Latest / Job Hopping with Fexingo: Tenure, Loyalty, and the Modern Career Resume / How to Handle a Counteroffer When You Want to Leave
Transcript
- Lucas: So, Luna, quick poll. You resign from a job and your boss comes back within 48 hours with a twenty percent raise and a new title. What do you do? Luna: Honestly? I'd probably feel flattered. But I'd also wonder why they couldn't have done that before I quit. Lucas: Exactly. That's the question at the heart of today's episode. Because counteroffers feel like a win, but they're actually one of the most emotionally loaded traps in the job-hopping playbook. Luna: And we're not here to say 'never accept one'—right? There's nuance. Lucas: Right. Let's start with some data. A few years back, a recruiting platform surveyed over two thousand professionals who accepted a counteroffer. Something like eighty percent of them were gone within a year anyway—either they left for another role or they got pushed out. Luna: Eighty percent. That's striking. So the odds are stacked against you if you stay. Lucas: And it makes sense when you think about what a counteroffer is. It's not a reward for loyalty—it's a retention tactic triggered by a resignation. Your boss isn't suddenly generous; they're in a bind. Luna: Yeah. They've got a project you're on, a client relationship, maybe just the hassle of recruiting a replacement. The counteroffer is often cheaper than all that. Lucas: Cheaper in the short term, at least. But there's a real cost to you that's rarely in the numbers. Think about trust. You've told them you want out. That information doesn't disappear. Luna: So even if you stay, management might start planning for your eventual replacement. They're not going to put you on their most critical projects. Lucas: Exactly. And that's the thing—counteroffers often come with a new title or a bump in salary, but they don't usually change the underlying reasons you wanted to leave. If you were leaving because of a toxic manager, a lack of growth, or burnout, a bigger paycheck doesn't fix that. Luna: Right. And let's be honest, sometimes the best reason to leave is just that you want a different environment. Money can't buy that. Lucas: So let's talk about when a counteroffer might actually be worth accepting. Because it's not never. But it's rare. Luna: I'd imagine if the only thing you didn't like about the job was the pay, and the counteroffer addresses that, it might be different. Lucas: That's the classic case. But even then, you need to look at the whole package. Is the new title real, or is it just words? Are you getting more responsibility, or just more money? And what about the trajectory? A twenty percent bump might be great this year, but if your salary was already under market, it might just bring you to where you should have been. Luna: So you're saying the raise isn't always as big as it looks. Lucas: And that's why the first rule of handling a counteroffer is to know your market value before you even start the conversation. If you've done the research, you'll know whether that counteroffer is generous or just a lateral move. Luna: But what about the emotional side? It's hard not to feel a little flattered when your boss says they can't imagine the team without you. Lucas: It is. And that's by design. The flattery is part of the retention strategy. So you have to separate the ego from the economics. Write down why you wanted to leave in the first place. That list is your anchor. Luna: That's practical. So, say I've got my list, I've got my market research, and my boss just dropped a counteroffer. How do I respond in the moment? Lucas: First, don't say yes on the spot. You're caught off guard, and the adrenaline is high. You want to sleep on it, run the numbers, and talk to someone you trust. So you say something like, 'I appreciate that, and I'd like some time to think about it. Can we talk tomorrow?' Luna: That gives you space. But what if you're pretty sure you're leaving no matter what? Should you still hear them out? Lucas: You should always hear them out, but be careful not to mislead them. If you know you're leaving, don't let them think you're leaning toward staying just to buy time. That's how you burn bridges. Instead, you can say, 'I'm grateful for the offer, but I've made my decision. I appreciate everything you've done for me.' Luna: And if you are genuinely undecided, you can be more open. Something like, 'I need to think about this. Can we talk tomorrow?' That's honest. Lucas: Exactly. And here's a key move: ask for the offer in writing. If they're serious, they'll put it in an email. That protects you and gives you something concrete to evaluate. Luna: Good tip. What about using the counteroffer to negotiate more with the new company? Is that a thing? Lucas: It happens, but you have to be careful. If you go back to the new employer and say, 'My current job just offered me twenty percent more, can you match it?' you're changing the terms. They might match, but they might also think you're playing games. It's a risky move. Luna: But if you do it tactfully, is it fair game? Lucas: It's fair game, but you have to be genuinely willing to walk away. Because if they call your bluff, you either have to accept the original offer or turn it down. And you don't want to lose the new job over a negotiation tactic. Luna: So the headline is: don't use a counteroffer as leverage unless you're prepared to take it. Lucas: Right. And that's true for any negotiation. The power is in your willingness to walk away. Now, let's talk about the long game. Even if you accept the counteroffer and things go well for a year, the data suggests you'll still be looking again. Luna: And that's not necessarily a bad thing. We're in an era where long tenures aren't the norm. The average job tenure in the U.S. is around four years, and for younger workers, it's even less. Lucas: Right. So the counteroffer isn't just about this one decision. It's about your career trajectory over the next five years. If you take the counteroffer, you're staying in the same environment, with the same manager, doing the same work—just with a bit more cash. If you leave, you're opening a new door. Luna: And that new door might come with a bigger title, better mentorship, or a skill set you couldn't get where you are. Lucas: Exactly. So here's a framework I like to use. Rate your current job on three things: the work itself, your manager, and the company's trajectory. If all three are positive, a counteroffer might be worth considering. If any one of them is lacking, money won't fix that. Luna: That's a simple test. And on the flip side, when you're evaluating the new job, you should apply the same three lenses. It's not just about the salary bump. Lucas: And that's why we're so obsessed with career narratives on this show. If you leave because you're chasing money alone, you might end up in the same spot in a year. But if you leave because you want to grow, learn, and take on new challenges, that's a story that helps you in interviews down the road. Luna: Speaking of stories—and this is a bit of a pivot—but I've been thinking about how we deliver this show. We never run ads, and that's a choice we've made from day one. It feels aligned with what we talk about: not being swayed by outside money. Lucas: Yeah, we've kept the ads out on purpose. It means we can say what we really think about things like counteroffers without worrying about what a sponsor might think. If that's valuable to you, and you want to help keep it that way, you can find us at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Luna: And that's totally optional. We're going to keep making the show regardless. But if you've ever gotten something useful out of an episode, that's a simple way to say thank you. Lucas: Yeah. And it's not a big ask, but it does help us cover the costs of hosting stuff. Anyway, back to counteroffers—there's one more scenario I want to cover. Luna: The one where you're thinking about accepting but you're scared of being the first to leave your team? Lucas: That's part of it. The guilt factor is real. You feel like you're letting people down. But that's not a reason to stay. Your career is your responsibility, and your employer would make a similar decision if it were in their interest. Luna: Right. And honestly, the team will survive. People leave all the time. It's business. Lucas: So, to wrap it up: when a counteroffer hits, take a breath. Don't decide on the spot. Evaluate your reasons for leaving, know your market value, and think about the next three years, not just the next paycheck. And if you do decide to stay, go in with your eyes open—because the data says the odds are against you. Luna: But if you do leave, you're joining a long tradition of job hoppers who built better careers by moving. And that's something we can get behind.