Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #771 Love Stories, Wedding Parties & Man Childs

Transcript

#771 Love Stories, Wedding Parties & Man Childs · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:03
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. It's the podcast for.
0:07
Speaker 2: The time poor parent who just wants answers.
0:10
Speaker 1: Now, I dived back into Anna Rivert science book The
0:12
Speaker 1: Making of Men and looked at rights of passage and
0:15
Speaker 1: what it is to be a man child versus a
0:16
Speaker 1: boy child. Sorry, it is to be a man versus
0:20
Speaker 1: a man child.
0:21
Speaker 2: And now here's the stars of our show, my mom
0:25
Speaker 2: and dad.
0:25
Speaker 1: Today on the Happy Families Podcast, we're taking a break
0:28
Speaker 1: from parenting once a month, Kylie and I review the
0:30
Speaker 1: books that we've been perusing peruising, we've been reading. We've
0:34
Speaker 1: been devouring a whole lot of books because we went
0:37
Speaker 1: on that cruise we had time to read. I've got
0:39
Speaker 1: seven books that I could talk about today. Well, clearly,
0:42
Speaker 1: I will ask.
0:43
Speaker 2: Clearly, I was not holidaying well enough because I only
0:46
Speaker 2: got through three on the crees.
0:48
Speaker 1: You holidayed pretty hard.
0:50
Speaker 2: I was ready to pick up book number four and
0:52
Speaker 2: I had two books left out of my pile of
0:54
Speaker 2: five I was hoping to get through, and it was
0:57
Speaker 2: Love Story by Trent Dalton.
0:59
Speaker 1: Yes, I reviewed on our podcast a couple of months ago.
1:02
Speaker 2: Oh, Parenting Revolution by some guy. I don't really know.
1:05
Speaker 1: It, that's right, you took my book with me and
1:08
Speaker 1: were with us on the cruise and I said to.
1:09
Speaker 2: You, I'm not sure which book I should read, and
1:13
Speaker 2: you looked at me with absolute just the bewilderment that
1:19
Speaker 2: there was actually a choice in this The.
1:22
Speaker 1: Parenting Revolution by doctor Justin Causon. It has incidentally, I
1:26
Speaker 1: know that it's been on your bedside table. Have you
1:28
Speaker 1: started reading it yet?
1:29
Speaker 2: Well, I told you I read the back cover. It's
1:33
Speaker 2: getting closer.
1:33
Speaker 1: It's literally at the top of the pile. It's the
1:36
Speaker 1: best book I've ever written. I'm so excited about it.
1:38
Speaker 1: I ran it well.
1:38
Speaker 2: I will definitely be reviewing it next time.
1:40
Speaker 1: I've run a couple of workshops on this, the Resilient
1:43
Speaker 1: Kids Conference. We're talking about it because it's about raising
1:45
Speaker 1: resilient kids. I shared it to a whole lot of
1:48
Speaker 1: parents at church in Brisbane as well as some parents
1:51
Speaker 1: over in Perth. It's one of the best workshops I've
1:53
Speaker 1: ever done because it's built on one of the best
1:55
Speaker 1: books that I've ever written, probably the best book I've
1:57
Speaker 1: ever written.
1:57
Speaker 2: And you read It's not on my list this month,
2:01
Speaker 2: So we'll talk about it next month.
2:02
Speaker 1: Yeah, I hope. So Okay, well, why don't you kick
2:05
Speaker 1: us off with the books that you've read? And obviously
2:08
Speaker 1: you're not going to talk about all of them. You
2:10
Speaker 1: might want to mention them, but you'll only talk about
2:12
Speaker 1: I presume one or two of them.
2:13
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've got two highlighted.
2:15
Speaker 1: Because we always talked for two about too many books.
2:18
Speaker 2: So the four books that I read, I read Love
2:20
Speaker 2: Story by Trent Dalton. You've obviously already talked about it,
2:24
Speaker 2: so we don't really need to go into it too much.
2:26
Speaker 1: I did you agree with me? I said, the highs
2:28
Speaker 1: are brilliant, but overall I just couldn't really love it.
2:30
Speaker 1: I didn't love the book, but the highs make the
2:33
Speaker 1: book worth reading, like it's still amazing to read those
2:36
Speaker 1: awesome stories.
2:37
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree. I agree. Overall, I think that it
2:41
Speaker 2: was definitely worth reading.
2:43
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I did want to sit down and talk
2:45
Speaker 1: to him and tell me about our love story. Did
2:47
Speaker 1: you feel that as you were reading it? It's like
2:49
Speaker 1: I wish she hadn't heard our story. I'd love to
2:51
Speaker 1: have just sat down with try and say, mate, this
2:53
Speaker 1: is a love story. You're ready here, we go write
2:55
Speaker 1: this one down.
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Speaker 2: But what I did love was how he took again,
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Speaker 2: it's the same kind of concept that we have talking about,
3:01
Speaker 2: you know, just those tiny moments that if you're not intentional,
3:04
Speaker 2: you'll miss, and how he was able to just see
3:08
Speaker 2: the love story in the simplest of sacrifices.
3:12
Speaker 1: And he honored everybody's story. Yeah. I love how you're
3:15
Speaker 1: not talking about the book.
3:16
Speaker 2: That were just talking about tramp Dalton. So the next
3:21
Speaker 2: book I want to review is called The Wedding Party
3:23
Speaker 2: by Kathy Kelly.
3:24
Speaker 1: Yeah. You picked this one up at a secondhand bookshop
3:27
Speaker 1: I did.
3:27
Speaker 2: I love going to the book exchange and I actually
3:30
Speaker 2: saw it at Big w just recently. So it's a
3:32
Speaker 2: current book, okay, okay, But it deals with a family
3:36
Speaker 2: that is broken by addiction, and years later, mum and
3:41
Speaker 2: dad decide to remarry and so in the process of that,
3:46
Speaker 2: the children, who all are now fully grown adults in
3:49
Speaker 2: their own relationships. They're trying to deal with their own
3:55
Speaker 2: emotions around mum and dad coming back together and of
4:00
Speaker 2: their lives unfold through the process.
4:02
Speaker 1: Now, before you go on, I have to ask, is
4:04
Speaker 1: this a book you're talking about? No? Okay, so what
4:08
Speaker 1: do you give it out of five?
4:10
Speaker 2: Look, I'd give it a three.
4:11
Speaker 1: There was.
4:12
Speaker 2: There was lots and lots of themes in it, and
4:14
Speaker 2: it just.
4:16
Speaker 1: I don't know, you're going to keep on talking against Okay, it.
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Speaker 2: Was worth reading, but it wasn't. It wasn't one of
4:22
Speaker 2: the books that I love.
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Speaker 1: So we're not talking about love stories. We're not talking
4:25
Speaker 1: about the wedding party.
4:26
Speaker 2: So the book that I will talk about, Okay, one
4:29
Speaker 2: of the books is good. I'll leave this with you,
4:32
Speaker 2: and it's by Kylie Ladd. This is actually a story
4:36
Speaker 2: about a donor's family.
4:39
Speaker 1: So a family who's got a loved one who's passed
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Speaker 1: away but who donated their organs.
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Speaker 2: And one of the family members left behind her need
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Speaker 2: for closure. She really really struggled with this whole process,
4:54
Speaker 2: and so at some point in time she comes up
4:56
Speaker 2: with this idea that she wants to actually contact the
5:00
Speaker 2: recipients of her brother's donation.
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Speaker 1: What a novel, No, it's it a true story. It's not.
5:07
Speaker 2: It's not a true story, but it is touching on
5:10
Speaker 2: an area that's actually quite gray.
5:13
Speaker 1: Oh, this could be tricky. I'm just thinking, you haven't
5:15
Speaker 1: talked to me about this book. But I'd imagine that
5:17
Speaker 1: these organs could have gone to any number of people
5:20
Speaker 1: in any number of ways like humans.
5:22
Speaker 2: Actually laws that have been passed to kind of negate
5:26
Speaker 2: families the recipients and the donors' families being able to
5:33
Speaker 2: come together.
5:34
Speaker 1: Yeah, because that could be complicated. You might form some
5:36
Speaker 1: really difficult relationships. They've had dependencies.
5:41
Speaker 2: Yeah, they've had some really kind of negative outcomes either
5:44
Speaker 2: kind of storkish behavior for people who haven't been able
5:47
Speaker 2: to let go of their loved ones. There's also people
5:51
Speaker 2: who've demanded payment and ongoing payment. So there's lots of
5:56
Speaker 2: lots of but.
5:57
Speaker 1: The kinds to be judgment right, Like let's say that
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Speaker 1: you're your husband or your wife's heart goes to somebody
6:03
Speaker 1: and you don't see them as being worthy of it
6:05
Speaker 1: because of the lifestyle choices that they've made. You don't
6:08
Speaker 1: like that.
6:08
Speaker 2: I'm like, this could be ruthenticity or any number.
6:12
Speaker 1: Political persuasion and everythings. Yeah, yeah, so fascinating.
6:16
Speaker 2: For anyone to make contact, it actually has to go
6:19
Speaker 2: through the donor transplant center, right, and they they often
6:25
Speaker 2: will remove all names, and so you might get a
6:28
Speaker 2: letter to say thank you, we really appreciate it, you know,
6:31
Speaker 2: blah blah blah, but there's no identification on it, but
6:36
Speaker 2: there isn't a law that stops it. So both parties
6:39
Speaker 2: are open to it, then they can. And so this
6:43
Speaker 2: is a story essentially about a family who decides to
6:47
Speaker 2: go down that road and find out who got our
6:50
Speaker 2: family members aren't for it, like it actually causes quite
6:53
Speaker 2: a rift because it's it's opening up old wounds and
6:57
Speaker 2: you know they're all dealing with grief and different ways.
7:01
Speaker 2: But ultimately it's this just this beautiful exploration of life
7:08
Speaker 2: and what it means to give and to sacrifice. And
7:12
Speaker 2: I really really loved it. It was a very different read
7:15
Speaker 2: to something that I would normally read.
7:17
Speaker 1: I can hear it in your voice. How many stars
7:19
Speaker 1: do you give it?
7:20
Speaker 2: It would be definitely a four?
7:22
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, I feel like you've almost convinced me
7:24
Speaker 1: to read it not seriously, it sounds really compelling.
7:28
Speaker 2: Well, I donated that one to some people in Tahiti,
7:30
Speaker 2: so you need to buy your own copy.
7:33
Speaker 1: So you said there were four. We don't really have
7:34
Speaker 1: time for you to the last one.
7:36
Speaker 2: The last one's called The One hundred Years of Lenny
7:39
Speaker 2: and Margo.
7:40
Speaker 1: Oh, you've raved to me about this.
7:42
Speaker 2: So this was by Mariann.
7:44
Speaker 1: Is it a five? Starro it is. I knew you're
7:47
Speaker 1: going to say it. I could tell by the way
7:48
Speaker 1: you spoke of it. So what's it called again?
7:50
Speaker 2: It's called The One Hundred Years of Lenny and Margo.
7:54
Speaker 2: And I picked it up purely on the cover. I
7:56
Speaker 2: didn't even really read what it was about, and again
7:59
Speaker 2: just at the exchange cost me a couple of dollars,
8:04
Speaker 2: and it is just this magnificent, heart wrenching story about
8:12
Speaker 2: a seventeen year old girl with terminal a terminal illness,
8:16
Speaker 2: and she's been in hospital and she doesn't even know
8:19
Speaker 2: what month or what day it is because she has
8:21
Speaker 2: been there for so long, and she's just such a quirky,
8:27
Speaker 2: quirky character and the people that she meets in the hospital,
8:32
Speaker 2: and so the hospital gets a grant to create an
8:36
Speaker 2: art therapy space and she is being encouraged to join
8:41
Speaker 2: her peers. But because of the challenges she's had with
8:44
Speaker 2: health her whole life, she has never felt like she
8:47
Speaker 2: fitted in. But she finds herself in the class with
8:51
Speaker 2: the elderly and they tell her she can't be there,
8:55
Speaker 2: so she instantly gravitates to this eighty three year old woman, Margo,
9:00
Speaker 2: and Margo and her just like soulmates, instant connection, and
9:06
Speaker 2: so she gets permissioned to be able to stay with
9:08
Speaker 2: them and do her art with them. And as they're talking,
9:13
Speaker 2: just the way Lenny's brain and mind thinks, she goes,
9:17
Speaker 2: We've been alive for one hundred years between the two
9:21
Speaker 2: of us, and so they decide to create a hundred
9:26
Speaker 2: paintings to represent the lives that they've lived, knowing full
9:33
Speaker 2: well that they won't ever be able to fulfill their
9:37
Speaker 2: lives dreams, I guess, And it's the journey of that unfolding.
9:44
Speaker 1: It sounds like the ultimate tear jerker.
9:47
Speaker 2: It really is, but in such a beautiful way. You're
9:50
Speaker 2: not left feeling heavy at the end. It's just such
9:53
Speaker 2: a beautiful celebration of life and seeing things differently.
9:58
Speaker 1: I watched you read it and you cried. So I'm
10:05
Speaker 1: going to dive into the books that I have been reading,
10:08
Speaker 1: and I'm going to be really brief because unlike you,
10:11
Speaker 1: I'm not going to talk about the ones that I'm
10:12
Speaker 1: not going to talk about, but I will mention them.
10:14
Speaker 1: The ones that I'm not going to talk about include
10:18
Speaker 1: The Making of Men by Anna Rudenstein, because I'm getting
10:20
Speaker 1: into a book that I'm writing about raising boys. I
10:23
Speaker 1: dived back into Anna rubert Stein's book at the Making
10:25
Speaker 1: of Men and looked at rights of passage and what
10:28
Speaker 1: it is to be a man child versus a boy child, sorry,
10:33
Speaker 1: what it is to be a man versus a man child.
10:36
Speaker 1: Another book that I read called Man Raises Boy by
10:40
Speaker 1: Rob Sturrick. Lots of facts by a guy who was
10:44
Speaker 1: very very good at talking about what, like the what
10:47
Speaker 1: here's the problem? What is the problem? Let's talk about
10:49
Speaker 1: all of the challenges that we're facing as we're raising boys.
10:53
Speaker 1: It wasn't a lot in there, though, about the why
10:55
Speaker 1: it's happening or the how we can deal with it.
10:58
Speaker 1: Because he's a new dad of a couple of little kids,
11:02
Speaker 1: and so this was his exploration of here's what world
11:05
Speaker 1: I'm bringing my kids into. I actually quite enjoyed the book,
11:07
Speaker 1: but not one that I'm going to talk about today.
11:11
Speaker 1: Another one that I read was we were on the
11:13
Speaker 1: ship and somebody said, I've just finished this book. I'm
11:15
Speaker 1: not sure what to do it, and I said, I'll
11:16
Speaker 1: read it. What is it? Kind of got it around
11:18
Speaker 1: the wrong way. Instead of what is it, I'll read it,
11:21
Speaker 1: I said, I'll read it what is it? And by
11:22
Speaker 1: then I'd committed to it. It was the biography of
11:25
Speaker 1: Gina Reinhardt by Adele Ferguson, and it was actually really
11:28
Speaker 1: interesting to read it, but I don't recommend it, and
11:30
Speaker 1: I was completely unimpressed. The book itself was fine, but
11:33
Speaker 1: the character in the book was just not that exciting
11:37
Speaker 1: to read about. I have to be perfectly honest, however,
11:39
Speaker 1: the three books that I am going to talk about
11:41
Speaker 1: for about one minute each because I do need to
11:43
Speaker 1: be quick. Number one Ray Dalio a hedge fund manager.
11:47
Speaker 1: In fact, he runs the biggest hedge fund on the planet.
11:51
Speaker 1: It's called Why Nations Succeed or Fail. I gave it
11:55
Speaker 1: four point five out of five, Kylie, very heavy on economics,
11:59
Speaker 1: completely out of my wheelhouse.
12:02
Speaker 2: I don't even remember seeing you read it.
12:03
Speaker 1: That was that great, big, thick one with the black cover.
12:06
Speaker 1: You were so busy reading your books that you probably
12:08
Speaker 1: didn't even notice what I was reading.
12:10
Speaker 2: Did you take it off the cruise?
12:11
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, I bought it right before we got on
12:13
Speaker 1: the boat. You don't remember seeing that with all the
12:16
Speaker 1: charts and the economic stuff, and I did not Why
12:20
Speaker 1: Nations Succeed or Fail? By Ray Dahlo. I read this
12:23
Speaker 1: off the back of having read Guns, Germs, and Steel
12:26
Speaker 1: because an economist's friend of mine said, oh yeah, Jared Diamond, nothing,
12:29
Speaker 1: you got to read Dahlio Why Nations Succeed or Failed.
12:33
Speaker 1: I rate Diamond much higher than Dahlio in terms of
12:36
Speaker 1: a rip roaring read to understand the history of the
12:38
Speaker 1: world and why nations are succeeding and failing. However, economists
12:43
Speaker 1: would probably feel differently basically fascinating look at cycles and
12:47
Speaker 1: economic cycles and how we are where we are, and
12:50
Speaker 1: what's happened in the world to make it the way
12:51
Speaker 1: that it is Economically. I didn't love his style, but
12:54
Speaker 1: I found the content and concept pretty fascinating, so points
13:01
Speaker 1: it was not really a me book. It was really
13:03
Speaker 1: really heavy, really struggled with it, but worth the read
13:07
Speaker 1: and quite compelling. The other one that I want to
13:09
Speaker 1: talk about is by Jonah Burger. Jonah Berger works at
13:12
Speaker 1: the Wharton School. He's a professor of psychology there and
13:16
Speaker 1: he's written a book called Magic Words. This is right
13:18
Speaker 1: at my alley. This is the way our language shapes
13:21
Speaker 1: our reality, and the way changing our language can change
13:24
Speaker 1: the experience that we have and the expectations we might
13:27
Speaker 1: have for life, and certainly the expectations that other people
13:30
Speaker 1: have of us. Really practical, really fun, beautifully well like,
13:35
Speaker 1: really really accessively written. You don't have to have a
13:38
Speaker 1: PhD in psychology to understand it. And it's made me
13:41
Speaker 1: rethink the way that I use my words, the words
13:44
Speaker 1: that I do say, the words that I don't say,
13:45
Speaker 1: why I say it, why I frame things one way
13:47
Speaker 1: or not another, and how I can shift things around.
13:50
Speaker 1: I loved it Magic Words. I'm giving it four point five.
13:54
Speaker 1: But the book, the book, the book that I really
13:57
Speaker 1: am excited about is a book is provocative. It's a
14:01
Speaker 1: book that's controversial, and it was brilliant. I'm giving it
14:06
Speaker 1: five stars. The name of the author is Carol with
14:09
Speaker 1: an E at the end, not at the start. That
14:11
Speaker 1: wouldn't be Carol if it was an at the start.
14:13
Speaker 1: Carol Hooven hv N Carol Hooven. And the book is
14:18
Speaker 1: called Testosterone, The Story of the hormone that dominates and
14:24
Speaker 1: divides Us. I felt like I needed to have a
14:27
Speaker 1: PhD in andochronology to read it. It was heavy, it
14:31
Speaker 1: was really tough, but it's such a controversial time to
14:34
Speaker 1: be talking about things like testosterone, what makes males and
14:38
Speaker 1: females males and females, and what happens when we interrupt
14:44
Speaker 1: or engage with that process with interventions. It's not a
14:48
Speaker 1: political book. It's really purely scientific. I really don't know
14:53
Speaker 1: where she sits on the political spectrum, but I know
14:55
Speaker 1: exactly where she sits on the biological spectrum because of
14:57
Speaker 1: the way she's written it. And it is fascinating. It's sensitive,
15:01
Speaker 1: it's gentle to anyone who has been through any challenges
15:05
Speaker 1: when it comes to endochronology hormones, and particularly for families
15:08
Speaker 1: who have been struggle struggling around testosterone, children with identity issues.
15:13
Speaker 1: It's really sensitively written and it's so compelling. I just
15:18
Speaker 1: loved it, absolutely brilliant. Left me feeling completely and entirely
15:22
Speaker 1: inadequate in terms of my understanding and comprehension and knowledge
15:24
Speaker 1: when it comes to how hormones work in our body.
15:27
Speaker 1: I mean, it was really really deep, but just profoundly powerful,
15:31
Speaker 1: and it's already affected the way that I'm teaching some
15:34
Speaker 1: of the things that I do with my presentations, and
15:37
Speaker 1: I know that Carl Houven is going to be quoted
15:39
Speaker 1: a lot in my next book because she did such
15:41
Speaker 1: a masterful job in writing about testosterone.
15:45
Speaker 2: Well, I think that's a wrap for this month.
15:47
Speaker 1: Don't you want to ask me about the book? No,
15:49
Speaker 1: I don't really sure. I'm sure, but it was so good.
15:54
Speaker 1: I just want to talk about it. I can't believe
15:56
Speaker 1: you're wrapping up the podcast. I've just talked about four
15:58
Speaker 1: books and you're like, Okay, thanks, let's wrap it. So
16:02
Speaker 1: that's fine, let's wrap it. The Happy Families podcast is
16:04
Speaker 1: produced by Justin rolland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is
16:07
Speaker 1: our executive producer. I'm glad you enjoyed those books.
16:11
Speaker 2: Justin next I'm so glad you enjoyed those.
16:16
Speaker 1: We will link to all the books in our show notes.
16:18
Speaker 1: Hopefully you'll find something there that is interesting for you
16:21
Speaker 1: to dive into and engage with and let us know
16:24
Speaker 1: what you think about what we're reading and whether it's fun. Oh,
16:26
Speaker 1: by the way, we're doing something new for our Happy
16:29
Speaker 1: Families Premium members. If you are a Happy Famili's Premium member,
16:33
Speaker 1: we're doing a once every couple of months book club.
16:37
Speaker 1: I'm running it. We're talking about parenting books only, and
16:40
Speaker 1: the first book that we've just talked about is this
16:44
Speaker 1: book by me The Pairing Revolution by doctor Justin. I
16:49
Speaker 1: just had to make sure that we got everyone who
16:52
Speaker 1: is a member to read that one and talk about
16:53
Speaker 1: it first. But we're going to be doing a whole
16:55
Speaker 1: lot more with book club, and if you'd like to
16:56
Speaker 1: read parenting books and talk with me about them, just
16:59
Speaker 1: become a Happy fanmlies Premium member today. You can get
17:01
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17:11
Speaker 1: h