Latest / The Breakfast Club / Ari Lennox Sparks A Convo: Independent Women vs. Male Ego: Who’s Really the Problem?

Transcript

Ari Lennox Sparks A Convo: Independent Women vs. Male Ego: Who’s Really the Problem? · The Breakfast Club

0:01
Speaker 1: Hey, y'all.
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Speaker 1: You know, if you don't lie about that, right, Lauren
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Speaker 1: came in hot.
1:21
Speaker 3: Hey, y'all, what's up.
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Speaker 2: conversations that shake the room.
1:29
Speaker 3: Baby.
1:30
Speaker 2: So on this episode, we are getting to the listeners.
1:34
Speaker 3: This is on the line with Lauren the Rosa.
1:36
Speaker 2: We've done this before, but it was some time ago
1:39
Speaker 2: and you guys loved it, so we are bringing it
1:42
Speaker 2: back and here with me for this segment, we have Brandon.
1:46
Speaker 1: Let's see, y'all game, think you can having me back?
1:49
Speaker 3: You know your timeline here, you're the one who's taken.
1:56
Speaker 3: I thought you could move on to have a guys,
1:57
Speaker 3: Remember Brandon, I thought.
1:58
Speaker 1: They ever remember me the first So you guys.
2:00
Speaker 2: Will remember Brandon from him telling Michelle Obama so disrespectful
2:05
Speaker 2: like that is actually like just even saying that, I
2:07
Speaker 2: feel like I'm like this dishonoring the country. Well, okay,
2:12
Speaker 2: so we're going to get into it this episode. We
2:15
Speaker 2: want to talk about a few different things. I feel
2:18
Speaker 2: like there's always these very healthy and sometimes unhealthy conversations
2:22
Speaker 2: between men and women. And recently, my girl Ari Lennox
2:25
Speaker 2: sat down with the Poor Mindes podcast. Everybody in the room,
2:29
Speaker 2: I just love them. I love the Poor Mine podcast host.
2:31
Speaker 2: I love Ari Lenox, So great combination, great conversation. But
2:35
Speaker 2: they sat down and they talked a bit about how
2:39
Speaker 2: when you're a woman with things, when you come to
2:41
Speaker 2: the table with things, how men, Brandon, how y'all receive it?
2:46
Speaker 1: Explain things though? You mean like assets success.
2:48
Speaker 2: Well, we'll let we'll let We'll let the clip be playing,
2:50
Speaker 2: so you guys take take a listen to this clip.
2:54
Speaker 5: Oh, these invicious goals of mine that I've been able
2:56
Speaker 5: to achieve, I thought that would be attractive and in
2:59
Speaker 5: me eating men and dating a lot of successful men,
3:03
Speaker 5: none of them would ever ever talk about how exciting
3:06
Speaker 5: it is I have invested in properties, or would ever
3:09
Speaker 5: even want to come to see my house. All my
3:12
Speaker 5: accomplishments were minimized. Just realizing Wow, I think it deters them.
3:17
Speaker 5: It does it intimidates them.
3:19
Speaker 6: I agree with that because I used to feel that
3:21
Speaker 6: way too, Like I used to think he gonna care
3:23
Speaker 6: that I got my degree.
3:24
Speaker 3: He don't care that.
3:26
Speaker 6: We don't care that I got my own I paid
3:28
Speaker 6: my own bills. No, men do not care about that.
3:30
Speaker 6: I always say, just get rid of yr sheet because
3:32
Speaker 6: they like girls without it.
3:33
Speaker 7: It's so crazy, because it really is hard to find
3:36
Speaker 7: a man that can just really support you and be
3:38
Speaker 7: happy and be like.
3:39
Speaker 1: Look at my girl.
3:40
Speaker 7: Like you think that everybody wants to praise jay Z
3:43
Speaker 7: and Beyonce, but a lot of y'all could not be
3:45
Speaker 7: jay Z.
3:45
Speaker 3: They're in the crowd cheering.
3:47
Speaker 7: For her like yeah, I know, and y'all be pricey.
3:53
Speaker 3: Yeah, but y'all not Beyonce.
3:54
Speaker 7: Okay, but you're not jay Z.
3:55
Speaker 1: Either, woo.
3:57
Speaker 2: So we are going to get into it. We have
4:00
Speaker 2: a caller on the line. We solicited some calls. We
4:02
Speaker 2: have a caller on the line, and we'll engage in
4:05
Speaker 2: the conversation as well too. All right, and we want
4:07
Speaker 2: to see you guys in the comments or on social
4:10
Speaker 2: if you're listening. Laura L Rosa everywhere l O R
4:12
Speaker 2: E N l O R O S a. So let's
4:15
Speaker 2: get the caller on the line.
4:19
Speaker 8: Hello, Hey, how are you?
4:21
Speaker 4: Hey, how are you?
4:23
Speaker 3: I'm doing good. I heard you want to talk to
4:25
Speaker 3: me about some things I do.
4:28
Speaker 8: Thank you for giving me the time of the day.
4:32
Speaker 2: Yes, and Brandon's here as well. To our producer for
4:34
Speaker 2: the segment.
4:36
Speaker 8: I'm excited.
4:37
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, yes, yes.
4:39
Speaker 2: So you are now on the line with Laura l Rosa.
4:41
Speaker 2: This is a new segment that we're implementing within the podcast.
4:45
Speaker 2: And you've been listening to the podcast. You're one of
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Speaker 2: the low riders.
4:49
Speaker 8: I have, I have, I have been congratulations recently, but
4:53
Speaker 8: I've been following you forever, but I've been tuning in
4:57
Speaker 8: to your podcast. Congratulations on your one year and at
5:02
Speaker 8: Black Girl Power.
5:03
Speaker 4: I love it, I love it.
5:04
Speaker 3: Thank you well.
5:06
Speaker 2: Look, speaking speaking of Black Girl Magic and Brown Girl
5:09
Speaker 2: Grinds in Power, Ari Lennox sat down with the host
5:13
Speaker 2: of the Poor Minds podcast and I had a conversation
5:17
Speaker 2: about you know, just how it is having all that
5:19
Speaker 2: power and when you come to the table dating with
5:22
Speaker 2: all that power. I know you got a chance to
5:23
Speaker 2: take a look at the clip, did you what did
5:25
Speaker 2: you think about it?
5:25
Speaker 3: Have you ever experienced that?
5:27
Speaker 4: I did you know what I do?
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Speaker 8: Have an example, I was getting to know a gentleman
5:35
Speaker 8: and everything was well. He didn't have anything negative to
5:38
Speaker 8: say about me. We clicked, we had a great connection.
5:41
Speaker 8: But he made a comment he was like, you don't
5:45
Speaker 8: need me, and so that I'm like, I don't need you,
5:50
Speaker 8: you know, And I didn't get it. But reflecting on
5:54
Speaker 8: it in hindsight, I just feel like that can be
5:58
Speaker 8: intimidating if you're doing your thing and I'm not falling
6:01
Speaker 8: out of control by far, but I do have great
6:04
Speaker 8: things going for myself.
6:06
Speaker 4: I am determined, I'm making move.
6:08
Speaker 8: Yes, that in itself can be intimidating to a guy.
6:12
Speaker 8: You know what I'm saying, Just depending on their heads,
6:15
Speaker 8: you know, had frame their their their way of thinking
6:19
Speaker 8: and doing things and maneuvering if they don't.
6:21
Speaker 4: Feel like they measure up for good enough. But yeah,
6:24
Speaker 4: it just.
6:25
Speaker 8: Every guy is different.
6:27
Speaker 4: Some men it's like, hey, you got to.
6:28
Speaker 8: Bring to the table what I'm able to bring to
6:30
Speaker 8: the table. It's all about an individual state of mind ultimately.
6:37
Speaker 4: But yeah, that was my experience.
6:39
Speaker 8: And he he did get married and had a baby recently,
6:43
Speaker 8: and I'm like, okay.
6:44
Speaker 3: Okay, I was going to add you need them, and.
6:47
Speaker 4: That worked for him, but I don't. I was raised
6:50
Speaker 4: not to need anyone.
6:52
Speaker 3: So you got God.
6:53
Speaker 8: So I'm very independent, but I am in my soft
6:57
Speaker 8: girl era and I'm going to accomplish things and doing so.
7:00
Speaker 8: I think it's unfortunate. But and you can miss out
7:06
Speaker 8: on your blessing. I don't get it.
7:08
Speaker 1: But this was just one day.
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Speaker 8: I'm still trying to this was maneuver through it. But
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Speaker 8: I thought that was that was something when I took
7:17
Speaker 8: her look at the clip and I'm like, wow, you know,
7:19
Speaker 8: even she is as successful as she is, she's struggling
7:24
Speaker 8: with men that's on her level.
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Speaker 3: So you guys only went on one day. You guys
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Speaker 3: only went on one date.
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Speaker 8: No, we went on multiple dates and really got to
7:34
Speaker 8: know each other. And I would say a good too much.
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Speaker 9: And okay, so Well made him say that, like he
7:42
Speaker 9: saw what a car or a house or what made him?
7:46
Speaker 9: Do you feel like God made him feel intimidated.
7:49
Speaker 8: I have a live in a townhouse. Nothing immaculine, you know, nice.
7:54
Speaker 8: I don't have a flashy car. You know, I'm not
7:56
Speaker 8: dropping anything flasty. I don't know. And he was a
8:02
Speaker 8: homeowner veteran.
8:06
Speaker 4: Gentle assistance.
8:07
Speaker 8: You know, he had great things going for himself.
8:11
Speaker 4: He was a single.
8:12
Speaker 8: Father of three, great dad. I have no idea. I mean,
8:16
Speaker 8: he just folk positive things about me. He said it
8:20
Speaker 8: wasn't it wasn't me. So that's why I said, it's
8:23
Speaker 8: the state of mind. But it had to be something
8:26
Speaker 8: that he saw that was like you know what this.
8:30
Speaker 9: What was yourll interactions like were you like trying to
8:32
Speaker 9: fix him or something or were you telling.
8:33
Speaker 1: Him he needs to do this, this and this with
8:35
Speaker 1: his life? Like what interactions? Nothing like that, Nothing like that.
8:41
Speaker 8: I mean we would we would go to lunch, we
8:44
Speaker 8: would do next, we would have great conversations. We would
8:49
Speaker 8: be on the phone for hours. I your guess is
8:53
Speaker 8: as good as mine. Like I said, he was a homeowner,
8:56
Speaker 8: very responsible, He wasn't single fool, he wasn't single father
9:01
Speaker 8: of three boys, very great with them, making moves on,
9:06
Speaker 8: you know, on his own.
9:08
Speaker 3: I have a question, what do you do for work?
9:10
Speaker 4: Like what is.
9:13
Speaker 8: So? I'm a certified nursing assistant and entrepreneur. So I
9:16
Speaker 8: work for myself. I have a private client that I
9:19
Speaker 8: work with and I do well with you know, with that,
9:22
Speaker 8: and I have my mixed it up brand. But yeah,
9:25
Speaker 8: I mean, I'm nothing over the top or crazy.
9:29
Speaker 3: Were there ever?
9:30
Speaker 2: So, because you're an entrepreneur and it seems like you're
9:33
Speaker 2: very goal oriented, did you find yourself at any point ever?
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Speaker 3: Just naturally not?
9:40
Speaker 2: Uh not depending on him for things like just small
9:44
Speaker 2: things like needing your car washed. He's there even let
9:48
Speaker 2: of them take the trash out going to him about
9:50
Speaker 2: things that you need and help with Like, how how
9:53
Speaker 2: good were you as saying I need help?
9:57
Speaker 8: I never asked him for him, I never asked him
10:01
Speaker 8: for any help.
10:02
Speaker 1: I think that's the reason to leave though.
10:04
Speaker 8: The only thing that I can think of, Lauren is
10:07
Speaker 8: maybe like because he was a single father of three
10:10
Speaker 8: and a homeowner, his money wasn't He did make that known.
10:14
Speaker 8: His money wasn't where it needed to be.
10:16
Speaker 2: Okay, hold on real quick, don't even continue. Can I
10:19
Speaker 2: just say right here that yeah, and Brandy is the
10:22
Speaker 2: man in the room. But so, what I've learned about
10:26
Speaker 2: men is instead of just saying I'm not in a
10:28
Speaker 2: space to receive all of this right now, you guys
10:31
Speaker 2: will want to stick around, will do the things, and
10:34
Speaker 2: then it's like, now we're trying to figure out what
10:36
Speaker 2: we did wrong when realistically, you guys are just not
10:38
Speaker 2: good at being like not right now either for financi
10:41
Speaker 2: especially if it's a financial reason.
10:44
Speaker 9: I mean that our finances directly correlate to like our emotions,
10:48
Speaker 9: your emotion.
10:50
Speaker 1: Like a man out of nowhere, he just went broke.
10:56
Speaker 9: I think we'll do our best in that situation, like
10:59
Speaker 9: will continue to see if we can really handle it,
11:01
Speaker 9: and if we can't, it's like I gotta cut tis
11:04
Speaker 9: Like if we can't, you know, keep up or we
11:06
Speaker 9: feel like we're droughting in this situation because finances me,
11:09
Speaker 9: I can't take you all as much as you would like.
11:11
Speaker 1: Or you want to go on a trip, A dude.
11:13
Speaker 9: Start an argument if you start bring up trips like
11:17
Speaker 9: that A lot of that.
11:19
Speaker 3: Phase of my life.
11:20
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm in a very good you know, my man
11:23
Speaker 2: does very well for he takes very good care of me.
11:25
Speaker 1: That's great.
11:26
Speaker 3: But learning partnership is a thing.
11:28
Speaker 2: And that's why I asked you that, Shamika, because like
11:30
Speaker 2: I've always been, I didn't realize until I got with
11:33
Speaker 2: a person who is like able to do and not
11:37
Speaker 2: even just financially, but just like because he's you know,
11:40
Speaker 2: we're both in very good places in our career, and like,
11:43
Speaker 2: even though we're so building, we're in spaces where like
11:46
Speaker 2: we can do for each other.
11:48
Speaker 3: I'm not used to having that.
11:49
Speaker 2: I'm used to being a person that does everything for
11:51
Speaker 2: everybody in my businesses and work life. I literally had
11:55
Speaker 2: to have a conversation recently where I was like, I
11:58
Speaker 2: want you to know I don't know how to ask
11:59
Speaker 2: you for help, so like when I say to you that,
12:03
Speaker 2: like you know, I might get mad and be like
12:05
Speaker 2: I don't need you, and it's like, no, I really do.
12:07
Speaker 2: I'm just upset that I don't know how to tell
12:09
Speaker 2: you that and you don't just naturally know to like
12:12
Speaker 2: see that in me.
12:13
Speaker 3: And I was like, that's not fair.
12:14
Speaker 2: So I had to have a conversation with him and
12:16
Speaker 2: be like, I don't even know how to tell you
12:18
Speaker 2: I need you sometimes, so like I don't want because
12:21
Speaker 2: he was like, well, am I supposed to like read
12:23
Speaker 2: your mind? And I'm like, I don't want you to
12:25
Speaker 2: read my mind. But like then I started thinking about it,
12:27
Speaker 2: I'm like, how can you even answer that?
12:29
Speaker 3: Like I don't want you to read my mind? But
12:31
Speaker 3: what Lauren, Like, it's either you do where you don't.
12:34
Speaker 2: So I had to be real with myself and be like, okay,
12:37
Speaker 2: because I've never seen a woman really rely on a man.
12:40
Speaker 2: I've never had men in my life that I could
12:42
Speaker 2: like fully, solely, one hundred percent rely on. But I'm
12:45
Speaker 2: telling God like, Okay, I want a partner. I want
12:48
Speaker 2: someone who's vision I can trust. I want to you know,
12:50
Speaker 2: I'm telling God all that. Then this person is brought
12:53
Speaker 2: into my life and I'm like, girl, you in your
12:55
Speaker 2: own way, like you're it's like you're moving a gold
12:58
Speaker 2: post and you're setting a like a a finish line
13:00
Speaker 2: that he doesn't even know it is there.
13:01
Speaker 9: But you know what, that's not your fault if you
13:04
Speaker 9: had to do that, because whatever task needs to be done,
13:07
Speaker 9: so you have to take that role. But I think
13:11
Speaker 9: if you are a man that is fit to lead,
13:12
Speaker 9: you're gonna earn it regardless, you know what I mean.
13:14
Speaker 9: So I don't think you should like, I don't think
13:16
Speaker 9: you should have left.
13:17
Speaker 1: You should make it.
13:18
Speaker 2: By the way, listen, if you think you lonely now,
13:25
Speaker 2: you shouldn't be.
13:25
Speaker 4: That's just said to you.
13:28
Speaker 9: But I mean, if he was like fit to lead,
13:30
Speaker 9: he would have, you know, eventually earned it naturally. Yeah
13:32
Speaker 9: figured it out, well, yeah figured it out, you know,
13:35
Speaker 9: But I was able to take out the trash.
13:38
Speaker 1: He would do that on his own.
13:39
Speaker 2: And just like you know, I use that as like
13:41
Speaker 2: a surface level thing because I think sometimes with women
13:44
Speaker 2: like you know, and taking it back to what ur
13:45
Speaker 2: Lenux said right like she was saying, how like she
13:48
Speaker 2: keeps meeting men that she's so secure in herself that
13:51
Speaker 2: they don't even like they don't like her because of it.
13:54
Speaker 2: Sometimes you do meet men who are just jealous of
13:57
Speaker 2: the women that they encounter. That is a thing for real,
13:59
Speaker 2: Like that, Yeah happens. But I think sometimes if we
14:03
Speaker 2: are looking deeper into it and looking at like where
14:06
Speaker 2: both of us come in, I think everybody has these
14:08
Speaker 2: insecurities around being wanted and needed, but.
14:12
Speaker 3: None of us ever want to admit it.
14:13
Speaker 9: We talk real quick though, because you think him approaching
14:17
Speaker 9: and texting Arilenox and being on the phone and dating,
14:19
Speaker 9: he didn't know who are Lennox was and he didn't expect.
14:21
Speaker 1: It to have it.
14:22
Speaker 2: Some let me tell you some some men get off
14:24
Speaker 2: on I've conquered a woman like an Rilenox, and I
14:27
Speaker 2: can make a woman like ri Lennox question herself and
14:29
Speaker 2: women I like, I literally tell like like I have
14:33
Speaker 2: so many homegirls that are like like out here, Like
14:36
Speaker 2: when I say like killing it, I mean killing it.
14:38
Speaker 2: But there are men in their lives, and I'm like,
14:40
Speaker 2: you don't see the pattern, like this man gets off
14:43
Speaker 2: on making you feel like you are not who you
14:45
Speaker 2: show up every day to the world to be. And
14:47
Speaker 2: there are men because And I don't think that. It's
14:49
Speaker 2: like all men are horrible, and that's why I think
14:52
Speaker 2: men have their own insecurities. I think men have their
14:54
Speaker 2: own trauma that makes that okay in their mind, and
14:57
Speaker 2: it's not okay. I don't think no woman should stick
14:59
Speaker 2: around for that vice versa two. I know women who
15:02
Speaker 2: like they need to date men who are doing less
15:04
Speaker 2: than them, and I was like, at one point I
15:07
Speaker 2: thought I was gonna end up like that.
15:09
Speaker 9: I think women think that all those accomplishments is going
15:12
Speaker 9: to make her more attractive, and it doesn't.
15:14
Speaker 1: I think men, let's get into that.
15:16
Speaker 9: I don't think men care as long as you like
15:18
Speaker 9: taking care of yourself, you're not like I guess leaning
15:22
Speaker 9: us dry essentially, like I don't think men really care
15:24
Speaker 9: about like.
15:25
Speaker 2: I don't think y'all. Don't y'all way go find men
15:30
Speaker 2: will go find a girl with nothing but one pair
15:33
Speaker 2: of pennies. It will build y'all will just do anything.
15:38
Speaker 9: Men literally do anything anything if she's a nice lady.
15:42
Speaker 2: And because for a woman, because I think it's the stereotype,
15:46
Speaker 2: because for a woman should because you can assess this too,
15:49
Speaker 2: for a woman. If you are a woman that has
15:51
Speaker 2: your job, you said, you know, you got your town home,
15:54
Speaker 2: so you a homeowner, you got your car, You're comfortable
15:57
Speaker 2: in your life. If you bring anybody that is other
16:00
Speaker 2: than what you can equally doing for yourself, you hear
16:03
Speaker 2: from friends family like they're confused why that you're even
16:06
Speaker 2: dating that person.
16:07
Speaker 8: A man doesn't get that.
16:08
Speaker 1: I think of my point a little bit.
16:10
Speaker 9: My point more is that men build attractive by their
16:13
Speaker 9: success and money and stuff like that. And I think
16:17
Speaker 9: for some reason women think it's the same for them,
16:19
Speaker 9: but it's not.
16:19
Speaker 1: I don't think men.
16:20
Speaker 9: Care some dude obviously, but I don't think for the
16:23
Speaker 9: most part, like we're looking for, So what are y'all
16:25
Speaker 9: looking for?
16:26
Speaker 3: Because when we say it's just the physical.
16:29
Speaker 9: Thing, I'm not The physical is a big thing for men.
16:32
Speaker 9: But like the companionship. Can I hang out with you
16:34
Speaker 9: and really be.
16:35
Speaker 3: So who you are as a person?
16:36
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think we care much more about that.
16:38
Speaker 2: Really, you've seen I'mika.
16:43
Speaker 8: You still there, I'm here.
16:45
Speaker 2: We just wanted to say thank you for calling in
16:47
Speaker 2: and sharing your story and and you know, add into
16:50
Speaker 2: the conversation. Did you have anything else that you wanted
16:52
Speaker 2: to add?
16:52
Speaker 3: Do you know? Just in what we were talking about.
16:54
Speaker 8: So so yeah, I definitely brandon you. You highlighted them
17:00
Speaker 8: things or you highlighted somethings, but ultimately, just be yourself
17:06
Speaker 8: when it comes to dating. The person that gets you
17:10
Speaker 8: will get you, you know what I'm saying. And don't
17:13
Speaker 8: let anybody you know, don't get try to get validation
17:16
Speaker 8: from anyone, you know what I'm saying. The gentleman that
17:19
Speaker 8: I was talking about, guess what, he married a young
17:22
Speaker 8: lady that worked with him. They had a baby together.
17:25
Speaker 8: So what's for you is for you, and that's about it.
17:30
Speaker 8: I love these healthy dialogues, yes, and seeing both aspects
17:34
Speaker 8: of it from a man and a woman. And that's
17:36
Speaker 8: the part of my brand as well, mix it up
17:39
Speaker 8: my battle of the sexist game. So yeah, where can
17:43
Speaker 8: people get your game?
17:44
Speaker 2: And where can they follow your brand? Mix it up
17:46
Speaker 2: for these conversations, and I know you said you do
17:48
Speaker 2: events too. Where can they follow you to find out
17:49
Speaker 2: more information?
17:51
Speaker 9: Sure?
17:51
Speaker 8: So mix it up game time on Instagram, shameek A
17:57
Speaker 8: licens on Instagram and the website is wa b W
18:00
Speaker 8: dot mix it up game dot com.
18:04
Speaker 3: Gotcha?
18:06
Speaker 1: Ms are open? All right?
18:13
Speaker 8: God has for me. God has for me.
18:15
Speaker 4: I'm definitely I'm open.
18:17
Speaker 8: And it's funny that we're speaking about sorry because she
18:23
Speaker 8: was on on Instagram Live last week promoting for her
18:28
Speaker 8: tour Vacancy. I think, is that what it is on Vacancy?
18:33
Speaker 8: And I told her the album. Yes, I got to
18:36
Speaker 8: catch her when she comes to Atlanta or Charlotte. But
18:40
Speaker 8: I told her, I said I can match make you
18:42
Speaker 8: and she was like, what's the sign. I said, Libra.
18:44
Speaker 8: She said, I can deal with a libra. They're liars,
18:47
Speaker 8: but I'll give it a role. So I'm putting that
18:49
Speaker 8: out in the universe. Maybe I can help Miss Lennox
18:54
Speaker 8: with her with her true love. So I'm open and yeah,
19:00
Speaker 8: I'll ask for the libras.
19:04
Speaker 1: Okay, thank you, Sheika, thank.
19:06
Speaker 6: Y'all so much.
19:08
Speaker 4: I had a great time.
19:09
Speaker 6: Thank you.
19:11
Speaker 7: Later.
19:13
Speaker 2: It's crazy though that we're at the age now where
19:16
Speaker 2: like I think it's just like even if men can
19:21
Speaker 2: go grab a woman with nothing and y'all love to
19:23
Speaker 2: do that, that substance matters, like what I'm hearing from you,
19:30
Speaker 2: even though I was like fake surprise, It do be
19:32
Speaker 2: surprising though, like because there are a lot of men
19:34
Speaker 2: who like substance does not matter.
19:36
Speaker 3: It's all about the.
19:37
Speaker 2: Look, and a lot of times are The next is
19:40
Speaker 2: talking about experiencing men with things that don't like women
19:43
Speaker 2: who come to the table with things. I'll try experiencing
19:46
Speaker 2: men with things who want to control you because of
19:49
Speaker 2: those things. Like so many women operate from a place
19:52
Speaker 2: of like I'm gonna show you I don't need you
19:54
Speaker 2: because I don't want you to manipulate me.
19:56
Speaker 3: It's sad.
19:57
Speaker 2: It's not even like a thing of like the man
19:59
Speaker 2: does and want you to have things or whatever. It's
20:01
Speaker 2: like a defense like just in case you ever tried,
20:04
Speaker 2: I'm gonna make sure I got my own and the
20:07
Speaker 2: type of love that I always want to be in
20:08
Speaker 2: an experience, especially like talking about marriage and stuff. I
20:12
Speaker 2: never want to feel like that, Yeah, like I never
20:14
Speaker 2: want to plan for like you know, let me go
20:17
Speaker 2: build my bunker over here in case the war go
20:19
Speaker 2: down over there, you know.
20:20
Speaker 3: What I'm saying.
20:20
Speaker 2: But like that happens too with like men that are
20:23
Speaker 2: successful and that come with their own things as well.
20:25
Speaker 9: And on the flip side, I have seen where like
20:29
Speaker 9: very successful women do talk down on and I'm not
20:32
Speaker 9: talking about all I had to get better about that,
20:35
Speaker 9: they do talk down on a man that's not doing
20:37
Speaker 9: as well as them. And obviously, like I said, it's
20:39
Speaker 9: not all women, but I have seen those cases and
20:41
Speaker 9: I feel like I can understand a man that doesn't want.
20:44
Speaker 1: To be in that situation.
20:45
Speaker 3: That's true.
20:46
Speaker 2: And even I feel like too, like what I've had
20:49
Speaker 2: to gather my lips to shut up and not happen
20:54
Speaker 2: is I think sometimes when you're so used to being
20:56
Speaker 2: like the person that everybody goes to for everything or
20:59
Speaker 2: whatever ever, your attitude is so much like, but who's
21:03
Speaker 2: gonna check me boo? And then you meet somebody that
21:06
Speaker 2: like y'all should be, it's checks and balances across the board,
21:10
Speaker 2: and it just you know, you just have to learn
21:12
Speaker 2: a whole new way of life vice versa. But it
21:15
Speaker 2: sounds like an Ari situation. Whoever she was sitting down
21:18
Speaker 2: with is a little toxic and I don't know why.
21:21
Speaker 2: All right, I love you since every guy that is
21:24
Speaker 2: just always so toxic, it sounds like it, she says.
21:29
Speaker 1: She gets bored of the nice guys she did. Alright,
21:33
Speaker 1: I know you're going to see that.
21:34
Speaker 2: You're going to see this, right, And I know she
21:37
Speaker 2: was explaining more about the the guy that she had
21:40
Speaker 2: talked about while she was on the Breakfast Club and
21:42
Speaker 2: people were pissed off about her too, and that was
21:44
Speaker 2: a toxic situation as well. But very alright, when you
21:48
Speaker 2: see this, what I had to learn was it's not
21:51
Speaker 2: about like good guy boring, bad guy not boring. It's
21:55
Speaker 2: about like, all right, what am I attracted to? Why
21:58
Speaker 2: am I attracted to it? And what does that say
22:00
Speaker 2: about myself? Because you can find somebody that like you
22:04
Speaker 2: not gonna play around with and he don't have to
22:06
Speaker 2: be super toxic either, Like what, No, that I'm just
22:10
Speaker 2: because because I think a lot of women, especially the
22:13
Speaker 2: younger you are, that's your mindset is like I want
22:16
Speaker 2: to run around with the bad guy, and it's like, no,
22:18
Speaker 2: you can get you somebody that'll.
22:19
Speaker 9: Situation need some you know, amount of that thrill. So
22:23
Speaker 9: I would suggest just getting you a nice guy that
22:26
Speaker 9: can still fulfill some of that excitement.
22:27
Speaker 1: I always want somehow.
22:28
Speaker 2: But you know what I learned the time that I
22:32
Speaker 2: was single, from my last relationship that I was in
22:34
Speaker 2: for a super long time to like being by myself.
22:38
Speaker 2: What I learned was that the need for that thrill,
22:42
Speaker 2: or not even need for the thrill, because you can
22:44
Speaker 2: have thrill.
22:45
Speaker 3: In a person.
22:45
Speaker 2: If you're attracted to a person, things are going to
22:47
Speaker 2: bring you through right that. I feel like we as
22:51
Speaker 2: when we met. When we say stuff like that, we
22:52
Speaker 2: mask it as oh my god, I need that thrill
22:54
Speaker 2: or I need him to be rough or I need this,
22:56
Speaker 2: And it's like, no, you don't understand that you're worse
23:00
Speaker 2: enough for someone to treat you good. You think that
23:03
Speaker 2: that thrill, that excitement, there's something that it like brings
23:08
Speaker 2: in you, and it's a feeling that brings in you.
23:10
Speaker 2: But like, to be honest, like when I started thinking
23:14
Speaker 2: back about like the people that I was dealing with
23:16
Speaker 2: and why and the things that I like them for,
23:17
Speaker 2: I'm like, dang, what do I think about myself?
23:20
Speaker 9: So I've had this conversation with some female friends and
23:23
Speaker 9: it seems like, especially when they hit like thirties, when
23:26
Speaker 9: they get more.
23:27
Speaker 1: Mature, they more so want peace.
23:29
Speaker 9: But what like I want to hear, like what your
23:31
Speaker 9: point of view is, Like what kind of like changes
23:34
Speaker 9: and what do you replace that what you're seeking for?
23:38
Speaker 2: It doesn't when you meet the right person, it doesn't replace,
23:41
Speaker 2: like it's still there that whole, like you know, for me,
23:45
Speaker 2: I definitely like I'm not for everybody, Like I need
23:48
Speaker 2: somebody that's gonna, you know, get with me a little bit,
23:50
Speaker 2: you know, my mouth a little crazy. Sometimes I also
23:53
Speaker 2: want somebody that, like, you know, I can take around
23:56
Speaker 2: my family, my friends and you know where I'm from
23:58
Speaker 2: and all that, and they're comfortable, so like cut from
24:00
Speaker 2: a certain cloth. It's definitely like you know what I want.
24:04
Speaker 2: But at the same time, like I thought, I remember
24:07
Speaker 2: being younger and thinking it was just like I thought
24:10
Speaker 2: that it was so attractive that like I'm arguing and
24:13
Speaker 2: I gotta you're cheating and you're it's like, okay, it's
24:16
Speaker 2: the bad boy.
24:16
Speaker 3: That is the stupidest thing ever, Like I it is.
24:20
Speaker 9: But I get it also because some people come from
24:23
Speaker 9: that world where it's like if you don't care, you're
24:26
Speaker 9: quiet you yelling and showing some passion and some means
24:29
Speaker 9: you care.
24:30
Speaker 2: But yeah, if you were a person, y'all gonna yell
24:33
Speaker 2: about something and the yelling true, but the yelling can happen.
24:37
Speaker 2: I don't want to yell about are you cheating on me?
24:40
Speaker 2: I don't want to put my body safety at harm.
24:43
Speaker 2: I don't want to raise my kids in the household
24:45
Speaker 2: where they're used to seeing their dad treat me like,
24:47
Speaker 2: you know ways that I don't want my daughters to
24:49
Speaker 2: be treated like. It's so much things. Now that I
24:52
Speaker 2: think about it, I'm like, yo, you that was crazy,
24:54
Speaker 2: Like you thought that like that meant like that you
24:57
Speaker 2: had that man feeling a certain way. No, if you
24:59
Speaker 2: really that man feeling a certain way, it wouldn't even
25:02
Speaker 2: feel good to him to hurt you. Yeah, because the
25:04
Speaker 2: yelling and that, that's what I'm saying, Like that whole
25:06
Speaker 2: passion and the thrill and like whatever, that's gonna come
25:10
Speaker 2: in so many other ways other than he treats you
25:12
Speaker 2: horribly or he's putting his own life at risk trying
25:15
Speaker 2: to figure out certain things or whatever like that thrill
25:17
Speaker 2: comes so many things, my man, That thrill comes so
25:20
Speaker 2: many different ways, and so many different like things once
25:23
Speaker 2: you really find and lock in with a person and wants.
25:25
Speaker 3: You emotionally mature.
25:27
Speaker 2: But like, man, I sometimes I think back even I
25:30
Speaker 2: would watch old Breakfast Club segments when I was like single,
25:33
Speaker 2: and I was like, just like not too long ago,
25:36
Speaker 2: and I'd be sitting there like, oh, like what what
25:41
Speaker 2: was my mind stay about myself at that time?
25:43
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know.
25:44
Speaker 9: I think it was you talking about it and maybe
25:46
Speaker 9: you could wrap it up with this, but you were
25:47
Speaker 9: talking about how you accept good things, things.
25:55
Speaker 1: Like you sorry.
25:56
Speaker 9: You were talking about how you don't want to mess up,
25:57
Speaker 9: like you have a good man. I'm talking about, Yeah,
26:00
Speaker 9: I'm good man. How do you not like mess it up?
26:02
Speaker 2: Because yeah, because because I'm so used to like bullshit.
26:07
Speaker 2: And what I realize is everybody comes with their shit.
26:10
Speaker 2: Like a good man doesn't mean he's a perfect man.
26:13
Speaker 2: It just means he's a good man. His character is good.
26:16
Speaker 2: I know he's gonna treat me good. I can trust that,
26:18
Speaker 2: but I also have to trust it. So for me,
26:21
Speaker 2: it was like and even now, like sometimes it's any
26:23
Speaker 2: little thing, I'm like, oh nope, see that's why I
26:26
Speaker 2: got my own and I'm trying to like really teach
26:29
Speaker 2: myself to not be that way, because I feel like
26:31
Speaker 2: you you take away from your experience. Like it's like
26:35
Speaker 2: if you're outside in the summertime ninety degrees, it's not
26:38
Speaker 2: supposed to rain, but you're anticipating rain, so you outside,
26:41
Speaker 2: all bundled up hot, walk away, like you're not getting
26:44
Speaker 2: to experience the full summer day. Like think about that, right,
26:49
Speaker 2: because I'm really trying to explain like sometimes like the
26:51
Speaker 2: place I put myself in mentally and I always have
26:54
Speaker 2: to talk myself back off the ledge because even my
26:56
Speaker 2: crash out around it be like and it's like, oh,
27:00
Speaker 2: you just did all of that, and it's like why.
27:03
Speaker 2: So I think there are men in whom I know,
27:06
Speaker 2: men who have experienced this too. But I think that's
27:09
Speaker 2: that's also something that like you realize not even as
27:12
Speaker 2: you get older, just as you get away from certain
27:15
Speaker 2: things and you see people in like good situations, Like
27:18
Speaker 2: I always thought like I didn't know people who were
27:21
Speaker 2: happily married for real, for real, like maybe only a
27:24
Speaker 2: few of them.
27:24
Speaker 3: But I know young people.
27:25
Speaker 2: I have like one, maybe two young couples that are
27:29
Speaker 2: happily married too that I can think of right now.
27:32
Speaker 2: Other than that, I you know, my friends that have kids,
27:35
Speaker 2: like you know, it's not like you're married, you're happy,
27:39
Speaker 2: and their kids are blessings. But like what I saw
27:42
Speaker 2: wasn't what I wanted. So I just was doing what
27:46
Speaker 2: I knew, you know what I mean. And then I realized,
27:48
Speaker 2: I'm like, girl, you gonna you're never gonna enjoy that
27:51
Speaker 2: summer day like this, and then you're gonna run that
27:53
Speaker 2: man away, even though he not perfect too, You're gonna
27:56
Speaker 2: run him away. Like, I don't want to be the
27:58
Speaker 2: reason that, like I mess up something good if it's
28:00
Speaker 2: not meant to be, it's not meant to be.
28:01
Speaker 3: But I don't want to cause.
28:02
Speaker 9: This issue I originally need to learn something I have
28:05
Speaker 9: to learn with Like it's not being so comfortable like
28:08
Speaker 9: arguing all the time, like trying to like talk it
28:10
Speaker 9: out more because I kind of grew up in the
28:11
Speaker 9: househo where like my parents like would argue, but they're
28:14
Speaker 9: really homies. They don't just it's like high school, yeah,
28:16
Speaker 9: they were like at the end of the day, they're
28:17
Speaker 9: probably watching TV. So I always thought that was like
28:20
Speaker 9: you could really argue all the time and still be
28:22
Speaker 9: like that's it. But like some people just don't walk
28:24
Speaker 9: you know, yeah, like you are a bring up because
28:27
Speaker 9: where are you into? But like it was confused above,
28:29
Speaker 9: like some people it's just like that.
28:31
Speaker 3: So man, it's so much.
28:32
Speaker 2: Y'll here that you gotta figure out relationships like so
28:35
Speaker 2: much and.
28:36
Speaker 1: There's no right answer. That's this constant learning.
28:38
Speaker 2: No, and sometimes to be honest with you, I feel
28:41
Speaker 2: like like what our Lenninx is talking about in the
28:43
Speaker 2: dating phase, sometimes you experience stuff like that so you
28:46
Speaker 2: can know what you don't want to experience again too,
28:48
Speaker 2: So you know, everybody go through all right, girl, you're
28:50
Speaker 2: gonna be good. You might need to just take some
28:53
Speaker 2: time of like like just cleanse to yourself, like I
28:56
Speaker 2: don't know. But this has been another episode of the
28:59
Speaker 2: Latest with Laurada Rosa. We were on the line with
29:02
Speaker 2: Lorda Rosa today talking.
29:03
Speaker 3: All things men and you.
29:06
Speaker 2: Know how they can't handle when you're bringing your own
29:08
Speaker 2: table to the table. Great, let's see you in the
29:13
Speaker 2: next episode.