Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Going NO CONTACT with a Narcissist or toxic person

Transcript

Going NO CONTACT with a Narcissist or toxic person · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on beautiful people?
• 0:02
  Welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Code.
• 0:04
  I'm your favorite selfaware narcissist Mr. Lee Hammock
• 0:08
  better known as mental illness across all social media
• 0:11
  platforms. This your first time seeing my
• 0:13
  face or hearing my lovely voice. I'm a diagnosed narcissist and I
• 0:16
  use my platform on social media to raise awareness for NPD.
• 0:20
  Get more people into therapy like myself, six years strong
• 0:23
  y'all and also validate the victims, survivors and thrivers
• 0:27
  of said disorder. Said toxic people, said toxic
• 0:29
  traits. Today's episode is going to be
• 0:31
  about no contact, y'all updated version of no going, no contact
• 0:35
  with a narcissist or toxic person.
• 0:38
  So before we happen today's episode y'all make sure you
• 0:41
  subscribe to my newsletter, my e-mail list because I have a
• 0:44
  kids book that is getting released in the next.
• 0:46
  It'll be out in the next couple weeks.
• 0:48
  The final designs are in for have self love courses coming
• 0:52
  out. Have a lot of interesting stuff.
• 0:54
  Y'all so make sure y'all join the newsletter.
• 0:56
  It's free. I don't spam you rob a robber
• 0:58
  rabble. But yeah so no contact with the
• 1:02
  narcissist. Y'all no contact going no I I
• 1:05
  have a lot of people that talk to y'all they think going no
• 1:08
  contact. They don't want to go no contact
• 1:10
  with a narcissistic person because they don't want to hurt
• 1:13
  the narcissist going no contact. Yeah, there's going no contact
• 1:16
  with a narcissist hurt them. Does it make them feel a certain
• 1:19
  type of way? Yes.
• 1:21
  If a narcissistic person is obsessed with controlling you
• 1:26
  and trying to control your life and things like that, yeah,
• 1:28
  going no contact and removing that control can't absolutely
• 1:33
  make a lot of narcissistic people lose their minds.
• 1:36
  It just, it's one of those things.
• 1:38
  It will. It can absolutely make them lose
• 1:39
  their minds. They would become super
• 1:41
  obsessive. The pain and the shame and
• 1:43
  things like that bubble to the surface and they can lose their
• 1:47
  minds. Pull my period.
• 1:49
  But no, contact is not meant to hurt the narcissist.
• 1:51
  Y'all. It's not meant to hurt them.
• 1:52
  It's literally, literally y'all to help you heal.
• 1:57
  Talking to like, Y'all talking to an abusive toxic narcissist
• 2:01
  cannot. It can't help you heal.
• 2:03
  I know people. I talked to a lady very, very,
• 2:06
  very, very recently and she mentioned pain shopping.
• 2:09
  I'm like, some people go shopping.
• 2:11
  You go shopping for pain by talking to narcissistic people.
• 2:14
  You see what I'm saying when she said that?
• 2:17
  Like, yeah, some people do go pain shopping.
• 2:19
  It is a very unique thing. It's like looking for reminders
• 2:21
  of pain that has been caused, not reassurance of present
• 2:24
  behavior, of safety. So you go looking for pain, you
• 2:28
  know what I mean? The narcissistic people, they're
• 2:31
  going to, yeah, if you go shopping.
• 2:32
  If you go shopping for pain with a narcissist, they're going to
• 2:35
  deliver sign seal and the sign seal and deliver the pain that
• 2:38
  you're looking for. I promise you no contact is to
• 2:41
  help you. You cannot heal in the same
• 2:43
  environment that make you that made you sick.
• 2:45
  You can't fully heal. You can start the process, but
• 2:47
  you can't fully heal talking to your abusive person because
• 2:50
  they're going to say something eventually that makes it sooner
• 2:53
  or later that changes your mind. They just are they going to wear
• 2:56
  you down? They that's what they want to
• 2:57
  do. They want to wear you down.
• 2:58
  Y'all, no contact. You go to contact with the
• 3:01
  Narciss. The first thought is that you
• 3:02
  have somebody else. The first thought is that you
• 3:05
  have somebody else, not that you're not that you're trying to
• 3:07
  heal that you have somebody else.
• 3:10
  Because narcissistic people, we're we're going to try to move
• 3:12
  on quickly. So we assume that you are we're
• 3:15
  we're assuming that you're going to move on quickly.
• 3:18
  So that's the first thought. Who are?
• 3:19
  Who are they? You hope they treat you good,
• 3:22
  hope they treat you better. That's why they start popping up
• 3:24
  at your house. That's why they become super
• 3:26
  stalkery sometimes and be in the bushes or driving by your house,
• 3:30
  driving by your job and stuff like that.
• 3:31
  Watching you putting the trackers in your car, they they
• 3:34
  they lose their minds. Y'all.
• 3:36
  But no contact is meant to help you heal.
• 3:38
  Of course. Every it's hard.
• 3:40
  Yeah I know you hear some people say no contact that's possible
• 3:43
  for everybody. It's very difficult to navigate
• 3:47
  where you have kids and businesses and things like that.
• 3:49
  Y'all nobody to say but like it also there's dangers in going.
• 3:53
  No contact too, because sometimes if you go no contact
• 3:57
  and that person literally thinks that you're moving on to
• 3:59
  somebody else, even though you're just trying to heal, even
• 4:01
  though you might want to be by yourself, they can lose their
• 4:04
  mind. Y'all loud.
• 4:05
  Just like I was saying earlier, if you go no contact, you're not
• 4:08
  prepared to protect yourself and protect your safety.
• 4:10
  They could pop up at your house and send you to meet your maker
• 4:15
  in it, you know, for for lack of a better word, in your
• 4:18
  existence. So you wouldn't go to no
• 4:19
  contact, have safety plans in order, get cameras up, protect
• 4:23
  yourself. I don't know where you are, what
• 4:25
  country you're in, what state you're in.
• 4:27
  Arm yourself if that's a possibility.
• 4:29
  Because some people, I'm just telling you, y'all, if I can't
• 4:32
  have you, no one will, is a real phenomenon.
• 4:35
  We're dealing with toxic, narcissistic people.
• 4:37
  It's one of those things that really does happen.
• 4:39
  If I can't have you, no one will.
• 4:41
  And they will take you out of here.
• 4:43
  They will send you straight to God.
• 4:44
  Do not pass. Go.
• 4:46
  Do not collect. Like literally toxic, toxic,
• 4:50
  toxic, monopoly, narcissistic monopoly.
• 4:53
  Straight to God. No, do not pass go.
• 4:56
  You see what I'm saying? Just be very, very careful.
• 4:58
  Y'all because no contact helps you heal.
• 5:00
  Is is this like that? It helps you really.
• 5:03
  It helps you know? And it's tough.
• 5:05
  It's super tough to go no contact.
• 5:06
  Y'all. A lot of people are just like,
• 5:07
  just stop talking to them, just block them.
• 5:09
  Y'all that. Yeah, that would be optimal, to
• 5:11
  just stop talking to them and just block them and start to
• 5:13
  heal the journey. But yeah, it's very, very
• 5:16
  difficult to go from talking to somebody every day for a year,
• 5:20
  two years, three years, 10 years, 30 years, 40 years.
• 5:24
  It's hard to go. It's understandably hard and
• 5:27
  difficult to go from having a building a family and doing
• 5:31
  things with somebody for 30 years and then not talking to
• 5:34
  them anymore. No, contact is not easy.
• 5:37
  Y'all, it's not an easy thing. You want it to be.
• 5:40
  You see what I'm saying? You want it to be.
• 5:43
  But it's not an easy thing because like, y'all you've been
• 5:45
  through a lot. Go yeah, imagine going 10 years,
• 5:50
  you've been three, so 3650 days of talking to this person,
• 5:55
  seeing this person every single day.
• 5:57
  Day, day one. No contact.
• 5:59
  No more contact. Y'all put that into your head
• 6:02
  and this is not me trying to talk to you out of going no
• 6:04
  contact. This is me trying to help you
• 6:05
  understand that it's not easy and to prepare for, prepare for.
• 6:08
  Because no contact. Healing comes in waves.
• 6:12
  Day one, no contact. You go from 3650 days of talking
• 6:17
  every single day to to imagine y'all never talking again.
• 6:22
  It's going to be difficult. Don't let anybody tell you
• 6:25
  convince you that no contact is the easiest thing in the world.
• 6:28
  I want no contact and I just healed immediately.
• 6:30
  It doesn't work that way for everybody here.
• 6:32
  Y'all everybody's situation is different.
• 6:34
  Everybody's life is different. Everybody's scenarios are
• 6:36
  different. Everybody's healing is going to
• 6:38
  be different. So if you find yourself wanted
• 6:40
  to pick the phone up and call this person, text this person,
• 6:42
  that's understandable. Just don't do it.
• 6:45
  You know, if you do do it, they want no contact.
• 6:49
  You see what I'm saying? They want no contact.
• 6:51
  You get like somebody to come up with.
• 6:53
  I'm not going to do this, but y'all.
• 6:54
  Somebody needs to come up with a no contact like Chip to help
• 6:58
  people. You see what I'm saying?
• 6:59
  When people are just like no contact, 30 days, three years,
• 7:03
  four years, no contact. But I just like 3-4 five years.
• 7:06
  You might, you know, you know, okay, I have to talk to you
• 7:08
  might not be counting every single day, yo, I ain't no damn.
• 7:12
  It's been five years. You see what I'm saying?
• 7:13
  It might get to, it might get to that point right there.
• 7:16
  But it's very difficult. Like I said, when you have kids,
• 7:19
  when you have children because like unless you have a third
• 7:21
  party or because you have to, sometimes there has to be
• 7:25
  contact. Even if you are parallel
• 7:27
  parenting, there has to be some like small form of contact.
• 7:31
  You want to keep it low. You want to keep the contact as
• 7:33
  low as possible. If they mention anything outside
• 7:35
  of having get outside of your child, outside of your kids,
• 7:39
  then you don't respond to it. Low contact, low, low.
• 7:44
  You turn the volume all the way down, You put the volume down.
• 7:47
  You know, talking to somebody every day is is like the volume
• 7:50
  of it is on 100. You want to turn the volume down
• 7:53
  when you go on low contact because you have kids, the
• 7:56
  volume you'd be on one or two, it's just like it's background,
• 7:59
  it's so low you can't use the music.
• 8:02
  The contact music is so low you didn't even know.
• 8:05
  It's all you barely even hear. You're like, oh, music playing.
• 8:07
  You see what I'm saying? It's basically no contact, but
• 8:10
  just only about the kids. There's no, there's no
• 8:12
  unnecessary contact. When you have kids, when you
• 8:15
  have businesses and things of their nature, no unnecessary
• 8:18
  contact because, yeah, it's tough.
• 8:20
  Stop letting people kind of try to convince you that it's
• 8:22
  healing is this linear, straightforward journey.
• 8:25
  It's not. There's going to be bumps.
• 8:27
  They're going to be, there's going to be bumps in the road.
• 8:29
  There going to be a lot of different scenarios, a lot of
• 8:31
  different things that happen to you.
• 8:32
  They're like, it's going to hurt your feelings somehow.
• 8:34
  You'll be sad as hell. They're going to move on.
• 8:36
  You imagine they're moving on and treat somebody else better.
• 8:38
  You're going to pick the phone up.
• 8:39
  You want to hear them say sorry. You want to hear them.
• 8:41
  You want to know that you mattered.
• 8:44
  You want to know that you mattered to this person.
• 8:45
  It's completely, 100% understandable that you want to
• 8:48
  know that you mattered, but you matter to you more.
• 8:52
  Let you matter to you more. You know what I mean?
• 8:55
  Because in the mind of the narcissist, did you matter at a
• 8:58
  certain point in time? Yeah, you probably did.
• 9:00
  Y'all. But don't let the fact that you
• 9:02
  probably matter to them for a while or a little while,
• 9:05
  whatever. Don't let that deter you from
• 9:07
  making breaking no contact. Because the more you break no
• 9:09
  contact, the more you feel like you deserve to just be in a
• 9:13
  toxic relationship. Like, well, I keep breaking no
• 9:14
  contact. I can't stop talking to him, so
• 9:16
  I might as well talk to him. No, no, no going no contact is
• 9:21
  like literally breaking in the addiction.
• 9:23
  It's breaking an addiction to a person.
• 9:25
  It helps you break that addiction.
• 9:26
  It helps you kick that habit. It's got going, go going cold
• 9:30
  Turkey with a person. You know how people go cold
• 9:32
  Turkey when they trying to get off of cigarettes or they're
• 9:34
  trying to kick alcohol or sometimes with drug, you're
• 9:38
  kicking a person, you you, you're kicking the habit of a
• 9:41
  person. You're breaking this addiction
• 9:43
  to a person. You see what I'm saying?
• 9:45
  Cold Turkey with a person. Cold Turkey and no contact with
• 9:47
  you know is is not just for intimate partnerships, intimate
• 9:51
  relationships. Do you have no contact with your
• 9:53
  your. You're not gonna go to contact
• 9:56
  with your parents, your inlaws, your your job, your boss,
• 9:59
  whoever it is, your coworkers, your best friend, you may one of
• 10:03
  my one of my best friends, I had to go no contact with him in
• 10:07
  like February and he like literally had a narcissistic
• 10:10
  best friend. Y'all surprise shocker.
• 10:12
  You may did me dirty, did me super dirty.
• 10:15
  Y'all super dirty. So I blocked him on everything.
• 10:19
  I went no contact with him. I ain't talked to him since
• 10:21
  what, February 13, 1415 around that day.
• 10:27
  So I I'm like 6-6 months, 6-7 months, no contact.
• 10:31
  Yeah, I've been losing track because I don't be caring if I
• 10:33
  don't care. I ain't gonna lock.
• 10:34
  Y'all do care because that's one of my best friends for like 5-6
• 10:37
  years and he backs stab me in the back and try to and try to
• 10:41
  roll my platform, try to take, try to take my platform down.
• 10:44
  Y'all one of my best friends in real life.
• 10:45
  Watch me build this platform from the ground up, try to ruin
• 10:49
  it. Broke my heart.
• 10:52
  I had to block him, no contact. Block him on everything.
• 10:57
  It's crazy. It happens.
• 10:58
  Y'all it hurts. It sucks.
• 11:00
  So I know that pain. People are like well how you
• 11:02
  know how it feels. I'm going to contact y'all.
• 11:03
  I had to go into contact with someone, Like literally my best
• 11:06
  friends, fry my my ride or die. Had to block him and keep it
• 11:11
  moving. And it hurts.
• 11:12
  And it sucks. It does.
• 11:14
  I'm be honest with y'all, it does suck and it does hurt.
• 11:16
  It does suck. But the end of the day, I choose
• 11:19
  me 100 out 100 times. I pick me 100 out 100 times
• 11:24
  because my, you know, my healing is more important than that
• 11:27
  friendship that I can't trust anymore.
• 11:29
  Because if they've done you wrong before, they'll do you
• 11:31
  wrong again. If they've done something
• 11:33
  horrible to you before, they'll do something horrible to you
• 11:35
  again. It's intensive.
• 11:36
  They're not working on themselves.
• 11:38
  Y'all don't break no contact because with the hopes of them
• 11:41
  changing, with the hopes of them being better, with the hopes of
• 11:44
  their being giving them another chance because you don't regret
• 11:47
  it. Y'all so many people will regret
• 11:48
  breaking no contact. And there's so many people who
• 11:50
  waste their lives, you know, they keep breaking no contact so
• 11:53
  much they waste their lives. Y'all no contact means no
• 11:57
  contact. Y'all it means not no contact is
• 11:59
  not ignoring their messages. No contact is blocking and
• 12:02
  cutting off access. No contact means no access.
• 12:06
  They'll contact me is absolutely no, you don't have any access to
• 12:08
  me. Yeah, people can make fake
• 12:10
  numbers. People make fake emails.
• 12:12
  You just keep blocking them. That's not breaking no contact.
• 12:15
  They find a new way to contact you and you see it and you don't
• 12:18
  respond to it. Block it.
• 12:19
  That's not breaking no contact the more.
• 12:22
  So now you have to keep blocking y'all.
• 12:23
  Like I tell people, it's like hack.
• 12:25
  It's like, you know, I've seen in movies where people are
• 12:26
  hacking through the hacking through the force, hacking
• 12:29
  through the jungle. You had to hack through a toxic
• 12:31
  jungle. This is a toxic force you got to
• 12:34
  keep. Hacking, hacking, hacking,
• 12:35
  hacking. I promise you, I promise you.
• 12:37
  You come out on the other end, it might take a little while.
• 12:39
  Y'all write down what I call a ick list right down.
• 12:43
  I think Doctor Romney calls the ick list too.
• 12:46
  She might, I might have got it from her.
• 12:47
  I probably did get it from her. She has some good stuff.
• 12:49
  Doctor Romney has some good stuff.
• 12:50
  Y'all I would like to say people actually do.
• 12:52
  I work with Doctor Romney. Yeah.
• 12:54
  I would love to work with Doctor Rommany.
• 12:55
  But I said I also understand her platform.
• 12:58
  And you know, so I understand if it don't doesn't happen.
• 13:01
  Well, I'd like it to happen. Yeah, one day.
• 13:02
  I would love it to happen. But I also understand her
• 13:04
  platform and you know, she's got a platform with survivors and
• 13:07
  stuff like that. And I can definitely understand
• 13:09
  the people you know she doesn't talk with me or work with me
• 13:12
  because you know her platform and cater built around helping
• 13:16
  victims survivors and that might skew people's vision of her to
• 13:20
  work with the self word not diagnosed arts.
• 13:22
  So I get it. Yeah man I do appreciate her
• 13:24
  work. Y'all so if y'all see Doctor
• 13:26
  Rahman just let her know. I do appreciate her work.
• 13:27
  She has some good stuff. But yeah that's the way it goes
• 13:30
  though. Y'all but like no contact helps
• 13:32
  you heal. No contact empowers you.
• 13:35
  It's like working out. No contact isn't the end all, be
• 13:37
  all. But no contact is like working
• 13:39
  out. It's like getting fit.
• 13:40
  It's like doing curls you doing you doing no contact curls.
• 13:43
  No contact pullups, no contact pushups.
• 13:47
  You see what I'm saying? Every day you get stronger.
• 13:50
  Every day you get stronger, love you more.
• 13:52
  Write down the stuff the iglist I was going about.
• 13:55
  Write down back the bad stuff that that person has done to you
• 13:57
  and read it. When you want to break no
• 13:59
  contact, read that list of horrible stuff that they've done
• 14:01
  to you. Horrible stuff that they put
• 14:03
  through you. How much time you feel like you
• 14:05
  wasted. You didn't.
• 14:05
  I don't think you wasted time. But if you if that helps you
• 14:07
  heal, whatever helps you heal y'all No contact helps.
• 14:11
  No contact means no access block.
• 14:13
  Any block, any block anyways. Y'all.
• 14:15
  I don't let this video run on long without no one let them run
• 14:18
  on. I just.
• 14:20
  I had no contact. No contact.
• 14:22
  It's just such a touching subject.
• 14:23
  Just be careful. Have it plan in order.
• 14:25
  Y'all protect your peace. Protect your safety at all times
• 14:29
  like and subscribe for more. As always, as always with the
• 14:32
  peace. Thank you so much for making it
• 14:34
  to the end of my video. Y'all thank you for watching all
• 14:36
  the way through. I'm eternally grateful for you
• 14:38
  if you haven't already. You made it this far, you might
• 14:40
  as well go and hit this subscription.
• 14:42
  But y'all turn on the notification so we can reach
• 14:44
  more people. Help me reach more people and
• 14:47
  whatnot. The Self Love brand is available
• 14:49
  as well. Links in the description of
• 14:50
  every single video I do. Y'all I'm aware this is the I
• 14:53
  Love Me brand. The Self Love Journal is also
• 14:56
  available to y'all. I have a weekly newsletter.
• 14:59
  It goes out as well if you haven't check in the joining
• 15:01
  channel memberships for for some behind the scenes access and
• 15:04
  more perks and things like that. Y'all, thank you so much and
• 15:07
  turn this is out please.