Latest / Adult Child of Dysfunction / E 259: When You Feel Lost: Kimberly Conte on Hope, Healing, and Self-Discovery

Transcript

E 259: When You Feel Lost: Kimberly Conte on Hope, Healing, and Self-Discovery · Adult Child of Dysfunction

• 0:02
  Well,
• 0:02
  good
• 0:02
  morning,
• 0:02
  everybody,
• 0:03
  and
• 0:03
  welcome
• 0:03
  back
• 0:03
  to
• 0:04
  another
• 0:04
  episode
• 0:04
  of
• 0:05
  Adult
• 0:05
  Child
• 0:05
  of
• 0:05
  Dysfunction.
• 0:06
  Today
• 0:07
  we
• 0:07
  have
• 0:07
  with
• 0:07
  us
• 0:07
  another
• 0:08
  very
• 0:08
  special
• 0:09
  guest.
• 0:09
  Her
• 0:09
  name
• 0:09
  is
• 0:09
  Kimberly
• 0:10
  Conte,
• 0:11
  and
• 0:11
  she
• 0:11
  is
• 0:11
  the
• 0:12
  author
• 0:12
  of
• 0:12
  who
• 0:13
  Am
• 0:13
  I
• 0:13
  really?
• 0:14
  Do
• 0:14
  youo
• 0:14
  Know,
• 0:15
  she's
• 0:15
  here
• 0:15
  to
• 0:16
  let
• 0:16
  people
• 0:16
  know
• 0:16
  who
• 0:17
  are
• 0:17
  hopeless
• 0:17
  not
• 0:18
  to
• 0:18
  be,
• 0:18
  that
• 0:18
  there's
• 0:19
  always
• 0:19
  hope
• 0:20
  somewhere
• 0:20
  and
• 0:20
  there's
• 0:21
  always
• 0:21
  help
• 0:22
  somewhere.
• 0:22
  That
• 0:23
  is
• 0:23
  her
• 0:23
  message.
• 0:23
  And
• 0:23
  I'm
• 0:24
  just
• 0:24
  gonna
• 0:24
  jump
• 0:24
  right
• 0:25
  in
• 0:25
  with
• 0:25
  her
• 0:26
  and
• 0:26
  we're
• 0:26
  going
• 0:26
  to
• 0:26
  talk
• 0:27
  about
• 0:27
  kind
• 0:27
  of
• 0:27
  her
• 0:28
  story
• 0:28
  and
• 0:30
  how
• 0:30
  at
• 0:30
  one
• 0:30
  point
• 0:30
  she
• 0:31
  probably
• 0:31
  didn't
• 0:31
  think
• 0:31
  there
• 0:31
  was
• 0:32
  hope,
• 0:32
  but
• 0:32
  she
• 0:32
  found
• 0:32
  it.
• 0:33
  So
• 0:33
  welcome,
• 0:34
  Kimberly.
• 0:35
  Thank
• 0:35
  you.
• 0:36
  Nice
• 0:36
  to
• 0:36
  meet
• 0:37
  you.
• 0:37
  And
• 0:37
  well,
• 0:38
  thank
• 0:38
  you.
• 0:38
  So
• 0:39
  tell
• 0:39
  us
• 0:39
  a
• 0:40
  little
• 0:40
  bit.
• 0:40
  I
• 0:40
  mean,
• 0:40
  if
• 0:40
  you
• 0:41
  wrote
• 0:41
  a
• 0:41
  book
• 0:42
  called
• 0:42
  who
• 0:42
  Am
• 0:43
  I
• 0:43
  really?
• 0:43
  Do
• 0:44
  you
• 0:44
  know,
• 0:44
  But
• 0:45
  I'm
• 0:45
  assuming
• 0:45
  at
• 0:45
  some
• 0:46
  point
• 0:46
  you
• 0:46
  did
• 0:47
  not
• 0:47
  know.
• 0:47
  So
• 0:48
  talk
• 0:48
  a
• 0:48
  little
• 0:48
  bit
• 0:48
  about
• 0:49
  what
• 0:49
  kind
• 0:49
  of
• 0:49
  inspired
• 0:50
  your
• 0:50
  book
• 0:50
  or
• 0:51
  what's
• 0:52
  your
• 0:52
  message
• 0:52
  is.
• 0:53
  I
• 0:53
  didn't.
• 0:54
  I
• 0:54
  didn't
• 0:54
  know
• 0:55
  who
• 0:55
  I
• 0:55
  was
• 0:55
  for
• 0:55
  a
• 0:55
  really
• 0:56
  long
• 0:56
  time.
• 0:56
  I
• 0:57
  just
• 0:57
  kind
• 0:57
  of
• 0:57
  did.
• 0:57
  I
• 0:58
  was
• 0:58
  a
• 0:58
  people
• 0:58
  pleaser.
• 0:59
  You
• 0:59
  know,
• 0:59
  the
• 0:59
  ones
• 1:00
  that
• 1:00
  go
• 1:00
  out
• 1:00
  and
• 1:01
  everything
• 1:01
  everybody
• 1:02
  says
• 1:02
  you
• 1:02
  do
• 1:02
  it,
• 1:03
  you
• 1:03
  know,
• 1:03
  just
• 1:04
  make
• 1:04
  them.
• 1:04
  Make
• 1:04
  them
• 1:05
  happy,
• 1:05
  make
• 1:05
  them
• 1:05
  smile.
• 1:06
  Never
• 1:06
  really
• 1:06
  put
• 1:06
  myself
• 1:07
  before
• 1:07
  anybody.
• 1:08
  And
• 1:09
  it
• 1:10
  just.
• 1:10
  And
• 1:11
  I
• 1:11
  think
• 1:11
  that
• 1:11
  started,
• 1:12
  you
• 1:12
  know,
• 1:13
  just
• 1:13
  from
• 1:13
  being
• 1:14
  made
• 1:15
  fun
• 1:15
  of
• 1:15
  and
• 1:15
  bullied
• 1:16
  around.
• 1:16
  Bullied
• 1:16
  as
• 1:17
  a
• 1:17
  kid.
• 1:17
  I
• 1:17
  mean,
• 1:17
  I.
• 1:18
  From
• 1:18
  the
• 1:18
  time
• 1:18
  I
• 1:18
  started
• 1:19
  school
• 1:20
  until
• 1:20
  I
• 1:21
  dropped
• 1:21
  out
• 1:21
  and
• 1:22
  went
• 1:22
  and
• 1:22
  got
• 1:22
  my
• 1:23
  GED
• 1:23
  and
• 1:23
  went
• 1:23
  to
• 1:23
  college
• 1:24
  from
• 1:24
  there,
• 1:24
  I
• 1:24
  mean,
• 1:24
  I
• 1:25
  was
• 1:25
  pretty
• 1:25
  much
• 1:25
  picked
• 1:25
  on
• 1:25
  and
• 1:26
  bullied.
• 1:26
  So
• 1:27
  it
• 1:27
  started
• 1:28
  from
• 1:28
  there.
• 1:28
  And
• 1:28
  I,
• 1:29
  you
• 1:29
  know,
• 1:29
  my
• 1:30
  mother
• 1:30
  was
• 1:30
  never
• 1:31
  one
• 1:31
  to
• 1:31
  say,
• 1:32
  okay,
• 1:32
  you
• 1:32
  know,
• 1:32
  let's
• 1:33
  take
• 1:33
  care
• 1:33
  of
• 1:33
  this.
• 1:34
  So
• 1:34
  I
• 1:34
  was
• 1:34
  always
• 1:34
  kind
• 1:34
  of
• 1:34
  on
• 1:35
  my
• 1:35
  own
• 1:37
  with
• 1:37
  it.
• 1:37
  And
• 1:38
  I
• 1:38
  mean,
• 1:38
  kids
• 1:39
  are
• 1:39
  bad.
• 1:39
  Kids
• 1:40
  are
• 1:40
  very
• 1:40
  bad.
• 1:40
  And
• 1:40
  I
• 1:40
  wrote
• 1:40
  it
• 1:41
  because
• 1:41
  kids
• 1:41
  are.
• 1:42
  Kids
• 1:42
  can
• 1:42
  be
• 1:42
  really
• 1:43
  mean.
• 1:44
  And
• 1:44
  it
• 1:44
  carries,
• 1:45
  it
• 1:45
  does
• 1:45
  carry
• 1:45
  with
• 1:45
  you
• 1:46
  as
• 1:46
  you
• 1:46
  get
• 1:46
  older,
• 1:47
  you
• 1:47
  know,
• 1:47
  like
• 1:48
  your
• 1:48
  parents
• 1:48
  get
• 1:48
  divorced
• 1:49
  and
• 1:49
  then,
• 1:49
  you
• 1:49
  know,
• 1:49
  between
• 1:50
  that,
• 1:50
  be
• 1:50
  picked
• 1:51
  on
• 1:51
  and,
• 1:52
  you
• 1:52
  know,
• 1:52
  I
• 1:53
  never
• 1:53
  really
• 1:53
  knew
• 1:53
  who
• 1:53
  I
• 1:54
  was.
• 1:54
  I
• 1:54
  was
• 1:54
  just
• 1:55
  kind
• 1:55
  of,
• 1:55
  don't
• 1:56
  pick
• 1:56
  on
• 1:56
  me.
• 1:56
  I'll
• 1:56
  be
• 1:56
  whoever
• 1:57
  you
• 1:57
  want
• 1:57
  me
• 1:57
  to
• 1:57
  be.
• 1:57
  You
• 1:57
  know
• 1:57
  what
• 1:58
  I
• 1:58
  mean?
• 1:58
  Just
• 1:58
  to
• 1:58
  get
• 1:58
  approval.
• 2:00
  So.
• 2:02
  Oh,
• 2:02
  yeah,
• 2:02
  it
• 2:02
  gives
• 2:02
  me
• 2:03
  goosebumps
• 2:03
  when
• 2:03
  you
• 2:03
  say
• 2:04
  that.
• 2:04
  Who
• 2:05
  I'll
• 2:05
  be,
• 2:05
  whoever
• 2:05
  you
• 2:06
  want
• 2:06
  me
• 2:06
  to
• 2:06
  be.
• 2:06
  Because
• 2:07
  I
• 2:07
  remember
• 2:07
  the
• 2:07
  first
• 2:07
  time
• 2:07
  a
• 2:08
  therapist
• 2:08
  asked
• 2:08
  me
• 2:08
  and
• 2:08
  said,
• 2:09
  well,
• 2:09
  who
• 2:09
  is
• 2:09
  Tammy?
• 2:09
  I'm
• 2:10
  like,
• 2:10
  it
• 2:10
  depends
• 2:10
  on.
• 2:11
  It
• 2:11
  depends
• 2:11
  on
• 2:11
  what
• 2:11
  you
• 2:11
  need
• 2:11
  me
• 2:12
  to
• 2:12
  be
• 2:12
  that
• 2:12
  day.
• 2:12
  I
• 2:13
  can
• 2:13
  be
• 2:14
  aggressive
• 2:15
  and.
• 2:15
  And
• 2:15
  big
• 2:15
  and
• 2:16
  professional,
• 2:17
  or
• 2:17
  I
• 2:17
  can
• 2:17
  be
• 2:17
  small
• 2:17
  and
• 2:18
  meek
• 2:18
  and
• 2:18
  I
• 2:19
  can
• 2:19
  be
• 2:19
  happy.
• 2:19
  I
• 2:20
  Can
• 2:20
  be
• 2:20
  sad.
• 2:20
  I
• 2:20
  can
• 2:20
  be
• 2:21
  whatever
• 2:21
  I
• 2:21
  need
• 2:22
  to
• 2:22
  be
• 2:22
  so
• 2:22
  that
• 2:22
  I
• 2:22
  don't
• 2:23
  rock
• 2:23
  any
• 2:23
  boats.
• 2:24
  Yep,
• 2:25
  exactly
• 2:26
  how
• 2:26
  it
• 2:26
  was.
• 2:27
  And
• 2:28
  you
• 2:28
  did
• 2:28
  not.
• 2:29
  Oh,
• 2:29
  go
• 2:29
  ahead.
• 2:30
  Oh.
• 2:30
  And
• 2:30
  I
• 2:31
  had
• 2:31
  to
• 2:31
  have
• 2:31
  something.
• 2:31
  I
• 2:31
  mean,
• 2:31
  there's
• 2:32
  always
• 2:32
  something
• 2:32
  that
• 2:32
  had
• 2:32
  to
• 2:32
  be
• 2:32
  wrong
• 2:33
  with
• 2:33
  me.
• 2:33
  According
• 2:33
  to
• 2:33
  my
• 2:34
  mother,
• 2:34
  it
• 2:34
  was.
• 2:35
  You
• 2:35
  know,
• 2:35
  there
• 2:35
  was
• 2:35
  always
• 2:35
  something.
• 2:36
  You
• 2:37
  know,
• 2:37
  my
• 2:37
  parents
• 2:37
  divorced
• 2:38
  at
• 2:38
  9,
• 2:38
  and
• 2:39
  I'm
• 2:39
  a
• 2:39
  kid.
• 2:40
  I
• 2:40
  don't
• 2:40
  know
• 2:40
  any
• 2:40
  better.
• 2:40
  I'm
• 2:41
  just
• 2:41
  being
• 2:42
  a
• 2:42
  kid,
• 2:42
  and
• 2:42
  all
• 2:42
  of
• 2:42
  a
• 2:42
  sudden
• 2:42
  I'm
• 2:43
  being
• 2:43
  carted
• 2:43
  off
• 2:43
  to
• 2:43
  therapists
• 2:44
  and,
• 2:44
  you
• 2:45
  know,
• 2:45
  like,
• 2:45
  why
• 2:45
  am
• 2:46
  I
• 2:46
  going?
• 2:46
  Well,
• 2:46
  because
• 2:46
  you
• 2:46
  talk
• 2:47
  about
• 2:47
  your
• 2:47
  problems.
• 2:47
  I
• 2:47
  didn't
• 2:47
  know
• 2:47
  I
• 2:48
  had
• 2:48
  any.
• 2:49
  So
• 2:49
  they
• 2:50
  kind
• 2:50
  of
• 2:50
  stemmed,
• 2:50
  you
• 2:51
  know,
• 2:51
  it
• 2:51
  kind
• 2:51
  of
• 2:52
  stemmed
• 2:52
  from
• 2:52
  there
• 2:53
  being
• 2:53
  told
• 2:53
  I
• 2:54
  had
• 2:54
  issues,
• 2:54
  and
• 2:54
  then
• 2:54
  it
• 2:55
  was
• 2:55
  being
• 2:56
  picked
• 2:56
  on
• 2:56
  at
• 2:56
  the
• 2:56
  new
• 2:56
  school
• 2:57
  we
• 2:57
  moved
• 2:57
  to.
• 2:58
  My
• 2:58
  parents
• 2:58
  got
• 2:58
  divorced,
• 2:58
  and
• 2:59
  then
• 2:59
  it
• 2:59
  just
• 2:59
  kind
• 2:59
  of
• 3:00
  went.
• 3:00
  It
• 3:00
  was
• 3:01
  a
• 3:01
  downfall
• 3:01
  from
• 3:01
  there,
• 3:02
  and
• 3:02
  it
• 3:02
  just
• 3:03
  kind
• 3:03
  of.
• 3:03
  I
• 3:03
  mean,
• 3:03
  I
• 3:03
  think
• 3:04
  I
• 3:04
  was
• 3:04
  beyond
• 3:04
  a
• 3:04
  people
• 3:04
  pleaser.
• 3:05
  I
• 3:05
  was
• 3:05
  just
• 3:05
  like,
• 3:05
  I'd
• 3:05
  do
• 3:05
  anything
• 3:06
  to
• 3:06
  make
• 3:06
  anybody
• 3:06
  talk
• 3:06
  to
• 3:07
  me
• 3:07
  or
• 3:07
  be
• 3:07
  happy
• 3:07
  or
• 3:08
  smile.
• 3:08
  And
• 3:10
  then
• 3:10
  when
• 3:10
  I
• 3:10
  had
• 3:11
  something
• 3:11
  wrong
• 3:11
  with
• 3:11
  me,
• 3:11
  I
• 3:12
  kind
• 3:12
  of
• 3:12
  just
• 3:12
  pulled
• 3:13
  back
• 3:13
  even
• 3:14
  more
• 3:14
  and
• 3:14
  became
• 3:15
  just
• 3:15
  more
• 3:15
  of
• 3:15
  a,
• 3:15
  you
• 3:16
  know,
• 3:16
  inclusive,
• 3:17
  all
• 3:18
  in
• 3:18
  my
• 3:18
  room
• 3:18
  type
• 3:18
  of
• 3:19
  person
• 3:19
  all
• 3:19
  the
• 3:19
  time,
• 3:19
  just
• 3:19
  to
• 3:20
  myself.
• 3:21
  Right.
• 3:23
  Yeah.
• 3:23
  No,
• 3:24
  absolutely.
• 3:24
  That's
• 3:25
  lonely.
• 3:25
  I
• 3:25
  mean,
• 3:25
  kids
• 3:26
  are
• 3:26
  supposed
• 3:26
  to
• 3:26
  be
• 3:26
  out
• 3:26
  there
• 3:27
  having
• 3:27
  fun
• 3:27
  and
• 3:27
  running
• 3:28
  and
• 3:28
  playing
• 3:28
  and
• 3:28
  having
• 3:29
  groups
• 3:30
  of
• 3:30
  friends
• 3:30
  and
• 3:30
  everything
• 3:31
  else.
• 3:31
  So
• 3:32
  did
• 3:32
  you.
• 3:32
  Did
• 3:33
  you
• 3:33
  get
• 3:33
  any
• 3:33
  support
• 3:33
  from
• 3:34
  your
• 3:34
  father?
• 3:34
  Was
• 3:34
  there.
• 3:35
  I
• 3:35
  mean,
• 3:35
  did
• 3:36
  you
• 3:36
  live
• 3:36
  with
• 3:36
  your
• 3:36
  mother?
• 3:37
  Yes,
• 3:38
  I
• 3:38
  did
• 3:39
  live
• 3:39
  with
• 3:39
  my
• 3:39
  mother.
• 3:39
  And
• 3:40
  I
• 3:40
  mean,
• 3:40
  my
• 3:40
  dad,
• 3:41
  daddy's
• 3:42
  girl,
• 3:42
  always
• 3:42
  been
• 3:42
  a
• 3:43
  daddy's
• 3:43
  girl.
• 3:44
  Even
• 3:44
  though
• 3:45
  he
• 3:45
  wasn't
• 3:45
  around
• 3:45
  for
• 3:46
  when
• 3:46
  they
• 3:46
  got
• 3:46
  divorced,
• 3:47
  he
• 3:47
  wasn't
• 3:47
  around
• 3:47
  for
• 3:48
  quite
• 3:48
  a
• 3:48
  few
• 3:48
  years.
• 3:50
  I
• 3:50
  think
• 3:50
  it
• 3:50
  was
• 3:50
  like
• 3:51
  a
• 3:51
  midlife
• 3:51
  crisis,
• 3:52
  finding
• 3:52
  himself
• 3:52
  type
• 3:52
  of
• 3:53
  mission.
• 3:54
  Right.
• 3:54
  But
• 3:55
  he
• 3:55
  moved
• 3:55
  out
• 3:55
  of
• 3:56
  state.
• 3:56
  We
• 3:56
  moved
• 3:56
  here
• 3:57
  to
• 3:57
  Arizona
• 3:58
  from
• 3:58
  New
• 3:58
  York.
• 3:59
  And
• 3:59
  then
• 3:59
  when
• 4:00
  we
• 4:00
  got
• 4:00
  here
• 4:00
  is
• 4:00
  when
• 4:01
  my
• 4:01
  parents
• 4:01
  split
• 4:01
  up,
• 4:02
  and
• 4:02
  then
• 4:02
  my
• 4:02
  dad
• 4:02
  went
• 4:02
  to
• 4:02
  California.
• 4:04
  Okay.
• 4:05
  So
• 4:05
  it
• 4:06
  was
• 4:06
  kind
• 4:06
  of
• 4:06
  like,
• 4:06
  you
• 4:06
  know,
• 4:07
  I
• 4:07
  just
• 4:07
  kind
• 4:08
  of
• 4:08
  got
• 4:08
  left
• 4:08
  here,
• 4:09
  and
• 4:09
  my
• 4:10
  mother
• 4:10
  and
• 4:10
  I
• 4:10
  never
• 4:10
  really
• 4:11
  got
• 4:11
  along.
• 4:11
  I
• 4:11
  mean,
• 4:11
  ever
• 4:12
  since
• 4:12
  I
• 4:12
  was
• 4:12
  a
• 4:13
  kid,
• 4:13
  I
• 4:14
  don't.
• 4:14
  There's
• 4:14
  no.
• 4:15
  Really
• 4:15
  no
• 4:15
  pictures
• 4:15
  of
• 4:16
  us
• 4:16
  together.
• 4:17
  I
• 4:17
  mean,
• 4:17
  I'm
• 4:18
  smiling
• 4:18
  or
• 4:18
  I'm
• 4:18
  happy
• 4:19
  and
• 4:19
  just.
• 4:19
  I.
• 4:20
  We
• 4:20
  never
• 4:20
  had
• 4:20
  that.
• 4:21
  I'm
• 4:21
  adopted
• 4:22
  as
• 4:22
  well,
• 4:22
  so
• 4:22
  we
• 4:22
  didn't
• 4:23
  have
• 4:23
  that
• 4:23
  connection.
• 4:25
  And,
• 4:25
  you
• 4:26
  know,
• 4:26
  she
• 4:27
  was.
• 4:27
  She's
• 4:27
  strict
• 4:27
  Roman
• 4:28
  Catholic.
• 4:29
  Okay.
• 4:30
  So
• 4:30
  I
• 4:30
  don't
• 4:30
  know
• 4:31
  if
• 4:31
  that
• 4:31
  helps,
• 4:31
  you
• 4:32
  know,
• 4:32
  with
• 4:32
  a
• 4:32
  little
• 4:32
  bit
• 4:32
  background,
• 4:33
  but,
• 4:34
  you
• 4:34
  know,
• 4:34
  everything
• 4:36
  and
• 4:36
  she's
• 4:36
  very
• 4:36
  big
• 4:37
  on
• 4:37
  appearances.
• 4:37
  Very
• 4:38
  big
• 4:38
  nothing.
• 4:39
  You
• 4:39
  know,
• 4:39
  you
• 4:39
  would
• 4:40
  never
• 4:40
  know
• 4:40
  what
• 4:40
  was
• 4:41
  going
• 4:41
  on
• 4:41
  at
• 4:41
  home,
• 4:41
  was
• 4:42
  going
• 4:42
  on
• 4:42
  there
• 4:42
  if
• 4:43
  you
• 4:43
  came
• 4:43
  over
• 4:43
  and
• 4:43
  talked
• 4:43
  to
• 4:44
  her.
• 4:44
  Right.
• 4:45
  I
• 4:45
  was.
• 4:45
  I
• 4:46
  was
• 4:46
  just.
• 4:46
  I
• 4:46
  was
• 4:46
  out
• 4:47
  of
• 4:47
  line.
• 4:47
  I
• 4:47
  was
• 4:47
  bad.
• 4:47
  There
• 4:48
  was
• 4:48
  something
• 4:48
  wrong
• 4:48
  with
• 4:48
  me.
• 4:48
  Every
• 4:48
  time
• 4:49
  I
• 4:49
  did
• 4:49
  something,
• 4:49
  it
• 4:49
  was,
• 4:50
  oh,
• 4:50
  she,
• 4:50
  she.
• 4:51
  There's
• 4:51
  something
• 4:51
  wrong
• 4:51
  with
• 4:51
  her.
• 4:51
  She
• 4:52
  doesn't
• 4:52
  know
• 4:52
  better,
• 4:52
  you
• 4:53
  know.
• 4:54
  Yeah.
• 4:55
  It
• 4:55
  was
• 4:55
  a
• 4:55
  little
• 4:55
  bit
• 4:56
  daunting,
• 4:57
  I
• 4:57
  guess,
• 4:57
  you
• 4:58
  know.
• 4:59
  Yeah.
• 5:00
  Because
• 5:00
  your
• 5:00
  mother
• 5:00
  is
• 5:01
  supposed
• 5:01
  to
• 5:01
  be
• 5:02
  your.
• 5:03
  Your
• 5:03
  safety
• 5:04
  net.
• 5:04
  I
• 5:04
  mean,
• 5:05
  that's
• 5:05
  how
• 5:05
  parents
• 5:06
  are
• 5:06
  supposed
• 5:06
  to
• 5:06
  be.
• 5:06
  That's
• 5:06
  supposed
• 5:07
  to
• 5:07
  be
• 5:07
  the
• 5:07
  person
• 5:07
  that
• 5:07
  you
• 5:07
  look
• 5:08
  to
• 5:08
  for
• 5:08
  support
• 5:08
  and
• 5:09
  you
• 5:09
  look
• 5:09
  to
• 5:10
  when
• 5:10
  you're
• 5:10
  getting
• 5:10
  bullied.
• 5:11
  You
• 5:11
  need
• 5:11
  to
• 5:11
  be
• 5:11
  able
• 5:11
  to
• 5:11
  come
• 5:12
  home
• 5:12
  and
• 5:12
  say,
• 5:12
  hey,
• 5:12
  I'm
• 5:13
  having
• 5:13
  this
• 5:13
  problem
• 5:13
  at
• 5:13
  school.
• 5:13
  And
• 5:14
  Mom's
• 5:14
  supposed
• 5:14
  to
• 5:14
  jump
• 5:15
  in
• 5:15
  and
• 5:15
  go,
• 5:15
  dude,
• 5:15
  I'll
• 5:15
  take
• 5:16
  care
• 5:16
  of
• 5:16
  it,
• 5:16
  you
• 5:17
  know?
• 5:18
  Yep.
• 5:18
  Yeah.
• 5:19
  And
• 5:19
  when
• 5:19
  you
• 5:19
  don't
• 5:19
  have
• 5:20
  that,
• 5:20
  you
• 5:20
  do.
• 5:20
  You
• 5:21
  just
• 5:21
  feel
• 5:21
  it's.
• 5:22
  And
• 5:22
  that's
• 5:23
  kind
• 5:23
  of
• 5:23
  the
• 5:23
  basis
• 5:23
  of
• 5:24
  every.
• 5:24
  All
• 5:24
  the
• 5:25
  listeners
• 5:25
  probably,
• 5:25
  that
• 5:25
  are
• 5:26
  on
• 5:26
  this
• 5:26
  podcast
• 5:27
  is
• 5:27
  when
• 5:27
  you
• 5:27
  grow
• 5:27
  up
• 5:27
  and
• 5:28
  you
• 5:28
  just
• 5:28
  get
• 5:28
  shooed
• 5:29
  aside
• 5:29
  or,
• 5:29
  you
• 5:30
  know,
• 5:30
  your.
• 5:30
  Your
• 5:31
  ideas
• 5:32
  don't
• 5:32
  matter,
• 5:32
  or
• 5:32
  what
• 5:33
  you
• 5:33
  say
• 5:33
  doesn't
• 5:33
  matter,
• 5:33
  or,
• 5:34
  you
• 5:34
  know,
• 5:35
  I've
• 5:35
  had
• 5:35
  people
• 5:36
  say,
• 5:36
  I
• 5:36
  don't
• 5:36
  understand
• 5:37
  how
• 5:37
  I
• 5:37
  could
• 5:37
  be
• 5:38
  too
• 5:38
  much
• 5:39
  and
• 5:39
  too
• 5:40
  little
• 5:40
  all
• 5:40
  at
• 5:40
  the
• 5:40
  same
• 5:41
  time.
• 5:42
  And.
• 5:43
  And
• 5:43
  you
• 5:43
  probably
• 5:44
  went
• 5:44
  through
• 5:44
  that
• 5:44
  if
• 5:45
  you
• 5:45
  were
• 5:45
  being,
• 5:45
  you
• 5:45
  know,
• 5:45
  if
• 5:46
  you
• 5:46
  were
• 5:46
  voicing.
• 5:47
  I.
• 5:47
  I
• 5:47
  don't
• 5:48
  know
• 5:48
  about
• 5:48
  your
• 5:48
  story,
• 5:49
  but,
• 5:49
  like,
• 5:49
  when
• 5:49
  I
• 5:49
  was
• 5:50
  having
• 5:50
  a
• 5:50
  good
• 5:51
  time,
• 5:51
  I
• 5:51
  thought.
• 5:51
  And
• 5:52
  having
• 5:52
  fun,
• 5:52
  it
• 5:53
  was
• 5:53
  like,
• 5:53
  stop
• 5:53
  it.
• 5:53
  What's
• 5:54
  there
• 5:54
  to
• 5:54
  be?
• 5:54
  You
• 5:54
  know?
• 5:55
  Why
• 5:55
  are
• 5:55
  you
• 5:55
  laughing
• 5:55
  so
• 5:55
  hard?
• 5:56
  I'm
• 5:56
  like,
• 5:56
  I
• 5:56
  can't
• 5:56
  even
• 5:57
  laugh.
• 5:57
  Like,
• 5:57
  I
• 5:57
  thought
• 5:57
  that's
• 5:58
  what
• 5:58
  I
• 5:58
  was
• 5:58
  supposed
• 5:58
  to
• 5:59
  be
• 5:59
  doing.
• 6:00
  Yep.
• 6:00
  I
• 6:00
  mean,
• 6:01
  I
• 6:01
  couldn't
• 6:01
  make
• 6:01
  a
• 6:01
  decision
• 6:01
  on
• 6:02
  my
• 6:02
  own
• 6:02
  until
• 6:02
  I
• 6:02
  was
• 6:03
  probably
• 6:05
  21
• 6:06
  to.
• 6:06
  Right
• 6:06
  before
• 6:06
  I
• 6:06
  got
• 6:07
  married.
• 6:07
  I
• 6:08
  mean,
• 6:08
  I
• 6:08
  would
• 6:08
  have
• 6:08
  to
• 6:08
  consult
• 6:08
  her.
• 6:09
  I
• 6:09
  felt
• 6:09
  like
• 6:09
  if
• 6:09
  I
• 6:09
  didn't
• 6:10
  consult
• 6:10
  her
• 6:10
  before
• 6:11
  I
• 6:11
  made
• 6:11
  that
• 6:11
  decision,
• 6:12
  it
• 6:13
  was.
• 6:13
  It
• 6:13
  was
• 6:13
  going
• 6:13
  to
• 6:13
  be.
• 6:13
  It
• 6:14
  was
• 6:14
  going
• 6:14
  to
• 6:14
  be
• 6:14
  all
• 6:14
  bad.
• 6:15
  So
• 6:15
  it
• 6:15
  was
• 6:15
  a
• 6:15
  very.
• 6:15
  I
• 6:16
  mean,
• 6:16
  I
• 6:16
  was
• 6:16
  very
• 6:16
  indecisive.
• 6:17
  Just
• 6:17
  very,
• 6:17
  you
• 6:18
  know,
• 6:18
  like,
• 6:18
  I
• 6:18
  mean,
• 6:19
  I
• 6:19
  couldn't
• 6:19
  tell
• 6:19
  you
• 6:19
  what
• 6:19
  I
• 6:19
  wanted
• 6:19
  for
• 6:20
  dinner
• 6:20
  because
• 6:20
  I
• 6:20
  just
• 6:21
  didn't
• 6:21
  want
• 6:21
  to
• 6:21
  offend
• 6:22
  her
• 6:22
  or
• 6:22
  make
• 6:23
  her
• 6:23
  mad
• 6:23
  or.
• 6:23
  You
• 6:24
  know?
• 6:24
  You
• 6:24
  know
• 6:24
  what
• 6:24
  I
• 6:24
  mean?
• 6:25
  Like,
• 6:26
  it
• 6:26
  was.
• 6:26
  Because
• 6:27
  it
• 6:27
  was
• 6:27
  like
• 6:27
  nothing
• 6:27
  was
• 6:27
  ever
• 6:28
  good
• 6:28
  enough.
• 6:29
  Right.
• 6:29
  And
• 6:30
  they.
• 6:31
  And
• 6:31
  they
• 6:31
  call
• 6:31
  that.
• 6:32
  That's
• 6:32
  kind
• 6:32
  of
• 6:32
  the
• 6:32
  stereotypical.
• 6:33
  Just
• 6:33
  walking
• 6:34
  on
• 6:34
  eggshells
• 6:35
  and
• 6:36
  you
• 6:36
  it's
• 6:37
  the
• 6:37
  hardest
• 6:38
  way
• 6:38
  to
• 6:38
  grow
• 6:38
  up,
• 6:38
  and
• 6:39
  it's
• 6:39
  the
• 6:39
  hardest
• 6:39
  way
• 6:39
  to
• 6:39
  live,
• 6:40
  even
• 6:40
  as
• 6:40
  an
• 6:40
  adult.
• 6:40
  And
• 6:41
  there's
• 6:41
  so
• 6:41
  many
• 6:41
  people
• 6:42
  out
• 6:42
  there
• 6:43
  that
• 6:43
  are
• 6:43
  doing
• 6:44
  that,
• 6:44
  whether
• 6:44
  it's
• 6:44
  for
• 6:44
  a
• 6:45
  spouse
• 6:45
  or
• 6:45
  for
• 6:45
  a
• 6:46
  child
• 6:46
  or,
• 6:47
  you
• 6:48
  know,
• 6:48
  I
• 6:48
  know
• 6:48
  so
• 6:48
  many
• 6:49
  people
• 6:49
  that'll
• 6:49
  just
• 6:49
  like,
• 6:49
  oh,
• 6:50
  I
• 6:50
  just
• 6:50
  can't
• 6:50
  say
• 6:50
  that
• 6:50
  to
• 6:51
  him
• 6:51
  because
• 6:52
  it'll
• 6:52
  break
• 6:52
  my
• 6:53
  heart
• 6:53
  if
• 6:53
  I
• 6:53
  think
• 6:54
  I'm
• 6:54
  upsetting
• 6:54
  him.
• 6:54
  It's
• 6:55
  like,
• 6:55
  what?
• 6:55
  Yeah,
• 6:56
  like,
• 6:57
  that's.
• 6:57
  I
• 6:57
  think
• 6:58
  that's
• 6:58
  how
• 6:58
  I
• 6:58
  became.
• 6:59
  Yeah,
• 7:00
  that's
• 7:00
  how
• 7:00
  I
• 7:00
  became
• 7:01
  just.
• 7:01
  I
• 7:01
  mean,
• 7:01
  I've
• 7:02
  we
• 7:02
  with
• 7:02
  certain
• 7:03
  things.
• 7:03
  I
• 7:03
  don't
• 7:03
  have
• 7:03
  a
• 7:03
  filter.
• 7:04
  And
• 7:04
  granted,
• 7:05
  it's
• 7:05
  not
• 7:05
  exactly
• 7:06
  the
• 7:06
  way
• 7:06
  to
• 7:06
  communicate,
• 7:07
  but,
• 7:08
  you
• 7:08
  know,
• 7:08
  I
• 7:08
  think
• 7:09
  that's
• 7:09
  how
• 7:09
  I
• 7:09
  became.
• 7:09
  That's
• 7:10
  part
• 7:10
  of,
• 7:10
  you
• 7:10
  know,
• 7:11
  when
• 7:11
  I
• 7:11
  went
• 7:11
  through
• 7:11
  finding
• 7:11
  myself
• 7:12
  was
• 7:12
  just
• 7:12
  be.
• 7:13
  Be
• 7:14
  telling
• 7:14
  myself
• 7:14
  I
• 7:14
  had
• 7:14
  the
• 7:15
  ability
• 7:15
  to
• 7:15
  say
• 7:15
  how
• 7:15
  I
• 7:15
  feel,
• 7:16
  and
• 7:16
  if
• 7:16
  it
• 7:16
  hurts
• 7:16
  your
• 7:16
  feelings,
• 7:16
  I'm
• 7:17
  sorry,
• 7:17
  but
• 7:17
  that's
• 7:17
  just
• 7:17
  how
• 7:18
  it
• 7:18
  is.
• 7:18
  Well,
• 7:19
  and,
• 7:21
  and,
• 7:21
  well,
• 7:22
  and
• 7:22
  that's.
• 7:22
  I
• 7:22
  mean,
• 7:22
  honestly,
• 7:23
  that's
• 7:23
  kind
• 7:24
  of
• 7:24
  like
• 7:24
  the
• 7:24
  polar
• 7:24
  opposite.
• 7:25
  Like,
• 7:25
  you
• 7:25
  finally.
• 7:26
  Somebody
• 7:26
  finally
• 7:26
  gives
• 7:27
  you
• 7:27
  the
• 7:27
  right
• 7:27
  to
• 7:27
  say,
• 7:28
  hey,
• 7:28
  you
• 7:29
  can
• 7:29
  be
• 7:29
  unapologetically
• 7:30
  you,
• 7:32
  and
• 7:32
  then
• 7:32
  you're
• 7:32
  like,
• 7:33
  oh,
• 7:33
  yeah,
• 7:33
  here
• 7:33
  I
• 7:34
  go.
• 7:34
  And
• 7:34
  it's
• 7:34
  kind
• 7:34
  of
• 7:35
  finding
• 7:35
  that
• 7:35
  happy
• 7:35
  medium.
• 7:36
  But
• 7:36
  unfortunately,
• 7:37
  like,
• 7:37
  that
• 7:37
  emotional
• 7:38
  intelligence
• 7:38
  is
• 7:39
  not
• 7:39
  something
• 7:39
  that
• 7:40
  kids
• 7:40
  are
• 7:40
  taught
• 7:40
  younger
• 7:41
  because
• 7:42
  had
• 7:42
  you
• 7:43
  known
• 7:43
  how
• 7:43
  to,
• 7:44
  like,
• 7:44
  say
• 7:44
  things
• 7:44
  and
• 7:45
  actually
• 7:45
  express
• 7:46
  them
• 7:46
  with
• 7:46
  a
• 7:47
  little
• 7:47
  bit
• 7:47
  of
• 7:47
  empathy
• 7:48
  and,
• 7:48
  you
• 7:48
  know,
• 7:48
  you
• 7:48
  didn't
• 7:49
  learn
• 7:49
  all
• 7:49
  that.
• 7:49
  You
• 7:49
  didn't
• 7:49
  have
• 7:50
  the
• 7:50
  model.
• 7:50
  So
• 7:51
  talk
• 7:52
  about
• 7:52
  what
• 7:52
  you
• 7:53
  did.
• 7:53
  I
• 7:53
  mean,
• 7:53
  you
• 7:53
  wrote
• 7:54
  a
• 7:54
  book
• 7:54
  that
• 7:54
  says,
• 7:54
  who
• 7:55
  am
• 7:55
  I
• 7:55
  really
• 7:56
  do.
• 7:56
  Yeah,
• 7:56
  basically,
• 7:57
  you
• 7:57
  know,
• 7:58
  I.
• 7:58
  I
• 7:58
  went
• 7:59
  to
• 7:59
  writing
• 7:59
  when
• 7:59
  I
• 7:59
  was
• 7:59
  a
• 8:00
  kid.
• 8:00
  I
• 8:00
  mean,
• 8:00
  I
• 8:00
  didn't
• 8:00
  like
• 8:01
  setting,
• 8:01
  you
• 8:01
  know,
• 8:01
  I
• 8:01
  was
• 8:01
  being
• 8:01
  picked
• 8:02
  on
• 8:02
  it,
• 8:02
  have
• 8:02
  a
• 8:02
  whole
• 8:02
  lot
• 8:02
  of
• 8:03
  friends.
• 8:03
  And
• 8:03
  I
• 8:04
  just.
• 8:04
  I
• 8:04
  wrote.
• 8:04
  I
• 8:05
  wrote
• 8:05
  a
• 8:05
  lot
• 8:05
  when
• 8:05
  I
• 8:05
  was
• 8:05
  a
• 8:06
  kid.
• 8:06
  Poetry.
• 8:07
  I
• 8:07
  mean,
• 8:07
  I
• 8:07
  wrote
• 8:07
  just
• 8:08
  anything
• 8:08
  in
• 8:08
  general.
• 8:09
  And
• 8:09
  I
• 8:10
  just
• 8:10
  kind
• 8:10
  of
• 8:10
  learned
• 8:11
  to,
• 8:12
  you
• 8:12
  know,
• 8:13
  I
• 8:13
  always
• 8:13
  felt
• 8:14
  bad
• 8:14
  about
• 8:14
  kids
• 8:15
  are
• 8:15
  being
• 8:15
  picked
• 8:15
  on
• 8:16
  aside
• 8:16
  from
• 8:16
  myself.
• 8:17
  So
• 8:17
  I
• 8:17
  kind
• 8:17
  of
• 8:17
  always
• 8:18
  honed
• 8:18
  in
• 8:18
  on
• 8:19
  trying
• 8:19
  to
• 8:19
  make
• 8:19
  a
• 8:19
  friend
• 8:20
  with
• 8:20
  the
• 8:20
  one
• 8:20
  that
• 8:20
  didn't
• 8:21
  have
• 8:21
  any
• 8:21
  friends
• 8:21
  besides
• 8:21
  myself
• 8:23
  and
• 8:23
  always
• 8:24
  had
• 8:24
  a
• 8:24
  huge
• 8:24
  heart.
• 8:25
  I
• 8:25
  was
• 8:25
  always
• 8:25
  you
• 8:25
  know,
• 8:26
  really
• 8:27
  wanting
• 8:27
  to
• 8:27
  help
• 8:27
  somebody
• 8:28
  or,
• 8:28
  you
• 8:28
  know,
• 8:28
  wanting
• 8:29
  make
• 8:29
  sure
• 8:29
  somebody
• 8:29
  didn't
• 8:30
  feel
• 8:30
  bad.
• 8:31
  And
• 8:32
  that's
• 8:32
  kind
• 8:32
  of
• 8:32
  what
• 8:32
  I
• 8:32
  did,
• 8:33
  you
• 8:33
  know,
• 8:34
  to
• 8:34
  deal
• 8:34
  with
• 8:34
  it.
• 8:34
  And
• 8:35
  I
• 8:35
  kind
• 8:35
  of
• 8:35
  just
• 8:35
  reclute,
• 8:36
  you
• 8:36
  know,
• 8:36
  I
• 8:36
  kind
• 8:37
  of.
• 8:37
  Until
• 8:38
  I
• 8:38
  was
• 8:38
  about
• 8:38
  13,
• 8:39
  I
• 8:40
  kind
• 8:40
  of
• 8:40
  just,
• 8:40
  you
• 8:40
  know,
• 8:42
  was
• 8:44
  pushing
• 8:44
  through
• 8:44
  every
• 8:44
  day.
• 8:45
  I
• 8:45
  played
• 8:45
  softball.
• 8:45
  My,
• 8:46
  you
• 8:46
  know,
• 8:46
  My
• 8:46
  mom
• 8:46
  had
• 8:47
  me
• 8:47
  going
• 8:47
  into,
• 8:48
  you
• 8:48
  know,
• 8:49
  religious
• 8:50
  classes
• 8:50
  every
• 8:51
  week.
• 8:51
  And
• 8:52
  when
• 8:52
  I
• 8:52
  was
• 8:52
  about
• 8:52
  13,
• 8:53
  14,
• 8:54
  you
• 8:54
  know,
• 8:54
  everything
• 8:54
  just
• 8:54
  kind
• 8:55
  of
• 8:55
  changed.
• 8:55
  And
• 8:56
  it
• 8:56
  was
• 8:56
  like,
• 8:56
  we're
• 8:57
  in
• 8:57
  high
• 8:57
  school,
• 8:57
  a
• 8:57
  whole
• 8:58
  new
• 8:58
  era.
• 8:58
  And
• 8:58
  the
• 8:59
  reason
• 8:59
  I
• 8:59
  wrote
• 8:59
  it
• 8:59
  is
• 8:59
  because
• 9:00
  that's
• 9:00
  the
• 9:01
  hardest
• 9:01
  time.
• 9:01
  You
• 9:01
  know,
• 9:02
  you're
• 9:02
  either
• 9:02
  cheerleader,
• 9:03
  jock,
• 9:03
  or
• 9:03
  you're
• 9:03
  a
• 9:03
  nerd.
• 9:04
  Right?
• 9:05
  Is
• 9:05
  how
• 9:05
  it
• 9:05
  goes.
• 9:05
  You
• 9:05
  know
• 9:06
  what
• 9:06
  I
• 9:06
  mean?
• 9:06
  And
• 9:06
  I
• 9:06
  was
• 9:06
  the
• 9:07
  nerd.
• 9:08
  And
• 9:09
  I
• 9:09
  ended
• 9:09
  up
• 9:09
  leaving.
• 9:10
  I
• 9:10
  left
• 9:10
  school
• 9:10
  in
• 9:11
  ninth
• 9:11
  grade,
• 9:12
  and
• 9:13
  I
• 9:13
  went
• 9:13
  to
• 9:14
  get
• 9:14
  my
• 9:14
  ged,
• 9:14
  and
• 9:15
  I
• 9:15
  went
• 9:15
  from
• 9:15
  there.
• 9:15
  I
• 9:15
  went
• 9:15
  to
• 9:16
  community
• 9:17
  college.
• 9:17
  I
• 9:17
  got
• 9:17
  it,
• 9:17
  and
• 9:18
  I
• 9:18
  got
• 9:18
  a
• 9:18
  certificate,
• 9:19
  and
• 9:20
  I
• 9:20
  got
• 9:20
  a
• 9:20
  couple
• 9:20
  other
• 9:21
  things
• 9:21
  under
• 9:21
  my
• 9:21
  belt.
• 9:22
  I
• 9:22
  was
• 9:22
  a
• 9:22
  teacher.
• 9:22
  And
• 9:23
  just
• 9:23
  being,
• 9:23
  you
• 9:23
  know,
• 9:24
  not
• 9:24
  knowing.
• 9:25
  Not
• 9:26
  having
• 9:26
  a
• 9:26
  parent
• 9:26
  to
• 9:27
  talk
• 9:27
  to
• 9:27
  at
• 9:27
  home
• 9:28
  is
• 9:29
  what
• 9:29
  set
• 9:29
  me
• 9:29
  on.
• 9:29
  You
• 9:30
  know,
• 9:30
  it
• 9:30
  made
• 9:30
  it
• 9:30
  twice
• 9:30
  as
• 9:31
  hard
• 9:31
  as,
• 9:31
  you
• 9:31
  know,
• 9:31
  I
• 9:32
  couldn't
• 9:32
  come
• 9:32
  home,
• 9:32
  say,
• 9:32
  mom,
• 9:33
  I'm
• 9:33
  being
• 9:33
  picked
• 9:33
  on.
• 9:33
  She'd
• 9:33
  tell
• 9:34
  me
• 9:34
  to
• 9:34
  turn
• 9:34
  together.
• 9:34
  You
• 9:34
  know,
• 9:35
  just
• 9:35
  ignore
• 9:35
  them.
• 9:35
  It'll
• 9:35
  go
• 9:36
  away.
• 9:37
  Biggest
• 9:38
  mistake.
• 9:38
  That's
• 9:39
  one
• 9:39
  of
• 9:39
  the
• 9:39
  reasons
• 9:39
  that
• 9:39
  I
• 9:40
  wrote,
• 9:40
  you
• 9:40
  know,
• 9:40
  that
• 9:40
  I
• 9:41
  put
• 9:41
  the
• 9:41
  book
• 9:41
  out
• 9:41
  there,
• 9:42
  too,
• 9:42
  is
• 9:42
  because
• 9:42
  parent.
• 9:43
  You
• 9:43
  can't
• 9:43
  tell
• 9:43
  your
• 9:43
  kid.
• 9:43
  Just
• 9:44
  ignore
• 9:44
  it.
• 9:44
  It'll
• 9:44
  go
• 9:44
  away.
• 9:45
  They
• 9:45
  don't
• 9:45
  go
• 9:46
  away.
• 9:46
  It
• 9:46
  gets
• 9:46
  worse.
• 9:47
  The
• 9:47
  worse
• 9:48
  it
• 9:48
  gets,
• 9:48
  the
• 9:48
  more
• 9:49
  you
• 9:49
  internalize
• 9:49
  it,
• 9:49
  the
• 9:49
  more
• 9:50
  you
• 9:50
  internalize,
• 9:50
  the
• 9:50
  more
• 9:50
  it
• 9:50
  makes
• 9:51
  you
• 9:51
  believe,
• 9:51
  no
• 9:51
  matter
• 9:51
  what
• 9:51
  somebody
• 9:52
  says,
• 9:52
  there's
• 9:52
  something
• 9:52
  wrong
• 9:53
  with
• 9:53
  you
• 9:53
  because
• 9:54
  you
• 9:54
  don't
• 9:54
  have
• 9:54
  a
• 9:54
  reason
• 9:54
  as
• 9:55
  to
• 9:55
  why
• 9:55
  these
• 9:55
  kids
• 9:55
  do
• 9:56
  this.
• 9:56
  You
• 9:56
  know,
• 9:57
  they're
• 9:57
  just
• 9:57
  mean.
• 9:57
  That's
• 9:58
  not.
• 9:58
  But
• 9:59
  that's
• 9:59
  not
• 9:59
  it.
• 9:59
  There's
• 10:00
  some.
• 10:00
  There's,
• 10:00
  you
• 10:00
  know,
• 10:01
  you
• 10:01
  don't.
• 10:01
  You
• 10:01
  don't
• 10:01
  see
• 10:01
  it
• 10:01
  that
• 10:02
  way.
• 10:02
  You
• 10:02
  just
• 10:02
  see
• 10:02
  it
• 10:02
  as
• 10:03
  what's
• 10:03
  wrong
• 10:03
  with
• 10:04
  me.
• 10:04
  Why
• 10:04
  am
• 10:04
  I
• 10:04
  not
• 10:04
  good
• 10:04
  enough?
• 10:05
  And
• 10:05
  on
• 10:05
  top
• 10:05
  of
• 10:05
  that,
• 10:06
  being
• 10:06
  adopted
• 10:06
  and
• 10:07
  then,
• 10:07
  you
• 10:07
  know,
• 10:08
  not
• 10:08
  having
• 10:08
  her
• 10:08
  to
• 10:08
  talk
• 10:08
  to
• 10:09
  or
• 10:09
  having
• 10:09
  her
• 10:09
  be
• 10:09
  around,
• 10:10
  you
• 10:10
  know,
• 10:10
  and.
• 10:11
  And
• 10:11
  to
• 10:11
  judge,
• 10:12
  judging
• 10:12
  everything
• 10:12
  I
• 10:13
  did,
• 10:13
  it
• 10:14
  made
• 10:14
  it
• 10:14
  that
• 10:15
  much
• 10:15
  harder
• 10:16
  for
• 10:16
  me.
• 10:16
  So
• 10:16
  I
• 10:16
  just
• 10:17
  read
• 10:17
  more.
• 10:18
  I,
• 10:18
  you
• 10:19
  know,
• 10:19
  wrote
• 10:19
  more.
• 10:21
  And
• 10:21
  then
• 10:21
  when
• 10:21
  I
• 10:21
  was
• 10:22
  a
• 10:22
  teenager,
• 10:24
  about
• 10:24
  16,
• 10:25
  I
• 10:25
  think
• 10:25
  I
• 10:26
  met
• 10:26
  my.
• 10:26
  Is
• 10:26
  when
• 10:26
  I
• 10:26
  met
• 10:26
  my
• 10:27
  husband.
• 10:27
  Okay.
• 10:28
  And,
• 10:29
  you
• 10:29
  know,
• 10:30
  of
• 10:31
  course
• 10:31
  she
• 10:31
  didn't
• 10:31
  like
• 10:31
  him,
• 10:32
  you
• 10:32
  know,
• 10:32
  and
• 10:32
  at
• 10:32
  this
• 10:32
  time,
• 10:32
  I
• 10:33
  was
• 10:33
  coming
• 10:33
  and
• 10:33
  going
• 10:34
  out
• 10:34
  of
• 10:34
  the
• 10:34
  house
• 10:34
  at
• 10:34
  this
• 10:35
  point,
• 10:35
  you
• 10:35
  know,
• 10:35
  I
• 10:35
  was
• 10:35
  your
• 10:36
  two
• 10:36
  typical
• 10:36
  rebel
• 10:37
  teenager
• 10:39
  that
• 10:39
  didn't
• 10:39
  want
• 10:39
  to
• 10:40
  be
• 10:40
  at
• 10:40
  home
• 10:40
  with
• 10:40
  mom,
• 10:41
  you
• 10:41
  know,
• 10:41
  didn't.
• 10:41
  Didn't
• 10:42
  really
• 10:42
  know
• 10:42
  where
• 10:42
  my
• 10:42
  place
• 10:42
  in
• 10:43
  the
• 10:43
  world
• 10:43
  was.
• 10:44
  So,
• 10:45
  you
• 10:45
  know,
• 10:45
  I
• 10:45
  was
• 10:45
  doing
• 10:46
  all
• 10:46
  kinds
• 10:46
  of
• 10:47
  partying,
• 10:48
  whatever,
• 10:49
  you
• 10:49
  know,
• 10:49
  what
• 10:49
  have
• 10:49
  you.
• 10:50
  I
• 10:50
  met
• 10:50
  my
• 10:50
  Husband.
• 10:51
  And
• 10:52
  from
• 10:52
  that
• 10:52
  point,
• 10:53
  you
• 10:53
  know,
• 10:53
  it
• 10:53
  was
• 10:53
  just
• 10:54
  a
• 10:54
  matter
• 10:54
  of.
• 10:55
  Around
• 10:55
  him,
• 10:56
  I
• 10:56
  was
• 10:56
  allowed
• 10:56
  to
• 10:56
  be
• 10:56
  me.
• 10:57
  You
• 10:58
  know
• 10:58
  what
• 10:58
  I
• 10:58
  mean?
• 10:58
  There
• 10:58
  was
• 10:58
  no
• 10:58
  judgment.
• 10:59
  There
• 10:59
  was
• 10:59
  no,
• 11:00
  I
• 11:00
  could
• 11:00
  be
• 11:00
  me.
• 11:01
  And
• 11:02
  I
• 11:02
  think
• 11:03
  just
• 11:03
  finding
• 11:04
  my
• 11:04
  footing
• 11:04
  as
• 11:05
  far
• 11:05
  as,
• 11:05
  you
• 11:05
  know,
• 11:06
  continuing
• 11:07
  learning
• 11:07
  how
• 11:07
  to
• 11:08
  say
• 11:09
  no
• 11:09
  and
• 11:10
  learning
• 11:10
  how
• 11:10
  to
• 11:10
  be
• 11:11
  comfortable
• 11:11
  with
• 11:11
  my
• 11:11
  decisions.
• 11:12
  It
• 11:13
  started
• 11:13
  at
• 11:13
  about,
• 11:15
  I
• 11:15
  want
• 11:15
  to
• 11:15
  say,
• 11:16
  like,
• 11:16
  15.
• 11:17
  16
• 11:17
  is
• 11:18
  when
• 11:18
  it.
• 11:18
  You
• 11:18
  know,
• 11:19
  when
• 11:19
  I
• 11:19
  left
• 11:19
  the
• 11:19
  high
• 11:20
  school
• 11:20
  is
• 11:20
  when
• 11:20
  I
• 11:20
  learned
• 11:21
  how
• 11:21
  to
• 11:21
  Just
• 11:21
  kind
• 11:22
  of,
• 11:22
  for
• 11:22
  a
• 11:22
  while,
• 11:23
  like
• 11:23
  I
• 11:23
  said,
• 11:23
  you
• 11:24
  know,
• 11:24
  I
• 11:24
  was
• 11:24
  just
• 11:24
  a
• 11:24
  real
• 11:24
  recluse
• 11:25
  inside
• 11:25
  and.
• 11:26
  But
• 11:26
  the
• 11:27
  first
• 11:27
  time
• 11:27
  I
• 11:27
  made
• 11:27
  my.
• 11:27
  I
• 11:28
  remember
• 11:28
  making
• 11:28
  a
• 11:28
  decision
• 11:29
  on
• 11:29
  my
• 11:29
  own
• 11:29
  was
• 11:30
  when
• 11:31
  I
• 11:31
  met
• 11:31
  him,
• 11:32
  actually.
• 11:32
  My
• 11:32
  mother
• 11:33
  was
• 11:33
  like,
• 11:33
  you're
• 11:33
  not
• 11:34
  going
• 11:34
  anywhere.
• 11:35
  I
• 11:35
  was
• 11:35
  like,
• 11:36
  yes,
• 11:36
  I
• 11:36
  am.
• 11:37
  And
• 11:37
  I
• 11:37
  actually
• 11:38
  didn't
• 11:38
  feel
• 11:38
  guilty
• 11:39
  leaving
• 11:39
  the
• 11:39
  house
• 11:39
  when
• 11:40
  I
• 11:40
  went
• 11:40
  to
• 11:40
  go
• 11:40
  see
• 11:40
  him.
• 11:41
  You
• 11:41
  know
• 11:41
  what
• 11:41
  I
• 11:41
  mean?
• 11:41
  And
• 11:42
  I
• 11:42
  think
• 11:42
  that
• 11:42
  was
• 11:42
  the
• 11:42
  first
• 11:42
  time
• 11:43
  I
• 11:43
  kind
• 11:43
  of
• 11:43
  just
• 11:45
  was
• 11:46
  me.
• 11:47
  Right.
• 11:48
  And
• 11:48
  I
• 11:49
  know,
• 11:49
  I'm
• 11:49
  sure
• 11:49
  a
• 11:49
  lot
• 11:49
  of
• 11:49
  people
• 11:50
  were.
• 11:50
  You're
• 11:50
  thinking,
• 11:51
  too.
• 11:51
  Then
• 11:51
  you,
• 11:52
  of
• 11:52
  course,
• 11:52
  have
• 11:52
  this
• 11:52
  guilt
• 11:53
  of.
• 11:53
  This
• 11:53
  is
• 11:53
  my
• 11:53
  mother,
• 11:54
  and
• 11:54
  I
• 11:54
  should
• 11:54
  be
• 11:55
  listening
• 11:55
  to
• 11:55
  her.
• 11:55
  But
• 11:55
  at
• 11:56
  the
• 11:56
  same
• 11:56
  time,
• 11:56
  if
• 11:56
  you're
• 11:56
  not
• 11:57
  getting
• 11:57
  that
• 11:57
  mutual
• 11:57
  respect,
• 11:58
  you
• 11:59
  were.
• 11:59
  You
• 11:59
  were
• 11:59
  looking
• 12:00
  for
• 12:00
  love.
• 12:00
  I
• 12:00
  mean,
• 12:00
  at
• 12:01
  the
• 12:01
  end
• 12:01
  of
• 12:01
  the
• 12:01
  day,
• 12:02
  you
• 12:02
  got
• 12:03
  as
• 12:03
  a
• 12:03
  child,
• 12:03
  and
• 12:04
  16
• 12:04
  is
• 12:04
  still
• 12:05
  a
• 12:05
  child.
• 12:06
  You're
• 12:07
  gonna
• 12:07
  find
• 12:07
  it
• 12:08
  somewhere,
• 12:08
  and
• 12:08
  it's
• 12:09
  not
• 12:09
  always
• 12:09
  the
• 12:09
  right
• 12:09
  places.
• 12:10
  Are
• 12:10
  you
• 12:10
  still
• 12:10
  with
• 12:10
  your
• 12:11
  husband?
• 12:11
  Yep.
• 12:12
  Oh,
• 12:13
  so
• 12:13
  cool.
• 12:14
  25
• 12:15
  years.
• 12:15
  25
• 12:16
  years.
• 12:16
  Isn't
• 12:17
  that.
• 12:18
  Isn't
• 12:18
  that
• 12:18
  amazing?
• 12:20
  So
• 12:20
  that
• 12:20
  is
• 12:20
  actually
• 12:21
  pretty
• 12:21
  cool,
• 12:22
  because
• 12:22
  not
• 12:22
  many
• 12:22
  people
• 12:23
  now
• 12:23
  have
• 12:24
  you.
• 12:24
  I'm
• 12:24
  just
• 12:24
  going
• 12:24
  to
• 12:25
  be
• 12:25
  very.
• 12:25
  I'm
• 12:25
  just
• 12:26
  going
• 12:26
  to
• 12:26
  ask
• 12:26
  you,
• 12:26
  are
• 12:26
  you.
• 12:27
  You
• 12:27
  said
• 12:27
  you
• 12:27
  could
• 12:27
  be
• 12:28
  yourself
• 12:28
  with
• 12:28
  him,
• 12:29
  so
• 12:29
  did
• 12:29
  he
• 12:30
  help
• 12:30
  you
• 12:30
  with
• 12:30
  learning
• 12:31
  how
• 12:31
  to
• 12:31
  set
• 12:31
  boundaries
• 12:32
  and
• 12:32
  say
• 12:32
  no
• 12:32
  and.
• 12:33
  And
• 12:33
  help?
• 12:34
  You
• 12:34
  know,
• 12:36
  he
• 12:36
  did.
• 12:36
  Allowed
• 12:37
  to
• 12:37
  ask
• 12:37
  for
• 12:37
  what
• 12:38
  you
• 12:38
  want.
• 12:39
  Yeah,
• 12:40
  he
• 12:40
  did,
• 12:40
  for
• 12:40
  the
• 12:40
  most
• 12:41
  part.
• 12:41
  I
• 12:42
  mean,
• 12:42
  you
• 12:42
  know,
• 12:43
  because
• 12:43
  he,
• 12:43
  you
• 12:44
  know,
• 12:44
  he
• 12:44
  did
• 12:44
  it.
• 12:45
  He
• 12:46
  had
• 12:46
  no
• 12:46
  problem
• 12:46
  doing
• 12:46
  it.
• 12:47
  He's
• 12:47
  no
• 12:47
  problem
• 12:47
  telling
• 12:47
  you
• 12:48
  no.
• 12:49
  Right.
• 12:49
  So
• 12:49
  I
• 12:50
  made
• 12:50
  it
• 12:50
  a
• 12:50
  lot
• 12:50
  easier.
• 12:50
  It
• 12:50
  made
• 12:51
  it
• 12:51
  a
• 12:51
  lot
• 12:51
  easier
• 12:51
  for
• 12:51
  me
• 12:51
  to
• 12:52
  learn
• 12:52
  how
• 12:52
  to
• 12:52
  do
• 12:52
  it.
• 12:53
  Right.
• 12:53
  I
• 12:53
  mean,
• 12:54
  you
• 12:54
  were
• 12:54
  both
• 12:54
  deferring
• 12:55
  to.
• 12:55
  I
• 12:55
  was
• 12:55
  always
• 12:55
  deferring
• 12:56
  to.
• 12:57
  Well,
• 12:57
  whatever
• 12:57
  you
• 12:57
  want
• 12:58
  to
• 12:58
  do,
• 12:58
  whatever
• 12:59
  you
• 12:59
  say
• 12:59
  is
• 12:59
  okay.
• 13:00
  But
• 13:01
  he's
• 13:01
  the
• 13:01
  one
• 13:01
  that
• 13:01
  actually
• 13:02
  was.
• 13:02
  It's
• 13:03
  okay
• 13:03
  to
• 13:03
  say
• 13:03
  no.
• 13:05
  No,
• 13:05
  I
• 13:06
  don't
• 13:06
  want
• 13:06
  to.
• 13:07
  Well,
• 13:08
  it's
• 13:08
  just
• 13:08
  funny.
• 13:09
  It's
• 13:09
  just
• 13:09
  funny
• 13:10
  because
• 13:10
  usually
• 13:10
  when
• 13:10
  you
• 13:11
  come
• 13:11
  from
• 13:12
  a
• 13:12
  household
• 13:13
  like
• 13:13
  that,
• 13:13
  it's
• 13:14
  like
• 13:14
  you.
• 13:15
  Your
• 13:15
  brain
• 13:16
  is
• 13:16
  kind
• 13:16
  of
• 13:16
  wired
• 13:16
  for
• 13:17
  Familiarity.
• 13:18
  So
• 13:18
  a
• 13:18
  lot
• 13:18
  of
• 13:18
  times
• 13:18
  you
• 13:18
  will
• 13:19
  go
• 13:19
  into
• 13:19
  a
• 13:19
  situation
• 13:19
  that's
• 13:20
  just
• 13:20
  like
• 13:20
  the
• 13:20
  one
• 13:20
  you
• 13:21
  left
• 13:21
  from,
• 13:22
  because
• 13:22
  that's
• 13:22
  what
• 13:22
  you're
• 13:22
  comfortable.
• 13:23
  So
• 13:24
  you
• 13:24
  were
• 13:24
  probably
• 13:24
  the
• 13:25
  opposite.
• 13:26
  Yeah.
• 13:27
  Abs,
• 13:28
  Absolutely.
• 13:28
  Which
• 13:29
  is
• 13:29
  good.
• 13:29
  Most
• 13:29
  people
• 13:30
  don't.
• 13:30
  Most
• 13:30
  people.
• 13:31
  Because
• 13:32
  your
• 13:33
  brain
• 13:33
  is
• 13:33
  wired
• 13:34
  for
• 13:34
  the
• 13:34
  easiest
• 13:35
  route,
• 13:35
  honestly.
• 13:36
  So
• 13:36
  the
• 13:37
  easiest
• 13:37
  thing
• 13:37
  is
• 13:37
  to
• 13:38
  be
• 13:38
  with
• 13:38
  someone
• 13:38
  who
• 13:38
  is
• 13:39
  like
• 13:39
  your
• 13:39
  mother,
• 13:39
  who,
• 13:39
  you
• 13:40
  know
• 13:40
  what
• 13:40
  to
• 13:40
  expect,
• 13:40
  you
• 13:41
  know
• 13:41
  how
• 13:41
  to
• 13:41
  act,
• 13:41
  you
• 13:41
  know
• 13:42
  what
• 13:42
  to
• 13:42
  say,
• 13:42
  you
• 13:42
  know
• 13:42
  what
• 13:42
  to
• 13:43
  do
• 13:43
  versus
• 13:44
  something
• 13:44
  that's
• 13:45
  totally.
• 13:46
  I
• 13:46
  mean,
• 13:47
  I
• 13:47
  remember
• 13:47
  the
• 13:47
  first
• 13:47
  time.
• 13:48
  Yeah.
• 13:48
  Unpredictable
• 13:49
  or
• 13:49
  predictable.
• 13:50
  I
• 13:50
  remember
• 13:50
  the
• 13:51
  first
• 13:51
  time
• 13:51
  I
• 13:52
  was
• 13:52
  with
• 13:52
  someone
• 13:53
  that
• 13:53
  it
• 13:53
  was
• 13:53
  actually
• 13:53
  like
• 13:54
  a
• 13:54
  good
• 13:54
  relationship.
• 13:55
  It
• 13:55
  was
• 13:56
  violently
• 13:56
  uncomfortable,
• 13:57
  and
• 13:57
  it
• 13:57
  didn't
• 13:57
  last
• 13:58
  because
• 13:58
  I
• 13:58
  was
• 13:58
  like,
• 13:59
  oh,
• 13:59
  I
• 13:59
  don't
• 13:59
  even
• 13:59
  know
• 13:59
  how
• 13:59
  to
• 13:59
  do
• 14:00
  this
• 14:02
  right.
• 14:02
  I
• 14:02
  was
• 14:02
  like,
• 14:03
  this
• 14:03
  does
• 14:03
  not
• 14:03
  feel
• 14:04
  right
• 14:04
  at
• 14:04
  all.
• 14:06
  But
• 14:06
  then,
• 14:06
  you
• 14:06
  know,
• 14:07
  my
• 14:07
  friends
• 14:07
  were
• 14:07
  like,
• 14:08
  hey,
• 14:08
  it's
• 14:09
  not
• 14:09
  right
• 14:09
  that
• 14:09
  people
• 14:09
  talk
• 14:10
  to
• 14:10
  you
• 14:10
  that
• 14:10
  way.
• 14:10
  I'm
• 14:11
  like,
• 14:11
  really?
• 14:11
  Everybody's
• 14:11
  talked
• 14:12
  to
• 14:12
  me
• 14:12
  that
• 14:12
  way
• 14:12
  my
• 14:12
  whole
• 14:12
  life.
• 14:13
  I
• 14:13
  didn't
• 14:13
  think
• 14:13
  about
• 14:14
  it.
• 14:14
  Yeah.
• 14:15
  So
• 14:16
  it's.
• 14:17
  It's
• 14:17
  a
• 14:17
  feeling
• 14:17
  of
• 14:17
  not
• 14:18
  feeling
• 14:18
  good
• 14:18
  enough.
• 14:19
  You
• 14:19
  know,
• 14:20
  no
• 14:20
  matter
• 14:20
  what
• 14:20
  you
• 14:20
  do,
• 14:20
  it's
• 14:20
  never
• 14:21
  good
• 14:21
  enough
• 14:21
  for
• 14:21
  anybody.
• 14:22
  And
• 14:22
  I
• 14:22
  think
• 14:23
  that
• 14:23
  that's.
• 14:23
  That
• 14:24
  ideal
• 14:24
  is
• 14:24
  still.
• 14:25
  I
• 14:25
  still
• 14:25
  deal
• 14:25
  with
• 14:25
  that,
• 14:25
  you
• 14:26
  know,
• 14:26
  just
• 14:26
  from
• 14:27
  other
• 14:27
  people
• 14:27
  around
• 14:28
  me.
• 14:28
  But
• 14:28
  I
• 14:28
  mean,
• 14:29
  it.
• 14:29
  You
• 14:30
  know,
• 14:30
  it's
• 14:30
  that.
• 14:31
  That
• 14:31
  constant
• 14:31
  nagging
• 14:32
  is.
• 14:32
  Is
• 14:32
  what
• 14:32
  made
• 14:33
  it.
• 14:34
  Made
• 14:34
  me
• 14:34
  so
• 14:35
  determined
• 14:35
  to,
• 14:35
  you
• 14:36
  know,
• 14:36
  just
• 14:36
  go
• 14:38
  and,
• 14:38
  you
• 14:38
  know,
• 14:39
  because
• 14:39
  you
• 14:40
  don't
• 14:40
  want
• 14:40
  to
• 14:40
  tell
• 14:40
  people
• 14:40
  that,
• 14:41
  you
• 14:41
  know,
• 14:41
  you
• 14:41
  feel
• 14:41
  like
• 14:41
  you're
• 14:41
  not
• 14:42
  good
• 14:42
  enough.
• 14:42
  And
• 14:42
  I
• 14:42
  know
• 14:43
  there's
• 14:43
  got
• 14:43
  to
• 14:43
  be
• 14:44
  tons
• 14:44
  of
• 14:44
  women
• 14:44
  out
• 14:44
  there
• 14:45
  that
• 14:45
  just
• 14:45
  don't
• 14:45
  feel
• 14:45
  like
• 14:46
  they're
• 14:46
  good
• 14:46
  enough,
• 14:46
  but
• 14:47
  they
• 14:47
  are.
• 14:48
  They
• 14:48
  are.
• 14:49
  They
• 14:49
  are
• 14:49
  good
• 14:49
  enough.
• 14:50
  It's
• 14:50
  just
• 14:50
  about,
• 14:51
  you
• 14:51
  know,
• 14:53
  in
• 14:53
  the
• 14:53
  end,
• 14:54
  it's
• 14:54
  like,
• 14:54
  I
• 14:55
  have
• 14:55
  to
• 14:55
  rewire.
• 14:55
  I
• 14:55
  had
• 14:55
  to
• 14:55
  rewire
• 14:56
  my
• 14:56
  whole
• 14:56
  brain
• 14:57
  because
• 14:59
  I'm
• 14:59
  very.
• 14:59
  I'm
• 15:00
  very
• 15:00
  determined,
• 15:01
  and
• 15:01
  I'm
• 15:01
  very
• 15:01
  persistent.
• 15:02
  And
• 15:02
  when
• 15:02
  I
• 15:03
  just.
• 15:03
  I'm
• 15:03
  one
• 15:03
  of
• 15:03
  those
• 15:03
  people,
• 15:03
  like,
• 15:04
  if
• 15:04
  it's
• 15:04
  going
• 15:04
  to
• 15:04
  happen,
• 15:05
  it's
• 15:05
  going
• 15:05
  to
• 15:05
  happen.
• 15:06
  And,
• 15:06
  you
• 15:07
  know,
• 15:07
  it's.
• 15:08
  You
• 15:09
  kind
• 15:09
  of
• 15:09
  have
• 15:09
  to
• 15:09
  rewire.
• 15:10
  Take
• 15:10
  a
• 15:10
  time
• 15:10
  and
• 15:10
  rewire
• 15:11
  yourself
• 15:11
  to
• 15:11
  where
• 15:13
  you're
• 15:13
  okay
• 15:14
  with
• 15:15
  certain
• 15:15
  things,
• 15:16
  you
• 15:16
  know,
• 15:16
  and
• 15:17
  you're
• 15:17
  okay
• 15:17
  with
• 15:18
  yourself.
• 15:18
  And
• 15:18
  I
• 15:18
  did
• 15:18
  that
• 15:19
  just
• 15:19
  by,
• 15:19
  you
• 15:19
  know,
• 15:20
  setting
• 15:21
  goals
• 15:21
  for
• 15:21
  myself
• 15:21
  and.
• 15:22
  And
• 15:22
  achieving
• 15:23
  them
• 15:24
  is
• 15:24
  how
• 15:24
  I
• 15:24
  taught
• 15:24
  myself,
• 15:25
  and
• 15:25
  I
• 15:25
  rewired
• 15:25
  my
• 15:25
  brain
• 15:26
  to.
• 15:26
  I'm
• 15:26
  okay
• 15:27
  with
• 15:27
  me.
• 15:27
  You
• 15:28
  know
• 15:28
  what
• 15:28
  I
• 15:28
  mean?
• 15:28
  Like,
• 15:28
  I
• 15:28
  can
• 15:29
  do
• 15:29
  it.
• 15:29
  I'm
• 15:29
  good
• 15:29
  enough.
• 15:30
  So
• 15:30
  I
• 15:30
  was
• 15:30
  gonna
• 15:31
  Ask
• 15:31
  you,
• 15:31
  so
• 15:31
  what
• 15:32
  are
• 15:32
  some
• 15:32
  of
• 15:32
  the
• 15:32
  things?
• 15:32
  Like,
• 15:32
  did
• 15:33
  you
• 15:33
  go
• 15:33
  through
• 15:33
  therapy?
• 15:34
  Like,
• 15:34
  what
• 15:34
  are
• 15:34
  some
• 15:34
  of
• 15:34
  the
• 15:34
  things
• 15:35
  I
• 15:35
  did?
• 15:35
  I
• 15:35
  went
• 15:35
  through
• 15:35
  therapy,
• 15:36
  but
• 15:36
  for
• 15:36
  the
• 15:36
  most
• 15:37
  part,
• 15:37
  it
• 15:37
  was
• 15:37
  like,
• 15:37
  everything.
• 15:38
  I
• 15:38
  looked
• 15:38
  at
• 15:38
  everything
• 15:39
  as
• 15:39
  a
• 15:39
  challenge.
• 15:40
  Like,
• 15:40
  you
• 15:40
  know,
• 15:41
  can
• 15:41
  I
• 15:41
  do
• 15:41
  this?
• 15:42
  You
• 15:42
  know,
• 15:42
  and
• 15:42
  can
• 15:42
  I
• 15:42
  finish
• 15:43
  first?
• 15:43
  Can
• 15:43
  I.
• 15:43
  You
• 15:44
  know,
• 15:44
  how
• 15:44
  am
• 15:45
  I
• 15:45
  going
• 15:45
  to,
• 15:45
  you
• 15:45
  know,
• 15:45
  can
• 15:46
  I
• 15:46
  accomplish
• 15:46
  this?
• 15:47
  And
• 15:47
  I
• 15:47
  would.
• 15:48
  And
• 15:48
  I
• 15:48
  would
• 15:48
  start
• 15:49
  just
• 15:49
  doing
• 15:49
  things
• 15:50
  like,
• 15:50
  you
• 15:50
  know,
• 15:51
  I
• 15:51
  put
• 15:52
  a
• 15:52
  bike
• 15:52
  together
• 15:52
  from,
• 15:53
  you
• 15:53
  know,
• 15:53
  all
• 15:54
  parts.
• 15:55
  It
• 15:55
  took
• 15:55
  me
• 15:55
  two
• 15:55
  days,
• 15:56
  but
• 15:56
  I
• 15:56
  did
• 15:56
  it.
• 15:56
  You
• 15:57
  know
• 15:57
  what
• 15:57
  I
• 15:57
  mean?
• 15:57
  So
• 15:58
  I
• 15:58
  got,
• 15:59
  you
• 15:59
  know,
• 15:59
  I
• 15:59
  knew
• 15:59
  I
• 15:59
  could
• 15:59
  do
• 16:00
  that.
• 16:00
  So
• 16:00
  that
• 16:00
  kind
• 16:00
  of
• 16:01
  built
• 16:01
  up
• 16:01
  my
• 16:01
  confidence
• 16:02
  a
• 16:02
  little
• 16:02
  bit.
• 16:02
  And
• 16:02
  then
• 16:02
  it's
• 16:02
  like,
• 16:02
  you
• 16:03
  know,
• 16:03
  when
• 16:03
  I
• 16:04
  got
• 16:04
  older,
• 16:04
  I
• 16:04
  quit
• 16:05
  smoking.
• 16:05
  I
• 16:05
  smoked
• 16:05
  from
• 16:05
  the
• 16:06
  time
• 16:06
  I
• 16:06
  was
• 16:06
  14
• 16:06
  until
• 16:07
  probably
• 16:08
  25,
• 16:09
  26,
• 16:10
  and
• 16:10
  I
• 16:10
  quit
• 16:11
  New
• 16:11
  Year's
• 16:11
  Eve
• 16:11
  cold
• 16:11
  turkey.
• 16:12
  Oh,
• 16:13
  nice.
• 16:13
  Never
• 16:13
  picked
• 16:14
  it
• 16:14
  up
• 16:14
  again.
• 16:15
  And
• 16:15
  that
• 16:16
  was
• 16:16
  a
• 16:16
  big
• 16:16
  deal
• 16:16
  because,
• 16:17
  you
• 16:17
  know,
• 16:18
  I.
• 16:18
  That
• 16:19
  was
• 16:19
  part
• 16:19
  of
• 16:19
  how
• 16:20
  the
• 16:20
  persistence,
• 16:20
  determination,
• 16:21
  and
• 16:21
  rewiring
• 16:21
  in
• 16:22
  my
• 16:22
  brain,
• 16:22
  you
• 16:22
  know
• 16:22
  what
• 16:22
  I
• 16:23
  mean?
• 16:23
  I
• 16:23
  did
• 16:23
  it.
• 16:24
  So,
• 16:24
  I
• 16:24
  mean,
• 16:25
  you
• 16:25
  know,
• 16:26
  it's.
• 16:26
  It's.
• 16:27
  And
• 16:28
  I
• 16:28
  knew
• 16:28
  I
• 16:28
  could
• 16:28
  do
• 16:28
  it,
• 16:29
  because
• 16:29
  if
• 16:29
  you
• 16:29
  could
• 16:29
  not
• 16:30
  pick
• 16:30
  up,
• 16:30
  you
• 16:30
  know,
• 16:30
  that's
• 16:31
  one
• 16:31
  of
• 16:31
  the
• 16:31
  hardest
• 16:31
  things
• 16:31
  to
• 16:31
  quit.
• 16:32
  And
• 16:32
  if
• 16:32
  you
• 16:32
  can
• 16:32
  do
• 16:33
  that,
• 16:33
  you
• 16:34
  know,
• 16:34
  you
• 16:34
  can
• 16:34
  do
• 16:34
  anything.
• 16:35
  So
• 16:35
  it
• 16:35
  was
• 16:35
  just
• 16:35
  little
• 16:35
  things.
• 16:36
  It
• 16:36
  was
• 16:36
  one
• 16:36
  goal
• 16:36
  at
• 16:37
  a
• 16:37
  time,
• 16:37
  you
• 16:37
  know,
• 16:37
  one
• 16:37
  goal
• 16:37
  at
• 16:38
  a
• 16:38
  time.
• 16:38
  Because
• 16:38
  when
• 16:39
  people
• 16:39
  set
• 16:39
  goals
• 16:40
  and
• 16:40
  you
• 16:40
  have
• 16:41
  to
• 16:41
  in
• 16:41
  order
• 16:41
  to
• 16:42
  make
• 16:42
  yourself,
• 16:42
  it's
• 16:43
  not
• 16:43
  even
• 16:43
  just
• 16:43
  therapy.
• 16:44
  It's.
• 16:44
  It's
• 16:44
  just
• 16:45
  about
• 16:46
  looking
• 16:46
  in
• 16:46
  the
• 16:46
  mirror
• 16:46
  every
• 16:47
  day,
• 16:47
  and
• 16:48
  I'm
• 16:48
  breathing.
• 16:49
  I
• 16:49
  woke
• 16:49
  up
• 16:49
  breathing.
• 16:50
  That's
• 16:50
  good.
• 16:51
  And
• 16:51
  then
• 16:51
  set
• 16:51
  a
• 16:52
  goal
• 16:52
  for
• 16:52
  that
• 16:52
  day.
• 16:53
  Yep.
• 16:53
  Be
• 16:53
  grateful
• 16:53
  for
• 16:54
  that
• 16:54
  day.
• 16:55
  Yep.
• 16:56
  Achieve
• 16:56
  that
• 16:56
  goal
• 16:56
  and
• 16:57
  then
• 16:57
  just
• 16:57
  go
• 16:57
  from
• 16:57
  there.
• 16:58
  And
• 16:59
  if
• 16:59
  you
• 16:59
  have
• 17:00
  to
• 17:00
  write
• 17:00
  it
• 17:00
  down,
• 17:00
  write
• 17:00
  down
• 17:00
  if
• 17:01
  you
• 17:01
  need
• 17:01
  somebody
• 17:01
  to
• 17:01
  call
• 17:01
  you
• 17:01
  to
• 17:01
  remind
• 17:02
  you,
• 17:02
  that's
• 17:02
  fine.
• 17:02
  But
• 17:03
  you.
• 17:03
  You
• 17:03
  know
• 17:03
  what
• 17:03
  I
• 17:03
  mean?
• 17:04
  But
• 17:04
  you
• 17:04
  got
• 17:04
  to
• 17:04
  just
• 17:04
  start.
• 17:05
  I
• 17:05
  always
• 17:06
  started
• 17:06
  small
• 17:06
  because
• 17:06
  it
• 17:06
  was
• 17:07
  always
• 17:07
  just
• 17:07
  me.
• 17:07
  I
• 17:07
  mean,
• 17:07
  it
• 17:08
  was
• 17:08
  never,
• 17:08
  you
• 17:08
  know,
• 17:08
  I
• 17:08
  never
• 17:09
  had
• 17:09
  this
• 17:09
  huge
• 17:09
  support
• 17:09
  circle.
• 17:11
  And,
• 17:11
  you
• 17:11
  know,
• 17:12
  I
• 17:12
  had
• 17:12
  my
• 17:12
  son
• 17:13
  real
• 17:13
  young,
• 17:13
  and,
• 17:14
  you
• 17:14
  know,
• 17:15
  it
• 17:15
  just.
• 17:16
  The
• 17:16
  support
• 17:17
  circle
• 17:17
  got
• 17:17
  even
• 17:17
  smaller
• 17:18
  after
• 17:18
  I
• 17:18
  had
• 17:18
  my
• 17:18
  son.
• 17:19
  So
• 17:19
  it's
• 17:19
  like,
• 17:19
  you
• 17:20
  know,
• 17:21
  I
• 17:22
  just
• 17:22
  kind
• 17:22
  of.
• 17:22
  And
• 17:22
  I
• 17:23
  wanted
• 17:23
  to
• 17:23
  be
• 17:23
  there
• 17:23
  and
• 17:24
  show
• 17:24
  him
• 17:24
  that
• 17:24
  I
• 17:24
  was,
• 17:25
  you
• 17:25
  know,
• 17:25
  the
• 17:25
  kind
• 17:25
  of
• 17:25
  person
• 17:26
  I
• 17:26
  want
• 17:26
  him
• 17:26
  to
• 17:26
  be.
• 17:27
  Right?
• 17:27
  And
• 17:28
  that
• 17:29
  didn't
• 17:29
  work
• 17:29
  out
• 17:29
  very
• 17:29
  well.
• 17:31
  But,
• 17:31
  you
• 17:31
  know,
• 17:31
  I
• 17:31
  mean,
• 17:34
  for
• 17:34
  the
• 17:34
  most
• 17:35
  part,
• 17:36
  I'm
• 17:36
  happy
• 17:36
  with
• 17:36
  who
• 17:37
  I
• 17:37
  am
• 17:37
  now.
• 17:37
  And
• 17:37
  it's
• 17:38
  taken,
• 17:38
  you
• 17:38
  know,
• 17:39
  the
• 17:39
  reason
• 17:39
  for
• 17:39
  the
• 17:39
  book
• 17:39
  is,
• 17:40
  I
• 17:40
  know
• 17:40
  that
• 17:40
  there's
• 17:40
  a
• 17:41
  feeling
• 17:41
  of
• 17:42
  judgment
• 17:43
  that
• 17:43
  you
• 17:43
  feel,
• 17:44
  and
• 17:45
  you're
• 17:45
  afraid
• 17:45
  to
• 17:45
  change,
• 17:46
  because
• 17:46
  if
• 17:46
  you
• 17:46
  change,
• 17:47
  well,
• 17:47
  you're
• 17:47
  gonna
• 17:47
  get.
• 17:48
  They're
• 17:48
  gonna
• 17:48
  say
• 17:48
  this.
• 17:48
  They're
• 17:48
  gonna
• 17:49
  say
• 17:49
  that
• 17:49
  the
• 17:50
  only
• 17:50
  way
• 17:50
  you
• 17:50
  can
• 17:50
  learn
• 17:50
  to
• 17:51
  block
• 17:51
  that
• 17:51
  off
• 17:51
  is
• 17:51
  with
• 17:51
  that
• 17:52
  little
• 17:52
  voice
• 17:52
  in
• 17:52
  your
• 17:52
  head
• 17:53
  that
• 17:53
  you
• 17:53
  have
• 17:53
  to
• 17:53
  sit
• 17:53
  there
• 17:54
  and,
• 17:55
  you
• 17:55
  know,
• 17:55
  even
• 17:55
  though
• 17:56
  it
• 17:56
  sounds
• 17:56
  stupid,
• 17:56
  talk
• 17:56
  to
• 17:57
  you.
• 17:57
  I
• 17:57
  talk
• 17:57
  to
• 17:57
  myself
• 17:57
  all
• 17:57
  the
• 17:58
  time.
• 17:59
  I
• 17:59
  answer
• 18:00
  myself,
• 18:00
  too.
• 18:01
  Amen.
• 18:02
  I
• 18:02
  say.
• 18:02
  I
• 18:02
  have
• 18:02
  this
• 18:03
  little
• 18:03
  thing,
• 18:03
  and
• 18:03
  I
• 18:03
  do
• 18:04
  it
• 18:04
  with
• 18:04
  my
• 18:04
  clients,
• 18:04
  too.
• 18:04
  I'm
• 18:05
  like,
• 18:05
  I
• 18:05
  don't
• 18:05
  care
• 18:05
  if
• 18:05
  you
• 18:05
  have
• 18:06
  to
• 18:06
  answer
• 18:06
  that
• 18:06
  little.
• 18:08
  You
• 18:08
  sitting
• 18:09
  on
• 18:09
  your
• 18:09
  shoulder
• 18:10
  that's
• 18:10
  trying
• 18:10
  to
• 18:10
  tell
• 18:10
  you
• 18:11
  something
• 18:11
  negative.
• 18:11
  I
• 18:12
  don't
• 18:12
  care
• 18:12
  if
• 18:12
  you
• 18:12
  have
• 18:12
  to
• 18:12
  do
• 18:12
  it
• 18:12
  out
• 18:13
  loud
• 18:13
  in
• 18:13
  public.
• 18:14
  Talk
• 18:14
  to
• 18:14
  it,
• 18:15
  combat
• 18:16
  it.
• 18:16
  Like,
• 18:16
  challenge
• 18:17
  it.
• 18:17
  Because
• 18:17
  that's
• 18:18
  your
• 18:18
  subconscious
• 18:19
  mind
• 18:19
  that's
• 18:19
  sitting
• 18:19
  there,
• 18:20
  and
• 18:20
  it's
• 18:20
  all
• 18:21
  of
• 18:21
  that
• 18:21
  negative
• 18:21
  programming
• 18:22
  that
• 18:22
  you
• 18:22
  didn't
• 18:23
  give
• 18:23
  yourself.
• 18:23
  It's
• 18:23
  not
• 18:23
  how
• 18:24
  you
• 18:24
  were
• 18:24
  born.
• 18:24
  It's
• 18:24
  what
• 18:25
  made
• 18:25
  people,
• 18:25
  made
• 18:26
  you
• 18:26
  believe
• 18:26
  about
• 18:26
  yourself.
• 18:27
  So
• 18:27
  when
• 18:28
  you
• 18:28
  hear
• 18:28
  that
• 18:28
  thing
• 18:28
  and
• 18:29
  you
• 18:29
  knock
• 18:29
  something
• 18:29
  over
• 18:30
  and
• 18:30
  you
• 18:30
  hear
• 18:30
  that
• 18:30
  little
• 18:30
  voice
• 18:31
  go,
• 18:31
  I'm.
• 18:31
  You're
• 18:32
  stupid.
• 18:33
  Just.
• 18:34
  No,
• 18:34
  I'm
• 18:34
  not
• 18:34
  stupid.
• 18:35
  I
• 18:35
  made
• 18:35
  a
• 18:35
  mistake.
• 18:36
  I'm
• 18:36
  human.
• 18:37
  Like,
• 18:37
  this
• 18:38
  is
• 18:38
  fine.
• 18:38
  People
• 18:39
  knock
• 18:39
  things
• 18:39
  over
• 18:39
  every
• 18:40
  day.
• 18:40
  Like,
• 18:40
  it
• 18:40
  doesn't
• 18:41
  matter
• 18:41
  how
• 18:41
  little
• 18:41
  it
• 18:41
  is.
• 18:42
  But
• 18:42
  give
• 18:42
  yourself
• 18:43
  the
• 18:43
  kudos.
• 18:44
  If
• 18:44
  there's
• 18:44
  nobody
• 18:44
  to
• 18:44
  give
• 18:45
  it
• 18:45
  to
• 18:45
  you,
• 18:45
  you.
• 18:46
  You're
• 18:46
  going
• 18:46
  to
• 18:46
  have
• 18:46
  to
• 18:46
  be
• 18:46
  that
• 18:47
  person
• 18:47
  for
• 18:47
  yourself.
• 18:48
  And.
• 18:50
  And
• 18:50
  I.
• 18:50
  I
• 18:50
  do.
• 18:50
  I
• 18:51
  call
• 18:51
  it
• 18:51
  the
• 18:51
  nip
• 18:51
  it
• 18:51
  in
• 18:51
  the
• 18:52
  bud.
• 18:52
  Because
• 18:52
  it
• 18:53
  takes
• 18:53
  a
• 18:53
  minute
• 18:53
  for
• 18:54
  a
• 18:54
  thought
• 18:54
  to
• 18:55
  set
• 18:55
  in.
• 18:56
  It
• 18:56
  takes
• 18:56
  a
• 18:57
  second.
• 18:57
  So
• 18:57
  if
• 18:58
  you
• 18:58
  can
• 18:58
  stop
• 18:58
  that
• 18:59
  thought
• 18:59
  and
• 18:59
  nip
• 19:00
  it
• 19:00
  and
• 19:00
  replace
• 19:01
  that
• 19:01
  with
• 19:01
  something
• 19:02
  else,
• 19:02
  something
• 19:02
  more
• 19:03
  positive,
• 19:03
  that
• 19:04
  thought
• 19:04
  will
• 19:04
  never
• 19:04
  set
• 19:05
  in
• 19:05
  there,
• 19:05
  and
• 19:05
  it
• 19:05
  won't
• 19:05
  be
• 19:05
  in
• 19:06
  what
• 19:06
  I
• 19:06
  call
• 19:06
  my
• 19:06
  magic,
• 19:07
  you
• 19:08
  know,
• 19:08
  my
• 19:08
  invisible
• 19:08
  backpack
• 19:09
  of
• 19:09
  crap
• 19:09
  that
• 19:09
  I'm
• 19:10
  carrying
• 19:10
  around
• 19:11
  that
• 19:11
  makes.
• 19:11
  That
• 19:12
  weighs
• 19:12
  me
• 19:12
  down.
• 19:13
  So,
• 19:14
  yeah,
• 19:14
  no,
• 19:15
  that's.
• 19:15
  That's
• 19:15
  very
• 19:16
  powerful
• 19:16
  to
• 19:17
  just.
• 19:17
  And
• 19:18
  also
• 19:18
  this
• 19:19
  celebrating
• 19:20
  the
• 19:20
  small
• 19:20
  wins,
• 19:21
  like
• 19:21
  you
• 19:21
  said,
• 19:21
  it
• 19:21
  doesn't
• 19:22
  have
• 19:22
  to
• 19:22
  be
• 19:22
  something
• 19:22
  huge.
• 19:23
  It
• 19:23
  can
• 19:23
  be
• 19:23
  something
• 19:24
  little.
• 19:24
  But
• 19:25
  what's
• 19:25
  the
• 19:26
  Come
• 19:26
  from
• 19:26
  yourself,
• 19:27
  you
• 19:27
  know,
• 19:27
  though,
• 19:28
  too
• 19:28
  is
• 19:28
  the
• 19:29
  other
• 19:29
  big
• 19:29
  deal
• 19:29
  I
• 19:30
  have.
• 19:30
  Is
• 19:30
  it.
• 19:31
  You
• 19:31
  know,
• 19:31
  I
• 19:31
  always
• 19:32
  looked
• 19:32
  for.
• 19:34
  I
• 19:34
  want
• 19:34
  to
• 19:34
  say
• 19:35
  gratification.
• 19:35
  I
• 19:35
  always
• 19:35
  looked
• 19:36
  for
• 19:36
  you
• 19:37
  did
• 19:37
  a
• 19:37
  good
• 19:37
  job.
• 19:37
  Or,
• 19:38
  you
• 19:38
  know,
• 19:38
  Validation.
• 19:39
  Yep.
• 19:39
  Yes.
• 19:39
  Always
• 19:40
  looking
• 19:40
  for
• 19:40
  validation
• 19:41
  everywhere
• 19:41
  else
• 19:41
  except
• 19:42
  for
• 19:42
  me.
• 19:43
  And
• 19:43
  you
• 19:43
  don't
• 19:44
  need
• 19:44
  it.
• 19:44
  I'm
• 19:44
  learning
• 19:45
  as.
• 19:45
  And
• 19:45
  even
• 19:45
  as
• 19:45
  I
• 19:45
  get
• 19:46
  older,
• 19:46
  I'm
• 19:46
  learning
• 19:46
  you
• 19:46
  don't
• 19:47
  need
• 19:47
  it
• 19:47
  from
• 19:47
  anybody.
• 19:47
  Else
• 19:48
  you
• 19:48
  can
• 19:48
  do
• 19:48
  it
• 19:48
  yourself
• 19:49
  and
• 19:49
  just
• 19:49
  know
• 19:49
  that
• 19:49
  you
• 19:50
  did
• 19:50
  without
• 19:50
  having
• 19:50
  to
• 19:51
  have
• 19:51
  somebody
• 19:51
  else
• 19:51
  say
• 19:51
  it.
• 19:52
  You
• 19:52
  know
• 19:52
  what
• 19:52
  I
• 19:52
  mean?
• 19:53
  And
• 19:53
  that
• 19:53
  was
• 19:54
  one
• 19:54
  of
• 19:54
  the
• 19:54
  hardest
• 19:54
  things
• 19:54
  that
• 19:55
  I
• 19:55
  just
• 19:55
  learned
• 19:55
  recently.
• 19:56
  That's
• 19:56
  a
• 19:56
  recent
• 19:56
  thing.
• 19:57
  And
• 19:57
  it
• 19:57
  took
• 19:57
  me.
• 19:58
  I'm
• 19:58
  44
• 19:59
  years
• 19:59
  old.
• 19:59
  It
• 19:59
  took
• 19:59
  me
• 20:01
  20,
• 20:01
  you
• 20:01
  know,
• 20:02
  20
• 20:02
  something
• 20:02
  years
• 20:03
  to
• 20:03
  learn
• 20:03
  that.
• 20:04
  But
• 20:04
  I've.
• 20:04
  You
• 20:04
  know,
• 20:05
  that's
• 20:05
  one
• 20:05
  of
• 20:05
  the
• 20:05
  newest
• 20:06
  traits
• 20:06
  that,
• 20:07
  you
• 20:07
  know,
• 20:07
  one
• 20:07
  of
• 20:07
  the
• 20:07
  newest
• 20:08
  things
• 20:08
  I've
• 20:08
  learned.
• 20:08
  And
• 20:09
  it's
• 20:10
  hard,
• 20:10
  but
• 20:11
  at
• 20:11
  the
• 20:11
  same
• 20:11
  time,
• 20:12
  it's,
• 20:13
  I
• 20:13
  guess,
• 20:13
  liberating,
• 20:14
  I
• 20:14
  guess,
• 20:14
  because
• 20:15
  I
• 20:15
  don't
• 20:15
  need.
• 20:15
  You
• 20:16
  know
• 20:16
  what
• 20:16
  I
• 20:16
  mean?
• 20:16
  Especially
• 20:17
  when
• 20:17
  you're
• 20:17
  sheltered
• 20:18
  and
• 20:18
  you've
• 20:18
  got,
• 20:19
  you
• 20:19
  know,
• 20:20
  no
• 20:20
  friends
• 20:20
  and
• 20:21
  there's
• 20:21
  really
• 20:21
  nowhere
• 20:22
  for
• 20:22
  you
• 20:22
  to
• 20:22
  go,
• 20:22
  and
• 20:22
  you
• 20:22
  can't
• 20:22
  even
• 20:22
  go
• 20:23
  to
• 20:23
  your
• 20:23
  parents.
• 20:24
  I
• 20:24
  mean,
• 20:25
  you
• 20:25
  know,
• 20:25
  so
• 20:26
  it
• 20:26
  was
• 20:26
  like
• 20:27
  I
• 20:27
  kind
• 20:27
  of
• 20:28
  created.
• 20:28
  I
• 20:28
  don't
• 20:29
  want
• 20:29
  to
• 20:29
  say
• 20:29
  another
• 20:29
  personality,
• 20:29
  but
• 20:30
  I
• 20:30
  created,
• 20:30
  like,
• 20:30
  you
• 20:31
  know,
• 20:31
  an
• 20:31
  invisible
• 20:32
  me
• 20:32
  to
• 20:32
  talk
• 20:33
  things
• 20:33
  through
• 20:33
  with
• 20:33
  and
• 20:34
  to.
• 20:34
  You
• 20:34
  know.
• 20:35
  And
• 20:35
  like
• 20:35
  you
• 20:35
  said,
• 20:35
  I
• 20:35
  look
• 20:36
  like
• 20:36
  the
• 20:36
  crazy
• 20:36
  person
• 20:36
  sitting
• 20:37
  there
• 20:37
  in
• 20:37
  the
• 20:37
  car
• 20:37
  talking
• 20:37
  to
• 20:38
  myself.
• 20:40
  You
• 20:40
  know
• 20:40
  what?
• 20:40
  I'm
• 20:40
  right
• 20:41
  there
• 20:41
  with
• 20:41
  you.
• 20:41
  I
• 20:41
  do
• 20:41
  it
• 20:42
  all
• 20:42
  the
• 20:42
  time.
• 20:42
  Like,
• 20:43
  if
• 20:43
  I
• 20:43
  get
• 20:44
  mad
• 20:44
  at
• 20:44
  someone
• 20:44
  in
• 20:44
  traffic,
• 20:45
  and
• 20:45
  I'm
• 20:45
  just
• 20:45
  like,
• 20:46
  man.
• 20:46
  I'm
• 20:46
  like,
• 20:46
  okay,
• 20:47
  Tammy,
• 20:47
  that
• 20:47
  was
• 20:47
  kind
• 20:47
  of
• 20:48
  stupid.
• 20:48
  You
• 20:48
  know,
• 20:48
  I'm
• 20:49
  like,
• 20:49
  just
• 20:49
  be
• 20:49
  grateful
• 20:49
  that
• 20:50
  you
• 20:50
  don't
• 20:50
  have
• 20:50
  anywhere
• 20:50
  to
• 20:51
  be
• 20:51
  so
• 20:51
  soon
• 20:51
  that
• 20:52
  you
• 20:52
  have
• 20:52
  to
• 20:52
  be
• 20:52
  yelling
• 20:53
  at
• 20:53
  people.
• 20:53
  Blah.
• 20:53
  You
• 20:54
  know
• 20:54
  what
• 20:54
  I
• 20:54
  mean?
• 20:54
  Like,
• 20:54
  just
• 20:55
  stop.
• 20:55
  And
• 20:55
  I
• 20:56
  will
• 20:56
  literally
• 20:56
  be
• 20:56
  like,
• 20:56
  just
• 20:57
  stop,
• 20:57
  Tammy.
• 20:57
  Like,
• 20:58
  what
• 20:58
  is
• 20:58
  wrong?
• 20:59
  And
• 20:59
  then,
• 21:00
  you
• 21:00
  know,
• 21:01
  like,
• 21:01
  calm
• 21:01
  down.
• 21:02
  Take
• 21:02
  a
• 21:02
  breath.
• 21:02
  I.
• 21:02
  I
• 21:03
  am
• 21:03
  forever
• 21:03
  talking
• 21:04
  to
• 21:04
  myself.
• 21:04
  People
• 21:05
  must
• 21:05
  think
• 21:05
  I'm
• 21:05
  crazy
• 21:06
  in
• 21:06
  the
• 21:06
  car,
• 21:06
  but
• 21:06
  that's
• 21:07
  okay.
• 21:07
  I
• 21:07
  just
• 21:07
  make
• 21:08
  it
• 21:08
  look
• 21:08
  like
• 21:08
  I'm
• 21:08
  singing.
• 21:09
  I
• 21:09
  talk
• 21:09
  in
• 21:09
  a
• 21:09
  very
• 21:10
  fast
• 21:11
  pace.
• 21:11
  So
• 21:11
  I'm
• 21:11
  like,
• 21:12
  okay.
• 21:12
  They
• 21:12
  think
• 21:12
  I'm
• 21:13
  singing.
• 21:14
  Yep.
• 21:14
  Right?
• 21:15
  I
• 21:15
  know.
• 21:15
  That's
• 21:15
  what
• 21:15
  I
• 21:15
  do
• 21:17
  to
• 21:18
  the
• 21:18
  radio.
• 21:18
  Yep.
• 21:19
  But
• 21:19
  that's.
• 21:20
  I
• 21:20
  mean,
• 21:20
  that's.
• 21:21
  You
• 21:22
  know,
• 21:22
  you.
• 21:22
  Like
• 21:22
  I
• 21:23
  said,
• 21:23
  you
• 21:23
  were
• 21:23
  blessed
• 21:24
  and
• 21:24
  lucky,
• 21:24
  and
• 21:25
  it's
• 21:25
  a
• 21:25
  process.
• 21:26
  Like
• 21:26
  you
• 21:26
  said,
• 21:26
  you
• 21:26
  just
• 21:27
  got
• 21:27
  a
• 21:27
  new
• 21:27
  trait
• 21:28
  now
• 21:28
  or
• 21:28
  a
• 21:28
  new
• 21:28
  characteristic
• 21:29
  or
• 21:29
  a
• 21:29
  new
• 21:29
  tool
• 21:30
  you're
• 21:30
  using.
• 21:31
  You're
• 21:31
  gonna
• 21:32
  get
• 21:32
  them
• 21:32
  forever
• 21:32
  because
• 21:33
  it's
• 21:33
  layers.
• 21:33
  And
• 21:34
  I
• 21:34
  truly
• 21:34
  believe
• 21:34
  God
• 21:35
  does
• 21:35
  not
• 21:35
  give
• 21:35
  you
• 21:35
  more
• 21:36
  than
• 21:36
  you
• 21:36
  can
• 21:36
  handle.
• 21:37
  And
• 21:38
  you
• 21:38
  unpack
• 21:39
  things
• 21:39
  as
• 21:39
  you're
• 21:39
  ready
• 21:40
  to
• 21:40
  handle
• 21:40
  them.
• 21:40
  So,
• 21:41
  like,
• 21:41
  you've
• 21:41
  got
• 21:41
  maybe
• 21:42
  a
• 21:42
  hold
• 21:42
  on
• 21:42
  the
• 21:42
  boundaries,
• 21:43
  and
• 21:43
  you're
• 21:43
  able
• 21:43
  to
• 21:44
  stick
• 21:44
  up
• 21:44
  for
• 21:44
  yourself
• 21:44
  and
• 21:45
  do
• 21:45
  that.
• 21:45
  But
• 21:45
  now
• 21:46
  you're
• 21:46
  a
• 21:46
  little.
• 21:46
  You
• 21:46
  still
• 21:47
  have
• 21:47
  a
• 21:47
  little
• 21:47
  bit
• 21:47
  of
• 21:47
  that
• 21:50
  insecurity,
• 21:50
  maybe,
• 21:51
  or
• 21:51
  whatever
• 21:51
  it
• 21:51
  is
• 21:52
  as
• 21:52
  far
• 21:52
  as
• 21:52
  self
• 21:53
  confidence,
• 21:53
  I
• 21:53
  guess.
• 21:54
  Yeah,
• 21:54
  I
• 21:54
  think
• 21:54
  I
• 21:55
  did.
• 21:55
  You're
• 21:55
  working
• 21:55
  on
• 21:55
  that?
• 21:56
  Yeah.
• 21:56
  Yep,
• 21:56
  I
• 21:57
  did.
• 21:57
  I
• 21:57
  did.
• 21:57
  And
• 21:57
  I
• 21:57
  actually,
• 21:58
  you
• 21:58
  know,
• 21:58
  I
• 21:58
  went.
• 21:59
  And
• 21:59
  I
• 22:00
  actually
• 22:00
  don't
• 22:00
  talk
• 22:00
  to
• 22:00
  my.
• 22:01
  My.
• 22:01
  My
• 22:01
  dad.
• 22:02
  I
• 22:02
  talk
• 22:02
  to.
• 22:02
  Every
• 22:02
  once
• 22:03
  in
• 22:03
  a
• 22:03
  while.
• 22:03
  I
• 22:03
  don't
• 22:03
  talk
• 22:04
  to
• 22:04
  my
• 22:04
  mother
• 22:04
  anymore,
• 22:04
  and
• 22:05
  I
• 22:05
  haven't
• 22:05
  talked
• 22:05
  to
• 22:06
  her
• 22:06
  in
• 22:06
  years,
• 22:08
  you
• 22:08
  know,
• 22:09
  and
• 22:09
  it
• 22:09
  just.
• 22:10
  It's
• 22:10
  easier
• 22:11
  that
• 22:11
  way
• 22:11
  for
• 22:11
  me,
• 22:12
  which
• 22:12
  is
• 22:12
  the
• 22:12
  other
• 22:13
  reason
• 22:13
  why
• 22:13
  I
• 22:13
  kind
• 22:13
  of
• 22:14
  wrote
• 22:14
  the
• 22:14
  book
• 22:15
  is
• 22:15
  because
• 22:15
  I
• 22:15
  wanted
• 22:15
  people
• 22:15
  to
• 22:16
  know
• 22:16
  you
• 22:16
  don't
• 22:16
  need
• 22:17
  to
• 22:17
  have
• 22:18
  toxic
• 22:19
  people
• 22:19
  in
• 22:19
  your
• 22:19
  life
• 22:20
  or
• 22:21
  people
• 22:21
  that,
• 22:21
  you
• 22:21
  know.
• 22:22
  And
• 22:22
  I
• 22:22
  wouldn't
• 22:23
  say,
• 22:23
  you
• 22:24
  know,
• 22:25
  she.
• 22:26
  I
• 22:26
  don't
• 22:26
  think
• 22:26
  she
• 22:26
  realized
• 22:27
  what
• 22:27
  she
• 22:27
  was
• 22:27
  doing.
• 22:27
  She
• 22:28
  was
• 22:28
  doing
• 22:28
  it.
• 22:28
  I
• 22:28
  don't
• 22:29
  think
• 22:29
  she
• 22:29
  realized
• 22:30
  what
• 22:30
  it
• 22:30
  did.
• 22:30
  You
• 22:30
  know
• 22:30
  what
• 22:30
  I
• 22:31
  mean?
• 22:31
  What
• 22:31
  it
• 22:31
  did.
• 22:31
  And.
• 22:32
  And
• 22:33
  when
• 22:34
  I
• 22:34
  look
• 22:34
  back
• 22:34
  now,
• 22:34
  I,
• 22:35
  you
• 22:35
  know,
• 22:35
  I
• 22:35
  mean,
• 22:36
  I
• 22:36
  know
• 22:36
  that
• 22:37
  she
• 22:37
  knew
• 22:37
  she
• 22:37
  wasn't
• 22:38
  making
• 22:38
  the
• 22:38
  right
• 22:38
  decisions.
• 22:39
  She
• 22:39
  wasn't.
• 22:39
  She
• 22:39
  wasn't
• 22:40
  doing
• 22:40
  things
• 22:40
  to
• 22:40
  benefit
• 22:40
  me
• 22:40
  that
• 22:41
  were
• 22:41
  to
• 22:41
  benefit
• 22:41
  her.
• 22:42
  But
• 22:43
  it's
• 22:43
  just
• 22:43
  easier
• 22:44
  for
• 22:44
  me
• 22:45
  to
• 22:45
  be
• 22:45
  me
• 22:46
  without
• 22:46
  having
• 22:46
  to
• 22:48
  have
• 22:48
  that
• 22:49
  type
• 22:49
  of
• 22:49
  person
• 22:50
  and
• 22:50
  negativity
• 22:51
  around
• 22:51
  me.
• 22:52
  And
• 22:53
  if
• 22:53
  that's
• 22:53
  okay.
• 22:54
  And.
• 22:54
  Oh,
• 22:54
  yeah,
• 22:55
  a
• 22:55
  lot
• 22:55
  of
• 22:55
  people
• 22:55
  out
• 22:55
  there
• 22:55
  don't
• 22:55
  think
• 22:56
  it
• 22:56
  is.
• 22:56
  I
• 22:56
  think,
• 22:56
  you
• 22:56
  know,
• 22:56
  they
• 22:57
  think
• 22:57
  that
• 22:57
  you're
• 22:57
  bad.
• 22:57
  You're
• 22:58
  a
• 22:58
  bad
• 22:58
  child
• 22:58
  or
• 22:58
  you're
• 22:58
  a
• 22:58
  bad
• 22:59
  parent.
• 22:59
  If
• 22:59
  you
• 22:59
  don't
• 22:59
  talk
• 22:59
  to
• 22:59
  your
• 23:00
  parent
• 23:00
  or
• 23:00
  your
• 23:00
  child
• 23:00
  and
• 23:01
  you're
• 23:01
  not.
• 23:02
  No.
• 23:03
  I've
• 23:03
  asked
• 23:04
  people,
• 23:04
  I
• 23:04
  see,
• 23:04
  you
• 23:04
  know,
• 23:05
  people
• 23:05
  that
• 23:05
  have
• 23:05
  a
• 23:05
  toxic
• 23:06
  sibling
• 23:06
  or
• 23:06
  something,
• 23:07
  and
• 23:07
  I'm
• 23:07
  like,
• 23:07
  if
• 23:07
  they
• 23:08
  were
• 23:08
  not
• 23:08
  your
• 23:08
  brother,
• 23:09
  would
• 23:09
  they
• 23:09
  be
• 23:09
  in
• 23:09
  your
• 23:10
  life?
• 23:10
  And
• 23:11
  if
• 23:11
  the
• 23:11
  answer
• 23:11
  is
• 23:11
  no,
• 23:12
  then
• 23:12
  that's
• 23:12
  okay.
• 23:13
  Yep.
• 23:14
  You
• 23:14
  know,
• 23:14
  just
• 23:14
  because
• 23:15
  you
• 23:15
  were
• 23:15
  born
• 23:15
  into
• 23:16
  the
• 23:16
  same
• 23:16
  family,
• 23:16
  you
• 23:17
  didn't
• 23:17
  choose
• 23:17
  your
• 23:17
  family.
• 23:17
  And
• 23:18
  just
• 23:18
  because
• 23:18
  you
• 23:18
  were
• 23:18
  born
• 23:19
  into
• 23:19
  it
• 23:19
  does
• 23:19
  not
• 23:20
  mean
• 23:20
  you
• 23:20
  have
• 23:20
  this
• 23:20
  obligation
• 23:21
  to
• 23:22
  change
• 23:22
  who
• 23:22
  you
• 23:23
  are
• 23:23
  or
• 23:24
  change
• 23:24
  the
• 23:24
  way
• 23:24
  you
• 23:24
  feel,
• 23:25
  change
• 23:25
  the
• 23:25
  way
• 23:25
  you
• 23:25
  think,
• 23:26
  or
• 23:26
  have
• 23:26
  to
• 23:27
  be,
• 23:27
  you
• 23:27
  know,
• 23:27
  with
• 23:28
  that
• 23:28
  person.
• 23:28
  The
• 23:28
  holiday,
• 23:29
  like,
• 23:29
  the
• 23:29
  holidays
• 23:30
  are
• 23:30
  so
• 23:30
  hard
• 23:31
  for
• 23:31
  some
• 23:31
  people
• 23:32
  because
• 23:32
  they're
• 23:32
  with
• 23:32
  the
• 23:33
  people
• 23:33
  that,
• 23:33
  on
• 23:34
  the
• 23:34
  holidays
• 23:34
  that
• 23:35
  caused
• 23:35
  them
• 23:36
  all
• 23:36
  of
• 23:36
  the
• 23:36
  trauma
• 23:36
  in
• 23:37
  their
• 23:37
  lives.
• 23:37
  And
• 23:38
  I'm
• 23:38
  like,
• 23:38
  you
• 23:38
  know,
• 23:38
  you
• 23:38
  don't
• 23:39
  have
• 23:39
  to
• 23:39
  do
• 23:39
  that.
• 23:42
  No.
• 23:42
  There's
• 23:43
  no
• 23:43
  rule
• 23:43
  book
• 23:43
  that
• 23:44
  says
• 23:44
  on
• 23:45
  this
• 23:45
  day
• 23:45
  you
• 23:46
  must
• 23:46
  be
• 23:46
  with
• 23:46
  your
• 23:47
  friend.
• 23:47
  You
• 23:47
  like,
• 23:48
  you
• 23:48
  have
• 23:48
  to
• 23:48
  do
• 23:48
  it
• 23:49
  makes
• 23:49
  you
• 23:49
  happy.
• 23:50
  And.
• 23:50
  Yeah.
• 23:51
  Without
• 23:51
  guilt
• 23:52
  and
• 23:52
  without
• 23:52
  shame.
• 23:53
  I
• 23:53
  don't
• 23:53
  know.
• 23:53
  I
• 23:53
  mean,
• 23:54
  my
• 23:54
  mother
• 23:54
  was
• 23:54
  doing
• 23:54
  horrific
• 23:55
  things,
• 23:55
  and
• 23:55
  people
• 23:56
  would
• 23:56
  say,
• 23:56
  you
• 23:56
  can't
• 23:57
  talk
• 23:57
  like
• 23:57
  that.
• 23:57
  That's
• 23:58
  your
• 23:58
  mother.
• 23:58
  I'm
• 23:59
  like,
• 23:59
  yeah.
• 23:59
  Oh,
• 23:59
  but
• 24:00
  it's
• 24:00
  okay.
• 24:00
  It's
• 24:01
  okay
• 24:01
  for
• 24:01
  her
• 24:02
  to
• 24:02
  dump
• 24:02
  me
• 24:02
  off
• 24:02
  on
• 24:03
  her
• 24:03
  drug
• 24:03
  dealers.
• 24:03
  Like,
• 24:04
  no.
• 24:04
  Yeah.
• 24:05
  Like,
• 24:06
  there's
• 24:06
  got
• 24:07
  to
• 24:07
  be
• 24:07
  a
• 24:07
  thing,
• 24:07
  you
• 24:07
  know,
• 24:08
  a
• 24:08
  balance
• 24:09
  and.
• 24:09
  Yep.
• 24:10
  And
• 24:11
  you've
• 24:12
  got
• 24:12
  an.
• 24:12
  I
• 24:12
  mean,
• 24:12
  and
• 24:13
  when
• 24:13
  you've
• 24:13
  got,
• 24:13
  like,
• 24:13
  you
• 24:14
  know,
• 24:14
  my
• 24:14
  dad,
• 24:14
  who
• 24:14
  would
• 24:14
  come
• 24:15
  in
• 24:15
  and
• 24:15
  out,
• 24:15
  and
• 24:15
  somehow
• 24:16
  him
• 24:16
  and
• 24:16
  my
• 24:16
  mother
• 24:17
  ended
• 24:17
  up
• 24:17
  best
• 24:17
  friends.
• 24:17
  Don't
• 24:18
  ask
• 24:18
  me
• 24:18
  how.
• 24:19
  Somehow
• 24:19
  they're.
• 24:19
  They
• 24:19
  ended
• 24:20
  up,
• 24:20
  you
• 24:20
  know,
• 24:20
  best
• 24:20
  friends
• 24:20
  after
• 24:21
  they
• 24:21
  got
• 24:21
  divorced.
• 24:21
  And
• 24:22
  he
• 24:22
  would
• 24:23
  come
• 24:23
  in
• 24:23
  and
• 24:23
  out,
• 24:23
  and
• 24:23
  every
• 24:23
  time
• 24:23
  he'd
• 24:24
  come
• 24:24
  in
• 24:24
  and
• 24:24
  out,
• 24:24
  it
• 24:24
  was,
• 24:24
  you
• 24:25
  know,
• 24:25
  don't
• 24:26
  talk
• 24:26
  to
• 24:26
  your
• 24:26
  mother
• 24:26
  like
• 24:26
  that.
• 24:27
  You
• 24:27
  know,
• 24:27
  you
• 24:27
  need
• 24:27
  to
• 24:28
  respect.
• 24:28
  But
• 24:29
  he
• 24:29
  wasn't
• 24:29
  there
• 24:29
  every
• 24:29
  day
• 24:30
  and
• 24:30
  didn't
• 24:30
  see
• 24:30
  the
• 24:30
  things
• 24:30
  that
• 24:30
  she
• 24:31
  was
• 24:31
  doing.
• 24:31
  And
• 24:31
  I
• 24:31
  don't
• 24:32
  think
• 24:32
  he
• 24:32
  remembered
• 24:32
  why
• 24:32
  they
• 24:33
  got
• 24:33
  divorced.
• 24:34
  And
• 24:34
  I
• 24:35
  think
• 24:35
  that,
• 24:35
  you
• 24:36
  know,
• 24:36
  it's.
• 24:37
  He
• 24:37
  was.
• 24:38
  He
• 24:39
  was
• 24:39
  the
• 24:39
  one.
• 24:39
  I
• 24:39
  think
• 24:40
  mainly
• 24:41
  that
• 24:42
  I
• 24:42
  was
• 24:43
  damaged
• 24:43
  by
• 24:44
  because
• 24:44
  I
• 24:44
  wanted
• 24:45
  nothing
• 24:45
  more
• 24:46
  than
• 24:46
  to
• 24:46
  be.
• 24:46
  Stay
• 24:47
  Daddy's
• 24:47
  little
• 24:47
  girl
• 24:47
  when
• 24:47
  they
• 24:48
  got.
• 24:48
  When
• 24:48
  they.
• 24:48
  And
• 24:48
  without
• 24:49
  him,
• 24:49
  who.
• 24:50
  Who.
• 24:50
  Who
• 24:50
  was
• 24:51
  I?
• 24:51
  You
• 24:51
  know,
• 24:52
  Daddy
• 24:53
  wasn't
• 24:53
  there.
• 24:53
  And
• 24:53
  then
• 24:54
  he
• 24:54
  had
• 24:54
  his,
• 24:54
  you
• 24:54
  know,
• 24:54
  like
• 24:55
  I
• 24:55
  said,
• 24:55
  I'm
• 24:55
  adopted.
• 24:55
  Then
• 24:55
  he
• 24:56
  had.
• 24:56
  He
• 24:56
  got
• 24:56
  married
• 24:56
  and
• 24:57
  had
• 24:57
  a
• 24:57
  daughter
• 24:58
  biologically.
• 24:59
  And
• 25:00
  I
• 25:00
  think
• 25:00
  just
• 25:01
  kind
• 25:01
  of
• 25:01
  forgot
• 25:01
  about
• 25:02
  my
• 25:03
  sister
• 25:03
  and
• 25:03
  I
• 25:03
  until
• 25:04
  we
• 25:04
  were
• 25:04
  older.
• 25:04
  And
• 25:05
  then
• 25:05
  it
• 25:05
  was.
• 25:05
  Then
• 25:05
  it
• 25:06
  became
• 25:06
  about,
• 25:07
  well,
• 25:08
  if
• 25:09
  we
• 25:09
  don't
• 25:09
  do
• 25:09
  this,
• 25:09
  dad
• 25:09
  don't
• 25:10
  want
• 25:10
  to
• 25:10
  talk
• 25:10
  to
• 25:10
  us.
• 25:10
  If
• 25:10
  we
• 25:10
  don't
• 25:11
  do
• 25:11
  that.
• 25:12
  So
• 25:12
  then
• 25:12
  it
• 25:12
  was
• 25:12
  the
• 25:12
  hardest
• 25:13
  thing
• 25:13
  to
• 25:13
  do,
• 25:14
  right?
• 25:14
  So
• 25:14
  then
• 25:14
  it
• 25:14
  was
• 25:15
  right.
• 25:15
  Then
• 25:15
  it
• 25:16
  was
• 25:16
  right
• 25:16
  back
• 25:16
  on.
• 25:17
  Your
• 25:17
  worth
• 25:18
  is
• 25:18
  based
• 25:18
  on
• 25:18
  your
• 25:19
  production
• 25:19
  or
• 25:19
  what
• 25:20
  you
• 25:20
  do,
• 25:20
  not
• 25:20
  who
• 25:21
  you
• 25:21
  are.
• 25:21
  And
• 25:22
  that's
• 25:22
  no
• 25:22
  way
• 25:22
  to
• 25:23
  live.
• 25:23
  You
• 25:24
  know,
• 25:24
  it's.
• 25:25
  I.
• 25:25
  I
• 25:25
  love
• 25:25
  being
• 25:26
  at
• 25:26
  a
• 25:26
  point
• 25:26
  in
• 25:26
  my
• 25:26
  life
• 25:26
  where
• 25:27
  I
• 25:27
  can
• 25:27
  be
• 25:27
  like,
• 25:27
  this
• 25:27
  is
• 25:28
  who
• 25:28
  I
• 25:28
  am.
• 25:28
  What
• 25:28
  you
• 25:28
  see
• 25:29
  is
• 25:29
  what
• 25:29
  you
• 25:29
  get.
• 25:29
  You
• 25:30
  know,
• 25:30
  if
• 25:30
  you
• 25:30
  don't
• 25:30
  like
• 25:31
  me,
• 25:31
  there's
• 25:32
  seven
• 25:32
  other
• 25:33
  billion
• 25:33
  people
• 25:33
  in
• 25:34
  the
• 25:34
  world
• 25:34
  that
• 25:34
  probably
• 25:34
  could.
• 25:35
  So,
• 25:37
  you
• 25:37
  know,
• 25:38
  and
• 25:38
  that's
• 25:38
  the
• 25:38
  thing
• 25:39
  is,
• 25:39
  like,
• 25:39
  you
• 25:39
  know,
• 25:39
  I
• 25:39
  mean,
• 25:39
  I
• 25:40
  just.
• 25:40
  Every
• 25:40
  day
• 25:40
  when
• 25:40
  you
• 25:40
  turn
• 25:41
  the
• 25:41
  TV
• 25:41
  on
• 25:41
  it,
• 25:41
  somebody's
• 25:42
  killing
• 25:42
  themselves.
• 25:42
  Somebody's
• 25:42
  doing.
• 25:43
  And
• 25:43
  they
• 25:43
  don't
• 25:43
  need
• 25:44
  to
• 25:44
  do
• 25:44
  that.
• 25:45
  I
• 25:45
  mean,
• 25:45
  that
• 25:45
  should
• 25:45
  never
• 25:46
  be
• 25:46
  an
• 25:46
  option
• 25:46
  for
• 25:46
  anybody.
• 25:47
  And.
• 25:47
  And
• 25:47
  that's
• 25:48
  my
• 25:48
  biggest
• 25:48
  thing
• 25:49
  is
• 25:49
  that,
• 25:49
  like
• 25:49
  I
• 25:49
  said,
• 25:50
  you
• 25:50
  know,
• 25:50
  I've
• 25:50
  got
• 25:50
  a
• 25:50
  heart
• 25:50
  and
• 25:51
  I
• 25:51
  feel
• 25:51
  for
• 25:51
  people.
• 25:51
  And
• 25:52
  I'm
• 25:52
  just
• 25:52
  like,
• 25:53
  there's
• 25:53
  always.
• 25:54
  And
• 25:55
  most
• 25:55
  of
• 25:55
  them
• 25:55
  are
• 25:55
  like,
• 25:56
  they
• 25:56
  felt
• 25:56
  alone
• 25:56
  or
• 25:56
  somebody's
• 25:57
  like,
• 25:57
  oh,
• 25:57
  well,
• 25:57
  they
• 25:57
  felt
• 25:57
  like
• 25:57
  they
• 25:58
  were
• 25:58
  all.
• 25:58
  But
• 25:59
  they
• 25:59
  need
• 25:59
  to
• 25:59
  know
• 25:59
  they're
• 25:59
  not.
• 26:00
  That
• 26:00
  should
• 26:00
  never
• 26:00
  be
• 26:01
  an
• 26:01
  option
• 26:01
  for
• 26:01
  anybody
• 26:02
  because
• 26:02
  you're
• 26:02
  never
• 26:02
  alone.
• 26:02
  There's
• 26:03
  always
• 26:03
  somebody
• 26:03
  that's
• 26:03
  been
• 26:04
  through
• 26:04
  something,
• 26:04
  if
• 26:04
  not
• 26:04
  the
• 26:05
  same,
• 26:05
  similar,
• 26:06
  and
• 26:06
  it
• 26:07
  can
• 26:07
  help
• 26:07
  you
• 26:07
  and
• 26:07
  will
• 26:07
  listen.
• 26:08
  And
• 26:08
  I
• 26:08
  don't
• 26:09
  think
• 26:09
  there's
• 26:09
  enough
• 26:09
  people
• 26:10
  that
• 26:10
  get
• 26:10
  out
• 26:10
  there
• 26:10
  and
• 26:10
  say
• 26:11
  that
• 26:11
  and
• 26:11
  genuinely
• 26:12
  mean
• 26:12
  it
• 26:13
  that
• 26:14
  to
• 26:14
  where
• 26:14
  people
• 26:14
  feel
• 26:15
  comfortable,
• 26:16
  you
• 26:16
  know,
• 26:17
  going
• 26:17
  and
• 26:17
  finding
• 26:18
  those
• 26:18
  people.
• 26:19
  Well,
• 26:19
  and
• 26:19
  that's
• 26:19
  a
• 26:19
  very
• 26:19
  good
• 26:20
  point,
• 26:20
  and
• 26:20
  I
• 26:20
  think
• 26:20
  we
• 26:20
  mentioned
• 26:21
  it
• 26:21
  right
• 26:21
  before
• 26:21
  we
• 26:21
  got
• 26:21
  on
• 26:22
  this
• 26:22
  podcast
• 26:22
  is
• 26:22
  that's
• 26:23
  what
• 26:23
  this
• 26:23
  podcast
• 26:23
  is
• 26:23
  all
• 26:24
  about.
• 26:24
  I
• 26:24
  mean,
• 26:24
  it's
• 26:25
  adult
• 26:25
  child
• 26:25
  of
• 26:25
  dysfunction.
• 26:26
  We've
• 26:26
  all
• 26:27
  been
• 26:27
  through
• 26:27
  some.
• 26:29
  But
• 26:30
  you
• 26:30
  need
• 26:30
  to
• 26:30
  know
• 26:31
  that
• 26:31
  you're.
• 26:31
  You're
• 26:32
  not
• 26:32
  alone.
• 26:32
  Like
• 26:33
  so
• 26:33
  many
• 26:34
  millions
• 26:34
  of
• 26:34
  people.
• 26:34
  I
• 26:34
  mean,
• 26:34
  when
• 26:35
  you
• 26:35
  look
• 26:35
  at,
• 26:35
  you
• 26:35
  know,
• 26:35
  my.
• 26:36
  My
• 26:36
  original
• 26:37
  niche
• 26:38
  started
• 26:38
  with
• 26:38
  just
• 26:38
  adult
• 26:39
  children
• 26:39
  of
• 26:39
  alcoholics,
• 26:40
  so
• 26:40
  people
• 26:40
  that
• 26:41
  grew
• 26:41
  up
• 26:41
  with
• 26:41
  alcoholic,
• 26:42
  abusive,
• 26:42
  neglectful,
• 26:43
  abandoned
• 26:44
  parents.
• 26:47
  But
• 26:47
  at
• 26:47
  the
• 26:47
  end
• 26:48
  of
• 26:48
  the
• 26:48
  day,
• 26:48
  dysfunction
• 26:48
  is
• 26:49
  dysfunction.
• 26:50
  So
• 26:50
  whether
• 26:50
  your
• 26:50
  parents
• 26:51
  were
• 26:51
  drinking
• 26:52
  or
• 26:52
  whether
• 26:53
  they
• 26:53
  were
• 26:53
  just
• 26:53
  fighting
• 26:54
  or
• 26:54
  they
• 26:54
  were
• 26:54
  divorced
• 26:55
  or
• 26:55
  they
• 26:55
  were.
• 26:56
  You
• 26:56
  had
• 26:56
  a,
• 26:57
  you
• 26:57
  know,
• 26:57
  an
• 26:58
  ill
• 26:58
  sibling
• 26:58
  or
• 26:59
  whatever
• 26:59
  it
• 26:59
  is,
• 27:00
  if
• 27:00
  you
• 27:01
  grew
• 27:01
  up
• 27:01
  like
• 27:01
  that,
• 27:03
  somebody
• 27:03
  else
• 27:03
  out
• 27:04
  there
• 27:04
  in
• 27:04
  the
• 27:04
  world
• 27:04
  did
• 27:05
  too.
• 27:05
  There's
• 27:06
  not
• 27:06
  your.
• 27:06
  Your
• 27:06
  story,
• 27:06
  although
• 27:07
  the
• 27:07
  very
• 27:07
  specifics
• 27:08
  of
• 27:08
  it
• 27:09
  are
• 27:09
  unique.
• 27:10
  Somebody
• 27:10
  out
• 27:11
  there
• 27:11
  understands.
• 27:12
  And
• 27:12
  that's
• 27:12
  why
• 27:13
  I
• 27:13
  think
• 27:13
  I
• 27:13
  started
• 27:13
  this
• 27:14
  because
• 27:14
  I
• 27:14
  want
• 27:14
  people
• 27:14
  to
• 27:15
  hear.
• 27:16
  Oh,
• 27:16
  I
• 27:16
  get
• 27:16
  it.
• 27:17
  Like,
• 27:17
  I
• 27:17
  want
• 27:17
  people
• 27:18
  to
• 27:18
  listen
• 27:18
  to
• 27:18
  this
• 27:18
  and
• 27:19
  go,
• 27:19
  oh,
• 27:19
  wow,
• 27:19
  I
• 27:19
  know
• 27:20
  how.
• 27:20
  That's
• 27:21
  how
• 27:21
  I
• 27:21
  felt.
• 27:21
  So
• 27:22
  I'm
• 27:22
  not
• 27:22
  alone.
• 27:23
  Because.
• 27:24
  And
• 27:24
  whether
• 27:24
  people
• 27:25
  listen
• 27:25
  to
• 27:25
  you
• 27:25
  and
• 27:26
  start
• 27:26
  writing
• 27:26
  or
• 27:26
  write
• 27:27
  a
• 27:27
  book
• 27:27
  or
• 27:27
  just
• 27:27
  journal
• 27:28
  and
• 27:28
  get
• 27:29
  it
• 27:29
  out
• 27:29
  of
• 27:29
  their
• 27:29
  bodies.
• 27:30
  Yep,
• 27:31
  you're
• 27:32
  helping
• 27:32
  someone.
• 27:33
  But.
• 27:34
  But
• 27:34
  you're
• 27:34
  right.
• 27:34
  This,
• 27:35
  like,
• 27:35
  the
• 27:35
  suicide
• 27:36
  rate
• 27:36
  is
• 27:37
  off
• 27:37
  the
• 27:37
  charts
• 27:37
  right
• 27:38
  now.
• 27:38
  And
• 27:40
  if
• 27:40
  everybody
• 27:42
  knew
• 27:42
  that
• 27:42
  there
• 27:42
  was
• 27:43
  somebody
• 27:43
  out
• 27:43
  there
• 27:43
  that
• 27:44
  they
• 27:44
  could
• 27:44
  talk
• 27:44
  to,
• 27:44
  sometimes
• 27:45
  that's
• 27:45
  all
• 27:45
  it
• 27:45
  takes.
• 27:46
  Or.
• 27:46
  And
• 27:46
  if
• 27:46
  people
• 27:47
  just
• 27:47
  knew,
• 27:47
  too,
• 27:47
  that
• 27:48
  the
• 27:48
  energy
• 27:48
  that
• 27:48
  they
• 27:48
  put
• 27:49
  into
• 27:49
  the
• 27:49
  world
• 27:49
  is
• 27:49
  the
• 27:49
  energy
• 27:50
  that
• 27:50
  they
• 27:50
  give
• 27:50
  out
• 27:51
  and
• 27:51
  that
• 27:51
  every
• 27:51
  smile
• 27:52
  has
• 27:52
  a
• 27:52
  ripple
• 27:52
  effect
• 27:53
  that
• 27:53
  you
• 27:53
  will
• 27:53
  never
• 27:54
  even
• 27:54
  be
• 27:54
  able
• 27:54
  to
• 27:55
  comprehend
• 27:56
  the
• 27:56
  life.
• 27:56
  The
• 27:57
  world
• 27:57
  would
• 27:57
  be
• 27:57
  a
• 27:57
  better
• 27:57
  place.
• 27:58
  Yep,
• 27:59
  I
• 27:59
  agree.
• 27:59
  And
• 28:00
  I
• 28:00
  mean,
• 28:00
  that's
• 28:00
  my
• 28:01
  biggest
• 28:01
  thing
• 28:01
  is,
• 28:01
  you
• 28:01
  know,
• 28:02
  as
• 28:02
  a
• 28:02
  kid,
• 28:03
  you
• 28:04
  know,
• 28:04
  I
• 28:05
  didn't
• 28:05
  know
• 28:05
  what
• 28:05
  to
• 28:05
  do.
• 28:05
  I
• 28:05
  couldn't
• 28:06
  go
• 28:06
  home
• 28:06
  and
• 28:06
  tell
• 28:06
  my
• 28:06
  mom
• 28:06
  what
• 28:07
  happened
• 28:07
  at
• 28:07
  school
• 28:07
  because
• 28:08
  she
• 28:08
  would
• 28:08
  either
• 28:08
  tell
• 28:08
  me,
• 28:09
  you
• 28:09
  know,
• 28:09
  just
• 28:09
  ignore
• 28:10
  it,
• 28:10
  they'll
• 28:10
  go
• 28:10
  away,
• 28:10
  or
• 28:10
  she
• 28:11
  would,
• 28:11
  you
• 28:11
  know,
• 28:11
  she'd
• 28:11
  just
• 28:12
  be
• 28:12
  like,
• 28:12
  oh,
• 28:12
  they're
• 28:12
  just
• 28:12
  being
• 28:12
  kids.
• 28:13
  But
• 28:14
  it
• 28:14
  was
• 28:14
  serious.
• 28:14
  Like,
• 28:15
  you
• 28:15
  know,
• 28:15
  I
• 28:15
  Mean,
• 28:16
  I
• 28:16
  was
• 28:16
  being
• 28:16
  beat
• 28:17
  up.
• 28:17
  I
• 28:17
  had
• 28:17
  eggs
• 28:17
  thrown
• 28:18
  at
• 28:18
  me.
• 28:18
  I
• 28:18
  had
• 28:18
  dog
• 28:18
  foods.
• 28:19
  I
• 28:19
  mean,
• 28:19
  so
• 28:19
  it's
• 28:19
  like
• 28:19
  I've
• 28:20
  been,
• 28:20
  you
• 28:20
  know,
• 28:20
  and
• 28:21
  it
• 28:21
  was.
• 28:21
  And
• 28:21
  it
• 28:22
  started
• 28:22
  because
• 28:22
  I
• 28:22
  had
• 28:22
  red
• 28:22
  hair.
• 28:23
  It's
• 28:23
  something
• 28:24
  simple.
• 28:24
  Like,
• 28:24
  they're
• 28:25
  like,
• 28:25
  where's
• 28:25
  it
• 28:25
  start
• 28:25
  at
• 28:25
  what
• 28:26
  you.
• 28:26
  It
• 28:26
  was
• 28:26
  always,
• 28:27
  what'd
• 28:27
  you
• 28:27
  say?
• 28:27
  What'd
• 28:27
  you
• 28:28
  do?
• 28:28
  Nothing.
• 28:29
  I
• 28:29
  went
• 28:29
  to
• 28:30
  school,
• 28:32
  I
• 28:33
  did
• 28:33
  something
• 28:33
  wrong,
• 28:34
  and
• 28:34
  I
• 28:34
  just,
• 28:35
  you
• 28:35
  know,
• 28:35
  I
• 28:35
  wanted.
• 28:35
  I
• 28:36
  don't
• 28:36
  want
• 28:36
  people.
• 28:37
  It's
• 28:37
  a
• 28:37
  lonely
• 28:38
  world
• 28:38
  when
• 28:38
  you
• 28:38
  grow
• 28:38
  up
• 28:38
  like
• 28:39
  that.
• 28:39
  It
• 28:39
  really
• 28:39
  is.
• 28:40
  And
• 28:40
  I
• 28:40
  just,
• 28:40
  you
• 28:41
  know,
• 28:41
  my
• 28:41
  biggest
• 28:41
  thing
• 28:41
  was
• 28:42
  I
• 28:42
  wanted
• 28:42
  people
• 28:43
  to
• 28:43
  see
• 28:43
  this,
• 28:43
  you
• 28:44
  know,
• 28:44
  not
• 28:44
  just
• 28:44
  the
• 28:45
  story
• 28:45
  and.
• 28:46
  But
• 28:46
  that,
• 28:47
  you
• 28:47
  know,
• 28:47
  the
• 28:48
  situations.
• 28:48
  For
• 28:48
  every
• 28:49
  situation,
• 28:49
  you've
• 28:50
  got
• 28:50
  to
• 28:50
  think
• 28:50
  of,
• 28:51
  you
• 28:51
  know,
• 28:52
  I
• 28:52
  can
• 28:53
  make
• 28:53
  this
• 28:53
  through
• 28:53
  and
• 28:53
  think
• 28:54
  of
• 28:54
  it
• 28:54
  as,
• 28:54
  if
• 28:54
  I
• 28:55
  make
• 28:55
  it
• 28:55
  through,
• 28:55
  I
• 28:55
  can
• 28:55
  help
• 28:55
  somebody
• 28:56
  else.
• 28:57
  Right.
• 28:57
  You
• 28:57
  know,
• 28:57
  if
• 28:58
  that's.
• 28:58
  Because
• 28:58
  that's
• 28:58
  what
• 28:58
  always
• 28:59
  helped
• 28:59
  me
• 28:59
  is,
• 29:00
  you
• 29:00
  know,
• 29:00
  a
• 29:00
  lot
• 29:00
  of
• 29:00
  people
• 29:00
  think
• 29:01
  that
• 29:01
  they're
• 29:02
  not
• 29:02
  worth
• 29:02
  it
• 29:02
  and.
• 29:03
  But
• 29:03
  you
• 29:03
  can't
• 29:03
  think
• 29:04
  like
• 29:04
  that.
• 29:04
  You
• 29:04
  have
• 29:04
  to
• 29:04
  think
• 29:04
  of,
• 29:05
  if
• 29:05
  I
• 29:05
  can
• 29:05
  make
• 29:05
  this
• 29:06
  through,
• 29:06
  this
• 29:06
  I
• 29:06
  can
• 29:06
  help
• 29:07
  somebody
• 29:07
  else
• 29:07
  that's
• 29:07
  going
• 29:07
  to
• 29:08
  go
• 29:08
  through
• 29:08
  something
• 29:08
  similar.
• 29:09
  And
• 29:09
  that
• 29:09
  makes.
• 29:10
  That's
• 29:10
  what
• 29:10
  made
• 29:11
  me
• 29:11
  feel
• 29:12
  like
• 29:13
  it
• 29:13
  was
• 29:13
  worth
• 29:13
  going,
• 29:14
  continuing
• 29:14
  to
• 29:14
  go.
• 29:15
  You
• 29:15
  know
• 29:15
  what
• 29:15
  I
• 29:15
  mean?
• 29:15
  It's
• 29:15
  having
• 29:16
  a
• 29:16
  purpose.
• 29:16
  It's
• 29:17
  having
• 29:17
  a
• 29:17
  purpose.
• 29:18
  And
• 29:18
  that
• 29:18
  purpose,
• 29:19
  your
• 29:19
  purpose,
• 29:19
  was
• 29:20
  just
• 29:20
  to
• 29:20
  help
• 29:20
  somebody
• 29:21
  else.
• 29:21
  It
• 29:21
  doesn't
• 29:21
  matter
• 29:22
  what
• 29:22
  your
• 29:22
  purpose
• 29:22
  is.
• 29:23
  I
• 29:23
  mean,
• 29:23
  we
• 29:23
  all
• 29:24
  have
• 29:24
  a
• 29:24
  purpose.
• 29:24
  But,
• 29:25
  yes,
• 29:25
  you
• 29:25
  need
• 29:25
  to
• 29:26
  feel
• 29:26
  like
• 29:26
  you're
• 29:26
  on
• 29:26
  this
• 29:27
  worth
• 29:27
  for.
• 29:28
  On
• 29:28
  this
• 29:28
  earth
• 29:29
  for
• 29:29
  something
• 29:29
  more
• 29:29
  than
• 29:29
  just
• 29:30
  existing
• 29:31
  in
• 29:31
  a
• 29:31
  miserable
• 29:32
  world.
• 29:32
  Like,
• 29:32
  you
• 29:32
  need
• 29:33
  to
• 29:33
  know,
• 29:34
  and
• 29:34
  we're
• 29:34
  all
• 29:35
  put
• 29:35
  here
• 29:35
  for
• 29:35
  something.
• 29:36
  So
• 29:36
  a
• 29:36
  lot
• 29:37
  of
• 29:37
  the
• 29:37
  coaches
• 29:37
  and.
• 29:38
  And
• 29:38
  authors
• 29:39
  and,
• 29:39
  you
• 29:39
  know,
• 29:40
  therapists
• 29:41
  and
• 29:41
  all
• 29:41
  those
• 29:42
  people,
• 29:42
  they
• 29:43
  do
• 29:43
  have
• 29:43
  a
• 29:43
  story,
• 29:45
  and
• 29:46
  they
• 29:46
  turn
• 29:47
  that
• 29:47
  pain
• 29:47
  into
• 29:47
  purpose.
• 29:48
  And
• 29:48
  that's
• 29:49
  amazing.
• 29:50
  And
• 29:50
  they
• 29:50
  can
• 29:51
  understand.
• 29:52
  Yeah,
• 29:52
  you
• 29:53
  can
• 29:53
  talk
• 29:53
  to
• 29:53
  people.
• 29:53
  And
• 29:54
  when
• 29:54
  you
• 29:54
  talk
• 29:54
  to
• 29:54
  someone
• 29:54
  and
• 29:55
  just.
• 29:55
  Even
• 29:56
  the
• 29:56
  adoption
• 29:57
  part
• 29:57
  of
• 29:57
  it,
• 29:57
  I
• 29:57
  mean,
• 29:58
  I've
• 29:58
  had
• 29:58
  so
• 29:58
  many
• 29:59
  people
• 29:59
  on
• 30:00
  this
• 30:00
  podcast.
• 30:01
  I
• 30:01
  think
• 30:01
  I
• 30:01
  have
• 30:01
  three
• 30:01
  or
• 30:02
  four
• 30:02
  episodes
• 30:02
  just
• 30:03
  on
• 30:03
  adoption
• 30:03
  trauma
• 30:04
  on
• 30:04
  my
• 30:04
  podcast,
• 30:06
  because
• 30:06
  people
• 30:06
  don't
• 30:07
  understand
• 30:07
  and.
• 30:07
  And
• 30:08
  the
• 30:08
  outside
• 30:08
  world
• 30:09
  is
• 30:09
  naive
• 30:10
  to
• 30:10
  it.
• 30:10
  The
• 30:11
  people
• 30:11
  that
• 30:11
  are
• 30:11
  not
• 30:11
  adopted
• 30:12
  or
• 30:12
  don't
• 30:12
  know
• 30:12
  anything
• 30:13
  about
• 30:13
  it,
• 30:13
  their
• 30:13
  assumption,
• 30:14
  I'm
• 30:14
  assuming.
• 30:15
  And
• 30:15
  everybody
• 30:16
  I've
• 30:16
  talked
• 30:16
  to
• 30:16
  has
• 30:17
  kind
• 30:17
  of
• 30:17
  agreed
• 30:17
  with
• 30:17
  me.
• 30:17
  They
• 30:18
  just
• 30:18
  assumed,
• 30:18
  oh,
• 30:19
  if
• 30:19
  you
• 30:19
  get
• 30:19
  adopted
• 30:20
  into
• 30:20
  a
• 30:20
  loving
• 30:20
  family,
• 30:21
  everything's
• 30:21
  good.
• 30:21
  You
• 30:22
  don't
• 30:22
  know.
• 30:22
  They.
• 30:23
  There's
• 30:23
  no.
• 30:23
  None
• 30:24
  of
• 30:24
  this
• 30:24
  talk
• 30:24
  of,
• 30:25
  you
• 30:25
  know,
• 30:25
  attachment
• 30:26
  theory
• 30:27
  and
• 30:27
  all
• 30:27
  that.
• 30:27
  People
• 30:28
  don't
• 30:28
  talk
• 30:28
  about
• 30:28
  that
• 30:28
  stuff.
• 30:29
  Yep,
• 30:29
  they
• 30:30
  don't.
• 30:30
  But
• 30:31
  then
• 30:31
  to
• 30:31
  get
• 30:31
  adopted
• 30:32
  into
• 30:32
  a
• 30:32
  family
• 30:34
  that
• 30:34
  it
• 30:34
  was
• 30:35
  never
• 30:35
  that
• 30:37
  mother
• 30:37
  daughter
• 30:38
  bond,
• 30:40
  whether
• 30:40
  it's,
• 30:41
  I
• 30:41
  mean,
• 30:42
  my.
• 30:42
  I'm
• 30:42
  remarried
• 30:43
  and
• 30:44
  my
• 30:44
  husband
• 30:45
  now
• 30:45
  we've
• 30:45
  been
• 30:45
  married
• 30:45
  for
• 30:46
  25
• 30:46
  years.
• 30:47
  That's
• 30:47
  my
• 30:47
  daughter's
• 30:48
  debt.
• 30:49
  I
• 30:49
  mean,
• 30:49
  that
• 30:49
  is
• 30:50
  daddy,
• 30:51
  you
• 30:51
  know
• 30:51
  what
• 30:51
  I
• 30:51
  mean?
• 30:52
  So
• 30:52
  it
• 30:52
  doesn't.
• 30:52
  The
• 30:52
  blood
• 30:53
  thing
• 30:53
  doesn't
• 30:53
  matter.
• 30:54
  But
• 30:55
  had
• 30:55
  that
• 30:55
  not
• 30:55
  been.
• 30:56
  That
• 30:56
  would
• 30:56
  have
• 30:56
  been
• 30:56
  a
• 30:57
  whole
• 30:57
  nother
• 30:57
  issue.
• 30:57
  Yeah,
• 30:58
  it's.
• 30:58
  It's
• 30:59
  hard.
• 30:59
  It
• 31:00
  is
• 31:00
  hard.
• 31:00
  It
• 31:01
  is
• 31:01
  hard.
• 31:01
  I
• 31:01
  mean,
• 31:01
  especially
• 31:02
  when
• 31:02
  you
• 31:02
  know
• 31:03
  you're.
• 31:04
  They
• 31:04
  tell
• 31:04
  you
• 31:04
  like
• 31:05
  when
• 31:05
  you're
• 31:05
  wanted
• 31:06
  because,
• 31:06
  you
• 31:06
  know,
• 31:06
  that's
• 31:07
  what
• 31:07
  they
• 31:07
  always
• 31:07
  tell
• 31:07
  kids
• 31:07
  that
• 31:07
  are
• 31:07
  adopted.
• 31:08
  Oh,
• 31:08
  you
• 31:08
  know,
• 31:08
  you,
• 31:09
  you
• 31:09
  were
• 31:09
  wanted.
• 31:10
  You
• 31:10
  know,
• 31:10
  they
• 31:10
  can't
• 31:10
  say
• 31:10
  you
• 31:11
  weren't
• 31:11
  unplanned
• 31:11
  because.
• 31:12
  But
• 31:12
  you
• 31:12
  were.
• 31:13
  Which
• 31:13
  is
• 31:13
  why
• 31:14
  you
• 31:14
  were
• 31:14
  wanted
• 31:14
  by
• 31:14
  so
• 31:15
  badly
• 31:15
  by
• 31:15
  a
• 31:15
  family
• 31:15
  is
• 31:16
  because
• 31:16
  you
• 31:16
  weren't
• 31:16
  planned
• 31:17
  or
• 31:17
  you
• 31:17
  weren't
• 31:17
  wanted
• 31:18
  by
• 31:18
  somebody.
• 31:18
  And
• 31:19
  that's.
• 31:19
  To
• 31:19
  see
• 31:20
  that
• 31:20
  a
• 31:20
  lot
• 31:20
  of
• 31:20
  people
• 31:21
  that
• 31:21
  are
• 31:21
  adopted
• 31:21
  have
• 31:21
  in
• 31:22
  their
• 31:22
  head
• 31:22
  as
• 31:23
  just
• 31:23
  from
• 31:23
  the
• 31:23
  time
• 31:24
  that
• 31:24
  they
• 31:24
  can,
• 31:25
  they
• 31:25
  learned
• 31:25
  how
• 31:25
  to
• 31:25
  walk.
• 31:26
  That's
• 31:26
  just
• 31:27
  why.
• 31:28
  So
• 31:29
  I
• 31:29
  wasn't
• 31:29
  wanted.
• 31:29
  That's
• 31:29
  how
• 31:30
  you
• 31:30
  got.
• 31:30
  That's
• 31:30
  what
• 31:30
  it
• 31:30
  boiled
• 31:31
  down
• 31:31
  to
• 31:31
  for
• 31:31
  me,
• 31:31
  is
• 31:31
  it?
• 31:31
  It
• 31:32
  wasn't,
• 31:32
  oh,
• 31:33
  this
• 31:33
  family
• 31:33
  wanted
• 31:33
  me
• 31:33
  so
• 31:33
  bad.
• 31:34
  It
• 31:34
  was.
• 31:34
  I
• 31:34
  wasn't
• 31:35
  wanted
• 31:35
  to
• 31:35
  begin
• 31:35
  with.
• 31:36
  Do
• 31:36
  you
• 31:37
  know
• 31:37
  the
• 31:37
  story?
• 31:38
  Do
• 31:38
  you,
• 31:38
  do
• 31:39
  you.
• 31:39
  Do
• 31:39
  you
• 31:39
  know
• 31:40
  the
• 31:40
  story
• 31:40
  of
• 31:40
  why
• 31:40
  your
• 31:41
  mother
• 31:41
  put
• 31:41
  you
• 31:42
  up
• 31:42
  for
• 31:42
  adoption?
• 31:42
  Is
• 31:43
  that
• 31:43
  too
• 31:43
  much
• 31:43
  to
• 31:43
  ask?
• 31:44
  No,
• 31:44
  I
• 31:44
  do.
• 31:44
  I
• 31:45
  do.
• 31:45
  She's
• 31:45
  actually
• 31:47
  18.
• 31:47
  When
• 31:48
  she
• 31:48
  had
• 31:48
  me
• 31:48
  and
• 31:48
  she
• 31:49
  had
• 31:49
  me,
• 31:49
  I
• 31:50
  believe
• 31:50
  in
• 31:50
  the
• 31:50
  basement
• 31:51
  of
• 31:52
  her
• 31:52
  sister's
• 31:53
  house.
• 31:53
  And
• 31:53
  she
• 31:53
  hid
• 31:54
  the
• 31:54
  pregnancy
• 31:54
  the
• 31:54
  whole
• 31:54
  time
• 31:55
  she
• 31:55
  was
• 31:55
  pregnant.
• 31:56
  And
• 31:57
  it's
• 31:57
  because
• 31:58
  I
• 31:58
  believe
• 31:58
  somewhere
• 31:59
  along
• 31:59
  the
• 31:59
  way
• 31:59
  it
• 32:00
  was
• 32:00
  a
• 32:00
  relative
• 32:01
  that
• 32:01
  had
• 32:02
  gotten
• 32:02
  her
• 32:02
  pregnant.
• 32:03
  Okay.
• 32:04
  So
• 32:05
  it,
• 32:05
  that's
• 32:06
  part
• 32:06
  of
• 32:06
  the
• 32:06
  reason
• 32:07
  and
• 32:07
  that
• 32:07
  I
• 32:07
  was
• 32:08
  given
• 32:08
  up
• 32:08
  and
• 32:08
  she
• 32:08
  was
• 32:08
  so
• 32:09
  young.
• 32:09
  I
• 32:10
  guess
• 32:11
  so.
• 32:11
  Right.
• 32:11
  So
• 32:11
  in
• 32:12
  your
• 32:12
  mind,
• 32:13
  she
• 32:14
  didn't
• 32:14
  want
• 32:14
  you,
• 32:15
  but
• 32:16
  with
• 32:16
  time
• 32:17
  you
• 32:17
  could
• 32:17
  probably
• 32:17
  turn
• 32:18
  that
• 32:18
  story
• 32:18
  into
• 32:19
  again,
• 32:20
  like
• 32:20
  even
• 32:20
  like
• 32:21
  your,
• 32:21
  your
• 32:21
  adopted
• 32:22
  mother.
• 32:22
  It's.
• 32:23
  She
• 32:23
  thought
• 32:23
  at
• 32:24
  the
• 32:24
  time
• 32:24
  she
• 32:24
  was
• 32:24
  doing
• 32:25
  the
• 32:25
  best
• 32:25
  thing
• 32:25
  for
• 32:26
  you.
• 32:27
  I
• 32:27
  think
• 32:27
  so.
• 32:27
  And
• 32:28
  I
• 32:28
  think
• 32:28
  a
• 32:28
  lot
• 32:28
  of
• 32:28
  it
• 32:28
  had
• 32:28
  to
• 32:29
  do
• 32:29
  with
• 32:29
  the
• 32:29
  fact
• 32:29
  that
• 32:29
  it
• 32:30
  was
• 32:30
  a
• 32:30
  relative
• 32:30
  that
• 32:30
  had
• 32:31
  gotten
• 32:31
  her
• 32:31
  pregnant
• 32:31
  and
• 32:32
  that,
• 32:32
  you
• 32:32
  know,
• 32:32
  the
• 32:33
  family
• 32:33
  didn't
• 32:33
  want
• 32:33
  that
• 32:34
  type
• 32:34
  of
• 32:35
  stigma
• 32:36
  attached
• 32:36
  to
• 32:37
  them.
• 32:37
  And
• 32:37
  I
• 32:37
  think
• 32:38
  that's
• 32:38
  a
• 32:38
  lot
• 32:38
  of
• 32:39
  the
• 32:39
  issues
• 32:39
  I
• 32:39
  had
• 32:39
  to
• 32:40
  dealing
• 32:40
  with
• 32:40
  as
• 32:40
  I
• 32:40
  got
• 32:40
  older
• 32:41
  was
• 32:41
  knowing
• 32:41
  that.
• 32:42
  Right.
• 32:42
  And
• 32:43
  you
• 32:43
  know,
• 32:44
  that's
• 32:44
  something
• 32:45
  aside
• 32:45
  from
• 32:45
  being
• 32:46
  Adopted.
• 32:46
  That's
• 32:46
  something
• 32:46
  else.
• 32:47
  That's
• 32:47
  a
• 32:47
  whole
• 32:47
  nother
• 32:47
  pill
• 32:48
  to
• 32:48
  swallow.
• 32:48
  Right?
• 32:49
  You
• 32:49
  know,
• 32:49
  and
• 32:50
  it's
• 32:50
  like,
• 32:51
  then
• 32:52
  it
• 32:52
  was,
• 32:52
  is
• 32:52
  that
• 32:52
  what
• 32:52
  was
• 32:52
  wrong
• 32:53
  with
• 32:53
  me?
• 32:53
  Is
• 32:53
  that
• 32:53
  why,
• 32:53
  you
• 32:53
  know,
• 32:54
  my
• 32:54
  mom
• 32:54
  didn't,
• 32:55
  you
• 32:55
  know,
• 32:55
  my
• 32:55
  mom
• 32:55
  was
• 32:56
  cold
• 32:56
  with
• 32:56
  me?
• 32:56
  Is
• 32:56
  that
• 32:56
  why
• 32:57
  my,
• 32:57
  you
• 32:57
  know,
• 32:57
  my
• 32:57
  dad
• 32:58
  left?
• 32:58
  You
• 32:58
  know,
• 32:58
  it
• 32:58
  just,
• 32:58
  it
• 32:59
  kind
• 32:59
  of
• 32:59
  stemmed
• 32:59
  to
• 32:59
  a
• 32:59
  whole
• 33:00
  nother
• 33:01
  type
• 33:01
  of
• 33:01
  issue.
• 33:02
  And
• 33:02
  I
• 33:02
  did,
• 33:02
  I
• 33:02
  did
• 33:03
  talk
• 33:03
  to
• 33:03
  her.
• 33:03
  I
• 33:03
  found
• 33:04
  out
• 33:04
  who
• 33:04
  she
• 33:04
  was,
• 33:04
  and
• 33:05
  I
• 33:05
  did
• 33:05
  actually
• 33:05
  talk
• 33:05
  to
• 33:06
  her.
• 33:07
  And
• 33:07
  she
• 33:08
  wasn't
• 33:09
  the
• 33:09
  most,
• 33:10
  I
• 33:10
  want
• 33:10
  to
• 33:10
  say,
• 33:15
  Warm,
• 33:16
  warm
• 33:16
  person
• 33:17
  I
• 33:17
  guess
• 33:17
  I've
• 33:18
  spoken
• 33:18
  to.
• 33:18
  I
• 33:19
  mean,
• 33:19
  and
• 33:19
  I
• 33:19
  had
• 33:19
  no
• 33:19
  desire
• 33:20
  to
• 33:20
  go
• 33:20
  any
• 33:20
  further
• 33:20
  with.
• 33:21
  Than
• 33:21
  the
• 33:21
  phone
• 33:21
  call
• 33:21
  that
• 33:22
  I
• 33:23
  spoke
• 33:23
  with
• 33:23
  her
• 33:23
  on.
• 33:25
  But
• 33:26
  in
• 33:26
  dealing
• 33:26
  with,
• 33:27
  you
• 33:27
  know,
• 33:28
  it
• 33:28
  all
• 33:28
  became
• 33:28
  of.
• 33:29
  It's
• 33:29
  not
• 33:30
  about
• 33:31
  where.
• 33:31
  It's
• 33:32
  about
• 33:32
  planting
• 33:32
  roots.
• 33:32
  I
• 33:32
  guess
• 33:33
  as
• 33:33
  you
• 33:33
  get
• 33:33
  older
• 33:33
  and
• 33:33
  not.
• 33:34
  You
• 33:34
  have
• 33:34
  to
• 33:34
  have
• 33:35
  a
• 33:35
  certain
• 33:35
  mindset
• 33:36
  to
• 33:36
  overcome
• 33:36
  a
• 33:36
  lot
• 33:37
  and
• 33:37
  you
• 33:37
  don't
• 33:37
  need.
• 33:38
  I
• 33:38
  mean,
• 33:39
  I
• 33:39
  had
• 33:39
  therapy
• 33:39
  when
• 33:39
  I
• 33:39
  was
• 33:40
  younger,
• 33:40
  but
• 33:40
  I
• 33:40
  really
• 33:40
  didn't
• 33:41
  as
• 33:41
  an
• 33:41
  adult
• 33:41
  because
• 33:41
  they
• 33:42
  don't
• 33:42
  have
• 33:42
  a
• 33:42
  lot
• 33:42
  of
• 33:42
  things
• 33:43
  as
• 33:43
  low
• 33:44
  income,
• 33:44
  you
• 33:44
  know,
• 33:44
  I
• 33:44
  mean,
• 33:44
  I
• 33:45
  was
• 33:45
  low
• 33:45
  income
• 33:45
  for
• 33:45
  years
• 33:45
  and
• 33:46
  years
• 33:46
  and
• 33:46
  years
• 33:46
  and
• 33:46
  years.
• 33:47
  And
• 33:47
  there's
• 33:48
  just.
• 33:48
  They
• 33:48
  don't
• 33:48
  offer
• 33:49
  a
• 33:49
  lot
• 33:49
  for
• 33:49
  people,
• 33:50
  you
• 33:50
  know,
• 33:50
  that
• 33:51
  I
• 33:51
  feel
• 33:51
  like,
• 33:51
  especially
• 33:51
  in
• 33:51
  Arizona.
• 33:53
  So
• 33:53
  I,
• 33:53
  you
• 33:54
  know,
• 33:54
  that's
• 33:54
  the
• 33:54
  other
• 33:54
  reason
• 33:54
  I
• 33:55
  wrote
• 33:55
  the
• 33:55
  book
• 33:55
  is
• 33:55
  so
• 33:56
  they
• 33:56
  can
• 33:56
  see
• 33:56
  that
• 33:56
  you,
• 33:56
  you
• 33:57
  can
• 33:57
  do
• 33:57
  it.
• 33:58
  You
• 33:58
  can
• 33:58
  do
• 33:59
  it.
• 33:59
  You
• 33:59
  don't
• 33:59
  need
• 33:59
  to
• 33:59
  have
• 33:59
  thousands
• 34:00
  of
• 34:00
  dollars
• 34:00
  in
• 34:00
  medical
• 34:01
  care.
• 34:01
  You
• 34:01
  don't
• 34:02
  need
• 34:02
  to
• 34:02
  have,
• 34:02
  you
• 34:02
  know,
• 34:03
  this
• 34:03
  huge,
• 34:04
  huge
• 34:04
  support
• 34:05
  system.
• 34:05
  You
• 34:05
  can
• 34:06
  get
• 34:06
  through
• 34:06
  this
• 34:07
  by
• 34:08
  deep
• 34:09
  diving
• 34:09
  in
• 34:09
  yourself
• 34:10
  and,
• 34:11
  you
• 34:12
  know
• 34:12
  what
• 34:12
  I
• 34:12
  mean?
• 34:12
  And
• 34:12
  like,
• 34:13
  and
• 34:13
  listening
• 34:13
  to
• 34:14
  podcasts,
• 34:14
  like,
• 34:14
  with
• 34:14
  people
• 34:15
  like
• 34:15
  you
• 34:15
  and,
• 34:15
  you
• 34:15
  know,
• 34:16
  things
• 34:16
  like
• 34:16
  that.
• 34:16
  And
• 34:16
  like,
• 34:16
  you
• 34:17
  know,
• 34:18
  Oprah
• 34:18
  just
• 34:18
  did
• 34:19
  one,
• 34:19
  I
• 34:19
  think,
• 34:19
  recently
• 34:19
  on
• 34:20
  what
• 34:20
  your.
• 34:20
  What
• 34:20
  yours
• 34:21
  has
• 34:21
  been.
• 34:21
  What
• 34:21
  yours
• 34:22
  has
• 34:22
  been
• 34:22
  for
• 34:22
  a
• 34:22
  while
• 34:22
  now,
• 34:23
  you
• 34:23
  know,
• 34:23
  adult
• 34:23
  dysfunction.
• 34:25
  And,
• 34:26
  you
• 34:27
  know,
• 34:27
  so,
• 34:27
  I
• 34:27
  mean,
• 34:27
  it's
• 34:28
  getting
• 34:28
  to
• 34:28
  be
• 34:28
  a
• 34:28
  bigger.
• 34:29
  A
• 34:29
  bigger
• 34:30
  deal
• 34:30
  now,
• 34:30
  I
• 34:31
  think.
• 34:31
  And
• 34:32
  that's
• 34:32
  why
• 34:32
  I
• 34:33
  was
• 34:33
  glad,
• 34:33
  you
• 34:33
  know,
• 34:34
  to
• 34:34
  come
• 34:34
  on
• 34:34
  here,
• 34:34
  because
• 34:35
  when
• 34:35
  I
• 34:35
  seen
• 34:36
  the
• 34:36
  title,
• 34:36
  I'm
• 34:36
  like,
• 34:37
  that's
• 34:37
  me.
• 34:39
  That's
• 34:39
  just
• 34:39
  me.
• 34:40
  It's
• 34:40
  funny
• 34:41
  because
• 34:41
  so
• 34:41
  many.
• 34:41
  Yeah.
• 34:42
  So
• 34:42
  many
• 34:42
  people
• 34:42
  reach
• 34:43
  out
• 34:43
  and
• 34:43
  they're
• 34:43
  like,
• 34:43
  oh,
• 34:43
  well,
• 34:44
  I'm
• 34:44
  like,
• 34:44
  well,
• 34:44
  what
• 34:44
  brought
• 34:45
  you
• 34:45
  to
• 34:45
  the
• 34:45
  podcast?
• 34:45
  And
• 34:46
  like,
• 34:46
  I
• 34:46
  just
• 34:46
  saw
• 34:46
  the
• 34:46
  title.
• 34:47
  Like,
• 34:47
  that's
• 34:48
  all
• 34:48
  I
• 34:48
  needed.
• 34:48
  Like,
• 34:49
  it's
• 34:49
  just
• 34:49
  like.
• 34:50
  It
• 34:51
  is.
• 34:51
  It
• 34:51
  is
• 34:52
  funny.
• 34:52
  But
• 34:52
  that's,
• 34:52
  I
• 34:53
  mean,
• 34:53
  that's
• 34:53
  good.
• 34:53
  And
• 34:53
  that's
• 34:54
  like,
• 34:54
  again,
• 34:54
  why
• 34:55
  we
• 34:55
  have
• 34:55
  these
• 34:56
  podcasts
• 34:56
  because
• 34:58
  there's
• 34:58
  so
• 34:58
  many
• 34:59
  different
• 34:59
  modalities.
• 35:00
  Just,
• 35:00
  even,
• 35:01
  even
• 35:01
  in
• 35:01
  my
• 35:01
  podcast,
• 35:02
  if
• 35:02
  you
• 35:02
  read
• 35:02
  through
• 35:02
  it's
• 35:03
  200
• 35:03
  and
• 35:03
  some
• 35:03
  episodes,
• 35:04
  if
• 35:04
  you
• 35:04
  read
• 35:04
  through
• 35:05
  some
• 35:05
  of
• 35:05
  the
• 35:05
  titles,
• 35:05
  it
• 35:06
  will
• 35:06
  say,
• 35:06
  you
• 35:06
  know,
• 35:06
  how
• 35:07
  to
• 35:07
  use
• 35:07
  sound
• 35:07
  healing,
• 35:08
  how
• 35:08
  to
• 35:08
  use
• 35:08
  this,
• 35:09
  how
• 35:09
  to
• 35:09
  use
• 35:09
  that.
• 35:09
  There's
• 35:10
  so
• 35:10
  many
• 35:10
  different
• 35:10
  ways
• 35:11
  to
• 35:11
  get
• 35:12
  past,
• 35:12
  like
• 35:12
  you
• 35:13
  said,
• 35:13
  what
• 35:13
  you're
• 35:13
  going
• 35:14
  through
• 35:14
  and
• 35:14
  to
• 35:15
  deep
• 35:15
  dive
• 35:15
  into
• 35:16
  yourself
• 35:16
  and
• 35:16
  you
• 35:17
  don't
• 35:17
  need
• 35:19
  thousands
• 35:19
  of
• 35:19
  dollars.
• 35:20
  And,
• 35:21
  and
• 35:22
  podcasts
• 35:22
  are
• 35:23
  a
• 35:23
  very
• 35:23
  good
• 35:24
  way
• 35:25
  to
• 35:25
  just
• 35:25
  get
• 35:25
  kind
• 35:26
  of.
• 35:26
  To
• 35:26
  jumpstart
• 35:27
  the
• 35:27
  information,
• 35:27
  I
• 35:28
  guess
• 35:28
  you
• 35:28
  could
• 35:28
  say,
• 35:28
  like
• 35:28
  they
• 35:29
  might
• 35:29
  hear
• 35:29
  something,
• 35:30
  like
• 35:30
  somebody
• 35:30
  listening
• 35:31
  to
• 35:31
  this
• 35:31
  might
• 35:31
  be
• 35:31
  adopted.
• 35:32
  And
• 35:32
  not
• 35:33
  that
• 35:33
  there
• 35:33
  is
• 35:34
  some
• 35:34
  biological
• 35:35
  reason
• 35:35
  that
• 35:36
  you
• 35:36
  have
• 35:36
  a
• 35:36
  deep.
• 35:37
  An
• 35:38
  attachment
• 35:39
  issue.
• 35:39
  Yeah.
• 35:40
  Even
• 35:40
  though,
• 35:40
  like
• 35:41
  a
• 35:41
  physiological
• 35:42
  issue.
• 35:42
  And
• 35:43
  they
• 35:43
  can
• 35:43
  deep
• 35:43
  dive
• 35:44
  into
• 35:44
  that
• 35:44
  and
• 35:44
  they
• 35:44
  can
• 35:44
  start
• 35:45
  doing
• 35:45
  their
• 35:45
  own
• 35:45
  research
• 35:46
  and
• 35:46
  they
• 35:46
  can,
• 35:47
  you
• 35:47
  know,
• 35:48
  learn
• 35:48
  to
• 35:48
  journal
• 35:48
  and
• 35:49
  write
• 35:49
  and
• 35:49
  meditate,
• 35:50
  whatever
• 35:50
  it
• 35:51
  is.
• 35:53
  But
• 35:53
  the
• 35:53
  big
• 35:54
  picture
• 35:54
  is
• 35:54
  just
• 35:54
  know
• 35:55
  that
• 35:55
  you're
• 35:55
  not
• 35:55
  alone
• 35:56
  and
• 35:56
  know
• 35:56
  that
• 35:56
  there's
• 35:57
  always
• 35:57
  hope.
• 35:57
  And
• 35:57
  if
• 35:58
  you.
• 35:58
  But
• 35:58
  it's
• 35:58
  also
• 35:58
  a
• 35:59
  choice.
• 35:59
  You
• 35:59
  have
• 36:00
  to
• 36:00
  want
• 36:01
  to
• 36:01
  have
• 36:02
  a
• 36:02
  better
• 36:02
  life.
• 36:02
  It
• 36:03
  is
• 36:03
  a
• 36:03
  choice.
• 36:03
  And
• 36:03
  I
• 36:04
  can
• 36:04
  say,
• 36:04
  you
• 36:04
  know,
• 36:05
  there's
• 36:05
  a
• 36:05
  lot
• 36:05
  of
• 36:05
  people
• 36:05
  out
• 36:05
  there
• 36:05
  too,
• 36:06
  that
• 36:06
  say,
• 36:06
  you
• 36:06
  know,
• 36:07
  when
• 36:07
  you
• 36:07
  forgive
• 36:07
  somebody,
• 36:08
  it's
• 36:08
  for
• 36:08
  the
• 36:08
  other
• 36:08
  person.
• 36:08
  It's
• 36:09
  not
• 36:09
  for
• 36:09
  you,
• 36:11
  you
• 36:11
  know,
• 36:11
  or
• 36:12
  it's
• 36:12
  for
• 36:12
  you.
• 36:12
  And,
• 36:12
  you
• 36:13
  know,
• 36:13
  maybe
• 36:14
  that's
• 36:14
  not.
• 36:14
  That
• 36:15
  wasn't
• 36:15
  an
• 36:15
  option
• 36:15
  for
• 36:16
  me,
• 36:17
  you
• 36:17
  know,
• 36:17
  and
• 36:18
  the
• 36:18
  way
• 36:18
  that,
• 36:18
  you
• 36:19
  know,
• 36:19
  everybody
• 36:19
  was
• 36:19
  like,
• 36:19
  you're
• 36:20
  crazy.
• 36:20
  You'll
• 36:20
  be
• 36:20
  angry
• 36:21
  your
• 36:21
  whole
• 36:21
  life
• 36:21
  if
• 36:21
  you
• 36:21
  don't
• 36:21
  do
• 36:21
  that.
• 36:22
  And
• 36:22
  that's
• 36:22
  not
• 36:22
  true.
• 36:23
  That's
• 36:23
  not
• 36:23
  true.
• 36:24
  You
• 36:24
  don't
• 36:24
  have
• 36:24
  to
• 36:25
  forgive
• 36:25
  somebody
• 36:26
  or
• 36:27
  forgive
• 36:27
  a
• 36:27
  situation
• 36:28
  to
• 36:28
  be
• 36:28
  at
• 36:28
  peace
• 36:29
  with
• 36:29
  it.
• 36:29
  You
• 36:29
  know
• 36:29
  what
• 36:29
  I
• 36:30
  mean?
• 36:30
  You
• 36:30
  have
• 36:30
  to
• 36:30
  find
• 36:31
  it
• 36:31
  within
• 36:31
  yourself
• 36:32
  to
• 36:32
  move
• 36:32
  forward.
• 36:34
  And
• 36:34
  the
• 36:34
  moving
• 36:34
  forward
• 36:35
  part
• 36:35
  is,
• 36:35
  you
• 36:36
  know,
• 36:36
  am
• 36:37
  I
• 36:37
  going
• 36:37
  to
• 36:37
  take
• 36:37
  it
• 36:37
  with
• 36:37
  me
• 36:38
  or
• 36:38
  am
• 36:38
  I
• 36:38
  just
• 36:38
  going
• 36:38
  to
• 36:38
  leave
• 36:39
  it?
• 36:39
  You
• 36:39
  know
• 36:40
  what
• 36:40
  I
• 36:40
  mean?
• 36:40
  It's
• 36:40
  not
• 36:40
  a
• 36:40
  matter
• 36:40
  of.
• 36:41
  For,
• 36:41
  you
• 36:41
  don't
• 36:41
  have
• 36:41
  to.
• 36:42
  Forgiveness.
• 36:42
  It's
• 36:43
  a
• 36:43
  matter
• 36:43
  of
• 36:44
  can
• 36:44
  I
• 36:44
  go
• 36:44
  forward
• 36:44
  and
• 36:45
  just
• 36:45
  shed
• 36:46
  it?
• 36:46
  Like,
• 36:46
  you
• 36:46
  know,
• 36:46
  And
• 36:47
  I
• 36:47
  chose
• 36:47
  to
• 36:48
  do
• 36:48
  that
• 36:48
  instead
• 36:48
  of
• 36:48
  forgiving
• 36:49
  because
• 36:49
  forgiveness
• 36:50
  just
• 36:50
  wasn't
• 36:50
  an
• 36:50
  option
• 36:51
  for
• 36:51
  me.
• 36:52
  So
• 36:52
  I
• 36:52
  just
• 36:52
  kind
• 36:53
  of
• 36:54
  worked
• 36:54
  through
• 36:54
  and
• 36:54
  said,
• 36:55
  can
• 36:55
  I
• 36:55
  live
• 36:56
  with
• 36:56
  myself
• 36:56
  if
• 36:57
  I
• 36:58
  don't
• 36:58
  talk
• 36:58
  to
• 36:58
  this
• 36:58
  person
• 36:58
  and
• 36:59
  if
• 36:59
  I
• 36:59
  don't
• 36:59
  do
• 36:59
  this
• 36:59
  and
• 37:00
  if
• 37:00
  I
• 37:00
  just
• 37:00
  cut
• 37:00
  this
• 37:01
  out
• 37:01
  of
• 37:01
  my
• 37:01
  life,
• 37:01
  can
• 37:01
  I,
• 37:02
  can
• 37:02
  I
• 37:02
  get
• 37:02
  up
• 37:02
  in
• 37:03
  the
• 37:03
  morning?
• 37:03
  And
• 37:03
  if
• 37:04
  you
• 37:04
  can,
• 37:05
  then,
• 37:06
  then
• 37:06
  that's
• 37:06
  what
• 37:06
  you
• 37:06
  need
• 37:06
  to
• 37:07
  do,
• 37:07
  then
• 37:07
  there
• 37:07
  you
• 37:07
  go.
• 37:07
  I
• 37:08
  Mean,
• 37:08
  there's
• 37:08
  a
• 37:08
  lot
• 37:08
  of
• 37:09
  people
• 37:09
  think
• 37:09
  for
• 37:09
  you
• 37:09
  have
• 37:09
  to
• 37:10
  forgive
• 37:10
  to.
• 37:10
  You
• 37:10
  don't.
• 37:11
  That's.
• 37:12
  You
• 37:12
  don't
• 37:12
  need
• 37:12
  to
• 37:12
  do
• 37:13
  that.
• 37:13
  And
• 37:13
  that's
• 37:14
  one
• 37:14
  of
• 37:14
  those
• 37:14
  big
• 37:14
  controversies.
• 37:15
  And
• 37:15
  they
• 37:15
  have
• 37:15
  that
• 37:16
  hona
• 37:16
  onopono,
• 37:17
  you
• 37:17
  know,
• 37:17
  the
• 37:17
  Hawaiian
• 37:18
  forgiveness
• 37:19
  and
• 37:19
  all
• 37:19
  that
• 37:19
  stuff.
• 37:19
  And
• 37:20
  I
• 37:20
  could
• 37:20
  never
• 37:20
  say
• 37:21
  it
• 37:21
  right.
• 37:21
  But
• 37:22
  I,
• 37:22
  I
• 37:22
  kind
• 37:23
  of
• 37:23
  work
• 37:23
  with
• 37:23
  the
• 37:23
  people
• 37:24
  that
• 37:24
  I
• 37:24
  work
• 37:24
  with
• 37:24
  and
• 37:24
  I
• 37:25
  tell
• 37:25
  them
• 37:25
  if
• 37:26
  you're
• 37:26
  having
• 37:26
  a
• 37:26
  hard
• 37:26
  time
• 37:27
  with
• 37:27
  that,
• 37:27
  like,
• 37:28
  to
• 37:28
  me,
• 37:28
  forgiveness
• 37:29
  is
• 37:29
  not
• 37:29
  condoning.
• 37:30
  It's
• 37:30
  not
• 37:30
  anything.
• 37:31
  Forgiveness
• 37:32
  is
• 37:32
  letting
• 37:33
  go
• 37:33
  of
• 37:33
  the
• 37:34
  power
• 37:34
  it
• 37:34
  has
• 37:34
  on
• 37:35
  me.
• 37:35
  Yeah.
• 37:36
  So
• 37:36
  if
• 37:36
  I
• 37:36
  can
• 37:36
  let
• 37:37
  go
• 37:37
  of
• 37:37
  all
• 37:37
  of
• 37:37
  the
• 37:38
  anger
• 37:38
  and
• 37:38
  the
• 37:38
  animosity
• 37:39
  and
• 37:39
  all
• 37:39
  that
• 37:40
  stuff.
• 37:40
  So
• 37:41
  where
• 37:41
  I'm
• 37:41
  at
• 37:41
  peace
• 37:41
  with
• 37:42
  it.
• 37:42
  Like
• 37:42
  you
• 37:42
  said,
• 37:42
  you
• 37:43
  don't
• 37:43
  still
• 37:43
  don't
• 37:43
  have
• 37:43
  to
• 37:43
  talk
• 37:44
  to
• 37:44
  that
• 37:44
  person.
• 37:44
  Yep.
• 37:45
  But
• 37:47
  you
• 37:47
  just
• 37:47
  have
• 37:47
  to
• 37:48
  be
• 37:48
  able
• 37:48
  to
• 37:48
  let
• 37:48
  go
• 37:49
  of
• 37:49
  the,
• 37:49
  the
• 37:49
  hold
• 37:50
  it
• 37:50
  has
• 37:50
  on
• 37:50
  you.
• 37:51
  And
• 37:51
  then
• 37:51
  I
• 37:52
  was
• 37:52
  okay
• 37:52
  with
• 37:52
  that.
• 37:52
  The
• 37:53
  same
• 37:53
  thing.
• 37:53
  You
• 37:53
  know,
• 37:53
  there
• 37:54
  are
• 37:54
  some.
• 37:54
  To
• 37:54
  me,
• 37:54
  there
• 37:55
  are
• 37:55
  some
• 37:55
  acts
• 37:56
  that
• 37:56
  are
• 37:56
  unforgivable.
• 37:57
  It's.
• 37:57
  There's
• 37:58
  no.
• 37:59
  No.
• 38:00
  But
• 38:00
  when
• 38:00
  I
• 38:00
  could
• 38:01
  look
• 38:01
  at,
• 38:02
  when
• 38:02
  I
• 38:02
  finally
• 38:03
  flipped
• 38:03
  the
• 38:03
  switch
• 38:04
  and
• 38:04
  I
• 38:04
  wasn't
• 38:05
  young
• 38:05
  when
• 38:05
  I
• 38:05
  did
• 38:05
  it,
• 38:06
  to
• 38:06
  look
• 38:07
  at
• 38:07
  my
• 38:07
  mother
• 38:07
  and
• 38:07
  go,
• 38:08
  yeah.
• 38:09
  She
• 38:10
  was
• 38:11
  more
• 38:11
  damaged
• 38:11
  and
• 38:12
  more
• 38:12
  hurt
• 38:12
  and
• 38:12
  more
• 38:13
  bright,
• 38:13
  brutally
• 38:13
  treated
• 38:14
  than
• 38:14
  I
• 38:14
  ever
• 38:14
  was.
• 38:15
  Yeah.
• 38:16
  That's
• 38:16
  why
• 38:17
  all
• 38:17
  of
• 38:17
  a
• 38:17
  sudden
• 38:18
  it
• 38:18
  was
• 38:18
  like,
• 38:19
  like
• 38:19
  a
• 38:20
  load
• 38:20
  off
• 38:20
  my
• 38:20
  shoulders.
• 38:21
  Because
• 38:21
  there
• 38:21
  wasn't
• 38:21
  that
• 38:22
  hatred
• 38:22
  and
• 38:22
  that
• 38:22
  anger
• 38:23
  and
• 38:23
  that,
• 38:24
  you
• 38:24
  know,
• 38:24
  that
• 38:25
  those
• 38:25
  feelings
• 38:26
  attached
• 38:26
  to
• 38:26
  it
• 38:26
  anymore.
• 38:27
  Yeah.
• 38:28
  But
• 38:28
  I
• 38:28
  never
• 38:28
  said
• 38:29
  I
• 38:29
  forgive
• 38:29
  you.
• 38:30
  No
• 38:30
  way.
• 38:31
  No.
• 38:31
  You're
• 38:32
  a
• 38:32
  grown
• 38:32
  ass
• 38:32
  adult.
• 38:33
  You
• 38:33
  know
• 38:33
  exactly
• 38:33
  what
• 38:33
  you
• 38:34
  were
• 38:34
  doing.
• 38:34
  Exactly.
• 38:35
  Yep.
• 38:36
  So.
• 38:37
  Exactly.
• 38:38
  But
• 38:38
  I
• 38:38
  did
• 38:38
  have
• 38:39
  to
• 38:39
  let
• 38:39
  go
• 38:39
  ago.
• 38:40
  You
• 38:40
  know,
• 38:40
  some
• 38:40
  of
• 38:41
  the
• 38:41
  stories
• 38:41
  that
• 38:41
  I
• 38:41
  tell
• 38:42
  now
• 38:42
  I
• 38:42
  couldn't
• 38:42
  have
• 38:43
  told
• 38:43
  20
• 38:43
  years
• 38:43
  ago.
• 38:44
  I
• 38:44
  would
• 38:44
  have
• 38:44
  broken
• 38:44
  down
• 38:45
  into
• 38:45
  a
• 38:45
  full
• 38:45
  blown
• 38:45
  anxiety
• 38:46
  attack.
• 38:47
  Right.
• 38:48
  I
• 38:48
  hear
• 38:48
  you.
• 38:48
  Now
• 38:49
  I
• 38:49
  could
• 38:49
  just
• 38:49
  be
• 38:49
  like,
• 38:50
  oh,
• 38:50
  yeah.
• 38:51
  And
• 38:51
  there's
• 38:51
  no
• 38:52
  emotional
• 38:52
  attachment
• 38:53
  to
• 38:53
  it.
• 38:53
  That's
• 38:54
  the
• 38:54
  difference.
• 38:55
  It's
• 38:55
  just
• 38:55
  a
• 38:55
  story.
• 38:56
  It
• 38:56
  just
• 38:57
  is.
• 38:57
  She
• 38:58
  just
• 38:58
  was.
• 38:58
  We
• 38:59
  got.
• 38:59
  I
• 38:59
  got
• 39:00
  past
• 39:00
  it.
• 39:01
  I.
• 39:01
  I
• 39:01
  don't
• 39:01
  even
• 39:01
  want
• 39:02
  to
• 39:02
  say
• 39:02
  moved
• 39:02
  on.
• 39:02
  I've
• 39:03
  grown
• 39:04
  and
• 39:04
  I've
• 39:04
  come
• 39:05
  to
• 39:05
  look
• 39:05
  at
• 39:05
  things
• 39:05
  differently.
• 39:07
  Yep.
• 39:07
  You
• 39:07
  know,
• 39:08
  I
• 39:08
  don't
• 39:08
  think
• 39:08
  you
• 39:09
  ever
• 39:09
  really
• 39:09
  move
• 39:09
  on.
• 39:09
  I
• 39:09
  think
• 39:10
  you
• 39:10
  just
• 39:10
  kind
• 39:10
  of,
• 39:10
  you,
• 39:10
  you
• 39:11
  grow.
• 39:11
  You
• 39:11
  grow
• 39:11
  and
• 39:12
  learn.
• 39:12
  And
• 39:13
  I
• 39:13
  think
• 39:13
  that's
• 39:13
  the
• 39:13
  hardest
• 39:14
  thing
• 39:14
  is
• 39:14
  people
• 39:14
  are
• 39:14
  afraid
• 39:15
  to
• 39:15
  do
• 39:15
  that.
• 39:15
  Because
• 39:16
  if
• 39:17
  change.
• 39:17
  I
• 39:17
  look
• 39:18
  at
• 39:18
  it
• 39:18
  like
• 39:18
  this.
• 39:18
  If
• 39:18
  change
• 39:19
  were
• 39:19
  easy,
• 39:19
  everybody
• 39:19
  do
• 39:20
  it.
• 39:20
  Yeah.
• 39:20
  If
• 39:21
  change
• 39:21
  was
• 39:21
  something
• 39:21
  that
• 39:22
  was
• 39:22
  comfortable,
• 39:22
  everybody
• 39:22
  would
• 39:23
  be
• 39:23
  doing
• 39:23
  it.
• 39:23
  People
• 39:24
  don't
• 39:24
  do
• 39:24
  it
• 39:24
  because
• 39:25
  it's
• 39:25
  uncomfortable
• 39:25
  and
• 39:26
  people
• 39:26
  don't
• 39:26
  like
• 39:26
  what's
• 39:26
  uncomfortable.
• 39:27
  Yeah.
• 39:28
  And
• 39:28
  you
• 39:28
  can't
• 39:28
  go
• 39:28
  forward
• 39:29
  in
• 39:29
  life,
• 39:29
  and
• 39:29
  you
• 39:30
  can't
• 39:30
  learn
• 39:30
  to
• 39:30
  put
• 39:30
  one
• 39:30
  foot
• 39:31
  in
• 39:31
  front
• 39:31
  of
• 39:31
  the
• 39:31
  other.
• 39:31
  And
• 39:31
  if.
• 39:31
  Unless
• 39:32
  you're
• 39:33
  gonna
• 39:33
  be
• 39:33
  uncomfortable
• 39:33
  and
• 39:33
  you're
• 39:34
  going
• 39:34
  to
• 39:34
  be.
• 39:34
  And
• 39:35
  I
• 39:35
  just.
• 39:35
  My
• 39:35
  biggest
• 39:36
  thing
• 39:36
  is
• 39:37
  I
• 39:37
  don't
• 39:37
  want
• 39:37
  anyone
• 39:38
  to
• 39:38
  be
• 39:40
  feeling
• 39:40
  like,
• 39:41
  you
• 39:41
  know,
• 39:42
  they
• 39:42
  need
• 39:42
  to
• 39:42
  be
• 39:42
  uncomfortable
• 39:43
  by
• 39:44
  themselves.
• 39:44
  You
• 39:45
  know
• 39:45
  what
• 39:45
  I
• 39:45
  mean?
• 39:45
  And
• 39:45
  if.
• 39:45
  If
• 39:46
  it
• 39:46
  means,
• 39:46
  you
• 39:46
  know,
• 39:47
  calling
• 39:47
  in
• 39:47
  the
• 39:47
  middle
• 39:47
  of
• 39:47
  the
• 39:48
  night,
• 39:48
  or
• 39:48
  if
• 39:48
  it
• 39:48
  means,
• 39:48
  you
• 39:48
  know,
• 39:49
  highlighting
• 39:49
  something
• 39:49
  in.
• 39:50
  In
• 39:50
  my
• 39:50
  book,
• 39:50
  or
• 39:50
  if
• 39:51
  it
• 39:51
  means,
• 39:51
  you
• 39:51
  know,
• 39:52
  you
• 39:52
  know,
• 39:52
  asking,
• 39:53
  how
• 39:53
  do
• 39:53
  you
• 39:53
  get
• 39:54
  better?
• 39:54
  What
• 39:54
  can
• 39:54
  I
• 39:54
  do
• 39:55
  to
• 39:55
  get
• 39:55
  better?
• 39:55
  And
• 39:55
  referring
• 39:56
  them
• 39:56
  to
• 39:56
  someone
• 39:56
  else,
• 39:56
  you
• 39:57
  know,
• 39:57
  or
• 39:57
  referring
• 39:57
  them
• 39:57
  to
• 39:57
  your
• 39:58
  podcast
• 39:58
  or
• 39:58
  even
• 39:58
  something.
• 39:59
  Even
• 39:59
  something
• 39:59
  like
• 39:59
  that,
• 40:00
  you
• 40:00
  know,
• 40:00
  I
• 40:00
  mean,
• 40:00
  it
• 40:01
  just.
• 40:01
  That's
• 40:02
  the
• 40:02
  reason
• 40:02
  that
• 40:02
  I
• 40:03
  feel
• 40:03
  like
• 40:03
  I'm
• 40:03
  here,
• 40:04
  and
• 40:04
  that's
• 40:04
  what
• 40:05
  I
• 40:05
  feel
• 40:05
  like
• 40:05
  is
• 40:06
  my.
• 40:06
  My
• 40:07
  calling
• 40:07
  to
• 40:07
  do
• 40:07
  is
• 40:07
  to
• 40:08
  help
• 40:08
  people
• 40:08
  that
• 40:09
  think
• 40:09
  they
• 40:09
  can't,
• 40:10
  that
• 40:10
  have
• 40:10
  been
• 40:10
  in
• 40:10
  my
• 40:10
  situation,
• 40:11
  bullied
• 40:12
  and
• 40:12
  then
• 40:12
  their
• 40:12
  parents
• 40:13
  weren't
• 40:13
  there,
• 40:13
  and,
• 40:14
  you
• 40:14
  know,
• 40:14
  things
• 40:15
  like
• 40:15
  that,
• 40:15
  that
• 40:16
  it's
• 40:16
  okay
• 40:17
  because
• 40:18
  we
• 40:18
  got
• 40:18
  to
• 40:18
  cut
• 40:18
  down
• 40:19
  this
• 40:19
  number
• 40:19
  of
• 40:19
  people
• 40:19
  that
• 40:20
  just
• 40:20
  don't
• 40:20
  think
• 40:20
  it
• 40:20
  is
• 40:20
  and
• 40:20
  just
• 40:21
  decide
• 40:21
  to
• 40:21
  leave.
• 40:22
  You
• 40:22
  know
• 40:22
  what
• 40:22
  I
• 40:22
  mean?
• 40:23
  100%
• 40:24
  agreed.
• 40:24
  100%
• 40:26
  very.
• 40:26
  I
• 40:26
  mean,
• 40:27
  very
• 40:27
  well
• 40:27
  said.
• 40:28
  And.
• 40:29
  Oh,
• 40:29
  yeah,
• 40:29
  yeah,
• 40:30
  you
• 40:30
  can't
• 40:31
  say
• 40:31
  it
• 40:31
  any
• 40:31
  better.
• 40:31
  It's
• 40:32
  just
• 40:32
  absolutely
• 40:34
  so
• 40:35
  important
• 40:35
  that
• 40:35
  people.
• 40:35
  I
• 40:36
  always
• 40:36
  say
• 40:36
  I
• 40:36
  want
• 40:36
  to
• 40:36
  get
• 40:37
  up
• 40:37
  on
• 40:37
  the
• 40:37
  mountaintops
• 40:38
  and
• 40:38
  just
• 40:38
  scream,
• 40:38
  like,
• 40:38
  oh,
• 40:39
  I
• 40:39
  wish
• 40:39
  I
• 40:39
  could
• 40:39
  spread
• 40:39
  the
• 40:40
  message
• 40:40
  big
• 40:40
  and
• 40:41
  wide
• 40:41
  because
• 40:42
  there's
• 40:42
  just
• 40:42
  so
• 40:42
  many
• 40:43
  people
• 40:43
  out
• 40:43
  there
• 40:43
  walking
• 40:44
  around.
• 40:44
  And,
• 40:45
  you
• 40:45
  know,
• 40:45
  if
• 40:45
  you're
• 40:46
  standing
• 40:46
  here
• 40:46
  right
• 40:47
  now,
• 40:47
  you've
• 40:48
  survived,
• 40:49
  you're
• 40:49
  a
• 40:49
  warrior,
• 40:50
  but
• 40:50
  let's
• 40:51
  thrive.
• 40:51
  Let's
• 40:52
  have
• 40:52
  a
• 40:52
  good
• 40:52
  life.
• 40:52
  Let's
• 40:53
  move,
• 40:53
  like,
• 40:54
  let's
• 40:54
  move
• 40:54
  it
• 40:55
  up
• 40:55
  a
• 40:55
  notch.
• 40:56
  And
• 40:57
  I
• 40:57
  know
• 40:57
  one
• 40:57
  of
• 40:57
  the
• 40:58
  psychologists,
• 40:58
  and
• 40:58
  I've
• 40:59
  said
• 40:59
  this
• 40:59
  in
• 40:59
  several
• 40:59
  of
• 40:59
  my
• 41:00
  episodes,
• 41:00
  but
• 41:00
  she
• 41:00
  does
• 41:01
  a
• 41:01
  little
• 41:01
  test
• 41:01
  with
• 41:01
  her
• 41:02
  clients,
• 41:02
  and
• 41:03
  she
• 41:03
  says,
• 41:03
  you
• 41:03
  know,
• 41:04
  picture
• 41:04
  your
• 41:04
  favorite
• 41:04
  ice
• 41:05
  cream
• 41:05
  and
• 41:05
  how
• 41:05
  does
• 41:05
  it
• 41:06
  make
• 41:06
  you
• 41:06
  feel?
• 41:06
  Or
• 41:06
  your
• 41:06
  favorite
• 41:07
  food,
• 41:07
  and
• 41:07
  it
• 41:07
  makes
• 41:07
  you
• 41:08
  feel
• 41:08
  warm
• 41:08
  and
• 41:08
  fuzzy
• 41:09
  and
• 41:09
  everything
• 41:09
  else.
• 41:09
  And
• 41:10
  then
• 41:10
  she
• 41:10
  goes,
• 41:11
  now
• 41:11
  say
• 41:11
  the
• 41:11
  words,
• 41:12
  I
• 41:12
  deserve
• 41:13
  all
• 41:13
  good
• 41:13
  things.
• 41:15
  And
• 41:15
  then
• 41:15
  sit
• 41:15
  with
• 41:16
  that,
• 41:17
  because
• 41:17
  if
• 41:17
  you
• 41:17
  say
• 41:18
  that
• 41:18
  and
• 41:18
  you
• 41:18
  get
• 41:18
  a
• 41:18
  little
• 41:19
  clench
• 41:19
  in
• 41:19
  your
• 41:19
  belly
• 41:20
  or
• 41:20
  your
• 41:20
  shoulders
• 41:21
  tighten
• 41:21
  or
• 41:22
  you
• 41:22
  get
• 41:22
  any
• 41:23
  kind
• 41:23
  of
• 41:23
  physiological
• 41:24
  response,
• 41:25
  then,
• 41:26
  my
• 41:26
  friend,
• 41:26
  you
• 41:26
  don't
• 41:26
  believe
• 41:27
  you
• 41:27
  deserve
• 41:27
  all
• 41:27
  good
• 41:28
  things,
• 41:28
  and
• 41:28
  you
• 41:28
  do.
• 41:29
  So
• 41:29
  it's
• 41:30
  worth
• 41:30
  exploring
• 41:30
  and
• 41:31
  going
• 41:31
  deeper.
• 41:32
  And
• 41:32
  I'll
• 41:32
  tell
• 41:32
  you
• 41:32
  the
• 41:33
  the
• 41:33
  other
• 41:33
  thing
• 41:33
  is
• 41:33
  that
• 41:34
  I
• 41:34
  don't
• 41:34
  want
• 41:34
  anybody
• 41:34
  to
• 41:35
  think
• 41:35
  because
• 41:35
  a
• 41:35
  lot
• 41:35
  of
• 41:35
  people
• 41:36
  think,
• 41:36
  okay,
• 41:36
  well,
• 41:36
  you've
• 41:36
  got
• 41:37
  money,
• 41:37
  so
• 41:37
  you.
• 41:37
  You
• 41:38
  don't
• 41:38
  understand.
• 41:39
  I
• 41:39
  don't.
• 41:40
  And
• 41:40
  I'll
• 41:40
  be
• 41:40
  the
• 41:40
  first
• 41:40
  to
• 41:41
  say
• 41:41
  it.
• 41:41
  It
• 41:41
  has
• 41:41
  nothing
• 41:42
  to
• 41:42
  do
• 41:42
  with
• 41:42
  money.
• 41:43
  It
• 41:43
  has
• 41:43
  nothing
• 41:43
  to
• 41:43
  do
• 41:43
  with,
• 41:44
  you
• 41:44
  know.
• 41:44
  Well,
• 41:45
  they
• 41:45
  can
• 41:45
  say
• 41:45
  that
• 41:45
  because
• 41:45
  they're.
• 41:46
  I
• 41:46
  have,
• 41:47
  I'm.
• 41:47
  I
• 41:48
  was
• 41:48
  very,
• 41:49
  you
• 41:49
  know,
• 41:49
  I
• 41:49
  lived
• 41:49
  very
• 41:50
  low
• 41:50
  income
• 41:50
  my
• 41:50
  whole
• 41:51
  life
• 41:51
  up
• 41:51
  until,
• 41:52
  you
• 41:52
  know,
• 41:52
  just
• 41:52
  very
• 41:53
  recently
• 41:54
  when
• 41:54
  things
• 41:54
  started
• 41:55
  to
• 41:55
  change
• 41:55
  just
• 41:55
  a
• 41:56
  little
• 41:56
  bit.
• 41:56
  So
• 41:57
  I'm.
• 41:57
  It's
• 41:57
  not
• 41:57
  coming
• 41:58
  from
• 41:58
  someone
• 41:58
  that
• 41:58
  has
• 41:59
  money,
• 41:59
  that
• 42:00
  has
• 42:00
  the.
• 42:00
  Can
• 42:01
  buy
• 42:01
  this
• 42:01
  and
• 42:01
  can
• 42:01
  buy
• 42:01
  that
• 42:02
  and
• 42:02
  can
• 42:02
  take
• 42:02
  care
• 42:02
  of
• 42:02
  this
• 42:02
  and
• 42:02
  take
• 42:03
  care
• 42:03
  of
• 42:03
  that.
• 42:03
  My
• 42:04
  mind's
• 42:04
  coming
• 42:05
  from
• 42:05
  my
• 42:05
  heart
• 42:05
  and
• 42:05
  my.
• 42:06
  And
• 42:06
  my,
• 42:06
  you
• 42:06
  know,
• 42:07
  it's
• 42:07
  advice
• 42:08
  coming
• 42:08
  from
• 42:08
  somebody
• 42:08
  that
• 42:09
  has
• 42:09
  actually
• 42:09
  been
• 42:09
  there,
• 42:10
  done
• 42:10
  that,
• 42:11
  and
• 42:11
  doesn't
• 42:11
  have,
• 42:12
  you
• 42:12
  know,
• 42:12
  and
• 42:13
  still
• 42:13
  don't
• 42:13
  have,
• 42:13
  you
• 42:13
  know,
• 42:14
  the
• 42:14
  stature
• 42:14
  or
• 42:15
  the
• 42:15
  ability
• 42:15
  to,
• 42:15
  you
• 42:16
  know,
• 42:16
  go
• 42:16
  get
• 42:17
  help
• 42:17
  for
• 42:17
  thousands
• 42:17
  of
• 42:18
  dollars.
• 42:19
  So
• 42:19
  I
• 42:19
  don't
• 42:19
  want
• 42:19
  people
• 42:19
  to
• 42:19
  think
• 42:20
  that,
• 42:20
  you
• 42:20
  know.
• 42:21
  Well,
• 42:21
  yes,
• 42:21
  they
• 42:22
  can,
• 42:22
  you
• 42:22
  know,
• 42:22
  because
• 42:22
  a
• 42:22
  lot
• 42:22
  of
• 42:23
  people
• 42:23
  are
• 42:23
  like,
• 42:23
  oh,
• 42:23
  of
• 42:24
  course
• 42:24
  they
• 42:24
  can
• 42:24
  do
• 42:24
  that
• 42:24
  because
• 42:25
  they've
• 42:25
  got
• 42:25
  money.
• 42:25
  They've.
• 42:26
  I
• 42:26
  don't.
• 42:27
  And
• 42:27
  I.
• 42:27
  And
• 42:27
  I
• 42:27
  wanted
• 42:28
  people
• 42:28
  to
• 42:28
  know
• 42:28
  that
• 42:29
  I'm
• 42:29
  down
• 42:30
  there
• 42:30
  with
• 42:30
  everybody
• 42:31
  else,
• 42:31
  like
• 42:31
  normal,
• 42:32
  a
• 42:32
  normal,
• 42:32
  fun,
• 42:32
  trying
• 42:33
  person
• 42:33
  trying
• 42:33
  to
• 42:33
  function.
• 42:34
  You
• 42:34
  know
• 42:34
  what
• 42:34
  I
• 42:35
  mean?
• 42:35
  I'm
• 42:35
  not
• 42:35
  saying
• 42:35
  this
• 42:36
  because,
• 42:36
  you
• 42:36
  know,
• 42:37
  I
• 42:37
  can
• 42:37
  or
• 42:37
  because
• 42:37
  I've
• 42:38
  had
• 42:38
  some
• 42:38
  miracle,
• 42:39
  you
• 42:39
  know,
• 42:39
  miraculous
• 42:40
  thing
• 42:40
  happen.
• 42:40
  It's
• 42:41
  just
• 42:41
  I'm
• 42:42
  your
• 42:42
  everyday
• 42:43
  person
• 42:44
  and
• 42:45
  I
• 42:45
  can't
• 42:46
  afford
• 42:46
  a
• 42:46
  lot
• 42:46
  of
• 42:46
  the
• 42:47
  luxuries,
• 42:47
  you
• 42:48
  know,
• 42:48
  that
• 42:48
  are
• 42:48
  out
• 42:48
  there
• 42:48
  today.
• 42:49
  But
• 42:49
  you
• 42:49
  can
• 42:50
  still
• 42:50
  be
• 42:51
  able
• 42:51
  to
• 42:51
  find
• 42:51
  yourself
• 42:52
  and
• 42:52
  to
• 42:52
  fix
• 42:53
  things.
• 42:53
  Yeah.
• 42:54
  You
• 42:54
  can
• 42:54
  wake
• 42:54
  up
• 42:54
  in
• 42:54
  the
• 42:55
  morning,
• 42:55
  be
• 42:55
  thankful
• 42:55
  for
• 42:56
  five
• 42:56
  things,
• 42:56
  look
• 42:56
  in
• 42:56
  the
• 42:56
  mirror
• 42:57
  and
• 42:57
  tell
• 42:57
  yourself
• 42:57
  you're
• 42:58
  love.
• 42:58
  Yep,
• 42:59
  exactly.
• 43:00
  I
• 43:00
  mean,
• 43:00
  that's
• 43:00
  a
• 43:01
  very
• 43:01
  easy
• 43:01
  place
• 43:01
  to
• 43:02
  start.
• 43:02
  And
• 43:02
  it
• 43:02
  doesn't
• 43:03
  cost
• 43:03
  a
• 43:03
  penny
• 43:03
  to
• 43:03
  wake
• 43:04
  up
• 43:04
  in
• 43:04
  the
• 43:04
  morning
• 43:04
  and
• 43:04
  find
• 43:05
  five
• 43:05
  things
• 43:05
  that
• 43:05
  you're
• 43:06
  grateful
• 43:06
  for,
• 43:07
  look
• 43:07
  in
• 43:07
  the
• 43:07
  mirror
• 43:07
  and
• 43:08
  say,
• 43:08
  you
• 43:08
  are
• 43:08
  loved
• 43:09
  and
• 43:09
  you
• 43:09
  are
• 43:09
  worth
• 43:09
  it.
• 43:10
  Yep.
• 43:11
  So
• 43:12
  simple.
• 43:12
  Yep.
• 43:13
  Breathing.
• 43:14
  I
• 43:14
  mean,
• 43:14
  that
• 43:14
  should
• 43:14
  tell
• 43:14
  you
• 43:14
  something.
• 43:16
  Absolutely.
• 43:17
  Breathing.
• 43:18
  Yep.
• 43:18
  And
• 43:19
  a
• 43:19
  lot
• 43:19
  of
• 43:19
  people
• 43:19
  don't.
• 43:20
  I
• 43:21
  know,
• 43:21
  right.
• 43:22
  Every
• 43:22
  single
• 43:22
  day.
• 43:23
  So
• 43:23
  they
• 43:23
  don't
• 43:24
  and
• 43:24
  they
• 43:24
  don't
• 43:24
  and
• 43:24
  they
• 43:24
  should.
• 43:25
  You
• 43:25
  know
• 43:25
  what
• 43:25
  I
• 43:25
  mean?
• 43:25
  And
• 43:26
  it's
• 43:26
  just
• 43:26
  like,
• 43:26
  I
• 43:26
  feel
• 43:27
  like
• 43:27
  a
• 43:27
  lot
• 43:27
  of
• 43:27
  people
• 43:27
  are
• 43:27
  like,
• 43:27
  oh,
• 43:28
  you
• 43:28
  know,
• 43:28
  well,
• 43:29
  so
• 43:29
  and
• 43:29
  so
• 43:29
  could
• 43:29
  do
• 43:29
  this
• 43:29
  because
• 43:30
  they've
• 43:30
  got
• 43:30
  money
• 43:30
  to
• 43:30
  take
• 43:30
  care
• 43:31
  of
• 43:31
  this
• 43:31
  or
• 43:31
  they
• 43:31
  got,
• 43:31
  you
• 43:31
  know
• 43:31
  what
• 43:32
  I
• 43:32
  mean?
• 43:32
  And
• 43:32
  it's
• 43:32
  it's
• 43:32
  not
• 43:33
  even
• 43:33
  about
• 43:33
  that.
• 43:33
  It's
• 43:33
  just
• 43:33
  about,
• 43:34
  you
• 43:34
  know,
• 43:35
  and
• 43:35
  they're
• 43:36
  like,
• 43:36
  well,
• 43:36
  would
• 43:36
  they
• 43:36
  do
• 43:36
  that
• 43:36
  if
• 43:36
  they
• 43:36
  didn't
• 43:37
  have
• 43:37
  money?
• 43:37
  I'm
• 43:37
  doing
• 43:38
  it.
• 43:38
  I've
• 43:38
  done
• 43:38
  it.
• 43:39
  And
• 43:39
  not
• 43:40
  only
• 43:40
  that,
• 43:40
  but
• 43:40
  I
• 43:40
  know
• 43:41
  some
• 43:41
  very,
• 43:42
  absolutely
• 43:43
  freaking
• 43:43
  miserable
• 43:44
  rich
• 43:44
  people.
• 43:45
  Yep.
• 43:46
  So
• 43:46
  it
• 43:47
  doesn't
• 43:47
  buy
• 43:47
  you
• 43:47
  happiness.
• 43:48
  Yeah.
• 43:49
  You
• 43:49
  know,
• 43:50
  it
• 43:50
  makes
• 43:50
  it
• 43:50
  a
• 43:50
  little
• 43:51
  easier
• 43:51
  to
• 43:51
  have
• 43:51
  access
• 43:52
  to
• 43:52
  some
• 43:52
  of
• 43:52
  the
• 43:52
  tools,
• 43:53
  but
• 43:53
  that's
• 43:53
  it.
• 43:53
  And
• 43:53
  really,
• 43:53
  at
• 43:54
  the
• 43:54
  end
• 43:54
  of
• 43:54
  the
• 43:54
  day,
• 43:55
  y.
• 43:55
  Everything
• 43:56
  you
• 43:56
  have
• 43:56
  is
• 43:56
  inside
• 43:56
  of
• 43:57
  you
• 43:57
  that
• 43:57
  you
• 43:57
  need.
• 43:57
  You
• 43:57
  just.
• 43:58
  You
• 43:59
  just
• 43:59
  need
• 43:59
  to
• 43:59
  search
• 43:59
  out
• 44:00
  and
• 44:00
  find
• 44:00
  it.
• 44:01
  Somebody
• 44:01
  blew
• 44:01
  out
• 44:01
  that
• 44:02
  light,
• 44:02
  and
• 44:02
  you
• 44:02
  need
• 44:02
  to
• 44:03
  find.
• 44:03
  Find
• 44:03
  it
• 44:03
  and
• 44:03
  relight
• 44:04
  it.
• 44:04
  And
• 44:04
  if
• 44:04
  there
• 44:05
  were
• 44:05
  more
• 44:05
  people
• 44:05
  like
• 44:05
  you
• 44:06
  out
• 44:06
  there,
• 44:06
  you
• 44:06
  know,
• 44:06
  on
• 44:07
  TV
• 44:07
  and
• 44:07
  doing
• 44:08
  things
• 44:08
  like
• 44:08
  that,
• 44:08
  I
• 44:08
  think
• 44:09
  it'd
• 44:09
  be
• 44:09
  a
• 44:09
  better
• 44:09
  place
• 44:10
  just
• 44:10
  because,
• 44:10
  you
• 44:11
  know,
• 44:12
  it's.
• 44:12
  You're
• 44:12
  not
• 44:13
  afraid
• 44:13
  to
• 44:13
  be.
• 44:14
  You
• 44:14
  make
• 44:14
  it
• 44:14
  to
• 44:15
  where
• 44:15
  they're
• 44:15
  not
• 44:15
  afraid
• 44:16
  to
• 44:16
  be
• 44:16
  okay.
• 44:16
  They're
• 44:16
  not
• 44:16
  afraid
• 44:17
  to
• 44:17
  be
• 44:17
  themselves.
• 44:17
  They're
• 44:18
  not
• 44:18
  afraid
• 44:18
  to,
• 44:18
  you
• 44:19
  know.
• 44:19
  Well,
• 44:20
  I
• 44:20
  grew
• 44:20
  up
• 44:20
  like
• 44:20
  that.
• 44:20
  You
• 44:21
  know
• 44:21
  what
• 44:21
  I
• 44:21
  mean?
• 44:21
  Like,
• 44:21
  and
• 44:21
  I
• 44:22
  think
• 44:22
  if
• 44:22
  there
• 44:22
  was
• 44:22
  more
• 44:22
  out
• 44:23
  there,
• 44:23
  like.
• 44:23
  Like,
• 44:24
  you.
• 44:24
  You
• 44:25
  know,
• 44:25
  it'd
• 44:25
  be
• 44:25
  easier
• 44:26
  and
• 44:26
  better
• 44:26
  for
• 44:26
  people
• 44:26
  to
• 44:27
  make
• 44:27
  adjustments
• 44:27
  and
• 44:28
  to.
• 44:29
  To
• 44:29
  look
• 44:29
  into
• 44:29
  themselves
• 44:30
  and.
• 44:30
  And,
• 44:30
  you
• 44:31
  know,
• 44:31
  start
• 44:31
  to
• 44:31
  be
• 44:31
  okay
• 44:31
  with
• 44:32
  how
• 44:32
  they
• 44:32
  are
• 44:33
  and
• 44:33
  not
• 44:33
  try
• 44:33
  to
• 44:33
  conform
• 44:34
  to
• 44:34
  what
• 44:34
  everybody
• 44:34
  else
• 44:35
  wants
• 44:35
  them
• 44:35
  to
• 44:35
  be.
• 44:35
  Right.
• 44:35
  Not
• 44:36
  try
• 44:36
  to
• 44:36
  be
• 44:36
  that
• 44:36
  perfect
• 44:37
  person.
• 44:37
  Because,
• 44:37
  I
• 44:38
  mean,
• 44:38
  at
• 44:38
  the
• 44:38
  end
• 44:38
  of
• 44:38
  the
• 44:38
  day,
• 44:38
  it's
• 44:39
  okay
• 44:39
  to
• 44:39
  not
• 44:39
  be
• 44:39
  okay,
• 44:40
  because
• 44:41
  there's
• 44:41
  a
• 44:41
  lot
• 44:41
  of
• 44:41
  people
• 44:42
  that
• 44:42
  are
• 44:42
  not
• 44:42
  okay.
• 44:43
  And
• 44:43
  you
• 44:43
  deserve
• 44:43
  to
• 44:44
  go
• 44:44
  out
• 44:44
  and
• 44:44
  find
• 44:45
  a
• 44:45
  way
• 44:45
  to
• 44:45
  be
• 44:45
  okay.
• 44:46
  You
• 44:46
  know,
• 44:46
  whether.
• 44:47
  And
• 44:47
  I.
• 44:47
  And
• 44:47
  I
• 44:47
  agree,
• 44:47
  and
• 44:48
  I
• 44:48
  think
• 44:48
  whether
• 44:48
  you're
• 44:48
  toxic,
• 44:49
  whether.
• 44:49
  Whether
• 44:49
  you're
• 44:50
  okay
• 44:50
  with
• 44:50
  being
• 44:50
  a
• 44:50
  toxic
• 44:51
  person
• 44:51
  or
• 44:51
  you're,
• 44:51
  you
• 44:51
  know,
• 44:51
  you
• 44:52
  want.
• 44:52
  You're
• 44:52
  not
• 44:52
  okay
• 44:52
  with
• 44:52
  the
• 44:53
  entire.
• 44:53
  As
• 44:53
  long
• 44:53
  as
• 44:53
  you're
• 44:54
  okay
• 44:54
  with
• 44:54
  yourself
• 44:54
  and
• 44:54
  you're
• 44:55
  confident
• 44:55
  in
• 44:55
  yourself
• 44:56
  and
• 44:56
  you.
• 44:56
  Can
• 44:57
  you
• 44:57
  believe
• 44:57
  in
• 44:57
  what
• 44:57
  you're
• 44:58
  doing?
• 44:59
  I
• 44:59
  think
• 44:59
  people
• 45:00
  will
• 45:00
  be
• 45:00
  okay.
• 45:00
  Now,
• 45:01
  how
• 45:01
  other
• 45:01
  people
• 45:01
  perceive
• 45:02
  you,
• 45:02
  that's
• 45:02
  on
• 45:02
  them.
• 45:03
  That's
• 45:03
  on
• 45:03
  them.
• 45:05
  And
• 45:05
  that
• 45:05
  was
• 45:05
  my
• 45:05
  biggest
• 45:06
  deal,
• 45:06
  was
• 45:06
  learning
• 45:07
  that
• 45:07
  it
• 45:07
  was
• 45:07
  okay
• 45:08
  for
• 45:08
  somebody
• 45:09
  to
• 45:09
  perceive
• 45:09
  me
• 45:09
  a
• 45:09
  certain
• 45:09
  way.
• 45:10
  Because
• 45:10
  that's
• 45:10
  not.
• 45:10
  That's
• 45:11
  not
• 45:11
  my
• 45:11
  issue.
• 45:11
  That's
• 45:12
  their
• 45:12
  issue.
• 45:13
  That's
• 45:13
  how
• 45:13
  they're.
• 45:14
  They're
• 45:14
  in.
• 45:14
  You
• 45:15
  know,
• 45:15
  they're
• 45:15
  seeing
• 45:15
  things.
• 45:16
  That's
• 45:16
  on
• 45:16
  them,
• 45:16
  not
• 45:17
  me.
• 45:17
  Yeah.
• 45:18
  That
• 45:18
  was
• 45:18
  the
• 45:18
  biggest
• 45:18
  thing
• 45:19
  that
• 45:19
  I
• 45:19
  learned
• 45:19
  is
• 45:20
  I'm
• 45:21
  just
• 45:21
  me.
• 45:21
  And
• 45:21
  I'm
• 45:22
  very.
• 45:22
  I'm
• 45:22
  very
• 45:22
  blunt.
• 45:23
  I'm
• 45:23
  very,
• 45:23
  you
• 45:24
  know,
• 45:24
  outgoing.
• 45:24
  I
• 45:24
  Just
• 45:25
  say
• 45:25
  things,
• 45:25
  you
• 45:25
  know,
• 45:26
  like
• 45:26
  it
• 45:26
  is.
• 45:27
  Because
• 45:27
  there's
• 45:27
  no
• 45:27
  point
• 45:27
  in
• 45:28
  my
• 45:28
  head
• 45:28
  at
• 45:29
  this
• 45:29
  point.
• 45:29
  Now
• 45:29
  I'm
• 45:30
  44.
• 45:30
  There's
• 45:30
  no
• 45:30
  point
• 45:31
  in
• 45:31
  saying
• 45:31
  something
• 45:32
  with
• 45:32
  candy,
• 45:32
  with
• 45:33
  candy
• 45:33
  coating.
• 45:33
  There's
• 45:33
  no
• 45:33
  point
• 45:34
  because
• 45:34
  the
• 45:34
  truth
• 45:35
  is
• 45:35
  truth.
• 45:35
  The
• 45:35
  facts
• 45:36
  are
• 45:36
  the
• 45:36
  facts.
• 45:36
  It's
• 45:36
  not
• 45:36
  going
• 45:37
  to
• 45:37
  change
• 45:37
  no
• 45:37
  matter
• 45:37
  how
• 45:37
  you
• 45:38
  say
• 45:38
  it.
• 45:38
  So
• 45:38
  I'm
• 45:39
  just
• 45:39
  very
• 45:39
  straightforward
• 45:40
  with
• 45:40
  things.
• 45:40
  And
• 45:40
  I
• 45:40
  know
• 45:40
  a
• 45:40
  lot
• 45:40
  of
• 45:41
  people
• 45:41
  think
• 45:41
  it's
• 45:41
  abrasive
• 45:42
  and
• 45:42
  they
• 45:42
  can't
• 45:42
  handle
• 45:43
  it.
• 45:43
  And
• 45:43
  that's
• 45:44
  unfortunate
• 45:45
  because
• 45:45
  that's,
• 45:45
  you
• 45:46
  know.
• 45:46
  But
• 45:46
  again,
• 45:46
  that's
• 45:46
  not
• 45:46
  my
• 45:47
  problem
• 45:47
  to
• 45:47
  worry
• 45:47
  about.
• 45:47
  And
• 45:48
  that
• 45:48
  was
• 45:48
  my
• 45:48
  biggest
• 45:48
  thing,
• 45:49
  was
• 45:49
  having
• 45:49
  to
• 45:49
  learn
• 45:49
  how
• 45:49
  to
• 45:49
  just
• 45:51
  breathe.
• 45:51
  And
• 45:51
  go,
• 45:51
  okay,
• 45:52
  as
• 45:53
  long
• 45:53
  as
• 45:53
  you're
• 45:53
  not.
• 45:54
  As
• 45:54
  long
• 45:54
  as
• 45:54
  you're
• 45:54
  not
• 45:55
  intentionally
• 45:55
  being
• 45:56
  nasty.
• 45:56
  Like,
• 45:57
  if
• 45:57
  you're
• 45:57
  not
• 45:57
  intentionally
• 45:58
  hurting
• 45:58
  someone,
• 45:58
  if
• 45:59
  you
• 45:59
  have
• 45:59
  a
• 45:59
  thought
• 45:59
  or
• 45:59
  a
• 46:00
  feeling
• 46:00
  and
• 46:00
  you're
• 46:00
  not
• 46:00
  like
• 46:01
  really
• 46:01
  going
• 46:01
  out
• 46:02
  to
• 46:02
  hurt
• 46:02
  someone,
• 46:02
  then
• 46:03
  so
• 46:03
  be
• 46:04
  it.
• 46:04
  I
• 46:04
  remember
• 46:04
  my
• 46:05
  daughter
• 46:05
  always
• 46:05
  says
• 46:05
  that.
• 46:06
  My
• 46:06
  daughter
• 46:06
  says,
• 46:06
  yeah,
• 46:06
  I'm
• 46:07
  just
• 46:07
  like
• 46:07
  my
• 46:07
  mother,
• 46:07
  only
• 46:07
  I
• 46:08
  have
• 46:08
  a
• 46:08
  filter.
• 46:11
  I've
• 46:12
  heard
• 46:12
  that
• 46:12
  so
• 46:13
  many
• 46:13
  times.
• 46:13
  And
• 46:14
  I'm
• 46:14
  like,
• 46:14
  wow,
• 46:15
  I
• 46:15
  don't
• 46:15
  know
• 46:15
  if
• 46:15
  I
• 46:15
  like
• 46:16
  that,
• 46:16
  but
• 46:16
  I
• 46:17
  very
• 46:17
  good
• 46:17
  relationship
• 46:18
  with
• 46:18
  her.
• 46:18
  So
• 46:18
  apparently
• 46:19
  it's
• 46:19
  not
• 46:19
  a
• 46:19
  bad
• 46:19
  thing.
• 46:19
  So.
• 46:20
  Well,
• 46:20
  I
• 46:20
  think
• 46:20
  it's
• 46:20
  just
• 46:21
  because,
• 46:21
  you
• 46:21
  know,
• 46:22
  there
• 46:22
  was
• 46:22
  a
• 46:22
  point
• 46:22
  in
• 46:22
  time,
• 46:23
  like
• 46:23
  when
• 46:23
  I
• 46:23
  was,
• 46:23
  I'm
• 46:24
  sure,
• 46:24
  right
• 46:24
  around
• 46:24
  the
• 46:24
  time
• 46:25
  you
• 46:25
  were
• 46:25
  growing
• 46:25
  up
• 46:25
  too,
• 46:25
  because
• 46:25
  you're
• 46:26
  probably
• 46:26
  same
• 46:26
  age.
• 46:26
  Roughly
• 46:27
  around
• 46:27
  the
• 46:27
  same
• 46:27
  age
• 46:27
  as
• 46:27
  me.
• 46:28
  We
• 46:28
  were
• 46:28
  able.
• 46:29
  Much
• 46:29
  older
• 46:29
  than
• 46:29
  you.
• 46:30
  We
• 46:30
  were
• 46:30
  able
• 46:30
  to
• 46:31
  say
• 46:31
  what
• 46:31
  we
• 46:31
  wanted
• 46:31
  to
• 46:32
  say
• 46:32
  to
• 46:33
  a
• 46:33
  point
• 46:33
  and
• 46:34
  not
• 46:34
  be.
• 46:34
  It
• 46:34
  was
• 46:34
  encouraged.
• 46:35
  And
• 46:35
  now
• 46:36
  I
• 46:36
  think
• 46:36
  we
• 46:36
  reverted
• 46:37
  back
• 46:37
  to.
• 46:37
  It's
• 46:38
  not
• 46:38
  so
• 46:38
  much
• 46:38
  encouraged
• 46:38
  anymore.
• 46:39
  It's
• 46:39
  encouraged
• 46:39
  to
• 46:40
  kind
• 46:40
  of
• 46:40
  go
• 46:40
  with
• 46:40
  the
• 46:40
  flow.
• 46:41
  And
• 46:41
  I
• 46:41
  just
• 46:42
  don't,
• 46:43
  you
• 46:43
  know,
• 46:43
  that's.
• 46:44
  I
• 46:44
  think
• 46:44
  a
• 46:44
  lot
• 46:44
  of
• 46:44
  it
• 46:44
  too,
• 46:45
  is
• 46:45
  people
• 46:45
  just
• 46:45
  have
• 46:46
  to
• 46:46
  conform.
• 46:46
  They
• 46:46
  think
• 46:47
  they
• 46:47
  have
• 46:47
  to
• 46:47
  be
• 46:47
  a
• 46:48
  certain
• 46:48
  way
• 46:48
  to
• 46:49
  get
• 46:49
  by
• 46:49
  and
• 46:50
  you
• 46:50
  don't.
• 46:51
  You
• 46:51
  know
• 46:51
  what
• 46:51
  I
• 46:51
  mean?
• 46:51
  And
• 46:53
  it's
• 46:53
  just.
• 46:54
  I
• 46:54
  mean,
• 46:54
  at
• 46:54
  the
• 46:54
  end
• 46:55
  of
• 46:55
  the
• 46:55
  day,
• 46:55
  what's
• 46:55
  normal?
• 46:56
  There's
• 46:56
  no
• 46:56
  normal.
• 46:57
  There
• 46:57
  is
• 46:57
  no
• 46:57
  normal.
• 47:00
  You
• 47:00
  know,
• 47:00
  there's
• 47:00
  no
• 47:01
  normal.
• 47:01
  I
• 47:01
  mean,
• 47:02
  dyslexia.
• 47:03
  I
• 47:03
  mean,
• 47:04
  you
• 47:04
  know,
• 47:05
  it's
• 47:05
  just
• 47:05
  like,
• 47:05
  who
• 47:06
  doesn't
• 47:06
  these
• 47:06
  days?
• 47:07
  Yeah.
• 47:07
  Who.
• 47:08
  Who
• 47:08
  does
• 47:08
  not
• 47:08
  have
• 47:08
  their
• 47:09
  issues?
• 47:09
  I
• 47:09
  always,
• 47:10
  you
• 47:10
  know,
• 47:10
  being
• 47:11
  an
• 47:11
  adult
• 47:12
  child
• 47:12
  of
• 47:12
  dysfunction
• 47:13
  is
• 47:13
  now
• 47:13
  the
• 47:14
  majority,
• 47:14
  not
• 47:14
  the
• 47:14
  minority.
• 47:15
  I
• 47:16
  know,
• 47:16
  right?
• 47:17
  So.
• 47:18
  Well,
• 47:18
  Kimberly,
• 47:19
  this
• 47:19
  is
• 47:19
  super
• 47:19
  fun.
• 47:20
  So
• 47:20
  tell
• 47:20
  people
• 47:21
  where
• 47:21
  to
• 47:21
  get
• 47:21
  your
• 47:21
  book.
• 47:21
  Remind
• 47:22
  them
• 47:22
  again
• 47:22
  the
• 47:22
  name
• 47:23
  of
• 47:23
  the
• 47:23
  book.
• 47:23
  I
• 47:23
  don't
• 47:24
  want
• 47:24
  to
• 47:24
  go
• 47:25
  too
• 47:25
  long.
• 47:25
  Here
• 47:25
  but
• 47:26
  yeah,
• 47:26
  it's
• 47:26
  going
• 47:26
  to
• 47:26
  be
• 47:26
  who
• 47:27
  am.
• 47:27
  Who
• 47:27
  am
• 47:27
  I
• 47:28
  really
• 47:28
  do
• 47:28
  you
• 47:28
  know.
• 47:28
  And
• 47:29
  it's
• 47:29
  on
• 47:29
  Amazon.
• 47:30
  Okay.
• 47:31
  And
• 47:31
  I
• 47:31
  am
• 47:31
  on
• 47:31
  Bookshelf.
• 47:32
  And
• 47:32
  it's
• 47:32
  on
• 47:32
  ebook
• 47:33
  as
• 47:33
  well,
• 47:33
  too,
• 47:33
  so
• 47:33
  you
• 47:33
  can
• 47:34
  get
• 47:34
  it.
• 47:34
  Should
• 47:34
  be
• 47:34
  able
• 47:34
  to
• 47:34
  get
• 47:34
  it
• 47:35
  through
• 47:35
  Amazon.
• 47:35
  If
• 47:36
  you
• 47:36
  want
• 47:36
  an
• 47:36
  ebook
• 47:36
  or
• 47:36
  an
• 47:37
  audible
• 47:37
  book,
• 47:37
  you
• 47:37
  can
• 47:38
  get
• 47:38
  it
• 47:38
  there,
• 47:38
  too.
• 47:39
  Sounds
• 47:39
  great.
• 47:39
  And
• 47:40
  I
• 47:40
  will
• 47:40
  put
• 47:40
  the
• 47:40
  link
• 47:40
  in
• 47:41
  the
• 47:41
  show
• 47:41
  notes
• 47:41
  so
• 47:41
  people
• 47:41
  can
• 47:42
  grab
• 47:42
  that
• 47:42
  book
• 47:42
  because
• 47:43
  I
• 47:44
  can
• 47:44
  only
• 47:44
  imagine
• 47:44
  if
• 47:44
  it's
• 47:45
  anything
• 47:45
  like
• 47:45
  our
• 47:45
  conversation,
• 47:46
  it's
• 47:46
  heartfelt
• 47:46
  and
• 47:47
  it's
• 47:47
  raw
• 47:47
  and
• 47:47
  real.
• 47:48
  So
• 47:48
  I
• 47:49
  got
• 47:49
  that.
• 47:49
  That's
• 47:49
  cool.
• 47:50
  And
• 47:50
  if
• 47:50
  anybody
• 47:50
  needs,
• 47:51
  if
• 47:51
  they
• 47:51
  feel
• 47:51
  like
• 47:51
  they
• 47:52
  need
• 47:52
  to
• 47:52
  talk,
• 47:52
  they
• 47:52
  can
• 47:52
  always
• 47:53
  just
• 47:53
  email
• 47:53
  me.
• 47:54
  Okay.
• 47:54
  Put
• 47:54
  that
• 47:55
  in
• 47:55
  there,
• 47:55
  too,
• 47:55
  if
• 47:55
  you
• 47:55
  want.
• 47:55
  I'll
• 47:55
  put
• 47:56
  that
• 47:56
  in
• 47:56
  there.
• 47:57
  Absolutely.
• 47:58
  And
• 47:58
  so
• 47:59
  thank
• 47:59
  you
• 47:59
  so
• 47:59
  much
• 47:59
  for
• 48:00
  coming
• 48:00
  on.
• 48:01
  Thank
• 48:01
  you.
• 48:02
  You're
• 48:02
  very
• 48:02
  welcome.
• 48:03
  Before
• 48:03
  you
• 48:03
  go,
• 48:04
  give
• 48:04
  the
• 48:04
  listeners
• 48:05
  one
• 48:05
  last
• 48:05
  piece
• 48:05
  of
• 48:05
  advice
• 48:06
  or
• 48:06
  you're.
• 48:06
  I
• 48:06
  mean,
• 48:07
  you've
• 48:07
  been
• 48:07
  giving
• 48:07
  tidbits
• 48:08
  all
• 48:08
  throughout
• 48:08
  this
• 48:09
  entire
• 48:09
  episode,
• 48:10
  so.
• 48:11
  But
• 48:11
  one
• 48:11
  last,
• 48:11
  like,
• 48:12
  words
• 48:12
  of
• 48:12
  wisdom.
• 48:13
  You're
• 48:13
  never.
• 48:13
  You're
• 48:14
  never
• 48:14
  alone.
• 48:14
  There's.
• 48:15
  You
• 48:15
  may
• 48:15
  have
• 48:15
  to
• 48:15
  do
• 48:15
  a
• 48:15
  little
• 48:15
  searching,
• 48:16
  but
• 48:16
  there's
• 48:16
  always
• 48:16
  somebody
• 48:17
  that
• 48:17
  will
• 48:17
  listen,
• 48:18
  always
• 48:18
  somebody
• 48:18
  that
• 48:19
  can
• 48:19
  advise
• 48:20
  you,
• 48:20
  always
• 48:21
  somebody
• 48:21
  that
• 48:21
  can
• 48:21
  just
• 48:21
  help,
• 48:22
  you
• 48:22
  know,
• 48:22
  hug
• 48:22
  you
• 48:22
  if
• 48:22
  you
• 48:22
  need
• 48:23
  it.
• 48:24
  So
• 48:24
  just
• 48:24
  know
• 48:25
  that
• 48:25
  you're
• 48:25
  not
• 48:25
  alone.
• 48:27
  Sounds
• 48:27
  great.
• 48:28
  So
• 48:28
  for
• 48:28
  everybody
• 48:28
  else
• 48:29
  out
• 48:29
  there,
• 48:29
  that
• 48:29
  was
• 48:29
  Kim
• 48:30
  Conte,
• 48:31
  and
• 48:31
  we
• 48:31
  appreciate
• 48:32
  her
• 48:32
  so
• 48:32
  much
• 48:32
  for
• 48:32
  coming
• 48:33
  on.
• 48:33
  And
• 48:33
  remember,
• 48:34
  just
• 48:34
  like
• 48:34
  she
• 48:34
  said,
• 48:35
  you're
• 48:35
  never
• 48:35
  alone.
• 48:35
  And
• 48:36
  you
• 48:36
  are
• 48:36
  so,
• 48:37
  so
• 48:37
  much
• 48:37
  more
• 48:37
  than
• 48:37
  you
• 48:38
  ever
• 48:38
  will
• 48:38
  believe
• 48:39
  you
• 48:39
  are.
• 48:39
  So
• 48:40
  know
• 48:40
  that
• 48:40
  you
• 48:40
  are
• 48:40
  worthy
• 48:41
  to
• 48:41
  have
• 48:41
  the
• 48:41
  absolute
• 48:41
  best
• 48:42
  life
• 48:42
  possible.
• 48:42
  Thank
• 48:43
  you
• 48:43
  so
• 48:43
  much.
• 48:43
  And
• 48:43
  we'll
• 48:43
  see
• 48:43
  you
• 48:44
  next
• 48:44
  week.
• 48:44
  Thank
• 48:45
  you.