Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / How Are Narcissists with their kids?

Transcript

How Are Narcissists with their kids? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on, beautiful people.
• 0:02
  Today we're talking about narcissists and their kids, the
• 0:07
  children of narcissists. How do narcissists feel about
• 0:10
  their kids? If you're new here, my name is
• 0:12
  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist.
• 0:14
  And welcome to season 2 of the Narcissist Code.
• 0:18
  Let's get it. Boom, Welcome back, folks,
• 0:37
  Welcome back, welcome back. Yeah, y'all, These videos don't
• 0:41
  get as much traction and that's why I don't talk about
• 0:44
  narcissists and their kids as much.
• 0:45
  So if you're watching this video, make sure to interact
• 0:48
  with it, comment, like share it to your friends and family, your
• 0:52
  favorite Reddit group or Facebook group or whatever.
• 0:54
  So it gets more traction because it just, you just use something
• 0:57
  people don't. People don't watch it, You know
• 1:00
  what I mean? So how do narcissists feel about
• 1:02
  their kids? Yeah, this is a tough question.
• 1:04
  It's a tough, tough topic to even cover because when I
• 1:08
  covered this topic, when did I do this video?
• 1:10
  When I did the first video, January of 2021.
• 1:13
  So it's been 4 years since I did the first video about
• 1:16
  narcissists and their kids. Like narcissistic people, can
• 1:20
  they love their children? Let's get that out of the way
• 1:22
  first. Yes, there are a lot of
• 1:25
  narcissists that possess the ability to love their kids,
• 1:30
  right? To care about their kids.
• 1:32
  Now, how much care is is a it varies, right?
• 1:38
  There's a spectrum. There's a spectrum of how, how
• 1:41
  much they can care, right? There are some narcissists.
• 1:44
  They only care. The spectrum can go the the
• 1:46
  spectrum can go like this. There's some narcissists.
• 1:49
  Well, we talk about kids. This is my kids book.
• 1:51
  Remember, it's not your fault. It's on Amazon, right?
• 1:53
  There's a spectrum of kids. There's a spectrum.
• 1:56
  On this end of the spectrum are the narcissists who don't care
• 1:59
  about the kids. There's some narcissists who
• 2:00
  don't care about the kids at all.
• 2:02
  On the other end of the spectrum, there's the narcissist
• 2:04
  who only care about their kids. In the middle is the people who
• 2:08
  just, you know, there's the people in the middle and
• 2:10
  whatnot. It's varying degrees.
• 2:11
  So some narcissists only care about their children only.
• 2:17
  And I know that sucks to hear for a lot of people, but that's
• 2:21
  literally the truth right there, right?
• 2:23
  Some narcissistic people only care about their kids.
• 2:26
  Some of them don't care at all. And like, it's a varying balance
• 2:29
  Lead. How do you determine which is
• 2:31
  which? First of all y'all let me say
• 2:33
  this if you're I feel like I shouldn't even have to say this
• 2:38
  but I really do. If you're dealing with a person
• 2:41
  that you think might be narcissistic that already has
• 2:44
  children with someone else and they neglect those kids, they
• 2:48
  don't see those kids if they either if they have custody of
• 2:52
  the kids, the kids are treated poorly.
• 2:54
  Don't have a baby with that person.
• 2:58
  More kids is not going to change them.
• 3:01
  It will change you. It will absolutely change you
• 3:04
  and the dynamics of your relationship.
• 3:06
  Not in a good way, but if more kids with this person yo you, we
• 3:11
  we rant bubble. My first rant bubble was the new
• 3:13
  season. We got to be better at choosing
• 3:16
  some of these toxic narcissistic bastards as parents, right?
• 3:19
  And I get it. Not every single narcissist is
• 3:21
  going to let you know how they're going to be like.
• 3:23
  You can marry before you carry. You can marry before you get
• 3:26
  them pregnant. You can marry and they still
• 3:28
  turn out as horrible people. That's I understand that, but
• 3:32
  some people already know that some of these people are fucked
• 3:35
  up, horrible people. You already know that they don't
• 3:38
  take care of their kids. Why would you have kids with
• 3:41
  them if you see with them already having kids that they've
• 3:45
  abandoned that their ex is crazy.
• 3:47
  They don't see the kids. They they don't ever talk about
• 3:49
  the kids. You know, you wouldn't know they
• 3:51
  had kids if you didn't even ask. They don't have any existence.
• 3:54
  They they call they call their kids names like they're
• 3:57
  disappointing their children all the time.
• 3:59
  Like y'all don't give this person another child.
• 4:02
  Why would you do that to yourself into that child?
• 4:05
  I know there's years and this is not me trying to victim blame.
• 4:08
  But if you already see them being toxic and abusive to their
• 4:12
  kids that they already have, being neglectful, not validating
• 4:15
  the children that they already have, what makes you think
• 4:19
  they're going to treat your kids any differently?
• 4:22
  And then you'll be trying to. You act fucking shocked when
• 4:24
  they treat your kids horribly when they get here.
• 4:26
  I thought the baby would change them.
• 4:27
  Why? Why would you think a baby's
• 4:29
  going to change this manipulative, neglectful piece
• 4:32
  of shit? Why?
• 4:34
  You see what I'm saying? We got to do better on that
• 4:36
  aspect of things right there and holding ourselves accountable
• 4:39
  when we know what we who we're dealing with.
• 4:41
  Again, I said at the beginning, some people, you don't know what
• 4:43
  you're dealing with until it's too late, right?
• 4:45
  I understand that, right? I get that.
• 4:49
  But some people, you know it, you see it.
• 4:51
  And yes, narcissists do lie and tell you the other parent is
• 4:54
  crazy or they can't see their kids because it is because of
• 4:57
  that. I get that as well.
• 4:58
  I understand that too. And again, I am not victim
• 5:01
  blaming. I'm just trying to wake you up
• 5:03
  to let you to let you see how to see the world from a different
• 5:05
  perspective. You have like if you, if you
• 5:10
  don't have kids now, people drop it in the comment section.
• 5:12
  If you have kids with a narcissist right now, would you
• 5:15
  recommend that people who don't have them with a narcissist have
• 5:20
  them? What would be your you ain't
• 5:22
  going to take it from me because I'm in therapy.
• 5:24
  You said well Lee, you take care of your kids.
• 5:26
  You're a narcissist. Why should we?
• 5:27
  Why should we give them a chance?
• 5:29
  Let the people in the comments section tell you if you have
• 5:31
  kids with a narcissist, give advice to people who don't have
• 5:35
  kids who considering having kids who considering getting their
• 5:38
  narcissistic girlfriend or ex baby Mama or pregnant or ex-wife
• 5:41
  pregnant or wife pregnant having a kid with their toxic
• 5:44
  narcissistic boyfriend or fiance.
• 5:47
  You see what I'm saying? The kids will fix it.
• 5:48
  No they won't. If you're struggling in your
• 5:50
  relationship right now, kids will not fix it.
• 5:52
  Y'all rant over. I'm sorry but I'm not at the
• 5:55
  same time because to me I need to hear that.
• 5:58
  I'm sorry I got like season 2 I'm bringing the heat I'm woke
• 6:02
  I'm woke I don't feel good I'm still bringing the heat.
• 6:05
  But like you have to understand this y'all.
• 6:07
  Some nurses do not have the ability to care for their kids.
• 6:10
  Like if they're treating you badly, they're going to treat
• 6:13
  the kids badly most times. Sometimes they'll treat you
• 6:16
  badly and treat the kids like gold, but they're abusing you.
• 6:21
  They'll, they'll only, they'll only give love to the children.
• 6:25
  They neglect you and they will also use those children as
• 6:28
  leverage. It doesn't.
• 6:29
  It just, it doesn't stop them from using the kids as leverage.
• 6:33
  They would. They can care about their kids
• 6:34
  and still use their kids as leverage, right?
• 6:38
  They absolutely can. So narcissistic people tend to
• 6:42
  see their they out. Well, Lee, how do narcissists
• 6:44
  determine which kids that they like and don't like?
• 6:46
  Narcissistic people tend to see their children as as an
• 6:52
  extension of themselves, right? I see my kids as an extension of
• 6:57
  me. So with that being said, if I
• 7:00
  see my kids as an extension of me, then it just make it will
• 7:04
  make sense that these kids or these the people that I'm
• 7:06
  dealing with, like they're like, I want these kids to turn out
• 7:10
  just like me. I they don't get to have their
• 7:12
  own identity, like they can smother their children, right
• 7:16
  with too much, they get over be overbearing to their children.
• 7:20
  That's where you get the golden children from, right?
• 7:22
  The golden child still gets abused.
• 7:25
  You have the golden child, you have the scapegoat.
• 7:27
  The golden children, even though it seems like it seems like they
• 7:29
  get treated well, they still get abused because they expect
• 7:31
  perfection. They expect perfection from the
• 7:35
  golden child. Well, the the scapegoat children
• 7:39
  or child gets the shit into the stick.
• 7:42
  They get treated horribly and sometimes if you're Co parenting
• 7:45
  with them, you see it. You have two kids and you've
• 7:48
  seen two of them, both of your kids with the narcissist, with
• 7:50
  your narcissist Co parent for their parenting time.
• 7:53
  And you see when they come back home, one kid is feeling
• 7:56
  different than the other one. They try to turn their kids
• 7:58
  against each other, make the kids compete for their
• 8:00
  affection. They do that as well.
• 8:03
  So a lot of narcissistic people right here, y'all are out here
• 8:06
  doing this manipulative crazy ass cuckoo shit to just be
• 8:10
  abusive, manipulative, cuckoo bastards.
• 8:13
  That's what they do. This is what they do.
• 8:16
  This is the type of stuff they're going to continue to do
• 8:18
  because they feel like they get they get away with it.
• 8:20
  This is how they go about doing the things y'all, this is the
• 8:22
  mindset. This is the this is how it goes.
• 8:26
  So as you keep, as you continue going forward, like if you have
• 8:30
  kids in the narcissist, it's OK, it's too late.
• 8:32
  You can't take the kids away, right?
• 8:34
  You can't just like push them back in your, your, you can't
• 8:37
  just do that. You can't take them back, right?
• 8:39
  But understand it, like some of your kids or the kids are going
• 8:42
  to be victims of abuse as well. It might be different from the
• 8:45
  abuse that you suffered, but it's abuse nonetheless.
• 8:49
  So you have to be the buffer for your kids.
• 8:51
  You have to be there for your kids.
• 8:53
  You have to take care of your kids.
• 8:54
  You have to be the emotional backbone and strength for your
• 8:57
  kids, for your children. You have to.
• 8:59
  I know it's believe this doesn't sound fair.
• 9:01
  It's not. It's not fair to anybody.
• 9:05
  It's not fair. I promise you.
• 9:07
  It's not fair when you're dealing with somebody who treats
• 9:09
  your kids like they're secondhand citizens or that they
• 9:12
  don't matter, that who, who who doesn't allow your children to
• 9:16
  have their own identity. Yeah, it's absolutely not fair.
• 9:19
  It's heart wrenching to watch your children get treated like
• 9:22
  shit because you have it their their parent.
• 9:24
  The other parent is a horrible human being.
• 9:27
  It's very difficult to understand.
• 9:29
  It's very difficult to reconcile with that.
• 9:32
  And I understand that as well. Y'all.
• 9:34
  So as you're progressing forward on your journey, you have kids
• 9:38
  with a narcissist. Just talk.
• 9:38
  You have to talk to your kids. You absolutely do.
• 9:41
  That's why I wrote my kids book to remember it's not your fault.
• 9:44
  It's to try to teach your children that is not their
• 9:46
  fault, that the other parent is treating them this way, that the
• 9:49
  other parent is not in their lives, that the other parent
• 9:52
  didn't see them as worthy to be in their lives.
• 9:56
  And maybe narcissists go out there and parent the step kids,
• 10:00
  but not parent the real kids. That's crazy to me.
• 10:03
  That's crazy to me. There's an insane mindset that
• 10:07
  abandoned your kids to be a step parent is absolutely mind
• 10:13
  boggling. But they do it.
• 10:16
  They do it. And the other a the other
• 10:18
  parent, the other person in the picture, the the the new supply
• 10:20
  allows it. They see it, they don't care as
• 10:23
  long as they take care of their kids, right?
• 10:25
  That's crazy. But this is how narcissists
• 10:27
  treat their children. They, they like if they, if the
• 10:30
  kids are a benefit to them in some way, shape or form, the
• 10:33
  kids can give them some type of good reputation or give the
• 10:36
  kids, if they can get narcissistic supply from their
• 10:39
  kids, they will absolutely try to get that supply from their
• 10:43
  kids with no ifs, ands or buts, you know, no, if ands or buts
• 10:48
  about it, they will, if they can get supply from their children,
• 10:51
  they will absolutely try to get supply from their kids.
• 10:56
  You know, and it sucks, like I said, as you're moving forward
• 10:58
  and you're trying to understand like, well, damn, this sucks.
• 11:00
  I got to, I hate to have a kid with this person.
• 11:02
  Yeah, you might hate that you had a kid with them.
• 11:04
  Hey, but the kids are here. The kids are here and now it's
• 11:07
  time to go to war. It's time to go to battle for
• 11:09
  your children. What?
• 11:11
  I mean, like, you have to pick your battles.
• 11:12
  You have to pick your target. Like narcissistic people, They
• 11:15
  they don't just come out like that's the golden child.
• 11:17
  That's the scapegoat. They don't do that.
• 11:19
  It's how the kids respond to them as the old.
• 11:22
  Yeah. And typically the older the
• 11:25
  children get, the more likely they are to stand up to your
• 11:29
  narcissistic ex or your or they, you know, your narcissistic
• 11:32
  partner. And typically that's when they
• 11:34
  discard the kids, when the kids get a mind of their own and
• 11:37
  start are able to defend themselves, that's when they
• 11:40
  start taking care of it. That's when they try to step up
• 11:42
  for the kids, right? That's why they try to step up
• 11:45
  for the children and do things for the kids because or discard
• 11:49
  the kids because the kids are back talking to them.
• 11:52
  The kids are being disrespectful.
• 11:53
  The kids are doing this, The kids are doing that.
• 11:55
  This is what be happening. This will be happening.
• 11:58
  This is the mentality that they go through.
• 12:00
  This is the abusive behaviors and the minds that they go
• 12:02
  through. This is the shit that they're
• 12:04
  going to keep doing, like they're going to treat their
• 12:07
  kids how they feel about themselves.
• 12:10
  And narcissistic people tend to try to live vicariously or
• 12:13
  vicariously. It's vicariously VI VI
• 12:16
  vicariously through their children.
• 12:19
  If the narcissist mother or father didn't get a chance to do
• 12:23
  something, they might try to make sure their kids do it, but
• 12:26
  not to not because the kids like doing it.
• 12:29
  They'll force the kids to pick up the same hobbies and the same
• 12:33
  hobbies that they did. They absolutely will.
• 12:38
  They will. So this is what ends up
• 12:40
  happening. This is how it goes.
• 12:43
  This is the mentality, this is the mindset of a narcissistic
• 12:46
  person, of an abusive, manipulative, narcissistic
• 12:49
  person. So as you continue to move
• 12:52
  forward, this is the type of stuff that you have to
• 12:55
  understand. Like they can, some of them can
• 12:57
  love your kids, some of them don't have the ability to love
• 12:59
  your kids, but guess who can love your kids?
• 13:01
  You. If you're watching this and
• 13:03
  you're not a narcissist, you can love your kids.
• 13:05
  If you're watching this and you are a narcissist and you feel
• 13:08
  like you're being a lackluster parent to your children, step
• 13:11
  the fuck up. It's time to step up and be a
• 13:14
  better human being. Your kids deserve better than
• 13:16
  you had. Yes, we had.
• 13:18
  We might have had some shit that happened to us as kids and I'm
• 13:21
  not making an excuse. I'm not.
• 13:22
  You can. You cannot advocate for yourself
• 13:24
  as a kid. Your kids cannot advocate for
• 13:26
  themselves. But guess who can wake the fuck
• 13:28
  up and advocate for them? You week.
• 13:32
  Oh, season 2 boring. Oh season 2, I'm bringing the
• 13:34
  heat. I'm fired up right now, y'all.
• 13:42
  Y'all thank y'all for being here and thank y'all for going on
• 13:45
  this ride with me for season 2 of The Narcissist Code.
• 13:48
  Hit that subscribe button if you haven't already.
• 13:50
  Check out the channel memberships.
• 13:51
  The kids book I'll give y'all if y'all haven't seen the kids
• 13:53
  book. This is what the kids book looks
• 13:55
  like on the inside. Y'all you know you said your
• 13:57
  body is yours. It's about body being happy with
• 14:00
  your body no matter how you are accepting yourself, celebrating
• 14:03
  your own wins. This is the kids book it's
• 14:06
  called remember it's not your fault.
• 14:07
  Check it out on Amazon if you already have the book.
• 14:10
  Hey give me a good rating on Amazon so more people will see
• 14:13
  it. You know we helping we helping
• 14:14
  the kids here. Anyways y'all I appreciate y'all
• 14:17
  so much Welcome to season 2. Let's get it, I'm out.
• 14:20
  Peace. What's going on?
• 14:22
  Beautiful folks. Thank you so much for making it
• 14:24
  to the end of my video. I truly appreciate it.
• 14:26
  You have no idea. If you haven't already, hit that
• 14:29
  subscribe button. You made it this far, you might
• 14:31
  as well subscribe. It really does help the channel
• 14:34
  y'all. It helps me reach more people as
• 14:35
  well. Also, I have coaching my courses
• 14:38
  and my support group available at www.mentalillness.net.
• 14:42
  Thank you so much. Make sure you stick around,
• 14:44
  watch another video or two. I appreciate it.
• 14:46
  I'm out.