Latest / On Your Own Time Podcast / Irish Air Corps Flight Sergeant | Why i gave up Alcohol & found faith and purpose | Noel Paynton
Transcript
- Noel Paynton: Noli, how are you keeping? Not too bad, Deckie Good to see you. We're back for round two. Back for round two. Back for another chat. Yeah. So anyway. The reason we're doing this because the audio wasn't great in the last time. Maybe a lot of you with a lot of comments on it. last talk we had was one of the biggest lot of followers from it, a lot of comments from it, lot of positivity. And even on the Spotify You're one of the biggest. So a lot of people were inspired by a conversation. Yeah, it's interesting because I just obviously be myself, and I don't might sound mental, but I don't understand this world of followers or verified and all this kind of stuff. it's I try I try and live my life the other way. Even though I don't portray that sometimes I can be I can be loud and I I I don't mean to be, but it's it's I've I I've I've better respect for people to go about their business a bit quieter, Sometimes it can be hard to do that. But it's it's look, it's an honor. I I really appreciate what you're doing, Dek. I think it's very positive. it's great to see people take an interest in something and approach it with enthusiasm. And you know, I I've been following your podcast every week, you're getting good guests on. So it's good. It's good for so you know, it's good to support something local. So yeah, positive, deadly. Let's keep it going. And that's what I suppose when you rang me and said, Look, we'll we'll have another chat, I said, Yeah, absolutely no problem. Yeah, and again, ha actually a few people stopped me, you must be making a fortune from this. This actually is costing me money. and it's actually it's just a hobby. But the last time we talked to only you, like I actually was inspired by everything you've done in the job and everything you've done outside the job. and we've always talked about you and we've always said about just that man is is is is career driven in no matter what you do, Rick's outside the army and I think when you put your mind to something, you're so you're so dedicated to it, are you? I think it's I made a deal with myself, like we'll probably talk about it here today. We chatted about a bit about it on the last podcast. I don't want to keep referring to the last podcast because I know it was choppy and you know, so we were trying to have a new experience. Sure, sir. The the trick is enthusiasm, right? And you're not going to you're not you're not going to be everybody's cup of tea when you approach life foot enthusiasm. You're there's going to be a split camp. There'll be people who don't like you and there are people who like you. Of course. And it's up to you how you view the world. for me, I'm unapologetic in my degree of enthusiasm, no matter what I approach. if I'm interested in something, I lock onto it. Whether it's the GA, whether it's the military, there are aspects of the military that don't excite me. Do you know? There's aspects of the GA that doesn't excite me. There's aspects of life that doesn't excite me. does that mean I downtools and behave like a baby? Absolutely not. Yeah. You still, you know, the mission is priority. You have to get the mission done. But it's the enthusiasm. It's like I made a deal with myself back a couple of years ago when I I was in a bit of bother about eighteen or nineteen years ago. I was in and out of courts and different things causing me drinking. And I remember when I overturned a twelve month prison sentence to a two hundred euro fine. in an appeals court and I made a deal with myself on the top of the steps of the court in Tullomore that that I was going to approach life as if I had got a second chance. I genuinely believed I was after been given a second chance. and I I just made a deal with myself, whatever I'm asked to do, I'm going to do it. I don't care what it is. Savage. Before we actually kinda get into it now, so you're drinking out with mocha, what's the smoking book? I just want to give a shameless plug to my friend Carmel Maddox in Denver, Colorado. That's our company there, Maddox Construction. Follow her on Instagram. If you need your roof repaired, she might do international repairs in Ireland. We don't know. But that's just a a shameless plug for her there. Yeah. Yeah. I must have a the hat. the I was I was j I just came back from a senior enlisted leadership development course there with the United States Air Force Reserve. I was lucky enough to get selected for that and participate in that. But there's a Bass Pro shop where we were in Colorado Springs. And you know, you can't get the Bass Pro hat in Ireland. So I, of course, in my typical fashion bought 14 of them. Two, two for the young lad and twelve for myself. And I've given them out to a couple of lads in barracks and a couple of lads in the GA. But this one is is the hat I'm going to be wearing now to all the Westme games next year. This is my Bath Pro hat, Westmead hat. So that's that's why I wore a maroon today. Okay. We don't know, we'll go back to where you first started, 'cause anybody who we say we won't refer back to the last podcast, but we started where you started from. Delving. Delving. Talk to me a small bit about Delving. Well, I grew up in a townland called Churin, right? Which is it it's not like it's barely on the map. You'd have to, you'd have to look close to the map. Turin Cross. And it's five miles from a village called Delven. All my people are from Delven, all my dad's people. my Instagram name is actually Soldier Pointed, if you've noticed that. But that's that's not just me stating the obvious, it that actually is a family heirloom, for want of a better word. So that was what my great grandad was called, and that's what my granddad was called, and my uncles were called him. I'm always referred to in Delven by some of the older people. that would remember my great grandfather as young soldier, affectionately. So that's why my Instagram name is Soldier Point, because it's my great granddad was in the First World War. so Delvin Tommy Tiernan says about Navin that it's like the waiting room of a mental institution. You don't know who's mad or who's minding somebody. And Delvin is a bit a bit like that. Delvin has character. You know, when I was a gossip and growing up I think there's five or six pubs in it. And it's only about, three, four hundred meters wide, lock long lake. And all of those pumps be packed. And there was great characters in it. And, I enjoyed growing up in Delma. I really did. there was always something to do, whether it was fishing, you know, playing sports, just just generally hanging out, you know. It's a it was it was a good drinking town back in the day as well, you know. Because I'm I'm urging obviously from a town and never been the only place time I was ever in a village is when I'm driving through it. Yeah. Okay, but they're usually decent at sports. Yeah, well obviously if you look at it, the Delven w is the only and it's important to say this actually. Delven is the only dual club at senior level left in the county. So the only club left playing hurling and football. So although I played for Chorin and I played for the Downs a little bit growing up, I wasn't a great player, but I I d I loved the game. I played for Chorin and I played a little bit for Brownstone as well. growing up in that area. I played for the two clubs either side of Delven. I never played for Delven. All right. Don't ask me why. No, it was just we grew up in Chorin, so there was a bit of rivalry there and the club was only beside the house. But when I moved house, I moved the far side of Delven and I was drinking with the lads from Brownstone at the time and I just went down, talked out them for f out out for them for a few years, played a little bit of hurling, and then transferred back to Choran. And now I know I'm actually involved with Southern Gales because of just live where I'm living and I mean, you know, with the hurling and stuff. But yeah, the people from the village tend to be tend to be I don't want to come across it 'cause you can't measure. But there was seems to be there was a toughness about people who grew up in the village. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? We we we would often s have the crack with townies. Ohnies this and townies that. It was just a toughness about people. And if you grew up outside the village, you were apparently even tougher, whatever that even means, Yeah, it's mad. And did you go to school in Monegar? No, I went to school in Calookentech. you know, I went to school in St. Tolis in Delvin first, and then I moved to Lohagar, which was a great school. Both of them were great schools, but Lohagar was hugely focused around sports. Gaelic football and hurling was a religion in Lot of Gar. If we didn't get to the A final every year, there was something wrong. You know what I mean? In football and in Hurling. And then I went to Kalucan Tech and look I wasn't a model student. You know, I've recently been back to that school and I've done a couple of talks. One interesting Funny story, a side note. I went back a few years ago to do these career advancement talks with the military, you know, and I was in my uniform and my medals was in number ones and all, and I was given this talk and I I had to give it five times, you know, I had to give it to the different years. But every year, obviously as the kids got older, you could be a bit more looser with the stuff you were talking about. So the teachers actually told me afterwards that Because only one left in the school is the caretaker and the headmaster. Everyone else is gone. And the teachers told me after the first talk or the second talk, they were saying, This guy's a spoofer. there's no way anyone could have been that bold. there's just no way. Now, when I tell you, Dek, I know you see me in the army now and I'm in the gym and I do me things and I'm disciplined and I like structure and all that. I was a headcase as a teenager. And and I say that and I I be vulnerable about that because if there's anybody listening to this that might have a teenage son who's a bit off the rails, they can look at and go, Well, hold on a second, this guy got into the army, the army pr gave him this, this, and this, and now look where his life is at. So it's not all bad. what's happening now in your life, it seems like the end of the world. But then you look back in ten years and go, That was the greatest thing that ever happened. But anyway, the teachers were saying there's no way this fella could be That bald, And then as I was preparing for the third lesson. No, look, when bold, talking about disrupting the class and fighting and messing around and missing the bus. And then I started drinking about 14 as well. So I was drinking a few times in school and cigarettes and usual stuff. You know your son. And the caretaker came in, you know, about his business, you know, and he was doing his thing. He was the rubbish and he looked up and he seen me in my uniform and his brain couldn't make the connection between the last time he saw me and looking at me now in uniform with all these medals like an African general. And he says, he says, Noli, what are you doing here? I says, I'm doing a career advancement talk, you know, about joining the military and changing your life around it. He says, You, career advancement, he says, Do you remember the day you set the school on fire? And the two of us just burst out laughing. Now I set I set a bin on fire, you know, but obviously it came out worse when he said it but the teachers realized then that I was actually being honest, I just couldn't sit still. I I'd no interest in school. The only time they could get me to sit still was when or the only time sorry to get me to focus was in history. History I was like laser focused. And then if the if they handed me a number fifteen jersey on a football field or a number five or number seven jersey on a hurling field, if you get me that I was grand. But outside of that I had no interest in school. Jeez, two things. Two of the pick up on. Back to Smobit, your teenage. You said you a bit of a troublemaker in your teenage thing. Pick out a few points for me there that that highlight still to this day. Well, okay. So I wasn't like the worst person in the world. But I had a unique ability of always being very close to trouble whenever it happened. that incident with the bin in school. Okay, yeah, I done that, right? But there was an awful lot of fights would break out and I'd be standing there. And I remember one night we were at a junior disco and I can talk about this because the person who did it is actually passed away. He took he died by suicide when he was eighteen. but this is what I mean by a a a unique ability of being near trouble. Yeah. So we were coming out of junior books in that boy one night and a row broke out in the street with the Castle Pollard lads. Delven lads against the Castle Potter lads, or could have been even the Trim Lads against the Castle Potter lads. And then we were caught up in the middle of it. And the thing about b before we knew it, the brawl kinda ended up at the back of the bus. And as the bus took off, one of the lads jumped up on the back of the bus and he had a rock in his hand and he smashed the rock straight through the back window of the bus. The back window of the bus shattered. Of course the bush jammed on. As the bush jammed on, then the guards came around the corner. We all scattered and then we're left sitting in a bush for three hours. My mother doesn't know where we are because there's no mobile phones at the time. Yeah. We're afraid to come out of the bush. So that's the sort I had this unique ability of always being kind of near trouble. Do you know what I mean? Even though I wasn't an angel, but there was just it was just chaos. Yeah, growing up in that that early period period of the noughties where, you know, it was just mental when you think about it. Jeez, I think it was a bit rosy myself now. I won't think. No, definitely, 'cause like my story I went through my story a couple weeks ago on my own. Like it no longer I w I could I could have went down one or two different routes. a lot of my friends are are like you see them on the streets that long. Yeah. So I could have went one or two routes. So like I've been there in that situation. And I'm glad that I never went down that route. I'm glad where I am today. Yeah. so we But we've been there. I think most teenagers, most people have come across challenges in their life. Yeah. and it's that point in their life. It's whether the to make it a good decision or make that poor decision turn turn a point. But it's like a flick of a switch. Yeah. you went to the gates of hell, you might add. I went in and I was inside. And the gates of hell, C. S. Lewis said the gates of hell are locked from the inside. And I had the keys to the kingdom in my pocket and I didn't even know it. I was locked in, you know, for a while, from about fifteen to twenty one, it was a rough ride, like, you know. It was a very rough ride. It's mad. They can kids to this day I'd say they're still experienced, they're still live going through like it's probably more now because of social media. Yeah, but I don't think they have the same well, my kids definitely don't have the same flair for madness as I did. Okay. Is that just a calmness of Dunno. Could be it could be the solid yeah. But I don't know. It's just like I have a seven year old there, he's absolutely obsessed with Lego playing chess. Brazilian jujitsu and fish. Savage. He plays a bit of soccer, he plays a bit of hurl and that, but he's not good with the team sports. Actually not that he's not good, he he just doesn't understand the concept of yeah, there's a there's a structure here, there's a defensive structure, there's a for him it's if he's on the mat, he's laser focused. If he's with a fishing rod, he has one objective and that's catching a fish, Savage. We actually have a psychotherapist on the podcast that's been released Thursday. Right. And she talks about child code trauma and being the example of your parents. Yeah. Growing up. and she talked about like no matter even if you are strong and you think you haven't have trauma from your childhood, you've some sort of traits from your parents. Yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? But we teach what we're taught. Absolutely. And we ta I do look at your social media and I see how fish I'm doing that. I had some i i it's some crack we caught our second fish the other day, it's a perch. Now look, he's he doesn't care if it's a perch. Or if it's a great white shark. For him, he just landed a fish on the bank, half a pound perch. It Christmas has arrived for him, you know. And it's great because we spent three hours down at the Redbridge and Tang the other day. And you know, you don't spend a penny and you never stop laughing. Yeah. There's one rod has a worm on it, the other rod you're spinning and you sort of taking turns spinning, seeing who's getting bites, who's getting clips, who's reeling them in. So That's great. It's it's it's brilliant for for for him, for young lad. As my uncle says, if you teach him how to fish, you'll always know where he is. Yeah. You know. Yeah. okay. Fourteen years of age, you said you start drinking. Talk to me. I'd my first drink when I was ten, would you be? Ten? Yeah, no. I'd my first blackout when I was fifteen. Okay. But I had my first drink when I was ten, it was at the back of the house, nineteen ninety eight. I was nearly eleven, and somebody handed me a shoulder of pochine. Now, for our international guests, right, that are listening here from America or whatever else, Poachin is used to rub on the muscles of racehorses when they're injured. So no ten year old should be drinking that stuff. But I took a mouthful or two of this stuff and the entire face of the universe changed from that incident. I was I was complete I became a completely different person from my first drink. Because prior to my first drink, I was always I was I was small, I'm still small, I was The chubby kid now, I'm still carrying a bit of weight, but doesn't affect me as much. I was the chubby kid and I was the loud kid. And then when I was too loud and over f over excited and stuff, to be a crash after that, and then I'd experience shame and all this kind of stuff. So I was figuring out who I was and f you know, full of fear. And I look I grew up in an alcoholic home as well. My dad has passed away. it's It's not the reason I'm an alcoholic, but it definitely impacted how I viewed the world and dealt with the human race. And in that environment as well, my parents done their utmost. My dad, alcoholism is an illness. It's same as, any other illness. It's a disease. It's a it's a sickness within a person that, makes it virtually impossible for them to stop and stay stopped. And once they start, they've little control over the amount they take, once they start taking it. That's it in a nutshell. But my Mother had done her best, she ran a tight ship. We were always warm, we were always fed. It was the nineties, just before the boom. But at 10 years of age, 1998, someone handed me this putting. And I drank it. And I can still taste it today. I can still feel it going down my neck. I can still feel it hit my toes. I'm just like, boom. And I can go back there and go. It was at that point that the entire face of the universe changed. And I developed, I believe, from that point. The portion of the illness concept that they call the mental obsession. So they have this idea that that with addicts and alcoholics, that they're mentally preoccupied with consuming the substance that gives them the relevant kick. For me, it was alcohol. so what that looks like is Some days all I can think about is drink. N not so much now because I have, done certain things to to stop that. But when I was out there and when I was active, all I could think about was drink. Like I have to drink, I'm going to drink. Who's gonna drink? Who'll be there? What drink we'll get? What will we wear? Will there be better cracking this pub? Will I have enough money? How long will it last? Who will be there? Will she be there? Will he be there? This and my head used to be like a wash machine. And then other days, I'm in huge form. Walking down the street, not caring the word. And my brain says to me, A pint of cider would be nice. Knowing what I know. Yeah. and then the second component of the in illness concept is this physical allergy, this abnormal reaction to alcohol, this lack of control that they talk about. So once I give in to the mental obsession or the mental obsession wins because I have no mental defense against the first drink, whether it comes in that aggressive obsessive format or whether it comes in a gentle breeze. Yeah. Once I take a drink, the drink takes me. And except for a few rare occasions, one in every hundred, I will be virtually in virtually unable to stop. So I drink until I have to stop. And then I stay stopped until I have to drink again. So my world changed at 10 and I developed that obsession. I was like, I can't wait to leave school. be old enough to sit in a bar and just drink a few pints. That's I didn't want to become an alcoholic or, do get in behind the wheel of a vehicle or any of that stuff. People who drink drive, right? And look, don't incriminate myself here, but people who drink drive. And if anyone's out there has ever got in behind the wheel of a car drinking, I I want to say this sobering thought. You are prepared to kill people. if you get in behind the wheel of a vehicle with alcohol consumed, you are perfectly prepared to kill people. Now that is some sober and thought. I think yeah. It is. But that's it. That's a nutshell. There is no left and right of arc here. There is no argument. If you get in behind the wheel of a vehicle and you drive your car under the influence, you are prepared to kill people. That stems actually i I never thought it that way. But it's so true, it's so true because you're you're you're you can't walk, you can't stand, you can't talk, and you're getting in behind operating a a vehicle. But look, that's it really took off for me when I left school, Decky, at fourteen. That's when it really took off for me. I had all the freedom in the world. It was like the Wolf of Wall Street, except for we were in high vest jackets and hard helmets. Right. Do you know what I mean? It was it was the the Celtic Tiger two thousand and two, two thousand and three, thousand and four. Just before I joined the defence forces. And at that time you could walk off a building site, walk on to another one, and you just had this constant flow of eight hundred to a thousand quid a week labouring block players who were firing up blocks and there was just loads of money, super oom press was everywhere, and finishing at two o'clock on a Friday and drinking the whole way through till Monday morning. I got away from the building for a while and I went in as a fruit and vegetable distribution engineer. Yeah, that's a big name. Yeah. It's a big title. I worked at the back for fruit and vegetables. That's how you take it. And I was I tell you, it was a good job. It was a very good job. And it facilitated someone like me. Facilitate. You know, despite all the madness, right, in my life, I always had this thing that if I don't show up for work, I have a problem. Like this was my what this is the one thing I had left. Was like you have to work. Plus I knew if it didn't work, I couldn't buy alcohol. Do you know what I mean? You have to at a minimum. I've never drawn a social welfare payment in my life. Do you think that comes back to your household? Because your your father, your father would have been the military. No, my my granddad was military. So your granddad. My father had a gifted pair of hands. Okay, could put his hands to anything. And he was he was a snag man during the boom as well. He got me and my brother into into construction and into working. But he was a he in his prime, do you know. in his twenties, thirties and forties, before the crash, before the crash of the Celtic Tiger, he he would have set an aw a solid standard of work. And it trickles down for my grandad as well. My granddad just passed away there in July and his work ethic was savage. Even up to his final days he wouldn't let anyone push him around the house in a wheelchair. He said I soldiered around these parts of my He says, My father built this ho house with his bare hands after he survived the Battle of the Somme. Nobody, and nobody, is going to push me around here in a wheelchair. it was savage, But that was his his two things he wanted. He didn't want to lose his dignity and he wanted to die at home. And both of those things he got. Okay. Do you know? And you're very close, your raffle, right? Very close. So my grandad was sober for forty six almost forty-six years. He got sober in nineteen eighty. Wow. he was the first person in our family to to get sober. Yeah. Jesus. We told my touch more than a few minutes. Yeah. But your turning point, your turning point to stop when did fuck, I have enough of this or Jesus this is gonna take my life. So give me a low point. It has to be one. Well there was loads. Yeah, but one that one that But here's the thing, right? And we discussed this before, is there was loads of times an incident happened, me and my brother in two thousand and five. I'm not gonna go in too much into it, but though you know, there was a pub argument. The argument spilled out outside. I stayed inside and the individual ended up getting one just a box into the chin and he fell back and banged his head and he ended up dying. Whoa. Yeah, so me and my brother were caught up in the middle of that and it was all rumors going round that I did it and he took the rap for me because I was in the army and all this kind of stuff. And it's that's all nonsense. Like 'cause it just if you look at if you were there that night, you know the truth. The truth needs no defense. so that you know, a normal person would turn around and go, Right, handbreak up here. Something crazy's after happening. I think we should stop. But with the alcoholic, it you know. You can argue this when the cows come home. This is a a scientific fact. It's virtually impossible for him to stop or moderate with a sufficient reason. So I had all of these different things, and it was, crashing cars and it was falling in and out of love and it was fighting, and you name it, it happened, right? And then the night that I stopped, I was 21 years of age. I was after being arrested about a eleven or twelve months previous to that after coming back from my first tour overseas I went crazy in Delven actually one night in a blackout and a lot of armed guard there was unarmed guards were called to some incident and as they were coming into the village I jumped over the wall and ran out in front of them. And there was confusion. They thought that I was the person that they were called for, even though I wasn't I was just simply going for another drink. I just happened to jump across the wall and run out in front of a full arm police convoy. But they jumped out of the car and grabbed me. I don't remember any of this. It was told to me afterwards. We're all in playing codes. So I started swinging, trying to defend myself, didn't know what was going on. Of course, the police done what police should do, pinned me to the ground and woke up the follow morning and I had blood coming out my ears and I I bla I was black and blue all over. I was like, Where am I? Looked around, I said, This isn't my room. I was in a cell, Came out the following. They let me out that morning then and never said a word. Not and I said, Jeez, what the hell is going on here? and then about seven months later I got hit with these three charges. two assault, two assault charges, violent conduct or violent disorder. And d now, this one is a legal technicality. Okay. All right. And you know, Nangar Lee, right, who are great people, done me for Initiating a riot. Now if you look at Irish law, if you look at Irish law, right, any more than fourteen or fifteen people gather together is considered a riot. I think it's fourteen, I'm not too sure, not up to to date. I just look back in this and I kinda g giggle out of it. But there was about seventeen cops and three of us. But they'd done me for it they'd done me for initiating a riot. So it's a legal illegal legal technicality. And you know, again, you're presented with this thing going, Maybe you should stop Notting. Yeah. Maybe you should try and get your life in order. And it was the same, it was the same when I joined the Defence Force. I joined the Defence Force in December of 06 because somebody in a pub told me that I have a lack of discipline in my life. I need to get discipline in my life and I need to join the army like my family. So light bulb went on and I applied for the British Army, the French Foreign Legion, and the Irish Army all the same year. Now thankfully the the Irish Defence Force has got back to me, but that was the type of person I am. I the light bulb goes on, I get an idea and I go f go full on into it. But do I even joined the defence forces in this attempt to try and regulate, stop, control, mind my life. And I see all these people taking on these pogroms against certain, I'll go here and I'll go there and I'll do this and I'll do that. And I read one time that you could send someone to the Greenland ice cap with a b in in an attempt to sober them up. And someone will arrive with a bottle of scotch and go. Would you like a drink? It doesn't matter what your latest attempt is. if you're not at that point where you're completely broken and you're ready to stop. And I had, like I said, all of those incidents where I should have stopped. I even tried to run away to the army in the hope that it would rescue me and try and cure me of my my my ailments and problems. And I just couldn't stop. The fundamental truth is I could not stop drinking. and it wasn't even the amounts I was drinking. It was just that couldn't stop. And then when I stopped the night, the night I stopped was in Mojo's at twenty to twelve, which is ironically enough the same time that a titanic hit the iceberg. I drank Captain Morgan and Coke. I looked up at the clock. I was in a nightclub full of two it was about two hundred people in it, all people I grew up with, played sports with. And I don't think I ever in my life felt as lonely as I did that night. I was up and on the beer for about five days and I drank myself sober. It was Halloween weekend, two thousand and nine. I was 21 years of age. And I walked out of the nightclub and I haven't had a drink since. And there was no madness, no bells and whistles, no so well, the summonses and all were there and that, but they had no effect on me. I didn't sober up the minute I was given them. I didn't sober up the minute the incident happened. I didn't sober up all these other times, other things happened. In that night, so I asked myself, what happened? And I believe, and this is only for me, it's not for everybody, and people can have a giggle at this portion. of the podcast if they wish, I'll never apologize for my faith. But I believe that every candle that was ever lit for me and every prayer that my mother and my granny and all my aunties ever said for me was answered in that moment. Because there's no earthly explanation to why I stopped in that at that particular time, which is nearly 17 years ago. there's no, yeah, that happened so he stopped here. there's no two plus two equals four here. It was just your you know You stopped and walked out and that was it. A five day bender. Yeah. I was actually on I was after the beer for five days. I was after been in Clemel and that by Delvin. it was my best friend's twenty-first that weekend. And I back into Mull and Gar. I think I had about I woke up the follow morning with twenty quid in my pocket. So I must have had twenty euros left. Yes. And it was the first time I woke up with money in my pocket in about five years. after a bender. Talk some more about faith and I c don't my go to mass will be at Christmas time and so on. But like recently I'm looking back and I'm saying to myself, maybe I I I'm looking back and I'm talking to more people and it seems to be more people getting more into faith. In the church, going like when I found out the other day in the barracks at half nine every morning there's mass. Every morning. Didn't know that. Yeah. But you see, it the thing for me is God is you understand him. So I can't tell you how you should believe. And that might sound a bit blasphemous to certain amounts of people, but I can I won't care who's driving the bus as long as we're all on the bus. And the thing about it is God doesn't drive too hard a bargain for those who seek him. if you want to live a spiritual way of life, there's abundance. There is an abundance. You you tap into it and you've only scratched the surface. And for other people who are outright atheists, I I re I absolutely respect your position. Respect your position. But for me, I don't believe in God, I know. I feel it in my heart, I've had the experience, put it this way, Deku, you have seven eight billion people on the world in the world, right? Yeah. On the eye on the planet spinning around, right? Not to mention all the stuff that's going on that causes it to spin and all this kind of stuff. You've all the rivers, you've all the lakes, you've all the mountains, you've all the green grass, you've the animals, you have everything. And then somehow there's just you and you're separate to all of that. That's insanity. I can't my brain can't go there. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? So I'm roll I'm rolling my dice. I'm rolling my dice with the spiritual side of the house. Yeah. And without without that, you probably wouldn't have been where you are today, a feeling. There's no way I'd be I wouldn't have the direction in my life. I wouldn't have the character, I wouldn't be able to have character. Like I wouldn't So anybody that's sorry, it gives me purpose. Purpose, yeah. I heard it and I've I've heard that a lot. over the last couple of months doing this podcast is a lot of people who said purpose and purpose is for a lot of things. And another way of saying what I'm saying it is my why. so anybody's in the same situation Only as you that's going through not just addiction, not even just so trying to get sober. Anybody's at home listening to this or watching us on YouTube and they're having a drink and they're saying, Fuck this is taking over my life here or any sort of addiction. What advice would you give them? My advice to people Is find out what your match your crutch is, right? So identify what your problem is, right? Be whether it's sugar, whether it's alcohol, drugs, sex, whatever your problem is, go on to the relevant twelve step recovery fellowship that deals with that particular issue. So for example, I I have no experience with with with cocaine, right? It's a big problem nowadays. It's a huge problem actually. in all walks of life. I I do a bit of bouncing on the doors and that and I you just see it every night. It's a wash of people. But if you have a problem with cocaine I would say go to cocaine anonymous. If you have a problem with alcohol, I would say go to Alcoholics Anonymous. you know and and if you need treatment you go to treatment. Like give yourself a chance to not like to continue Living the way you're living, chances are you're going to die. Now that's that might sound it's just threatened everybody's life. But you might die next week and they mightn't bury you till you're 75. Do you know what I mean? You'll just be existing in this torture. I'd hate to see where my life would ended up had I not stopped drinking when I stopped, because Like I said, there's still are you still me people and they say to you weren't that bad Do you know? And My question to them would be where were you at four o'clock in the morning when I couldn't sleep and there's rats running up along the wall? Where were you when you were walking where were you when I was walking down the street, heading to my auntie's funeral, getting dressed? Every bone of my body knew that I needed to be there and I found myself then snucking over a can of cider against my own will. So it's not about the amounts or the drama. People think I couldn't be an alcoholic because should I only drink X amount? If you can answer these two questions satisfactorily. If when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely. So have you ever sat at home and said, I need to stop drinking. I have to stop. I'm going to stop. And you're if you hooked you up to a lie detector test, you would pass that test. And within six months, your brain convinces you and gives you some insane trivial excuse to pick up again in the light of the havoc that your drinking causes. So if you can answer that question satisfactorily to yourself, right? If you can say, I understand what he's talking about. That happened to me. I tried to stop drinking there for, sober October or all these fancy or dry January, whatever it'll be at, And I found myself drunk on the 29th day or the twelfth day or the thing. Found myself drunk by accident. So that's the first component. The second thing I would would say to you is this, is have you any control over the amount you drink once you start drinking? So if you can marry up those two things with your experience, can't stay away from long periods of time on my own strength and I've no control over the amount I drink once I start drinking, then you need to have an honest conversation with yourself. Then you need to get really honest and go, is this the way I want to live my life for the rest of my life? Because you look back on your experience, has it changed? Have you tried to change it? Did it change? No. Well then the only recommendation I have for people is entire absence. That's it. Yeah, so we talked about in the last the last time we were chatting about support. So like what advice would you give to someone that's living with an alcoholic? well that's very simple. Get yourself to the fellowship of Al Anon. What's that? So absolutely. So it's Al Anon is the family groups of for for a people who are living or affected by other people's alcoholism. There used to be Alateen back in the day. I went to Alatine back in 1999. There was Alatine and then there's Al Anonon. So Al Anon was founded by a lady called Lois Wilson. And you can still go and visit her house in Bedford Hills, New York. It's it's the home of Alcoholics Anonymous and the home of of Al Anon. So I would say if you're living with an alcoholic, muddy water will settle itself when it's left alone. So in there's a saying in that fellowship they talk about. Detachment with love. So what does that mean? You walk in and the alcoholic is lying in the hallway, sprawled out, twisted drunk, after drinking the week's wages, and you hadn't seen him in five or six days. And you start kicking him and you start dragging him and you try to lift him up the stairs. Then he wakes up out of a blackout, he doesn't know where he is. Maybe he assaults you, pushes you, smashes the house up, leaves again for another four days. Detachment with love is very simple. You step over him, you get a blanket, you put the blanket over him, and you go to bed, and you take care of yourself and you look after yourself. And you and this might sound selfish, but muddy water will settle itself when it's left alone. The harder you try, and this is my my mother will testify to this, and my mother tried very hard. The harder you try, the worse it will get. Yeah. So when Al Wat says Muddy water will settle itself when you leave it alone. And that sounds like a tall order because it sounds like I'm telling people how to run their family home. I'm not telling you what to do. I'm just telling you what works. And I'm telling you to put the care on yourself. I'm telling you to remove yourself from the situation, as in, I'm not telling you to break up your family home and all this kind of stuff. If you have to do that, that's your own decision. What I'm telling you to do is instead of going crazy and losing the rag with a sick person, because if that person was lying on the ground with cancer, nobody would kick them. Nobody would scream at them. No one pulled them up. If that person was lying, with some other fatal illness. But with the alcoholic and the addict is concerned, somehow, you know, they're screaming, roaring, shouting. The only one who suffers at the end of the day here is the person who screaming, roaring, shouting. Yeah. The person who lives with the alcoholic. Lives with them, yeah. And because another thing, Dick, right, and this is a this is an absolute fact. You cannot live with alcoholism and not be affected. Yeah. I don't care who you are. I don't care if you're David Goggins, Ray Goggins, I don't care who you are. You cannot live with alcoholism and not be affected. It's like an airplane, the message in the airplane, put your o your own oxygen mass first. That'd be right. And it's not selfish. It's not selfish because what you're doing is you're getting sick for that person's illness. Yeah. We'll change it somewhere. Westmead. Jay. Lord. I what a year. Every time I talk to you talking about this. Okay, so from I'm a football man, soccer man here, okay. So I don't know much about Jay. Yeah. I just jumped on the bandwagon when I heard Westmidal doing well. Yeah, well listen, the more the merrier. Just don't forget about us. Yeah. I had Aaron Craig on a few weeks ago. He's a senior hurdle. Yeah, Aaron, I Aaron, yeah. And he actually gave me he actually gave me goose once I was talking to him about it. Just to talk to him how professional he was, to drive he has, still to this day, so now he's retired for Westmeat. Yeah, yeah. And to talk he talks highly with the manager for the J Club, he did for this to J he talks highly about you, he talks highly about every single footballer in the county. Yeah. so talk to me what Westmead means to you first. Westmead, and this sounds biased, is the greatest county in the country. Hands down. We're smack we're smack bang in the middle. you know, we're a respectful Hurland County and a respectful football county. And particularly in the modern game, that's not easy, do you know, to to have high standard and What happened last year was like my buddy Mark McHugh, he's a friend of mine, he got the Westmead job and he rang me and he said, Look, I have a couple of jobs for you to do. And I said, Well, what do you want me to do? And he just said, Look, whatever I ask you to do. So in military terms, for anyone who's, military oriented, I was the platoon runner for Westmead last year. And it was an absolute honor. I got to work with the goalies, I got to work with the forwards, the backs, the two football coaches. Primarily I worked alongside the strength and conditioning coach, Tom Gribbon. Give him a follow on on Instagram. He's he's his own Jim and R. Matt. Tom's a legend. Like I learned so much of Tom, just his the way he deals with people, his character, you know, his no nonsense approach to fitness. And you know, my primary role, I suppose, was the mayor of GPS. You know, the mayor so we'd I wasn't a mayor ishka, I was a mayor of GPS. So I had to make sure that the GPSs were Charged, given out, taken back in, synced, charged up again, given up that kind of system. And I probably gave the boys a bit of a hard time. I probably broke their heart because I went, you know, military style with this operation, you know. give it task. Yeah, like when the boys used to get the meal meal after training, it wasn't the meal, it was rations. And you gave your odd in before you got the rations, you know, this kind of stuff. But like as a Westmeat man, I'll never, ever, ever be able to repair Mark. sorry, repay Mark McHugh ever. it no matter what he asks me to do, I'd follow him to outer Mongolia with not any of warm top and a makings of a cup of tea under my arm. Because the I I'll tell you and I use I was training the Camogey team last Friday and I had a chat with them about mentality afterwards. And I used two two situations that happened to me in my life that when pieced together, you'll think to yourself, that is actually mental. So, and it's back to the universe and faith and different things. The universe will reward you in ways that will be absolutely immeasurable if you stay on the path doing the right thing. Do the next right thing. And if you don't know what the next right thing is, just do the next thing right. Yeah. So in 2004, I was sixteen years of age at the back of at the the canal end when Westmead Wonder first Len started height. Podio Shea was the manager. And, we we had a savage team that then. We bet Leash, a good strong Leash team. And there was great battles with those two teams in minor and under 21 the whole way up. So was a great Leicester final. Mikko's on the sideline, Pauly's on the sideline. Dream come true stuff. Final whistle blows, Westmeater champions. I ran and I think I grabbed Essie Dolan or grabbed some player. We were in Dreamland That time the fans were allowed to run onto the pitch. And my buddy Shane Power was beside me. Shane was sixteen or fifteen or sixteen. Shane ran and got the ball, the match ball. Right? And I knock on you, right? I'm not joking. This is this is a fact. About ten to fifteen times a year for the last twenty two years. I've been sitting somewhere, maybe overseas, sitting in the coffee shop, and I'd say to myself, I get to shiver up my back and I'd think, Why didn't you run for the ball? Why didn't you think about that? Imagine having that ball right now, because Shane got it signed by Paudi O'Shea. He has it in his house. There was a big piece done on the newspaper. It was a big deal like this young fella had the the brains to run and get the ball. And I thought about this. And then when the Hooter went in this year at the at the Leinster final, I was on the sideline between Emma Macdonald, I think Ray Ken Ellen could have been there. And the Hooter went and time just stood still. And I thought about, the time I was at the canal end and we all invaded the pitch and the of course the supporters are not allowed on the pitch. One one one filled young Fleming from Kinegad tried to get on the pitch now, but he he got he missed it. He missed the celebrations anyway. But I remember that he tore out past me. But I ran down to Evan Comerford and I asked him for the ball, doubling goalie. And he gave me the ball, the last ball that was in play, into my hands. And as I was running out with the ball over my head, I was in tears. Because A, we had just won the Leinster Championship. But B, I had closed a book on something that I regretted for 22 years. If you would have told me 22 years previous, relax, young man, you'll get your opportunity. You will get your ball. I would have said you're nuts. I would have said you're crazy. But the lesson in that, okay, it's two footballs, it's two inanimate objects, it's It's not really a big deal. But the lesson in it is if you stay on the path, if you do the right things, if you are positive in life, if you approach life a certain way, you the most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Someone said to me a few weeks ago, whatever situation you're going through or whatever trouble you find you maybe in right now, it's only one page of your book. Yeah. So we have multiple pages in our book, we've multiple chapters in our life. But well, I said that at the start of this podcast. Like the things that's happening ten you know, things happening now ten years from now, you look back and go, how is that? Because you don't know at fifteen what you don't know. You don't know at twenty-five what you don't know, you don't know at forty what you don't know. You grow and you learn, and it's it's that story with the two footballs. Like, how in the name of God, you know, could you make that connection between a sixteen year old and a and and a thirty? It just stuck with you. It was just it was just when I I looked back on it and I was like, that is remarkable. that that is some sort of fate. It was meant to happen. because I got if it wasn't for my friendship with Mark, I I've actually unapologetically. But because of my friendships and because of the the things I'm doing in life, I I was given that opportunity. And would you put that down to him knowing you and knowing that you're what your the way you are professionally, where you are your standards are. to have someone like you and to have someone like you as part of the team, part of the background background. He just can't just pick any friend. he knows your values. Yeah. You aided to the that no matter what you did. Without without you being part of that team, that job wouldn't be done proper well, not to be done properly, but probably wouldn't be done to your standards. Well, it's not so much my standard. It it was Mark and the boys and the players and everyone. Everybody set the standard from the start. Yeah. So there was no room for accepting mediocrity. Yeah. There was no room for it. Like it was this is the standard. It is get up to this standard or get out of this cell. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? And like again, if just I was given a small job to do, I probably probably did it yeah, did it a bit too militaristic, you know. but lessons learned, lessons learned. And but I do know I do know this thing. The last time we sat down, I got a message from one of the players, which kinda I had to pull the car in the it it blindsided me a bit. He sent me a big message about the podcast and how it was whatever, it was good and a good listening. And and then he says that just that my influence and positivity around the team, and he he said was unbelievable and blah blah blah, usual stuff. He said. And he says that he hopes that I'll be back in next year. And I'm not the only one saying it. All the lads are saying it. I meet the lads now and I'm just me. I'm just I am who I am. Like I said at the start, there there's no there's it's either we like Gnowley camp or we don't like Gnowley camp. There's no you know, there's no middle ground like. No one yeah, I don't think you care if People didn't like you. No, i I'm unapologetic, but look, obviously I don't want to be offending people and annoying people or any of that kind of stuff. But if you have a problem with me, the problem is in you. It's not in me. There's a spiritual axiom that suggests that if you're screwed up around me, that that's your problem. I actually love that because over the last couple of weeks people have been saying to me in relation to the podcast and I I've been in I've been walked into rooms and the the room will go quiet and you'd know they're talking about Who the fuck's off and think he's having a fucking podcast, doing a podcast. And to be honest with you, to forget I'm refereeing since I'm 16 years of age. Yeah. I'm refereeing stadiums and referee or I'm being called all sites and talks of names. Yeah. It doesn't affect me. And it actually gives me more of a drive. What wants to do? Yeah. I mean, what you're doing is positive. There ends the conversation. Yeah. Like you're giving people a platform, you're spreading awareness about different walks of life, whether it's hurling, football, the military. you're portraying the defence forces in a positive light. Yeah. Which is unarguable. Like I was I was in work there in a different barracks a couple weeks ago and a fella came up to me and once said a name, but he came up to me, a high rank high ranking person, and he tapped me in the shoulder. You're Sergeant Tolin, are you? Never met this madam, man for madam. He said, I am just thinking, looked round, fuck, I'm in trouble there. Yeah, he says, I'm gonna give you one thing. He says, You're an inspiration. He says, inspiration's young fellas, and especially the job we're in. He says, We're people going through negative parts of your life's suicide and negative thoughts and difficult parts of the life and they can just come on and have a chat. Yeah. That's what it's all about. we just want to chat. The famous saying since we joined the military is, Come on now, lads, you're on your own time now. Yeah. When you hear that, do you know what I mean? That means one or two one thing. We have to get everything cleaned up so we can skirt. Yeah. And we're on a bit of time off or whatever. You know, you're on your own time now. I want it put on my headstone. Yeah. And finally on my own time. Well I tell you something, but that's trademark now, so no, I'll take it. no, and like and only sort we talked about, so talk to me about a small bit the last bit about West Mead leadership. Talk to me what his leadership style is. Well the thing about Mark is Mark doesn't like he fluctuates between leadership styles based on who he's talking to. And I've observed him doing that. and you know, sometimes he's to crack the whip to get X amount done. Other times then he's to rub bellies, rub backs, whatever has to be done. But he'll do whatever has to be done. and the proof is in the pudding. Like we we shook the world last year. We shook the country last year with that Leicester Championship win. And those like the pla toggle leadership, man, like there's four lads up for nominations for all stars for Westmeat. Four. There should be forty four. The kit man included. Patty Walsh. the the whole system. The whole system. the attitude of everybody, the structure, the professionalism. we're doing a fundraiser there at the moment, right? now it's split into a couple of parts. There's a five K coming up, people will have an opportunity to run a five K with the Westme team. Wear your maroon and white when that happens, get your Bass Pro hat. you'll be able to there'll be I think sponsorship profile. So I'll have one. So if anybody wants to give me the price for a cup of coffee, by all means please do. Or a pint, even though I won't. How do you do this? So the the link will be up on a on a fundraiser page and just go in and you can stick in the euro or two. what we're trying to do is we're trying to raise money for two primary things. One that the and I have to say this out loud as well because I want to be hiding from people. One is the team holiday, right? So that's that's going to happen to boys. deserve the the the men deserve a team holiday and they deserve to bring their partners with them because of the hours that they spend away and the professionalism and the count intercounty setup is like it's like a professional setup, hands down. So they don't get paid wages, they don't get any spicy bonuses. So what they can get after a successful year of winning the Auburn Cup and winning the Leinster Championship is to get a team holiday. So we're doing a fundraiser for that and we're also doing a fundraiser then for the training fund for 2027. So that the players will have a pool of money for training, solely focused on recovery, whatever needs to happen if if pitches need to be rented, stuff like that. So we really, really sorry, encourage people to give what they can, And the 5k is a prime example. I think it's gonna be 20 or 30 euros. All the money goes back into the senior football setup and you get to run a five K with the West Me team. We're trying to get a couple of thousand people to do in Mulling Gard be a big deal. And then we also have a jersey initiative as well. So there's 150 jer framed jerseys that are signed by the players and management and photographs as well. there'll be photographs in the frame at the bottom. There's one of Mark and Wally, I think the captain, and then there's a team photo, and then there's another one with everybody together after we won. And then this jersey is pretty unique, and they're a thousand euro. Now you might think straight away, God, a thousand euro, that's a lot of money. But when you consider the uniqueness of the experience, the signatures are actually embroidered into the they're part of the jersey. So it's a special edition jersey where the signatures are in white and they're going to be part of the jersey, your framed photographs, your prints and everything, you're looking at three, four hundred quid straight away anyway. so they're geared towards, you know, if families want to group together and get one. by all means brilliant, but we do understand it's a thousand quid. But they're geared towards the likes of businesses, hotels, you know, even GA clubs. GA clubs. Yeah, I think but think even l a lot of pubs should clip together at West Meet there's over hundreds of already. Yeah. So look at the bright days that brought to every young person and older person. All Ireland finally. The Mayo man. Crying. Yeah. But like the whole country the whole country and I don't think there was anyone from Kerry that would begrudge Mayo. What Mayo done was remarkable. Like and look. I don't care what anyone says. That cultural is real. I don't care what anyone says. Seventy-five years. They wore the white jerseys. It was written in the stars, And this is what the new rules have done. The new rules have saved the game of Gaelic football. In a good way, it's good in a good way. So when I was growing up, you had people like Darma Brady, Bernard Flynn, Jason Sherlock, David Shot and Sea, all these animals, great Desi Dolan, great footballers, right? And the game was brilliant. And then the game went through a period where it was still good to watch, but not as exciting as it was in the nineties. And what the new rules have done is to blown it wide up. It's a completely new experience. And you're watching a game now. years ago of a football game, if you're seven or eight points down, you were dead in buried. Seven or eight points is nothing with five minutes to go on the clock. One of the best club games I've seen all year was St. Loman's and Tuber Claire. it went extra time. Unbelievable game of football. and that Tuber Claire team, Lomans are cute, they're experienced, they're great, great football team. But that Tuber Claire team is going to be around for a while. And I would you can quote me on this. I think there's a senior I would argue argue there's a senior championship in those guys in the next couple years. Jesus. Okay, so we leave West Mead there now. Yeah. What does the army mean to you? Well sure, look, it's a family business for me. my great granddad fought in the First World War and that kind of ethos was handed down to me. My grandad just like I said just passed away. Retired Sergeant Major Larry Pyncton passed away in July. He was ninety years of age. And He was a Congo vet, Cyprus vet, Lebanon vet. There's been a member of my family has served in Unifell every decade since the seventies. so it's a family business for me. And another thing as well, it was the end of the road for me. I didn't have any more chances at eighteen. I had just I knew if I don't stick this out, I'm just gonna end up sitting around the village with butts of fags gathered around my ankles, getting chill pains in an old dust coat. wondering where it all went wrong. I just had that kind of drive, despite all the madness, despite everything that was going on in my life, I just knew that if I don't stick this out, I'm going to be in bother in life. And look, I had a bumpy start. The first three years, I wasn't the model soldier. I was doing a lot of drinking and I was cheeky too and different things that didn't help and But when when all was said and done and I got sober and I I that court case, like I said, I was given twelve months in prison for those charges. And I overturned him to a 200 euro fine. And I walked up to the judge with the four fifty euro notes and I gave them to him. And he goes, Mr. Plinton, you you don't need to pay me. And I said, Your Honor, take this money off me now, because because God is my witness, I'll never be back here again. And I meant it. Do you know what I mean? So for me, the military. The military saved my life. And that's a broad that's a very bold statement. But I was in a hurry nowhere, Declan. Absolutely nowhere. I was on a one track road, and and what the what the Defence Force has done was it gave me a purpose in life, it gave me structure, it gave me discipline, it gave me a week's wages every week. And it also introduced me to the concept of service. There's no greater reward on the planet than to be of service to other people. And the defence forces pay us to do it. Savage. Anyway, this and her would you recommend a job? Absolutely. 100%. I think I don't I don't know the exact figures. Don't quote me. Don't complain about me. Don't give out to me, please. I think sixteen thousand people applied for the Defence Forces last year. That's what we speak. Yeah. So that that's that speaks for itself. like I I done a couple of school talks the last couple of years and I seen a young lad the other day on a gunner's course that I spoke to in a school two years ago. And now he's a qualified artillery gunner in the in the regiment. So to to me that that gives me a I was like, right, I played a small role in introducing it. Now this man he comes from a military family as well, so it was good it was good to see him. But I definitely recommend it. I mean, why not? Like you're on forty two thousand euros. A year starting off, right? You go in, there's a sauna switched on first thing in the morning for you. There's a gym that you can use. There's a block run happening. There's a hill walk happening. There's a day on the ranges happening. There's a course coming up. Whatever. And if you don't want to do any of that stuff and you want to go driving vehicles, you can go to transport and drive vehicles. If you want to go, if you go and become I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and he did an interview with the independent and he said this to the journalist. He said, In the defense forces, if you become a plumber, you're not a plumber. In Sydney Street, you're a plumber. Yeah. But in defense force, you're an engineer. Yeah. So and also like the f it's the fitness thing as well. So be b like you're paid to keep yourself clean, to keep yourself fit. And I have my brother works in construction and When I do ring him, he's on the way home. He goes, Well, what you do today? Well, I went in and I answered twelve emails from the department and different things and I staffed this and I looked at that and looked at this. and then I went for a five mile run. And then I went for a sauna. And then I had a nice lunch for three fifty. I had a meal ticket. Yeah. And then I went back to work, I took care of business, paid a few bills and answered a few emails. and then I'm I'm I'm driving home. And tomorrow I'll go to the gym instead of the run. Or I might go to the gym and have a go for a five K. So there's like you're not gonna get that. Exercise is a week, so you're not gonna get that in any other job in the country where you can just turn around and go, boss, it's it's it's low operations here, it's low ops, there's not much happening. I'm after sweeping the floor there for you. Is it all right if I go, run five K. Yeah, no hassle. Knock yourself out. So during the working hour. Yeah. Because I have to I I'm I So in my job, right, the people if I'm in command of a company, well, I won't be in command of company, but i a as a C S or BS or whatever, FS, if you've a bunch of troops, my job is to make sure you can pass your fitness test. So I have to afford you that time to keep yourself fit and keep yourself clean, keep yourself boxed off, squared away. Sorry. And for me, I I finished I left school at Junior after my junior start. Yeah, I didn't even do junior short. Yeah. I was school at fourteen. What's your what have you done in college then? So the only thing I've done I done the fundamentals of sports science in AIT when it was AIT. I've done a couple of other, you know, small certs and, you know, part time college stuff. I done obviously the level seven, level yeah, the level seven that we do, the BA with leadership management, defence studies. But you know, I'm not junior cert, no leaving cert. But it for anybody listen, like it does it I'm the same. I have a level seven as well. And what I've did the job we're in now, I would never have level seven. No. Well, I you could you could go back to college and you could do all this, but the you're essentially given a leadership and management and defence studies degree based and accredited off your experience as well as your academic submissions. Of course, Yeah. Okay, so we'll finish up on small few things. Okay, family, what does family mean to you? Well, family is everything. I and my wife mightn't back me on this as well. I can be difficult at times, I can be the sergeant major in the house at times, and that's not good too. family is absolutely everything to me. Do you know it's it's a tough one, you know. I have three kids and one daughter lives in Longford, and do you know I don't get to see her as much as I did when she was younger and she's older now, and of course daddy's not. cool enough to come down and spend time with and I work in Dublin then so trying to get down to see her is a little bit hard but I try and the trick with the kids is never forget what it's like to be a child when raising children. Because at times I can try and get them to be adults and I can talk to them like they're adults when they're not. They're actually children. Yeah. And you know that's hard too and The thing about my wife is that the reason that we've been together for so long is because the normality of her existence is fragmented. she's how she puts up on me at times is is is a mystery, Always on the go, always moving, always doing it. there l only two weeks ago I was in Colorado Springs with the Air Force Reserve. Yeah. You know, having the time with life and she's at home with the two kids. So I met you at the cuff shop and you were telling me this. Yeah, she was with you. That morning. That morning, I said I said, You you need to be you should get a medal for living with him. I know. Look, I tell you one thing, she's never she comes from a military family, so she knows she knows the crack. Yeah. And she knows that I'm driven. And the drive is the end goal to be of service and to achieve the highest rank available to me as a not as a enlisted person. I met you a few years ago a few years ago and you weren't five sergeants at the time and you said to me, I will be a sergeant major. Well, it's the po it's it's the power of s it put it out there and for me the goal and if you I my recruit training book, I was nicknamed Major, you know, not because I was an exceptional soldier, because I lived in the shadow of my granddad. You know, I didn't know anything else. I just knew my granddad was a major, my uncle's a sergeant. That's all I knew about the army. Didn't know very little. you wear a green uniform, you drive it on, you know. But my nickname was Major and then I I actually was a g I was a gunner, I was a private for a long time man. And I was getting very disillusioned and very I was going to leave the defence force. I was looking at other jobs when I was about eight or nine years in and I just got stale. I was driving details, coming in the morning, driving detail, back home, washing the car. And I said, This can't be it, And I remember meeting a good buddy of mine, Curtis Deary. Curtis is retired now. Yeah. And Curtis said to me, Why don't you do the NCO's course and see how you think? And I kind of looked at him and I didn't, you know, I said But put in for it anyway, got it, and it lit me on fire again. I realized that this is why I joined the defense force, to be an instructor, to learn about leadership, to d development and to know I'm not an exceptional soldier, but what? What people will say is that I was exceptional at the rank I held. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I'm not an exceptional soldier. I would never claim to be perfect, but I am exceptional in the rank that I hold. Yeah. Looking back, fine, not looking back, looking forward. Yeah. what do you want knowly to mean like what you what you want to your kids. When you grow when you grow older, watch someone say this to your kids, what was your father like? What was his values like? What would you like them to say? I would like people the I I was looking at a York there on TikTok, I think it was Jimmy Carr. Jimmy's a bit of crack, you know, but the only thing we have to offer people is irrefutable evidence we are who we say we are. And that's it. Yeah, absolutely. That's the only thing you have to offer people or people can close the door. They're not gonna name a barracks after me. They're not gonna put a statue up outside the gate of some barracks. But what they will say is Daffel had done his job and he was who he said he was. Okay, so obviously Westmead question on Westmead, one more question on Westmead. Excluding the Lencer final, what was the the best occasion? Best day of exclusion the fight, excluding the fight. I would have to say it was our day up to Donegal. Now we spent a weekend in Donegal, which was brilliant now. But we don't earlier on in the year, we played Donegal behind closed doors in a challenge and we had a a meeting then with Jim McGuinness. Yeah. And for me, sorry, hitting that thing. For me, as someone who, you know, would have watched the GM, watched football growing up, but never would have been good enough to even be handed one of those jerseys. But to be sitting in that room and to have that exposure and to have that experience. and also to be surrounded by people that, the right word, idolise like I love Sam McCart, Wally, Charlie Drum, Jay Delhi. I all of them boys. I I've watched them boys for the last couple of years and that's only a few. There's some unbelievable characters. And it would be unfair of me to start naming people off. But just you think about this, Decky. It'd be like who what soccer club do you support? United. United, right? So you're not, right? It would be like Alex Ferguson ringing you up back in the day and saying, Decky, will you just come in here and give us a dick out? That's it. It's exactly the same thing. Yeah, of course. Because like I've I was I followed Westmead the length and breadth of the country when I was a young fellow. I was down here in Atlone in the mid-90s when with Club Bess in in the Leinster Championship. I think there were an unbelievable Westmead team scored three points that day that day. And you know, at so there were certain times I had to pinch myself. So outside of the Leinster final and outside of say Wally's performance in the Auburn Cup final and and Luke Lachlan's winning score in the Auburn Cup final in a windy, wet, you know, January, I think it was January or February, i in Newbridge. I worked in Newbridge all day and then went up to the game. Wind and the rain. And then we never led the game the whole way. And then Luke kicked the winning score. Wally scored I think one six or one seven from half back. But for me that that day That day and that exposure up to the Donegal Center of Excellence, that'll that'll stand out for me as as outside of the Leinster final and the Uburn Cup final. That to me was was just an unbelievable experience, you know. Brilliant. I'm gonna finish up on the last one. I I've brought this into my podcast. I asked the same question at the end of every single podcast, and you probably touched on it, you did touch on a small bit. But what does on your own time mean to you outside the army? Okay, so On your own time. It means it's what what do you do with the time that's been given to you? So for me that's been given a second chance in life. Sometimes I have to turn my phone off and just make a decision to do nothing for today. Because my life is so full. So full. Like I was I was rescued from the gutter, and I was given a second chance in life. And My life is so full. Every evening I'm doing something. this evening I have a commitment. I'll be gone out of the house from seven till half night. Maybe ten o'clock. Tomorrow I'm playing La Hinch golf club with my two uncles. you know, so that's that's what it means for on my own team. What am I doing with the God given gift that is life that has been given to me? You have been rescued. God didn't rescue me from drowning to kick me to death on the shore. I've I have a purpose today. I I my purpose is to live and to demonstrate the principles that are now a guiding force in my life. Honesty, kindness, compassion, care, integrity, all of this stuff. Be that person and fill your day. Friday then we're organizing a meet and greet with one of the Wesley players, Shane Allen. a brilliant, a brilliant young man, a brilliant attitude. I knew his father, served with his father, Davy. he's passed on and I know his uncle as well. So he's a big connection to the barracks. We're bringing Shane in into the NCO's mess on Friday, meet and greet you know, a serving members of the Defence Forces who want to talk to him and get photographed with the cup and stuff like that. The delay cup will be in in the barracks on Friday. So that's what I mean by on your own time. Am I am I wasting it or am I filling it? What am I doing with it? Brilliant. Noli, thanks very much for coming in for round two. and again I said to you the reason we're doing it is because I think your advice could help a lot of people. I think from what you went through to much the way you are to this this day, there might be someone listening or watching that maybe might get even a small bit of advice out of it, even a small bit of a kick up the bone and say, Hmm, okay, let's move on. Okay. Yeah. You're you're it's the power lies in in in you, but y you have to make that decision. Nobody else. All the screaming in the world, all the shouting in the world, all this fraughty emotional appeal, please stop, please change. It doesn't work. You're wasting your time with someone who has an alcohol problem. That desire to stop has to come from within the person. Brilliant. Yeah. And so anybody watching here or listening, follow us on our YouTube. Don't forget to like and subscribe. and comment. Let us know how we what you think of this episode. And if you think someone that might want to listen to this or might be might in need to listen to it, send it on to Okay, then Holly, thanks very much, man. See you again. Thanks. Okay.