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Grandma’s Dos and Don’ts for Wedding Season · Excuse My Grandma

• 0:00
  Kim: Welcome back to another episode of Excuse My Grandma. It's Kim and my cohosts. Grandma Gail. We sat down and Grandma was like, you look good today.
• 0:25
  Gail: No. I like this outfit.
• 0:26
  Kim: Emphasis on today and not yet. And then you're like, yesterday, not so much.
• 0:30
  Gail: So good. Today, very good.
• 0:32
  Kim: I don't know why. You know what? I like when I do the slick back ponytail and I really do like it. No, but mom freaks out. Oh, She's like, your hair looks so much better down, but there's so much Well, think
• 0:43
  Gail: at night, I think at night when you're looking in a glamorous outfit, yes, your hair does look beautiful. But I think during the day, especially when it's 90 degrees out, I think it looks very chic. Thank you. Your cheekbones look beautiful and your eyes look beautiful. I think you look perfect.
• 0:58
  Kim: Thank you. Don't Don't listen to today we're going to talk about a topic that has seemingly overtaken my life and my social media feed and all of our friends' lives. We are in full swing of wedding season.
• 1:13
  Gail: Well, it's June. June is, you know, wedding month. It's always been traditionally a wedding month, and you're getting to the point where all your friends are now at that stage.
• 1:22
  Kim: Yeah, they're getting married or getting engaged or having babies. Correct. One of the three, and this gets asked a lot by our audience about like how to navigate wedding etiquette for guests, for plus ones. And there's definitely a lot of probably generational differences since you last attended weddings and Oh, absolutely. The circuit.
• 1:46
  The industry has blown up.
• 1:48
  Gail: It's a completely different thing today. I mean, we didn't have such a thing as a destination wedding. Yeah. I mean, there just wasn't that. Yeah.
• 1:55
  And naturally Destination was somebody's backyard or a hotel somewhere or a church or a synagogue.
• 1:59
  Kim: Right, it's like out of the home Exactly. Was a Naturally, I overthink a lot of it. So there are the timeless components that have not changed, but then for the things that I just don't know how to handle it, I usually go to you and ask what's the norm used
• 2:15
  Gail: to have an Emily Post book What is that? On Well, was an etiquette book.
• 2:19
  Kim: On wedding stuff?
• 2:20
  Gail: On weddings, yeah, she wrote a whole thing on weddings and you know, on the proper etiquette, but probably none of that is applicable today.
• 2:27
  Kim: Let's start with bachelorette parties.
• 2:29
  Gail: Right, that's a new thing, Kim, I'm telling you right off the bat. You never went to one? No, I don't think anybody had them. That was strictly for guys. Was
• 2:38
  Kim: strictly really strictly such a double standard.
• 2:40
  Gail: Well, women didn't, they didn't participate in drinking in bars. That's such a new thing in the last twenty, twenty five years. Women just didn't do that in the sixties and fifties, sixties, and seventies. But guys did. Yes.
• 2:55
  Guys did. And some bachelor parties were wilder, I think, than others. Your grandfather didn't have I think they went out for dinner. They went to a steak place. And I think your father did something like that too.
• 3:05
  Kim: I don't know.
• 3:05
  Gail: Yeah, he did. They didn't go away for the weekend. I think it depends on your relationship with your wife. I think I would not have liked my fiance to go on some kind of Las Vegas binge and come home with some kind of disease.
• 3:20
  Kim: I don't know if everyone goes to Vegas now, but the ones that I've heard about, some are very icky and then some are Well, like golf
• 3:29
  Gail: I think is fun. That I think is fun. But then you leave out, what happens to the couple of guys who don't play golf? I often wonder about think
• 3:36
  Kim: everyone does. Okay. But I don't know.
• 3:38
  Gail: That I think is fine. I think that's fine. That could go And listen, you had a couple of very nice bachelorette ones that are fun too. You know, because the difference is girls and guys are getting married older now. That's a very big difference in weddings.
• 3:52
  You know, the average age of women when I got married was between the ages of 19 and 22. If you didn't get married by the time you were 22, you were an old maid. So that really took out, and nobody left their homes. They were all living with their parents. And so were the guys.
• 4:09
  So nobody had their own apartments. They weren't making their own money. I mean, these things are all, mean, you'll talk about it, are so expensive that it's a very different time now that we see this happening in.
• 4:21
  Kim: Separate tangent, do you think it's okay to say to your partner, I don't want you going on the bachelor trip?
• 4:28
  Gail: No. No. I think it's alright to say to your partner, I don't want you to have a bachelor party. That's wild. I really would be very uncomfortable if you did that.
• 4:37
  About them going on
• 4:39
  Kim: the their friends be having
• 4:40
  Gail: friends No. I don't or think you can say no. I think that's their, you know, these are hopefully mature people and they will not get sick or fall down or have an accident or drown in the pool somewhere.
• 4:52
  Kim: They're like all on adrenaline and they're like, Oh my god, my friend is getting married and dah dah dah
• 4:57
  Gail: They're over, but I think as kids are getting, you're getting older, I think they're calming down
• 5:02
  Kim: a You would think so, but there's my friends marrying guys who are 40 and they act the same. I think it depends on your personality type. If you trust your partner and they're not the craziest one at the party Then it's fine. You're probably in the green. Right.
• 5:17
  But like, I don't know.
• 5:18
  Gail: Listen, there's always going to be one person that, you know, is going to go cuckoo. Yeah. But you know what, that I don't know. But you can't really stop anybody from going. That would be unfair.
• 5:28
  Especially if it's a local thing and it's not quite See what happens in my mind, and I've read so many articles now in the papers on this, where the cost has become prohibitive. You can't expect people to go for thousands of dollars on a bachelor party or a bachelorette party and then go a destination wedding that is also exorbitant and airfare and transportation. Like hotels, outfits.
• 5:53
  Kim: Outfits, well
• 5:54
  Gail: even forget the outfits because I think you can rent the outfits. I mean, you know, you don't even need to buy it. They've got whole industries around weddings now. Engagement gifts,
• 6:03
  Kim: shower gifts, wedding
• 6:04
  Gail: Exactly, it's exorbitant. You can declare bankruptcy from this. Do you
• 6:08
  Kim: think that a guest being expected to pay pretty much, not as much as the bride and groom, but like a chunk? It's a lot
• 6:18
  Gail: of money and I think what happens is you have to pick and choose which ones you go on if they're these destination weddings. Think you can't go to all of them, even if you were able to go to all of them, your work schedules just don't allow it. But if you were able to go, you still can't because of the cost. And I think you have to prioritize your, is this a good friend that I want to spend tens of thousands of dollars to go on a wedding?
• 6:43
  Kim: So let's say it's like your college friend invites you to her wedding and the engagement party and the bachelorette and the bridal shower. And you were in the same sorority but it's not your Do five best you have to go to every single event?
• 6:58
  Gail: No, I don't think you do have to go to every event, but I think once you've accepted the wedding, you still have to send gifts for the other events even if you don't attend because you do could have a conflict of interest with either you could have a family situation at home, you could have children at home, you could have workload at home, but you can't go to every single function. You have to pick and choose which function you're gonna go to. But if she has a shower or a, I don't think a bachelorette is different party. That you don't have But to buy a gift for if there's a bridal shower, even if you you can't attend, I think a gift is important Okay. To
• 7:38
  Kim: For example, I couldn't go to a wedding recently that my friend had, so I still had to send Absolutely, yeah. You I received the
• 7:48
  Gail: received the invitation, exactly. You're not gonna give the same quality gift or the same amount financially as if you had attended. Oh, okay. At least I don't think you need to. But I think it should be still something that's sincere and nice and possibly from their registry.
• 8:04
  Kim: Do you think the amount of money you spend has to align with how good of a friend it is? Like would you spend less money on a less good friend? Probably.
• 8:15
  Gail: Right. Just because it's not as dear. I think if you're accepting a wedding, there's certain things that you're agreeing to. So it's very expensive for the families to have a wedding. And that's the other thing with, you always ask me about those plus ones.
• 8:31
  That's very, very expensive to bring somebody along as your date.
• 8:35
  Kim: Expensive for them or what do you mean?
• 8:37
  Gail: It's very expensive for the family for the bride who's giving it. Mean it's double the cost. So I think you'll have to give a wedding gift appropriate
• 8:46
  Kim: two Two people rather than one.
• 8:48
  Gail: You're right, you're not sending two gifts but you should think about giving twice as much.
• 8:53
  Kim: Yeah, I don't know if I've thought that one through, so maybe I will.
• 8:57
  Gail: I know, I think you have to.
• 8:58
  Kim: Yeah, so then how do you say no politely if you can't
• 9:01
  Gail: give Well, would say, you know, and then you still have to send a gift.
• 9:05
  Kim: Do you think you have to give a reason why
• 9:08
  Gail: or Your any schedules are in conflict and unfortunately I just can't. I would love to be with it. I know it's going to be wonderful. I'll have dinner when you come home. Which I think is very nice too.
• 9:19
  We want to get together when you come home.
• 9:21
  Kim: Right. And then take the couple out for dinner? Absolutely. Okay. I feel like that makes sense.
• 9:29
  Do you think, like, there if you had to get three different gift ideas from the wedding registry, what do you usually try to go for?
• 9:40
  Gail: Well, I always use but, you know, it's different now because now people register for wine, for luggage, for all kinds of things because so many couples live together. See, this is the big difference. Nobody in the days when I was going to weddings lived together. So they didn't have apartments, they didn't have dishes, they didn't have glasses, they didn't have flatware. So you would buy something for that for their upcoming home.
• 10:01
  Now most people have all that stuff. So, you know, you're buying something that's, I would say an accessory of some sort. Everybody always loves a crystal vase for flowers. I still have some that I got from my registry. I'm still using some of the dishes I got from my registry.
• 10:19
  You know, those are things that you keep forever. Any kind of, even a religious object is always nice, like in the case of we're Jewish, so sometimes you they have seder plates that are in different patterns that are beautiful, and I'm sure that's the same in many other faiths, have have certain religious, you know, plates and and cups that would be really nice as a gift.
• 10:42
  Kim: You know, how on a registry sometimes it's like, we need eight of this cup and then someone buys two of them and they're like, do what they do. Do you ever think, okay, I'll buy the remainder of the six or do you always want your own?
• 10:55
  Gail: No, well it depends on the person. You know, if I'm going to a casual person's wedding like thing and I'm not even attending, I don't think that matters. Then fill in the registry because this is what she really wants. If it's someone who I really know very well and I really want to give just from my husband I and would buy one gift from us.
• 11:16
  Kim: Yeah. Going back to plus ones, how do you know whether you have a plus one? Because I was just talking about this with some of my friends and my friend was not sure if she has a plus one to this wedding she said that the invitation was addressed to her. Right. When I get invitations for Zach and I, it always says my name and his name.
• 11:40
  Gail: Well that's a recent thing. Is it? Well, haven't been going with him for forty years, you just were,
• 11:45
  Kim: you're But you've really been living with weddings the
• 11:47
  Gail: last year or two. Yeah, but prior to that, you went to some weddings that he wasn't included in because you really were in a plus one. I think until either whether you're living with him or this is you've made a commitment.
• 11:57
  Kim: But that's up to the bride and groom to Correct. Make that
• 12:00
  Gail: No, but you have to ask. Think, know, I am going, you know, like I am going with someone for the last eight months, I would like to bring him, if that's at all possible.
• 12:10
  Kim: You would say that, you would send him To your friend,
• 12:12
  Gail: if it was a friend. If you're not in a committed relationship, don't think it's fair just because you want a dance partner.
• 12:19
  Kim: Right, right. But sometimes my friends are like, I've been dating my boyfriend for a year, we don't live together yet, I feel like I should be able to bring him. That's not gonna be fun.
• 12:29
  Gail: Well, depends on how many people they're allotted. You know, some weddings are 50 people, so you can't fill them with everybody's plus ones. Yeah.
• 12:37
  Kim: I just feel like it puts the couple sometimes in an uncomfortable position if you're like, can I bring my
• 12:42
  Gail: Well, lot of people say no plus ones unless you're engaged? Right.
• 12:46
  Kim: Some
• 12:46
  Gail: people I that's say what it used to be. Unless you have a ring on your finger, you're not a plus one.
• 12:50
  Kim: Okay, so yeah, but it's not really, it depends now. Some people actually go by that, but some don't. Right. I think
• 12:56
  Gail: Oh, I'm opening this water, Kim.
• 12:58
  Kim: You're saying don't be afraid to ask Ask,
• 13:00
  Gail: I would definitely. About
• 13:01
  Kim: the plus one situation and then whatever the bride and groom feel on the situation is what you have to go with. Correct. Yeah. Correct. Do you think it's weird to go to a wedding alone, especially if you do have a partner?
• 13:12
  Gail: No, I don't think it's weird at all. You're friendly with the bride or the groom. Right. You know? And if it's a really good friend, in most cases, she's going to say bring your partner.
• 13:21
  Maybe. But you're But I certainly wouldn't go. Now this is the other thing. Would I go to Venice on my own when I knew the whole thing was coupled? I would just send a gift.
• 13:34
  Kim: Though it's like, Oh, that would have been fun.
• 13:35
  Gail: Fun. Yeah, but it's only fun if you can also feel comfortable. And if you're the only odd man out, I don't find that a comfortable situation. I'd rather send a gift. I would actually But there are a lot of times that everybody's single.
• 13:48
  You know, if there's a whole bunch of people single, fine. But if you or one or two of you are single, you know, that
• 13:54
  Kim: makes Unless it your best friend in the whole world and you kind of have to go. Well then that's too And also they would probably give you a plus one if you were Exactly. The best But what people do now, like I would kind of wait before sending your no because there's like B lists and C Oh
• 14:09
  Gail: my
• 14:09
  Kim: gosh, really? Yeah, so like people, if you get a lot of no's, you might go to a friend who's not your close friend and you might say, okay, you can bring your boyfriend because we got so many Okay. So a lot of times people respond and they're like, hey, like would love for you to bring them, but transparently like, it's expensive, we have to see how many, and like, we'll let you know whether you can or Well,
• 14:32
  Gail: that's fair. Yeah. That's very fair. This is not a big mass ball party. This is still a personal event with families and people that have to be there.
• 14:43
  And if you start bringing extraneous people into the mix that really don't belong there, it's not fair to the host. Mhmm.
• 14:50
  Kim: Any advice on going to your partner's friend's wedding when you don't know people?
• 14:55
  Gail: Just suck it up. Yeah. Because sometimes it's a lot of fun and you meet interesting people. But most of the time, they're not you don't know them. You have very little conversation with them.
• 15:06
  But if it's an interesting place, you'll make the best of it. Mhmm. And even if it's not an interesting place, you're gonna have to make the best of it because your partner wants
• 15:13
  Kim: to I feel like I'm clutching onto Zach for dear life because I'm like, You're the only person I know at this party. And yeah, I can talk to someone who's
• 15:21
  Gail: think you next could talk to the wall, Kim,
• 15:23
  Kim: I can, but I
• 15:25
  Gail: don't want to. But you don't want to, that's the other answer.
• 15:27
  Kim: Yeah, and then how do you like seem interested in the person without seeming fake?
• 15:33
  Gail: I don't think you're spending that much time. They're gonna have a value judgment on your conversation.
• 15:37
  Kim: And everyone's drinking.
• 15:38
  Gail: And everybody's drinking and nobody you wanna know the truth? Nobody's really paying attention to you. They're only interested in their own good time. So everybody has to just relax, enjoy the moment. Yeah, that's It goes by in two seconds.
• 15:50
  Kim: Because I feel like sometimes people say they're worried about being judged by their partner's friends.
• 15:57
  Gail: Like, Well, they might haven't
• 15:57
  Kim: met a lot of And I wonder if other people do judge you based off who you bring to a wedding. I don't know about that, but I know I've gone to places with your grandfather over the years, conventions, different business programs, things
• 16:12
  Gail: that people might not have liked me because I always spoke my mind. Who cares? Who cares? You know what, you are what you are and you're not changing for the one time or the two times you're gonna ever see these people. My mother had a thing, I've told you this many, many times, the people you invite to your wedding, 85% of them you will never ever see again.
• 16:32
  You'll see your relatives, but they'll die off soon, so you won't see them either. And all the friends you thought you knew in college will probably dissipate. You'll occasionally have a reunion and a call, but they're not going to be for the most part. Now I'm not saying this everybody, but for the most part, your life revolves around who you meet as a couple together and who ends up being in your child's class in kindergarten or nursery school. And those are people with common interests.
• 16:58
  Your interests change like the passages in your life. And that's just part of it. So the wedding is a wonderful moment in time. It should be enjoyed. Not too much craziness like I hear now.
• 17:10
  I I don't love it because I think I think what's happened is the spirituality of the day has given out to all the the the noise that's all around it, And that loses something for me. But you know what? It's fine. You know, it's fine. You know, I went to my wedding was so beautiful.
• 17:29
  Somebody asked me who planned it. I said, my mother.
• 17:31
  Kim: I said, I didn't even That talk about would never happen. Of course.
• 17:34
  Gail: Of course. But I have to tell you,
• 17:36
  Kim: you're I mean, no, I should say, I'm sure it happens for some people, but like a lot of people are Well,
• 17:42
  Gail: they're older and they care about it. And can afford it. And they can afford it. Yeah. And a lot of the young people are paying for their own weddings.
• 17:49
  Kim: Yes, Yeah. Speaking of, there's usually a lot of buzz at weddings about like, I don't know, maybe it's judgmental comments, but it's like, do you think the groom's parents paid for tonight? Do you think the brides are paying for tomorrow night? Just general thoughts on the wedding itself. See, when we
• 18:12
  Gail: did it in the olden days, back in the dark ages, and this, I don't know if this is relevant today, the rehearsal dinner used to be paid for by the groom's parents and the wedding was always picked up by the brides. I think But then that's I see so
• 18:27
  Kim: the
• 18:28
  Gail: things now where both couples are on the invitation. So I'm gathering both parents. So when they both appear on the invitation, it tends to be that both are paying for the wedding.
• 18:39
  Kim: Like splitting it?
• 18:40
  Gail: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
• 18:43
  Kim: Or is it just like weird just to put one and that's
• 18:46
  Gail: gonna No, be I think it's usually the bride,
• 18:48
  Kim: missing Why does everyone need to know who's paying for it?
• 18:51
  Gail: No, I think that was just, nobody needs to know. The kids could be paying for it, but that was the general gist of it, of how the procedures used to go. If both families were on it, it was basically split between the two families. But it usually was always the bride's family who was on the invitation, not the groom's. This is new in the last fifteen years that
• 19:15
  Kim: the groom's parents are even on an invitation. Interesting. Because there's also a lot of couples, as you said, who are paying for their own weddings now and splitting it.
• 19:23
  Gail: They have more money than their parents.
• 19:25
  Kim: Do you think that their parents would still be put on invitation?
• 19:28
  Gail: I don't know. Sometimes they say, don't know, sometimes their parents aren't alive. You're dealing with older brides now and grooms. So I'm not that up on that, that you'd have to see. Then I bet both families are probably on it.
• 19:43
  Kim: Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I feel like everyone's done it differently, so it's And
• 19:47
  Gail: hard there's no right or wrong.
• 19:49
  Kim: Right, there's no like etiquette to No, no.
• 19:51
  Gail: First of all, now I do it, they probably don't even send out formal invitations, they probably send out emails or texts.
• 19:58
  Kim: Most of my friends have been quite traditional when it comes to, like Save the Date will be digital.
• 20:04
  Gail: Yeah, right.
• 20:05
  Kim: But like they still They want a still have an actual invitation, okay.
• 20:09
  Gail: Good for them.
• 20:09
  Kim: Maybe there was one who didn't, but no, like most people do, yeah. When it comes to being a good wedding guests, like I think knowing that the day is not about you it's the bride and groom and like not, you can have opinions, but they don't have to be said like out loud and to the other people around you.
• 20:29
  Gail: I don't think there has to be an opinion. You're a guest. You know, zip up for two days or one day, one evening and enjoy and let your friend have a wonderful time without any snide comment or any kind of comment at all. This is her day
• 20:45
  Kim: and I his would never say something to a bride or a groom. I am guilty of turning to Zach and making comments.
• 20:54
  Gail: Well, I don't think that's nice.
• 20:55
  Kim: Like every girl goes around and they say, I would never do it that way. Or I love that I have to do it that way. Like people judge inherently.
• 21:03
  Gail: Judge privately. I don't think it needs to be a conversation because you know what? Your luck, somebody's going to be sitting right behind you hearing Yeah, that
• 21:13
  Kim: maybe. The things to say to your friend on their wedding day, I think everything is beautiful. Everything is perfect.
• 21:19
  Gail: You look beautiful. You
• 21:20
  Kim: look beautiful. I'm having so much fun. I think you have to kill them with positivity.
• 21:24
  Gail: Of course they're so nervous anyway.
• 21:26
  Kim: Right.
• 21:27
  Gail: I don't care if you've been living with somebody, you've gone down this whole road with, you know, with a partner, you're still nervous. It's still a commitment and it's still something that's new. Yeah, my thing is like, I don't know what
• 21:39
  Kim: it is. I get like paralysis when I see the bride, when it's like my Very emotional. It's emotional. I think
• 21:45
  Gail: that's true.
• 21:46
  Kim: You're like not used to seeing your friend in a wedding dress. Right. And you're also like It's only
• 21:50
  Gail: one, hopefully only one time. So, you know, that is wonderful and
• 21:54
  Kim: it's an event. But suddenly don't know what to say to my best friends. Say you look beautiful. That's all I say. And then they're like standing there and I'm like, what else are you supposed to say?
• 22:04
  You can't just be like, did you see that movie the other day? Like it can only be about this And moment I also am super aware of the fact like they want to make their rounds and talk to other people and not just talk to you. So like even with my closest friends, I kind of like stay my distance. And then I go up to them and I'm like, you need anything? Do you want me to get you a drink?
• 22:25
  That's it. Whatever. Like I always think go up to the bride and say, or groom and be like, Can I get you a drink? Right. If you want to go by Lie down and you need
• 22:33
  Gail: down and have a Valium.
• 22:35
  Kim: Yeah, like anything. Because I don't know like what one says.
• 22:40
  Gail: I don't think you have to say anything. I think you're exactly doing the right thing. Would you like a glass of water? Do you need a drink? Just relax, it's going wonderfully.
• 22:49
  Kim: Because also like I have certain friends who like, I'll be talking to them and then they were like, okay, I'm gonna go make my rounds now and I'm not offended at all. It's like, okay, that's But what you have to then like one of my other friends, one of the first weddings I went to, she like came up to me in the night and she was like, where have you been the whole night? Like, why aren't you hanging out with me? And I was like, Oh, I guess she wants It's hard to know what a bride wants.
• 23:10
  Gail: Right. Well, everybody has a different thing. You can't beat yourself up. Do Like, your best you
• 23:14
  Kim: I'm just wondering if for the next close friend, I should say to them before, like, What do you want me to do?
• 23:19
  Gail: No. I don't think she knows in the moment. Yeah. Trust me. You don't know how you're gonna think when the minute that dress goes on and you're coming out
• 23:26
  Kim: Okay, down the let's talk about this. When can I leave? Well, think, of
• 23:34
  Gail: course your poppy would say after he's had his meal, he's gone. Literally. I think after the last toast. And usually that's when the cake is served.
• 23:42
  Kim: The last toast? Yeah. Oh my God, you're way earlier than me. Oh really? Yes.
• 23:49
  Because you're not even going to the after party.
• 23:51
  Gail: Oh, see, we didn't have after This is a whole different thing now.
• 23:54
  Kim: Now there's after party. So once you're done in that space, you have to make it to the after party. You can't leave before the
• 24:00
  Gail: after But let's say the now this is something we were gonna discuss with somebody else that I had that's having a wedding. If you have music where your food is, there's no after party, it's all in where the party is. Why do you need
• 24:14
  Kim: That's to have an after a good question. I don't know. I think the reason is I mean, it's one of the that's take involving you night without adults. Well, they can, right, but then what are
• 24:25
  Gail: you moving the music that you had in the regular room or it's a different music?
• 24:29
  Kim: Different music, so you do a band. More of
• 24:31
  Gail: a disco type of thing later.
• 24:33
  Kim: It's usually with a disco ball and a DJ. So usually you do band during the wedding reception and DJ during the after party. So you do need to hire two different Okay.
• 24:46
  Gail: Or maybe they both have something in their bands that could use, I mean, it's a lot of
• 24:50
  Kim: I know, It's lot of Yeah.
• 24:53
  Gail: It's a lot of things. This could break the bank for most Literally.
• 24:56
  Kim: And maybe some people just play music on the speakers and don't have a DJ, I don't know.
• 25:00
  Gail: Maybe I just bring a boombox of yours and just let it put it on the table, it's
• 25:04
  Kim: good enough. Who knows? But my thing is like I always, no matter where I go, and maybe this is the grandma within me, I am I'm always the first to leave. Like, I always am the first to want to leave. Really?
• 25:17
  Yes. And like, I'm tired because by that point, it is six hours into a party. Yeah, it's awful. The party's starting at like 05:00 and now it's midnight. Why do you want me to continue for three hours?
• 25:28
  Gail: Well, because this is their because they built this up into a, this event into a crescendo that they don't want to end. They keep dragging it off. Unfortunately, it's something that's really spectacular, everybody's beat.
• 25:42
  Kim: But why is no one else tired? I'm the only I one who's have no idea.
• 25:46
  Gail: Maybe you should take a nap.
• 25:47
  Kim: I don't know. It's more just like I can't talk to people anymore. Like, we're done. You've had it. And I can't dance anymore.
• 25:52
  Like, I've already been dancing for so long, like, the whole thing. But my question is, is there Maybe
• 25:58
  Gail: we have to start and do an afternoon wedding at 05:00 so that it's over by
• 26:02
  Kim: the People do four
• 26:03
  Gail: and 05:00. Yeah, my aunt had that. It was beautiful.
• 26:05
  Kim: Most people I know, it starts at four or five and it goes until like 3AM.
• 26:10
  Gail: Oh, no. That's Yes. Too That's too long.
• 26:13
  Kim: It is. But my question is, can you Irish exit, meaning not say goodbye, or do you have to go and say goodbye
• 26:21
  Gail: when No. You're
• 26:22
  Kim: I think you can leave.
• 26:23
  Gail: The after party, I think you can leave. Not during the evening when they're still toasting.
• 26:27
  Kim: No. No.
• 26:28
  Gail: But they at after party, if you had enough, say good night.
• 26:30
  Kim: You'll see you tomorrow. Say something?
• 26:32
  Gail: No. I don't think you should. I think you should just leave at the
• 26:34
  Kim: end too because once somebody comes up to you and says, I'm leaving, you feel like, okay, it's coming to an end and I'm gonna do that. Right. I feel like it's better to just not Disappear. When it comes to what to wear Right. Obviously, don't wear white.
• 26:48
  Which I didn't realize.
• 26:49
  Gail: Well, I thought that you could wear a flower dress with white on the background, you cause I went and saw something that I loved for you to wear in Italy and you said, Oh, I can't wear white. So I said, Okay. I mean, all the summer dresses all have white backgrounds with flowers on them. So you have
• 27:04
  Kim: to eliminate that. Yeah. Well also rumor has it, you wore white to someone else's wedding. Well not a white, I would never wear a solid white You wore your wedding dress.
• 27:11
  Gail: Oh I did, but I had the cummerbund dyed green.
• 27:14
  Kim: Oh you did? Yeah. I didn't know Oh that yes. Didn't wear all Okay, still you're wearing partially white
• 27:20
  Gail: Well I
• 27:20
  Kim: liked it. To your friend's wedding. Wait, you also, by the way, because I was looking, I think to, I don't know if it was Jeff's, I think it was Jeff's wedding, my uncle.
• 27:28
  Gail: But he was married so many times. But you wore white. Which one? No, I didn't. Was it like ivory?
• 27:34
  I wore a gray, like a greige color to his second. The first one I think I wore a pink suit because it was in the afternoon. And the third one I wore lavender. We were all pretty colors.
• 27:45
  Kim: We wore lavender. Maybe everyone's That was the third wedding. Yeah, the wedding party must have worn
• 27:49
  Gail: it. Right,
• 27:50
  Kim: exactly. Lavender.
• 27:51
  Gail: She asked for lavender. Yeah. Which I happen to love. It looks beautiful on everybody. It's a complimentary color.
• 27:58
  The first one when I wore a pink suit, I didn't really love it. I felt like I was going to an Easter parade. But that didn't last long anyway, so I gave the suit away.
• 28:06
  Kim: And you never look at the pictures. I ripped those pictures up. What about red? Because people
• 28:10
  Gail: say Well, didn't realize that. Red means something bad if you wear red, which is so ridiculous. Red is
• 28:16
  Kim: you a complete slept with the groom, but no one really believes that. It was like an old I fashioned could wear a red, nobody, I'm
• 28:21
  Gail: not sleeping with the groom.
• 28:22
  Kim: No, no. Do you think it's rude to wear something that's too revealing? Well, think, you
• 28:30
  Gail: know, I see these things Instagram now of of some of the mother of the a groom and mother of the bride dresses. I think they are a little too revealing. I think they should be appropriately first of all, it depends. If they're being married in a religious ceremony, I think there has to be some covering of areas. If it's in a church or a synagogue, it certainly wouldn't come with the plunging backs and the plunging fronts.
• 28:52
  Totally. But I think it also should be age appropriate. I don't think the mother of the bride or the mother of the groom should be, she's not 20, so she should look nice and beautiful and chic,
• 29:06
  Kim: but appropriate. But also guests. Sometimes I see people and they're like with cutouts and I'm like, Well,
• 29:11
  Gail: you know what, that's individual taste. You know, I don't really care about the guests. I think it's the wedding party that's most important
• 29:17
  Kim: Yeah. To look
• 29:20
  Gail: Nobody's looking at anybody in the audience basically unless Taylor Swift walked in.
• 29:23
  Kim: I don't know. I feel like if people had like an outlandish outfit, would be like, What was one of your favorite weddings you went to?
• 29:33
  Gail: I think your mom's actually was so beautiful because it was in one of the most beautiful buildings in Manhattan, and it was a November wedding, and she wanted was like a Gone With The Wind dresses, red velvet, and she your mother must have seen it in a magazine because she really didn't care very much to tell you the truth. She said, more like me. She said, you do whatever you want, mom. She she wanted gloves on the bridesmaids. I don't even know where she had that concept, long gloves.
• 30:02
  Kim: Actually very unlike her.
• 30:04
  Gail: She wanted those long gloves. So we got the long white kid gloves all the way up the arm. And the day of the wedding, in November, it was 84 degrees. The air conditioning in the building was broken. So I told the girl, they're wearing red velvet ball gowns and white kid gloves.
• 30:24
  So they immediately eliminated the gloves after the ceremony. Those girls, those poor girls
• 30:28
  Kim: were so hot. Oh my God.
• 30:30
  Gail: But it was still the most beautiful. Because she got married in a Stanford White building and you walked down, Stanford White was the most famous architect of the nineteenth century and he built the Metropolitan Club which is where she was married. And it has a staircase that's a fantasy. Every bride in the world wants to walk down that staircase.
• 30:51
  Kim: I've never been inside there.
• 30:52
  Gail: Oh, it's beautiful. You should just go take a peek. I mean, it's a private club, you really can't just walk in. But I mean, they'll let you take a peek.
• 30:59
  Kim: Yeah, you get Beautiful. You could have a wedding there even
• 31:02
  Gail: if Well, could had a a friend sponsor us at the time. I don't know what they do now. But I've had other friends who've had weddings there, their children, because it is actually, mommy's best friend was married there as well. Yes. What did you
• 31:15
  Kim: wear to that one? I wasn't invited to No, sorry, what did you wear to mom's wedding?
• 31:21
  Gail: I wore, I don't even remember. Really? I think it was, I don't even remember, I have to look at the pictures. It was very appropriate, whatever it It was,
• 31:31
  Kim: yeah. You know, have
• 31:32
  Gail: to go look back
• 31:33
  Kim: so long ago. Yeah, I don't know. I don't think there's pictures. I'm sure there is don't have
• 31:39
  Gail: wedding pictures.
• 31:39
  Kim: No, I know, I haven't, I don't remember can see it? Yeah. I've seen probably mom, but I don't know. Do you remember what the food was like?
• 31:47
  Gail: No, it was good. You know, it was very classic and the rooms themselves are so beautiful. We had cocktails downstairs and they have beautiful, it's the ceilings, it's the ambiance. Some of these like even the Waldorf now, I'm looking forward to going in there. Some of these places, are so magnificent and iconic in New York.
• 32:07
  You can't reproduce like going to Sistine Chapel and looking at ceilings. You know, there's certain buildings wherever you go, like in Venice, if you go to the palaces, they're just magnificent. Just the place itself is so beautiful and it adds something to the event, which is what I love. So it's like a moment in time that's frozen and you always remember how beautiful it is.
• 32:31
  Kim: Is there anything else memorable that happened? Well, wedding actually was very nice. The only thing is I
• 32:37
  Gail: don't know where the party coordinator or the florist must've told my mother, Don't forget that's 1963. We're very big on birds. They let the doves out. They let the doves out after the ceremony and the birds were flying all
• 32:50
  Kim: over my gosh, the place. Peter was like, remember
• 32:52
  Gail: it was like that, what's the guy that was the magician with the Oh, magic owl. Magic owl, years later, I think it's the same pigeon that was at my wedding.
• 33:00
  Kim: Oh my god, oh yeah, well I remember I had a birthday, magic owl is like, every New York City kid hired this same magician and did birthday parties in like the 90s. He was So he did every single one of my birthdays. But I remember he had this like trick with a dove, as magicians do, and it flew up into the ceiling.
• 33:20
  Gail: That's great.
• 33:21
  Kim: And it wouldn't come down at like my third birthday probably, or maybe seventh, I
• 33:24
  Gail: don't know. And we kept doing it.
• 33:26
  Kim: It didn't It didn't matter. Wasn't his fault. And he
• 33:28
  Gail: came back down eventually because he had to do a party at 03:00. Trust
• 33:32
  Kim: me. Yeah, I remember that. So that was
• 33:35
  Gail: the only thing, my doves for my wedding are probably still floating in the plaza someplace. Maybe they let They them let them out. Doves don't live. Doves died already? How long do doves live?
• 33:46
  Oh, I
• 33:46
  Kim: don't know. They don't live fifty years.
• 33:48
  Gail: I'm married more than fifty They're probably dead, those birds.
• 33:51
  Kim: I don't think so. Because they weren't baby birds. No. Boy. All right, let's sum this up.
• 33:56
  We've done
• 33:57
  Gail: weddings to the fullest now. Everybody should enjoy. By the way, my answer to everybody out there is enjoy your wedding, have a great time, include the family, include all your closest friends because it is
• 34:08
  Kim: a day to remember. Okay, let's do a This or That game, wedding edition. Band or DJ? Well, I
• 34:18
  Gail: like a band, but it depends on where you're doing it. If it's like in a backyard, I
• 34:22
  Kim: would say a DJ. I think for sure a band, it feels more classic. Big wedding or small wedding?
• 34:29
  Gail: Depending on the circumstances of families. Either one is fine. I like medium. Like medium. I would say two fifty tops for me because I would give each side a certain amount and then the kids a certain amount and it'll be more than enough because I know I'm never gonna see those people again.
• 34:48
  Destination wedding or local wedding? Local wedding. What I think is have a local wedding and the bride and groom should go on a honeymoon and make a destination.
• 34:58
  Kim: But it's like local for who?
• 35:00
  Gail: Local for the bride and groom and The family
• 35:03
  Kim: might be destination for other people. So it's like, I don't even know what that really means anymore. But yeah, like you're not
• 35:08
  Gail: Not gonna to go on a plane ride for eight hours.
• 35:11
  Kim: Okay. Buffet or a seated dinner? Seated dinner. Same. Long speeches or short speeches?
• 35:18
  Depending if they're funny or not. If they're funny, they can
• 35:20
  Gail: speak up, but usually short.
• 35:22
  Kim: Four or five minutes. Yeah, that's long. Really?
• 35:24
  Gail: Get up and talk for four or five minutes except for you and I, I don't think these people can do it. Maybe.
• 35:32
  Kim: Black tie or cocktail? I like black tie still. Yeah, wedding is like the one time you can do Right, right.
• 35:39
  Gail: But I think it also depends if you're doing a country wedding. If you're doing a country wedding, I think it shouldn't be
• 35:45
  Kim: Right, tie you need to match The venue.
• 35:48
  Gail: The venue.
• 35:50
  Kim: Summer wedding or fall wedding.
• 35:52
  Gail: Doesn't matter. I love winter wedding too.
• 35:55
  Kim: Yeah, I like both. It doesn't make a bit
• 35:58
  Gail: of difference because there are always themes and colors and As long as you're consistent.
• 36:03
  Kim: Like you're not having a fall wedding and it's like the florals are super summery. Like
• 36:09
  Gail: as No, long as it's right, has to go with the flowers of the fall or the spring.
• 36:13
  Kim: Right. After party or early night? Well, guess now that you're telling me, I guess everyone's going to
• 36:20
  Gail: have a little after party. I think the grandparents are going home and the older relatives. It's up to the couple. That's very, very personal.
• 36:30
  Kim: Also at these after parties, usually bring around like french fries and sliders. I
• 36:36
  Gail: think the idea would be to go to Katz's deli and all have pastrami sandwiches at 12:00 and have buses. Yes, you can now, they've got a I
• 36:44
  Kim: know that's true. So that kind of snacks or wedding cake? That they would take home with them? No, like which You have
• 36:53
  Gail: to have a wedding cake.
• 36:53
  Kim: Have to.
• 36:54
  Gail: You to have a wedding cake. Even But like if it's inedible, but you have to have one.
• 36:58
  Kim: Right. Registry gift or cash gift? I think either nice. Okay, bridesmaids matching or different dresses?
• 37:08
  Gail: I think color, I think they shouldn't match all of them because everybody's got a, well now everybody's so thin on Ozempic, but I think everybody should have their own type their own body type, but keep it within a range of colors. Agreed. I think your one friend was very creative. She did all the jewels, certain tones. I think, you know, if you give somebody a direction, but don't tell them they have to wear a strapless or
• 37:32
  Kim: a one shoulder or whatever. No, agreed. Take the phones away or be able to take photos.
• 37:38
  Gail: No, let everybody take photos. Half the time people don't even want a videographer for anyone, they got their friends taking the pictures.
• 37:44
  Kim: I think let them take photos except for I don't like it During the ceremony? The ceremony when you're looking out at the sea of people and everyone's just holding a
• 37:52
  Gail: phone. Okay.
• 37:53
  Kim: Like, but I do think it's nice to have that footage. Yeah, I'm poor person,
• 37:59
  Gail: the bridegroom was so into their own world up there, it doesn't matter.
• 38:03
  Kim: Yeah. Okay, I think for now that's good on weddings.
• 38:06
  Gail: We've covered it, hopefully we
• 38:07
  Kim: were helpful in some of our opinions on etiquette and things, And we'll continue to also on social post some of our wedding tips. We will do it. Yes. A lot of fun episodes coming up for Excuse My Grandma this summer. We've been planning behind the scenes, so I hope you guys are loving it.
• 38:28
  If you ever have ideas, free to DM me on Instagram or TikTok or send us an email. You can send me one at kimexcusemygramma dot com.
• 38:38
  Gail: And I know everyone's enjoying them because I've been stopped in the last couple of days, at least 50 times that they're enjoying what's been going on the last couple of months with our podcast. So I'm appreciative of everybody who tunes in and all the new people who I hope are starting to tune in And we love doing it and we love getting your feedback.
• 38:57
  Kim: Yes, and if you do love the show, please leave a comment wherever you are watching. I know now you can watch us on Apple if you're listening on there or on Spotify as well. So please leave a comment and rate the show as well five stars. We really really appreciate it. It helps so much.
• 39:14
  And yeah, remember to follow us on social media. Excuse My Grandma and we will see you soon. Bye.