Latest / Two Broke Chicks / WE’RE BACK!! DIABOLICAL Life Lessons Part 3

Transcript

WE’RE BACK!! DIABOLICAL Life Lessons Part 3 · Two Broke Chicks

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on gadigal Land Always was, always
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: Hey chicks, I'm out and I'm sal and this is
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: two Broach Chicks, the show that shares life lessons and
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: tips to help make you rich in life.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: And we're back.
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: Baby, We're back.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: Did you missus say ye?
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: Please?
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: We need this, We need the positive reinforcement.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: Well, we've been away for the last four weeks.
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: And we are back in your ear holes, and we
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: thought what better opportunity to come back with a bang
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: and share some diabolical life lessons because.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: You chicks are die a fucking bollicle.
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: You're unhinged, and that's how we like it.
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's literally my favorite type of episode. So if
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: this is your first time tuning into a diabolical life
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: lessons basically, you chicks, email in the fucked up.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: Shit that has happened to you, that you've done, you
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: can fare.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: This is this is the jick's confession basically, and we
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: just get to read them out and giggle and give
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: our two cents and give our two cents three ounces
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: of advice.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Maybe do a horny chih hour voice.
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: I mean that's given. Who are you know it's always
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: a good time.
• 1:17
  Speaker 4: It is, and as usual, we haven't read any of
• 1:20
  Speaker 4: these so all of the reactions are raw and real
• 1:24
  Speaker 4: on the pod.
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: So I'm excited, scared, maybe a little turned on, little
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: Sel a bit spark.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: We'll see before we start, though, sal what is your
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: obsession of the week?
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: Okay?
• 1:35
  Speaker 4: My obsession of the week is actually another little turn
• 1:38
  Speaker 4: of phrase.
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: To add to our two broke chicks vocap.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: Okay, so last week you brought the shoppies. A few
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: weeks ago, a few episodes ago, you brought the shoppies
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: to the show, which we absolutely loved. The shoppies aka
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: the urge to go shopping. Yeah, and the shops are
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: give you the shoppies. And I've got another one to
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: add to the rotation, and it's.
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: Got the mobs.
• 2:03
  Speaker 4: Mobs Yeah, So, got the mobs is a Victorian era
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: slang or euphemism and it basically means feeling devo. So
• 2:13
  Speaker 4: when you're in a bit of a slumpy doodle, sorry,
• 2:16
  Speaker 4: I got the mobs.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: Mobs yeah, period mobs.
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: Hungover, got the MORBs, but yeah, I got the mobs.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: I like that.
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: My obsession of the way desperase Okay, it happened again.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: I forgot.
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, I'm so happy.
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: No, Okay, So I don't know why this ship only
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: happens to me and not so our but like, I
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: get an these situations and I'm like, look, it's good content,
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: but I'm also like, why does it only happen to me? Yeah,
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: So for context, before we went to Europe, I went
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: to a hair selon to get a carotin treatment because
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: it's really good for basically getting rid of like in
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: your hair. I got the Kara Silk keratin, which is
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: kind of a different type because it doesn't just leave
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: your head dead straight, which I didn't want, like dead
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: straight hair.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: I still want my waves. I just don't want the frizze.
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: And that's what this keratin is really good for. And
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: I was absolutely obsessed.
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: I left the.
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: Office to go to the appointment, and I was a
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: little bit early, so I ducked into this cute little
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: Turkish cafe. I had a cappuccino and some cheesecake, and
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: then I was enjoying myself so much. I was like ooh,
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: I'm like but then I was like, oh fuck, I
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: really needed pee. And then I couldn't find the salon.
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: I finally find the salon and I go in and
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, sorry, do you mind if I quickly pee?
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: Like is that okay?
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: And so I'm going into I go to the bathroom
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: and anyway, she's like, yeah, that's fine, I'll just wait
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: for you here.
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: So she's waiting for me.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: I go pee, and I'm like kind of rushing because
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: I feel bad because I was a little bit late,
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: like and by a little bit. I'm in like five
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: ten minutes. And she's like, i'll wait for you here,
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: and I was like okay. And then anyway, I go
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: to wipe and I just hear.
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: Like cling, cling clan.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: I go, what was that? I'm trying a round. The
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: ring my mother got me for my birthday has fallen
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: in the toilet.
• 4:03
  Speaker 4: The clear hatchress blowing one, the clear patre is blowing
• 4:06
  Speaker 4: one that's like three hundred dollars. You've got to be
• 4:08
  Speaker 4: careful with that because it's a small pinky ring.
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: When it's cold, your fingers shrink. I've lost that ring
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: several times.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: Have you lost it in the toilet? Sow at the
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: hair salon.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: Where the lovely girl is waiting on the other side
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: of the door, and I was.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: Like, Okay, if I flush it, I risk it going.
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's tiny too, pinker ring.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: If I flush it, I risk it going.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: If I don't flush it, I've got to get there's pea,
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: And then I'm looking. I've got very small utensils to
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: work with here as well. I've got a toilet brush,
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: which then makes it worse because that is used for poop,
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: so I can't use that. I've got soap bottles that
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: I could like hook in, but then I'm like, I
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: can't leave.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: The soap bottles there. Then they've got toilet water.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: So the only thing left that I have is my hand,
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: and so I flowsh to the toilet and fucking.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: Prayed that it would be there.
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: And it's obviously gold plated enough that it was heavy
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: that it didn't flush. And then I raw dogged and
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: I put my hand in the toilet. Oh and I
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: got my ring. My god, I filmed it. Yeah, be
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: careful with a pinky ring.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: Just be careful with your rings in winter.
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: All right, Well that's my story, that's your confession, that's
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: my confession.
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: To kick us off, all right, shall we get into it?
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: Shall I kick us off. Yeah, let's do it.
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: Diabolical life lesson number one black Mail goes both ways
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: with the devil emoji.
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: Yesh my god.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: Oh okay, So it's my first year dancing. I'm just
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: a little baby.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: I haven't found feet. I believe she means I haven't
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: found my feet.
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, I think she means dancing, as in
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: like adult dancing. Yeah, who should walk in but my
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: high school maths teacher?
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: No?
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: No, oh, now, what happened all the time.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: Probably especially in like maybe smaller town.
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like dancing in your local area. Oh
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: my god.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: Okay, I was horrified. I did my best to avoid
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: being seen till I'm told it was my turn on stage.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: I'm just a girl with bills to pay, so out
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: I go, fucking slake.
• 6:21
  Speaker 4: No, no, just on the second s no, no ew
• 6:27
  Speaker 4: Oh my god.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: Tell me mister Mass booked me for a thirty minute
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: private dance before I even finished on stage.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, he should be fucking fired. That's so so.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: During one of my more awkward moments in.
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: My life, Oh, mister Mass whispers to me, I hate
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: this man.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: Be a shame if your brother found out about his
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: slut of a sister.
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: What the fuck go and fuck yourself.
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, and said if I slept with him,
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: he wouldn't tell Oh my.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: God, what the fuck. And then, oh my god.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: Okay, okay, so we've got this is.
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: This is I'm just having.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: A solo moment here.
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: I'm not even reading it to Sorry, I'm reading this
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: the worst way. I just said it would be an
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: awful shame if the school board found out he was
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: getting lap dancers from fresh graduates, and pointed the lap
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: room security camera and said, smile.
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: Oh my god.
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: He basically ran out of the club. My brother was
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: already aware of what I did for work. He got
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: a new Xbox out of it. He didn't care fucking slaves.
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, he got a new Xbox out of it.
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: I love that. Yeah, and what a fucking prick?
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: Can we?
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: I'm sure there's probably some sort of like client confidentiality
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: that like she's not allowed to share that, but like
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: what if you.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: Send it to us, and then what if we sent
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: it to the school. What if that happened?
• 8:04
  Speaker 4: Yeah, what are the rules around that? That is so wrong.
• 8:08
  Speaker 4: I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm like, I'm not gonna yuck anyone's yum, Like,
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: if you want to go to a club, go off,
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: but like to book your student.
• 8:19
  Speaker 4: And then proceed to attempt to insult them and then
• 8:23
  Speaker 4: blackmail them and coerce them into having sex with.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: Who's about to live some kind of sick fucking fantasy.
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: And she said no, bitch, yeah, Oh my god, I
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: love that. That is so amazing and like quick thinking yeah,
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: being like because as well, that would really like frazzle you,
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: being like, oh my god, I can't believe you just
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: said that to me.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you piece of shit.
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And then but like she was like, smile your
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: own camera, bitch.
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah, fully, I love that. I love that she thought
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: on her feet.
• 8:55
  Speaker 4: That reminds me of one time when I was like
• 8:57
  Speaker 4: maybe nineteen or twenty and in Wollongong. I used to
• 9:01
  Speaker 4: go to these like glam rock nights, like once a
• 9:04
  Speaker 4: month or something, and my sister and some of our
• 9:06
  Speaker 4: friends would go, and we all went to the same
• 9:08
  Speaker 4: high school.
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: And one night one of my old teachers.
• 9:11
  Speaker 4: Was there and he was like, you know, probably in
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: his forties or something, so he was into glam rock
• 9:17
  Speaker 4: as well.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and he was very appropriate for him.
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: Some would even say Sally, absolutely, yeah, absolutely, yeah.
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: He definitely fit in with the clientele more than we did.
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: But that's okay, that's okay. We're having a good time.
• 9:29
  Speaker 4: We were like dressed up like Motley Crue, like we'd
• 9:31
  Speaker 4: always like go all out and get all dressed up,
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: and we were like all on the dance floor and
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: he like came up to us and was dancing with us,
• 9:38
  Speaker 4: but not in a creepy way.
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: He was just rocking out and having a good time.
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: And then we were like talking about music and like
• 9:44
  Speaker 4: yapping on and we just thought like, oh, he remembers
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: us from high school and he's just like having a
• 9:48
  Speaker 4: friendly chat.
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: And then after a little while we were.
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: Like by the way we went to blah blah blah
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: or like do you remember us were and blah blah blah,
• 9:57
  Speaker 4: oh high school, and he literally was like just.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: Like yeah, oh my god.
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: So he was not into it, and I was like,
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: mister blah, he.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: Was like, I've said to much. Yeah.
• 10:12
  Speaker 4: He was like arguing with my sister's boyfriend at the
• 10:14
  Speaker 4: time about who liked Motley Kruemore and he was like, well.
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: I've seen him blah blah.
• 10:17
  Speaker 4: Guy was like I'm actually just the designated driver of
• 10:20
  Speaker 4: the night.
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: Like he was like, girlfriends dragged me here. He's like,
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: I don't even know why I'm here.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: That was like, I think everyone has like a story
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: of seeing like a teacher outside of high school once
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: you've graduated.
• 10:32
  Speaker 4: Okay, should we move on to the next confession? Your
• 10:34
  Speaker 4: life lesson hot girl pack mentality? Okay, Oh we've got
• 10:40
  Speaker 4: a theme.
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: Oh, here we go.
• 10:43
  Speaker 4: Working as a stripper, it's hard to have work friends
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: as they are also your competitors. Okay, but nothing unites
• 10:52
  Speaker 4: strippers more than revenge.
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: Oh Sally, he said.
• 10:56
  Speaker 4: That we found out we had our own John at
• 11:00
  Speaker 4: the club.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: I love that movie.
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: Fuck, it's good.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: We need to watch it soon.
• 11:07
  Speaker 4: Next, Plain Trip a weekend bouncer that was secretly dating
• 11:11
  Speaker 4: three of the girls. He told all of them that
• 11:14
  Speaker 4: they couldn't tell anyone about it or.
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: He would lose his job.
• 11:18
  Speaker 4: We managed to avoid a catfight with nine inch boots flying,
• 11:21
  Speaker 4: and settled for revenge. All of a sudden, this man
• 11:24
  Speaker 4: went from three girlfriends to twelve enemies.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, imagine what it was like to be
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: a fly on the wall when like someone's been like guys,
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: I've just got to tell you.
• 11:35
  Speaker 4: Oh my god, okay, and we've got our series of revenge.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: Girlfriend number one added gentle nare to all of his
• 11:43
  Speaker 4: shower products. Girlfriend number two managed to contact all of
• 11:47
  Speaker 4: his female relatives and said she was worried about his
• 11:50
  Speaker 4: excessive steroid us.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: Oh my god.
• 11:56
  Speaker 4: Girlfriend number three added itching powder to his underwear draw
• 12:00
  Speaker 4: Oh so, this dude showed up the following weekend with
• 12:04
  Speaker 4: hair missing in patches on his head, beard and everywhere else.
• 12:08
  Speaker 4: His phone blows up, with his female family members trying
• 12:10
  Speaker 4: to host an intervention, and finally a really uncomfortable crotch situation.
• 12:18
  Speaker 4: Every dancer called him tucker. He quit, and the three
• 12:21
  Speaker 4: girlfriends went on a.
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: Four day cruise.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: Day cruise. Yes, oh my god.
• 12:30
  Speaker 4: We need that to be the resolution of every single
• 12:33
  Speaker 4: time girls come together and realize like they're all getting
• 12:36
  Speaker 4: fucked and played by the same dude. Oh my god,
• 12:40
  Speaker 4: you know what, Let's get revenge on him and then
• 12:42
  Speaker 4: celebrate that.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: Revenge is hectic as well with an all inclusive cruise.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, oh my god.
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: Honestly, in no way, shape or form are we in
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: encouraging itching powder or hair removal products.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: Or whatever disclaim a disclaimer.
• 12:58
  Speaker 4: Yes, it's just yeah, we were provided the confession.
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: We reacted.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: We our job, do you know what? We listen and
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: we don't judge. Yes.
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: True.
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: We've always said.
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: That I would love to have been a fly on
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: the wall, like one when like they all realized that
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: they were dating the same person.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and two, like his.
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: Crash out when his entire life started falling apart, like
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: when his hair started falling out, when his like dick
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: was itchy, when like his like mum was calling him
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: being like.
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: Taking, oh my.
• 13:33
  Speaker 4: God, honestly iconic and a good life lesson that women
• 13:38
  Speaker 4: should band together more.
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: But like also a good life lesson that women find
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: out everything.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you idiot.
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Like there is no way I swear, like I
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: hear stories about this all the time, like of multiple
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: workplaces of like men dating multiple women in the workplace
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: and being like it has to be a sequel.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just just don't let anyone. It has to
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: be secret.
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: Just you win me.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, and I'm like, are you stupid, Like girls
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: can't keep a secret.
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we can't.
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: We love test, especially if you like someone, Like, if
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: you like someone.
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: You are gonna scream after one drop of wine hits
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: your tongue.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: About I've got to tell you, yeah, he.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: I'm getting it down by aunt like you know.
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: Oh my god. Okay, Iconic Hi Chicks.
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: I absolutely love your podcast and listen to it every
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: week while at work.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: Slay you win. I love it.
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: I want to contribute my diabolical life lesson from when
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: I was a teeny tiny, twenty four year old baby
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: girl in brackets. I'm now thirty one. I've never been
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: one to pay attention to my car's needs. Oh no,
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: let's just say that if I would ever hear a
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: strange noise coming from the engine, I.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: Would just turn the music up. Girlhood girl, good strategy.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: Back in twenty seventeen, I used to drive a Hyundai
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: gets from two thousand and three.
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: That's what I drove.
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: That was trying to send me every possible signal of
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: wanting to retire. Nevertheless, I didn't have the money to fix,
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: let alone upgrade my car, so I just left it
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: in the hope it would magically heal itself through wishful thinking.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: Oh boy, was this a life lesson waiting to unfold.
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: One hot summer night, I drove to this boy's house
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: for a dinner and a movie. He wasn't my boyfriend,
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: more so a situationship, A tragic story for another time.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: He was living in this mini apartment complex which had
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: a communal car park which you could access from a
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: steep ramp off the main street. That night, we hung
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: out until three am, after which I decided to call
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: it a night and drive home.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: Now, Ladies, to this day, I'm unsure how I made
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: it out alive.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: As I drove up the steep ramp to leave the
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: car park, the brakes decided to die on me.
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: Oh shit.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: So I proceeded to slide back down the rimp at
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: warp speed, pringing to God that the handbrake would save
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: my life. As I pulled the handbrake using both of
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: my hands, the car tilted over to one side, tipping
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: over onto the communal veggie patch of the apartment complex.
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: No, not the carrots.
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: I was okay, but the loud noise woke everyone up
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: in the complex, including the.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: Guy's parents, who apparently lived on the floor above him.
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: Oh shit.
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: Everyone looked out their balcony to find a bright yellow
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: Hyundai Gets had catapulted over their yard with a strange woman.
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: Trying to climb out of it.
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: People started rushing downstairs to what I thought was to
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: check on me whether I was injured, But no, they
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: had come to check whether the twenty year old turtle living.
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: In the veggie patch was killed.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: Oh my God, please tell me I was okay.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: Umm.
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: I was so mortified and the shame was so unbearable.
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: I contemplated the following running away, steal someone else's car,
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: and drive away, fake an injury so that someone would
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: just take me to the emergency room and I could
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: escape the embarrassment. Except none of the emotions and options
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: were remotely possible because my car had tipped over the
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: driveway and so no one else could leave the car
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: park because my car was in the way. Fuck, call
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: my God. We had to wait until seven am to
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: call the local mechanic, who was able to successfully remove
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: my car with the help of seven other men and
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: trolley jack vacating the area at about nine am. Needless
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: to say, the entire apartment complex was late for work
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: that morning and I never saw that guy again. But
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: in better news, though, the twenty year old turtle survived.
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: Thank god.
• 17:41
  Speaker 4: I was waiting with baited bread Oh my god, lifeless.
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: If your car is making a weird noise, please listen
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: to it. Thanks Jis for creating a safe and funny
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: space for us to share our diabolical life lessons. I've
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: loved reminiscing back at a time in which I still
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: had so much more to learn in life. Here's being
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: thirty one with a brand new car, marrying the love
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: of my life next month, and lots and lots of
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: common sense.
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: We love. That is fucking iconic. But thank god she
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: wasn't hurt.
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: Imagine how scary that would have been.
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, my life would have flashed before my eyes.
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: I see.
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: Here's the thing.
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: Whenever there's like an apocalyptic movie or there's like some
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: sort of die hard situation, not in one, but when
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: you're watching it, right, Yeah, I know I'm dead. Yeah,
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: I know I'm dead. I know that my fight, flight
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: or freeze is not built to be the one that survives.
• 18:36
  Speaker 4: Yeah, we'd be the first to go in every absolutely.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: Or we'd up being the killer.
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: There's two options. Yeah, that's it.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I know I'm not making it to the end
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: because you know what, in that scenario that you've got
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: your stereotypes right.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: I'm the side bitch who like makes unfunny jokes like.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: Off to the side.
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: Like there's like the one chick who you know is
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: going to say vie to the end because she's hot. Yeah,
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: her like idiot boyfriend who's definitely gonna die like maybe
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: second because he doesn't believe that there's anything scarier.
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: It's like, it's okay, beb the like.
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: Nerdy friend who's always been in love with the hot chick.
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the like funny sidekick best friend.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: That's me. That's where I come in, who's like always
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: kind of actually had a thing for like the hot
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: guy as well.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I'm dead.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: I want to watch it, but yeah, like it's it's
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: not I just know I would die in that situation.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: Yahfully, I would just be screaming. Like the fact that
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: she even was like handbrake, handbrake, I'm like, I.
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: Know, go girl, that is good thinking. I would have
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: just been like hands off the wheel.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: Like this is it, this is how it ends.
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, here we go.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: Hit math Morning Chicks, Good morning morning.
• 19:50
  Speaker 4: Just listen to your episode about the three hundred dollars
• 19:52
  Speaker 4: puffer jacket and thought Okay, I might not have a
• 19:55
  Speaker 4: number two story, but I do have one that involves
• 19:58
  Speaker 4: a boy, a bed, and way too many drinks A
• 20:02
  Speaker 4: tailor's oldest time been there. At the time, I was
• 20:06
  Speaker 4: casually seeing this guy, and bi casually, I mean I
• 20:10
  Speaker 4: was completely hooked.
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: I'd take any excuse to spend time with him. Been there.
• 20:17
  Speaker 4: One weekend, we were both invited to a mutual friend's
• 20:19
  Speaker 4: birthday party. Being started out awkward between us, you know,
• 20:23
  Speaker 4: flirty tension of a small talk.
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: Why am I blushing?
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: Oh?
• 20:27
  Speaker 4: So naturally, I decided to drink my feelings, a lot
• 20:30
  Speaker 4: of them. After a few too many drinks, I transformed
• 20:34
  Speaker 4: into the life of the party.
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: Had a girl been there?
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: This is your live story, A total social butterfly. A
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: few hours later, boy and I ended up giggling in
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: the corner like two high schoolers, and soon enough it
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: was time to head back to his place aka his parents' house.
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: No.
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: Once we got to his room, it hit me. I
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: was very drunk. Oh that's the.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: Worst, the worst when you get home and you get.
• 21:05
  Speaker 4: The wobbles yep, like world spinning drunk. But I tried
• 21:10
  Speaker 4: to play it cool, fake it till you make it right, wrong, wrong, right, wrong.
• 21:17
  Speaker 4: Things got a little steamy, and mid kiss, yes, mid kiss,
• 21:22
  Speaker 4: my stomach decided it was time to betray me. I
• 21:26
  Speaker 4: threw up in his mouth.
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: The visual.
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, baby, fuck, this is amazing.
• 21:50
  Speaker 4: Oh my god, oh my god, oh you me hysterically sobbing.
• 21:57
  Speaker 4: He told me to go to the bathroom, while his
• 22:00
  Speaker 4: brother yelled through the walls to shut up.
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: Fuck.
• 22:05
  Speaker 4: Meanwhile, I kept crying and throwing up like I was
• 22:08
  Speaker 4: in my own Greek tragedy.
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: I was mortified.
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: The poor guy cleaned his bed, held my hair back,
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: and even put me in the shower.
• 22:16
  Speaker 5: While I whispered, don't look at me. A true Shakespearean moment.
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: I love this shit.
• 22:29
  Speaker 4: The next morning, not a word I irish exited before
• 22:33
  Speaker 4: facing the breakfast table of shame.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, you stayed there, smart, move well.
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: If you're in that state, you probably wouldn't be able
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: to get yourself home. Fast forward, as of the third
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: of June this year, we'll.
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: Be celebrating out two years. Oh my god, my.
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: God, what a man, what a mad good ma'am.
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: Good man.
• 23:00
  Speaker 4: He later told me that night was a make or
• 23:02
  Speaker 4: break moment, and he decided to push through the trauma
• 23:05
  Speaker 4: and the taste to give me another chance. I've accepted
• 23:08
  Speaker 4: that his brother will mention it in his speech at
• 23:10
  Speaker 4: our wedding, possibly in great detail. Life lesson know your
• 23:14
  Speaker 4: limits before your stomach.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: Does How did he not vomit?
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: Honestly?
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: Like, honestly, the sound.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: Of someone vomiting makes me want to vomit. The smell
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: of someone vomiting makes me want to vomit.
• 23:27
  Speaker 4: But the taste I got out on Chris early in
• 23:30
  Speaker 4: our relationship, did you after like I did, like six
• 23:34
  Speaker 4: Jaeger shots or something.
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: I'm still over and so it was black to all new.
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't think I've ever vomited on anyone.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: I vomited around people. Yeah, I vomited on carpets.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: And places I'm not supposed to, But I can't say
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: I've ever vomited on anyone.
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: There's still time.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: But in saying that, whenever I'm at the point of
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: lev on, I'm all so at a point of minimal recollection.
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: So they're good story out there was someone's.
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: Like, no, bitch, you vomited on me, and a fair
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: enough Yeah, there's a whole other story out there that
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: I was about.
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, that poor.
• 24:15
  Speaker 3: I love that they're still together them.
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: Oh my god. Okay, I believe this is our final
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: diabolical life.
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: Lesson my god the finale.
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: Firstly, love the pod You're both hilarious and lovely.
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: Also, can I say no, I love that we read
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: this book now.
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: No, they're not necessary to easily skip them and just
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: like read it to ourselves.
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: But no, or even part it from the edit. Literally no, no,
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: not like leave that in. It's an important detail.
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: So here's the story of my diabolical life. Lesson twenty
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: twenty two. Moved to Sydney at the ripe age of
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: nineteen into uni accommodation, a sharehouse of six other people.
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: I moved in with two of the six roommates, being
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: people I knew. My first mistake, one of many, was
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: sleeping with one of my roommates in the first week
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: of living with him.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: Bum bumb bomb.
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: Not the girl you're teasing me.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: Nothing there.
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: We knew each other for two years prior and were
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: great friends. After sleeping with him, we became boyfriend and
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: girlfriend in brackets.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: Cute right, Not so much?
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: O't we live with?
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: Okay?
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: After ten months of dating, we moved out together to
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: an apartment as living with four other people was becoming
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: a nightmare.
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: We had only been on one date at this time.
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: Hold dad.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: After ten months of dating we moved out. We'd only
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: been on one date at this time.
• 25:43
  Speaker 4: The math math is that because they're living together, so
• 25:46
  Speaker 4: they're not actually going on dates, that.
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: I have an issue with that.
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's okay.
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: I was the only one on the lease because I
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: was the only one capable of applying for places as
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: I had savings and a job.
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: Shane.
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: I bought all new furniture with my savings and paid
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: for the deposit. We decided to sleep in separate bedrooms
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: as we were both twenty and nineteen by this stage,
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: and I thought it was too much. Life was good
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: for a solid two days in this apartment. However, I
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: was laying on his bed one day and I rolled
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: over and smelled something absolutely nasty, something like piss. I
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: thought to myself, it couldn't possibly be, but no, it
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: was definitely a piss smell.
• 26:31
  Speaker 4: No.
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I think that I did four years of journalism
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: at UNI, and then my job is sitting here reading
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: stories about piss smells and like blackmail.
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah, this is what our hext.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: Is, and truly, I've never been happier about that. Back
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: in I asked him if he could smell anything. He
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: said no.
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: I asked him to actually stick his nose in the mattress,
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: and finally he said, yeah, there's definitely a smell.
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: His mattress had been.
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: At his family's home since we moved into Uni accommodation.
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: He called his mom to ask what the smell was,
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: to which she replied, yeah, the cat pissed on your bed.
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: Oh what the fuck, mum?
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: Sure enough, they knew the cat piste on the bed
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: six months ago, didn't say anything, and yet still moved
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: it into our place. I asked him if he could
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: get a new mattress, to which he replied, no, that's
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: stupid ill.
• 27:28
  Speaker 3: Oh my god.
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: This was after the fact that I worked so hard
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: to clean the mattress to get the smell out. I'm
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: talking bleach spray, mattress cleaner, everything under the sun.
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: I tried, but I failed.
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: So for one year I slept and had sex majority
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: of the nights on a cat pissed mattress. No, he
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: also had the bare minimum thread count of sheets, to
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: which I started to develop a rash.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: Because he would never wash them only if I did.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: Iw were It gets worse.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: When we first moved into the apartment, his duna and
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: pillows were brown yead. I bought him a new doner
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: and pillows. He also never washed his.
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: No what what did he never wash? What is it?
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: What did he never wash?
• 28:15
  Speaker 4: Sho?
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: No, no, no.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I can say this.
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: He also never.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: Watched washed his penis and it smelt.
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: It smelt bad.
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: It smelt so bad.
• 28:32
  Speaker 3: Oh my god.
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: He also never showered, and I had to force him
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: multiple times to have a shower with me so that
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: he could bathe. The longest time he didn't have a
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: shower was about three weeks.
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: Fuck off, that can't be real.
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: The man in Bracket's boy never ate vegetables, only ate
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: plane pasta, to which he cooked in the microwave in
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: a plastic container for fifteen minutes each night.
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: He said veggies were all folk tales.
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: His breakfast consisted of two red bulls.
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: My last straw in this relationship was that he got
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: diagnosed with fatty liver disease at the age of twenty one.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: That was the last of it for me.
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: I'm now dating a lovely man who sleeps on a nice,
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: clean mattress, showers every night, eats fruit and veggies. He
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: also takes me out on dates every week and adores me.
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: Moral of the story never move in with your boyfriend
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: at the age of nineteen, no matter how bad the
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: cost of living.
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: Is, and always be on the lease and have backup savings.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: Lots of love girlies.
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, you poor thing.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: I have no words.
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: That is actually repulsive.
• 29:43
  Speaker 4: And the thing is is I think that this would
• 29:45
  Speaker 4: be more common than we would know.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: Probably. Yeah, have a shower, na.
• 29:53
  Speaker 4: That's like such a red flag if you can't even
• 29:55
  Speaker 4: take care of yourself with the absolute basics when.
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: You have access to it.
• 30:01
  Speaker 4: But thank you so much chicks for sending in your confessions.
• 30:05
  Speaker 4: For everybody who sent one in and we read out
• 30:07
  Speaker 4: on today's pod, we'll send you an email and we're
• 30:09
  Speaker 4: going to be sending you a one hundred dollars voucher
• 30:12
  Speaker 4: for wherever you look to say thanks for sharing your
• 30:16
  Speaker 4: trauma with us to giggle at.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I really appreciating you to send them in.
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, send them into our email hello at two.
• 30:23
  Speaker 4: Broach Chicks dot com dot iu A yo yo, We'll
• 30:26
  Speaker 4: put the details in the show notes.
• 30:28
  Speaker 3: Love you Chicks, Love you Bye.