Latest / She Speaks Life - Christian Women, Strengthen Your Faith, Bible Study, Grow Spiritually In Christ / "The Cost of Holding On: Why Forgiveness Sets You Free" With Yana Jenay Conner

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"The Cost of Holding On: Why Forgiveness Sets You Free" With Yana Jenay Conner · She Speaks Life - Christian Women, Strengthen Your Faith, Bible Study, Grow Spiritually In Christ

• 0:01
  Hey, welcome back to She Speaks Life.
• 0:03
  I am so grateful you are listening to this episode with
• 0:07
  Bible teacher and ministry director Yana Janay Connor.
• 0:12
  She brings theology and pieces of her own story of parental
• 0:16
  abandonment and friendship, betrayal to explore on Jesus's
• 0:22
  teachings with forgiveness. And she also brings truth on
• 0:27
  what is forgiveness, how to do it, and what you gain when you
• 0:31
  put it into practice. She wrote an amazing book called
• 0:35
  Living Beyond Offense, Doing the hard work of forgiveness.
• 0:41
  And although forgiveness can be hard, it is also very necessary.
• 0:47
  Forgiveness is not an option if we want to live according to
• 0:51
  God's plan, purposes and and obey God's word.
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  I absolutely love this conversation so much as we
• 1:00
  explore more on why we need to forgive and the differences
• 1:04
  between forgiveness, trust and reconciliation.
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  So if you're ready, I'm ready. Let's dive into more with my
• 1:11
  guest, Jana Janae Connor. Hi, Jana.
• 1:14
  Welcome to She Speaks life. I am so thankful you are on here
• 1:19
  for your newly released launched book here called Live and Beyond
• 1:25
  Offense Doing the hard work of forgiveness.
• 1:28
  And boy do we need to hear this message.
• 1:32
  So I'm so thankful you are here. Yeah, I'm so glad to be here.
• 1:36
  Thank you for having me. I'm so, so grateful to be here.
• 1:39
  And yes, this is a conversation for everyone.
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  I think that's one of the things that I've kind of become aware
• 1:45
  of as sort of I've come out of the process of writing the book
• 1:49
  to talking about the book to realize like, oh, like this is a
• 1:53
  universal experience. We've all have experienced
• 1:58
  someone sitting against us in some way.
• 2:00
  We all have had the opportunity to be in a position to to do the
• 2:05
  work of forgiveness. So thanks for having me.
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  Yeah, yeah. Amen.
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  I know forgiveness is a big one. It's inevitable.
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  And when that situation arises, we need to know how to handle it
• 2:17
  and if we've got the the tools already and know what to do.
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  Not to say that. I mean, it might make it a
• 2:25
  little more easy, I should say. But forgiveness is hard is hard
• 2:31
  work like you expressed in your book.
• 2:33
  And it truly is. I had walked through a similar
• 2:37
  season not too long ago. And but boy, are there benefits
• 2:42
  to it. And I love that we're gonna dive
• 2:44
  into all of that. And before we do, I always love
• 2:49
  to start off by asking the guest, what is your favorite
• 2:53
  Scripture verse or just one that you're enjoying right now,
• 2:56
  something that's resonating with you?
• 3:00
  Yeah. So actually right now I am
• 3:03
  walking through a new journey of forgiveness where someone has
• 3:08
  has, you know, sinned against me in a way that has deeply, deeply
• 3:12
  impacted me. And I have found myself in Psalm
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  130. Verse 7 is actually the last
• 3:20
  passage that I like mention of in the book because I think, you
• 3:25
  know, when someone sins against us, it can lead us to this place
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  of feeling like disoriented and feeling hopeless and and really
• 3:34
  uncertain about how to move forward.
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  And so Psalm 137, it says, O Israel, hope in the Lord.
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  For with the Lord there is steadfast love and with him is
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  plentiful redemption. And I love that because it
• 3:49
  reminds me that no matter what happens in my life, that I can
• 3:53
  trust in the Lord because with Him there is steadfast love,
• 3:57
  like God's love never ceases. It's always flowing in my
• 4:01
  direction. But also that with the Lord
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  there is plentiful redemption. That we serve a God who can work
• 4:09
  in all things and bring about redemption.
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  We serve a God of resurrection and who can bring dead things to
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  life, and a God who who restores.
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  And so because of that, we can hope in him.
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  And that's a, that's a, a directive and a truth that I'm
• 4:27
  holding on to in this season is that I can trust in the Lord
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  because with him is steadfast love and plentiful redemption.
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  I'm so good. That is 100% and just he's so
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  he's perfect, you know, he's flawless and we can rely on him
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  just like you said, his love because it's perfect love and he
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  doesn't disappoint. And so that's the hope and the
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  redemption that you just shared. It's so beautiful.
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  And so you had expressed in your book a, your personal story of
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  abandonment. You weave that through some rich
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  theology. How do you define forgiveness?
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  Yeah. And so my dad was in and out of
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  my life. And so there were parts of my
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  childhood where he was really, really present, and then there
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  were parts of my childhood where he was absent.
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  And when you're a kid, all you know is that, you know, your
• 5:30
  parents not there. And you can sort of make that to
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  be, you know, about you, that that's why they're not there.
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  But later on in life, I started to realize that my dad like
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  really struggled with alcohol and, and later it was like, oh,
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  this is, this is alcoholism. And so when my dad was sober, he
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  was present and he was a delight.
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  He was a joy. And then when he wasn't sober,
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  like he was often absent. And even if he was present,
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  there was some, some experience. He was never abusive, but there
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  was just some experiences that brought about a lot of anxiety
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  and discomfort that would come with being around him.
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  And so to kind of have these two dads, if you will, was really
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  hard on my heart because it was like, at one point it was like,
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  he's my favorite person. And then because he's my
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  favorite person, then he's the person who ends up disappointing
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  me the most when, you know, he he sort of deviates from, from
• 6:28
  the norm. And so, so that was really hard
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  for me. And it wasn't until like my
• 6:32
  early 20s that I was able to really acknowledge how his, his
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  absence had impacted me. I think before then, I was kind
• 6:41
  of stuffing it away. And I had a lot of people in my
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  life whose dad wasn't there. So I was like, who am I to, you
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  know, just be crying, you know, about this.
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  This is just kind of a shared experience that me and my, and
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  many of my friends are having. But I remember just, you know,
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  being spending time with the Lord and the Lord inviting me to
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  really confess my hurt and confess my pain about my dad not
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  being in my life. And to to really sit with the
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  reality of how it was impacting the way I was showing up in the
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  world, the way I was showing up in relationships, and even the
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  way that I saw myself and how I saw the Lord.
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  And so early on in my walk with the Lord, I had a hard time
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  calling godfather. I also had a really hard time
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  believing that the Lord would never leave me and that he would
• 7:27
  never forsake me. And so always thought that like,
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  if I messed up, God would abandon me.
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  And so all of that, I was like, Oh yeah.
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  Like his, his impact, you know, has left this kind of imprint
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  on, on me. But that as I opened myself up
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  to, to grieving that I immediately found myself just
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  like overwhelmed with anger. And but I knew that as a
• 7:53
  Christian that I was called to forgive.
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  And I really wanted to do that. Like I wanted to forgive my dad
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  and I would go to church and I would hear a sermon and I would
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  feel encouraged. I would even feel inspired, you
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  know, to do the thing, but I didn't know how to do it, you
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  know, And so I would say those sermons casted vision for me on
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  on like the biblical wise I for forgiveness, but it wasn't
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  giving me the practical how to's like how do I actually take up
• 8:23
  Jesus command to forgive and and live it out?
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  And so in this book, like I'm I'm definitely, you know,
• 8:30
  wrestling with the biblical why, right, because Jesus his his why
• 8:35
  for forgiveness is because we've been forgiven and and I love
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  that. But then it's like, but what is
• 8:41
  forgiveness actually? And so in the book, forgiveness
• 8:44
  is defined as the merciful decision to release an offender
• 8:51
  of their debt and to not retaliate against them in anger.
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  And that is a definition that I just sort of came to as I was
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  wrestling with every instance of like, the mention of forgiveness
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  in the Bible. And so it was like, what am I
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  seeing? I kept seeing mercy, you know,
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  And then what else am I seeing? It's like Jesus, the only
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  analogy that he uses when it comes to forgiveness is, is
• 9:20
  debt, right? So it's a debt.
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  I thought about changing the language, but it's like, I'm
• 9:24
  going to use Jesus language. It's like it's releasing them of
• 9:27
  their debt and then it's the choice to not retaliate against
• 9:30
  them and anger. And what's interesting is in
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  Leviticus, we see anytime there's a a mention or sometimes
• 9:39
  when there's a mention of forgiveness, there's also this
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  mention of atonement, right? And we know what atonement
• 9:45
  represents, that God's wrath is satisfied in Christ and in the
• 9:52
  sacra in the sacrificial system so that we wouldn't, you know,
• 9:56
  receive his wrath. And so so that's where it's like
• 9:58
  forgiveness is also choosing to not retaliate against someone in
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  in anger. And so that's the the definition
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  of of what we're actually doing when we forgive someone.
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  But even that is just kind of still in the clouds a little
• 10:17
  bit. And so in the book, I try to
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  bring that down as much as possible by addressing some of
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  the things that we've come to think that forgiveness is that
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  it's actually not. So we answered the question,
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  what is forgiveness? But what also is it forgiveness
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  like it's not ignoring, it's not getting your feelings to change.
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  It's not forgetting, it's not reconciliation and it's not
• 10:40
  trusting again. And so hoping that in us talking
• 10:43
  about what it's not that it helps us to get closer to what
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  it is. Yeah, that's so good.
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  And I like that definition, not to retaliate an anger, because
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  we all know the more we rehearse the hurt we have this whole
• 11:00
  thing that just spirals out of control in our head, the more
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  angry we get. And so it's that's I think where
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  we get tripped up of just having to stop that cycle and have to
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  humble ourselves and realize that we gotta look at this
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  person the way Christ looks at them.
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  And then in return, that helps us have that humility and have
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  that mercy that God calls us to and just be able to start with
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  the forgiveness journey. And so, and I, I'm, I'm speaking
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  from my own experience, you know, of, of what helped me and,
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  and you know, and I know praying over the person, you know, the
• 11:53
  person that hurts you, that always helps.
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  It's really crazy how unforgiveness can just wreck you
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  emotionally, physically, spiritually.
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  What are some things that we go through if we hold on to that
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  unforgiveness? Yeah, I think you know the the
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  title of the book Living Beyond Offense.
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  Like, I think what I was drawn to when the publisher put that
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  title before me, it was just like how I know so many of us
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  get stuck in a fence and we get so stuck in a fence that now the
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  way in which we move in the world is really dictated by what
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  that one person did to us, right?
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  Because it impacts how we view ourselves and it impacts how we
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  view other people and it impacts how we view God.
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  And, and so when we choose to not forgive other people, I
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  think the reason why we choose to do that is because it gives
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  us some sort of sense of control.
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  Like we weren't able to control what happened, right?
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  And so now we're trying to take our control back and we're going
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  to, you know, it's like we're not going to let you get away
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  with it and all those kinds of things.
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  But you, you think that you're actually putting this person in
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  a prison, but you have actually put yourself in a prison because
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  you've said that you won't move forward unless they do this,
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  unless they apologize, unless they, you know, in some sort of
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  way like pay you back or unless they restore, you know, sort of
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  the Shalom, the peace that got lost in their offense.
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  Like you won't move forward in life.
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  So you, you become stuck in offense and in it and that kind
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  of like bitterness, it erodes your heart in such a way that
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  not only are you protecting yourself from pain, but you're
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  also preventing like love to get in, right?
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  And so now that you're, you're so closed off and you're not
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  open, you know, to not only like a relationship with them, but
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  maybe even with other people because it usually has a ripple
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  effect in that way. It's like, it's not only that I
• 14:12
  don't trust you now, I don't just trust nobody, you know?
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  And so when we do that kind of stuff, it impedes our ability to
• 14:21
  have meaningful connections with other people moving forward.
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  And that was really my story. Like, I had a mentor asked me,
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  she was like, do you trust me? And I was thinking, like, no, I
• 14:32
  have no reason to trust you. And in hindsight, I'm like, no,
• 14:36
  I had every reason to trust her, right?
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  But I had just made this blanketed sort of narrative
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  about people that enable or just, you know, enabled me from
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  like being able to move forward with other people relationally.
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  So it was just like, it's not just that you're not, you're not
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  trustworthy. All people are not trustworthy
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  and that I'm not safe, you know, with people.
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  And so I never put myself in a place of being vulnerable, but
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  in that I also like kept myself from being loved in those
• 15:11
  vulnerable places. And so for anyone who who has
• 15:16
  chosen unforgiveness, you have actually put yourself, you know,
• 15:22
  in a prison. You've actually allowed what
• 15:25
  that person did to continue to have this defining sort of way
• 15:32
  over your life. And like, God doesn't want you
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  to be stuck in that offense. Jesus came that you might have
• 15:40
  life and that you might have it to the full.
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  And so he offers us a better way to live, which is why I think
• 15:47
  there's so much wisdom in forgiving people because it
• 15:51
  frees, it frees us from from from the offense in a way where
• 15:56
  we continue to allow it to dictate the way in which we move
• 16:00
  in the world. Yeah, it's, it's almost like
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  contradicting itself when you're holding on to unforgiveness
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  because a sense of control, but really it's controlling you like
• 16:12
  you're saying, holding you hostage.
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  And it's really a disservice to ourselves when we hold on to
• 16:19
  that unforgiveness. And it's definitely the the bait
• 16:24
  of the enemy. It's definitely his way of
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  keeping us trapped up and not moving us forward in God's plan.
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  And if he can keep us there, then we're absolutely useless
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  and worthless to do anything because we're just full of what
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  you just said, bitterness and anger.
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  And we're just reciting that same situation over and over
• 16:47
  again. And it's just holding us
• 16:48
  captive. And that is not the Jesus life
• 16:53
  like you were saying. He came to give us life
• 16:55
  abundantly. And so I want to talk about when
• 16:59
  you confront someone who's hurt you and what's that God honoring
• 17:05
  approach to that? Because in my own situation with
• 17:12
  having to practice this forgiveness, I did approach that
• 17:16
  person and it just blew up. And it, and I thought I was
• 17:23
  doing the God and I know, I, I, I know I was doing the God
• 17:27
  honoring thing, but it wasn't received well by them.
• 17:31
  So and later on an apology was made, but it just kind of showed
• 17:38
  it was like, gosh, Lord, I was praying on this.
• 17:43
  I was totally Holy Spirit LED forgiving that person before
• 17:48
  they even apologized. I know we're going to touch on
• 17:51
  that with you in a minute, but it didn't go the way I thought
• 17:58
  it was going to go. So explain on that.
• 18:03
  Yeah, that's hard. That is so, so hard.
• 18:06
  But it it reminds us that relationships are are a shared
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  responsibility, right? That it that it takes to and so
• 18:17
  we can pray, we can be led by the spirit and we can say all
• 18:21
  the right things and that person still not respond in a way that
• 18:28
  is godly, in a way that honors you, you know, and that's
• 18:33
  really, really painful. And I think that's really the
• 18:35
  hardest thing about doing this work of forgiveness and doing
• 18:39
  this work of conciliation is that we're only one part of the
• 18:43
  equation. And so if the person doesn't
• 18:45
  respond, how, you know, we, we think that they should respond
• 18:51
  or just in a way that that would would, you know, would honor the
• 18:54
  Lord, then we're kind of left to now do a different kind of work,
• 18:59
  which is like the work of grieving the relationship as it
• 19:03
  was. It doesn't mean that the
• 19:03
  relationship doesn't, you know, like doesn't exist anymore, but
• 19:07
  it definitely probably doesn't exist in the same way that it
• 19:10
  did, unless that person sort of repents or comes back and
• 19:15
  apologize like they did to you. And, and for me, that's really,
• 19:20
  really hard. Like I rather be the wrong
• 19:21
  person in the relationship because it does give me some
• 19:24
  sort of control and power over how we move forward.
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  But if you're the wrong person in the the relationship and you
• 19:31
  don't make the steps that are necessary in order to bring
• 19:35
  about repair in our relationship, then there's
• 19:38
  nothing I can do with it. And I kind of have to accept the
• 19:42
  relationship for what it is moving, moving forward.
• 19:45
  And so I've experienced that pain and it's really, really
• 19:48
  hard. But that doesn't mean that you
• 19:50
  didn't do your part well and that you didn't have sincere
• 19:56
  motives and that you weren't trying to honor the Lord in
• 20:00
  your, you know, in your going to them.
• 20:03
  But it just reminds us that we don't have a whole lot of
• 20:05
  control in sort of what's relationally possible after
• 20:09
  offense, that reconciliation. It requires the participation of
• 20:15
  the other person. And so in Matthew 18, Jesus says
• 20:18
  like if the person listens. Like if you know, if your
• 20:21
  brother or sister has a fault against or if your brother or
• 20:24
  sister sins against you, go to them, you know, show them their
• 20:29
  fault. And if they listen, meaning if
• 20:33
  they confess their sin, if they repent of it in some way, shape
• 20:38
  or form, then you've gained your brother or sister back.
• 20:41
  But if they don't listen, you did not gain your brother and
• 20:44
  sister back. And then he's like, go and get 2
• 20:46
  mentors. And he says go and get the
• 20:48
  church. And he's like, if that person
• 20:49
  still persists in not listening, then to treat them like a
• 20:54
  Gentile or a tax collector. And, and that should be painful
• 20:58
  for us because it's like, man, this was my brother or sister in
• 21:01
  Christ. And now Jesus is saying, treat
• 21:04
  them like an unbelieving Gentile.
• 21:05
  Treat them as a person who is no longer a part of the family of
• 21:10
  God or, you know, treat them as a tax collector and and and and
• 21:15
  in that relationship all all together.
• 21:19
  And that is painful. That's painful for us to do, but
• 21:21
  it is work that we do because we know that if this person sinned
• 21:26
  against us that they also send against God.
• 21:28
  And so we choose distance. We restructure the relationship
• 21:33
  or in the relationship in hopes that this person would
• 21:37
  eventually listen, that the ache of the distance would would
• 21:42
  awaken their conscience in such a way that they would would turn
• 21:46
  and repent. And so you talked about how do
• 21:48
  we go into sort of these, these conversations?
• 21:52
  And for me, when I'm in this place, it's like, how do I make
• 21:55
  God's goals my goals? And God's goals is that this
• 21:59
  person would repent, This person would not just restore their
• 22:04
  fellowship with me, but that they will restore their
• 22:06
  fellowship with the Lord. And that really helps me when
• 22:09
  I'm going to confront someone because now I'm not just trying
• 22:12
  to get stuff off my chest, You know, now I'm not just trying to
• 22:16
  garner sympathy or an apology. I'm actually seeking the
• 22:19
  wholeness of my brother or sister who sinned against me.
• 22:23
  And I'm making an appeal on behalf of God, not for them to
• 22:27
  just be reconciled to me, but for them to also be reconciled
• 22:30
  to God. That's so good.
• 22:32
  OK, explain because I had to learn this.
• 22:36
  I mean, this was kind of further along in my journey of you can
• 22:41
  forgive someone even though they don't ask for forgiveness, even
• 22:45
  though they don't have do an apology, a formal apology to
• 22:49
  you. And I, when I first learned
• 22:53
  this, when I first heard this years ago, it gave me so much
• 22:57
  freedom because you're not always going to get an apology
• 23:00
  from somebody and you know, and maybe they don't even know that
• 23:05
  you were hurt. So it's one of those things
• 23:09
  where between you and the Lord and you know, having that
• 23:14
  apology there, that's a part of the healing journey as well of
• 23:20
  getting through that unforgiveness.
• 23:22
  So share and expand a little bit on that because I think that's
• 23:26
  so vital to know that you can do that and to do.
• 23:32
  That. When there's not an apology
• 23:34
  being made. Yeah, I think forgiveness, you
• 23:38
  know, it's it's a work that we do before the Lord, right?
• 23:42
  And so it's it's the merciful decision to release them of
• 23:45
  their dead and to not retaliate against them in anger.
• 23:48
  And you can do that without them even knowing.
• 23:51
  You know, they don't have to be alive for you to do that.
• 23:54
  They don't have to be in close proximity for you to do that.
• 23:57
  And they don't have to apologize for you to do for you to do
• 24:00
  that. Like the, the like it's a
• 24:03
  merciful decision, meaning that you are extending to someone the
• 24:11
  mercy and grace that they do not deserve it.
• 24:13
  So I mean, I say this, I've come to say this a lot, is that we
• 24:17
  don't forgive people because they deserve it.
• 24:20
  We forgive people because when we didn't deserve it, Christ
• 24:24
  forgave us. And so we forgive out of
• 24:28
  obedience to the Lord. And that has little to do with
• 24:32
  what the other person does. I am I am forgiving you in
• 24:37
  obedience to the Lord. And we can do that because we
• 24:41
  trust that that God is gonna settle accounts.
• 24:45
  And so you talked about earlier about ruminating, you know,
• 24:48
  about the the thing that happened.
• 24:51
  And in Psalm 37, it actually talks about that in the first
• 24:55
  verse. It says spread, not yourself
• 24:56
  because of evil doers. And he's essentially saying, you
• 24:59
  know, cease your ruminating, you know, over the thing that
• 25:05
  happened. Quit, quit Freddy, you know
• 25:09
  about it. And then he says, for they will
• 25:12
  soon fade like the grass and wither like the green herb.
• 25:16
  And so he's like, hey, if, if, if they actually have done
• 25:20
  something unjust, you can trust that that they won't, they won't
• 25:25
  prosper in the end. And then he tells them, you
• 25:29
  know, instead you trust in the Lord and do good.
• 25:31
  You delight yourself in the Lord.
• 25:33
  You commit your way to him. And he says that you can do this
• 25:36
  because God will cause your righteousness and your justice
• 25:39
  to shine like, like the noonday sun.
• 25:41
  And so I'm really starting to think that forgiveness has so
• 25:44
  much less like like to do with the person who offended me and
• 25:50
  more to do with whether or not I trust God to execute justice on
• 25:55
  my behalf, whether or not I trust God to settle all of the
• 25:59
  accounts in the end. So God knows that I have this
• 26:02
  debt. And the question is, do I trust
• 26:04
  God to settle the account? Do I trust God to bring about
• 26:10
  justice in this situation? Or do I feel like I have to
• 26:14
  bring about justice by my own hand and by my own doing?
• 26:18
  And when I do that, that's me retaliating against that person
• 26:21
  in anger. And it's like, yeah, they do owe
• 26:25
  me something. But in a lot of cases, people
• 26:27
  couldn't pay us back what they owe us.
• 26:29
  You know, that they've hurt us in, in in such deep ways that
• 26:34
  even if they apologize, even if they groveled at our feet, even
• 26:37
  if they, you know, did the thing that we think that we we need
• 26:41
  them to do in order for them to make us whole again, our account
• 26:45
  would still be in the deficit. And so it's better for us to
• 26:48
  take that debt to the Lord, to trust the Lord to, to, to recur,
• 26:53
  you know, to, to redeem anything that we, we have lost instead of
• 26:58
  trying to seek payment from this person who offended us.
• 27:01
  And so I've just come to really, really start to see like no,
• 27:05
  forgiveness is a is about trusting God, trusting God to
• 27:09
  settle accounts, trusting God to heal me, trusting God to execute
• 27:15
  justice on my behalf and me in trusting him, not trying to
• 27:19
  bring about that justice by my own hand.
• 27:22
  And it's just this perfect reminder right there that it's
• 27:26
  what's going on in the spiritual realm.
• 27:28
  You know, we don't fight against flesh and blood, but of the
• 27:31
  powers and principalities. And, you know, that's the evil
• 27:35
  powers at work. And so it's such a good reminder
• 27:40
  that that is primarily what's going on.
• 27:43
  And so just what would you tell your friend who has just been
• 27:48
  hurt? You know, this this reader is
• 27:51
  picking up your book. She's gone through or he's gone
• 27:55
  through a situation where he's just or she is struggling with
• 28:00
  forgiveness. What are some steps that you
• 28:04
  would tell that friend? Yeah, I think the first thing I
• 28:10
  would encourage them to do is to grieve, like to just grieve, to
• 28:16
  feel what you feel and tell the truth about what you feel to God
• 28:21
  and to others. Don't, don't try to lessen what
• 28:27
  happened, you know, don't try to skip over, you know what
• 28:32
  happened, but to like actually let yourself grieve.
• 28:35
  In the book, I provide a process of forgiveness in the first step
• 28:40
  is to honestly acknowledge what happened and how it made you
• 28:44
  feel and to do that in a very unfiltered kind of way with with
• 28:50
  the Lord. What we see in the Psalms is
• 28:53
  that we see psalmist after psalmist pouring out their heart
• 28:56
  before the Lord and saying whatever is on is on their heart
• 29:01
  to them, him. We don't see them sugar coating
• 29:03
  it. We don't see them, you know,
• 29:05
  withholding information like they're they're these psalms.
• 29:09
  They're called imprecatory psalms.
• 29:11
  And in these psalms, they're justice psalms.
• 29:13
  And so this person who's writing this Psalm, they have an enemy,
• 29:17
  some an adversary, someone who's working against, and they
• 29:20
  literally say like Lord, like knock out their teeth, you know,
• 29:25
  and I'm like, OK, I don't know if we should really be praying
• 29:27
  like that. But you know, but it's like, if,
• 29:31
  if, if that's in scripture and someone can like say that to the
• 29:34
  Lord, then I think that gives us room to just honestly
• 29:38
  acknowledge what happened, how it made us feel and, and, and,
• 29:42
  and to, to say that to the Lord and, and then after that, invite
• 29:49
  him to meet us in that right. It's, I think so many times
• 29:53
  we're trying to get somewhere, you know, we're trying to get
• 29:57
  the other side of what we're feeling, but we're not willing
• 30:00
  to go through our feelings. We're not willing to fully
• 30:04
  confess what we're feeling. We're not willing to allow God
• 30:08
  to meet us in what we're feeling.
• 30:10
  We're just trying to anxiously get out of the discomfort that
• 30:13
  we feel. And so for anyone you know who
• 30:16
  would come to me and be like, hey, sis, like, like we're going
• 30:18
  to get to the conversation on forgiveness because the Bible's
• 30:22
  going to get us there. But right now, I'm going to
• 30:24
  invite you to honestly acknowledge what you feel to
• 30:28
  have a real conversation with the word about that, because you
• 30:32
  can't forgive things that you're not willing to honestly
• 30:36
  acknowledge. And if we don't honestly
• 30:39
  acknowledge those things, I think we're just short
• 30:42
  circuiting our way to some sort of like false forgiveness.
• 30:46
  But we have to really have an honest conversation and grieve
• 30:50
  like your pain deserves to be grieved.
• 30:54
  And I think as we grieve and as we allow God to meet us in that,
• 30:58
  and we say those things out loud, it it begins to start to
• 31:02
  createspace for forgiveness to happen.
• 31:05
  Yeah, that's so good. Yeah, I, I encourage others with
• 31:11
  that as well. Just come as you are and give it
• 31:14
  all to God. And that's what's key is giving
• 31:17
  it to him. I think where we make the
• 31:19
  mistake is we call our buddy and we just pour out our feelings on
• 31:25
  a friend or our mom or whatever. And they are just people and
• 31:31
  they, you know, that's just venting and that's, you know,
• 31:35
  can be gossip and complaining and whining.
• 31:39
  And it's different when we come to God and we pour out our soul
• 31:45
  to the Lord and share what it is.
• 31:49
  And then because we know that he's our helper, he's our
• 31:52
  rescuer, He's the one that can get us out of this place of pain
• 32:01
  of, you know, bitterness or unforgiveness to a place of
• 32:06
  healing and forgive and get out of offense.
• 32:10
  Because if we stay in offense, like we just said, then we
• 32:15
  cannot do the things that God has called us to do.
• 32:19
  And it keeps us stuck. So this is all so good and I
• 32:25
  would love each time I ask the guests to share a take away as
• 32:29
  we come to a close. What is that that the listener
• 32:33
  can ponder on or take action in? Yeah, I think for anyone seeking
• 32:38
  to do the work of forgiveness, I think the first invitation that
• 32:43
  I would would give you is to grieve kind of like we just
• 32:46
  talked about, like just to grieve and to pour out your
• 32:49
  heart to the Lord because he cares for you like he cares
• 32:56
  about the thing that happened to you.
• 32:58
  And I think when when you can really sense that God cares for
• 33:02
  you, that he loves you and that all his intentions towards you
• 33:07
  are good, It it it really does in a really sweet and miraculous
• 33:12
  way createspace for you to forgive.
• 33:14
  And so I think that might be your first step is to honestly
• 33:18
  acknowledge what has happened and to invite the Lord to meet
• 33:23
  you in that. So whether that's through
• 33:25
  journaling, whether that's through praying out loud, I like
• 33:29
  to go on walks, you know, and just kind of process and talk to
• 33:33
  the Lord. Maybe you need to cry about that
• 33:36
  thing and you haven't done that yet.
• 33:39
  But like God wants to hold your tears.
• 33:42
  He, he wants to bring comfort to you in that.
• 33:46
  And I think as you come to understand that God deeply,
• 33:49
  deeply cares about the thing that happened to you, that it
• 33:53
  helps you to forgive. Because what I love about Psalm
• 33:55
  37 is that it says He will cause your righteousness and your
• 34:00
  justice to shine like the noonday sun.
• 34:02
  And it could have easily been written that God will cause his
• 34:07
  righteousness and his justice to shine like the noonday sun.
• 34:10
  And that would give us great assurance, right?
• 34:12
  Because we know that God is for his righteousness and he's for
• 34:15
  his justice. But I think that the pronoun
• 34:17
  there is personal because it wants, the psalmist wants us to
• 34:22
  know that God cares about what happened to us.
• 34:25
  And because we know that he cares about what happened to us,
• 34:28
  we can trust Him with and forgive.
• 34:31
  Well, thank you so much, Jana, for coming on here and sharing
• 34:35
  this, yes, important message on forgiveness.
• 34:40
  And I, I love it. And God bless you and your book.
• 34:45
  Getting out there to the masses, I love.
• 34:48
  It thank you. I appreciate it.
• 34:49
  So so wonderful speaking with you today.
• 34:52
  Thank you for having me. Thank you so much for listening
• 34:56
  today, and I trust that God has encouraged you through this
• 34:59
  story. Did you know this podcast is on
• 35:02
  YouTube? Hop on there and subscribe and
• 35:05
  you can see a live recording of each episode.
• 35:09
  And For more information on this ministry and to access free
• 35:12
  downloads, please visit my website at jamieelizabeth.com.
• 35:17
  That's JAYME elizabeth.com. And let's connect beyond this
• 35:22
  podcast by going to my Instagram handle, Jamie Elizabeth.
• 35:26
  She speaks life or Facebook. Until next time, my friend, I
• 35:30
  hope God reveals himself through your own life story.