54:30
the last 16 minutes. Who even knows?
54:32
Don't even have a watch or clock on.
54:34
Three hours. Three hours and 42 minutes?
54:36
Where? How could people get more of you
54:39
one to one Work with you? Who do you work with?
54:42
How do you support them? A beautiful and you can find me,
54:47
I guess, um, at Michelle under score Huey Hoey on Instagram or
54:53
anchorless coaching, anchorless coaching.com.
54:56
Uh, I work with women who are in it, like in the thick of it,
55:00
rewriting their lives. I am currently taking on limited
55:06
one-on-one clients, but I do have a new inner circle coming
55:10
out soon after the book launched for more of a group experience.
55:14
But yeah, just DM me if you have any questions, any feedback, you
55:18
know, I would love to hear it. I am an open book as you can
55:20
tell. This girl don't need yours,
55:23
don't need your trolling. If you want to know more about
55:27
special rights or you know, yeah, yeah.
55:30
Just reach out. I'm, I love chatting with
55:32
people. I love connecting.
55:34
I get with parents, with families.
55:36
I think that's something that has been beautiful as this
55:38
community that we've built through, you know, being complex
55:43
kid parents. And it's really great to lean on
55:46
each other and support each other and get really excited
55:48
when parents reach out and we get a chat.
55:51
I'm sure you do too. So.
55:52
Yeah, how can those of us who don't have family members or
55:56
children with special rights, how can we be better advocates
55:59
and supporters of those of you who do?
56:02
That's a great question. Well, don't ask what's wrong
56:05
with your kid to people. People like as if we have to say
56:11
yeah, if you had to make the sign.
56:14
Yeah. Well, yeah, it's good.
56:16
I think just support them. It's so vague, I know, but just,
56:22
um, smile, treat, treat them like humans.
56:26
I feel like for me, I used to get a lot of apologies when
56:31
Goldie was born and not a lot of congratulations.
56:34
There's this level of sympathy and it comes again from a good
56:38
place, but there's so much to celebrate.
56:40
All of these kids with special rights are resilient as fuck.
56:45
They've gone through all like I always say, Goldies like has
56:47
don't fuck with me energy like they have gone through so much
56:50
to be here that they deserve like respect and they deserve to
56:54
be treated with it and with, you know, that the miracles they all
56:57
are. So I think that that's it.
56:59
I think that, yeah, there shouldn't be any sympathy around
57:03
it, in my opinion. Um, I know it's hard for
57:07
families and like, we're all in it, but like, no one wants,
57:09
like, I don't want you to be like, oh, I'm so sorry.
57:12
It's like, if Goldie wasn't here, I wouldn't be like who I
57:15
am today and she wouldn't be changing the world.
57:17
I'm so grateful for her. She is literally changing the
57:20
world. So yeah, I think that any parent
57:24
who is navigating something similar to me would feel the
57:27
same. I have 5000 more questions for
57:29
you. I've got to rein myself in.
57:31
I asked this to everybody. Michelle, what would you say in
57:34
this moment, today, here in this room?
57:35
What are you still trying to figure out?
57:38
As I thought you were gonna say, what do you have all figured
57:40
out? What am I trying to?
57:41
Oh, you can answer that. Um, what I'm trying to figure
57:45
out, uh, gosh, nothing. Um.
57:49
Love that. Nothing I haven't all figured
57:52
out. First person on the show to say
57:54
that 120 something episodes I love.
57:57
It no no I don't have it all figured out, but I don't know
58:01
what I am trying to figure out. I think what I'm trying to
58:03
figure out is to just truly show up as me always.
58:10
I feel like right now I, I, I'm saying this like I'm going, I'm
58:14
like going to the stars. Like to the stars who's coming
58:16
with me is like the energy I'm holding right now.
58:19
And I don't want to lose that. I've played small before and I
58:22
like, I guess what my fear is that all I'll shrink again at
58:26
some point. So I guess what I'm trying to
58:28
figure out is how to keep on this momentum, to keep going to
58:31
the stars and to bring people along with me.
58:35
You sparkle like the stars, so I have no doubt that big, big,
58:40
bold energy ain't going anywhere.
58:43
And if it does, Wayne, you've got people around you to throw
58:47
some sparkle back at you. You're amazing.
58:49
You are. Too.
58:50
Thank you so much. Thank you.