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how to move on from a breakup · feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell

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  Moving on from somebody that you love, moving on from a past
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  relationship, it's not an easy task.
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  There is no one instruction manual.
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  There is no guiding voice. You simply have to figure it
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  out. There's a void that's left.
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  There is a piece of you that's missing and your job is to
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  figure out how to piece it all back together by yourself.
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  However, there are some tried and true methods that we can use
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  in order to make this process a little bit easier.
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  So I would like to remind you of some of these ways and hopefully
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  together we can work through this difficult grieving process.
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  My name is Ethan Jewell and welcome back to Feel Your
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  Feelings Moving on from a Lost Relationship.
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  It is not easy. There is not one easy way to do
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  it. However, there are some things
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  that we can look out for, some mistakes that can be made, and
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  some things that we can do to make this process a little bit
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  easier on ourselves. And the first big mistake to
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  avoid when trying to move on from someone is trying to force
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  it to happen quickly. This will never work.
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  Like with any loss, you have to allow yourself time and put
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  effort into acknowledging it as a loss and grieving it as such.
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  Unfortunately, though, this is not as simple and
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  straightforward as it sounds. You see, grieving doesn't follow
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  some neat timeline. There isn't A1 size fits all
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  manual. It's a uniquely personal process
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  and may feel messy, unpredictable, and unmanageable
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  at times. The key to beginning this
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  process is to give yourself space and compassion to navigate
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  these difficult feelings. Give yourself space by setting
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  aside time for yourself. Give yourself compassion by not
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  rushing and by understanding the intensity of the grief that
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  these feelings may bring. Then allow the grieving process
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  to start. And I mean grieve.
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  The goal is to not get rid of these difficult feelings, but to
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  allow them to run their course. Experience that full range of
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  emotions. Sadness, anger, confusion, maybe
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  even relief or frustration. Give yourself permission to feel
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  all of it without judgement. And then, once you've identified
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  these emotions, you can express them through healthy outlets
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  that could be journaling, art, music, talking, exercising, any
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  range of things. Find something that feels good
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  to you to help process. This will help take some of the
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  edge off of these difficult feelings and make it into an
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  easier and more manageable process.
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  I personally create music. I write poetry and use these
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  emotions to fuel workouts whenever I'm grieving.
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  The most important part of initially grieving your loss is
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  to not rush. Don't rush the process or
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  suppress emotions. Grief has its own timeline and
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  it's important to honor that. It's a natural response to loss.
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  You are likely a person who cares and loves deeply, and now
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  that person that you were caring and loving is gone.
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  So be patient with yourself and lean into the grieving process.
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  Another big mistake that should be avoided is underestimating
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  the effect that loneliness may have on you after a breakup.
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  Loneliness is an intense emotion that can take us by surprise if
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  we aren't prepared for it. It can make us turn to unhealthy
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  coping mechanisms, self isolation, or unhealthy
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  relationships in order to avoid it.
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  However, loneliness is a crucial part of healing from a breakup,
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  and you can actually discover a lot about yourself within it.
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  Over the past year, I've grappled with loneliness a lot.
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  I suddenly found myself exploring life almost entirely
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  by myself. But what I've discovered during
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  this time is the amazing growth that you can find within that
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  loneliness. I've spent more time focusing on
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  this podcast. I've started new hobbies like
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  working out and singing, and I've created two albums just
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  this year alone. Well, yes, it's important to
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  lean into support groups and talk to people.
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  Taking time exclusively for yourself is a great way to heal
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  and grow from a loss. Don't be afraid to explore new
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  hobbies and expand your horizons.
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  Try new things even if you think you might hate them.
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  You never know what may stick. Prioritize self-care routines
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  that nurture you physically, mentally, and emotionally.
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  I am a huge supporter of art and exercise as a means to move
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  through difficult times. Art nurtures the mind and soul,
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  and exercise keeps you busy and moving, both of which are
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  important for navigating loneliness.
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  When you are faced with lonely times, it's also important to
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  not dive into rebound relationships.
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  Sure, it can be good to talk to new people and explore, But if
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  you're entering a relationship purely to fill a void, you will
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  feel even emptier when you discover that it simply doesn't
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  do that. That void can only be filled
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  with time and care for yourself. So take that time for yourself,
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  experiment and discover and find how truly liberating loneliness
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  can be. But keep moving, because if it
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  gets too silent, that is when it gets loud.
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  When moving on, it can also be difficult to grapple with your
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  perception of the person you've lost.
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  It's important to truly remember them for who they are and not
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  the idea of them that you have in your head.
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  Ask yourself, are you missing them or are you missing the idea
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  of what your relationship was? Try not to glorify them, as that
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  will make you miss them even more.
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  Be logical with it if needed. Write out all of the goods and
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  bads of the relationship. Remember why it needed to end,
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  but also forgive. Let go of resentment and seek
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  forgiveness for the hurt that they may have caused you.
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  Don't allow the weight of your past together to cloud your
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  mind. Sometimes things simply don't
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  work out. You're already grieving and
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  hurting, so don't make yourself grieve more by focusing entirely
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  on the good or the bad of what you once had.
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  Allow yourself the memories. Allow yourself to miss them.
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  But don't dwell within it. When it comes to moving on, to
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  be completely honest with you. The truth is, I don't really
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  know how. Remember, I'm not a
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  professional. I'm just a guy who is passionate
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  about mental health and wants to spread awareness.
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  See, it's a different battle for everybody.
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  For me, it's one that has almost defeated me.
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  I wanted to give up so many times as this person hasn't been
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  by my side. See, this year I've been blessed
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  to have many amazing experiences.
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  I went on long, long hikes at famous places I I played shows
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  in cities across the US, and I saw sights more beautiful than
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  I'd ever seen. Yet all I could think through,
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  most of it was I wish that I could share this with them.
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  I wish that I could tell her about everything I've done.
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  It's hard. The silence is filled with
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  thoughts of them. Little things remind you of
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  them. Certain phrases and words, the
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  sun and the moon, the way the wind whispers.
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  But I can tell you this, The weight gets lighter.
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  I'm not going to sit here and promise you that if you do all
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  the things I've talked about in this episode that you'll quickly
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  stop missing them. In fact, chances are that won't
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  happen. However, the weight that you
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  carry will get lighter. It may take time.
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  It will take time. Weeks, months, years.
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  I still carry that weight. However, I don't trip over my
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  own feet now. I don't feel crushed by the
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  heaviness that the grieving brings.
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  And one day neither will you. You will continue to miss them.
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  That's part of it. That's what we sign up for when
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  we love somebody. But day by day, month by month,
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  year by year, it will get easier.
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  And one day you'll have missed them until all of the missing is
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  gone. So please take care of yourself.
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  Fill your time with things and people you love.
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  Find new hobbies. Define yourself outside of that
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  person. Say I love you in the mirror.
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  Miss them until all of the missing is gone.
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  That's going to wrap it up for today's episode.
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  Thank you for being here with me.
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  If you need help feeling your feelings, I recommend checking
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  out my music on all platforms under the name of Ethan Jewell,
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  and I almost guarantee it'll make you cry.
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  Please shoot me a message on my Instagram at Jewell Boy with an
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  I under score and let me know what you thought about today's
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  episode. Thank you for understanding the
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  grieving process and knowing that you need to miss them until
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  the missing is all gone. And as always, thank you for
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  feeling your feelings. I'll see you next time.