Latest / Nightmare Success In and Out / Female Prison Artist shares dark story - Elizabeth Mikotowicz

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Female Prison Artist shares dark story - Elizabeth Mikotowicz · Nightmare Success In and Out

• 0:01
  What happens when your worst fear becomes your reality?
• 0:03
  Hi, I'm Brent Cassidy. Welcome to the Nightmare Success
• 0:06
  In and Out podcast, where we explore how to overcome your
• 0:09
  fears and nightmares and set yourself free.
• 0:12
  We're going to be exploring this topic with guys that was in
• 0:15
  Leavenworth with and others who survived their own nightmare.
• 0:19
  These stories can be inspiring, sometimes.
• 0:22
  Sad. There's some humor, but
• 0:24
  hopefully you can come away with a nugget of something that'll
• 0:27
  help you knock down some of the prisons you built up in your own
• 0:30
  mind. Welcome back, nightmare success
• 0:35
  listeners. You guys come here to hear you.
• 0:38
  Know what happens when your worst fear becomes your reality?
• 0:40
  How do you adapt? How do you survive?
• 0:41
  How do you overcome? Set yourself free.
• 0:43
  Well, I've got a kind of interesting story here today.
• 0:48
  I think Elizabeth came to me through like a LinkedIn
• 0:51
  connection, which I think that was like one of the first.
• 0:53
  I've had all kinds of different people that have referred, but I
• 0:56
  don't think it ever came through LinkedIn.
• 0:58
  So this is, I love this. I love it when there's
• 1:01
  connections made and all kinds of and perfect.
• 1:05
  So I Elizabeth. But let me make sure I say that
• 1:10
  right. How do you say it, Elizabeth?
• 1:13
  Mckatowitz, Mckatowitz, Mckatowitz.
• 1:16
  And she told me right before I got on.
• 1:17
  Now I'm looking at it. I'm thinking, wait, what was
• 1:19
  that? What was that?
• 1:20
  Mckatowitz. Elizabeth Mckatowitz.
• 1:24
  And I'll tell you Elizabeth, fascinating story.
• 1:27
  I mean, I've been reading up on her and she kinda had a normal
• 1:35
  childhood, you know, there there was up in Maine.
• 1:38
  It sounded pretty and you know, she was adopted when she was
• 1:41
  when she was young, but she was, she had some good parents and I
• 1:45
  think her dad was a teacher, but then she got into some really
• 1:48
  bad relationships with men that were abusive.
• 1:51
  She ends up in the hospital on some terrible fights from
• 1:55
  abusive men and that ends up being leading her into
• 1:59
  painkillers and getting addicted to painkillers.
• 2:02
  And then the rest of it is that she's got, she gets to prison
• 2:08
  and she she's going to tell us about some of the stories that
• 2:10
  she's got from prison. But it's it's interesting how
• 2:13
  she can tell the story because she tells a good story, but her
• 2:16
  side hustle, she's an incredible artist and she's actually, she
• 2:21
  did a lot for inmates when she was in as her side hustle
• 2:25
  painting like coffee cups and different things and walls in
• 2:29
  the prison. And she's used that as she's
• 2:32
  come out and think she's been out for about 5 years now.
• 2:35
  But she's a successful artist with selling her art.
• 2:38
  She's actually entered the art world and and has a clothing
• 2:41
  line that is kind of blended in to some of her art.
• 2:45
  So I can't wait to get into this because it's always good to have
• 2:48
  a female here on this podcast. You know, we have them from time
• 2:52
  to time and they always have great stories because it comes
• 2:54
  from the different side of the of what's going on.
• 2:56
  But it's always blended. There's always some things that
• 2:59
  are very, very similar. But before we get into that, I
• 3:03
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  Auto Plaza, direct.com. Tell them Brent from Nightmare
• 3:54
  Success sent you Elizabeth welcome in.
• 3:58
  Thank you for being here. Thanks for being on the show.
• 4:03
  Thank you for having me. So you you have it and you've
• 4:06
  got these dogs that you're rescuing now, which I love.
• 4:09
  I love dogs. And and we were just talking
• 4:12
  before we got on. There's this cute little black
• 4:14
  puppy dog that somebody dropped off and left.
• 4:18
  Yeah. And Elizabeth.
• 4:18
  Just keeps she just keeps taking them.
• 4:21
  I mean, how many of these, how many of these rescue dogs do you
• 4:23
  have? Well, I have few more full grown
• 4:28
  dogs that kind of come and go when they please.
• 4:31
  When I found Bandit and Bowser, their ears were like all bloody
• 4:35
  and filled with puss and they were just in really bad shape,
• 4:40
  so I kind of got them back. You know, a good healthy state
• 4:45
  and they come by every day for food.
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  And I'm at like Ground Zero to where people just dump their
• 4:50
  dogs and it's terrible. It is.
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  And like some people a couple doors down, they left that
• 4:55
  little black puppy outside and he was sleeping in a trash can.
• 4:59
  And yeah, it was terrible. And so I started feeding them
• 5:03
  and taking them in and then they moved.
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  Didn't even look for him. So he.
• 5:07
  He's mine now. I guess it's awful.
• 5:09
  I mean it's great that he found it home.
• 5:11
  I mean, that's great that you were able to take him in, cuz
• 5:14
  the otherwise he'd be sleeping in a trash can.
• 5:16
  Yeah. So Elizabeth, tell me cuz you
• 5:20
  have a really interesting story on how all this kind of evolved
• 5:24
  with you. But can you take us back a
• 5:26
  little bit to the young years with Elizabeth, you being a kid
• 5:31
  and how you were growing up? You know, I I was adopted at
• 5:36
  like 2 weeks old. So I mean there was no, like
• 5:39
  immediate trauma. But there is, there is always
• 5:42
  trauma with adoption no matter what.
• 5:43
  And that was something that I kind of had to come to terms
• 5:46
  with in my later years. I wasn't really even aware of
• 5:49
  it. But you know, great growing up,
• 5:53
  my parents divorced. So, I mean, that was a little
• 5:55
  bit messy, but it wasn't like abusive and toxic and you know.
• 5:59
  Violent or anything. How old would you?
• 6:01
  When that happened when the parents got a divorce.
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  I was like 5 or 6. So you were young?
• 6:08
  Yeah. Yeah, I was young and but once I
• 6:13
  got out on my own. You know, I was, I was high
• 6:17
  functioning autistic and they always misdiagnosed me.
• 6:20
  Like I didn't even find out until this year that I was high
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  functioning autistic. Like I've been diagnosed
• 6:25
  bipolar, depression, ADHD, everything under the sun pretty
• 6:29
  much. And they'd always give me these
• 6:31
  medications and it always go horribly wrong.
• 6:35
  And you know, I got kind of started a little bit in high
• 6:38
  school where, you know, they did they I was giving, they gave me
• 6:41
  Prozac and I started like. Suicidal ideations.
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  That wasn't normal for me. And like, I started like, you
• 6:50
  know, having like visual and audio hallucinations and that's
• 6:54
  why those medications are so dangerous.
• 6:56
  If you get them wrong, like people just think, oh, you're
• 6:59
  going to take a pill and things are going to be better and it's
• 7:02
  actually really dangerous. You know, you might as well be
• 7:06
  taking LSD if they get the wrong one because it's these are
• 7:10
  chemicals that are affecting your brain and not everyone is
• 7:13
  the same. I noticed, you know I had to go
• 7:15
  talked about that when you, I don't want to jump ahead here.
• 7:19
  But you talked about that when you got out of prison that you
• 7:21
  were, you were taking lithium and a lot of different things
• 7:25
  that they had you on in prison that you eventually were able to
• 7:28
  get off of. They were really messing you up
• 7:30
  and how you were getting through.
• 7:32
  But I don't want to go there yet, but I just remember you
• 7:35
  talking about that as as a whole issue.
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  So like, I struggled a little bit, a little bit with that and
• 7:42
  but it didn't get like too bad. But then when I, you know,
• 7:46
  reached the adulthood I was getting in a relationship with
• 7:50
  really toxic men and. Yeah, my son Elizabeth, I wanna
• 7:57
  go into that a little bit because the your relationship
• 8:01
  sounded like they were so violent.
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  And did you going into it, did you have kind of a feel that
• 8:09
  this guy was like this, that he was as bad as he was or did it
• 8:13
  just come on? One day and it just became part
• 8:15
  of it. No.
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  He literally got drunk one night and it was like a different
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  personality. Like, I mean, his eyes changed
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  it. Like the way he held himself
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  change. It was like a completely
• 8:26
  different person. And like, yeah, his eyes went,
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  you know, kind of. It was, it was just different.
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  I don't really know how to explain it.
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  It was absolutely terrifying and like he had.
• 8:40
  The first time he hit me, he was drunk and he like, kicked me
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  across the room. I bathed the back of my head off
• 8:47
  the radiator. Then he like rag dog me all
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  around the room. It looked like somebody got
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  killed in there. There was blood sprayed like on
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  the walls, like, and I was drunk too.
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  So when you're you're drunk, you bleed more.
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  And that was the first head injury.
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  And then about a month later he was complaining about not having
• 9:06
  a cigarette and I was like get a job then and that was it.
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  And he took a wooden dowel, shoved me in the bathroom like I
• 9:17
  was like in the tugs, like knocked over and.
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  I didn't know I was pregnant at the time.
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  And he took a wooden dowel and he threw it at me and it hit me
• 9:26
  right above my eye. If it had been like, lower, it
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  would, it would kill me. But I mean, you could see my
• 9:32
  skull when it happened. They had to sew the muscle back,
• 9:36
  then the skin back. And when they gave me opioids,
• 9:41
  and at first I took them and then they're like, well, you're
• 9:43
  going to have to go to the pain clinic now.
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  And I'm like, okay, so I go to the pain clinic.
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  And they're like you're and like finding out I'm pregnant while
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  I'm at the hospital for this so. And I already had my 14 month
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  old daughter. Was it with him?
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  No, no. From a different relationship.
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  And I was 15 when I got with this guy and he was like 22.
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  So when him and I fought, it was like fighting a girl that was a
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  little tougher than me. Like he wasn't.
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  Like, yeah, he. Like, he was the type that would
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  threaten to kill himself and cry.
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  Like if I wanted to break up with him.
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  And it was like that kind of talk to me.
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  This was completely different. The second relationship was
• 10:25
  completely different. And like, he'd hit me once and
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  I'd be in the emergency room like me and, you know, my
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  daughter's father. We go around and I could defend
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  myself, you know, to a certain extent.
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  But you know, the other guy, he's like a lot bigger, a lot
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  stronger. And, you know, one blow and I
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  was. Almost dead.
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  And when I went to the pain clinic, they're like, all right,
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  you're going to have to come back every two weeks for your
• 10:50
  opioid prescription. And I'm going, I don't want to
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  take opiates when I'm pregnant. Like I don't want to get
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  addicted. I don't like none of that.
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  And they're like, well, you're on too small of a dose to get
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  addicted, which we all know Now 15 years later after how many
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  people have died and how many people have been addicted that
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  that's complete garbage. And they said and also.
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  This is what makes me so mad when I hear people say, oh, you
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  had a choice. You chose to do drugs.
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  No I didn't. There is no choice if there's a
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  consequence when you say no. And they told me that by
• 11:24
  refusing medical treatment, that would result in a call to C PS:.
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  For refusing medical care while I'm pregnant.
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  And you know. This I was now on state
• 11:37
  insurance. So they were saying they would
• 11:39
  call in child protection service if you didn't take what they
• 11:43
  were prescribing you to take? Yeah, basically because my blood
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  pressure kept skyrocketing and they said that was really bad,
• 11:50
  that that would hurt the baby. Yeah.
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  Yeah, and I was going into seizures, and the more pain I
• 11:55
  was in, the more often they would come.
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  But the seizures, Elizabeth, were the seizures from these
• 12:01
  head traumas that. You had.
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  I'd never gotten a seizure before.
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  I would wake up on the ground. Well, I'm curious about.
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  Moment later. The guy that did this, did he
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  get charged with anything or did anything come down on him?
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  No, no, no. I didn't press charges.
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  I didn't like. I didn't think prison was going
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  to help him. And I was just like in shell
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  shock. I think like it really like.
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  I don't know. And I didn't now, like here I
• 12:30
  was like pregnant again. And I was like, I don't wanna
• 12:32
  have another baby, like with by myself.
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  Did they question you at the hospital?
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  What happened? No, I just said I got drunk and
• 12:40
  fell and, you know, took a header a big.
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  One, Right. Okay.
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  Yeah. And yeah, had it.
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  And when I was pregnant, I said I slipped in the shower.
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  And they're like, well, you have low blood pressure from being
• 12:56
  pregnant. So that's believable.
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  And yeah, so, I mean, the abuse got worse.
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  And after I had my son, I really didn't hold back with, you know,
• 13:07
  the prescription anymore. It was helping with the pain.
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  It was helping with the trauma, you know?
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  And I was slowly, yeah, I was slowly, you know, becoming more
• 13:17
  and more addicted, but because I was in so much pain.
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  I blame it on my chronic pain. And I couldn't see at the time
• 13:26
  that, you know, it was more than that.
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  And I just, I was in denial for a long time.
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  Like I didn't detox or anything, like.
• 13:33
  And you know, that was the thing.
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  Like I kept saying like, well, I don't go into withdrawal.
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  So I can't be addicted because I I had a rule.
• 13:40
  I never did it more than five days in a row.
• 13:44
  Did the abuse? Did the abuse stay constant with
• 13:47
  the guy that you were with? Oh yeah, and he he was a drug
• 13:50
  addict too, so he'd take my pills from me and do them so it.
• 13:55
  Was a bad, bad combo. Yeah, very, very bad combo.
• 13:57
  And yeah, the abuse got worse. He would trap me in the bathroom
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  and he would literally torture me for hours.
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  Like, he would make me get naked and get in the tub, strangle me
• 14:08
  with my own curling iron cord, burn me with cigarettes like
• 14:10
  take knives and act like he's going to stab me.
• 14:12
  Like it would start with me begging.
• 14:15
  For my life. And it would end with me begging
• 14:18
  him to kill me and just get it over with.
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  Awful. Did your Did your parents know
• 14:21
  about this? No, I was really good at hiding
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  it. And I was scared because I knew
• 14:28
  if CPS got involved, they would take my children.
• 14:31
  Yeah, you know, any type of domestic violence or anything
• 14:34
  like that, CPS will take your children from you.
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  They don't help victims, you know, they make their lives
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  harder. And you know, were you working
• 14:44
  at the time when with the kids and all this going?
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  I worked periodically and he would take all my money from me
• 14:50
  like I and go do drugs with it. Sounds like a great guy.
• 14:54
  It was, yeah, it was really bad. He wouldn't work.
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  He wouldn't do anything. Like, I literally supported him.
• 15:00
  And yeah, he took for me and my children all the time, you know,
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  And he, the other injury I sustained from him, is he
• 15:08
  strangled me so bad that? He crushed my my windpipe.
• 15:14
  And so I would have these, yeah, well, you're 600 times more
• 15:19
  likely to get killed by a partner if they strangle you.
• 15:23
  And I didn't know that till like after he was gone and whatever.
• 15:26
  But he crushed my vocal cord and it was kind of, the doctor
• 15:31
  explained it like, you know, when you have a plastic tube and
• 15:34
  you bend it, you can straighten it out again, but it still has
• 15:37
  that crease and it, so it's weak in that spot.
• 15:41
  That's what was happening with my windpipe.
• 15:43
  And if I would hiccup or if I moved the wrong way, it would
• 15:47
  shut and it would, like, go together and I would completely
• 15:50
  cut off my oxygen. I would have to chug water just
• 15:54
  to be able to breathe. And this would go on for like 20
• 15:56
  minutes to an hour, like, and it would get to the point where I
• 15:59
  drank so much water I'd be throwing it back up.
• 16:03
  And I literally couldn't breathe without it.
• 16:05
  It was absolutely terrifying. And you know, I was getting
• 16:09
  like. Grew loose because, you know,
• 16:12
  after I, I eventually he eventually put me in the
• 16:15
  hospital for the last time. Got high speed chase, you know,
• 16:18
  came after me with a shotgun on the staircase and eventually he
• 16:23
  went to prison for three years. So that was like the final
• 16:27
  showdown. The last time he put me in the
• 16:29
  hospital, like came after me, I mean, held me hostage, sexually
• 16:33
  assaulted me. Like, I for a while, I had the
• 16:38
  Red Miller light shirt that I was wearing when he tore it off
• 16:42
  of me. And the only reason he stopped,
• 16:45
  like, halfway through is, you know, because my son was in the
• 16:48
  other room screaming, terrified because he heard the whole
• 16:51
  thing. So yeah, he stopped because he
• 16:54
  heard his son, you know, terrified at, you know, what was
• 16:58
  going on. And I used to have that Red
• 16:59
  Miller Light pin top hung up in my kitchen just to remind me.
• 17:04
  Never get, you know? Emotionally attacked men and
• 17:08
  remember what they're capable of.
• 17:10
  Yeah. And So what was what was this?
• 17:14
  I'm curious what happened after this when he goes to prison and.
• 17:18
  They had to be around my apartment.
• 17:20
  You lost your apartment? I lost my apartment because of
• 17:22
  him. I was in public housing and the
• 17:23
  cops had shown up. So I lost my public housing
• 17:27
  because of him. I went to Spruce run the
• 17:30
  Battered women's shelter and they turned me away with two
• 17:34
  beds open and they said your situation is too severe and it
• 17:39
  puts the other women shelter in nature First they called me a
• 17:42
  liar. I was like shell shocked.
• 17:44
  I had no tears left, like I was like stone cold, like hard like
• 17:49
  no emotion. They said they didn't believe me
• 17:52
  because when other women came in.
• 17:55
  They were crying, they were upset.
• 17:57
  I had no emotion. So the women's shelter turned
• 18:01
  you away? Yes.
• 18:02
  Wow, that's that was the first time I said all right, so I went
• 18:05
  and I got my hospital records and I went and I got the police
• 18:08
  and they they said, now they said this is second time.
• 18:12
  They said if. OK, well, your situation is too
• 18:16
  severe and it puts the other women in the shelter in danger.
• 18:19
  And your injuries are so expensive, we can't protect you.
• 18:23
  They had two beds open. Wow.
• 18:25
  And that's just the opposite of what you think from one of the
• 18:29
  women's shelters. Then they told me, yeah.
• 18:32
  Then they told me if I didn't leave they would call the cops
• 18:34
  on me. And I had made a deal with my
• 18:36
  father if they wouldn't help me, that I would sign temporary
• 18:40
  guardianship over to him. Because, you know, if he were to
• 18:43
  get out of jail then. You know, he could show up as
• 18:46
  cops and take my children if I'm not there, Sure.
• 18:48
  And since I wasn't, I was still having moments where I was
• 18:51
  blacking out and waking up on the ground, you know, moments
• 18:55
  later. Stop, you guys.
• 18:58
  Puppy. The rest Puppies are tired of
• 19:01
  our interview. Right, Yeah.
• 19:05
  Sorry. Where was I?
• 19:07
  You were saying that you were gonna you were gonna sign over
• 19:10
  custody to your parents, right? Yeah, because I I wasn't like a
• 19:14
  faith. Hair gave her most of the time
• 19:16
  anyway. And a lot of the time I was in
• 19:18
  so much pain. Like I wasn't I wasn't really
• 19:22
  that, you know, present for them anyway.
• 19:25
  And so they and he, he wouldn't be able to take them from my
• 19:29
  father if he showed up at the cost.
• 19:31
  So that was like the best thing to do at the time, like, until I
• 19:35
  found a place to live and everything else.
• 19:38
  But here's the thing, once I signed temporary guardianship
• 19:41
  over, I lost my medical care. I lost.
• 19:44
  Any financial aid through the city and through the state, any
• 19:48
  vouchers I could have gotten, you know, for me and my
• 19:51
  children, That was it. There was no help after that.
• 19:55
  And so I couldn't get properly medicated anymore.
• 19:58
  I couldn't go to therapy. I couldn't, you know, go to the
• 20:01
  doctor anymore. And what'd you do?
• 20:06
  Well, you know, drug dealers protected me and they gave me
• 20:10
  places to hide. You know, work.
• 20:13
  Works drugs to sell. And I was tough enough from all
• 20:17
  that abuse and I was traumatized enough where I wasn't scared to
• 20:20
  die and I wasn't backing down from anybody.
• 20:24
  So I developed a reputation quick and you know, I started
• 20:29
  making money and you know, moving up the chain through the
• 20:32
  years. And eventually I was running
• 20:34
  with some really, really dangerous people like.
• 20:37
  How did Elizabeth, how did you, how did you fall?
• 20:41
  How did you find them? Because I mean, I understand
• 20:44
  that your world was upside down. Was it because of the where you
• 20:49
  were? He brought me around them and,
• 20:51
  you know, I knew who some of them were.
• 20:54
  Yeah. And then eventually I met
• 20:55
  everybody on my own. Yeah.
• 20:58
  Because you got into the business.
• 21:00
  Yeah, yeah, Yeah. And.
• 21:02
  So yeah, So you get into this, you get it further addicted, and
• 21:07
  now you're running with some really.
• 21:11
  You know, people who could, you know, big in the business and
• 21:15
  probably dangerous? Yeah.
• 21:17
  Organize. Both and yeah, So yeah, like
• 21:22
  that have cops on their payroll. Like, yeah.
• 21:24
  Yeah, they're running big in the business.
• 21:25
  I mean yeah. And like there were levels to
• 21:29
  this like I didn't never thought there was any type of like
• 21:32
  underworld like to that level in Maine like but you know it's
• 21:37
  it's everywhere and. Did you ever get into dangerous
• 21:43
  situations when you were dealing in that world?
• 21:46
  Oh, yeah. I got held hostage.
• 21:48
  I, you know, I got in a fight. I've had guns pulled on me.
• 21:52
  I've had nine pulled on me. I've had to fight my way out of,
• 21:55
  you know, men, especially this is a very misogynistic, you
• 22:00
  know, industry and women are expected to have sex and sell
• 22:05
  their bodies and just be, you know, hosed, essentially.
• 22:08
  I wouldn't do that. I had rules like I wouldn't.
• 22:10
  I sleep with my dealer and like, I just.
• 22:13
  I ran. I held my own stuff and I
• 22:15
  wouldn't like like, yeah, I had my.
• 22:19
  Money did pretty well, yeah. And but you had to be tough.
• 22:23
  You had to be ruthless. And men hate it when women are
• 22:27
  better hustlers than them. They hate it.
• 22:29
  And you know, they're quick to call you a hoe when you don't
• 22:35
  sleep with them and they get mad when you don't because they
• 22:37
  expect all these women to just bow down to them because they're
• 22:40
  a drug dealer. And yeah, I wouldn't do that.
• 22:43
  Yeah. They're used to it.
• 22:44
  So, So let us know now. Like what happened.
• 22:48
  You're in this world. I'm assuming that there was a
• 22:52
  thing that happened to where you got hemmed up in something that
• 22:56
  gets you into the system. Bath salt hit Bangor and it
• 23:01
  flooded the streets And it was legal.
• 23:03
  Yeah, so I got into it. I had a guy on here, Elizabeth,
• 23:07
  that was the biggest bath salt guy seller out of Florida.
• 23:15
  And he got 12 years and it was legal but mimicked ecstasy.
• 23:20
  And we. Yep, that's what.
• 23:22
  And it's funny because we got in like $12,000 in debt with China.
• 23:27
  And then all of a sudden all these synthetic drugs like bath
• 23:29
  salt and all the synthetic Molly started coming over here and
• 23:32
  flooding our streets. And I'm not getting into a
• 23:34
  conspiracy theory. I'm just saying as a former drug
• 23:37
  dealer of these substances, that's what I know it.
• 23:42
  Yeah, Yeah. But yeah, so bath salts hit and
• 23:46
  I'm figured, hey, I won't go to jail for this.
• 23:48
  Like, I'm selling crack, heroin, all these other, you know,
• 23:50
  horrible drugs that I can get all this time for.
• 23:53
  I'm like, shit, I might as well sell this stuff.
• 23:55
  It's legal. And oddly enough, I go to jail
• 23:57
  for the first time. And you know, I broke every
• 24:00
  single one of, you know, well, almost every single one of my
• 24:04
  rules, like with hustling, like I did that drug every day.
• 24:08
  And that was something I never did.
• 24:10
  I never did the did a drug more than, you know, five days in a
• 24:14
  row. You did with the bath salts?
• 24:17
  Yeah. And I got This was the first
• 24:19
  thing that got me so hooked. Like I wasn't in a right.
• 24:23
  I was completely, you know. I'm curious, Elizabeth, when
• 24:27
  you're going through this and you're getting in the bath salts
• 24:29
  and you've signed your kids over to your parents, did you have
• 24:33
  like a landing spot where you would go back into that world
• 24:37
  that wasn't this crazy world that like your parents world?
• 24:40
  Would you bounce back and forth between the two worlds?
• 24:43
  I would go see my kids when I wasn't, like if I was like if it
• 24:47
  was a day where I was like fun right out of it, I wouldn't go.
• 24:52
  I wouldn't go see them. But, you know, yeah, I would
• 24:55
  plan things. I would still go see them, you
• 24:57
  know, as much as I could. And you know my whole, it was
• 25:02
  like, I have one that. You were in.
• 25:05
  They did, eventually. They did eventually.
• 25:07
  When I got really bad they knew and you know that was that was
• 25:12
  awful. I asked.
• 25:13
  But it was like I always had one foot in and 1 foot out.
• 25:16
  Like I was always trying to get back right you know to my family
• 25:20
  and to get stable. And I was like, I just, I just
• 25:22
  got to get you know up there enough to you know get an
• 25:25
  apartment and get get my kids signed over and and I that's.
• 25:29
  Because I wondered if you were straddling the two worlds.
• 25:32
  Because I would, Yeah. No, I really was.
• 25:34
  I, you know, because I never, you know, claimed to be a drug
• 25:37
  dealer. I never wanted to be like I was
• 25:39
  in college before that. Like I had plans.
• 25:42
  Yeah. And you know, I was just like, I
• 25:44
  gotta do this. Just what were you thinking?
• 25:45
  It's a little more. It was always like one more
• 25:48
  flip, one more flip. And things always come up.
• 25:52
  I always have to find a place to stay.
• 25:54
  I always have to or I have to bail somebody out.
• 25:56
  Or there's. But in college, Elizabeth, more
• 25:59
  problems. In college, Elizabeth, were you
• 26:02
  thinking, Were you thinking art at that time?
• 26:05
  When you were in college, you weren't in that.
• 26:08
  No, I was. I was just, you know, a single
• 26:12
  mother of two. And I was trying to do something
• 26:15
  for, you know, my kids and that, you know, so I wouldn't be on
• 26:19
  this, you know, minimum wage. Just having more education,
• 26:22
  right? Yeah, to get a better job.
• 26:23
  And yeah, I was in the hospitality and tourism industry
• 26:28
  now because I was really good at customer service and I was
• 26:30
  really good at marketing. And you know, I, you know,
• 26:34
  that's kind of what I stay with the drug visits, right?
• 26:40
  Right. But I I'm laughing at that, but
• 26:46
  because there was a lot of guys that I knew at Leavenworth that
• 26:49
  were very good at all of those things and they they had you
• 26:54
  know, distribution and customer service and incentives and all
• 26:58
  the different things that they had done, which is a business
• 27:02
  and a good business. But it was illegal business.
• 27:05
  And if they were doing it on the other side, the flip side, they
• 27:08
  would had an incredible business, Absolutely.
• 27:11
  Yeah. And yeah, so.
• 27:14
  So let's go, Let's go back, Elizabeth.
• 27:15
  So you get, you're straddling the fence back and forth and you
• 27:20
  know that you're getting deeper and deeper into the drug trade.
• 27:25
  Do you know, do you fear that you're going to get.
• 27:28
  Do you feel that you might get arrested?
• 27:30
  Oh yeah, I. And it wasn't in.
• 27:32
  It was getting more and more dangerous to the point where I
• 27:35
  didn't want to go to see my kids because I was being followed by
• 27:40
  people in the street. I, you know, it got this was
• 27:43
  after I got held hostage. And you know, other things had,
• 27:46
  you know, it was getting very dangerous and people were, you
• 27:51
  know, just higher levels of. Yeah, I would rank.
• 27:55
  I would rank being held hostage as getting more dangerous.
• 27:59
  Right. And so I didn't want.
• 28:01
  And then my kids got threatened at one point by a complete
• 28:05
  sociopath. And you know that.
• 28:09
  So I I yeah, I was like, if I stay away from my kids to
• 28:13
  protect them, I will. And I just, I was in these
• 28:16
  situations I didn't know how to get out of.
• 28:18
  And you know, I went to jail in 2011 during the state and in in
• 28:24
  the state and then in 2013 when it was all over with and I
• 28:29
  wasn't even selling drugs anymore.
• 28:31
  I was, I was still dabble and do them here and there because I'm
• 28:34
  still an addict without any treatment and through through.
• 28:37
  Your state prison stat. No, this.
• 28:41
  I wasn't this In 2011 I did like seven months in the state for
• 28:45
  the bath salt. But in 2013 is when the feds
• 28:49
  picked it up. After everything was done,
• 28:51
  everyone had gone to their done their state bids and whatever.
• 28:55
  And then the feds picked it up in 2013.
• 28:58
  Like, and some people were sober, had moved on with our
• 29:01
  lives, had kids, gotten good jobs.
• 29:03
  Like, I mean, I wasn't. I was still kind of, you know, a
• 29:06
  traumatized mess and couldn't, you know, get my life together.
• 29:11
  And I'm still, you know, I hadn't gone to rehab.
• 29:13
  I didn't. I I was still trying to like,
• 29:15
  just get the OK, you know, I like the trauma had me sad at
• 29:22
  that point. I wasn't like, strung out
• 29:23
  selling drugs anymore, but I still wasn't OK at all.
• 29:28
  Did they have you on other meds from the state prison like you?
• 29:32
  No. No.
• 29:33
  OK. They wouldn't.
• 29:35
  They wouldn't really give me. They gave me stuff while I was
• 29:37
  there. But, you know, once you get out.
• 29:39
  And that was another thing. When I got out of prison, I had
• 29:41
  $1300 worth of drugs from the prison.
• 29:46
  Yeah, I had no way to pay for it.
• 29:47
  So I started detoxing off these psych meds and then I, you know,
• 29:52
  spiraled and went back to jail for probation.
• 29:55
  But yeah, sorry, that's something ahead.
• 29:57
  So yeah, I ended up getting arrested in 2013, and it was a
• 30:03
  huge case, 14 codefendants total.
• 30:09
  And that scattered all over the place.
• 30:12
  And, you know, my first week at Somerset County, I witnessed an
• 30:16
  entire pod of women get stripped out because they signed up for a
• 30:20
  razor and the male Sergeant wanted a list of who shaved
• 30:23
  their vaginas and who didn't. Those that did got punished.
• 30:27
  So that was like my first. And, you know, I I saw a lot of
• 30:30
  things, you know, those seven months too.
• 30:32
  Like, I watched a woman go into labor and they wouldn't take her
• 30:35
  to the hospital until we all threatened to riot.
• 30:37
  And then they told her if it was a false alarm in Braxton Hicks,
• 30:41
  she was going to go in the hole for wasting their money.
• 30:44
  If you don't want to pay for a pregnant woman's healthcare,
• 30:47
  send her home. I've always thought that.
• 30:49
  I've always thought that's so amazing about, you know, babies
• 30:53
  being born in prison because you know on the obviously on the
• 30:56
  male side you don't see that or hear that because it's not part
• 31:01
  of the of the world. But I would think that would
• 31:04
  change so much, the dynamic of what's going on.
• 31:07
  No, they're awful and they don't care.
• 31:09
  They'll gasp a pregnant woman. They will abuse and be a
• 31:13
  pregnant woman. I mean, it's terrible.
• 31:16
  What? What they do?
• 31:17
  I mean, we just got a law passed in Maine mandating all the jails
• 31:21
  provide tampons and pads free of charge.
• 31:24
  Because what happens is women will try to make their own
• 31:28
  tampons and end up getting infections.
• 31:30
  Like that's not okay. You're getting over $100 a day
• 31:33
  per inmate. You can afford to give women
• 31:36
  pads and tampons for free. We can't go get it ourselves.
• 31:39
  And you know, if we buy it on the commissary, you get the
• 31:43
  price up, cripple the amount and we get paid $5.25 a month in
• 31:49
  prison and you know you. Yeah, all free label.
• 31:53
  Do you know a hospital saves $350,000 a year contracting
• 31:58
  their linen to be washed by inmates?
• 32:01
  I didn't know that until I read it that you in your other
• 32:03
  interview, but that, yeah, that's that's pretty incredible.
• 32:05
  But I do know that there's a lot of work programs out there and
• 32:09
  you see a lot of prisoners that do a lot.
• 32:11
  And, you know, it's funny because you see these things
• 32:12
  like in movies like Shawshank, you know, The Shawshank
• 32:16
  Redemption. And he had them out there all
• 32:17
  working and he was getting paid, you know, all these under the
• 32:20
  under the table stuff and you're like, oh, I can't believe that
• 32:22
  really happened. But that's just a movie.
• 32:24
  No, that's just kind of part of the whole prison complex.
• 32:27
  Yeah, there were inmates moving dead coated bodies for pennies a
• 32:31
  day. And then my favorite thing, they
• 32:33
  do this in Maine. There's a store.
• 32:34
  They have a like inmates will make work in the wood shop for
• 32:39
  free, Don't make any money. And that's good.
• 32:43
  They have something to do. Absolutely.
• 32:46
  But they're taking all of the stuff that the inmates make and
• 32:50
  selling it for crazy profit. They have a whole sport.
• 32:54
  Yeah, like you are profiting off of slave labor.
• 32:59
  That's what this says. America makes up 20% of the
• 33:02
  global incarceration population. That's 1/5 of the world.
• 33:06
  We make up 5%. And they want to gaslight us
• 33:08
  with Land of the Free. Like, I don't even go to 4th of
• 33:11
  July anymore. It's a joke.
• 33:13
  Yeah, well, there's there's a lot of people that we imprisoned
• 33:15
  compared to our population. So, Elizabeth, let's go back.
• 33:19
  I want to kind of figure out what happened here with this.
• 33:21
  You you went in for a couple of years into state prison and then
• 33:24
  you get him. No, no, not state prison.
• 33:26
  I didn't go to state prison. I only did seven months.
• 33:28
  OK. OK.
• 33:30
  So so then you get hemmed into this federal case, it ends up
• 33:33
  being 14 people. What do you what time are you
• 33:37
  looking at for this federal case?
• 33:40
  I at one point my guidelines were 10 to 13 years because from
• 33:47
  snitch told them I was a general.
• 33:49
  I didn't even know there was an army, but apparently I was a
• 33:52
  general. And yeah, so my lawyer got that
• 33:57
  thrown out, thank God. And now I was only looking at
• 34:00
  like 5 to 7 years and this could have gone either way.
• 34:07
  But I started, I took a capsule of basil, which I didn't
• 34:12
  normally do, and I started feeling like I was going to
• 34:15
  overdose and I was at this person's house and I wanted to
• 34:19
  get out of there. So I called somebody who I was
• 34:22
  getting drugs through and he showed up to pick me up.
• 34:26
  Well, they cut my throat and completely cut me out because
• 34:29
  that was somebody I sold to. And so now I was being
• 34:34
  responsible for all the weight that they had sold together
• 34:38
  because the prosecution was saying that they met through me.
• 34:41
  So I should be held responsible. I did not set that up.
• 34:45
  Like, yeah, they, I didn't set that up.
• 34:48
  I was not trying to, you know, that was not my intention.
• 34:51
  I was in a overdose state trying to get out of there.
• 34:54
  So luckily the judge saw it my way and you know, that got
• 34:59
  thrown out as well. But I mean, a judge could have,
• 35:02
  could have just been like, no, she was there.
• 35:04
  They met because of her. And that's all her fault.
• 35:07
  Yeah, it does. And it's years of people's
• 35:09
  lives. It's disgusting.
• 35:12
  So I ended up with 37 months. And yeah, I was right when Obama
• 35:19
  did the two point reduction for nonviolent drug offenders.
• 35:23
  And you know, it was so funny because I was in prison when
• 35:26
  Obama was president and I was in prison when Trump was president.
• 35:29
  And I saw the differences like when Trump, when I went back for
• 35:33
  probation, you know, Trump had had all his people say, give
• 35:37
  drug dealer, nonviolent drug dealers the Max.
• 35:40
  So the prisons were just filling up so fast.
• 35:44
  And people, so many people had mandatory minimums of just 10
• 35:48
  years. And you know, the food was
• 35:52
  running out. You know, a lot of times if you
• 35:56
  went to Chow and you weren't there early, you'd run out of
• 35:59
  food because their budget, you know, wasn't matching what the
• 36:03
  what. Their population was get it?
• 36:05
  Yeah, yeah. So people were going hungry.
• 36:08
  Yeah. So you're tell us a little bit
• 36:11
  about your world, you're going into a federal prison.
• 36:16
  How did you handle that? Like what was what was your
• 36:19
  strategies of thinking Okay I've I've I've lived a life journey
• 36:23
  coming to this point going into prison what was your thoughts I
• 36:28
  was so happy to get out of county like I could not wait to.
• 36:32
  Yeah, you were in there like 1516 months, right?
• 36:35
  Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
• 36:36
  That's a they. I had no bail.
• 36:38
  I had. I couldn't go to rehab.
• 36:39
  I they wouldn't let me do anything.
• 36:41
  I was just stuck in the county jail and.
• 36:43
  They were with no going outside. I know it's the worst or the
• 36:48
  worst, Yeah, yeah. And especially when I was at
• 36:51
  Somerset County, I was targeted, like, really badly.
• 36:55
  Like, the female Sergeant hated me when I was in solitary and
• 36:59
  they were giving me that medication that put me in
• 37:02
  psychosis that I was not supposed to be on.
• 37:04
  She was coming in there telling me to kill myself.
• 37:07
  Man. And then she'd write on my
• 37:09
  request forms like you. I can't wait for you to get out
• 37:13
  and overdose. So you stop wasting taxpayers
• 37:15
  money. Like she would write this awful
• 37:17
  stuff to me. And you know, I don't even know
• 37:19
  what her problem was. She never even like came into
• 37:22
  our pod. She never ran our pod.
• 37:24
  And you know, the other officer said that she would treat staff
• 37:28
  like that and they just let her get away with it.
• 37:30
  She's. Just a hateful person, yeah.
• 37:32
  And then she told another inmate, yeah, she told another
• 37:36
  inmate that. And they had to cut him down
• 37:38
  from a suicide attempt. He tried to hang himself and she
• 37:42
  still works there, still getting her pension.
• 37:45
  And it makes me, it's just so disgusting because there was a
• 37:47
  little 18 year old girl who told her boyfriend to kill himself
• 37:51
  and he went through with it. So she got charged, you know,
• 37:55
  and went to prison, you know, for egging him on and, you know,
• 37:58
  as she should, but why is a little sick girl getting
• 38:02
  charged? But this officer of the law who
• 38:05
  has power over this person with mental health issues, she gets
• 38:09
  to keep her job and keep her pension.
• 38:12
  You know, Somerset County is, you know, beyond corrupt.
• 38:15
  And they're they really, it's it's really bad there.
• 38:20
  I watched a lot of a lot of awful and they they pick and
• 38:24
  choose who they want to mess with and you know, medically
• 38:27
  neglect. Others, they will, you know, put
• 38:30
  up on a pedestal and, you know, let them get away with horrible
• 38:34
  stuff special. Privileges, So going in, so
• 38:37
  going in Elizabeth to your world, 37 months you go in.
• 38:43
  How do you, how do you navigate through there?
• 38:47
  You know, I signed up for as many classes as I could.
• 38:51
  I exercised every day. And yeah, I was just so happy
• 38:54
  to, like, be able to go outside and come and go as I do.
• 38:57
  Like it was like a load off my shoulder.
• 38:59
  Like this is the end of the road.
• 39:02
  I just have like, you know, 18 months left.
• 39:04
  And this place is beautiful. It's surrounded by mountains.
• 39:07
  Like, you know, I can, I can draw.
• 39:10
  I can paint. I and I started getting paint
• 39:13
  from The Art Room and you know, I I had my little routines and
• 39:18
  you know, you could e-mail in federal prison.
• 39:21
  So it was a lot easier to talk to my family and.
• 39:25
  I thought it was kind of cool, Elizabeth, where you were
• 39:27
  talking about that you started getting paint and you started
• 39:33
  like for coffee mugs and different things, giving people
• 39:36
  that like their own identity because that's one of those
• 39:38
  things. When you're in prison, you don't
• 39:39
  really have that much identity because you all wear the same
• 39:42
  clothes and. Everything's kind of not color.
• 39:46
  Yes, may strip you give you a number.
• 39:48
  Yeah, I get the number and all that.
• 39:50
  You actually kind of started becoming that person that was
• 39:54
  giving people their own identity through your artwork.
• 39:57
  But I thought the story was really cool, where you got
• 40:01
  because you had paint, they put you in the hole.
• 40:05
  But then when you came back, they they stole the paint to get
• 40:10
  you the paint that you had so you could continue to do what
• 40:12
  you were doing, which I thought was.
• 40:13
  Really cool. Yeah.
• 40:15
  That in me. I got raided a couple times,
• 40:19
  yeah. And they took my paint.
• 40:21
  Explain that, Elizabeth, Because when you get raided in prison,
• 40:24
  it is so humbling and you feel so violated because they toss
• 40:29
  everything and your world that you have is not much.
• 40:32
  You've got like, a bunk bed, a plastic chair and a locker.
• 40:35
  I've watched them go in and tear people's pictures up of their
• 40:38
  families and stuff just to get a response where they make that
• 40:42
  person and you know, say, oh, I'm gonna put you in solitary,
• 40:46
  I'm gonna make your life hell because you said something
• 40:49
  defiant towards me, like and all you have is your personal, like
• 40:52
  your pictures, your letters, like those are the your
• 40:55
  precious, you know, belongings. That's all you have.
• 40:59
  And to have some hateful Oscars, they'll come and spray sew it
• 41:01
  all over it. Oops.
• 41:03
  And you can't do or say anything or you're going to get lugged
• 41:06
  and they're going to throw all your stuff away anyway.
• 41:09
  So you're not supposed to have, yeah, you're not supposed to
• 41:11
  have paint or, you know, food from the kitchen, stuff like
• 41:15
  that. So when I was getting, when I
• 41:18
  was getting ready, I'm sitting there in the hallway like this
• 41:20
  and ladies just, you know, so excited she busted me.
• 41:24
  And then one of the girls walked by goes, don't worry, we'll get
• 41:27
  you some more. And then they come back with,
• 41:31
  like way more than I even had. Like, they came back with silver
• 41:34
  and gold and like, metallic colors.
• 41:36
  And I was like, Oh my God, like I'm like falling now.
• 41:39
  Like, wait, the stuff I can do with this.
• 41:42
  And yeah, the Spanish girls and that, you know, these two with
• 41:47
  senior girls, they were some of my best friends.
• 41:50
  They came back with whole tubs. Of paint when I got raided at
• 41:55
  Danbury. Yeah.
• 41:56
  So you're ready to go after that?
• 41:57
  And yeah, did you get, did you get put in the hole?
• 42:02
  I did the Special Housing Unit. Not in.
• 42:07
  Well, in Danbury. Once I did, I was.
• 42:10
  We were on lockdown because I sold some of my phone minutes
• 42:13
  for my friend. Anyway, yeah.
• 42:16
  We were on lockdown and we had now we're out a day, well, this
• 42:18
  officer who's a rookie and he just come back from the
• 42:21
  military, so you know, he was just a really great person and
• 42:29
  he wouldn't let us go out. So I started arguing.
• 42:31
  I had like 2 weeks left. And like these guys that come
• 42:35
  from the military, it's such a misogynistic rape culture.
• 42:39
  Like they bring that culture and you know, that's how they treat
• 42:44
  the women inmates. It's it's awful.
• 42:47
  And so like the officers that say they're military, I stay
• 42:52
  right the hell away from them. Well, this day I was on like the
• 42:55
  opposite end of my whatever mental health spectrum.
• 42:59
  And I started arguing with them because I was just like, you're
• 43:01
  not like I'm not. I'm getting my hour out.
• 43:05
  I am going for a walk today, one way or another I'm going for a
• 43:08
  walk. It ended with him telling him I
• 43:09
  was suicidal and they brought me down in the main building and I
• 43:13
  spent the night medical. And the lady was so mad because
• 43:16
  she's like, she's not suicidal, like she's just stupid.
• 43:19
  Like she shouldn't have ran her mouth like this is this is a
• 43:22
  waste of my time. So the guy ended up making
• 43:24
  himself look like an idiot, like because I wasn't I wasn't
• 43:28
  suicidal at all. Like I was not threatening.
• 43:31
  And you're only two weeks from the door, too.
• 43:33
  Yeah, yeah, like. And I maxed out.
• 43:36
  So what? What was I gonna care, right?
• 43:39
  So you. But yeah, this is all So one of
• 43:40
  the things, one of the things though, Elizabeth, one of the
• 43:43
  things, Elizabeth I noticed is they allowed you to start
• 43:46
  painting like the walls in prison, right?
• 43:49
  Yeah, yeah. But it was like 2 colors.
• 43:53
  Yeah, it was black and blue or something like that.
• 43:56
  Yeah, it was blue. The one of the where you said
• 43:59
  you were going through your blue period.
• 44:01
  Yeah, Yeah. My.
• 44:03
  She wanted to make the place look beautiful and inspiring and
• 44:07
  not like institutional white wall.
• 44:08
  So she asked me if I would paint with it and she said, I want you
• 44:14
  to use this pretty blue color. Do you think you can do that?
• 44:17
  And I'm like, yeah, as long as you give me black and white and
• 44:20
  maybe silver for highlights if you really want to make it, you
• 44:23
  know, special. And so yeah, I've got pictures
• 44:26
  for you. So I got to paint the whole
• 44:29
  length of. The hallway at Danbury.
• 44:32
  I have some pictures. I don't have all of them, but
• 44:36
  well, for those watching on YouTube, these are the pictures
• 44:38
  that she painted Lizabeth painted.
• 44:40
  On the wall, Danbury. Yeah.
• 44:41
  And from what I've heard, the murals are still there.
• 44:44
  That's very cool. That's my phoenix, yeah.
• 44:48
  And then they would have quotes in the middle of it.
• 44:50
  Yeah, very cool. And you got to paint.
• 44:56
  Just, they didn't even. That's really cool.
• 45:00
  No, they said paint what I want as long as it's beautiful.
• 45:03
  And I said, OK, I can do that. I love that.
• 45:06
  Get the hands and the bird. Yeah, very cool.
• 45:11
  So Elizabeth, let's talk about you get your two weeks from
• 45:14
  getting out. What's going through your mind
• 45:16
  about getting out? Well, I was nervous and you
• 45:25
  know. I well, before, I when before I
• 45:29
  got out on probation, I was like super excited, super terrified
• 45:33
  and but I I kind of like had a little mental like breakdown
• 45:40
  over it because at first they told me I was going to the
• 45:42
  halfway house in Portland. So I would not be in Bangor.
• 45:45
  I would not be facing my trauma every day.
• 45:47
  I would not be running into old people that you know.
• 45:51
  I ran with and I was so excited. I was like, yes, this is my
• 45:54
  chance. I don't, I don't have to, you
• 45:56
  know, see all those, all those places, people, places and
• 45:59
  things and you know, deal with that.
• 46:02
  And then like a month before they sent me home, they tell me
• 46:05
  I'm going to Bangor. And yeah, that I, like, broke
• 46:11
  down over it. I was like, I'm going to fail.
• 46:13
  I can't do this. I can't go back to Bangor.
• 46:16
  And it was kind of like I set myself up for failure.
• 46:19
  But I mean. I wasn't wrong.
• 46:22
  I mean, I don't know if I would have done any better had I not
• 46:26
  had that mentality. Because, you know, I had a panic
• 46:30
  attack every time I left my house, and the halfway house was
• 46:33
  a nightmare. They were letting pedophiles
• 46:36
  look at my children, and when I went completely mental on them,
• 46:40
  I I said I can't stop thinking about killing him, which pissed
• 46:44
  them off because I didn't actually make a threat so they
• 46:48
  couldn't. Send me away.
• 46:50
  And then they called my probation officer and locked me
• 46:52
  in a room. And I'm like, yeah, I said it.
• 46:54
  They're letting a registered predator who likes little boys
• 46:57
  from the ages of five to 10 look at my children through the
• 47:01
  window. He's not supposed to be within
• 47:02
  100 feet of kids, and they're breaking his laws.
• 47:06
  And then my probation officer stuck up for me.
• 47:09
  She was great. Like, I I love her.
• 47:11
  She goes well. Clearly she's being triggered
• 47:13
  and I don't blame her. And they're telling me, oh, he's
• 47:17
  he's stay, he's safe. Don't worry.
• 47:18
  Your kids are fine. I go Don't tell me my kids are
• 47:21
  fine. My best friend growing up
• 47:23
  changed her shirt in the window. And her sex offender neighbor
• 47:27
  saw her one time and became fixated on her for years.
• 47:31
  He stopped her, would chase her from the bus, stop, leave her
• 47:36
  love notes in her mailbox like she was terrified.
• 47:39
  And the guy was already on the registry.
• 47:41
  So you're not going to sit here and tell me that I'm
• 47:43
  overreacting or that he stays or anything like that, because my
• 47:48
  life experiences tell me differently.
• 47:50
  And my again my probation officer stuck up for me so.
• 47:53
  Because they got in trouble with the probation office.
• 47:56
  Like they came down on them for this.
• 47:58
  They're like, you're triggering, you're triggering half the
• 48:01
  inmates there. And I wasn't the only one
• 48:03
  flipping out about it, but like, I'm the one who completely like,
• 48:08
  so did you. But Elizabeth going through
• 48:10
  that, I know it going through halfway House and everything is
• 48:13
  so tough and it's it's there. Some people say they'd rather go
• 48:18
  back and be in. The prison halfway house, but
• 48:22
  like your kids, your mom, your dad and all that kind of stuff
• 48:24
  that was going on, was it? Did you have a support piece
• 48:29
  when you entered society again? Yes, I did.
• 48:33
  And you know they came, they would come visit me and then the
• 48:37
  halfway house would turn them away and I wouldn't get to see
• 48:40
  my kids. But you know this other girl who
• 48:42
  could spend the hotel with her Co defendant and you know
• 48:48
  because she was telling on everybody and so it was this.
• 48:51
  You know, they really targeted me and my bunkie, who is no
• 48:55
  longer here. Unfortunately, she ended up
• 48:58
  overdosing. She was one of my best friends,
• 49:02
  but it seemed like they targeted the younger, more attractive
• 49:06
  girls. And yeah.
• 49:11
  Basically, that's what it is. They come tars our room every
• 49:13
  day. You know, they didn't put my
• 49:15
  medication through and I ended up detoxing off lithium to the
• 49:19
  point where I was like, you're going to have to bring me to the
• 49:20
  hospital, like, because I can feel my heart, you know, beating
• 49:24
  wrong and it is painful in my chest.
• 49:26
  I'm getting shooting pain down to my arm.
• 49:28
  If you stop taking lithium, your heart can stop.
• 49:31
  It's very dangerous to just stop taking it.
• 49:33
  And they messed up. And wouldn't get me the
• 49:36
  medication because they didn't put the paperwork in.
• 49:39
  Like, I'm an inmate, I can't get that stuff for myself, right?
• 49:42
  And they tried to put it on me and you know, the probation
• 49:45
  office came down on them again. Well, Long story short, I ended
• 49:49
  up going back to jail from from the halfway house.
• 49:52
  And I was so happy about it. I was like, I am not going back
• 49:55
  there. Like I literally did they say
• 49:58
  you? Did Elizabeth put you back?
• 50:00
  In oh, but if you just, if you just get written up too many
• 50:02
  times, they can send you back. And I was like, Get Me Out of
• 50:06
  here. I want to leave.
• 50:07
  I hate this place. I hate you all.
• 50:09
  You're corrupt, abusive cops, and you're letting pedophiles
• 50:13
  look at my children. Like after that, I was like
• 50:16
  defiant to the end. Like, I didn't.
• 50:18
  I was not having it with these people.
• 50:21
  How long did you go back? Like 60 days.
• 50:26
  And then I was out. I was out on probation and like,
• 50:34
  right off the bat. Hold on.
• 50:37
  Hey, puppy, what do you think you're doing?
• 50:39
  No, we don't know what the puppies just did, but.
• 50:44
  Yeah, they were. I have some of my clothing
• 50:46
  pieces for you, for you guys to look at.
• 50:49
  And he was carrying it off, just trying to help.
• 50:52
  Just trying to help, that's all. Yeah, you're gonna eat your.
• 50:56
  Trying to put it on display clothing.
• 50:59
  Yeah, right. So so Elizabeth, you you got
• 51:03
  back out after the 60 days stint and then what was life like?
• 51:09
  It was awful. It was like everything I had
• 51:13
  blocked out in prison, like came back all at once.
• 51:17
  My first couple nights they my parents had me on a cot in my
• 51:21
  son's room. And I was, I my dad would come
• 51:24
  in and wake me up because I was like screaming and freaking out
• 51:27
  in my sleep. And he's like, you're gonna
• 51:29
  scare the kids. And yeah, so that was like an
• 51:33
  adjustment period and just like going to Walmart to like.
• 51:38
  Pick something. Pick out toothpaste with
• 51:41
  overwhelming. It was so overwhelming like
• 51:43
  it's. And when when you go to solitary
• 51:46
  they did a study like your brain literally slows down from the
• 51:50
  lack of stimulation. So normal stimulation is
• 51:53
  completely overwhelming and it sends you in a panic mode and it
• 51:56
  shuts off your empathy and other human emotions so you can't
• 52:00
  connect with people anymore. And, you know, like, it took me
• 52:04
  so long to like, really, like, turn my empathy back on and
• 52:06
  like, undo all the damage that had been done.
• 52:10
  And, you know, just like high, you know, when there's like a
• 52:15
  lot going on, like Walmart, there's just so much stuff for
• 52:18
  your brain to like take in, You know, it's like, and I still
• 52:22
  feel nervous, like I would throw up when I first got out.
• 52:25
  Like I I would get physically ill from the stress of just
• 52:29
  going into a place like that and driving.
• 52:32
  It felt like, it felt like we were going like 100 miles an
• 52:36
  hour and I'd look over and it'd be like 40.
• 52:38
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 52:41
  I mean, I think it does. It takes, it takes time to get
• 52:44
  back and feel normal, like steadied, right.
• 52:48
  But when did you start feeling like maybe you were steadied?
• 52:55
  Oh God, probably like couple probably within this last year
• 53:00
  honestly. Like, you know it's just I
• 53:03
  didn't like to leave my house. Like I had done some great
• 53:06
  things. Like I won writing contest.
• 53:08
  I had, you know, got into the art world.
• 53:13
  Yeah, and had art shows and changed, gotten bills put on the
• 53:20
  table and changed the laws and you know.
• 53:24
  I've I've gotten Bangor City Council to look into the pilot
• 53:27
  program so they can help people who have overdosed you know get
• 53:32
  into recovery and treatment instead of them just going into
• 53:36
  withdrawals from the Narcan and then using again.
• 53:40
  So I mean, there's just I've, I've been, I've been talking to
• 53:44
  like. Yeah, people like that.
• 53:47
  I've been surrounded. I've been surrounding myself
• 53:49
  with different kinds of people. I had to leave a lot of my
• 53:51
  friends, you know, behind. So it was really lonely.
• 53:54
  But you know, like I got love for him and I care about them.
• 53:57
  I just can't be, you know, around that anything to do with
• 54:01
  that life anymore. Like, I just don't.
• 54:03
  I don't want to think about it. I don't want to dream about it.
• 54:06
  I don't like I. I don't want to get upset about
• 54:09
  it anymore. Yeah.
• 54:09
  No. And I think it's really tough to
• 54:11
  step out of your comfort zone where the people that you know,
• 54:14
  the people that you're used to being around and you decide you
• 54:17
  can't be in that because you're stepping a different direction.
• 54:21
  That's tough, but. I think, I think in doing that
• 54:25
  though, Elizabeth, you've been able to do the things that
• 54:27
  you're talking about. You're getting in your art
• 54:29
  going. You've got yourself a clothing
• 54:31
  line using your art. Can you get that up again by the
• 54:34
  way, you're? Yeah, this is my this is my this
• 54:38
  is called the Ferruski. And there's this is my lucky koi
• 54:42
  fish. I painted on it like I put gold
• 54:45
  scales in it to like draw in abundance and wealth.
• 54:48
  And red is the power passionate color here.
• 54:52
  This is a place mat. This is the same design like you
• 54:55
  can get. The same design on all kinds of
• 54:58
  different clothes, so you could get bags, headbands, dresses,
• 55:03
  and it comes in class sizes. Like we're very inclusive.
• 55:06
  Where does somebody go to get that?
• 55:08
  You can go on my website thegalleries.com CN Elizabeth
• 55:16
  dot mekadowit and you can go on the website and you can look at
• 55:20
  all the paintings. I'll put that I'll.
• 55:23
  Put one of my episode description too, so everybody
• 55:25
  can see that. Thank you.
• 55:27
  Yeah, you can see the paintings, like, right on the tag.
• 55:31
  That's very cool. I love that you're doing that.
• 55:34
  You're using all your talents now and starting a whole new new
• 55:38
  life. Yeah.
• 55:40
  And it's being sold in a couple stores in Bangor.
• 55:42
  I'm, we moved out of state. So I'm working on getting on
• 55:45
  like my my dream and my goal is to get it put in cold or like a
• 55:49
  big department store like that. Like that's my next big goal.
• 55:52
  I can see doing that. I wouldn't want to mess with the
• 55:56
  Elizabeth you've driven. I always ask everybody,
• 56:00
  Elizabeth, you know, you've lived through something that I
• 56:06
  guess some people would think, well, how did she survive?
• 56:10
  What do you think's your biggest take away through everything
• 56:12
  that you've been through? You know, for a lot of years it
• 56:18
  was probably because I gaslighted myself and told
• 56:20
  myself I'd been through worse. And like, I based my worth on
• 56:24
  how much I could take. And you know, when I finally
• 56:28
  started, you know, processing these things and going to
• 56:31
  therapy and dealing with all this trauma, it was like
• 56:35
  breaking a damn open. And, you know, I think that was,
• 56:40
  you know. Part of that is a year and a
• 56:42
  half when I didn't really leave my house, like, but it was that
• 56:44
  too. And, you know, I just wanted
• 56:47
  better. And I'm just so angry that these
• 56:50
  things keep happening to people. I'm angry There's 29 empty
• 56:54
  properties for every homeless man, woman and child in America.
• 56:58
  I'm. I'm angry that, you know,
• 57:00
  there's a mass shooter every day.
• 57:03
  I'm angry that these people who are supposed to work for us are
• 57:06
  serving themselves and they're corporate sponsors.
• 57:10
  And you know, I think it's just more of a drive to see this
• 57:17
  country be better. And you know, I want a better.
• 57:20
  I want to be happy. And I'm trying to find ways of
• 57:23
  doing that instead of just surviving.
• 57:25
  And like, I'm I I'm, I have my days where I like, I'm happy and
• 57:30
  I have happy moods. But you know, then I have other
• 57:32
  days where it's just like it's too much for me to deal with.
• 57:36
  And you know, I think the thing about it is, Elizabeth, is that
• 57:39
  if you use that inner drive, that passion that you have of
• 57:43
  all the things that you've experienced along your journey,
• 57:46
  I think you can create real change.
• 57:47
  And I think you can use your talents with your art and with
• 57:52
  your passions of of knowing, having a seat at the table to
• 57:57
  hopefully change some of the things that you feel.
• 58:00
  You say angry. I think it's passion and use
• 58:03
  that. I think he can affect real
• 58:05
  change. I really do.
• 58:06
  You've got quite, you've got quite the story and I'm glad
• 58:10
  that you shared it here today. For those who want to continue
• 58:14
  on, listen to the story, I wrote a book.
• 58:16
  It's called Nightmare Success, Checking out Amazon, Barnes and
• 58:20
  Noble. Love the likes on social media
• 58:23
  and the comments going back and forth.
• 58:26
  Please, please, please write a review on Apple.
• 58:29
  If you go to my Apple page, you just Scroll down and you'll find
• 58:34
  it says reviews, You hit write a review.
• 58:37
  Those are great because it helps promote the show.
• 58:39
  If you are wanting to follow the show, it's great because you
• 58:42
  can. Just the time that I I publish,
• 58:46
  it'll pop right up and all you got to do is go up in the right
• 58:48
  corner there. Hit, follow the show on Spotify.
• 58:51
  Hit the bell, go to brentcassie.com.
• 58:54
  All my stuff's there. Love to communicate back and
• 58:57
  forth. And as I used to say when I was
• 59:00
  on my e-mail at Leavenworth, stay strong and I'll do the
• 59:04
  same. Elizabeth, thanks for being my
• 59:06
  guest today. I appreciate it.
• 59:09
  I was happy to be here. Thank you.
• 59:11
  Nine more success in and out. See you all later.