Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / What Is a Narcissists Biggest Fear?

Transcript

What Is a Narcissists Biggest Fear? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So what is a narcissist biggest fear now?
• 0:04
  Biggest fear? Now I know narcissists have a
• 0:06
  lot of fears y'all? A lot a lot a lot of fears.
• 0:10
  But what is the biggest fear to me as a diagnosed narcissist
• 0:15
  myself? A narcissist biggest fear is
• 0:18
  being alone. Biggest fear of being is being
• 0:22
  alone and a fear of abandonment. I feel like those two things
• 0:26
  kind of go hand in hand, right? I could do 2 separate videos on
• 0:28
  those, but those feel like just a content reach, right?
• 0:32
  That's what we're talking about today, y'all?
• 0:33
  A narcissist biggest fear being alone.
• 0:37
  If you're here, I'm Lee Hammock. I'm a doctor's narcissist and I
• 0:40
  give you the inside look at the mind of a narcissist and let's
• 0:44
  hop right into it. Y'all A narcissist biggest fear
• 0:47
  is absolutely going to be being alone.
• 0:49
  I know people are going to say being exposed.
• 0:53
  Yeah, being exposed is a fear is it is a rational fear.
• 0:56
  It's a real fear that a lot of narcissists have, right?
• 0:59
  Being exposed to who we really are is an actual fear that
• 1:03
  narcissistic people really do have.
• 1:06
  And it sucks, right? Being exposed does suck.
• 1:09
  I just did a video very recent of being a narcissist when you
• 1:11
  call out a narcissist. But being alone is huge.
• 1:16
  But Lee, why is being alone a narcissist's biggest fear?
• 1:20
  I'm glad you asked because when I'm alone, I don't get the
• 1:25
  external validation. I don't have any type of
• 1:29
  narcissistic supply. Now in today's age of social
• 1:35
  media, narcissistic supply can be online.
• 1:37
  Like you can get these, you can have a lot of parasocial
• 1:39
  relationships. You can damn near build a cult
• 1:41
  online nowadays with people you've never met because so many
• 1:44
  people are easily influenced as so many weak minded people.
• 1:48
  Like you can easily build a cult by saying some stupid ass stuff
• 1:51
  online and people just like, you know what?
• 1:53
  That sounds ridiculous, ridiculously stupid, but I'm in,
• 1:57
  right? There's so many people that are
• 1:59
  just so easily minds. It's just we just live in a
• 2:02
  world crazy. Well, yeah, yeah.
• 2:04
  Don't take offense to it if you've been in a cult before,
• 2:06
  but some cause some people will get born into it and
• 2:08
  indoctrinated into it in different ways.
• 2:09
  I'm not talking about you. I'm not about the person who
• 2:11
  just just easily influenced into stuff like that.
• 2:14
  It just just nonsense, nonsense reasons.
• 2:18
  But yeah, as a narcissist, when I'm alone, I don't get supplied
• 2:24
  though real life validation cause online stuff is, is
• 2:28
  temporary. Even if I have an online social
• 2:30
  media following, that's only temporary.
• 2:32
  That's not really real. I can get online and get some
• 2:34
  likes and dislikes and comments and stuff like that, but that's
• 2:38
  not really real for me. The really real stuff is going
• 2:41
  to be the real in life type of stuff.
• 2:44
  I need a person that I can call my own.
• 2:46
  I need a person who loves me right, who can validate me at
• 2:50
  all times. I need a person who I can
• 2:52
  consistently depend on to get narcissistic supply or
• 2:56
  validation from. Well, Lee, that sounds like it's
• 2:58
  just a a parasitic relationship. I think relationships should be
• 3:02
  symbiotic. Y'all should both feed off of
• 3:03
  each other. Narcissists sound like
• 3:05
  parasites. And a lot of people would
• 3:07
  describe narcissists as parasites, right.
• 3:08
  Y'all like, well, Lee, you hit, you hit the, you hit the nail on
• 3:11
  a parasitic head right there. Because narcissists tend to be
• 3:14
  parasites. Yeah, I'm not saying that
• 3:17
  narcissists have the inability to care about you.
• 3:20
  I'm not saying that because a lot of narcissists I think do
• 3:23
  have the ability to care. It just might not be to that
• 3:26
  upper echelon of feelings that you have that you want, right,
• 3:30
  That you need. But yeah, the fear of being
• 3:34
  alone is huge. Because I'm alone, I'm scared.
• 3:38
  Like seriously, not just scared of the dark and stuff like that.
• 3:41
  If I'm alone as a narcissist, I am afraid I really am because
• 3:49
  the thoughts go to my head especially like I think COVID,
• 3:53
  the pandemic activated so many narcissistic sleeper cells,
• 3:57
  right? I know this sounds crazy the the
• 4:00
  language I just used, but I truly believe that COVID
• 4:03
  activated a lot of narcissists, right?
• 4:05
  Because that fear of being alone, isolation, quarantine.
• 4:08
  Some a lot of us were saying like, not me, but a lot of
• 4:11
  narcissists were single during this time period and love
• 4:14
  bombing ran amok, right? Love bombing ran amok with
• 4:20
  narcissist. It was crazy how much love bomb
• 4:23
  was going on. It's crazy how many people did I
• 4:25
  talk to one-on-one right now whose relationships began during
• 4:29
  the pandemic when you couldn't really see each other.
• 4:31
  And then they, the love blossomed online and narcissist
• 4:35
  and they got you because narcissists were had this fear
• 4:38
  of being alone, like I'm alone in my house by myself.
• 4:41
  I need someone. So they were making people fall
• 4:43
  in love with them quickly, getting them to move in with
• 4:45
  them quickly, moving in with them quickly, getting pregnant
• 4:48
  quickly, having babies quickly, signing leases quickly, doing
• 4:51
  stuff quickly. So yeah, they could guarantee
• 4:53
  that they would have some type of validation, like some type of
• 4:57
  narcissistic supply. You see how I'm saying?
• 4:59
  You see how it works in the real world right there, right?
• 5:01
  It's not always going to be like, you know, COVID just
• 5:05
  shined a light on it, on how fast people try to move because
• 5:08
  they had this fear of being alone, the fear of passing away
• 5:11
  alone and stuff like that. I'm here alone by myself.
• 5:13
  What if I get COVID? There's nobody to take care of
• 5:15
  me, which is the fear that a lot of people had, right?
• 5:18
  But a lot of people just just didn't hop online and or hop in
• 5:22
  new relationships to, to combat that fear.
• 5:25
  Some narcissists did, a lot of narcissists did, though a lot of
• 5:28
  narcissistic people started to prey on people during this
• 5:31
  vulnerable period of time. There's like, I don't think
• 5:33
  there's been a more vulnerable period of time in the, in my
• 5:37
  lifetime. And I'm 40 years old, well,
• 5:38
  about to be 40, right? I don't think there's been a
• 5:41
  more vulnerable period of time for people then during the,
• 5:43
  during the COVID when people were just like scared of being
• 5:46
  by themselves. So narcissists would take
• 5:48
  advantage of that. There's so many people that I've
• 5:50
  talked to that met narcissists during COVID that were not their
• 5:53
  type. They were just lonely.
• 5:55
  They were, they themselves were afraid.
• 5:57
  They were vulnerable. And narcissist who originally
• 5:59
  was not their type also became their type.
• 6:02
  Also, they decided to give them a chance, right?
• 6:05
  And narcissist took full advantage of that because they
• 6:08
  had the fear of being alone too. They just take advantage of
• 6:10
  people in those situations right there.
• 6:12
  Because like the fear of abandonment plays and plays a
• 6:15
  big, huge role in this as well. Because I'm afraid that you're
• 6:19
  going to abandon me. I'm afraid of being alone, but
• 6:22
  I'm also simultaneously afraid of afraid of being abandoned
• 6:25
  because if I get abandoned, then I'm alone.
• 6:28
  So that's why you see a lot of narcissists will strike first
• 6:32
  when the before the relationship ends, when the relationship is
• 6:34
  going sour. This is why you see a lot of
• 6:36
  narcissists leave you and already have somebody else set
• 6:40
  up. Because I think you're going to
• 6:41
  abandon me and I need, I need to beat you to the punch.
• 6:46
  If I think that you're going to abandon me, I need to beat you
• 6:50
  to the punch, right? Because it helps me at the end
• 6:53
  of the day. It helps me at the end of the
• 6:55
  day. Do this type of stuff right
• 6:57
  here. It helps me to move forward and
• 6:59
  have a guaranteed source of supply rather than just sit
• 7:03
  around and wait and hope and pray that you stay with me.
• 7:05
  Hell, now I need to take action. This is why they seem to like
• 7:09
  they disconnect from you and try to like This is why a lot of
• 7:12
  times they're cold as hell at the end of the relationship.
• 7:16
  They're ice cold, ice cold at the end of relationship.
• 7:19
  Like damn, what the hell did I do to you, you evil bastard?
• 7:22
  Well, I ain't do nothing to you. Why you treat me so horribly
• 7:25
  right that that goes through so many people's minds.
• 7:28
  You like what the I ain't did nothing to tell you why you
• 7:30
  treat me like this. And so many people have that
• 7:33
  experience right there, right? There's so many of y'all have
• 7:35
  that experience because they want to leave you broken to make
• 7:39
  sure that they made the right decision and leave you in the
• 7:41
  first place. So This is why a lot of
• 7:43
  narcissists get cold at the end when they have new supply.
• 7:46
  Very rarely are they cold and hurtful when they don't have
• 7:49
  anybody because they want to always be able to come back to
• 7:52
  you. Now, not every narcissist is
• 7:53
  going to be cold at the end, right?
• 7:55
  Because they, they, I have, I have a fear that you're going to
• 7:58
  abandon me. So I need to move on to a new
• 8:00
  supply, right? But that doesn't mean the new
• 8:03
  supply is always going to stick. So I don't want to leave you
• 8:06
  with a sour taste in your mouth. So I want to leave the door open
• 8:09
  for me to possibly come back to you later on.
• 8:13
  You see how that works tonight? All narcissists will be cold at
• 8:15
  the end when the relationship ends and whatnot.
• 8:17
  This just doesn't happen. It really doesn't.
• 8:21
  But if you're running, like, say, as long as you're moving
• 8:23
  forward, as long as you're trying to heal, as long as
• 8:24
  you're trying to thrive, I feel like this is part of the dynamic
• 8:27
  right here. This is part of the situation.
• 8:29
  Narcissists are always going to have this fear.
• 8:32
  Well, Lee, how do I make them feel like I'm not going to leave
• 8:35
  them? How do I make them feel safe
• 8:37
  with me? That's a good idea.
• 8:40
  Yeah. That's a that y'all See, when I
• 8:42
  give you video ideas, I'm talking to y'all.
• 8:45
  I've been talking to y'all how to make a narcissist feel safe.
• 8:48
  That'd be a good one right there.
• 8:49
  Because I don't think it might not be possible, right?
• 8:52
  It might not be possible to make a narcissist feel safe, but
• 8:55
  that's definitely going in my notes how to make a narcissist
• 8:58
  feel safe because I'm going to dig deeper because I don't truly
• 9:00
  think you can ever make a narcissist feel safe, right?
• 9:05
  Like I don't think you could ever make a narcissist feel safe
• 9:07
  because they always have to feel like you always going to be
• 9:09
  around, right? You can acquiesce to every
• 9:12
  single thing that they want. You can do every single thing
• 9:14
  that they want and they will almost always still try to find,
• 9:17
  find something more that you can do.
• 9:19
  Like the best way to make a narcissist feel safe is to talk
• 9:24
  to him. And it's impossible to talk to
• 9:27
  some of them. It's impossible to talk to some
• 9:31
  narcissist because they're they're.
• 9:32
  I talked to a young lady today and she said every time I try to
• 9:36
  talk to my partner to make him feel safe, he always finds
• 9:39
  something wrong in what I say. If I don't agree with him, I'm
• 9:42
  trying to argue. If I agree with him, I'm just
• 9:44
  pandering to him. Like I can't win when I have a
• 9:47
  conversation with him. So sometimes you can't talk to
• 9:49
  him. You get you can't.
• 9:51
  It's almost impossible to make a narcissist feel safe.
• 9:53
  Y'all. So my, that video, I wrote it
• 9:55
  down, but I, I'm gonna have to think on that one.
• 9:57
  I'm gonna have to get deep in thought about that one 'cause
• 9:59
  like it might not be possible to make a narcissist feel safe.
• 10:02
  And I poked the camera there. Now I did revealed the
• 10:07
  background. But yeah, narcissistic people
• 10:11
  definitely have a fear of being alone.
• 10:13
  Like 'cause I'm if I'm alone with my thoughts, they become my
• 10:17
  enemies. Like I can't help my thoughts go
• 10:20
  negative, my thoughts go self deprecating, my thoughts attack
• 10:24
  me. When I'm by myself, my thoughts
• 10:27
  attack me. That's why I need the external
• 10:29
  validation from other people, right?
• 10:31
  That's why I need the external stuff.
• 10:33
  Because my thoughts, if I don't get them under control, they
• 10:36
  absolutely 100% attack me. They absolutely do.
• 10:41
  And this is the thing I'm trying to tell so many people about
• 10:43
  right here. I'm just like, my thoughts will
• 10:44
  attack me over and over again. My thoughts go negative.
• 10:47
  You're not good enough, you'll never be good enough.
• 10:49
  Nobody wants you. Nobody wants to be with you.
• 10:51
  You're ugly, you're horrible. You're, you're too stupid.
• 10:53
  You're too, you're too tall or you're too skinny, you're too
• 10:54
  fat, you're too dish, you're too dead, you're too black, your
• 10:57
  hair too long, hair too short. Whatever the case may be, my
• 11:00
  thoughts immediately attack me. I need the external validation.
• 11:03
  I need you to validate me. I need people to validate me.
• 11:06
  I need other people to validate me.
• 11:08
  And that's the thought process that a lot of narcissists have
• 11:10
  right there, y'all. This is why a narcissist's
• 11:12
  biggest fear is being alone. Anyways, y'all thank y'all for
• 11:17
  making to the end of my video. I really, truly appreciate
• 11:19
  y'all. Hit the subscribe button.
• 11:20
  You haven't already. Also follow my other page, the
• 11:23
  Mental Illness Podcast. Tomorrow I'm going to be
• 11:25
  reaching out to people to schedule some interviews both
• 11:29
  online and in person. We're going to be doing in
• 11:31
  person interviews in the Hillsborough, NC areas.
• 11:34
  If you're in the area, let me know.
• 11:36
  We're going to set it up. Y'all about to get the mental
• 11:38
  illness podcast launched? Hit the subscribe button.
• 11:40
  My coaching, my courses, everything at mentalillness.net.
• 11:43
  Click one of these to stay on the channel and I'm out.
• 11:45
  Peace.